Suit of the Week: Banana Republic
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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
What a pretty, pretty color for a suit! We've featured this brand and this exact line (Banana Republic, Sculpted Wool), but I do believe this colorway is new for the season. I love the suit — it obviously looks great with green on green styling, but I think it also works with browns, whites, creams, navy, and black, and for a bit of a contrasting element try a purple or pink (light or dark), light blue, or a cobalt.
While I don't recommend the bandeau styling of the scarf for work, I do feel like scarves-styled-in-interesting ways are making a comeback. TikToker @ClaudyMoreira1 is a must-watch if you're interested; the stuff she does with scarves and blazers is amazing. (Apparently Vogue calls her “the queen of scarves!”).
The suit is available at Banana Republic; it has matching straight and wide-leg trousers and comes in regular and petite sizes. The pieces are $150-$230 but you can take an extra 40% off because of the semi-annual Friends & Family event that both BR and Banana Republic Factory are having right now. (The pictured scarf is $100, but also 40% off today.)
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Sales of note for 1/31/25:
- Ann Taylor – Suiting Event – 30% off suiting + 30% off tops
- Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20 off your $100+ purchase
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off winter layers
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off sweaters and pants
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops + extra 60% off all other markdowns
Oooh I’ve been wanting a suit in this color for a while. It’s gorgeous.
dumb question – would they have this in a BR Factory store? Looks like the BR stores near me all closed permanently. I’d prefer to try it on, I suck at guessing sizes.
No – BR factory is its own line, made specifically for factory.
Yes! I bought a pair of pants in this color from BRF, and they were gorgeous. Unfortunately they didn’t fit right, so I had to return. (I typically do very well with Banana’s tops, but not so much with pants.)
They often have similar items to what they sell at regular BR so it wouldn’t hurt to look.
It’s stunning and I love the idea of a silky top like that under it
When & where should I look for off-season swimwear? It’s not urgent, so I can wait for sales, but I’d like to get a backup pair of swim shorts and a tankini top or two, and would definitely prefer not to pay through the nose for it.
I like swimoutlet.com for year-round use.
Lands’ End, currently 60% off.
Athleta
Amazon. I got a retro style two-piece from there that I love. The brand is Tempt Me and looks kind of low rent, but the quality is pretty decent for the price. It’s no Prana (which, I often can find on Amazon or Zappos, too), but it’s not terrible.
I checked last week and Target still has a bunch in their online clearance.
Swim shorts: Eddie Bauer Tidal shorts and Amphib shorts are the bomb-diggity and they are on sale. They are literally perfect. (They are not lined. I prefer this.)
Land’s End also has swim shorts and skirt/skorts, lined and unlined.
Travel recommendations for a northern lights trip for about a week over New Years? DH and I are considering a trip to Yellowknife. Should we split our time between staying in the city and staying in a cabin somewhere? Can we drive the ice road by ourselves at that time of year?
I was also considering Tromso, Norway. We’re flying from the east coast the the flight times look about the same but I’m not sure if there’s as much to do. I love Iceland but I’ve heard the weather is a little unpredictable for seeing the lights. Not considering Alaska because we’re going next summer. Open to other recommendations!
I feel like if you plan a whole trip just around the lights you’re going to be disappointed? They’re not that reliable. It depends a lot on the level of solar activity and the forecasts aren’t very good until a couple of days out. I would go somewhere where you’re going to have a great vacation if you don’t see the lights, and then if you do it will be the icing on the cake that turns a great vacation into an unforgettable one. My vote would be for Iceland.
+1 for this. Go somewhere you’ll enjoy either way.
While Tromso is one of the most reliable places to get to see the Northern Lights, even there you need the weather to be on your side. If you do go to Tromso, maybe avoid (or get tickets) to the Tromso International Film Festival in mid-January. Tromso is a great place for dog-sleighing, whale-safaris, winter sports of all kinds, if you want an active holiday.
This. I’ve been to much higher latitudes in winter and the only place I’ve ever seen the Northern Lights was in Banff in October. It’s unpredictable.
It’s been a good couple of years for solar flares, so I don’t think it’s weird to plan a trip around that.
I don’t think it’s “weird”! I definitely understand the desire to see them. I just think it doesn’t make sense to go to a place if all you want to do is see the lights, because it’s nature and can’t be guaranteed. Better to plan a trip to a place you’d actually enjoy even if you don’t get to see the lights.
