ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Tower Book End

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Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

131 Comments

  1. Woohoo! Early p0st!

    Has anyone ever bought a used designer watch online? Any reputable sources for authentication, etc.? I know about the Real Real, but wondering if anyone had any other recommendations, or any watch-specific ones. Thanks!

    1. I’ve used tourneau for a luxury watch purchase (not sure if this is what you mean by “designer”?). they have a few retail stores too that you can try on in-store stock and even try your hand at negotiating.

    2. I bought my husband a nice watch from The Real Real for Christmas and he was very pleased with it. The watch looked better in person than in the pictures, and the description was very accurate. I spent $500 and got a watch that originally cost over $1000. I was happy.

    3. Late to the game, but I have bought Cartier and Chopard watches from online auctions at Heritage Auctions and been very happy. If you’re in NY, they bring all the stuff a few times a year ahead of their signature auctions. Otherwise, if you measure your wrist you should be fine.

  2. Any suggestions for a small (~ $25) gift I could send my mom as a thank you for doing me a big favor? She’s hard to shop for because she’s well off and buys herself pretty much anything she wants and she doesn’t have a lot of material wants to begin with. She’s very passionate about her career in engineering. Travel and reading are her big hobbies outside work, but she mostly gets books out of the library and I can’t think of anything travel-related she would want (no interest in fancy luggage and that’s not in my budget any way). She doesn’t drink and isn’t into fashion or beauty products. I normally send flowers or her favorite candy on her birthday and Mother’s Day, but I’m hoping to find something a little different.

    1. I enjoy reading and get most of my books from the library, and I’d appreciate nice tea or coffee, good chocolate, fuzzy socks, or a nice throw blanket to use while I read.

      1. +1
        Travel can be a tricky hobby for gifting so I’d stick with gifts around reading or the reading nook at her place:
        A fine tea sampler never disappoints, even better if it’s a monthly subscription to receive teas.
        Fancy scented candles are one of those items I’d rather receive than buy.
        Cashmere socks and a throw

    3. I am like your mom. My kids are teens and still live at home but they each bought me gifts for my recent birthday that i love – my daughter bought me fuzzy socks with grippies on the bottom and my son bought me an assortment of small chocolate bars from a local place, which included flavors like molé and fleur de sel. Great gifts, not expensive, and useful.

    5. Gift cert to priority pass lounge or maybe to her perferred airline?

      Or a guide book to a destination she is going to/wants to visit? Gift cert to a place at that destination like a cool restaurant?

      I also go the NYTimes 36 hour compilation book for my wedding and i really love it. It’s great to page through and get ideas about where to visit. They have them for different regions.

    8. I don’t suppose you’d think about writing her a note thanking her and pointing out some of the amazing things about her that inspire you? As a mom of a teen who’s pretty firmly of the current belief that I am the world’s worst mother, I cannot begin to tell you what that would mean to me. Better than fuzzy socks any day. It’s lovely of you to think of thanking her formally anyway – I bet she loved helping you out.

    9. What about the new Emily Wilson translation of the Odyssey? It’s a beautiful addition to a library and is so delightful to read.

    10. Gourmet consumables (better version of something she would get anyway and likes) are a good idea for folks who don’t have many material wants.

  3. Is there a equivalent of this site for people who aren’t lawyers? I love askamanager but they don’t allow threadjacks.

    1. The discussions here can be law centric but I have seen many threads that are not about law. It’s overachieving professionals in general

      2. Yes, there are alot of NON-lawyer’s who are my freinds here, and also are hard working overacheiver’s. Plus, we can talk about any subject that we want to! (That is what a THREADJACK is!) That is why I use Kat and her Corporete webpage as my go to website, b/c I know that I can rely on the HIVE for great advise! YAY!!!

    2. There are definitely people here that aren’t lawyers, I’m one of them. :)

    3. I think there are lots of us that aren’t lawyers. I usually condense the threads that are about law, except I always read the BigLaw ones. It is amazing to me how different my workplace is from that one, so I love reading about it. But to answer your question…I don’t know of one.

    4. I’m not a lawyer. I work in corporate finance. Any time I post about my field, there are lots of people who chime in and say they do similar.

