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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anon
Have any of you watched the Brene Brown show on Netflix? Any thoughts?
Anon
My sister was staying with me and put it on last night. I didn’t know much about her, wasn’t captivated to pay attention to the entire thing. Her message is fine but I didn’t find it life changing, and I found her a bit preachy. I felt like the audience she filmed in front of were real die-hards, almost cult-like. It may have just been my screen, but I found it hard to watch, not to pass judgement on her outfit, but wearing all black against a dark blue background created a weird contrast and I felt like my eyes were going buggy.
Anon
I’m a huge fan, so naturally I loved it. The message overlaps with a lot of the existing material, but there was a fair bit of fresh anecdotes and points too.
Vicky Austin
Help! Where would you go for a beachy vacation this December?
Context: husband’s family does something like this every two years, had planned on going to the Bahamas but yesterday MIL saw that the US travel advisory increased a level for daylight attacks on tourists (!) so we’re ISO alternate suggestions. Six adults of varying ages, would prefer to stay in this hemisphere, go!
anon
Tulum. It’s so gorgeous and you can go see the ruins if you want a little break from the beach.
Anon
Puerto Rico could (sadly) really use your tourism dollars.
BabyAssociate
+1 definitely Puerto Rico
C2
+1, love Puerto Rico. Resorts are back up and at full functionality, barring some that they decided to completely rebuild into something new. They could really use the tourism dollars.
Katie
Do you want to actually swim, or just exist on a beach? My husband and I spent last New Year’s in South Beach Miami and it was sunny and warm and beautiful. Probably too cold for most folks to be swimming in the ocean, but no travel advisories to contend with…
Anon
The locals don’t swim in the ocean in the winter, but it’s not that much colder than the Caribbean islands or Hawaii and the water is perfectly swimmable on a warm sunny day. I’ve visited Miami in December/January many times and have always gone swimming.
Anon
We went to Turks and Caicos in December and had a great time. I think there is a fair amount of crime there too though.
Gail the Goldfish
Puerto Rico. My usual suggestion is Vieques, with the caveat that this requires people have a certain level of comfort with more adventuresome beach vacations because there is currently not a beachfront all-inclusive resort on Vieques that I know of since the W has still not reopened after Maria (it looks like there is a new hotel being built, the Zafira, but it just started construction). But if you’re ok with a place that requires a tiny plane or ferry to get to and where you have to walk/drive to the (virtually empty, beautiful) beach, it’s awesome. There are plenty of resorts on mainland Puerto Rico, but I have no suggestions for those as big resorts are not my style.
BabyAssociate
+1 for Vieques, it’s one of my favorite places ever. I really like El Blok, rent a Jeep and explore! Last I heard when I was in Vieques last September, the W resort is not going to reopen.
Dating Advice
Those of you who manage dating multiple people at once, any advice? I’ve been doing the online thing for about a year, and every time I have a good first date I just focus on that person, and then it ends up going badly and I feel like I’m starting from scratch. I realize I need to keep dating casually until I get to know someone better, but I’m finding that hard to do. First of all, I have a really busy schedule and have maybe 1-2 weeknights free when I can go on dates, and some of my weekends are full as well. Second of all, it feels weird. I’m currently 3 dates in with one guy and scheduling a long date for this weekend and I know he paused the app where we met (I can see it). He’s also being really sweet to be mindful of my busy life. I’m scheduling a date with someone else I’ve been texting a while who has been out of town and it feels almost like I’m lying to one or the other of these guys, and then what happens if I like them both, and all this other stuff. Can someone please talk me out of this mindset?
Anon
If dating one person at a time feels more comfortable to you, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with just dating one person at a time. All the guys on the apps will still be there if/when the thing with the current guy ends.
Monday
I have never actually liked more than one person at a time, and that’s not because I’m unwilling. I sometimes schedule 2 dates within a week or within a weekend, because the outcome has never been that I was interested in both people and wanted to pursue both. (I guess I just don’t like that many people?)
That said, if you do date multiple people– you’re not lying unless you’re lying! The standard presumption is that you’re not exclusive until it is explicitly stated, and so you’re not doing anything wrong. Distribute your free time among the guys you’re interested in. And if there’s only one at a time, that’s fine too. People disappear and reappear on the apps all the time for this reason!
