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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Celina Silk Top

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. simple, perfect silk white top for workI've said it before, I'll say it again: sometimes all you need to make your wardrobe feel fresh again is a new white top for work — both to keep the color pristine as well as to stay on trend. This fluttery, filmy silk blouse from Rebecca Taylor looks kind of perfect (I also really like it in the black, where you can see it styled tucked in) — add a delicate pendant necklace, a great pencil skirt or pair of pants, and you're good to go. The blouse is $225 at Nordstrom,  Celina Silk Top Looking for a more affordable option? This one comes in regular and plus sizes. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

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380 Comments

  1. Fun things to do in North Fork (Long Island)?

    We’re staying in Greenport, NY for a long weekend. Already have planned: winery tour, visit lavender fields, kayak in the bay. Seeking recommendations … other things to do in/around Greenport. Will have car, can travel.

    1. Truck around greenport it’s pretty cute. I love little creek oyster farm if that’s your thing; right on the docks near Claudio’s. They do tasting flights of oysters and you can order local wine. Food truck at north fork table and inn is awesome; figure out where it is (last time I was there it was at the inn but they used to travel iirc). Greenport brewery is in greenport and has a tasting room (I think in mattituck) as well. The view at the halyard in the soundview motel is awesome for sunset dinner or cocktails. Also there is a pie store (four and twenty blackbirds, I think) which i hear is awesome in orient. Orient is a fun non drinking excursion- there’s a state beach and you can hike a bit near the ferry.

    2. Consider hopping the ferry to Shelter Island, either with the car or renting bikes and biking on the other side (warning, it will be hilly). Check out the historic center, Dering Harbor, Sunset Beach, Ram’s Head Inn, etc. And if you want to go even farther afield you can cross over Shelter Island and check out Sag Harbor.

  2. This top is cute, but I’m curious if anyone has found a similar option that is truly opaque? Between the change in opacity from the placket to elsewhere, and the ability to see the jeans faintly through the bottom, I’m sure this would require a camisole… thus totally defeating the easy breezy purpose!

    2. I’d wear this without a cami, no problem. Just wear a nude-for-you bra and it would be fine.

    3. I like it too but would probably get it in a color versus white. It’s so hard to find a lightweight white top that’s not see-through enough to show the strap detail of your bra (never mind if your bra has any lace or anything on it). The search continues.

      1. So, all of you folks who are looking for this unicorn white top that’s totally opaque. What exactly do you think it would be made of?

        1. I have 2 100% silk tops, purchased in the early ’90s, that are fully or very nearly opaque. They have an entirely different heft from silk blouses I see in the market today. So it is possible. They do not fit me anymore, but I refuse to give them up.

    4. Not quite the same style, but Lafayette 148 silk tanks tend to be opaque — the La Perla ones are reversible (at work I wear the matte side out) and I have a white silk tank from them that has a double layer front that makes it opaque. Straps are thick enough to cover bra straps and armholes are high enough for bra coverage without being restrictive. Expensive, but I hate wearing camisoles underneath tops, especially in the summer. Was told by a Saks associate that the black and white La Perla tops never go on sale, but the “fashion color” ones do at some point each season. Available all over, but here’s the Nordstrom link: https://shop.nordstrom.com/c/womens-tops-tees?top=72&offset=9&page=1&sort=Boosted&brand=1318&flexi=60132456_60132462

  3. I need tips for writing a maid of honor speech for my cousin’s wedding. We have been very close friends for a long time and I have no problem speaking to that, but the issue is that I don’t really think she should be marrying this guy. I keep that to myself, but I have been witness to the numerous major issues in their relationship, have been part of multiple conversations with her over whether she should end it, and she knows it, so I think it would come off as disingenuous to her to talk about how I always knew they were so right for each other, etc. No one else there would know the backstory, but it might sound really fake to both her and her sister if I gush about their love excessively. Would it be OK to say something like “despite a few bumps in the road, it has become clear over the last three years that these two are in it for the long haul…”? either before or after focusing on the bride?

    1. I hear you. I had to give a speech similarly.

      No, you cannot say “despite a few bumps….” You speak about your history/love for your friend, that you are pleased that she found someone that makes her happy etc…. One short, touching anecdote of something regarding the two of them, something he or she did or said…. is nice. Or a funny one. I wish you both well/much happiness.

      No gushing. People (me…) hate listening to that anyway.

    2. I would absolutely not say anything remotely negative. Can you focus on something positive that connects them, like a meaningful or fun activity/career/experience they share?

    3. I wouldn’t address the past at all in this situation. Make a forward-looking toast wishing them the best as married folk and call it a day.

    4. IMO, I think even that would be a bit too much. I would just stick to “And I’m so excited to be here to celebrate the next phase of bride’s life with her” type sentiments.

    5. Just tell some stories about her and at the end say something like “Everyone raise your glass and join me in wishing a lifetime of love to Sue and Joe! Welcome to the family, Joe!” No need to say anything like you describe, IMHO.

      1. This. At my wedding the Best Woman and Man of Honor just told funny stories about DH and me and their adventures with us before we met each other, and ended as anon suggests. It was great.

    7. I had to give a toast like this once. My template was basically:
      – fun story from bride & my past
      – second fun story from bride & my past
      – well-wishes to couple for future adventures like the ones described

      2. Yeah but you can’t like ignore their partner completely. I’ve been to weddings where the BM/MOH speech was basically, my friend is awesome for all these reasons, good luck to him/her! It’s super super obvious that they hate the new spouse and it makes it incredibly awkward for everyone. If you truly cannot bring yourself to say anything nice about someone’s new spouse then maybe you shouldn’t be giving a toast at their wedding.

          1. Ugh, that should be: either do not give a toast, or, if you give a toast, be sincere about how happy you are for them.

    9. I’m so happy to be here and speaking to you today. for those who don’t know me I am blah, the brides cousin. although cousins, we have always really been more like sisters. from the first day we [did blah, good things about cousin, how close you are]. I can’t believe that the woman I have known since I was born is now getting married! Cousin and joe, when I look at you both tonight, it is obvious how happy you both are, and I couldn’t be happier to share in that joy. wishing you both the greatest happiness. cheers!

      remember these are toasts not speeches.

    10. Please don’t say the thing about bumps in the road!

      I was in a similar situation at my BFF’s wedding. They’d never had relationship issues but I really didn’t like the guy (and still don’t, fwiw, even though they’ve been married for 10 years and have two kids). Here’s the outline of my speech:
      -Talk about the bride and how much I love her, with a couple anecdotes from our past
      -Say something about how happy the groom makes her and how happy I am to see her so in love
      -Toast to the happy couple, wish them well.

    11. OK, thanks everyone. This is very helpful. Will steer clear of all bumps in the road talk!

      1. It’s recommended here all the time, but I think A Practical Wedding has an outline for a MOH speech. Good luck!

      2. I like the following format:
        1. Introduce yourself
        2. One flattering story about you and the bride
        3. One flattering story about the groom
        4. Well wishes for the bride and groom’s futures together

        1. I don’t think you have to talk about the groom if you don’t know him that well or don’t like him that much. I’ve been to lots of weddings where the MOH mostly talked about the bride and the best man mostly talked about the groom – because of course those are the people they know best. I never assumed there was any animosity behind the scenes. I agree that if you can’t wish the couple well and say how happy you are for both of them, then you shouldn’t be giving a toast. But I think you can basically omit step 3 on your outline and it will be fine.

    12. I had to do this for my sister’s first wedding to a guy I hated. I went with an Irish blessing (our family is very Irish), talked about my relationship with my sister, and kept it very short and sweet and otherwise generic. Thankfully the second time around I was able to do a heartfelt, sincere MOH speech.

    13. I had to give a speech like this at my sister’s wedding. It was very hard. Things you can say and mean:

      – X is marrying the person she loves most of all
      – X is marrying the person she wants to build her life with
      – I wish X and Y every happiness that marriage can bring
      – I’ll provide every support I can to X and her marriage

      Don’t talk about bumps in the road. No matter the phrasing or the tone you use, no one wants to hear about the friction points in their relationship, or field questions about it from clueless guests (Great Aunt Agnes: What bumps in the road was OP talking about?”), on their wedding day.

  4. I usually carry an OG (if traveling) or a Seville if I’m just going to work from home. When I go out at lunch, I just bring my phone which has my work ID badge and a credit card in a pocket on the back.

    I have a work trip coming up where I will be at a client site for two days in meetings. It’s fly-in, fly-out, which means that all counsel will usually have a wheelie bag in the corner of the meeting site.

    I feel weird using my overstuffed OG as a purse and want to just leave it attached by my wheelie bag (usually in my line of site; I would take it with me to lunch, but that will be catered in).

    I need something that I can keep with me that will hold: iPhone 8 (in Otterbox); clutch-style wallet (that iPhone won’t fit in); glasses (sadly now, new since last work trip); pen; pads & tampons b/c I have the bad luck to always be OTR while traveling (so add, too: advil); tissues.

    The good news: I’m not price-sensitive (so will either buy something pricey or if too pricey, will use for inspiration). Also: this is for a C-suite meeting in the midwest, so something like a LV Neverfull or similar will strike the wrong note (and I want something that won’t spill out and should not topple over; so a closure is a must).

    A large structured clutch might work (but nothing too pouch-like).

    I envy guys who will just wear suits that have jacket pockets that they can use for ephemera.

    1. I’d slim down the wallet. You can have stuff like your health insurance card in your wheelie bag. Have a little card holder like people put business cards in and put your license, a credit card and some cash. You don’t need a clutch sized wallet in this situation. Then you could have a clutch with everything else you mentioned in it. I actually got a plain green pleather one at Rite Aid of all places when I was traveling once and sick of lugging my purse around.

    2. So, you need a standard normal purse? You’re dramatically over complicating this.

      1. I don’t really think about purses, but I don’t go to important meetings. If I am near my desk, I use a little phone-wallet thing that is sort of post-collegiate. I can see how a bad purse choice (LeSportSac or something like a LV/Gucci logo item) would not reflect well on you.

      2. yes, get thee a smaller messenger/ pliage/ clutch (Club Monaco, Reiss and Henri bendel makes ones that I like). I know that I sometimes think that getting the perfect — will be my solution during a crazy schedule. try using something that you already have or get something practical that you can use again on weekends etc.