I am a JAG and covered Yellowknife for six months while a colleague was deployed. I absolutely loved it BUT it is very small, and very gritty. It’s not gentrified at all (or wasn’t 8 years ago), however that said, there were a few good restaurants and there are lots of activities. I stayed in the one big hotel in town and it was packed with Japanese tourists who wanted to get busy in a remote cabin because apparently there is some mystical properties associated with conceiving under the lights. Those tourists all came back to the hotel and didn’t stay out on the land overnight. I actually didn’t see the lights once while I was there so maybe research that. Whitehorse was much more gentrified and I did see the lights there and did dog sledding.
I’m a NWT barred lawyer and I think fall is the best time to see them in Yellowknife? So you might have missed your window. My colleague just came back from visiting and had some unreal photos. If you really want to go north in Canada, you can also try Inuvik but if you think Yellowknife is small, Inuvik is positively tiny.
I would agree with the person who suggested Banff. Try one of the smaller mountain communities in Alberta or BC and you might be surprised.
We went to Tromso several years ago at Thanksgiving and successfully saw the northern lights. We had a great trip, but did not stay a full week. We spent one day/night in Oslo on the way back.
I’d go to Fairbanks. It’s a totally different place in January than the winter, and different from other parts of the state if your summer trip is more coastal.
March is really the best time for Northern lights in the Fairbanks area. Also, it could very easily be -30 or -40 in Fairbanks in January. Those temps really limit your opportunities for other fun outdoor activities like dog sledding, snow showing, xc skiing, hot springs etc. Not a fan of Fbks in January.
I’m in a statewide leadership program this year (year long commitment with multiple in-person meetings across the state). Past year photos are business formal attire, but this year the “Guide” specifically says business casual, jeans are OK, and we should wear comfortable shoes as every day we will have a walking tour.
I personally do not like the white sneakers look – I feel like my feet look like boats, ha! – so I’m looking for the equivalent to the dressy sneakers I see many men wearing with suit pants. I’m guessing I’ll mostly wear these shoes with dark rinse full length jeans or pull on ankle length Eileen Fisher/Athleta/Loft pants in black or olive.
Any suggestions?
Watching with interest. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get into the giant white sneakers paired with dress pants.
Cole Haan’s grand line has sneaker-like oxfords and loafers.
Currently wearing my cole haan oxfords- they’re awesome.
Maybe the Cole Haan Zero Grand Oxford? It is more of a sneaker than an oxford despite the name.
You will never find white sneakers on my massive feet.
Cole Haan really is the perfect brand for this category.
What about ecco? I feel like a leather slip on loafer/sneaker hybrid probably has the best chance of looking stylish. Or you can go for a lace up brogue look, which they offer as well.
Do you know if the walking will be outside, and thus require actual sneaker-like shoes, or could you just wear oxfords or loafers?
I have a pair of Vince slip-on leather sneakers with a mostly black snakeskin print that are perfect for this type of thing. Looks like they aren’t being made anymore, but Nordstrom has a lot of options for something similar in leather, suede, or perforated leather.
ugg sneakers with knit tips from Nordstrom or Rothys
Like this pair
https://posh.mk/b0rRea66vtb
+1 to the slip on leather sneakers. I have both the Vince Blair (in pink…very versatile) and the UGG Abie (in black with a slight platform). I find the UGG’s so much more comfortable. The Vince’s are too flat soled or something…
I’ve started buying Veja sneakers (not the white leather ones) to match my suits and trousers. They have a lot of color combinations and especially if you have a capsule wardrobe you can get something stylish, versatile, fun, and comfortable. Take a look at the Dekkans, the Condor 2s, and the Rio Brancos.
What about a pair of lugsole loafers or oxfords? You’d be very ontrend!
Ecco sneakers have lots of different colours. They don’t have to be white! I have pale pink, which goes with lots, and like the way blues pair with outfits too!
I have the Johnson and Murphy Callie in black and in leopard print that I wear as my “business” sneakers.
Can someone explain pant rises and lengths? I see a lot of high waist, cropped pants of different widths (skinny, wide leg, slight crop flare) and a lot of mid rise waist, full length pants (skinny, straight, boot cut, flare). But I don’t see a lot of high waist full length pants, or mid rise crop. Is this because of some proportions thing? Does it look weird? I am average height and proportions…I feel like I want a chart like the charts that suggest which boot height to wear with different skirts!
It’s because retailers like to screw with us! JMHO, of course.
I feel like mid-rise crop would be a weird proportion, but I also would love to see full length high rise pants.
The Ruby full-length version from J Crew Factory is a high rise!
I get them from Talbots. Yeah, I know, but they’re a classic style and that’s what Talbot’s does best.
You can avoid the nautical pullover with embroidered lobsters.