Anonymous
I think it’s less about needing to date more than one person at a time (just date one at a time if that feels better for you) and more about trying to not get wrapped up in someone you don’t know after just one good date so that you feel like you have blinders on toward the rest of the world. Dating multiple people is one way to not get too invested in someone too quickly, but definitely not the only way.
January
+1. I would usually try to keep a round robin going for a little while, but it always wore me out (especially since I was in biglaw at the time!). If you’re already busy, I think that serves one of the purposes that dating multiple guys is supposed to do (i.e., keep you from getting too wrapped up in one person too quickly). Good luck!
Anon
I usually dated only one person at a time, but sometimes dated a handful. I wasn’t trying to “date several people;” none of the relationships were really going anywhere or were in a really early stage.
When in doubt, talk to the person about their expectations.
Anon
The assumption on both sides with dating apps is always that you are talking to and going on initial dates with multiple people, until you have some sort of conversation to the contrary.
That said, you may feel weird about this because you’re in way deeper with Guy 1 than you will be with Guy 2. 5ish dates in with the guy you’ve been seeing is probably good time to talk about whether you’re both still dating other people. Do you like him (as in, not whether you’re head over heels, but you’re saying yes to wanting to continue to explore this relationship)? If yes, have the conversation and pull back from other options. If no, you should probably let him go – there’s someone else great out there for both you and him, don’t waste both your time. If the second scenario is the case, you may feel less weird about going on multiple first/second/third dates as you look to the future.
NOLA
I’ve had the same experience, and now I’m just doing nothing. I just started a second profile on another site and am already seeing more interest, but we’ll see. No advice. Just commiseration.
Anny Nonny
Generally, I try to decide within 3 dates. First, date is drinks or coffee, about an hour to two hours. A huge percentage don’t get past that. Like they seemed fine, but can’t hold a conversation, are 10 years older than their most recent picture, are still married and forgot to mention it, etc. Then, second date is about some more evaluation of actual compatability, chemistry now that they aren’t so nervous, their ability to make actual plans, and arrive on time. If after a third date I still like them, I stop making other first dates. If I’ve got 2 or more guys at 3 dates, then I decide which I’m most hopeful about, but that has only happened once. It led to a 3 month relationship that ended.
I limit the number of guys in the “pipeline” by making myself invisible if I’m chatting with 3 good prospects even before we go on dates, but also if I’ve had 3 good first dates that are leading to seconds, I will go invisible. Then I can “clear the decks” before getting new matches.
Looking for Houston real estate agent recommendations
Hi! I am looking to purchase a townhome in Rice Military, Montrose, Upper Kirby, Hyde Park, or West University in Houston. Please let me know if you can recommend any agents to use or avoid. Thanks!
Ash
Honestly, if you are looking to buy, I would work with Redfin because they offer you 1% cash back on your deal, and buying these days relies far less on the realtor, since you can browse properties you want to see online and basically just have the Redfin agent take you. Our experience purchasing with them wasn’t totally without hassle, but for the four-figure check we got back at the end of the deal, it was well worth it.
I would not recommend selling with Redfin because the competence and initiative of your agent matters so much more when you’re the seller, but as the buyer, I think they work perfectly well.
The Frenchie is my favorite kid
We sold and bought with Redfin and it was great. It depends on your market but our offer was accepted out of 6 offers and our house sold in one day. But I did find that I had to monitor listings and ask to see houses that interested me (they send an email with all new listings in whatever area you specify but agent never really called/emailed to suggest any specific homes).
Ash
Yeah, to be fair, when we tried to sell with Redfin, our home was way overpriced, so YMMV. :)
Anon
Sharon Tzib at ReMax – absolutely fantastic, knowledgeable and very honest about homes, areas, the market in general and will be as active (hand hold and recommend homes) or passive (show you homes you send to her and negotiate with sellers) as you want.
