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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
With Labor Day in the rearview mirror, I’m ready for pumpkin spice, Gilmore Girls, and tweed!
This houndstooth blazer from Favorite Daughter looks like it could be a fall/winter staple piece for me. I would probably pair it with an all-black blouse-and-trousers combo, but I would also love to see it with a jewel-toned sheath or skirt.
The blazer is $348 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anon
I need a wedding gift for an uncle who remarried this year (elopement). They did it in Scotland and I hear that Scottish-themed gifts are welcome. Any ideas? Bit tricky when I’m sure they have all the housewares they need and booze is out. The one clue I have to go on is that his new bride loves Christmas so maybe a custom ornament with their wedding date on it if anyone knows of a good Etsy shop for this…
Anon
If she loves Christmas, I would get a pretty table runner in a red and green tartan from a Scottish manufacturer. Something like this: https://www.lochcarron.co.uk/bespoke-tartan-table-runner?currency=USD&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw59q2BhBOEiwAKc0ijbt6mntgkV7rCYi-MsND6XRXsEyuDj_ZQjYjOgOZAFMjzSFcz_kwuhoCW7gQAvD_BwE.
anon
do they have a sense of humor and/or like kitsch? no shortage of sort of funny scottish themed xmas ornaments, we have a loch ness one and a funny guy in a kilt playing bag pipes (i get my kids ornaments each year for what we did that year and got those the year we went to scotland). i got them there while sightseeing but sure you can find them online.
Anon
Love this table runner idea.
pink nails
Admittedly this is very clouded by my own preferences, but if they have a yard – a nice bird feeder. Lots of different price points, the expensive ones are hard to buy for yourself, and (in my opinion) you can’t have too many. Etsy has tons of great options.
Anon
That would go straight to goodwill for me.
Anon
I love birds and at various points in my life have been very into feeders, but this definitely isn’t something I would give someone unless I knew they were into it. You really have to be on top of keeping them clean or they can spread disease, and birdseed and suet can really add up, so it’s not a cheap gift to actually use.
Anon
I agree that I wouldn’t give a reuseable birdfeeder as a gift. Maybe a one-time disposable seed pillar that’s just gone when it’s gone if there’s some reason to think they have an interest in birds.
Anon
I love the idea of a Christmas tree ornament, but unfortunately don’t have any recommended shops. When I ordered an ornament from Etsy last year for my daughter’s first Christmas, I just looked around for one I looked and where the shop had good reviews. Good luck!
Anonymous
Tartan wool blanket?
Gail the Goldfish
To that end, I’ve ordered a blanket from here: https://www.woolblanketonline.co.uk/ after I got one in England I loved so much that I wanted another identical one. Mine is one of the pure new wool throws, and it looks like they have tartan patterns.
AIMS
Do they have any Scottish ancestral connections? You could always do something in a family tartan print.
Anonymous
Yes, I was going to say this. I wouldn’t buy a tartan for them, even Holiday themed, in any other pattern but a family pattern if they have one. Otherwise go crazy.
Anonymous
Black Watch tartan isn’t specific to a clan, so that’s a good one to choose if you want a neutral one. It’s very pretty.
Ses
You can have trees planted in Scotland in their names. National trust or Trees for Life do this.
Ses
Sorry Woodland Trust that is. You can choose location of the woods to donate to.
Anon
Thanks all! The table runner idea looks especially great.
Anonymous
Everyone else is probably thinking about Scotland too. I might do a gift certificate to a new place near them or some kind of experience based gift. Or matching baseball hats with a Scottish theme. Something a little silly but useful.
Anon
Kind of related to the running into people you knew in high school question: this weekend, we ran into a woman who was an awful bully to my husband in middle school. As in, repeatedly telling him people thought he would be better off dead, tearing off flyers for his band or writing “loser” on them, spreading mean rumors about him, etc. My husband was a nerd, and like a lot of nerds he turned out pretty well. This woman dropped out of high school and is now a barista at a nearby coffee shop. They obviously recognized each other and it was a bit awkward but no one said anything other than here’s your coffee. But we go there a lot. Would you say anything? He turned out ok but she made his life hell back then. On the other hand she probably had issues of her own, and it was a long time ago.
Anon
Nope, success in life is the best revenge.
anon
“Hi (bully). I remember you from middle school! Looks like karma worked things out for us, huh? Did you ever end up graduating?”
Anon
No, do not do this. It’s ridiculous. OP’s husband isn’t in high school anymore.
The best revenge is that he’s doing well and is happily married. She’s a barista.
Anon
What if we avoided sneering at baristas and people who aren’t married?
Anon
This.
Anon
And what’s wrong with being a barista?
Anon
Yikes. Do you want to never be able to set foot in this coffee shop again because all the baristas hate you for being a snob? There are lots of paths to happiness in life and you know nothing about hers and how she’s doing right now, so reserve judgement and say nothing.
Anon OP
To be clear, neither of us were ever going to say anything about her being a barista, and we don’t look down on baristas in any way. I added the barista detail because it means we might run into her a lot.
Anon
Yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean to imply any of the snobbishness of Anon at 9:03 to you OP. I was just replying to her but that wasn’t totally clear from my wording!
anon
This is the problem. In an attempt to ‘confront’ the bully, you become one yourself. This is not nice. It’s not even true or fair.
On another note, this woman was once a 16 or 17 year old high school dropout. Do you know how bad things must have been for a person to drop out of high school? She was acting out. It doesn’t excuse the effect it had on her victims, but there was something else going on here. A little empathy helps.
Anon
This would make you look ridiculous.
Anon
I ask this question entirely without judgement: what is the point in saying anything? Is work the proper venue for it?
If he wants to say something for himself, because it would be a weight off his shoulders, maybe “Just so you know, I didn’t deserve the way you treated me” wouldn’t be out of line. If the goal is to change or shame her, don’t bother.
Anon OP
Yeah, reading this now I realize there’s no point. My husband was a bit taken aback and was describing the bullying on the way home, and I never knew the extent of it and it made me really angry for 12 year old him. So I’m tempted to go back and just not tip, but I realize that’s petty and we should just ignore it. It’s one of our favorite local coffee shops, but we could just go elsewhere for a while, or once the surprise effect passes we probably won’t care anymore.
anon
She’s probably mortified already. Or should be. I don’t think it’s worth saying or doing anything.
Anon
If she isn’t mortified, nothing you say will change things.
Anon
I’d ignore it.
Anon
I’m a little confused. Are *you* wanting to say something, or is your husband? You should stay out of it entirely.
If your husband feels like saying something would give him some kind of closure, then something simple like what the poster below says (“Just so you know, I didn’t deserve to be treated the way you treated me. “)
But it’s very, very unlikely that saying something will provide closure. So I think the best course of action is to do nothing and simply live life.
Anonny
As you said, she probably had issues of her own and it was a long time ago. I recommend treating her with the same level of kindness and courtesy that you would treat any stranger in passing. Despite your husband and her having bad history, they don’t really know each other anymore – they have both grown in emotional maturity since then (hopefully). Live your best life and be kind.
Senior Attorney
And honestly, if he really wanted to get under her skin (not that I am recommending this [for nefarious reasons, anyway]), he would greet her kindly like an old friend and sincerely ask how she’s doing and be genuinely friendly. As my late mom used to say, “rise above it.”
Anon OP
Haha, I like this. “Oh hi Jane! So nice to see you after all these years!” We probably won’t, but I like the rising above motto.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t say anything. She was also a child.
Anonymous
I think a lot of the defensiveness you’ve triggered is people who are uncomfortable with their own actions at 13 and would like not to be reminded.
That said your husband shouldn’t say anything, I can guarantee he’s already the talk of the town and all the bully’s social circle have already heard of the interaction and googled your husband to see how well he’s going.
Anon
What? Who does this? Adult bullies?
Anon
Yes, small town adult bullies 100% do this.
Anon
This is a weird take
No Face
I doubt it. I was never a bully, but I still think talking to her would be weird and pointless.
Anon
This response is bananas.
Anon
I’m sorry, I really doubt this barista ran straight home to google him and call all of her friends.
Anon
I actually laughed a bit when I read this. I can totally see it happening, actually, in my large midwestern suburban childhood town.
A lot of America stays in their home towns, never moves, and stays in high school clicks. You bet when someone from the high school world brushes through town, the word spreads.
lawyermom519
So I actually have a similar experience, only they did graduate from high school and also work in a coffee shop that I frequent when I go back in town to visit my parents. In my case, I said nothing to them. I tipped them the same way I would tip any barista given I am pretty well off and they presumably are not. Honestly, holding on the grudge only hurts me. It did bring up a lot of feelings when I first saw them as seeing them made me remember a lot of details that I hadn’t thought about in years, but knowing that I am married with children and have a successful career was a good reminder to myself that people bullying me helped drive me to want to be successful as I wanted desperately to get out of a small town where I was made to feel strange.
Anon OP
Thanks, this is a good take. My husband hasn’t been holding a grudge for years or anything – he vaguely told me his high experience wasn’t great but never went into much detail – but like you, I think he was a little in shock seeing this person unexpectedly. I wasn’t ever going to say anything but was wondering if he should for catharsis. But reading this thread has made me rethink that – we are happy now and should be rising above. This was a long time ago and everyone has moved on.
Anon
I like the quote, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
I can hold a grudge like no ones business, especially against someone who has hurt one of my loved ones. But it’s true that me seething with anger at the thought of them does me more harm than it does the other person!
Anon
Yes…. definitely don’t bring it up unless he wants to talk about it, and just provide sympathy and support. “That was horrible… I’m so sorry you experienced that. Kids can be just awful. I hope you can leave that behind….”
But most people can’t ever completely leave their childhood behind. So I’m sure the experience sent a shudder down your husband’s spine. You reminding him of his escape and achievements and success and your love for him keeps him moving forward.
Anon
They saw and recognized each other. Since it was awkwardm her thoughts were either:
1) There’s that kid I bullied, I feel bad about that
2) There’s that jerk kid who got what he deserved in school
I don’t see either of these two changing each others’ minds. Keep going to the coffee shop and keep ordering coffee from her if you like the coffee. Otherwise, don’t. But nothing your husband might do in this situation is going to bring about world peace and end bullying forever. Just keep it moving.
Anonymous
You are all adults. What is the point of shaming another adult for decisions made at 14, especially now that you have the intellect to realize that someone bullying at 14 who dropped out of high school probably had it just as bad or (more likely) worse than your husband? Kids don’t pull behavior like that out of nowhere. It’s the abused being an abuser or someone insecure trying desperately to get social clout or whatever.
What exactly are you hoping to get out of bringing it up?
I was bullied a lot in middle school after skipping a grade. As an adult now, I realize that the kids telling me to “go back where I came from” and making fun of my looks etc. were just that–kids. I’m way past that now in life and I expect they would be as well, if they even remembered it (most likely they don’t). I honestly don’t think an apology for things done at 14 or 15 or whatever even makes sense. The time for intervention was by an adult back then–and the apology would be due from that adult.
Anon
+1 re. the adults
Seventh Sister
As an Angeleno, I’m inclined to think of being a barista as “good honest work” instead of some kind of comedown. I’ve had friends and acquaintances who were/are baristas, servers, bespoke test prep tutors for spoiled rich kids, driving rideshares, etc., because it turns out that acting or screenwriting or costume-designing isn’t paying the bills. And it’s not just young people starting out – my kid has a good friend whose actor parent has been working for decades and has recently started a secretary-type job because the market is so bad.
Dropping out of high school suggests some serious issues. While that doesn’t excuse bullying, it suggests that her bad behavior may have been rooted in something awful going on outside of school. I regret some of the mean and spiteful things I did in high school (directed at ex-boyfriends mostly) and some of it was precipitated by stuff that had nothing to do with those boys and everything to do with a pretty bad home life.
Anonymous
I was the bully 40 years ago in high school. My mother was an alcoholic who abused me. My father was gone. I was living in misery and I behaved badly as I was treated badly. A lot has changed in 40 years. I got an education, married a wonderful person and have a great career and 3 wonderful children. I don’t go around randomly apologizing but I give my time to a charity for at risk youth and try to make things better for others than they were for me. My point is, please don’t judge the bully to harshly.
Anonymous
There’s lots of us whose parents were alcoholics and we still behaved. Then we got to be bullied at home and at school.
Anonymous
Why shame this person who was traumatized and had a reaction to that decades ago?
Good for you on your past behavior, but not your present, I guess.
