Wednesday’s TPS Report: Atwood Blazer

141 Comments

1. Hi all! I would love some recommendations for a rolling laptop bag. I’m looking for one that I can fit my laptop, several notebooks or books, shoes, and my lunch. Hopefully this is not too much to ask? :-) Any recommendations greatly appreciated – thank you!

   1. So it’s not a name brand, but I got a fantastic rolling laptop bag at Target for $40. It fits my laptop, my gigantic notebook, my tablet, gym clothes, a change of shoes, and my lunch bag.

      1. Any chance you have a link to it online? Thank you!

         1. It’s this one from Targus: http://www.target.com/p/targus-rolling-bag-laptop-black/-/A-14782663#prodSlot=medium_1_1&term=rolling+laptop

            1. THANK YOU! That is exactly what I am looking for! Much appreciated!

2. Do any BR Gemma dress wearers have a slip that works well with that dress? Full or half is OK. I just need something that will make it work with tights.

   ALSO: to Senior Attorney: that AT moto jacket is fantastic! Please tell them you deserve a commission of some sort.

   1. What color did you buy the AT jacket in? The website is only showing “Golden Ochre” as an option. Boo

   2. What color did you buy the AT jacket in? The website is only showing “Golden Ochre” as an option . Boo

      1. It says “golden ochre” but it’s really a nice taupe-y tweedy neutral that, my hand to God, goes with everything. Every. Thing.

         And yeah, I should get right on that commission thing… ;)

         1. I missed this….what jacket are you referring to?

            Feeling left out of the fun,
            E

            1. http://www.anntaylor.com/tweed-moto-jacket/340446?colorExplode=false&skuId=17229364&catid=cat2180002&productPageType=search&defaultColor=3269

            2. I was actually so inspired by that jacket that I went to try it on. Alas, on me it was very frumpy. The petite might be a better fit if you’re on the short side, but they didn’t have it in store. It is very cute though and felt very cozy. I wish I could have gotten it.

         2. I have the skirt in the same “color” and it is amazing. Might have to get the jacket…

         3. ohhh, “golden ochre” is the same color? I did not know that. I did not want a yellow one.

            1. It’s the same. It is not yellow. Somebody in the AT Color-Naming Department must have been hung over that day…

   3. I have a slip from target that wear with the Gemma–it has a lace waistband and was around $10-15?

3. Thanks for the plus-size recommendation-plus size jackets are few and far between!

   1. There is a huge difference between a regular size 12 (the largest available in this line, apparently) and a plus-size. This happens often in this column on this blog. What is with professional clothing manufacturers that they cannot be bothered to make sizes up to the next range?! When the items ARE available in size 14 or 16 (still considerably smaller than virtually all plus sizes), they must make 2 of them for the entire country, because they are always sold out. I’m not thin, but I’m definitely too small for a plus size—the smallest size swallows me. I applaud the many styles now available in plus sizes, but there are a lot of us tweeners that are in need of clothes. Craziness in the apparel industry!

4. I am a practicing attorney interviewing for a federal clerkship. I appear before this judge semi-regularly. The weather is 35-40 degrees outside. Do I still wear nude stockings? If it matters, the judge is male.

   1. Yes.

   2. I think yes, because I’m risk-averse!

   3. Yes definitely.

   4. Yay! I love this blazer, Kat, but would prefer a matcheing skirt, so I will wait for a sale on a suit like this.

      As for the OP, I agree with the other poster’s. Alway’s wear nude stocking’s when appearing in front of a judge. Although I do NOT know if federal judge’s are different, the judge’s I appear before in NYS Court all like me in nude stocking’s and I NEVER wear anything else. I was specifically counseled by the manageing partner on this early in my judicial appearance’s to dress profesionally, but to accentueate any feminity I could, and my judge alway’s takes note of my clotheing as well as my stockings and shoes.

      The judge even tells me how to stand in front of the bench so that he can best hear and understand my argument’s tho I will never understand how standing siluette-like helps him to better concentrate on the finer legal points I am making. Mason says it is because when he can see my tuchus and boobies that he think’s clearer, but I would think the opposite. Of course, I am NOT yet a judge, so I do not know for sure. FOOEY on Mason for lookeing at my body, since he has Lynn every nite, while I have no one!

