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I found these bags while perusing Saks' website, and kind of love them — they are insulated lunch totes!! If you're the kind of person who carries the bare minimum with her (e.g., phone, lip gloss, and a credit card or two), then this bag might be amazing because it's such a sleek and sophisticated look to a lunch tote.
The bag is lizard-embossed vegan leather; at size 12Wx10.5Hx7.25D it can fit a fair amount of food containers!
The bag is $189 at Saks — the same brand has a ton of options both larger and smaller.
(Want something similar but for less? Amazon seller Artelaris has some for under $40.)
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Psst: hunting for stylish office lunch containers that are also eco-friendly? Some of our favorites (Sistema containers, Thermos food jars, and this classic bento) are pictured below — also check for cute lunch bags from Modern Picnic, Artelaris, Kate Spade, and Built NY! (If you're working from home, we love glass containers from Snapware and Anchor Hocking.)
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- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Moose
When I buy Rx glasses for myself, I tend to feel that it looks odd if my eyebrows are covered by the frame. Do y’all feel the same about glasses fit? I have very little “eye space” from eyeball to eyebrow so this rule really limits me when it come to frame styles. I know plenty of people wear frames that cover eyebrows and I don’t notice or dislike it if them…but maybe it’s just my face? Curious what you all do with glasses fit.
Cat
nesting fail below!
Glasses go between eyes and brows, for sure. I have learned that based on my ear position relative to my eyes, I need a glasses style where (1) the arms connect a little bit down the frame, not at the top corner (if so, they will 100% sit too low), and (2) has a dip in the middle at the bridge, rather than being straight across – if straight across, we’re in Frida Kahlo territory.
Sybil
I definitely prefer and look better when the top of my glasses are close to my eyebrows. I think it can just be personal preference/face shape.
Anon
Same. I like a larger Warby Parker type frame for my round face and there’s no way I could get one much below my eyebrows. And if I look carefully, I notice that one eyebrow is more above the frame than the other, so I’ve decided not to look carefully.
My eyebrows are sisters, not twins.
Anonymous
I wear frames that cover my eyebrows, and follow the eyebrow line. This works well with frames that are as dark and thick or more so than my brows.
Anonymous
I think glasses look best if they track my eyebrow line. I think it would look odd to have them sit below the eyebrow.
Cat
Glasses go between eyes and brows, for sure. I have learned that based on my ear position relative to my eyes, I need a glasses style where (1) the arms connect a little bit down the frame, not at the top corner (if so, they will 100% sit too low), and (2) has a dip in the middle at the bridge, rather than being straight across – if straight across, we’re in Frida Kahlo territory.
Anon
Let’s do a secrets thread! Post your deepest, darkest secrets, or anything you want to vent about here!
Anon
I fantasize about my yoga instructor constantly even though I’m married…
Anonymous
I’m crushing hard on a coworker
Anon
I wish I could shake my mother and get her to acquire some common sense. There’s “let people make their own mistakes” and “there is such a level of clueless going on here that it is going to impact your ability to have a roof over your head.”
The worst of it is, the more reality tries to teach her a lesson, the more she digs in her heels and becomes arrogant. It’s awful to watch and I’m the only child of an only child so I’m going to be picking up those pieces.
Anon
Why not just let it fall apart? But with hard boundaries?
Anon
She’s about to lose the paid-off house she was bequeathed and there’s no coming back from that loss. It is literally her only asset and she’s too stupid to pay the taxes.
Anon
It’s a lot easier to cut your parents off in theory than in practice, especially if you cutting them off means they’ll literally be homeless.
Anon
does she have dementia? it shows up small ways
Anon
No… she’s always been like this.
Anon
I had a huge crush on my best guy friend when we first met even though we’re both married. That was five years ago and whoops, still fantasize about him regularly.
Sigh
I’m a FTM to an 8 month old and I hate motherhood.
Anon
My heart goes out to you. Those feelings are normal. This early years can be really rough (okay sucks big time), and a lot of people simply aren’t cut out for infants. If the feelings persist, please reach out for help.
Fair warning: you’re about six months away from endless smug and cutesy questions about “when is #2 coming along?” I love my son and love being a mom; having a second is out of the question for deeply personal reasons (very high risk of postpartum psychosis and pregnancy #1 almost broke my marriage), so getting coworkers and acquaintances to shut their bleeping faces was an emotionally draining dance.
Anon
+1 My circumstances are different than yours and I mostly wanted to be one and done (health issues were a factor, but not the only one) but the criticism and judgment about not giving my child a sibling still strung. I can only imagine how much it hurts if you’re struggling with fertility or had the decision made for you by serious health issues. I’m also an only child myself, so it makes it extra weird when people word vomit about how terrible only children are.