    3. When I travel like this I carry a zippered clutch (similar to the MZ wallace metro pouch, maybe a little smaller) that I keep in my OG. I have a few small things I usually need with me (small wallet, lipstick, compact, eyedrops, ID lanyard) so just a clutch wallet isn’t enough. And it keeps everything together within the OG for travel.

    4. I keep a Longchamp Le Pliage in dark puple crammed into one of the pockets of my wheelie bag for situations like this.

    5. Also, I trust that you know your client, but FWIW, in my meetings with female execs from the midwest, I’ve seen a decent number of LV Neverfuls and similar bags (as well as plenty of super-nice shoes). This tended to be financial services, though.

      1. I have seen that and yet they are hopping mad about the 1L pay raise at NYC firms, so I’m deliberately trying not to look spendy.

        I like the idea of the MZ Wallace bag — it is available in black leather on the site, but no solid black cloth colors. Anyone with the lighter gray colors have a sense of how truly stain resistant they are? I’d buy in leather, but feel that that would be so much heavier (and less cram-able).

        1. Here’s the thing though, do you want a LV bag? If so, get one and who cares if your client raises an eyebrow. They aren’t actually “your” client, and you are the one working the hours for the big salary. Don’t get in the habit of appeasing other people for appearances.

          1. 10-4, but I really don’t want one. Or a Goyard. If I ever had either, I’d likely wind up paying extra for some very noticeable stripes and/or monogramming, and I think that would render it boardroom not-acceptable (but very yacht acceptable). Actual yacht people would probably laugh.

            But no — I get the zippers on my LL Bean Boat & Tote bags, so not about to buy a spendy open tote. I am surrounded by a forcefield that tips bags over and makes stuff spill out.

    6. For an in and out meeting, I take only my Dagne Dover tote/laptop bag. It’s big enough to hold extras and my wallet is a clutch inside the bag. I can keep it near my feet without it looking weird, since it’s a laptop bag, and if I don’t feel comfortable leaving my stuff, I can also take it with me to lunch because it looks kind of purselike. Also fits under a plane seat. I used to carry an actual purse plus a bag, but after trying it out I found that I didn’t need all that “stuff” with me. I found that I really like the brand and the way the insides of their bags are organized, they have some nice smaller options.

      1. seconding Dagne Dover! I love my totes from them, and I’ve been eyeing the Andra crossbody — maybe a little big for what OP is looking for, though.

        1. I travel for 2-3 nights, every single week. I have a few little clutch/wristlets exactly for this reason. Most women on my team follow a similar format- rollaboard, work bag, and small clutch tucked into the work bag. When I was using a dagne dover legends tote on top of my rollaboard bag, I used the dd essentials clutch for my ID, lipstick, earbuds, tissues, etc. I’ve since switched back to my OMG and I’m using this nondescript little clutch by “Joy Susan” which holds a little less (glasses dont really fit) but is delightfully functional- especially in meetings like this one, airports, etc.

  5. I like how people are always b!tching about the posts being up late, but it’s 9:45 and there’s exactly one comment and nobody has responded to it…

    2. Agreed, but I was actually stuck in mod myself and it looks like a few others were too since several posts came in at once (above the later posts).

    3. it’s not “bitching” for the readers of this site to voice their opinion that they want post to appear earlier. the readers/posters/people who comment are the people who make up the community which allows Kat to get paid. We are integral to her business and are entitled to indicate a preference. She wouldn’t be making money without us.
      Also, comments get stuck in moderation.

  6. I need to up my summer wardrobe game. What are you all wearing in this brutal heat?

    1. following. I’ve been settling for old sleeveless dresses, but wish I had some in a performance-type, sweat-wicking material

    2. Old Navy jersey swing dresses. Wide-legged unlined linen pants. Excessive air conditioning.

      2. I have those Old Navy dresses in many colors/patterns, with sleeves (long and short) and without. They are awesome.

    3. I’m not a shorts/short dresses person.

      So GAP modern fit T-shirts, Nordstrom Halogen cotton ankle pants in a few colors, flats or strappy sandals.

      And a couple cool sleeveless maxi dresses.

    4. Mildly a-line skirt (look of pencil but with more breathability) + sleeveless tank + 3/4 sleeve cardigan from the Loft outlet. Rinse and repeat.

      1. Sleeveless sheath dresses. Cute pencil skirts and sleeveless tops from J. Crew outlet.

      2. Oh, thought it was about work. For weekends, linen dresses from Marshalls and TJ Maxx (they’re on their game this summer) – I have a bunch of them.

        1. I am looking for week-end summer clothes. Does anyone know of a good blog/website/instagram with nice classic & stylish weekend clothing (with a link to buy the clothes)? My summer weekend style needs an update. I was at the park yesterday with my 3 years old twin and realized that the short I was wearing was bought 10 years ago!

          1. Try un-fancy dot com. She hasn’t been posting much over the past year or so, but there are a couple of new posts up within the past week and the archives are also good. She manages to make very basic pieces look put-together. Her color palette does not work for me, but you can apply the same principles with a different palette.

    6. I am not having brutal summer heat but I posted the other day about how I decided to give black a rest for the summer. I have plenty of summer weight black but I’m sick of it. I have decided to go with lighter neutrals (I have skirts in Talbots seasonal wool heather gray, a skirt in what mm Lafleur used to call Russet, and pants in the Eileen Fisher color cobblestone) and pair these with beiges, rose pink and sage green. My coloring is cool toned and fair so these seem to work. It has made getting dressed a lot more fun. I just had to buy a couple of new tops (lucky brand is a great source for color). I also bought a top and skirt in mmlafleur Fig that seems to work with all of this.

      I also have a complete wardrobe of navy neutrals if I need to be more corporate/serious, but for now I’m mostly sticking with the summery lights.

    7. I am in the DC Metro area and it is going to be ungodly hot and humid over the next few…forever. Eek!

      Add to the fun, I’m interviewing so it’s suit, hose, and heels every time I go. I’m delighted my car has such awesome air conditioning and wondering again why I thought it would be intelligent to buy a black car in this area.

      That being said, I’m wearing lightweight suits, the lightest hose I can buy, and the thinnest (but professional) sleeveless shells under my jacket. I keep a bottle of Avene in my satchel to mist my face if I have to do any walking (i.e., from the Metro).

      Stay cool!

      1. I love this dress, thinking of buying it. How is the quality.

        I am also eyeing the merino wool cardigan too.

        Do they ever have sales?

  7. Bay Area ladies, if you saw a large two-bedroom, two-bath apartment for $2300 a month in a nice neighborhood in the East Bay that did not give off any sketchy vibes (from either the area or the landlord), you would jump on it, right? I think it’s an amazing deal, but I’m debating whether the increased commute time from 30 mins to 1 hour each way (BART) is going to be worth it. I think so?

    1. Only you can answer that question. Time vs. $$.

      It’s a great price for an apartment these days. If it’s a nice neighborhood too…. bonus! If you can use that commute time well and you work reasonable hours, then I’d say go for it.

      But when I was working in the city, my hours were insane and the most important thing for me was time so I lived very close to work because I had to for sanity.

      And is 1 hour the correct time, door to door? Sometimes I forget about the 5-15′ on either side of the train ride….

    2. Where do your friends live? Will this move mean you never get to socialize on the weekend?

    3. I would try to find the rent stabilization board for the community and look up your potential appartment. If they told me it’s rent controlled, that would give me peace of mind about the too-good-to-believe rent.

    4. Maybe. Not everywhere in the east bay is rent controlled so I’d make sure to get a lease and it would have to be a substantial savings off what you pay now to double your commute.

    7. OP here. We’d still be able to see friends since we’ll work where they live (although tbh, don’t have that many friends here anyway – just moved two years ago and it’s been a slow process). The new apartment is twice the size of our tiny current apartment for $100 less per month and has a number of conveniences we’d appreciate, like a dishwasher and a place to store bikes. I think the rent is likely to increase next year, but we’re probably going to move away within two years anyway so I can live with that.

      1. Check if there’s an AC Commuter bus near your new place. This might save some time, or will at least make your commute more pleasant.

    8. Make sure it’s not one of those “we’re in Africa as missionaries and are trying to find the right person who will wire us the money and we’ll mail you the key” ads. I saw a little cottage advertised on Craigslist, for a really low price in a neighborhood I knew well that supposedly had a pool –impossible on a 3,000 square foot lot. I emailed the landlord and got the spiel.

      1. Ohh good point. My friend’s relative fell for one of those. Coming in from out of state for cancer treatment at Stanford, looking for a sublease for a couple of months. Lost his money. Scammers suck.

    9. You should jump on it. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t get it. The application rate is so high, someone may have already put down a deposit.

  8. Not a troll. Not American.

    I don’t understand why the US isn’t deporting kids along with their parents. Regardless of what I (or others) may feel, every country has its immigration policy, fine, I get it.

    Deport the people who arrive illegally but why not deport the kids too along with them?
    What an I missing here? Can the Lawyers explain?

    1. No one here will be able to answer your question. Check out some op eds by major newspapers (just google newspaper + major city) for opinions. In general, this administration has done things in unprecedented ways to invoke strong reactions, so that may lead you to your answer

    2. It’s my understanding they will deport them all. It’s that they wont hold them together, as it is logistically less safe/more expensive to have kids mixed with adults and hold people like this for months to years.

      What an awful, crazy system.

      1. They are deporting parents without their kids. There are numerous reports of kids being left behind.

    3. I’m pretty sure that many of these kids will be deported along with their parents. The current crisis stems from the fact that the government is taking a zero tolerance approach to everyone who presents at the border illegally (and even some asylum seekers) and pursuing a criminal sanction. Previous administrations didn’t enforce such a widespread family separation policy. The adults are sent to detention facilities which don’t allow children. So they’ve had to increase holding facilities for the kids pending their parents moving through that criminal detention process. These juvenile holding facilities have been around for a while, but were previously used mostly for unaccompanied minors (read: teenagers).

      1. Yes, this is my understanding as well. It is a result of charging everyone criminally with illegal entry (even asylum seekers).

      2. this is correct. everyone found at the border is being charged with illegal entry, a misdemeanor (unless you have one conviction for it already, in which case it would be a felony). Most of the time they will get time served and be deported forthwith. But in the interim, they are getting separated from their kids.