      Aside from truly legal questions, many workplace issues are similar, whether you work in law or not.

      I generally read the law threads for that reason. I personally usually skip the wedding threads (so many wedding threads!) and tend not to chime in on the “gardening” threads excerpt for occasionally, because they’re all the same and I find the garden metaphor/vocabulary too twee.

    5. I find it very interesting to read, but as a place to ask questions or discuss career issues, as someone who works in tech this site is very conservative.

      2. Is it the attitudes, hierarchy, culture, etc. that you find conservative? I am in IT consulting, so tech for clients, and generally things here align well with my office culture as we are pretty conservative (especially in interactions with our clients) but I can see how that wouldn’t work for say start ups

        1. Maybe it depends on what part of tech, but on the I internal development and testing side, this site seems off the deep end conservative sometimes. Just my experience. I might feel differently if I was primarily client facing.

          1. I work in BigLaw and I sometimes think this site is off the deep end conservative too.

          2. I’m a lawyer and I also agree that the group here is pretty conservative on some issues (see, what constitutes “professional” for nail polish, water bottles, etc.)

          3. The water bottle thing was really started by Kat who said she always poured from the water bottle into a cup to drink. I am pretty sure most of the community thought that was silly.

          1. Here are some examples that have stuck out to me. I remember posts/threads debating whether new trends are ok to wear in the office– for example, I thought it was weird that this s!te took so long to come to a consensus that ankle pants were ok to wear in the office; same for booties with skirts. I also remember seeing a post about whether trendy glasses were ok to wear, and that made me feel self conscious about my eye wear for a second until I decided that was silly. Another time I remember a post or thread worrying about whether “cute” office supplies were professional enough. All of this is just so far removed from my relatively laid-back BigLaw office that it seems “off the deep end conservative.”

          2. Not a work example, but one that made me lol recently was advice on what to wear to a funeral.

          3. It’s really not over the top conservative to suggest wearing black to a funeral. It’s a no brainer. Who shows up to a funeral wearing something you’d wear to a beach?

          4. Thanks! I didn’t see the eyeglasses one. But I agree with you – surely there’s plenty of leeway everywhere with eye wear!

          5. Oh me too, I was surprised so many people thought a dark blue maxi dress was pearl-clutchingly inappropriate for a funeral. Like, most funerals I have been to in real life, people don’t wear all black sheath dresses. Only one or two even had almost everybody wearing black, and those were for wealthy WASPy types.

          6. I, for one, would love it if the less conservative crowd spoke up and pushed back some! I thought there was a general consensus about what to wear to a funeral (although it wasn’t “all black sheath dress”), but I would love to know when there’s disagreement/a different perspective out there.

      4. Also in tech and in a very casual workplace. When the BigLaw folks and people in other very conservative workplaces get talking, it’s fascinating to me. It’s a window into another culture. I don’t apply the wardrobe advice to my workplace any more than I would adopt the workplace fashion of Bermuda — we’re casual but no, still no shorts suits! — but I enjoy learning about it all.

    6. I’m not in law, but I learn a lot from this board, especially since I work in a more buttoned-up environment.

    7. Also, askamanager allows a work-only threadjack and a non-work threadjack on Fridays if that helps.

  4. Any recommendations for a beach house or apartment in Italy? Staying a week or two and not sure if it’s just us or also my brother’s family so open to suggestions of all sizes. TIA for any ideas.

    1. Stay at a agriturismo! There are many all over the country but we stayed at this one: http://www.barbialla.it/ and went truffle hunting with their dogs and it is one of my favorite travel experiences ever.

  5. Anyone thinks the premium version of LinkedIn is worth the investment if you’re actively searching?
    I know it’s a tiny amount, but if I’m not getting better results, I’d rather not have that little premium badge on my profile

    1. I’ve gotten my last two jobs through Linkedin Premium – and when I move again this summer, I plan to use it again as well. Worthwhile in my experience.

      2. +1
        Have turned it on for searches and found it helpful. Mainly to see who searched for me and to get access to postings and Inmail (some of which is available even otherwise, I know).