Anon
My very closest friends in the world run the gamut from only children to one of four. They are all great people. I also know some people whose parents are lovely but siblings are, not to put too fine a point on it, dumpster fires.
Anon
Being a new mom is sooooo hard. I also hated many moments and really struggled at the beginning. If you haven’t already please confide in your doctor and make sure you’re getting help
Anon
Has anyone here failed the bar and has not retaken it? I barely graduated law school and failed the bar 12 years ago. Just didn’t understand the law, was not good at memorization and couldn’t complete essay exams in in time. I don’t practice law, obviously, but my friends and extended family think I have a law license that I choose not to use
Anon
Didn’t fail the bar, but I left legal practice after less than 5 years and while I’m sure my mental health is better now than it would be if I were working at a firm, I feel a lot of shame about my wasted degree and the fact that I’m nowhere near living up to my academic potential.
Anon
I practiced for 4 years and hated it! I left law and a good portion of my colleagues are non practicing attorneys.
anon
I love my DH but lately, I’ve been fantasizing about living alone. Not divorcing. Just, separate houses connected with a breezeway so I can do my thing in peace. IDK what is wrong with me.
Anon
I feel like this is the kind of thing people often do when they can afford to, so maybe nothing is wrong with you!
Lutheran wool socks
my husband and I would definitely love to live each in our wing of the castle
Anon
I fantasise about having my own bedroom, where no one is snoring (except me) or moving the covers or letting the dogs jump on the bed at 5am.
Anon
Or pulling the blanket. I’m with you.
Anonymous
Nothing is wrong with you. Especially if you are both WFH, it’s natural to need some time apart. Sleeping in separate rooms has done wonders for my marriage.
Anne-on
I swear if we had all the money in the world I’d have a separate bedroom/bathroom/closet. I love my husband but he is a terrible sleeper, wakes up earlier than I do (and inevitably wakes me up) and a blanket hog. I’m sure he is equally annoyed by my hair drifts on the bathroom floor, accent pillows on the bed, and my cold feet in the night.
Anonymous
This is my ideal version of a marriage. But it also may explain why I’ve never married. I feel like separate bedroom suites is a baseline for me.
Anon
I would be so happy with just separate bathrooms!
Seventh Sister
Same, but I don’t think it would work very well because the d*mn kids would be over all the time asking me stuff. I nearly started screaming in frustration when he walked into the living room for what seemed like the 20th time in an hour, noticed I was watching a TV show, and had some snarky comment about me and zombie movies. Buddy, you’re watching the West Wing for the 200th time, you are in no position to judge anyone’s taste in media. He’s also a total black cloud of grumpiness and the idea of retiring fills me with dread. I can’t spend the last decades of my life having someone watch me read a book.
Anonymous
Then divorce him now and be happy
Seventh Sister
Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
Anon
We basically have this…we don’t literally own two houses, but our house is large and we have separate bedrooms, bathrooms, closets and home offices at separate ends of the house. (We aren’t mega wealthy but we live in a very LCOL area where you can buy an obscenely large house for like $300k.) I liked it a lot in the beginning, but now I’m starting to feel lonely. I think we were more connected when we lived in a small space. Maybe the grass is always greener.
Vicky Austin
I feel like I don’t have what it takes to get better at my job, including the desire to. Also, I can feel that this job is making my anxiety worse than what my Zoloft dose can handle, and I’m not sure if I can increase it while I’m pregnant/planning to breastfeed.
Anon
I completely relate to this, Vicky. Been having very similar feelings lately. Hang in there!
Vicky Austin
Thank you! Good thoughts to you!
Anon
You can increase the dose while pregnant or breastfeeding. Lots of women do. Talk to your doctor!
Vicky Austin
I’ll bring it up next time. Thank you so much!
Anon
I daydream everyday about finding a new job. But my husbands continued lack of fulfillment and job hopping makes me feel like I need to stay in the same job/company for stability.
Anon
Same first sentence, but sort of opposite reason. My husband’s job means we can’t move because he loves his job, earns more than enough to comfortably support me and the kids and has as-good-as-it-gets job security (tenured prof). But it keeps us in the middle of nowhere with very limited opportunities for me and I so wish I could find something that would use my skills and challenge me intellectually (and pay me more, lol).
For me it’s hardly a secret though. Yesterday at a dinner party my 4 year old announced unprompted “My mommy hates her job! My daddy loves his job!”
Anon
Hopefully your kid’s announcement will prompt someone to offer or tell you about something amazing you can do! That’s funny.
Anon
In a very similar boat, right down to the tenured spouse. But in our case I earn 2x him, he does not make enough to support our family and so I feel stuck in an unfulfilling job and undesirable location purely because it would be so hard or impossible for him to get anything resembling this kind of tenure line position anywhere better.
