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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
I’m a technical project manager (software projects). I have a lot of expertise and confidence in my work. Recently management has expanded my role to managing projects in other areas I have no experience in, such as construction/renovation to make the office better for Covid.
I have the time to take new projects on, but this is far outside my comfort zone. I have budget to hire consultants, but I’m getting tripped up because in my actual field, you can’t even excel at hiring and managing consultants if you don’t have experience with this specific type of work. For instance, there are clauses to build into the contract for your protection, you want to question the consultants to make sure their plans are sound for different parts of the project, etc. I don’t have this specialized knowledge outside of software projects.
Construction isn’t the only new type of project I’ll be working on, but just the most specialized-seeming.
Any suggestions about how to approach something like this? I think I need to figure out how to broaden my specialized skill set into something more widely applicable and just…figure out how to do things. I have solid skills like managing schedules and budgets, communicating, having a pretty good BS detector. But I almost feel like I need to pick a consultant who would help me pick a consultant.
Anon
Not quite the question you asked, but, re: construction, the type of consultant you’d be looking for is called an Owner’s Representative – they manage construction projects on behalf of clients like you. Services can range from just a few conversations to really full-service management of architects, engineers, and contractors.
Cat
I assume this means your org doesn’t have a facilities manager? Someone must be on point for your lease or mortgage, building management (supplies, janitorial, etc) – perhaps that would be a place to start for a recommendation? Failing that, perhaps “management” could get you in touch with contacts at other employers in your geography to discuss what they’re doing?
For things like rearranging cubes, a thing I learned when I was Today Years Old (yesterday) is that they’re not as portable as they look; many are hardwired into the floor! So your instincts are good to get advice from someone who knows about building construction.
Cat
Also – reach out to your in house attorney or tell management you need counsel on construction stuff – you may need the consent of your landlord or lender to do anything major.
Anonymous
Thanks. These are good suggestions and I will pursue them. No facilities manager per se (it’s a weird org in its staffing) but there are people who do the things you mention and I will talk to them.
pugsnbourbon
Can confirm, cubicles are occasionally a nightmare. Honestly, crawling under a desk and googling the brand name can help you get started.
Some things that tripped me up on my cubicle projects – making sure data cables are properly located (unless you’re totally wireless), getting the right cable connections from wall power into the cubes, ensuring that any contractors include fees for moving dismantled cubes elsewhere (either on-site or warehouse), getting an inventory of pieces and what brand/style they are.
Anonymous
It does not seem like a reward to be assigned supervising construction. At all.
OP
Well, came with a salary bump and wasn’t really optional…but let’s hope I don’t regret it!
Anonymous
My husband did this for a large tech company, managing a site build that had unique tech requirements. He was a tech PM. He did a lot of networking to find internal company assets with relevant knowledge, which I know included legal, real estate leasing, facilities and the ergonomics team in HR. He ended up enjoying it.
Anonymous
Taking on something like this is difficult but if you can make it work (and I have confidence you absolutely can!), it can be a big career booster. It’s tempting to say “no” in situations like this but this is how I have seen people advance – being willing to roll up their sleeves and tackle something they don’t necessarily have experience with, in a time when their contribution is really needed.
Ness
Old construction PM here,
I understand that you are going to manage more a kind of fit out in your office or building office?. If your company does not own the building check for the Facilities Manager of the building they could point you in the direction of the companies they work for them.(If your company owns the builiding they should have a FM inhouse or a company hired for this kind of things).
Only in order to make you feel more sure about your decisions only let you know that construction is a really broad area where it is imposible you are an expert in all the different types. Then, each time in a new subject came to me what I used to do is (if available) to reach a colleague expert in that specific subject that make me aware of the tricky points and ask for (at least) 5 budgets. When you ask for the proposals the companies are going to ask you details that give you clues about the matter. Also when you review the proposals and meet with them you can ask each one about for things you have seen in one budget that you are missing from another.
But the most important things to manage a constrution project (or a fit out as here) are to control the budget and meet deadlines and it seems you have the skills for both.
I did the oposite path than you, from Construction I passed to General PM during the crisis and I started in IT. As I said your skills are transferable and in construction who check the tecnical details is more the foreman in the day to day. Dont worry.
OP
Thanks, this is so helpful!
Anon
Can you guys talk to me about prenatal testing? I’m 33, almost 34 and am pregnant for the first time. My first doctor’s appointment is next week. Is prenatal testing something that is just offered or do I need to request it?
Anon
They will offer it but there’s some stuff that is optional so you may want to google around for info on options and then ask your OB / Midwife about what options they would recommend for your situation. For example, my husband’s family has some chromosomal abnormality disorders so we definitely wanted some testing, just to be prepared, but others might not have felt that was a priority.
Anonymous
+1. Never rely on a doctor to give you information or offer an option without being asked. Do your own research and then ask the doctor for her recommendations.
Anonymous
It depends on your doctor and your insurance but almost every doctor will recommend some testing. There are multiple levels/types of testing so best to ask your doctor early and understand what your insurance will and won’t cover
Anon
This is definitely not true. Many doctors will not offer any testing if you’re under 35 and have no known genetic issues/family history.
Anon
I’m not disagreeing, but all of my friends were offered at least some testing and all of us were under 30 and had no genetic risk factors and went to at least 8 different OBs. Maybe this is something that’s more common in the tri-state area but I don’t know anyone who was offered no screening. A lot of it was optional. If you’re referring to just cell free DNA tests or amniocentesis, yes, that’s not commonly offered to pregnant women under 35 with no genetic risks but there are lots of other prental testing/screenings. That said, testing changes rapidly, I’m currently pregnant (under 35, no genetic issues/family history) and last time did not do cell free DNA test because I would have had to pay out of pocket but in the 2 years since my last pregnancy but now my insurance covers it for all pregnant women.
Anon
I understand the difference between amniocentesis, the cell free tests and ultrasound screenings. I think it’s highly location dependent. I’m in the Midwest and know a lot of women, myself included, who were in the 30-34 age group and weren’t offered any kind of screening at all until the 20 week anatomy scan. My friends in CA had a different experience – there is some kind of first trimester Down’s screening that is standard regardless of your age. My insurance actually covered the NIPT for me (they recently lowered the age from 35 to 33) but it still isn’t something my doctor recommends or suggests for a routine pregnancy, you have to specifically ask for it.
Anon
Really? Mine didn’t recommend NIPT for those under 35 but other tests were still offered. I would find it weird if they did not go over testing options with patients.
Anon
There’s a 20 week anatomy scan where a variety of abnormalities might be detected, but otherwise, no, my OB doesn’t mention any form of prenatal screening for healthy pregnancies in women under 35. My OB also doesn’t do a first trimester ultrasound as a matter of course. Barring some evidence of a complication or something that would make you high risk, you get only one ultrasound (the 20week scan). This is a major university hospital system and the OBs are all board-certified, fwiw.
Anon
It wasn’t offered to me, I had to ask for it and pay for it. I’m glad I did it. I did the Harmony test. It gave me peace of mind that the baby didn’t have certain chromosomal conditions, plus you can find out the sex early.
tk
Congratulations!
My understanding is that it is recommended / offered routinely for women 35 and older and for women who may have a higher likelihood of certain conditions, and it is available upon request for women under 35. I was over 35 for both of my pregnancies, but I would have chosen to get the testing even absent a specific recommendation.
Anonanonanon
Unless there is some reason for testing (e.g., you’re a carrier of something, it’s an IVF pregnancy), you will usually have to request it. I had an IVF pregnancy at your age and we didn’t genetically test the embryo beforehand, so we asked for testing. Ours was supervised by a maternal fetal medicine specialist who also counseled us initially on whether to pursue testing, what it meant, etc.
Anonanonanon
Dang, hit report instead of reply, so who knows where this ends up. But anyway, the other response is right, it’s more routinely offered if you are over 35.
Anon
Maybe I’m missing something but why would you elect the genetic testing if you already know you’re a carrier?
Patricia Gardiner
Many diseases are asymptomatic if a person carries only one copy of the gene, but symptomatic if there are two copies. Also if the parent who is a carrier has one copy, there is only a 50% chance the child will inherit it.
Anon
Well yes, but if I know I carry something like CF or SMA I don’t need to be tested to see if I carry those genes because I already know that I do. Some testing, like testing to see if you carry certain genes, is only offered to people who don’t know.
Anonanonanon
We are talking about testing the fetus not mom right? Now I’ve confused myself.
anon0321
You can do both.
Anon
You can request it. My insurance only covers an amniocentesis, so we did NIPT through Natera. It’s $249 if you pay in cash within two weeks. Since I would carry the pregnancy to term no matter what but wanted to be prepared in case there were abnormalities, we did the testing. There was no point in taking any risks for an amnio when it wouldn’t change the outcome.
anon0321
Natera is a scam company that provides a good service (just google it)- talk to one of their reps before you do it and they’ll likely approve the tests for $100. They then will try to charge you $8k… stick to your guns, and they’ll settle for $100.
AFT
For two pregnancies in my late 20s/early 30s, nuchal translucency testing was brought up by my OB and outside of insurance but around $500. Most of my peers pregnant around the same time and age seemed to do it as it’s a bonus ultrasound early on. As a nervous first time mom, it was worth it to me.
Anon
I think you have to request it if you’re under 35 and not otherwise high-risk (ex: IVF).
We did prenatal testing (which was sort of belt & suspenders b/c we did IVF and also tested the embryos and transferred a euploid embryo). You’ll get the results in ~ 2 weeks and can find out the sex then if you want to know.
anon
IVF =/= high risk FWIW (per my RE)
Anon
Yeah, I’m surprised by the multiple posts saying testing is standard for IVF pregnancy. We didn’t do any prenatal/nuchal screening for my IVF kids.
Anon
I’m Anon at 10:34. Anecdata – my RE also said IVF =/= automatically high risk. But both my OBs (we moved mid-IVF and before our successful transfer) treat all IVF patients as high-risk even if they have no other high-risk factors.
Anon
Interesting! I also saw multiple OB/midwife groups and none of them treated my IVF pregnancy as high risk at all (until the surprise!twins at 20 weeks, but that’s not an IVF thing).
Anonymous
+1 to anon at 12:39. I’m 24 weeks along with my second pregnancy and both my OB and MFM treated my pregnancy as high risk in part because of IVF. I’m getting a fetal echo, for example, strictly because of the fact that my pregnancy is IVF. I think REs and OBs/MFMs think differently on this.
Anonanonanon
My MFM didn’t deem us high risk, but did state there might be a slightly greater risk of some abnormalities. I know there’s stuff disputing that maybe, I’ve been out of the infertility research game for a bit.
Jeffiner
We did the Panoramic test at ~10 weeks. My insurance didn’t cover it, but my doctor’s office charges no more than $200 for it. It’s completely non-invasive. They compare your blood (which they have to draw anyway) with a swab from your husband’s cheek. I would not have carried to term if there were abnormalities, so we wanted to know as soon as possible.
AnonATL
We did the Natera panorama too. I’m low risk by age, so it wasn’t fully covered by insurance but we chose to do it for peace of mind. They just did a blood draw from me which they had to do that week anyway for other tests. I think we did the blood draw at the 12w appointment and had them back before 14w.
I think the nuchal translucency scans are happening less because they are less precise and many people opt to do the blood draw test. We never had it offered to us. Then at 20w, they confirmed through that major ultrasound that everything’s progressing normally, the organs are ok, and so on.
At my practice, they brought up the genetic testing and offered it but there was no pressure to do it. We chose to do it for peace of mind, and I wanted to know the gender early. I think there was a more comprehensive one we opted out of that tested if husband and I were carriers for certain diseases. We chose not to do that one because we had just done 23 and me and knew we weren’t carriers already.
JTM
At my first appt, my doctor preemptively advised I be tested for sickle cell trait. My husband knew he wasn’t a carrier, as he was tested when his nephew was diagnosed with sickle cell, but I had never been tested myself. She then explained that I could do the 12wk nuchal scan which we also opted for.
DLC
Emily Oster’s book Expecting Better has a good look on the risks and necessities of prenatal testing. She analyzes the statistics of test results and the reality of gaining useful information from them. I highly recommend the book.
I had genetic tests offered unasked but then I was above 35 for all my pregnancies.