    2. Thanks for asking this! I keep meaning to ask as well and forgetting.

      Separate but related question: do you think Coursera certificates are useful to get when actively searching, especially if you have no real experience in the area?

    3. I think you might be able to turn off the badge in your settings. I did like being able to see who searched for me when I was submitting job applications. Other than that, I don’t think it was worth it.

  6. Has anyone here used a site for home swapping (not Airbnb, but more like the “here’s my house, I’ll trade you staying here for credits to stay at your house or another location on the site)? Like Home Away from the movie The Holiday? If so, any recommendations/pitfalls/things to consider? (this would be for our vacation house, not primary home)

    1. I’ve tried a couple things, and the only site that turned into an actual house-swap with strangers was blasting it on Facebook “Hey, does anyone know anyone who would like to stay in My City on Dates? Feel free to tag/share”. We exchanged with a friend-of-a-friend from another country and it was amazing.

    3. I didn’t use a site. I responded to a posting on social media and swapped houses with a friend of a friend of a friend.

      I didn’t really like it. Maybe it’s just not for me. I like the anonymity of a house rental agency like home away or vrbo. I also want to stay in a house that is used mostly for this purpose so I’m not worried so much about ruining someone else’s belongings.

      My story was that a young woman wanted a large house in my city for her wedding guests. She agreed to let us use her place out in the county for the same time period. We have a large fixer upper house and were clear about its condition before making the swap. We also have kids so though we put away the toys and things like that, there were guests sleeping in twin beds etc (even a race car bed)

      Her house was much more high end than ours. She didn’t have kids at the time. I was constantly worried about my kids messing up her white couch, or breaking her delicate dishes. We really couldn’t relax. And then while we were at her house, her power went out. Nothing to do with us, but she had stuff in the freezer that went bad, and I hated to bug her about it during her wedding week, and of course it was inconvenient to be in a place in the country with no power for a couple of days.

      Her relatives apparently liked my house fine, but complained that they didn’t have drawers to put their stuff in or much closet space to hang their clothing. Which of course makes sense because we live in our house, but it made me feel bad that I didn’t think about that.

      Overall, it just wasn’t a great experience for me.

  7. Any suggestions for a shoe insert (for arch support/comfort) that specifically works well for heeled boots? Thanks!

  8. Tips for incorporating more protein in your diet without adding a lot of calories? I’m short so I have to shoot for around 1200 calories a day to see any movement on the scale (goal is ~1lb/week). I also have a sensitivity to dairy/whey/casein so things like yogurt and a lot of protein powders are out. I’d really prefer to get my nutrients from real food as opposed to processed snacks or powders but maybe I need to reconcile myself with the fact that I need a protein powder in my life? Has anyone successfully navigated this?

    1. Have you tried PB 2? Its powdered dried peanut butter with the fat removed, so it’s lower in calories. You add water and it makes peanut butter. I add it to oatmeal, but you can use it a lot of different ways. I hate protein powders too because they taste gross, but this is more like real food.

    2. Do you eat meat? 5 oz of chicken is 33g of protein. Add in some higher protein grains (quinoa, flatout wraps), you can easily get more than 40g a meal. Egg whites and turkey bacon are staples for me too.

    5. Egg whites, lean meats/fish, and PB2/PBFit as Lobbyist recommended. Protein powders/bars make me feel bad, so I don’t eat them. I like mixing a whole egg with 1-2 egg whites to make myself a low-cal protein packed breakfast. I then have a salad with chicken for lunch and and for dinner I’ll have another lean mean and veggie-centered dish. I think I get plenty of protein without the powders and bars.

    8. My go-to is chickpeas–I love them! Hummus, salads, or just spiced and roasted.

    12. I’m a lacto vegetarian and never think about calories (except in my sweets) so decided to look into the calorie/gram of protein. Fascinating.

