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In a Zoom-based world, I’m always looking for different types of necklines to mix things up. This square-neck top looks like a fun twist on a basic white top. I would wear it with a small pendant necklace to highlight the neckline and tuck it into an A-line skirt or a pair of wide-leg trousers.
The top is $44.50 at Ann Taylor and available in regular sizes XXS–XXL and petite sizes XXS–XL. It also comes in black and amber green. Right now you can get 40% off full-price styles, which brings this down to $26.70. Square-Neck Top
Workwear sales of note for 4.18.24
Our favorites are in bold!
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Boden – 25% off through 4/18; 15% off 4/19-20; 10% off 4/21
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- Everlane – Spring Sale: up to 60% off 600+ styles
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off $125+; extra 25% of $150+; up to 60% off everything; extra 50% off clearance
- Nordstrom – Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (on eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- White House Black Market – 25% off entire purchase; $50 off $200
Workwear sales of note for 4.18.24
Our favorites are in bold!
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Boden – 25% off through 4/18; 15% off 4/19-20; 10% off 4/21
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- Everlane – Spring Sale: up to 60% off 600+ styles
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off $125+; extra 25% of $150+; up to 60% off everything; extra 50% off clearance
- Nordstrom – Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (on eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- White House Black Market – 25% off entire purchase; $50 off $200
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Stay tuned for a list of our latest threadjacks!
Cat
Amidst the chaos, good news: David Attenborough joined Instagram.
anon
Hahahaha I love this!
Panda Bear
Nice! I adore him.
Ribena
Sour cream cake report – I made Dan Lepard’s “easiest cake in the world” from the Guardian, adding vanilla and mixed spice, and it was delicious. Kind of wish I hadn’t calculated the nutritional information though, haha!
Anonymous
I wish people never gave nutritional info out on cake or anything that smacks of decadent splurge. I mean, it’s cake. It’s not quinoa or kale. I get that it’s not the best food choice and probably not good to have on a daily basis, but don’t be a buzzkill and quantify it for me. Just let my ENTP self approximate it.
Ribena
Unfortunately I’m using calorie counting as a way to lose my COVID 15 (and a bit more if I can – 8lb so far), so I wanted to calculate/count it so I can be honest with myself. Still had cake for breakfast today with a dollop of Greek yoghurt!
Anonymous
I’m southern, so pound cake is widely used as a breakfast pastry in my area. Highly recommend.
Anonymous
Wow. I have lived in the South for 30 years and I have never been offered pound cake at breakfast. Perhaps I look like I don’t need it?
Anonymous
Maybe it is the no-stoplight town we are from, but that is how we roll. An at-home thing. Not a restaurant thing.
Anonymous
It would be such a Southern thing, though, for there to be pound cake for breakfast in the house that the host just didn’t offer to me because I “don’t look like I need it.”
Anon
Our office once got sent a box of incredible homemade baklava and one of the women who sits near me made a huge show of not wanting to eat it “because the calories aren’t listed.” I think her back was turned at that moment, which is fortunate because I couldn’t resist the most massive eye roll. She did hear my “who cares” though, whoops.
Ribena
At that point you just look up lots of different entries and make a guess, frankly. I love baklava.
Anon
Well, do whatever you want on your own time, but no one cares if you’re dieting and it’s annoying to see someone push their own personal diet neuroses into an otherwise fun, special treat session at work.
Pink
My grandmother used to say “Oh homemade treats don’t have calories!” That would be the most polite response I could muster. I’m sure whomever made it did so because they enjoy it, but frankly it’s pretty rude to turn up your nose at someone else’s labor of love. Enjoy your delicious baklava!
Anon
Yeah, that’s exactly it – it was just rude and unnecessary. At least it was just one woman who brought her hang-ups into the room. Everyone else focused on enjoying a delicious treat from a dear client!
Ribena
I agree with you about hang ups – what I meant was if it were me who was concerned I would take a best-guess approach and not share that with anyone else. I used to sit next to a bank of desks populated by people who spent all day chatting about their diets and just made me want to eat French fries.
Amber
Sounds delicious! Glad it came out well!
Carrots
Advice needed. I don’t think my boss’s boss (VP of my department) likes my boss (DD). The DD started at the end of July and, rumor has it, was not the VP’s first pick. I’ve been in a bunch of meetings with the two of them, both larger and smaller, and there are definite tells in the VPs’ face and reactions to things DD says. I’ve had a fairly good relationship with the VP and she did my annual review this year because previous boss had left by that point, so she knows my work and has said she’s incredibly happy with it. But any advice for how to navigate this beyond making sure I stay in VP’s line of sight? There’s definitely a favoritism issue within the department from the VP, so I’m worried that with DD falling way down the list, it’s going to affect me (and the rest of my team). Job hunting is not off the table and I’m doing it, but it hasn’t reached critical mass it feels like yet.
Anonymous
Could you look for a promotion or lateral move? Raise it as broaden your experience in terms of the lateral move.
Carrots
Unfortunately my org (non-profit, not a law firm) has an incredibly vertical org structure. I should have been promoted this past year (to a senior role, but not above or lateral to DD) but internal politics prevented it. There’s a whole host of issues I’m having with the place.
Ellen
If the VP already knows you and she already likes you, stop being a Debbie Downer! You said yourself that “she knows my work and has said she’s incredibly happy with it.” With that being the case, you should focus on doing good work, and not bad mouthing your boss b/c that is never good. Always be positive, keep your nose clean and do good work. That got you where you are, and no matter happens between your boss and the VP, that is not your concern. In my case, when I first joined my firm, everyone thought that the manageing partner hired me just b/c I was young and cute. It took a while for me to show the other attorneys and staff that I was so much more then a cute attorney; nameley that I also had a brain and could work well with everyone. Over time, I was able to win over the other partners, associates and staff, and now I am an integral part of the firm. Other then Frank, who continues to objectify me and my body parts b/c of my status at the firm as the youngest female attorney, everyone else here respects me for my legal brain. Frank seems to have an issue with younger women, as he is not comfortable around me, even tho he is married to a woman who respects him. I suppose my having a JD is what intimidates him, so he always relies on his s-xueal comments to keep me off guard. I tend to ignore all of that, and that is what you need to do in your own law firm dynamics. Good luck to you as you do your job. Good luck!
Anon
If you’re worried that the VP’s personal dislike of your director will cause her to treat that part of the business poorly and penalize people working there I’d look for a new job. That’s just bad leadership.
A.
Hi Carrots, I work in development too. What is your role specifically? If it’s with donors/donor facing, maybe periodic strategy sessions with your VP to bounce ideas around with them as well as with your boss (separate sessions if needed)? Then VP feels as though they have a strategic role and you can show your stuff in terms of what a great job you’re doing managing your donors. This is just one idea based on one type of advancement job, though.
Anonymous
I’d be really hesitant with this sort of approach. You don’t want to piss off your boss and exclusionary meetings with their boss is a sure way to do it. Like it or not, your boss usually has a lot of sway in ability to move lateral or otherwise. And will likely was be a reference going forward. Shine in group meetings or emails instead.
Anon
And this is why I vowed to never work in another NGO. They have such toxic power structures the only solution is leaving.
JuniorMinion
So I’ve been through this and it worked out ok for me (and the situation took 3 years to resolve) and in this case the DD (my boss) had hired me into the org – so double whammy.
I worked well with my version of VP while my boss was on mat leave and he involved me in a couple of other random projects through my boss but otherwise she was totally in control of the communication while she effectively waged a war with her boss. I was always careful to do a good job on the stuff the VP looped me in on no matter how meaningless and I never publicly took sides against VP with my boss. I was sympathetic in private to my boss but never really let on that I didn’t have any personal problems with VP. This situation ultimately ended with my boss getting pushed out to a less impactful role and quitting and I now work for VP’s most trusted lieutenant at his direction.
Just to make you aware that there is hope in these situations and people are more observant than you think. I would just encourage you to stay out of your boss’ political battles and not visibly take sides.
Anonandon
I’m a 4th year associate that straddles two practice groups (Group A and B). Group A has been through excessive tumult since I started, but especially in the last year. We went from a team of 12 to a team of five, and I have assumed responsibilities of partners, counsel, and senior associates that have left. For a variety of reasons, the group is prevented from hiring any other laterals to fill open roles. They will get a first year when they start but that’s it. I have billed over 2400 every year, but this past year has been even more of a heavy load, mainly with increased obligations on business development–I have 300 BD hours this year so far that is substantively the same as billable work (just given for free during pandemic to appease clients). There are also a lot of stylistic issues from Group A management that have made it increasingly difficult. I have strong relationships with partners in Group B that have seen what’s going on and have expressed burnout concern. I’ve been more candid lately that I’m closer to burnout than I would like to be and that Group A seems like a difficult place to be long term (I am now the longest-lasting associate). My closest mentor in Group B (semi-retired partner) told me that others are noticing Group A’s reliance on me and don’t want me to leave. He told me that he’s talked to the managing partner of the firm who shares his concern and asked me to come up with a list of what I need to stay. He’s been referring to it as a “list of demands.” I assume this is an indirect way to address some sort of larger bonus (they regularly offer 30-50k for Group A associates to stay on for a few more months when they quit), but I would love to get the hive’s input on what else to ask for here (and if solely comp related, what is reasonable). My firm is black box for comp but in the past two years I was paid slightly above market (before the crazy COVID bonuses). I am currently on a reduced salary, and they removed the bonus bracket but promised discretionary bonuses for high performers at the end of the year. I think asking for anything non-compensation related would be brushed off or acquiesced to in name only (for example, more vacation time won’t help because I’m so busy I am unable to take a vacation). I also know Group A sounds toxic (it is), but I LOVE Group B and the substance of the work in Group A. There’s no other job where I would be able to do a mix of both, and I don’t think I will be able to easily replace my professional relationships with those in Group B. I also think that some of the tension in Group A will solve itself with time. Those partners are now aware that if I leave they effectively no longer have a practice group, so some stylistic things have improved recently. I’m not sure whether any management-level changes would be more effective at improving the Group A dynamics. Any thoughts are tremendously appreciated!
Ellen
I only have 1 bit of advice. You are correct that the COVID work can be mentally grueling. Your focus should be on boosting your compensation, not work-life balance b/c in this COVID world, no one will let you slide while others are working their tuchuses off. Morover, at only 2,400 billeable hours, you still have room to grow b/f year end, so ask them for a retention bonus of $50K to tide yourself over now, and promise to stay. They sound like they need you, unlike other firms where the work isn’t there and associates are being laid off. Dad says that once there is a vaccine, you will not have the barganing power you now have so go for it!
Anon
I have a problem with offering bonuses to people who are quitting, rather than to those who stay: it rewards people who leave and does not reward loyalty and longevity.
But take the bonus. Tell them what you want in comp. Ask for an increase in base salary or a guaranteed bonus. Ask about plans to replace higher-level attorneys. Ask about delegating work to the new first year or if under-utilised people from other departments can take some of your work.
Anon
Aren’t bonuses a bonus for the work performed in the previous period (at least at law firms)?
Also, I’d love to hear an update from that reader a while back who posted about needing to quit, but being afraid that her bonus would be slashed. Did you end up waiting to quit until the bonus was in your account?
Anon
I don’t like this attitude. Bonuses are to reward work already performed. They are earned. Not a gift from the gods.
The original Scarlett
I wouldn’t be bothered by a retention bonus and would definitely ask for one – it’s compensation for not taking a different opportunity sooner, which has a lost opportunity cost. Bonuses can be given for all kinds of things (signing on, retention, performance, etc.), and it’s good to know what they are used for so you can negotiate the best deal for yourself.
anon for this
Honestly I would insist on 2 or 3 weeks vacation, to be taken all at once, sometime in the next 6 months. Off the grid. It’s the only way that you will be able to reset yourself and avoid burnout completely. The alternative is that you leave and, as you say, they won’t have a true practice group.
And there’s no reason you should be on a reduced salary with what you’re billing and navigating. FFS.
Anon
I’m not religious, though I was raised is a relatively religious family (Episcopalian). While there’s a lot I really enjoy about the Episcopal Church, I feel no connection to God/religion (I’m a little bit spiritual but not at all religious). However, I find myself missing the act of going to church (something I haven’t done regularly in about a decade. Hard core C&E-er here)- I found it very calming and centering before beginning the week and I’m sure I enjoyed the rituals too (and I think Jesus was a great role model and that the world would truly be better if there was more people thinking WWJD and then acting accordingly – I just don’t believe in the divinity of Jesus). All of this I guess is moot anyways since the Episcopal churches in my area are all still closed.
I’m looking for a replacement ritual/hour of calming that I can incorporate into my life. I’ve tried yoga and it is also not for me. I take walks outside and go to the park regularly so not that (if that worked for me I wouldn’t be asking this question). I love getting out in nature but a weekly hike/kayak/whatever isn’t feasible for me. I thought about looking into Quaker or UU services but I really am
not looking for a religious aspect here. Just something where I can unplug from the rest of my life, unwind, reconnect with myself and my environment, and return to my week feeling centered and less anxious
Ribena
Have you heard of an organisation called Sunday Assembly? Completely secular services with poems, songs, charitable giving etc. No idea how they’re working at the moment, mostly online I assume.