      The other pointer I would have for you is that since the judge has already seen you appear in front of him, he should already be pointing out these thing’s to you, as my MANHATTAN judge doe’s for me. If ONLEY all of the judge’s were as attentive as the manageing partner’s freind, I would win over 99% of my cases, Frank says. So you should ask him, on your interview, what he prefers you wear — both in court as well as his clerk, if you get the job, b/c MEN focus alot more then you think on what we wear, and dont wear. I know it is kind of sexist, but this is what we need to do to get ahead, so we do it. YAY!!!!!

   5. There would be no harm in doing so, so why not.

   6. Nude or black (not tights, but sheer hose).

      1. Nude. never black hose during the day (unless you are attending a funeral).

         1. Really? I wear black stockings (not tights) frequently for Court appearances with my black suits. . This is the first I have heard of this rule. Many of my female attorney friends do as well. Maybe it’s a regional thing ?

            1. Totally disagree.

            2. I’m wearing sheer black hose to the office today. (International bank’s NYC office). Wearing with a black A-line skirt and black/white tweedy-ish blazer. I think it looks put-together when it’s too warm for tights. Also, I didn’t have any nude hose that survived last winter when I went to look this morning.

         2. Yeah, that’s just wrong.

         3. I’m with anon-oh-no on this one. For me, sheer black hose are for funerals and evening. For daytime, I’ll wear either nude hose or opaque black tights.

            1. Crazy.

         4. Really?? Where do these rules come from? I have been wearing black hose to work for years and never gave it a second thought. Just looks more “pulled-together” with a black skirt or dress IMHO.

            1. its not a rule, per se. its just not particularly fashionable/stylish to wear black hose for anything other evening and funerals. but if you like the look, more power two you.

            2. Any style guideline that has the same item being appropriate for BOTH evening wear and funerals (!), but not appropriate in any other context, is clearly BS.

            3. Any style guideline that has the same item being appropriate for BOTH evening wear and funerals (!), but not appropriate in any other context, is clearly BS.

               Um, black suits for men fit into this category?

            4. Haha. I can’t stand it when men wear black suits for anything but funerals and Saturday night events. But they wear them to court all the time…

            5. I don’t see the analogy. If you want to be strict about the “rules,” a man can wear a black tux, not a black suit, for evening. Black suit is especially wrong for evening given that the whole point of eschewing black is not to appear like a servant (which is, of course, antiquated and gross). Anyway, my point is a dude would look pretty messed up wearing his formal wear to a funeral, so there is really no menswear that’s appropriate for both (and only those).

      2. I think black sheer hose are ok in the winter too.

         1. I have no problem with black hose in the daytime, for work.

5. I’ve been having a weird problem. I bought a dress recently at Ann Taylor, and it’s 100% polyester. I don’t usually shop at Ann Taylor, but I really liked the dress.

   It’s been retaining a lot of odour around my underarms, and I don’t have that problem with any other dress- I wear a lot of wool blends from J.Crew or Brooks Brothers, but those usually have some sort of synthetic liner, so I don’t understand why it’s now a problem. I also have some synthetic blouses, and it’s not a problem with those either.

   After probably 2 hours in the dress I can smell myself, and I’ve literally never had this problem before (or when working out! So I don’t think I’m the problem…). I’ve had the dress cleaned a few times, and steamed it, but it’s just been driving me insane.

   1. You can try washing it in a detergent designed for athletic gear (my favorite for getting out the smell is Sport Suds, available on Amazon). Obviously that’s not going to help with the smell coming on quickly during the day, but it will at least help clear out the smell between wears–so it may help to the extent the smell appearing quickly is really just the smell from prior wears reappearing.

      I’ve also had success recently with using rubbing alcohol on my underarms to get rid of smell that soap and deodorant doesn’t.

      1. I didn’t know there was such a detergent! Going to try using it when I wash my gym clothes, as they’ve been getting a little stinkier as of late. Thanks!

