Coffee Break: Mary Gail Flat

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beige square-toed Mary Jane flat with three buckles

I've posted before about how Mary Jane flats are a mini-trend right now, and I'm drooling over this sophisticated take on it: I love the square toe, the double buckle on top and the third buckle near the toes — including the cutout detail at the toe!

Sarah Flint offers the flat in three colors, and honestly I love all of the versions — taupe suede (pictured), black suede, and navy croc.

The shoe is $450 at SarahFlint.com, available in sizes 4-13.

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190 Comments

  1. Can someone please help me understand (or maybe there isn’t anything to actually understand) how some refer to Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians as “genocidal”. I saw someone post this on LinkedIn and it doesn’t really make sense to me.

        1. Do you have any sense of what Israel is currently doing in Gaza?

          Most Palestinians are not Hamas. To refuse to even look at what’s happening in Gaza right now speaks to your willingness to actually understand.

          What Hamas has done is terrorism on an unspeakable scale. That does not mean that what Palestinian civilians are experiencing right now is anything short of devastating.

        2. Did you bother to read any of the other links? The articles all say basically the same thing. I know you’re not interested in having any of your views challenged, though – so don’t bother; you’ll just end up wasting your own time.

          1. LOL, despite posting links full of facts from multiple international news sources. Please continue to shield yourself in your impenetrable opaque bubble of belief – not that you need my permission; you’ll do that regardless of what anyone says.

        3. You only seem to be interested in information that aligns with your own pre-existing biases, 4:08

          1. I’m interested in facts. The fact is Al Jazeera is not reporting accurately. Are you seriously telling me that you think it’s okay that their reporting does not at all acknowledge the horrific deaths of those babies and children?

          2. Al Jazeera and the BBC are often more accurate about US politics than our own news media.

          3. I regularly read A-Jazeera’s coverage, not because I always agree with it, but because I find it useful to see how global media is covering an event and what’s the same/different from US media coverage. It’s a reasonable recommendation for OPs request, that they’d like to understand the reasoning and thought process by people who consider Israel’s actions genocidal, and doesn’t mean the poster who included it is calling this the be all end all of what you need to know about it

    1. It doesn’t make sense because it isn’t. Even if you accept that Israel is engaging in “too much bombing” (whatever that means to say from the comfort of your home), they are not committing genocide. Like, literally Israel is HOME to hundreds of thousands of Muslim and Christian Arabs. It’s intended to be an insult thrown directly at Jews, many of whom were Holocaust survivors or their descendants. Whatever your feelings on acts of war (and that’s absolutely what they are), it isn’t genocide and putting that label on it in my view hurts their cause.

      1. You have obviously not read anything about what’s happening in Gaza. Please read comments below or recent NYTimes reporting. Your ignorance is showing.

          1. The only people here who I see displaying (staggering) ignorance are the people who are refusing to admit that Israel has ever done anything wrong in regard to Palestinians, and that Israel’s current handling of the situation in Gaza deserves some closer examination/re-evaluation, because two wrongs don’t make a right. What Hamas did is reprehensible. Israel cutting off food, water, electricity, and medical assistance to Gaza is not remotely okay. Israel killing Palestinians as retribution for the Hamas terror attacks is just going to lead to more dead kids, more suffering, more bloodshed, and eventually more retribution and war. If you don’t see that – please just acknowledge you are racist against Palestinians and think they deserve to die, and we can all stop these ridiculous non-conversations that go nowhere.

      1. Does this apply though if they are expressly stating that restrictions will end if the hostages are released?

        They are not restricting in order to bring about the end of the Palestinian people. They want the hostages released. The hostages are likely being held underground from videos so far. I don’t see how else they can get the hostages released without putting soldiers on the ground and no one wants that.

        And there is still a border crossing with Egypt. Gaza is not surrounded by Israel no matter how much people like to try and label it a ‘prison’ and make up things like falsely claiming it is the most densely populated area on earth.

        1. There is absolutely nothing saying that it is contingent on hostages being released. There is no end in sight currently.

          You also don’t get to commit war crimes due to hostages being held and have it not count as war crimes.

          1. Are you really this ignorant or do you only get your news from Al Jazeera? There was an official Israeli govt statement today tying it directly to the release of hostages. Reported widely on CNN, CBC, BBC etc.

          2. Israel has announced (and it is in the news) that it is contingent upon hostage release. Hamas has a choice.

          3. What war crime is it the way you refer to ‘war crimes’ in this context demonstrates a lack of familiarity with international law of war. The legal obligation is not to prevent all civilian casualties.

            Israel does not have a legal obligation to provide food, water or fuel to people.

            It’s disturbing how willing people are to blame Israel and unwilling to blame Eqypt or Hamas. Hamas purposely installs themselves in civilian areas. That is a war crime.