Anon
Looks like there’s not one in my city (which is odd because I’m in one of the 5 biggest cities in the US… looks like a lot of our smaller cities are represented but of our largest cities I only see LA)
I think I’d prefer something I can do dolor. I’m not looking for a community (and when I did attend church I was never involved beyond services and what I needed to do to get confirmed).
I know a centering activity would be good for me, but I also know if I’m going to make this a habit I need low barriers for entry – so like not being on someone else’s schedule, otherwise I will likely do it way less often)
Anonymous
I find it really soothing to drive around with my favorite music on loud. Sometimes it is church music or classical. Sometimes Hamilton. When I can feel the base (or the brass), it is very immersive. As is pretty fall scenery.
Anon
“Belief” as a major part of religion is a relatively modern concept. It is big part of protestant Christian tradition, and protestant traditions are influential in the English speaking world, but my understanding is that the idea that practicing religion involves subscribing to a set of a beliefs is an outlier in world history. Learning more about this has helped me make peace with my religious heritage.
Anonymous
I think that religion is often cultural, the way friends of mine are culturally Jewish or Catholic but not particular observant. But we have pizza on Fridays out of habit, out of religious history, out of being busy and needing things to be easy. But it is nice to be tied to something as I feel very Basic B*tch some days and like I’m untethered from anything but mall stores.
Anon
I just struggle getting past the worship part. If it was something closer to Sunday assembly where it’s like secular and just encourages you to do good I’m sure I’d be fine.
As more and more people stop attending church, I’ve found that when I go to church the people there are mostly true believers. I think I would have been fine at church 50 years ago when there were more apathetic attendees who went because it was the cultural norm and a social activity
Anonymous
+1m to your last sentence
OTOH, I had a miscarriage and found that being in the presence of people who sincerely believed that God was taking care of my baby, that my baby continued in another form, and that I’d see him/her again to be comforting (and yet they vigorously acknowledged the pain of loss). I’m all for social attendance in good times and norming of how we act (love thy neighbor, even when it is hard). But the bereavement and loss ministries (they have ones for divorce, substance abuse, parents of substance abusers, suicide, you name it) hit you where you live and where it is good to have a community.
In good times, I feel that I don’t need God so much as He is more needed elsewhere and I don’t want to bother Him with my petty problems (I do with the grave problems).
No Problem
This is interesting. Where can I read more about it? I find it hard to believe (haha) that any religion began and was maintained for centuries without adherents actually believing any of it…but that could just be my cultural relativism talking.
Ribena
Up until relatively recently, they say, some of the best Church of England priests were 50/50 on the actual beliefs bit, but went into it as a way to do good for communities and people. Like how I’d have been a teacher if I were 50-75 years older because it was one of the few things that was open to intelligent women of my social standing.
I also like the ritual and behaving-better bit of church and have found my local Episcopal community suits me well in that regard.
Seventh+Sister
I also find that my Episcopal congregation is not one where you are regularly questioned about your specific beliefs (e.g., “Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?” is the kind of question that might get a humorous response). To be frank, I’m more of a cultural Christian than one who is deeply committed to the Nicene Creed.
Anon
I wonder if it’s more that back then no one questioned/thought about it. They went to church, they prayed, they were devout because that’s what you do.
Now there’s a lot more questioning of do I actually believe this, does this make sense to me since not believing is way more socially acceptable.
I think in the past religion was much more opt out, while it’s now much more opt in, if you will
LaurenB
As an example I can point to my own Jewish side of my ancestry. When they were back in the shtetls of Eastern Europe? Sure, they had arranged marriages, went to the mikveh, prepared kosher foods, kept the Sabbath, etc. The social pressure not to would have been too strong.
The moment they hit the shores of America? They jettisoned that all – maybe not all in one fell swoop, but certainly within a few years. They didn’t think twice about working on the Sabbath, using electricity or driving when that became widespread. They may have “clung” to not eating ham or pork but they certainly didn’t keep kosher kitchens.
Anon
Religion provided important social services – alms to the poor, medical care, orphanages, etc. My poor relatives would drop their kids off at the orphanage during the week because they had to work and couldn’t afford to keep them.
Anon
Well religion was mostly invented to keep the masses in order and explain things science couldn’t at the time. It filled a void to control the general population in a somewhat peaceful way without tying it to a particular leader of any one country/place.
No Problem
Yes, I agree that this is the origin of religion. People didn’t know where we came from, about plate tectonics or the germ theory of disease, or what happened when people died. It’s why every culture has a creation myth (in the Judeo-Christian tradition, our creation myth is called the Bible). But that doesn’t mean people didn’t believe in the tenets of religion that they subscribed to.
As the Anon I was responding to said “my understanding is that the idea that practicing religion involves subscribing to a set of a beliefs is an outlier in world history.” So is she saying that Christians in Europe in 872 or 1320 didn’t actually believe in hell, didn’t actually believe that there were sins against God, didn’t actually believe Jesus was of divine origin, etc.? That they all went to church and said they believed all of that, that they acted in their public lives as though they believed all of that, that they denounced and ran out of town others who didn’t believe all of that (especially people from other religions), but then went home and whispered to themselves that they didn’t believe all of that, but had to pretend to in public for fear of being burned at the stake as a heretic?
So that’s why I was wondering if there was a book or other scholarship on this topic. Because I find it really hard to believe that most people didn’t believe anything about their own religions for a long time, and somehow the idea of actually believing in religion is something new that came about as part of the Protestant Reformation.
Anonymous
Most places don’t have the number of different denominations that the US has. US is founded on people who didn’t want to adhere to the state religion. DH is Catholic from Europe and he was super surprised that I assumed him being Catholic meant he believed in transubstantiation, no women priests, priests not marrying etc. Where he’s from you’re basically either Catholic or non-religious, the idea that you try out different denominations to find one that matches your beliefs doesn’t exist in the same way. You attend the church of the Catholic priest who best matches your views – which don’t always match the Vatican’s views I learned when the priest at Easter announced from the pulpit that he wasn’t going to follow the new Vatican edict that communion is only for Catholics and anyone who was baptized could receive.
Seventh+Sister
And I think that Americans don’t even understand Protestant denominations very well. I had to explain the difference between Southern Baptists and ECLA Lutherans to a whole crowd of law school friends as a 1L.
Aunt Jamesina
I think a lot of it is that for much of history belonging to the religion of your culture was just a given, and there really wasn’t a framework for believing or not. It just was. The idea of atheism as a formalized concept didn’t exist until relatively recently in Western cultures. Your was part and parcel of your culture, and if you had doubts, you would just participate and try to push through.
I feel like our culture of individualism and consumer-driven choice has made religion into something very personal and individual, when for most of human history it was communal.
Aunt Jamesina
So many typos! Your *religion* was part and parcel of your culture.
anon
Yeah, it is more this, at least with respect to Christianity. Pre-Enlightenment, belief in God in Christian communities was assumed; unbelief would have been considered more akin to mental illness than a religious choice. It makes sense if you remember that people didn’t have scientific explanations for a whole bunch of aspects of the natural world, and those things were attributed to direct intervention of God. So not believing in God was more like not believing in gravity.
While a very complicated issue, it isn’t really true as to western European Christianity that personal belief in the precepts of the church wasn’t expected or didn’t matter. It did, a lot, and your personal belief was considered important enough that not holding those personal beliefs could cost you your life. But that is in part bc of the point Aunt Jamesina is making, which is that disagreeing with the principles of the predominant form of Christianity in your area didn’t just separate you from the church, it separated you from the community, because membership in your nation and your community and membership in the church were (essentially) the same thing. It wasn’t the individualist marketplace-of-religious-ideas that Americans are used to. Your belief was assumed, and so it wasn’t likely that anyone was going to inquire into the fervency of your conviction, but if you didn’t believe or held divergent beliefs, and that came to light, it’s not generally the case that people, or the state, would have turned a blind eye to that.
What is def a historical anomaly is that the predominant Protestant culture in the US emphasizes the personal relationship to Jesus and (for many denominations) the person salvation experience as markers to true faith. *That* is definitely not the historical norm of European Christian belief; you definitely were not expected to have a personal emotional relationship to Jesus or to have experienced a personal moment of being “saved.”
I can’t speak to anything beyond Christianity and specifically western Christianity – my understanding is that Orthodox Christianity takes a different view of the relationship between right belief and right practice, as do many other religions.
Anne
Judaism does not require any faith (i.e. belief in G-d). One can be fully devout as long as you meet all requirements of practice.
Anon
I don’t think this is technically true, but I am not a fan of dogma tests and if someone wants to be an atheist but committed Jew, I’m not going to argue with them
Anon
I don’t have a book recommendation, but I have keywords! The general topic of the differences between religion as something you “are” or that you “do” or “participate in” vs. something that you “believe” comes up in the context of ancient religions that had mythologies that existed in many contradictory forms, or where gods were worshipped in different ways in different places (and everyone was–usually–okay with this). It comes up in the context of Biblical literalism (contrasting Jewish readings to Christian ones, or Christian medieval interpretations to modern ones) and just generally in Judaism. From some perspectives, even the “faith vs. works” debate is partly about whether actions and participation are adequate expressions of faith (and then among Protestants there have been debates over “pietism” and “propositionalism” historically).
It also comes up in the history of science and conversely the history of religious fundamentalism (there’s a rich Islamic tradition of how to relate faith and science, for example, and the Medieval academies had concepts of “natural philosophy” and “general revelation”). It sometimes also comes up in the history of “heresy” (what did and didn’t count, what motivated persecutions, etc.).
In my opinion, in my own religious tradition (Catholicism in the US) a sort of stilted literalism and an expectation that a religious community will have conformity of beliefs has become common, but my grandparents (whose parents were immigrants) had all kinds of views and outlooks, and it was perfectly acceptable to disagree with one another or with the priest, just so long as you went to Mass, etc. (and going back a few more generations, going to Mass all that often wasn’t really the norm; it was probably more about baptism, weddings, funerals, feasts, and fasts–the traditions that still have meaning to me, personally).
Anon
A lot has also been written on theology and the printing press. I think the general idea is that increasing literacy and access to print texts made the writings of theologians (who didn’t historically really represent a typical experience of religion) much more accessible and influential (vs. concrete traditions that you learn from your parents and grandparents who raise you, festivals you celebrate with your community, etc.), especially when industrialization, immigration, and generally modernization interrupted community traditions? Combine that with iconoclasm, with political structures valuing consensus or even just voting (which works out better for larger groups of people who agree with each other), individualism, and the other features of modern lifestyles that others have mentioned, and my understanding is that what it means to be part of a religion (even a religion with a long history) has changed a lot.
Anon
John 3:16 is new and a piece of modern culture?
Aunt Jamesina
Could you elaborate?
Anon
The word translated “believe” meant “trust in,” and its object is a person, not a fact. I’m not saying that Protestantism came from nowhere, but even in Christianity the idea that faith is about a set of beliefs is far from universal.
Aunt Jamesina
Right, I don’t think that the initial poster meant that Christianity ever formally condoned disbelief, just that in reality it was entirely normal and accepted as a practicality that some people wouldn’t believe, or wouldn’t believe absolutely everything because you had no other options for religion. In 1300s France (for example), it wasn’t like you could choose between different religions. You just belonged.
Anonymous
Is your church having online services? I relate on many levels- I’m Anglican (name for the Episcopalian church in Canada), I like the connection the church community and being part of a progressive church. I miss the fellowship of the in person services at the church I’ve attended since childhood even though I don’t have terrible strong personal beliefs but I enjoy the online services more than I expected. I usually just get myself a cup of coffee and watch on the couch in my pjs. Nice to feel connected to ‘before times’ activities.
Anon
A devotional journal?
Ymanon
Canterbury Cathedral (UK) have livestreamed and published their Choral Evensong on Youtube lately.
As far as religious rituals go, Evensong is my favourite – no sermons! :)
The Dean at Canterbury also does morning prayer on a bench in the garden, very charming set-up.
For different rituals: do you like to cook? Can you do a weekly cooking ritual, where intricate recipies, or a particular food is in focus? Sunday Soup, bread, cake etc?
Anonymous
Thanks for sharing this. Not OP but will check it out.
AnonATL
+1 to baking. I used to do Sunday bread and found it a very soothing wind down to my week. Peace and quiet in the kitchen with good music and working on bread or any baked good really set me up for the week. I would clean parts of the house between proof cycles.
I haven’t been doing a full yeasted bread lately with a newborn, but I still make some sort of baked breakfast food. Lately it’s baked oatmeal with fruit or a quick bread like banana bread. The prep is much shorter and the payoff is equally good.