      2. Does sports detergent work on regular clothes? I feel like my little kid’s clothes never smell quite clean (mostly cotton stuff). He gets pretty dirty and sweaty when he plays. I’ve tried vinegar and extra rinse cycles, but maybe a switch in detergent would help too.

         1. A big reason for using sport detergent is that regular detergent (and especially fabric softener) can destroy tech fabric’s ability to wick sweat away, so it loses its functionality over time. I don’t think that would be an issue with cotton fabrics, but I also don’t think it *hurts* to use sport detergent (ie, I’m not sure it would be a magic cure for getting heavy sweat out of cotton, but it doesn’t hurt to try).

            My anecdata is this: I run all of my athletic clothes on the gentle cycle because some of the fabrics are prone to snagging, and after a while I got tired of doing separate gentle loads for athletic clothes and for delicates. I started combining them and using the sport detergent for the entire load, and I’ve found the delicates and camis (which I suppose collect a lo of smell from being closest to the skin) from that half of the load have come out well. It’s possible I’m benefiting from less buildup as mentioned below.

      3. Sport Suds is amazing — I use it for my delicates and for athletic wear. One of the best things I picked up from this s!te!

   2. Can you wear a cami? Even a sleeveless one will create a barrier between you and the dress.

   3. A big cause of odor is residue, and a lot of detergents can cause residue build-up. One way to release the build-up is to wash in hot water, with a small amount of detergent (about half what you would normally use). You can also add vinegar to the rinse cycle or even just in the wash. If you google detergent build-up, you’ll find a lot of hits on reducing build-up in cloth diapers. Don’t be scared–you should read these entries, because the cloth diaper folks have build-up removal down to a science.

   4. Spritz the pits with watered-down cheap vodka (I usually do 50/50) and let air dry. This is an old theater trick for deodorizing costumes. Just make sure you label that spray bottle…

6. It’s the fabric, maybe in combination with your anti-perspirant. I get this with most of my synthetic clothes, worn long enough. The best approach I’ve found is to soak in a performance detergent (Sports Suds is the one I’ve tried) and then wash each time. Need to do this from the outset, I think.

7. What are they feeding you?

   1. It’s not your faaaaault!

      1. This.

   2. Sorry MNF – hit report by mistake!

8. Are there any career changers here? I’m 26, but am seriously contemplating a career change to law (currently I work in PR), but would appreciate any insight from other career changers. Furthermore, by the time I apply to law school and graduate, I’ll be over 30 and competing with the law-school-fresh-out-of-under-grads – is this doable?

   Any thoughts/shared experiences are appreciated!

   1. Starting law school at 27 is perfectly normal. Graduating over 30 won’t be an issue.

      But there are tons and tons of other reasons to be wary of law school. I did it, loved it, struggled mightily to find a job but ultimately think it was a great call. But many many people get stuck with a lot of debt in a career they hate.

   2. Wrt age – I don’t think this is a concern. In fact, every ‘older’ student (graduating 30-35) that I knew ended up with great jobs (firm, clerkship, etc) after graduation. Your perceived maturity can give you an edge.

      Of course, there are a lot of other reasons not to go to law school.

   3. 30 is certainly not too old to start a law career, but I would really do some soul-searching and decide if you really, really want to be a lawyer before going down this path. Most markets are still recovering, so jobs are hard to come by and the work is often not what non-lawyers expect, especially early on. If you decide you still want to be a lawyer, then go for it. The average student age of first years at my law school was 26, many, many people had not gone straight through.

   4. I did almost exactly what you’re considering, at only a slightly younger age, leaving a job in an ad/PR agency to go to law school a few months before I turned 26, so I was 28-going-on-29 when I graduated. I felt that I (and my friends who also had worked for a while before going to law school) did better in general then those who came straight from college. I at least was more motivated and committed than those who might have gone to law school as a matter of course, I had a better work ethic and more confidence than when I was an undergrad and, after dealing with some truly impossible clients in the ad agency, the professors and the classroom dynamic were not intimidating to me. As far as I know, my age was not an issue at all when I was applying for clerkships and then for jobs; in many ways, I believe the real-world experience was a plus to potential employers.

      And, from my middle-aged vantage point, it hardly seems like a “career change” for someone who is only 26 to think about going to professional school — you are still very young.