I’m this close to buying the sweater with the giant zebra on it.
Lots of full length, high-rise ariund, especially wider legs.
Mid-rise culottes might be a challenge to pull off, the legs will look a lot shorter than reality, but cropped slim ones are there, at least for jeans.
where is this chart please?
I feel like it boils down to:
rise = fit + comfort
length = fashion + warmth
So as a long-waisted human, I like a mid or high rise. And in the winter I need full length because I live in the upper Midwest and frostbite is not pleasant. But this past summer ankle length was fashionable, so that’s been cool. And crop length might come back in style someday, but right now it just looks like I outgrew my pants so regardless of the rise I’ll wait on that length.
But I can’t do low rise if I want to safely sit down without wardrobe malfunctions, regardless of the season.
I’ve been looking at a lot of IG and blogs for this info, which is too complex for my brain right now. Photos are helpful:
https://jolynneshane.com/womens-pant-styles-and-hem-lengths-demystified.html
https://www.merricksart.com/flared-jeans/
https://www.merricksart.com/shoes-with-mom-jeans/
Screaming into the void, not entirely sure what I’m looking for. I’m a scientist, in my org managers are not scientists and are just responsible for people-management things. I was invited to present my latest research at a conference, I sought the approvals, scheduled the travel, put together my deck and then my manager decided he wanted to go on the trip instead of me. This happens often and is demoralizing since it really hurts my professional reputation, my boss doesn’t have the expertise to answer questions, and my boss gets credit for my work since his name is on the presentation not mine. I don’t think my boss does this maliciously, it’s just a fun trip to escape the kids. Blah
You were invited, you got the approvals. Tell your boss that this is important to you. I would pitch an entire fit over this.
My boss knows it’s important but he has 2 teenagers at home and the lure of being away from them for a week is more important.
Which is terrible justification for stealing your opportunity. Stand up to him!!!
No teenager is so annoying that he can’t be their dad for a week. Jesus. I’d hate to be your boss’ wife!
Oops, spouse. Doesn’t sound like he pulls his weight regardless.
He’s divorced, lol. Thanks for the comments all, I’ll try and formulate a plan to push back, there’s a lot of factors in play (his 25 years industry experience to my 5 years for example) which make it a bit more tricky. I’d be less salty if he made his own effing deck and did all the legwork himself.
Meh I think it’s mostly a joke. To be clear, boss is 100% in the wrong for trying to steal OP’s trip and she is right to be outraged. But I don’t think you need to clutch your pearls on behalf of the boss’s wife. I would love a fun business trip away from my family and I tell my husband that all the time. I’m sure that will only be more true when my kids are teens.
Ooh, I’d escalate. Who’s your boss’s boss? Who’s the head of scientists? Go to one of those people and say this research is important to you and you want to be the one to present it.
You have a legit reason for going. Pitch a fit over this.
Do the conference organizers want your boss there knowing he didn’t do the research? Also you may want to raise this to the organizers – it is very likely they want you there for gender diversity purposes, so THEY might not want him there. Also if that doesn’t work I’d raise this to HR under the ‘I’m sure boss doesn’t realize, but blocking the female scientists from presenting their own work looks terrible from a DEI perspective and doesn’t showcase us in the best light regardless as boss is not the subject matter expert!’.
In mod, but I’d also reach out to the conference organizers. I’d bet they want you there (at least in part) to help with their gender diversity so THEY might not want (another) guy presenting your work.
Also this is a terrible look for him, I’d be shocked if HR is ok with ‘male manager who did none of the work blocked female scientist from presenting her research’ when it’s put to them plainly.
Agree with everyone else and also holy crap is your boss an ass.
What? New job ASAP.
I would also present it as something that has to be approved by the conference organizers as your presentation is usually accepted in part based on your reputation. You can’t just sub one scientist for another and especially not for a non-scientist. I’ve NEVER heard of this. Don’t the conference organizers pitch a fit?
I agree. You don’t just send someone to present who wasn’t invited, not without running by the conference organizers first!
Fully agree with everyone else – raise all types of hell here. Your boss doesn’t get to decide. Tell his boss why it’s a bad decision for him to go instead of you. What you bring to the table that boss doesn’t. AND tell your boss: “I am the only one capable of answering the questions and diving into the research. It does not make sense for you to attend this trip, and it will damage my professional reputation if you go instead of me. I will need to escalate this issue if we can’t resolve it between us.”
He is doing horrible things and should not be allowed to get away with it. Stealing your opportunity in order to go on a fun trip is bananas and needs to be stopped, immediately.
