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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. [Happy sigh] — Yes, kinda boring, but is there anything better than the perfect sheath dress? Love the intriguing folds at the neckline, and the prominent seaming throughout. The zipper isn't even exposed. (Has the long nightmare of the Exposed Zipper ended?) The dress is $360, available in sizes 0-10. Reiss Venice Navy Formal Tailored Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
lovelovelove
this dress. I suspect that the waist isn’t quite where it needs to be (my problem with Boden lately). Do any stores in the US carry this line for in-person try-ons (Nordies? NM?). I want to like it for me (not just in theory), but I suspect that it’s a bit unforgiving (unlike The Dress, which seems to work b/c it is slightly A-line) and hard to alter without ruining the look or substantially reworking the dress.
Diana Barry
Looks like Bloomie’s carries it – they also have stores in NYC, BOS, LA, and a few other places.
lovelovelove
le sigh. My need for work clothes and inability to get to a store / lack of stuff in local stores to buy keeps UPS very, very busy. Yield for the year: 7% (abnormally low due to need to order stuff in multiple sizes and sometimes petites).
And that is why I’m wearing a 10-year old suit today (at least 10 years ago, Ann Taylor wool suits were awesome).
I want to grow up to become one of those ladies who has bi-annual NYC shopping trips.
new york associate
I really like clothes, I really hate shopping. What I want is to walk into a store twice a year, have someone dress me in 4 new outfits (with jewelry, etc.!), and call it a day.
hellskitchen
Whoa! There is a The Dress, like The Skirt? How have I missed this? Please tell me more
Kathryn
+1!!
lovelovelove
http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-sleeveless-ponte-sheath-dress-with-pockets/id_242219
They have done it for a few seasons and in solids and in prints.
Anonymous
Huh, I always thought this was what people meant by The Dress:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/ivy-blu-ruched-faux-wrap-dress-regular-petite/3698857?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=Navy&resultback=0&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_1_C
The LE one looks more suited to my shape.
HSAL
This is the one I’ve seen referenced before as well.
Anon
How does it run?
Bonnie
This is it. I’ve tried it on but it had too much going on for me. The Skirt did come in dress form for a while but was incredibly short.
TBK
I thought it was Suzi Chin http://www.thisnext.com/item/AA887F3D/Suzi-Chin-Maggy-Boutique
Meg Murry
I’ve always thought it was Suzi Chin as well, and have it on my “I should get this someday” list. I own the LE dress and am a huge fan. I’m feeling like a dork now because for a moment I was thinking to myself “yes! I own one of “THE” items, now I’m a real member of thissite and not just a person who knows nothing about what everyone else is talking about?”
I am a banana.
@ TBK and Meg Murry, the Suzi Chin and Ivy & Blu dresses are the same. If you look at the details on the Nordies link above, Suzy Chin makes Ivy & Blu.
Recent label shift.
Susie
I thought it was the literal dress version of the Skirt – the Halogen Seamed Sheath Dress. They don’t have any in stock now but I’ve seen it from time to time.
hellskitchen
So we have three contenders for the title. Kat should open up a poll and we can decide which one the Hive wants to crown as The Dress :-) Seriously though I like both the LE and the I&B dresses. The I&B has sleeves too! Thanks ladies
The Dress
Or everyone’s favorite sheath/wrap type dress within a particular price point? I like the idea, Hellskitchen.
hoola hoopa
I would love to have a post for people to recommend specific workhorse dresses for various body types.
Anon
Reiss has free shipping both ways, if you think it might not fit.
beautiful clothes
This is a very beautiful dress.
But I was just stopped in my tracks when I was looking at Pinterest last night. Someone posted a link to the new Pre-Fall 2014 Ralph Lauren collection. I have never been one to watch the runways. At all. Ever. This girl owns carhartts.
But I was blown away initially by “look 10” (a beautiful drapey/ruched gray suiting sheath dress), and looked at the rest of the gallery. It is incredible, to say the least. In my opinion, anyway. So many beautiful clothes, and I know that they are all out of my financial reach.
So I am left to try to pick through the goodwill and plato’s closet (coming soon to my town!) to try to emulate the looks. Fortunately, the color palette of gray & brown is pretty easy, and classic.
See for yourself:
w w w dot style dot com/fashionshows/complete/2014PF-RLAUREN
lovelovelove
I am so relieved that it looks like lots of drapy knits (which are usually unlined) and pretty things that I have no occasion to wear in real life.
If you can remember what you like and actually know your size in a brand (and that doesn’t change from year to year), ebay can be great for window shopping (b/c I don’t have a Chanel store in my city, darn it). I have a dvf dress that I got there that I love.
beautiful clothes
what a great idea about ebay. I always forget about it. Fortunately, saving the pin in my pinterest–I can check it out before I go shopping so that I can target-shop with specific pieces in mind.
I was just astounded at how “normal” these clothes looked! Totally accessible, and not inappropriate for everyday life. But maybe that’s what RL is all about–like I said, I don’t pay attention to the runways.
Mpls
That was a beautiful dress. Nice drape and structural details.
Lady Harriet
I think Ralph Lauren is usually the most wearable and beautiful of all high-end designers. I have a couple of pieces of his lower-end clothing that made it to my local Goodwill and they’re wonderful. If I didn’t look so terrible in grey and beige I would happily wear a lot of the things in the link you posted.
Mpls
I came across a RL Black label (I think) coat in a thrift store – fit perfectly, so I snatch that sucker up, despite being the middle of July.
The green label (Lauren line, I think) is another go to for me. Their jersey dresses are very wearable, knee length on tall me, and machine washable.
hellskitchen
I love that look 10. I also liked look 9 – a bit swingy but the pleating is gorgeous. Good find!
Seattle Freeze
Wow – that is a gorgeous collection!
L
It is beautiful and wearable; two things I never thought were possible from anything at Fashion week!
TravelMoreRoads
Picked up a very similar one from Calvin Klein on sale at Nordstom Rack, about $60-80 I think, bit more flowy at the bottom, they had in black and red. Seems like it will get some mileage for a conference. Also got a great classic-looking Kate Spade one with generous and (magically) non-poofy pockets. Sale at Nordstrom itself was great too.
Scout
Made a fashion blunder this morning ladies. completely spaced I had court today. I’m wearing a sweater and black pants. It’s a nice loft sweater but nothing I’d ever intentionally wear to court or think is in anyway appropriate.
granted its a minor admin conference but as a new attorney I want to be as professional as possible especially in front of the judges I don’t know and the other attorneys I will see all the time in my area of the law. ugh I’m going to try to sneak out before to run to the store but it’s a crazy day and I don’t think I’ll be able to. I sent my “emergency” suit jacket to get cleaned this week too! curses!
beautiful clothes
oh no! Hope you get it worked out…
Anon
Could you borrow a jacket from someone in your office?