      Meats were the lowest: tuna 4.6 cal/g, skinless chicken breast 5, turkey breast 6, beef 8, egg 13.

      cottage cheese 28
      greek yogurt 30
      milk 15

      almonds 27
      oats 23
      broccoli 32
      quinoa 28
      LENTILS 13
      pumpkin seeds 25
      BRUSSELS SPROUTS 14
      peanuts 23

    15. I know you said real food, but I woul still consider a vegan protein shake. I do not eat meat at home and am lactose-intolerant and found it difficult to up my protein intake otherwise.
      I like Reflex Nutrition Vegan protein in chocolate flavour – lots of protein, low calorie, low fat. I mix it with vanilla soyamilk and like the taste. FWIW, the protein is derived from peas. Alternatively, Nestle has a soluable protei called Optimu Resource, which is also great. It contains casein, so I was worried at first, but it caused no issues.

  9. I am looking for recommendations for a couple of nights on the gulf coast of Florida in February. I have a work event in Orlando, so we’re flying in and out of there. The kids (15 and 13) and husband will be joining me. Clearwater/Tampa/St. Pete look like they are only a couple of hours away. Do they have nice beaches? Thanks!

    1. I am from the area – Tampa has no beaches to speak of, so you’ll need to focus on St. Pete and Clearwater. Clearwater has a more downscale/spring break vibe, while St. Pete (at least to me) is nicer and quieter. The two nicest resorts in the area are the Sand Pearl in Clearwater and the Don CeaSar in St. Pete, though the price tag is pretty high, especially in February. You may be better off renting a house, at least in St. Pete – a lot of the other beach front hotels are pretty vintage.

      1. ETA: the beaches are quite nice – among the best in the country. Lots of sand and the water will still be pretty warm at that time of year. If you’re looking for really really really nice beaches, check out Captiva and Sanibel. Several hours south of Tampa, but really beautiful and quiet.

    3. They do, though I have no specific suggestions for where to stay/which particular beach is best. It’s a very easy drive from Orlando. Or, if anyone likes surfing, hit the Atlantic side around Melbourne/Cocoa Beach area, which is only about an hour from Orlando (water’s not as nice, though, and it’s a different vibe)

    4. I haven’t been but I have heard good things about Naples for beaches. Don’t know what the extent of the hurricane damage is though.

      1. Naples is my favourite place in FL. Gorgeous beaches, cute shops and restaurants.

      2. Naples is about 2.5 hours south of the Tampa area — not sure how long of a drive the OP is willing to take. That said, we were there for Christmas and everything is pretty much business as usual. Some landscaping is still being cleared and replaced but that’s about it. The beaches are wonderful!

      3. I love Naples, especially the Naples Beach Resort and Golf, or something like that – it is right on the beach.

    6. I’d look at St. Pete, Reddington Beach, Clearwater, Anna Maria Island, and Long Boat Key. I grew up in Tampa and have spent lots of time at all of those beaches. They are all beautiful. The water in the Gulf can still be chilly in February, so you may want to look into hotels or condos that have heated pools.

  10. I’ve been on a very small dose of setraline for 5 years. It’s helped immensely with my anxiety and I feel able to deal with situations that used to turn me into a blubbering mess. However, I can’t tell if it’s the medicine that’s making me feel that way or that I’ve really cured my anxiety. I’m afraid to go off the meds. I also do not want to be on them forever. And the weight gain has been a frustrating side effect.

    Any stories from going off SSRIs? Are the withdrawal symptoms horrible? Has anyone been able to successfully stop taking them for good?

    1. The Paxil withdrawal symptoms can be horrific (I was so densely brain fogged, I forgot how to use a bar of soap and a washcloth – I got out of the shower crying and ran to my husband because I was so scared), but Zoloft really can be easier, esp if you taper down gradually.

      I’ve realized that I personally cannot stop taking them. I did all the “right things” for years before getting on them – nutrition, exercise, meditation – but finally admitted that I need pharmaceutical help :) Since going on them, I’ve tried a number of times to get off them, but even if I’m doing all the “right things” (versions 2-9), I acknowledge that I need them to function at my best.

      Re: being afraid. Remember, you can always go back on. When I first tried to go off an SSRI, I was terrified because I had suffered mentally for years before starting them, and I was scared I’d suffer again. But you know what drug and dosage work for you, and there’s no reason to suffer.