I would address the issue with your boss. You want to present your own work. You don’t want to insult the conference organizers because they specifically invited you. You want to meet other scientists at the conference for more research opportunities for your organization. Whatever else you can think of.
Don’t just accept it. Get what you want.
Don’t play small! Demand your worth and you might be suprised.
Surely if he’s not actually malicious, he’ll back down if push back?
That’s really really not right- especially if you were invited to give the talk, I can guarantee the conference organizers didn’t want your non-specialist people manager.
I’d raise the issue with your grandboss that this it taking away the opportunity for you, the expert, to form connections/collaborations that’d benefit your institution + be trained in new things + shows poorly when a non-specialist talks through scientific work.
I’m also guessing there’s a subtext of gender dynamics that I’ve seen a couple of times before and am fuming in your place.
This is NOT Ok. Ability to get future speaking gigs often relies on past speaking gig experience. Presenting is also a key part of resume experience. This isn’t like something where you are “ghostwriting” and can still note the experience to future employers–not presenting it makes it like you never did it. I would push back to your boss that this is an important professional development opportunity to you. If that doesn’t move him then mention it is as important to you as any other educational experience in how you are compensated. Hopefully that triggers something in him to realize this is taking away an earned benefit that could influence long-term retention.
I’m in publishing. When I have moved on from jobs, some of the most tangible aspects have been having high-quality work samples and the professional speaking opportunities. As I’ve advanced, the professional speaking gigs have become even more meaningful. Employers do notice. Don’t let him take this away from you. (And not even for a good reason like he feels he is more of an expert on the topic or what not. Honestly, my jaw dropped reading his lame excuse.).
This is like removing someone’s educational achievement or unfairly limiting future career opportunities for sport. I’m so angry for you right now.
Stand up to him! It doesn’t matter if he has twenty more years experience than you. It’s not his work and he can’t steal it.
Arguments to push:
1) They invited you, not him. It’s insulting to have him replace you without cause.
2) He doesn’t have research experience and you do. The conference organizers want you there for this reason.
3) It will damage your reputation.
4) It’s inappropriate and something you will need to report to his boss or HR if not dealt with between the two of you.
5) He has no grounds to steal your work and opportunity. JESUS.
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Stand up to him! It doesn’t matter if he has twenty more years experience than you. It’s not his work and he can’t steal it.
Arguments to push:
1) They invited you, not him. It’s insulting to have him replace you without cause.
2) He doesn’t have research experience and you do. The conference organizers want you there for this reason.
3) It will damage your reputation.
4) It’s inappropriate and something you will need to report to his boss or HR if not dealt with between the two of you.
5) He has no grounds to steal your work and opportunity.
I am not good at hair; can somebody tell me what to do with it? I have straight, fine, pretty thin hair that’s currently about shoulder length and I have always had a center part, since I was a toddler. I usually just wear it down and I don’t know that it’s the most polished look. Or maybe there are things I can do when I wear it down that will make it look less limp and sad? Anybody with similar hair have good ideas?
You can cut it to bob or long bob length, so it’s not as weighed down by the length & appears to have more volume.
Don’t put too many products on your hair. That will also weigh it down. Concentrate conditioner on your ends only.
How about a half up style sometimes to change it up?
A French twist is easy to do and it will stay up if you use the right clip for your hair (trial and error.)
Don’t cut lots of layers. They’ll just emphasize the thinness of your hair.
Oooh good point on the layers! Thanks for the tips!
Hello, hair twin! Two things I have done that help:
-I use a smaller claw clip to pull some of the hair back from my face in a half-up. It doesn’t have to be perfect, I can redo it throughout the day, and it works best on second-day hair with a bit of grip. You can also use hairspray. Just make sure your hair is brushed and it will look intentional enough to elevate the look.
-When I wash my hair, I try to make time to blow dry it, and what helps most here is using some Bumble and bumble Thickening Spray (blue bottle) on my roots, gently working it in with my fingers, and then combing my hair out while I dry upside down. That usually leaves me looking like I have a proper lion’s mane, but then I sleep on it and it settles a little.
I will try that Bumble and Bumble spray. Thanks!
Radical suggestion, in this era of the Gen Z takeover, but what about a side part? I think that looks more grownup and sophisticated than a center part.
Alternatively, consider going shorter. Or pull your bangs back on occasion.
TIGI Small Talk is a miracle worker for adding some bulk to fine hair.
My stylist has tried to get me to do a side part too, I just need to get over my fear of change and try it already.
Something else to consider is color and/or highlights. Mine is very fine but is less “flat” on my head when it’s dyed.