Scout
Thanks ladies, I think this is the type of mistake I will make just once. I could try borrowing but I feel kinda weird asking the other female attorney. I think I’m going to run into target and grab the first blazer I see.
SMSS
I now suspect you’re in Chicago – given the easy proximity of the city Target to the courthouses, haha. In any case, I wouldn’t think it strange at all if another female came in to borrow my emergency jacket in exactly this situation.
anon
I wouldn’t mind at all if someone needed to borrow a jacket for court. I seen male attorneys borrow jackets/ties/unstained shirts from other males in my office. NBD.
anon
Should be “I’ve seen”
Bonnie
Definitely don’t worry about borrowing a jacket. We do it in our office all the time.
Ellen
Yay! I love this sheathe dress, and the manageing partner love’s me in Navy blue b/c he says my hair acentuate’s the dark blue and with red lipstick, the judge “goe’s crazy”…..(who knew?)
As to the OP, do not worry about it that you made a boo boo by weareing slack’s into court, but ALWAYS remember that you do better with a MAN judge if you can show him you have NICE leg’s, but make sure NOT to show to much of your leg’s or opposeing council will get mad and claim that you are takeing advantage of the situeation by useing your body (and he would be right! — but we have to take what ever advantage’s we can with the court’s).
The manageing partner asked that I go with him tomorrow to meet with 2 new potential cleint’s at the Lamb’s club, and that I wear my new RED suit. I told him that the red suit is a littel tight on me b/c it is winter and I have NOT been abel to work out as much, so I cannot get in to it b/c it is way to tight in the seat.
The manageing partner said I should STILL wear it — he think’s they are old horndog’s who will apreciate a tight dress. FOOEY! Why should I have to parade my tuchus just to get new busness? I have a brain that I need to show, not a tuchus. When I am 50, I will NOT be abel to use my tuchus, just my brain and if the manageing partner does NOT start high lighting my BRAIN’s, where will I be in 15 year’s? DOUBEL FOOEY!
For now, I realy need to find a guy to get me a child, NOW. Grandma Trudy say’s to be flexibel, and that I think mean’s NOT to selective. FOOEY b/c I am a partner and should not have to have some schlub haveing sex with me just for a child. I do NOT want a sweaty schlub useing me as a blow up doll just so that I can get pregenant. TRIPEL FOOEY! I am goeing to follow up with Rosa about her ex-freind’s ex husband, but I do NOT think much of all that b/c he will want a cuter, younger me. FOOEY!
Anon
Ah don’t stress out, sometimes the best thing you can do as a new lawyer is not look or act like one.
NOLA
Happy Mardi Gras everyone!
It’s a cold day for Mardi Gras and I am home in bed with no intention of going to parades other than maybe watching them on TV. Had a great shopping trip yesterday with a girlfriend. New bras and a jean jacket!
NOLA
OMG the entire new crew from the local CBS station is in drag. The female anchor is dressed as a Disney prince and the guys are all Disney princesses. The weather guy as Princess Jasmine is hilarious!
preg anon
Only in NOLA. :)
Baconpancakes
Whoa I have to watch this at lunch now.
zora
yay, happy mardi gras, and enjoy your day!
Ashley
“Boring” dresses such as this can be styled a hundred different ways. They can be a much better value than something you can only wear occasionally because it is so memorable.
AIMS
I agree. This is basically my uniform. Classic dresses with interesting blazer/blouse/sweater/shoes/jewelry/whatever. And because dresses tend to wear much better than shoes & sweaters, I feel like it’s also a better investment.
Olivia Pope
Yeah I love a “boring” sheath. I can’t wait to wear them again with interesting heels! I’m wearing lots of “boring” sweater dresses until it warms up.
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
So I’ve been doing the T25 program and wanted to give some (non-Beachbody coach) feedback in case any of you ladies were thinking about starting. I just got through the Alpha phase (first five weeks) and loved it. The workouts were all 25 minutes and then there was usually a 2-3 minute stretch after. I enjoyed all of the videos in the Alpha phase, but the Total Body Circuit was the hardest and most satisfying. I am glad there was an entire video set change for the Beta phase because I was starting to get a little tired of the first set around the second half of week 4. I took my midway measurement and have lost a total of six inches overall. I also did not do the Stretch video on Sundays because I go to CorePower and thought it was a better stretch/workout.
LilyB
did you modify your diet at all, or were the 6 inches entirely a result of the exercise program?
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
I’ve been using caloriecount [dot] about [dot] com to keep track of my calories (because it’s free) and have been been staying between 1200 and 1500 depending on the day. But do believe, I still am getting my indulgences (beer and fries) in, just in moderation.
mascot
Nice. I ordered this last week. I recently lost some weight and inches as the result of a diet/lifestyle overhaul so now I am looking for a different exercise routine.
Are you seeing endurance/cardiovascular gains or strength gains or both?
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
Both endurance/cardiovascular and strength gains. Although you don’t use any weights in the Alpha phase, there are a lot of body weight exercises (plank walks, spider push-up, etc.) that I was definitely seeing improvement in my arms. And as far as the cardiovascular, there is at least one cardio burst in every.single.video in the Alpha phase (including the ab focused video).
Hollis Doyle
I LOVe T25. I’ve done two rounds already. After the first round, I ordered Gamma, which comes separately. I wasn’t sure I would like it because it’s focused on strength, but I did and got noticeably stronger in just 4 weeks. Congrats on your progress!
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
I LOVe T25. I’ve done two rounds already. After the first round, I ordered Gamma, which comes separately. I wasn’t sure I would like it because it’s focused on strength, but I did and got noticeably stronger in just 4 weeks. Congrats on your progress!
Greensleeves
Can you tell us what your fitness level and workout habits were before starting? I’ve been considering this one, but I have a habit of jumping into this sort of thing and then quitting before I’m done because it’s so hard and makes me so miserably sore! I realize exercise and building muscles will cause some tenderness, but we tried P90x and gave up after about 5 weeks because that’s a long time to spend hurting every. single. day. I like programs like this because they give me a very clear workout plan that requires no thought, but I’ve become gun-shy about jumping into something I’m just not in good enough shape to take on. Thanks!
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
Before I started I was primarily doing CorePower’s C2 and C3 classes (vinyasa flow with some inversions) and the occasional Sculpt class (more aerobics based with weights), but wasn’t really getting as much cardio as I should. When I started, I would feel some muscle soreness twinges during the day (I get up and do the video before going to work), but between trying to keep moving during work (getting up and walking the floor at least once an hour) and some preemptive icing at night, I think I managed to avoid the worst. There were some days in weeks 2 and 3 that I had to move my rest day because I would just get up and could not muster the energy to do the video, but I think that had more to do with the fact that I was keeping up my yoga schedule in addition to the videos.
