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Updated: Nov 18, 2020 175 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Banana Republic Factory

Suit of the Week

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

I always do like BRF's washable suits, but it's hard to find them in fun colors like this lovely burgundy. I am now confused as to how many matching pieces there are, though (WHY, BRF, why) because some of the colors are “burgundy” and some are “beet root.” I can only assume they've pictured a burgundy blazer with beet root pants to show you they match? But perhaps I'm crazy.

I will note, though, that among the beet root options is a lovely knit blazer, which looks like a nice sweater blazer option (although the beet root knit blazer doesn't look to me like it matches the beet root pants because of different fabrics). So. Yes. The knit blazer is $31; the pictured (more structured) blazer is $47; the dress that probably matches the blazer is $36.

Do note there are a ton of crazy deals on the site because you can take 50% off clearance. (Also, their new sleepwear section looks really cute!)

collage of 4 women wearing washable suits
Above, some of our favorite options for washable suits for women as of 2023: one / two / three / four (not pictured but also)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Oh so anon

    Dear manager who has no social skills,

    Just because you don’t have interests outside of work and are miserable doesn’t mean you get to treat your team horribly. When I told you I have been sick since last night, I wasn’t exaggerating. I also didn’t mention that I’m afraid it’s Covid and it will disrupt the already disrupted Thanksgiving i planned with my household. I am not a robot and I’m tired of being told by HR we can “bring our whole selves to work” when we both know that isn’t true. I love working at this company except for you. Please consider how empathy could help this situation.

    Best regards,
    Your loyal servant

    • Skipper

      Oof! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m rooting for you to have allergies that are totally cured by a single benadryl and for your terrible manager to get a persistent forehead pimple.

    • Anon

      :( So sorry. Horrible managers are so so horrible. Also hoping it’s allergies (add flonase??) and that your manager also gets a fun recurrent cold sore.

    • Ellen

      Please pass this note on to your manager:

      “Just b/c you are a manager does not mean you are people smart. You need to be more caring during these covid times as you could not do the work of your people. In fact, most managers (mabye including you) are borderline clueless, as you have gotten your jobs not by whom you’ve Known, but by whom you’ve B***own. So get off your high horse and be nice to your people, b/c when you fall flat on your face, you should hope someone will pick you up.”

      Very truly yours,

      Ellen Barshevsky and the HIVE

  2. Jules

    Has anyone bought any cashmere items from Quince? Looking at the men’s half-zip as a gift and wondering about the quality. Thanks.

    • Annony

      The Mom Edit just did a review on Quince cashmere! I think she only tried the women’s so comments on the fit and style aren’t applicable but the quality is probably the same. She said that the quality is comparable to other low to mid range cashmere (Everlane, Jcrew, etc.) and much more affordable, just not comparable to thicker, higher quality brands.

  4. Anonymous

    I want to get my husband some new “nice” sweatpants for Christmas. We’re both WFH and he could use something that is comfortable for sitting at the desk all day, but also appropriate enough for running out to the mailbox and things like that. Any recommendations? If it can be bought at REI, that would be great.

    • Abby

      I got my husband Cloud Knit joggers from Outdoor Voices for his birthday thanks to recs from here and he loves them. I think they look really nice, but they’re not very thick, which he likes because he tends to overheat.

    • Annony

      I bought my non-sweatshirt wearing husband a pair of joggers from Lululemon – the City Sweat Jogger Fleece and he likes them a lot. Maybe not great for actually running (too thick) but very comfortable and flattering.

    • Anonymous

      tentree fleece sweatpants! you may have seen me post about them on here before. rei sells them as well. theyre a sustainable brand and i just got the terry set and got DH a fleece set that he loves

    • VB

      Uniqlo and Banana has a bunch of sweatpant-esque pants that are ideal for WFH. DH and I were at the mall this weekend and he immediately picked up a couple of these sweatpants. At Uniqlo, try the MEN DRY-EX ULTRA STRETCH JOGGER PANTS or the MEN ULTRA STRETCH DRY SWEATPANTS

    • Anonymous

      Just bought my husband Vuori joggers from REI. I got myself a pair of Vuori shorts this summer and the material is the most luxurious you can buy for loungewear (other than cashmere of course). Highly recommend. The joggers are pricey (~$90) but totally worth it, especially for WFH!

    • Anon

      Ugg sweatpants are divine. I have no idea if they still make them. I bought them for my now ex-bf probably six years ago. Given that I still remember them, they were clearly very soft. He loved them, too.

    • AnonMPH

      My husband is a little embarrassed to be a man who wears Lululemon but also wears his Lululemon joggers most days. I may buy him another pair for Christmas!

  5. Christmas Cards

    Has anyone ever sent Christmas cards (think photo cards) when they don’t have a partner? I’m in my early 30s, dating someone, though not seriously enough (yet) to send Christmas cards together. Especially this year since I’ll likely not see much of my extended family over the holidays (really any of them) I’d like to send Christmas cards. Is sending a photo card as a single person odd? Was thinking of using a photo I have of my dog & I with Santa from a year or so ago (his daycare does photos with Santa, yes I am very clearly a millennial).