    2. I was on a low dose of Setraline for several years and tapered off a couple of years ago as I felt like I was in a good place and it wasn’t doing anything for me anymore. I worked with my doctor to create an appropriate weaning schedule, and I did not really notice any side effects. To be fair, I did not get many side efefcts when I started taking the medication either, so YMMV.

      That being said, I did have a replase in anxiety and depression after several months of being off the medication. I went to therapy, but it didn’t work as it should have, and my therapist and I came to the conclusion that I just need something to help balance my brain. So now I’m on a low dose of Lexapro and am doing well with no regular therapy.

      I was afriad to go off, and then I was afraid to go back on too, but there’s realy nothing to be afraid of. You can give it a try, and if it works great, but if it doesn’t you can try therapy or go back on meds or try something else. Some people only need medication for a temporary period of time, but there are others like myself who really need it to be stable all the time. I would try going off very slowly, and see how you feel in several months. Maybe you could even work with a therapist while you’re weaning off to make sure your coping skills are being kept up to par if that’s your main concern.

    3. Obviously don’t do this without your doctor’s assistance, and taper off very slowly – if you do it slowly enough I think you shouldn’t experience many side effects from stopping. In my experience the adjustment to getting on SSRIs was much harder. I have been on and off a few times. My underlying issue is chronic anxiety, which eventually devolves into depression. But I didn’t really understand that until I had been medicated for a while, and then stopped. Then I could actually see the anxiety. (Also with therapy!) I’m currently not taking them and struggle a bit with anxiety, but not enough right now that I want to live with the s*xual side effects I have with SSRIs. But I reserve the right to start taking them again if I need to and assume I likely will at some point. I agree you don’t have much to loose by giving it a try since you have been stable for so long – you can always start taking them again. Try not to worry too much about “forever” or what you will be doing for the rest of your life – you just need to figure out what you want to do right now, and tomorrow will take care of itself. New drugs are being developed all the time. If weight gain is the primary issue you could also ask your doctor if adding Wellbutrin might help, or if you could take it or something other than an SSRI instead of sertaline. (Wellbutrin isn’t always great for anxiety though, and obviously I’m not a doctor – my main point is talk to your doctor about your options).

  11. I am really high-waisted, which I thought would work for Boden based on comments here. But it doesn’t — I’m a pear with a bit of a tummy. So I need an 4 top, but even in a 6 dress, the small high waists seem to magnify everything below it. Maybe Boden isn’t pear-friendly? Women of different sizes/ages all seem to like Boden, but maybe it is shape-specific for who it works for?

    1. Yes! This is me. I want Boden dresses to work for me so badly, but they just don’t.

      1. I am a high-waisted hourglass/pear and I sized up. The one that did work is the linen tunic – it has kind of an empire top but still fitted enough in the body so I don’t look boxy. Plus I went with the longer length. Tops-wise I had good look though.

  12. Can I just say that I did some serious cooking yesterday and now have lunches/dinners planned for most of the week!

    This may not be an accomplishment for most, but I’m an organizational failure when it comes to cooking – I literally can’t think of the last time I did this. It feels good!

    3. That’s a great accomplishment! I don’t really enjoy cooking and I need to get my act together and do this.

  13. Do any of you actively not buy from brands who use real fur? I just discovered that one of my favorite places to go for nice suits also makes things with real fur trim, which bothers me. And now I’m bummed that I’ll have to find a new high-end suit brand. (First world problems, obviously)

    2. I don’t buy fur, but I don’t go so far as to boycott brands that sell real fur. I understand the rationale, but it’s hard enough to find nice suits.

    3. No I don’t.

      I also wear an old fur stole occasionally. The animal died a long time ago and I figure it’s more of a waste not to use it.

      I also wear leather and eat meat.

      I actually don’t eat much pork, not for religious reasons, but because of how it’s farmed.

    4. My husband bought a North Face parka (fake fur trim) rather than Canada Goose (coyote). My Ookpik has real fur trim, but it is garbage panda (raccoon) so somehow it does not bother me the way my mother’s 1970’s mink coats do.

      That being said, if you are otherwise happy, I would not completely discount a brand that uses fur if it was not on my garments.