The one thing that is different from P90x is there is a modifier in every video, so even if I couldn’t “nail” all of the exercises, at least I could do something. And the fact that each video is only 25 minutes really helps because most days that I wanted to give up, by the time I got to that point, I would look at the clock on the screen and only have 5-10 minutes left. And you can’t give up when you’re more than halfway done.
Anonymous
1.) how doable is this program for someone starting from pretty much zero fitness?
2.) how jumpy is it? I’d rather the downstairs neighbors not kill me.
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
Since I’m not trained, I don’t feel qualified to answer your first question.
As far as your second question goes, there is some jumping, but the low impact modifier does knee-ups in place of jumping, so you could always do that. But as the weeks have gone on, I’ve found that I want to push myself to do the jumps and landing softly with my knees bent helps to lessen the noise (and I have hardwood floors with a crawl space underneath, so there is a lot of echo).
ac
I would say it’s pretty jumpy, but as Ms. BEF noted, you can modify and avoid a lot of the jumps. I typically workout in my living room while my DH and kids are asleep, so I found myself modifying a lot of moves to avoid jumps.
Polished Pinstripes
I love the texture on this dress created by the additional darts – I think it takes a pretty basic dress and gives it a little bit of flare. I would have to see it on to know how it would fit, however, as it looks like it might be a bit boxy. I would probably have to take in the waist to create a bit of a shape, given my body type.
Turks and Caicos
The cold has finally gotten to me and I’ve booked a trip to Turks and Caicos. Any recommendations for things to do or places to eat? Should I rent a car? Thanks!
Mpls
But it’s supposed to be 20 degrees today! That’s like a heat wave! (In all seriousness, totally jealous. Have a fantastic trip!)
Turks and Caicos
I know, right?! For some reason today feels especially cold but I saw women walking around with ankle pants, bare feet and flats!
anon2
Seriously. There’s something wrong in the head when a 6am dog walk at 7 degrees feels balmy.
Miss Behaved
My parents just got back from the Turks and Caicos. I can ask them. I know they stayed in Grace Bay for most of the trip. My dad (aged 72) took kitesurfing lessons. They spend a night right in town as well.
preg anon
I’m glad you’re still here. :)
L
+1
Sydney Bristow
Take me with you!
Olivia Pope
Seriously!
Anon
Just got back from T&C! Where are you staying? That will inform on whether you need a car or not! Never seen more gorgeous water in my life. You are going to have an amazing time!!!!!!!! It’s definitely a more peaceful/relaxed/zen place than a wild party place – perfect antidote to this cold, miserable winter.
Turks and Caicos
Peace and quiet sound fabulous! We’re staying at the Gaanesvort, so not on Grace Bay but it seems relatively close (on a map).
DowntownBK
We really liked the Gansevoort T&C! Went a few years ago… the fancier restaurant is only fine for the price, but gorgeous beach and beautiful pool. We were happy to stay on the property most of the time and just alternate between beach and pool (the casual food by the pool was pretty good). We tried a couple of restaurants around the island when we were there (took cabs each way)… Coco Bistro (really funky outdoor seating) and Magnolia Wine Bar (gorgeous for cocktails at sunset).
Have a blast… so jealous that you’re getting out of this awful weather!
Anonylicious
I had to climb in through the back of my Jeep this morning because the doors were frozen shut. There are not words to express my envy right now.
Seriously, though, have fun!
Belts...
Any recommendations for your favorite, classic belts? I have almost no belts that actually fit me well, and would like to stock up on a few basic belts…. especially plain color skinny belts for layering. Probably simple leather.
What is your favorite belt?
I will wait/watch for sales, if need be.
tesyaa
Try Lands’ End.
Mountain Girl
Try the pebbled leather belt from LL Bean. I have it in 3 colors – navy, black and hazelnut. If you are looking for formal this might be too casual but I wear pencil skirts and cardigans every day and it works perfectly for me.
http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/70227?feat=502979-GN2&page=women-s-pebbled-leather-belt
AIMS
I love Jcrew skinny belts. Both factory and regular store. Tons of colors and textures and if you wait till they’re on sale, you won’t pay more than $12-20 for any of them.
I’ve also gotten some nice belts on sale at Brooks Brothers and I tend to buy belts whenever I am traveling and happen on some place known for its leather goods.
HSAL
I got several of the Target skinny belts – I believe they’re the Merona brand and they have a ton of colors.
Bonnie
Ann Taylor and Banana when they have their 40% off sales.
Carine
The two skinny leather belts I wear the most often are from Uniqlo, purchased in 2010. They were dirt cheap (and I see a few options currently on their website for $20) but they have surprisingly held up really well.
Philosophia
Funny, I am wearing this one for the first time today: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/halogen-leather-belt/3527756?origin=category (in “tan nomad”), layered over a long cardigan. I just bought it, so I can’t report on durability, but it sounds like what you’re looking for. The navy is fairly bright in real life.
sf
Thanks to all of you for this excellent list. I wills scour the sales.
Thanks again.
AttiredAttorney
Talbots and Ann Taylor are my go to for all leather, well made belts. Wait for 40% off sales, and you can often get them for under $20.
OMGneedtosmashsomething
Hey ladies,
So I’m going to hijack this thread to rant. I really need to rant! Argh!
To preface, I’m an expatriate worker in a part of the world where women have few right and where chauvanism is rampant. That said, as I mainly work with exaptriates and have always worked with multonationals, I’ve avoided it to some extent. Currently, I work with a market leader in my industry: would love to name and shame but kind of don’t want to lose my job.
I will also say that I am a dual Ivy-League graduate, am well-groomed, very well-dressed but alas have a disability – poor eyesight that means I have to wear glasses with thicker lenses.
I’m part of a team of three: two females including myself and a male manager. We’re all expatriates. Today my manager was having a chat down the phone with our marketing manager. The marketing manager had been tasked with creating a promotional video for International Women’s Day to apparently promote how much our company values women. (The real reason is probably to do with the fcat that we get a lot of bad global press about how we treat some of our female staff…) Anyway, so marketing manager (an American) is chatting with my boss (also American) and asks him whether he knows any hot/attractive women from our department that he can include in this video (FAIL ONE – apparently Intl. Women’s Day is only about hot women; FAIL TWO – apparently it’s OK to rank your female colleagues in order of hotness.) My manager then starts naming a few women in our department and then names my co-worker (the other member of our team). By this point I’m seething but am absolutely livid that (FAIL THREE) apparently it’s OK to name one of the two female staff on your team as hot (clearly I am the fugly not hot one). He has a thing for little Oriental girls and I’ve known he has a soft corner for her. At this point pipe up and tell him exactly what the f*ck I think. I then decided to take a little walk before I hurt anything. When I get back to my desk, he says, “Well, I told the marketing manager that if he wanted someone intelligent and articulate he should contact you, anyway it’s equal opportunities!” and he laughs as does this guy who essentially works for me from time to time. (FAIL TO THE POWER OF INFINITY).