Anon
If you’re a runner – Church of the Sunday Long Run?
Anon
I’ve attended Bike Church for a long time now – ie, that’s the day for a long ride with friends (or, rather, friend, in the COVID world). Highly recommend Run Church or Bike Church. I’ve heard Horseback Riding Church is great too. Fishing and Golf Church are also possibilities.
Vicky Austin
Ha, this reminds me of a favorite quote from my mom-and-pop-ski-mountain-rat childhood: “It is better to go skiing and think of God, than to go to church and think of sport.” Fridtjof Nansen.
pugsnbourbon
My wife sometimes attends Dance Church, which is totally nonreligious and focuses instead on joyful expression. It’s a lot of fun!
Aunt Jamesina
I’m in the same position, although I grew up Catholic. I tried attending a few different Episcopal and UU churches for a time, but the Episcopal churches all seem to be dying (and I also don’t think I really believe in God) and the UU services were a bit too hippy for someone who grew up in a very ritualistic religion. I find incense and memorized prayers to be calming. I’ve actually attended a few Masses in my parish in recent years because I really miss them, and if it weren’t for the many, MANY problems I have with the Catholic church, I’d love to join despite my disbelief since it’s a vibrant parish with a lot of social supports for people at most life stages.
I have a few things I’ve enjoyed that capture pieces (but not all of) what I appreciate about religion. A lot of them felt hokey to me initially, but have been calming: reading spiritual or philosophical readings or even good poetry in the early morning (I loved Carl Buechner’s Listening to Your Life Daily Meditations. He was a pastor, but his writings are mostly about literature and general philosophical ideas), lighting an Advent wreath at Christmas, gratitude journaling, occasionally reading the Bible or texts written by religious thinkers, quiet walks in nature, listening to hymns.
Anon
I’m an atheist but I love hymns and choral music, especially at Christmas. I was quite disappointed as a child when my mother informed me that you couldn’t get married in a church with a choir unless you were a member of the church!
Aunt Jamesina
There are a number of churches that will absolutely let you be married in them without being a member!
anon for this
I’ve attended a few different UU services in my area and have been surprised at how much they vary. The one I liked best had a more ritualistic feel to the service, with more music, and a strong emphasis on social justice and not much on the “creator.” This might be a good time to check out different zoom services to see if any connect for you.
NY CPA
I was going to suggest UU. I haven’t been to a service, but I’ve been to their church (or whatever the correct term is) on the Upper West Side and it’s lovely, and they seem to have an amazing community. My former boss was a member of the congregation and was hugely involved in the church and their social activism. From what I’ve read online since then, they welcome people of all faiths or no faith.
Mary
Maybe you would enjoy a Taize prayer service, there are some on YouTube. Listen and chant along (or not) while taking an early morning walk. Peace be with you.
Bonnie Kate
I know what you mean – raised in a religion by a religious family, enjoy many aspects of the religious culture, but completely not religious and would not consider attending any religious services regularly. What about meditation? I wish I could recommend the Dhamma virtual sittings for vipassana meditation, but they’re only for “old students” (you have to had went to a retreat already). I just googled virtual meditation sittings, and this popped up and sounds lovely and now I want to try:
https://rubinmuseum.org/events/series/mindfulness-meditation
They have a podcast of the past sittings that I just subscribed to and want to try one now. I do like a live event more though because it gives me something schedule/commit to.
Anon
There is a podcast called holier than thou. It doesn’t directly provide you what you want but I find it interesting.
We’re living in an unprecedented time, with many people looking for help and guidance in places they might not have looked to before. Journalist Phillip Picardi is one of them, with his journey coming as he re-evaluates his relationship with faith, spirituality and God.
Picardi will take listeners on his quest to better understand his relationship with spirituality by learning how faith plays a role in other people’s lives, and with the help of the spiritual, religious, and agnostic, Picardi will guide listeners through the ethereal and worldly problems of the day, informed by his own on-and-off relationship with God.
Anonymous
What about meditation? There are apps with guided meditations and courses to teach you how to do it on your own. This could certainly be done alone, on your own schedule, and seems to fit the bill. And, according to Dan Harris, it will make you 10% Happier.
Senior Attorney
I always say I gave up God but I couldn’t give up church, so I joined my local Rotary Club. I really scratches that itch for me: We sing, we have an inspirational reading, a talk on events of the day, and in our non-meeting hours we do good works and also (in normal times) have social events. All the things I loved about church and none (well, almost none… there are still personalities heh) of the things I didn’t like!
We’re meeting online these days, like everything else, but it might be something to look into.
Anonie
I doubt it that just this alone would be sufficient, but could maintaining a gratitude journal be a step in the right direction? I have fallen off the bandwagon since WFH, but I kept a gratitude journal M-F for about 8 months that I wrote in every day when I first arrived at my office…it seemed helpful, grounding, and ritualistic alongside my morning coffee.
Also, you may be too turned off by organized religion to consider this, but online church services could be a nice option if you decide to explore that further from the comfort of your own living room. There are lots of denominations and styles all over the country/world that are currently streaming services due to Covid. My fiance and I have lately been listening to services from a pastor in another state!
Anon
On Wednesday evenings, Tara Brach does an hour session with mediation and then a teaching on spiritual issues. It is streamed live starting at 7:30 pm.
Alice walks
I’m atheist.
My favorite replacement is the Church of Beethoven, which I am lucky to have where I live. Music, poetry, rarely story telling, good people.
I love going to concerts in beautiful churches at the Holidays.
Secular humanists organization, if your city has one.
Anonymous
Music? Either a short concert/performance in person or online either live or pre-recorded at a set time each week. If it’s something on-line it could be the same pre-recorded session each time.
Of Counsel
This is a late response but you might see if there is a labyrinth you can walk near you. Meditative and calming and often communal. We have several churches that have them in my city but you do not need to be a member to use it.
Also a lot of churches are having Evensong on line these days and mine has it two a month in “normal” times.
Ribena
Paging Aunt Jamesina!
Thanks for explaining to me that the word ‘spastic’ is much less pejorative in the US – I had no idea. I thought most words went the other direction so it’s good to know. The joys of a worldwide message board!
(The above sounds really sarcastic and it isn’t meant that way – learning these nuances is something I really value from the internet).
Ellen
It is great that we at the HIVE can share our knowledge; in my case, I get alot of my knowledge from wikipedia.org.
Here’s what they have to say about usage of “spastic”: I would stick with them.
In medicine, spastic refers to an alteration in muscle tone affected by the medical condition spasticity, which is seen in spastic diplegia and many other forms of cerebral palsy and also in terms such as “spastic colon”. The word is derived via Latin from the Greek spastikos (“drawing in”, “tugging” or “shaking uncontrollably”).
Colloquially, spastic can be pejorative; though severity of this differs between the United States and the United Kingdom. Disabled people in the United Kingdom often consider “spastic” to be one of the most offensive terms related to disability.
Anon
I missed that conversation but I am in the US and I would not use spastic to describe someone or something. It may not be a full-blown slur, but it’s distasteful in my view. I also don’t describe things as “schizo.”
Anon
Interesting- in the US and have never heard that this could be interpreted as a slur. I probably use spazzy/a spaz more than spastic but to mean the same thing and never heard that it could be considered impolite
Anonymous
Yeah kind of like lame. Using a term that refers to a disability as an insult just isn’t great.
Anon
I think the meaning of lame has been so transformed that no one thinks of the disability connotation. I truly do not see name being phased out (it’s so ubiquitous too)
Aunt Jamesina
Yeah, people don’t feel nearly as strongly about “dumb”, for example, despite its history because its current use is relatively far from the original meaning.
Anon
I literally had to Google why spastic was considered pejorative. YMMV but since muscle spasms are a common symptom for many diseases and even in those without chronic conditions the link to cerebral palsy is not apparently clear like it would be with calling someone the shorthand for schizophrenia which is the name of an actual condition.
Anonymous
. . . which is also wrong. . .
Anonymous
The point seemed to have flown over your head
Anonymous
Did it? Using words from any medical condition, even if it’s not “apparently clear”, in a perjorative way, is wrong. You seem to be defending it.
Aunt Jamesina
It’s certainly unkind and I don’t use it, but doesn’t have nearly the social reaction that using something like “r3tarded” would (ugh, I’m loath to even type that!). I’m not saying it’s a good word to use, simply that it doesn’t have nearly the negative connotation that it does in the UK. If you Google around, you’ll find many conversations about this difference.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t use the term “spastic” anymore, but it was definitely in heavy rotation when I was a kid and I don’t think everyone is aware that it’s pretty taboo now.
Cat
+1, words that were commonly used as insults when I was a kid included – retarded, gay, spastic (or spazzing out), schizo, etc. I use none of them today.
Cat
For ONCE I know why my comment went to mod, lol
Anon
Haha right? And yeah, all of those terms were in daily use when I was in school (including by me, sadly), but I would never use them today and I would judge anyone who tried to defend them as “not that bad.”
Thanks, it has pockets!
Same. If it could come across as ableist, I’d rather not use it. I also avoid the term “psycho” or saying I’m “soooo OCD” about something. I also hate that “aspie” is now an insult.
Aunt Jamesina
You’re welcome! I find language use to be so interesting.
Senior Attorney
OMG this reminds me of when I was 16, doing a summer abroad in London, and was so shocked to see these “help spastics” collection boxes on the streets, seemingly everwhere I looked! https://caucus99percent.com/sites/default/files/user%20images/Boy-putting-money-into-old-Spastics-Society-charity-box_1.jpg
Promoted & Pregnant
I need advice. I was promoted recently to a more client facing role with more responsibilities. I am now 15 weeks pregnant (and we are all working remotely for the rest of the year). How/when should I tell my boss? Should I acknowledge the awkward timing? At what point in my pregnancy should I announce since I don’t have to hide a growing bump in person? Thanks everyone!
Anon
Tell your boss around week 20 after your anatomy scan, make a really good transition plan, and do not acknowledge the “awkward timing.”
Maybe I am weird, but I’m of the belief that if workplaces only offer 12 weeks of maternity leave, women employees should get to enjoy the upside of that: “awkward timing” isn’t really a thing.
Cat
Say nothing about the ‘awkward’ timing! Babies come when they come.
I would announce no later than halfway through because then it’s awkward in a different way… an associate at my firm waited until she was like 6.5-7 months, it was super obvious but no one – of course – said anything. And then she was so, so far outside the norm that she was viewed oddly for the super late disclosure, not for the pregnancy itself!
Cat
I should note- the late disclosure was not for religious or health reasons. Just- she didn’t think she was showing.
Anon
An associate in our office announced at 22-24 weeks under similar circumstances, and I thought it was totally appropriate. (We are back in person, but she is having the baby by surrogate, so obviously, there was no way for us to know she was expecting.) Our office wanted her to have a plan to transition duties for her leave by 30-32 weeks because the last attorney to go on leave had her baby early.
Three months gone
This is where I am a native English speaker, but in the US. My UK counterparts will say sometimes or I’ll read that someone is “three months gone” or some time period. I know that it means that the person is pregnant for three months (or inferred it from context). I think that is right, but could someone explain this to me.
Gone . . . from what? In the U.S., gone usually relates to a place or time. A separation of sorts.
How on earth do people ever learn English as a second language?!
Vicky Austin
I think it’s used in Shakespeare, isn’t it? Yay idioms. I always thought of it as “gone” as in, already on the way, past the point of no return, baby is a fait accompli, etc.
Anonymous
Gone from the time of conception.
Canadian English is also fun – American pronunciation and British spelling ( travelling, counselling etc)
Anon
If someone said Jane is 3 months gone to me, I’d assume Jane has been dead for 3 months!
Anonymous
Or Jane moved to Omaha three months ago. She left town. She’s 3 months gone = she has been gone for 3 months. Not here. Somewhere else.
Also, my children pointed out that the phrase “Rock you like a hurricane” does not make a whole lot of sense. Make lots of wind and rain? Blow a tree down on your house? Maybe, no thanks, Scorpions, but could you play me some music. “You give love a bad name” made a ton of sense to them.
Curious
And different commas and capitalization rules! See: Oxford comma.
Anon
The Oxford comma is always correct and if you disagree, you are wrong :)
Anonymous
Preach!
Curious
Talk to all of Canada, apparently. This has come up in a resume and a doc review with a boss from the east and a friend from the west. Mind. Blown.
Anon
British also say “fell pregnant” instead of “got pregnant” which makes me imagine a woman is immediately in need of bed rest the minute she conceives. It’s sometimes quite funny to imagine what my English relatives are saying since it’s not always clear.
Aunt Jamesina
I’ve always wondered if this comes from French, since they use “tomber enceinte”
Aunt Jamesina
Thinking about this more, we do say that someone “fell ill” in the US, so we do use this construction even if it isn’t super common. I don’t think it’s tongue in cheek, even if it sounds that way to our ears!
