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Workwear sales of note for 3.22.23:
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off full-price pants and shirts; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – Extra 40% off clearance for up to 60% off
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price dresses, skirts, accessories & shoes
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
I just can’t do 100% polyester…
Child stuff TJ
Do any of you have a nanny / sitter who drives your children to various places (I’m thinking of to lessons, where they sit and wait, as opposed to play dates with friends, where it might be odd to park someone in someone else’s house)?
My children are getting older and I often spend an afternoon / week driving them to swimming lessons. As they get older, I’d like to add in a music lesson, but am concerned re working that into an already crowded (but flexible) work schedule. And when they reach school age and have after-school practices or separate schools (due to age differences) and summers off, this will be something I’d like to have more and more of (and I have a year to figure it out).
Do you interview for a driving nanny? Do they drive in their car (and then do you expect them to have booster seats in it always)? Or do you provide a car? How do you handle insurance? And can you realistically get someone for a <10 hours / week or is it the case that the good people want FT or at least serious PT hours (so ~20 hours a week)?
It seems that I mostly work with guys with at-home wives because I have no one to ask but y'all. Thanks!
We have a FT nanny and she also drives the kids. We have her use our car (the kids wouldn’t fit in her car) and have added her onto the insurance for it. (I think it was about 500/yr for that.) Our previous nanny drove the kids in her car – we provided the car seats and they stayed in the car.
I don’t know re: whether you can get a PT person just for driving 10 hrs/week; it may depend on your area. If you are near a college, students usually have flexible schedules and could make one or 2 afternoons a week to drive the kids. Con with that is having to switch providers as they age out.
Child stuff TJ
We do have colleges nearby. I had a bit of a panic earlier today when someone in line in front of me said something like having to buy a car for the nanny (I am thinking now: buying a third family car so there was a parent-approved car for the nanny to use while on duty and having the nanny on the family insurance).
I guess you cross your fingers in the summer on a lot of fronts (maybe the PT nanny can go FT in the summer or you get a summer nanny if the PT one goes home for the summer if they are a student or something else).
As it gets easier it also gets more complex, no?
I think a lot of people provide live in nannies or au pairs with cars. It isn’t something you should have to do for a PT nanny.
This is where a responsible college student can be a god-send. They are happy to work 10 or less hours and can bring course reading to do while they wait. I did this some as a teenager, and always drove my own car (if there’s a ton of driving, mileage would be usual) – booster seats were provided by the family.
When I was in college I worked 9 hours a week in a job similar to what you’re looking for. I drove my car to the Mom’s work and parked my car in the parking lot next to hers. She would leave the keys on top of the front tire and I would do the same with mine (small, trusting college town obviously). I would pick up the kids in her minivan and drive home and watch them for 2-3 hours, then she would drive my car to her house at the end of her work day. I did MWF and she had another sitter for T-Th. It worked pretty seamlessly from what I could see.
I had friends who did this sort of thing in college as a way to make a bit more money then the on-campus job pays. While its true that college students are not vetted the way professional nannies are – I would imagine it would be much easier to get them for 10 hours a week.
As for the other stuff – I feel like u have to provide the car – amongst other things it has the booster seat in your child’s side (I don’t think you can ask a 10 hour a week employee to buy a special booster seat or put the mileage on their car/pay for gas (unless you’re paying for those things) and risk the jump in their own insurance associated with using their car (if they have one). I mean you *could* ask those things, but you’re going to have trouble finding anyone willing to take the job.
Okay these were not all here when I posted mine.
mama of 2
I disagree with this. You can totally ask them to use their own car. How you compensate them for it is up to you.
My sister has a nanny who started off full-time, but now that the kids are all in school all day, she’s a housekeeper, does errands and ferries the kids around. She uses her own car, but they provide car seats, although 2 of the kids don’t need them anymore.
We have an au pair who does this….. she is added to our insurance. We provide the car.
College students or homeschooled high schoolers are perfect for this. I think whether or not you provide the car depends on your location and situation- just keep in mind that you really should compensate fully for mileage and gas. I have lots of friends who have done this both as high schoolers and college students. Emails the Elementary Education department and sororities are good places to start. Churches are also good places to look- ask to have a message sent to the leaders of the high school or college Sunday school classes. Also, hiring two friends is great. I know of several situations when this was done- one girl took MWF and the other has TR, but they were often able to fill in for each other. I also know people who had one main babysitter but early on asked if she had a friend who could be their go-to backup. Worked great when the babysitters could coordinate directly rather than having to pass messages through the parents- especially if one woke up sick or had an emergency.
