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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 216 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Reiss

Suit of the Week

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womens-suits-1For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I don't think I've ever seen a checked plum suit before, and I kind of love it. It's traditional but it isn't, it's colorful but dark, and it's just generally a gorgeous suit. I love the dress that goes with it, too — it looks flattering yet 100% work appropriate. The jacket (Reiss Raffy-Jon Check One Button Jacket) is $425, the dress (Reiss Matilda-Jon Fitted Dress) is $360, and the trousers (Reiss Esther-Jon Straight Leg Plaid Trousers) are $230, all at Reiss.
womens-suits-2 womens-suits-3 womens-suits-4
(L-all)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Boyfriend jeans

    Can boyfriend jeans work for the thick of thigh? I love the look, but I’m not convinced that they will fit my body. Does anyone have any experience with this?

    • M

      Possibly, if you size them up so they’re appropriately baggy.. which would probably take a lot of trial and error when it comes to sizing. I’ve personally never liked the trend to begin with.

    • hoola hoopa

      Granted I haven’t really tried, but I’m sitting it out. If the leg is wide enough for my thighs, it’s too loose on the lower leg to get the look. Plus, they’d be loose on my waist and hang low. I’d just be wearing rolled-up, baggy jeans. Not cute.

      Take that with a grain of salt, I suppose, because I also swore that I’d sit out skinny jeans and now I live in them on the weekends (although I only wear them with boots).

    • locomotive

      I have large thighs and also happen to be quite short, so the cuffed boyfriend jean look (as chic as I think it is) makes me look really stumpy so I had to concede to my height

      • MB

        I think this is the danger. You need a slimmer pair, but it’s hard to get the boyfriend look with a slimmer pair. One thing I would look for is jeans without stretch. You really want a straight leg jean, without stretch, in one size larger or at least not tight. I like the Gap ones, and I’ve heard good things about Levi’s straight leg jeans. You just need to try on a few pairs and see how they look. I like the look a lot, and I’m kind of over the really spandex-y skinny jeans look. I much prefer a slim leg or a boyfriend style.

    • CKB

      Also thick of thigh and small of waist. I haven’t even tried to get the look because I know any jean that looks boyfriend will be way to big in the waist, and I hate that. Adding a belt would make the extra fabric really uncomfortable because it would be bunched funny. I’m just waiting for this trend to pass.

    • Parker - Boardroom Belles

      It will be more difficult, but I think it’s a cute look and it can be done at any size. Just be mindful to find jeans where seams and fabric are pretty strong around your thighs, so they are just skimming your thighs, but keeping their shape (not getting bulged out by your thighs).

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m so in love with this one. I wonder if it looks a little brighter in person.

    • hoola hoopa

      Agree. I *love* this suit set. Looks black to me, too, but maybe it’s a very dark plum (which could be nice).

      • a passion for fashion

        if you look at it up close in the photo on the website, it looks very plum, making it beautiful!

    • momentsofabsurdity

      Love this suit. Very much wish I had $700 lying around to buy the blazer and dress.

    • Statutesq

      Love it. And I’ve never heard of Reiss before, so I just did quick bloomies search and found a ton of other items I love. Does anyone have experience with this brand… is it worth the price tag?

      • recent grad

        Reiss clothes are fabulous. They hold up well and I find their British tailoring to be impeccable.

      • Lily

        The Duchess of Cambridge (Kate Middleton) wears a LOT of Reiss – I think the dress in her engagement photos was from there.

        • TO Lawyer

          Yes exactly! I went to the stores in NYC and all the clothes are just as beautiful in person! They also have really nice menswear.

      • MJ

        yes–I have a ton of Reiss stuff. Used to live in the UK and that’s their home. Their stuff is cut long and pretty slim–not as bad as, say Zara, but along the same lines. They run pretty small. Nothing for anyone over size 12, which is a shame. They also have bomb accessories. Quality is excellent. They do tend to like a lot of high-tech/stretch fabrics, so if you are a natural fibers girl, it won’t be your brand. Think if it as a more fashion-forward version of Theory’s higher end stuff. And they have WAY cuter dresses than Theory. HOpe that helps.

      • Birthday Dinner

        To the drive-through g*nocologist? Or maybe a car-wash grand opening where one wanted to be a bit theme-tastic?

    • M

      Disagree. Unless you have a big bust, but I think it looks appropriate on the model.

    • locomotive

      disagree as well. I think it’d have to go another inch down to show any hint of cleavage, so it’s appropriate to me.

    • rosie

      I don’t think it’s low cut, but maybe it looks that way because there will be a lot of skin showing since the neck looks pretty square. I’m actually wondering if you could wear a regular br@ with it or if the straps would show.

    • S in Chicago

      I thought it seemed too low, too. Not that it would show chest, but that it would be a lot of skin. My first thought was that it would need a necklace or scarf or something so it didn’t look so bare. But then you kind of lose the impact of the neckline. Would love it a million times more if it were just a wee bit higher.

  4. preg anon

    That is gorgeous.

    I have a few baby shower questions. First of all, I want to buy my hostesses some kick-a$$ gifts. Any ideas? Also, how many places should I register? I was thinking three – one local, one with online and in-store options (probably B R Us but would be more than happy to have a better option), and maybe Amazon. But Amazon seems sort of impersonal to me for some reason. I am an avid Prime user in real life, so I don’t know why I feel that way. Any thoughts?

    • preg anon

      Oh, as to shower gifts, I have six hostesses, so my budget is probably $50 maximum.

    • KLG

      I think Amazon only seems impersonal if you live near good shopping. I live in the boondocks so I order *everything* online and would not think twice about getting a friend a baby shower gift from her Amazon registry. (I do also have Prime though :)). However, back when I lived within a 20 minute drive of 3 malls, I was more likely to go pick something out in person.

    • hoola hoopa

      Shower gifts: Manicure gift certificate, nice bath items (“I enjoyed my shower – I hope you enjoy yours!”). Include a nice note, which I personally think is most valuable.

      Registering: Amazon and either BabiesRUs or Target, depending on what’s most conveniet for in-store for the potential gift-givers. If it’s equal, do BRU since they (in my experience) are easier with returns and exchanges and I like the ship to store option because shipping at both can be spendy. Definitely do Amazon for the online shopping convenience for gift-givers and for the universal registry option.

      • rosie

        I am kind of cheesy, so I like the suggestion for bath items with a “hope your next shower is as good as mine was” tag. You could also do a fancy umbrella with that tag. And I agree that a heartfelt thank you note is more important than the gift itself.

        And I would definitely do Amazon. I prefer to shop online rather than go to big box stores (dealing with crowds only to find out they are out of the item I wanted to purchase = bad way to spend my weekend day), and I probably wouldn’t spend enough to qualify for free shipping on the other sites (I do have prime, but Amazon is typically free at $25 without prime, too).

    • ML

      Cup of jo featured a really cute stamp yesterday for $60. Its made in the shape of your home state, with your address hand lettered in, so you can use it as a return address label. I liked it a lot. One or all of your hostesses might appreciate something like that.