Diana Barry
Further to the Q this morning about working out: looking for schedules of those people who DO have kids and still manage to work out (at all?). I have 3 and find it really hard to do without taking time out of work – the kids seem to suck up all available time otherwise.
anon
This isn’t the answer you want to hear, but the only way I’ve made it work is to exercise in the morning before everyone is up. It sucks to wake up at 4:50-5:00, but too many things get in the way if I wait until later in the day. I do try to pick one morning to sleep in during the week, otherwise I’m worthless by Friday.
anon a mouse
+1
I do 6 a.m. classes 4x a week (home by 7:10 and showered/out the door with kid by 8) and a 7 a.m. class on Saturday. It’s the only way that I can ensure that nothing blows up my workouts.
Anonymous
I work out twice a week – yoga on Mondays and treadmill at home on Wednesday. Both 8-9pm after kids are in bed.
DH works out with me on Wednesdays but also runs 30 mins at lunchtime on Tuesdays, and a long 2 hour run on Saturda mornings (7:30-9:30).
Friends who work out more than 2-3 times a week seem to make it work by doing HIIT so they don’t need as much time or working out at lunchtime, or involving kids (6 km jog w/stroller around lake with break to feed the ducks) or co-ordinating activities – my kids are too old for the jogging stroller now and too young to bike with so I’m looking into fitness centres that offer parent classes at the same time as school age kid classes (e.g. kid goes to gymnastics while i do zumba).
Anon
What are your kids bedtimes? My toddlers are in bed by 8 pm and I work out then, but I realize this wouldn’t work with older kids.
Two Cents
+ 1
My kids go to bed by 8:30 pm and I work out with a Fitness Blender video usually from 9:30 – 10 pm. What I like about Fitness Blender is that there is no music so once you learn the routine, you can put on your own music or a podcast.
I also aim to walk during lunch with a friend, usually around 1 mile.
Anonymous
Only 2 kids, but I workout at 5am – I get up at 4:43, am out the door by 4:52, back home by 6:05. My youngest normally gets up at 6:20 or so, and I am able to enjoy a cup of coffee and browse the news/email on my phone before she does. I work a normal day (about 8:30 until 5:30, home by 6). Dinner/playtime. Bathtime at 7:15. Kid bedtime by 7:45. Start working again at 8:15 after changing/picking up the kitchen/packing snacks for the next day. Start bedtime routine by 9:45 if I am working the next day; 10:15 if I’m not. If I don’t have a morning workout (I can’t do 5 days a week – both physically or financially), I get up when my youngest does at 6:20 or so.
Anonymous
I’ve only got one elem. aged kid so that makes it a little easier. If I want to work out during the week, it’s before everyone else gets up. I also carve out an hour sometime during the weekend to get in another workout. Since I know I’ll get 2-4 workouts in a week, I make sure that those are full body and focused intensity (OTF, running, etc). My spouse has a more flexible workday so he goes midday or works out while kid is at sports practice. Our kid is old enough now to go for a run or a bike ride in the neighborhood either on his own or with one of us so that gives even more flexibility. Now that we have all gotten into a routine, it’s pretty easy to justify the time expenditure as a must-do for everyone’s physical and mental health.
Anonymous
I have 3 (6 and under). I don’t do awesome, but I’m not too bad either. This is what I do:
I either go running with the baby in the jogging stroller if he’s up early (around 6 am), running by myself for about 30 mins if he’s not, or do an online barre workout (I have a Barre3 subscription) in my bedroom (either half an hour or 10 mins — better than nothing!). I try to do the barre class before the kids wake up. But my husband and I try to have one of us exercise every other morning, so he’ll take care of the kids if I’m the one exercising. If before breakfast doesn’t happen, I sometimes sneak in 10 minutes between eating breakfast with them and finishing getting ready for work if things are reasonably under control on the kids-getting-ready front. The 30-min workouts happen about 3 times a week or so, and I try to do a 10 min barre class on most days that I don’t do a “real” workout.
I’m really glad I started with the streaming barre classes. If barre’s not your thing, there’s also pilates, yoga, HIIT, etc. I’d love to do the real thing at the studio, but that has happened like 8 times in six years, so I needed to stop having the perfect be the enemy of the good! Maybe when my kids are older… :)
I guess you can also do the online streaming stuff in the evening, but for some reason that doesn’t seem to work for me.