          4. They dont have a responsibility to provide the food. It is a war crime to prevent them getting *any*

          5. Hamas can bring in food just like they brought in thousands of weapons. They just chose not to.

          6. “It’s disturbing how willing people are to blame Israel and unwilling to blame Eqypt or Hamas. Hamas purposely installs themselves in civilian areas. That is a war crime.”

            Again, Egypt has no obligation to take in Palestinian refugees. They cannot just absorb the entire population of the Gaza strip into their country. This is not difficult to understand, if you apply any reasoning at all.

            A lot of kids in Gaza (where 50% of the population is under 21, as I understand it?) are going to die if Israel continues shutting off services and food, and continues bombing. Just so I understand – it’s okay for Israel to kill kids to achieve political ends, but when Hamas does it, it’s a problem? Make that make sense, if you would please.

          7. There’s nothing preventing both parties in a conflict from committing war crimes. This isn’t a game of “who’s more evil”, the whole point of defining war crimes is a commitment to saying – even when we’re “on the right side” – even under the desperate circumstances of war! – there are standards we hold ourselves to

          1. There’s no way to leave. Egypt opened its border, but Israel has been bombing the crossing so that nobody can leave.

          2. You can’t just leave Gaza. That is why it has been considered an open air prison for the last 15 years. It is harder now to leave than it was before, when the restrictions of freedom of movement were already considered a human rights abuse.

          3. “That said, it’s certainly debatable whether Egypt would actually be letting unlimited people in if the border wasn’t effectively closed.”

            And whether they should, given that Egypt has its own set of problems.

            I love the person who keeps saying “That’s not true!” about anything that’s not rabidly pro-Israel and then gets immediately schooled by someone who brings facts to the conversation. Nothing like someone who can’t bother to do a 2-second Google search to confirm facts before posting a comment, lmao

          4. Israel made air strikes at Hamas targets (likely tunnels) near the border crossing in the intermediate aftermath of the initial attack. There were no strikes today and there are active discussions on humanitarian aid being brought across the border with Egypt.

        1. A perilous journey to nowhere. The borders are not open, Hamas is motivated to keep them on the strip, and no one has offered to take them. Plus there is every reason for them to believe this is an attempt by Israel to extinguish them from the land and never allow them to return.

          1. Exactly. The people who keep advocating for mass emigration of Palestinians to Egypt are showing massive amounts of callousness and also a distinct lack of basic understanding of geopolitics and world history. The Palestinians do not want to leave Gaza, because it is their home. They are hesitant to even refugee temporarily, because they know that if they leave, Israelis will move in and take over their property. Israelis have been doing that with property that is already occupied, where Palestinian families are present. Israelis forcing Palestinians to refugee to Egypt – even if Egypt was willing to take them – would absolutely constitute genocide. That’s exactly what happened to the Armenians in 1915.

        2. Most Gazans can’t really leave – it’s a really small territory (6 miles X 25 miles) and power/water/food trucks are cut off to ALL of it. The crossing into Egypt is somewhat open again, but they only grant 400 exit permits per day. For bombing, the warning to civilians is basically – any building Hamas operates out of, or benefits from, is a fair target – but that can be almost anywhere (for example, the engineering building at the university was targeted because that’s where Hamas engineers study); and people won’t necessarily know whether some random other person in their apartment building happens to be a member of Hamas. Exacerbated by Hamas’ historical willingness to operate (including launching attacks) from civilian infrastructure. People are making the best guesses they can about where’s /least/ likely to be targeted (that’s why civilians are gathering in UN schools) but there’s no designated safe zones.

          1. But why does no one blame Hamas for this. The Hamas spokesperson in Lebanon was directly quoted as saying they built rocket factories near apartment buildings so they would be safe from bombings. Hamas uses Palestinians as human shields and everyone ignores it.

          2. Why can’t Egypt give water or food? Or if Hamas is so concerned about the Palestinians couldn’t it have stockpiled water or food in advance? The fact that all of this is beyond terrible still doesn’t make it genocide

          3. I absolutely blame Hamas. That doesn’t mean Israel gets a free pass to do whatever they want. One side being bad doesn’t make the other good; this isn’t a movie.

          4. Of course we blame Hamas! Hamas is to blame for all of this. But holding Israel (and Americans as their allies) to the same standards as the terrorists is a pretty low bar. I believe Israel has a right to defend itself, but doesn’t mean I can’t also be upset about the suffering of innocent children, no matter whose children they are. And it’s not like this even is likely to solve anything. If we could bomb our way to peace in the Middle East, none of this would be a concern anymore.