    • anon

      If you have Buy Buy Baby near you, do that instead of Babies R’ Us. Their customer service is miles beyond BRU, and I found their selection to be much better too.

    • Veronique

      I would love, love, love if I was invited to a shower where they registered at Amazon. I also have Prime, so it would make it so much easier for me. Most other registry options cost more and take longer to ship. Even if they have a physical store, I prefer to get stuff like this online.

    • NOLA

      Every time I’ve had to shop for a shower at Babies R Us, I vow I will never go back. It is so overwhelming and hard to find the items on the list!

    • midwest anon

      No advice on the hostess gift, but I love the “I enjoyed my shower..” suggestion and am now planning to use it for my shower hostesses! What a great idea.

      Re: registering. I live in an area with not-so-great shopping options. Plus, shower guests are a bit far flung, so even if I registered at B R Us, not everyone would be able to get to that store, which leaves only two big box options. At first, I made an Amazon registry. Then, I realized there were some things I wanted that weren’t on Amazon. Solution: Babyli.st. It allows you to create a registry from multiple sites and is basically awesome. Using it, =you can have options from Amazon, box stores with an online presence, Pottery Barn, Land of Nod… whatever your heart desires. I will be interested to see it in practice, but I think it will work nicely. The people that would find it annoying not to have a registry at an actual store won’t shop off the registry anyway, so it doesn’t matter. (In my case, anyway. YMMV.)

  5. Birthday Dinner

    I am a bad wife. Hub’s birthday is exactly a week away and I have not made any reservations and have no idea how we will celebrate. He loves steak, but a steakhouse is not strictly a must. We’re in NYC. I don’t mind spending a little money but the tab for two needs to be under $200 or at least not too much over. Where would you savvy ladies take him for his special day, bearing in mind that it can’t be somewhere that requires crazy month in advance ressies????
    P.S. I know this is much more a chowhound type query but I trust your judgment so much more than theirs. TIA!!!

    • Sydney Bristow

      I went to Capitol Grill for an anniversary recently and it was great. Our waitress knew it was our anniversary so she brought us champagne and put some confetti on the table. The food was great and they definitely have steak, as well as other options. We had no trouble getting a reservation during restaurant week, but it was a Sunday night.

    • Anon in NYC

      Where in NYC would you like to go? Have you checked Open Table? For non-steakhouse places, there’s Fig & Olive in Meatpacking, Spice Market, Craft or Craftbar, DBGB, Taboon, to name a few.

      • Birthday Dinner

        I would prefer to avoid Meatpacking. Either Downtown, Eastside or Midtown would all be fine. Upper West Side is not un-doable but I can’t think of too many celebration restaurants there that fit the bill. I think his favorite dinner was at Striphouse, which I recommend highly for anyone who wants a good steak in a s*xy atmosphere. We love DBGB but have been there before and I’d like some place new to wow him with. I’m imagining some place along the lines of Les Halles or StripHouse but that he hasn’t been to yet. I haven’t thought to check Open Table by reservation, but great idea!

    • qwerty

      I too have a steak loving husband.

      If you’re looking for something a bit off the beaten path, Ricardo’s steakhouse is a great steakhouse in Spanish Harlem that is perfect for a celebration. Awesome fun vibe.
      I also love the casualness of Del Frisco’s Grille (not the steakhouse, but the casual bar/bistro by the same folks).

      I definitely do NOT recommend Bobby Flay’s Bar Americain. I had a good business lunch experience there once and have tried to take the husband there for a few special occasions. each and every time has been an utter disaster involving wrong food orders and spilled drinks (not by us).

      • Birthday Dinner

        That’s so funny you should say that! My best girlfriend was just singing Bar Americain’s praises, both for food and service. She took her parents there for their anniversary a few years ago and they had the best time and now it’s her family’s go-to special occasion place.

        Thanks for the other recs :-)

        • Moop

          I like Bar Americain. I’ve been there a few times and will go again. A bit of a businessy vibe, but then again it is Midtown.

    • Anon

      If you’re looking for something different that includes steak (and other meats), maybe a churrascaria? I’ve had good luck with Plataforma Churrascaria for graduation and wedding meals (because we are serious carnivores, apparently). The caipirinhas are awesome. And you get a full meal for your buck.

      • TAH

        I would second this. We had my husband’s 30th birthday at Plataforma Churrascaria, and both the food and service were fantastic!

    • kc esq

      I’ve heard good things about Dylan Prime. It might push the budget though.

    • A Nonny Moose

      DH is a big steak fan, and we went to Club A in Midtown on a trip to NY. He loved it. It was pretty quiet, but a fun decor, and the owner bought us a cocktail at the end of the meal, which he thought was the coolest thing ever.

    • A Nonny Moose

      Sorry for double post, stuck in mod.

      DH is a big steak fan, and we went to Club A in Midtown on a trip to NY. He loved it. It was pretty quiet, but a fun decor, and the owner bought us a beverage at the end of the meal, which he thought was the coolest thing ever.

    • Apple

      If you are in NYC Peter Luger is a must. In my opinion best old school steak house.

      • Alanna of Trebond

        Agree. Also, not really a fan of Capitol Grille, the firm I summered at would take us there all the time.

    • Ellen

      Yummy! I LOVE steak! I recomend any of the following, but do NOT get WINE or it will get quick FAST.

      1) Spark’s
      2) Smith and Wilinsky
      3) The Post House
      4) Del Frisco’s
      5) Morton’s
      6) Ruth’s Chris
      7) The PALM and
      8) Wolfgang’s

      There is also some place in Queens or Brooklin where you have to pay cash and the waiters are old and surly. David wanted me to go there but I said NO if it is not Manahattan, it is NOT the City. So he can stay there. FOOEY on David and Brooklin or wherever.

      The manageing partner took me to a few of these places right after I joined, and I imediately took to eating steak b/c he is a BIG meat eater. Alan also liked meat, but he was small and wormy. But it is NOT good to eat because of Cholesterol. FOOEY! He also goes to the LAMBS club, but just to drink and get cleint’s. Margie thinks he is getting to fat, and mabye I can loan him my FITBIT and make him walk instead of me! YAY!

    • Gallerina

      Upstairs at PJ Clarke’s? I think it’s called Sidecar. It’s less crazy that downstairs and has delicious steak and impeccable service.

    • Jill

      Yeah, I’m not sure if it looks short because the model is tall, or if it’s really that short on a woman of average height, because the way it hits her hip is unflattering and odd. I usually dislike one-button suit jackets anyway, though, because they tend to gape awkwardly at the front.

  7. layered bob

    I am part of a book club with 8 couples. A couple is getting married in a few months and so one of the book club women is organizing a group gift. She sent out an email explaining the gift she has picked out and how much each person owes her. The amount is twice as much as I have ever spent on a wedding gift, and not something we budgeted for.

    I’m in my mid-twenties so I’ve never had a lot of money to spend on a wedding gift, and maybe this is normal for the group? I don’t know what to do, and feel a little cornered. I HATE when groups plan these group gifts.