I’m hurt and angry and need sympathy. I can’t complain to anyone because I work for a horribly mysoginistic organization. I’d probably get sacked if I did; the stories that are reported in the press about us from time to time boggle the mind. Women in America – value your rights, not everyone enjoys them. :(
Wildkitten
SMASH!
zora
SMASH+1!!!!
that is the worst! I am so sorry you are having to put up with these people!! That is completely over the line, and I’m proud of you for saying something, even tho they still don’t get it. We really do have it better in the US than we realize. I am so so sorry, you have all the sympathy.. here are lots of ((Internet Hugs)). I hope you can do something to treat yourself later, because this is so unfair and you deserve all the cookies/wine/tea/cake/pretty new clothes!! ;o)
LilyB
I know easier said than done, but if there were ever a case for quitting and then outing the company (and your managers) to the press, this would be one.
Anonymous
You’re seriously complaining about discrimination while referring to an Asian woman you work with as an Oriental girl? Rugs and vases are oriental , people are Asian.
Anon
Eh, not so fast. It depends on where the OP is located. In some English-speaking countries (ex: England), Oriental is not considered pejorative and is used to describe East Asians (Chinese, Japanese, etc). Asian is used to describe South Asians (Indian, Pakistani, etc).
Kontraktor
This. Anonymous, they don’t speak American English everywhere.
roses
I’m not sure if this is true, but even if it is, it’s also not OK to describe your presumably adult staff members as “little girls” either. Again, would have given that a pass considering it’s a rant and clearly the OP is cognizant of sexism, but the phrase as a whole is giving me a giant raised eyebrow.
roses
To refine the above anonymous’s complaint a little, 1) your complaints against your managers are completely valid and I sympathize, BUT 2) it is in no way OK to use the term “oriental” to describe a person, even in a rant. I would give you the benefit of the doubt re: ignorance that this isn’t an OK term to use if you had said you lived in a rural part of the country or something (I didn’t know this was not a standard term anymore growing up in the Midwest in a town with few Asian people), but clearly you have international experience. You should know way, way better.
Kontraktor
See above. Not everybody in the world speaks American English. OP clearly said she is overseas in a NON AMERICAN country.
“In some English-speaking countries (ex: England), Oriental is not considered pejorative and is used to describe East Asians (Chinese, Japanese, etc). Asian is used to describe South Asians (Indian, Pakistani, etc).”
Love how people get on the OP for like, failing some odd PC/multicultural test when they are clearly as myopic and think English is the same everywhere and everybody speaks like Amuricuns.
roses
And please see my to you above. I’m not calling the OP a bad person or saying her complaints aren’t legit – that’s happened to me on this site before and I’m really sick of it – but she should know better. Also, if she works internationally she should know differences between dialects and avoid really offensive terminology. I don’t care if the “f” word that is used to describe a cigarette in England is perfectly OK there – that doesn’t make it remotely OK to use in the US given the word’s cultural history here.
Anonymous
It’s pretty clear from the OP’s references to being an expat and ‘women in America’ that she is indeed American (otherwise, she’s day ‘women in Western countries’ or ‘women in the UK’) and being called an oriental IS offensive, as well as calling the other woman a ‘little girl’. OP, you can be upset and you have a right to be, but lashing out at others isn’t acceptable just because you are hurting.
OP, I am very sorry you have to experience this and your boss is totally out of line. Ranking women or judging your co-workers by their appearances in this public manner is totally unacceptable and I’m sorry they did all of that. But please don’t wage war on your fellow women co-workers because they were spoken of in a different (and still offensive) manner.
Kontraktor
Did you know you can be an expat from other countries besides America?? Could it be that the OP is foreign born and maybe grew up in the UK/South Africa/Australia/somewhere in Europe and learned non-American English, but like, knows about this place called America or has traveled here at some point so can reference it?
I feel like there have been similar lashings against other foreign or ESL people here before, it’s a bit ridiculous. I’ve lived in the UK and other European countries before, and there are language and cultural differences despite us speaking the same language. Maybe we shouldn’t assume so much, but I guess since this is an American website, people will offer comments from that bent and assume everybody must have the American perspective.
Anon
Actually, I think it is more clear from the OP’s post that she isn’t American due to choice of expressions/words (ex: chat down the phone, sacked). Expat doesn’t mean an American living abroad. It means someone from country A living in country B.
I think she talks about Women in America because the vast majority of this site’s readership is in America.
Anon Lawyer
Seconded. My American friend was very confused that in the UK it’s totally ok to say ‘black people’, which apparently is a huge no-no in the States.
Anonymous
I agree with the second paragraph of Anon at 11:19a. I don’t really understand why everyone is arguing the irrelevant point of where the OP is from and whether Oriental is offensive there or not–even if you substitute the “acceptable” American term, Asian, diminishing her coworker by calling her the “little Asian girl” is still offensive.
Anon
While it may be OK in the UK, it is not OK in much of the English speaking world. At best, it’s considered old fashioned and at worse it’s offensive. Either way, her use of the term “little girl” is equally offensive to me because she came here looking for sympathy/empathy about being poorly treated as a woman. Additionally, she included information about her dual Ivy education so she has presumably spent significant time in the US. I’m guessing that “Oriental” was covered in freshman orientation and she knows better.
Also, Anon Lawyer: Not sure where your American friend is from but “Black” is just fine when referring to black people. Not all of us are African American.
Wildkitten
As I’ve heard it, I think the “black” issue is when someone says “blacks” rather than “black people.”
zora
I find it so interesting that so many commenters have more righteous indignation to share for the OP’s anonymous coworker than they have for the OP who clearly came here to share her frustration with (presumably) sympathetic internet strangers……
Anonymous
She came to rant about a toxic male culture in which women’s attractiveness is not only discussed in the workplace, but used as a basis for evaluation. I fail to see how her judgment of coworker because coworker is someone her boss finds attractive is any better than what the men are doing. It reeks of the stereotype that “attractive women” (by whatever definition you want to use) can’t also be intelligent, motivated, and successful (And gasp! Some of us who have been told by men that we’re attractive even have Ivy degrees too! Surely the admissions committee just let us in because of our bikini admission videos!)
zora
I think there is projecting going on here, I don’t read ANYTHING in her post to say that she has anything against her other female coworker. She was livid that the boss was reducing both her AND her coworker to their looks.
She is telling us about a horrible situation, and instead of sympathy, people are jumping on board to judge HER … I don’t know why someone in her position would ever come back to this site again, way to be a welcoming community, folks….
Amelia Bedelia
definitely this on use of Oriental. It took many years in America for me to remind myself this is politically incorrect here.
As to the “little girl” reference – I took it that she was describing his fetish and then noting that this fetish explained why he liked her co-worker, not that she was describing her coworkder as a little girl.