Anon
Hi, you’re me. His university is great culture wise. The job security is unparalleled. The pay is atrocious.
Ellen
Yes, if you have a job where you are making money, the last thing you need is to rely on your husband, if he already is not a steady-breadwinner. I knew women from GW who would up marrying men who turned out to be deadbeats. They thought the men would step up and support THEM, but as it turned out, they were more then ready to retire when their wives earned the big bucks and they were just schlubby nerds who were not worth paying very much to.
Anon
Sometimes I wish I could go back and not get married & have kids. I love my husband and my kids but I really miss my single life – only thinking about myself, the quiet, being able to go where I wanted & do whatever I wanted…I really didn’t know how good I had it back then, back then I was too worried I would be an old maid.
Ellen
Well, the grass is always greener, but trust me, I am there and I would change places with you if I could find a husband to give me my own babies. I am not interested in being a baby moma for some jerk’s kids, either. It has to be my husband sperm in me to make the babies or it does not count.
Anonymous
My mom always told us that my sister and I would each get one of her two rings when she passes. Neither are super valuable, but they have sentimental value. My sister picked one ring, so the other, which is my mom’s small engagement diamond reset, would come to me. We recently moved my mom, and during the move, I asked my mom to separate out her “good” jewelry to take with her, and she told me she’d given my sister her ring and given the other ring (the one promised to me) to my sister’s daughter. My mom immediately made up a story about giving the ring away when she was sick, which is nonsense, my mom hasn’t been sick in a decade.
I completely understand that it’s my mom can give her things to anyone she wants. My mom is a difficult person, and I shouldn’t be surprised at her doing something mean, it’s consistent.
I’m furious at my mom, and it’s been miserable helping my niece with questions about the ring setting etc (my niece is over 40!). Intellectually, I understand this is about more than the ring, but I don’t care. Actions have consequences, and I am mad. I still give financial and other types of support to my mom, and I will grit my teeth and do it until she passes but it’s a good thing no one can read my mind. End of rant, thanks!
Anon
That’s hard. And maybe I’m a petty B but I would have no interest in “helping” the niece with the ring. Why does an adult woman need your help?
Anonymous
This comment speaks to me so much. My mom gives everything to my brother’s family whom I’m estranged with and she rarely sees because I only have a stepson and not bio kid. Pictures of my dad when he was young, things of mine when I was young and other sentimental things that don’t mean the same to them are given to them constantly. She also changed the will and me being executor after my dad passed to leave me out even though I’m still stuck with medical decision making.Yet I’m the first she calls to deal with any problem and I also help financially. So over it.
Anonymous
My mother favors my cousin over her own kids. I walked away. Zero financial help, very limited contact. I don’t have the time or patience to deal with pretending to be ok with something like that.
AIMS
Did you sister know about this deal? I’m kind of surprised she went along with this!
My grandma wanted to leave her apartment to just my mom (and not my mom’s sister) and my mom flat out refused and said everything had to be split equally between her and her sister.
Anon
Your mom is unusually nice. My grandmother left her house to my dad’s sister and divided everything else “equally,” but the house was 99% of the estate. My aunt not only happily accepted this arrangement, she had the audacity to ask my dad to share in assisted living care expenses for my grandmother, knowing he was inheriting nothing. My dad replied (quite reasonably, I thought) that my grandmother’s house should be sold and used to cover her expenses, and after that money was spent he was willing to go 50-50 on the costs of her care. My aunt went ballistic and they basically haven’t communicated since.
Anon
Where to begin??
I am insanely jealous of some of my closest friends for things I’m sure they don’t even think about and sometimes it makes it hard for me to be the friend I want to be.
I’m realizing that the common denominator in all my jobs is me, and I am anxious about everything and it makes jobs more difficult than they need to be. I’m the one that pays the price.
I’m struggling with being in my 40s and feeling like “this is it?!”
I thought certain things would “fix my life” or somehow solve all my problems:
extended time off work
travel to intriguing places
financial freedom
I am here to say that none of those things fixed me, and in some ways I feel worse off because I used to believe those things would “cure” me. Now I know they won’t. I’m always going to be stuck in my mean anxious mind. Sigh.
Thanks for listening. I needed to get those out.
Anon
Aww, sending you lots of love! I know it doesn’t feel this way, but the fact that your main problem is your mind is in some ways a blessing. You don’t have control over anything in this world except for yourself, and (again, even though it doesn’t feel this way) you can absolutely begin to rewire your brain to be a kinder, gentler, more loving place. I used to have probably the meanest, most anxious mind out there, and after a few years of therapy, reading about how to reframe and combat automatic negative thoughts, journaling and meditating, I honestly feel so grateful and happy to be alive every day.