The Frenchie is my favorite kid
I have 3 from ranging from 7-17. I go one weekend morning and one weekday morning when I work from home (replace my commute time with workout time) and TRY to squeeze in one weekday lunch workout as a long lunch from office (but usually fail).
I make my 2 workouts count – 20 minutes HIIT and 45 mins of weights in circuits so I’m never just resting.
Otherwise I count walking the dog, going to the park, bike riding, walking kids to school instead of driving, etc as exercise when I can manage
buffybot
I only have one that is young enough to nap and a husband that is uninterested in exercise (so not trying to schedule his own), so I think this is probably an unfair comparison. I do one gym session a week later at night (8 pm) and one early on another weekday (6 am). I also try to get in at least one session on the weekend – either a run or a barre class – while the kid naps. I should do more, but this is working right now.
Anonymous
I am the commenter who runs 3-4 times a week and lifts 2-3 times a week. Generally, I run M, T, Th, and F. My schedule those days is generally: 5-7 a.m. work at home, 7:00-7:45 get kiddo up and out the door, 7:45: change and go run. Then shower/go to work. I usually lift on Mondays before I pick kiddo up (which requires 1-2 hours of work in the evening to hit my billing goals), Thursdays after bedtime, and a variable time on Saturday when it works with our schedule.
GrayHat
I either do a Daily Burn video after the kid goes to bed around 8 (or on weekends, during afternoon nap) or I run home from work. Running commuting is an amazing time saver and it can work even if you can only run part of the way – for instance, running to a transit station or a parking lot a few miles away.
Long time lurker
I have one toddler. I work out 1-2 weeknights doing workout videos after her bedtime. I do another workout video during a weekend nap and I go to one yoga class a week after work where my husband is in charge. The other weekend day I try a long stroller walk or do another video during naptime if weather is bad. Not a morning person and my kid wakes up super early.
Anon
I know you sound like you don’t want to take time out of work, but I mostly work out during “lunch” at least once a week (I know that frequency doesn’t sound impressive, but it at least keeps me in the game and it’s an easy goal for myself to feel like it’s hard to excuse not doing it). And my work isn’t a big taking-a-lunch culture, but…oh well. No one seems to care. (I don’t do billable hours).
Then I run on the weekends.
Rainbow Hair
My Kiddo (4 yrs) goes to bed at 7:30-ish and I go to a fast HIIT type workout class from 8 to 8:30, as many nights a week as I can, accounting for therapy, travel, friendships, chores… It’s usually 2 or 3 nights a week.
Erin
Mainly responding to say that I have three kids and a 45-min commute (each way), so I also really struggle. It really is hard to find the time.
I was most effective when we lived close to my office and I could bike commute. It was a 10 min drive or 20 min bike, so I was essentially getting 40 min of exercise with only 20 extra minutes and it was built into my routine.
I have considered adapting my long car commute by combining biking/transit, but I haven’t come up with a good route. I’m physically incapable of waking up early (seriously, in college my exercise buddy literally told me to stop because it was dangerous) and frankly just so exhausted after they go to bed, so the best system I have cuts into work time.
Currently I walk the kids to school and add to the loop. (This gets me to work later). Then I take a 30 min walk mid-day (time out of work) on most days, 60-min one day/week for a social walk. It’s not the 6 hr/wk intense workouts I did pre-kids, but I can get well over 150 min/wk of walking M-F. At some point I hope to transition walking to running, but I’m out of shape at this point so making baby steps. My husband started us on evening stretch/pilates after the kids are in bed, which I can manage. The kids are just getting old enough (youngest 4) when I feel like I can carve out time to (safely) be on the elliptical while they have screen time, although now the weekends are filled with enough yard/garden work and outdoor activities that I don’t fret it.
Housecounsel
I had a mauve pantsuit in the late 90s. In the oughts I wore Express suits all the time (and felt great in them – long live Editor pants). We are not going back there.
Anon
This color (I’d call it dusty rose) is one of my best colors and is very hard to find. But I’d never wear a head to toe suit look in it.
Worry about yourself
Yeah, I don’t need the whole suit, but I do wonder if that blazer would look okay paired with my charcoal pants . . . not that I can justify $128 on a blazer right now . . .