You could try a powder texturizer. Redken Powder Grip is one I’ve used in the past. Lift up a layer of your hair and sprinkle some on the roots. Then rub it in and it creates some lift.
+1. I have very fine, soft hair and powder is the best bang for my buck in terms of lift and texture.
I got a pixie because I’m too lazy to deal with my hair at shoulder length, but I know that’s an extreme measure :)
Girl, same. I have no skill or talent for doing hair. I need the haircut to do 90% of the work for me.
We are hair twins, and I also am pretty incapable of doing my own hair. Do you color your hair? I started highlighting in high school for this purpose, and now I do all-over color (sometimes with highlights/lowlights) to bulk it up some. I also second everyone saying going shorter may help–my hair looks a lot more full when it’s above my shoulders. I also just bought a set of hot rollers to try to add some volume to my hair (and hopefully I won’t burn myself the way I do with a curling iron). They haven’t arrived yet, but fingers crossed!
Random question. I’m one of the many 40 somethings here who is single with no kids. Probably will be permanently single and certainly won’t have my own kids. I’m mostly fine with that as I was never one who wanted to settle with someone just so I could have babies in time – was never a fan of babies or the 18 years of raising them. One of the things I’ve realized over the last half dozen years though is how much I enjoy kids and young adults say ages 15 through 25. I find them super interesting to talk to as they are developing their views, figuring out their own lives and careers. It’s funny when I look at social media I never get jealous of friends posting cute baby pictures or pictures of their 9 year old kids soccer games or birthday parties. I do feel some tugging at the heart strings when I see friends 10 years my senior doing college move in or going to parents weekend. I get that feeling of wow I’ll never have that.
There’s no way to have that, right? I feel like all the volunteer opportunities are always with young kids whether it is coaching soccer or big brothers big sisters. I legitimately have nothing to say to young kids and that’s when I think relationships are made with kids if you’re going to be a mentor type. I feel like by the time a kid is talking about college and heading off to college, her or she has parents to guide that process and they don’t need me.
Unfortunately family isn’t an option here. Logistically they are spread out all over the country and more importantly it’s a very competitive and judgmental type of family. So my cousins are the types who would tell their kid – don’t you discuss your hopes, dreams, and doubts with cousin x, what does she know anyway, she’s not even married or a mom. Meanwhile I am a lawyer, ivy educated etc. and I do think I have something to offer and am open minded – I think all kinds of livelihoods can be great from skilled trades to rocket science.
Easy solution, girl – start dating divorced men with kids. Yes, being a step-parent can be issue laden, but there’s tons of blended families and great situations too. I met my first husband after 40, you’re hardly destined to a life alone. Knowing you want older kids in your life, make that part of what you’re looking for.
Can you mentor high school students? Junior Achievement is a good organization for this.
What about volunteering with organizations that support kids aging out of foster care? Those organization exists, and your skills will certainly be needed. You could also get involved with becoming a child advocate (as you are a lawyer). Your local bar association likely has options, especially the family law section.
Excellent suggestion. This is an overlooked but very high-needs population that would see an enormous benefit to having someone like you in their lives.
In the alternative, there are programs offering wrap-around services to single pregnant women who want to escape a poverty cycle … lots of folks volunteer to help with the baby side of things, but those young women also need job coaching, career advice, financial education, etc. etc. and you might be a great fit for that. See, for example, Jeremiah Program which is in several states.
Very good idea!
There is actually a huge need for adults to mentor teenagers through the college and FAFSA application process, especially first generation college applicants. In my state there is a volunteer program called TNAchieves, there may be something similar where you live?
+ a million. You could check with your alma mater to see if they have opportunities to mentor first-gen students, too. I bet you’d be an incredible resource to them!
I am a mentor through my university’s scholarship programme for students who come from low income and otherwise low-higher-Ed-accessing households – it’s great for this, spending time with 18-22 year olds mostly and helping them see what possibilities there are and how to access them
There are MANY older children and teenagers in the foster system who need homes.
yes adopt an older kid
+1 to college mentorship programs. I mentor an international student, and I’m only 1 year older than her mom! It’s been very enjoyable, and I’ve done the program for 4 years.
Volunteer at a Girl Scout leader with the older age groups. One of my favorite leaders in high school was a woman who was childless by choice but volunteered as a leader with our group.
Also – do your friends have kids? My oldest is 11 but I know she’d love to have an honorary auntie because her actual aunt lives on the other side of the country and we only see her once a year. I did lots of one on one activities with my dad’s sister growing up – she was unmarried and no kids and I thought she was the coolest – she always took me to interesting plays and book readings, and we learned to paint together. We’re still close today.