Anonymous
“Fell pregnant” seems so passive. Like sometimes babies just happen.
I know some doctors who don’t use the term accident, thinking that with some behavior, some known consequences are a reasonably expectable occurrence. It’s mainly ER docs frustrated at how many MVAs they see that are largely preventable (at least: don’t drive drunk, don’t text while driving, wear a g-d seatbelt and restrain your kids). Could apply here, too. Oops — I fell pregnant!
Anon
Even now more than half of pregnancies are accidents. We have the means to prevent them but they still just happen.
Anon
They aren’t ‘accidents’ people take a calculated risk and it doesn’t come out how they hope. It’s just gambling
Anonymous
But given that the activities that cause babies to occur are known, babies are hardly a surprise. It’s not like the baby sneaks in there on its own volition.
Anon
Birth control failure is not all that rare. Look up the “real use” (not perfect use) success rate of different birth control methods. Lots of things interfere with the efficacy of the pill in particular.
Anon
I always thought this was used tongue-in-cheek to suggest that this occurred without s*x. Like, oops, she just fell pregant.
Ribena
This phrase is one of my pet peeves. It implies that it just happens – which it doesn’t! (UK view but very pedantic…)
Cat
My favorite example of this is the myriad ways to pronounce ‘ough’ – consider the words though & dough, cough & fought, through, bough, rough, and hiccough.
Anonymous
Daughter
Laughter
Cb
This is basically my US/UK marriage. I’ve purposely taught my child a very American tomato and herb with a silent h just to wind up my husband. All this effort will be in vain however when he goes to school and comes home with a Scottish accent.
NY CPA
My understanding is that the Victorians considered it very distasteful to talk about pregnancy, so they came up with different euphemisms or other words to say instead of pregnant, and some of them stuck. They used to use the French word (enceinte) or say things like someone is “in the family way” or “bun in the oven”
Anonyz
Can anyone recommend a good Zoom lipstick for a very sallow pale person? I’m basically translucent, but also incredibly yellow. Dark brunette with hazel eyes, if that matters.
Basically every “universally-flattering nude” or “looks-good-on-everyone red” makes me look like a jaundiced clown.
Anon
If you think you look yellow on camera, maybe get better lighting? Even just switching a bulb in your lamp to something like a GE Reveal can make a difference.
Anonyz
I look yellow everywhere. It’s just my undertone.
Anonymous
You sound like my twin except my eyes are brown! Translucent ghostly pale but yellow undertones. I feel you!!!
Ribena
Sounds like you have similar colouring to me. I like the Burts Bees tinted lip balm, and usually find that tinted lip balms in cherry or berry colours work for me. Hope that helps you somewhat?
Veronica Mars
Caveat that I’m pink pink pink undertone but Crosswires by MAC is my power color. It’s a super pretty coraly shade so it might work for you too!
Curious
I’m very sallow, not quite as pale as you, and gave up on lipstick. I use a Clinique blush in Cupid, and it works for my shallowness.
Actually, on Zoom I’ve been focusing on clothing color. I look amazingly more awake (and like I’m wearing make up! Despite a bare face most days) in e.g. gray greens than in less-muted colors.
Curious
Lol sallowness, not shallowness :)
RW
I think corals look really good on pale, warm skin tones. Charlotte tilbury in coral kiss is a good option. For fall, i think a brick red like Cruella from Nars is good. Colour pop also makes some really good options in their lippie stix.. I like Goal Digger. Also, tinted lip balms can be a good option. Karima Mckimmie on youtube describes herself as having pale, olive skin, so she may someone to check out and see what shades work for her.
fdsa
I use Bobbi Brown Rum Raison. I’m yellow (but not maximally yellow).
Anon
MAC Del Rio is described as a warm toned plum. I find it very good on zoom.
The Mac website has a try on tool that I found pretty accurate. You use a good pic of yourself and it “paints” the lipstick on you.
Laura Mercier Sheer Lipstick in Healthy Lips is also very good.
Anon
Sallow, dark hair, green eyes, and my favorite is Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey is my favorite, but you might have already tried it.
Anon
I have that coloring. Isn’t it fun? Ha. For a lip color that shows, a red with blue tones rather than orange tones seems to be most flattering. The red doesn’t have to be intense. I like Chantecaille’s bourbon rose color as a neutral that has some presence but isn’t so bright that I’m self conscious. Or Glossier’s crush color. I also find that deep fuschia’s visually read as more red than pink against my skin tone. Muted or muddy colors, or anything with even a hint of orange looks anywhere from “meh” at best to “needs a new liver” at worst.
MKB
I have your same coloring, and really love Benetint on my lips. The original color is very much “my lip color, but better.”
Anon
Does anyone have any ideas for a (not too expensive) small food/drink item to mail to employees for a small group zoom networking event?
Food is better than alcohol, and the group would be people from around the country, so delivery would need to be via USPS/UPS/FedEx over grubhub, etc.
I am thinking along the lines of giving people a voucher for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s (that they can just buy at their local grocery store). Any ideas? Thanks!
Anonymous
I have run a team that is scattered across the country for several years. For holiday gifting, I do Food baskets. For a little pick-me-up type thing, starbucks giftcards.
Don’t make it too complicated by specifying one kind of ice cream.
If you want to send an actual little treat, how about Cheryl’s cookies?
anonymous
What is the purpose of this meeting? Does everyone need to have some food item to eat during the meeting?
Anon
It’s a networking perk for an employee group. I am trying to make it special in some way (these are people who are very motivated by things/food).
Davis
I’ve heard many people here rave over Cheryl’s Cookies. I’m reluctant to do a specific food because of allergies, restrictions, or diets. I’d like to do something similar but wondered if a small Amazon in the dollar amount I want to spend would be more welcome and inclusive.
Anonymous
Our group had a meeting where they just gave us $20 to expense for lunch. It was nice and a lot of “ooooh what did you get?” Which was fun.
CountC
+1 This is the one I would appreciate the most.
NY CPA
+1 we did this
Bonnie Kate
My MIL is currently really into Goldbelly, which from what I can gather is a website where you can order speciality food from small businesses across the US (maybe further?). Perhaps take a look at that?
Senior Attorney
OMG I just looked at this and now I am wanting to order All The Foodz…
Bonnie Kate
Once you start you’ll probably not be able to stop. :) I think there’s a subscription service she started with? and it’s escalated. DH and I got her a gift card for her birthday; it’s all she wanted. I will say most of what she gets that she’s shared is very good.
Senior Attorney
I showed my husband and he’s already planning a Zoom dinner party where everybody orders from there…
Out of Place Engineer
I know a company that used to cater lunches in regularly, pre-pandemic. They recently has a quick team building meeting, less than a half hour. It was all about pizza — history, voting on favorite topics, fun facts. And then there was an order form — you could pick any local pizza place, a date & time, and toppings, and the company arranged a delivery for you. It was something like $25-30/per person but was a nice little morale boost! I’m considering something similar for my team…. but I forgot about Cheryl’s cookies — might go down that path instead!
Anonymous
Sugarwish- each person gets an email invite to order and the ability to choose snacks, sweets, or gummy candy. Feels better than giving out giftcards.
Anonymous
Not op, but thank you!!
The Frenchie is my favorite kid
I’ve attended an event where the organizer worked with onxwines dot com to mail 5 small tasting bottles then did a group zoom tasting. I’ve also heard there is a similar service for cocktails – all ingredients and liquor sent and group learns how to make an artisan cocktail. People seem to enjoy these things a lot!
Anonymous
Our neighbors are coming over for dinner/movie night outside tonight. It will be 5 kids aged 2-6. We decided via text last night that dinner would be pigs in a blanket. I have dubbed it Fine Wine and Swine night.
1. What wine will pair well with hot dogs?
2. What else can I serve (for adults) that will also be on theme? I’m thinking charcuterie, but that’s not a meal.
My husband refuses to play into my theme and said the only wine to drink with hot dogs comes out of a box. He’s not wrong but I am bored and need something to entertain me today.
Anon
Wine and swine! I love it
anonshmanon
Your title is amazing and question 1 is very on brand for 2020. I would do a light red wine. I would add popcorn and crudites with a dip. I don’t know if that counts as adult food, because I have never understood this distinction.
Anon
I’m no help on the wine front, but wrapping things in bacon seems like the grownup version of pigs in blankets.
Anonymous
They are bringing the blanketed pigs; I’m hosting and getting wine and adding in some extra food.
Both of our families are just DONE with the week and the grownups need a break. We are normally fairly elaborate in our cooking with these neighbors because all 4 adults like to cook. But #2020.
Wine and swine.
Pigs and swigs.
Living COVID the dream.
Now the real question is if we put Babe on for the kids ;). Kidding. They’d hate it.
emeralds
Oh my god these themes are slaying me. Desperately wishing our neighbors weren’t vegetarian so I could steal this, since it’s my turn to host socially distanced backyard happy hour.
CountC
Fieldroast hotdogs are a really good veg substitute!!
Anonymous
You could just do veggie dogs instead of bemoaning someone’s ethics.
emeralds
CountC, thank you for the helpful suggestion.
Anonymous, what the f*ck? I was directly translating “swine” to “pig flesh,” which is not appropriate for our veggie neighbors. In the 30 seconds I composed my intended-to-be-light-hearted response to the OP, I didn’t take the time for a full dive into the availability of meat substitutes. Mea culpa! Let me fall on my f*cking sword!! I’m not a vegetarian; I don’t know the fake meat section of the grocery store off the top of my head.
Sh*t like this is why I’m such an infrequent commenter these days. I wish we could all assume 50% more positive intent instead of immediately going for the twitter-style dunk.
Mary Ann Singleton
Love the theme.
What about dates wrapped in bacon? Put a tootpick through to keep it together. There are tons of recipes (some have goats cheese), but here’s one that looks pretty simple: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ree-drummond/bacon-wrapped-dates-2660166
Ribena
Ha, sausages in bacon is the UK definition of ‘pigs in blankets’. I think your version of pigs in blankets is similar to our sausage rolls.
Anonymous
Could you do carnitas or pulled pork in a slow cooker and serve sliders or tacos?
long time lurker
Pinot Noir.
Fancy mac and cheese as a side dish.
Anon
+1 Mac and cheese is the One True Side Dish intended by god.
We do pigs in a blanket (we say it in our best German accents and say, incorrectly, “Pigs Und Blanket”) on New Year’s Eve with mustard to dip them in. Other traditional things are a cheeseball, deviled eggs, and chips and dip. There’s a plate of crudités but everyone ignores it.
anon
Ha! “Little sausages in a nightgown” is the translated actual German name for this dish.
Senior Attorney
+1 to both of these.
I had some fancy mac and cheese recently that included bleu cheese and it was divine. I think they just stirred the bleu cheese crumbles into the finished dish before putting it into the oven, so they were little surprises as you ate it. It made it very fancy indeed.
Senior Attorney
Also, charcuterie is most definitely a meal.
Abby
Okay so I’m not a fancy wine person, but Costco has kirkland wine that comes in a box now – I haven’t tried it yet, but Costco is king. I have tried the cab sauvignon from Bota Box and it’s pretty good. Also charcuterie is a meal in my book, +1 for popcorn!
Anon
Hilarious. I think a pinot noir would go well, but maybe you should also consider toppings. If you’re doing mustard maybe a dry French rose.
The original Scarlett
Hot dogs are very underrated, I love them. Personally, I think any wine works with them, I’m not into beer but I also like hard cider with one. I wouldn’t bother with anything else other than a toppings (relish, mustard, etc.) so sorry not much help. Just wanted to yay for hot dogs!
Anon
I would do hot dogs with a variety of toppings and cider as well.
ANON
Ha, this reminds me of a party I had in college I dubbed the “Deer and Beer Party.” We had a bunch of venison from my dad and cooked it up a variety of different ways. Yes, this was in Texas. Have fun!
What about some kind of veggie tray, but stylized like a pig pen?
joan wilder
Although pinot noir is a super food friendly wine, I’d actually go with a white wine with hot dogs. I’m thinking something with similar properties to beer–so something crisp and somewhat acidic. Maybe a Vinho Verde or a Txakoli could be nice. (This is a fun question to think about!)
pugsnbourbon
I’m thinking the same thing – these are salty foods and you need something fresh and mineraly to cut through it. Kind of like how champagne pairs well with potato chips.
Vicky Austin
It does???
I know EXACTLY what our next date night in is going to consist of.
pugsnbourbon
Yep – crunchy, salty kettle chips and champagne are the BEST.
NYCer
+1. I would definitely do white wine. Sancerre would be my vote.
Anonymous
OP here. This was more what I had been thinking, but my husband- before he refused to engage further- threw out a few light reds.