    4. They will be deporting kids and parents. They are keeping them confined pending that separately.

      2. Lots of parents have been deported without their kids, because the govt can’t be bothered to do the legwork to reunite them. That is disgusting. I think I’m tougher on illegal immigration than most liberals but I don’t how you can deport an adult and keep their child in detention here in the US. They need to be deported together.

    5. The parents are being deported first because the parents are being convicted of a crime which speeds up their exportation.

      The Trump administration is charging all illegal entrants (even if they claim asylum) with criminal illegal entry. If convicted, the parents can be subject to expedited removal. The kids aren’t being charged with a crime, so they are being deported through the slower administrative immigration process.

      1. Does anyone know if there is a process to adopt children that arrived without parents?

        1. Some (from what I understand small number) unaccompanied minors are put into foster care in certain areas of the US. That would be the place to start. But I don’t know that many want to be adopted. The unaccompanied minors are teenagers, often not orphans, and many have family members in the US already.

      2. There have always been a number of unaccompanied minors and they are typically either sent to a family member in the US or kept in immigration detention facilities. What is happening now is a different situation.

        1. Once the parents and kids are separated, their cases are on separate tracks. Most of the parents’ cases are expedited because they are seeking asylum. Kids’ cases cannot be expedited because they are entitled to a full hearing process. And once they are separated, it is extremely difficult logistically to ever get them together again…. which is why previous administrations have kept families together throughout the process.

    7. This whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t understand inflicting this horror on a parent or child. Apparently the judges ordering the adults’ deportations are telling the adults “sorry that’s a different part of the government that has your kids”. Apparently, if things go right, the kids will be deported from the US to authorities in the country of origin. And supposedly the parents will magically know how to get their kids back in the country of origin. This is so inhumane. Mothers and small children paying the greatest price.

  9. Has anyone tried acupuncture for fertility-related issues? Any recommendations for providers in NYC?

    Early 30s, TTC for a year with no luck, have PCOS (though I have regular cycles and ovulate at least some of the time) and a high-stress job that I suspect impacts my ovulation/fertility.

    I’m also seeing an RE, but I’ve have had some delays starting treatment due to timing of husband’s tests. Would love to feel like I’m doing something in the meantime, and would also love to avoid invasive medical interventions if I’m able to. Acupuncture seems like a good option, but I have no idea where to start.

    2. I have. I enjoyed it. Still not pregnant though. First round of IVF didn’t work for us so acupuncture alone wouldn’t have been enough. That said, I’m glad I did it because I feel like it really helped keep my side effects down. It helped with spotting, cramping and other hormonal issues I was having. I really appreciate the reminder because my period will be here soon and I should go in for another appointment for my cramping.

      I didn’t go to a specialty fertility acupuncture place. I just went to community acupuncture which is a lot cheaper.

    3. Yea, I went to this guy in NY on my friend Bitsy’s recommendation but I couldn’t relax. YMMV.

    4. I went to Garden Acupuncture in Brooklyn for non-fertility reasons, but I know a lot of people in my neighborhood went to them for fertility reasons.

    5. I went to acupuncture leading up to and immediately after my first (and only) round of IVF. I found my provider through a friend who was able to get pregnant twice in her late 30s/early 40s and swore by the acupuncturist. Mine specialized in reproductive acupuncture I went to her 1-2x/wk leading up to my retrieval (during stims), and then again leading up to my FET and immediately after. I stopped once I was about 8 weeks pregnant (15 weeks now). Not sure if it actually helped, but I can’t say it hurt, so it might be worth a try. I agree with asking your RE’s office for recommendations to start with.

    6. I have PCOS and did acupuncture along with traditional fertility treatment 13 years ago when I was trying to get pregnant with my son. Tried for 2 years on our own, then went to Clomid. That was when I started the acupuncture. I got pregnant on my 6th Clomid cycle, first IUI. I was 28 at the time. Was it the acupuncture, probably not. But the acupuncture helped me relax, it felt good, I felt like I was doing everything I could to get pregnant and my insurance paid for it. So not much to lose. I would try it but keep your expectations reasonable. It’s not a magic bullet for everyone.

    7. Yes. I had mild PCOS which I treated with acupuncture/nutrition and lifestyle stuff (basically the plan from Flo Living) plus a little bit of medication. Had a couple miscarriages when we first started TTC, then did some intensive acupuncture and got pregnant and stayed pregnant. Could be coincidental but at minimum it made me feel a lot better about the whole process, which I think is certainly worth something.

  10. Recently started working on a venture full time and don’t have a standard salary. I’m looking for a new place and have noticed that most apartments require proof of income. How can I circumvent this?

    1. I wouldn’t. See if you can get a solvent parent to co-sign the lease with you.

      Otherwise, if you lie, it’s fraud. You don’t want that, right?

      And to quote my professor in law school: the fraud doesn’t have to be in the mail for it to be mail fraud. Ditto wire fraud. These are federal felonies.

      1. Or, judgy pants, you circumvent it legally and appropriately? Idk why you jump to fraud. OP- my landlord would also take bank records showing income and savings, a guarantor, or prepaying more rent upfront. They want to know you can afford it. Regular pay stubs are an easy default but if you are making money or have it saved there are other ways. That aren’t fraud at all.

        2. +1 Yup. This is what I did.

          Do you have some savings?

          OP – are you in a very competitive rental market? If so, I would probably get someone to co-sign if you can and bring them with you.

          If you are not in a competitive market, I bring copies of my bank statements that show my savings, and offer to pay a substantial chunk up front. I also have letters from prior landlords with me stating that I am a good tenant etc… Often they don’t ask me to pay a bunch up front, as having all of these things prepared makes me look pretty responsible.

        3. Circumvent is really not an ideal choice of word.

          It never appears in good situations.

          2. Really? How about circumventing a storm by taking a longer route? Often done by those driving cars, flying planes, etc. Not sure why this would be “bad.”

          3. I think that circumvent implies some deception.

            One goes around (circumnavigates?) the storm. One avoids traffic.

          4. Circumventing the law generally has negative connotations.

            What OP is asking for is an alternative way to show proof of income.

          5. Whether or not her word choice was ideal, the implication that she was looking into criminal activity was just wrong.

      2. Of course not. At no point in my message did I suggest that I was going to lie about my job or lack of standard salary.

          1. Your choice of “circumvent” may have been a poor one.

            Perhaps you meant “How can I address the LL’s concerns about my ability to pay the rent,” in which case, start with asking the LL if bank deposits, additional security, or a co-signer/guarantor would help.

            People rent to salespersons, realtors, and others with irregular or commission-based income.

    2. You show an offer letter or contract from the company, the last few invoices if you have them, and your bank account statements and hope for the best.

    3. Try to offer up the past few years’ tax returns as evidence of an “average income.”

    4. You will probably have to get a parent or spouse to co-sign, especially if you’re in a hot market like the Bay Area. I was in a similar situation and although I had an offer letter, bank accounts with many years worth of rent in them, W-2s from past years with high incomes, etc., I couldn’t get an apartment without my mom co-signing. I was 30 and had been financially independent for 12 years so it was a bit mortifying, but that’s unfortunately the reality of the Bay Area (and I assume other really hot markets).

    5. Does your offer letter show base + bonus potential by percentage? This could help. Can your job send you an average earnings figure for your position (i.e. for associates over last X yrs, income has been base + 30%, .05% of Company EBITA + z bonus, or whatever the structure is)?

    6. Thanks to those who provided useful suggestions. I should have phrased the post differently. The word “circumvent” has multiple definitions, and I had no idea that most people see it as a negative term.

      I made an honest question about how people rent apartments without standard income. I was not suggesting that I would lie, deceive, or engage in fraudulent activity.

      Won’t be posting here again. Not sure why we need to attack people we’ve never met and assume the worst of intentions.

      1. My husband is self-employed and we have to use tax returns to verify his income but this would have been very tricky in the early years.

      2. I’m sorry to hear you are so upset. Try to just push those comments aside. Lots of good advice here, and I think you will be fine using these tips.

        Please don’t leave the site. Your question was a good one and I’m sure helped others.

        And posting is a good exercise in toughening up a bit on your end. Maybe you learned a bit about how sensitive others can be too! That’s why some people “jump”. A bit too sensitive on both sides.

        And there are definitely posts on this board of people who are trying to circumvent (using the negative connotation) the law at times, and it is always entertaining to me to read the responses.

        Good luck with the move.

        1. Gentle reader: I remember the VMI case mentioned in the RBG movie. VMI’s position was what generally women can’t handle a verbally adversative environment. My position then (and now) as a W&L grad, is that some of us can definitely handle it. I’d rather be cooed over and praised, but life isn’t like that.

          Taking a bit of heat from internet strangers while remaining an internet stranger can be an oppty for growth (or just some learning — better get into the nuances of “circumvent” here than at work). Or perhaps just something to say fooey about and move on.

          And yes, some comments aren’t really about you/your question. They are against a backdrop of shady people asking questions to a board that has a large vocal contingent of lawyers. So those answers are more for them and the lurkers than you.

          1. +1000 for the opportunity to practice taking criticism! I’ve been working on it by posting, because I know that’s one of my weaknesses.
            But one of the helpful things about practicing anonymously is I can pick up with a fresh slate next time. So if you decide to keep posting, OP, no one is going to think of you as the one who was too sensitive before ;). Which I have taken advantage of many times here!

      3. Eh – the most common synonym of circumvent is “avoid”. I’m not in the least bit surprised by the reaction to the word, since the original question read like you were trying to avoid showing proof of income. A VERY generous reading gets you to “looking for an alternative to proof of income”, though some did get there.

    7. We ran into this issue when I was in law school and my husband was – at the time – a sole proprietor.

      Hot market – you will likely need a co-signer. We learned quickly that the property managers did not want to bother with us when there were ten potential renters with traditional applications.

      We then searched in the next suburb which was a pretty standard rental market market. Most landlords would a letter from your employer describing your income (which did not exist in our case.)

      Rather than paddle through the rental market aimlessly, we contacted a realtor who rented out properties that sat on the market for 12+ months. Ultimately we paid first and last months rent and provided our landlord with bank statements from our checking and savings accounts. It would have been a WHOLE lot easier to just show W-2’s but thus is life.

  11. This white silk blouse would look lovely until about 8:47 a.m. when I sloshed coffee on it.

    1. +1. It really does look pretty and I bet it feels so luxurious – but it wouldn’t take me long to ruin it.