Also, if you post your city, some ‘Rettes may be able to give you recommendations.
I LOVE the RED, but if it is realy 100% POLLYESTER, FOOEY!
I could use a new RED suit for court b/c the judge loves me in either white, black or RED, with RED Lipstick, of course! YAY!!!!
The manageing partner told me he still want’s me as a partner, but NOW he is going to wave the capital cotribution! Wait until I tell DAD! He is goeing to be so pleased that I am such a great negotieator! YAY!!!!!
I bought this skirt on a whim when they were having a sale on suiting and I was getting some other skirts. I’d say it’s meh. It made me look slightly wider in the hips and the back wrinkles more than I would normally think that polyester would. Overall, I’ll keep it in my wardrobe but I wouldn’t urge a friend to run out and buy it.
K Babes, thank you so, so much for saving me from my sudden nearly overwhelming urge to buy a red suit RIGHT NOW. It looks so pretty in the picture, and I’m so happy I can use you to talk me down from it!
TJ back to the Clarisonic discussion from this morning because I was inspired by y’all to try one out for my back/chest acne that just won’t quit. Any tips for getting one cheaper than Sephora? Regular sales or discount sites anything like that?
Beauty.com runs promotions very frequently. You should be able to get a pretty good discount, and if you use eBates there’s often a decent cash back % offered.
Oil of Olay has a Clarisonic knockoff for about $20: http://www.amazon.com/Olay-Pro-X-Advanced-Cleansing-System/dp/B0043OYFKU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1370465297&sr=8-2&keywords=oil+of+olay+pro-x
I have the Olay version and it’s great. Reviews seem to indicate the Clarisonic is better, but not 10 times better. I’d totally go that route for back/chest.
A Nonny Moose
Skinstore regularly has 20% off.
I’d err from the knock offs, but maybe that’s just me. I’ve had friends whose knock offs haven’t lasted as long or haven’t provided the same effects as the Clarisonic. Also consider getting a Mia, which is smaller and less expensive than the full-sized Clarisonic.
I have the mia and it is fantastic. Obviously I can’t compare it to the full-sized model, but my skin is clearer than ever.
A Nonny Moose
I do too. And I’ve been using it every single day for 2-3 years, and have never had a problem with it.
i have the original clarisonic and never use any of the other features (body brushes? i don’t remember what else) – i’d go with the mia.
I have the Mia from skinstore – I got it for 20% off and they usually have sales going on. Amazon also has some inexpensive Mias (under $100).
I got mine on sale at Nordstroms (online) because it was an out-of-season color, of all things. It was about $20 less than normal pricing and came with a whole bunch of replacement heads. If you’re not picky about color, that might be a good option (since Nordstroms return policy is awesome).
TJ: I’m getting my first pair of (reading) glasses this week and am totally lost on frame selection. I have no idea what’s flattering or trendy. Does anybody have any suggestions?
I know flattering styles vary depending on specific facial features, so as a point of reference, I have been told that the celebrity I most closely resemble is Tamzin Merchant.
Thanks in advance!
I can’t speak to specific frame styles, but have you looked at Warby Parker? I love their frames, and they’re all under $100. And you can have them sent to your house to try on multiple pairs at once (and I believe shipping is free). Several of my friends have Warby Parker glasses, and they’re all distinctive and stylish.
I had good luck with ordering glasses online, but I had already tried on a lot of glasses at a store so I knew what shape frame looked best. Go try some things on and see what flatters with your face shape. I’m blind as a bat so I always take someone with me.
Seriously, I’d just go to Target or Bed, Bath, and Beyond and try a bunch on. Unless I’m a total outlier, your eyes will change and while +1.00 may be okay now, you may need a higher number in the not-too-distant future. Plus, once you become functionally blind for close vision, you will want to have multiple pairs. I have a pair that lives at work, a pair that stays home, and a pair that lives in my work bag or goes in whatever purse I am carrying. So, I’d start out with the cheap ones.
To be clear, I am referring to reading glasses used specifically for close vision and not usually worn all the time. Another reason for going cheap – I am constantly putting on and taking off my reading glasses, they get a lot more wear and tear than glasses that stay on your face the whole time, so if I pair breaks, I’m out $14 or so, no big deal.
Take a friend or a family member with you to try them out (I assume you’re going to an optician?). Someone who will be honest with you and has trustworthy opinions. I’ve found that the salespeople are very helpful in saying what suits your face and what doesn’t.