    My husband and I don’t make as much money as the others in the group, but we live really carefully (small apartment, one car, etc.) so we can occasionally take vacations, buy a nice computer, etc and I don’t know how to say, “Well yes, we had enough money for our recent vacation but we don’t have enough money for this present.” But we don’t, if we stick to our budget. I mean, it’s more money than I spent on the wedding gift for my best friend, and these are acquaintances I see once a week for book club. Do I suck it up to be part of the group and avoid the awkwardness that is “This present is from your book club, except for layered bob and husband?” Or is there a way I can get out of this?

    • hoola hoopa

      Has the gift been purchased yet? If not, it’s completely fair to say that it’s more than you had expected and could a gift be planned in the range of $ amount.

    • JK

      Is there any way to do a “shoot! I already picked up a gift for them! Sorry!” and opt out, or have you guys been talking about doing the group gift for quite a while?

      I feel for you on this. I’m at a point in my life also (mid-twenties) where the cost of going to the wedding (often travel, other festivities, things to wear, etc) adds up and so the gift can’t be very expensive as a result, or I just couldn’t attend the wedding.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I thought I’d already been though the whole cycle when I was 24. I turn 30 this year and 3 of my friends got engaged the same week last month. Now I’m looking at 2 trips across the country within 3 weeks of each other because they are both close friends. I feel bad about the others that I might have to turn down invites to depending on the dates.

      • TO Lawyer

        I was on the phone with my mom last night and almost had a heart attack when I was running through all the weddings I have to go to this summer and how much I’m spending on outfits/gifts/bachelorette parties. I love my friends and generally love weddings but wow is the final total staggeringly high.

    • Anon in NYC

      I would just reply to her email and say that it was more than what you had been planning to spend on a gift, and you were wondering if she could choose something in a lower price range. You don’t have to get into your budget or how you can afford vacations. If she says no, then tell her that you can’t participate and do your own thing. Don’t overthink this – your friend will appreciate any gift, not just expensive ones.

      • AG

        Agreed. My favorite wedding gift was a kids’ book purchased at any old bookstore with a handwritten note inside.

        • AG

          I should add that the person who gave it to me wasn’t very close to me so it’s not like I’m attaching extra sentiment to the gift. It’s just overall my favorite.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Has the gift already been purchased? If not, perhaps you can suggest another option that would be cheaper for everyone. I imagine that other people feel similarly if each share of the gift is more than double what you’ve ever paid for a wedding gift, although maybe that is dependent on what you’ve paid before.

    • KLG

      Well unless they’re jerks, they will probably include you anyways. I have a group of friends from college for whom we frequently do group gifts and inevitably someone can’t join in on every gift. We always send the gift from “book club” and don’t name which of us of us in the group actually contributed to that particular gift.

    • Coalea

      Given that the cost of this gift is going to be divided among 8 couples and your share is still twice what you normally spend for wedding gifts, I am dying to know what this gift is! My imagination is going wild!

      • layered bob

        It’s a high-end blender (pro Vitamix). Like I said, I’m young and cash-poor so I’ve never spent much on a gift before (and expensive wedding gifts were not really a thing in my community/college group, so I’m struggling with whether this is normal/expected in my new context.)

        • hoola hoopa

          That’s a $400-500 blender, right? So $50-70 per couple? (I assume split 7 ways, since one couple is the bride/groom).

          That’s a nomal amount for a wedding gift as a grown up.

          • a.

            my god. I had no idea it was possible to spend $400 on a blender, much less TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS I CANNOT EVEN

          • S in Chicago

            Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to hire someone to come over and make drinks when needed? Dear heavens. $1,200?!?

            I was going to say just chip in for the great good, but you need to speak up. That’s ridiculous. Ridiculous.

          • Eliza

            LOL. At least it plugs in. We’re going to a wedding this spring where the couple registered for a $1000 gravy boat. Yes, you read that correctly.

          • Miss Behaved

            Why would anyone want a blender that costs that much? Think of all the other things you could spend that money on. Rent. A vacation. All the pieces of this suit…

          • momentsofabsurdity

            I really want to know what you can do with a $1200 blender that you can’t do with a $500 blender. But this is coming from someone who has only ever spend like $35 on a blender from Target. Maybe there’s a whole fantastic world of perfect blending out there that I’m missing out on.

          • Lyssa

            Seriously. I’m a foodie, and people I know can’t believe that I have, say, Le Cruiset pots and Wusthof knives that cost a couple hundred (and are fabulous and worth it), but that’s outrageous.

            We have a nice (can’t remember the brand, but it’s one of the major ones) blender that my husband bought me before we got married, which was a hundred or so, which seemed like a lot at the time. We’ve had it for over 12 years, and I’ve never once wanted it to do something that it couldn’t do.

          • KC

            Right there with you Lyssa. I used to be skeptical of expensive kitchen gadgets, but there are some nice pans and knives that really are worth the price.

            But a $1200 blender just seems excessive for a non-commercial kitchen setting…

          • gov anon

            What the heck does a $1200 blender do that a $30 blender from Target? Someone enlighten me please!

        • locomotive

          WHAT?! That is a ridiculously nice blender. Can you suggest a different vitamix blender that is slightly less (e.g.500-800) and gently explain that you have a budget and this slightly different version of the gift would fit your budget better?

          • OCAssociate

            Also, the most expensive blender listed on Vitamix’s website is $700 – not $1200. (Not to suggest that the $700 blender is within your budget.)

          • Anon

            Yeah – the $1200 model is a commercial-grade one intended for restaurant use. I don’t know why anyone needs one of those at home. The $500 model should work just fine at home. #firstworldweddingregistries #more than mymonthlyrent

          • NYC

            Did they register for this thing??? Does it also do the laundry and scrub the tub?

        • L

          Holy !@#*($

          That is just absolutely nuts. I thought you were worried about $75. Please speak up. And if this woman is nasty to you know that she is absolutely insane and not worth your time.

    • layered bob

      ok. I’ve asked if we could buy the 2nd most expensive thing on the registry instead of the first-most expensive thing (after checking the registry to see if *that* would be in our budget). We’ll see.

      • Lyssa

        I’m seriously doubting that you’re the only one in the group who’s troubled by this whole $1200 blender thing. Good luck.

        • SFBayA

          Ditto Lyssa. Once you stand up, I bet everyone will say “yes, me too.”

          • Nonny

            I can’t believe anyone would actually register for that. Seriously. Seems like a pie-in-the-sky filler item, a la, “oh, let’s put this on the list just for fun even though no-one will actually buy it for us”. I can’t imagine they actually thought someone would fall for it. At least I hope not.

          • Mpls

            Maybe the marriage is just a front for opening a restaurant? Did they also register for an industrial sized mixer – you know, one that will mix 6 lbs of flour?

      • NOLA

        This whole thing is so unbelievable. And if she already bought it without asking, then you are completely within your rights to just buy something else and not participate. Oh look, a solid gold blender!