Anon
Mask recommendations? I’m a school social worker in MA, and the state’s current school reopening plans indicate masks are to be worn for students and staff throughout the entire school day. I have yet to find one that fits properly and ideally had adjustable ear loops, because having to tie a knot makes it quite uncomfortable. Anyone tried Banana Republic’s or Athleta’s? Also looking for my tweens, as I’m sure they’ll lose a ton of gloves are any indication! Thanks so much.
BB
I really like my Brooks Brothers ones. They are made of some non-woven material, so are very thin because they don’t require layers of cotton cloth. The ear loops are super soft and stretchy and I barely feel them at all. And they are “N85” if that’s a thing…basically they filter 85% of the same particles the N95 masks claim to.
anne-on
+1 – the Brooks Brothers ones are great and SO thin for the level of protection they claim.
I also (of course, ha) like the Johnny Was silk masks for their feel and breathability. My son has some of the Crayola ones coming his way, and they make adult Crayola ones as well.
JHC
I got a three-pack from Everlane and they fit really well!
Anon
I have a few masks, and so far like these Etsy ones the best (I hate to say it b/c I feel like I will get my Corporette membership taken away ;) , but even better than the Johnny Was ones). They have adjustable straps: https://www.etsy.com/listing/794475803/white-face-mask-with-metallic-gold-birds?ref=yr_purchases
Other patterns/colors are available.
Marie
Has anyone already joked that the Johnny Was masks are the new The Skirt?
Anon
Yes but I never tire of hearing it!
Marie
I didn’t think I could have been the first, but I still was feeling witty for thinking of it! ;)
Ses
Hah, first time I’ve caught that one. Thanks :D :D :D
Hollis
I bought lots of masks to try on from different companies because the ear loops normally hurt for me after an hour so I can’t stand most elastics. I also didn’t want to pay a lot for each one since I didn’t know whether I would find them comfortable or not.
The ones I have found most comfortable on my face and ears are from Swaddle Designs and an Etsy shop.
The chambray cloth ones from Swaddle Designs are very comfortable https://www.swaddledesigns.com/collections/cloth-fabric-face-masks, but the elastics on the cotton ones are totally different and I don’t recommend them.
I also like the stretchy elastic on the masks from this etsy store: https://www.etsy.com/shop/OtiliaBoutique?.
After trying these, I decided to just buy multiples from these stores for all of my family members and ignore the other options since I tried like 5 different stores’ masks (although none of the others recommended here so far).
Anon
OP here: thanks for the recommendations-just placed an order for the Crayola Mask Pack & will share feedback once the Athleta and BR ones arrive. I found the ON ones to be way too small for kids & useless for adults.
Anon
Also ordered Keen brand ones from REI and Summersalt. Aware that I’m channeling anxiety about returning into masks, but just feel like I need to find one that’s tolerable. Concerned that the Johnny Was masks aren’t adjustable enough but they are lovely! Wish the Crayola ones for adults didn’t have the crayon stripes…
Anon
Earlier this week, I posted about creating a blog for law students consisting of anonymous interviews with attorneys to share their money insights, career path, and what’s next. Thank you to Count C for doing an interview!
A few of you had additional questions so just wanted to briefly address those. The blog is simply one of interviews to read (there’s no matching of law student to attorney), and given the variety of career paths taken following law school, there’s a breadth (I think) of advice to share. I’d be happy to send the list of questions if any of you are interested in doing an anonymous interview and would like to first see the questions. Please email at winteriscoming1935 at the google mail service.
Anon
when this blog is available, can you share the link?
Anon
Yes,of course. Thanks for your interest!
Anon
Any recommendation for a light portable chair that can be easily carried by a woman? Less than 2 lbs would be ideal. I would be carrying it while walking 10 blocks. Thanks!
Ribena
Try searching ‘camping chair with shoulder strap’ – the shoulder strap makes a huge difference with these kinds of objects where they’re often unwieldy rather than heavy.
Cat
I don’t know about the exact weight, but find backpack style beach chairs to be no bother when walking a half-mile from beach house to beach. Tommy Bahama chairs usually have the backpack straps.
NOLA
Academy Sports has the lightweight folding canvas chairs that go in a holster that you can sling over your shoulder. We all have them for Mardi Gras!
Anon
“Easily carried by a woman?” Victorian era flashbacks…
Anonymous
Agreed. I can’t believe people continue to say these thing. Do better.
Eek
I laughed when I read this too. I know what she meant but it struck me as funny anyway.
Anonymous
She’s looking for something that’s easy for her to carry. Is rudeness avant-garde?
Anon
Well, obviously not all women have equal ability to carry things.
Anon
Then you say “I’m looking for a light chair.” What’s rude is sexism, not identifying sexism.
Anonymous
What do I say instead of “I’m looking for a shirt that can be worn by a woman?”
Anon
Always amazed at the ability of commenters on this board to point out “problems” with innocuous posts.
Anon
+1 to 11:34
Anonymous
Eh I knew what she meant. I have a bunch of camping chairs that are light and have shoulder straps but are definitely not easy for me to carry because they’re so long and the shoulder strap slides off my shoulder. My various tall broad-shouldered BFs have never had a problem carrying them, but I look downright comical trying to manage them.
Mal
Saw the Cliq chair advertised – looks really cool.
Anonymous
Really struggling with friend judgment. Mine hasn’t interacted with a person without a mask with 6 feet since mid-March. I do! I see two friends and my dad. And she’s known this. But now it has become very very clear she thinks I’m being reckless for doing things like: sitting in a park, getting a to go cocktail, helping my widowed father move, going to my office (which I’ve done twice and no one else has been there). She wants me to visit and I’d be happy to, but basically expects me to quarantine two weeks first and then wear a mask the whole time I’m over. And I’m not doing that. And that’s fine, she gets to draw her own boundaries it’s just sad and frustrating too me and I’m really worried about her.
Anonymous
I think she should be more worried about you.
Anonymous
What kind of responses are you looking for? Do you want advice on how not to judge or suggestions on how your friend could socialize safely … or do you just want us to look at the things your friend is doing & judge right along with you?
Anonymous
Just venting! I love her and it’s just hard to not be on the same page.
anon a mouse
One of the hardest things for me has been seeing how so many of my smart, kind friends have completely different barometers of risk than I do: going to get groceries several times a week, letting kids play with neighbors, go into the office when WFH is still an option, etc. I recognize that I am on the conservative side, but it is hard to not be a little judgmental. I’m trying to practice grace and reflect on the fact that this is really hard for everyone and we are all trying to do what we think is best for our lives and families.
Anon
I agree with this and I am trying my best as well, but it’s hard because everyone’s actions affect all of us. I’m not asking anyone to hide in a bunker, quit their jobs, or grow their own food instead of buying groceries, but does it make me a little upset to see my boss gallivant all over town for friend dates and camping dates and dinners out? Yes. Am I pissed that she is trying to rush us back “because I miss you all!” when WFH is easy and productive? Yes. It’s like there’s a scale of risk tolerance that probably most of us are on, ranging from conservative to loose but still aware – I’ve actually found it easy to accept my friends and family members’ actions on that scale when they differ from mine. But there’s people who are just blowing the whole thing up without a care in the world and THAT’S what I am finding hard to accept as a high-risk individual.
anonanon
I’m similar to your friends – much looser boundaries than many. What you don’t see is that the lock-down is really hard on my husband’s mental health. He is now on an antidepressant and probably should be at a higher dose. Obviously, this is not the case for everyone – people are different and have different risk tolerances. I mention it only because I think this is a time to extend grace to each other, and not judgement.
anonymous
You say that you’re trying to “practice grace,” but I wonder if you’re actually considering their reasoning or just judging their actions. For example, maybe they are really struggling to get work done at home. Maybe the mental health benefits from allowing kids to play with neighbors are important to them. Done properly these are all pretty low risk activities. Asking people to remain in their homes socially isolated except for a grocery run every 2 weeks and some walks outside for 3 months is a pretty big ask.
Anon
She wants to judge her friend. That much is obvious.
Anon
Don’t worry about her just because she is being more cautious than you. That’s her right. It’s not uncontrolled anxiety. It’s not pathological. It’s good social distancing in the middle of a pandemic.
Hildy
Agree. The friend has a lower risk tolerance than I personally do but her taking more precautions than I am doesn’t make her pathological. If you aren’t comfortable with her “rules” to visit, then decline the invitation. She’s allowed to set the terms to see people. You’re allowed to decide those terms are too onerous.
Senior Attorney
Yep. This is a hard time for everybody and a little grace goes a long way.
anon2
So you’re pretending that you’re worried about her so that you can ask the internet to tell you how crazy she is being so you can feel smug in the risk balance you have chosen? Hard no.
anon2
Oops, sorry anon at 10:21 – didn’t mean to nest this here.
Anon
Yep, 100% this.
Anonymous
I don’t think you can convince someone like this to come out of the bunker she’s built. She is getting something out of being in there and from judging others. Eventually there will be something more motivating that will drive her out. At that point you can evaluate the friendship. I have FB friends who are similarly sequestered who constantly “poll” to try to confirm (“whether”) they are right to negatively judge whatever life activity a friend on the outside has reported engaging in. They are all people who had high levels of anxiety pre-coronavirus.
Anonymous
She’s not in a bunker, she’s being reasonable. You are the one getting something out of judging people. Sounds like your friends should be the ones re-evaluating their friendships with you.
Anon
+1 that was an ugly, obnoxious response
Anonymous
I didn’t think it was ugly or obnoxious; I thought it was pretty truthful, which I understand probably landed poorly with people here who resonate with the description Anonymous at 10:23 provided. FWIW I have observed the same thing – the folks I know who were most anxious and prone to worry pre-Covid have really latched on to Covid as a linchpin for their anxieties and are taking recommendations to extremes, and judging people for not escalating their quarantining to the level they’re at. One of my Facebook “friends” posted a screed about people not disinfecting their groceries and then putting non-disinfected grocery packaging in the garbage “where garbage people could touch it and get sick!” In our area the residential garbagemen don’t leave their vehicles and when someone pointed this out, she just got angry and defensive. We’re seeing similar things here, on this board. Which I’m sure you and Anon at 11:11 realize.
I am fortunate in that of all the friends I see IRL, folks are being reasonably cautious but not taking it to extremes. If I did have someone in my life that not only wanted to take things to extremes, but also wanted to judge others for not going to extremes, it would make me think about that person differently. I would probably reconsider how close of a relationship I wanted to have with that person.
Anonymous
Huh? My only complaint about my friends is the fake polling. I have respected their desires to keep a distance and I don’t visit them or even invite them outside if I know they are still SIP. They have their reasons.
AFT
Something I’ve struggled with is that everyone has to make their own risk analysis, and just because someone else’s is different from yours doesn’t make it or them bad. Ex: We want to see grandparents in their 60s with precautions (outside, no touching, etc.) so we’re more conservative in going to see friends or out to parks, grocery stores, patio dining, etc. Friends who don’t have elderly folks in their lives may be willing to be more risky because they are unlikely to expose someone in a higher risk group.
I’d try to be clear with her what you’re willing to do and offer alternatives (zoom, call, outside visit) if she’s unwilling to have you visit absent 2 weeks’ strict quarantine (assuming you’re unwilling to do that)
Anonymous
It sounds like maybe now is not the time to visit. You’re already butting heads and each feel kinda judged by the other. I think her quarantine requirement was her way of (nicely) telling you not to visit rn. Give her some time and let her hang out again as she feels comfortable.
I have a close friend who was like this until recently. She got SO MAD at me for going grocery shopping (even though it was impossible to get a delivery window at the time), and after that I was just “busy” for a week or two. Now, things are opening up and my friend is still cautious but willing to do things like sit on opposite ends of a park bench with me. People are working through a lot of feelings rn so it’s best to be patient and try not to hold it against them.
Anonymous
Thanks I appreciate this. Just needed to get the feelings out. You’re 100% right, patience and time on all sides.
Anon
You said “and that’s fine. She gets to draw her own boundaries.” You should have stopped there because that is correct.
But going on to say you’re frustrated because you can’t do exactly what you want to do and visit her completely invalidates what you said above, and is an incredibly selfish perspective.
Anonymous
Instead of criticizing your friend, you should be grateful she and others like her are doing everything they can to reduce spread. They are making the entire community safer.