TBK
This is how I took it, too.
anon-oh-no
this. I actually thought she used the phrase oriental little girl becuase that is what the boss wanted, not a word choice of hers.
Anon
That is how I read it also.
Anonattorney
That’s exactly how I took it also.
Wondering
I am sorry, that is very hurtful and insensitive of your manager. I can’t believe people would think it is appropriate to talk about a co-worker’s level of attractiveness so blatantly at work.
As a complete aside, I have terrible vision as well (-13) and wore glasses for years. I later switched to contacts and feel/look infinitely more attractive, which gives me more confidence. Not saying you should change how you look because of someone else’s stupid remarks, but if it would make YOU feel better not to wear glasses, perhaps it’s something to consider?
Abby Lockhart
I love this, especially the neckline and shoulder details. It is exactly the kind of piece I would spend a bit extra on. Too bad I am a size 12. Sigh.
Sydney Bristow
Me too. I love this and it would be a great piece to splurge a bit on, but it doesn’t go up to my size. At least I won’t feel guilty about spending the money instead of paying it towards loans.
B
Third. This is exactly the type of dress I love to splurge on. Oh Reiss, why oh why can’t you make 12s?
Roomba
I got a bigger than expected bonus this year (yay!!). And it’s all going to loans/savings, except for one splurge item. And I want my “splurge” item to be a robot vacuum. My life is just that exciting.
ANYWAY!!! Does anyone have a Roomba and can tell me which version I need/should get? I am overwhelmed by the choices. I mostly want it to pick up the dog hair that finds its way into every nook and cranny in my house. It should also be able to handle any stray cheerios that my toddler threw on the ground and my dog managed not to see. We have mostly wood and tile floors, with 1-2 area rugs.
Pink
honestly, i hate my roomba. they work fine for a little while then just stop working and stop charging.
Roomba
Noooo! Don’t ruin my dreams of never again having to sweep dog hair!! What model do you have?
marketingchic
There are a lot of Roomba competitors now – you may be able to find something better from a different manufacturer.
Edna
I agree. I loved my Roomba for awhile (for exactly what OP wants it for – keeping on top of dog hair) but experienced the same problems with it no longer holding a charge or working well after awhile. Also FWIW, while it worked well on cleaning dog hair off hard wood floors, it did not do such a great job with cleaning my area rugs (both deep down dirt and dog hair) and may not be so great on carpet.
LF
Check out the Sweet Home’s review of robot vacuums – it suggests the Roomba 650.
http://thesweethome.com/reviews/the-best-robot-vacuum-is-the-roomba-650/
Anonymous
I absolutely hated mine as well, but a friend got a more recent model and says that it doesn’t have the issues that I rant about. I’m not sure what model she got, so I’m not being very helpful, but just chiming in to suggest buying new vs. the older models on ebay if you do get one.
Still don’t think it would pick up whole Cheerios though.
Amelia Pond
I have a way ancient Roomba which for picking up cat hair I actually like better than my regular vacuum. I think the best way to think about the roomba is as supplemental vacuuming. It probably won’t replace your regular vacuum but it can extend the time between vacuuming. [or in my case pick up the cat hair while the regular vacuum gets everything else]
My issue with the roomba is that I haven’t had good success just letting it “roam free” [but maybe the newer models have improved]. I usually set it to do a “spot” clean and then pick up/wash dishes etc. while it is running and then move it to the next area when it is done.
gouda
Don’t pay retail! (It’s my battle cry, but particularly relevant in this situation.) Older models are often discounted through, for example, woot dot com.
JBB
We had the original one, which eventually refused to charge. Hubs called iRobot, and they mailed us some kind of update chip which evidentally old Roomba needed.
Old Roomba, with his new chip mojo, was subsequently killed by my toddler. New Roomba is the middle-of-the-line HEPA one that runs on a timer. It doesn’t really replace a good sweep and vacuum, but it’s PERFECT for what you are wanting it for. We have a doggy door and two weimaraners. Roomba runs on timer when we are at work and stays on top of the dirt tracked in. He’s awesome, but sometimes he tries to eat the curtains.
Meg Murry
I have an ancient roomba that I love. Is it as good as a regular vacuum? No, but since I use it 5 times as often its worth it. We also have had the issue with it not holding a charge, mainly when it hasn’t been used in a while. Getting (and using) the charging station helps, but we still spend $50-$100 every 2-4 years when our battery gives oit. – worth it in my book.
And I thought the dog was the stray cheerio vacuum? I’m disgusted by how much food is on our floors now that we don’t have a dog, but I’m glad not to be dealing with the fur!
a lawyer
I have a neato robot vacuum and love it. When I first bought one for my sister for Christmas, I did a good deal of research and found the neato ranked above the Roomba.
DLM
Totally off topic, but just generally want others opinion. Just graduated from law school in December and sat for the bar last week! Any of you guys give up caffeine after school and survive it? I drank gallons in law school and studying for the bar and now, am a jittery mess. Is it possible to function without caffeine???
PHX
Why would you do such a strange thing? she said, as she sipped her coffee. ;)
TO Lawyer
Why would you do such a strange thing? she said, as she sipped her coffee. ;)
zora
yes i do not understand these words you use: ‘without caffeine’ … those words do not go together i am so confused….. ;o)
TO Lawyer
You need to wean yourself off slowly – do NOT stop cold turkey unless you enjoy severe headaches and an inability to function. Maybe try cutting one cup or drinking coffee in the morning and then sticking to water for the rest of the day.
DLM
Don’t get me wrong…I love the stuff. I just am overdoing it dramatically and have heard people really talk about how much better they slept, etc…after giving it up. I just don’t know that I could ever clear the cloud in my brain without it. Just wondered if others found they could still function well mentally after giving it up.
Anon in NYC
I usually drink 2-3 cups in the morning, but I have mostly stopped drinking coffee later than noon. I found that I wasn’t able to sleep as well if I drank coffee too late in the day. Depending on what your normal coffee drinking schedule is, you could start by setting time limits on your consumption as a way to wean yourself off of such a large quantity (such as nothing past 3pm). Or, drink as much coffee as you need to feel awake in the morning (but not jittery), and then switch to tea as a way to still have that crutch of a hot beverage but less caffeine.
IT Chick in MN
Several friends who gave up major caffeine habits have all cited one trick which worked for them: switch one cup for something non-caffeinated, do that for 3 days or so, then another.
Anonymous
I haven’t given it up completely, but I often go months without having any. I only drink it on those awful days where I got no sleep the night before or have to pull an all nighter, and I like that because my caffeine tolerance is so low, it only takes one drink to have an effect. I was never a daily drinker (let alone multiple cups per day) though, so I’m not sure how difficult it would be to quit from that.