Anon
You’re adding nothing to the conversation. People are allowed to evolve and grow.
Anonymous
I’m sorry the adults in your life failed you. Neither you nor OP deserved that.
But it isn’t a contest. And you are the adult now. Trying to make another adult feel bad for acting out when they were young is particularly mean and unfair. OP already has shame over what is a pretty common response to trauma. If your response were an eating disorder or flunking out of school, I wouldn’t be chasing you down as an adult to try to question why you couldn’t have done better at 14. This is no different. Be glad you were strong enough to survive. Both of you should be commended for escaping your difficult circumstances and doing the best you could muster to make that happen. Now it’s time to focus on stopping others from going through similar pain.
AnonAnon
Repost from weekend thread: style trends for fall/your favorite recent purchases? Bonus if you have any bl*g/Instagram fashion sites you like.
Anon
For once I’m actually excited for fall (I love summer and fall equally, but am always sad when summer ends).
For whatever reason I’m really welcoming the change, even though I’m also sad about summer ending.
Looking forward to jackets and sweaters and boots and leaves changing and the NFL and cooler days and fall trail runs.
Anon
I’m in the Bay Area. Our summer is finally starting! My least favorite thing about this time of year is how dried out and dusty all the leaves are. and how many damn spiders there are (and I swear every single one of them wants to come live in my house.) Even so, it’s warm and the days are still long-ish, so I am not wishing it away by leaning into fall!
That said, my favorite recent purchase is this pullover, which I bought in two colors:
https://www.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=521135001&cid=1041614&pcid=1041614&vid=1&nav=meganav%3AWomen%3ACategories%3ASweaters+&cpos=17&cexp=315&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D1041614&cvar=1940&ctype=Listing&cpid=res24090306210209341817632#pdp-page-content
I wore it as a “summer sweater” recently, which I recently have come to understand that some of you don’t believe in as a concept. I will probably get more use out of them when the weather actually begins to turn around here, which is a month or more away.
The off white with navy stripes is my favorite one.
Brontosaurus
Oh cute – might have to grab that in the gray stripe.
Senior Attorney
OMG I never met a striped top I didn’t love, and this one has me sorely tempted!
Anon
They have so many good striped sweaters there now. I also bought a different style with navy background and white stripes. It’s possible I may only wear striped sweaters from here on out….
Yikes
Love the burgundy and pink stripe!
anon
Mostly, I’m looking forward to pulling out my old favorites, especially boots and anything plaid. I also am stalking the Tuesday Boot Company website. I don’t know much about the brand, but I like the vibe.
Anonymous
After wearing wide legs since 2016 when they became a thing, I am looking forward to wearing some bootcuts for a change. I also have seen non oversized blazers again in stores and am looking forward to digging mine out again.
Anon
I bought the Oak + Fort flowy trench in yesterday’s Labor Day sale. The fit is surprisingly flattering (I have narrow shoulders and bigger hips–classic pear–so I went into it with low expectations, but it totally works on me). I am so excited to wear it as soon as the temperatures drop!
Anon
I am embracing brown. I just bought a brown quilted tote from Tory Burch. I have brown suede tall boots from last fall and I am looking for ways to wear them.
I am again going to sing the praises of Modern Citizen. Their dresses don’t get enough love!
Anonymous
I LOVE fall fashion but it does not always love me – the warm color palette for fall is not great with my coloring. So I just admire all the camel and mustard and rust colors from afar :)
I just bought a few pieces of Hugo Boss suiting from Nordstrom – I put them in my cart three weeks ago and then bought them when they went on sale over the weekend.
I also am really liking the slouchy boots I keep seeing. I already have wide calves so I’m not sure slouch does anything for me, but I think I’m going to try some and see if they work.
Anon
I bet you can lean into the burgundy and dark green often shown for fall! That’s what I do, or did, before I started to limit my color palette to just a handful of colors (no regrets.)
Anonny
Jo Lynne Shane has done several posts on this on her blog in the last few weeks – trends, colors, and purchases.
Anonny
Returning here to say CapHillStyle has a posting today titled Three Bold Color Combinations for fall.
Side note: none of the fall colors this year remotely works for my skin tone.
New Here
On Insta, I like @thedocketblog and on Tiktok (she may have Insta, idk) I like Jill Murphy. Both are attorneys and while I work in a business casual office, I am getting great ideas from them on ways to elevate my look without being fully business formal. Bonus is they usually share accessible brands, cost-wise.
anon
Looking for good quality not crazy expensive wool or cashmere coat. any magical unicorn suggestions? I have looked at department stores, ordered from quince but the fit was horrendous. don’t want wool blend but also don’t want to spend a million dollars.
Anonymous
You are not going to find pure wool these days without spending a zillion dollars. The wool-blend coats from Lauren Ralph Lauren are of decent quality.
Anon
+1
I have a lovely black wrap wool/cashmere coat from Ralph Lauren. Simple classic easy. There’s a version every year.
Anon
Check Aritzia. They usually have a lot of very nice 100% wool coats (sometimes a blend but closer to 90% wool, at least), prices are decent for the quality.
Runcible Spoon
+1 to Aritzia. I bought a “Cocoon” style coat (with a stand-up collar) which is gorgeous and warm, and very nice against the wind. If you can hold out until after January, they have decent sales.
anon
Pendleton is shockingly good quality for the price
Anon
Poshmark. Lots of options out there. Check photos carefully for any damage.
Anon
In theory. In reality you can inspect photos all you want but when you get a weird smelling item or something that looks more used than depicted, you’re SOL. No returns and the cash you spent is fine too.
Anonymous
You could try ThredUp, which does accept returns.
Of Counsel
Agreed! After purchasing a beautiful Burberry trench that absolutely reeked and spending more $$ with the best dry cleaner in town in an unsuccessful effort to get the smell out, my new rule is that I do not buy anything on Postmark for more than $100.
Kate
You can dispute these issues on Poshmark, and I’ve always successfully returned things as a result.
Anon
Or The Real Real so you can return.
Anonymous
L.L. Bean has several coats that are 100% wool
Anonymous
I like Cinzia Rocca, really good quality. I find Pendleton stiff and itchy.
Anonymous
I also love my Cinzia Rocca coat!
Anon
Wait for the Black Friday sales and stack them with a code for text alerts. Soia & Kyo makes great quality coats but even they are a wool blend.
My highest quality all wool coats are from Mackage – old colors are sometimes on sale at Neiman Marcus/Saks for cheaper than Mackage directly.
Anon
I am a devoted fan of Eileen Fisher alpaca wool blend coats. I know this weekend, there were some on sale at the EF site for under $400, but I generally buy from eBay or Poshmark. These are sized quite generously, so size down unless you want a very oversized look. I own black plus gorgeous, saturated shades of wine and purple.
Anon
I have one! They are so, so gorgeous.
Anonymous
Theory sometimes has them on sale.
Anon
Hobbs.
Anonymous
Arket usually has some real wool coats. Hobbs will have pure wool. L K Bennet. Marella.
Max Mara and Ralph Lauren
NaoNao
I would strongly consider etsy, eBay, vinted, Poshmark, etc. I would look for a 1980s coat–they’re a bit out of style/fashion but the materials and construction will be impeccable.
Anon
Damn, I kind of love this blazer.
Anon
Same!
Anonymous
Me too, love houndstooth.
Anon
I saw that Nordstrom only had like size 4, which might fit half of me…
but I went to the brand website and it looks like they have lots of sizes
https://shopfavoritedaughter.com/products/the-favorite-blazer-black-white-hounds?variant=43053620297911
I really do like it, I guess, since I’m clearly down some sort of rabbit hole.
Anon
Aside from Gilmore Girls and When Harry Met Sally what are your favorite fall movies and shows?
Dress
Felicity?
Anon
ET, Dead Poets Society, Planes Trains and Automobiles, Harry Potter, Clue
Anon
Only Murders In The Building and Ghosts
anon
Hocus Pocus puts me in a fall mood. Halloween plot aside, I love all the New England scenery.
Anon
You’ve Got Mail.
Kate
A Discovery of Witches, Harry Potter, Practical Magic
anon
I love how this board skews pretty liberal generally, but it doesn’t take much for the snobbishness to come out. And for all you know, she’s also happily married.
anon
are you suggesting that being liberal is somehow tied to being snobby? for what it’s worth i think snobbishness is a bipartisan issue.
Anon
I think it used to be more bipartisan, but it’s much more of a liberal thing now.
Anon
haha no I don’t think so.
Anonymous
Get in a room of rich republicans where they think they’re alone, the most vile conversation you will ever hear.
Anon
Well what exactly does the right have to be snobbish about these days? Their figureheads are deeply embarrassing!
Currently it’s liberals who appear to be more invested in meritocracy and the just world hypothesis, as if cleaning up a few remaining societal prejudices should produce a world where the cream rises to the top and only people who really deserve to be there end up on the streets or living paycheck to paycheck.
Anon
Ha — I think the opposite. I also think this board considers itself more liberal than it actually is.
Anon
I think that’s merely a conservative talking point that you’re repeating. There are lovely people on both sides. And snobs as well. You don’t think some of the Red Staters look down their noses at the Blue Staters?
Anon
You should hear my trumper sibling talk about “libs” and don’t get them started on immigrants. Talk about snobbish.
Anon
But hostility, rank bigotry, contempt are all different from classism?
Anon
It’s not liberals who are sneering at AOC for having been a bartender, you know?
Anon
Even liberals who distinguish themselves from “progressives” or the “far left”?
Anon
Moderate liberal here. I think AOC is cool as fuck.
Anon
I know what she means. There’s a certain breed of liberal that pretends to think we’re all totally equal under the sun but then won’t hesitate to sneer at someone of a lower socioeconomic status if that person has insulted them in some way.
Anon
Yes, this. And I say this as a liberal. Many conservatives are more blatant that they look down on poor people, but I admit that it’s more common than I’d like for liberals to preach one thing but very clearly think another.
Anon
Yes, my mom calls them limousine liberals. Of course they want ABC services for XYZ underserved community, but don’t ask them to do the work. And don’t let it take place in their neighborhood.
But they’ll go to the organic co-op and host dinner parties with erudite conversation and discuss policy or what they heard on NPR.
annoyed
Sure, those people are annoying. But, I don’t think they’re any more annoying than snobby conservatives. I come from a conservative family that was active in politics when I was growing up and now live in the Bay Area, so I have the background to say that there’s not a political divide in annoying people–both sides have their share of snobs.
Dress
Please help confirm for me that it’s time to donate this dress? I’ve had it for years as business formal-wear, but I’m wearing it today and I think it’s time to admit that it’s too short – on me, at 5’7″ – to be officewear, esp pushing 40.
https://www.thredup.com/featured/172219413?department_tags=women&iv_=__iv_p_1_a_19641507037_g__c__w__n_x_d_c_v__l__t__r__x_pla_y_8908102_f_online_o_169367901_z_US_i_en_j__s__e__h_9008163_ii__gg__vi__&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw59q2BhBOEiwAKc0ijalTZ6sOF-4XYjgGE0EuVkvShyY6h_A-xNKEA3k535TbOUvhqr7IJhoC7fMQAvD_BwE&referral_code=adwords_pla&featured_item=172219413
Anon
I can’t tell how short it is on you from the pic, but well above the knee is definitely not current.
anon
same as above. no one call help with length without seeing you in it but for what it’s worth i think these business dresses are not particularly current (certainly wearable but not on trend).
Dress
Sorry, yes, it’s sitting about 4 inches above my knee after I walk a few steps
Anon
Get rid of it.
Anon
I think the important thing is that you’re not comfortable in it. You’re wearing it today and second guessing yourself. You don’t need things like that cluttering your closet. You’ve gotten plenty of wear out of it. Let it go to a charity shop and maybe someone who is 5’3″ will be delighted to find her perfect dress.
Anonymous
The fact that it’s sitting at that length “after I walk a few steps” means it’s tight enough that it rides up when you walk. So yes, I’d say it’s time for a more fresh look.
Anon
I definitely wouldn’t wear it to work.
Anon
I think it’s a fine dress if you need a cocktail dress that fits. No one expects these types of dresses to be current, just appropriate for the occasion.
If you’re uncomfortable, that’s different—donate. But hemlines change so often that it isn’t worth dedicating your wardrobe to a “current” look.
Anon
Perhaps, but a too short dress can skew tacky real fast. That’s a different issue from current.