Seventh Sister
FWIW, I don’t think you’re being reckless at all, and I always find it tough when a friend disapproves of my actions when I think I’m being reasonable (or even if I’m not). If I want disapproval, I can always chat with my mom, bless her.
cookies
Do you have a favorite chewy chocolate chip cookie recipe? It can be classic or have a small twist, but not be too avant garde.
I’m really hoping to impress someone. :)
Cb
Ooh, I have my Nana’s recipe. If you post a anon email, I’ll send it to you!
cookies
Ooh, yes please…thank you!
It’s collateral.light at gma1l.
Ribena
I really like Ella Risbridger’s Paris Cookies from her cookbook Midnight Chicken. Also on her insta as Isolation Cookies
Marie
https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/chocolate-chip-cookies/
Cannot recommend more highly. I have made these twice since WFH began in March (DH ate at least 3/4 of the entire batch in the first 3 days) and passed on the recipe to my paralegal, whose daughter has made them multiple times, as well. They come out soft and chewy and have that bakery-style quality I have never been able to get in my own cookies before. I used dark chocolate and white chocolate chips in mine and I did not chill the dough before cooking, as directed. They still came out great.
Marie
PS: Paralegal and daughter are GF and made them with GF flour, if that is a concern.
Marie
PS: Paralegal is GF, so daughter made them for family with GF flour and said they still turned out amazing, if that is a concern.
Marshmallow
Use the recipe on the back of the Toll House chocolate chips bag, but use butter-flavored Crisco instead of butter (this is the most important part and is what makes them chewy), no nuts, make the cookies about twice as big as they instruct, and check them like a hawk to pull them out of the oven the moment the edges turn golden brown.
Never too many shoes...
You mean…Neslee Tohlouse? (You have to read it in a Phoebe voice).
Jeffiner
Yup. I read in a cookbook once that real butter is for rolled/cookie-cutter cookies, margarine or Crisco is for drop cookies. Makes all the difference.
anon
Oh interesting! I have a lot of trouble with my butter cookies being perfection on Day 1 but getting super dry after they’ve been in the container for any length of time. My mom always uses margarine and does not seem to have that issue.
Vicky Austin
Wow, I had never heard of the butter/Crisco tip before…methinks we’re baking this weekend!
Anonymous
Have to disagree. The tollhouse recipe is perfect. Once you make the dough, put it in the fridge overnight and you will get a more caramel tasting cookie that is divine as something magical and sciencey happens with the mixed dough. Cookies are highly subjective so if you prefer chewier crisco cookies, go for it. Original recipe fan here.
Anon
I know if has its fans, but Crisco just doesn’t taste right.
Duchess
Serious Eats’ Best Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe. It has you brown the butter, chop the chocolate from a bar (we usually use Ghiardelli, because it’s easy to find), and top with coarse sea salt. Sooooooo good. You also have to rest the dough overnight. It seems like a ton of work, but it’s not so bad when you actually do it, and so worth it.
Carrots
Love this one from Two Peas and their Pod
https://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/vanilla-pudding-chocolate-chip-cookies/
LadyB
Chocolate Chip Banana Cookies! The banana makes them so perfectly chewy!!
https://www.momontimeout.com/chocolate-chip-banana-cookies/
Senior Attorney
I’ve been making the Doubletree Hotel cookies and they are delish. They’re pretty chewy already but if you do the Crisco-for-butter thing they will be even more so.
https://newsroom.hilton.com/static-doubletree-reveals-cookie-recipe.htm
Anonymous
I have been making this version for ten years: https://smittenkitchen.com/2009/03/crispy-chewy-chocolate-chip-cookies/
cbackson
Just have to vent about how absolutely terrible the voting situation was in Georgia yesterday. If you saw it on the news, yes, it was exactly as bad as portrayed. And it was only the latest in months of screwups by various levels of government. Because I’m 38 weeks pregnant and physically unable to stand in 85 degree heat for 4 hours at this point, I missed voting in an election for the first time since turning 18.
And turnout was only half what they expect for the general election in November. If this happens again then, I honestly think we may have riots again.
Anonymous
Can you not get absentee ballots in Georgia?
cbackson
See below – theoretically, but mine (and many) never arrived. So frustrating.
Anon
for you in particular, can you say you have a health issue requiring voting by mail? i realize this doesn’t solve the larger problem, bc it did look like a hot mess (no pun intended)
cbackson
See below – I tried, but they never sent my ballot…it was a big problem in my county.
AnonATL
We absentee voted, which I didn’t love. I hope by the time the general election rolls around they have it figured out because voter participation is going to be even higher. I’m sure so many people ditched the lines, and I probably would have too. It’s been so hot and humid the past few days!
AnonATL
I should add we live in the burbs, and the absentee process was clear as mud here. None of the paperwork had clear instructions or deadlines. It took a lot of research and chasing information, and I would guess a lot of absentee ballots are going to be invalid.
cbackson
They actually offered everyone the option to apply for an absentee ballot this year with no reason needed. I applied in March and my ballot was theoretically issued May 26, but never arrived. It happened to tens of thousands of voters, particularly in my county.
So then I tried to early vote, but the early voting locations were overwhelmed due to people in the same situation (and the statue cut the number of early voting locations bc they thought they wouldn’t need as many due to people voting absentee) – I went twice and both times the waits were 2-3 hours.
So as a last-ditch effort, I tried to vote in person yesterday, only to find that the line at my precinct at poll opening was 3 hours long. Checked again later…it was 4 hours long. Just a complete disaster.
anon a mouse
I think it is absolutely shameful and so, so obvious what the GOP strategy is here.
Serious question, what’s the way to fix it? Will it have to be through a long court case, absent congressional or state directive?
cbackson
Honestly, a lot of yesterday seems like it was just straight-up incompetence (poor planning and failure to respond when problems became apparent…which happened before the election) + lack of funding. The failure to process absentee ballot applications on time in my county was due to failure by the county elections board (which is controlled by Democrats) to staff up appropriately, which they’ve admitted. That, coupled with the Republican Secretary of State’s decision to reduce early voting locations and close polling places lead to overwhelmed polling locations. The SoS and the counties are in a fight over whose fault it was that the machines didn’t work/workers were trained to use them but personally I put that one on the SoS because they have ultimate legal responsibility for ensuring that the machines function and that adequate training is provided.
Right now I can’t even state for sure that heavily D polling places were more heavily affected than heavily R polling places – anecdotal reports are all over the map. I very recently moved from a D precinct to an R precinct (so recently that I was still registered in my former precinct) and the wait at my new R precinct was apparently still 2-3 hours because the state didn’t deliver the machines on time yesterday morning and they couldn’t open until 9 AM. A lot of my friends in heavily D areas had waits of less than 30 minutes.
This was a primary other than a few nonpartisan judicial races (many of which were uncontested), so there wasn’t much in the way of partisan advantage to the GOP here. November will be a very different story – not just the presidential but we have key House and Senate races on the ballot. And we expect turnout to be twice as high as yesterday.
I do feel like it requires litigation. Regardless of whether it’s intentional voter suppression or just incompetence, the result is the creation of massive obstacles to the exercise of the franchise. I’m no voting rights law expert, but it should be illegal whether it’s an attempt to gain partisan advantage or just a massive multilevel f*ck up.
anonymous
I’m also a Fulton County resident who stood in line for a mere 2 hours to vote yesterday and co-sign all of this. In my view the closing of polling locations is one of the most egregious aspects of this dumpster fire. People can point fingers at technical issues and untrained staff, but these are not intentional failures (although I would argue they are foreseeable to some extent and needed to be better accounted for.) On the other hand, intentionally making decisions long before the election to have limited early voting and reduce polling locations just screams “we don’t care if you have to stand in line forever, we don’t care if you don’t even try to vote because you cannot afford 4 hours to do so. In fact, we’d prefer it if you didn’t.”
Anonanonanon
Yeah this sounds like a total cluster in this instance. They did a lot of things right (sending everyone in theory a vote by mail ballot) but execution was clearly lacking. Several cases on similar issues are pending in other states. The hurdle to all is getting something in time before the next elections, and courts aren’t usually in the business of running elections.
SmallLawAtl
Why is this a GOP strategy? The worst counties are always, always DeKalb and Fulton, which are heavily Democratic. Polling places and staffing are handled by county boards of election. But it sucked even in my red’ish county, where the GOP would have no reason to try to torpedo the vote. I waited over two hours to vote.
The combination of heavy turnout, new machines that take longer to record one’s vote (seriously longer), lack of time to train poll workers in person on those machines (2 of the 5 at my polling location were out of order) and the need to scramble for polling locations when so many were closed means delays are inevitable. It does not mean “GOP strategy.” What a knee-jerk thing to say.
anon
I’d love — honestly– if you could point out one thing that the GOP has done in Georgia that you think shows a good-faith effort to increase the opportunities for eligible voters to vote. I’m open to having my mind changed.
Nah
That was not her question. Her question was why the GOP is blamed for polling place failures when the polling places in the two worst-run counties are run by Dems, and even in her conservative county, where GOP would WANT the voter turnout, the lines were hours long. You have raised a new and different question, one about what the GOP has done to increase voting opportunities. That is fine. But her question was how is this the GOP’s fault… and that’s a good question.
Anonymous
I can also confirm this disaster. I did not receive my mail-in ballot despite requesting it in early April (same county). But I received an email saying they found my app and would be sending the ballot, so I did not arrange to take a 1/2 workday to early vote. I was actually on the news waiting in a three-hour line at 9PM. I am not sure all of this falls on a GOP strategy, though. Our Dem-and-minority-run county is to blame for some of this.
Anonymous
The only thing that will change this is GA residents raising a fuss. Write letters to the editor. Find out when public meetings are held and attend. Write to your elections commissioner and representatives and demand better.
Eager Beaver
While I appreciate this sentiment, it’s a vast oversimplification of the problem in states like Georgia and it feels condescending. Georgia residents (especially minority residents) have been raising a fuss for a very very long time. The issues are systematic. In my view, as a resident of Georgia and an attorney, the only that that will change this is litigation.
cbackson
Yeah, if you think Georgians aren’t raising a fuss about this…trust me. We are, and have been.
anon
Litigation is one method of raising a fuss, in a very official way.
Anon
No, this can also change if people who are upset about it volunteer to help out. Polls need volunteers. Campaigns need volunteers. Call up your town or county and see if they need help in November. Many rely heavily on volunteers.
anon
I voted yesterday. Reside in a northern suburb of Fulton County. I consider myself lucky because I only waited for an hour and a half. Lots of complaining in the line from people who had requested absentee ballots and never received them.
There has been a lot of finger pointing and blaming going back and forth between Democrats and Republicans. Both parties need to cut out the childish antics, figure out what went wrong and fix the issue.
Anonymous
I’m a 40 year old who has voted exactly 2x in my life so you can say I don’t care enough to be bothered. I saw some pics and my only question — what are these people even voting FOR? Some local election? Because the primaries happening now don’t matter since the nominees are set. Is it THAT important? I wouldn’t stand in a line for 3 min to vote let alone 3 hours in 90+ degree weather in the middle of a pandemic.
Anon
Lady, read a book. Seriously.
Seventh Sister
It certainly matters for the primaries in down-ballot races, even if the major parties have decided on their presidential nominees.
I live in a. state that has permanent vote-by-mail if you want it (and it works just fine and probably benefits R candidates), but if for some reason my ballot doesn’t show up for the general, you can be sure I’m going to wait in a line for however long it takes to vote. Honestly, it is the one tangible thing I can do to make sure my city, state, and country are run by good people for the next few years.
anon
Wow, I would not expect this from a woman who posts on this board. Only twice?! I just … how do you not care?
TMI
Has anyone ever done an at-home bikini wax? Any recs for products that are effective and easy to use? The lockdown has me kicking myself for not lasering years ago.
AFT
I did Nair – less effective, not painful, and very easy to use. I didn’t see myself being able to self-wax!
TMI
Yeah I’m worried I don’t have the pain tolerance for self-waxing either. Thank you!
Toothapple
I love the epilator I got off Amazon for ~$50? Great for maintaining at home, not really the initial dehiring though…
pugsnbourbon
I also use Nair. Be sure to patch-test first, even if you’ve used it before!
At one point there was a type that came in a twist-up tube like a deodorant stick, which was a bit less messy to use. I haven’t been able to find it lately but it might still be out there.