    2. Right? Many years ago I had a lovely white silk blouse that got ruined when my two-year-old came running to greet me with his muddy hands!

  12. Has anyone done the research and can recommend a reputable organization where we can donate to assist the children being separated from their families? Looking for an org where as much of the donation is going to help these families, not in overhead.

    And aside from donating and calling Congress, what else can we do to help?

    1. Make sure everyone in your life knows that Trump could reverse this horrid, cruel policy with a phone call to DHS. Don’t let anyone believe the false narrative that “Democrats” or “Congress” are required to solve this. Call on your “pro-life” and “pro-family” friends, if you have any, to speak up and prove they mean what they claim.

      1. +1. This false narrative of “we are following the law” is horrid. This is a policy change. There is no law saying families must be separated. Many (most?) of these families sadly will ultimately end up deported. There is no reason to increase the trauma by taking children and toddlers away from parents.

        1. Here is the brief synopsis I have been using to explain the law to people:

          When someone comes here illegally, their deportation is usually handled as a civil matter. That means they remain in the community until their court date. Some people face criminal charges too but due to the burden on our court system, they usually reserve criminal charges to people that were trafficking others, smuggling drugs, or had illegally entered multiple times. It is true that parents cannot be incarcerated with their children. What is new, however, is treating all immigration violations as criminal. Further, the way asylum requests were treated in the past, one would only be prosecuted if they fraudulently sought asylum. This would occur after the request was denied. Now, in some instances, people are being arrested and criminally prosecuted when they seek asylum rather than after.

          1. It’s actually worse that this because they are also detaining and separating people who present themselves at the border and claim asylum. That is LEGAL under international treaties. They are treating LEGAL refugee claimants this way.

          3. As a means of discouraging those fleeing violence and/certain death from presenting themselves lawfully at the boarder, babes in arms, seeking asylum from doing so.

            But the stock market!!!

      2. OMG, yes! Blaming this on Democrats is one of those things that makes me feel like we are in some kind of alternate reality where up is down and left is really right and words don’t mean anything. I feel like I am going crazy.

        1. This is trump though. This is the Republican Party. This is the guy on my street with the trump stickers. You must have know it would come to this.

        2. I’m currently avoiding talking to my parents because I *know* they will tell me it’s all the fault of the Democrats. Both of them will still defend the internment of Japanese Americans and Indian boarding schools, so I shudder to think about what they will say about this stuff.

    2. I work at legal aid. We are far from the border, but we have been representing local unaccompanied minors with Special Immigrant Juvenile Status proceedings, which involve appearances in family court in addition to immigration. I assume that local legal aid orgs are assisting the families on the border as immigration is civil law. I would donate to them or volunteer with their pro bono projects if you’re local.

      1. ^ This! RAICES Texas has a bond fund to release detained families from jail pending trial, so your donation is going directly to aid. In addition, they have a fund to provide lawyers to all unaccompanied minors who are detained. DH and I are donating monthly until this nightmare is ended.

    5. What assistance do they need? They’re in detention centers. The two they’ve shown look well stocked – beds, bedding, game rooms etc. What do you want your money used for?

      1. Legal assistance. It is not uncommon for undocumented immigrants to go unrepresented in court.

      2. Getting the kids reunited with their parents. The detention centers aren’t stocked with their parents, which is the thing these kids need the most.

        1. And the caretakers aren’t allowed to touch the children except to feed or diaper change those who aren’t old enough to do that themselves. Can you imagine being a baby and having no idea where your parents went and sitting there crying and nobody is picking you and holding you and trying to comfort you? It’s just sickening. There’s a lot of medical evidence that when babies and toddlers cry for hours without any adult attempting to comfort them, the stress hormones produced do permanent damage to their brains (note that this is totally different than colicky infants who cry for hours but are comforted by their parents – that doesn’t do any damage).

          1. Pretty sure the caretakers are kind of busy bc don’t have time to be cuddling every child. At McAllen – the largest processing (not detentoon$ facility, there are 4 social workers and only they can change diapers, not ICE. Pretty sure hugging isn’t part of their job.

          2. The thought of these children being taken away from their parents in likely dramatic fashion, not knowing where they are, who they’re around, and no one offering any comfort…. I shudder at the thought.

            I don’t understand the deal about the caretakers not being able to touch or otherwise console the children. Can anyone enlighten me?

          3. I’m not blaming the caretakers. Whether there aren’t enough of them and they’re too busy or they’re told not to hug the babies isn’t the point. From a medical standpoint, infants NEED to be soothed when they cry. It literally does physical harm to an infant’s brain to leave them to cry for hours without any soothing.
            Fwiw the head of the American Academy of Pediatrics visited and said the caretakers were expressly prohibited from soothing, but the reason doesn’t really matter. Permanent damage is being done to these children. It’s not enough that they have formula and clean diapers.

          5. They are torturing the children to punish the parents. For seeking asylum and/or commiting misdemeanors. There are not two sides to this story.

      3. Are you kidding?

        They are literally keeping children in cages with no adult supervision and no toys/books and no idea of where their parents are or when they will seem them again “Inside an old warehouse in south Texas, hundreds of children wait away from their parents in a series of cages created by metal fencing. One cage had 20 children inside. Scattered about are bottles of water, bags of chips and large foil sheets intended to serve as blankets. […] officials at the facility scold a group of five-year-olds for playing around in their cage, telling them to settle down. There are no toys or books.” [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/jun/17/separation-border-children-cages-south-texas-warehouse-holding-facility]

        The parents and children each need legal assistance to find where their parents/children are as many are moved out of state including as far away as Michigan and they are not provided correct information about where their family members are.

        It is contrary to every single human rights and refugee treaty that the US has signed since the end of WWII. People are presenting themselves at the border to claim aslyum and being separated from their children. They have NOT entered illegally, they have followed the rules and claimed refugee status. International refugee protection treaties that have existed for decades and that were created in direct response to what happened in WW2 are being repudiated by this administration.

        And they will likely need medical attention for the traumitized children. The President of the American Academy of Pediatrics has spoken out about the inhumane policies which did not allow staff to comfort a 2 year old child: “the staff told her that federal regulations prevented them from touching or holding the child to soothe her” regarding this child “She couldn’t have been more than 2 years old,” Kraft says. “Just crying and pounding and having a huge, huge temper tantrum. This child was just screaming, and nobody could help her. And we know why she was crying. She didn’t have her mother. She didn’t have her parent who could soothe her and take care of her.” [ https://www.npr.org/2018/06/15/620254326/doctors-warn-about-dangers-of-child-separations%5D

        1. It’s so important to look around at your Republican friends. They voted for a president who thinks these people are animals.

          2. Did the prez say he’d do this? The Wall – sure? But family separation? How were voters to know? Some people have to vote their economic interests, not just ideals.

          3. My g-d how dense can you be?? He has literally said he is doing this to innocent babies and children (yes their parents may have done something wrong, but a newborn doesn’t choose to cross a border) as a negotiating tactic to get Democrats to fund his stupid border wall. OWN THE MF ALREADY.

          4. How were voters to know? SERIOUSLY? It was not some huge secret that Trump was a businessman who wasn’t as successful as he pretended, that he routinely screwed over people he did business with, that he routinely lied, that he cared nothing for people and would throw anybody under the bus, that he’s a narcissist egomaniac, that he grabs women by the private parts, that he was supremely unqualified for this position. This wasn’t some secret that we in the blue states were hiding from the people in the red states. But you know, hayseeds gotta hayseed, and the rest of us are stuck with it.

          5. “Have to vote their economic interests” ???? are you effing kidding me? The people who vote for Republicans because of their economic interests are the people LEAST in need of the government being on their side.

            And sorry, if you’re voting for these people because you want tax breaks, those ARE your ideals.

          6. They voted to give a cruel racist more power than any other human being on earth. How is this not somewhat forseeable?

          7. The “how were we to have known?!” people do not get a pass from me. He shown himself to be all the -ists around prior to the election, pandered to bigots, racists, misogynists, etc. and appealed to their basest instincts. Folks, many of them women, (never forget the 52%) voted for him anyway. Make America great again, and all that. Worried about emails and you bet on a lunatic. SMH

          9. Anonymous at 2:40 pm. You are a horrible, reprehensible person. I would offer to pray for you, but I don’t think it would help. Someday, your callous self-interest will come back to bite you – like maybe when you, or even better, a loved one gets incurable cancer and dies slowly in incredible pain. You deserve that for how you think and what you say. God have mercy on your soul.

          10. That’s really a sad value system to have, in my opinion.

            Is that what you will teach your children? That lying, supporting racists, harassing and abusing women is ok, as long as you make money?

            I hope you own up to it in real life, and let your family, co-workers, and friends know who you really are.

        2. Sorry but you can only seek asylum if you cross at a port of entry. When you cross anywhere besides a port as most of these people do, it IS illegal and parents can be jailed. Just because they weren’t previously, doesn’t mean this admin can’t require jail time and obviously kids can’t go with them. What you’re referring to is a border processing facility, their parents are in the same building — parents awaiting a prison assignment and kids awaiting a detention center – where they do get beds, meals, schools. Sure these aren’t great laws but they are legal. Liberals losing their minds scout illegals’ rights – but who cares about homeless Americans or foster kids right?? Someone on nbc asked this morning if the kids at the detention center have a menu or are just served. I’m sure in their villages they weren’t routinely getting chicken, a vegetable and a dessert — we now need them to have a menu of choices on the taxpayers dine??

          1. You make a great point. Sadly, I don’t think this administation cares about those unfortunate enough to be “illegals” or homeless or orphans.

          2. Yeah, well, it’s happening to those people too – the ones legally seeking asylum.

            And the illegal border crossing USED to be addressed through the civil courts, not the criminal courts.

            Us Liberals are actually worried about all those things – we have the ability to multitask that way. We just are more concerned with the inhumanity being needless visited upon these children. Because we care about them as humans first, citizens or not second.

          3. 1. ” you can only seek asylum if you cross at a port of entry” – they are applying policy of separation to those who are seeking asylum at legal ports of entry. That is a violation of international human rights treaties that the USA has been part of for decades.

            2. “Sure these aren’t great laws but they are legal.” No they are not. They are in violation of USA’s long standing treaties on international human rights. They are the kind of laws that 20 years ago the USA govt would have protested against as illegal if another country tried to do this.