    6. Yes! Also, down.

      (I’m a lifelong vegetarian, but , like Anon above, occasionally wear vintage fur. They’re heirlooms. Those foxes would be dead of old age by now.)

      1. (I should further add that my workplace is business casual, which gives me more leeway to be picky.)

    7. Nope.
      I wear some vintage real fur that I either inherited from my Grandma (her coat with the fox fur collar was the most expensive thing my grandfather ever bought her, and it came to me when she died) or bought secondhand. I would never buy new fur, but I also wouldn’t boycott a designer who used it in garments I didn’t purchase. I am pretty sure most clothing manufacturers do things in the course of making clothing that aren’t so nice, and I try to buy most of my garments second hand. That doesn’t always work, though.

    8. To my knowledge, I don’t own any items from brands that use real fur – but to be fair, that’s more because those brands are either out of my price range or impractical for my geographical region. But your question made me go look up a list of brands that use fur, and I think it would be pretty easy to avoid those brands if it is something that bothers you. I don’t think it is over the top, if that’s what you’re wondering.

  14. DH and I have been talking about TTC. He is older than me and has been very eager. I had planned to go off BC on Jan 1, but was also stopping another medicine then and decided to wait another month to be easy on my body. He was a little disappointed but understood. So I planned to stop taking it next week.

    For the past week and a half, my husband has been really acting off. Not very affectionate, kind of snappish. A friend of his visited and they did coke, which he used to do in his “party days” but hasn’t done in years. I also walked in on him scrolling through CL personal ads (m4mw), which I know he does sometimes as a fantasy/kind of like erotic lit. He also has been having some ED and just generally lower libido. I approached him about his behavior lately, and we had a pretty hard conversation. He complained that he doesn’t have fun like he used to with me, that I’m controlling, that he feels like he has to pretend to be someone he’s not. It was really out of the blue.

    He also said he’s scared to have a baby. I think that’s got to be at the root of all of this. We’ve had therapy before and I’m not sure it’s the solution right now. We are usually able to communicate well and even in this crazy outburst we’re still able to stay calm and focus on the “real feelings” (I.e. fear rather than anger). He has since apologized and said he really thinks it’s just cold feet around TTC. But that he really wants a baby but maybe wants to wait a few months.

    I just feel confused and disappointed. Like he went 360 from wanting a baby to not. He has therapy today, so maybe that will help him work through some of this. I just feel scared and confused. Did others have spouses freak out a little at this point in time? It’s a huge transition obviously. But I am eager to TTC!

    P.S. reading the above I think a lot of you might jump out that he’s having an affair. He’s not, I trust that he’s not, and he doesn’t have the opportunity.

    1. I don’t have advice for you but I want to tell you that I browse CL casual encounters as my own version of p0rn. I find them fascinating and I have no desire to ever cheat.

      1. +1

        I do this too sometimes, just out of curiosity. In general, if you saw my browsing history you’d get a very different picture of me as opposed to my actions and opinions IRL. And I’d look like a real weirdo.

      2. Me too. I actually find quite a bit of what goes on in the CL personal ads to be super-hilarious and will look at them if I need a laugh. My husband knows I do this because I’ll be like “hey honey, get a load of this one” and cackle my head off.

    2. Open your eyes. Something more is going on. Doing drugs, scrolling personal ads…these are major red flags. Whatever you do, do not actively TTC right now. Wait until it gets figured out. A baby will not fix anything.

      1. +1

        I’m glad to hear he is in therapy, and would bring up the possibility of couples therapy again before starting to conceive.

        The drugs are the big red flag for me, and then his flurry of confessions/feelings gives me pause.

        Good luck.

      2. I think the drugs are a big red flag too. I really would not just chalk this up to normal pre-TTC jitters and go ahead with baby-making. You need to get this sorted out before you TTC even if it’s a disappointment to wait.

      3. Eh, he did coke once with a buddy (i.e. not alone) and he’s reading personal ads for kicks (not a new bahavior). These don’t raise Red Flags for me.

        If these actions become more frequent, maybe.

        But TTC could be too real suddenly for him, and something that was hoped for in the abstract is getting scary as it gets closer.

        Good luck!

