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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 165 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Metallic Boucle Fit Flare Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Tahari Metallic Boucle Fit Flare DressThis dress is 39″, which should be plenty long on women of average height (but I'll admit it does look a bit short on the model). Still, I'm intrigued by the boucle — I suspect this dress is a bit stiffer than most fit and flare dresses, which feels a bit more formal and work appropriate. I like that it's fully lined (kind of a must with tweed-like textures), and I love that striated black and white pattern. It's $138, available in sizes 4-16; Nordstrom advises that it runs large. Tahari Metallic Boucle Fit Flare Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)  

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Comments

  1. Anon for this

    Ladies—I need some advice, or maybe just commiseration. I was a maid of honor in my friend’s wedding a year ago. She’s from Houston, I’m living in NYC, and the wedding was in Colorado. I love it there (and love her) and didn’t mind flying out there for the wedding. All in, with the bachelorette party, bridesmaid dress and shoes, gift, and the actual wedding, I probably spend more than $3K. I mostly couldn’t afford this but whatever, I didn’t mind at the time because I wanted to support her.

    When she asked me to be her bridesmaid, I was really excited for her. I involved myself in as much of the planning as I could. However, a few months before the wedding she told mutual friends that I wasn’t calling her enough (?!). I’m not the biggest phone talker, but I started calling her more.

    The wedding was beautiful, and we all had a good time. After the wedding, I still called her every few weeks to catch up. I even offered to visit her—she moved to Canada right after the wedding and her husband works on an oil rig for weeks at a time. After a few months of this, she had not initiated a single phone call. I started calling less frequently, and now it’s been a few months since we’ve spoken. I texted her on her birthday a week ago, asking how she was, and did not get a response.

    She and I have been friends since high school, and also went to the same college. Most of our friendship has been really great, but she has some very egocentric/callous tendencies. We’ve had several fallings out because I was being taken advantage of by her, and she didn’t realize, agree, or care. She doesn’t take criticism well.

    I guess I’m a little mad/resentful about this situation. I’m torn between being the bigger person and following up with another text along the lines of “Wanted to make sure you got my last message, how’s life?”– the other part of me wants to send a passive aggressive email.

    I don’t think she’s trying to drift away from our friendship. I know her well enough to know that she’s probably pissed that I haven’t called recently (without realizing why that may be the case). I also feel taken advantage of again. I know I should try to patch things up because she has been a good friend for a long time, but I don’t want her to get away with treating me like this again… and yes, I know that’s petty.

    • KLG

      You can’t control her and you already know how she acts. So with that information in mind, do you still want to be friends with her (knowing she isn’t going to change) or not? If so, give her a call and tell her you’re sorry you’ve been distant but you’re feeling taken advantage of because she never initiates any contact. If not, then just kiss her goodbye. But it sure sounds like she’s going to treat you like this again.

    • roses

      The wedding and how much you spend on it seems to have nothing to do with your problem with your friend. The problem is she’s not good at initiating contact with you (or responding when she’s too busy) but seems to expect you to make all of the effort in your friendship. If this is how she’s always been, I’m not sure why you would think that the existence of a wedding would change it. You can try to have a serious conversation about it next time you see her, but otherwise, you just have to decide if her friendship is worth this behavior.

    • MJ

      Do not send a passive aggressive email. As you may have seen from some of the flame wars on this website, nothing is more sensitive than wedding/bridal topics. She is going to think she’s in the right about whatever happened, no matter what, so…don’t fan those flames. Focus on your friendship going forward, not what has happened in the past.

      This isn’t what you want to hear, but you can’t make people be friends with you, even if they were once old friends. Some friends are high maintenance. I didn’t hear a lot in this letter as to what she’s done for you lately. Isn’t she equally at fault for not checking in and saying, “Hey, how are _you_? I haven’t called you lately.” She sounds to me like a classic “all about me friend” — it’s your job to cater to her–it’s not a reciprocal friendship–it’s on her terms.

      It hurts when you give a lot to a friendship and are not feeling like you’re getting support/love/companionship back. It stings. I would reach out and leave a heartfelt message, saying that you know you live apart, but that you miss her, and are a bit confused by her silence or not returning calls and you’d like to talk at a specific time, say Saturday morning. If you still don’t hear back after that type of overture, then you know where you stand–she’s either over you, or so angry about something you did (which she seems unable to be honest with about you — another red flag in a close friendship) that she is choosing not to communicate. Also, if she doesn’t write back, try to speak with one of your other friends (maybe some of the other bridesmaids) to see if they know what’s up with her and how you could help. Don’t go into details or bitch…just say you have been having a hard time reaching her and are concerned. It may be that she’s even so crazy to expect you to apologize to her. Either way, try to reestablish contact, find out where she is with respect to your friendship and understand if you can help. I have had friends get very introverted when they are depressed, and so she may need you more than ever. But you won’t know how to be an “appropriate” friend to her, on her terms, until you connect. Once you connect, you can decide whether this is a friendship worth pursuing. Good luck.

    • Walnut

      How about this, if you feel like giving her a call to see what’s up in her life, then do so. If you no longer care about what is going on, then don’t. Don’t play games or stoop to her level of pettiness. Someday, maybe she’ll realize that phones call in both directions and she’ll check in to see what’s going on in your life.

      • springtime

        +1. Sounds like your friendship with her is stressing you out. I find with good friends, even if we don’t talk for months, we can pick up right where we left off.