You could always try out reading glasses at the grocery store and try a billion pairs out instead of committing to an expensive pair in the beginning. Too bad near-sighted people can’t do this.
I’ve had great luck with salespeople being helpful. My usual tactic is to wind up trying on every pair in the store comparing. The last time I bought new glasses and did that and I wound up with the exact same frames as my last pair, just in a different color. I wrote down the model number so I can just buy them if i need new frames to try and avoid trying them all on again.
I like thin metal rectangular frames, ie. http://www.smartbuyglasses.com/designer-eyeglasses/Michael-Kors/Michael-Kors-MK-131-2OO-52573.html
For reading, you may also want to get the kind with no rim on the bottom so there’s less obstruction when you looking down at your book or paper, ie. http://www.smartbuyglasses.com/designer-eyeglasses/Ray-Ban/Ray-Ban-RX6182-2502-80076.html
Just had to share – I have a date tonight I’m so excited for and a couple errands to run beforehand and I’m getting so antsy and cannot focus on the mountain of work sitting here.
Good luck, and have fun!
What age feels old to you? What age feels young? When I was in my 20s, 30 seemed so adult, but now that I’m in my 30s, it seems young. I feel old compared to college students and people in their early 20s, but still fairly young compared to most of the world.
I feel about the same (mid-30s). When I’m out with friends in an area the early 20s like (e.g., Clarendon), I always feel old when they start to filter in to start their evening just as we’re wrapping up ours. (Also, I never realized how energetic, loud, and emotive early 20somethings are until just this last year. They’re like year-old dogs — not puppies but still very bouncy and noisy.) Still, I feel like I’m on the “young” side when it comes to the overall population — I still consider myself to be a young attorney, for example. Although for my last birthday, an older (50s) couple we’re friends with gave me a bottle of wine to cellar until my 50th birthday. Which seemed like it would be FOREVER from now…until I realized it was only 15 years away (and my 20th birthday, which was 15 years ago in my dorm junior year, doesn’t seem that long ago) .
A Nonny Moose
I’m 27 and feel this way about 20somethings :) Love the year-old dog analogy.
Gail the Goldfish
Hah, true about early 20somethings when you’re in late 20somethings. Buzzfeed had a funny gif set about this not too long ago:
I was at a meeting where the speaker presented data on a large, long-running cohort of women. When asked what age she considered to be “old,” the speaker answered, “About 10 years older than me.”
So, it’s all relative.
No, that’s middle aged!
I am 35, very close to 36, and that age feels old to me. 35 was a big shock. I did not feel old in my early 30’s, but something about 35 stung just a big. As additional information, I am currently single, no kids. I think the age of 35 feels old to me because I am behind where I should be at this age. It might not seem that way if I was “caught up” to all of the other 35 year olds out there.
wow, well put. I didn’t have the words, but that is exactly how I feel, too. Like I’m ‘behind.’
My coworker (we share an office) has been chomping on chips for close to three hours. I’m going to go nuts.
Looking to Lateral
Does anyone have any suggestions for good legal recruiters or advice on how to start a job search for a relatively junior attorney looking at both in-house and firm jobs in the US and UK? I graduated from a top 10 law school in 2010 (average law school grades, top undergrad with excellent grades) and have worked in-house at a well-known global company since then. My specialty is drafting/negotiating contracts but I also have experience in a variety of other areas, from M&A to HR. I need to change jobs within the next few months for reasons beyond my control and am not sure how to approach my search. Should I use a recruiter or apply directly? Only apply to advertised jobs or cold call firms? Who are the best recruiters? Any other advice would be appreciated.
In the UK, everyone uses recruiters. There are the big ones, Taylor Root, Michael Page etc but they tend to be a bit impersonal. A few smaller ones, eg GMK Legal, will be able to spend more time on you.
I’m not sure about your immigration status, but if you need your employer to sponsor a visa, you may find this more difficult with smaller in-house companies as opposed to big law firms or multinationals. A firm which is either US-origined or has offices in the US is likely to be more sympathetic to this and have better resources. For this reasons, recruiters can also be helpful.
There are some roles advertised in places like The Lawyer, Legal Week etc, but they tend to be recruiter-driven and almost all big firms recruit exclusively via recruiters. This isn’t to say a direct application would never work and some firms (especially the big ones) do list jobs on their websites, but a recruiter is your best bet.