Lyssa
I think it would look great with charcoal bottoms. Express goes on sale all the time, so I would never pay $128, but it will probably be at least 40% off soon.
pugsnbourbon
I had a top in this color and it looked AMAZING with all shades of gray.
Anon
It also looks beautiful with shades of cream and beige.
tesyaa
It also looks beautiful with shades of cream and beige.
Anonymous
I was just told I didn’t make partner. They said maybe next year. Advice on making it through the day?
Anon
Can you go home so that you can yell about the patriarchy in private?
Hugs.
Anonymous
Oof. I’m so sorry to hear that for you. And that’s hard to be told before the end of the day. Our firm has many flaws, but at least it doesn’t announce until 5pm on “decision day.” Can you just go home?
Anon
I’m sorry, that really sucks.
Beans
I’ve been there. It sucks and it is terrible. I would go home if you can or at least go get yourself a treat if you have to stay at work.
Senior Attorney
Paging Shots! Shots! Shots!
Alanna of Trebond
Do not listen to them when they say maybe next year.
Housecounsel
Disagree with Alanna. At the firm where I worked a dozen years, it was very common to get passed over one year and make partner the next. Hang in there. Ask a trusted partner what you can do between now and then to improve your candidacy. Working hard another year can only benefit you, no matter what happens. Best of luck to you.
Anon
Yeah I disagree too. It is obviously not guaranteed that you’ll make it next year, but I don’t think it’s impossible by any means. It’s not like tenure where you go up once and if you don’t get it, you’re out.
PartnerAnon
Also disagree. I got the “next year,” and I really did make partner the next year. Agree that you should discuss with another partner you trust to get the full scoop on what you need to do over the next year to make partner.
Ringadingding
Where is a good place to browse statement rings in the $2k-5k range? Looking for something unique as an anniversary splurge. Located in a small city in NC, so don’t have access to big jewelers in a big coastal city. Online browsing would be helpful!
Gail the Goldfish
If you’re anywhere near the Triangle and have some idea of what you want, Stonehaven Jewelers in Cary made a custom wedding band for me and did great work. It looked like he did a lot of unique custom things. There are a few pieces in his store, but pretty much everything is custom.
Ringadingding
I have no idea what I want so I’m hoping to browse existing collections. I am most inspired right now by Eida Bergsen’s bird rings, but don’t know what else exists in that sphere.
AnonInHouse
I can’t often comment on specific recommendations on this s i t e, but +100 for Stonehaven!
Pompom
Similarly, in the Triangle (or eastern part of the Triad), I love William Travis Jewelers in Chapel Hill. Some online browsing, but most of the stuff visible online is their more arty, designy pieces. Go to the store, or have their awesome (!) jewelers design and make you something in house.
Bonus: it is next to Southern Season, if you need your fill of specialty beer, wine, candy, local and international foods, etc.
Anonymous
oh man I miss Southern Season
Anon
Big cities have nothing on William Travis Jewelers as far as I can tell. Living between NC and NYC, it’s one of the NC wins.
Rings
I’m not familiar with her pricing, but Jenny McLaurin makes lovely custom rings in Central NC
https://www.jennygarrettmclaurin.com/rings
Anonymous
Jewelry By Gail in Nags Head, NC!
Hair Color
Talk to me about getting one’s hair dyed at home, verses the salon? I’m a really low-maintenance type, but I recently decided to brighten up my look by dying my hair just a little darker then my natural color, and I really like it. It was messy and I did have a small spot that I missed (it eventually blended in), but on the whole, I was really happy with my 8 dollar Target investment.
Now, it’s time to refresh, and my husband is pushing me to get it done in the salon we both use – FWIW, I’m the cheapskate and he’s the “it’s more expensive so it must be better” one in the relationship. But I also really don’t like getting stuff done – I like woman who cuts our hair, but she’s the only person I’ve ever not dreaded going to even for a trim, so I really don’t love the idea of getting another thing done. I definitely don’t want any sort of highlights or other fancy work. Does salon over home dye really make a huge difference?