    • TBK

      I’d say that the question you need to answer is, knowing who she is and how she behaves, do you want to stay friends with her? And, if so, on what terms? Do you want to call every month? Email every few weeks? Something more, or less? Then just proceed on those terms. If she’s not okay with them, decide whether what you get out of being friends with her is worth whatever she’s asking in addition (calling more frequently, visiting more, etc.). You’ve known her a long time and you know what she’s like. Assume she’ll never change. I have friends who are seriously flaky. They will never, ever be the one to initiate a phonecall or whatever. They will make plans and then bail at the last second. But, with some of them, I’ve decided I’m okay with being friends with them on these terms. I call when I want to. When we make plans, I make back-up plans, and if they bail, I don’t take it personally and go on with whatever my back-up was. I used to feel hurt and angry. But now, meh, it’s just how they are and I’ve decided I’m okay with that. If I ever find I’m not, I can always just walk away.

    • Me too

      I had a life long friendship break up this way for the same reason. Friend was upset that I didn’t call her enough and said that she didn’t want to be friends anymore. I was floored and tried to reconnect over the years, but was always rebuffed. The clincher was when she got married and didn’t invite me to the wedding (after she was a bridesmaid in mine). At that point I realized that my attempts to rekindle our friendship would go nowhere, and I stopped emailing her at that point. I haven’t spoken to her in 7 years. I’m both sad and mad about it. She was a dear friend, really like a sister.

      • +

        Sorry to hear about that. I had a different situation, but losing close friends is so so hard, especially with those that were particularly formative or that you have a lot of memories with. Just wanted to say that I get that even though it’s been a while and I’m sure you have other friends and have moved on with your life in a lot of ways, it can still be really painful to think about. I feel like it’s hard to find people to acknowledge that (whether or not they can relate personally), so, just wanted to acknowledge.

    • Anon for this

      Thanks everyone. I think deep down I already knew what most of you have pointed out, but all of you having generally the same reaction has let me see this a little more clearly.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I would try connecting with her in other ways than over the phone. I’m not great about keeping up with phone calls, partly because I work different hours than my friends. My bff works a shift that starts at 6 am and goes to bed super early. I tend to work later at night. I am much better at emailing with her because I can write back at midnight and she can write back before her 6 am shift.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      You say she’s been a “good friend for a long time,” but I’m not really getting that from your post. What I AM getting is that she’s kind of a narcissist who expects you to pay as much attention to her as she wants, using only the exact methods she prefers, on her schedule, without her having to actually communicate her preferences to you, and she becomes upset and refuses to talk to you if you don’t read her mind. And she won’t respond to you when you use your preferred schedule/method of communication/etc. Andplusalso she “doesn’t take criticism well,” so the likely response to you expressing your feelings about any of this to her is a faceful of fangs (figuratively speaking).

      Old friendship =/= healthy, useful, emotionally safe, GOOD friendship. If you want to reach out to her, on your timeline, in your way, then go for it. But don’t play these games with her – she’s a grownup. Grownups don’t expect friends to dance attendance on them like ladies-in-waiting and then ignore essentially lifelong friends when they don’t receive their preferred level of pretty princess treatment.

      • In the same situation

        I’m in a similar situation with someone who I thought was a good friend — she was my MOH and I thought it would be reciprocated (why? because she’d been telling me for YEARS it would be), until she got engaged and I was #4 of 7 bridesmaids. It stung. Then I found out it was bc she didn’t think I was calling her enough or “there for her.” Um, what?

        I don’t know why, but reading your description of of the OP’s friend, KKH, really nails my friend — and makes me feel a whole lot better. I’ve pretty much walked away from the friendship I had from this person, but at least I know I’m not the crazy one.

    • Stephanie

      I think as you get older, there is way less room for friendships where you have fights of any kind. I’m not sure where exactly that transition is, but I definitely feel that way now that I’m married with school aged kids. Like it stays on a pleasant level or it doesn’t happen. I wouldn’t “break up” with her or vow to never talk to her again. I would just dial it back, send a text, email, or card every once in awhile, maybe call her in a few weeks– leave an upbeat voicemail. And turn your attention to friends who are nearby and who don’t make you feel bad.

      • MH

        +1. As you get older you just don’t have time anymore for high-maintenance friendships. I’ve noticed that the only people that I really spend any time with anymore are really low-maintenance. I also think it’s a good idea to continue to leave upbeat voicemails when you do call her. If she has no rational reason for being upset with you, then you don’t need to acknowledge it until she does.

        • Stephanie

          Exactly. I have this one friend (“S”) who I lost touch with– even though she lives about half an hour away. S was always horrible about keeping in touch (we all noticed early on that she had no friends from before the law firm, and we were only 25 at the time), but then things got worse when S ditched our mutual girlfriend who got divorced (S and her husband sided with our friend’s ex). So when S separated from her husband after about 12 years, she finally responded to our mutual friend’s efforts, and then I contacted S, as well. S was so appreciative, or so she said. We started to make plans to all get together. But on maybe the third go around trying to set a date, she just stopped responding– I texted, I sent a FB message, I emailed. Nothing. Who the F has time for that? I’m so done. My rule is that if the person contacts me, I don’t hold a grudge. But I’m not begging anyone to be my friend.

    • MD

      The other totally possible explanation is that she’s having troubles of some kind, and doesn’t want to share. Not totally uncommon, you know. When I read that she got married last year and now lives in Canada with a husband who’s gone for weeks at a time, the first thing that popped into my mind was, maybe they’re struggling, and maybe she doesn’t want to admit it after just having a big old wedding last year.

      I’d give her the benefit of the doubt, send one more text or email that just says, hey, I haven’t heard from you — everything ok?