You could cold call (though I wouldn’t), but I suspect you will get nowhere, unless you are very very lucky!
Looking to Lateral
Thanks for your help! I have EU citizenship but a US qualification, so I have opposite issues on either side of the pond (immigration versus qualification). I think a smaller recruiter would probably be better, someone who could work with me advocate for me. Do you know if any of the smaller firms have better reputations than others? Do any specialize in certain types of jobs? Would any be better/more likely to help me convert my resume to a CV (if that’s expected)? I really don’t know much about the lateral market!
I’m not a lawyer, but I had the same issues as you (UK citizen with US degrees). My best advice to you is to really educate yourself about what is needed in your field, particularly if you are junior, because a lot of recruiters and firms won’t know and won’t have time to find out. At best, you’ll be telling them what needs to be done; more likely, you’ll have to do most of it yourself.
I found it easier to find a job in the UK and “translate” my qualifications for them, rather than navigating the US immigration bureaucracy, so I would encourage that route for you. Do the legwork yourself on stuff like writing a CV, getting any UK legal training you may need to transfer your US degree, even the very basics like explaining what your GPA means, as British students don’t have them. I seriously had to make a whole packet for employers which explained “a standard American secondary education” and included my SAT scores, my AP scores, my high school’s profile that they submit to colleges… It’s silly but I found it helpful.
(Random aside: my new employer is probably going to need me to physically carry my framed diplomas to the office on the first day of work because they don’t know if a transcript counts as proof of education. I’m pondering the logistics of this as the frames are huge.)
I’m not sure where you’re living now, but it might be a good move to come over to the UK and job hunt locally, and look for opportunities to put some UK experience on your CV.
Looking to Lateral
I need to be told if I’m brilliant or crazy (I suspect crazy). I’m a pear, which means I can rarely find sheath dresses that fit because they’re made for people who are roughly propotional. I’m thinking about buying one of those bras that adds two sizes, so that I can have access to a wider range of work dresses. Crazy or brilliant?
Those bras push up your cleavage, they don’t necessarily make your chest two inches wider. Why not buy a sheath dress that sort of fits and get it taken in on the top?
Because that would require a reliable tailor, which I haven’t been able to find, but which would make my life soooo much easier.
*sigh* I guess I’ll just have to stick with my “trying on twenty dresses to find one that fits” strategy.
sadface! as a pear, and a poor nonprofit worker, my tailor is indispensable. I feel for you!
I second anon above, I buy sheath dresses that fit my hips, and have my tailor take in the top. I do kind of look to make sure the top isn’t too complicated as far as seams and zippers before i buy it. Side zippers are harder to deal with than back zippers. But often my tailor can do what needs to be done by adding darts, so it’s pretty easy.
Anon for this
Even if tailoring might be the ideal solution, I don’t see why this wouldn’t work. I have a bra with fluid pockets in the cups that boasts it adds two sizes. While some of what it does is boost cleavage, it definitely also increases volume (I can’t wear it with any of my button-front shirts, for instance, because it creates a gaping problem where ordinarily there isn’t one). While I don’t think the bra would make a huge difference, if the dress is pretty close to fitting I think it would definitely be worth a try (I found my bra for under $20 at forever21, so the cost was less than tailoring and way less than the price of replacing a dress that’s been messed up by an incompetent tailor).
Taking the Hint
Thanks Diana Berry and TBK for responding earlier. Would it change your answer if I said the more senior position was with a different organization and that I’ve only been in my position a relatively short time?
I didn’t comment before, but this doesn’t change my opinion that the only hint being given is that you’re good at your job and have a shot at moving up.
I think it might be a hint, given the position is at a different company AND the “lots of people do what you do” comment… I’d look into it anyway. It does ALSO mean she thinks you’re ready, so it is a complement too, but I do think she might be trying to give you a lifeboat.
DC Biglaw and I have a question about the firm gym–specifically getting there. I work out in the mornings and the last couple days I have been getting to the firm early, working out, showering etc and I’m in my office by 8:30. The question is, do I have to put on my biz casual work attire to get to the firm and then change once I’m there, or is it okay to show up in my workout gear if I go straight downstairs to the gym?
If you go straight to the gym, workout attire is fine. If you spend a little time in your office first, and then pop down to the gym, then no. And I’m sure it goes without saying, but be sensible about how much skin you’re showing in your workout gear. A fitted yoga-style tank top is ok (especially with a longer length short or capri), but a sports bra with nothing over it is not.