            3. “we now need them to have a menu of choices on the taxpayers dine??” — Literally no one is suggesting this but honestly, is it the worst thing in the world if someone asks a kid who just lost their parents if they want chicken fingers or a PBJ ?

          4. What is with this whataboutism?

            You’re right let’s talk about the foster system and our homeless because discussing the current victims is less politically advantageous for you.

            Do you show up at cancer walks and tell people who lost loved ones that heart disease kills more people?

            This is your doing. You’re torturing these children. You get own it, you get sleep to with it at night, you get pray future generations will have more mercy and compassion for you than you ever had for others.

          5. 1. No they’re not. When people show up at a point of entry and it’s blocked or they’re told they can’t entire now, they walk 100 ft over and enter there — that is NOT a port, then they aren’t asylum eligible and they can be separated.

            2. Sorry I don’t think of “human rights” law as I do fed or state law.

            3. Not the worst thing in the world but you realize expanding ac menu costs money right? Taxpayer money? We’re wasting enough on these people, they can deal with dinner.

          6. Foster system, homeless etc matter bc some of us happen to realize that resources are limited. I’d like to see them NOT go to outsiders. I don’t get how people can care soooo much about outsiders who came illegally 11 seconds ago. It’s not like our country is perfect and no one needs the excess resources wasted on these people for years from ESL in schools to everything else.

          7. Hey Anonymous! Are you suggesting that Trump and his ilk all of a sudden care about homeless or poor Americans? LOL.

            (Clue: The Statue of Liberty is one of our great national symbols. We extend our welcoming arms to the teeming masses. That’s what we are, that’s what we do, and that’s what we did for you, unless you’re Native American. I guess in your part of yee-haw red-state Amurrica, they gloss over the Statue of Liberty and the history of immigration.)

          8. Our resources would be a lot less limited if people like president paid their fair share in taxes. Also, let’s not pretend that liberals are demanding needless cruelty at the border cease and the conservatives are demanding that the homeless be fed and the children be educated. Conservatives have been cutting services to poor folks to pay for tax breaks for rich folks for literally my entire life. They literally have whole schticks about why food stamps should be cut.

            Until America is perfect let’s torture people who come here seeking asylum? Not cool values.

          9. LOL, as if the crook-in-chief Donald Trump and his cronies give one single f*ck about foster kids or the homeless.

          10. 10:50 These are people fleeing war and gang violence back home. How we treat their deportation back, particularly the mothers and small children, is dependent on whether they know the details of how to correctly ask for asylum to comply with our laws? Wow, you are one cold heartless B.

        3. Have we yet met a trump voter who is NOT ok with this? I haven’t. Any out there?

          1. My Catholic relatives are apoplectic at it. It’s the first time they’ve actually been concerned by this administration — especially now that they have their SCOTUS justice seated.

          2. I don’t know any real Trump supporters who care about this. But I do know several people who reluctantly voted for him (mostly pro-life Catholics) who are very upset about this. It might deter them from voting Trump in 2020 but I doubt it will deter them from voting R in the midterms.

          3. That’s slightly encouraging. But I think they (Republicans) will ultimately be ok with this. They want to believe non-Americans are not people.

          4. I had a marketing meeting recently with a local business person. Everything was going great until right at the end. He made some comment being really happy about how things are going right now. Trying to assume good intentions, I assumed he meant the stock market (we had previously been discussing real estate) and I said something to the tune of “yeah, the market is doing pretty well.” He then said “I’m not sure I like the man, but I like the policies.” That’s when I realized he actually meant U.S. politics as a whole. I took a deep breath and said “we are on complete opposing ends of the spectrum here, I’m very liberal, so I suggest we just don’t discuss this.” I wasn’t in a position to be angering this person (my firm wants his business) but I just don’t get how this otherwise very nice man, who serves on non-profit boards of children’s agencies, donates tons of money to the homeless, can think everything is going well politically.

    6. Slate had a piece on this recently: slate . com/news-and-politics/2018/06/how-you-can-fight-family-separation-at-the-border . html

    7. Jeff Sessions is a particular monster here. Trump is the one okaying it, but Sessions is the one calling for it and probably gleefully viewing the images from detention centers. Both are an absolute disgrace to humanity.

      1. Agree. But aunt Edna and uncle joe and everyone else who voted for trump are responsible for putting them in power.

        1. Did Uncle Joe and Aunt Edna know this would happen? Was this a campaign promise? A Wall was but this? Could Joe and Edna have their own economic issues that they had to consider in 2016 rather than the issues of hypothetical foreign children who may come 2 years later?

        2. I just think trump’s racism was so apparent. The Central Park 5? The way he talked about Muslims. The way he talks about ms-13 as if all undocumented people are members. How could they be surprised about who this man is? How could we be surprised about who our family and friends are?

          I’m genuinely asking.

          1. I agree. Who did not see this coming? They are all complicit. You vote your values.

      2. Agreed about Jeff Sessions b/c he flatters himself that he’s moral. Despite everything else evil about him, Trump doesn’t pretend.

  13. I have an Ann Taylor dress from about five years ago that is my favorite. It is white, has gold buttons up the back, and has pleats in the front similar to the Masha dress from MM LaFleur. I haven’t tried the Masha – none in my size (12) online. I’d love some shopping help to find something similar in any color. The pleats in front hides my post-baby tummy beautifully, but it’s getting worn out.

  14. Looking for suggestions for places to visit in Europe. I’m currently working close to Paris, about 45 minutes by train (RER) away from the city. This will likely be a solo trip, single female late 30’s. It’s also my first time in Europe so far I have enjoyed exploring Paris when I get the chance. I will have a week off mid August, and would prefer places where it’s easy to get around without knowing the local language. Right now the only place I can think of is Amsterdam simply because I’ve always wanted to go. As a traveller I tend to like museums, places with good food, I don’t drink beer but appreciate good wine. Suggestions of places to go, places to stay (hopefully not too pricey) most welcome. Thank you!

    1. 100% of Western Europe is safe and easy to get around knowing only English! I’d make this decision based on weather personally.

      1. I know the English comment statement comes across as odd, but I speak some French and still there are times I have struggled to be understood in day to day situations when speaking to someone who doesnt speak any English. So I said it because I’m not sure how things would go if I was in a place where people spoke only Dutch or German!

        1. Those places don’t exist. People in Europe speak English, everywhere, plenty well enough for you to get by as a tourist for a week.

          1. Ehhhh…I was in Belgium for 10 days in April, and I ran into a couple of situations in Liege and Kortrijk (at the grocery store and at a laundromat, specifically) where I was interacting with someone who spoke very little English. I made my best attempts at French, they made their best attempts at English, we both gestured a lot, and it was fine. It was definitely the exception, but it does happen (especially if you’re in establishments that are not designed to cater to tourists).

        2. You just have to be a little patient and be thoughtful in your sentence structure. You can’t speak to a non-native speaker like you’re talking to an American. Don’t speak super fast and don’t use complicated sentences, lots of idiom, or double negatives.

          1. This. Speak in short clear sentence.

            Use “Hello, where is the Louvre?”

            Not “Hello, Can you help me? Do I need to turn right or left at the end of this street to get to the Louvre?”

            English is the language Europeans use with each other across countries. So when my German MIL visits Greece she speaks English because they don’t speak German and she doesn’t speak much Greek. But she had a hard time understanding me at first because DH just told me she knew English and I didn’t realize I had to speak more slowly in simple sentences. Once i did that, it was fine.

        3. It’s very hard to find a Dutch person who doesn’t speak English. Of course they would not have a native-speaker accent, but still.

        1. Off topic, but cbackson, you’re totally my travel guru. You always have the best travel advice! I love hearing about your trips.

          1. Aw. Thanks! Travel is basically my favorite thing in the world other than my dog and riding my bike, ha. (I can frequently combine riding my bike and travel…less so the dog and travel.)

      2. I just got back from Germany and Austria and loved it. Everybody speaks English and OMG it is so so so beautiful! And we ended our trip in Budapest, which is probably the coolest and most beautiful city I’ve ever seen.

        1. Budapest is the BEST. And people there understand that nobody else in the world ever learns Hungarian, so they are pretty used to getting by in English.

          1. HAHAHA so true! Although we did learn how to say “cheers” (or more closely, “to your health”) in Hungarian.

            Egészségére! (Roughly, eggy-sheggy-dreh!)

          2. Oh, and our guide (Melinda K on Tours By Locals — the best!) told us “Back in Soviet times we all had to study Russian.” “Oh, do you speak Russian?” we asked. “No,” she said. “Nobody took it seriously.”

    4. I think Amsterdam is a good instinct. The suggestion for Berlin is also a good one. Maybe somewhere in Scandinavia (although more expensive).

    5. London. Good museums, good food, easy to get to from Paris, everyone speaks in English. Although as others have noted you’ll be fine anywhere in Europe with only English.

    6. Amsterdam would be great!

      Just a note about August – I have a very limited understanding that there’s some week (or weeks?) in August that basically all of Europe is on vacation. I apparently had the misfortune to be in Rome during that week and it was absolutely mobbed – and yes I know Rome is always busy but even the local tour guides said this was the busiest/most miserable week of the year. I don’t know how you would figure out which week that is but maybe someone here will know? If you’re overlapping with that week, then pick somewhere big enough that things will still be open but not so touristy that it will be overrun.

      2. It’s not one week, it’s all of August. But usually the locals leave the cities and head to the beaches. Major Western Euro cities like Paris and Madrid actually tend to be empty in August because the locals are all gone. But that means lots of stuff will be closed, and the only people you’ll be interacting with will be fellow tourists. For that reason I would go somewhere in Eastern Europe, maybe Krakow or Budapest. The everyone-leave-in-August trend isn’t quite as big there.

    7. Amsterdam is super easy to navigate without knowing the language, and most of the locals you will encounter will know English anyway. Can also recommend Vienna. Milan, Florence, and Venice too.

    8. With google translate, there is nowhere where you need to know the local language. Learn a couple of phrases and make technology your friend. Besides, in Western Europe there are plenty of English speakers. And don’t limit yourself based on language – that’s part of the fun of travel and broadening your experiences.

    9. Geneva is lovely, you already speak the language, and there are plenty of day trips you could do from there (chocolate factory!) that would fill up a week.