      I am not commenting, though, on the overall wisdom of law school for you (a lot of people hate it or end up hating the practice of law), or based on the current market.

      Best of luck in whatever you decide, but don’t make your decision because of your age.

      1. I’d second all of this, as someone who started LS at 26 and graduated at 29. The two (fairly minor) downsides that I can see are that 1) it’s a little bit of culture shock to be suddenly cast into school with a bunch of kids fresh out of college – even in the 4 years that I’d been out, a lot had changed for college students (social media! wi-fi!) and it was a little bit harder to fit in sometimes (but not a huge deal, particularly once I got used to it). 2) If you’re planning to have children, that leaves a little bit less time to really get comfortable in your career before you do, particularly if the job market stays the way it has been. I’ve been out for 5 years, and a lot of people I went to school with are still semi-struggling.

         On the law school/career change question in general, I also echo what everyone else has said about the reasons to be wary. I’ll add that I had a pretty good, but boring and low level, job (big company, lots of benefits, pleasant environment) before I left for school, and I miss it every day. Even though I’m happy with how things worked out, I still kick myself that I didn’t take some initiative to try to advance and challenge myself at that company, before making the leap. So, I would advise you to really be super, super sure that you’ve examined all of your options first.

      2. Are you me? I also went to law school at the same age, after working for several years in PR/marketing. Too funny.

         I totally agree that those of us who were older and had some professional experience under our belt generally wanted to be there more, worked harder, and also had an easier time getting jobs/clerkships/etc. out of law school.

         Best of luck!

   5. Doable? Yes. Started law school when 30. Was it a good decision? One year into mid-law, I’m satisfied with my job. I don’t assume that will necessarily continue. The weight of student loans (mine are ~50k) aside, I’m not convinced it was a prudent financial decision. Lawyering is not necessarily the stable or lucrative career it appears to be to (some) non-lawyers.

   6. I had a first career in a completely unrelated discipline for five years after graduating from college. I started law school at 26 and turned 29 while studying for the bar. I loved law school, and I suspect that might not have been the case had I gone straight through. After five years out, I had some perspective, a lot of life skills (that not all my classmates had yet developed) and a much better work ethic. Perhaps anecdata, but as MNF mentions, those of us in my T14 law school who were a little older ended up in BigLaw and making partner. Others did, too, of course.

      As others have said, though, just because you aren’t aged out doesn’t mean it is right for you. Lots of other factors to consider.

   7. Age-wise, you’re right in the middle of the pack. Certainly wouldn’t be an issue. Do you want to take out the equivalent of a mortgage in non-dischargable loans on your future as a lawyer? That’s what you need to consider.

   8. Lawyer here- age wise, not an issue, likely an edge. A couple of days ago there was a thread about grad school choices and a number of lawyers chimed in on the value of a JD. Maybe check out that thread, too. I echo the sentiments of other posters that a law degree is not always the best career jump.

   9. I’m also considering going back to school for a career change, but I’m even older – 30 – and looking at Urban Design programs. I’m terrified I’ll be competing with 23-year olds for unpaid internships when I get out, although my current experience isn’t even in a completely different field.

      1. I graduated with a landscape architecture degree, worked in private sector civil engineering firms, and am now in urban / regional planning. Never thought I’d like it, but I love it.

         I am also considering a masters’ in Urban & Regional Planning, but I did NOT have a fantastic academic undergrad life. I’d be competing (as a mid-upper 30-er), with those fresh graduates, too. However, my current experience (8 years in current position, 4 years in private sector) should pad my application a bit. I hope so, anyway, otherwise, I’ll probably be stuck, masters-less

         1. Would you mind sharing a bit of your experience in the field? I’m still trying to figure out where I should pursue a degree/career in the field, as my interest sparked from a sideways exposure to it. If you’d be willing, email at 6bmy8B9AVIn7@meltmail.com

            1. I’m in this field too. I would be realistic about the typical municipal govt pay scale when taking out loans.

               Also, I’d strongly consider going to a school in the region that you want to work (preferably the City itself) so that you can intern and network while in school. Lots of cities have community design advocacy guilds or the like that meet regularly while a student.