          5. So what should Israel do? Hamas still holds hostages and is sending rockets into Israel. They have not stopped. Israel has not undertaken a ground invasion and has given warnings before air strikes. What else are they supposed to do? Just sit back until the next time Hamas kills thousands of Israeli civilians ?

            There is no negotiating. Hamas does not want piece. Hamas is intentionally trying to provoke a ground invasion. Try reading the Dyer article linked yesterday in the morning post. He is no Israeli apologist, has 40 years of experience in this area and explicitly acknowledges when there has been poor behavior by Israel but he also does not pretend that there is any negotiating with Hamas. Hamas is not the PLO. It’s like suggesting to negotiate with ISIS.

          6. I absolutely blame Hamas for their decision to endanger civilians (and so do lots of people!), their decision to deliberately target Israeli civilians, their murder of children, their refusal to hold free elections, and their violent targeting of their political opponents within Palestine. None of that means Israel gets a free pass to do whatever they want in response.

          7. Nobody is giving Israel “a free pass” to do whatever it wants. They are entitled to self defense against the vicious pogrom that was executed over last weekend. At least they are issuing warnings to Gazans, who are vulnerable not because of Israel, but because of Hamas integrating itself deliberately among civilians to use them as human shields. Israel is responsible for minimizing civilian casualties, not prevent them. That is what “collateral damage” is, however harsh that is.

        3. If they’re also making it impossible to leave, what good does that do? (Also where do forced relocations fall?)

          1. Ask Egypt to open the border. Hamas won’t want that, though, since it would mean less death and less ammunition for blaming Israel.

          2. In the same bucket as the forced “relocation” of the Armenians by the Ottoman Empire in the early 20th century. And basically the same bucket as the “ethnic cleansing” that happened in Kosovo in the late 1990s.

      2. Israel only supplied 10% of Gaza’s water and 50% of its energy. Israel is also not bombing Gaza’s power plants or taking away from them the ability to generate electricity. Israel and Israelis did not ask for this. Israel is in a war for its very survival – it is facing war with Hamas in Gaza and Hezbollah in the north. Trying to pressure Hamas to return hostages is not “genocide”. Also, frankly, Egypt can supply food and water to Gaza, if it wants to. It chooses not to. We don’t hear anyone criticizing Egypt for this, and Egypt’s civilians weren’t killed, tortured, kidnapped and raped.

        As a reminder, Israel is warning all of the civilians in Gaza before it strikes, so they can escape – would have been nice if Hamas did that to the families in the kibbutz and the kids at the peace rave, right?

        1. This is factually incorrect. Please do not spread misinformation. Israel controls the majority of Palestine’s water and electricity access. The majority of hospitals, schools, and homes will lose access to electricity and water. The food shortage will also be devastating to a country that is already predominantly living below the poverty line.

        2. The mental gymnastics required to side with terrorists whose stated purpose is the annihilation of Jews, while upholding Israel to an impossible standard is stunning. As a child I couldn’t comprehend how people allowed the Holocaust to happen but it’s starting to make sense.

          1. Saying that Israel’s actions are going too far is not siding with terrorists. Hamas is 10000% committing war crimes. Hamas is also responsible for civilian casualties in Palestine should any occur. However, Israel still has a responsibility to avoid committing their own war crimes in response.

          2. You mean holding Israel to the UN standard of what is a war crime and what isn’t?

          3. + 100%
            Israel just suffered a pogrom, in a complete surprise sneak attack. They are allowed under international law to defend themselves. They are taking steps to minimize civilian casualties, which will be a challenge, given the Hamas tactic of embedding among civilians, using them as human shields (which is itself contrary to law).

          1. Just as many people have by leaving the buildings that Hamas is operating out of and going to UN schools or other neutral spaces.

    2. It’s the (mis)application of a motive to policy that will have the same effect as genocide. The result of Israeli policy is and will be the deaths of Palestinians. (From what rhetoric I’ve encountered from Israeli people, the goal/hope of some is a lot of Palestinian deaths.) The issue is whether it is fair to attribute the motivation of “genocide” or if it is more appropriate to apply the motive of Israeli security or something else (vengeance for Israeli deaths).
      This would not be the first time evil motive is applied improperly to actions that result in the same thing regardless of the real motivation.

      1. so then as you state in your own post this is not genocide. It’s horrible. A lot of innocent people are dying, but that is not the proper word to use

        1. Yeah, you understood my post. I am not assigning that motive. The OP asked why the word was being used by some.

    3. Israel’s Defense Minister Yoav Gallant announced on Monday that he has ordered a “complete siege” of the Gaza strip, according to the Times of Israel.

      “There will be no electricity, no food, no fuel, everything is closed,” he was reported as telling commanders at the Israel Defense Forces’ Southern Command.