Anon
Yeah if OP is thinking maaaaybe it’s time for it to go, it was probably time for it to go a while ago.
Dress
Lol @ 11:16 well put! You are totally right.
Anonymous
Separate thought. This looks like a fine, non-work dress to have on hand for formal-ish things. Symphony, funeral, evening church events, anything else somewhat conservative but not as conservative as work. If you don’t have anything to fill that in your non-work wardrobe, I’d keep it just in case.
Anon
I agree that if it fits, keep it for non-work occasions when you might need a simple dress. If it rides up when you walk, it doesn’t fit. On the question of whether the dress is age appropriate: whether you’re “pushing 40” is irrelevant. Plenty of people over 40 wear miniskirts and show their legs if they want to! Please don’t tell yourself that you can’t wear what you want to wear just because you’re “pushing 40” or any other age. You can. If you want to stay on trend, and you believe that shorter skirts are currently “out,” that’s a separate issue.
cc
Any advice on a skunk in the yard ? Many nights I smell skunk in my living room, and this morning in my bedroom (which is above my living room). I haven’t seen one, but I am guessing it’s in the yard and spraying? Everything I look up online is only getting me results of what to do if you are sprayed or if you see a skunk. But this one is just outside but spraying a lot. Anyway to entice it to move to a different spot? (Also it’s not weed – a lot of search results said that too but this is def not weed)
Anon
Aside from the normal recommendations to make sure there’s no food or standing water in your yard: do you have a deck? We once had skunks who had made their home under our deck. Make sure any trellis or fencing meant to keep wildlife out isn’t broken.
Anon
Are you sure you don’t have neighbors who smoke weed outside?
Anon
This is exactly what I thought. Signed, an oldie who misses the days when pot smelled like green excitement, rather then skunks.
Anon
Sure it’s not a fox? For skunks, spraying is a self defense maneuver, so it’s relatively rare. For foxes, it’s territorial so they spray all the time, and it’s a very skunky odor.
Cc
I’m not sure and it def could be – we have a lot of rabbits and it wouldn’t be unusual to see a fox
Anonymous
this odor may be worse, but you can buy fox urine and sprinkle it where you think the skunks are hiding out and it will scare them away. My husband had to figure out a solution when skunks made a burrow by the pool and kept spraying the dog.
Anonymous
They eat grubs, so check and treat your lawn for those.
Anon
They don’t have to spray for you to get that scent. They’re stinky just walking by.
Skunks are plentiful where I live. They like to walk through vegetation when they can. So they have a little path between my house and my neighbors and I definitely smell them when they walk by at night (they are nocturnal) and my window is open.
That scent is A LOT different than what it’s like when they spray. Believe me, if they sprayed anywhere near your house, you’d know it. A skunk once sprayed my dog in my backyard and the neighbors across the street and people driving down the road could smell it!
Cc
Ok this might be what’s happening. You’re right – it’s not stinging my eyes. It’s more like “yuck I smell skunk” . The fact that it’s happening almost every night is what makes me think it’s living or has a pathway near the side of our house
Anonymous
We get skunks frequently (not as much now that our deck trellis has been swapped out for solid wood) and the only way to get rid of them is trapping or hoping you get some owls. They don’t have a lot natural predators.
FWIW, we once had a family of foxes den under our deck. Didn’t notice any odor. If you’re thinking skunk, it’s most likely skunk.
Cars or barking dogs are enough to trigger a spray. The spray doesn’t have to be all that close to smell. So it may be somewhere else in your neighborhood than just your yard.
Anon
We have a skunk problem in the neighborhood and I heard someone was able to get hold of mountain lion urine and spread it around the outside of the house and yard. No idea if it worked though!
Cotton Undies
I am reporting back on my cotton underwear experiment in hopes it helps someone else. I got many recommendations here for pairs made mostly of cotton and purchased Natori Bliss Girl Briefs, Tommy John Cool Cotton Brief, and Pact Lace Cheeky Hipster. I’ve been rotating one pair of each in to see how they wear and hold up without special laundering. They were all pretty good. The Pact were the closest to the Aerie I was moving away from, in quality and cut, though slightly improved. They were ultimately too low rise and too cheeky. The Tommy John were very close to what I wanted, but the leg hole was a little high for my shape and the fabric stiffened up over time more than I would like. The Natori seemed the nicest (and were most expensive), but were also almost too stretchy. I think I would have been fine with any of them, but went with Natori mostly because they were the only brand with a matching bra I could see myself buying and I like to have that option.
Anon
I’m also a fan of the Aerie cotton brief with lace trim which they sadly seem to be phasing out, so I missed your original thread but am following with interest!
Anonymous
They are $$, but I like the Hanky Panky cotton briefs.
Anon
I like Jockey for 100% cotton.
anon
My favorite fall clothes are ultra casual: sweaters, hoodies, boots, flannels. I really need to give myself permission to buy some fall work clothes that I love equally because that’s what I spend most of my time wearing. Le sigh.
Help Dress Me for a Wedding
I’m looking for a cocktail dress for a wedding in the Chicago area in November. I would like something with real sleeves (no cap sleeves) that is interesting/cool. I need a 14/16 or XL in most dresses. I’m average height and have an hourglass figure.
OP
Wedding and reception are indoors at the same venue, so I don’t need to worry about staying warm.
OP
Sorry! Budget is $100-$250ish.
Anonymous
Tuckernuck Hot Pink Feather Mod Mary Dress- on sale it will be in budget
Petal & Pup
Mickenna Frill Tie Back Midi Dress
By Anthropologie Long-Sleeve Appliqué Mesh Top (worn over a black or jewel-tone slip dress)
OP
Love all of these!
Anon
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/holly-long-sleeve-metallic-pliss-dress/7570120?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&color=302
Anon
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/tadashi-shoji-lace-detail-long-sleeve-cocktail-dress/7518205?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&color=420
Anon
Can anyone comment on Simplisafe vs Ring security system? I’m a renter so need to have no wires and I’ve narrowed it down to these two. It seems like the upfront equipment cost for Simplisafe is cheaper than Ring, but the monthly monitoring is cheaper for Ring ($32 for Simplisafe and $20 for Ring). Here’s what I want in my package: base system, keypad, entry sensors on door and windows, panic button, and ideally an indoor camera for my pets when I’m gone.
Anon
I can’t directly compare them as my spouse did the research > decision > purchase > install, but we have SimpliSafe and I like it! We have most but not all of what you described, plus a few other items you didn’t mention (sorry to be vague, I can hear my husband’s voice in my head not to detail too much of our security set-up even if it’s clearly anonymous haha). SimpliSafe is very easy for me and several of our less-tech-advanced family members to use. We are also able to see temporary codes of either limited duration or on a specific recurring schedule, which has been handy – though I assume that is standard. They often run promotions which include both sales on the base equipment and often additional items included at no cost. I don’t love the parent company for Ring and try to avoid using their services, but I know my husband thought both had their merits and didn’t feel like there was an obvious choice!
Anon
Did anyone else watch the live stream of Hersh’s funeral? Or any of the other hostages? I am devastated for them and for their families. It seems like a rescue was close.
Anon
Yes-it’s incredibly painful. It also makes me fear for what happen to the remaining hostages between now and 10/7. H*mas released videos posthumously of the hostages and I’m afraid similar fates await the rest. It’s painful to see peers who somehow see their deaths as not carrying weight or being fair as a result of Palestinian deaths. I sincerely hope that they do not and that the conflict ends so that all innocents, Palestinians and Israelis are spared. With polio now spreading in Gaza, it is unimaginable suffering for children.
Anonymous
No I don’t think their deaths carry less weight or are deserved because of Palestinian deaths. I’m a Muslim who was really pulling for Hersh to survive – all of the hostages but especially Hersh because it felt like we got to know him via his parents. So yes I am sad for his parents – very much so.
I just wish that the majority of Americans who knee jerk support Israel would realize this is happening in Gaza EVERY day. It’s not six people being killed or 1200 as on Oct 7, its hundreds in every air strike for the last 11 months. Sure many are bad people – as in Hamas. I don’t pretend to worry about those people. But there’s plenty of mothers crying in Gaza too over their three or six year olds who I presume weren’t Hamas. So I guess my view is – make it stop on both sides. Give Israel its hostages back alive and stop bombing Gaza.
Anon
Israel rightfully is concerned that Hamas will commit future October 7 attacks if not disarmed and disbanded. Sadly, the thinking is if Israel continues to pursue the destruction of Hamas, no hostages will be returned alive. It’s an either/or situation and it’s terrible for the hostages and their families and all Israelis.
Anon
I posted above and yes times x100000000000 to everything you have said. So, so many innocents suffering and the scale of loss in Gaza is unimaginably painful. I loathe Netanyahu and hope that radical change is possible in Israel. All the current approach is doing is murdering so many and inflaming antisemitism around the world/strengthening Hamas.
Anon
(Responding to Anonymous’s post.)
Anon
he was also an American citizen! As are his parents. Not that it means his life matters more or less, but I’d have to think America’s response would be different if it was not an Israeli American.
Anonymous
He is not an American citizen. He has dual citizenship, and has not lived in the US since he was a child, when his family moved to Israel. I am appalled and saddened by both Israeli and Palestinian deaths, but I refuse to find any special resonance for people who don’t live here but just retain a passport.
Anon
If he has dual citizenship, how is he not an American citizen??? Please
Anon
If you have dual citizenship you’re a citizen of both countries. He was an American citizen.
Anon
Hersh’s parents said it best at the DNC, “In a competition of pain there are no winners.”
Anon
I knee jerk support Israel’s right to exist. Just like I knee jerk support America’s right to exist. And I also knee jerk support a Palestinian nation not ruled by terrorists. But yes, think of how many innocent people in Gaza would still be alive if Hamas hadn’t taken hostages. The blood of the Gazans is on their hands.
Anonymous
Israel gets to take credit for the manner in which it responded, And its response has been a primitive form of collective punishment and worse. Some of the leadership was very opportunistic and found this to be a long-awaited chance to carry out their most base, brutal, and pugilistic instincts. Yes, Hamas’s actions on Oct 7 were horrific. But Israel is to be condemned for every war crime since, And there have been countless. That Israel flouts international law that was largely motivated by the suffering of the Holocaust and WWII is disgusting, inexcusable, and should be condemned forever more. That the US, UK, Canada, Australia, and others stand by and prop up this brutality is also inexcusable and should be condemned.
nanan
+1
anon
+1 to anon at 12:51 pm
Anon
No, but also devastated for them. Hamas continues to prolong the suffering of the hostages and Palestinians in Gaza with its horrible actions. That is in fact its goal – to further radicalize its own population, no matter the cost, to fight a better armed and organized adversary to the death.
And I don’t want to hear one more ludicrous claim that Hamas doesn’t have or use tunnels for acts of war in civilian areas.
Anon Israeli-American
I’m Israeli-American and have been beside myself with grief for the last few days, and since October, and honestly for years and years, watching this slow-motion car crash that Netanyahu and Hamas have set up for Israelis and Palestinians alike. The Israeli army was close to the hostages, but we should be honest with ourselves that an actual rescue was not – it has been very clear that Hamas issued orders not to let any more hostages be captured alive. The army was indeed able to rescue a handful of hostages earlier this year through extraordinary measures, but to think that military action would be capable of rescuing over 100 hostages is absolute fantasy and hubris, and only leads to prolonged agony. The heads of the Israeli security establishment themselves argue that a negotiated ceasefire is the only way to bring all of the hostages back, and that the conditions that Netanyahu is imposing are unnecessary and destructive.
Hundreds of thousands of Israelis (proportionally the equivalent of 23 million Americans) are in the streets protesting for a hostage exchange and ceasefire deal, the country’s largest labor union went on strike yesterday in support of the protests, and Hersh’s family themselves – at his funeral – begged for a deal and for a new political horizon. We should listen to them.
Anon
lots of hugs to you and your family and friends. I agree with you. However, didn’t Netanyahu agree to a deal back in July or August and then the terms were changed?
Anon Israeli-American
To be fair, both Netanyahu and Hamas have agreed to their own versions of a deal.
Anonymous
Yes, Netanyahu agreed, Hamas agreed, and Netanyahu changed the terms again – twice, as I heard reported. He is acting in his own interest, not the interest of the state or the people of Israel, and certainly not in the interest of the hostages. This is why there are now Israelis in the streets.
Anon
There’s a special place in the world for Netanyahu, Putin, and Trump – and that is prison.