The Frenchie is my favorite kid
Depending on what you do your hair may gradually turn brassy or otherwise off color, requiring color correction at salon. Tone is hard to manage at home. My hair is dark blonde and it was only going 1/2 -1 shade light but it slowly got too blonde, too monotone and brassy from combo of home color root touch up and cheap salon color (because they were open weekends for walk-ins). I had to go through a lengthy and expensive color correction when I realized how reddish and brassy it had gradually become.
Also I saw a woman who had black hair that looked very unnatural because it was flat and monotone, so I think that is a risk for darker colors as well.
Anon
I found that the second round of at-home dye worked better than the first. Any small spots get covered up, and any inconsistencies get evened out.
I’ve been dyeing my hair at-home for 12 years now. I either use henna (Lush) or semi-permanent colour. My husband loves the look of the henna.
Caution: even with a semi-permanent, let the dye stay in for a shorter amount of time, otherwise, your hair will look weird.
Hair Color
Ooo, tell me about henna – should I try that? (I’m a natural redhead, and my box color was a slightly darker red.)
Anon
I’ve used it on and off for years – dark blonde to go a nice, copper red.
It’s messy. Watch the videos before using it. Be ready for your bathroom to look like a Labrador jumped into a mud puddle and then shook it all off. (Okay, not that bad.) The instructions say to leave it on for 2-4 hours; I usually leave it on for 6 (overnight). It takes a long time to wash it out of your hair – a good 20 minutes or so. It continues to develop over the next day, so it can be more vibrant than you might expect. It can be a bit tricky to get the colour right before you’ve used it enough… so maybe leave it on for less time?
But it’s really pretty, is good for your hair, and the greys get really vibrant. They sell it at Lush. Price point is about equal to Target hair dyes (I get three dyes out of a bar, and have long hair).
Rainbow Hair
If you’re buying henna, I would strongly advise *against* the Lush henna. At least when I tried it, it was a bar that you had to grate and then mix with liquid to make into a powder… I could never get it smooth and it made my scalp feel gritty for a few washes afterward.
I will respond with the link to the one I use (…used? I might be letting my greys grow in?) from Am@zon. It’s already powdered, which makes it 1000 times easier than the Lush stuff, for me. I prepare it by mixing it with whatever conditioner I’m currently using until it gets fluffy, then slathering all over my head/hair and letting it sit under a shower cap for a few hours. The results I get with that method are a bit more subtle than mixing henna with water or coffee or whatever, which I like because I can always repeat it in a week if I want more.
A good trick for getting it out after you’ve let it sit for however many hours is to stick your head under the bathtub filling spout, using all that water pressure to push it out of your hair.
Rainbow Hair
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B009YSTOAG
This is what I use. Good stuff.
NYNY
I managed a hair salon back in the day, and can tell you that the biggest issue I ever saw with at-home touch-ups was color buildup. You’re likely using a single-process color, which means that it is lifting color from your hair (bleaching) and depositing color at the same time. When you get single-process color at the salon, the stylist will paint the color on your roots only, let it process for most of the time needed, and then pull the color through to the ends of your hair for the last 5-10 minutes only. Most people doing color at home are painting the color over all of their hair, so after 4 color jobs, the ends of their hair (if they haven’t cut them off) have had color built up 4 times, but the roots have only had the color once. So you can end up with super-dark, dull ends.
Anonymous
I need to make a homemade book for my disabled son — they’re telling me to put the pictures into a sleeve so we can vary the text based on his understanding level. Our home printer will be out of ink in two seconds if I do that plus the pictures will look like crap. Where can I go online to get 20 letter-size sheets with color photos on them printed and shipped to me? Thanks in advance.
Anonymous
I would just send the pages to FedEx Kinkos. For this purpose, this would probably be more than sufficient.
The Frenchie is my favorite kid
You can go online to CVS pharmacy, find a store near you with photo printing, upload your photos and request 8×10 printouts. It’s pretty cheap per pic and usually ready same day. You could also order from Shutterfly – search for a discount coupon bc they often have deals, but that takes a little longer.
Midewestern Constituent (now in Michigan)
How fast do you need them? I’v had good luck with Shutterfly, but that’s not instant. If you need them sooner, then Target Photo or Walmart photo will let you upload photos online and pick them up in the store. Target/Walmart aren’t exactly instant, but you could definitely do same-day on those.
