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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 250 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Giraffe Hernanda Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Trina Turk Giraffe Hernanda BlouseI apparently am loving Trina Turk this week. This black and beige silk blouse seems classic but fun at the same time, and even I could wear that beige (says the girl who normally avoids it like the plague). The blouse is on a great deal, too: was $268, now $83 at Amazon. Trina Turk Giraffe Hernanda Blouse Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Super Bowl Snack

    In honor of the Super Bowl this weekend, what are you favorite game day snacks? I’m finalizing the menu for Sunday and am in the mood to try something new.

    Some of my favorites:
    -Warm artichoke dip
    -Pulled pork for nachos/tacos
    -Mango guacomole
    -Sweet potato fries

    • Sparrow

      I made a buffalo chicken dip for New Years that was pretty good. I used the recipe from Prevention RD. I also like mini-meatballs.

    • NOLA

      I had hours at home yesterday so I made BBQ beef. Pulled pork was an option but I didn’t really have the time at the point I could go out. We do BBQ beef on hard rolls. Sweet potato fries sound yummy! Might have to pick some up on Saturday.

      Also:
      -homemade onion dip (best ever!)
      -hummus and veggies
      -Wholly Guacamole’s guacasalsa
      -M&M cookies (favorite of my friend’s grandsons) – although if it was just grownups I might make brownie cookies

        • NOLA

          So funny! My friends love it and always think it’s way more complicated than it is. I just started making it myself because I couldn’t find decent lowfat onion dip without lots of extra preservatives.

          I just finely chop a small onion, then slowly saute it in a little butter or margarine until it’s golden brown. I put the cooked onion in a bowl and let it cool, then mix in a container of lowfat sour cream. If it sits overnight, it’s even better!

          • A Nonny Moose

            I wonder if this would work with Greek yo instead of sour cream– I bet it would. DH loves onion dip but has been trying to eat better. Thanks for the recipe.

          • NOLA

            I think it would! It’s honestly just about the caramelized onions in something creamy. But, like I said, I use lowfat sour cream and that was the whole point when I started making it.

      • ADS

        Plenty of grownups love M&M cookies. One of my male coworkers makes these around the holidays to share with everyone.

        • NOLA

          Oh definitely! But one of the boys just LOVES these particular cookies so, since I’m going to their house, I’ll make them. The funny thing is, I have 2 recipes for M&M cookies. One is the original M&M party cookies recipe put out by King Arthur Flour sometime in the 60s or 70s. Then last year, I tried the Red’s Favorite M&M cookies recipe and that’s the one the kids like. I prefer the original, which is a little darker with brown sugar.

        • Esquared

          I will 2nd the adult thing, my husband gets them EVERY time they are available. :)

    • AnonInfinity

      My favorite is just classic cheese dip and beer.

      Everyone at the Super Bowl party I always go to eats ALL THE BUFFALO CHICKEN CHEESE DIP. I don’t like Buffalo stuff, but man it is popular. My husband would die for a bowl of it, I think.

      • LilyB

        do you think I could accomplish this with a hand mixer, assuming I have a bread dough attachment?

        • CKB

          I’ve never made these, but I’ve made bread for years. You could absolutely do this with a hand mixer, but I would do the actual kneading by hand, after the majority of the flour has been incorporated. Just google ‘how to knead bread dough” – I’m sure a bunch of things including youtube videos will come up.

        • Ginjury

          I made soft pretzels just the other weekend with just my hands. It wasn’t difficult at all. I wouldn’t recommend using a hand mixer.

        • big dipper

          I make pretzels with a regular hand mixer. They turn out fine – I just knead them by hand. No problems with the mixer either.

        • anon in tejas

          you may want to scale down the batch and do it as two half batches. a full batch may be too much.

      • Super Bowl Snack

        For the artichoke dip:
        1 can artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
        1 cup grated parmesan cheese
        1 cup mayo
        1 can (4 oz) green chiles
        Pepper, to taste

        Heat oven to 350ºF, mix all ingredients in a shallow ovenproof dish. Bake for about 20 minutes (until bubbly). I like to bake it for less time and turn on the broiler at the end so the top gets slightly browned. Serve with pita, celery and carrots, or crackers.

    • BB

      This isn’t a gameday snack per se, but I’m cooking up a slow-roasted pork shoulder for the game with some Asian fixin’s :) Can’t wait!

    • IT Chick in MN

      Curried carrot dip and white bean-lemon dip. I think I’ve mentioned my party secret before – vegan dips! They tend to have a lot of flavor, and they can safely sit out for hours without any food safety issues.

      • rosie

        That looks amazing. I’ll be getting some vegan wings this weekend, but I am going to have to try this recipe sometime soon.

  2. jc

    After reading some of the morning routines that were posted on here the past few days, I’m wondering how often does everyone wash their hair? I try to only wash mine 3 times a week, so I often take baths at night to avoid washing. I also have very curly hair, so when I straighten it, it’s worth leaving for a few days!

    • Anonymous

      I’m interested in this too. I co-washed for the first time two days ago and liked the results, but I don’t know how it might work to do it every day. Maybe every other day!

    • Sparrow

      With the dry, winter air I’ve been able to get away with washing mine every other day. I have fine hair, but it’s slightly wavy so I use a flat iron to get it smooth. Dry shampoo and powder texturizers help with any oily-ness. In the summer, I have to wash it almost every day.

    • Cb

      I was every 3 days (wash at night). Generally it’s up on day 3 but it seems to work well.

    • amelia earhart

      Daily, in the mornings. My hair is short, fine and oily. The combination makes it impossible to do anything else.

      • amelia earhart

        *Impossible to my knowledge. I’d be open to any suggestions anyone might have!

        • Sparrow

          I had to “train” my hair to get used to only being washed every other day. At first I started with doing this on the weekends and then slowly during the week. Sometimes I would wash my hair on Friday and then not again til Monday morning.

          I never thought washing every other day would work for me, but once I got in a cycle it wasn’t too bad. I use powder texturizer in my hair and that helps absorb oil. If I know for sure I’m not going to wash my hair in the morning I will even use dry shampoo at night.

          However, as I mentioned above the dry, winter air does help. In the summer, I can’t always get away with every other day washing.

          • mascot

            +1 to hair training. I wash about 4x/week in the winter. I also have short, fine and oily so this took a few weeks to really get used to. Dry shampoo, velcro rollers and keeping up with my highlights encourage volume on the non-washing days. During our hot humid summers or weeks where I get really sweaty working out, it may get washed every day.

          • Maggie

            My hair used to start to get oily by the end of the day if I washed it in the morning and now I only wash it a few times a week. As a caveat, I do wear my hair up a lot which for me means I can get away with dirtier hair, and I have only done this washing schedule since the fall so I haven’t tried it in summer. Today I’m on day 4 hair but this is an anomaly because I was running really late. Typically I do 2-3 days without washing. One of the best tips I read was to apply dry shampoo BEFORE you get sweaty/go to sleep/whatever, so it absorbs oil as it’s produced rather than trying to remove what’s already in your hair.

      • Ditto

        I have your hair, but shoulder-length. If I think I can’t wash my hair on day 2, I make sure to put a lot of product in it on day 1 — that helps to absorb the oil or make me look less of a junkie on day 2. I’m 43, by the way. Even my mother (71) is a daily hair washer due to the oil + fine hair combination.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Same boat, same washing schedule. Sometimes I can buy an extra day on the weekends if I use a liberal amount of dry shampoo and then re-blowdry, but it’s “weekend-errands-I-don’t-care-about” hair, not “going-to-work” hair.

        • KC

          Same. I have very fine, straight, light blonde hair, so the oil seems to travel down it quickly and be pretty visible. I’ve tried dry shampoo, but it only gets me to “weekend presentable,” not “work ready.” Also, by the time I dry shampoo, blast with a dryer, fluff, and restyle, I could have just taken a 5 minute shower.

      • January

        I’m so envious of people who don’t have to wash daily! My hair used to work with every other day, but these days, it only looks clean for about 36 hours, which creates problems by about noon on the second day. Sigh.

        • TravelMoreRoads

          Same boat, finally just tried the dry shampoo thing, worked better than expected and got me through the next day. I wanted to give it a shot since everyone is always praising it for travel but never been my thing. Now can’t wait to use it for travel! If anyone has any favorite brands,would appreciate the tips.

          • zora

            I love the Gentle dry shampoo from Klorane. It comes in a larger bottle tho, so it’s not ideal for trying to pack light, but it’s so good on my hair I can’t give it up.

          • eagon

            I regularly have 1 – 2 bottles of Batiste in my bathroom. You can find it at ulta.

          • IT Chick in MN

            I”ll second the recommendation for the Klorane one. I got a travel size in my January Birchbox, and I am in LOVE.

          • AttiredAttorney

            The cheap “Suave Professionals” dry shampoo is my absolute favorite. Since a bottle is only about $3, I keep one in my desk at work, one in the car (during moderate weather), and one at home.