All the little girls want to be Brownies and Juniors but the older girls can do so many amazing things and are so much fun! I like my Girl Scouts so much more as teenagers than I did when they were in elementary school.
Foster teens. They need you. If fostering isn’t for you, volunteer as a cASA volunteer or at a foster place and work with the teens.
Host household for foreign exchange students? Foster or adoptive mom to a teen (huge need for this)? Safe Families for Children (religious program)? College prep programs for low income kids?
I’ve loved being a foreign exchange host and wish I could do it more.
How about volunteering for an organization for gay teens? Lots of gay kids get thrown out from home and end up homeless or abused when their family find out they’re gay. There are places like half-way houses, foster care kids in need of mentors, Trevor project etc. – lots of teens and young adults who would love to have and adult on their side, and who could need help to figure out college, scholarships, getting a job, etc.
If you are interested in dating, I agree on dating divorced men with kids. Sometimes the best step parents are those who do NOT try to fill the role of the other parent but rather are another adult in the child’s life, a mentor etc.
Aside from dating though which going though it myself I know how hit or miss it is, I think the need that you’re talking about DOES exist. Reality is everyone wants to mentor and play with cute elementary schoolers and by the time kids are in high school or beyond they are on their own. I’d see if your university or universities local to you have any programs with students. You can step into it gradually. Kids even those who aren’t necessarily first gen and do have their own parents are figuring out life beyond mom and dad – they attend career panels and fireside chats regarding different careers, applying for internships etc. And then some kids often first gen need more help than that as they need to figure out how to balance making money in the summers with doing professional internships, how to handle interview lunches or other social events like that they’ve never done, need to figure out their career paths long term. This age group does need adult help and I’d say sometimes that adult helps needs to come from people that aren’t mom and dad because then it’s perceived as – mommy and daddy are just telling me to live the life they want, here’s this successful attorney talking to me about what I want and how to get there.
The Venturing program in scouts is ages 14-20 IIRC and co-Ed.
I was paired with a 13-y.o. in Big Brothers Big Sisters. The BBBS commitment is technically two years, but that never made sense to me and I always viewed it as a lifetime commitment, treated it that way, and communicated with my Little and her family in a way that communicated that. They responded in kind. Over the years I have helped my Little with college applications and financial aid decisions, helped her come out to her family, taken her to college orientation, moved her into and out of her dorms, attended her graduations, attended family holidays and celebrations of all kinds, including without her, given legal assistance to mulitple members of her family, and just run errands with or hung out with her mom and sister for fun. Next year I will be a bridesmaid in my Little’s wedding. It has been a great experience for someone who, like you, did not want to raise a child, doesn’t particularly understand or relate to young kids, but felt she had something valuable to offer a young person.
Join the Girl Scouts and lead a Girl Scout troop! Talk to your local Girl Scout council and see if there’s a way you could be a co-leader for a troop. It’s a lot of work, but it is an amazing opportunity to work with tween and teen girls.
There are hundreds of teenagers in foster care who need you. One of my colleagues got to know a teenage foster child who was living next door and she ended up adopting her.
Foster care! It doesn’t have to be long term. It can be short term respite care too. Or, if you think that’s not quite something that fits with your life at all, consider becoming a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) if that’s something that’s present in your state’s child welfare system. Your entire job as a CASA is to speak for the kid, which means getting to know them and what they want and need. So many times in a foster care situation, no one speaks for the kid, despite it being their life.
Signed,
Respite-only, teenager-only Foster Parent
Can you contact a local high school and see if there is a need for a club sponsor or coach? My background is publishing, and I have former colleagues who have served as yearbook (or maybe it was newspaper?) advisor. Or park district volunteer? Does the local community college have teaching opportunities?
As the mom of a teen, I am so grateful for my childless friends who invest in her. I think it’s more common for single friends to engage with little kids of friends, but don’t often stay engaged when they get older. My daughter benefits so much from the perspective of my women friends — college planning,career options, relationship (friend or romantic) drama, learning new things. I am sure if you have friends who have teens, they would love to have you engage with their older kids who don’t want advice from their own dumb mom.
Fostering or mentoring older kids.
Adoption?
Have any of you gotten a boob job? Thoughts on the experience?
I want one, but am scared of the surgery aspect and potential complications. I also feel like most look fake and would only want them if they looked natural.
Please research implant sickness if you are seriously considering. Not saying you should or should not, but it is something to be aware of.
+1. It is not an uncommon thing, from the sounds of it.
Honestly, I think that’s anecdata only. I would say it’s a smaller percentage than you think.