I agree with Gus, (who I think is a woman who’s name is mabye Gussie or Gustibus mabye?). You do NOT want to show your boobies or tuchus off if you come to work with your WORKEOUT clothe’s on. When I go to the GYM, it is AFTER work, and sometime’s I change b/f I go b/c I do NOT want to change inside the club.
There are 2 skeevy men from South America that clean the lockerrooms and add towel’s and soap, and they have come in alot while we are changeing or showering. I do NOT even shower there, there unless I am goeing out afterward and do NOT want to go home first. But I do have to change at least once, and those guy’s walked in and saw me more then once with littel clotheing on. I do NOT want to give men free showeings of my boobies or tuchus. FOOEY on that!
Bus. Cas. Internship
Just wanted to thank everyone who helped me with clothes for my internship yesterday! Turned out to be less formal than I thought, so the dress pants-and-cardigan combo is spot on.
One more random question: I’m going to be sitting in an area away from the rest of my group, and it could be annoying for the people there. One of the techs jokingly suggested I bring in baked goods, but I was thinking – should I actually do that?
I am a banana.
No. Please do not do that.
Noooooo! Honestly, people are dreadful. You are there to learn and contribute to that organization to the extent possible. If they wanted a baker they should have hired one.
I am restraining myself from ranting at the level I really want to – I will leave that up to Godzilla.
What!?!?! Why would it be “annoying for people”????? you are sitting where you are told to sit, it is your job to do your JOB, not to mitigate the effects of you sitting in a weird place. Please do not think about where your desk is for one second, focus on your work.
No serving food or cookies at work especially if you are a young female just starting out.
That was one of the advice in “Nice girls don’t get the corner office” book. You are not there to show your nurturing/taking care/cooking skills, instead focus on your work, you are not annoying anyone by sitting in your assigned seat.
I disagree slightly. Don’t go out of your way to bake something if you don’t want to, but if you feel like baking and don’t want a whole batch at your house, sure bake something and take it into the office. I think it will be an opening for people to speak to you/get to know you, not make people see you as inferior.
Bus. Cas. Internship
Well, seeing these responses, and thinking it over properly, I probably won’t bring in anything. They seem to be very friendly anyways, and I’m sure I could fit in / make work friends easily.
I am sure you are fabulous and they are going to love you. You don’t need cookies to send that message. Plus if they were dreadful cookies wouldn’t make them any better, trust me. Enjoy your internship and everything that comes with it (besides baking, lol) – it’s exciting to be at the beginning of a career!
Bus. Cas. Internship
Awww, thank you. This is the sweetest response. (No pun intended :) )
So I just started a masters program. I’m also supposed to be working 2o-30 hours every week at an internship (which is required by my program), in addition to my full-time course load. I feel like I’m about to lose my mind–my classes are difficult so far and require a lot of reading, and my internship is expecting substantive (albeit closely-supervised) work right out of the gate. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to handle this? Any tips for time management? I’ve been managing to get enough sleep so far, but that’s been by restricting myself to maybe 90 minutes of not-reading or not-being-in-class or not-working a day.
Annnd maybe I’m just complaining and need to toughen up, after three very relaxed years. I know a lot of readers have much, much worse schedules than I do, and I’m honestly surprised by how much trouble I’ve been having so far.
You just started, right? It will take some time to get back into the groove of it all. My advice is to figure out the best setting for you to get your course work done, the place where you are most efficient, and then do as much of it as you can from there.
Thanks. I’ve been telling myself I just need time to adjust, but it’s been hard going! So far I’ve been effective at cranking out work at home, which has been good (and unusual). Hopefully that keeps going. I finished my reading for tonight and have decided to just be DONE until tomorrow morning, and try to give myself a bit of a mental break.
I hear you! I work full time and am doing an LLM part time, it feels like all I ever do is go to work, go to the gym, then go home to study. Then I still spend a lot of the weekend catching up on the schoolwork. It is hard to focus and stay motivated with the studying. Sorry I don’t have anything really helpful, just keep chipping away at it and hopefully it will be over before you realize it.
I really don’t know know how you can do it! But it is nice to hear that I’m not the only one who feels caught in a work-study-run/walk-the-dog hamster wheel. Together, we will get through this…
Yeah, I think when you have something limited term like this with just crazy hours, you just have to keep pushing till you hit the adrenalin-curve.. once you hit that, it will keep you running for a while. And keeping lists so you can keep crossing things off, or doing a countdown can help.