Anonymous
Well said. I am so sorry for the pain you feel over this entire situation.
anon
hi all, i had posted last week about all inclusive or similar for xmas week. Thank you for the suggestions unfortunately turks and caicos sandals didn’t have rooms that would work for us. looking at barcelo in cancun and there are 5 hotels and the website is wildly overwhelming and other than some are “nicer” i really can’t tell what the difference is– anyone know or have experience?
anon
I use the website oyster dot com for resort reviews. They post real pictures of the rooms, etc. and give a good overview of all the amenities. I would see if that resort is listed there.
anon
never heard of it! will try, thanks.
Anonymous
Check out the All Inclusive subreddit
anonn
I’ve gone to the Bavaro Palace twice, that’s the one you want.
Kate
Looking for gift ideas! My two former college/grad school roommates turn 39 and 41 next week. They both have multiple kids (ages 12 and under), both live in the Midwest, both have professional jobs that require a lot of flights/travel (lobbyist and auditor), both married for 15+ years. They also both love physical/tangible items, their husbands usually give gift cards so I’d rather stay away from gift cards. No books, clothes, or anything that requires a lot of setup/instructions. Any little luxuries you’d recommend? I can give the same item to both but don’t have to. Budget $50-75 per gift. If it helps, I gifted Away-brand packing cubes with pricey face masks last year.
anon
i like a really nice soft lush pashmina/blanket for when i fly if they both travel. I also really like when people get me something that i wouldn’t splurge for, like lululemon gym clothes ( would never buy for myself).
Anonymous
Do you have a brand you like? I nearly never fly so not sure which pashmina is good when I am ordering online!
anon
the one i have and love currently is zara and machine washable…. i just looked though and right at this moment they seem to only have linen because it’s summer. Most department stores have big scarves in cashmere or cotton or blends…. there are also definitely ones from travel specific stores.
Olivia Rodrigo
Really luxe hand cream, a travel cord/electronics organizer, a package of fave snacks, an upgraded water bottle or travel coffee mug, eye/sleep mask?
Anon
I’d love a nice (leather or really nice pleather) pouch (or set of pouches) for traveling.
Senior Attorney
I know candles may be played out, but I do love my Diptyques. Or some really nice chocolates?
Anon
Sephora has several travel-sized gift sets called Sephora Favorites. Ulta has something similar.
Anonymous
Bon Bon Bon chocolates if the weather isn’t too hot for shipping.
Ses
Silk pillowcases? I have an extra to travel with now because I like them so much
Anonymous
+1
A silk pillowcase or silk sleeping cap would be a great luxury item.
A safe charge USB “condom” for their phone if they have to plug into a public USB charger.
Anon
For lawyers, have you ever hired a lawyer to assist with being an executor? I could easily handle, but one family member not in the will keeps demanding money and I think trying to lean on the beficiary to make gifts to her. Maybe just to have a call to go over the law sternly and follow up with a stern letter? I think they may be better at managing people who are both grabby for money and unhinged.
Anon
Unless the estate is so small that fees would eat up the entire corpus, I think you should always have a lawyer involved in probate.
Anon NYC
This is one of the reasons an executor hires a lawyer, when other family members make things difficult. Hire a lawyer to protect yourself and make sure you’re doing everything by the book. Who knows what they will do down the line in an attempt to get money.
anon
+1 hire an estate attorney
IANAL, but was co-executor to a contentious estate a number of years back. My mom handled most of it so the details are vague but I believe the attorney was charged back to the estate so it didn’t cost us anything out of our own pockets. We had her send a few cease & desists, if I’m not mistaken, to an adult child who had been written out of the will and was otherwise demanding money from the beneficiaries, of us and just all around a terrible person.
Sidebar: my grandmother anticipated this level of behavior upon her death from her son. So, at grandma’s request, her estate attorney wrote in to her will that anyone who contested the will would have to cover the legal costs for everyone who suit was brought against. I was shocked that could be written in (would it be upheld?) but it helped a lot to deter him from taking it much further than he did. The estate attorney survived my grandmother so she was there to help us execute the will once she passed, so she was able to write carefully worded letters of threat to my uncle.
Anon
It’s called an in terrorem clause and most states allow them.
Anon
I have a little schadenfreude when people who push push push for “their” inheritance end up with nothing. For that reason alone, I’d push for the biggest a-hole attorney to prevent this person from getting a dime.
Anon
Yes, my hourly rate is higher than the estate lawyer’s rate; why wouldn’t I delegate both the legal work and (more importantly) the headache?
Anon
100% yes. My husband and I are both lawyers yet we hired an estate lawyer to handle MIL’s estate and it has been sooooooo much better that way. The lawyer has handled the difficult relative in our situation and once she took over, we haven’t had to have any contact with the relative, which has made our lives so much easier, especially during this difficult time when we are mourning MIL’s loss.
anon
Has anyone made any major design mistakes in their house that cause you to say, f it, I’m starting over?
We bought this house two years ago and since we were going from a 1,200 sf condo to a 3,000 sf house were very excited to buy furniture. First room we did was the living room and I’ve regretted it almost as long as we lived here. I hastily bought a sectional that’s much too big for the room along with a large coffee table and tv console. Last year, we removed a piece of the sectional to make room but it still feels too big and awkward for the room and I really don’t like the look. It doesn’t help that the room is kinda dark anyway and a navy blue couch doesn’t help.
My husband always asks why I don’t spend time in the living room and it’s because it feels dark and cluttered and every time I’m there I regret how it looks.
I played around with some room planner software over the weekend to see if reconfiguiring the room would help. It helps some, but basically confirmed my belief that this couch is much too big. I’m basically looking for confirmation that 1) it’s ok to get rid of a perfectly good couch that’s 2 years old 2) it’s ok to invest some in better lighting.
If it matters, we can afford it, but it feels incredibly wasteful to get rid of a couch after not having it very long.
Anon
Sell the couch and the oversized furniture. Even if you only get $100 for it, it’s not going to waste. Judging by my facebook marketplace, a well priced couch that’s not stained or damaged by cat scratching will go quickly.
Anon
Investing in better lightning is a must for me.
I’m amazed at how hard it can be to find furniture that’s not supersized. No retailer I’d heard of before offered a sectional that would fit in my space. I don’t doubt that yours is too big!
I don’t think it’s a big deal to sell your sofa on craigslist or otherwise help it find a new home and get one that you actually want.
House stuff frustrates me because most people aren’t great at most things on their first very try, me included. But missteps can be expensive. If we can afford it I think we have to chalk it up to a learning process.
Anon
The lighting! My parents never used their living room in twenty years because it was dim and too loud. Recessed lighting and french doors would’ve been a small price to pay for a usable space.
Anonymous
Yes, you can get rid of the sofa. Sell it or give it to someone who will appreciate it.
You are not being wasteful if getting different furniture will make you use the room. By keeping it as it is, you’re paying mortgage for an unusable space (to you). That is wasteful.
Brontosaurus
That’s what I was thinking. Calculate out the $/square foot you’re not using and I bet it’s more than the couch!
Anon
I would find a nonprofit to donate the couch to. Depending on how truly big it is, one for women leaving domestic violence or people getting out of homelessness. Places were people would love to have a good quality couch. Or you could donate to a youth center.
Right now, the couch isn’t being used. Rehome it to somewhere that will use and appreciate it.
Anon
I got rid of a perfectly good sectional because I didn’t think it suited the room anymore. I donated it to a safe house for women and children victims of domestic violence. It was eighteen years ago and I still get told how much they appreciated the couch, and how tickled everyone was to have something close to new, not old and worn out. I would have donated the next one, but I’m still using it.
Anon
My dad volunteers for an org through his church that provides furniture and household goods those who need it. They’re totally supplied by donations and often struggle to get decent couches, upholstered chairs, and beds.
They always have dressers and tables and stuff “in stock” but the “soft” furniture is hard to come by.
Anonymous
Can you find a charity who will take it? In my town, a charity takes good quality pieces to set up homes for people who need transitional housing.
Anon
+1. I donated a big piece of furniture to a newly arrived refugee family and the thank you notes I got from them were so heart warming!
Anonymous
Get rid of the couch. If you want to feel better about it, give it to an organization in your town who resettles refugees or helps women get back on their feet after domestic violence.
And yes to the lighting. You’ve lived there long enough now to know what the lighting needs are in different seasons of the year, so invest in what you need.
Anon
Yes, I’ve bought a bad couch before and replaced it quickly. I donated the old one to neighbors who were happy to have it and have one that I love now. This wouldn’t give me a second’s worth of pause.
Senior Attorney
I had a friend years ago who did this with the whole house! They bought a house and after they moved in, she decided there were a few things about it that she just couldn’t live with, and she said f it, I’m starting over! So they sold it and bought a different house and I’m sure it was a very expensive mistake but she swore up and down it was the right decision.
So if she could do that, you can most definitely change out your couch and lighting.
Houses are just houses
I actually did this. It was embarrassing and expensive. But in retrospect it was definitely the right decision.
Anon
Get rid of the couch – if you can’t sell it I’d investigate donations. I’ve donated a few big pieces over the years to charitable organizations and they were so, so appreciative. Many also have their own vans/moving trucks which would make the whole process easier.
Anonymous
As long as you sell/donate the couch you are a-okay in my book! Wasteful would be throwing it out, don’t do that
Anonymous
And if you donate the couch you can include it in your tax return (if you itemize),
Changing the lighting can make a tremendous difference – memories of living in student basement flats in London and being able to buy lamp bulb inserts for empty wine bottles and a cheap lamp shade.
Anonymous
Do you have a coffee table? Maybe try the space without a coffee table and see if you could bring in little stands or places to put cups (like a lamp with a built in stand).
Anon
+ IMO two little tables are better than one big table.
Anon
Put in a skylight?
Runcible Spoon
It’s ok to get rid of a perfectly good couch that is 2 years old if it is not working and making your living room unpleasant. Mistakes get made. You are allowed to correct things and move on. You ca mitigate the sunk cost by selling the couch, or just leave it on the curb and post a “curb alert” on Next Door. It’s also ok to invest in better lighting. Many people undervalue good lighting, which can make a huge difference at a comparatively cheaper cost than other decorative changes. Consider placing a lamp in front of a mirror, too, if you are trying to lighten up the room. Good luck!
Anon
You could sell the couch onwards secondhand, so that you aren’t taking the full hit $
The Bear
Does anyone watch The Bear? I really, really want to like it. I was captivated by the first handful of episodes but now it’s feeling just …. chaotic, with limited to zero character development, not a ton of plot or story line other than a restaurant improving (debatable) at a snail’s pace. I’m guessing I’m about 8 episodes in? I’ve read a bit that the chaos is by design meant to help illustrate trauma, etc. But, it’s a lot. Curious if there are other takes out there. I’m pretty open minded when it comes to TV, I think, but this one is stumping me.
Anon
I did like the first season of the Bear and felt that the acting carried it forward towards a conclusion that made sense to me. Maybe it was a little long in the middle? But once it ended, it felt like a “slice of life” approach that paid off. But I haven’t watched the subsequent seasons because to me it felt like the original story ended.
OP
Interesting. I will plan to keep watching in hopes of getting that same sense of conclusion – the episodes are bite sized enough that it’s pretty easy to watch one or two at night.
JTM
Season 2 is the best in my opinion. Season 2 Episode 7 was actually my favorite episode of TV the year it came out and I regularly revisit it.
Josie P
I love love love ALL of it – it is often uncomfortable to watch (esp the family scenes! but Jamie Lee Curtis is a treasure!!!) but it has made me appreciate restaurant staff so much more and I love the inside look on cheffing. Agree that that episode is GOLD.
Senior Attorney
I happen to love it (even though it’s so cringey that I watch some episodes through my fingers), but not everybody has to like everything. And there are some critics who agree with you, OP.
Seventh Sister
I like it a lot, but I’ve put off watching the new season because it’s super hard to watch sometimes (the Xmas episode) and some of the episodes drag like crazy.
anon
I watched seasons 1 and 2 and enjoyed season 2 much more than the first. I found the first season to be stressful to watch and the later episodes with his family were upsetting (reminded me too much of my family of origin). It is a lot, and I agree it’s probably by design. I think it’s a good show, but not my favorite. But that’s okay, not everyone has to love everything.
Anonymous
It sounds.like this is not a show for you. You don’t have to keep.watching it. I disagree with your take on it but agree that you are not it’s audience, so you should just move on to something more to your liking
312
I’d recommend watching the final episode of season 1 because it has a big pivot setting up the show for season 2. if that doesn’t pull you in, then I think it’s just not for you.