      “We are fighting human animals and we are acting accordingly,” he added, per the paper’s translation of his remarks.

      Gallant’s remarks were followed by an order from Israel’s Energy Minister Israel Katz to cut off water to Gaza, per the Times of Israel. Electricity and fuel were halted two days ago, he is reported to have added.

      1. And if that situation doesn’t get reversed soon, there will be a lot of dead babies (and children, and adults) in Gaza. But I don’t imagine people here will mourn those dead (brown) babies in quite the same way.

        1. Ah, the classic trope of assuming anyone who has empathy for Jewish and Israeli people is racist and hates ‘brown babies’.

          The killing of children anywhere is awful and sad.

        1. Because Egypt has not opened its border. The Jordanians have already donated millions in humanitarian supplies in the last 24 hours.

          Hundreds of millions of dollars flow into Gaza every year.

          1. And most of it goes right in Hamas’s pockets. They use it to buy and build weapons.

    4. About 2.4 million people live on the Gaza Strip; it’s one of the most densely populated places in the world. Gaza residents generally have had a difficult time traveling in and out of the Strip after Israel and Egypt instituted a blockade in 2006 (when Hamas took over the government). I don’t know how many people comprise Hamas or actually support the organization, but by bombing civilian targets in Gaza and cutting water, electricity, food and medical supply lines to Gaza, there is massive potential for civilian casualties.

      1. Which is exactly what Hamas wanted. And, it’s appearing, Netanyahu, so that he can continue to bolster support for his far-right government. The two benefit each other. Civilians on both sides are paying the price.

      2. The massive civilian casualties are literally Hamas’ goal to use as political leverage with the Arab countries. They purposely use civilian buildings to store munitions for this reason. It is a long-standing issue.

        The whole thing is a massive reaction by Hamas to the Iranian – Saudi peace deal. The rest do the Middle East is trying to move beyond conflict and Hamas has no interest in that.

    5. Egypt needs to open the border to refugees but it won’t. I don’t support the “total siege” and think it will amount to a war crime. Hamas uses human shields and always has but Israel still needs to work to reduce civilian deaths, even with that. Hamas has no interest in preserving the lives of Palestinians and seemed to not stockpile food and water in the extensive tunnels where hostages are now being held.

      1. Exactly. Hamas planned this knowing the reaction they would provoke. They bought and built rockets and guns instead of ensuring adequate food. They are the government in Gaza – they were literally elected by Palestinians. They chose guns over food.

    6. There are 2 million people in Gaza, 70% of whom are refugees displaced by Israel, 50% of whom are children, all of whom are going to be subject to air strikes and ground forces. 300,000 civilian homes in Gaza have already been destroyed by Israeli airstrikes in the last week. Access to food, water, electricity will be denied (this constitutes a war crime by any legal definition, full-stop).

      You can recognize that horror inflicted by Hamas and also recognize that Israel is about to kill many hundreds of thousands of Palestinian civilians. There is no way to ‘level Gaza to the ground’ that does not involve an unconscionable amount of civilian deaths, more than half of whom will likely be children.

    7. 300,000 people are now homeless in Gaza due to Israeli airstrikes over the last couple of days alone. That means that more than 12% of Gaza’s population has become homeless in the last couple of days due to Israeli strikes. Power is being shut off to hospitals (along with everywhere else) which will soon cease to be able to provide care to literally anyone in Gaza. The only safe place in the entire area of Gaza is now UN-run schools; everywhere else will be subject to extreme, unimaginable violence and bombing. Air strikes are targeting schools, hospitals, mosques, and homes. It is unimaginably horrifying to be in Gaza right now, with absolutely no glimpse of relief. There will be famine, constant violence, mass homelessness, and lack of any medical care.

      It is a war crime to target civilians en-masse and what Israel is doing is a war-crime full stop. The effect will be genocidal. You can debate what the intention is, but I am seeing many calls to obliterate Gaza entirely, which is inherently genocidal (there are millions of civilians in Gaza).

      What Hamas did is an unspeakable terror, and I understand Israel is gripped with fear and is taking a response it feels is appropriate. But the response is absolutely going to be an effective genocide.

      1. Again, Israel warned Gazans to leave. They can leave through Egypt. If Egypt will not let them in, and if Egypt will not supply them with food and water, why is that Israel’s fault?

      2. But deaths (while absolutely terrible) are not the same thing as genocide. As from my understanding genocide involves motive. The intent is not to kill all Palestinians in Gaza. What is happening is terrible and many innocent people are dying, but that doesn’t make it genocide, so it’s an improper use of the term.

        1. Ok. ‘Just’ a war crime then. Much better. And only because they’re ok with some of them surviving, if that happens. They certainly don’t seem to care if they die.