And you have to get them replaced every 10 years or so. So not one and done.
No you don’t. I got implants in 2005 and never needed any repairs or replacement. I had a bilateral mastectomy recently and will have reconstruction with implants later this year. Fwiw, my surgeon said breast implant illness is debatable and there is no studies showing a causal link.
There are many, many women with natural looking implants. My advice is to find a female surgeon with before/after pictures you like on real self.
I can’t give more advice because I went in the other direction.
I think there is an inherent risk with getting them, which is why I haven’t. You can’t know how your body will react or how the results will come out.
SIL got one when she felt insecure after her divorce, maybe around 2013? In 2021 she began struggling with a myriad of issues, shortness of breath being one of them. I can’t remember the others. We didn’t even realize she’d had a boob job because she was so private about it. I simply thought she’d gained weight in that area or was wearing a push up bra. But she revealed it to my husband when she needed financial help for the surgery to have them removed. ALL of her issues have disappeared.
SIL is very athletic and ultra careful about what she puts in her body, which made her decision all the more surprising. It also seems to have helped pinpoint the cause of her health problems. Weird example, but before having them removed, she was lactose intolerant. Now she is back to being able to eat ice cream again.
Your body may not have the same reaction, but her research revealed that many other women have had similar responses.
The two people I know that have gotten them (niece, friend) both said that the recovery was MUCH more intense than they anticipated going in. That said, they are are pleased with the results. Also, it takes a while for them to “settle” and assume a natural shape and position on the chest. Take your time in researching a surgeon.
Yes my friend got them recently and said recovery was two horrible weeks of pain but also that her only regret was not getting them sooner.
Read about explant experiences. I thought seriously about doing it, and I wanted to be sure that I wouldn’t regret it. I think the explant stories gave me a perspective that was different from the “my surgeon did a great job and I feel more confident now” stories. It helped me to make an informed decision.
Any women in their fifties or sixties have recommendations for activewear they like? I want to buy some new things for the gym, but not sure what’s most flattering for my age since my gym skews young.
At my very unfancy gym, I see women in their 50s and 60s wearing basically the same brands as younger women. Lots of Nike, Adidas and Under Armour cropped leggings and either a shirt or tank in athletic material.
I see a lot of Lululemon on women in that age range when I work out.
What kinds of activities are you doing at the gym? I am in my mid-40s, not 50s, but I have friends in that range at our gym, which also skews young. But the recs depend on your routine.
I love Athleta.
I ordered and got in a pair of wide-legged pants. I overall like the look, but I ran into a fit problem. They pull funny across the rise In front, with a combination of bunching and pulling. I can’t tell if this is a matter of needing to size up, or if this is just the way that this style of pants fits.
For those who wear this style, what is your experience? Should I try the next size, or should I pass and get my money back?
I was taught that any ‘whiskering’ or bunching across the front of pants means the fit is off. I couldn’t tell without seeing them if it’s an issue with the rise (not easily fixable) or an issue with the size being too small and pulling. I’ve had pants ‘whisker’ on at every size, sometimes the rise just doesn’t work for your body. If you have a good tailor they can tell you if it’s something you can tweak – my tailor typically charges $30-$60 for taking in waists depending on how complex the pants are (seaming/darts/set in waistbands make it more complex). I only tailor things I adore OR that I bought cheaply enough to factor the tailoring cost into the cost per wear.
I’m guessing it’s a problem with the rise. FWIW, I run into this more often with the higher rises, especially if they don’t have enough curve through the hip area.
Get a different pair, not a different size. The pulling is because your hips or arse are not accomodated by the cut. Those will fit very slim-hipped people, and are probably cut too straight in the hip for you.
Anyone have an idea of something fun to do on an October Saturday morning/afternoon in Tarrytown, NY?
We’re getting in to town Friday afternoon, but the wedding we’re attending is Saturday evening so we’re looking for something to kill a few hours during the morning/early afternoon hours before we need to start getting ready.
No children involved.
If you have a car to get there, I like visiting the Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture. You can walk around and see the crops, and the animals. It has an uber fancy restaurant (Blue Hill), but also a cafe.
Take a walk or bike ride on the Old Croton Aqueduct trail and/or visit Lyndhurst or Sunnyside. I think you can actually walk to to Lyndhurst on the trail. There are a lot of historic mansions in the area if you are into that kind of thing.