    • rosie

      Don’t feel bad about this. The organizer should have asked each person what her/his budget was. I would write back and say you were thinking of spending more like $x, so you would like to get your own gift or contribute to a lower-cost group gift. If the couple has a registry, maybe you could even suggest a different item that, divided among the group, would amount to each person paying $x. I cannot imagine you are the only one in the book club put off by this gift pick.

      And you don’t need to explain why you went on vacation but won’t spend more than $x on this gift. That’s a private budgeting decision between you and your husband. I also think someone would have to be pretty dense not to understand why you won’t contribute $150 for a blender but go on vacations that you carefully plan.

  8. mascot

    Group gifts are fine. Unilateral choices for an expensive group gift are obnoxious. You can simply say, “thanks for including me, but my husband and I have already decided on a gift” No further explanation necessary. Chances are someone else isn’t thrilled with her choice either.

    • a passion for fashion

      this is what I would say. You dont have to explain to her that you dont have enough money.

    • Anon

      Indeed. A $1200 blender? Is it encrusted with tiny diamonds? I just think the group leader sounds like a blowhard jack@ss for choosing such a gift. It’s the gift that says, “I spent a lot of money on you,” more than it says, “I thought a lot about you.”

  9. a passion for fashion

    I wish i was not on a shopping ban until June becuase I really like this suit. But then again, I really like a lot of things, hence the shopping ban

  10. Francie Nolan

    This suit is very lovely, I need it.

    I have a travel questions – we are going to the British Virgin Islands in a few months what are the must see and dos? We are adventurous, we can’t sit around too long before we get restless. Also what should I pack? Dumb I know its the beach but I am overthinking and spinning my wheels!

    Thanks

    • Miss Behaved

      Sorry. No advice. But the BVI is my dream vacation. I’d love to stay at the Bitter End Yacht Club.

      • Francie Nolan

        Miss Behaved

        I am beyond excited, I think that is why I am having such a hard time figuring it out, I want to DO ALL THE THINGS and SEE ALL THE THINGS and soak it all in! I am running around like a chicken without a head!!

    • Suzer

      Take a couple day trips on a small boat – those are my favorite memories from that area. They took us snorkeling in out-of-the way spots, we went climbing around The Baths, had lunch at funky beach bars. Sigh – I’m jealous!

    • Posey

      My sister lives and works in the BVI, and I have been down there many, many times and LOVE it!

      It depends what island you are staying on but if you are going to virgin gorda, you have to check out the baths and savannah bay (great snorkeling), snorkel/dive the invisibles, dive the wreck of the Rhone, dive the chikuzen, eat at fat virgin (accessible by boat only), take a day trip to anegada. Other things to do are to check out check out Peter Island, Norman Island, Cooper Island, soggy dollar bar, willy t’s, the list goes on!!!

      If you don’t have your dive certification, Ben and Kay from Kilbrides Sunchaser Scuba at the Bitter End Yacht Club are AMAZING teachers (and SUPER safe) and offer a “resort course” that will allow you to dive in the BVI with them during your vacation.

      Overall the BVI is known for great snorkeling and diving so make sure to take advantage of your time there!

      Email me at boardroombelles (at) googlemail (dot) com if you have questions – I’m happy to help!

  11. babyshark

    Question: when did you ‘move out’ of your parents house, and was it a Big Life-Changing Decision, or something that happened organically?

    • hoola hoopa

      I moved out when I went to college (BLC), stopped having a room there around the time I went to grad school (organic – more driven by my parents), and took the remaining boxes of stuff when I bought my first home (BLC).

    • a.

      I’m curious to see what kind of responses this gets, because for most of my friends, I feel like it was a non-event–you moved out of your parents’ house when you moved into your college dorm, the end. Personally, I’ve been back for a couple of sporadic summers (maybe 1.25 total, in four years of college, plus one post-college), but that’s it. Moving back in would be more of a Big Life-Changing Decision than continuing to have my own place.

      • Jill

        Same here. I “moved out” when I went to college, and then I ended up working and living in a different city than my parents anyway. I still have a room there for when I visit, now it’s just also used as a guest room and the closet is used for other people’s clothes.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I was the same. Went to college in a different city and moved into a dorm. I think all of my siblings who went to college in our hometown also moved out when they started college. I came home for summers in college, but not because I was expected to but because I couldn’t afford anything different. After college I moved home for about 3 mons once because I was laid off from a job in a different state that I had no other connection to and I needed a place to stay while I started over.

      • L

        Weird. My post disappeared.

        I moved out about 2 years after undergrad. I saved up a ton of money and finally had a well paying job that would allow me to not be super poor and live in a safe area.

    • Anon in NYC

      I spent every summer when I was in college at home. My parents were not willing to pay for me to live elsewhere, and all of my summer internships were in an easy commuting distance from my parents house. I didn’t have a job when I graduated from college, so I moved back in with my parents. It was definitely an adjustment. Once I found a job, I still lived there for about 2 years because many of my friends in the area already had roommates that they were happy with, and I had had some bad roommate experiences so I wasn’t willing to live with a stranger. I moved in with my BF (now DH), and aside from the BLC that unto itself was, I don’t remember it being a Big Deal with my parents. Probably because I told them that that was what I was doing and didn’t really care if they had an opinion on it. I wasn’t waiting for a BLC to move out, I was waiting for the finances to work out.

    • Equity's Darling

      Hmm, I guess when I went to undergrad? I don’t know, I left for school, went home for probably half of the summer,, and slowly just sort of never went back (to their chagrin and has resulted in constant complaining about my location, I might add).

      So, it was prompted by a BLC, but really sort of happened “organically”, in that I never formally moved out, so much as went away to school, and just came back less frequently. I still have a room there (and it is definitely still *my* room), and some stuff, but really, I’ve made it pretty clear that they could torch pretty much all of it except for a few things and I wouldn’t be upset at all. I think they’re happier with my stuff there because it makes them feel like I’m not gone.

    • Orangerie

      I “moved out” when I moved away to college (organically), but came home for half of each summer. Furthermore, my parents supported me financially through undergrad, so I am not sure if that counts as fully moving out/being independent.

      After graduating college, I found a job in the same metro area I grew up in, so I moved back in with my parents while adjusting to my new job, saving up money, etc. I liked being able to take my time searching for an apartment and a great roommate. After a year at home, I moved to my own place that is not in any way financially funded or supported by my parents – this is what I consider my “Big Life-Changing” move.

      • Lily

        I’m the same as this – though still in my first year of college. Some of my friends don’t consider themselves to have moved out, either because they spend all of their really long holidays at home (eg Oxford/Cambridge which only have 8 week terms) or because they visit so often. I’ve been home twice since September, and I’m not intending to visit ‘home’ again til June, when I have to because of house contracts etc.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I “moved out” when I went to college, and moved back in (I guess) every summer until junior year (when I had an internship out of state). But my parents repurposed my room basically immediately.

      My parents lived out of the country when I graduated, so I moved into my first apartment right after college graduation (my parents paid first and last month’s rent as a college graduation gift). Maybe if they had still lived in the country, I might have moved home for a few months first.