Anonymous
I did in college (before ever having a professional one!) for the first and last time lol. I put wax everywhere so i couldn’t chicken out half way through. I am not sure if that was a good idea or bad, but it eventually all came off. I did a lot of deep breathing and pep talks as I worked my way through. It took so long by the end I was ripping it off. On second thought, maybe just use nair…
TMI
LOL Nair it is. Thanks, everyone!
Equestrian Attorney
I use the Nair microwaveable stripless wax. I find it pretty easy to use – just be sure to test the temperature on a non sensitive area first. In full disclosure, I do a partial wax only if I’m doing it myself.
Anon
Yes, use warm wax (like Parissa, Sally Hansen makes some) with muslin strips. You can wash the strips in a washing machine and reuse. If you’re just doing a bikini line it’s pretty quick, make sure to trim first.
Anon
Has anyone moved away from NYC and was able to find love and start a family? I’m 31 and it’s been really demoralizing doing online dating. Lately, the only likes and messages I get seem to be from men old enough to be my father or grandfather. On Match, I blocked a 73 year old guy after telling him that I was not interested in dating men his age. He then created a separate account just to send me nasty messages. Before, when I lived in DC, it seemed that the older men there were at least somewhat aware of the inappropriateness of this type of age gap. In NY, it seems completely acceptable, and the men my own age are either taken or want to date younger women. Except for one friend who is with a man 10 years older than her, none of my millennial friends ever dated or are interested in older men. But if you google this topic, everything you see is about how younger women want to be with older men. There is nothing out there explaining that millennial women are not interested in older men. Why do the older men in NY not understand that most younger women are not interested in them? Sorry, just need to rant because I am so disgusted and angry by getting these creepy messages from older men.
I feel really depressed doing online dating. I feel like I spent my 20s grinding away in school and big law, only to get pushed out as a senior associate. Now I have an ok career and no prospect of ever finding a significant other my age. And the prospects just seem to dwindle. Please tell me dating is better somewhere else? I’d be willing to move for chances at a better personal life even if it means giving up my career.
Anonymous in Texas
I’m sure you’ve heard this a million times, but do you have any hobbies where you can meet people? I would dump online dating completely. Join a running group in NYC – anything to get you out and meet guys with similar interests. If you’re friendly and smile, I would imagine you’d meet someone.
anon
Different anon here — I live in DC and every hobby/group I’ve joined with the goal of meeting someone has been populated exclusively by women and gay men. Le sigh.
Hildy
Something to consider would be an alumni club for your college, especially if you went to a school with a football and/or basketball team. I’m married but football and basketball watch parties tend to have a vary high ratio of men to women.
Anon
That actually sounds awesome to me. What kind of clubs are populated by women and gay men?
Anon
I wouldn’t say “exclusively” but I think anything artsy (theatre, dance, crafting) tends to lean heavily in that direction. In my area it is hard to meet straight men at hobbies unless they have an athletic focus, which is off the table for hopelessly unathletic me.
anon
Yoga workshops, running clubs, animal shelter volunteer work, foreign language practice groups… anything that exists in DC basically. It most definitely is an awesome assortment of people but it doesn’t help a straight, single lady find a partner (which was the point of this post). The alumni club suggestion is something I hadn’t considered so thanks to Hildy for that one!
Anonymous
You need to be less invested in trash. Block any old man and move on.
Anon
This. You’re giving this guy way too much head space.
anon
I think this one guy is just the latest crap match that pushed her over the edge. It is indeed easy to block and move on but if you feel like you’re doing that 100% of the time, it’s demoralizing.
Anon
Thank you. When 100% of the likes you get are from old men, it’s demoralizing no matter how many you block.
Anon
Reportedly, there has been a rise of “sugar daddy / sugar baby” arrangements and there are entire websites dedicated to them. I have a friend who has only dated older rich men that she meets online. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is on those sites. So, while I don’t have dating advice for you, I think the creepy old men are on there because there is a market for them if they are rich enough.
Anon
Those sites have been around forever, that’s nothing new.
Anne
Anecdotal, but one friend moved back to Mpls from the East Coast for this reason. She got on the apps and lined up dates before even arriving and within a couple of months met her husband. Two kids and many years later they seem happy enough (though of course its a hard time to live in Mpls, but that’s unrelated to dating). It’s a stereotype but I do think more people in the Mid-West are focused on marriage instead of casual arrangements.
Anon
The flip side of this is that in the Midwest people marry much younger. Even in the big cities here, the vast majority of people are married by 30. If you are 31 and you’re not open to divorced guys with kids I would not recommend moving here.
Anonymous
I am in the Southwest and it’s similar, except marriage is less prevalent. Most 30+ year-old men have kids, whether or not they have been married. One of my friends at 35 said that basically, if she was not open to dating a man who had a child she would not be able to date anyone. So I don’t recommend my area either, if OP is not open to dating a guy with one or more kids by possibly one or more mothers.
OP, I don’t know where the right place to go is but I have known several women (professional contacts) who lived in NYC and they all say dating there is absolutely terrible. There are whole books and TV series about how bad NYC dating is and I don’t think those would exist, or resonate with people if they were completely inaccurate. One by one all the women I know moved to different (still large) cities and most did manage to find someone. I think in cities like Chicago, Miami, Seattle, Portland, or maybe San Diego, it would be easier to find someone under 40 who does not already have kids.
anon
Anecdotally, I have a couple of friends who left NYC for Colorado and have had good luck there.
Anonymous
I am a person who left NYC for Colorado at almost 30, and it was the best decision I have ever made for my personal life. Married and kids now, career less of a dominant force in my life (which is my preference) and zero regrets.
Anon
+1
Anon
I’m so sorry you are having this experience. What sites/apps are you on? I met my boyfriend on bumble and several friends had luck with Hinge. I never tried Match, and I found Tinder to have a lot of men lying about their age. There were certainly plenty of duds on Bumble but I met plenty of nice guys through there — I had better luck after swiping through the first hundred or so profiles (the top of the stack), so if you don’t like the first batch just keep going.
anon.
I hesitate to even reply here, because it’s all anecdotal, etc. I’m 40 now, but at 31 I left NYC after many years there and feeling really just beat up by the dating scene. I met my husband and we have two kids. Live in a midsized SE city. I make 1/3 the amount of money but I realized I wasn’t going to find someone in NY. That was just the reality for me. I love NY and, importantly, I wasn’t unhappy in my life in general or my job, but I knew I wanted a family and I wasn’t finding it there.
Ellen
I wish I knew this 10 years ago. Men in NYC just want to have guilt-free s-x with pretty women, and by the time we are over 30, we are over the hill if our intent is marrage, which leaves us with the older geezers that have money and will spend it on us for s-x and more, if we want it. I personally do not want an old geezer’s money, tho some women will have s-x with an old guy and even date him b/c they usually will not demand to much in bed, and do not want s-x 3 times a day. I want a guy to marry me, not just use me as his s-xueal pin cushion. FOOEY on men like that!
Abby
Hey I don’t think this is very kind or helpful.
SF Anon
I left New York at 32 mainly for that reason and it was the best decision I ever made. I’m 36 now, not married but in a serious relationship that could head there. I’m in the Bay Area, which has plenty of issues, but available, smart, nice guys who want to settle down isn’t one of them. Dating is another planet here. Every time I’ve been single I’ve found someone else great pretty quickly afterwards. My only regret in life is that I didn’t leave New York sooner. Dating in New York as an educated 30-something woman is h*ll.
Anon
I thought the dating pool in the Bay Area was awful. There are lots of men but many of them are extremely undatable. I like the trope of a nice, nerdy engineer (and that’s who I ended up marrying) but a lot of tech guys are not nice at all. They have a chip on their shoulder about lack of dating success in high school and college, and now that they have money they have more options and can treat women terribly, which many of them do.
Anon
This is also why dating in Seattle is terrible. Wow, you work at Amazon/Twitter/Google “changing the world?” Haven’t heard that before. Yes, I know you make a lot of money, you don’t need to tell me your salary. No, I don’t want to come see your luxury apartment *wink wink nod nod.* No, I wasn’t aware I’m different than all those other girls (never women. Always “girls”) who you’ve messaged, who never contacted you back because they’re intimidated of your success. Yes, I do look nice, compared to you in your 90s wolf howling at the moon shirt. Wow, you interrupted me again for the tenth time this date. Check, please?
Anon
I got married before moving back to the Bay Area, but my single friends tell me that guys at bars lead with “I work at Salesforce” or worse.
Anon
I wonder if this could be super regional here? Like, I could definitely see this in Silicon Valley, but I wonder if the North Bay or East Bay would be better? (I live in the East Bay but admittedly haven’t been single in a long time).
Anon
Yes, this was Peninsula/South Bay, aka Silicon Valley. I’ve heard that dating in SF is also really hard though, because the straight male:female ratios are not as favorable there. Not sure about East Bay/North Bay – but I thought at least in the East Bay a lot of people still work in Silicon Valley? I think that “type” is “men who work in tech” more than “men who live in Palo Alto” but I could be wrong.
Anonymous
Never mind dating, I have worked with men like this.
Anon
You’re 31. At least for me, that was the peak age for older men trying to date me. It goes away in a couple of years, if that’s any consolation. Men have been told their entire lives that they “can” be fifty, get a younger woman, and have kids. Problem is, they can’t actually distinguish between “biologically possible” with “snowball’s chance in hell of actually happening.” It was just weird how many of them thought that they could just snap their fingers and get a hot young thing.
Don’t give up your career. You don’t have to take the first job you find. Dating in Boston is fine and the Boston legal market is on fire. Dating in DC isn’t bad. Consider cities that are good for your career and make the move when you find the job that is right for you.
Do activities that men do. Learn something about football or baseball. Get involved in alumni events.
Anonymous
Those first few sentences have been true for me too. In my late 20s, I had so many gross old guys shooting their shot. I wished they could imagine themselves in the opposite position: hit on by a woman their grandmother’s age! Most recently in my late 30s, I actually had much more interest from guys a few years younger, and almost no interest from those significantly older. I assume I’m already too old for the bad ones, and too young for the good ones (i.e. those who actually want to date a peer).
Anon
As a counterpoint, I dated in LA in my mid-30s and I routinely got emails from men 20 years older than me (even though my dating profile indicated I wanted someone close to my age). I’m not sure the much older man hitting on a younger woman trope ever disappears.
Anon
My husband has a 63 year old client with a 2 year old, biologically. I did not ask how old mom is.
Anonymous
So, I actually have a number of friends who did this – left NYC and met someone shortly after moving to their new city. But the reason was because the dating pool in NYC didn’t align with what their interests/values. One friend was really outdoorsy (camping, hiking, etc.) and moved to Denver. Another worked for a non-profit, and found the NYC dating scene skewed too much towards finance, and ended up in DC. The key thing is that they were unhappy in NYC for reasons unrelated to dating – the city wasn’t serving their life in other ways (i.e, lack of access to hobbies, hard to meet people with similar career trajectories). They moved somewhere better aligned with their lives and the dating pool ended up having more people they were interested in.
Anon
Sadly I don’t think dating is better elsewhere. I’d ditch Match and the like though, I think their user base is older.
Anon
How old is too old?
I ask because I’m your age, and I can’t imagine dating 73 but I find that around 15 years older is ok as far as being much more intellectually stimulating than guys my own age and also not being creepy or weird.
Anon
Does anyone have a dairy-free milkshake recipe that actually tastes good? Is this even possible? My experience with dairy-free ice creams is that cashew milk tastes the best, but that in general you need chunks or swirls of something to give it more flavor. I’ve been craving a milkshake for months but have held off thinking it’ll take a lot of trial and error to find the right flavors/creaminess of the milk and ice cream components. TIA!
Anon
Back in my lactose-intolerant childhood, I enjoyed “milkshakes” made with coconut popsicles.
Ribena
I made one the other week which was just oat milk and frozen banana chunks and it hit the spot.
anonnn
It depends what kind of flavors you like. I make a lot of shakes with frozen banana, full fat coconut milk, and cocoa powder/peanut butter (You could even blend in some reeses or oreos if you were looking for more excitement). Sometimes I switch it up by adding frozen pineapple instead if I want a pina colada, or frozen strawberries for a strawberry milkshake. I’m not sure I would bother with using pre-made ice cream, unless there is a specific flavor you’re searching for.