MagicUnicorn
Do you have access to a decent office color printer? What about your local library? Local shipping/printing store?
Anonymous
Shutterfly–either have shipped to you or pick up at Walgreens if available (I can’t remember if they do full size sheets in the store.) I upload to shutterfly site and then pick walgreens as printer.
Anon
Just go to the closest Kinkos.
Anonymous
Costco or Fedex. Fedex usually has a coupon code.
Anon
Piggybacking on this morning’s gardening convos.
how do you define “casual dating?” Do you garden with multiple people? If you aren’t having convos about BC and exclusivity before gardening, how do you know where you stand with the guy?
I am not comfortable gardening if the guy might be doing it with others. But this means I’m asking for exclusivity on a very early date, potentially. How do those of you who feel similarly navigate this? Please tell me there are men out there who would feel the same way. It doesn’t mean I want to marry them, it means I want to date them and only them if we are gardening to see where it goes. Am I totally old fashioned in 2019 for feeling this way?
Anon
With the caveat that I’m 38, divorced and mostly dating divorced dads in their 40s, this hasn’t been much of an issue for me at all. I’ve been upfront with guys pretty early that I’m not comfortable gardening or close to it outside of an exclusive relationship. I don’t pressure people for exclusivity early, rather I frame it as gardening being off the table until later. One guy freaked out about it but there were other red flags with him, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how cool with it a lot of guys have been. Several guys have confessed to me that they feel the same way, but didn’t feel comfortable admitting it in our “all men went all the sex all the time” culture. At the end of the day, even if it turns a lot of guys off (which hopefully won’t be the case), you feel how you feel and I don’t think you do yourself any favors to pretend to be something you’re not.
Anon
In my experience, people who are hooking up with people they meet on-line are assuming that they are NOT exclusive until and unless someone discusses it, usually long after the s*xual relationship has started. And based on discussions with friends, the women are both on hormonal BC and insist on their partners using c*ndoms. It is not really the subject of discussion.
There is nothing wrong with wanting exclusivity even in 2019 – but I suggest making the fact that casual no-strings attached gardening is not in the cards really clear before you meet the first time if you are connecting with people on-line. And be prepared that a substantial number of people ARE comfortable with casual gardening with people who are gardening elsewhere and are not going to be interested in dating long enough for exclusivity beforehand.
Dating Advice
I’m the poster up-thread. I’ve had at least one man tell me he felt the same way you do, though he phrased it differently. So they are out there. I respected his wishes, and did not see other people while we were seeing each other, but that’s because at that moment I was cool with that. If I wasn’t that into him, maybe I would not have been cool with that. But then that’s your answer. I don’t think it’s a bad approach at all.
Anon
Yes, there are a lot of men out there who feel the same way. They might not initiate the conversation, but they do feel the same way.
I’m a fan of just stating what your expectations are, plainly and without apology, and knowing that it’s the job of a decent person to respect those expectations and make his choices accordingly.
Anon
I used to restrict gardening to exclusive dating scenarios but have relaxed that in the year and a half or so. It has been entirely my doing and not at all pushed by the men. I just haven’t found anyone that I wanted to date exclusively but have had a couple of “casual dating with zero expectation that it will progress to anything more”-type relationships. I think it is still perfectly okay to restrict gardening to exclusive relationships but it may eliminate some options for you–totally fine if it’s important to you, but I do think it will happen. Plus one to the comment that things are not exclusive unless discussed, and I would bristle at such a discussion before the third date or so. After that, it’s a play it by ear situation. It might be date three or maybe not for a month or more.
Anon
I think it is really hard. When I get to the 3 or 4th date, I normally tell a guy that I don’t have s*x with guys I’m dating until we are exclusive. I try not to suggest it is a push for us to date exclusively, but more a, hey, just to let you know, I won’t sleep with you until we decide to become exclusive. I do this when we are doing something else; not after I’ve invited him back to my place or anything.