  2. NOLA

    This dress is so pretty! Love the black and ivory boucle and very feminine yet simple.

    You have to wonder – is the model just really tall or do they hem the dresses shorter? Does this make sense?

    It’s finally cooler here in southeast Louisiana. Still not tights weather (but will be later in the week). I got to wear a new dress – black and charcoal thin stripes, surplice neckline but not too low on me, and 3/4 sleeves. I’m wearing it with charcoal gray flannel pumps. It feels like fall!

    • Baconpancakes

      Do fit-and-flare styles look good on curvier ladies? I have Junk, and I stick with pencil skirts to avoid looking like a 1950’s co-ed. As a result, I’ve never even tried on a fit-and-flare dress, but this one looks like it might be professional enough to carry off (if it’s longer than it looks).

    • Bonnie

      I’m really intrigued by this dress. My only hesitation is that I find the split necks look a little off with jackets.

      • In the Pink

        I agree, and I find that my strings of beads/pearls unexpectedly droop into the split neck…not good.

  3. springtime

    I saw someone wearing a fit and flare dress a month or so ago but the flare didn’t start until a bit lower on her body- sort of like a mermaid style but obviously not as tight and definitely work appropriate. It was beautiful. Anyone see anything like that in stores lately?

  4. Lyssa

    Hm, I love the look of this dress – the fabric and coloring, but I’m just not crazy about the fit and flare for the office – maybe it’s just because I know I already look young, but it reads too girly to me. I would love it in a sheath-type style, though.

    • Amy H.

      I agree — the fit and flare cut is a good fit on pearish me — small waist and wide hips — but it just comes across as extremely girly to me, so that I would not wear this to the office. Strongly considering it for a dinner/evening-event-with-drinks dress though.

  5. Ellen

    Oooo! I love TAHARI, and mabye when I go up to see Rosa this weekend, we can stop in at Nordstrom’s! YAY!!!!!!

    Mom told Dad about my missing pantie’s and he said the cleaneing lady probabley took them, or I left them at the NYSC. I know I did NOT leave my pantie’s at the NYSC (that is SILLY), and the cleaneing lady is probabley a size 16 — her tuchus is even bigger then Franks, so there is NO way she could wear them, and I do NOT think she realy want’s to give away used pantie’s to anyone.

    I checked around and did NOT see anything missing, but I can NOT find my UBS drive that I use to bring Word document’s home from work to plug into my MACBOOK AIR, and then back. It is NOT worth alot, mabye $10 or less, but it also had some picture’s on it that peeople had sent me over the year’s. Nothing I can NOT replace — most are on my MacBOOK, but still, I wonder if Oleg or Igor know anything about that. FOOEY if they do. DOUBEL FOOEY b/c who knows what else they were rummageing thru while I was at work and out with Willem? I did let Oleg use my MacBook, so mabye he was lookeing around in my machine also? FOOEY!

    Willem is droppeing by the office today, so I wore my new Cashemere Sweater. It is very soft and nice, and I got it on SALE at Lord and Taylor’s! YAY!!! I hope he says nice thing’s. Frank has already said I look good and even Lynn wanted to know where I got it. I hope Willem like’s it! YAY!!!!!

    • Wildkitten

      You should use dropbox for files you want to keep but not just on your computer.

    • tesyaa

      This is SO Ellen, to say “Lord & Taylor’s” like someone’s great-aunt would say.. Even though Ellen is young, she’s a bubbie (grandma) at heart. I guess I’m stating the obvious.

  6. DC Darling

    Can we continue the conversation from yesterday on items we can’t live without? Weather+ exhaustion is leaving me with little energy for productivity.

    My list
    AT pumps (although I’m still disappointed at the deteriorating quality)
    Express Editor Pants
    BR Sloan fit slim ankle pant
    Talbot ponte dresses
    Elie Tahari sheath dresses (usually found at either Nordie’s rack or TJmaxx)

    • Cb

      I don’t know that I have tons of standbys but definitely Camper ballet flats, Anthopologie stud earrings picked up for cheap (so I’m not sad when I lose them after 2 months), Gap sexy boyfriend jeans, and M&S uniform jumpers.

    • HSAL

      Yes, I want more of this discussion. I was late to the party so I caught up this morning.

      I have 5-6 of The Skirt, despite the fact that I seldom wear skirts. I also really like the Halogen 3/4 sleeve cardigans, which I have in 3 colors.Just bought two of the same pant from The Limited, and I have their vneck sweater from three years ago in 5 colors, and they still look great. I love the cheap vneck camis from Old Navy. I’ve had good luck with Target ponte and sweater dresses – I pretty much wear one of the five that I have every week through the winter. I seldom do multiples of shoes, but I do have four pairs of old CH peeptoe slingbacks that I wear to work all summer. I’m also into some of the shoes on Modcloth that come in multiple colors.

      • DC Darling

        I’m also going to open this up to makeup since I am desperately in need of some good recommendations.

        Mac kohl gel eyeliner
        Lancome definicils mascara
        Laura mercier caviar stick eye shadow pencil
        Lancome eye makeup remover
        Lush angels on bare skin cleanser

        • emeralds

          Urban Decay pencil liner in the blackest black (this thing seriously changed my life)
          Benefit Bad Gal mascara in plum
          Bobbi Brown powder blush in Pink Sugar
          Benefit Hello Flawless pressed powder foundation
          All the lipstick

        • NYC

          I have bought these three over and over again: Almay eyeliner in the raisin/purple color. Urban Decay 24/7 eyeliner (rockstar and stash). Bobbi Brown blush in Desert Rose.