               Good luck! I love my job and find it incredibly rewarding.

   10. I don’t think your age is an issue at all. I went to a Tier 1 school where I was one of 4 people who came straight through from undergrad and took a lot of flack for being too young and inexperienced for law school. The majority of people in my class were mid to late 20’s (and plenty were older than that), so your age wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow at my alma mater.

   11. I went back to school way later than you. Sometimes it sucks, like when you’re the 35-year-old intern and a 25-year-old who’s just been hired thinks he’s better than you. But mostly if it gets you to where you want to be and what you want to be doing, what’s the alternative?

   12. I agree with everyone else that your age is not a factor. I graduated law school when I was 27, but I might have done better if I went later and had more experience. If anyone is contemplating law school I would advise them to really consider why they are going and if it is worth the financial and time investment with no guarantee of a job you will love in the end.

   13. I started law school at 34 after deciding to make a complete change in my career; I was one of the oldest students in my class (Tier 1 school), but there were plenty of other students around your age. It was definitely interesting being back in school with much younger classmates, but I came into it with the attitude that all of us were starting on the same footing – my previous career was entirely unrelated to law – and only occasionally winced over being the same age as some of my professors.

       On the whole, being older worked really well for me. I should note that my summer internships were somewhat limited because I couldn’t afford to pick up and move somewhere else for the summer, and the local pickings were slim (and unpaid). That said, the fact that I was coming in as a mature student meant that I had a better rapport with some of the professors and my summer employers than I might have had otherwise. Post-law school, it meant that I got a state clerkship with a fantastic judge and am now at an absolutely wonderful small firm and loving what I do; I don’t know that I would have been as good a fit with either of these jobs when I was younger. Life skills really go a long way.

9. in the last few weeks, a few people have recommended a book called fourth trimester in various comments, when I look for it on amazon a few books have that title…. is that the one you ladies would recommend ? http://www.amazon.com/Fourth-Trimester-Understanding-Protecting-Nurturing-ebook/dp/B00AQDIP6M/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415202537&sr=1-1&keywords=fourth+trimester
   thanks

10. As far as I’m aware, most of Aritzia’s blazers are separates (there generally isn’t a matching suit piece although there used to be) and if they exist, they’re likely not work appropriate. But the blazers are great! I have a few that have lasted a couple years and still appear to be in great shape.

    1. How’s the sizing?

11. I just told my manager that I am resigning at the end of December to attend a school program in a different state. I had the worst case scenario in mind, where she either got very mad or made me leave my job immediately. I couldn’t have been more wrong, as she was incredibly supportive and wants to make sure I get my bonus (which I was not counting on even being an option). Just wanted to share my good news and relief! Yay for awesome managers!

    1. Congrats! May all managers be this awesome!

    2. That’s great! Completely different from my company, where even earned bonuses (say Q4 2013) disappear if you leave before they’re paid out (leaving February 1, 2014, pay out February 2, 2014).

       1. Actually, I think that’s technically the case with my company– My boss is basically working out this scheme with HR to use my vacation days from this year and next to cover the time until bonus pay-out day. Like I said, I underestimated her awesomeness.

       2. That’s why “year end” bonuses at my old company were announced in January and paid out in JUNE. Holding arguably earned money hostage was a retention strategy.

12. I like this blazer. It looks like it walks a thin line between boxy and shapeless, and shrunken. Sadly, though, I walk that line with just about every blazer I find. Where else should I be looking??? I’d ideally like fitted, mid to upper hip, (certainly not longer than the one featured), but I’m just having such a hard time finding grail.

    1. I cant find them either, so I buy the boxy ones at the right length, and have them tailored to nip in

13. Hello ladies,

    Last week I posted about the possibility of me getting a negative performance review which essentially meant I was losing my job. Last week was hellish for me to even come to terms with that possibility after working so hard and making big impacts all through the year. Thank you so much for your supporting words.

    Now the update. Three days after he broke that news to me, I sent out all the work I had done and for each task, I showed him the result and impact on the business (project wins and customer satisfaction/delight). Yesterday, during our regular 1:1, he says I will for sure NOT get a negative performance review. He said he was not aware of the work I had done..!!! I told him that I had kept him updated all year long. I have sent him a ton of emails regarding what I was working on and the results. He said he is not good at reading emails. When he broke that news to me last week, he defended himself in any way possible when I questioned him (like you did well all through the year but not from last three weeks!!)