      So both times, it was surrounded by Big Life Changing events but moving out was just a side effect of them, not a specific decision to Move Out.

      My family comes from a culture where you live at home until marriage, but both of my parents grew up in the US (though both did have parents rotationally living with them throughout their adult lives) so I don’t think they ever expected me or my siblings to do that.

    • MB

      I moved out of state for college, came home for the summer (except one or two) and then moved back home after graduation for two years. After two years, I moved in with a serious boyfriend. I had friends that had their own places near my parents house when I lived there after college, and I spent a lot of time at their places, but never got my own place during that time.

    • InfoGeek

      I moved out when I went to undergrad and never went back for longer than the Christmas break. I went to school in the summers, so I wasn’t even home then. The move seemed organic.

      During undergrad, my parents moved, so their new house didn’t even have a room that was “mine” or my brother’s, just guest rooms.

      I had a year lease on an apartment my senior year, so I stayed there after graduation (which took me through our wedding). After I got married, my husband and I moved to a different town. That apartment was our big move to being financially independent of both sets of parents.

    • Veronique

      I lived at home every summer in college, and for two years post-college (very common in my Caribbean culture). I attended law school in a different country and stayed in that country. I’m still very close to my family and talk to them on the phone several times a week.

    • roses

      Moved out for undergrad, went back the summer after my first year but never again for more than a week (got a paying job thereafter and moved to an off-campus apartment).

    • AnonForThis

      I moved out early my senior year of high school, in what was a massive family drama blowup, and never lived there again. I will stay there occassionally now, but not often, and its not “my room.” One of my proudest accomplishments was to be able to get my life together at barely 18 and get out of a stessful, semi-abusive environment and support my self in order to cut those ties. Things were much better once there were no financial ties obligating me to put up with all the drama.

    • Lyssa

      I moved out to go to college (2 hour drive away), but came home the first summer. By the 2nd summer, though, I was engaged and working in college town, so I was staying (not living, *staying* – that was important) with him. (And, in a toss back to the white lie thread from this morning, you’d better believe that told my parents that it was in separate bedrooms. They even pretended to believe me.)

      I’m the oldest in a big family, though, so my brother was just itching to claim my room (as he had to share one), so it was pretty silly to hold onto it when I was only there every few months.

      My husband’s story is odder – he was living with the ‘rents when we started dating. They moved out, not him. His dad was offered a job out of state, so they moved but had wanted to keep the house for a while in case they came back – we lived there the first year or so we were married.

    • Kerrycontrary

      I “moved out” for college. I went home the summer after my freshman year. Because it was such a horrible adjustment (my parents tried to give me a curfew! and control where I drove!) and caused so many fights I never went back for a long time. I grew up in a semi-rural area so there was no opportunity for me to go back for jobs, and I went straight to grad school after undergrad.

    • Anon

      I moved out to go to undergrad and had dorms and apartments, but I lived at home with my parents almost every summer. The town my university was in wasn’t conducive to getting a job and was dead in the summer. I moved back in with my parents after I graduated for a few years until I saved enough money for a down payment on a house.

    • CKB

      I moved out when I went away to university as well. I got a job that summer in my university city, and then got married at the end of that summer, so I never moved back home.

      However, my room was converted to my dad’s office almost as soon as I was gone that September anyway, so it really wasn’t a place of my own anymore anyway.

    • L

      Went to college, moved out. Moved back after college to save. Moved out approximately 2 years later once I got a job that would allow me to pay my bills, save, and not live in a sketchy place.

    • Sutemi

      I moved out when I moved to college. Actually, the day before I moved to college I had to get everything of mine boxed up and help my sister move down into my old room and my other sister move into that sister’s old room. I haven’t had a room at my parent’s house that felt like “mine” since, though of course I can sleep in the guest room when I visit.

    • Coalea

      Lived in on-campus housing throughout my undergrad years, spent summers at home. After graduation, got my own place near where I’d gone to school. Have only been back “home” for holidays since then. This is what I always anticipated would happen, so I didn’t really see it as life-changing.

      My little brother took over my bedroom after I’d been away for a few years (I think during my junior year). At first my mom moved my furniture and stuff into his old room, but then all my stuff came to live with me. Now the kids’ bedrooms at my parents’ house are known as: Brother’s Room, Sister’s Room and “The Little Room,” even though we’ve all moved out and taken our stuff with us. I guess I was not in “The Little Room” long enough for it to become mine…

    • LH

      Moved out when I want to college, and have never lived in the same timezone since. My bedroom at my parents is still intact although my mom also uses it as an office (they have a small house and she didn’t have one previously). I go there less than once a year because my parents visit me and we meet up for vacations.

    • Brant

      Went to college, spent a HARROWING 2 months living back at home before my job started, and that was that. My room transformed from my HS bedroom to a mostly guest room while I was in college, but my stuff was still in the drawers/closet.

      My parents got divorced a handful of years after that, so the last remnants of my room/stuff at the house got packed up when the house went on the market in 2009, and then into the trash/storage/to my house when the house was sold and mom and dad each got new places. What drives me bananas is that NEITHER of them have ANY guest space, so we get all the pressure to visit and none of the free lodging!

    • cbackson

      Like others, it was when I went to college. And it felt like a big, big deal, even though it was part of the big deal of starting college as well. The funny thing is that I went to the college where one of my parents teaches, and for most of the time that I was in school my family lived closer to campus than I did.

      I did stay with my parents for three months when I moved back to Atlanta, and that was actually totally a nonevent. It was nice to see them and spend that time with them and really eased my transition back here. It never felt like I was living with them, though – I stayed in the guest room, and never unpacked anything (even clothes – I lived out of a couple of suitcases).

    • Paralegal

      I went to college in NYC but my parents live in the ‘burbs (and my dad commutes to NYC daily), so even though I moved out for college, it didn’t feel like a Big Deal. I have two other siblings so I don’t think anyone really noticed I was gone. I lived mostly at home during the summer after freshman year (while commuting and living part time in the dorms), but other than that I was in dorms full-time. I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend after graudation, and have been there for almost two years (but I probably would have moved home if I were single – I wouldn’t want to pay rent on my salary alone). My parents remodeled part of the house after I had left for college, so while I still have a bedroom, I don’t have a lot of personal items lying around.

      My youngest sibling is heading off to college soon and I’ll be off to law school in another state, so we’ll see if anything changes now that the nest is empty and I won’t be getting free summer university housing.

    • wintergreen126

      I left for college, but I ended up back at home afterwards. I was working for the same company as my mom, and I knew that I wanted to go to either law school or possibly grad school, so in the name of saving money, I decided living at home was the best option. To help me save, parents basically subsidized my living–they paid the car insurance, they paid the cell phone bill, they didn’t ask for rent or anything.

      I officially “moved out” after 2 years when I got into law school and left for that. And really, it was time. My room at “home” still looks the same as it ever did, but is now routinely used as another guest bedroom. But thanks to my current apartment being on the small side, my parents are sort of acting as storage space–I don’t have all of my books and movies, for instance, some of it is still in my old room. I still go visit when I have time, but their house is now only home in the “when you have to go there, they have to take you in” sense.