    • Anonymous

      A friend of mine used to send cards with her cats very grumpily submitting to Santa hats. I always enjoyed them! So I say, sending a card is pretty much never the wrong call.

    • Anon

      It’s totally fine to send a picture of you with or without your dog. I bet your family and friends would love it.

    • Anonymous

      This might out me, but I do this every year. And I’ve never gotten anything but compliments from people. You don’t need to have a partner or kids to celebrate your life and share it with other people, and I have found that people are delighted to see it.

    • Clementine

      I have gotten photo cards from a single friend and her dog for many years. I cherish them. She also used to send one of those stereotypical Christmas letters and it was always hilarious.

      Go for it!

    • Anonymous

      Following with interest! I would be delighted to receive a photo card with you and your pet!

      I am also a single person, but have no pets so I’ve never sent a photo Christmas card of myself since I don’t want people to think I’m socially awkwarder than I already am. I have sent people generic Christmas/New Years cards with handwritten notes though, usually with a generic winter theme or an illustration of my state.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I wouldn’t think it was odd at all! In fact I’d like to see it, especially if there’s a dog on it.

      • Vicky Austin

        +1000. In fact, this is reminding me of my grandpa, who was so enamored of all his grand-dogs that he would send a separate card “from” the ones who lived near him to ours (we lived in another state). It was hilarious and we looked forward to it every year. Cards with dogs = thumbs up.

    • Anon

      Yes one of my best friends sends pics from her travels during the year. This year might be different! But I still expect and look forward to a card from her every year, and it has never occurred to me to find it strange to receive one just because she’s single.

    • Anon

      Yep, I’ve been sending Meowy Catsmas cards with pictures of me and my cat for the last 5 or 6 years and I was single for most of that time.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I’m happy to get any card of any sort from any of my friends. It seems I get fewer and fewer each year. Go for it!

    • Anonymous

      I ordered photo cards for the first time this year as a single lady! I figure who amongst my friends and family wouldn’t be delighted to receive a card.

    • anon

      Yes, I think it’s fine. Christmas cards are not limited to people with spouses and children!

    • cbackson

      I am partnered now but in my single days I always sent cards – first printed cards, but then I got my Very Awesome Dog and I started sending photo cards of him in various outfits. They were always big hits.

    • Anonymous

      I would vastly prefer a christmas photo of a friend and their dog, to the socially acceptable update about Timmy in preschool.

    • Anonymous

      I normally send pictures of the recipient and me together (if I have any), as a remembrance of fun things we’ve done together during the year, as well as “crazy” Christmas portrait.

      This year I’m thinking masked selfie dressed to the nines cuddling robot vacuum or a plant.

      • blueberry

        This is amazing, absolutely love it and I’m sure all your recipients will too

      • Anonymous

        Why did I read this as “naked selfie” … oh my, I crack myself up :D. I literally tried to imagine how you were going to pose with your vacuum so that the critical areas would be covered. I think you at least need an upright vacuum with a hose for that.

    • anonyK

      I have received a handful of cards like this over the years (often featuring pets) and I loved it. Definitely do it. No rule says photo cards are only for couples/kids. I think this would make people smile, which is the whole point of holiday cards.

    • Anonymous

      If I got a card like that from a friend, I would think she was awesome and self-confident and cool.

    • Anan

      I’m adding my voice to the “Do it!!!!!” column. I love actions that challenge the conventional narrative we are all stuck in.

    • American Girl

      Do it, please help break the weird convention that only marrieds with children and houses can send cards!

  6. SSJD

    Last week, my mother sent me a Chanel lip product (“nourishing lip care”). It feels great on my lips, and I’ve been using it occasionally. Suddenly, I’m noticing that my lips are peeling a lot. When I use my other lip balms (I have a Burt’s Bees lip balm at my desk, for example), it feels bad, as if it is making my lips exfoliate and peel. Anyone know what’s going on?

    • Vicky Austin

      You might be allergic to the Chanel one? (I also have a Burt’s Bees at my desk, haha.)

    • Anon

      Probably allergic to something in it. I had a lip balm that was making my lips dry and crack which caused me to put more on. Later discovered the allergy when I got hives.

  7. Anon

    Deterred by yesterday’s comments about skincare on amazon, any recommendations for cozy socks on amazon? I’m looking for something warm to wear around the house with slippers.

    Must be amazon due to the gift givers I need to make a list for insisting on amazon only.

    • Anonymous

      Amazon sells Darn Tough socks — I like them a lot (the wool blend hiking socks and long wool thinner ones for boots; the hiking ones I wear with crocks around the house). I would marry my socks if I could this time of year.

      • Anonymous

        +Darn Tough socks have a lifetime warranty and have held up really well for me for hiking and backpacking.

        • Anon

          Thanks both! I just put some darn tough ankle socks on my list! I saw a lot of mid length styles and that length kind of drives me crazy.