        • ss

          I can wear mine up on the 2nd day but have a problem that night, when trying to sleep with greasy hair all over my face and pillow …

      • anon

        I used to have to wash mine every day until I started using living proof’s shampoo for fine hair in the fall. I don’t know if it’s jsut a winter thing but I can get 3 days out of my hair now – sometimes need dry shampoo, but it’s such an improvement!

      • Sutemi

        I wash 3X a week, but for my short fine haircut I rinse it every morning. I towel dry and fingerstyle, so it takes only a couple minutes of work.

      • new york associate

        I have the same kind of hair – fine, but there’s lots of it, and it gets intolerably greasy by Day 2. I’ve always been a daily hair washer as a result – but ladies, last spring I switched to sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner and it has been a Life Changer. I have tried numerous options (right now I’m using the L’Oreal sulfate free stuff in the dark green bottle) and they all work. I still wash my hair a lot, but going sulfate-free lets me skip washing every other day. Try it!

    • Cornellian

      In the winter I wash my hair probably every 36-48 hours, but maybe will push it to 60. I have lots of fine straight fair hair, so it shows grease pretty easily. In the summer it’s every 24-36 hours.

    • Anon

      Daily, in the mornings, after my workout. Dry-shampoo or no wash is not an option – i have thick curls and am a sweaty mess after my workout!

      • Anon in NYC

        This is pretty much my story too, although my hair leans more wavy than tight curls. In the winter on days that I do not work out, I can usually get away with dry shampoo for a second day. When I’m really feeling lazy I won’t shampoo from Friday-Sunday, but my hair is gross by Sunday.

    • KLG

      I generally wash mine every other day, but if I straighten it on the second day, I will definitely try to wear it a third without washing it! I use a shower cap on days I don’t wash it.

    • tk1

      Generally every 3 days. Day 1 is a bit frizzy, day 2 is perfect, day 3 starts to feel itchy and greasy but looks great, I’ve pushed it to 4, but it starts looking a bit greasy by then. I have thick wavy hair that I straighten most of the time. In the summer humidity I can wear it curly on day 1, but then I straighten day 2 and 3 because the curls flatten out.

    • Lyssa

      I used to be a dedicated, no exceptions daily washer, but after my pregnancy ended (over a year ago), I suddenly found my hair a lot drier. Now, I wash Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday (I change it a little if it’s an abnormal working week), and it seems to be fine. Sometimes by Tuesday or Friday, it starts to feel a little heavy, but still looks fine as far as I can tell. I’m loving my new weekday morning routine (or lack thereof), and am really hoping that a subsequent pregnancy won’t throw it off again.

      • TBK

        Ooh, I hope mine does that, too. I always had to wash every day, and would even get oily by evening on the first day, but since I’ve been pregnant, I can easily go two days (and could probably push it to three). I would love it if this lasted after the babies are born.

        • Lyssa

          That’s funny, while I was pregnant, I was super-greasy all over, dryness was a completely pp thing. Hormones are such weird things!

          • anonk

            preg now and my hair is SUPER dry. I used to wash it twice a week but last week got away with almost a full seven days — makes the 30 minutes it takes to blowdry it straight a lot more worth it. I’m only using a bit of straightening/thermal gel on the curliest parts and then Moroccan oil — I find I have to wash it more if I put gunk in there like John Frieda or hairspray.

            in the summertime I was an “every other day” washer. in my 20s I had to wash daily and couldn’t comprehend going more than 24 hours without washing my hair. :)

    • Moon Moon

      Thick, dry, wavy/curly hair (more than wavy, less than curly) about halfway down my back. I wash my hair about two times a week, but I condition once in between (I usually wash on Mondays or Sunday nights, do a cleansing conditioner on Wednesdays, and wash on Fridays). On the off days I put my hair up in a loose bun on the top of my head (no shower cap) and the humidity revives the curl if it flattens when I’m sleeping, and I just put a nickel sized dab of curl creme through to get rid of flyaways/frizzies.

      • Moon Moon

        I should add that I never use dry shampoo, nor do I blowdry my hair except in the rare circumstances that I straighten it. I’m more of a dry rather than greasy person anyway (including my skin) so even on fourth day hair I’m not greasy enough to justify dry shampoo, it just may get a little flat at the roots. If I go to the fourth day I usually just put it into a bun (plus, that’s the only time that my roots are straight enough so that I can pull back my hair and not have it look wavy-weird)

    • Cat

      Daily in the morning. I have fine hair, but I have A LOT of it, so it somehow goes both limp and everywhere at the same time if I don’t start fresh each day. It’s also definitely a mental thing – I “feel” cleaner and more awake after washing, even if I could get away with a sleek, low pony on day 2.

      • PolyD

        Same here. And I’m all staticky because of the cold, dry weather. Dry shampoo makes my hair look weirdly matte. Just FYI, I have found that my fine, lots of it hair, does well with the Moroccan Oil conditioner, the kind that comes in the fat blue bottle with the gold top. Conditions and gives it a bit of texture without weighing it down.

        Also, I feel like my day-old hair has a smell. It’s not dreadful, but there is a smell and it’s distracting. I will probably start a fight here by saying I have definitely noticed this smell on other women who otherwise look very clean, but maybe I am just especially sensitive to not-quite-clean-hair smell.

    • Maddie Ross

      My third day hair is my favorite. And I can usually stretch it to a 4th or even occasionally a 5th in the winter. I use a little dry shampoo starting on day 3 and again on 4/5 around my ears and at the crown in back.

    • Diana Barry

      Usually every 1.5 days. If I put mousse in it and blow-dry and don’t exercise then I can stretch it to 2, but I am lazy and rarely blow-dry and it is easier to take 1 minute in the shower to wash than it is to take 5-7 minutes to blow-dry with product.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      Haha – I am the dirtiest of all the r3tt3s. I generally wash every 4-5 days. I wash at night and blowdry, straighten and style in the morning. Then wear it down for 3 days, with straightener touch ups and potentially added product (but very minimal – hairspray yes, but nothing anti-frizz since that oils up the hair). 4th day I will wear it back/up. I’ll either wash it that night (if I want it to look nice the next day – big meeting, social event) or leave it to wash til the 5th day (if I am super lazy, don’t care). I will also sometimes wash on the 3rd day if it falls on a Sunday since I’m happier to do the washing and blow drying on a lazy night.

      • (Former) Clueless Summer

        But I do have a bath every night and a body shower every morning!

      • Ginjury

        So glad I saw your comment! I usually wash 4-5 days, but take showers throughout the week by throwing my hair in a clip on top of my head. I’ve stopped using leave in conditioner since it seems like my hairspray actually does a better job of keeping my hair looking and smelling fresh.

        • Ginjury

          *and by leave in conditioner, I meant dry shampoo, which are clearly not at all similar.

      • Jo March

        Even dortier over hwre, lol. Once a week. Anything more than that and it’s like straw; anything less than that and it starts to get itchy and my scalp hurts.

    • CKB

      I wash with shampoo every other day and co wash on the other days. Sometimes if it’s really dry & my hair doesn’t feel too greasy I’ll co wash 2 days in a row.

      I have curly hair, but my curl doesn’t stay over night so I need to get it wet to bring back the curl daily.

    • Rural Juror

      Only once every 3 days for me! My hair is really thick in the sense that I have a lot of hair, but each individual hair is really fine. Hair looks good the first and second day, by the third day I usually pull it half back or wear it up. I used to wash it every 2 days but I had a friend who bragged about her every 3 days and told me you just have to suck it up for a while and eventually your hair gets used to it. So true. Maybe I looked a little greasy on the third day for the first few weeks, but after that it was smooth sailing. And so worth it for time savings. Oh and I should add that I still shower in the mornings, just don’t wet my hair if it’s not a wash day.

    • Polished Pinstripes

      My hair washing schedule seems to change with the seasons. In the winter I try to wash it every 3 days, because otherwise it gets dried out very quickly. In the summer I definitely have to wash it every other day. My hair gets rather oily so if I want to wear it down I would need to wash it every day, but instead I wear my hair up on the days I don’t wash it and no one seems to notice. I used to wash my hair every day, but realized it was drying out my scalp.

    • zora

      I have fine hair that gets a little oily but I do every 3 days, and definitely dry shampoo and sometimes a little flat iron to make it look neat on the 3rd day. I can also stretch a day putting it up, or wearing a hat (casual office). It definitely helps my color last longer, and helps my delicate hair not get too damaged. I do still shower most mornings, but i put my hair up and/or use a shower cap.

    • kjoirishlastname

      So, for those of you going x-days between washings, are you not even getting it wet, or are you wetting and rinsing without shampoo or conditioner? I shower daily in the mornings, just because I can’t stand the feeling of waking up and putting clean clothes on an “unwashed” body, even if I showered the night before. I just feel awake when I take a shower. And horrible if I don’t.