        • HSAL

          Bare Minerals Mineral Veil
          Urban Decay 24/7 eyeliner (didn’t expect to love Stray Dog so much, and Uzi is my second favorite of 15 or so)
          L’Oreal Voluminous Millions mascara – hands down my favorite mascara, despite giving so many higher end brands a try.
          Philosophy Purity Made Simple (with my Clarisonic)
          Aveeno Positively Radiant Moisturizer (15 SPF)

    • Mary Ann Singletom

      4-5 Lands End ponte dresses
      3 Suzi Chin / Maggie London dresses
      Corduroy skinny jeans
      A couple of blazers for work
      Halogen cardigans
      Riding boots (one pair actually used for horse riding)

    • Baconpancakes

      Lord & Taylor cashmere cardigans -I am always freezing, and have them in navy, black, and purple, and I’m probably going to get some lighter colors this spring
      Cole Haan AirNike peeptoe wedges – pretty much all I wear in summer
      Loft tees – just the right thickness, and cute colors. They don’t stretch for me, but I don’t put them in the dryer, so YMMV
      LUSH Herbalism, Tea Tree Water, Grease Lightning, Mask of Magnaminty
      L’Oreal Voluminous Mascara

    • zora

      Halogen Taylor pants 3 colors (going to get more)
      Lands End Basic Cotton Cardigans, 2 colors (similar to the Jackie, but if I had the money, I’d upgrade to the cashmere v-neck cardi)
      target Merona lace topped camisoles
      Target Mossimo scoop neck tshirts
      Old Navy rockstar jeans-3 pair
      Born boots

    • ExcelNinja

      I was just thinking about this while I was getting dressed this morning – DKNY totally opaque tights! I have five pairs.

      Also, really good bras – I love Fauve.

    • Amy H.

      Gap Perfect Trouser pants. Truly my work uniform.
      J. Crew 1035 suit jacket and Hutton trouser.
      The Skirt (5 colors I love — but the new cut doesn’t fit me as well so I’ve stopped).
      C by Bloomingdales cashmere cardigans.

      I also have multiples of the Lands’ End Heritage cotton cardigan, but I have stopped buying them because they pill so badly for me. I barely get one season of wear out of them.

  7. PSA

    I was at a meeting last week where several speakers were on chairs. LADIES: if you are wearing a skirt that ends at/above the knees, you might be flashing people if you cross your legs.

    • Anon

      Yep. I am a college professor, and at opening convocation the newly-elected class president spoke briefly while wearing a short dress, and then sat up on the stage for the rest of the event, and … man. You could practically see her underpants. I’m sure she did not intend to present herself that way.

    • Wildkitten

      It’s always so nice when they have people sit behind a table, and the table has a skirt, so that this isn’t an issue.

  8. Cb

    Prepping for an hour long lecture tomorrow. Tips for keeping my voice going? I’m fairly soft-spoken and it tends to give out at about 45 minutes.

      • Baconpancakes

        Ha, this reminds me of when I used to do choral festivals, and we would sing for 6 hours straight, we would pass around those lemon juice bottles shaped like lemons and squeeze them directly into our throats. Gross, but the acidic citrus worked really well.

        • Hel-lo

          I also did this in high school at a speech competition when I had a bad cold/laryngitis. It gets the saliva flowing.

          Water with lemon is kept backstage at choir concerts.

          Coughing hurts your voice, so try not to cough much. Use a cough drop if necessary.

    • Walnut

      Try herbal tea in a mild flavor. Sometimes a warmish/room temp beverage keeps my voice going longer than a cold one.

    • Anon ADA

      I always use slightly watered down room temperature orange juice when I have to speak for a long time.

    • NOLA

      A couple of things. I don’t generally have an issue with this because I’m a singer, but:

      -warm up your voice by doing a loud yawn from high to low with mouth open wide and the sound coming from deep inside, not your throat. Think of it as coming from your toes. Sounds weird but it works
      -don’t talk the whole time. Create some active learning tasks. Break them into groups for short discussion and have them report back (did this very thing this morning).
      -take some herbal tea with you. Take a sip here and there. No teas with tannins. They can dry out your throat.
      -you don’t have to talk loudly to project. Pick a student in the back of the room and speak to them or to the back row in general. Try to not speak from your throat but breathe deeply and speak from your diaphragm (hard to do, I know, if you don’t know how).

      • Cb

        Ahh, that’s super helpful, thanks! It’s something I need to work on. I was invited to do ‘something about [big political event]’ and given 90 minutes. We shall see how it goes.

  9. snowy

    I’ve posted a bit about my job search, and how this company I interviewed with is taking for.ev.er. to make a decision. My anxiety/stalking reached a whole new level today when I saw someone from the company (who I didn’t interview with) looked at my LinkedIn profile. What does it mean? Are they going to make me an offer? At least they’re still talking about me!?!

    someone punch me, please. I am officially crazy.

  10. Baconpancakes

    For the ladies interested in the stockings + garter belts from yesterday’s thread – sorry, I didn’t see the comments until now! I’ll post the links on today’s Coffee Break when I get home today!

    • In the Pink

      shapings dot com has a good variety of hosiery of all kinds, European brands, and reasonable pricing.

      even though it’s shipping from Canada to the US, I think it’s worth it. Yeah, a reverse situation from most of the vendors we mention here that won’t ship to Canada!

    • another Kat

      I think that was me. If you see this before posting later, don’t the garters create odd lines and lumps under a skirt? I’m thinking mostly of the back strap that looks like it would create an epic panty line.