    I was so terrified last week that I called my previous manager and he happily offered me a job. I have to get an official offer which will happen tomorrow or the day after. I am relieved but I am leaving regardless.

    1. Wow! What a great update! Well done!

    2. Excellent! Good for you–you made the right call getting out of there!

    3. Good for you. Sounds like a success from both angles – fixing his misperceptions and getting you out of there for a better place!

       1. Ditto.

    4. That’s great! Go you!

    5. Another update…I got the official offer few minutes back. I will be talking to my current manager this afternoon. I will be out of here in next couple of weeks :-). I am having a hard time concentrating on work now.

       1. Today you are my inspiration.

          Way to go!!

14. I need to see someone about getting med for my anxiety. I’ve never done this before and don’t know where to start. I don’t really have a PCP, I just have a doc I saw once under emergency conditions a few months back and a gyn who I literally see once a year for a grand total of two times. My insurance doesn’t require a rec to see a psychiatrist. Do I still try the could-be-a-PCP doc first? start calling around to psychiatrists directly? I’m in nyc if anyone has any recs, I don’t really have any friends in the city to ask and my employer doesn’t offer anything. I honestly usually zocdoc these things but it’s not showing me any options until like next year for my insurance.

    1. When I went finally for anxiety, it was a new PCP I had never seen before–I explained what I was going through, how long it had been going on, and she wrote me a prescription. It was no biggie, and you don’t need a psychiatrist to write it

    2. I believe part of Obamacare is whatever value you’re offered in health insurance needs to be offered additionally in mental health care as well. When my anxiety was really bad I saw a therapist for a year and all my visits were free because of that.

       I recommend seeing a specialist. I would google around for good recommendations. There’s lots of ratings out there for medical professionals. It’s good to be thoroughly evaluated by someone specifically trained in what you’re dealing with before you start taking anxiety drugs. Your brain is a blank slate before you start taking medicine for it. Being put on the wrong thing could lead to additional medication and treatment down the line as your brain builds up resistance and adapts to certain things.

       For what it’s worth, I’m on Lexapro for my anxiety and it is the best.thing.ever. No side effects and I feel like a normal person again. I recommended it for a friend and she loves it too.

    3. You might try calling your GYN to see if they have recommendations for either a PCP and/or mental health care professionals. If not, I’d actually use this time to find a good PCP. You could also consider seeing a therapist (non-psychiatrist) for your anxiety and then work with your PCP to get the meds right.

    4. I was in the same situation. I called my gyno’s office where the receptionist ushered me through getting a PCP (I’d need a referral for a psych). My PCP was great and I don’t need a specialist. I was having trouble sleeping because of my anxiety. Now I’m on trazodone , which is technically an anti-depressant but it makes people seriously groggy so they use it for anxiety that causes sleeplessness. Once I started getting enough sleep, many of my other symptoms were gone.

    5. It’s a good idea to see a PCP, because your anxiety may have physiologic origins, like a thyroid imbalance. Talk to a doctor, get the bloodwork done, and request meds all at once.

       If you’re open to the UWS, I can recommend a small practice and a large one:

       Small – Eliot Arons & Ellen Blye – 123 W 86th St, 212-877-2833
       Large – University Medical Practice Associates (UMPA) – multiple sites, 212-523-8672

       1. +1 on getting a blood workup, including thyroid, iron, B12. It can’t hurt.

    6. PCP is fine! I just went through this. It took a couple of tries with a few different meds, but finally we figured out lorazepam worked like a charm on my anxiety attacks (seriously, that stuff is magic dust.) I also saw a behavioral consultant instead of a psychiatrist and she was wonderful. Now, two months later I’m anxiety free and off meds because I made the lifestyle adjustments recommended by the behavioral therapist.

    7. I had a much easier time getting in with a Nurse Practicioner to get anxiety meds. Just a thought if starting with a new doc is daunting.