LawyrChk
I don’t know about giving it up entirely, but I cut WAY back to just one cup a day in the morning. Unfortunately, the only way to do it is just suffer through for a couple of weeks – get enough sleep and exercise in the AM helps, but I also think it helps to cut back more gradually if possible to reduce withdrawal symptoms. Maybe half it for 2 weeks, half again for a week, then cold turkey? Also, advil for the headaches the first few days helped.
emeralds
Yes. I did a caffeine detox after I first started working in a coffee shop, my second year of college, because if I didn’t I would have lost my mind due to ALL THE COFFEE ALL THE TIME. I cut back to one cup a day, which was really hard for a month or two (headaches, irritability, kind of overall feeling of being asleep/dead inside, except for the moments of irritation). And I’ve stuck with it, except in very rare cases (maybe once a week I’ll have an afternoon coffee or tea). I’d say it’s made a pretty big difference in my life and general outlook, which sounds insane. But I’m much less jittery and tense, and think I get less anxious about stuff. My sleep patterns also improved immensely.
I don’t think I’d be a happy camper with no coffee in my life…I just really love coffee. Love the taste, love the smell, love the social aspect, definitely feel like I “need” my cup in the mornings. But I’m a happier person with a limited caffeine intake.
Edna
I’ve gone through periods of giving up coffee, but I always seem to wind up drinking it again. Aside from just enjoying the flavor and ritual of a morning cup, I’ve found that certain things like traveling for work (jet lag!) or pulling a couple late nights will push me back to drinking coffee. I don’t think that cold turkey is an issue (drink chamomile and peppermint tea for headaches!) but if you want to make a lasting change I would suggest weaning yourself off coffee when you know you will have a month or so without events that might make you revert back to drinking coffee.
Edna
Oh, and I will second Emeralds in saying that during the periods where I was not drinking coffee I noticed an improvement in my sleep quality, energy levels, etc.
This whole discussion is making me contemplate trying to wean myself off of coffee again…
Wildkitten
I used to give it up for a week or two after finals so I could hydrate and go back to a normal caffeine response. I like coffee in the am but don’t want to have to drink a gallon to perk up, which is what I would get to by the end of finals.
DLM
This is exactly where I am at right now. Too much! Gonna try to wean off it and see how it goes. Hopefully I won’t sink into a coma…
Anonymous
I gave up caffeine cold turkey during my first trimester of pregnancy (last summer) because I was so nauseous all the time. It was about a week of horrible headaches and a few weeks of exhaustion, but I recovered completely! To be fair, I don’t know how much of the exhaustion was because of pregnancy and how much was because I cut caffeine. You can do it!
preg 3L
Whoops, that was me!
Anon99
I had already been completely off caffeine for about 2 years when I got pregnant and I was still completely exhausted from weeks 6-12 – I was sleeping about 12 hours a day.
Kathryn
I just saw this article the other day about your very question:
http://www.thekitchn.com/five-reasons-i-drink-decaf-now-that-im-a-mother-kitchen-diary-anne-in-south-carolina-200751
It really doesn’t apply only to mothers, so just ignore the title.
L
I cut myself off caffeine considering I realized I was drinking approximately 60 oz of coffee by 11 am every morning and my acid reflux was out of control (all before I was 30). My doctor basically ripped me a new one (I have insomnia issues already). I cut down to one 12 oz cup a day to help wean myself off it and started drinking ice cold water, jumping jacks, walks, etc to help me when I felt sleepy throughout the day. I lasted on the cup a day for about 2 weeks and cut that out. I’ve pretty much been coffee free for about 2 years. I still enjoy the occasional cup or a diet coke at lunch, but i’m able to focus much easier now and really enjoy not feeling dependent on something to get me through the day.
anontoo
What do you do about getting sleepy while driving? If I don’t drink coffee, then get into a warm car in the dark and try to drive for 20 minutes, I will, scarily, start nodding off. It’s been a real problem…
Gem
Cold. Blast the cold air and in winter wind down the windows. The cold fresh air helps. If all else fails have a short disco nap before driving.
Anonyc
Have tried at times to cut it out completely, most successfully with my first pregnancy (down to green tea for finals). Meh. I found that I craved the hot-beverage-in-the-morning ritual aspect and ended up drinking decaf lattes in the morning. For my second and now third pregnancies I’ve limited myself to one cup in the am (but to be fair it’s a big cup). (Not looking for anyone’s thoughts on the merits of caffeine intake during pregnancy, thankyouverymuch; blessed by my doc and kids are/have been freakishly healthy at birth and afterwards.)
I second the slow wean approach; I also was reaching crazy coffee levels during law school. I actually started to cut down before TTC because I was getting the afternoon shakes and headaches even when I had a steady supply of coffee all day. Plus I’ve never been a great sleeper and was having worse-than-usual insomnia. Now my personal rules are I can have a nice big cup in the morning but no caffeine after noon. This has cured all my over-caffeinated issues and still allows me to enjoy my java time.
Fat Tuesday
What is everyone giving up for Lent?
In the Pink
I always go on a personal shopping bad for the “give up” and then, I “take on” by donating those funds to a local charity.
Can we talk about both sides of the season, then, = restraint and improving ????
Susie
I haven’t decided yet, usually I give up something food-related (in the past few years I’ve done gluten, sweets, prepared foods). Shopping might be something to consider though…
Catholic anon
All non-fish meat and will say rosary each day
Anon
Chocolate and alcohol.
Lady Harriet
I give up recreational use of the computer/internet every year and then pick a couple of other things that change every year. This year I’m going to pray the Divine Mercy chaplet every day and give up staying up past midnight. (My sleep habits are terrible!)
Anon for this
Elevators / escalators, wine, and my pillow.
What would you do?
Okay, pretty sure this has never been asked here before.
I’m pregnant, but it’s not my baby — I’m carrying my niece or nephew for my sister and brother-in-law. I’m also a mid-level in biglaw. People at work no I’m pregnant, but not the whole story. There are a bunch of reasons for this, including that one of my senior partners is infamous for disrespecting maternity leave. He tried to send one of the other associates on leave with about 200 hours of work. So I can’t imagine how much pressure he’d put on me to take no leave, etc. if he knew (I do intend to take a shortened leave, but I will definitely need time to physically/emotionally recover from the birth). Also, I frankly don’t want to discuss my reproductive choices with my coworkers. You wouldn’t believe some of the intrusive, gross questions I’ve gotten from family and “friends,” up to and including, “so your BIL got to sleep with you, huh?” Um,….NO. IVF. Look it up.
Anyway. My group at the firm throws baby showers for people. There’s one admin who likes organizing them, so it’s a tradition now. But I feel really weird about letting them throw one for me and buy me a gift, etc. It feels like taking advantage of their kindness. But like I said, I am also very disinclined to share the full story of this baby with everyone. These people aren’t my friends, we never socialize outside of work, the closest relationships could be called distantly polite. But just asking not to have a shower thrown also seems ungrateful. And impolite without explanation.