In case you want restaurant ideas, this blog post has a good collection. I can’t vouch for any of it, but I do enjoy plenty of the recipes she posts.
https://www.dinneralovestory.com/where-i-eat-drink-and-shop-in-westchester-2/
Banana Republic used to put out these crewneck cashmere/silk or silk/cotton sweaters every year that are absolute workhorses in my closet. I’ve probably collected 10 of them over the years and some are due to be replaced. I can’t wear 100% wool so they were perfect. Unfortunately it seems they’re not making them this year, most of the sweaters on their website are wool or super expensive or weird. (What has happened to BR?) Does anyone have any recommendations for alternatives? I am seriously mourning the loss of these sweaters!
Uniqlo is the answer you are looking for! You can get two for the price of one BR sweater. Wash them by hand though, otherwise they dont last.
J Crew has something similar. The current version is ribbed: https://www.jcrew.com/p/BG652?color_name=soft%20peri&colorProductCode=BG652&fit=Classic&display=all
Woolovers has silk-cotton blend and 100% cotton sweaters. At a lower price point, both Gap and Gap Factory have some 100% cotton sweaters, but they might be thicker than what you’re imagining.
I also have 6 or 7 of these BR silk and cotton blend sweaters!
Ugh, are scarf tops back? I mean, I wore them last time, so I don’t need to partake again, but what a terrible fashion idea.
Haha, yes! I can’t believe this suit is styled with one!
Right? It’s such a practical change from the usual no-shirt or sports bra suit styling.
Haha
Need outside opinions on guest space sleeping options. We have a finished basement. It is shaped sort of like a T, with a corner for our home gym, a corner for my workspace (FT WFH) and room to also create a guest space. I’m debating futon vs. daybed vs sofa bed, none of which seem perfect.
We semi regularly host friends from out of state, so I’d like to have enough space to sleep a couple. Not overly concerned about quality of mattress for friends, since they’ll be upgrading from our old offering of an air mattress ;) however since moving we now also need to host my MIL. She definitely would be more comfy in a real mattress, higher up off the ground than most futons/sofa beds. But I don’t love the idea of looking at a regular guest bed all the time, and seems less like we’d be able to the space as secondary living the way we might if there was a futon/sofa. Is there a way to style a double sized daybed that isn’t silly looking?
To add to the problem, I’m trying to do this on a budget, lol. Thanks to all for helping me pick the least bad option!
Murphy bed?
Most closet companies (California Closets, Closet Factory) do wall beds/Murphy beds. They can only be used with coil mattresses (because the mattress is upright the bed is closed!) so they are pretty comfortable. The bids I got were $5000-7000 for varying designs (although we went with a custom contractor for unrelated reasons)
My parents have a high-end fouton sofa with a memory foam topper that they bought separately. They keep the topper rolled up in the closet when not in use. It’s not ideal but it’s fine to sleep on and basically feels like a real bed.
For some reason I hadn’t considered a topper–thanks!
1) A high quality pull out couch with foldable foam mattress
2) A low to the ground day bed with trundle that can be utilized as a couch/seating space
3) Low to the ground modular couch that can be arranged into a bed shape.
If you have enough space in a corner or a deep closet, you could get an old school roll away queen bed.
We found a used American Leather sofa on FB mktplace. It wasn’t as comfortable as the hype made it out to be until we also added a memory foam topper.
In a similar situation, we bought a Flottebo from IKEA for under $1000 and use it with a foam mattress topper as a backup guest bed. It looks more chic than the average daybed. Have only slept single guests there so far, it might be a little crowded for two people.
Murphy bed from Costco
IKEA has the best sofa daybed HEMNES which converts to a double bed and has been fantastic for us! Sofa in our family room which turns into a double bed when we have guests or sleepovers.
I’d look at a murphy bed cabinet or pull out sofa. We have the attached in our basement – https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/canora-grey-audet-solid-wood-storage-murphy-bed-with-mattress-w001452996.html?piid=1154854060%2C1169355801
Unlike a traditional murphy bed, you don’t have to secure it to the wall. We put a memory foam topper on top of the mattress so it is more comfortable for guests, and it doesn’t look like an eyesore either.
We have a Murphy Cabinet bed and it works really well if you have the space and don’t need it to pull double duty. My parents come visit for months at a time and sleep on it comfortably.
Don’t bother unless you’re going to make a nice setup and you actually want people staying with you. I would take a section of your layout where the T has three walls (so at the top right or left) and carve that out as bedroom space. Put a real bed there, at least a queen presuming it fits and finish it out as a bedroom area. Get a folding screen room divider for the fourth wall. Routine, couches, etc. are miserable for guests and end up rarely used. Plus, it’s nice for you to have a real extra bedroom area to use when someone is sick or having a hard night.