        1. The fact that he turns to (illegal) drugs as a coping method for anxiety is a really big problem. He needs to get that sh!t figured out before he’s responsible for the stress of an infant. Unless you want to be a single parent.

    3. Don’t start TTC. Figure out what the heck is going on first, including with a couples counselor if you need to. The coke and complaining about you being controlling are major red flags to me.

  15. My mother-in-law wants to take a Disney cruise with the whole family for an upcoming big birthday. I hate Disney and have always thought of myself as Not Really a Cruise Person. Does anyone have any tips for having fun as a child-free person who doesn’t like crowds?

    1. I would pose this question on disboards.com. They can give you advice specific to your ship and destinations – such as request the later dinner times, consider dining at the restaurants that are not included in the price of the cruise, etc.

      Is she paying for this? We just priced a Disney cruise and were surprised at how expensive it is.

    2. If you feel like you have to or want to go, plan lots of time in the adult-only areas of the cruise ship. Schedule meals at the adult-only restaurants with smaller groups of your family. Go to the spa. Take books and go to the adult-only pool. Go to the gym if you enjoy working out. Avoid the excursions put on by Disney at the ports and tour on your own or with family members you enjoy being with.

    3. I hear you. I can’t imagine an activity I would dislike more than Disney + cruise.

      Big birthday for who? Her?

      So I take it you are married, and this is your spouse’s mother? Well, if your spouse is into it, then you need to make it work, and not come off as a sour puss. You will be there with your spouse, right? Lots of books, movies on your tablet, exercise on board every day (!), look forward to the stops.

    4. Honestly, I just wouldn’t go. You don’t like Disney, or Cruises, and don’t have a child as a reason to stomach it all. Just sit it out, it’s not worth blowing you vacation on a thing you seem to hate.

      1. Might depend also on her relationship with her inlaws and spouse. This could be one of the times where you compromise for the sake of the relationship. Also, I would imagine that a Disney cruise would offer adults-only things since parents would (I assume) want their own kid-free component to the vacation as well.

    5. Are you definitely going to go? IMO, it would be perfectly reasonable to sit this one out if it’s not your thing. But if you’re going to go, I think you can have a decent time. I’ve never been on a Disney cruise, but I bet there are places to just lounge around, read a book, swim, etc. that are not overly Disney-related. If it were me, I would seek those places out and avoid the planned shows, etc. that would not be fun for me.

    6. This sounds like my personal version of h*ll and I don’t dislike kids or cruises. But a cruise boat filled with kids is just not a vacation for me and all the commercialized Disney stuff would make it extra insufferable. Can you talk to your spouse about how much s/he wants you to go? I love my MIL but I’m not sure I’d be willing to spend a couple thousand bucks and a week of vacation time to do this for her. It’s a pretty big ask, unless she’s treating you guys to it.

    7. Assuming that for family reasons this is something you should do (and as someone who actually went on a Disney cruise as a child-free adult as as family vacation), there are a LOT of adult-only spaces and experiences. Head to the adult only-decks, adult-only pool, adult-only restaurants, and adult only entertainment. Bring plenty of books. I actually had much more fun than I thought I would (and got to spend some quality time with my nieces and nephews – when we could pry them out of the kid areas).

  16. I’m so much a tshirt/tank and jeans gal and I often see women in this attire plus a blazer, which suddenly looks classic and put together more than the way I see myself (as still wearing college comfies). How do I know what blazer to buy that works with tshirt/tank and jeans and how it all looks put together and intentional? I don’t own any blazers and have never bought one, so I have no idea how to do this! (I kind of wonder if it makes sense to go to the thrift store or a tailor or what to know before buying.)

    1. I find it pretty hard to transition to blazers when they aren’t you thing. Fit is actually tricky for me. I’d suggest going to Nordstrom or Macy’s and trying on some of their knit blazers made by their in-house lines. For example, Halogen at Nordstroms. Both stores have modestly priced knit blazers that are very popular and go on sale often. Go to Nordstroms wearing a T-shirt you like that fits you well. Ask the people who work there for their advice on fit/style etc..

      I would not blow a lot of $$ on a nice blazer at this point.

      Poke around on Pinterest for ideas/colors.

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