  11. Tiger

    Reposting for more advice (thanks for yesterday, salit-a-gator. I have clarified a couple of points.)

    Job advice needed. I graduated law school in 2011 and clerked for a year in a bankruptcy court. I could not find a bankruptcy position then so I accepted a position in another practice area a year ago. I am a first year associate there. No credit for clerkship and no promotion yet.

    When I clerked, the managing partner of a local firm’s bankruptcy group came to our court twice a week and we spoke often. I also knew him during law school. After my clerkship, he endorsed me on linked in. I never applied for a position with his firm because his office was an hour from where I lived. I now live 10 minutes away and would love to work for him.

    Question: do I email and ask to have lunch for advice on getting back into bankruptcy? Or just send a letter of interest asking whether he has a need for an associate and include a resume? By email or snail mail?

    In describing myself, am I looking to be a first year, second year, or third year associate?

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Email for coffee/lunch/advice, definitely, and express interest in person (you’ll be able to gauge his reaction better that way). In describing yourself, you’re a third-year willing to join a firm as a second-year to get back into bankruptcy (your clerkship counts for your class-year, it’s ridiculous that your firm isn’t including it).

      • MH

        In my experience, a lot of firms are no longer giving credit for clerkships. Definitely pitch yourself as a third-year, but consider whether you’re willing to give that up if you do get hired and it comes down to negotiating salary. It may not necessarily be in line with the market for you to expect that they credit you for your clerkship.

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          I see what you’re saying, but the clerkship was in bankruptcy court (i.e., the only court where you can practice this particular type of law) and she’s looking to be a bankruptcy associate. It seems utterly insane to me that a firm wouldn’t “count” that experience towards her class year. I understand not counting a general clerkship when you’re starting out in a particular specialized area of law, or not counting, say, a bankruptcy clerkship when you’re starting a career as an employment lawyer, but not counting a bankruptcy clerkship for a bankruptcy associate position? Isn’t that shooting your firm in the foot by (likely) driving away precisely the type of people you want to attract to the firm (by not counting their experience)?

          • MH

            I hear ya. I think it really just depends on your job market. My area is completely saturated with recent grads–and a lot with clerkships–so the firms have been cutting back a lot on any sort of signing bonus or clerkship credit. They just don’t need to offer them, because there are more qualified candidates than there are positions. But, if you really are a catch, then you have bargaining power. Throw it out there, see what they say, but don’t necessarily turn down an otherwise solid job offer because they deny you credit.

          • Tiger

            I see what both of you are saying. My city is flooded with bankruptcy clerks. I’ve actually clerked for more than one judge, so i have that going for me. Just not sure it’s enough to come in as a second year. Don’t know that I want to be a first year again when I graduated in 2011.

          • anonforthis

            Only you know what you can live with and how bad your current job is, but I took an entry level gov’t attorney job as a 5th year associate because I needed to GTFO out of my job/litigation before I killed my boss and the only positions open in my geographic area were litigation. Sure the pay sucks and it was embarassing to think I was in an entry level position when I had actual trial experience, but the job itself is decent, everyone I work with is really nice, and the benefits/hours are great. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

    • preg 3L

      I’m very interested in what others have to say, but my knee-jerk reaction is that since you had a relationship with him, you should email and ask to have lunch. If he wants you to work for him or has a position available, he’ll make that clear. If not, he’ll be able to put you in touch with others who might. I think cultivating the relationship far outweighs sending one job application at this point. Good luck!

    • Avery

      Are you in a practice similar enough to bankruptcy that your skills will transfer without needing to be docked a year? I know that my firms have hired people into new practice groups but docked them anywhere from 1 to 4 years to make up for the lack of experience. With your bankruptcy clerkship I think you might be able to pitch yourself as a second or maybe even a third year, depending on what you’re doing now.

      I would combine your approaches. Email to explain the situation, ask for his advice in getting back into bankruptcy and be sure to include your resume.

    • Tiger

      Thanks everyone. I was leaning towards asking for a lunch, but I didn’t want to be too forward. As for the clerkship, I’m pretty sure he would count my specific experience. This is not a big firm; it’s creditor rights only. But I doubt he would count my year in IP.

  12. AIMS

    Cute dress, and I like the BR one posted by Preg Anon, above, even better.

    Question: I’m upgrading my phone and can’t decide on the color. This is an admittedly stupid “problem” to have, but what would you pick: black 5s or white 5s? I am so ambivalent about this and both require a 2-3 week wait so I’m just wishing someone would pick for me. Thoughts?

    • CKB

      I prefer the white one myself. I have a personal white 5 and a work black 5 and I just like the look of the white one better, but I’m not a big black fan – I prefer grey.

    • Anonymous

      I picked white. The white is actually covered by glass, so it won’t “get dirty” over time. I asked them about this. Just wipe off any makeup you get on it. I have a white one with a robins egg blue case its so pretty.

    • Bewitched

      I picked white, because 2 other people in my family had black. I like the white and personally feel it is not as masculine as black. However, I find many covers cover the colored part, so it really doesn’t matter!

    • TCFKAG

      White shows up in your purse better – I’m always always losing my black in my purse (though if you get a bright case, it doesn’t matter.) Black is maybe vaguely more neutral and professional (VERY vaguely.)

      I think its a toss-up but I’d get white next time for the easy find quality – but I’m not sure the original color matters that much to me since I drop it so much I HAVE to have a case.

      • preg 3L

        +1. White shows up in your purse and on a dark couch and on a dark table much better.

      • SAlit-a-gator

        Yup, this is the exact reason I got the white! Much easier to find in the dark too.