      I am going to start following my friend’s advice and do a coconut oil hair mask just about every other day for a week, then 2x a week, then 1x a week, then 2x a month. She said that it turned her fine, thin hair into very healthy, shiny, non-frizzy/flyaway hair.

      I have very fine, but fairly thick hair. Lots of tiny strands. It’s pretty straight, but there’s wave if I let it air dry, but then each single end goes in a different direction and it looks awful. I’ve never been able to dry it to be “curly” with curl cream & a diffuser and such. But, when I had it chopped a la Meg Ryan, there was a lot of curl/wave since there wasn’t any length to weigh it down. It’s just past my shoulders now, with some long layers. No bangs. All my ends are split right now, so I am waiting on a giftcard from my dad to my salon for a cut & color. I’ve not ventured into the realm of dry shampoos yet. Brand suggestions?

      • Lyssa

        I feel gross and half-asleep if I don’t shower in the mornings, too. For non-wash days, though, I just clip it up and use one of those stretchy headbands. It sometimes gets a little damp, but that doesn’t seem to be a big deal (though I could add a shower cap if it were). My not-washing is more about not wanting to blow dry than not wanting to wash – the washing part itself is quick and easy.

      • tk1

        I don’t get it wet on the days I don’t wash it. In the winter I don’t shower every day due to dry skin, unless I get sweaty at the gym or dirty for some other reason. If I do shower without washing my hair I just put it in a ponytail then wrap it up with a big claw clip.

      • Anonymous

        I use a shower cap. If I had a better shower head, I might be able to get away with a clip like the others mention, but alas, it’s an older apartment and the shower head’s aim is like a man shooting for the toilet bowl.

      • Anon from Chicago

        i only wash my hair probably 3 times a week on average; sometimes 2 and sometimes 4, depending on events and whether i wear it curly or straight. I have fine thin hair and always wear it down on the first day and pulled back on the last day, but the middle day (or two) depends on how its working.

        I use dry shampoo sometimes but i also use the aveda product that is supposed to help fine, thin hair.

        i do shower every morning though and just use a shower cap if im straight and a clip so it gets a little wet if im curly.

      • Ginjury

        That’s impressive! Does your scalp not start to smell? I’ve gone up to 5 days, but, at that point, I definitely notice a smell.

    • Sophie

      I wash every night. I’m a night shower-er, and tie my hair up in a bun and get really nice waves in the morning. It’s funny to me everyone saying that they aren’t awake without showering – after years of night showers, showering makes me sleepy because it’s a ‘bedtime signal’ for me, so I hate showering in the morning. Question for those who wash only a few times per week – do you work out on days you don’t wash your hair? I can’t imagine working out and not washing my hair.

      • Maggie

        I don’t work out a whole lot so typically my workout day becomes my hair washing day (every 2-3 days), but occasionally on days I am not getting too sweaty I will apply dry shampoo before working out. That would definitely be followed by a hair up day though, I don’t think I could wrangle it into looking acceptable down. In general whether working out or not I thought it was kind of gross to not wash my hair every day, but now as long as I’m not smelly I’m fine with being a bit more grimy since my hair feels healthier.

    • Calibrachoa

      For me it depends entirely on how “off” it feels; genrally every 2 to 3 days but sometimes more often. I have days when I do nothing to warrant it and yet it feels like I’ve stuck my head in a deep fryer.

    • Olivia Pope

      Every four days or once a week, depending on how dry my hair is. I have coily curly hair that is very dry, so my needs are very different from people who struggle with daily greasiness.

      To clean my scalp, I co-wash, rinse with an apple cider vinegar solution, and condition on top of the vinegar, and thoroughly rinse. On days I don’t wash, I spritz my hair with water, add a touch of olive oil to seal in the moisture, and a little bit of moisturizing hair product.

      Twice a month, I shampoo and deep condition. One of those times, I do a protein treatment between shampoo and deep conditioner.

    • NOLA

      I’m sure I’m completely out of the ordinary here, but I generally wash my hair twice a day. I have thin, fine, short straightish hair that is hard to style unless it’s just dried (and then it’s easy). Even on Tuesday when I was home by myself, my hair looked pretty lame all day until I showered and dried it. I shower in the morning and wash it. Then, I work out in the evening and wash it again. I know I could just rinse it out, but honestly, my hair is soaked after 2 hrs of workout!

      • Anonattorney

        I wash every day. I don’t know how I could get through a work out with dry, clean hair. It’s just not possible. I also have curly/wavy hair that completely deflates the second day, so I need to wash it to spruce up the curls.

    • long time lurker

      Every other day for me during the workweek, but on the weekend I stretch it with a little dry shampoo/reblow dry bangs, and wearing it up. Wavy-ish thick hair.

    • saltylady

      Normally every other day, but today I went an extra day. It looks fine but feels kind of gross at the top. I brushed it out (it’s blown dry straight) and ran a large curling iron through it to give it some direction. Fine for work.

    • TCFKAG

      I wash every 3-4 days generally – unless I get super super sweaty in a work-out. I have short hair so on off days I use a BB Cream and then a semi-firm hold molding crème thing. I forget the brands – but they are not cheap. :-P

    • annoness

      I wash every day. After one night, my scalp goes into an exponential itch mode — the further I go, the itchier I get, even though my hair is oily. The shampoo I use nightly keeps the itch away.

  3. Anon

    I wash mine every night and take a second shower in the mornings where I don’t get my hair wet. I’d like to wash it less often, but I hate greasy hair and haven’t been able to do a good experiment to see if I can get away with doing it less.

    Plus, my hair looks better for work if I wash it in the morning, but I don’t want to deal with wet hair before work. Sigh…dealing with my hair is harder than it should be

    • Ditto

      I tried this when I was home for maternity leave (not washing, various dry shampoos, nothing, everything, alcohol on the hairline, layering on products). It was awful. Having pretty hair made me feel civilized when I was tired and still getting used to a very different life. I re-read Little House in the Big Woods recently (or: read aloud) and am soooo grateful to life in a world with hot running water, shampoo, and a blowdrier (and grocery stores and refrigeration).

  4. cbackson

    I just realized why my flight back from Seattle on Sunday was so cheap.

    Because I’m missing the Super Bowl.

    *facepalm*

    • Silvercurls

      Thank you for the unintended PSA for the few of us who wouldn’t mind missing the Super Bowl if it means paying less $$ for airfare. No travel plans this weekend, but I’m filing your information away for future use.

    • Seattle Freeze

      I myself am planning a trip to Ikea – no traffic, fewer hordes – if I weren’t going back to return things, it would be awesome :)

    • bananagram

      I once got a great deal on an international flight because I missed New Years Eve. No regrets because waking up on Jan 2 (first morning of the new year for me) on a long planned, long anticipated trip was so much better than any party.

  5. KP

    Wedding/Event planning TJ – I always read things about how “conversation” is better at round tables than long banquet tables. Is this really true? I find it hard to believe that at a long banquet table you can’t find enough people to converse with – person on either side of you, person across from you, person on either side of the person across from you – how is this any different than having a round table of 6? Am I missing something? Have you been to an event where you sat banquet style and hated it?

    • Anon

      My favorite seating is long banquettes, usually less distance across the table so it’s easier to talk to more people (I find it hard to talk across a round table) and they look prettier.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      I think the nice thing about rounds is there is no “end” of the table. So I’d say people in the middle of longs have a better experience than anyone at rounds, people at the ends have a slightly worse experience. But the con of rounds is that if both people beside you are talking to their other neighbour, you have to shout across a huge round table.

    • Anne Shirley

      It’s all fun and games until you wind up sandwiched between people who are both talking to the people on the other side of them. Unless you are inviting the Dowager Dutchess to enforce “turning” the table from discussion to you left and discussion to your right, you’re better off with rounds.

      But, like with all things wedding, as long as you’re feeding and boozing them, it’ll all be good.

    • ss

      Varies. A round table is great for a party where people know each other and/ or have enough common interests to support a table-wide discussion. At a party where a lot of people are meeting for the first time, they will talk to the person on either side and limit interaction across a big round table – long banquettes are better in this case.

    • PolyD

      More important than table size/shape — make sure the band isn’t too da– loud!

      • ADS

        Thank you. Alternatively, if the band is too loud, it doesn’t matter who sits where, since nobody can hear anybody, then.

    • KP

      Follow up question – do you seat couples across the table from one another or next to one another?

      • Pippit

        At a dinner party, I always separate the couples to encourage conversation with others. I’m not sure if the etiquette is different at a wedding (where I usually see couples seated next to each other), but I think splitting couples makes it easier for people with others. OTOH, people tend to be most comfortable sitting next to their spouse.

      • AIMS

        I have been to a ton of wedding and I’ve never been assigned seats. Tables, yes. Seats, no.