Start taking tiny baby steps: book a therapy session if you don’t have one, check out some books about combating negative thinking from your library, try a simple 10 minute meditation, journal out all your feelings and how you’d like to feel instead. Try to take a walk every day, or do some type of exercise you enjoy.
Anon
I’m sad my mother doesn’t really love me. She cares a lot about money and my sister married a super wealthy man. It’s like I’m of no use to her any more so she’s given up on me.
They go on extravagant vacations with extended family and don’t invite us or tell us. Her son in law bought her a $2 million house and she moved away knowing I can’t visit her. Her old house (my childhood home) is sitting empty and I suggested she rent it out to help me with medical expenses and she ignored me. She visited once last year and brought me a bag of fruit for Christmas but never calls or messages.
Before my sister was married, I nursed my mom through two major surgeries, paid for her home renovation and used to talk every day.
Anon
I’m so sorry.
Anon
I’m sorry. You sound like a great person.
Anon
I grew up really poor, and I lacked a strong/healthy family support system. Sometimes I envy those who had either or both.
Anon
My father has been dealing with terminal cancer for 2.5 years now. The last year it’s progressed significantly but he’s a fighter. Part of me just wants him to pass. He’s not comfortable. He’s not happy. He’s in pain. Ugh. I feel like a bad daughter.
Davis
Hugs to you in this awful situation. You’re not a bad daughter!
Anon
You’re not a bad daughter. My mom wished her mom was dead for the last 5 or so years of her dementia battle, because she was clearly miserable and not enjoying life at all. It’s not wrong to wish for a loved one’s suffering to end. Hugs to you and your dad.
anon
You’re not a bad daughter. This is pain and suffering for both of you.
Horse Crazy
I’m so sorry. Do you live somewhere where aid-in-dying is legal?
Horse Crazy
https://www.compassionandchoices.org/in-your-state
Anon
She said he is a fighter. Not everyone ever wants aid in dying. It’s okay to recognize that it will be easier for everyone when an ordeal has ended. But I am a lot less comfortable with researching options for someone who is actively choosing to life as long as they can.
Anon
I agree not everyone wants assistance in dying, but I read “he’s a fighter” as a compliment to how her dad is coping with the situation, not a statement that he wishes to prolong his life. Being strong in the face of a terminal illness and wishing to die peacefully are not mutually exclusive.
Anon
I’m still hung up on a situationship that last less than two months and ended over a year ago. I still look him, his exes and his current girlfriend up on social media, even though it just makes me feel bad. I have my life together, successful, attractive, and I still can’t get over it. It’s super embarrassing.
Anon
I know you aren’t necessarily looking for advice here, so take this for whatever it’s worth. What if you start by limiting when/how frequently check him on social media. I don’t know how frequently you’re doing it now, but you could start with once a week for example. That might be a start. Then eventually maybe you can just block him. If you aren’t already, definitely start dating again, or at least get on an app and see what’s out there to distract you from this guy. Maybe write down a list of things you don’t like about him and concentrate on all those. When you start going down the rabbit hole and feel bad about it, try thinking or writing some positive affirmations to yourself to shift your focus.
Anon
Thank you. It’s good advice
Anonymous
I have been dating someone for months (at first infrequently due to geography and schedules and now regularly and we talk every day) who I am afraid to introduce to my friends. I am having a wonderful time with him, haven’t been this happy in forever, but I think my friends are going to think he is friendly and nice but not “good enough.” I think I could really fall for him but for this concern. The same response would be much stronger from my parents and is a certainty, but they are far away and I’m not really contemplating marriage.
Anon
I’ve lost six organs and my ability to bear children to endometriosis, partly due to medical malpractice on the part of an early doctor. while I am grateful to have it resolved, I am so so angry that I can’t even articulate my rage.
Anon
I feel angry for you too, that’s really difficult.
Anonymous
I’m sorry.
Anon
My mom was sick with pneumonia and far far far into dementia and I was the one who talked my family out of intubating. I still feel guilty even though I know it was the right thing to do.
Smokey
You should not be feeling guilty about this.
Anon
I say this as someone who is very leery of physician assisted suicide: this is the right choice. Dignity, love, and care for the patient; food and water always; when something terminal comes along, that’s that.
Anon
That was definitely the right choice; don’t feel guilty.
Anon
fyi – I am talking to my family tomorrow about not intubating our elderly family member who has dementia when she gets pneumonia.
And I absolutely know it is the right thing to do. In fact, it would be cruel to intubate.
It is an easy decision to make because we are not in the throes of it – yet. The timing of your decision was 100x harder. and absolutely the right one. No question.