      1. Meh, I used to live by Geneva, and it’s an expensive snooze, even if the surrounding areas are beautiful. There are so many other beautiful parts of Switzerland with more to do.

    10. So easy: Ireland! English, a quick flight from Paris. I walked around Dublin solo at night and felt as safe as I do at home.

      Further but surprisingly easy: Norway! Oslo and Bergen both have great museums and art, gorgeous outdoor adventures and stellar seafood (wine is v expensive though).

      Germany was a little harder, but totally manageable.

    11. Most of Europeans aged 15 – 45 will be able to speak some English (in fact, we usually learn 2 foreign languages in elementary schools apart from our mother tounge). Agree on using simple structure, speak slower, articulate properly, avoid idoms and you should be fine. Compliment locals on their English so that they feel more courageous using it again.
      Now for the trips.
      Avoid Prague, Barcelona, Lisabon, Venice and Rome in August – the tourist season is at its highest and you could be disappointed by he endless crowds everywhere.
      My recommendations:
      France – how about taking a TGV to Bordeaux and La Rochelle?
      Edinburgh – great food, beer, whisky, gin and amazing culture (they may even have theatre festival while you are there)
      Warsaw in Poland may be an unexpected choice – but food and beer is great, it is very safe, and the city is rich in history (art museums, history-themed museums). You can combine it with a visit to Auschwitz or to the Polish seaside or mountains close to Slovakia borders
      Austria – you can combine mountains/hiking in the Alps and Vienna
      Berlin – rich in history, nice food, good beer, not as packed with tourists and great local fashion labels
      Budapest is great but can be super hot in August, I would go now before it becomes another Prague
      Dubrovnik in Croatia is epic in summer
      Coppenhagen and Amsterdam are also great choices
      I know you asked about Europe only, but I would also recommend Kiev/Ukraine.

        1. Sure, I just assumed that the OP was asking about Europe = EU as I do not expect people to have visas for non EU countries at hand.

    12. Go to the Rheinland for wine! When I was in Cologne (some beautiful architecture, btw) we took a river cruise down the Rhein and it was really beautiful, though sadly I was not old enough to drink. :(

    13. All of the suggestions listed would be wonderful trips but I would also add Copenhagen. Walkable/bikable city, wonderful museums, food, and side trips out of the city.

  15. Summery casual dresses in lieu of shorts? I just don’t feel comfortable in shorts. I have large thighs and a small waist, so I have to take in the waist or wear a belt. Then, my shorts either ride up or look unflattering if they’re longer due to my figure.

    I wear dresses or suits to work every day, but I struggle to find a dressed down weekend look. For instance, I’d like something casual for the park but not beach wear. Suggestions?

    1. I posted above about linen dresses from TJ Maxx/Marshalls. I nabbed a few of these in different colors in May. I’m also a pear and just sized to fit my thighs, like I do with everything else.

      1. These + slipshorts are my summer uniform for all kinds of adventures: city cycling, hiking, music festivals, the park.

    7. I bought a lovely white floral dress from Target recently that I love to wear on weekends, both around the house or around town. It comes in black too.

      1. ON has several takes on this one this season, and they are fantastic. Fabric, print, fit, everything. I may purchase a lifetime supply of them for when they eventually wear out.

        1. I keep buying them because they keep marking them down to like $10-15… like how could I not?!

    9. Old Navy fit and flare styles. The swing dresses look like muumuus on me. Also check Athleisure/hiking apparel, like Athleta and Prana.

    10. Land’s end sleeveless fit & flare. I have about 5 of them in various colors. They have two different versions this year. The one with the waistband is the old style I have.

    11. I wear a knee length denim skirt in a pencil shape. It’s breezier than wearing jeans, and WAY more flattering on me than shorts are. The trick is to get one that fits you right – not a-line, not below the knee – so that you don’t look Juniper Creek.

      I have the same skirt in a khaki colored twill fabric and I wear it pretty often. Mine is Lauren Ralph Lauren Jeans brand, but I’ve seen similar at old navy and ll bean.

  16. I would go to Tuscany/Florence or to Barcelona: both place have good museums and amazing food. Like someone above mentioned:100% of Western Europe is safe and easy to get around knowing only English.

  17. Why are the kids not being deported at the border with their parents? Why is the US keeping the kids and sending their parents back? I don’t get it.

    I’m not American FYI

    1. I don’t think the parents are being immediately deported: they’re being arrested and taken away for legal proceedings to happen. The kids are too young to be arrested, so they’re being sent to temporary shelters.

      1. But even if the parents are only jailed for a few days/weeks, they’re not being reunited with the kids when they get out. That part I don’t really understand, except that the American govt is needlessly cruel. I could sort of understand detention centers for the kids while the parents do their jail time, but my understanding is that most of these adults are jailed for a very short amount of time but then are deported w/o the kids immediately afterwards.

        1. “that the American govt is needlessly cruel”

          This is exactly why it is happening. They think if they are cruel enough when people arrive then people will stop coming.

          It’s like the migrants who board rickety boats with their kids to get to Europe. You don’t get on a boat with your kid unless whatever you are fleeing is way worse than risking your life on those boats. It’s the same for people fleeing violence whether in Libya or Central America.

          1. Exactly. Let’s not forget what’s really at stake. Republicans want less of these people in the country, whatever it takes, because if they or their children become American citizens they won’t vote republican.

            Do we think k this will stop with “ illegals?” I don’t. Koramotsu is still good law kids.

    2. Bc the parents aren’t being deported. They’re being put in prison for illegal border crossing (jailing is legal but that law didn’t used to be enforced before) and bc kids can’t go to jail with them, they’re put in those detention centers until parents serve their prison term. I say don’t do this at border processing centers, do it at the actual border. Tell the fam if you want to proceed, you go to jail and little José goes to a center 50 miles away for months with no guarantee that we can match him to you later, if you don’t want to proceed, turn around here. Some will turn around, some will proceed fully knowing what will happen.

      1. It’s not legal if you do that at the border. If they are claiming refugee status at a border station, they are not illegal and cannot legally be separated from their kids.

      2. Not all of these people were crossing the border illegally. There were lots of them who showed up seeking asylum (which is a LEGAL method of entering the US), but were turned away and then when they were walking to a different point of entry, they were arrested.

      3. They are turning asylum seekers away at the border crossing because fear of a violent death is not enough for amnesty per sessions, trump.

    3. The current administration has implemented a zero tolerance policy, and anyone in the country illegally is being arrested. If your children are with you, US law does not allow them to be incarcerated with you in an adult detention center. So, after 48 hours, the children fall under the care of the Department of Health and Human Services, who houses them until they can find a relative in the US, a sponsor, or the child’s home country confirms the child is theirs and then the US deports the child. The child’s home country government then decides if the child is to be returned to the parent, not the US. The issue is the adult pleads guilty, the sentence is usually time served, and we deport the adult. The children are on a parallel track, which takes longer. The US must also try to validate that the child is with their custodial parent, isn’t being trafficked, etc.

      If you are in the US illegally, and then claim asylum when caught, you have broken the law. If you present yourself and your children at an appropriate entry port and ask for asylum, you are no separated.

      I believe this is very similar to what happens to a US citizen who breaks the law with their child present. You are separated from your child until your case is heard, or you make bail, etc. Your child is taken into care until a relative is located, or else they enter the social services system.

      1. Except you are not being allowed to claim asylum for fear of domestic or gang violence as of last week because the confederate monument serving as ag says so. And folks are being turned away from entry points then arrested for crossing the border in search of another.

        Also, you think this is what happens when you commit a misdemeanor in the us? Your children are taken screaming from your arms and held in large cages while you’re lied to about their whereabouts? Absolutely not.

        1. Correct, there are guidelines for asylum, and domestic or gang violence have never been included. The previous administration had been more flexible with the clause “membership of a particular social group” than the current administration.

          And actually, I do believe that if you commit a crime with your children present, and you are taken into custody, your children are taken away from you at that time.

          Entering the US illegally carries both criminal and civil penalties.

          These are facts. I refuse to let the media or the administration manipulate my emotions.

          1. the children of people charged with misdemeanors are not held in large cages while their parents await trial in this country. That seems to be a conservative talking point, so I think you’ve failed at not being manipulated by the media.

          2. The large cages were implemented during the Obama registration. I suggest they are preferable to a raft on the Rio Grande.

          3. Obama admin held unaccompanied minors in them while they worked to find family already in the us. Trump administration created unaccompanied minors by forcing separation at the border, resulting in many more kids in cages (also tent cities in Texas in June). You are justifing that forced separation through bizarre talking points promulgated by right wing media then claiming not to be influenced by media.

            We know. You want people to just die horribly with their children in whatever place their from rather than seek asylum in a country that for centuries has held itself out as a bastion of compassion freedom and the promise of a better life for such people. Because your taxes. But don’t pretend you’re not biased.

          4. Wow, well, go ahead and deny normal decent emotions. These are mothers whose lives were so bad they would carry their children through harsh climates without food/water, and vulnerable to all sorts of nasty people who would take advantage of them during the process. And you agree they should be given criminal charges and separated from their kids, never-mind that there’s no reasonable process to ever reunite them or keep them in contact in the interim? But, we’re the ones being manipulated by the media? no words.

    4. For those outside the US: It’s intentional to deter other immigrants. It’s ENTIRELY intentional in this regard. Listening to Trump/Sessions, they even admit it. Yes, technically reunion is possible after separation, but it’s so much of a bureaucratic nightmare, that no one can tell these parents/kids whether it will happen. Which is the point.

  18. Can anyone speak to how this would look on a bustier woman? That neckline is quite low, but I’m not sure if it is pulled downward for style or whatnot.

    1. Busty, and I’ve found Rebecca Taylor blouses to work well for work, although I cannot speak to this one in particular.

  19. Are save the date cards for a birthday party weird? I’m throwing a huge 70th birthday party for my mom at the end of January, and I was thinking of sending out save the date cards, because a lot of family will be coming from out of town, but I googled it, and according to multiple forums on The Knot, lots of people seem to think that it would be weird. What are the hive’s thoughts?

    1. It’s your family, so help them plan however you can. If I were going to need to add travel to my calendar in January, I’d want to know. So write letters to people, send them emails, call them up — or send a postcard.