        • KP

          Might be too late and no one is reading this – but if I have one long banquet table of 20 people, how do I just assign the table and not the seats? Seems unruly.

    • anon for this

      I don’t mind either way, as long as the seating arrangements are thoughtfully done if you’re doing table/seat assignments (and I really think assigning particular seats is unnecessary w/rounds).

      I once had a bad experience at long tables, but that was because I was at the end of a table all the way in the far corner of the tent, didn’t have any room to sit comfortably (against the wall of the tent that was blowing around) or get up and move around by my seat. I did get to sit next to my husband, at least–some couples were seated at the same table but not next to each other.

      • commenter

        I know it’s very common today, but why do couples need to sit next to each other? You’re supposed to be there to socialize with others.

        • Em

          In fact, aren’t classic etiquette rules that couples should never be seated together for precisely that reason?

          • POAS

            I remember reading married couples should be seated next to each other for the first year of marriage only. This obscure tidbit is either from the etiquette books I loved to read as a teenager or the Regencies….

        • Sutemi

          If I know several people at the wedding and we are both sitting near people we know, I think separate is okay. However, for those who are more introverted and also don’t know many people there, being separated means an hour of boredom. If you have time to thoughtfully seat people and make careful introductions it can work for the majority of the crowd but there are often some extras who don’t fit.
          My favorite is when tables are assigned but not exact chairs. Then we can split up if we like or sit together.

          • Esquared

            ^^^ Ding ding dig. Yes, I am pretty introverted (although not super-shy) and if I was seated away from husband I would just not have fun. He is able to hold up the small talk while I take any check-out moments I need.
            I would probably be really annoyed if I went to a wedding and we were seated apart and end up leaving on the early side because I would just feel overwhelmed.
            Just my humble opinion.

        • rosie

          Well, I told KP above to definitely seat couples next to each other, so I will take a stab at an answer.

          Etiquette is about making your guests comfortable, so it’s hard for me to believe that classic etiquette rules are to seat couples apart. Practically speaking, I’m at a wedding because I am happy for the couple getting married and was invited to witness their wedding, not to make new friends. I am somewhat introverted and will talk to strangers at a wedding, but I’d rather be seated next to the person I chose to spend my life with (my husband), not surrounded by people I met once or twice at the bride’s house or a cousin that the groom thought I would like. It’s easy enough for me to get out of my seat if I want to catch up with someone I am not sitting next to (or switch seats with someone)–and that’s why my answer doesn’t change if I’m at an event with a lot of people I know and like.

          • another anon

            it may be hard for you to believe but it is in fact classic etiquette. it may be true that people now prefer to sit with their spouse, and that is reason enough to seat them next to each other, but as for etiquette rules, it is not correct.

        • Anonymous

          It’s not a “need” to sit together, but I strongly prefer it, especially if I don’t know the other people very well. I do of course converse with the other people at the table, but I am kind of introverted, so it just makes me feel better to be next to my spouse. Plus, if we are out at a restaurant, my husband and I like to try things off each other’s plates and try each other’s wine if we are having something different, which becomes impossible if we are at opposite ends of a table. I have an in law that *always* wants to split up couples, and it drives me nuts. She did this the first time I met my husbands family, and it made me quite uncomfortable because I really didn’t know anyone there except my husband to be. So I have a strong preference for just letting adults decide where they want to sit.

      • Anonattorney

        I know that a lot of people like to avoid assigned seating because everyone’s had that bad experience where they ended up at the boring table. BUT, I think that when it’s done thoughtfully, it can be much better than a free-for-all. I’ve been to too many weddings where I’ve known no other guests, and have been uncomfortable at long, rectangular tables sandwiched in between other, larger groups of friends. If the bride and groom (have time to) figure out where to fit a twosome into a larger group with similar interests/backgrounds and facilitate that introduction, I think it can be much more fun for everyone. In that sense, rounds make for a more cohesive group dining experience than the long banquet tables. At my wedding, we had specific round tables for different groups of people (the law school friends, the college friends, the foreign friends, etc.)

    • Anonymous

      The best seating arrangement I have experienced in terms of facilitating conversation was at a square table that was big enough for two chairs on each side (so 8 total people). It was the perfect situation. Everyone talked as one big group.

  6. realtor rec in dc?

    Can anyone recommend a good real estate agent in the dc area? We are looking to buy a condo for investment purposes. Thanks!

    • Bonnie

      Hamid Samiy with WC & AN Miller http://hamidsamiy.lnf.com/
      He was the first agent I’ve worked with who did not try to pressure us and actually talked us out of a home that did not have good resale potential.

    • anon

      We liked Susan Severtson at Coldwell Banker’s gtown office. I would highly recommend for first time home buyer looking to buy.

    • Anonie

      Jay Dahill with Long and Foster. We were first time buyers and loved him. I got his name from my co-worker who has used him and so have several of her family members.

  7. Need advice

    All, I’m trying to assess whether I’m completely outlandish for being upset at this, but I’ve always had an issue in relationships where I get EPICALLY annoyed when boyfriends say “oh such and such [INSERT CELEBRITY NAME] is stunning, gorgeous, whatever.” Every time I watch a particular show with my current bf of over a year, he comments on how hot the host is by saying “oh yeaaaaaaa [INSERT CELEB HOST NAME]” or some other comment about her body/looks. I’ve told him it bothers me–but in actuality, I’m even more upset that maybe this is a sign that I have some insecurity issues??? I wish I could be the type of girl to just play along and let stuff like that go, but I find comments like that to be insensitive and childish. I also feel like (whether or not it’s true), your partner should treat you ALWAYS like you are THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE. and making comments like that is contrary to that. Can anyone help me sort through this?! Am I nuts? Do others feel this way?

    • Diana Barry

      Hum. I can’t say that my DH has EVER EVER commented on what a celebrity looks like in the 13 yrs we’ve been together. I wouldn’t ever comment on that to him either…to me that is talk that I would do with my girlfriends and not with my DH.

    • Dulcinea

      I think one or two comments about how a certain celebrity is hot is fine and something you shouldn’t let bother you. I mean, there must be someone else in the world you think is good-looking in addition to your SO, right? So it’s normal that he would think the same, especially about people whose entire career is built on their looks/ability to be engaging on screen.

      However, the fact that he knows it bothers you and he keeps doing it repeatedly is the bigger problem here. Does he maybe think it’s a joking teasing thing that you like? Maybe have a conversation with him where you say, regardless of whether it’s rational, it DOES bother me when you make these comments, so please stop.

      • Need advice

        THIS. Thanks! I think it’s more just letting him know that it’s irritating, and he really does it just to joke, but it annoys me (mostly because I would feel completely awkward doing that to him about, oh let’s say, Channing Tatum).

        • Anon

          Hmm, is this a hill you want to die on though? If it seriously bothers you, make an issue of it but personally this strikes me as so minor I wouldn’t want to spend relationship “fix it cash” on it. I’d get irritated if my SO tried to police all my comments.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            Is it a hill *he* wants to die on, though?

            I don’t see anything wrong with occasionally asking a partner to cut out doing one specific thing (commenting on this woman every time she appears on a tv screen), even if the reasons for the request are less than perfectly rational. He’s making her uncomfortable – shouldn’t he GAF about that? Or is it okay for him to make her uncomfortable in this situation because “hey, that’s how dudes are,” and if OP was a “cool girlfriend” who “wasn’t so insecure” she’d just roll with it?

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            One more thing – this doesn’t have to be some big dramatic “conversation” where you spend an hour dissecting the roots of your discomfort.

            Back when Magic Mike was in theaters and the commercials were airing every five seconds, my Channing Tatum comments got a little out of hand (I have loved him since Step Up, and have you SEEN him shirtless? He’s HOT. Yes, Ellen-caps HOT). H dealt with it with a simple “Seriously, again?” in passing at a time when I made a comment. I adjusted myself accordingly. It wasn’t an issue of him “controlling” or “policing” me, nor did we need to have a big “thing” about his “body issues” – it was an issue of I was annoying him and he asked me to stop. So I did, because verbally commenting on shirtless Channing Tatum every time he appears on a TV screen is significantly less important to me than not annoying my SO. The end.

          • Susedna

            +1000 to KKH. I think the attractiveness thing/celebrities is a red herring. It’s that this behaviour really annoys you, and you’ve let him know, and he won’t stop.

        • Dulcinea

          Haha, maybe you SHOULD do it back to him, but be twice as extreme as he is….when you see an actor you think is attractive (or can pretend to think so), gush about him like crazy and be outrageously explicit and obscene about it.

          At the very least, this could make you feel better by making the whole thing into a silly competitive joke. Or maybe it will get your message across to your SO. But if you take this approach, do it from a place of humor, not passive agression.

    • CKB

      I know what celebs my dh thinks are hot, he knows who I find attractive too. We don’t gush over it to each other, but we might make a comment. Actually, I often say “oh look, so and so is looking awesome tonight, don’t you think?” and he’ll lightly tease me about my attraction to Chris Helmsworth or Stephen Amell. We never make comments every time we see those people on tv or whatever, though.