What would you do?
Anonymous
I think you should mention that you are being a surrogate. Your coworkers will wonder when you take maternity leave and then do not have a child.
And I think you should be telling your boss upfront that you are a surrogate, that you will be taking 4 weeks leave to recover from giving birth, and sticking your ground on it.
Keeping this secret will come out eventually, and I think it will be damaging to you professionally not to have been matter of fact about it.
What would you do?
That’s the thing though, I don’t think it will. I have an 18 month old of my own (you don’t become a surrogate until you’re done having your own) so I already keep “mommy hours.” We also plan to have me pump for the baby, as my sister will not be able to induce lactation, so I’ll be doing that for a couple months just like my coworkers with infants did. And onestly, I’ve watched colleagues come back from leave and the general interest level is very low. It looks like you get casually asked, “how’s the baby?” reply, “fine,” and that’s it. I’ve been working closely with an older colleague for two years, and I couldn’t tell you what her kids’s names are. It’s that kind of place. I also intend to leave in the next two years or so anyway — I’m definitely not sticking around for the long term here.
I don’t know, I’m just so gunshy about this. Maybe we’ve been unlucky, but we’ve had some incredibly weird/unsupportive reactions. Lots of good ones, too, but those aren’t the ones you remember. You remember the “this is unnatural, if God wanted them to have a baby, he’d give them a baby,” reactions. I’m also fundamentally a private person, and I just don’t believe I’m obligated to share details of my personal life with these people.
preg 3L
Given that you have a baby of your own, I think you can keep it quiet. Maybe mention to the admin that since you have a baby already, you really don’t need anything and you’d prefer donations (as someone else suggested). Alternatively, just go along with it and pass along all the gifts to your sister & bil.
I think it’s amazing you’re doing this for them. So sorry to hear you’ve had less-than-supportive responses.
Ginjury
I think this is a good approach. Like other commenters, my inital reaction was that it seems awfully shady. This is, however, coming from the perspective of someone in an office where people are quite friendly and would definitely ask questions re: pregnancy and later the baby. If there’s a culture of not discussing private life at your office you may get a pass for not disclosing, especially if it protects the time you’ll need to recover after the birth.
Diana Barry
I agree with preg 3L 100%.
marketingchic
I told my office I didn’t want a shower for my second baby – they gave me one anyway.
Anonymous
Ehh – There’s no shame in being a surrogate… there is the side-eye if people think you mislead them (intentionally or by their own issue).
There no reason not to tell anyone and honestly, they may not be your friends, but they are your coworkers. Not telling anyone would be the strangest potential choice there is.
Baconpancakes
There’s a lot of misconceptions about surrogacy, including the rude and squicky questions the OP has already fielded, like “did you sleep with your BIL?” There’s also a lot of people who think you’d only do it if you were getting paid, so they rank it up with “selling your body.” The best way to approach it would be casually. If your coworkers try to throw a shower, I’d quietly tell the organizer, and close coworkers who might ask about the baby afterwards, but avoid making a big announcement or telling the office gossips.
If anyone asks about it down the road, like 6-12 months later, I’d just say you were a surrogate, not that you carried the baby for your sister.
DCR
Ehh – I totally disagree. It really depends on the office, but I would probably not say anything but use the excuse that you already have everything you need from the ealier child. My office is really ackward and I would get some really weird, mean comments in this situation. Heck, pregneant women get really weird, mean comments at my office normally.
What would you do?
To clarify….when I had my daughter, I went on a secondment assignment to a client lasting six months a few days after coming back from leave. It was actually great for me because it worked out to be consistent billables without hugely long days. But the point is by the time I came back from that, my daughter was old news, so I never really had a transition back to the firm of my own to judge against.
Anyway. Beside the point. I think I’m stressing over this because I’m just stressing in general. I appreciate all the perspectives here.
Coach Laura
I would totally shut down the shower idea and state emphatically – no gifts. Give the excuse of already having too much “baby stuff” and the second baby making a shower more problematic.
Given the dynamics of your office I think you should go with your gut and not disclose the surrogacy prior to the birth but there would be no reason to after the birth, at least in my opinion.
I’ve known surrogates and I have to say that your sister, BIL and niece/nephew are very lucky.
anon
I think you have to tell them. They’re going to notice after the baby is born and you’re back to work that you don’t have a kid. I’m sure they’ve heard of surrogates– it won’t be a completely foreign concept. I think it would be weirder to have everyone think you gave it up for adoption.
L
Right, because adoption isn’t a valid choice. How about we stop placing labels on what is “weird” versus normal with respect to everyone’s reproductive rights.
Anon
No one is saying it isn’t a valid choice, but it is unusual for a successful lawyer with a kid to give up a baby for adoption. If she doesn’t want people to talk it’s probably not the best thing to let people assume.
Sydney Bristow
Could you speak to the admin privately and say that you are carrying the baby as a surrogate (without getting into further details) that you’d prefer not to have a shower in case she was thinking of organizing one? If she asks questions about your pregnancy you could just respond with “I’d rather not get into all the details.”
Not sure what to suggest about your boss. That really sucks.
This is such a nice thing you are doing for your sister and brother in law. Make sure to take care of yourself too.
Sydney Bristow
Sorry, I misunderstood and thought that some of your coworkers knew you were a surrogate.
lovelovelove
If you ever needed to, you could just say that you were carrying a baby for your sister and leave it at that. I think it’s awfully sweet of you — I’d put it in the donating a kidney or bone marrow donation bucket myself of very intrustive things that people can do for others at some health risk to themselves.
If they insist on having a shower, you could request that it be for donations for a shelter (like cases of diapers and wipes and formula). No reason to cancel the party, but maybe it can have a purpose?
Legally Brunette
I would definitely tell them. I think most if not everyone at work will have tremendous admiration/respect for what you’re doing, so this is not something that you should feel that you need to hide and will avoid the inevitable questions that will result after you return from leave (ie: how is the baby? how you managing motherhood?, etc.).
Other
I would tell your HR contact, and ask for complete discretion. Your HR contact can then ask the admin not to organize a shower on your behalf without going into the “why.” That way, you wouldn’t have to communicate/deflect questions about why you’d prefer not to have one. Also, it would be on the firm’s record, to the extent issues come up with maternity leave and your boss.
I will warn you – since I see you didn’t go back to your office immediately after having your child, that people in your firm WILL ask about the baby when you return. Even if you are not friendly with coworkers, admins and others will ask on the first day how life with a new baby is treating you. Yes, it makes sense that it would have been old news if you went straight to a long secondment, but the first day back after maternity leave – people will know/ask, even in just casual conversation. It won’t require a personal connection to ask about the baby.
That may not change your mind about how to react on the front end, but I would prefer a simple, firm response b/c you will get questions on your return.