        • zora

          me a million. I have the white and a bright blue/purple colored case. I lost my old black one/grey case on the floor of my car in the dark wayyyyy too many times.

    • Monday

      GIRL! I hadn’t seen you on here for a while and was afraid you’d left!

      Ahem, on topic: since I see my phone case so often, I put a lot of thought into choosing it each time. Some cases look better with a white phone, some with the black. So my super-frivolous suggestion is to shop for cases first and then choose phone color based on which would look best with your new case.

      • AIMS

        Thanks lady! I just took a leave of absence — had a lot of work in anticipation of a vacation & then an actual vacation (which was awesome).

        And I think you are right. I am going to choose a case and then a phone around it. Brilliant!

      • Hel-lo

        This! Welcome back, AIMS. :)

        (I also step away for like weeks at a time. That’s the beauty of this site – read whatever current thread there is and BAM, you’re back.)

    • Cat

      what color case do you want? I knew I wanted a darker case (mine is gray leather) and I thought the white might look too harsh with it. I’m obsessive about keeping my phone in the same place in my purse / home / office when not in use, though, so the visibility of the white didn’t occur to me as a benefit!

      • AIMS

        This is a good point. I actually only started thinking of this in the first place because a friend said that she got a white one because she likes the way that bright colored cases look on it better. I guess now I have more decisions to make. Thanks all!

  13. ezt

    Posting because I haven’t told anyone in my real life yet and feel the need to share – skip if you’re sick of pregnancy threads:

    Heard/saw the heartbeat this morning (at 7wks)! Had a bit of a scare with some bleeding over the past couple of weeks, but doctor says everything looks great! Yay!

    • Noelle

      Congratulations and good luck! I have my 24-week ultrasound tomorrow — I never get tired of seeing/hearing her.

    • TBK

      Yay! Bleeding is so scary. I had that about three times and each time I called the doctor, very freaked out. But everything looks fine 16 weeks in. And ultrasounds are so fun. Just wait until your baby is moving and dancing around!

  14. TBK

    Do I follow celebrities? No. Am I nonetheless looking at every photo and video of Prince George’s christening that I can find? Yes. (Sure, my ancestors fought and died so I wouldn’t have to treat anyone special just because of their lineage. But they didn’t have access to photos and videos of a royal baby and his so very chic mum!)

    • Anon

      If you enjoying following the sartorial choices of his so very chic mum (she is my style icon), please direct your attention to Whatkatewore dot com. No affiliation, just enjoy the site!

  15. Dulcinea

    So I am thinking I might be ready to finally join this century and get a smart phone. Mainly so I can check work emails when I am waiting around in court. Something with a GPS would be nice too.

    I don’t think I can afford an iphone, but I would like whatever phone I do get to have the ability to store and play music on it. Most of my music is on my macbook in i-tunes. Does anyone have any recommendations for a non-i-phone smart phone that can store/play music from itunes? Or of an app/computer program that makes this possible?

    Any other suggestions or reccomendations for what phone I should get/avoid would be appreciated. Or suggestions for a reliable place to get reviews/comparisons of the different phones. Verizon is my provider.

    • Wildkitten

      An iPhone C is $99 with a Verizon contract. The big expense is in paying data charges, I think. You might want to consider switching carriers. I hear good things about T-Mobile – higher up front cost for the phone, but then cheaper service month to month.

    • preg 3L

      I would highly recommend buying last season’s iPhone. Since a new model (5S) just came out, you can get an older one (4S) for very little ($20?) and I’ve heard great things about the refurbished iPhones.

      • preg 3L

        Oh I meant to add — if you can’t or don’t want to add the expense of the increased monthly cost, you could look into getting an iPod Touch (or whatever they’re called these days). They are just like iPhones BUT only work on WiFi. Since WiFi is everywhere these days, that might accomplish your email & GPS needs without breaking the bank.

        • Baconpancakes

          Eh, I have to disagree on this. WiFi is useless for GPS. No WiFi in the metro, waiting outside for the bus, driving to the suburbs to try to find the closest Michael’s, or on most streets, which is where you’ll use it, not in your office or your bedroom.

          If you’re unlikely to use the phone for more than email and music, getting a refurbished one is a great option, though. But buyer beware – once you have access to apps and the internet all the time, it’s really easy to start using it more and more, until you rely on it and realize you should really have gotten the larger processor with the new operating system on it. BUT first I would go with a cheaper option just in case you don’t end up relying on it like I did.

          I’ve also heard T-Mobile is a lot less pushy when it comes to buying a new phone instead of a refurbished one, and doesn’t have cancellation costs if you change your plan. So if you’re not locked in, I’d check them out.

      • mascot

        A coworker just got a refurbed iphone 4s for $1 or something equally ridiculous. I think he’s on Verizon.

      • zora

        I have bought my iphones from the Refurbished section of the apple store website. Have always been happy with my choice. I do get the additional insurance from ATT though, since the one downside of the refurbished phone is your warranty runs out faster.

    • NOLA

      Just go to Verizon and ask this question. There are a lot of choices and some they designate as “starter” smartphones. I have a Samsung Stratosphere because I like a sliding keyboard. I may upgrade and get the LG Enact. It’s smaller and lighter.

      • Hel-lo

        I’m not sure if anything but Apple works on iTunes, though.

        Recommend a refurb or the cheaper colorful ones they just came out with. I have a refurb ipad and it’s done swimmingly.

  16. Anonymous

    I have a really weird complaint…I cannot stand the sound of people chewing lately. It grosses me out SO much. The noise of my coworker chewing on a sandwich or eating chips makes me want to puke (and I don’t think she’s even a particularly loud chewer!). Does anyone else have this problem? I might just be permanently wearing headphones at work.