Anon
Newly dating an amazing man and I have all the warm fuzzies right now. I’ve never met anyone like him, and even though it’s early days, I think this could be the real deal. I’ve mostly been a single person so this is both exciting and slightly scary. I don’t feel I have anyone in real life to fully gush too just yet (as I said, it’s early days), so I’m gushing here. Smart, kind, actively listens, open, straightforward, caring, never once have I felt the whole does he like me or not, will he text me or not, will we have a next date or not – it’s just been easy and pretty perfect.
Anon
<3
Anon nose picker
Since having kids, for some reason, the inside of my nose is perpetually dry and crusty. I have this obsession with picking it (in private). I’m not sure if it’s mostly dry skin or boogers I’m getting out. But I get this weird satisfaction from it. Occasionally if the weather is dry/cold it’ll actually bleed a bit.
Anon
This happened to me too. Maybe it is something about hormones? Or maybe just always sick. It’s been better as my kids get older.
Anon
I’m a person who is only occasionally extremely productive at work, and other times mostly unproductive. I get everything done and I think no one’s the wiser, but my work product often looks like I spent, say, two solid weeks on it, when in fact it was a week and a half of procrastinating, and two days of intense work under pressure.
I kind of hate this about myself, but I’ve been surviving like this since college, and that was decades ago.
Anon
I think a lot of people do this? I definitely do.
Anon
If that’s true, you’re making me feel better. Thank you.
anon
me too, definitely. Really focused for two days, then really not for a bit. Happy with my performance reviews and job as a whole, so I try not to sweat it!
Anon
My best friend married a very wealthy guy, they bought an expensive house, and she frequently complains to me about how expensive being a homeowner is. We live in a VHCOL area, and my husband and I rent and will be doing so for the foreseeable future. I am so sick of her complaining about how expensive it is to own the home they bought with A MILLION DOLLARS THAT HER HUSBAND INHERITED.
Anon
A good friend bought a house for almost $10 million. She’s not much of a complainer but she does occasionally make little remarks about not being able to afford something plenty of normal people buy (recently, West Elm furniture) and it does make me roll my eyes internally. Girl, you bought a house in your early 30s that costs more than most people earn in a lifetime.
Anon
I cut friends like this out. I’m very happy with that decision. Some people need to be brought back down to earth.
Anonymous
I am not a fussy eater but I’m fed up with people who ‘eat anything’ acting like they are superior to people who have likes and dislikes. I mean along the lines of, I don’t love mac n cheese so wouldn’t make it or pick it but would politely eat it if someone served it for dinner. So in a conversation saying I’m not a big fan of it and being met with the response of ‘oh i eat everything!’ in a smug or shocked tone. First world problems but I’m ranting into the void.
Anon
Preach. It is an issue of how sensitive your taste buds are. I’m a super taster with some fairly strong textural aversions, and trust me people making fun of me, it isn’t pleasant for me either.
pugsnbourbon
If you’re on instagram – you might like Delaney Rowe. She spoofs people who make things like “I eat anything” the bulk of their personality.
I like to think I’m not a picky eater, but enough things have goat cheese or olives in them that I know it’s not true.
Anon 2.0
Yes! Food preferences are just that, preferences! I am personally not a picky eater overall, but I detest onions! Onion powder? Fine. Nasty, stinky, pungent bits of onion is an absolute hard no for me. People act like I am “THE DRAMA” for hating them! I was always told I’d “learn to like them”. Uh, no.
Let people eat at they please!
Anne-on
Seriously. I eat most things but I have SERIOUS food aversions at certain points during my cycle or if I’m getting a migraine and my kid has food allergies as well which is terrifying if we’re eating out at a place that thinks it’s a fad or ‘just’ a preference.
Anon
I’m a mostly eat everything person with an aversion to bananas. I can’t help it. it just is.
Bananas are surprisingly hard to avoid, especially to avoid smelling!
Moose
If it helps, my husband makes fun of me for my ‘eat anything’ tendencies, calling me a garbage disposal. He thinks I’m willing to eat things that are actively gross, haha! (and maybe I do…)
But yeah, folks who are ‘holier than thou’ about anything are a pain in the a$$.
anon
Yup, if it’s not affecting other people then who cares? I have a lot of random foods on my no-fly list due to IBS. Some people think I’m picky but in reality I just don’t want to tell everyone how spicy or high fiber food affects my digestive system. I know other people who just have food preferences but can find something they like to eat 99% of the time, and they don’t make it anyone else’s problem. Let them eat their preferred meal in peace!
Anon
I’m not a fussy eater but I can’t eat nightshades (tomatoes, eggplant, potatoes, chillies) or wheat and it annoys me how limited I am when I go out. I didn’t chose to have these foods make me writhe in pain and I also don’t want to explain it to everyone.