        2. also crimes against humanity https://www.un.org/en/genocideprevention/crimes-against-humanity.shtml
          “For the purpose of this Statute, ‘crime against humanity’ means any of the following acts when committed as part of a widespread or systematic attack directed against any civilian population, with knowledge of the attack:” the acts include
          – Imprisonment or other severe deprivation of physical liberty in violation of fundamental rules of international law;
          – Persecution against any identifiable group or collectivity on political, racial, national, ethnic, cultural, religious, gender as defined in paragraph 3, or other grounds that are universally recognized as impermissible under international law, in connection with any act referred to in this paragraph or any crime within the jurisdiction of the Court;
          – The crime of apartheid;
          Other inhumane acts of a similar character intentionally causing great suffering, or serious injury to body or to mental or physical health.

      3. Israel is not targeting purposely civilians. That’s why the UN schools are still there and people are warned to leave buildings occupied by Hamas. The fact that so many building are Hamas occupied demonstrates the pervasiveness of support for Hamas in Gaza.

        The standard is not perfection every missile launch. Missile accuracy is not 100% That is standard for all countries including the US under international law.

        In contrast, Hamas used terrorists with machine guns because they knew that since 1993 in Israel all building have to be built with a non locking safe room in case of rockets. Therefore people would initially shelter in those rooms and be unable to lock the doors or escape. Then they purposely killed civilians with grenades and machine guns. One 16 year old lay under his dead mother’s body in their safe room for 7 hours before being rescued.

        1. Does the fact that so many buildings are Hamas occupied demonstrate pervasive support if people are living in terror of them because they purposely kill people?

          1. Hamas were democratically elected as the government. Palestinians in Gaza had a choice and that is who they voted for. Thousands of Palestinians in Hamas participated in the attack and are continuing to hold hostages.

        2. Israelis aren’t the only people in the world who have suffered terrible atrocities in recent years, and I wish people would stop acting like that’s the case. The same things that happened in Israel this past weekend have happened on a near daily basis in Central America for the last decade.

    8. It’s not and anyone who claims it is does not have a comprehensive understanding of the international laws of war and how they apply to this conflict.

      Civilians being killed does not automatically make something a ‘genocide’.

      1. Cramming millions of people into a small area that has been described by humanitarian organizations as “an open air prison” and then shelling the area, cutting off essential services, and denying access to medical supplies, food, and water probably counts, though.

      2. Exactly! And if Hamas released the hostages (who include BABIES) the blockage would end.

      3. You’re right – I think genocide requires a certain magnitude. Which, if you look at the state of Israel’s actions against Palestinians from 1948 to today, it’s likely within that magnitude.

        All of the comments today (and this week) have been very “now” focused, as if this conflict has not been ongoing since the creation of the Israeli state. Which yes, was born of atrocities inflicted on Jewish peoples. However, since that creation, I think that Israel (as a state) has crafted a series of policies designed to place them on the top of the region and exterminate other political/ideological/ethnic groups that have historically settled in the same area as the state. I want to be clear, I am referring to the state apparatus here, and not people of any religious or ethnic group.

        While I think there’s no doubt that all people are horrified at the violent acts of Hamas, I also think that it’s deeply naïve to believe that terrorists are created in a political vacuum, without any influence. Let’s not forget that the creation of Al-Qaeda sits squarely at the feet of the CIA. We really should be looking to Britain to solve this conflict, since they set it all off themselves in 1945.

  2. I’ve mostly worked in government (federal and local) but am looking at a few private sector and NGO jobs. In government, it’s very common to have 5 page resumes, but I’ve heard that’s not the case in other sectors.

    When whittling down a resume, how do you decide what to keep and what to remove?

    1. how long ago was the experience and how relevant is it to what you are applying for now. your resume should include your most relevant experiences, not everything you’ve ever done in your life

    2. To me it’s not a matter of removing but rather summarizing. For example my government resume has the full regulatory process with details for each step, which is several years of work but my industry resume just has one vague line like “lead research, engagement, drafting, and implementations of piece of legislation”

    3. My NGO resume as a senior leader is 2 pages. I think 1-2 pages is standard, and I would think anything much longer is weird.

      To whittle down, try to identify unique accomplishments in each role. Then take the job description for each post and identify ways you have shown the qualifications. You can try using chatgpt to rewrite your resume for the job posting, too, as an initial starting pont.

      1. +1. I’m 12-ish years out from college and my resume is 1.5 pages. A 5-page resume would look pretty odd in most places I’ve worked (higher ed, other nonprofits)

          1. I guess that depends on what government, because it is NOT the norm in the government sectors I’ve worked in.

    4. Your resume doesn’t need to be an exhaustive list of everything you did in every job. Highlight key things that you think relate to the types of positions you’re applying for. All resumes I review (private sector) are usually 1 page, sometimes 2 if you’re 10+ years out. So like, if you’re in the city planning department but trying to get hired by architecture firms, talk about how well you know the building codes, zoning rules, etc.