I have since gone bananas in the smoked meats aisle and grabbed a Pinot, a Txakoli and a coupe fancy mustards. Gonna hang on to those for my Oktoberfest themed neighbor yard party (yardie?). (Of course, just our exclusive guest list of our neighbors that we’ve seen all summer who have kids in the same daycare/ elem school /bus/class as ours)
Anonymous
I would do some craft beer along with wine, pulled pork sliders, mac and cheese, and some kind of veggies and dip. I would also make jalepeno poppers (jalepenos stuffed with cream cheese, wrapped in bacon and baked) because every time I make them they go quickly!
Anonymous
I like cheap rose with hot dogs.
NY CPA
#1 wine and swine is hilarious
#2 maybe do separate crudite platters for each family to get some veggies in? mac and cheese that others suggested also sounds tasty.
Anon
Totally love this, please report back on Monday, agree with posters recommending a fizzy or crisp white wine.
House shoe recommendations
I have a bad knee, and I’ve read that wearing shoes around the house can be beneficial (I’m only 36! but yeah, two ACL replacements and a meniscus tear later…)
Any recommendations for supportive “house shoes” I might get into the habit of wearing? We’re a take the shoes off at the door type family, so this would require a habit shift.
Anon
My husband and I both wear these year-round as our “house slippers”. I wear them barefoot in warm weather and with thick socks in cold. They are fantastic. I’m due with our first child in a few weeks and will be bringing these to the hospital b/c I can slip them on to walk the halls during labor, shower in them b/c they dry in 2 seconds, etc.
https://www.oofos.com/products/womens-sandal-ooahh-slide-black
We also don’t wear outdoor shoes in the house, so these are indoor-only slippers.
Aunt Jamesina
Birkenstocks, of any type. Sandals in the summer, clogs in the winter.
Anonymous
I have a pair of Allbirds for this purpose. A lace up shoe is better than a slip on, ime.
Anonymous
I wear crocs at home. They’re ugly! They never leave the house. Slides have fallen off when I’m on our wood stairs, crocs have a nice sticky sole with optional back strap. I use more for my back, which gets sore when I’m standing a lot in the kitchen, but it would also help knees.
Anon
Birkenstock clogs.
Don’t forget the break in schedule as the cork footbed conforms to your foot – 2,4,6,8, which refers to the number of hours you should wear them on days 1,2,3,4. After day 4 they’re broken in enough to wear all day.
SmallLawAtl
Wearing Oofos in the house cured my plantar fasciitis after months of trying everything else.
Anonyz
The Vionic Jackie slipper is my current house shoe; it gets five stars from me. I have sciatica and a bad knee.
Anon Probate Atty
Ugg slippers lined with shearling are so cozy and supportive. Love them.
SSJD
I also recommend Oofos. They are marketed as “recovery shoes” for runners. I love the support and wear them as my indoor shoe/slipper.
Anon
You need to get yourself a pair of house Birks!
Anon
I feel like I post these daily ha. They’re practically real shoes but way more comfortable. And they’re all I’ve worn since March. https://www.sperry.com/en/shearling-cup-sole-slipper/35649W.html
flat feet
I keep thinking that WFH right now is the golden opportunity to “do something” about my flat, inward-pronating feet. Never has there been less pressure to wear cute shoes. But I don’t know WHAT to do. Do I want orthopedic shoes? Would nursing clogs accomplish this? OR insoles like the ones from SuperFeet, which I’ve had physical therapists suggest for running? any suggestions very welcome.
Anon
What do you mean, “do something”? If you mean some, possibly permanent, intervention, see a podiatrist. Hell, see a podiatrist anyway, for an actual diagnosis if you’re having foot pain.
Anon
Go to a podiatrist and get an orthotic. Wear it in a pair of supportive shoes.
I know what you mean. My plantar fasciitis and Morton’s neuroma have almost completely resolved, slowly, since staying home.
Anon
Combination of exercises (PT) and orthotic inserts (for when you are trying to exercise the rest of your body, or get somewhere, as opposed to when you are focusing on exercising your feet).
Gift idea
Best friend is across the country and having fibroid surgery one week from today, has a 13 month old, and is on her own for recovery and in general, though she has help from neighbors. Super healthy eater, had gastric bypass within the past year, has a ton of baby stuff, is high risk so she stays pretty locked down. I want to send something (I’d otherwise be offering to go in person to care for her and baby, as I have in the past). Ideas? I figure flowers are super costly and die fast, plants may require maintenance when she doesn’t have more to give as she parents a baby, etc. Thanks!
Anon
Maybe a subscription to the PBS kids (through Amazon), or Disney+? I would guess screen time concerns would go out the window in these circumstances?
The original Scarlett
I like sending succulents from The Sill – you can sort by maintenance required, and there’s some that you only water once in a blue moon
pugsnbourbon
Oof, that’s a lot to handle! There are some health-focused meal delivery programs – Daily Harvest is the one I always hear on podcast. Maybe a week’s supply and she could freeze what she doesn’t use?
Alternatively – a really nice bathroom or one of those barefoot dreams cardigans – something soft and cozy.
Editor
Depends on the type of surgery. I had UFE, uterine fibroid embolization, and was out and about either that afternoon or the next day. It was a tiny incision, and as usual, the worst effects were from the anesthesia. HMMV however. Just to say that it might not be so debilitating but that any/all of the pampering or child-busying ideas here are good.
Personally I would have gone for the ready meals one, a delivered dinner.
Anon
That’s really tough. I’d send a box of new toys for the kid and order delivery a few times. Maybe also coordinate a grocery delivery of easy snacks and frozen meals,
The Original ...
Let’s play a game!
You were just given $10,000. Your only parameters are that we’re still in covid-reality and you must spend it frivolously. How do you spend it? GO!
Curious
(1) make my closet as wonderful as Senior Attorney’s
(2) buy a couch
I think I’m out of money ;)
Anonymous
Personal chef to prep all my meals and drop them at my door. SO tired of cooking.
Anon
A new 4K television (4K as in the technology, not the $ amount).
New couches for the living room.
Ellen
I love games! With $10,000 to spend that I would have to spend frivoulousley, I would stop by this website and buy most of the stuff I previously thought was to expensive. That way, I could remain socially distant, and still be fashionable when the pandemic was over.
Nonetheless, If I were to be responsible (which I prefer to be), I would donate all of the $10,000 to a few charities that deal with people that really need the money. Personally, I would prefer to do this, using the “easy come, easy go” mantra.
CHS
I’d hire a landscape architect to make my yard amaaaazing and super functional for the rest of the year.
Anonyz
Same. I have a ton of yard problems that require a professional, and there always seems to be a more urgent use for my house fund. I’m not even sure ten grand would cover it all: cut down all the dead pines, rip out and eradicate the poison, clear brush, level and sod the yards, rebuild the crumbling stone walls, and replace the broken front walkway.
Anonymous
Nope. I did about half of that and spent $20k :-(.
pugsnbourbon
Big same. We’ve done some work to make maintenance easier but it’s still such a drag.
Vicky Austin
ALL NEW FURNITURE, including something like this for me: https://www.jossandmain.com/furniture/pdp/hardwicke-secretary-desk-with-hutch-j000597035.html?piid=1526042401
Curious
Oh I forgot about desks. Take some budget from closet. Standing desk for me!!!
Abby
Not sure if you’d be interested in a standing desk that goes on top of an existing desk, but I saw one at Costco for $99!
AnonATL
Do they have this standing desk online too? Very interested
Abby
looks like they do actually, for $10 more. https://www.costco.com/seville-classics-airlift-pro-pneumatic-desk-riser.product.100672765.html
Abby
I’d buy a new couch and I’d get new grass put in our yard instead of trying to grow it myself with topsoil & seeds. I have never felt more adult than realizing my frivolous spending would be for GRASS.
Anon
I had sod installed and it wasn’t that expensive – it may be worth checking out
CountC
Hire The Home Edit to edit my entire house.
If not that, buy a new wardrobe from The Fold, and buy some art from an artist I have been following closely, and buy more jewelry from Kate Maller jewelry.
Anonymous
I like how you roll!
Anonymous
Frivously? Does landscaping count?
If not, then retiring my Tuscan villa master bathroom.
AnonInfinity
I would get my interior walls painted and then spend the rest on local art for the new colorful walls!
MagicUnicorn
I would spend it on flooring, a table saw, attic insulation, and interior paint. This would give us plenty of projects to work on through the winter and would make our house much more enjoyable.
Anon
I’m in Canada where things are open (albeit masked) so I would take a really luxurious staycation at a spa/hotel.
The rest I would spend at Sephora and one of those Frame TVs that look like art.
Anon
I have this TV and highly recommend it. I love art by day, tv by night.
Anonymous
Buy a new couch, dining table, and bedframe from nicer places like West Elm. Because… I’m still using the second-hand IKEA ones I bought for my first apartment out of college and I’m still using them in my 30s with my own house. The existing furniture I have is *functional* but a little mismatched and still very 20s-just-out-of-college vibe. At one point I’d figure I’d upgrade my furniture if I moved in with a partner, but since that relationship ended and I’m single, it never happened.
Anon100
Ooh I’d order takeout from fancy restaurants for a few weeks. I AM SO TIRED OF COOKING!
BB
Charter a private plane to fly to our favorite vacation destination and stay there for the next month…$10K will probably only cover the plane but I’ll take it!
Anon
I’d get air conditioning.
Anon
I can’t think of anything! And I can’t decide if I’m boring or lucky.
Maybe curtain rods and curtains, and someone to install them. I have blinds on my windows for privacy. I think curtains would look nice, but I’m not sure how long I’ll stay at my place so I haven’t wanted to spend the money on them. And a new coffee table, if I ever decide on what I want.
Alanna+of+Trebond
Cartier Tank Americaine (part of one).
BabyAssociate
Similarly, IWC Portofino (hand-wound)
Anon
Order takeout for every meal
Anonymous
All the amazing cashmere: robes, sweats.
Ribena
Spend it on a month long AirBnB stay in each of two places I’m thinking of moving. Is that frivolous?
Anon
A Herman Miller Aeron desk chair, size A, new (not open box or reconditioned). This doesn’t sound frivolous, but apparently Frugal Me thinks it is, as I have coveted it for years and never spent the $$. I don’t know what it would cost to replace my kitchen counters, but that’s where I would spend the rest of the money, even if I had to add some additional $$.
Anon
Solid wood box kitchen cabinets. I just can not deal with the sh*tty quality MDF that is so ubiquitous, including in my own kitchen
Thanks, it has pockets!
Probably spend it on stuff for my apartment – kitchen gadgets, more bookcases, and lots of wall art and fairy lights to highlight it all, plus some fun Halloween decorations. Probably place some big orders from Omaha Steaks and Sugarfina. And order all those fancy office clothes from Ann Taylor and WHBM that I’ve been drooling over but can’t justify buying because I don’t currently have a job.
Anon
I’d swap out my least favorite furniture and clothes and then send amazing custom gift baskets to all of my family members.
Not that Anne, the other Anne
Is renovating my entire kitchen for the express purpose of having a place for a dishwasher frivolous enough?
If not, all the cashmere.
Sloan Sabbith
1. Apple Watch ($600)
2. Downpayment fund payment ($4500)
3. New couch ($2200)
4. Re-up my Audible subscription for 2021 early ($250)
5. Buy gift cards for a trip after everything is back to normal. ($2000)
6. Roomba ($300)
7. A whole bunch of really nice candles ($150)
$10K done.
Abby
I ordered the Athleta masks last week, and threw in some workout clothes from Old Navy & Gap. Just received another package from Gap, but this time with a pair of jean shorts that I did NOT order.. but they are in my size and magically fit. Do I just keep them?
CountC
100% yes
Vicky Austin
Clearly someone in your sisterhood of the traveling shorts works in the Gap warehouse.
Abby
seriously..they’re a light wash which I don’t already have, but longer than I normally prefer so I folded up the raw hem and they fit like they were made for me.
Go for it
Call & tell them, then pay for the item.
Anon+Probate+Atty
I tried to return something I did not order more than once, and it blew the collective minds of Wayfair and Pottery Barn, with which the original orders were placed, creating a large headache for me both times. My new personal policy is to keep any items that a large national company accidentally sends me, but to call and try to return such items to a smaller company.
Anon
Agree with this personal policy, based on my experience trying to return an extra Christmas stocking that arrived in my post-Christmas shipment from Bed Bath and Beyond last year. I ordered 3 stockings and got 4. The items were on super-clearance post Christmas, and when I called to try to see how to return the extra, I got routed to four different people in Customer Service before someone finally just said “Ma’am, I appreciate your honesty but the item SKU isn’t even active any more and you purchased the item for $7 on clearance…I don’t think it’s anything you or the company needs to worry about.” I figured if they didn’t want it back, I didn’t want to ship it back without a return code and have it just get thrown in the dumpster.
Senior Attorney
I think this is an excellent policy.
Anon
Election strategies post! What is everyone doing? One poster had some great info yesterday about Black Voters Matter. I’m going to look into that, continue writing letters to voters with Vote Forward, and donate money. Before COVID, I had planned to take election day off to drive voters to the polls, but sadly that won’t be happening now. Anyone else doing anything cool? Let’s keep the energy high and the effort strong!