The key is having plenty of fat — Peanut butter or full fat coconut milk are my go-tos.
Anonymous
This is delish although I guess a smoothie not a milkshake. I think the oats give a really nice flavor. I used almond milk and I suspect the brand matters, the Califa Farms almond milk was great. http://mind-over-batter.com/drinks/toasted-oat-blueberry-smoothie/
NY CPA
Dont have a recipe, but just wanted to say it can definitely be done. I dont eat any dairy products but am in love with the vegan milkshakes at Hip City Veg in Philly. They make them with soy milk ice cream and soy milk I think?
Anon
apparently in the past two months i’ve started snoring. i have not gained any weight, no major lifestyle changes, etc. so i don’t know why this is suddenly a problem, but DH is having trouble sleeping and has been sleepign on the couch. i feel terribly!. i do have a history of sinus issues, i take zyrtec daily, but does anyone have any suggestions for me? as much as i’d prefer not to right now, i will schedule an appointment with an ENT, but in the interim – can anyone suggest a nasal spray that might help or do those over the counter strips help?
Anonymous
The over the counter strips are def worth a try!
No Face
Flonase Sensimist solved my snoring. It has been life changing! I thought I had obstructive sleep apnea but it was just allergies.
Claritin and Zyrtec never reduced my snoring.
Anone
I snore during allergy season, and I find that propping up a bit helps. Use a husband pillow or a wedge pillow (but beware of product reviews…most of them address the alternate, more recreational purpose, for the wedge).
Anon
Propping up helps me when my seasonal allergies cause snoring.
Anonymous
How old are your pillows? Maybe they’re not as supportive as they used to be? Or there’s a lot of gunk in them that’s triggering allergies? Try laundering them, and if that doesn’t help, get new ones.
Anon
Flonase before bed
drpepperesq
i take two zyrtec and one in the morning, plus flonase right before bed and a prescription nasal spray. the biggest difference is taking two zyrtec!
Anon
Wait two Zyrtec at night and then one in the morning so three per day? I’m having all kinds of allergy problems that my once a day Zyrtec seems not to be helping at all so I’m very interested.
BR
Flonase! Any ENT you go to for sinus issues will say “try Flonase for 6 wks” and send you away if you haven’t already used it. If Flonase dries out your nose, try Nasacort or Rhinocort (Flonase is alcohol-based, the others are water-based). Generics: Flonase=fluticasone, Nasacort=triamcinolone, Rhinocort=budesonide.
Other suggestions for snoring: prop yourself up as others have suggested, and no alcohol before bed (it relaxes your soft tissue and makes you snore). The nasal strips do help some people. Hope that helps!
Deedee
Has anyone dealt with really wanting kids at a time when it’s not yet possible? Is there anything that helped you enjoy your childfree days more?
My partner and I want to have kids, but, for a variety of reasons, this is not the right time for us. Lately, I have been really wanting to start a family and craving that kind of family closeness and nurturing that I know we will enjoy as parents. We don’t have many friends who are parents and, of course, aren’t doing much in person socializing for the foreseeable future. (We are in the Northeast and our family situation means that we will need to remain very cautious even as the area opens up.) Because of COVID, many of the DINK hobbies we previously enjoyed like weekends hiking out of state, international travel, live orchestra and opera, restaurants even, are out of the question for the time being.
I need to find a way to enjoy the place where we are in life, and I’m hoping you might have suggestions. Is there some hobby that would fill that nurturing and caretaking desire? If you’ve ever felt this way, how have you managed your feelings?
anon
To fulfill that caretaking desire, what about fostering an animal?
Deedee
I should have said: I do have a cat! I love her but she definitely doesn’t fill that niche for me. No offense, kitty :)
alina
Big Brothers Big Sisters or another mentoring program?
Deedee
alina, thanks for this thought. I actually had a Little Sister, but our match ended up closing this fall early, after after about 9 months. I’m still eligible to rematch at BBBS, but haven’t made a decision about whether I’d like to try again. I’ll give it some more thought though!
mascot
Our solution to this was getting a dog. There is a definite overlap in the nurturing/caring/selflessness required to have a dependent creature whether human or canine. In some ways, having our first two dogs gave us some skills we drew upon when we had a human child. Now, having gone through the early baby days prepared us for some of the challenges of raising a puppy.
Anonanonanon
Yes. I don’t own a dog for this reason. My second child happened, in part, because my husband wanted a dog and I was like well if we’re going to do that we might as well have that second child we talked about instead. Waking up to their puppy whines, potty training, behavioral training, vet appointments, grooming appointments, buying a bunch of stuff, finding the right food, etc. is a lot.
Definitely research which breed will be best around children, though!
Anonymous
After a terrible, heartbreaking experience adopting a puppy and then having a baby, I strongly advise against doing things in this order. If you want a dog, wait until the baby is at least in elementary school.
Anon
Aka you dropped it off at a shelter
Anon
Yes, definitely don’t get a dog if you are unwilling to commit to keeping the dog once you have a baby. It’s okay to admit that you aren’t that committed, just please admit it now instead of later.
Anonymous
Way to judge someone on basically no details whatsoever. You don’t know anything about the situation (because she didn’t share it) so please have a seat; your contribution adds nothing to the conversation.
Anon
Agree with 12:06. I know someone that had to rehome a very loved dog because her baby had such severe asthma around the dog he couldn’t breath. This was beyond vague allergies. It was life threatening.
anon
Why use the phrase “aren’t that committed?” Do you think that dog owners should be so committed to their dogs that they should allow or tolerate the risk of the dog biting their infant or toddler? Because that doesn’t seem like a rational position to me. Is it because you would rather imply she’s a bad person who doesn’t care about animals than admit that some times people have to make hard choices?
Vicky Austin
God, I could have written your post. We do have a dog, and that helps (if nothing else, it takes my mind off it for a hot minute when I’m chasing him around). But I am right where you are.
Deedee
Thanks for the commiseration. This is something I can’t really talk to family or friends about, so it’s nice to know others have felt this way.
Daffodil
I hear you. I’m in a similar situation, and kids aren’t possible in the near future for a variety of reasons, unfortunately. I had planned to get a dog at some point, and decided to take the leap. I’ve now had my puppy for 3 weeks, and she definitely fills that nurturing and need to care for someone/something urge. I’ve really been struggling with mental health issues for the last several months, and I’ve seen an improvement in my mental state since I’ve gotten her.
That said, it is a ton of work- but for me, it’s been completely worth it.
Deedee
I should have mentioned that I have a cat! I do think I would like adding a dog! Unfortunately the same reasons that make now a bad time to have kids (spouse’s career change/going back to school and potential relocations) also make it feel like an unwise time to add a second animal. What if we move to bigger city for my spouse to return to school and can’t find an affordable cat and dog friendly rental?
I’m glad this is working for you though! Nothing brightens my daily walks like seeing all the puppies this time of year :)
Anon
Commiseration. DH and I had hoped to begin TTC last year, but due to a variety of issues (including multiple deaths in our families, unfortunately), we put our efforts on hold to get our heads right before we took the step. We finally felt ready to begin again in January, and I really thought 2020 was going to be our year to start a family. Fast forward to now, DH is suffering from a serious health issue that will probably require surgery, there is a pandemic going on, we are both WFH, and everything just feels so out of control. In some ways, I am grateful not to be trying to juggle a newborn right now along with trying to be a remote attorney billing my hours, caring for my husband, and coping with general feelings of isolation and anxiety. All that said, I am still struggling with feelings of disappointment because I feel so ready to have children, thought I would have them by now, and life seems to have other plans for us at this time.
Anon
i am so so sorry to hear about your DH’s health issue. I was sort of in your shoes at one point and now am on the other side. i remember hosting 10 people for a beach weekend and when two couples announced they were pregnant, congratulating them and keeping it together for enough time to run into the bathroom and burst into tears. we hadn’t even started trying yet at that point, but had decided due to various life circumstances that we needed to wait another year to try (we were moving to a new state and starting new jobs and i wanted FMLA protection, amongst other things). if you are really struggling, consider talking to a therapist. also, depending on your age, get tested now (or as soon as things reopen in your state) to determine if you have any identifiable fertility issues + genetic testing, so that when are you are ready to really try you can get started with all the information you need rather than ‘wasting’ more time and psychologically it might help you feel like you are getting closer
Anon
Thanks for your response. I am 31, which I know means I have time still. I had it in my head as a randomly chosen timeline that I would have children the year I turned 30, which was arbitrary, but still somehow makes me feel let down. I know on a logical level we are making the right choice to wait to be in the right place mentally and health-wise to have children, but it’s still disappointing since that switch flipped about 2 years ago for me that I was ready to be a mom.
Deedee
I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s health–that’s really hard.
Anon
Thank you. I am sorry you are struggling too. I am glad you started this thread, as I do not feel comfortable discussing this topic with people I know IRL, especially when all things considered, we have so much to be thankful for. It is both comforting and sad that others are similarly going through these feelings, as well. I guess it just goes to show that we all are just trying to make the best decisions we can in times of great uncertainty, but the unknown can be disconcerting. Sending you good vibes for your circumstances to change soon and for you to be able to start your family.
Anonymous
Just don’t put yourself in the position where you’re trying to rehome your dog because your really wanted a kid instead.
Anonymous
That’s not why people rehome dogs after they have babies. They rehome the dog because the dog is dangerous to the baby, only after months of agonizing over the decision while trying to protect the baby from the dog. Then they are wracked with guilt and subject to snarky comments from dog supremacists on the internet.
Anonymous
Nope you are not the victim here the dog is.
Anon
Just stop. You are all over this thread with your dogs>babies bs. A dog who bites a baby probably should be rehomed because clearly the dog is not happy either.
Hildy
You’re right. They should definitely “re-home” the baby instead. /sarcasm
anon
What’s your solution then? Allow the dog to pose a danger to the baby? (Ooh, maybe the dog will bite the baby and then it’ll be put down! That’ll be a win for the dog for sure.) Give the baby up for adoption? I’m eagerly awaiting your detailed response.
Anon
Eh, a dog who is aggressive to a child should definitely be rehomed but lots of people give up dogs after having children because they no longer care about the dog, which is pretty dang gross. Our rescue dog was surrendered in that situation. She was not aggressive to her first family’s children, and had never been aggressive to the baby we had a couple years after adopting her.
Personally I’m very glad we did dog before baby, but our dog was a spayed, house-trained adult when we adopted her and I realize puppies are quite different.
Hildy
Is this really a thing? I’ve never heard of that happening in real life. The only people I know who have re-homed dogs are one who was aggressive towards the baby and the other where the dog became extremely aggressive to the other dog. Both families were devastated to have to rehome the dog.
Eek
I know people who have gotten rid of their dogs post-baby because they “don’t have time”, or the dog acts out when the baby comes home by having accidents in the house, etc.
If the dog is actually putting the baby in danger, then there is really no choice in the matter. That’s a completely different situation in my view.
Anon
I personally know two couples who surrendered dogs when the dog became inconvenient (not aggressive). In one case it was because of a new baby, in another case it was because they wanted to travel more. And as I said, that was the explanation given to us by the rescue when we adopted our dog: “the family recently had a child and the dog no longer fit their lifestyle.” Of course you could argue the rescue had an interest in minimizing any behavioral issues, but we never saw evidence of any, even when we added a new baby ourselves a few years later. My childhood dog was the least aggressive dog you can imagine (a fat, lazy, super loving beagle) who was surrendered to a rescue when her parents got divorced. Animal shelters get an influx of puppies and kittens every January because they’re such a common Christmas gift for kids and then families realize they don’t have the capacity to properly care and train for them. So yeah…this is definitely a thing that happens, and it seems incredibly naive to believe that only aggressive dogs get “rehomed.”
Anonymous
Hmm, interesting. It sounds like those people really shouldn’t have gotten dogs in the first place and I question how great of dog owners they ever were. That said, I don’t think it’s fair to characterize that a “lot” of people rehome dogs because they become inconvenient. Seems like an unfair assumption to make absent more facts.
Anon
My cat was surrendered back to the shelter twice by two different families. She is the most ridiculously amazingly adorable animal ever. She is so patient with our baby, she’s snuggly and playful, and is very well behaved. She had a few kitten issues (related to the litter box), but we got those straightened out inside of a month.