  3. What temperature do you keep your home in the winter? I’m trying to keep our house colder but I can barely feel my fingers and it’s only like 68

    1. 65 during the overnight and day time; 67 in the morning and evening. I haven’t turned on the heat yet, even though I’ve wanted to a few times already but it’s only October, I loathe fall and I haven’t quite acclimated to colder temps yet. I’m always cold and my house always feels cold so it’s a waste of money to turn it up any higher. I had 3 feet of blown-in insulation put in the attic and had the crawlspace professionally sealed so that helps with heat retention but the walls are poorly insulated and downstairs aways feels much colder than upstairs.

      1. This is how I feel. I feel cold 9 months out of the year, I don’t necessarily feel colder at 55 than I do at 65.

        1. Ditto!! DH said to me the other night after my bemoaning of Fall “and so it begins… the 9 straight months of ‘I’m cold'” LOL I swear as soon as it dips below 65, I’m cold but when January hits and it’s 20 degrees, I’m still the same amount of cold.

    2. Our thermostat is set at 68 during the day, 65-66 at night. However the sensor is on the first floor and we mostly spend time on the warmer second floor so I think actual temps are a few degrees higher than that.

      1. Oh and we work from home, so we’re home all day. Back when we went to an office we would lower the thermostat for the work day.

    3. I’m in the UK (so poor insulation, radiators, and eyewatering prices) and we try not to let the house drop below 62 or so, but we haven’t turned our heating on yet this year so today my office was 59. Hot tea, blanket on your lap, layers, lure the cat to sit on you. Sometimes I have a big candle burning on my desk and use that to warm my hands a bit.

      At night, we don’t have the heat on and sometimes it gets quite cold but we just have lots of blankets.

      1. I’m like this in the Bay Area, no A/C, and stingy with the heat. But I do have a couple of strategic space heaters. (Home office, primary bathroom – the latter only used during showers)

        1. Us too (Central Coast). It’s not even that cold here, but it would cost a small fortune to keep our house above 63 because the insulation is so terrible.

          1. I am so, so envious of anyone who can make living on the Central Coast work! No jobs in my industry, but that’s one of our major vacation spots.

    4. 63-65 overnight, 67 during the day. I prefer the cold when sleeping and during the day I’m happy to wear thick sweaters. I change it to 68 or 69 when having company, I don’t expect guests to bundle up. If you’re miserable at 68 then just turn up the thermostat, assuming your roommates or family don’t mind. If they’re uncomfortable at a higher temp then the hot person wins- you can put on more clothing but they can only take off so much.

    5. 68 during the day but we drop down to 60 at night. I like the air to be cold so I can snuggle down deep under the heavy covers.

      It always takes a week or so to adjust when the seasons change. I love having a heating pad on my chair or hot tea to cup my hands around to keep myself warm while I work.

    6. I keep my house pretty cold but I have a space heater and a heated blanket at my work from home spot. I don’t need the whole house to feel warm all the time but I also don’t want to be cold at a desk for 8 hours.

    7. Temperature isn’t the only factor for me. I feel much colder at work than home, even when the temp is the same, because my office is very drafty in a building from the 1860s. Sunlight also factors in.

    8. 65 at night and 70 daytime. I run cold and find that warm slippers make a huge difference as we have all hardwood floors throughout the house and minimal rugs because of dust mite allergies.

    9. I always FREEZE when I sit still, working from home, even though I’m not someone who runs cold at all. I simply can’t get warm, and have to go outside to take a walk and warm up in the sun.

      Also, don’t take our numbers too much to heart. You and I could have our thermostats set at the same numbers but our houses would feel entirely different because of shade/sun, drafts, air circulation, humidity, etc.

    10. We do 69 in the winter, day and night. Husband works outdoors and I get cold easily, so anything lower than that would be miserable for us both. I keep my separate office temp at 73 though. It’s noticeably harder for me to work and focus at cold temps. My productive temperature range is more like 72-79.

    11. When I am sitting at my desk and working, I wear silk long underwear under my clothes for a chunk of the year. It helps with all coldness, including my hands and feet, and also helps with back and shoulder aches I get from tension when I am too cold.

    12. Fingerless gloves, slippers, and something warm around my neck (scarf, high collar, etc.) make a huge difference.

    13. Daytime 65 to 68, overnight around 60.
      We get a full-on winter here and have lots of warm things to use instead of adjusting the heat.
      The temp here today is 57 and I absolutely love it. We won’t turn on our heat until it’s consistently in the low 30s.