Anonymous
Huh. I don’t think I know these exact people. I do have a strong negative response to people who refuse to try things. I find that to be very unattractive and unsophisticated. But you are certainly allowed to have food preferences. I will boast about being food adventurous and strongly prefer similar in my companions, but would never say “I eat anything.” Some things aren’t good – like macaroni and cheese!
anon
Also commented above. As I get older I have more friends with dietary restrictions that they don’t discuss with many people. IBS, reflux, lactose or gluten sensitivity, the list goes on. If someone opts not to try a certain food it’s very possible there’s a medical reason behind it but they don’t want to say “I think this food might give me gastric distress.” If you prefer to dine at a fancy fusion restaurant with fellow omnivores then go for it! But please don’t judge a person for not being as adventurous as you.
Anonymous
To clarify, I don’t mean people have to try things at the table with me. I am referring to people who have spent their lives limiting themselves to basic foods because of some decision not to be adventurous or eat anything “ethnic” or “spicy” or whatever, esp ones who declare things they have never tried to be “gross.”. I have lots of friends who are now vegan because of food intolerances. It’s fine. I also have specific friends I adventure eat with and even some of them are “fried foods give me distress” people and we just avoid.
Anonymous
I used to be hugely open to eating almost anything when I was younger. As I got older, I started to have a lot of GI issues with things I could eat in the past-I now need to avoid garlic, onions or anything really spicy or I’ll be immediately in the bathroom. I also recently lost part of my colon to cancer (only my family knows), and a whole bunch of other things have been added to my “not gonna have it” list. I guess that makes me less attractive and sophisticated than I used to be.
Spoiler alert: A lot of folks don’t want to play roulette with GI issues. Eating a food you’re not used to while in the company of others isn’t the same as whether you’re open to the experience of watching a new play or visiting an art gallery.
Cat
omg same, also if you don’t happen to like a fussy restaurant (molecular gastronomy level of fuss) or think it’s overpriced for what it is you’re “not a foodie” ok then
Anonymous
A friend of a sibling used to be particularly smug about the fact that they “ate everything”, until I offered them some black pudding, and laughed when they gagged. (For those that don’t know, it’s a type of sausage made with blood)
From my experience, the people who actually eat everything aren’t going around bragging about it, and they don’t put the people who have a more limited palette down.
Anon
My husband makes fun of me for not loving some international cuisines. I grew up in a family of women who could not cook, so canned soup and frozen dinners in bland, American flavors were all I knew. (Like salt and pepper were too spicy for my fam.) I’m over 40 now and eat food from all over the world, but because I don’t love [insert specific exotic dish] he acts like I’m super picky. Can’t stand it.
Vicky Austin
Hm, this is a really good point – picky can be quite relative!
Anon
Picky eaters are often “super tasters.” You have more refined taste buds than people who eat everything (which includes me.) You are superior!!
Anon
It’s a weird flex for sure.
C
I don’t think of myself as a picky eater but I do have some potentially-unusual texture issues (raisin bran grosses me out) and I’m not enthusiastic about things like blood pudding or trotters or chicken feet. And oh man I feel for the folks who can’t do onions or tomatoes because those seem like they would be very difficult to avoid. Ruling out a whole entire cuisine that you *haven’t tried* seems a bit extreme to me, or all vegetables. But as long as you can find a restaurant in common who cares??? It’s not a moral failing to have preferences!
Anon
Do you have a formal mentor? I had my annual review last week, and my boss asked whether I had a mentor. I still meet with two of my former managers on a monthly basis, and consider them my mentors as I feel like I can bring work challenges to them and ask for advice. But, my boss didn’t seem to think this counts and recommended I establish a formal mentor relationship with someone. I’m an introvert so the thought of reaching out to someone and asking them to be my mentor sounds absolutely awful. Any tips or guidance? And does it really need to be formalized to be valuable? I feel like I’m getting what I need from my former managers (who, FWIW, I was much closer to than my current boss).
Anon
I recommend George Costanza as a mentor. (Inside joke for Seinfeld fans)
Anonymous
He’s done amazing things at the Human Fund.
Davis
Does your company have a mentor program? If so, that’s a great way to do this since those people are already interested in having a mentee. It would have been nice if your boss was more useful in helping you get started if they think it’s important.
While it can be nice to have a mentor who challenges you a little (in terms of perspective, experience, style), it matters that you’re comfortable and close with your former managers. To me, twice a month is a lot and I wouldn’t be adding in a new mentor unless you are at some kind of career crossroads or want new perspectives.