          • Anon

            Also zensah wool blend socks (the kind that have a left and a right). I love these, and Amazon is a good source.

    • Anon

      I was confused about whether the givers need to be able to order from Amazon or just find the item on your Amazon wish list? The wish lists for Amazon can have items from anywhere on the internet. How many gift givers need to be accommodated this way–and I only ask because that could be a lot socks!

      If it must be ordered from Amazon, and because I have never bought socks from Amazon, are there any books you’ve been wanting? This might be the perfect time to ask for them!

      • Anon

        They have amazon prime and want things that are eligible for amazon prime. I’ve put things like links to Cuyana in there in prior years and those things don’t get purchased.

        • Anon

          Put a Paper White on there ;-) Those are Prime eligible!
          Seriously though, I’ve had good luck with brand name’s shops on Amazon. So if there’s a brand name thing you’re looking for see if it’s sold by the brand. Barefoot dreams sells on Amazon, so I imagine if they have socks those would be good!

    • Anon

      Please don’t be discouraged about Amazon skincare, try another site! Sokoglam has a great assortment of K-beauty, J-beauty and american products. Dermstore is also a trusted source for online skincare.

      • Anon

        I can’t. For this particular thing (family wishlist) I am restricted to Amazon prime.

    • anon

      I hear you; my MIL will not order from anywhere but Amazon. It drives me a little crazy, but whatever, I don’t get to make that decision.

      I’m a fan of Smartwool socks, which I believe you can find on Amazon. I also ask for things that are easy to shop for and not especially personal: a calendar from X brand, books on my reading list, socks, etc. I do not ask for clothing, grooming products, or anything of that nature.

    • anon

      I’ve bought barefoot dreams socks on Amazon before. Also, you didn’t ask, but I bought a plush foot warmer and it makes me super happy.

  8. Anon for this

    I know we want to kind of get away from the C19 talk but I can’t really vent this to anyone in real life. A friend is hosting a “small gathering” of 14 friends for a friendsgiving (not Thanksgiving, a pre-Thanksgiving annual get together) and she is a neonatal nurse practitioner for preemies. It grinds my gears when people that specifically work with vulnerable populations take unnecessary risks.

    • Anonymous

      Interesting — early on there was chat about the rules people were imposing on their nanny, au pair, etc. It never dawned on me to quiz health care providers, but I had surgery this summer and had to test and quarantine prior to it. Not sure if I got a representation that the providers who were by me while I was unmasked for hours around them (I was intubated) had recently been tested and were cautious outside of work.

      The most vigilant people I know are in healthcare, as are the most rabid COVID-minimizers (one a nurse, one a kidney doctor, both of whom have their kids in travel sports still and eat in restaurants often and could not travel enough now that it is cheap). Ugh.

    • Anon

      I can only assume that essential workers feel like they’re exposed at work anyway, but this is definitely scary to hear.

      • anonyK

        My husband is a healthcare worker and he has definitely vascillated between hypervigilance/anxiety and “who cares I’m going to get it from work eventually anyway.” I think partly it is just hard to maintain hypervigilance for months on end, and hard to cope with in general. Plus when you are in actual known contact with COVID patients on the regular, the risk of casual gathering seems less in comparison (whereas if you were teleworking like me, the risk of a casual gathering seems huge in comparison to my normal day). I’m not saying anything about this NP in particular but it’s hard to be a healthcare worker right now and I think if you get to work from home all the time it is easy to throw stones. This took a while for me to realize in the spring because for a while I really didn’t get how much his day to day work at the hospital had changed and how bad morale had gotten. My life changed also because suddenly I rarely left the house, but it has been a very different experience for him and much harder to cope with.

    • anon

      Yikes. 14 friends is not a small group, and you know there will be drinking and inhibitions will be lowered. Double yikes that she works with a vulnerable population.

    • None

      My friend is a physician who’s boss is like Dr. Atlas – believes masks are useless and advocates against social distancing and isolation in order to increase herd immunity.

      • LaurenB

        I was gratified to hear Stanford Medical School speak out against Dr. Atlas and say that he did not represent their views / teaching at all.

    • Anon

      So frustrating! Similar – an acquaintance and her husband (pediatric oncologist) went on at least two vacations this summer, with other people, posting pics all over social media. It makes me wonder if I’m the crazy one sometimes for being more cautious.

    • Coach Laura

      I completely agree that the friend shouldn’t do it but my sister is a NICU nurse with 35 years of experience at a Level III Nicu and she said that babies don’t get it or so rare that it’s not a worry. She’s in a large hospital in Seattle and they haven’t had a baby with it yet. However, the NNP could give it to NICU parents and her other coworkers so it is irresponsible.

      • Anon

        And how about the 13 guests? What is their spread universe? There is just no reason in this world.

      • Anonymous

        It’s 100% irresponsible and I highly doubt your experienced NICU nurse sister is also a COVID-19 or infectious disease researcher.