      Also, I know that my dh thinks I’m very sexy, and I never doubt his attraction to me. It helps me have a positive body image. If I was ever bothered about comments he makes about other women (celebs or not) and I talked to him about it I know he’d stop.

    • Sparrow

      Yeah, I used to feel this way back when were first dating/married. After being together 15 years, the feelings just faded over time. I don’t know specifically how it happened, but i just don’t react the same way I used to.

      I know there are certain celebs/models that my husband finds attractive and he’ll comment on it sometimes. There are guys I find attractive also, but I just don’t comment on it when my husband is around.

      If you’ve told your BF it bothers you and he’s still doing it, then that’s not cool on his part. I think he should be more sensitive to something that is bothering you.

      • saltylady

        Totally agree. My husband is a little dismayed at how much I like the Dothraki guy from Game of Thrones though. It’s like he’s just a little too manly/large or something.

    • jc

      That would really bother me too, but my SO never does this in front of me and I never do it in front of him. I think this is something that guys talk about when they hang out together, not with their girlfriends. I think it’s worth talking to him more seriously about, even if you are a little insecure (I think we all are in some way!).

    • Anita

      I don’t mean to be snarky, truly, but how old are you? I used to care about these things a lot more when I was younger and now, I’m usually the one making the remarks about how attractive some male or female celebrity is while my husband asks “who is that again? ” That said, if your boyfriend makes comments that bother you regularly, you ought to feel comfortable asking him to keep these thoughts to himself. It’s a matter of being considerate, regardless of the reasonableness or unreasonableness of your particularly sensitivity.

      • TCFKAG

        This is my relationship in a nutshell. I comment on how hot both male and female celebrities are – and my beloved looks up from a book and says Who?

        Though he is quite aware of my love of Tom Hiddleston and I have full permission to “go there” if the opportunity arises.

        Seriously though – I think turning it into a joking game – like each of you having a “list” or some such is an okay way to go. But I also think that asking him to tone it down in front of you is pretty okay too.

    • Anne Shirley

      I think this sounds like an insecurity issue. I just dont think your partner should treat you like the hottest person alive at all- this seems really shallow. And delusional. He should treat you like you are the person he loves the most. Unless he’s non-stop with this, I think you should resolve the problem without telling him he needs to change his completely normal behavior.

      • roses

        My comment appears to not be showing up, but it was basically this. If he treats you well otherwise, it’s completely unrealistic and unhealthy to demand that he never acknowledges that anyone else is hot.

      • anon

        really? is it completely normal behavior to comment repeatedly in front of your girlfriend on other women’s attractiveness? to me that sounds callous and unnecessary. it almost sounds like HE has an insecurity issue.

        • Anne Shirley

          He’s commenting on one specific person in one specific show. I think he just thinks she’s hot.

          If he were evaluating every woman they saw for hotness my answer would be different.

        • roses

          Not other women in real life, but women whose job it is to be attractive to millions of people? Sure. Celebrities are great for this, actually, because they are an outlet to acknowledge that it’s totally OK to be attracted to other people besides your SO (as long as you don’t act on it, assuming you are in a monogamous relationship) without any danger of worrying that your SO is actually going to take steps to be with that other person.

        • cbackson

          I sort of feel like commenting on a celebrity’s attractiveness is different, though, because it’s not a threat to the relationship. Your boyfriend is not going to leave you for Scarlett Johanson, you know?

          • anon

            because he wouldn’t want to, or because he can’t? I’m sorry but I really don’t see a difference. I agree if it’s a very occasional thing, it’s one thing- but it sounds like her bf is doing this repeatedly after she asked him not to, and to put that on her and telling her she needs to get over her insecurity is just wrong, in my opinion.

          • anon

            I get what you’re saying, Wildkitten, but that’s kind of my point- he can’t be with [insert beautiful celebrity], so he’s with you instead- he’s in effect settling, isn’t he? So constantly remarking on celebrity’s attractiveness is a reminder of that. I guess it’s the nature of relationships generally, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask someone to refrain from reminding you that you are not their first choice (at least as far as looks go, which is not to say looks are everything).

          • Em

            I once got into a long, drawn out argument with my high school boyfriend because he said that, if the opportunity came up and if he liked her personality as much as mine, he’d dump me for Jennifer Love Hewitt. It made sense at the time because I was in high school; a dozen years later, not so much.

          • ADS

            I get what anon is saying, I think. OK, so he’s with her because he can’t get [Celebrity.] Soooo, if he meets someone as hot as [Celebrity] or who looks a lot like that celeb, but is an ‘ordinary civilian,’ is he going to dump the OP for her? Because that’s how it sounds. It’s a small comfort.

            Granted, if he’s a good guy, then he’s not primarily with the OP for her looks, so presumably he won’t cheat or dump her merely because he’s met someone with ‘better’ looks, so even if he meets the non-famous twin of [Celebrity], it shouldn’t be a problem if he isn’t a d-bag. And if he isn’t a d-bag, then, it’s the OP’s trust/insecurity issues to try to work on and improve.

        • TBK

          My husband tells me about lots of women he finds attractive, including people we actually know. I know which of my friends he thinks are the hottest, and which have the best b@@bs. I know which celebrities he’s into and I know we watch one particular TV show primarily because he has a thing for the lead actress. But because he’s totally open about this, we’ve also talked about things like what would it be like if he actually got to sleep with Hot Lead Actress? Awkward probably, because he only knows her TV character and wow how weird would that be. And about the fact that he might think my friend A is hot and has nice b@@bs, but he wouldn’t be interested in dating her even if he weren’t with me because she doesn’t have his sense of humor/isn’t as into discussing politics as he is/other reason having to do with personality etc. that makes him not really attracted to her even though he thinks she’s physically attractive. I don’t think he says any of that to placate me. I think he’s just being really honest, which actually makes me feel more secure. He’s even told me that he’d be interested in this woman or that woman we know if it weren’t for me. I don’t feel threatened though because he also says he’d never be interested in pursuing any of those women now because our marriage and our relationship and everything we have together (including, now, the kids) is far more important to him and that he can’t imagine doing anything to jeopardize the life we have. That makes me feel pretty secure.

          • momentarily anonymous

            Yeah, my SO and I constantly talk about this stuff. We both talk who we find attractive – both male and female celebrities, and people we know. You don’t stop being attracted to people (whether they’re movie stars or people in your real life) just because you’re monogamous.

            I actually find it fun to discuss these things with him – it’s interesting to learn about what we both value as attractive (physical attributes and personality traits). But I am also generally interested in learning about what other people find attractive, because it’s so varied. So I have this conversation with my friends a lot.

            I agree with SS – I would think it’s patronizing if you pretend otherwise. Let’s be honest, I don’t look like Scarlett Johanssen. So I don’t expect my SO to pretend I’m more attractive than her. That would feel so awkward and forced. And it also wouldn’t be honest.

            I see monogamy as a series of choices. Everytime my SO encounters someone more attractive than me, he chooses me, and our relationship, and our life together, over some random hot girl (and I do the same). And that makes me feel great about myself.

          • snowy

            I think having a celebrity crush that is out in the open and can be joked about by both parties really lightens the mood and can clear up this issue. For OP, it sounds like her BF is just going to town on the celeb watching, and she’s not partaking at all. That doesn’t sound fun.

            Many years ago I started joking about how I thought this one athlete was super hot (in a sport DH loves and forces me to watch). It had become a constant running joke, where he will say “Oh, I read about your boy the other day on ESPN” or something. Yes, it is true that I genuinely think he’s good looking but since DH is in on the joke it doesn’t bother him.

            As for Scarlett Johansson, one time I asked my DH who would play me in a movie. He said Scarlet Johansson. Since then he has had permission to think she is super hot all he wants!

          • NOLA

            snowy, you and your DH sound like us. My SO has an inexplicable thing for Mariah Carey and I once put a magazine cover in a frame for him as a joke. And he constantly reminds me that I once had a life-size cutout of Derek Jeter in my livingroom. He refers to DJ as “that baseball player.”

            But this entirely depends on it not bothering either of us.

      • ss

        Agree. Despite having personal vanity the size of a house, I would find it patronizing if my husband pretended to suspend his ability to observe another beautiful woman in his path.

        • ezt

          I can’t agree enough with this comment. If my SO acted like I was the hottest person alive, he’d be crazy or a liar, because I am not. Everything he has ever done leads me to believe he thinks I’m very attractive, which is great, but to me, attractiveness is a threshold issue in a relationship, and beyond that, I would hate to think my SO was with because of my looks, anyway. For example, if I thought that, I’d be falling apart right now, as pregnancy weight piles on each week. However, I agree that if something bothers you and he keeps doing it, it’s an issue — either he doesn’t care that it bothers you or he is passive-aggressively trying to underline that it shouldn’t, instead of just talking to you about it.