Carrots
Is your boss thinking of mentor as something closer to a sponsor within your organization maybe? So someone who’s a level or two above and is willing/eager to put your name forward for things or make sure folks know abut the work you’re doing? They’re two different forms of mentorship and it may be that they’re thinking about it in that framing instead of the advice side that you already have in your former managers.
Anonymous
I don’t, and I don’t know how to find one…I’ve never been at an employer with a formal program. I have perfectly cordial relationships with past supervisors, but no one I can go to and bounce ideas off at my current place.
anon
I have had formal and informal mentors. My company used to be big on people development – mentoring, coaching, sponsoring included and whoever wanted a mentor could write up their brief and check within internal network for a match or your line manager would help.
I had some formal internal mentors, with whom I continued informally after their “mentoring” finished [due to relocation etc]. It worked for me because we have built trust, understanding of my career objectives, my strengths & weaknesses, they knew the organization and could help navigate me in tricky situations.
I had some formal external mentors, those were of value to me, but not as much as internal ones.
I would think what is it you are getting out of your current mentors and ask your boss what is it they think you should address via mentoring. Are there any specific situations or areas they would like you to handle differently or to build on? And then think if these are the right mentors, the right frequency of contact etc. I would also ask your boss for introducing you to a formal mentor and add this person on top.
My best mentor was one of my previous line managers – we clicked on personal level, she had great power in the organization, she had zero filters and called me out on things :) and is to date my biggest sponsor even though we have both moved to different companies. When I was looking for a job, she spoke to her headhunter with amazing network and sold me to him and he was selling me to his clients. Now, I am coaching her on interviews and prescription pharma business cases. It’s a two-way relationship and I think you need to have good chemistry or at least feel like you can trust each other and learn something.
BTW also an introvert, so don’t let this be a blocker [or an excuse]. There is great value hidden in mentors [even more in sponsors] that I would highly recommend to benefit from.
Anonymous
So, my dad never tells me anything personal. He is 70, lives alone several states from me. He’s generally in very good health and has many friends, so I’m not too worried about him, but he just will not tell me things that are going on with him. I had to hear from my uncle that my dad is having surgery next week, and my uncle was not sure what kind! When I called and asked my dad about it, he said “well it won’t interfere with your visit next month, so I didn’t want to bother you with it.” I guess I need to start having check in calls with him more regularly. We used to text every week or so, but he’s stopped responding to texts. I myself am not great with communication and reaching out so I’m annoyed that I have to initiate everything, but if I don’t I’ll never hear from him.
anon
Oh, I understand this. My parents are this way: withholding information because they don’t want to bother us. Hello! We’re your kids! We love you and want to help! I think it’s partly a pride thing, tbh.
Senior Attorney
Not so much pride as reasonable boundaries. Do you tell your parents about every medical procedure in your life? One person’s “withholding information” is another person’s “maintaining a little privacy and dignity, thank you very much.” Also, I seem to recall multiple threads on here by grown children complaining that all their parents talk about are their doctor’s appointments so be careful what you wish for! ;)
Anon
I think I’m unusual but I do tell my parents about minor medical issues, and they’ve been a great source of support. I respect that they don’t owe me info, but they usually tell me about medical stuff too and I’m grateful I know and can be there for them. (But they’re very active and busy 70-somethings and haven’t gotten to the “only talking about medical problems” stage.)
I also didn’t read the OP as just about medical info, but more just that he doesn’t open up to her in general, which would be kind of hurtful to me (even though I know it’s their right).
Anon
Yes, I told my mom about any procedure at the doctor and she told me. So far, my son and I have a close relationship as well. Hope it doesn’t change.
Anne-on
Hello and welcome to having an aging boomer parent! I see you’ve received the starter pack of ‘minor surgery you only find out about just before/after it occured.’ Our next level subscription contains an exciting game of ‘is mom not answering the phone because she left it at home, or because she’s fallen and had to stay in bed for 3 days but there isn’t any reason to call the doctor, don’t be silly!’. My personal favorite is when they then end phone calls with ‘I don’t know why you worry so much, it’s not like I’m OLD old’ (sure, mom, with your hip, knee, and shoulder replacements you’re the picture of health!).
No advice but commiseration. I’d also advise you to start working your local caregiver network now – ask about those friends and get their contact info (heck, lie and say it’s for your christmas card list if necessary) so that you have multiple ways to track him down if truly necessary.
Vicky Austin
My dad and his whole family are like this – Dad had a very treatable cancer a few years ago and thought there was no family history thereof, until he mentioned to his brother that he’d been in the hospital for it and my uncle said, “Oh yeah, I had that too.” !?!? THEY LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN. Commiseration, if nothing else.
pugsnbourbon
Ohh yep – I found out that my dad had a blood clot in his lung/histoplasmosis infection via a very casual text. “We’ll meet you there after Dad’s lung scan.” I had just watched my MIL die from lung cancer. I was … not great on the follow-up call.