        • Coach Laura

          You have a critical reading skills deficiency. My first words were “I completely agree that the friend shouldn’t do it.” I was just pointing out that the NICU patients aren’t much at risk. And no, she’s not a researcher but the RNs routinely get advice from the hospital’s infectious disease experts. Then there’s this: “Current evidence suggests that SARS-CoV-2 infections in neonates are uncommon. If neonates do become infected, the majority have either asymptomatic infections or mild disease (i.e., do not require respiratory support), and they recover. Severe illness in neonates, including illness requiring mechanical ventilation, has been reported but appears to be rare.”
          https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/hcp/caring-for-newborns.html

      • LaurenB

        The mothers of these babies are in the NICU as well. All are postpartum and some may be weak/ill due to whatever condition made them have a premie in the first place. Does she not care about them? Awful.

    • Anon

      I posted here before about my niece who is an ultrasound tech and 100% a covidiot. She’s partying more than ever. Don’t trust your healthcare providers just because they’re in healthcare.

      • LaurenB

        You would be surprised how many healthcare workers are covidiots. It’s awful.

      • Anon

        I think it’s important to remember how politicized this has become, even among physicians (who are often politically conservative to begin with).

        • Anon

          yeah, but physicians are usually just conservative because they make a lot of money and don’t want to pay more in taxes. One would think on matters of science, they’d believe the science, not the politics…

      • Anonymous

        Just getting an update from my friend now that her cousin works as a nurse and is currently Snapchatting about how bad off her hospital is (“just gave up on chest compressions on another COVID patient”). The rest of the time, she has been Snapchatting about parties, plane travel, and social gatherings with her friends.

  9. Aunt Jamesina

    Just had a virtual meeting where two colleagues announced their pregnancy and I’m a petty jerk but I’m so jealous and sad and frustrated :-(

    • pugsnbourbon

      Oh I’m sorry, that had to sting. I don’t think feeling jealous and sad in the moment makes you a petty jerk at all – you’re human!

    • Vicky Austin

      You are neither petty nor a jerk! That must have been hard to hear and smile and nod at (twice! in one meeting! oof). Hugs.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Yeah, kinda glad my camera is crappy so they couldn’t really see me tear up!

    • Anon

      that’s not being a petty jerk. that is being human. makes me think of the time DH and I hosted his group of friends at his parents’ beach house before we were moving out of town. we were ready to start trying for kids, but hadn’t bc we were moving and i wanted to be protected by FMLA and other external life factors. we’d been the first married and engaged of the group and within our first 2 hours all together, 2 couples announced they were pregnant. we weren’t even trying yet, but emotionally i almost felt like we had been trying bc we’d spend a year plus talking about how we should wait and I was SO jealous and mustered up a smile and then politely excused myself to go get something from the basement so i could cry.

    • No Face

      You’re not a petty jerk. Just a human beings with (understandable) feelings.

    • anon

      You’re not a petty jerk, I promise. It’s so hard to be in that position, so no judgment here.

    • Anonymous

      You’re not petty. I am. I’m running on absolute fumes. And just covering for folks while they are out over the past few months on leave has been so.darn.hard. And I’ve done this so many times through the years. And it just sucks to feel like you can never take time for your own life as well. I know it’s an employer issue and not the employee. But I’ve been leaned on so many times as the one who can staff a conference or work late or work holidays or miss or what have you because no kids and it just sucks.

    • Jeffiner

      I’m jealous and sad and frustrated, and I don’t even know your colleagues! Hugs.

    • Senior Attorney

      Aw, if you’re a petty jerk then so are millions of other women who’ve been in that position, including me years ago. (Narrator: And in fact, she was not a petty jerk.)

      Hugs to you, Aunt J!

    • Anon

      I feel you lady. Same boat over here. One of my best friends is going through IVF after failed IUIs. I had failed IUI, failed IVF and failed adoption. While I really hope she gets pregnant because I know how miserable and stressful IVF is, every month she doesn’t I am secretly relieved and happy and super guilty about feeling these feelings I can’t control because I still have my childfree BFF drinking buddy a little longer. Did I mention we also live next door to each other and podded through the pandemic?

      Remember, we can’t control our emotions, only how we respond to them. You’d be a petty jerk if you said something negative out loud to them. You are not a petty jerk for privately feeling those things.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Oh, I’m so sorry you’ve gone through all of that! I’m at three failed IUIs, about to embark on my first IVF (and these hormones are NOT HELPING my reactions. Good lord). I have this knee jerk internal reaction when I hear about people who get pregnant on accident or without interventions that feels like somehow they haven’t “earned” it, which I know is ridiculous and stupid.

        My good friend has been trying for awhile too and now has a consultation with an RE coming up, and I know exactly what you mean. I want it so badly for her, but I also appreciate having someone else in this crappy club with me. I know realistically that one of us will “graduate” first and it’ll be hard even if it’s exciting.