Other
Sorry – I meant to say: I would PREPARE a simple, firm response b/c you will get questions on your return.
Anon in NYC
I agree that people will ask. The people that you work with regularly will ask as soon as you return, and others will ask over the next few weeks / months. For the co-workers that I am friendly with, I do occasionally ask how their kids are doing. And you should be prepared that people may ask questions during your pregnancy (gender, etc.). Just something to think about in preparing how you want to handle questions.
M
I thought traditionally/ettiquette-wise you were not supposed to have a shower for a second baby anyway (not saying I have an opinion on this one way or the other – if anyone has had a sprinkle more power to you). But you could hang your hat on this reason if someone tries to throw you a shower – “sorry I am just such a stickler for ettiquette and would be SO uncomfortable having people buy me gifts or make a big fuss with this being the second baby.”
hellskitchen
Tell the admin (or someone you are friendly with) that you have cultural reasons for not wanting a baby shower. In any cultures it is not okay to get baby gear before birth for fear of jinxing it. They don’t know who the dad is so it’s plausible that you are following the father’s cultural norms.
CKB
First, it is awesome that you are doing this for your sister. So cool. You rock.
Second, I’m not sure what I would do in your situation. I think I would probably tell my co-workers I was a surrogate. Yes, it opens you up to strange questions, but I think it’s better than the strangeness people will feel once it becomes obvious that the baby is no longer in your life. I think the perception that your co-workers may have that you deceived them and the possible gossip that spreads once people realize the baby is no longer in your life could potentially be professionally damaging. But it may be a know your office thing. I just know in my office, asking about the family & sharing pictures are pretty normal, and if I knew a co-worker had a child & was pregnant again, and then after the baby was born they never mentioned it again, the tongues would be wagging, right or wrong, and depending on what stories people come up with, it could alter the way that co-worker was regarded.
Parfait
Who says she won’t be part of baby’s life? It’s her sister’s kid. I’d put a baby pic with the other family pictures, if you have any, and if they ask about baby say “baby is doing well, just learned to sit up by herself!” or whatever. Most people who ask things like this don’t actually care how the baby is, they just want to show an interest in their colleague.
hoola hoopa
This dress is spectacular.
How does Reiss fit? I’ve never bought from them because I had the impression they were for rather straight and slender builds. I’m a pear with a large cup and narrow shoulders. Any hope this would fit?
Also, I assume I have to size up. I’m a 6 JCrew, AT, etc. Would I be a 10 in Reiss?
Anonymous
I wear a 0/2 in J. Crew dresses and a 6 in J. Crew skirts. I have one Reiss dress and had to get an 8 to fit my hips/assets, and then have the upper body taken in. It can fit curvier shapes, but you’ll need to order based on your biggest measurement and plan for alterations. I have no sewing skills so someone correct me if this is wrong, but it looks like the darting on top would make it easy to get it altered to fit nicely.
Anon
I’ve found that they’re not really for long torsos.
I own a Reiss bodycon dress that fits well that is a six that I’d say fits like something between a 4-6 from JCrew.
I ordered and tried on two tailored dresses and sized up to an 8 as I wanted to make sure they were loose enough to be work appropriate (I would get a 6 from JCrew). Unfortunately, the torso was cut too short for me, but the hips and bust were large enough. Torso too short is one of the few things that I couldn’t alter on the dresses I ordered.
My fit specifics (for your reference)
5’8, 150 pounds, athletic hourglass shaped with small waist (25 inches) and 34DD chest. My hips are about 38 inches around.
Anon
If you’re American, when you order you will be shown the American sizes so don’t order up thinking you have to adjust. I’m an 8 in Jcrew and I have a size 8 skirt from Reiss, so it’s about the same for me. It’s kind of boxy in the same way Jcrew is boxy.
Anonymous
Thanks, all. Very helpful!
EB0220
Sorry about another pregnancy – related TJ. Usual disclaimers apply! Ladies, how do you cascade news of your pregnancy? With my first, I told my manager who made sure other relevant people knew. This time around, my situation is a bit different. I told my manager but I need to take care of telling project managers and clients myself (I’m a consulting manager). I don’t want to make a huge deal of it – can I just email the relevant people or should I call them? I am 18 weeks and definitely showing, so it will be obvious the next time I see these people! I work from home, so don’t see my colleagues in person often (if at all).
anon-oh-no
if you are showing and will see them soon, i wouldnt tell them . . . .just let them see you when it is time. Otherwise, I would just work it in when it is appropriate and relevant and would not send a separate email. I assume you want to tell people so that they will know there is going to be a transition becuase of your maternity leave. if this is the case, then when you get closer to the time, just say your are working on your transition, you want to let them know it will be smooth and they will be taken care of in your absence. then reassure them that you will be back and ready to go in x months.
TBK
This is what I did. Told my direct supervisor-type people then just sort of let the rest happen. Once I transitioned to maternity clothes, it was pretty obvious. Then I eventually, as necessary, started mentioning “while I’m on leave” or telling them that X would be my last day before leave.
Clementine
A coworker recently disseminated the news to people who do not physically see her by very straighforwardly saying, something to the effect of, ‘For longer range planning, I’m going to be looping in coworker x who will be involved as I will be taking a maternity leave this winter.’
She called and told people who she had a more personal/friendly relationship with, but there are some people with whom it’s purely functional/business and she just told them to ‘start cc’ing X’ and having her staffers cover on calls.
She did it in such a matter of fact way, it was impressive.
Buns for Dummies
I need help. I realized today that I can’t even get a simple bun (not a sock bun, just a good old fashion bun) right. I need hair tutorials at a very basic level. I look at the small things blog and have tried a few, but I can’t nail anything bun related. I used to think it was because of my layers (they’re all grown out now). Has anyone seen anything out there that could help or have any tips? I’m sick of taking 20 minutes only to look like I just rolled out of bed. HELP!
Nati
I can’t offer any help, just my sympathy. I am helpless when it comes to hair styling and am looking forward to any tutorials people might recommend.
Edna
I’ve found Pinterest and YouTube to be helpful in finding ideas and instructions for easy professional hairstyles. I have had success by searching for things like “professional updos” and “quick professional hairstyles.”
This blog has some good instructions (including videos): http://www.thesmallthingsblog.com/
Anon in NYC
Yes – agreed on The Small Things Blog. I am completely inept with my hair, and I’ve been able to follow her tutorials.
AIMS
You need to get some Goody spin pins. http://www.goody.com/Products/Hair_Accessories/Simple_Styles_Spin_Pin
For me, they work best with a hair tie and one or two small bobby pins to tuck in strays, but they do work wonders!
Anon too
Second this. Spin pins are life changing.
L
I have a few of these and somehow I can’t get a true bun out of them, more like a knot. Clearly user error. Maybe I’ll go home and practice some…I forgot I had them!