Anon
My mom died of COPD. She was hospitalized many times for it, and many times it was touch and go and they brought her back with every ICU treatment on earth. The last time she was hospitalized, the doctor asked what her wishes were, would she want to keep receiving extreme treatment? We, her children, had no idea what her wishes were. It was an absolutely horrible decision to have to make in a vacuum, especially when we didn’t all agree.
For anyone reading this, please don’t do this to your kids.
Anon
Does anyone here have a hybrid CR-V or RAV-4 (or non-hybrid)? Do you love it? Like it? Have something you wish you’d gotten instead? I’m contemplating one with the idea that my 14YO may be learning to drive on it within the year. It seems very Goldilocks — not too big, not too small, very reliable. Our family drives cars into the ground. From a recent rental, I realized that I don’t like how low cars seem after years of driving a minivan. And from parking in a garage with 99% compact spaces, the MV seems to be larger than is ideal for a daily driving (we are monthly car campers, but these two cars seems like worthy haulers). MV is 12YO, so it has been a good servant over the years, but no one has been in a carseat in a while and one kid is grown and flown (so generally only need vehicle for 4). If it matters, everyone but me is quite tall (like girls are 5-8, possibly still growing).
Anon
We used to have a CR-V and my husband regrets that we traded it in. It’s a perfect car for a learner. My kids learned on smaller, lower cars, but then again we live in an urban area. (My daughter now has a used Honda Fit)
Anon
I live in a major US city where everyone drives at least a Yukon (so my MV is on the smaller size). It is crazy. I learned on a Golf, which was perfect, but often I can’t see around parked cars b/c cars sit relatively low. When in Rome . . .
Vicky Austin
I have a (non-hybrid) Rav4 which I love. It’s my daily driver and I’m usually not carting anyone besides the dog (who rides happily in the back), but when family is in town we cram lots of tall people into the backseat and have never had a problem.
Vicky Austin
Oh, and my best friend in HS learned on a CR-V and that was his college car as well; it was perfectly versatile and a great teenager car!
brokentoe
Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) – the people that do new car testing – has a resource for choosing cars for teen drivers https://www.iihs.org/ratings/safe-vehicles-for-teens
Anonymous
We had a RAV-4 that was my favorite car ever and that we drove for something like 250K miles until it died. We replaced it with a Prius that we also love but not quite as much as the RAV. We need to replace our other car and I really want a hybrid RAV but my husband is a cheapskate so I think we’ll end up with a second Prius. I have a teenager with a learner’s permit and I like her driving a smallish but heavy car, which a hybrid is.
anon
I used to have a CR-V and loved the size. It’s high enough that you have good visibility, the back seat folds down for lots of trunk space, but it’s not too big to park. I’m short and found it comfortable for my size but my 5’9” family members liked it too.
Anonymous
I am a small sedan driver but rented a RAV4 in Central America and fell in love with it for all the reasons you mentioned. If it came in a manual transmission it would be my next vehicle.
Anonymous Canadian
I moved from a Pilot to a smaller SUV but went with a Mazda CX-5 instead of the CRV. I didn’t love the CRV’s “feel” and I was mad that in Canada, at least, you have to buy the top-end trim line to get many safety features. I bought a CX5 GS for my 6’1″ college student and he loves his. I love mine (the GT). Highly recommend.
Anonymous
My cousin and I both have non-hybrid RAV4s and we love ’em. She does city driving, I do suburban and rural driving and the only damage we’ve sustained to our cars was self inflicted (aka me cracking a side mirror because I went too fast out of my own garage). I’ve fit five grown adults, mix of men and women, in my RAV4 for a 3 hour trip for a day hike and no one complained of cramped leg room.
Anon
Any recs for a hotel in Naples (Italy, not Florida)? The Grand Hotel St. Lucia looks nice but I’m worried it’s a little out of the way. We only have one afternoon and evening in the city before a flight home so looking to hit the city highlights quickly.
NYC Librarian
Hotel Piazza Bellini is great. Its location is good for walking to the Archaeological Museum and the Opera House, and it is close to a subway stop to take you to the train station. (I am unsure how you would get to the airport though.) The hotel is pleasant, with friendly, helpful staff, but it is not luxurious. It is on the Rick Steves radar, so you will encounter a lot of energetic American tourists. Have a great time in Naples! I recommend Culinary Backstreets if you want a good food/walking tour.
Melanie
These are Oprah’s favorite reusable stainless steel lunch containers from a Canadian women-owned business. No corners for food to get stuck in!
dalcinistainless.com
Anon
I had some like that but you can’t microwave them, which is key for me.