    • anonyK

      I don’t know your specific situation, but I’ve been in this position in the past and it sucks. I’m sorry. For me, it helped to admit out loud to myself that I felt jealous of them. To name the feeling specifically like you are doing- otherwise I would just be petty and judgmental and bitter. Somehow saying “I’m Jealous because X got pregnant easily and I haven’t and it’s not fair” just took some of the power out of it. It also helped to remind myself that I don’t want their baby, I want my own- in that sense, they don’t have exactly what I want. And sometimes, depending on my mood, it helped to think about it more positively like “I hope their fertility luck rubs off on me!”

    • Skipper

      You are clearly terrible at being a petty jerk. Unless you said aloud that you’re sure they’ll make great moms to newborns because they already dress like stressed moms to newborns? And that their outfits look so comfortable? And is that, like, a food stain?

      You’re a perfectly human human, and I’m so sorry you’re going through a difficult time. I hope there are many, many people who are kind to you, even if they don’t know what you’re going through, because you deserve kindness. I wish you the best.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        In case you’re sincere (lol you aren’t), I’ve been trying for two years, am 35 and can’t really afford to wait until this is all over, especially if I want a chance of having more than one child. None of the medical professionals who are treating me have any concerns outside of normal precautions, nor do I know of any professional medical organizations who are advocating for women to hold off on having children. Although a few anonymous armchair experts do share your view, so gosh, I’m really torn on whose advice to follow…

        Next up is “why don’t you just adopt?”, followed by “just relax!”. Step on up!

        • Curious

          We are trying, too. Not as far along but already the emotional rollercoaster is just shocking. I am rooting for you.

          • Anon

            I guess I am just sick of privileged people whining about this issue. It’s not the end of the world to not have kids, especially when people are out there going hungry, without shelter, etc., but I’m aware I’m in the minority view on this point…

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Anon, if that’s the standard then no one (including you) should ever complain or even voice frustration about anything in your life and you should never, ever be sad or even disappointed as long as you have both food and shelter. None of us have stated anything along the lines of not having children being in any way equivalent to being homeless or hungry.

        • Anon

          No, Aunt J, people complain WAY more about not being able to conceive than about the suffering in the world…

        • anon

          Ugh, the TTC culture is so selfish and self-centered (and by your comment Anon at 7:27, just plain rude).

    • ATL

      I feel this SO much. I’m single and 30-something and I want a baby so badly but I also want to be married or at least have a serious boyfriend…sometime life is really hard and unfair and things can really suck. Sending hugs!

        • Anon

          How is it unfair? Is she entitled to a husband or everything she wants in life???

      • Ellen

        Yes, hugs. I am in the same boat. Want a child, but have no steady boyfreind, and have zero prospects for getting one. I will not bring up a child alone, and have dropped the IVF idea, as my eggs are now getting to stale to freeze. I also won’t have a guy go to bed with me just for his sperm, b/c I want him around to support the baby.

  10. Anonymous

    Does anyone do stretching/exercises while watching tv? What’s your routine?

    • Monday

      I don’t have a set routine, but do use TV time for stretching and massage tools for wherever I’m too tight. My tools are a foam roller, a Lacrosse ball, and a theracane. You could also use a stretching strap.

  11. Anon

    I just want to thank people who bother to show up to protest. A group of protestors showed up at Wayne county yesterday because the two republicans on the bipartisan panel were refusing to certify the election. The attention the protestors brought to the issue was apparently instrumental in both republicans backing down and the election results were unanimously certified.

    Never think protesting doesn’t do any good!

    • No Face

      I followed along with that whole debacle via Twitter and I think the public comments really helped changed their mind.

      • Anon

        Did you see the tweet showing screen shots of the one Republican member’s Facebook postings? All kinds of deplorable.

    • Anon

      They “changed their minds” when their kids were doxxed. You are an awful human if you think that’s okay.

  12. blueberry

    Going off the Amazon gift buying questions – any recommendations for nice notebooks/pens/stationary? I’m buying another item off of Amazon (at their specific request) and wanted to send something small alongside it. If not, I was also looking at the socks mentioned above!

    • Hollis

      I’m here for this. My favorite pens are the Pilot G-Tec C4 pens, which are extra fine and write smoothly. Love them. Also love those white hi-polymer erasers from pentel and moleskin notebooks.

    • Anon

      Based on a recommendation from here I bought the Kaweco Sport fountain pen. The classic sport is 19.99 on amazon and is a lot of fun. Don’t get me wrong, I love my pilot gel pens too (solidarity) but a little fountain pen feels more gift worthy.

  13. OMG

    So I know a Theresa. She just about went postal on someone (on a reply-al e-mail) who used “Teresa” with her. I think we’re all becoming unhinged. Theresa insists that her way of spelling it is the one and true way. Teresas be damned. [My guess is that Theresa is a German/French originating spelling and Teresa is maybe Italian/Spanish?] At any rate, my favorite variant of this is “Terez,” which was a girl’s name in grade school that I’ve not seen since but I thought it was beautiful.

    [I’ve not seen the Catherine/Katherine/Kathryns come to blows yet. It’s 2020, so who knows???]