Anon
I know sunscreen will wear off and needs to be reapplied but is this true if the skin is not sun-exposed, water-exposed? I apply sunscreen in the morning on my arms and legs, and then cover with clothes. In the late afternoon, after work, if I go for an outdoor run in shorts and a tank top, do I need to reapply the sunscreen?
not a chemist
I would think so because it’s not like the sun exposure does anything to the sunscreen lotion – it’s more like the ingredients in the sunscreen lotion have been exposed to the air and the time they’re out of the bottle has degraded them. They’ve served their usefulness. That said, what is the sun like / what is your skin like at that hour?
Anon
I’d say yes. It breaks down in sunlight, gets sweated off, and rubs off. The first isn’t such a big deal in your case, but the other two definitely apply. You’re probably just getting most of it on your clothes, so better to put it on at the end of the day rather than in the morning, at least on your arms and legs.
Anonymous
Yes. Reapply.
anon
Why are you applying it under your clothes to begin with? I would skip the earlier application and then only apply as needed when you change clothes to go run.
Anon
This
Anon
This is the way.
Anonymous
Call me crazy but I would not worry about it that late in the day.
Anon
I have burned slightly through my clothing before, but it was an extreme situation where I was in the sun at a baseball game and wearing a gauzy long sleeved shirt (it was hot!) and that didn’t give me full protection. But I only burned on the uppermost part, my shoulders.
I am a sunscreen fanatic and I don’t apply under clothing on a regular basis.
I think you’re asking if you can just apply your sunscreen once in the morning and count on it in the afternoon. For maximum effectiveness, you’d apply it to exposed skin after changing into your running clothes. Sunscreen works by forming a film on your skin, and clothes rubbing against it all day can disrupt the film. And even without that abrasion, the film will eventually break down anyway, which is why the guidelines recommend reapplying.
For me personally, I apply sunscreen in the morning to my face, neck, chest, and the backs of my hands. I usually go for a long walk around 6pm, and I tend to reapply by just patting it on over whatever makeup / previous sunscreen I’m wearing on my face and chest. I definitely fully reapply to my hands and lower arms. My legs are generally covered up.
Nonny
my derm puts sunscreen on herself and kiddos in the m orning and then when she gets home 5pm she reapplies to all, and said I can put the 5pm reapplication over my full work makeup
anon
I am planning to work remote for a week in Fairbanks AK around February to be able to chase the northern lights at night. And we don’t need to stay in Fairbanks the whole time but will probably fly into there. We’re also considering going north into the arctic circle to Utquiagvik or Deadhorse or something. Has anyone done something similar and/or have suggestions?
Anon
I’m from Alaska and say this kindly… you absolutely don’t want to “go north to Utiquiagvik or Deadhorse or something” in February without a reason and a good plan. Deadhorse isn’t really a town; its where slopers fly in so there is literally nothing to do. I’ve been to Utiquiagvik in February a few times and it’s been around -55 each time. There are few places to eat, very few things to do, and even walking across the street from the airport to the hotel will freeze your lungs. Ten out of ten do not recommend for the casual traveler.
Anon
Hello, fellow Alaskan!
I don’t even think you can get to Deadhorse in February. And I agree with the assessment of Utqiagvik. You’d also have to go to Anchorage to get there on a jet.
OP, I’d go to Chena Hot Springs.
Anonymouse
Ha! I have often wondered how many Alaskans trawl this board. Hello from yet another gal in AK. I too suggest Chena Hot springs and foregoing Deadhorse/Utiquiagvik. I have seen northern lights around Anchorage (and Wasilla and Palmer) but you just need to get up above the clouds/fog that rolls in on the coast.
Help to help for a jubilee
Hi – For a milestone anniversary when distant friends and relations cannot attend, I would like to send out a website where those people can record themselves doing a “congratulations!” video. I remember doing this a few times in the past.
What are the current and best options? I don’t mind paying a bit. I don’t even know how to find these things online – suggestions for what to search for?
NYNY
I used Memento for this and it was really easy to use and allowed me to edit all the contributions into a single video. Relatives in their 70s and 80s had no trouble with the upload process, so bonus points for that!
Original asker
Thank you!
Sounds better than the movie!
Anonymous
If you have a DH or partner who has ever taken on a health related lifestyle change that strikes you as a bit too much, do you say anything or let it be?
DH is South Asian – higher risk for diabetes and cholesterol. Mid 40s, has always been on top of it, not prediabetic, in fact at his last check his A1C even went down ever so slightly. His retiree aged mother however was recently diagnosed as pre diabetic and from what she tells us of her numbers was even pre diabetic last year and sort of back of the handed it and hoped it would improve. Now she’s having to make sudden significant diet changes as the number worsened a good bit.
DH now is making the same types of changes. And no she doesn’t live with us or near us so this isn’t an household thing. For DH every gram of added sugar is accounted for, carbs are counted though he hasn’t totally cut carbs or anything. Part of me thinks great how many middle aged man are so proactive. Part of me feels like it’s a bummer that we went an entire summer without grabbing ice cream or pastries or anything even once. I mean I can get what I want but it’s a bummer when you and DH are on vacation, there’s a donut shop with a line out the door, you ask DH if we should get one and he’s like no way too much added sugar so you’re standing in line alone. If there was a health concern I’d get it. But this to me seems very restrictive almost fear based preventative health. Thoughts?
Anonymous
Primary thought: is this the way he is? Meaning, is it his personality to become focused and inflexible on something–to take an all-or-nothing approach with no in-between or shades of gray? If so, what happens next…does it wear off and he becomes more reasonable? Or does he stay in that fixed position? If this kind of fixation is a pattern for him, is he open to becoming aware and making changes, or does he just dig in deeper and refuse to see that there are other ways of living that could also work?
If this kind of stance is really unusual for him — he’s doing it about this health thing and has never done something like this on any other issues, then I’d gently ask some questions to see if I can understand better what it is about all this that is consuming him.
Anon
Both things can be true, maybe here.
We have the same thing but for kidney disease due to hypertension. It’s better than getting worse, which would be more of a bummer. And when it’s a parent, their present can often be our future.
Can you do the fun stuff with friends maybe?
Anon
Ugh, I totally get this. I’m very close with someone who basically lives and acts like she has diabetes (she doesn’t, nor does she have pre-diabetes) and it really does affect the tone of celebrations and opportunities to eat “bad foods.” As you point out, yes, I’m fully capable of getting my own ice cream even if no one else has any, but it’s not the same as the whole group going together and being excited for the perfect summer treat. It becomes a “well, if you don’t mind waiting for me, I’ll get in line” while the treat-avoiding person is standing outside in the hot sun and you feel bad if the line is slower than expected. No real advice but just wanted to provide some validation.
anon
Also want to provide some validation that it’s kind of a bummer. I have a few friends who have put themselves on very strict diets for weight loss, and it really has put the kibosh on any kind of food-related gatherings. Which, it’s totally their choice on how they feed themselves, but it’s really not fun to choose a treat while nobody else is eating at all.
anon
I am in a similar situation where I’m your partner’s position. I think the question is it negatively affecting your life/relationship in some way, and if so perhaps you can raise that? If not, I think it’s fair to share your observations and perspective but I kind of think you need to let him do his thing on this front.
For some perspective- my South Asian father unexpectedly had a massive heart attack and went into cardiac arrest when I was young. He ran marathons, ate a super healthy plant based diet and was on top of all his routine medical appointments, and no one saw this coming. It does run in the family though and I have since read it’s actually not an uncommon pattern for south asians, men in particular, and in my experience once you see all this, you can’t unsee it.
Anonymous
South Asian here – we do have a lot of baggage about diabetes in our community, also heart disease as a poster above says.
As in we all know a grandma or great aunt or even just a family friend who had diabetes to the point where it really affected quality of life, caused other health issues. I saw it in my own family with my grandmother – the diabetes was so poorly managed that it ended up causing all kinds of edema, foot and walking problems and she wasn’t even mid 70s. This was many years ago back in the old country with drs who weren’t specialized in this with a family who minimized anything drs said along the lines of – oh raisins once in a while are NBD, oh it’s a wedding can’t tell grandma not to eat sweets.
So YMMV but if your DH is proactively making changes at 40 regarding habits, added sugar etc, I’d let it be even if it bums you out. Thing is I’ve seen other south Asians find this kind of discipline for the same reasons and it isn’t as in your face forever as it feels at first. Right now he’s learning what has a ton of added sugar, what to cut out but after a while it’ll just be routine. It’s not like he’ll never go out to coffee with you, it’s just that he’ll get a black coffee while you can get a dessert drink or cookie or anything you’d like.
Anonymous
Is he the one who lectured guests at a bbq about their drink choices? Then yes, you need to say something because his health-related anxiety is coming off as sanctimonious and negatively impacting his, and your, social life.
Anonymous
OP – I recall that post but it wasn’t me. IIRC that poster and her DH were both south Asian and making lifestyle changes together, which isn’t the case for us.My issue is living with someone making the changes.
Anonymous
My husband tends to go all in on certain diets, like keto, intermittently. He narrates his thoughts out loud regarding grams of carbs, sugar, etc. I’ve had to ask him to keep that narration silent in his head and at times gently remind him that his diet is not his identity or personality, and while it is very important to him, it is not as vital or interesting to others. I am supportive but refuse to engage in disordered ruminating or spiraling about what he perceives to be “bad” foods.
At first, I would feel guilty about eating certain things in front of him. But then I never asked him to stop drinking alcohol in front of me while I was pregnant, so now I have no qualms about scarfing down fries or soft serve in front of him. Joke’s on both of us, I actually had gestational diabetes. I had to check my blood sugar at every meal, incessantly googled carbs and sugars, and was an overall pain in the butt about it, so now we both know how the other one feels.
There’s no reason why your husband can’t spend some quality time with you in line at the donut shop. If it’s too tempting for him, he can leave before he gets to the door. But all this “too much sugar” talk does not need to be spoken out loud.
Anonymous
How good can donuts be that they’re worth waiting in a line that’s ‘out the door’? I’m not dieting and regularly have a cola or ice cream with my kids but we also don’t stock those things in the house and great food doesn’t actually need a lot of sugar if you know how to cook.
Counting carbs when he has a family history of diabetes risk doesn’t seem that out there. You’re saying he’s not cutting foods out entirely but he’s just not so excited about donuts that he wants to spend his vacation time standing in line. That seems pretty reasonable. Enjoy your ice cream and don’t make him feel bad about making different choices.
Anonymous
You also seem like you have some disordered views.
Anon
Thinking donuts aren’t worth the calories is not a disordered view.
Anon
Yeah. I never think donuts are with the calories. Bagels are but only fresh bagels. The packaged ones are not worth the calories either.
Anon
These are not disordered views. They are extremely moderate. AND! Bonus points for the poster not making choices to appease other people. You have to expand on comments like this if you want them taken seriously.
Anon
When there’s a line out the door, it usually means that the food is very, very good and worth waiting for. It’s a rule of thumb that has never led me wrong.
Anon
Honestly, I think those lines are Millenial groupthink. I’ve never been bowled over by a long-line place vs a regular wait place serving similar food.
Anon 11:38
A whole meal maybe because I love a great multicourse dinner but on vacation I’d much rather have extra time at the beach or in an art gallery vs waiting in line for a donut.
NaoNao
Eh, donut shops (or small specific niche food shops) can be really small and only hold like 10 people inside. It does make some sense that on a Sunday AM or whatever, 20+ people decided to try the fun seasonal flavor of the month/week/day and queued up outside a tiny local shop.
Anon
I feel that this is by far the better problem to have than letting this go. Most people are not going to be able to thread the needle and eat a 100% perfect diet but will err on one side or the other; I strongly believe that this is the better side to err on. Family history is a valid health concern. A sweet tooth can fade within weeks such that grabbing dessert once wouldn’t even be pleasurable; it would taste far too sweet. I don’t think it’s realistic to expect occasional treats since they aren’t really even treats anymore when eating a low sugar diet.
That doesn’t mean it’s not currently annoying though! I’d stop inviting him to eat things you pretty much know aren’t on his diet so he doesn’t have to explain it every time, and if you want him to wait in line with you, just use your words and say “okay well at least wait in line with me.” I think it’s okay to explain what you want with “I statements” as therapists say vs. trying to make an argument that he doesn’t have a legitimate reason to follow a preventative diet when that really is his choice to make.