So I can see it from the other side: a lot of families adopt this adorable little thing, then surrender the animal back when they don’t want to (or know how to do) the work of training them.
Anon
I know people who euthanized pets just because they were ready to have kids.
Anon
Dog supremacists? Really?
Anonymous
Don’t you know people with compassion towards animals are terrorists?! /s (Unfortunately they literally can be un the US due to Ag Gag laws.)
Anonymous
“Don’t you know people with compassion towards animals are terrorists?!”
There’s a big, huge, gigantic difference between folks who “have compassion for animals” and people who think animals are more important than people and that there’s never a legitimate reason for a family to rehome a pet. We have a dog who was rehomed when the family who owned her had a baby who was born with a life-threatening immune disorder. Since almost all dogs are allergenic and also tend to track in germs, having the dog around the baby was a no-go and the kid’s doctor directed the family to get rid of their pets. The dog was a direct threat to the baby’s life. They rehomed her to us, she’s a great dog and everyone is happy. There are people out there – including some who frequent this blog – who would ridicule and bully that family for rehoming their dog to us. That is being an “animal supremacist.”
Anon
I feel like everyone waits for the perfect time to have kids but there is no perfect time to have kids. If you’re in a committed relationship and have a strong urge to have kids now, that makes now a perfect time.
I say this as an older and hopefully wiser mom. No matter what, going from being a couple to being parents is going to turn your lives upside-down, but you can make it work. There are no guarantees that say 2 years from now everything will be all lined up perfectly for you to start your family. You want kids now, have kids now. You can do this!!
Anonymous
Unpopular opinion here, but I don’t think international travel is off the table. Much of Europe is planning to open their borders to non-Schengen residents in July, and my family has plans to travel there this summer and fall.
I’m sorry you had to postpone TTC.
anon
Unpopular because it’s selfish and irresponsible.
Anonymous
It’s really only perceived as selfish and irresponsible here. The people I know in real life (mostly liberal, fwiw) aren’t nearly so pearl-clutchy, and I’d say well more than half of the people I know are planning airplane travel this summer or fall. I’m not sure why travel to Europe would be any riskier than airplane travel within the US, given that most places in Europe have far few cases per capita than much of the US.
Anon
Yeah, this place skews waaaaay more conservative on everything COVID related than the real world.
Anon
I think this has to vary a ton by what part of the country you live in. Where I am, none of my local friends are planning air travel and most aren’t sending kids back to daycare yet.
Deedee
My spouse and I take care of a seriously immunocompromised family member, so unfortunately I fear that international travel will be too risky for us for a while to come. I do hope that those who can travel will enjoy on our behalf!
Anon
Do you know anyone you can babysit for? After a day of babysitting when I really wanted kids I genuinely started to appreciate coming home to peace and quiet where I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Kids can be exhausting and relentless. Not that it makes you not want them, but there are upsides and downsides to everything.
blessed
+1,000
anon
Any recommendations for colorful work-from-home tops? Something in the cotton/linen/easy care family? I am really lacking short-sleeve casual tops that aren’t t-shirts. I cannot bring myself to wear my actual office shirts at home.
anon.
Boden is your friend. Lots of “dressy” tees.
anon
Have you checked out anthropologie? Not sure what your price point is, but I bought a couple of their tops on a sale and have enjoyed them. They have some cotton/tencel/linen options, but you do have to dig through a lot of rayon. I have also found a few good options at Loft that are cotton blouses, so far washing and wearing well.
Anonymous
I had sworn off Loft for awhile, but this might be a case in which it’s worth trying!
Annette
So cute, thank you!
Senior Attorney
I’ve gotten some cute ones from Loft recently, too.
Ribena
Uniqlo is worth checking. I have a lovely 50/50 cotton/linen blouse I bought there in 2018ish. The costume team for Wine Country put Maya Rudolph in it, picture link to follow
Ribena
http://www.moviefone.com/2019/04/11/wine-country-trailer-netflix/
The header photo.
Anonymous
Cute top. This was my mistake, but I thought you meant they printed Maya’s face on it for a movie promo & had to click through lol.
Ribena
Hahahahaha. Can you imagine wearing that for a work Zoom?
DLC
+1 Uniqlo. Some of their tops are a little short waisted; I think a lot of their aesthetic is high waisted pants. But I love them for basics in interesting shapes.
Out of Place Engineer
I really like the ones from Old Navy called “Loose Linen-Blend Jersey Henley Top for Women.” They are a linen/poly blend and a relaxed fit. I like the henley for a little v neck. I just bought a few new colors for this year!
anne-on
I have this in every color they made it in – size down, and be aware it is a bit boxy but in a cute way:
https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens-clothing/jeans/even_more_jean_styles/squareneck-buttonfront-chambray-top/AO603?color_name=seashore-blue-wash
Senior Attorney
Ooh! Cute! And now I just ordered that and a couple of cute tees from J Crew Factory…
Nanny Costs
Posted this on the moms site but it’s glitching still and I’m afraid I won’t get responses in time for my conversation with the nanny early afternoon….
Very sorry to bring up a repeat topic, but searching is not yielding enough results to help with what I’m looking for.
What do you pay your full-time nanny? Does your rate change if you go on vs. under the table? We’d like to pay on the table and not sure if/how that factors in to setting the rate…having a nanny is new territory for us. We’re in the outer suburbs of a HCOL city with one toddler. Our nanny has some experience and has told us to ‘pay us what we’re comfortable paying’. Currently paying $18/hr under the table as a temporary, part-time pandemic babysitter but we want to bring her on full time. $20/hr feels low on an annualized 40 hours/week basis and $25/hr is definitely pushing the upper limits of our budget right now (hoping that will change once the economy gets a reboot at some point in the future – one of our jobs is very tied to the financial markets). We want to be fair, of course. TIA.
Anonymous
Roughly speaking, for her hourly take home to be $18 you’ll need to pay $23 once you do this on the table.
Anonymous
We live in Charlotte and pay our nanny $17 an hour, plus time and half for overtime. She works 45 hours a week, so 5 hours of overtime a week. She has been our nanny since September when our baby was 4 months old. I’d try to figure out how many hours she’s actually going to be working for you. We were initially thinking of trying to keep it to 40 hours a week so we didn’t have to pay overtime, and then once we wrote down that schedule, we were not sure how we were going to make it work logistically. Just something to keep in mind. Also, I cannot stress this enough – hire a payroll service (it costs $40 a month). I recommend using one. Anyone I know who has tried to do it themselves has regretted it.
Pink
Kat, I’m also experiencing glitchy moms board on Chrome via my laptop.
OP – we do not have a nanny, but the going rate over the table (care dot com) for our Houston suburb is $20-25/hr. For $25/hr, most nannies offered to do some light housekeeping such as laundry or dishes while kiddo (3) napped.
Anonymous
Boston suburbs. $27/hr over the table. 3 kids, 8-4 5x/week. Toddler is always home. Preschooler has school 3 days/week 9-1 and I have one in elem school. She does light housework and most preschool pickups (I often WFH and do dropoff) and takes the kids to activities.
Quail
We pay $24/hr, over the table, for a two-baby nanny share, for a guaranteed 50 hours/week ($24 the blended rate and is split between two families). We are in Chicago (city proper) and this was on the low end for nanny shares. We used a nanny agency to find her, and we just spoke in terms of pre-tax rates all the time when we were negotiating the rate, and had been clear with the agency and with her that we had to pay above the table.
(Honestly, highly recommend the nanny share model! It’s been great in so many ways. But I admit we lucked out with a great share family.)
Anonymous
I posted above. Nanny shares are great for your first kid! By the time we had 2 (then 3) we needed our own.
Jess
I think in NYC if the nanny goes full time the hourly wage tends to drop down to $15/hr.
Anon
Wow, that sounds low
buffybot
I don’t think that’s right at all. Check out Park Slope Parents. Think their last survey suggested an average rate of at least $19/hour.
anon
This is really specific to your particular area (I was able to discern the one for my HCOL suburban area based on a local FB moms group and also care dot com), but the going rate for my city was $20-25/hour, dependent on experience, for one child. Almost no nannies I met wanted to do over the table, which can be a complicating factor. I know that going over the table makes your rate go considerably higher, so keep that in mind as a factor. We will be increasing her rate by $2/hour when my second child arrives in September.
Anna
I did an Enneagram test last night – normally I’m very skeptical of those types of tests but this was so so accurate. I got type 7/8
Also, what’s up with the moms site? I can’t open it anywhere
Anonymous
You may be able to find the content by scrolling way down.
Anonymous
Which version of the test did you do? Would you mind providing a link?
Anna
hopefully this gets through moderation (I added in some spaces in the link)
https:// www. eclecticenergies.com / enneagram/test
CV testing
Our city just said that if you were at protests then you need to get tested (so I am guessing they have identified that as a hotspot here; the wording in the news is very hint hint). Nephew has said that when we thought he was hanging outside at a friends that they went to protests, so my sister needs to be tested and I had visited her since nephew had gone to the protests (he thinks nights 2 and 7; last night was night 11; hating how the days blur together so he may be off on the days).
Is testing like pregnancy testing where if you test too early you will get a false negative? My kids were due to go to camp so I’d like to have a legit negative (or know conclusively that nephew is +) before sending them next week.
The plan is to just test nephew in the right window and then also test is depending on what the right window is for my sister, me, and then my kids. If nephew is negative and sister is, I might skip for me and my kids. We have otherwise been in a bubble, especially my kids (I am the one who goes out and have been outside at my sisters before I knew about nephew’s potential exposure).
Anonymous
Your kids do not need to be tested because you saw your sister who’s seen her son who might have been exposed at a protest. Neither do you. Neither does she. He is the only one who should be getting tested.
Anonymous
I think that the nephew lives with the sister (college kids at home don’t tend to have the $ for their own apartments). I think the sister should get tested also if they are housemates.
Anon
I don’t think it means *wink wink the protests are a hostpsot* it just means the protests are a risk, which is obvious. Yes, you can test too early, but a person who has tested negative can’t infect others on or before the time of the negative test. If I were protesting I would be getting myself tested every few days.
Anon
following up on OP’s question – is it like pregnancy where if you test too early you will get a false negative, since the incubation period can be as long as 14 days?
Anonymous
Ladies, have you tried googling this? What were the results?
Anon
Yes. Also tests are a point in time measurement. Getting a negative test one day doesn’t mean you won’t get COVID the next day.
Anon
You will test positive well before you show symptoms, but yes there is some lag between exposure and a positive test. You’re not infectious at the point at which you test negative and probably not for a day or two after, since the viral load required to get a positive test is much lower than the viral load required to make someone sick.
AnonMPH
Yes. Your viral load has to be high enough for the test to pick it up. You could have been exposed, and going to become infected, but the virus has not replicated enough in your system yet to be detected by the test. Unfortunately that means that the utility of the test to “clear” people is limited, particularly when coupled with a 30% false negative rate. Best bet if you worry you’ve been exposed is to self-quarantine as much as possible for 14 days after, and if you want to get a test get one at 7 days or later. But until its been 14 days with no symptoms you cannot be 100% sure you will not later become positive. Most definitive information would be a negative test on the 14th day.
Anon
Basically every city is urging people who attended the protest to get tested for Covid. The same way that those cities encouraged people who attended the protests about stay at home orders to get tested. It’s not some hint hint that there’s some known exposure at the event, it’s simply because it was a large gathering of people. Honestly, as someone who went to multiple protests and is not particularly concerned (although I am self-quarantining so I don’t spread covid if I get it), I really think you’re overreacting. See if your nephew test positive, then take it from there
Anonymous
Recommendations for a lightweight packable cooler/large lunch bag? My local parks are open and BF and I are dying to hit the trails for long days of hiking. I want to bring snacks and lunch for two, but my (cute!) lunch bags are all kind of heavy and not that smooshable (to shove in a backpack along with other essentials). Bonus if it comes in multiple sizes – when I go back to work, I won’t have access to a fridge. I already feel like a bag lady every day, I really don’t want to separately carry a lunch bag. Is there such a thing as a lightweight insulated bag that actually keeps stuff cold for several hours?
MJ
Eddie Bauer has this amazing backpack cooler that comes in red and is so cute and I cannot recommend it highly enough. I love mine! It’s perfect for picnics. This would be too big for a daily lunch carrier. For that, I recommend Built lunch totes.