          • Moonstone

            I think both these points are excellent. I guess only the OP knows whether the guy is making these remarks because he is ignoring her feelings, which is not cool. But I gotta tell you, my mantra on this issue has always been: “Another woman’s beauty takes nothing away from me.”

        • Anonattorney

          Eh, I don’t find it patronizing, I just find it sweet. And respectful. I think that you have to protect your intimacy with your partner, because after time it can be easy to let your guard down and let other people in. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with building a wall around your relationship and creating the beautiful fiction that your partner is the most beautiful/handsome/sexy person out there. For those reasons, my husband and I almost never comment on the looks of others.

          But, each relationship is different, so I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple who is more candid or open about finding other people attractive.

          • OP here

            This is exactly how I feel!!! I don’t care if it’s a fiction. I think that that’s how relationships survive.

      • LH

        I totally disagree, I don’t think this is about insecurity at all. I would not be with a guy who talked about how hot a celeb was every time she came on TV after I had asked him to stop. Its incredibly rude to keep saying something out loud that you know your partner doesn’t appreciate. Nothing is preventing him from thinking these thoughts. Saying it out loud to her, again, when she’s the only person in the room, doesn’t accomplish anything except making her feel bad. Freaking out about an occasional comment or making you BF constantly reassure you that you’re hot (or even worse, interrogating your BF about who he finds attractive and then getting upset) = insecure. Not wanting your bf to continue disrespecting your feelings = normal.

    • roses

      Yes, I do think this is a sign that you are insecure, unless he’s comparing the celebrity to you, is always harping on it or bringing it up at inappropriate times (i.e., in bed vs. while watching a celeb show), or never compliments you as well. Your boyfriend is going to find other women to be attractive, just as you find other men to be attractive, and acknowledging that occassionally is normal and healthy. He’s not going to leave you because a person on TV is hot.

    • anon

      I don’t know if you’re nuts/insecure/overly sensitive, but I feel the same way, and have expressed it to my bf. I think he got the idea and has stopped doing it. But it actually doesn’t make me feel that much better, because every time the person comes on the TV/movie, I know he’s thinking how hot she is but just doesn’t say it out loud anymore, haha. Jennifer Lawrence and Taylor Swift (ew) specifically. It doesn’t help that Taylor Swift is kind of the opposite of me- I’m brunette, average height, and have absolutely zero musical ability. I feel like my bf is sort of my “type” as far as men go, so it does hurt my feelings that I’m clearly not his “type” if he had his pick. But I also realize that these feelings are a bit irrational so I’m trying to not act on them. When I told him it hurt my feelings when he expressed excitement at seeing J-Law on the screen, he pointed out that I comment on other guys’ attractiveness all the time, including non-celebs (very rarely though), which made me realize that I’m kind of operating on a double standard here.

      • Yanoula

        I would not put up with this. There is no way any of these hot women would even look at my boyfriend let alone sleep with him, so why should I be compared to them. The day I get Justin Timberlake to date me is the day I say Sayanara to my fat and sloppy boyfriend!

        • ADS

          Devil’s Advocate here: did he really have his pick? In reality, most people have a limited selection pool. The limiting factors include but are not limited to demographic and locational factors plus blind luck. This applies as much to the bf as to the OP. I think it’s less about what the competition– real or imagined– looks like, and about the level of commitment and trust each person in the relationship has contributed.

          • anon

            +1 to ADS. This is what causes me so much anxiety about any relationship I’m in. I can’t get over the fact that I feel like the person I’m with it settling for me. EVEN THOUGH when I think about it, I don’t think I’d rather be with [insert hot celebrity] or really anyone else. I literally can’t think of someone I’d rather be with. But I guess deep down I think guys don’t operate the same way I do.

    • Bette

      Yes, I think that you are over-reacting. It would be one thing if my parent was making really misogynistic comments about the celebrity, but it’s another to merely not that someone else in the universe is attractive. From the way you are talking, it seems like your partner is merely doing the latter.

      Maybe you’re defining your self-worth too much on your appearance? Do you get equally annoyed if your boyfriend comments that someone else is particularly smart/funny/kind whatever?

    • LizNYC

      I totally get where you’re coming from, but I have a funny anecdote related to this: While DH and I were dating, we were in the car when a Shakira song came on. He said something like “oh, I’d like her hips to lie to me,” or something similarly silly, but I blew it WAY out of proportion (due to my own severe body insecurities — which I’m getting help for, BTW). I was like, well, if you like her so much, why don’t you date her; I’ll never look like her, etc. etc. It ended up with me crying and us riding in silence for 15 minutes and him wondering what he did wrong.

      Anyway, now we joke about how he “used to date shakira during his modeling days” (LOL) and every time Chris Hemsworth comes on TV, he’ll try to block my eyes. We’re very happily married and completely in love with each other. Are those people pleasing to the eye? Yes. Does DH qualify statements at times with “well, to the superficial male, Amy Adams is great in American Hustle”? Yes. Am I jealous? No. Does he constantly do this? No. Does he tell me I’m beautiful frequently? Yes.

      • saltylady

        This is a perfect anecdote– both about relationships progress, and about how a lot of us had much more drama about stuff like this going on back when we were young and dating. Life is just too long to continue getting worked up about something like that.

    • tk1

      This doesn’t bother me at all. We talk about celebrity “hotness” all the time. We even used to argue over who was the hottest woman on Buffy Faith (me) or Willow (him). But if you’ve told him that it bothers you, then he shouldn’t do it in front of you. I do think it is different to comment on a celebrity’s looks, or even on a person you see in the street, because its just a superficial judgment based on one quality. Your BF loves you for a lot of reasons (your personality, your intelligence, your supportiveness etc), not just your looks.

  8. Amelia Bedelia

    I want this! why is it only available XL and SM?
    anyone see it anywhere else?

  9. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

    A beautiful response to a disappointing post from XO Jane (link to follow).

      • TBK

        I recently re-read Austen’s Emma and this girl seems to display just the kind of youthful, indulged self-absorption that Austen skewers in Emma. Let’s hope someone comes along to tell her “very badly done, Jen” and she, too, becomes a more mature, thoughtful person.

    • Anon in NYC

      That is a beautiful response.

      The very first comment on the XO Jane piece made me laugh out loud: “eta: I eagerly await the follow-up piece: ‘IHTM: I was Just Trying to Do My Fucking Yoga and This Weird-Ass White Girl Kept Staring at Me with Tears in Her Eyes'”

    • cbackson

      What I found particularly risible about the initial XOJane post is the fact that the whole *point* of yoga is (as the article you link says) that it’s about where you are at that point in your practice – not where anyone else is. Pretty much every yoga class I’ve ever been to (and I’ve done yoga for years) has made the point that if you’re struggling, you should feel free to rest in child’s pose at any point. Somehow the XOJane writer missed the point that this terrifying newcomer in her yoga class was doing exactly what she was supposed to do – meeting herself where she was.

      And also, obviously: OTHER PEOPLE’S YOGA PRACTICE: NOT ABOUT YOU.

      • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

        “And also, obviously: OTHER PEOPLE’S YOGA PRACTICE: NOT ABOUT YOU.”

        Exactly. And I haven’t had a yoga class in about a year and a half where I have paid attention to anyone except the teach because I’m focused on my practice. If you have time to critique others (and you’re not the teacher) you’re not working hard enough.

        • KC

          As a newbie to yoga (and incredibly inflexible at that), I do confess I sometimes watch others to figure out what’s going on/what modifications I can make. But it’s more of a “the teacher just said to move into X, now which pose is that again?” :)

        • ADS

          I think it’s sad that the person who wrote that article for XOJane seems to have completely missed the point. But as much as I bristled reading that article, I’m glad it was published, because it gave someone a chance to rebut it and challenge its assumptions. I find racism, sexism, classism, whatever -ism, to be the hardest to combat when it’s silent. The exclusion, or the refusal to treat fairly, happens, but it’s done with stealth and silence. Because you can’t combat that silence, you have no solid proof, and nothing to rebut or discuss, which makes it all the more difficult to change attitudes.

      • Anonymous

        Unfortunately, her attitude reflects a competitiveness that I’ve sensed at many yoga classes I’ve tried in my admittedly vanity-obsessed Southern city. I am very active but terrible at yoga. When I go to classes, I feel like the other women are side-eyeing what others are doing, and the instructor focuses all of her attention on helping the most advanced achieve the ultimate position (and spends NO time helping a beginner get into an easier position because it’s not as “fun” or “Facebook brag-worthy” after class). It’s discouraging.

        • Equity's Darling

          Try another studio or teacher- sometimes it’s more out of the way, or in a less trendy studio, but I’m sure you can find a teacher that is more welcoming and receptive to those just starting to practice or practicing with health conditions (joint pain, low back, etc.) and those generally in need of alternate positions that have the same effect.