      • Anonymous

        Yeh that’s what it seems like it is. I never had it as a child though, this is just within the last 2-3 weeks. Thankfully it’s limited to chewing (although I think we all hate heavy breathers). I tend to be very sound-sensative and can sometimes have heightened hearing due to my migraines (imagine hearing someone turn the page of a book from 20 feet away). UGH. I just wish my coworkers wouldn’t eat at their desk. Problem solved.

    • De

      I have always had this problem. It doesn’t make me want to puke, but it’s always annoyed me/made me in a bad mood. It’s like instantaneous. My sister sent me something a few months ago that explained a brain disorder called “misophonia” which is apparently the hatred of sound.

      Headphones always help….Or maybe when she starts snacktime, perhaps that can coincide with a fresh air break for yourself :)

      • Anonymous

        yeh its a combination of making me mad and wanting to say “shut up!” and nausea. This doesn’t happen if I’m like eating a meal in a restaurant, but if the chewing is in an otherwise quiet environment it really bugs me.

        • De

          My sister is a loud eater. She and I have had fights resulting from the looks I give her. (I think she should just learn to chew quietly…) It’s pretty frustrating sometimes. Odd that it’s a new thing for you–it’s been something I’ve always felt even since childhood–but maybe now that you’re aware of it, you can learn some relaxation methods and practice them?

    • Stephanie

      I actually yelled at a friend once when she saw something tasty, like a cookie, and made the sort of fake lip smacking sound three times in a room. Like mmm, mmm, mmm but with lip smacking/mouth noise. I felt so badly but it’s like it came out before I could stop it. Now my secretary does that and I want to punch her. I have issues.

      • Mpls

        I’m right there with you. It’s nails on the chalkboard awful for me to listen too. I hate tv/movies with people eating and they sound edit all the juicy sounds in. Shudder.

    • Susie

      My mom and hubs are both kind of loud eaters. I yell at the husband, but not at mom.

    • Flying Squirrel

      I’m similar, but with a twist. I find chewing sounds generally kind of irritating, but the one person who’s chewing almost enrages me is…DH’s. This is partially because he likes to eat spicy food, even though it causes him to get a bit sniffly. So combined with his chewing, I can hear him sniffing (which is a sound I don’t like by itself, but it doesn’t generally provoke an emotional response like chewing does). When we’re eating dinner together, which we obviously do often, I sometimes find myself getting really, inexplicably angry with him about the way he eats. Good to know I’m not the only person. It’s gotten worse lately, since he’s started buying those big bottles of sriracha and putting it on just about everything!!

      Wish that wikipedia article on misophonia had suggestions on how to control it.

      • Anon in ATX

        My DH’s slurping spaghetti & constant sniffing drive me up the wall! I have even gotten up to hand him a tissue, it is so awful. Just blow your nose already ! /end rant

      • Stephanie

        My husband chews somewhat loudly (and I’ve yelled from the other room “OMG I can hear you chomping cereal from all the way over here”), but my real issue with him is that after every sip of a drink, he does a “ahhhh” sound. Like in a cartoon of someone drinking a beer. It drives me freaking insane and I’ve told him so. Sometimes I think it’s a miracle we haven’t killed each other.

        • Stephanie

          Also, I’ve noticed that everyone in my husband’s family eats with their mouth wide open. His sister eats like a cow. His mom chomps grapes one by one, smacking as she goes, almost like she thinks it’s cute. Obviously I say nothing to them. But I correct my kids to make sure they don’t torture someone else one day with that.

    • Baconpancakes

      I used to get really annoyed with my mom for eating loudly, (although most people’s chewing doesn’t bother me), until I realized it was because of her extensive dental work. There are people who chew loudly because they slurp and chew with their mouths open, and then there are people who just can’t help it. I think it has something to do with the sinus cavities for most loud eaters.

  17. recent grad

    I need a new mascara. Any recommendations? I go through them so quickly that I’d prefer one from the drugstore, but could be persuaded otherwise. TIA!

    • HSAL

      I mentioned this above, but Voluminous Millions by L’Oreal. I love it. I’ve tried multiple kinds from Sephora that are fine, but I keep coming back to VM.

    • Duchess

      I love L’Oreal’s Double Extend. It’s got a primer on one end, and that’s made all the difference for me for not having mascara under my eyes at the end of the day.

    • Anonymous

      Bare Minerals makes a great mascara. Its not a drugstore one, but its fantastic. I also like Maybelline Volume Express for drugstore brands.

    • CKB

      I really like Cover Girl Lash Blast (orange tube). I’m currently trying the Cover Girl Clump Crusher (green tube) and it’s good too, but I prefer the lash blast brush.

  18. De

    I am supposed to have an awkward conversation at work and I’m not sure how to go about it…

    Bossman asked me yesterday about end of year vacation plans. He’s concerned because Coworker (who I particularly don’t like) wants to take 2 weeks off (he’s from another country, so I get it) and we have a significantly higher volume of projects going on that are time sensitive-work that HAS to be completed by 12/31. He basically told me to talk to Coworker about it and get it figured out. And on one hand while I have seniority and if he’s out for two weeks there’s a good chance I’ll lose a week of vacation and have a LOT of work all on me, and that’s unfair, but on the other hand am I really supposed to say he can’t go home for the holidays? And then if I suggest he should work a bit from the office there…what if he doesn’t and I get screwed over? Also I just have no idea how to have this conversation. (Oh and ps….not the manager…not my job…)

    To make it even more awkward, I found out that after I mentioned to Coworker in passing that Boss wanted me to talk to him about it, he went back to Boss afterward and told him what dates he’s planning on buying flights for…so why not just tell me if he already knew?