Horse Crazy
And it’s half off today!
Elderlyunicorn
I have a Goodbyn insulated tote that I used to take to the office with me, back in the day (haha). It keeps things pretty well insulated and I like that it can hold a lot, but also roll down and get smaller as I eat my way through the day. Very smooshable. The only downside is that it tends to collect a lot of condensation on the inside but I just make sure to keep it open and air it out at the end of the day.
Anon
I got a cooler backpack at Target
Anon
I’m prepping to go back to the office, and I’ve realized that my summer top wardrobe is terribly shabby. I’m a very streamlined, minimalist, moto-style dresser, so I struggle to find shirts and blouses that aren’t frilly and fussy. Any suggestions for styles or brands that meet this aesthetic would be greatly appreciated.
Anon
Brass and Everlane are good for this, though like a lot of brands, their summer releases have been delayed due to COVID so I don’t think they have much right now.
anon.
Same style, same problem every year. Following.
Ribena
I’m in this boat too – the Uniqlo blouse I mentioned above is one of my favourites.
pugsnbourbon
Yeah, the prairie trend has definitely seeped into the general fashion consciousness. I just browsed through my bargain standby, Target, and it’s eyelets and ruffles as far as the eye can see.
That said, this linen tee looks like a good basic in the olive: https://www.target.com/p/women-s-short-sleeve-linen-cuff-t-shirt-a-new-day/-/A-79176156?preselect=78776259#lnk=sametab
This 3/4 blouse looks very simple and refined: https://www.target.com/p/women-s-3-4-sleeve-blouse-prologue/-/A-78857890?preselect=78370372#lnk=sametab
This top looks promising but might be too casual for your office: https://www.target.com/p/women-s-balloon-long-sleeve-blouse-prologue/-/A-79356778?preselect=79312713#lnk=sametab
Maybe this is the time to invest in some really killer button-downs (I’m not the troll!!!) and make it a summer uniform until the trends swing back?
pugsnbourbon
I also checked H&M – right now there are some simple v-neck sleeveless blouses that might fit your bill. Otherwise – boy you can really put ruffles on anything, can’t you?
anon
I can’t stand the frilly stuff. I think it’s cute on other people, but it is so not my personality or style preference. Anytime I’ve tried to incorporate the frill, I regret it! Even puff sleeves are too much for me. ;)
Anonymous
Theory and Vince
Cat
+1, also look at Rag & Bone
anne-on
The Fold is running their summer sale at the moment, I’d check there for some of their jersey tops? Rebecca Taylor’s suited line is also really gorgeous.
Anon
Calvin Klein shells and short sleeved shirts are good for this-lay very well under jackets, sweaters, blazers. Also tend to be well-lined, wash well, and hold up for years. I find them on sale often at Macys. Quick search yielded some examples:
Macys.https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-floral-pleated-neck-sleeveless-top?ID=10458060&CategoryID=255&isDlp=true&cm_kws_ls=calvin%20klein%20women
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-chiffon-tie-sleeve-top?ID=10484181&CategoryID=255&isDlp=true&cm_kws_ls=calvin%20klein%20women&swatchColor=Black
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-side-buckle-sleeveless-top?ID=10484182&tdp=cm_app~zMCOM-NAVAPP~xcm_zone~zPDP_ZONE_A~xcm_choiceId~zcidM05MMF-fa68eac6-1c13-4a3f-ab9a-5db09ff5071d%40H7%40customers%2Balso%2Bshopped%24255%2410484182~xcm_pos~zPos3~xcm_srcCatID~z255
Elderlyunicorn
Have you looked at COS? Some of their things skew a bit too architectural for me but I’ve gotten many of my favorite pieces from there. Disclosure, it is owned by H&M if you want to factor that in to consideration.
NYNY
Allsaints! Not everything is office-appropriate, but they definitely have non-frilly vibes. PSA: Outlet sale on leather jackets going on now.
Anonymous
Elie Tahari has some pieces with a bit of edge.
Anonymous
Equipment snake print?
Anonanonanon
I applied to an evening/part-time law school program in my area, and because of the LSAT delays, my law school report just went to the school in recent days. I’m receiving emails from a lot of law schools that are extending their deadline to Mid-July, but the one I applied to had a deadline of 6/1 (but LSAT scores weren’t released until 6/5, which they would accept).
All of that to say… does anyone know how law schools communicate acceptance decisions these days? I’m 32, so I found out about undergrad acceptance through snail mail, but didn’t know if that was the case now! I submitted my application through LSAC and it doesn’t seem like it has a spot to show an acceptance decision, so I’m guessing email or old-fashioned letter? Just curious if anyone knew.
Thanks, all!
Anon
My paralegal is starting law school in the fall. She heard by email and phone calls. When I applied in 2009, I got emails and phone calls too.
Anonanonanon
Thank you! I will stick to obsessively monitoring my phone and email, then :)
Anon
I am a few years older than you and definitely found out I got into college via an online portal. The big envelope came a few days later. I applied to law school in ‘06 and it was the same – email/online portal with snail mail letters a few days later. I believe I got scholarship notifications by phone call.
Anonanonanon
Really? Maybe my memory is off, then (it was 2006 for me, as well) but I remember applying online and receiving acceptance (and rejection/waitlist) notices by letter! 100% possible that I’m wrong, though.
Anon
I actually applied to college way back in 2002 :) I don’t know that every school had online portals at that point, but the schools I applied to did.
Anon
Email
Anonymous
It’s perfectly acceptable to contact the law school directly. Most law school admissions offices are very responsive, and based on the past semester/ current economy are likely to be in “buyer mode,” where they will actively recruit/ work with you.
Sloan Sabbith
I heard by email and then I think a letter?
Anon
In 2016, I got a phone call with email conformation. My circle while in school got phone calls too. Mid sized law school.
Anon
Email in 2013.
Anonanonanon
Thanks, everyone! For some reason, phone call did not even occur to me, so I’ll make sure my voicemail has room just in case!
Sounds like I was VERY off-base with snail mail! I got a (government) job offer by mail in 2016, followed by a “why haven’t you responded to our formal job offer?!” phone call because I don’t check mail every day and assumed the offer would come by email, so maybe that stuck with me!
Anon
Email + then letter in 2018.
Grandparents travel
My baby was born in January, and grandparents haven’t yet had an opportunity to meet him under the circumstances. We’re in DC and are driving distance, but not close — 10 to 12 hours in the car. They are varying degrees of willing to quarantine for fourteen days. We are not leaving the house except for walks, picking up food (with a mask during and shower immediately after), and pediatrician appointments.
One set has asked if they can visit if they take a test, quarantine for twoish days while waiting on results, are negative, and practice social distancing/wear a mask/limit stops when making the trip. I’m unsure. I know the consensus seems to be two weeks of quarantining for all involved before a visit; does a negative test obviate that requirement? Would it allow for them to skip social distancing once they’re here? They would stay in our home, and I can’t imagine that a visit while staying six feet away from the baby would be either practical or meaningful, so I’d rather just skip it if that’s the case.
I know there’s a spectrum of opinions about risk, but I feel like I’m having a mental block. Tests are apparently readily available in the grandparents’ home states. Is the issue that the tests are perhaps unreliable? Would you feel comfortable with a visit under these conditions, or stick to FaceTime?
Anonymous
What risk are you trying to avoid? The grandparents are higher risk. I’d let them visit and not be socially distant. Because we can’t just not see people forever.
anon.
I would absolutely feel comfortable. I have a six month old and have seen my parents during quarantine (both being very careful but I would not say 100%, as we go to the grocery store weekly). Risk is a spectrum, and on the risk/benefit analysis, seeing my family was a benefit. Review Emily Oster’s risk/benefit for seeing grandparents and see where you fall. There’s no right answer for everyone.
Anon
The real risk is to the grandparents, not to you or the baby. I would let them visit if they’re comfortable with the risks to them. If they haven’t been quarantining, testing seems like a reasonable plan to minimize the odds of you getting sick. It’s silly to try to enforce social distancing with someone in your own home, so once they are here I would treat them as household members and not stay 6’ apart.
Anon
My state has replaced a fourteen day quarantine requirement for out of state visitors with an option to skip quarantine if you arrive with a negative test result from less than 72 hours before.
Anon
I’ve heard several states/countries are doing this, but I don’t get it. In my state it can easily take 72 hours or more for the results. So do you test 72 hours before your trip and just hope you get the results in time?
Anon
Yep. I mean, it sucks if you want to go on vacation or whatever and need to get a test, but as a resident of the state I’m glad the requirement is in place.
AnonMPH
I commented on this above, unfortunately a negative test doesn’t REALLY replace the need for a quarantine, if you want to be completely sure. There were people on the cruise ships, for example, who tested negative multiple times during the 2 week quarantine after they got off the ship, and then later in the period came down with symptoms/tested positive. Median incubation time is 5 days, so if they strictly quarantine for 5 days, get a test on the sixth day, you’d be in better shape. A more conservative compromise would be quarantine for 7 days, get a test on the 8th day. The number of people who will incubate for 8+ days is much more limited.
But if you really want to be sure a person is negative, you’d want them to quarantine for 13 days and get a negative test on the 14th day.
Just one of the many reasons that this disease is really tough!
Anon
This (that a negative test just means you’re negative at that moment, not that you won’t get sick soon) is true of literally all viruses though. It’s not something that’s uniquely “tough” about the novel coronavirus.
AnonMPH
Well, sure. But many other viruses do not have a 14 day incubation period, and many other viruses you cannot spread before you show symptoms. And we are not doing everything in our power to stop vulnerable populations from catching most of those other viruses because they don’t bring with them a good chance of hospitalization or death.
You’re right on this one point, but not a super helpful comment?
Anon
Most viruses, including the common cold and flu, can be spread before you show symptoms, and a median incubation time of 5 days is not terribly unusual either (measles is about double that, although cold/flu is shorter). I’m just a little tired of you holding yourself out as some kind of expert on coronavirus, when you clearly have very little understanding of the actual science involved. Public health != virology.
Anon
No one can make the decision for you, since it involves personal assessment of risks. I can tell you what I’m doing, as someone who works in the life sciences (with no exposure to Covid patients). Age is by far the single biggest risk factor for severe Covid illness and death. A 30-something with multiple underlying health conditions is less likely to die than a perfectly healthy 60-something. Given our young age and lack of underlying health conditions, my husband and I believe we’re a far greater threat to our parents than vice versa. We don’t want to break any state or local laws, but once non-essential travel restrictions were lifted, we were entirely comfortable with driving visits. Fortunately our parents self-isolate pretty well at home, but if they didn’t, our only concern would be about them, not us. We generally live a fairly low risk lifestyle, though not as strict as you (grocery pickup, takeout/delivery food only, outdoor activities only for kids) but in the two weeks before our parents visit we take extra precautions (mainly refraining from activities like playgrounds and more crowded outdoor spaces like zoos, although as we learn more about how unlikely kids are to transmit this we are considering easing up on this).
Anonymous
The big risk is the grandparents. I would have them visit.
Anon
i personally would not be comfortable with what they are proposing, but that is me. the issue with what they are proposing, is that since Covid can have a 14 day incubation period, whatever they do for the 12ish days leading up to the test matters. While highly unlikely, they could take the test on day 13 and test negative, but actually be positive.
If you do not want to ask them to quarantine for a full 2 weeks, i believe the median onset is 4-5 days and that studies have shown that 97% of people test positive within 11 days. my boss’s son and DIL had a baby last week and they live locally so she went to meet the baby, which i would not have been comfortable with as a parent due to my boss’ loose social distancing or i would have at least required her to wear a mask. if you aren’t comfortable with what they are proposing you can blame your pediatrician for saying that is not a good idea or if there is something in particular you want them to do before coming, you can also blame it on the pediatrician
Anon
I’m just chiming in to say don’t listen to the responses that say the grandparents are higher risk so they can do whatever they want. That just doesn’t make any sense from a mathematical/contagion point of view. They are higher risk for complications of the virus, but that has nothing to do with their propensity to spread the virus, which as far as we know is the same as everyone else’s.
You get to make your own risk assessment. If you would like them to quarantine for 2 weeks before you let them stay with you, that is your right. I would also worry about what what they were exposed to during 10-12 hours of travel.