My sort-of comparison is working on major political campaign. It was 3 straight months of 7-day-weeks and 11-13 hour days, with no such thing as a break till the campaign was over. It was fine at first, after a few weeks i hit what felt like a wall and I was like: I Can. Not. Do. This. But I had to suck it up and just push through that feeling… eventually I hit a kind of automatic pilot adrenalin thing and it just worked. Keeping an eye on the end date definitely helped. Or if your end date is far off, some date of a break, a week off/vacation, the holidays?, something.
I did have to let go of anything that wasn’t work or basic survival. Things like cleaning the house, talking to friends, grocery shopping, just not happening, and not worrying about it. It will happen when this thing is over, and that is okay.
Also, when I really felt like I was either going to cry or quit, I bought myself a plane ticket for a vacation to Ecuador a week after Election Day. That ‘prize’ for making it to the end helped me get through some 12am data entry sessions.
Second this comparison to political campaigns / adrenaline curve (good phrase!). Thinking back I have no idea how we did it — but we did, and didn’t kill each other along the way.
For me it helped not to over-caffeinate — I had probably 16oz coffee in the morning and then stuck with black tea or Diet Coke the rest of the day. Having coffee through the whole day and night just makes me peak and crash in a bad way that leaves me tired and less able to do substantive work well. Despite being a major sweet tooth, I was also careful about sugar intake for the same reason.
And it does get easier. The first few weeks feel more exhausting, and then your body and mind both get used to longer hours. It helps if you have one morning each week where you sleep in a bit later — even if it’s not *that* much of a difference, it feels different.
I bought a pair of black pants that are loose/flowy, black, cotton. No pockets or embellishments, just a drawstring for the waist. They’re super comfy and very cool for the heat/humidity but now I worry they look like pajama pants.
What tops should I wear in order to keep myself from looking like I forgot to get dressed for work? (I’m in an office where Editors pants and a basic top are the norm)
TJ: Dealing with a Nemesis
What do you do when you have a “nemesis” that you encounter professionally on a regular basis? And by nemesis, I mean someone who has it in for you, even though you have no idea why . . .
I practice law in the same town that I went to law school, and I’m pretty sure a fellow grad who was in class with me seriously dislikes me. I’m not exactly sure why, other than the fact that I got a good firm job out of school and he didn’t (he has since found work as a clerk to a state trial judge). I have lots of connections in town and definitely used those connections in the job search; but I also graduated at the top of my class and he didn’t.
I work in a city, but the city is fairly small and the legal community is very close-knit. Everyone knows everyone else. My “nemesis” and I constantly go to the same Bar networking events and regularly see each other. He actively ignores me — he will turn his back when he sees me, he will not address me if we end up talking in the same group, and he’s even bumped into me a few times as if he didn’t see me. It will be to the point where we will be less than a foot from each other, staring each other in the face, and I will say “Hi [NAME]” and he will look away and pass by.
I’m not quite sure what I should about it at this point. I don’t like knowing that someone dislikes me, and I’m getting a little concerned knowing that he’s now clerking for a judge that I very likely may have cases in front of. Also, this community is small and who knows what he could say to other lawyers to undermine me. And, I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID TO INCUR HIS WRATH!!
So, here’s the question: should I say something to him and address it, or continue to act like there’s nothing weird between us?
I can’t imagine that there is anything to be gained by addressing it. He knows why he doesn’t like you, and he might tell you why, but it is unlikely that either he will be persuaded to realize the errors of his ways and treat you with civility or that you will agree that he has a legitimate gripe. So just let it go. There is nothing wrong with him trying to avoid you if he doesn’t like you, and if he acts like a child by not addressing you when you are in a group, others will notice that he doesn’t know how to behave.
There is someone out there who dislikes each of us, even the most wonderful amongst us. Until you evidence that he is actually making your life more difficult, there is no reason to worry about why he’s chosen to be your nemesis.
Kill him with kindness. There’s nothing you can do but being super nice will make him look like an assh*le or maybe even clue him in to the fact that he is acting like one. But the former will be sufficient.
I feel your pain. I have a similar relationship w another attorney, but I know (at least I think I do) what it stems from. Courtroom stuff years ago. Some people can really hold onto things. Anyway, best I can figure is just continue to keep your chin up, keep smiling, take the high road. Nothing to be gained by trying to change them, and if the legal community is that small (and isn’t it always?) you would create the opening for one of those stories that gets told about some embarrassing scene between two attorneys. And then you worry more. Good luck!
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