Anonymous
+1 for tastebuds changing.
If you don’t have a massive sweet tooth to begin with, a few weeks with less added sugars can make even small amounts of regular dessert items taste sickeningly sweet.
As the person who always wants less sweet, I’m happy to queue with, but I genuinely don’t want a dessert, and don’t consider it a treat.
Anon
Nothing he’s doing sounds extreme to me. It’s certainly preferable to being sidelined by serious health concerns in the future.
Anon
+1 It really doesn’t sound like a problem to me.
anon
+2. I’m about your DH’s age with strong family history of diabetes (also South Asian) and have basically cut out all refined sugars from my diet at this point. My A1c has always teetered on the edge of normal/prediabetic and I figure now is the time to get my lifestyle choices in order, not later.
Anonymous
I think it’s inevitable that people who are successful in following a restrictive diet are going to be smug about it. It’s a challenging lifestyle to maintain. You really have to believe in what you’re doing in order to be willing to make the necessary sacrifices, and it’s natural to be proud of your achievement if you can stick with it.
My husband has gone keto to treat a non-weight-related health condition. As a side effect he’s lost a lot of weight. It’s really difficult for him not to try to impose his diet on me, and I feel guilty when I enjoy a carb-heavy treat around him.
Anon
I’m really sorry to hear about his bad breath that you have to live with! (speaking from experience here)
Anonymous
It’s not just the breath. The odor emanates from every pore of his body.
Ano
I don’t know what medical condition he’s managing, but I was advised that this was a bad sign that my fat/protein ratio was off at least in terms of what my body was burning for energy if not also in my keto diet. My diet was not prescribed for a weight related condition but my understanding is that there are more risks to burning protein than burning fat on carb restricted diet.
Maybe it’s unavoidable with his condition, but my medical team would want me to discuss this with them.
smurf
if he’s constantly talking about it – it’s a problem & very fair to ask he keeps those as ‘inside thoughts’.
I get the bummer of not wanting to share – my DH is pretty health-conscious in some ways but also just doesn’t have a sweet tooth. If I’m craving an ice cream, I get one, he maybe has one bite to try. But there’s no judgment or pressure either way – which I think is key.
with the high genetic linkage of T2 diabetes, I’d say there IS a health concern, but if moderation works well for you and abstinence works well for him – that’s OK.
Anon
His choices with his diet seem fine. His choice to abandon his wife in a long line doesn’t. I have food allergies, and I’ve stood with my husband in lines for takeout I am not going to be able to eat so many times I can’t even count it. That’s just part of marriage.
Anon
I have a job offer at a place I am SO excited about. However, I am worried about one thing. I planned a two-week trip in October a year ago. They’re probably going to want me to start around then. Should I negotiate to start later or start before? Will they care?
The trip is for a special event and I am definitely going, but I’m suddenly terrified this is going to cost me the job. Help! They’ll understand, right?
Anonymous
Turn the situation around: you’ve been through a long job hiring process, posted it, interviewed people, found the person you want, and offered them a job. But then they say “oops, I can’t start on that date because I’ve had a trip planned for a year.” Do you then say “Well, that ends it. We can’t work with you. We’re going to rescind our offer, post the job again, start interviewing applicants again, and do the whole thing all over again.”
Anon
This has never been an issue for me on either side of the hiring equation.
Chl
They will let it go. Start after! Have fun not having any obligations and knowing a job is waiting for you!
Josie P
Negotiate to start later and they shouldn’t think a thing of it.
Anonymous
Not to be the downer but a friend just tried to do this within the last month and yes it cost her the offer. In her case it wasn’t even a vacation but her current job requiring a four week notice period which is a thing in that industry and her wanting a week between jobs. But reality is the place she had the offer from seemed like a train wreck and she wasn’t excited about job at all – just had bad vibes from the get go. So it was a blessing in disguise thing. So yes you could lose the offer but if you do, know that it’s a place that wasn’t going to treat you well once you arrived.
anon
this is the exception that proves the point! any job that won’t work with you is not a place you want to work!
Anonymous
Yeah, from experience, rushing you into a start date is a red flag.
Anon
I think it’s 99% likely they will not care about you starting after the trip. If they do, it is a huge huge red flag about what kind of workplace it is.
Personally, I would negotiate to start right after the trip and then give notice so you end your current job right before the trip. I’ve always taken trips between jobs, and it’s always so relaxing to not have to worry about work at all.
Cat
I’d start after. No one will care, you’ll have an extra relaxing trip. (And if they DO care? Not somewhere you should be excited about.
Anonymous
Why do people pretend they don’t google other people? Especially in contexts where you have proof such as linked in profile views.
Anon
Story here?
OP
My new dental hygienist was an old acquaintance, my linked in views jumped as soon as I left her chair. I told a friend about it and her response was “oh that was just coincidence, people don’t do that”.
anon
i don’t get this example. the dental hygenist didn’t deny googling you. maybe your friend doesn’t google people.
OP
My friend has literally shown me her own extensive research on people before. I’m interested in the why of the lie.
Anon
I really doubt your friend set out to lie to you. I don’t think you’re going to get an answer to this question that satisfies you.
anon
To not come off as invasive and let the friendship develop naturally.
OP
Thanks for answering the question!
Anonny
Acknowledging that you look up other people isn’t a common mainstream thing. I think that if everyone said they do it, then it would be accepted. But instead it’s viewed as kinda creepy and st@lkery because no one admits to doing it.
OP
I think you actually helped me crack one of the big mental hurdles I have about this. I work in academia so it’s common to look up someone’s latest research, so I think the honesty in professional setting and lying in personal settings is hurting my brain because it’s the opposite of normal social convention.
Disagree
Can someone point to resources for learning to “disagree constructively” or whatever the corporate speak is for telling someone they’re wrong nicely? I often find myself in situations where I need to do this and it is hard for me to navigate. As an example, I wrote a llama memo and a colleague said I needed to change X. I politely told her X is also in the zebra memo and they should match. She said because horses only have two legs they don’t need to match. The premise of her argument is clearly wrong, but I seem like a jerk if I continue to push back on an email chain with a lot of people.
anon
Pick up the phone and talk it out.
Anon
+1. I would pick up the phone, and tell her you are not following her comment, could she explain it to you. Maybe her logic does make sense? Maybe she was confused and mixing up projects in her head?
anonshmanon
yeah, this is my main strategy. Assume there is some context that you are missing or an angle they are coming from that you are not seeing. You can start by pretending to be open minded even if you secretly still think they are totally wrong. Over time, I’ve seen enough cases where there really was more merit to other’s points than I initially granted, so now I am a little more genuine when I say ‘can you help me understand why we are emphasizing x? What am I not getting? Is there some context about xyz project?’
Two other strategies:
Always play on the same team when you raise criticism. Not ‘Why are YOU assuming this?’ but ‘Why are WE assuming this?’
If you are really convinced that they are wrong, still play on the same team when you point out the bad outcome. ‘If we make this change, I am worried we will not align with the zebra memo. Any suggestions on how we can solve this?’.
smurf
in this situation – “Colleague, I’ll follow up separately to discuss” or “let’s take this offline” if you want full corporate-speak for a longer discussion the whole group doesn’t need to see.
anon
Okay, I’m going to ask y’all something super embarrassing. Somehow I got to practicing attorney, full adult without fully mastering typing. I can type fast but I don’t use the proper home keys method and I still do a little more looking at the keys than I should. Is there a suggested program? Have your kids used something good? I think mastering this is my goal for the rest of the year. I end up typing during meetings and in front of people quite a bit and I am always embarrassed about it.
Anon
I would put zero effort into this. I have no idea if I or anyone else types properly. All that matters is you quickly get words on a page when you need to.
mavis bacon
practicing attorney for 12 years and I still have never used the right shift key.
Anon
I seriously just had to look at my keyboard to even realize that there is a right shift key. I do touch type (as in type without looking, fast), but don’t follow the proper home keys method and I don’t know why it matters?
Anon
It looks like you can buy one off Mavis Beacon. MB and type to learn were what we used in grade school. It worked for me!
Senior Attorney
Fun fact: Mavis Beacon wasn’t even a real person! Who knew? Gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/29/movies/seeking-mavis-beacon-review.html?unlocked_article_code=1.H04._tgq.KaKe2F6v1zyK&smid=url-share
Artemis
Mavis Beacon is the best. It’s how I learned and my life has been much easier in many small ways being a fast and efficient typist. My kids’ school isn’t teaching typing so I bought it for home and they practice during the summer and when they can during the school year. It’s a bit gameified so it’s kind of fun!
Anonymous
You could spend the rest of the year learning the “proper” way to type, or you could spend the rest of the year learning how to let go of the embarrassment.
Honestly, learning how to let go of the embarrassment seems more useful. Wouldn’t your muscle memory be so ingrained by now that it would be hard to change how your fingers are used to moving? But if you want to practice, maybe spend at least 5 minutes an evening typing the “right” way. Position your hands, slow waaaaaay down, watch what you’re doing, and make yourself “do it right.”
Anonymous
I wouldn’t spend the time unless you think you could improve your speed, but I will say that I still think of typing as the most useful class I ever took in high school on a day-to-day basis. The ability to type quickly is so beneficial in a work setting as a finance person. I also spent a summer learning to do the number pad and that was very helpful even if I don’t use it that often.
emeralds
It’s getting rarer and rarer for people to “learn to type properly,” the way we used to. Most people these days just figure it out as they go. In your place, I would not spend one more second of your one wild and precious life thinking about this.
Anonymous
This is true and also makes absolutely zero sense. If elementary schools are handing out Chromebooks then they should be teaching typing.
Anon
My kids’ school includes basic typing as part of the first grade curriculum.
Anon
Mavis Beacon if you want to learn a formal method. However, if you already type fast enough to function and ergonomically enough to avoid injuring yourself long-term, then I think the main value would be to your self confidence. Unless you type in such an unconventional manner that people are distracted by it during meetings, no one really cares. Hunt & peck in peace if that’s what works for you.
Anonymous
I learned Touch type at high school as part of a computer science class. The main advantage has been being able to type without looking at the keyboard, and typing fast and efficiently. It’s nice to pay attention to people while writing.
If you do want to learn, this lady has tips and links:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IIPU20kekCo
Anon
When everything sucks, how do you cope without spending a lot of money or eating / drinking your feelings?
I found out devastating health news about a loved one and I’ve cried at my desk 3x today already. I’m on a pretty strict budget and schedule (I work full time and go to grad school) and I have my own health stuff going on so I’ve really had to change my diet per doctors orders (no alcohol or caffeine, limited sweets and fried or fatty foods – aka all comfort food!). My normal coping methods of a drink, a pastry or some retail therapy are on hold.
Trying to extend some grace to myself while also recognizing that I do have to just keep moving forward even though things suck – dishes still need to get done even though I’m devastated.
Luckily I live near the loved one so will be able to enjoy time together now and also will be able to help out as he progresses. Being the helper in tough times is how I express my love because my emotions are so very repressed deep down, so I’m good to showing up with meals or organizing logistics or whatever is needed.
Anonymous
Hot baths, long walk outside listening to a podcast or music I like
Anon
Can you go home? Take some time to yourself.
ABanon
Do you have any healthy/relatively cheap indulgences? I like strawberries & chick lit. Also de-stressing activities, such as reading in the bathtub or going for a walk.
Anon
+1, I like to give myself “permission” to read a romance or beach read from the library, whatever looks good. I recommend Elin Hildebrand or Liane Moriarty and your library should have their back catalog available (though check TW as they sometimes deal with health issues).
Drink lots of cold water and tea, take a long shower, go to bed early.
Anon
Exercise, time outside, books or movies (either feel good or about terrible things happening to other people, whichever appeals more), music, cooking or baking (focus on healthy things like whole wheat bread instead of cookies or food to share with family).
Anonymous
It’s OK to neglect some things for a short time when things get tough. The key is to not let 1 or 2 days become 3 or 10 or 30 or 365.
Anon
Yeah the “problem” is that this is going to be several months, if not a year or two. I bought myself a $6 pastry today but I can’t always do that
Anonymous
Your coping strategies for day 1, week 1, and month 1 are not going to be your coping strategies in the long run. You are reeling from the news and deserve to give yourself some grace for a few days. As long as a pastry or two isn’t going to cause a financial or health crisis, it’s fine to indulge in the immediate aftermath of the devastating news. You will need some time to establish a new rhythm with more sustainable coping strategies (my favorites are long outdoor walks and rewatching/rereading comfort shows/books).
anon
If you have cried that much at your desk, you need to take today off and probably tomorrow too.