    • LaurenB

      No need to go postal, but I think it’s important to spell people’s names properly and I can imagine a Theresa is annoyed to see Teresa in correspondence, especially if it’s in response to something she sent.

      • Anon

        Yeah, but disparaging others’ names is wrong. That would be like you saying Lauryn isn’t a real name.

      • Anonymous

        I mean yeah but pick your battles. I’m an Allison and honestly who cares if I get Alison half the time. I do laugh about the Alysson ones though since that’s hardly the most common variant!

    • anon

      I have a very frequently misspelled name so I sorta understand where she’s coming from. I always sing to myself to the tone of say my name by Destiny’s Child the following:

      Spell my name, spell my name
      It’s right there in my email
      It’s not a hidden detail
      The spelling doesn’t change

      *note i may have sent the original Twitter thread of this to one (ok maybe three) people who were repeat offenders I was friendly with

      • Anon

        Me too. When somebody repeatedly spells my name wrong, I get pretty annoyed. You have to see my name a dozen times to send the email! I don’t get mad at people who I rarely communicate with, but frankly, on a bad day I’d lose it too if it were a frequent contact.

    • Anon

      I have a male cousin named Keran, pronounced Karen. Life has been tough for him lately (well, always, but particularly lately)

    • Anon

      This reminds me of a story from when I was a teenager – my mom used to work in a bakery decorating cakes, and once someone came in and asked for “Happy Birthday Teresa” and my mom asked how she wanted it spelled, and the lady asked what she meant, so my mom said “T-h-e-r-e-s-a or T-e-r-e-s-a” and the woman said, “It’s TEresa, not THE-resa!!” Ok, then!

        • Anon

          That would be good for OP’s post. She is THE resa, and don’t you forget it!!

    • Monday

      I agree with your general theory that everyone is losing it.

      My name is somewhat unusual and could be spelled in many different ways, both first and last. I expect people to mishear it and misspell it. It isn’t a big deal. Theresa needs to take a time out.

    • Anon

      My aunt Teresa would like a word. And she will plaster those words all over Facebook.

    • Two L's

      There are three commonly accepted variant spellings of my first name. So I come from a place of understanding when I say – she needs to chill. People get mine wrong all the time – including people who are responding to my email. On the list of things to be upset and offended by, that one is way down the list.

      I have a partner in my office who spells it wrong all the time, and we have worked together for years. But his wife has the same name and he keeps spelling it the way she does, especially on quick emails he is not putting a lot of time into. It is not hostility or disrespect, it is just habit.

      • Anon

        If you happen to be talking about Michelle vs Michele, I always have to look at my contacts to see which Michelle/Michele goes by which. And then autocorrect does me in anyway!

        • words fail

          OK I win this one, when my MOTHER who presumably NAMED me, was doing her estate planning, my name was spelled wrong on every single page of allllll of the documents…

      • Anon

        Same, the only time I correct it is if the misspelling misgenders me AND its someone I’ll be interacting with regularly going forward. I only do it to save them confusion and embarrassment later, not because I’m offended.

  14. Struggle Bus

    I am a mid-level (almost sr.) at a short partnership track firm, so I am getting a lot of responsibilities and the most recent one is leading calls in which I am the youngest one on both sides, both in seniority and age (I am K-JD) by quite a bit. I feel super confident during calls in which I am the only one from my team or the most senior on my side, even if everyone else is way beyond me in years and experience. I get nervous, but manage okay, during conference calls that I know I am leading or one off questions from a partner that I am expecting–mostly because I practice and prepare.

    I am a complete mess on “mhmm, why don’t you just lead us” calls that I am not prepared for. When I say prepared, I mean rehearsed. Actually rehearsing is not super practical long-term, but as I learn the ropes, it has helped me along and it’s worth whatever time the partner writes off–I’ve even received positive comments on these calls. But on these off-the-cuff ones, I get super nervous and feel incredibly self-conscious.

    I think some of it is imposter syndrome, some of it is I don’t know the background to some stuff because I am still junior enough to not be looped into ALL the calls/emails, so I can’t fully wrap my arms around all of it. I stumble and sound really immature/young/green. Is this something that Toastmasters could help with? Beyond practicing and more exposure, how can I be more confident in deal conference calls? I am not shy and am overwhelmingly confident in recruiting/alumni/etc. panels–I actually love them and I am super at ease and confident in what I am discussing. I want to be more of that me on these calls!

    Any thoughts? Advice? Commiseration? Just hopped one of these, so I am beating myself up a bit. I can really see myself doing this type of work long-term, so I just want to learn.

    • Anonymous

      If you were a method actor, you’d need to channel your inner mediocre man and just make it happen.

    • anonono

      In my experience (not in law), exactly what you’re doing is the right thing–take the opportunity when given it, try your best, hop off the call and move on! You’ll get your footing at some point. But I’d also ask you: are your superiors/others giving you negative feedback? You may not sound as rehearsed as you do when you prepare, but if they continue to give the opportunity, it seems unlikely to me that you’re failing. I would take the continued offers as a sign that you’re doing well.