I will admit that it does drive some guys away, but I consider that a plus. Clearly not what I’m looking for. And frankly, there are not that many guys that I want to go on even 3 dates with, so it’s not a conversation I have to have often. Basically, it just means I don’t have much s*x
Anon
I’m Anon at 5:08 and this was my approach, right down to the script, until I got bored being celibate ;). (PS To be 1000% clear, I’m not knocking using this approach and I would respect anyone who goes this route or a prospective partner that requests it.)
Senior Attorney
I feel the same way you do, OP, and so did my now-husband. Although we are old enough to be your parents so not sure how relevant our experience is.
Also, check out Dear Polly today for more on casual dating: https://www.thecut.com/2019/05/ask-polly-i-cant-do-casual.html
Anon
Has anyone ever been diagnosed late in life with HPV? I’ve had one partner, all my life, and we have been together for 20 years. I’ve never cheated, but we are going through a divorce (his call). Do I mention this to him? I’m shocked but I understand it can lie dormant for years.
Anon
It can lie dormant for many, many years so I would not assume he cheated (unless he was a virgin when you got married). I probably wouldn’t tell him unless we were on generally friendly terms. Something like 85% of sexually active people have HPV and there’s no treatment, so it’s not really something that he needs to know he has to prevent the spread to others.
Z
Did you have any abnormal smears before this? I mean I don’t want to say he cheated but…
Anon
It’s extremely common for HPV to be dormant for 15 or 20 years before suddenly flaring up, and stress is a very common trigger that activates it. In my case the stress was pregnancy, but divorce is pretty stressful too (or so I hear). Absent other evidence of cheating, I would really not jump to that conclusion.
cbackson
This isn’t what you want to hear, but please get a full STD panel done including HIV. It can lie dormant but most people clear it within 1-2 years. Better to get checked out.
Anon
Agree 100% to getting a full STD panel. My understanding is that 80%+ of the sexually-active population has HPV and many many many people don’t know they have it. I don’t think there is a test for men to take and for women, I’m almost positive the only way to know is an abnormal pap. Also, don’t panic. It is a test now, run some more tests, wait and see, run more tests, etc. etc.
I would absolutely not assume that cheating was involved, unless you meet in high school and neither of you ever had any sex of any type (or*l included) with any other partner. HPV is everywhere. I fully assume that the entire population over age 12 or so has it (knowing that’s not actually true, of course).
Anon
I get tested for it every year and know for sure it’s a separate test from the pap but uses the same process – a scrape of the cervix – so you can request it. They only test for certain high risk strains. I know this because I have to pay the labs for it and it’s separate from the pap labs.
Anon
And I meant to comment – you don’t need an abnormal pap to find out.
Anon
I was in my late 20s when this happened, but I had an abnormal pap that they were concerned was HPV a few years ago. I had been married for a few years and had never had anything show up before then. Doctor said that stress could make it flare up and encouraged me to eat well, take zinc and echinacea supplements, etc. My next exam was clear.
Anon
Thanks for all the responses. Love this community.
Hi Hi Hi
Yes, please do tell him and also, get tested for everything.
Anon
The first time you have sex, with a virgin or not you have almost a 50% chance of developing it. And you may never know or find out later. I’m 21 and was told I had it after an abnormal pap last year. It has cleared now. My mother and grandmother also had it and have each only been with one person. It is extremely common, and not that serious. If it continues to come back or your doctor recommends treatment because it has progressed that’s different but for me I was celibate for months before and after I found out and it went away. No need to tell your future ex, or assume cheating was involved, it can happen to virgins. It causes way more trouble than its worth, learned the hard way – I was harassed and slandered for months by an ex last semester, as I prepared for the LSAT and my last semester of college. Don’t let it cause you any stress. HPV has many strains and forms, warts can be a form for example. Go to you OBGYN get checked 6 months after original prognosis, and see where you stand, luckily I didn’t need further treatment but it is possible you may need if it hasn’t gone away. I still go every 6 months to double check but have no reason so suspect it has come back. HPV is just abnormal cells, and its nothing to worry about unless you are told you need to, by a DOCTOR. Take a breath and relax. As an update: I did get into law school after taking the LSAT twice due to douchebag causing my health (stress and anxiety) to deteriorate massively prior to first test). I start in August!
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Reply if you use it!
anon
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Mallory
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