    • Cb

      I lived with my parents through part of college (I couldn’t justify more student loans + give up mom’s cooking) and then boomeranged back for a few months while I was job searching after my MA and then before heading back for my PhD. I’ve settled abroad pretty permanently which means that my trip stateside next month will involve a massive cull of stuff squirreled away in my parents’ garage.

  12. a.

    A pope from the Americas! I’m not even Catholic, but I feel like that’s still really exciting!

      • Eh . . .

        His parents were Italians who lived in Argentina. I don’t know how exciting that really is. Plus he is basically as conservative as the last pope and only about a decade younger, and not likely to do anything new.

        • Mpls

          That’s probably why he got picked – the Italian + Latin America thing. It’s incremental change, I guess. And age-wise, they’re only locked in for another 10-20 years, and then they get another opportunity to change.

        • Susie

          As a practicing Catholic, I certainly hope he doesn’t want to do anything new. The church, at least in the US, has lost/is losing too much of its history and tradition as it is. If it were up to me I’d go back to pre-Vatican II.

          • Lucy

            As the post-VII church, the only church you have (likely) known in your lifetime, doesn’t count as part of church history and tradition?

  13. Anon

    Team Ladies-Who-Know-More-Than-Me:

    What do you do for your husband when he feels unappreciated at work (and FWIW, I think his feelings are totally valid)? I have told him he can quit working, change jobs, or just coast for a while. He has been working like a dog and while his reviews/feedback on his leadership potential are great, his compensation is not where he anticipated it would be.

    This is a decision he needs to make himself, I know. And it’s complicated by the fact that we have a child and I am planning to start staying home soon. But he is free right now and I want him to remember that and make a decision that will make him happy.

    Any thing I can do besides foot massages?

    – Angry on Behalf of my Sad Husband

    • Anonymous

      Whoa. Been there.

      Sounds like you’re doing most everything I would suggest (validate his feelings and reinforce that he is not the issue, encourage him to consider other options), so keep doing it. I would focus on thanking him or complementing him for what he does around the house, not complain about not having enough money (even if it’s not directed at his low income, he will likely perceive it as such), and hold off discussion about you staying home (if you are actually willing to postpone in favor of him taking time to transition).

      FWIW, it took my husband ~3 years before moving on. It was a very, very, very difficult decision, but he’s been happy that he made it. He’s in school now. We have two small children. It’s been hard for him and me, but we’ve made every decision together and I stay focused on the long-term and think about the support that I would want if our situations were reversed.

    • JJ

      I have a similar situation – my husband works like a dog (like, routinely working 90+ hour weeks) and while he’s very good at his job, the amount of stress for him in the long term is just not worth it.

      I try my best to pick up slack around the house regarding chores, provide a listening ear when he wants to complain (instead of letting my eyes glaze over at the technical aspects of his job), and don’t try to “one up” him when we both complain about days. We make roughly the same amount of money, but all of our insurance is through my husband, so he does have that to worry about regarding different jobs.

      Ultimately, though, I’ve realized that my husband is a grown man and I trust him to make the decision that’s right for him and for us. I know once he’s actually fed up with his job that he’ll do something about it. So I just reiterate to him that I don’t want him to feel like he has to work in a job that he hates for our family’s sake and when he wants to make a move or otherwise make a change, I’ll support him.

      • goldribbons

        +10000 on this point specifically, “once he’s actually fed up with his job that he’ll do something about it.”

  14. FP Angie

    First off, WOOHOO, I just had my performance review and earned a 10% raise when raises were capped at 2% (which means my boss really went to bat for me).

    Second, awkward situation – two of my friends/colleagues are applying for the same job. One asked me to be a reference while the one who hasn’t, in my opinion, would be the better fit and wants this job waaaay more. Any advice?

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      How good are these friends? It may be that the diplomatic situation here would be to tell them you know someone else applying for the job and therefore wouldn’t feel right doing it for both so you can’t do it for this person either (white lie perhaps if they other isn’t asking you). If it’s like great friend vs casual acquaintance, then it may be different…

    • goldribbons

      1. “Hey Friend-2, do you need an additional recommendation for the job?”
      2. “Hey Friend-1, unfortunately, I’m not in a position to give you the recommendation you deserve right now.”
      I would not recommend writing a lukewarm application for Friend-1 unless you KNOW for an absolute FACT that Friend-2 would be a better fit; i.e., if you have not worked at the company and you aren’t in with HR to find out their specific needs, I would say you don’t know for a fact that one person would be a better fit than another person. A lukewarm recommendation is frequently more damaging than no recommendation at all.
      YMMV. Good luck!

    • lawsuited

      Do not go to bat for a friend unless you are really sure they are a great fit. If things don’t work out on your friend’s side or on your employer’s side, you may instantly become associated with those bad feelings because you had a part in brokering the deal.

  15. Anon for this one...

    TJ: i am having major work ennui. Basically, I am stuck here roughly for another year until I can move in with my boyfriend and new job prospects will open up due to a new location + lowered cost of living; until then I pretty much cannot afford to find another position and this has led to… well. terrible trouble in giving a foeey. I used to love this job and I still enjoy my actual work – it is the recent changes in the management to the worse, additional duties that have been thrust on me and other extraneous things that seem to soak up all of my days instead of the job I was hired to do.

    Any suggestions on how to suck it up and keep my head down without breaking down in tears? :/

    • goldribbons

      [This comes with a disclaimer below.] When I started to feel like this at my old job, I imagined what it would be like to have no income and just say ‘fudge it, I’m quitting!’ I had money in savings which I put towards rent for one-two months and spent the entire rest of my paychecks on the stupidest things – impulse buys, far too expensive meals, etc. – to make myself feel better about the paycheck. It was INCREDIBLY IRRESPONSIBLE but if you’re really stuck for another year, I would recommend: (1) carefully planning your vacation days for the next year so that you have something to look forward to frequently (and so you use them all up before you quit); (2) networking your butt off while you can; (3) taking advantage of the credibility you’ve built up (whether that means enjoying coming in 10 minutes late for a week or sneaking out early once in a while on a particularly gorgeous Friday or going to lunch with a coworker you might not otherwise get to know).

      I STRONGLY DISCOURAGE from making any of these habits long-term, but you sound desperate and stuck.

      You do need to make sure you don’t burn this bridge, especially before you actually quit, but anything from job searching (which always makes me glad I *have* a job even if I don’t enjoy it much) to taking a sick day can make you feel better. Good luck. Keep your chin up – and read some Calvin & Hobbes if you need to. Also I recommend reading the posts on Sarah Jenks website (google her) – I find her inspirational.

      • Aside from #3

        These habits don’t sound too bad. If a job will allow for it, and the worker would rather take shorter vacations throughout the year rather one or two long ones (or none at all), why would that be bad? Unless its a we-have-vacation-time-but-using-it-is-frowned-upon type place, in which case I’m not sure I’d want to stay there anyway. And networking is always a good idea, you just never know.