          Don’t be discouraged because one studio or teacher is like that- many studios in my city are ones that I would not practice at because they’re very similar, it took a while to find a studio I feel comfortable at, but it was worth it.

        • cbackson

          I am admittedly so oblivious in yoga that I once spent an entire class on a mat next to a guy that I had a terrible dating experience with (one bad date, followed by a string of probably-sent-while-drunk emails excoriating me for making him feel badly by declining to go home with him on the first date), and didn’t realize it was him until after class. I go to a very trophy wife-y yoga studio (in a southern city, no less!) but mine seems not to have a crappy competitive vibe, fortunately.

        • saltylady

          Yes, this. I just started yoga again after a ten year absence, and I suck, both because I just do, and because of an injury. Most of the teachers help the regulars and ignore the new people. I live in trophy wife central (beach suburb of LA with a negative percentage obesity rate).

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know whether the initial article was more fat-shaming or more racist….I almost think that her article would have been basically the same if it had been a heavyset caucasian woman who went to the class?

      Regardless, it was so offensive either way, and cbackson is 100% right about the author missing the entire point of yoga.

      This makes me terrified that others are judging me when I go to yoga because I’m not white, though I’m also not obese, so maybe it’s okay?

      • ezt

        Ha, I have to say that (in addition to being completely bewildered and enraged by the whole piece) I was thrown by the idea that yoga is a “white girl sport”?!? I am Indian and go to a yoga class that is 90% Indian people. My dad does yoga every morning and my granddad used to as well. I know yoga is very popular with white women, especially so in particular demographics/neighborhoods, but I was unaware that it was at the point where it was bizarre to see a non-white person in a yoga class. I know the author acknowledged yoga’s South Asian roots, but the whole racial framing was so incomprehensible to me. The article just seemed so much like someone’s mean-spirited caricature of a certain type of Brooklyn woman that I still can’t believe it was actually genuine.

        • anonayogi

          This whole thread is so funny for me, I am a very novice yogi, I have no longstanding background in it but I am south asian, so sometimes people assume I am going to be better than I am… then they are totally underwhelmed by my actual abilities. I’ve had yoga instructors squeal in surprise, “really, you can’t stretch/reach/bend more than that?” No I really don’t have a “yoga gene.”

          • anontoo

            Same experience here! I have tried yoga a few times and I am also Indian, so the first time I walked in they asked if I was the instructor. Maybe I should have said yes?

    • Senior Attorney

      Good Lord. I just read the XOJane post (and the excellent response) and am seriously having a hard time believing it wasn’t meant for the Onion.

    • LizNYC

      As someone who has epically struggled with her weight and has occasionally (gasp) worked out in public places to try to reverse the course of this, I though the XOJane writer was just so offensive from the fat-shaming side, it’s not even funny. I belong to a spin gym and yeah, the best part is when they turn off all the lights so no one seems me practically fall off the bike every time or the gross amounts of sweat I produce in those 45 minutes. But you know those grimaces I make in the mirror? They’re in response to my form or the fact my feet are killing me or that I’ve been awake for 14 hours and still have about 4 to go before bed. It’s not because I’m “jealous” of the skinnier participants in class. I’m not paying attention to anyone but the instructor. As the spin instructors say, “this is your ride and your hill. Pay no attention to anyone around you.”

    • Susie

      Eh, the tone of both the original author and response rubbed me the wrong way and I don’t think either of them are in the right here.

  10. kjoirishlastname

    Someone yesterday asked about danskos, and now I can’t find the thread. I’ve been thinking about a pair. Anyone have any experience?

    • Amelia Pond

      I love my dansko clogs! When I worked as a front desk clerk they were my go to shoes because they were comfortable enough to stand in all day. They also last an eternity and hold up pretty well. They are a tad expensive but I think it is worth it because they are so comfortable and durable.

    • Clementine

      I love mine. They’re definitely not the most stylish things I own but I know they’re great for my feet and my back.

      I wear mine while running errands and while walking to work in the winter. I’ve had mine for 6 years and they still feel comfortable and clean up nicely when I put some polish/wax on them.

      Regarding fit: I have high arches and the top of them rubs the top of my foot- even after being stretched at the shoe repair man’s and worn for many years, it’s not my favorite part of them. If you have high arches, I would highly recommend the maryjane style- they don’t hit the top of your foot in the same way.

      I also have a pair of Cape Clogs sandals which are Swedish orthopedic sandals. These are shockingly stylish in a retro/European kind of a way and I love them.

    • Rosa rugosa

      I tried Dankso clogs, but they were too tight on my freakishly high instep.

    • IT Chick in MN

      I’ve got high insteps, but I adore my Dansko clogs. I have to be careful what shoes I wear when I’m walking a lot, thanks to some orthopedic problems as a baby and in high school. My Dansko clogs are my go-to commuting shoes (when I’m not wearing snow boots). There is enough height to the over all sole that my pants hems do okay (I can’t wear heels much over 2″).

      I bought my first pair of Dansko clogs on clearance on the last day of the State Fair. In the middle of our day-long odyssey, I tried them on. I promptly bought them and put my sneakers with arch supports in the bag and carried them!

    • HSAL

      I love them. Needed some casual shoes to wear on the weekends, so I bought the Harlows (mary jane style) that are on 6pm right now. I always wear them with jeans and cords.

    • new york associate

      be sure to try them on first. I bought a pair but for some reason, even though I have very average-width feet, the heel is too wide for my foot and my foot slips constantly in them. I also agree about the instep problem.

      • Anon

        That’s the “right” fit for the heel. Your heel should move up and down freely when you walk in a pair of danskos. Takes some getting used to but you should be able to fit a pinky between your heel and the shoe.

        • Philosophia

          The current thinking, I’m told, is that one’s heel should move up and down freely in ALL shoes, rather than being held in place as was previously considered desirable. It does take some getting used to.

    • Annie

      I bought a pair from last season or two seasons ago (the Nori) and I love them. They don’t look like the standard pair, and are super duper comfortable. After my running shoes, they are my most comfortable pair of shoes. If you’re not into the aesthetics of the clogs, their seasonal offerings are a good alternative.

  11. CHJ

    My son’s daycare is having a Chinese New Year’s party at the end of the day today, and my schedule just opened up so I can go. It’s a potluck and parents are supposed to bring food. Any suggestions on what would be appropriate? My city has a decently large Chinatown that I can hit at lunch to pick stuff up. I could also do American-style cupcakes or cookies from a bakery, but I’m not sure if that’s daycare appropriate (this is our first year in daycare, so I’m still a rookie at all the dietary rules/restrictions for parents these days). Thanks in advance for any advice!

    • Anne Shirley

      Oranges or clementines. They’re a traditional symbol, easy to pick up, and unlikely to offend even the most stringent food policies.

    • Anon in NYC

      Not sure if this is daycare appropriate, but if you’re close to Chinatown you could pick up egg tarts (or egg custards). They’re delicious.

    • Ellen

      Definitely go to a real place for some EGG ROLLS (veggie), or DIM SUM! YUMMY! OR MOO SHOO GAI PAN! DOUBEL YUMMY! If you want, you can get some LEECHIE NUTS FOR DESSERT. I never had LEECHIE Nuts until I went to China town with my Dad, and we ate a whole bag!

      I think now that you have got me thinkeing about it, I will ask the manageing partner if I can take an extra hour off tomorow after I go to court downtown tomorow to eat lunch in Chinatown instead of goeing to Century 21. I can not charge lunch to a cleint unless I discuss busness, so I will bring Mason with me if he can eat Chinese. Otherwise, I will meet Roberta downtown and take the afternoon off, but just bill her for lunch.

      The manageing partner keep’s bothering me to figure out how to set up this new International Group. What is ITC and what does the FTC do overseas and internationaly? I thought they just handel false advertiseing? I need to get someone to help me, but Mason is onley interested in ooogeling Lynn! It is so funny b/c he used to be stareing at me, but now he is stareing at Lynn. YAY!

      I think the manageing partner is starteing to notice this b/c Lynn is less attentive to the manageing partner. I did tell Mason not to touch Lynn at all at work, and I do not see anything, but now, there is so much sexueal tension, if you can beleive it — Even Madeline notices this and I do not think she has had a man since the 1970’s, and that was when everyone was a “flower child” dad says. He met Madeline and warned me that if I did NOT look out, I could turn into that in a few year’s! FOOEY!

      Sam called again today, and insist’s that I go to his apartement for a small Superbowl party. He said I could come with Myrna so I will ask her. I do NOT want to be alone with him b/c in his apartement, he is probablely goieng to get FRISKEY, and I do NOT want to see his winkie any time soon. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • saltylady

      I agree that I would stick with a fruit or veggie. Most of the other parents will bring treats, in my experience. But if you can manage something really authentic, then cool. On the other hand, the kids may not go for it. Mine would now, but back in preschool, they all would have dived headfirst into the bowl of goldfish crackers.