      1. Yup. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a formal save the date card, but flagging it for family is a good idea! (This coming from a woman who just chatted with her MIL last night about who’s hosting Thanksgiving this year ha.)

    2. Send a save the date email. I think formal, mailed cards would be a little weird, but giving people a heads up about the date via email seems completely normal.

    3. I don’t know if you need save-the-date cards for a birthday party, it might be just as effective to send out a mass email telling people you’re planning a party for that weekend and want everyone to put it on their calendars, and you’ll send out more information (or official invites) when you lock down all the details.

      1. Yes, this. My cousins are throwing a surprise 80th birthday for my uncle this summer with a lot of out-of-town guests and they did exactly this so we could coordinate flights/hotels/etc in advance

    4. Yup. If I need to travel to a command performance family event, a note six months in advance would be a helpful heads up.

    5. For a 70th birthday party, I think some kind of heads up – email if that is feasible – would be wonderful and not weird at all.

    6. I don’t think it’s weird, though I would probably have an expectation that it’ll be a big party, and not just a gathering at someone’s house.

    7. I’m having a party for my big birthday in September and I sent out save the dates in March, partly because the party is out of town and people will need to make travel arrangements. So I’m Team Not Weird.

  20. If you live or lived in DC/Arlington, what’s your happy place? Anxiety is getting the best of me and I think I need a few hours of distraction, seeing something new etc. Given my lack of heat tolerance — indoors and preferably without massive crowds.

    1. This is kind of far from Arlington but my happy place is the Portrait Gallery Atrium. Its basically a cool greenhouse, great for reading/alone time and its quiet like 85% of the time. You can even buy a mini bottle of wine or a snack from the cafe.

    2. Do you have a car? My favorite weekend escape by far is St. Mary’s County, MD. Absolutely beautiful with parks, quaint little shops, a festival practically every weekend, and super friendly people. Because it’s right on the water, there’s always a cool breeze. If we *don’t* spend the weekend down there, I feel like I haven’t had a weekend – it’s that refreshing for us. Check out their tourism website if this sounds good to you.

      If you’re downtown and need something right this minute, I think the Renwick Gallery is rarely crowded.

      1. I want to visit St. Mary’s County. My ancestors founded the colony in 1634 and it’s on my bucket list.

    3. Live in Arlington and my happy place is running on the W&O trail, or the trail by Roosevelt Island.

    4. I do have a car but prefer something in/very near the city. That’ll optimize the chances I actually go this week. I feel like if plans have to be made for a weekend, I’ll just not bother.

      1. It’s late so you might not see this, but maybe going ice skating at Kettler Iceplex? It’s at the Ballston stop on the metro line – free A/C and while occasionally it gets crowded with kids, during the week it’s not bad.

        I also like the Potomac Yards movie theater – it’s not as crowded and it’s less expensive than seeing something in Chinatown or Georgetown.

        Maybe Dumbarton Oaks, Hillwood, or Tudor Place? Or the Arboretum? I always enjoyed running at the Arboretum but feel like you could very easily pack yourself a picnic lunch and bring a book and park yourself under a tree somewhere.

        I also like Del Ray – it feels like a small town main street but really isn’t all that far off the beaten path.

    5. The upstairs gallery at the Renwick. Hardly ever crowded.

      A friend has been raving about the float tanks at Synergy in Alexandria and I’m tempted to try it. Floating in a quiet dark room sounds pretty amazing.

      1. I had never heard of float tanks, but I am now really intrigued. Just found some tanks in my city!

    6. The Kennedy Center! Get a glass of wine and listen to one of the free millennium stage concerts–they’re amazing

  21. So I called my state Senator to ask him to support a Senate bill. I was told he was “monitoring what the House does closely.” That means he has no intention of supporting the Senate bill correct? Is there a legal/technical reason why a Senator would defer to a House bill? (All I know about this process comes from School House Rock)

    1. Was it a tax bill? The Constitution requires all tax bills to originate in the House (“of the people” and all that).

      Otherwise, it may be that the House is further along in the process than the Senate on that particular bill. Just because the Senate and House have the same bill, if it was originally the brain child of a House rep, generally that bill will go first.

      I can give you a bit more insight if you tell me which bill it was.

        1. The reason the Senator is deferring to the House is because they’ve been trying to move immigration for weeks (well, technically, months) – you’ve got the ultra-conservative freedom caucus members who seem to forget that their British/European ancestors were immigrants, too, and you’ve got the moderates who are trying to make something happen. Last week after a near-uprising by the moderates trying to team up with Dems and force a vote on immigration, Paul Ryan said the House would vote this week on immigration. Don’t hold your breath, though.

          1. One member of the “Freedom Caucus” (I HATE that bogus name) is the child of a Cuban immigrant!!

      1. I figured as much. I just wanted to have my facts lined up before calling back and calling him out on it.

    3. Dunno – Doesn’t want to spend political capital supporting a bill on his side if it’s not going anywhere on the House side? Wants to see what the House passes (terms of the bill) to see if it’s worth supporting the same language on the Senate side so there is less need for reconciliation?

    4. Or it could mean the intern answering the phone was confused. I wouldn’t read anything into anything you’re told over the phone.

      1. +10000.

        They get talking points, but it’s just the beginning of intern season, so it’s very possible you were speaking to a 19 year old who is one or two weeks into their first professional internship, who is possibly working a second job just to have enough to eat, and who had already spent 3 hours being screamed at on the phone that day. So I wouldn’t put too much stock into any info you get from that source.

        That said, it’s super important to keep calling!! Most offices do take notice of the call volume on big issues.

  22. Can I whine for just a second?

    I’m 47, had a 20 year gap to raise four kids, just recently getting back into the work market. I’m an Executive Assistant, and a damned good one if I say so myself. I’ve gone over my resume carefully, set up my LinkedIn profile, done all the things you’re supposed to do.

    I landed one short term contract job (maternity leave backfill) and my bosses were over the moon at how good I was at my job – not to brag, honestly. The VP that I worked for tried to move heaven and earth to get me hired there full time, but HR slapped him down.

    I’ve been looking for six weeks and it feels like an eternity. I’m networking as best I can (and I have a lot of VP, EVP, SVP, CTO, etc. contacts because of the nature of my last short term position), applying everywhere I can, and I’ve netted exactly four in-person interviews. I’ve been ghosted more times than I can count, had recruiters set up a phone screen and never call and then ignore my return call/email requesting a reschedule. I’ve had to look at ATS online to see that I’ve been passed over – not even an automated rejection email after a phone interview or in-person interview.

    I’m friendly, competent, have no problem explaining the gap, up-to-date on technology, you name it. I tap dance my butt off in these interviews and still…

    I know that it’s difficult landing a job cold, even if it’s been advertised. One job that would have been absolutely awesome…I made it through the application, phone screen, interview with recruiter, interview with the other two EAs, interview with the SVP I would have been working for…only to get a blowoff email telling me they’d selected an employee referral over me. Thanks, I guess? I was also told in two other interviews that I’d made it to the final cut, only to be passed over for someone else. I know it could be salary, age, fit, almost anything but it still stings.

    I’m not really looking for advice, I know how all this works. It’s just hard to not take it personally sometimes. Thanks for letting me vent.

    1. You haven’t worked in 20 years. You’ve been looking for 6 weeks. You’ve had 4 interviews. Hate to break it to you but this is actually going extraordinarily well so far. You’re in for a long ride if you’re already this worked up about it.

      1. Thanks, Anonymous. I seriously needed that kick upside the head.

        I don’t mean that in a snarky way – I needed to hear someone go HEY RELAX THIS IS ACTUALLY GOING PRETTY WELL.

        The Husband, who has a ton of experience in his line of work and is well-regarded, told me last night, “The last time I looked for a job, I was looking for SIX MONTHS and got TWO INTERVIEWS. You’re batting a thousand, stahp!”

        So thank you.

      3. +1

        Totally agree with this.

        Keep pounding the pavement. Give it time. Have lunch/connect with EVERYONE you know.

        You will get something good. I can feel it.

        1. <3 thank you so much. I needed to whine, then get spanked upside the head, and now I'm feeling optimistic again.

          This funk is uncharacteristic for me – one of the selling points for my job abilities is I don't get stressed, I don't flip out, I don't lose my temper, and I don't get flustered. 20 years with four children will teach you methods of patience that you wouldn't even imagine were possible.

          Thank you so much again for giving me that reality smack!

          1. Oh, please. “20 years with 4 children will teach you methods of patience”? Blech. There’s nothing special or magical about being a parent in terms of how it shapes your personality (and I’m a parent of young adults). There are patient people and impatient people. There are organized people and disorganized people. Etc. You were a SAHM, great, but don’t act like it was anything special.

          2. Would you pop over to the moms’ s*te and share those methods of patience? *only sorta kidding*

          3. LaurenB is right. I would avoid saying things like that in your interviews, OP.

          4. It’s unfortunate that my phrasing resonated so poorly with you, LaurenB. Let me put it this way – having kids has taught me – personally, in case that’s not clear – to not be reactionary and rude when people say or do things that I don’t like. Better?

            And of course I don’t tout being a SAHM mom as a reason for having patience. It’s something I said in passing here, on Corporette, which is a relatively safe space for saying such things, no?

          6. L, it’s not even anything special. More a case of “Is this going to piss me off or freak me out in five minutes/ an hour / a day / a week?”

            If the answer is no, I don’t get pissed off (or flipped out or whatever). It’s literally a decision to not get wound up – or maybe I should say “visibly wound up”. Inside, I might be SCREAMING but you’d never know it by looking at me. Anything past a week, by the way, is one of those things where you have to step back and see if you’re going to make a stink. Someone breaks my iPad? Well, I’m extremely unhappy about it but I’m not going to shout. Somebody takes a screwdriver to all four of the tires on my new car? Yes, that is a situation that warrants some extreme emotion.

            By the time I’m done fixing the problem, unpacking the insult, or dealing with whatever it is, it’s not as upsetting as when it first happened (obviously there’s exceptions).

            Eventually, if you fake it enough, you get to the point where darn near nothing gets you upset – short of earthquakes or car crashes or whatever.

            I kinda look at it like this – if I’m freaking out, screaming, crying, or having a fit, then I’m wasting energy and brain cycles that could be going into fixing the problem or dealing with the issue.

            I know it sounds very lofty and Zen but it’s basically just deciding to not freak out.