    14. Why are you trying to keep your house colder? I keep mine at 74 day/72 night in the winter and that’s cold for me at night. My electric bill’s only like $100/month and being cold is my least favorite thing so it’s well worth it to me to be comfortable.

      If it’s environmental/cost reasons, I’d maybe focus on the programming more so you’re not heating your house when you’re not there if that’s an option.

      1. Omg 74?! Maybe it’s perimenopause but I would be wearing shorts in that weather. There’s no way I could sleep in a 72 room.

    15. 60 at night. 60 during the day when no one is home (I have a space heater in my home office but don’t want to heat the whole house). 64 in the mornings and afternoon/evening. I’m in NY suburbs. I’ll turn it up when we have guests.

    16. 69 because it makes me laugh and isn’t atrociously expensive. I’d prefer 71 or so but don’t want to pay for it. We have a heat pump so we leave it at 69 unless we’re going to be out of the house for days, then we’d drop to 65 or 66.

      1. Well now I’m laughing …. Those kind of inside jokes in the household are the best.

        To answer OP’s question, add another vote for 68. Our home heats from sunlight in mild winter weather so the heat doesn’t run on sunny days as the temperature inside climbs to 71. The 68 setting is just for the night.

    17. No warmer than 68. I dress warmly and my endocrinologist makes sure I’m on enough thyroid.

    18. I try to keep around 74 during the 8-9 months when the central heating is on. I run cold, and if I were to keep 68 during winter I would need to wear gloves and a hat indoors, but still get painfully cold and inflamed and aching muscles. I don’t mind adding more wool

      I’m connected to my local district heating – waterborne heating from industry excess heat, so it’s cheap and energy efficient. With harsh, snowy winters, the district heating is great.

  4. As part of my much-needed refresh of my closet, I’m investing in a few pairs of heels for times when I need them. When I was out shoe shopping, I discovered that my feet are truly wide now, not just on the cusp between medium & wide. I managed to find a pair of Clarks heels in wide width that are also comfy, but I’d like to add 1-2 more pairs in other colors or styles. Any recs for wide width shoe brands to check out?

      1. really? i always heard ferragamo was crazy narrow. sam edelman often comes in wide… specialty brands i know of include inez, margot, ally shoes, and poppy barley.

        1. Ferragamo sells narrow widths (A, AA, AAA) so it’s one of the only really good choices for people with extremely narrow feet. But on the other side, they also sell wide widths. They’re just beautiful, extremely well-made shoes too.

    1. Also try to shop in the morning and not at the end of the day. Our feet swell through the course of the day.

  5. what are warm, snacky things that are high in protein? don’t want to eat any of my usuals

    1. Toasted nuts, spiced or seasoned however you like.
      Fried chickpeas seasoned with chili-lime powder. Obviously, not a complete protein, but you could combine it with a grain, or let it balance out with a grain from another part of your day.
      Edamame.
      Popcorn with added nutritional yeast (not for me, but I’ve seen it suggested).

    2. Roasted chickpeas, peanut butter toast, lentil soup, baked or scrambled tofu (I’ll eat the sriracha baked tofu from Trader Joe’s plain or on avocado toast), black bean chili (homemade or Amy’s in a can is decent)

  6. Help me with Reddit. Assume I am late 50s, will not download an app to my device, but am interested in using reddit on the internet and want to understand how people always seem to know “what’s happening on Reddit.” Do they set up recurring searches? Something else?

    Thanks.

    1. R3ddit is basically a big forum. There are smaller forums (sub-r3ddits) for just about every topic you can think of, from pop culture to sports to geographic areas to specific TV shows. You can subscribe to any ones that interest you. I’m not really sure what you mean by “what’s happening on r3ddit” because the discussion really depends what subs you’re in. I think you can use without the app but the app will be more user friendly.

      1. I’m a big Redditor and I think of it as walking into a big building where every room is talking about a different topic. Versus Twitter, which is like being at a cocktail party and eavesdropping. Tiktok may be the drunks in the corner :-)

        1. Tik tok is two teenagers in the corner speaking confidently to each other about how they know everything about everything.

    2. I don’t use the app. I just use the browser on my laptop or iPad to browse the subreddits I’m interested in. I have an account so I can post occasionally, but I mostly stay signed out and lurk.

      1. How do you keep finding the same subreddit without doing a new search in the search bar each time you want to read it?

        1. You can save a bookmark to that specific subreddit if you didn’t want to make an account and then “follow” the subreddit.