Going outside and observing wildlife really helps. Seeing squirrels be silly, watching butterflies and hummingbirds be joyful, things like that. If this isn’t available to you, buy the nicest bouquet of flowers you can fit in your budget and put them in your office.
anon a mouse
Fresh air and/or time in the water.
Fresh air – move your body. Walk in a new part of town, or in a particularly scenic area. Or take a blanket to a park with a picnic and watch a sunset. Invite a friend to come, or just wallow in your feelings solo.
Water – take a long hot bath, or a shower. Or find a nearby pool. No one can see you crying underwater.
I’m so sorry you are having to navigate this.
Anon
Agree. OP, go for a walk. Don’t use earbuds. Notice the trees and the flowers and the birds and everything around you. Breathe deeply. I promise it will help.
anon
mine: exercise (like a walk outside), call a fun friend, play some fun music from college, dance exercise video. some grace for myself when I sometimes chose a less healthy option.
Anonymous
Hot peppermint tea. I love a cup of peppermint tea. I find it calming and sweet on its own (plus no caffeine). Hard workouts help me too, but even a walk can be good.
Anon
Pair the peppermint tea with a scented candle (cheap at Homegoods or TJ Maxx) and it’s pure serenity
Nesprin
You probably need to take some time off.
Cheap/free:
trips to the library,
meeting a friend for a walk at a park,
sleeping an extra couple of hours, especially if you changing the sheets on your bed,
knitting and gentle plot-less TV (mine are: this old house, how its made, the makanai, great British baking show), trying a new recipe
asking a really good friend to come help you clean house
yoga videos off the internet
calling the EAP for your job or the counseling center for your grad school.
Not free: hiring cleaning service, pedicures, joining a support group or finding a therapist.
Anon
Exercise is what helps me the most but is also the most difficult thing to do consistently. I wish there were something easier that helped as much. I’m nearly two years into everything in my life sucking and I don’t think I can take much more of it.
Anon
Go cry in nature. I’m not kidding. Find a beautiful trail or park, go walk around without headphones, and just emote as you need to.
Anon
Ughhhh – after being a lifelong avoidant of most exercise, I started jogging for the first time in my life about a year ago, and loved how it made me feel AND that it toned up my body nicely. Sadly, I fell last month, and badly hurt my knee (waiting on MRI results, but I’m definitely not running any time soon). I loved feeling strong and toned for the first time in my life, and want to stay the course, even as I’m off the trails for the foreseeable future. What is the best cross training that will keep my new found tone, and that won’t require bouncing? There are so many options — Pilates, CoreYoga, General strength training?
Anon
General strength training
Anonymous
I love Pilates
anon
When I had an ankle injury, I focused on spinning and cycling for 6-8 weeks. I just skipped the parts that would have me out of the saddle and put too much pressure on my ankle until I was absolutely sure I was healed. It kept me in good cardio shape and helped maintain muscle tone in my legs. I still had to ramp back up to running again, but it wasn’t as difficult as I expected.
Anon
Can you do something like a stationary recumbent bike? I’m not a runner, but when all the running group guys at my work blew out their knees one by one, they switched to being a bicycling group.
I understand a stationary recumbent bike is better ergonomically. My husband ordered one just before the pandemic & there was so much demand for them immediately starting March 2020 that the company played a long game of bait and switch with him (pretty sure they sold the bike he ordered to someone willing to pay a premium.) Anyway, he has used it at least four times a week since then, and it’s still going strong, his fitness is excellent, and the machine doesn’t take up as much room as a treadmill, which is what we had before he hurt his knee.
Anonny
If you’re only looking for staying strong and leaner, which is awesome, then strength training is the answer. However, I don’t find that strength training gives me the happy feelings that running or other hard cardio do. If you want that too, then I would try swimming, spinning or rowing in addition to strength training.
Hope the MRI results come out looking good and you can get back to running. Although adding strength training is still a really good idea; it will keep you running longer with fewer injuries.
Anon
Ohhhh OP here, thanks all – I don’t know how I forgot about cycling :) I’m going outside my comfort zone and just signed up to try a spin class near me. I also have a neglected profile with Pelaton, and I’m going to reactivate my account. I took some core and strength classes online right before I started running that I liked.
Thanks – I was feeling SO proud of myself, and on such a path to better mental and physical health. I know I’m struggling with a little depression since the fall – hoping to add some happy cardio hormones with the spin class.
Anon
Depending on what your body can handle and what is convenient and affordable: elliptical, swimming, pool running, rowing machine, stationary bike.
Pippa
Pilates and Barre
Anon
I’m an often injured runner, and I love swimming when hurt.
anon
I’m feeling sad and anxious. It has become clear that my mom (age 69) is having memory issues, and they’ve accelerated quickly over the past couple of months. Being around her, it’s noticeable that she’s losing words and having a hard time tracking conversations. It seems bigger than just age-related stuff. My siblings and dad agree, btw. She is finally seeing her PCP, which is good, but she wouldn’t let anyone go with her to take notes, ask questions, or just be there for her. We would like her to see a neurologist, but so far, she just wants to see her primary doctor who, in my opinion, is mediocre at best. She lives in a rural area, and there aren’t other options unless she’s willing to travel an hour to see someone else.
Maybe it’s something relatively benign, but my gut tells me it’s not. How do we best support her without hounding her? She’s very proud and has always been sensitive to anything perceived as criticism. And she shuts down pretty easily in hard conversations, which is not anything new but makes a situation like this really challenging.
Anon
Call her PCP and express your concerns. That’s what we did with my aunt who sounds very similar in style. The PCP cannot tell you anything about your mom’s care, but he/she absolutely can take concerned calls from family.
Also, your dad should get Power of Attorney and a health care proxy form signed this week if they don’t already have it in place. Seriously, don’t delay that one at all.
Anon
As a former estate attorney, getting her documents in place should be very high on the to do list, if not number 1. Your parents should both have a Will and POA done ASAP, assuming this is not already in place. They should appoint an agent and successor.
anon
Good advice, thank you.
Anon
OP – I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s challenging to see a parent decline.
When we went through this with my FIL, PCP initially dismissed concerns more than once. Chalked up issues as just old age. The thing that made a PCP stop take notice was a list of targeted examples of something incidents that were out of character. Some examples I recall: Obsessively looking at certain websites, missing social cues in normal situations – think cutting to the front of the line at a coffeeshop, losing common words on more than one occasion, or listing different people in their life that noted something was off, etc.
Also second, your Dad getting PoA. In a perfect world, maybe even getting queued up with an elder care attorney would be useful. My MIL started using one just as my FIL went into assisted care. That was about 4 years post diagnosis. A lot of things could have been better planned if she had talked to one earlier than that.
Anon
Oh, I’m so sorry. This is very stressful.
I’d try to go visit her and push to go with her to see the neurologist, or at least her PCP again…. and go with her. Progressive “dementia” over couple months is pretty abnormal so she really needs an evaluation. Sometimes you can convince folks by letting your Mom know that some causes are reversible and the trick is getting her seen quickly to try to sort that out and get appropriate treatment. She is scared. Maybe if you are there, you can talk her into it.
Anon
People who regularly work more than 40 hours a week: why?
I admittedly am a sheltered government employee where there are strict limits on overtime (and we’re not allowed to “work for free”).
My friend left public accounting last year and now works in house and I just assumed that by leaving the Big 4 she’d have work life balance again but she frequently mentions (and complains about) working more than 40 hour weeks. We were together over the weekend and I was shocked at how much she worked on a holiday weekend.
Is it really the expectation that most corporate jobs involve working more than 40 hours a week even if the job is purely corporate and not life saving or something equally urgent?
FWIW, my job has an urgent public safety component, so I have weeks with long hours in bad conditions too, but I always am compensated for that time (my choice of overtime pay at 1.5x my rate or comp time at 1.5x the extra hours worked). My agency also rotates staff off of those projects within a few weeks (so I probably have ~6-8 weeks a year I deploy to the field and work overtime, but it’s 2-3 weeks at a time 2-3x a year), and it’s really strict 40 hours a week when I’m not in the field.
I know this probably sounds stupid to people working corporate jobs, but I am having trouble wrapping my head around a) being willing to work such long hours regularly and b) doing so for something that’s not exceptionally important.
Anon
i don’t, but DH does. this is why i had trouble with consulting/big law coming from a family of doctors. in my head the last minute or sudden “emergencies” didn’t feel that urgent to me and not all of the time, but much of the time, i felt like the last minute requests were bc of bad planning. DH works in finance and sometimes there are deadlines for different deals that he doesn’t have control over ,or he has to submit a proposal for something by a certain internal date in order to be able to try to bid on an external project, etc. he doesn’t work “in-house,” but for an investment firm, and he is well compensated. the last minuteness of stuff also doesn’t stress him out in a way that made me super anxious
Senior Attorney
It was years ago, of course, but back in the day when I worked all the time, it was just expected. You made a lot of money, the jobs were (supposedly) prestigious, and the trade-off was that they owned you and your time pretty much 24/7/365. And, of course, the more you worked, the more you were rewarded with money and praise and more interesting assignments. Bottom line: It’s just a different culture and it is very hard to understand if you’re not in it.
Anon
The last sentence is so true, and it’s true in reverse too! This board is the only place I hear of people working a 40 hour work week. I don’t think I know anyone who is full time who works less than 45-50 hours a week, and many in my social circle work more like 60-80. I don’t really even know how to answer this question because the alternative is so far out of my frame of reference – it doesn’t feel like a decision I’ve made they way your question seems to imply, just (my) reality of what work is! Also for what it’s worth, you don’t miss too much when everyone else you know also works hours like that. In the grand scheme though, I’m sure you’re healthier and probably have a better quality of life! (Also since I know me posting begs the question about efficiency – I’m currently out of office which is how I have time to read this board, usually I skim it on the weekends only).
Anon
Sounds like you’re describing large law firm life, but I don’t think you have to be in Big Law to work more than 40 hours. I work 40 hours in higher ed but honestly feel very abnormal – everyone I know in the corporate world works 45-50 minimum and many are quite a bit above that.
anon
And there are plenty of people in higher ed who put in long hours, too. I’m an outlier and keep strict boundaries but many of my colleagues regularly put in 45, 50, 55 hours a week.
Anon
Yeah, I’m not a lawyer; I absolutely would not be rewarded with more money and praise for working overtime.
Anonymous
My husband and I talk about this a lot. Some people live to work; some people work to live. My husband is far more on the “work to live” side of things, while I’m “live to work”- I love my job and the industry and engage whenever possible. My husband (who actually has the higher paying job) would prefer to spend his free time on any one of a zillion hobbies.
Anon
I changed jobs a while ago, but for most of my career I worked for a company with a demanding culture and extremely huge workloads. They weren’t tracking anyone’s hours if you were salaried/exempt, but you couldn’t get it all done working only 40 hours a week. And if you arrived at 8:30 on the nose and left at 4:30 on the nose every day, it was Noticed. But primarily noticed as in, is Anon getting everything done given that they’re never here at 6PM when I’m trying to find them? And usually, that person wouldn’t actually get everything done, because that was the job, it was a lot of work.
The company paid well, and that’s why. If you want to work 40 hours on the nose, you go someplace that pays less. That’s how it worked.
Anon
I can see why some people love to work longer hours in very stimulating fields or that have huge helping components, but one thing I’ve never understood is why people are OK working long hours because they’re really inefficient during the week. I have a coworker who will spend 6 hours on a Tuesday organizing his inbox because “I’ll just work on the report on Sunday.” Makes no sense to me.
Anon
Because his home life sucks and it gives him an excuse to get out of the house.
Anonymous
I’m a lawyer, and the real answer is because I’m paid a lot of money to do so. Having said that, I think if you average my time out, it works out to about 45 hours a week, assuming I take all holidays and 2-3 weeks vacation every year, and it’s very flexible. So yea, I may work 50 hours one week, but others I may work 30, and if I need to go a doctor’s appoinment on a random Wednesday, I just go. I don’t need to use PTO for that. This summer has been quiet, and I don’t think I’ve hit 40 hours most weeks this summer. I’m in mid-sized law, not BigLaw, and I don’t think the hours a lot of BigLaw lawyers work is worth the money. Which is why I don’t work for BigLaw. I also have every intention of retiring pretty early, like 50-55.