Been There
I applied to be a poll worker! Apparently my county (small state) has gotten more than 1000 applications, so I’m not sure what I’ll do if I’m not chosen.
Anon+Probate+Atty
I’m going to be a poll observer on Election Day…whatever that means. I have a training session next week so I’ll keep you posted if you’re interested.
Bonnie Kate
To anyone that is phone banking, please don’t judge people too harshly if they react rudely to your call. I’m very sympathetic to wanting to get out the vote and do whatever we can – I GET IT! I want the same thing as you, most likely. But as someone who lives in a swing state/pivot county – I’m getting 5-10 calls/texts a day already. I really try to just ignore most calls at this point, but if you get through to me I’m going to abruptly cut you off and hang up (hopefully kindly). I don’t have any better suggestions for election efforts and I hope that these efforts are effective, but just want to put it out there that a hang up doesn’t mean failure, it might just mean overwhelm.
Kitten
Yea I have to screen all of my calls because I’m experiencing the same thing (and not even in a swing state). I’m pretty good at using the internet and don’t need a random person calling me to inform me about candidates. Honestly if it’s a candidate or cause I’m neutral about it makes me less likely to support them. It seems tone deaf to call millennials, who are notorious for not even wanting to speak to their own friends on the phone.
Brunette+Elle+Woods
I signed up to make phone calls and went to a training but heard that people were getting 4 calls a night and angry about it. That made me hesitate. I don’t want to be yelled at and I don’t want to do anything to make the voters angry at a people calling ok Biden’s behalf.
Minnie Beebe
I applied to be an election judge, we’ll see if that works out.
Otherwise, I am donating to the Biden campaign directly, and have also set up donations to the Get Mitch fund.
And I am (slowly but surely) working my way through the 400 (!) Postcards to Swing States I ordered months ago. Not quite halfway there, and need to step it up a bit before my assigned mailing date of 10/24.
anon
So my boss’s boss effed up on the leadership front, and now his hesitation to focus on Big Issue over the past few months is now becoming *my* problem. He has proposed a project that would normally take months, not several weeks. During our busiest season. “Just put in a little extra effort over the next few weeks!” I am pushing back, proposing other ideas that would meet his needs, and it’s not going well. All because he stuck his head in the sand and is now facing criticism for it. FML. I am already burned out and I suspect the rest of my team is getting there, too. I had planned on taking this afternoon off to just chill out, and now I feel like it’s wrecked and this is all I’ll be able to think about.
Anonymous
Hmm, make some noises/actions like you’re doing something as asked, literally “a little extra effort” and just … lean out? Failure to plan on their part is not an emergency on your part.
Favorite Casual Pants Equivalent?
Can anyone recommend an equivalent to Old Navy Rockstar 24/7 jeggings? These pants in black are my absolute favorites but ON has been out of stock for a long time and my current pair has holes in them. I really need to order 1-2 new pairs of very similar pants at hopefully a reasonable cost. I like these jeggings because they are very soft and comfortable but still denim-looking. Thanks for any suggestions you can provide!
anon a mouse
Look at the Uniqlo leggings pants — I like them better than the Rockstars.
anon
It’s not an exact dupe, but I usually wear the Rockstar jeggings and then got a pair of Kut from the Kloth Donna jeans and they’re super soft and comfy.
AnonATL
Maybe those Levi jeggings from amazon that were featured here a couple months ago? They come in loads of colors.
Anon
Believe it or not Talbots jeggings are very similar. I have the style that only comes in black & denim. I don’t remember the style name.
Inheritance
I inherited some clothes that my fantastic aunt-in-law was getting rid of. They include some St. John pieces that fit. And amazingly do not wrinkle. No jackets, but things like skirts and sweaters. They are like pajamas, so I am keeping and probably going to wear at least at home.
QUESTION: the 80s are back, big time, in the rest of fashion. Remove the shoulder pads? Or keep? I never had St. John until now, so I didn’t wear this the first time they were in (but I did watch Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter on Dynasty and do love a good Joan Collins look). Remove and save?
If I had very short hair, you could really see the pads, but my hair is pretty long. They are some pretty serious pads. Not linebacker, but definitely there.
Anon
I would remove and keep the pads in case you want them back in later. But will the jackets drape the same without them? I.e. was the jacket made specifically to have big shoulder pads?
I can’t imagine the size and shape of ‘80s shoulder pads coming back. And I was a devotee. I wouldn’t wear a tee shirt without shoulder pads back then.
I’m envious of your inheritance!
Anon
I buy St John second all the time and remove the shoulder pads.
Anonymous
Leave the shoulder pads in. I tried removing some in a St John jacket and the shoulder line ended up wrinkly. I love my old St John pieces and if you wear just one in any given outfit you won’t look like an extra from Dynasty.
Anon
You can always have a seamstress/tailor remove the original pads and put in smaller ones if it doesn’t work well with no pads. Think of Princess Beatrice’s wedding dress. It originally had a crinoline, but when it was refreshed for her to wear, she either wore it without or with a much less poufy one. Quality timeless garments can definitely be refreshed.
Anon
I’ve heard people post here “failure of planning on your part is not an emergency on my part. How do you actually stick to that in the workplace? I have a colleague who regularly violates that rule, but how can you actually push back when you’re on team-based projects and you’ll be the one who looks bad if you drop the ball and miss the deadline? Obviously you can talk to their supervisors or raise the issue after the fact, but in the moment when they want you to pull a sudden all-nighter, how do you get out of it?
Anon
What’s the problem – you’re in charge of projects and they aren’t doing their part? Maybe do check ins to measure progress so that if it looks like something isn’t getting done as planned there is time to correct for it and potentially even get other resources assigned if this person isn’t working out.
Anon
No, it happens most often with a colleague at my level on the same project. He’ll be in charge of some task, but he is not a good planner and he’ll discover some predictable issue that puts him behind schedule. By the time the document comes to me for QA, it’s too late/rushed to do a full QA and I’m put in the position of HAVING to buckle down and do a rush job, often after hours, or we miss the deadline and “the team” looks bad.
anonshmanon
In this case, refusing to help might not work out. Maybe it’s a more realistic goal to push for greater recognition of your frequent role as the team’s lifesaver, which should lead to better compensation in the long run.
Anonymous
Change YOUR deadline from a fixed date (which is rushed), to “2 weeks after receipt of XX”, where XX is the late guy’s work.
Anon
I don’t see a problem with asking him to have it to you by a certain date so that you have time to review and asking the person leading the team if you can build that into the schedule. Or if you don’t get it by a certain deadline, bring up the issue. I’m not saying that you need to be unreasonable about it but certainly assert yourself and make it known to the team that you would prefer to have a certain time blocked out for review.
Anon
Yeah, he’s aware of deadlines and that he has a tendency to miss them (as are his supervisors). It’s more like endless “hey sorry this is late but here you go” which then results in a major scramble for me. He doesn’t seem to get held accountable for it, ever, but since it’s my job to get it over the finish line, the consequences of failure are more visible.
Anonymous
I had to do this yesterday, though my situation is slightly different. Reminded them that the original deadline was agreed to account for certain activities and if they only give me 12 hours to turn around a document, the extent of my review is going to be factual errors or substantial changes to the flow of the document. I do this the other way as well with people who hold up their part – sorry, but the deadlines are set with specific activities in mind, and if you don’t meet them, your opportunity for input is limited. Obviously pick your audience and priorities, if it’s a public document and the CEO is dragging his heels you just have to put up with it, but if it’s a peer you can set harder boundaries.
Clementine
God, I wish I knew. It’s the bosses of the department we work with (not even my bosses!) who put us in this position. Like literally, the deadline to get something done is Tuesday (the expedited deadline BTW) in order to get it done by Friday. They’ll tell us verbally on Tuesday at 5PM ‘oh yeah, they decided to do that’ then we sit around Wednesday waiting to get the actual documents we need to move forward, then it’s me and MY TEAM going nuts when they come through at 3PM the day after they were due and we need to get the other 47 steps to line up perfectly with absolutely no hiccups.
The one thing I’ve found slightly helpful is that if there’s a deadline that you don’t have control over – like it takes 4 days once it gets to the printer’s for production – have the hold up group on that call. Let them grovel and negotiate to shorten that timeline to 2 days.
Anon
I’m unfirable so YMMV, but I usually respond to ’emergencies’ by attaching some sort of email or official communication where I had already flagged the issues and in the body of the email I will write out something to the effect of ‘Hi Susan, Thanks for including me. Per the attachment I flagged this issue months ago and it was not addressed. I will work on this on Monday.” It’s really sassy but people have learned their lesson and don’t do it anymore.
CountC
I am not unfirable, although I have a skill set no one else does atm, so I pull something similar. I’ve gone so far as to be straight up and say, this was given to me last minute and I am unable to rearrange my priorities. I anticipate I will be able to address on XXX date. I try to offer up a stop gap if possible, but otherwise? NMP. And I also am often the last step in the process (legal review/approval).
MNF
This is the best email I’ve ever read. More tips on how to be “unfirable” please!
Anonymous
Talk to his supervisor now and tell them that this is always a problem. Ask for his advice. (Maybe see if you can give the late colleague an earlier due date so that if he misses it, it isn’t so critical. Or maybe the supervisor will coach him on having a firm due date. Or whatever)
Also drop the ball. Tell the colleague upfront you need it by a certain date in order to review it, or require 2 days (or whatever) from his submission to complete it. Meet your timelines and make it clear that he caused the delay if there is one.
Cool Sculpting?
Has anyone gotten Cool Sculpting? What body parts? How many sessions? I’m most interested in the stomach and chin areas but curious to hear about any type of results. The reviews at real self dot com seem mostly in favor but I would love any hive anecdotes. Or if anyone knows of a superior method for trimming down these stubborn areas that only seem to get worse with age despite diet and exercise, please share.
Anon Probate Atty
I haven’t but I’d love to hear others’ feedback, as well.
Anon
I haven’t but I have never heard anything positive about it from someone who wasn’t selling it. My impression is it’s a scam. I have heard “air sculpting” is a new trend in this space but I am not sure if it really works or not. A dumb MTV reality show I watch (Siesta Key) has a castmember (Chloe) who claims to have recently had it done and the results look incredible, but who knows if that’s all she really did.
Anonymous
I’ve also heard anecdotally that it’s a scam and can leave you lumpy or with a large clump of hardened fat in the treatment area.
Anon
It’s not that great. And it’s expensive enough that it’s not worth just a try.
I would consult with a plastic surgeon and skip straight to lipo. It’s amazing what they can do.
Anon
I’m looking for a cotton waffle weave blanket for my bed that isn’t stupid expensive. For some reason this has been very hard to find. I’ve found plenty of knit blankets, but that’s not really what I’m thinking of. Does anyone have any suggestions?
IKEA actually seems to have a good option but not sure I want to brave it right now and their online ordering is notoriously horrible!
curlsallday
So I love these blankets. Not going to lie one of my favorites is from walmart (mainstays) but Polo makes some lovely ones that they sell at macys (100% cotton blanket is the search term). I currently have one in every room of my house.
Ribena
I’ve had the Ikea one and I really like it. Try searching ‘cotton bedspread’ though, because I associate blankets with being knit or woollen.
OP
You’re right, I guess I am looking for a bedspread and not a blanket. I just want a layer between my top sheet and duvet so I can fold my duvet at the foot of my bed and it doesn’t look weird.
Minnie Beebe
I’ve gotten blankets like this for my bed from places like Marshalls/Homegoods. Plain 100% cotton waffle weave blankets, I know one of mine is Ralph Lauren brand not sure about the other? They are not bedspreads, however– I think of a bedspread as something that goes closer to the floor.
Anonymous
If you’re in Europe, H&M home does adult size waffled bedspreads. It looks like H&M US only have the children’s sizes.
Urban Outfitters Home has waffle comforters and duvet covers.
OP
I always forget about H&M, thank you!
AnonMPH
We have the Riley blanket, which is probably more expensive than you want but we love it.
anon
I just bought this and am trying to decide if should keep it. The fit on me is amazing, so it’s more about whether I like the print. I have dark skin so both white and yellow/gold/orange are good colors on me. But DH saw it and thinks it looks kind of weird. I’m trying to decide if I agree. help?
https://mmlafleur.com/shop/product/dresses/inez-dress-mosaic-print-goldenrod-ivory
Anon
I read your description and was expecting some kind of wild, weird print. This is very sedate. I can’t imagine anyone thinking this print is “weird.”
I’d fire your husband as your fashion consultant. Keep the dress. :)
CountC
+1 that print isn’t weird at all.
Anon
It’s not weird at all, it’s gorgeous!! Tell your husband to mind his business.
Anonymous
This dress is super cute!
Senior Attorney
It’s gorgeous.
pugsnbourbon
That’s lovely! I say keep it and rock it.
anonshmanon
totally a keeper!