        And while #3 could totally be misused, I try to do so every once in awhile as a way to preserve my sanity. So long as critical work isn’t going undone or getting turned in late, I’d sometimes rather go for a long lunch with a friend and then work later that evening… I guess its a know your office sort of thing.

    • Anon

      I too am in a serious funk at work. I went to law school out of a fairly high-profile professional job that was demanding, and exciting, and interactive with high level people around the state. Now, I sit in my office all day, possibly talking to one or two coworkers throughout the day, and scrounging for scraps of work from partners who express interest in having me involved in things, but it never pans out, so I end up doing mindless doc review and research projects. I get that starting back over at ground zero is going to have some downs, and that I have to build myself back into that place I was before law school, but its to the point where I barely get anything done during the day because I’m just. so. bored. with it.

    • anon

      Give yourself breaks during the day to do things that make you feel good – listen to a podcast, read your favorite blog, or go for a quick walk or grab a cup of coffee. Schedule fun things before and after work that you can look forward to — go to happy hour with your best friend or join a sports team and hang out with people in a nonworky, non-soul-sucking environment. Plan a fab vacation. Make a goal for yourself that will make you feel better about life in general, like taking on a new exercise routine or whatever. If you feel like a total blob at the end of the day, make a list of your successes to validate yourself when no one else will – like making a difficult phone call or staying focused for x period of time or making a healthy meal – small steps that no one else cares about but that make a big difference to you. Cheer yourself on because having a job you dislike is really tough.

  16. Boston Area Therapists?

    I know a lot of you ladies are in the Boston area so do any of you have any recs for therapists? I really don’t even know what type I’m looking for, but I just feel like I need to start seeing one. I’ve recently noticed that I seem to be working to make myself unhappy when I’ve got a pretty good life. I’d really like to focus on my relationships, more specifically with my live in boyfriend. I’ve noticed that my expectations are far too high and I become really unpleasant when I don’t get my way. I’m not sure what sort of therapy that requires, but I definitely want to improve my behavior. Any help is appreciated!

  17. LilyB

    Ladies, I’m loving this top featured on CapHillStyle a while ago- can anyone suggest a more reasonably priced alternative? Link to follow but it’s the French Connection Summer Spell Top.

  18. BB

    After two months of indecision, we finally booked our vacation to go to Lisbon in two weeks. Anyone have hotel or restaurant or sightseeing recommendations?

    I’m partial to mid-high end hotels (~$150-250 range), as much ethnic food as my stomach can hold, and wandering around cute neighborhoods. :) Also, I don’t speak Portuguese, but know some Spanish.

    • Brooklyn, Esq.

      Looking forward to hearing responses–we’re going to Portugal this summer!

    • a.

      I studied abroad in Lisbon and have visited fairly frequently since then (I looooooove it there), so I’d be thrilled to put together a list for you ladies! But it’s pretty late in my time zone and I was just doing a quick pre-bed Internet check. I’ll post my recommendations in the morning thread tomorrow, okay?

      • BB

        I’ll totally be looking forward to this! Thanks so much! :) I have ~4 days to spend there and definitely excited. (Also hoping that the airline strike is over by the time we have to fly.)

    • MJ

      I speak both Spanish and Portuguese. Try to find some easy resources for Portuguese for Spanish speakers via Youtube or google–the written stuff is pretty similar (except contractions of prepositions + articles…Spanish en + la, portugues “na”) and the conjugation of many verbs is similar. If you do a mini-crash of an hour or so, and get a pocket portuguese-spanish dictionary, you should be able to navigate fine. I would say that Portuguese folks don’t speak a ton of english, but they can often understand Spanish, so you’ll be OK. Note that the pronunciation of Brazilian Portuguese is slightly different than Euro Portuguese, but not so much as to cause confusion–more like a British accent to an American. I am telling you that only so you buy the right books or whatnot–if you have a choice, choose European Portuguese.

      My rec for Portugal would be to go to a good Fado restaraunt (it’s singing, not food). Really cool. And go Port tasting (delish and frankly, you’ll be finished much faster than wine tasting due to higher alcohol content) and generally tour the old town. Lisbon is a lovely city for strolling. And there’s a really cool castle in the middle of the city, Sao Jorge. Enjoy!

    • Monte

      Love Lisbon! I think I did woefully little research before I went, but happened to land during the festival of St Anthony and had a ball. I was able to get by based on my Spanish proficiency and a tiny bit of Portuguese study, which was helpful because I apparently looked Brazilian and people kept trying to chat with me.

      I have few specific recollections about where I went — out to Sintra (which I thought was slighly overrated), to Sao Jorge, wandering along Avenida da Liberdade, doing the Elevador da Santa Justa — but I ate really well and walked a good portion of the city (bring comfortable shoes, it is hilly!). I had a fantastic time. I then headed south out of the city to the Algarve, and had a great trip there as well.

      For hotels, I like using Tablet, especially since they rate the hotel’s by liveliness. As a single traveler, I typically try to avoid really quiet hotels, since I want to be able to hang out in the hotel bar and meet new people. Traveling as a couple, you may not have the same concern, but I like that they rate things from secluded to happening, and that you get a decent sense of the amenities, design, and neighborhoods of the hotels. They seems to have a decent price range of places currently available on their site.

      Have fun! You should have a great time.

  19. momentsofabsurdity

    Building on the thread above:

    How often do you talk to your family (meaning parents and siblings – I’m sure ‘R e t t e s with their own kids/spouses at home probably talk to them pretty often!)? Has that changed over the years? What mode of communication do you use to connect (eg, GChat, Skype, phone, in person, etc)?

    • momentsofabsurdity

      And my own answer:

      I’m pretty close with my family. I talk to my mom 2-3x per week by phone, my sisters every few days (sometimes every day) via GChat, and my dad at least once a week, usually more like 2 or 3 times. I live across the country from them, so I only see them 3-4x per year. We also email around different links (interesting articles we’ve read, sometimes my mom sends us all corny quotes, etc) every few days. I probably end up having some form of contact with some member of my family basically every day.

    • Calibrachoa

      I live in a different country than both my mother and my sister and her family – I talk to my sister on FB several times a week, call a few times a month, and we see.. maybe once every few years, unfortunately. My mother who cannot figure out computers for the life of her, I call her about once a week and go visit about once every year to 18 months.

    • anon

      Text/Facebook/Gchat my closest-in-age cousins, Skype with the inlaw parents and grandparents across the country, respond to a text or call from my mother who lives nearby once every month or two, don’t talk to my father at all.

    • NOLA

      I’m sure it would be different for me if my mother were still alive. But that said, I probably talk to my Dad about once a month. They travel a lot and sometimes it’s hard to track him down. My Dad emails but doesn’t chat or text and I just don’t call people. I talk to my brother here and there, but I keep up with what’s going on at their house by texting or GChatting with my nephews or my SIL.

    • AIMS

      I don’t have siblings and my father passed away but I talk to my mother at least once almost every day, sometimes twice. Much to the shock of many of my friends, I don’t consider this a burden.