      Also, a tiny suggestion, but I just am really good at answering questions by directing it to someone else in the group. “Hmm, great question Bob. My understanding is [blank], but I believe Tim has worked more closely on that aspect. Tim, could you speak more to x, y, z?” It’s a good tactic anyway because then everyone in the group gets recognized! If you’re not sure who may know in the group, you can always say, “That’s not my expertise, but can anyone else on the call speak more to this?”

    • Hollis

      I am sure you are being your toughest critic and everyone else you know thinks you do an awesome job on calls. I am a law firm partner and have been for awhile and I still get nervous when asked to speak on the cuff. The way I’ve gotten more comfortable is: (1) If possible, I try to stand up while talking on the phone. I think when people stand and talk, they just feel and therefore sound more authoritative, (2) I feel that women have a tendency to sound high-pitched and girly when nervous so I try to stick with a lower register within my own voice (not Elizabeth Holmes/Theranos deep, but lower within reason, (3) I have come to realize that no one is paying that much attention to me. Seriously – when other people lead calls, I’m half bored and not caring at all if they are saying “um” or stumbling over words – in a way, knowing that it’s not a big deal makes me more relaxed, and (4) I think of myself as a teacher explaining stuff to a peer or colleague and that also helps me sound more confident. I did toastmasters and it’s great, but it took a lot of time and commitment to do prepared speeches so I quit after maybe a year. I teach as an adjunct and that has been really helpful experience too. You got this!

    • anon

      I was in a similar boat a few years back — overprepared for calls when I knew I’d lead and do great, but then be a mess when I was caught off guard (even though I would know substance better than anyone else on the call). I realized that the calls where I was unprepared to lead were often with a more senior person at my own firm, so I felt like there was more of a performative / review based element to the call. I.e., if the same situation had come up but I was the most senior person from my shop on the line, I would have been fine, but because there was someone more senior I was tripping over what I thought they’d say versus what I wanted to say. Not sure if that’s part of it for you, but may be something to bear in mind.

      Related to that, completely agree with Hollis that I find women are more often trying to “perform” a role rather than just being themselves. Once I realized that I was never going to be comfortable with the same persona that my senior male partners present and leaned into my “persona” (a bit goofy, try to diffuse the situation while willing to ratchet up the intensity if I think I’m getting bullied), it made things a lot easier. This also helped me to not be afraid of saying “let me think about that” or taking a beat to respond — most reasonable clients are responsive to people who actually consider points not just gut react quickly then dial back incorrect advice.

      Last, the other comment is to try and slowly wean yourself off the overpreparing. I used to write out full scripts and then cut down to detailed bullets, to high level bullets to some scribbled notes (maybe I’ve gone too far in lack of preparation!). Perhaps you could start trying to cut back like that?

  15. anon

    Is anyone using the pandemic as a reason to scale down their gift-giving this year? My family of origin’s gift-giving culture isn’t outrageous to begin with, but my mom has already told me that she and my dad don’t want gifts this year. I will still give them some handmade goodies because it feels wrong to not do ANYTHING, but point taken that they don’t want more things. And I really want to have this conversation with my in-laws — truly, do NOT go crazy buying gifts for me and DH, especially in 2020 when we don’t know if we can even get together even though we live 1.5 miles apart — but I’m sure that would go over like a lead balloon and hurt my MIL’s feelings. IDK … I always find gift-giving a fraught activity (in giving, requesting gifts, and receiving), and I am just not feeling it this year. Let’s keep the holiday magical for the kids, but otherwise, I’m good.

    I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here. I try really hard to be a good gift-giver, but I often wonder if I’m actually terrible at it and that always adds stress to the holiday season. I just have less tolerance for extra stress this year.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’ve tried various tactics over the years about this kind of thing, and I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no way to control what other people do. The best you can do is announce what YOU are doing to do, perhaps make some requests, and then leave it up to the other people to do as they like.

      E.g. “Hubby and I have decided not to buy gifts this year because [we don’t want to go out shopping/don’t feel like even ordering online is all that safe] so we’ll be doing homemade goodies and calling it a day. And we have everything we need and more so we invite you to consider doing the same or just skipping the whole thing altogether. Anyway, fair warning we won’t be showing up with piles of gifts.”

      • Senior Attorney

        BTW I strongly urge you to make sure your husband is 100% on board before making any “we” statements.

        • Senior Attorney

          And while we’re on the subject, shouldn’t he be in charge of the whole gift thing for his side of the family anyway?

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Y-E-S! When husband and I got married, I made it clear that he was in charge of gifts and cards for his side (and made sure to let in laws know about this too, so I wouldn’t get any blame for any… “interesting” gifts or lack of cards or whatever on special occasions). Not my burden to take on.

          • Anon

            Yup. This has always been the rule in my house. My husband once pointed out that it wasn’t fair that “we” got gifts for my siblings but not his. I pointed it right back at him.