Anon
If you have any doubts, the Inez Dress is a reliable MM staple, you could wait around for a print/lack of print/color you like better to come out or search for one in your size on Posh and Ebay
anon
Awesome, thank you all! also, re: Husband as a fashion consultant: he wears only 3 solid colors, red, blue and green with grey pants of varying shades. no jeans, and if he’s not at work he’ll wear a black t-shirt. So that’s probably why he thinks it’s weird!
Anonymous
Keep it…If anything it looks a little ‘out of season’ rather than ‘weird’. With the light background, to me this looks more like a spring/summer dress than fall/winter.
Anonymous
Is anyone else noticing that COVID precautions are becoming yet another thing for employers to secretly hold against employees? I hate the two faced nonsense we see with things like vacation time and parental leave – the official line is you should take it, but really we’re going to secretly believe you’re not committed to your career. I see the same thing happening with COVID. The official line is of course you can wfh if you don’t feel comfortable, meanwhile the decision makers are all back in the office, having meetings together in conference rooms (!), and grumbling about all the “lazy” wfh people.
Anonymous
Actually my employer is doing the opposite: making it look like they’re doing us a favor by allowing us to go back into the office. Meanwhile, we’re being monitored for productivity whether we’re in office or remote. Everyone is miserable.
Anon
Yeah and it’s bull. My workplace is claiming that any and all cultural issues we face are due to WFH, which is really frustrating because certain issues, such as there being no promotion tracks and unclear performance review standards, have been around for years. Plus, my boss is loathe to acknowledge that people are stressed because of the pandemic, but that WFH has actually been the best option in a difficult time. I’m sure she’s going to hold WFH against us in a year or so.
What's making me happy this week
For anyone looking for TV recs, I’ve been watching Superstore on Hulu and really enjoying it. I’m only on the second season, but so far it has similar vibes to Parks and Rec and Schitt’s Creek, so if you like those, it could be worth giving this a shot. It’s a nice break with everything else going on these days. Also, The Great British Bake Off is back, starting tonight on Netflix!
PNW
I have an edible with my name on it ready to go along with a nice cup of tea and the new Bake Off episode. Yay Friday.
Anonymous
You just made my day!
Anon
I love Superstore. The first season starts slow but it really hits its stride in the second season.
Anon
It’s starting to feel a tiny bit like fall around here and all I can think about is spending half a day in the kitchen making a long-simmering soup.
What are your favorite soup recipes?
anon
Ahhhh….what a lovely thought…our temps are cooling off later next week. Right now, I am planning to make Minestrone with all of the late summer vegetables still in the farmstands….
Anon
Right? I will be sick of soup by about February (just in time for the first spring veg here in NorCal, so that’s good) but right now it sounds so good and comforting.
CountC
I have made this a lot in the past. https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/creamy-white-bean-and-chorizo-soup
Bonnie Kate
I made homemade cream of mushroom soup a couple weeks ago when it dropped down a bit and it was SO GOOD. Not pretty at all, but delicious. I just googled some recipe with high reviews so I don’t remember which one it was, but it was easy and really good.
Also, buttering saltines and putting them into soup feels oddly decedent and is delicious.
312
This one, but I skip making the pie crust crackers:
https://www.thecookierookie.com/chicken-pot-pie-soup/
Ribena
I made a leek and butter bean one a while back and it was delicious! Also I like a sweet potato and tomato soup with some chipotle paste.
Anon
This isn’t groundbreaking, but I like putting orzo in chicken noodle soup instead of big egg noodles.
Vicky Austin
Just made a category in my recipe app for soups, so here I come:
made this one recently: https://www.budgetbytes.com/bacon-bean-potato-soup/
a perennial fave: https://pinchofyum.com/crockpot-chicken-wild-rice-soup (I never skip the wine and serve with these https://www.budgetbytes.com/rosemary-pepper-drop-biscuits/ and a little honey…seriously amazing)
I also love this one, from One Pan & Done by Molly Gilbert. It’s pure magic.
6 Tbsp butter
1 yellow onion, roughly chopped
Salt & pepper
3 large russet potatoes, peeled and cut into 3/4-inch pieces
1 lb carrots, peeled and roughly chopped
4 cups low-sodium vegetable or chicken broth
1/2 cup milk or half-and-half (technically optional)
Melt the butter in a Dutch oven; add onions and a bit of S&P and saute until soft. Add potatoes, carrots and broth. Bring to boil, then reduce to simmer covered for 20 minutes or until potatoes and carrots are soft. Blend into a smooth soup, stir in milk and season with a bit more S&P. Somehow it’s incredible on its own, but we also like to put croutons on it. Delicious.
Anon
Ooh this sounds great. I grew potatoes this summer for the first time and we are just now digging them up. It seems right to honor them as the focus of a soup like this.
I made scalloped potatoes last night, which I don’t think I’ve had since my mom used to make them when I was a kid, and omg yum!!’
Vicky Austin
Ooh, congrats on a successful garden!
Anonymous
I love soup! Baked potato soup (I usually just wing this–cook bacon, set aside, sautee onion in bacon grease, then add diced potatoes and chicken broth and cook potatoes till soft, add sour cream, bacon, cheese), creamy chicken tortilla soup (cooking classy website), minestrone soup (hungry runner girl website), chicken and wild rice (iowa girl eats website), green chile stew (also wing this–stew meat of whatever kind you want, potato, canned tomato, broth, onion, sometimes zucchini and/or corn, and green chile–I’m from New Mexico and we always have a freezer full), chicken noodle soup (I add parsnips along with carrots, celery and onion and use the wide egg noodles).
Aunt Jamesina
This stew is AMAZING. I’ve made it with many different cuts of beef and with lamb and it’s so, so good: https://simply-delicious-food.com/beef-shin-stew-with-parmesan-dumplings/
Chicken and dumplings with leeks from Smitten Kitchen: https://smittenkitchen.com/2007/12/chicken-and-dumplings/
Marcella Hazan’s Minestrone. Add a parmesan rind while it’s simmering for extra flavor: https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/minestrone-alla-romagnola-52501091
Lemony Lentil soup: https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/lemony-lentil-soup/
Anon
Thanks all so much!! I am so inspired and adding many of these to my paprika app. I’m also thinking of a butternut squash soup with Indian spices someone on here shared once, but I can’t seem to find it. I could wing it but I really do like tested recipes. The idea of Indian spice scents filling the house sounds so good right now.
Aunt Jamesina
I just make curried squash soup by sautéing an onion and some garlic, then toasting with the spices for a minute, I then add chicken or veggie broth (maybe 4-6 cups) and a cup or two of pureed squash (pumpkin or butternut), simmer for about ten minutes and puree with an immersion blender.
Anon
Minimalist baker thai carrot soup, delicious and easy https://minimalistbaker.com/creamy-thai-carrot-soup-with-basil/
Anon
Pumpkin chili from the Kitchn, but I use butternut squash instead and also double the beans.
Paging anonamouse
I was too late to Wednesday’s thread about chick-lit books, but have lots of recs. I read for mindless escapist entertainment— fluffy, light books with a side of romance are my jam.
Authors to add to your list:
Hester Browne (especially the Little Lady Agency trio)
Katie Fforde
Jill Mansell (she’s written dozens of books—I enjoyed them all)
Mhairi MacFarlane
Lauren Willig (her books outside of the Pink Carnation series will pass your SIL’s book cover sniff test. The Pink Carnation books have heavy spy/mystery elements but their covers look like historical romances—and they were my gateway to historical romances lol)
Ness
Great,
I say the next day this article and I though it could be worthy: https://www.stylist.co.uk/books/best-romantic-comedy-fiction-books/430279
Anon Probate Atty
Help me with a difficult pet issue. We have two cats and a dog. My older cat (age 11, soon to be 12) has, within the last few months, begun urinating and vomiting all over various carpets, couches, blankets and pillows. We’ve thrown out 2 expensive and fairly new carpets (after spending hours trying to clean them) and will soon likely need to throw out a third, which is a particular favorite of mine. Also, we’ve replaced two chairs which she has torn to pieces, likely with the help of our other cat, and we have had to pay to have vomit stains on a loveseat professionally cleaned, after I spent hours trying to clean it myself with a rented steamer. I’ve been able to save most of the blankets after soaking, scrubbing and washing them with Hex (thanks to the recommendations of posters here). The cat’s health is fine, according to the vet at her last checkup, 3 months ago. But due to her incontinence and destructiveness, I am beginning to consider putting the cat down. I feel guilty even saying it, but I think this is what people of previous generations would have done, and for good reason. I’m tired of replacing carpets and too busy for all this extra scrubbing and cleaning. My husband could probably be talked into the idea but my kids would likely never forgive me. I could make something up, I suppose. Am I right, or am I just a cold and unfeeling a*hole?
Anon Probate Atty
*Not carpets, they are area rugs (not sure why I typed that)
CountC
This sounds very frustrating and I empathize. If it were me, I’d get a second opinion from another vet. As a long-time cat owner who also fosters and does hopsice, nothing about urinating and vomiting all over as a behavior change sounds normal or healthy to me.
CountC
Also, I can’t quite tell, but it sounds like the change happened after the check-up. I would 100% get another health eval before euthanasia.
Anon Probate Atty
This started around 6 months ago. I did mention it to the vet at the last checkup, but received kind of a shoulder shrug after they examined her and ran the tests.
Anonymous
This. I don’t see how the cat’s health is fine if it is incontinent and vomitting.
Davis
Talk to your vet and tell them you need solutions. I had a cat with frequent vomiting and there’s a medicine to fix that symptom. Healthy cats don’t just vomit for no reason. I’m not spending the money on all the scans for my ancient cat, but I can at least stop the vomit so she can maintain weight and not be miserable (me too). There may be urinating solutions too.
Anon Probate Atty
Thank you. Just called and booked an appointment. I do feel coldhearted, but I don’t want to pay for a whole plethora of expensive scans on her, just to find out again that she’s “fine”. If there’s something they can do for just the urination and/or vomiting without a diagnosis, that makes me feel better.
Bonnie Kate
But she’s not fine – she’s vomiting and urinating all over. Again, not a cat owner, but I’d question any vet who told me this was normal. And then probably find a new one.
Anon
You owe it to your cat to be there with her when the vet puts her down, but yes, euthanasia is an ethical option for a pet that cannot reasonably be rehomed.
Before you get to that point though, I’d encourage you to get a second opinion at a feline only specialty clinic, because none of this behavior is within the realm of normal. From your timetable of events, it sounds like these issues started in earnest after her last checkup?
Can you confine her to a comfortable, but sparsely furnished room or large crate (with her litterbox) unless you’re there to supervise?
Bonnie Kate
I would go back to the vet. Vomiting and uncontrolled urinating doesn’t seem healthy at all. I’ve never had a cat though, only dogs, so maybe this is an aging cat thing?
If that is healthy aging cat behavior, way before I would put the cat down I would adjust my home and limit the areas the cat was able to have access to when not supervised. I wouldn’t replace the area rugs – they’re likely not absolutely necessary. Covers for the furniture. Putting blankets in a chest when not using them. Yes, all of this is going to make my home much less pretty (and I really take a lot of thought and pride into interior decorating of my spaces) but my values are an animals life > pretty home.
Putting an animal down, in my mind, is solely about their well-being and quality of life. If my pet’s quality of life is good, then I wouldn’t ever consider putting it down. If their quality of life is horrible and they are suffering needlessly, then putting it down is on the table.
Anon Probate Atty
I’m not sure either, as she is my first and oldest cat. From what I’ve heard, though, I think it’s fairly common. As far as putting things away: one of the issues here is I have two kids at home doing digital learning. I’m at the office every day, and my husband is locked in his home office and can’t provide much supervision to the kids, who are old enough to handle their own schooling. The kids are messy and constantly leaving stuff around. My daughter leaves blankets on the floor of her room all the time. But I’m not sure how much it matters as the cat sleeps in my daughter’s room, and the cat has peed directly on my daughter’s bedding (on the bed). I’ve told the kids many times before to keep the cat out of their rooms at night, but my daughter *loves* sleeping with her and doesn’t want to stop, and I don’t want to make euthanizing the cat an ultimatum – “you need to stop letting the cat in your room, or I’ll put the cat down” seems like a terrible thing to threaten, especially if we do end up euthanizing her. (And covers on the furniture in the living room – not sure how that would work. If the animal pees on the cover, wouldn’t it soak through to the furniture?) So if we’re talking about what’s doable, I do not think that keeping everything perfectly picked up, put away and covered is doable. I’m sure animal rescue people would have me hanged for that, but it’s true. We have a teenager in an extremely challenging phase right now that we *hope* is temporary (my son) and between that and work, my husband and I are so stressed out that we can’t take anymore.
Anonymous
I would buy a cat kennel and go with ‘kitty needs to sleep in the kennel so she doesn’t urinate in your bed. once they have peed in a spot, it’s important that they not be allowed to pee there again or it will continue.’