    • Betty

      My sister and I are incredibly close, so we text daily and facetime with our boys (both toddlers) about once a week. I chat with my mom over the phone maybe once a week, email a couple times a week and we have a standing dinner together with the families on Sunday nights. The interesting thing is that my mom and sister talk on the phone multiple times a day, every single day and have for years, but I just don’t talk with my mom on the phone that much/don’t need that much of a connection. It used to cause friction between my mom and I (“your sister and I talk all the time”), but I think my mom has finally accepted that my sister and I have different needs in general and specifically in communicating. (I should add that my dad died when I was young, so the three of us have always been incredibly close.)

    • anonypotamus

      My mother gchats and texts so I usually end up speaking with her at least once a day, sometimes every few days. She lives in another state, so we skype or facetime a couple of times a month (though it has been more recently with my upcoming wedding). My dad is not super chatty, but we chat by phone or skype a couple times per month and text very very occasionally. I visit my parents probably 3-5 times a year? I text/gchat my two sisters at least a couple of times per week and skype a couple times per month (one lives cross-country, the other one state away). So basically every day I probably contact at least one immediate family member. (Future) in-laws live in town so we see them/talk to them frequently.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Parents in diff country but close, so mum Whatsapp/text/gchat/email pretty much daily, I call my parents usually every other day. Since they both retired I’ve started doing that more whereas when mum was still working we would email during the day from work. We Skype once a week and I see them maybe three times a year (they are coming to visit in a week or so, yay!). Dad isn’t so much for the texting, he used to e-mail but less now because we speak on the phone more.

      My sister (12 years apart, different mums) – we e-mail or text maybe like once or twice a week, sometimes more sporadically, she has Skype but for some reason we never manage to connect through that. Again, see her maybe three times a year and she is coming to visit in May.

      This is v interesting…

    • Coalea

      My parents, sister/BIL, brother and I all live in different states. On average, I speak to my mom once or twice a week, my dad maybe once every 2 weeks, and each sibling once a week. I text my siblings often – pretty much daily. I probably text my parents a couple time a week and I will email them sometimes as well.

    • Susie

      I live about half an hour from my parents and each of my three sisters. I frequently see my parents on the weekend, if not then I usually call and chat with my mom. We will also exchange emails a few times a week. With my sisters I exchange emails or text on average once a week, and tend to see them every few weeks usually for a meal or something my mom organizes for everyone.

    • Veronique

      My family all lives in a different country, but we’re really close. I talk to my mom and sister regularly on the phone, ranging from daily to weekly. We also occasionally skype. My brother is in another country, so we talk a few times a week via imessage and facetime.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m very close with my family and live across the country from them. I hate talking on the phone, and so do most of them, so I tend to talk to my dad on the phone or video chat every couple of weeks and one of my many siblings on the phone or email about once a month. We are all on Facebook though and comment on each others posts a few days a week. It’s nice because we can all keep on up what everyone is up to without worrying about the time difference or schedules.

      It might not seem like much, but it works great for us. Like I said, we are actually really close. When I still lived there, we got together for dinner once a week and we still have family vacations/holidays where we all spend lots of days in a row together. I have a giant immediate family, so it gets a little crazy but I love it.

    • wintergreen126

      I talk to my parents at least once or twice a week, sometimes more if I have something to share, or if there is something going on. They’ll email me and text me periodically, if they’re busy and don’t have time for a long conversation. I have a younger brother, but we aren’t particularly close. He usually contacts me by text, and usually only when he wants something. I’ll check in on him every now and then. But that’s about it.

      I have family that lives closer to where I am now, and I hear from them/see them then semi-regularly.

    • Cb

      I’m an only so it’s just the three of us. I live abroad so I skype with my mom once a week and the mom + dad combo once a week. We also gchat and email throughout the week, dad sends me scanned in comics from the paper or articles, mom online window shops or sends photos.

      I haven’t seen them in almost a year which is an insanely long time for us but I’m headed home in less than a month. Cannot wait!

  20. frames?

    We want to frame some wedding pictures in nice wood frames that will really last. I’d like to go a step above pottery barn quality, but there is no need for custom frames b/c we just want to frame 5×7 pictures. My google-fu has failed. Any suggestions? TIA!

    • darby

      No source suggestions, but a comment that if you want to be sure your photos last, get them printed on archival paper, take out any non-acid free paper that’s in the frames (usually all the stuff that’s in there with the frame) & if you need to use any kind of tape to secure the photo in place, make sure that’s archival/acid-free as well. Also, don’t put them in direct sunlight.

  21. Anon

    My mentor’s mother died (not unexpectedly, she was in her 90’s) and I am sending a sympathy card. It is appropriate to address the card to him and his wife even though I do not know his wife, right?

    • I dunno

      The first thing that comes to mind with the cuff is some sort of tie/bondage look. I like that the rest of the shoe is super conservative, and the color is neutral, so it doesn’t entirely go down that road, but it presents the opportunity. I agree with goldribbons, maybe with pants, so that the cuff is covered? They’d be very cute to wear out to dinner or something though.

      • jcb

        The bondage look is definitely not what I’m going for … hopefully when they arrive the nude color will obviate that somewhat

    • Sydney Bristow

      They’d be fine in the NYC biglaw office I’m working at right now. There are a number of women, including a partner, who are pretty fashion-forward though.

      I think they’re cute!

      • darby

        agreed. I worked in big law for years w/ fashion forward women & these would have been just fine.

    • jcb

      Thanks! I think I’m going to go for it, if I get them and they look like I think they will. There are so few women in my group that I don’t think the men have any idea what we’re supposed to be wearing, anyhow. :)

  23. anon

    Can anyone help out with some guidance on how clothes from Boden fit? I know there are a few on here who like their clothes. I am fairly petite and am wondering if there is a chance they will fit me (in either the petite or regular sizes). Thanks in advance!

    • In the Pink

      I find that the dresses and tops are small for US sizing. Skirts, however, seem to be TTU for me, an extreme 12 hourglass who has to have everything taken in around the waistline. Loving that Boden is finally showing a few more dresses which are not empire nor sheaths. Enjoy the shopping; their tailoring and fabrics (other than jersey) are impeccable.

  24. k-padi

    Any tips on how to remove permanent ink from the back of my hand?

    I went to a client event where they were stamping the backs of hands with dark blue permanent ink that won’t. scrub. off. I feel like a 22-year old who went partying last night and forgot to wash my hands!

      • Anonymous

        I second this…maybe also try glopping on a whole lot of lotion or think cream and rub it around vigorously.

    • Meg Murry

      If you have any exfoliating body scrubs, try that. If not, mix coarse sugar or salt with oil and scrub with that. Rubbing alcohol, acetone, paint thinner or nail polish remover would probably also work, but dry out your skin terribly. Cold cream or eye makeup remover also might work. Basically, some combination of solvent & oil to dissolve it, something with grit or texture to scrub it.

    • Calibrachoa

      Dishwashing liquid. Works for ink, hair dye and other stubborn things scarily well.

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