            I do hope you were being serious and not sarcastic. I suck at determining tone on the internet (which I’m also not going to get upset about). :P

    2. I forgot to add – I’m in the DC metro area and there are tons, tons, TONS of EA jobs here, but the dreaded Clearance Creep* makes it very difficult to even apply for jobs. I’d hazard a guess roughly 75% of the positions I’ve looked at require at least a Secret clearance, and since you cannot obtain a clearance on your own and companies are reluctant to sponsor them…

      It’s a lot like positions that will only hire you if you have experience – but no one will hire you if you don’t have experience (think: PMP certified with no project management experience, good luck with that!)

      *Clearance Creep – some organizations require the person to have the clearance, some organizations require the facility have the clearance which means anyone IN the facility must be cleared to get in and out. I recently, out of idle curiosity, checked out a janitor position for one of the “Big Four” government contractors in this area and…yep! The position required a TS/SCI clearance (which is a pretty high clearance) and paid $12.00/hour. Absolutely amazing.

      1. Hey, um, actually, my firm downtown is looking for an EA. Want to post your email and I’ll send you the listing? (We’re so small that I don’t want to name us on here.)

        1. I would very much appreciate!

          email is kat dot sitlington at gmail dot com

          Thank you!

        2. Received and thank you!

          Within 30 seconds of that email, I also got an email from a recruiter at one of the big government contractors asking to call later this afternoon. This is the contractor where I made it to the final cut and they went with someone else – there is another EA position in a different department. I bit the bullet and reached out to her, asking if there was any way I’d have a “leg up” on the competition since I’ve already gone through the preliminaries.

          Fingers crossed for both and thank you again!

    3. I am also an EA. I was looking last summer. I had the same types of experiences you are having. I don’t have a resume gap, have great experience, references, etc., and it was the same story. I think that’s just how it is, not necessarily a reflection on your or your time off raising kids. I did find a new job, and it didn’t take longer than I was hoping it would, but the process was irritating. In your case I think temping is valuable, as it will give you demonstrated current experience, even if it doesn’t lead directly to being hired.

      1. Good to know, thanks for the reply. I think ATS is one of those things everyone has to suffer through, like it or not. I keep getting told “FIND A JOB THROUGH NETWORKING”. Welp, yes, I’m trying but there’s only so much imposition on business contacts that can be applied before they get annoyed, and I don’t want to presume!

        Onward and upward. I was having a bit of a pity party this morning (on Friday and over the weekend, I had a record-breaking NINE rejections, one of which was a face-to-face) but I think I’m over it. :)

    4. I am looking as well. Yesterday I applied to a very very large organization. It asked about citizenship and then asked something like “what year did you obtain citizenship or residency”. There was a ? button next to it for help and it said to enter the year of birth or year you obtained residency. I put a fake year (let’s say AD) and I hope I am not rejected, but really! Yes I saw that it’s legal to ask this but it was just an admin role.

      1. I’m finding, without exception, that every.single.job I apply to wants to know if I have the ability to work for any employer in the US and if I require any kind of sponsorship ever in the future. A lot of them are government contracting jobs that required US citizenship, so I get that, but some of them are more nebulous.

      2. At my old job, you wouldn’t even be allowed in the building if you were a foreign national. Sometimes it’s necessary to ask up front.

        1. My last position was the same. On the day of my interview, I had to provide my birth certificate or passport to prove I was a US-born citizen. Nowadays, I just bring it along in a folder with my extra resumes and references…just in case!

  23. I saw an ex-boyfriend for the first time over the weekend since we broke up a year ago. It was the most painful break-up I’ve ever had. When I saw him, I was reminded of all the things about our relationship that didn’t work but also of how much I cared about him. There’s not point to this and I know in a few days I’ll be feeling better but today I feel very blah and work is not busy enough this week to keep my mind off it.

    1. Hey I’m really hurting over an ex today too. Solidarity. Some days are just not good. Even though I know I’ll get through this.

  24. Bra recommendations?

    I can no longer pretend that my favorite bra is still wearable. The elastic is so worn out I can slip it off without even unfastening it. It was the Chantelle C Magnifique Sweetheart T-shirt bra, which was perfect because it dipped low enough in the front and on the sides to wear with a surprising number of tops, had a wide, 3-hook back, non-slip straps, created a fantastic, rounded, lifted shape, and didn’t have a ton of give in the cups so that it sagged after a few washes. Of course, it was discontinued.

    Anyone have recommendations for a replacement like that? In a 36E/F? Most t-shirt bras have squishy memory foam cups that are very comfortable but honestly not supportive at all. The rest of my bras are supportive lace or has seams, which shows under a t-shirt.

    1. 34D, but I like Natori for most of the reasons you’ve listed above. Mine are 2 hooks not 3 though.

        1. 36G in Natori and I definitely recommend their jacquard bras as my go-to t-shirt bra. If you’re looking for a little more hoist, Panache and Freya are great too, but often more structured than t-shirt.

          1. So it sounds like the “T-Shirt” in the Chantelle bra I loved was a red herring, and in fact, most t-shirt bras are exactly what I don’t want.

    5. Have you been down the a bra that fits rabbit hole on redd1t? I’d start there. Now that I buy well fitting bras, I don’t buy the foam kind. I have a set of silicon n1ppies for coverage. My personal favorite bra is the Elomi
      Morgan.

    7. I just found bras that I liked and wear them with nip covers… if that’s the main reason you’re looking for a t-shirt bra, wacoal has a lot of sizes for smooth cups that aren’t lined.

      1. No, I’m looking for something that doesn’t show the lace or seaming pattern under shirts, and where the top edge lies flat and smooth. Nips are just a fact of life, I’m not worried about anyone figuring out I have them!

    8. I’ve recently gotten Freya and Fantasie t-shirt bras that are both supportive and smooth (32H here). I found Herroom customer service super helpful in finding the right fit among a lot of options. Their info on the site will tell you whether it has 2 or 3 hooks, usually depends on the size — the fitter’s notes are quite detailed on each bra, but I highly recommend calling or chatting with them. I have the Freya Idol and Deco plunge, and the Fantasie Rebecca but I think I have another Fantasie T-shirt one also.

  25. Has anyone ever “boomeranged” to a law firm, i.e. left the law firm on good terms for another firm, and then returned? How did it go? Is it a terrible idea?

    1. Depends what you want…. I know a few people who did this at my old firm, and many of them have stayed put at the firm after returning. As far as I know, they are all in “permanent associate” positions, so you may have to be willing to accept that.

    2. Yes, I’ve done it along with several other people at my firm. One has made partner and I should hopefully make partner this year. It’s worked out well for me.

    3. I’ve seen it happen at my firm. It’s not a terrible thing necessarily, but it depends a lot on what you did in the meantime. Clerkship or in-house stint? You’re probably good. Another firm? It’s very difficult and you have to have a really good explanation. Though I’ve even seen that done really successfully in one situation.

    4. I did this years ago. I was gone for less than 6 months, so I was able to be restaffed on many of the same cases and had little ramp-up time. It has gone very well – I was really unhappy at my new firm, and people at the old/current firm didn’t seem to have any hesitations about working with me again when I returned.

        1. Thanks! How did you explain why you wanted to return to the firm? What size was the firm?

          -the OP

          1. I explained I was interested in coming back because the new firm wasn’t working out, mainly because there was not enough work in my practice group area. (The work environment was also toxic, but I didn’t mention that.) At risk of outing myself, I switched to a new firm because my old firm did not have an office in the city where I moved, and everyone knew that was the really the only reason I left.

    5. Yep. It worked out very well for me, but I’m sure whether it works out well depends entirely on your specific factual situation. There was a bit of weirdness with some of the associates, but not to my detriment. My partners adore me, and I’m still on partner track. I was irritated that I didn’t get year credit for the time I was gone, but I understand why based on my situation. I basically forget I ever left at this point.

    6. I did it; It’s going well. And I picked my fav people to come back and work for. But sometimes I have those dejavu moments and think “omg, I got outta here once, why in the heck did I come back?”

  26. What’s your favorite midday pick me up? This morning has been rough and the afternoon is not looking much better so I want to do something during my lunch hour that will lift my spirits, but my usual ideas are feeling kind of blah.

    2. A gel manicure. I add a pedi if I have time. I keep some flip flops at my desk just in case I get an unexpected pedi.

    3. Take out sushi!

      Walk to go get it! A little sunshine lifts the spirits, as does a brisk walk.

      Sit outside and eat it.

      Breathe…

    4. I get lunch and go to a parking lot and park under a tree, and listen to Joel Osteen or Jennifer Fulwiler on the Catholic Channel.

  27. Gardening…nothing like a “nooner” to put the bounce back in your flounce…

  28. I have PCOS and have had baby hairs around my hairline (esp the front) for years. They were a couple-few inches long and were like this since a while after I had changed my diet and gone on bcp/200 mg Spiro. It was like being on the drugs made them that way. I don’t recall any fallout there previous to the drugs, and I now have learned the bcp had a progestin with “moderate androgen activity”. Well now the front hairs are not really growing at all…they are less than an inch and when the sun shines on my hairline it looks like my hairline is receding there. I recently had a derm look at my temples and she said I should use minoxidil for androgenic alopecia, but I feel like I have more than that going on due to the thinning at the very front and center of my head. I’m going to a hair loss clinic on Friday for this, but I’d like to know if anyone here has any experience with this. I know this post sounds crazy, but I am just trying to keep it together emotionally and it is hard to organize my thoughts in that state.

  29. Will repost latter, but does anyone have any ideas for a high school graduation gift for someone who plans to take a gap year and might not do college right away after that? This is a pretty introverted boy who’s had some mental health challenges this year that are delaying college. He’s been a high school athlete but I don’t know that he’s otherwise atheltic. He’ll be living at home for time being so no need for house set-up gifts. $50 budget.

  30. Follow up to HS graduation gift question – is $50 enough? I don’t know the kid in question terribly well, but his mother is one of my closest friends. HCOL area but not an extravagant gift giver generally. ($50 max for family Christmas/birthday gifts, for instance).

    1. Yes that is fine. My kids would be thrilled to get $50 from a friend of their mom’s.

    2. $50 strikes me as plenty generous. It was over a decade now, but I mostly got $25 (in either cash or a gift card) from family friends when I graduated high school.

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