You have a lot on your plate. It’s completely reasonable to limit the cat to certain areas of the house until this is figured out.
Anon Probate Atty
Thank you, I will try this. Any suggestions for a good kennel? I have a feeling she’s going to hate it, since she’s used to having the run of the house..
Anon
No, aging alone doesn’t produce these symptoms at the age of 12; this isn’t common at all. These are symptoms of something wrong. I wouldn’t go back to the vet you saw last though.
Meanwhile, I can recommend the product Kids’n’Pets for anything that’s already been soiled.
Anon Probate Atty
Thanks. I still feel like a newbie with cats, even though I have two.
Anon
I’ve had really mixed experiences with vets. Some of them really seem to know how to run up the bill and don’t always have answers at the end. The vet that’s currently successfully treating my thirteen year old cat (whose symptoms were vomiting, urination, and weight loss) went out of his way to minimize tests, both for reasons of cost and for my cat’s comfort. My cat is doing so much better now. I’m not sure I would have known to seek a second opinion if it weren’t for the fact that my other cat, who is his brother and littermate, hasn’t aged a day, so the story that it’s just “aging” didn’t seem to hold up to me.
CountC
+1 I have had cats which have lived past 20 and none of them have ever done these types of things unless there is an underlying health issue. My current 16 year old cat occaisionally misses the corner of the box, so I put up a puppy pad, but otherwise, he uses the box normally and has the occaisional hair ball related upchuck. My mom currently has two hospice cats in their late 20s who have significant health issues and neither of them exhibit this behavior either.
Anon
Try putting a litter box in your daughter’s room, at least for a few weeks. I know that might not be super appealing, but if your daughter loves the cat, she can take responsibility for cleaning it daily and it definitely sounds better than the cat peeing on the bed or her blankets! If the cat is having trouble accessing the litter box, this might solve the problem. Any time a cat is having litter problems, you want to make sure the issue isn’t accessibility or an issue with multiple cats fighting over the box so doing everything you can to make it easy to go in the right place is important. It’s at least worth a shot before you consider putting the cat down.
Anon
You don’t put a pet down if they have a health issue you haven’t even looked into. There is clearly something wrong. Go to a different vet.
Anonymous
Ding ding ding! It’s so unethical to kill an animal without it receiving people veterinarian analysis.
Anonymous
Did your vet check the cats thyroid levels? Common issue with aging cats and can lead to lots of vomiting and easily treated. I ask because my sister had our family childhood cat, gave cat to me when she had second baby because cat threw up so much and it was all too much to manage. My vet found it right away, daily meds, and the puking stopped. My sister lives in a rural area, and we chalked it up to a vet that sees horses doesn’t care about cats as much.
Anon Probate Atty
Thanks, I’m not sure but I will double check. We did all the recommended tests last time.
Explorette
You aren’t being cold at all. That sounds very stressful! I hope the vet can provide some solutions, but if you need to put her down, that is okay too.
Anon
I’m sorry, that sounds really frustrating. If this is new behavior, clearly something is wrong with your cat, whether it’s physical or mental. If nothing comes up on blood work, then one explanation is stress. Is your cat stressed out by everyone being at home? Are people blocking access to her litter boxes or making her stressed about access to food and causing her to eat too fast? My cats vomit if they don’t get brushed daily, and they get super stressed out about food and eat too fast, which makes them regurgitate (different from vomiting).
In the meantime, can you contain her to rooms with less damagable material or put towels over your furniture to prevent damage? Your husband and kids also need to step up and help- this shouldn’t all be on you.
Anonymous
You sound like a good pet owner. However, OP is clearly not caring enough to notice if it’s vomit it regurgitation, just that is ruins her rug.
Anon Probate Atty
You didn’t ask me, but in fact, I did notice. It is vomit, not just regurgitation. And you need to go eat a muffin.
Anon Probate Atty
I remember now that the vet did suggest she might be stressed out. We got a script for anti-anxiety meds. Gave them to her for a week or two but didn’t notice any difference. And I am not sure what could be stressing her that started 6 months ago.
Anon
Wait, you’re being sarcastic, right? If this started six months ago I think it’s pretty much a given that pandemic related stress is causing it. I don’t know what anti-anxiety drugs she got, but human antidepressants and antianxiety drugs often take a month or two to make a difference, so I’d give them it time or try another and see if it helps.
Anon Probate Atty
No, I wasn’t. You could be right that it’s pandemic-related, but my memory is foggy as to exactly when it started. It could have been 5 months ago, it could have been 7. All I know is it’s been more than 3 months. My life has been so crazy for the last year, that memory has started to go as well (my father was hospitalized in May, died in June, and this whole past year we’ve had severe issued with my son, won’t go into detail here but please trust me it has been bad.)
Anon
I think it sounds like your family has had a generally stressful time and your cat has been picking up on that, whether it’s changes from the pandemic or everything else. My sympathies to you and your family. There’s also one other possibility I hesitate to mention and you should ignore and forget I brought it up if this doesn’t apply, but is there any chance that your son is taking out any of his issues on the cat without your knowledge? I had teenage brothers with very serious anger problems and my parents had some very tough years dealing with them, though it all worked out in the end. I really hope all of you end up doing better soon!
Anon
6 months ago, when we all started being home all the time and everyone’s routines got upended when the whole country shut down?
Anon Probate Atty
Anon @1:56, no, thankfully, he is not an aggressive kid, and loves all the animals. Our problem falls more along the lines of depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and all that that entails.
Anonymous
Plus you said you and your family are stressed beyond belief. Cats pick up on that. This is an owner problem, not a cat problem. And the AD’s take more than a week to work, BTW.
Anon
Vet and animal behaviorist.
Anon
We had a similar situation when my youngest child was a baby and we ended up putting the cat down. It was heartbreaking and I still feel awful about it. But it was the right thing to do – we had 2 sofa sets that got ruined plus countless other things. One time my other child plopped face down into a sofa chair that was covered in urine. It was really not a situation that we could sustain and we tried for over a year.
The vet thought it was anxiety so we tried some meds. Also special litter. Our problem did not include vomiting though.
Sending you hugs!! I know it is such a tough situation. We couldn’t bear to tell anyone what we did so we just said he got really sick and we had to put him down.
Anon
You didn’t even try rehoming the cat?
Anonyz
Inappropriate elimination is the number one reason that cats are surrendered to shelters. They are almost always put down. Nobody will take a cat that pisses all over the house.
Anon Probate Atty
Thank you! I appreciate the support. It is really tough because we rescued her a long time ago and we love her, but this situation is not sustainable.
Anonyz
You need a new vet. Don’t bother going back to this one. No cat that starts acting like this out of nowhere is “fine”. Your vet is lazy, sloppy, or incompetent.
The bulk of your post details your struggles to clean up after the cat, with little text given to her ailments. I can understand your frustration if you’re operating from the position of “cat is fine, just suddenly being a d1ck” but that’s not a thing animals randomly do. Please try to reframe this in your mind as a medical issue.
Anonymous
Cats urinate inappropriately to signal that something is wrong. It sounds like kitty is having a lot more hair balls than normal, too, which might be related to whatever issue she’s trying to tell you about. Is she over grooming, having other digestive issues, some kind of allergy, food intolerance, the list goes on. If you’re feeding her a normal store brand food, id start by getting her a better quality food that doesn’t have grains and other additives that are bad for cats. Your vet can give recommendations.
Kitten
When I was a little kid, our indoor/outdoor cat started urinating everywhere after we moved to a new house. My parents’ solution was to make the cat a fully outdoor cat. He actually lived a pretty long life and just hung out in the backyard most of the time. Two things that made this possible is we lived in a mild climate and suburban area with big yards. Not sure if that is an option, and I’m aware of all the problems with outdoor cats, but it seems nicer than just killing the cat.
As an adult I have an indoor, extremely pampered cat and yes, I do buy cheaper couches as I know she’ll destroy them with her claws. Cat urine is no joke though.
Anon
I had to do that with a spayed female who started spraying. There was no stopping her. She lived the rest of her life outdoors. Fortunately we live in a moderate climate and she really liked her little nest on the covered porch.
Anon
An idea from way out in left field – have the other pets thoroughly checked. When our little dog who was perfectly house trained started peeing all over the house, sometimes when we there in the same room. We had her thoroughly checked out and …nothing. Shortly thereafter the big dog goes to the vet because she suddenly seemed to get winded too easily. Big dog had a fast growing massive inoperable tumor. Little dog had been doing her damndest to signal that there was a problem, we just didn’t understand what she was trying to say. That was years ago and I still want to cry when I think of how we scolded little dog for peeing on the rugs.
Anonymous
You sound like such a good an empathetic person, don’t beat yourself up.
Anon for this
Cats are very, very good at hiding illness. I would go to the same vet again or get a second opinion. The worst that can happen is that they agree it’s nothing and you can make a decision. We just had to put our elderly cat down after similar behavior and I wish that we had gone to the vet as soon as we noticed any behavior change, rather than chalking the peeing around the house up to stress. We, too, had just been to the vet so thought it couldn’t be anything medical. He probably suffered unnecessarily. But I’m trying to be gentle with myself because we truly, really didn’t notice his overall decline due to the immense amount of stress we have been under the last 6 months. So be gentle with yourself, too.
Anon Probate Atty
Thank you. I’m almost crying over here. I know 2020 has sucked for everyone, but it has sucked for me beyond belief. In listing my stressful events above (father dying, teenager’s behavior and mental issues) I actually temporarily forgot about my gallbladder surgery last month. Like I said, our stress is so high that it is causing me to lose my memory. I just truly can’t do this situation anymore.
Another anonymous judge
I have no cat advice for you but from across the internet may I send you some good wishes and good vibes? Having been there, I assure you that it is impossible to overestimate the distress that the situation with your son is causing you – leaving aside your father/the pandemic/your surgery/cat issues, etc. etc. I will hope for better days ahead for you and your family – this internet stranger is cheering for you anyway.
Anon+Probate+Atty
Thank you, truly, so much.
Anon for this
Virtual internet stranger hugs. You really have been under a lot of stress – all of that would be enough to put me over the edge, let alone in a pandemic. I hope you can get some relief on all fronts and an answer about your dear kitty.
Anon+Probate+Atty
Thank you :)
Serafina
My heart goes out to you. It sounds like this is an added stress on top of an incredibly stressful few months for you and your family. I absolutely love my two cats, but also wouldn’t find it sustainable to clean up constant vomit and urine from them.
That said… I really hope you can try to solve this problem before putting the kitty down. A few thoughts:
1) I echo everyone on getting another consult from the vet. My cats also act up a bit when they are stressed and want attention – maybe try adding hiding places, playtime, scratcher toys, and litterboxes (and scoop more often). Also try a different food – my cats sometimes develop a sensitivity to one and have weekly vomits for a while, but we switched foods and it’s been a lot better (I think it might have been pea protein or carageenan?)
2) In the meantime, cover the couches (will help with scratches) and consider a plastic cover for urine.
3) Can your family help? You mention your kids are old enough to manage their own homeschooling. That means they’re old enough to help with cleanup, especially if they love the cat. If the kids leave out a blanket and it gets vomited on, the kids can clean the blanket. If your daughter wants to sleep with the cat, then she can manage a litterbox in her room, or clean the bedspread if it gets dirty.
I know it feels like a lot of work in an already hard time, but I think there’s a good chance you can fix this. Good luck!
Anon
I think you need to either put the cat down or get it the vet care or needs. Doing nothing is just letting it suffer for how long – months on end? Don’t beat yourself up, just take care of it for the cat’s sake.
Anon
*it* needs
It is so hard to know when to put an animal down. But I think you need to make this a priority one way or the other – whether committed vet care or euthanasia – for the cat’s sake, despite all the other tragic stressors (I’m so, so sorry).
Anon+Probate+Atty
Thank you, your support is very much appreciated. I really have been missing my mom lately (she’s passed away 26 years ago) as I know I could have learned in her for support in times like these.
Anon+Probate+Atty
*leaned on her
Sigh.
Anon
Maybe there’s some sort of self-care, as well!
Anonymous
To add to everything else that has been said…. in addition to vet etc, we found that our cats needed more boxes than seems necessary.
We have 4 litter boxes for 2 cats who like to pee in inappropriate places. They have gotten fussier about box cleanliness as they get older.
Cabinet color
Trying to decide on a blue or grey for my kitchen cabinet lowers. I like Hale Navy by Benjamin Moore but worried it will be too dark maybe a slate blue-grey is better? White oak floors and white uppers, south facing room with lots of light. Anyone have a blue or bluish grey they love for kitchens?
Anon
Check out the blog Laurel Bern Interiors. I love the paint colors she highlights, including lots of blues.
Veronica Mars
I’d avoid navy because it’s so on trend right now, especially white uppers and navy lowers. I’d look at Maria Killim’s color workshops and resources for color ideas.