        2. Your browser will remember it if you visit enough. When I type “f” in the browser history, r/fauxmoi is the second choice after Facebook

        3. In addition to what everyone else has said, the names are normally pretty intuitive, so it won’t be hard to find. For example, the r*ddit for my city is just [cityname]

          1. probably silly but – I am also 99% a lurker rather than a super active user and…I just use Google search to find stuff. Like I just search in my browser for “okavanga river Safari reddit” or “Portland leather reviews Reddit”, and don’t worry about remembering or revisiting specific subthreads. I mostly use it for how tos, product/service reviews and travel advice

          2. That too! I think I started using R*ddit after it kept coming up in search engine searches.

    3. I’ve never had a Reddit account but I’ve lurked for years for both personal and professional reasons. You can use Reddit in the browser on any device.

    4. Reddit has a few different main views. There’s a Home view where you can follow specific subreddits. There’s a Popular view, which is what’s happening on reddit but may skew to pop/celebrity culture and sides of reddit you don’t care for. Some subreddits get really popular like AITAH (Am I the A** H***) which blew up after being highlighted on a podcast.

  7. What is a good system for keeping track of when you last connected with contacts (roughly 200)? I’m thinking of how to organize myself, NOT what fancy new piece of software or app I can use. Thanks.

    1. can’t you just use the notes feature in your phone’s default contact app? i used to keep notes on meetings and dates and so forth.

    2. OP here: I want to organize it more based on “I haven’t reached out to these people in X weeks/months.” I am not aware of any way to do that using contacts (that just lets me put “spoke X date” in the note for each person).

    3. Excel. We use salesforce as an organization but nothing beats good old fashioned excel. Date goes in one column, corresponding comment in next column, filter by date as needed to see who you haven’t reached out to in a long time. Put it in google sheets (or teams, as I do) for easy recalling on your phone on the fly.

  8. I wanted to get this board’s take on the current Mary Jane flat trend. While I don’t like the multiple straps on this shoe, I kind of like the Row’s black Mary Jane (and all the knockoff’s) that I am seeing on fashion blogs. But when I think about buying some, I just can’t bring myself to pull the trigger. I keep thinking that at my age wearing shoes that resemble the shoes that my mom used to put me as a child is not a good look. Thoughts?

    1. As someone with narrow heels, I really appreciate shoes with a strap, but I agree that I don’t love the ones that look like the shoes I wore when I was five. I have some that are slightly different styles, like two straps that x over the middle of my foot and some other more intricate straps. They’re all old, though, so no longer available.

      1. This is me, on my second adult round of maryjanes for grownups (first round in the late 90s.) They look more grownup if the strap is closer to your toes. I’ve tried them all.

    2. I like ones with a more square toe, they look a bit more modern and grownup to me. I really like Aeyde Umas but couldn’t justify the price. Vagabond has a cheaper version with a similar shape.

    3. as someone who 95% of the time has one or both shoes secretly slipped off under her desk, I dislike any style that requires maneuvering to take on or off :)

    4. I think that I don’t care how “on trend” they are, I’m not wearing little girl shoes.

    5. I feel like you sort of have to be sylph-like to wear them — a tall, very skinny woman is going to look very differently in them than a short, plus-sized lady like myself.

    6. Personally I look for versions where the strap is closer to the toe to nod to the trend without looking like I am wearing shoes from Stride Rite.

    7. I generally hate Mary Janes, but I have a pair of flats with a similar-ish strap that I love. They’re pointy toe, a grape color rather than black, and a thinner strap, all of which I think help differentiate from the kids’ shoes.(They also come in tan.)

      If that sounds up your alley, they’re Ann Taylor’s Patent Strappy Pointy Toe Flats.

  9. a friend’s father just died, and i’m thinking of purchasing some emily mcdowell cards. but, shipping — so is it in poor taste to buy several? i’m 50 so it’s likely i’ll need more soon, but something feels like it’s bad luck to order more than one at a time. and is it in poor taste to send something like that?

    1. What? You are overthinking this. Send her a heartfelt note on literally any card. Don’t hem and haw about which card. It doesn’t matter at all. Your words are what matter.

      1. The sympathy note I remember most deeply from the time of my father’s death was a heartfelt note of a fellow, overworked BigLaw colleague scrawled on a page torn from a legal pad. She said that expressing her sympathies was too important to risk it falling through the cracks of good intentions to find suitable stationery. Her urgency in sending her condolences truly touched me.

    2. I prefer blank cards for this- usually the preprinted ones already have the basic phrases that come to mind, making it harder to find something else to say!

      As far as having some on-hand, that seems sensible, the same way I keep blank notecards and a few ‘general adult’ birthday cards around. But I’m not prone to feeling superstitious or like I’m jinxing myself.

    3. I try to keep at least three sympathy cards on hand at any time. You’ll use them. It’s not morbid at all.

    4. I like blank, personalized notecards for sympathy notes. You can buy letterpress ones pretty affordably on Etsy these days.

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