    I’m really not sure how to approach/handle the conversation or ways to work it out fairly, and not screw myself over workload wise….we’ve been trying to work on “even workloads” amongst the team lately, and this doesn’t seem like it’s going to help. Has anyone had to deal with this sort of issue with their coworkers that they *don’t* manage??

    • TBK

      Wait, your boss (and co-worker’s?) wants YOU to deny the co-worker vacation? What total and utter B.S.! Can you tell your boss you don’t feel comfortable with this and that the news would be better received coming from him? I might submit this question to Ask A Manager. She’ll likely be outraged, too (she hates managers who refuse to manage — rightly, I feel), but she might also have some suggestions for how to handle this without blowing up your relationship with either your boss or your co-worker.

      • De

        I don’t know so much that it’s “deny”…but he was like “you have seniority…” “it’s not really a great idea go for two weeks” and I think it was more “figure it out between the two of you” than “decide if he can go or not.” But because of the workload, I’m just not sure how it’s supposed to be feasible. And I asked Bossman, well is he working from the office in that country? Has he bought tickets yet? He didn’t know any of the answers but indicated he didn’t like the idea of both of us working remotely (where I would go for the holidays, I could work at another of our offices as well.)

        If all of the work does get done in time, him being gone wouldn’t really be an issue. But come on, we all know what’s going to happen!

        I did have some temptation in declining to have the conversation, it does feel quite uncomfortable.

    • mascot

      Is the work such that you can “front-load” your co-worker’s share? Can he have certain deliverables ready to hand off prior to his vacation? That way you can take care of all the last minute deadline details, but he will have worked on his share too. Instead of seeing this as a management issue, focus on it being a team exercise. How would you handle the division of labor if co-worker was going to be in town through the end of the year? Then just loop Bossman on the plan. If co-worker fails to deliver, then Bossman will know.

      • De

        Not exactly. The work being completed depends on clients/ other service providers completing their work on time as well, and with one of these projects I tend to lose holiday time…we’ve got almost 5 times as much work as we normally do. In an ideal world, we’d have them done before most people take vacation, but in my experience it just doesn’t happen that way.

        I do like your way of looking at it though, and I am definitely going to think that way with the idea of him working remotely.

        So appreciative of your guys’ input–making me realize even more that this really shouldn’t be put on me.

    • NYC

      What a crap situation to be in. When I clerked, my co-clerk and I had to work out coverage over the holidays between the two of us (judge wouldn’t get involved) and we basically horsetraded for the days that mattered to us. It sounds like your boss isn’t going to deal with this, so I would talk to your co-worker and say, “we have to sort out the holiday coverage together, because one of us has to be around and bla, bla.” Then see what he says. He knows that is a crunch time, right? So maybe he will propose a solution (working remotely, etc) that allows him to travel but also accommodates your vacation schedule.

    • Anon

      Can he shift his vacation to the last week in December – first week in January?

  19. NYC

    Based on the follow up comment from the OP yesterday afternoon, I bought an Issa dress from the outnet. Thanks for the tip! We’ll see how sizing works out. I went based on their UK/US conversion chart.

  20. Networking question

    Hello ladies,

    I am more of an introverted person and in general have difficulty networking with people. But I want to improve in this area. I need help specifically on maintain contact with a person with whom I had a brief chat last week.

    I met the person on a train. She works in my company but a different office in a different city. We both were waiting to exit the train and she initiated the chat. Then we knew we work for the same company. We spoke for 5 – 10 minutes about the work we do after exiting the train. She asked me to look her up on the website and I did. She seems to be a very outgoing person.

    I want to keep in touch with her but I have no idea how to do it. Any advice is appreciated…thanks in advance..

    • NYC

      Send her an email and say it was nice chatting with her and to let you know next time she is in your office. Also email her if you are ever in her area.

    • Anon

      If you found her email, I would just email her and say something like ” it was nice to meet you the other day on the train, hope everything is going well. Let’s get coffee sometime next week (or soon if you don’t want to commit to a time yet)” or something like that. Then it opens up the conversation for further meetings, etc and hopefully a friendship will develop from there.

      • Anon

        Oh I just saw you are in a different city so coffee might not work, unless you see eachother often on your commute. But still a “nice to meet you, let’s keep in touch” email would work.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I had an interesting unintentional experiment. I was always someone that wore a pretty significant amount of make up although many people told me I “didn’t need it.” I ended up getting a month-long stint of poison ivy and had to go a long time with no make up. I didn’t have the poison ivy on my face but I was otherwise so uncomfortable I couldn’t stand anything on my skin. The first few weeks I thought I looked like crap. By the end of the month though, I came to actually like what I looked like without make up. I then had gone so long without make up that it looked odd to me when I started wearing it again. Now I selectively wear it and don’t consider it a mandatory part of my day. I also have a brief rage against the machine attitude when I decide “meh, I’m not wearing it today.” It’s like I’m saying “take that” to the rest of society or something.

      After a surgery, I couldn’t shower (or bend over) properly for quite sometime so I went about a month without shaving my legs. That is one thing I couldn’t get used to and was super happy to be able to do again. My mother in law tried convincing me that it would eventually get soft and bother me less but it didn’t really happen. This occurred in the middle of summer and while I never got to liking my new look, I did come around enough to wearing shorts and dresses (outside of work) even though I couldn’t shave.

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