Anon
This is my answer, too. I was a government lawyer in local gov for the first part of my career, and then took a job at a mid-size/boutique firm following a divorce. I make a lot of money, and to me it seems like a decent trade off to work more than 40 hours a week when needed. It’s not constant at my firm, but it happens during busy times, and the way my firm does compensation, I am compensated for those additional hours/the additional revenue.
Like the above commenter, my schedule is decently flexible, and if you average my hours out over all “working weeks” (excluding holidays, PTO) then I’m probably averaging between 40-45 hours a week over the year, and am planning to retire (or significantly scale back/get out of law) in my mid-to-late 50s.
roxie
I work at a nonprofit (though am a well paid executive) that is issue-advocacy based. Meaning my work does literally improve public policies and peoples’ lives. I am highly motivated by that and when I’m passionate about an initiative I’m leading it is not a hardship to work overtime on it.
If it weren’t for the “importance” component I could envision cases where my own personal ambition and desire to get something done/lead a successful project would drive me, but I don’t imagine that would be an every month thing.
Anon
Yeah this is wild to me. I work in government as a transportation planner. I very rarely work OT, but when I do it’s paid.
I work OT during or after big storms , planning and operationalizing alternate routes or modes of transit if main routes aren’t operational. I worked a lot of OT during the onset of the pandemic because a lot of essential workers commute via transit in my area and we had to find out how to safely continue operating. We also had budget cuts and had to make sure essential workers could still reliably commute even as we had to cut service. Then, as vaccine clinics opened up, we worked very closely with public health to ensure all citizens couid take public transit to the clinics.
So while my work isn’t directly lifesaving, I’m providing an essential service for those who are doing life saving work. In those instances I’m happy to work late. But a random project or something? Heck no I’m clocking out at 5pm on the dot.
Of Counsel
The short answer is because I am paid to work more than 40 hours a week.
When I first started working as an attorney, one of the things I appreciated about my job was that they were clear on expectations up front. Basically they told us when they made offers: We are paying you a lot of money. You are not worth that much and we are likely to lose money on you for your first 2 years. What we are paying for is your 24/7 availability. We expect you to answer your phone when we call. You should check your email first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to sleep. Unless you or your sibling is getting married or your parent is in the hospital, we expect you to be willing to cancel plans if we need you. You will work 60, 70, 80 hours a week.
And I did it for a few years, paid off my loans, banked the down payment for my house, got the experience and went to a boutique firm (and from there in-house where I MOSTLY work 40 hours a week and get paid less than my old firm is paying first year associates). And even now I sometimes work more than 40 hours but I also have flexibility to work less when things are slow without burning PTO so it averages out.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, the salaries are wild. When I retired from my government job after more than 35 years in law, I was making less than my first BigLaw firm is currently paying first year associates.
AnonNY
The headline comp is high but it’s needed to attract and retain good talent on HCOL areas. Students also have a lot of student debt on average and there’s no pension. I don’t find the salaries easy to compare for those reasons
Anon
And follow up question – folks who work more than 40 hours a week. Do you have time for hobbies, socialization, working out, etc during the week?
Anonymous
Yes.
Anon
Yes.
Anon
As an aside– I had time for socialization, etc. when I worked law firm hours pre-kids. Most of my friends worked similar hours, so we would regularly meet for bar trivia at 7 pm. I could also easily make a 6 pm workout class, and even if I was working on the weekend, I as typically not working the entire weekend.
Once I had kids, this was harder to do because there was a lot less room for error. I couldn’t work late because of daycare pickup. My kid has also generally gone to bed late, so logging on to work after bed has always been difficult. In addition, if the kid was sick a day and I needed to make up hours, I ended up working for most of the weekend.
Anonymous
They do because they can afford to live close to the office for a short commute and to pay people to do their chores for them. They can also come in to work relatively late in the morning and/or take long lunches to work out.
I think there is a fair amount of socializing disguised as “work.” I will never forget the time I was getting a manicure after work and a group of midlevel associates came in with two junior associates in tow. The juniors sat on the floor of the salon and worked while the midlevels had mani-pedis. The juniors periodically showed their work to the midlevels while the midlevels gossiped about their co-workers and upcoming business travel. At the end one of the midlevels charged the mani-pedis to her corporate card.
Anonymous
Yes, but I don’t have kids.
Anon
I love my job, I’m passionate about the work, and it’s meaningful, life changing work.
I never work more than 40 hours.
As much as I love what I do, I love the things I do outside of work more.
anon
I have a real answer and a slightly flippant answer. The real answer is this: the work is interesting and challenging to me, and I like my coworkers as people and want to help them move their projects forward. While I work for a corporation, my corporation takes care of its own by, among other things, employing people who have physical disabilities that would often lead to discrimination elsewhere. Companies aren’t inherently evil, you know?
And the flippant answer (that I say in my head when my international colleagues ask why the US employees work so hard) is that I am on track to retire in my 50s with a paid off house and healthy 401(k). So I will get that time back, in spades, when perhaps my health isn’t as perfect and my energy levels are a little lower. But I don’t ever explain this part explicitly because it would be rude.
Anon
Need the money, so I take OT anytime it’s offered, and work a 2nd job.
Anonia
I’m a teacher, work about 50 hours a week. I work that much because there really isn’t much other choice? What am I going to do, not be prepared for the next lesson? I don’t really get more than 20 minutes to plan during the day, so after school is when it happens. I do have time for exercise, because I make it happen before work. But there’s not a lot of time. My biggest pet peeve is all the area gyms that offer great classes, but only between 8 am-11, 1-4pm. Nobody except the SAHM’s and retirees are taking those!
Anon
I am so put off by OP’s post, honestly and it slightly reinforces all of my dad’s grumbling above “government workers” when I was a kid, which I have really tried to put away.
If you’re a professional, you do the job. My daughter is also a (public school) teacher and she puts in long hours. Being a teacher is a calling! You do what needs to be done, and that often doesn’t fit into a clock-punching lifestyle.
Anon
Yeah but for most people it doesn’t matter if they do it at 5:30 pm today or 9 am tomorrow.
Anon
That is not true at all. There are a lot of jobs where there will still be so much to do at 9am tomorrow, it’s ruinous to keep putting things off until another time.
Anon
I don’t get why you’d do that for a teacher’s salary. If they aren’t giving you enough time to prepare during the day, that’s the choice the district is making.
Anonymous
Girl what? Yes many people work over 40 hours a week. Because our jobs require it and we like being employed because the cats need wet food.
Anon NYC
This is my reaction to this question. Of course we work more than 40 hours a week. I knew this going into my field but also knew the pay would make up for it. If you want less money, then yes work 40 hours at a gov job. Both choices are valid but I’m not working because I love my job.
Anon
Coming from a job that doesn’t have a culture of working more than 40 hours a week at all, I was under the impression that people who work longer hours choose to do so. Maybe that’s incorrect.
Anon NYC
As in because they love their job? I know maybe two people who love their jobs and get financial help in some way (parents or spouse who makes $$$ so they have the privilege to do what they love). The rest of us do it for the bottom line or they’re trying to get a promotion etc. It’s very rarely because they actually want to work those hours.
Anon
But for the bottom line – that’s for the company bottom line, no? And that doesn’t really matter to most employees?
Anon
Not all government jobs—this is such a stereotype. All of the attorneys in my government office routinely work 50+ hours.
anon
“Because the cats need wet food” made me giggle. Facts are facts.
Anon
I’ve legit said this in an interview and gotten the job. “I like to eat… the cats like to eat….”
Anonymous
Right like the answer is because I have to? Cushy government jobs are finite. While we are the topic let’s also ask “why isn’t everyone rich” “why does anyone work at all” “why doesn’t everyone have a live in chef”
Anon
I know you didn’t say that all government jobs are cushy, but I wish more people realized how many government employees work more than 40 hours per week.
Anon
I guess I don’t understand why people don’t opt out of these jobs for jobs that really are 40 hours a week? They exist, even in the corporate world.
Anon NYC
This sounds very condescending.
Anon
Agreed (I’m not the above Anon). the number of 40 hour a week jobs is finite, and often all-but-nonexistent in certain fields and markets.
I work more than 40 hours because it’s necessary for my workload/there’s a financial incentive/I want to keep my job/whatever other reason. I’d take a 40 hr/wk job if it paid me enough to live comfortably in my VHCOL city, and to retire comfortably in a less expensive area. I have yet to find that job, and the one I have, while demanding, will allow me to retire early.
Anon
Condescending for sure, and willfully out of touch.
Anon
Those jobs pay $70k a year and max out not much above that, and have no career path. They don’t pay a base of $350k with bonus potential up to another $250k. And my job didn’t pay that at first either, but I worked my ass off to get to the level where it did. You don’t get there by clock punching.
Anon
You just got a high five of approval from my cat.
Anon
I have only done it when the money was worth it. I do not get why junior public accountants do it (not being rude, just saying there are easier ways to make $80k).
Anon
Right! My public accounting friends work at least twice as much as I do during their busy season, with no OT, for less than 10K more than I make?
Walnut
Because junior public accountants would like to be promoted to senior public accountants and eventually become a partner or secure a solid in house gig.
Anon
I came from Big4 to my industry job because I got tired of working 50 plus hours a week for 4 months straight every year.
People in my Big 4 world worked those hours because grinding it out for several years in public is what you have to do to get the good industry jobs.
Now, I have some weeks where I have to do 45 hours of work and some weeks where I have 15 hours or less of substantive work. Our busy season is 2 of 60-80 hour weeks.
I get paid well enough that if there were an emergency Id be expected to respond asap, but thats extremly rare.
I have the flexibility to go to appointments, work out, take a walk or nap during the day without pto needed.
Anonymous
It’s an expectation of my job, and that expectation is a large part of the reason for my compensation. As I’ve gotten more senior and, honestly, better at my job, my hours have reduced because I’m a lot more efficient than I was 10 years ago and also more comfortable making judgment calls about what is really urgent and what is not, so much. But I’m a litigator, and I can’t always control it when the schedules of multiple cases bump up against each other and those are the tough weeks.
To answer the follow-up question, I don’t really have time for those things during the week, but that’s because I have a young child. I did before that! (And I should say, I know lots of people with young kids who do fit in some hobbies/exercise during the week so I don’t think it’s impossible, but they are better at time management than I am.)
Walnut
I come from a family of entrepreneurs and they all work long hours. Some of the work is cyclical, so they’ll work 12 to 18 hour days about 50% of the year, normal hours 25% of the year, and minimal hours the remaining 25%. Weather plays a huge factor, so that contributes to variability.
Generally the longest days are when the actual cash is coming in the door, so it’s pretty motivating for them to put in the hours.
Anon
Funny how someone (someone’s?) on this thread seem surprised that people work hard for money.
NW Islander
For years, I needed the money.
Then I tried to interview for 40 hour/week jobs and got a lot of suspicion probably tinted by jealousy, like “we know what they pay you at X company, why would you want to leave that?”
I do not want to work this hard. I don’t. I would happily work 40 hours a week for a third of my current salary. But nobody will hire me on those terms.
Anon
Honestly all the arguing back to people’s lived experiences in this entire thread feels very Gen Z anti-work edgelord to me. Take it to r3d dit.
concert outfit
I was invited to attend a Pearl Jam concert by a vendor, and I need to figure out an outfit. They have a box and they’ve invited other prospects, so it will be a mix of professional and social vibes.
I’m early 40s, traveling with only a carry-on, and I’m not cool… can I just wear a plain black jumpsuit to this event? I have some suede boots that might be cute?
anon
yes. you can definitely wear that! or jeans and a cute top if you are otherwise bringing jeans. so fun! my vendor took me to breakfast in the hotel lobby last time i was away.
smurf
I went to one (non-box) last year and 90% of the crowd was in jeans & a concert team (pearl jam or other bands). I was the vendor hosting prospects in a bruce springsteen box in a previous role & most men dressed similar, most women were like jeans, booties, non-revealing ‘going out top’. your outfit sounds good!
concert outfit
Whew, ok, black jumpsuit for the win!
Anonymous
In the past I’ve gotten emails from vendors or other business associates with a $X “credit” to be used toward a charity of my choice. This was all done via some website where I’d enter in my credit code and then pick from a list of charities. Then I got a receipt for tax purposes. It’s like “donors choose” but not focused exclusively on teachers/education.
I am looking for it to use for a work project and can’t find it for the life of me!
smurf
TisBest