  12. job-search blues

    Just venting here. The end of January marks my third month of unemployment. I finished a PhD recently, decided to leave academia, and have been basically struggling ever since. I moved out to DC for a short-term stint with a nonprofit, but that’s over and finding the next thing has been super tough. I’m even burned out on the networking at this point. I also feel like it would be easier to be hired right now with less education/more experience and that’s a tough pill to swallow. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any words of advice or encouragement appreciated.

    • New Atty

      I looked for a year and understand your pain, particularly about networking. My biggest tip is to Keep. At. It. Ask a mentor/friend to introduce you to new people since your network has gone “stale,” – this would happen to me, too. After about 3-4 months, people would just stop responding so I’d have to keep trying to meet new people. I did volunteer work in my field while I looked and that helped a lot; could you try to get a nother nonprofit stint while you keep looking?

    • Maudie Atkinson

      I can’t offer much by way of advice, and being in a different field, I frankly have little frame of reference. But just wanted to give you internet hugs and rawrs, so to speak.
      You’re likely right. It might be easier to find a job with less education, but I am still a believer in education for education’s sake (to a certain limit). So kudos for bettering yourself and contributing to your field! Also, completing your PhD demonstrates a level of discipline that will serve you will both in the job search and in your next job. You can do this!

    • Dulcinea

      I looked for almost two years after I graduated law school (plus all the time DURING law school when you are sending out applications).

      For the first year I had a truly awful contract lawyer job, which I ultimately quit. Then it was volunteering and telemarketing (yes, telemarketing) for another nine months.

      I now have a great job that I love doing exactly what I wanted with a decent salary, awesome benefits, fantastic co-workers, supervisors that love me, and potential for long-term growth.

      I was just reflecting on this yesterday, because yesterday was my 30th birthday and I had literally spent my 29th birthday at telemarketer training. Last year, I had decided that if I didn’t have a job by the time my annual bar fees were due again (November), that I would not re-new my license and would give up searching for a law job.

      Unfortuantely, there is no special advice I can give that you haven’t already heard. Just keep sending out applications, volunteer if possible, network like crazy.Meet with anyone who is willing to meet with you and listen to their suggestions with an open mind. Tell everyone you know you are looking for work.

      I know how hopeless and depressing it can be, but it can turn around. But what helped me regain some sanity during that time was to finally develop some hobbies not related to my work. I had always been completely focused on school and my career and I learned that you really do have to have something else to sustain you. I got into gardening and houseplants. It was really satisfying to watch my plants respond to the care I gave them and allow myself to feel good about a non-academic, non-career related accomplishment for the first time.

    • IT Chick in MN

      Ooof – that’s a hard point to be in. Have you spent some time going through the Ask A Manager blog? She’s got great advice. She recently had a post stating that she felt it was fine to leave an advanced degree off your resume if you think it will hurt you. Are you incorporating your decision to leave academia into your cover letters? That might alleviate hiring manager fears that you are just looking for something while you wait for an academic position to open up.

    • job-search blues

      You guys are nice, thank you for your words. Dulcinea- just turned 30 here as well and it’s definitely pushed me off the edge a little. I figure things can only get better (um, I hope).

      • Dulcinea

        Glad I could be helpful. What my experience has taught me is that things can get amazingly bad and they can get amazingly good. I expect I will have more low points in my life but I hope when I do that I will look back on the experience of this year and remember that things can turn around – good or bad, most situations are temporary. And I am very fortunate to have people who love me who have been with me through all the ups and downs.

        OK, I think my birthday has made me extra sappy this week. I should get back to work!

    • anon

      Don’t be discouraged — three months is actually not such a long job search, especially if you are holding out for something that really interests you. Hang in there!

    • ExcelNinja

      Hey job-search-blues! My husband is in a similar boat. He’s been out of work for almost two years. He’s now taking classes towards a certificate program (he has his MA and doesn’t want a PhD) to try to get some practical experience without work experience, since no one seems to want to take a chance on him. Hang in there!!

  13. JM

    Hey ladies, I have a styling question. I just bought three button-downs from Loft, sortof like this:http://www.examiner.com/list/loft-fall-picks-are-30-off/polka-dot-long-and-lean-button-down-shirt-59-50 I got two polka dot tops and a chambray one. But I got them home and realized I have zero idea how to wear them!

    I’ve never ever found button-downs that fit me properly. They always gape at the bust or the sleeves/shoulder seams are way way too long. But these are size Petite L and they button up just fine, and the sleeves are the correct length, and plus they were on sale so I got super excited and bought them.

    I tried the polka dot ones with black pants for work but it looks very boxy and almost masculine? Like, they fit on my chest which means there’s a lot of extra fabric in the waist/stomach area, so much so that I’m tempted to exchange for a M but I know that will gape at the chest for sure. All my work pants are from The Limited or Ann Taylor and they’re bootcut/trouser style. I guess I could try to buy some slimmer leg dress pants?

    The chambray one I think I could probably wear with colored skinny jeans, but I’m not sure (I don’t actually own colored skinny jeans but I’ve wanted some for awhile). Any thoughts?

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Yes to chambray with skinny colored jeans, or other skinny pants that aren’t necessarily jeans, or even a pencil skirt.

      As to the polka dot ones, it sounds like they need to be tailored so they fit your waist better.

      • JM

        Excellent idea, I have to pick up some dry cleaning tomorrow so I’ll ask about possible alterations while I’m there. Thank you!

    • Olivia Pope

      Can they be tailored to fit your waist better? That would probably be less expensive than buying new pants in hopes that the shirts will look good with them.

      • JM

        I’ll definitely look into this, I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before. I guess I’ve only had pants hemmed before, never shirts altered. It will definitely be cheaper, you’re right. Thank you!

      • Jules

        Yes, tailor them. I’m big of b**b and everything that fits me up top is baggy in the middle so I often take in the side seams of blouses and dresses. If you have a sewing machine, it’s super-easy; I imagine it would also be a pretty quick and cheap alteration by a tailor, if you don’t sew or want it to look perfect (my own alternations are probably less than perfect but they work for me).

        • Susie

          My husband took a few shirts in to put in back darts and they were $20 each, much more than I would have expected. This is the SF Peninsula though. When I lived in the South Bay I could get pants hemmed for $8 and just 20 minutes north the average is $15.

    • Portia

      It seems like this shape has been in style lately, as I’ve picked up quite a few tops that fit like this within the past year or so. I sometimes wear them untucked with jeans on the weekend for a casual look, but at work I only style them tucked into a pencil skirt.

      • JM

        I did try tucking into a pencil skirt, but 1) I’m very hippy and I always worry tops tucked into pencil skirts are a little too much emphasis on my hips, and 2) there was so much fabric around my waist it didn’t give a sleek look when tucked. I also tried tucking into my current work pants but the pants have a higher rise and it was verrrry unflattering. Lots of pants + fabric all around the widest part of my tummy. But I’m going to look into altering the tops as suggested above. Thanks for your reply! I think untucked with jeans for a casual look will be a good option too.

  14. Aria

    Ladies, my company is moving me to Oman and I could really use some help in terms of which clothes will be conservative enough. Most of my dresses/skirts/suits come to the length just above my knee or perhaps an inch above my knee — is this conservative enough? Or does everything truly have to be below my knee (in which case, is it better to just wear pants since I will look pretty silly in a below-the-knee skirt suit since I’m 5’3″)?

    Also, would you say that women’s attire is more formal in the Gulf? If I’m currently in a business casual office, should I plan on stepping it up to suits over there, or do expats still tend to wear conservative business casual?

    Any other advice for a first-time expat, particularly if anyone has any advice/recommendations for Muscat? TIA!

    • Famouscait

      I have no advice on the professional clothing issue, but i will say that Oman is one my favorite countries I’ve ever visited. The people were SO friendly and the food was delicious. Hope you enjoy your new home!!

  15. TBK

    The babies are so hungry today! I’ve already eaten oatmeal, yogurt, eggs, an orange, nuts, buffalo jerky, and a bunch of triscuits with peanut butter and I’m starving for lunch. Oh, and a big handful of dried cranberries. Since all I do these days is lie around I know I’m not the one who needs the calories, clearly someone else is either doing acrobatics or having a massive growth spurt (or, likely, both).

    • Senior Attorney

      Yay! How many weeks now?

      You are doing the BEST job of gestating, TBK!!

    • ADS

      The image of two mini-TBKs doing acrobatics both cracks me up and cheers me up.

    • TBK

      Okay, a chicken quarter (leg and thigh), large salad, sliced fruit, cup of milk, big spoonful of peanut butter, and some chocolate ice cream seems to have done the trick. I think everyone has had enough to eat now. Phew. I don’t think I’ve ever packed away so much food, except the last couple of weeks of training for a marathon.

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