       1. Is there any way to really search specifically for an NP though? I would go this route but the insurance searches by Doctor. Generally I’ve only seen an NP when I’ve tried to make an appointment with a specific doctor who is too busy.

          1. Columbia has a whole practice of nurse practitioners in midtown near Rock Center. Look up “CAPNA.”

15. Last Friday, I totally broke down in a manager’s office (so professional, I know). I’ve been feeling very overworked. I assumed a new role at my place of work back in May and have yet to receive more than 2 hours of training toward it. (I went from manufacturing widgets to now marketing those widgets.) That manager suggested I take my concerns to the head of the company, since right now reviews of the widget marketing department are underway and there are known problems about the structure and workflow anyway.

    Yesterday, she again encouraged me to go to the head of the company. I said I didn’t want to go over my boss’ head. However, I’ve taken all of my concerns (no training/no plans for it; having me do widget marketing AND widget manufacturing and widget sales isn’t an effective use of my time) to my boss in the past to no avail. So I made an appointment to meet with the head.

    Today, I met with my boss about another matter and he tackled all of the issues I mentioned above–how he was going to schedule some training and stick to it, how I shouldn’t be doing three different jobs, how I should be tackling my day-to-day so I can be more efficient. Now what do I do? Still have the meeting to say that I’m not working at peak efficiency and to say that I’m hoping I can proceed with these plans?

    [waits for pile on]

    1. Cancel the meeting with company head. Write up the conversation with your boss and track progress on items mentioned (i.e., training by said date? Y/N), then follow up with your boss on those items. You don’t go over your boss unless you absolutely have to.

16. Any recommendations for rain boots for super high arches? I wear a size 5 shoe, and even sizing up to a 6 or 6.5, I haven’t had any luck in finding options that I can get my foot (and arch) into. Any help would be much appreciated!

    1. Could you try something like a super-waterproof snow boot with laces? I always find they have tons of vertical space inside.

    2. I have crazy arches and wear a women’s size 9. My rain boots are a little boy’s size 7 that I picked up at a local hunting and farming store. Try little boys ones, they fit better!

    3. My arches are high but not SUPER high. Hunter boots work for me.

17. When I open the comments the thread appears expanded and shows all of the comments following the original post with an option to collapse. Not even sure this is possible but please consider keeping the comments hidden as the default with an option to expand if the post is of interest to the reader.

    1. I disagree. I think having the replies collapsed as the default would really make it difficult to just scroll through and read all the comments (which I think many of us like to do). However, I think it’s great that if someone reads a post and they don’t want to read all the replies to it, then the person can collapse them and continue reading through the read of the comments.

       1. I agree with Anon.

          1. Me too. You can always collapse if this is an issue for you. I like scrolling through and I likely wouldn’t bother “un-collapsing” the follow-ups; my guess is neither would a lot of people.

       2. I agree.

          I much prefer to have it all open, and collapse if I I don’t care about a topic.

    2. +100

       1. That was a +100 to Anon at 12:19!

    3. Are you new here? The comments usually have nothing to do with the post. If you don’t want to read them, when you get to the end of a post click the red x.

    4. Or you could just click the provided box that says “collapse/expand all comments” before you start scrolling…

       1. Thanks Spirograph! Didn’t realize that was an option. I’ll try that as it seems my personal preference is against the tide.

    5. NO!!! I was relieved that collapsing is something you have to do and not the default. I like reading everything and that’s how the site was initially designed.

18. I thought this was interesting and fun:

    Women Fashion Power exhibition at the Design Museum
    http://www.thatsnotmyage.blogspot.mx/2014/11/women-fashion-power-exhibition-at.html

    And I assume most people here don’t read spanish, but I loved this piece a while ago and you will have fun looking at the pictures anyway:

    Mujeres fuertes y con estilo… Strong and stylish women
    http://smoda.elpais.com/articulos/mujeres-fuertes-y-con-estilo/5308

19. There is a box right at the top of the comments that says “collapse/expand all comment threads.” Just click that and they all collapse.