Anon
My sister is an ICU doctor and told me to expect to live with the virus for about 2 years, assuming a vaccine is developed. (I’m not saying she’s the ultimate expert, but she does have some knowledge.) So, unless you are willing to wait 2 years, then I would do it.
Anon
I would let them visit. My in-laws are snowbirds and they drove across the country back to where we live to see my 9 month old. They said it was like a ghost town, hotels are not doing a brisk business right now and they were doing curbside pickup for food so exposure was minimal. They could probably ask to be in a room that was not previously occupied the night before if they want to reduce risk. I mean if they’re traveling through somewhere like New York City and are hitting up the town before continuing on then I would say no, but staying overnight in some small town in Georgia or Virginia that barely have any Covid cases didn’t really concern me.
Jeffiner
I’ll probably be going back to work sometime this summer, and most of my work wardrobe feels too formal. I work in the tech industry in Texas, so my office was already business casual. Before, I wore J. Crew Cameron pants or a pencil skirt with a Boden blouse. I still like the blouses, but the pants/skirts feel too dressy. Is it possible to get any more casual? I could wear jeans every day, but that seems really boring and uncomfortable in the heat.
CHL
Maybe like a cropped wide leg chino from J.Crew, Boden Richmond pant or Everlane? A cotton or denim skirt instead?
Mal
I like the idea of mixing your dressier bottoms with more casual tops you already have. Maybe that way you wouldn’t have to buy anything new? A pencil skirt with a cool tee, for instance, is a fun look.
Anon
+1 I actually really like this high/low mix look. It feels so much more modern.
Anonymous
I need new sundresses for summer. I just realized I’ve been on a knits/jersey kick for a few years and now those dresses look pilled, misshapen, and dated. What is the “in” fabric choice now? Has anyone bought a day dress recently that they love?
Carmen Sandiego
Boden has a ton of linen right now. I bought two of their linen dresses (the Olivia and the Cecilia) and I love both of them!
Aunt Jamesina
I love linen and woven cotton dresses. They’re nice and cool and more environmentally friendly than jersey synthetics. I also think they have more classic staying power than jersey fabrics.
Anonymous
I just bought 3 day dresses (knits) from The Loft a couple weeks ago and have been very happy with them. Good quality and fit. Small floral and kimono style seemed to be big in their collection.
COVID test jitters
I’m having an outpatient procedure next week and need to get a COVID test beforehand. Does anyone want to tell me it’s not as bad as I’m fearing? I think I’m more worried about lingering soreness than the actual test. Those who’ve gotten it done – how was it? Any tips?
Anonymous
My sister has gotten two so far and said it wasn’t bad at all. She works in a SNF so she’s had a lot of exposure.
Anonymous
I’ve had it done twice (required before in-office medical procedures). It really wasn’t that bad. I got tested in my car and they had me lean my head against the headrest and look slightly up. They told me they used to have to hold the swab back there for 20 seconds and I imagine that would feel like an eternity. Now they hold it back there for 5 seconds and just as it was really starting to burn, it was done. I had very mild soreness after the first test and none after the second. I had been pretty nervous before and it really wasn’t bad.
Anon
The test wasn’t pleasant and I could still feel some tingling for a few minutes after. But it wasn’t horrible, and I’ve done many other things that are a lot more painful
Anon
My mom was tested recently (fortunately negative). She said it was mildly uncomfortable and made her eyes water but was over quickly and was not painful. She is kind of a pain warrior in general though.
Sloan Sabbith
Take a Tylenol beforehand. I think mine would have been a lot better if I’d taken a Tylenol before and ibuprofen an hour or so afterwards.
Anon
If you’re having the test before some kind of medical procedure, you definitely need to confirm with a doctor that it’s ok to take Tylenol/Ibuprofen and won’t interfere with the procedure.
Sloan Sabbith
Good point.
Anonanonanon
You can also ask around and find somewhere doing a nasal swab instead of an NP swab, if you really want to and have the option.
It was not great but not horrible, just hold still and it’s over quickly. Honestly, the people collecting the samples now have gotten way better at it than they were at the beginning because they’ve had a lot more practice!
anon
It was super fast, and felt a lot like when you get water up your nose while swimming (but over faster than that, since they pull the swab out!). On the scale of medical tests, I’d say it’s less unpleasant than a pap smear.
COVID test jitters
Thanks, this really helps! This procedure was canceled and rescheduled twice (due to the pandemic) and this is yet another little wrinkle that is throwing me. I feel a lot better than I did this morning.
Wwyd?
I’m 8 months pregnant and a senior associate at a law firm, not big law. I’m feeling a lot of pressure to return to the office. My job can 100% be done from home, but my office never closed and many people have been going in this entire time— by now, even those who worked from home are now back. I don’t think anyone will *require* me to return now if I say I absolutely can’t for medical reasons, and my doctor has offered to provide a note — but even with a doctors note, not going back in person now will almost certainly impact how I’m viewed within the firm and possibly even my future there. (The fact that I’ve been WFH this long has already hurt me, maybe irreparably, if I’m being totally honest with myself.)
I really don’t want to be separated from my baby if I’m covid-positive when I go into labor, so I’m just really torn about how to handle this. What would you do?
Anonymous
Stay home. If your office is going to discriminate against you for staying home at 8 months, they’re already going to anyway just for taking maternity leave. Stay home. Take your leave. Get out.
Anon
If your doctor would write a note, I would use it. You really do not want to be COVID+ going into labor, and there is also increasing evidence coming out about third trimester COVID infection causing placenta problems that lead to stillbirth (even as the mother remains only mildly ill or even asymptomatic). I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. I hope you can find a firm that treats you better down the line.
Anon
If they are already mad, one month more isn’t going to make that much of a difference. Take care of yourself! If you want to keep working there and they give you trouble later, get an employment lawyer. So many ways to make their life miserable with that scenario.
Anonymous
I’m a fairly wild-risk taker when measured against the practices of most people (at least, the vocal ones) on this forum, but I can’t see any reason to go back at this point, when you’re heading right back out on maternity leave. If your career IS damaged already, being in the office for one month before going back out on maternity leave isn’t going to repair it.
Anon
+1
Anon
I’d stay at home. If you come back in they’re going to forget about it when you’re out on leave anyway. Plus that is when things start to get really uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure I just locked myself in my office that last couple weeks so that I could take off my br@. I would get a note from your Dr as a cya though.
Hildy
I’d stay home. At 8 months pregnant, even absent COVID it’s not uncommon in my office for women to be WFH anyways. If they’re already mad about you WFH, another month or so isn’t going to tip the scales either way.
Flats Only
In my office the pregnant women would insist on coming in to work until the last possible second, and it made the older men SO uncomfortable! It was hilarious – “What if she has the baby in the office!!” “When is she due?” “Now???” They got so squirmy about it, but that’s what you get for fostering a butts-in-seats-or-you’re-lazy-and-won’t-get-promoted atmosphere.
Anon
I’m really confused how the stock market is doing so well overall when everything in the news is awful, including economic news (jobs, retail sales). Anyone have any insight or could point me to good articles?
Anon
I think everyone is baffled by this.
Pink
+1 DH is a financial advisor, intelligent, reasonably informed and he’s flummoxed.
Waffles
I think a lot of it is because the market is expecting stimulus from both major developed markets (US, Europe), China, and many emerging market countries – all simultaneously. Coupled with record low or negative interest rates, and hoping for improving unemployment numbers. China has come out of its covid ‘recession’ fairly quickly and there is optimism that the rest of the world will follow this trajectory.
Waffles
Replying to myself to say this is not my personal view, although I do think a coordinated global stimulus will be helpful. Part of my job is advising institutional fund managers and this is what they’re saying these days.
Anon
The stock market has become more and more disconnected from the general economy. Kai Ryssdal is always saying “the market is not the economy”
This article might help
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/10/business/stock-market-economy-coronavirus.html
I think there is a lot of betting (and investing really is a bet at the end of the day) that all the unemployment and business losses are temporary and will come roaring back when the virus is over/controlled, but I’m personally more skeptical.
I work in finance but not IB.
anon
+1
Gail the Goldfish
Yea, was coming here to say listen to Marketplace because they address it frequently since Kai’s favorite phrase is “the stock market is not the economy.”
Anon
I don’t know about you, but Kai is my imaginary radio boyfriend.
Moonstone
Oh, yes.
sleep
+2
Anon
This.
A lot of people are taking the opportunity to buy cheap:they think the economy will rebound in the time span of a few months, or their jobs are secure and they are looking to retire so long in the future that COVID-19 will no longer have any effect.
The stock market can measure optimism, and I think a lot of people see businesses being versatile and innovating (curbside, contactless pick-up, flexible WFH arrangements), and have already ‘baked in’ all the bad news.
Ellen
I want the pandemic to end so I can get back out there and find a husband. Right now, many decent men shy away from anyone they don’t know b/c they think we all have the virus, or worse. How can I show them I am healthy and ready for a relationship w/o appearing desparate?
Anon
The federal government has been pumping a ton of money to prop it up.
Anonymous
The federal government has been pumping a ton of money to prop it up.
kanon
I’m looking for a in internet forum mostly populated by reasonable people who are TTC – with discussion that’s evidence based. It seems like there’s a lot of yahoos out there! Where have you gone to read through discussions like this?
Anonymous
C-moms is one of the better ones. If you have fertility issues, there are a fair number of posters with experiences
Anon
The Corpor*ttemoms page!
Anonymous
I am pregnant with #2 and began looking for this when I started TTC in 2017. Honestly, there’s not much out there. I like dc urban moms, but a lot of the advice there is DC specific and it doesn’t move very quickly. I was on the Over 40 TTC board for babycenter, which was decent, but still a lot of cutesy terms like “embabies” and “BD (baby dancing”) being thrown around. You might want to check out reddit – they try to be mostly evidence based (although I will warn you the infertility boards are kind of nutso about not even mentioning a pregnancy or anything close to it).
Anonanonanon
Oh man you probably won’t see this but the infertility subreddit was my life saver.
Anon
I swear there should be a gardening (literal) page in addition to the mom’s page, at least during the pandemic.
Mulch. Talk to me about mulch. I have areas in my backyard that have weed cloth and mulch on top. They still get weeds but fewer than the areas that don’t have this.
For another area of my garden I’d like to put down mulch but no weed cloth because I’d like to continue to easily add plants to this area.
Will mulch with no weedcloth really prevent annual weeds? Or is that a bunch of BS? The area I’m talking about gets annual grasses (spread by seed, not root), oxalis, spurge, and wild scabiosas.
The scabiosas are pretty but I’d like them to grow where I want them to grow and not just everywhere by default. They even sprout in the middle of my well-established lawn areas. They seem to also spread by seed.
Senior Attorney
Mulch will reduce but not eliminate weeds.
Anon
What SA said.
In my area (north Florida), pinestraw often contains oxalis.
Anon
Off topic, but I am now really curious as to what a metaphorical gardening page on Corpor*tte would be like.
Anon
And what would mulch be in the metaphorical sense?
Anon
Lubricant, obviously.
Anon
Pretty rough lubricant.
Anonymous
i put down cardboard or newspaper before mulching heavily for something that will block weeds/kill some weeds, but will also decompose over time and add to the organic matter. this is called sheet mulching i think and its’ also how we killed off all our front lawn grass to turn it into flower beds without having to dig out the grass
Anon
What did you put on top of the cardboard in order to keep it there and kill your grass? Did you do this at a certain time of year?
Betsy
Weed cloth is the worst! It’s great for a season but after that it just becomes an anchor for the weeds to hold onto and makes them harder to pull out. It’s also really bad for your soil health over time. Instead of cloth, try a few layers of newspaper under mulch. It breaks down along with your mulch, and each time you refresh the mulch you can start with newspaper to suppress weeds. I like the layers to be about 5 sheets thick, and make sure to overlap them by about 6 inches.
Anonymous
Where does one get newspaper these days?
Anon
I get one every Sunday. I realize I’m a dinosaur but you know you young ‘uns can also buy a newspaper on just about every corner downtown.
Senior Attorney
Oh that’s a great idea. Thanks!
Anon
I’m OP. Defunding going to try this- thanks!
Anon
Not defunding. Definitely!
Meredith
The Zappos link in the original post does not bring me to a specific dress recommendation, can you please update? Thank you!
Anonymous
One of my team members has this dress and looks absolutely stunning in it.