          • Sunshine

            We have a clear division: I handle all things related to my family and he handles all things related to his whether that’s gifts or holidays or birthday dinners. His mom and I will discuss something of mutual interest via text or on the phone (and he helps my mom with some home/computer stuff), but I don’t schedule/coordinate/buy anything for his family and he doesn’t do mine. It’s so much easier because otherwise I’d do it all.

          • anon

            I don’t think this is a blanket “should.” My husband is an absolutely terrible gift giver. He’s sweet, but he just comes up with the absolute worst ideas. He won’t even follow simple directions–he veers wildly off the path he is pointed to. I took over gift buying for my in-laws because (a) I see them as my family too, and I want “us” to buy them nice things that they will enjoy, and (b) the money we use to purchase these gifts is my money, too, and I do not want to basically set it on fire. The year I took over, it was so obvious we’d made a change that several family members whispered “thank you” later.

            DH does other holiday stuff. It evens out.

    • Anon

      Yep. Not for the reduced stress, but our family is doing charitable donations instead of gifts, and we’ll all share our personal charities. The thought was that we have everything we need but a lot of people are not this year. So we’ve all pledged our normal amount for gifts and funneling that money to charities instead.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I feel you. We’ve somehow slowly come to a consensus on the in law’s side that gifts are just for children and our own partners and we can just all enjoy a nice day and a meal together (well, probably not this year). But my mother is insistent that we exchange gifts despite us really not being “stuff” people and being ultra picky about the “stuff” we do want. So we all ask each other what we want and almost every year we all end up giving each other gift cards. It feels so silly to give each other gift cards of equal value (“here’s your gift card for $100 to a restaurant” “thanks, here’s your $100 gift card to a shop you like”). But I don’t see an easy out!

      • Senior Attorney

        Well there is an easy out, but you have to be willing to deal with the fallout: One year (after giving fair warning), you just say “This year we’re not buying gifts for anybody out of high school that we’re not married to. Conduct yourselves accordingly.” You may end up with some gift cards the first year but I guarantee that the next year people will believe you when you say “no gifts.”

        • Aunt Jamesina

          My mom would be crushed or else I would. I think she feels like gift giving is evidence of love. Thankfully, it’s extremely easy to buy gift cards!

    • Hollis

      My family is exactly the same. I don’t give my family of origin anything because they truly have everything they could possibly want or need and I don’t want to contribute to their junk or even their errands (exchanging or returning stuff is such a time suck). For my inlaws, the adult kids just coordinate who handles which parent/aunt/grandparent under the guise of “well, we can get a better gift if we combine funds,” and we try to get some useful things (electric blanket, foot massage machine, etc.). If I can’t think of anything, we end up buying consumables like fancy cookies, chocolate, almonds, etc. Don’t waste your time trying to have a conversation about it – some people just need to get and receive gifts so just accept that that comes with the family you married into. If you hate what they give you, you can basically direct it gently to your “favorite things,” which in my case would be starbucks anything, see’s candies, and wool socks.

    • Anon

      If you decide to do this please consider that everyone’s situation may not be the same as your own. I exchange gifts with my siblings. I feel like we’re just trading dollars most of the time but then I remember I am often the only one who gives my one sister a gift. Her kids are too young, our parents are dead, and her husband is an asshole.

      • anon

        I hear you, but I feel like that is a very specific situation. The transactional nature of Christmas gift-giving, among a group of people who has everything they need and then some, just bugs me.

      • Anon

        This. I am acutely aware of this with one of my sibs who is divorced. Having someone who cares enough to make an effort can be momentous during birthdays and holidays, even if one is fairly low needs. I was single until my 40s, and I remember how treasured a thoughtful gift felt during sometimes lonely times.

    • Anonymous

      I go with adapting to my husband’s family, not trying to change them. My MIL loves Christmas and would be crushed if one of her DILs did this.

  16. Flats Only

    I just did something scary: made my first ever golf tee time reservation! I’ve been taking lessons, and have played a few holes as part of the lessons, but this is my first time to play “for real” with other golfers. I was super nervous about it, then I remembered all the other bad golfers in my classes, and the scenes from the Masters where they were looking for the ball in the bushes, and realized “I can do that”. Very proud of myself right now. Also must practice in the next couple of days.

    • The+Good+Wife

      Yes, delayed comment, but you can totally do this! I have to say, watching Tiger Woods take 10 shots for a hole on the Masters really made me feel better about my golf :). Let us know how you play!

  17. Microsoft Teams

    I participate in a recurring Teams meeting that has 20-30 attendees. Teams shows 9 participants at a time. The 9 seem to be the people who have spoken in the meeting supplemented by randomly selected participants. I have a few questions: does everyone see the same 9 people? is there a way to change who is on display? is there a way to tell if I am one of the 9 on display?

  18. Ellen

    Has anyone seen this Chanel #5 commercial? It is so s-xueal, and supposedly dates from 1982 (like me). I can’t believe there is so much s-xueal imagery, between the jet airplane and the Transamerica Building in San Francisco being so phallic, and the woman in red literally having an orgasm! Could they get away with so much symbolism today? I don’t think in this #metoo era!

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