    1. Yep. I see it now. Many thanks.

20. I have spent a goodly portion of five of the last six business days sobbing in my office. I want to stop, but each time it happens it exhausts me more and makes it harder to stop the next time. I’m just so tired of being blamed for things that aren’t my fault, and for trying to cover for everyone else and then getting blamed when my work isn’t done as fast as it otherwise would have been. And knowing that if I hadn’t covered for other people, I would have been blamed when they didn’t get their work done. And then I spend time sobbing at my desk, which doesn’t in fact improve my productivity all that much.

    Also, I can’t breath right now. Breathing tends to be helpful in drafting legal memos.

    1. Get out. Get out of your office into fresh air, even if it’s only for five minutes. And plan to get out of that job and into a new one. It’s clearly time to move on.

       1. I can’t. It would 1. Get me in more trouble, and 2. I’m crying too hard to leave my office right now.

          1. If you’re being blamed for everyone’s failures, then maybe it’s time to get in more trouble. I understand if you don’t want to leave your office since people will know you’ve been crying, but the only way to catch your breath is probably to do it elsewhere.

             You have my sympathy. I really don’t mean to be harsh.

             1. You’re not being harsh, and you’re right. The sobbing has calmed down, so I think I can shake my hair over my eyes and get out of the office as long as I don’t have to talk to anyone.

          2. Get yourself something warm to drink, in a regular cup if you can. Holding something warm in your hands will have a soothing effect.

    2. There is a computer program from many years ago that let you do things like set your desktop on fire, break it with a hammer, have ants eat their way through it, etc. I’ll try to find it and link to it. During a really bad stretch at my old job, I downloaded it and it did make me feel just the tiniest bit better watching stupid emails someone sent me go up in flames. Try to find some sort of release – I also had dreams of a dart board in my office where I could (mentally) pin faces and then throw darts at them. And please be good to yourself this week – try to bring in support, have dinner or drinks with friends, whatever you can.

    3. This will end. This will end. This will end. Repeat to yourself while taking deep breaths. You will be okay.

    4. Consider calling your state’s lawyer assistance hotline to speak with someone who understands.

    5. Thanks everyone, I think I’m over the worst of it for today (until something else happens…). I need to sit down and talk to my boss about the fact that he has the unconscious expectation that I will manage his practice for him, but that I am the youngest and least experienced person in the office and not in any way qualified to do that, and would not be even if I had the information available to me which should be available to someone doing what I’m doing in an official capacity.

       1. And then tonight (or tomorrow night), you’ll update your CV and start sending it out to firms you’re interested in that have more realistic expectations — or will reward you for when they do pile on the work. When the s**t runs downhill, get out of the way.

    6. I’m sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. No job is worth hurting your mental health so much. What happens if you get a horrible “stomach flu” tomorrow and have to spend Thurs/Fri at home recovering? May be something to find out … hope it gets better.

    7. “You are not [prisoner] #819 . . . and this is not a real prison. This is just an experiment, and those are students, not prisoners, just like you. Let’s go.”

21. Maybe too late for comments, but can anyone tell me about their MZW Belle bag? I found one on clearance at Norstrom yesterday in a color that I look, and it seems like a great commuter and travel bag, especially since I’ll soon likely be biking part of my commute (plan is to put the bag in a pannier). Several reviews complain bout the shoulder strap being too narrow though…thoughts? Alternatives?

    1. I have one and love it – great as a commuter/travel bag – useful pockets & everything zips closed. The shoulder strap is too long for me to wear as a cross-body bag when biking, but if you’re going to put it in a pannier it’ll be fine – I strap it to my bike rack instead. The shoulder strap can also double as a dog leash in a pinch :)

22. In your opinion, is it child s*xual abuse for parents to have s*x in front of a child? In the same bed as the child or an adjoining bed, at night, but child is not asleep and gets up/moves/makes noise/etc. Does the age of the child matter?

    Not going into detail behind the reason for this question, as I am curious about the responses without more background than this.

    1. It’s certainly inappropriate..

    2. This must happen in non-Western cultures where whole families sleep in the same room, right? I don’t think it’s abuse, especially if the child is too young to have any idea what’s going on (like <2) and you're trying to be discreet and not making any attempt to involve the child. I'd be really uncomfortable, though. The age of the child definitely matters.

23. old thread – deleted.

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