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Updated: Apr 23, 2020 179 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: C by Bloomingdale’s Cashmere One Button Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. C by Bloomingdale's Cashmere One Button BlazericonI have gotten such use from my sweater blazers that I am always on the hunt for more, and this simple one-button one at Bloomingdale's looks like it just might fit the bill. I like that it's cashmere, and just about as basic as they come, with simple lapels and singular, high button. It's available in black, red, gray, and a dark blue “nightfall,” all for $200. C by Bloomingdale's Cashmere One Button Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail editor@corporette.com with “TPS” in the subject line. (L-2)

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Comments

  1. DCJ

    Pretty sweater! I have a hard time getting these sweater blazers to lay right, though.

    Unrelated question for everyone: How do you store your jersey wrap dresses? I have an extensive collection of these. Because they can’t really hang (they just fall off b/c of the wrap/no little hanger loops), I usually fold them and try to roll them up to prevent wrinkling before I put them away (in a drawer). When I take them out, they generally look like I’ve wadded them up and stuffed them in a box or something — totally wrinkled — no matter how carefully I fold/roll. Any ideas? Kind of defeats the purpose of a little, pulled-together wrap dress when it’s so crumpled I look like I just rolled out of bed! ;) Thanks, all.

    • E

      hang them on a pants hanger – the kind that has a little tackiness/grip to prevent the pants from slipping off.

    • Monday

      I hang mine like I found them on store racks–on a dress hanger with the ties strung through the slots and either bowed in back, or looped up around the hanger hook. No wrinkle problems.

    • MsZ

      I just bought a box of 50 of those velvet-covered hangers at Costco – I find they grip even the slipperiest of jersey. I hang my wrap dresses on those, with the belt loosely tied.

      • Alanna of Trebond

        Crazy story, I found out that an associate at the firm where I’m summering is the son of the woman who invented these. Apparently she gave some hangers to a partner here.

    • Louise

      I store mine folded over the flat horizontal bottom part of a hanger, with the fold right at the waistline. This keeps the shoulders and neck from stretching out.

      Since I live in a vehicle that moves, I use the velvet-covered hangers so that nothing slides off.

    • ML

      DCJ, do you have any suggestions for stores/websites or brands for a jersey wrap (or faux-wrap) dress? I have one that I got years from Target, of all places, that I absolutely love. It’s so great for travel because it really doesn’t wrinkle. I’d love to find more, but I’m just not up to paying DVF prices. I’ve tried on the Banana one, and it just didn’t look quite right one me. Any suggestions? I’d be interested in prints or solids. Thanks in advance!

  2. Vivian

    I love cashmere sweaters; my aunt gave me my first one when I was 9 (it was hers and I had always adored it). I find them very soft and cuddelly. I even keep one in the office so that I can stay warm when they turn the air conditioner on high.

    The only issue I have is that I have to hand wash them. It is somewhat of a pain to have to do the Woolite routine, and then leave them on towels in the bathroom because you should not hang them wet.

    But all in all, they are very good, and I get alot of compliments when I wear them.

    • Vivian

      Oh, I forgot to add that I can get these on sale at Talbot’s for only $39 at the end of the season. There is no guarantee that they have all sizes in all colors, but last year, I got 5 for the price of one at Bloomies! My mom thought I was a great shopper, and even my dad, who usually is not in favor of our buying clothes, gave me the high-five, which he usually reserves for my brothers.

    • Reader

      I love them. I bought some great ones from Banana Republic a while back. Unfortunately, the moths like them too.

      Incidentally, people who are knowledgeable, e.g., the sales women at Wolford, have told me that Woolite is a bad product. They said to use baby shampoo instead.

      • Argie

        Or, The Laundress (mentioned before on this site) has a specific wash solution for cashmere and wool. Which, is more shampoo than detergent in nature (i think), given that cashmere and wool are hair-type fibers and it works to preserve the natural oil/lanolin/etc that make the fibers so soft.

        So, another option to Woolite or dry cleaning.

  3. Monday

    This looks super versatile and travel-friendly. I’m seriously considering it in at least one color. But I have a question–and please do not attack or insult me for it. For anyone who usually wears a 00P or PXS on top, does the XS in this fit well? Thanks.

    • Oneanon

      It makes me sad that you have to ask people not to attack you for asking a question about sizing, just because you happen to be at the smaller end of the spectrum.

      • SF Bay Associate

        I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone on Corporette be attacked for being a small (or large) size. This is a supportive community, and we work together to keep it that way. That may happen on other blogs, but I’ve been on here a couple years and never seen a “omg eat a sandwich ur so skinny” or other such absurd and insulting comment.

        • Oneanon

          I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a few snarky comments about people being too small (clothing tag-wise or weight wise) for their height, or else shoe-horning themselves into too-small clothes. I could be wrong, but I think so.

        • LawyrChk

          I’m agreeing with Oneanon. I’ve seen some very cruel comments made about weight, particularly at the lower end of the spectrum. For some reason I don’t understand, people think it’s poor form to attack larger people but that smaller/thinner people are fair game.

          • Em

            Oh, fear not – there are plenty of people who think it’s kosher to attack larger people, ranging from employers who won’t hire them to jerks who toss drinks at them from car windows. There’s no pass in our culture regardless of your size.

        • Praxidike

          I am positive I’ve seen people attacked for being plus size on this site because I am formerly plus size and I was the one advocating for more plus size “finds” from Kat.

          • AIMS

            I remember the thread Monday is talking about (and some other similar ones, too). It’s very unfortunate but, sadly, true. This site and community is definitely much more civil and supportive than most out there (and, as a group, we are much better spellers, too ;) ), but I think the internet just does something to people. Maybe it’s because without tone and context, it is easy to misread people’s comments, I don’t know. But, I think it helps to always give everyone the benefit of the doubt and to not take anyone’s comment in the harshest light possible.

            As to the actual question, I haven’t seen this myself, but it looks like the measurements are based on the “classic” size chart, which runs about an inch larger overall than the “contemporary” chart for their other items (like DvF dresses, e.g.).

      • Monday

        Thank you, oneanon. It was actually a really rough thread a while back–I asked about dealing with sizing issues in a store, and a bunch of people said I must be wrong about what size I wear, and/or (essentially) that I must be wearing my clothes skin-tight. I know one is not supposed to be hurt by strangers on the internet, but I was.

        I will also defend to the death anyone here talking about the need for tall sizes, plus sizes, maternity wear, etc. We all have valid needs.

        • notthatthin

          Fortunately, I haven’t encountered that attitude here in the time I’ve been reading, but I’ve seen it elsewhere. I joined a weight loss site several months ago in order to track my weight and activity. (I also track things like my blood pressure and fat percentage).

          Well, at the beginning I had the temerity to list my weight, which is shown every time one posts to a message board. I was 105. I immediately got several preachy messages about my supposed anorexia. Talk about a little learning is a dangerous thing. Given my height (a little over five feet) my bone structure (small), my weight history, my weight is normal. In fact, I’ve gained almost 20 pounds since college. I’m thin, but hardly willowly, and as I age, my weight distributes itself as it will. In view of the weight gain and medical issues of other people in my family who are not as vigilant as I, my desire to lose a few pounds and maintain makes perfect sense.

          At first I took my weight off my profile, but then I reinstated it. Screw them if they were that insecure. (Some people apologized for other members when I complained.)

          The funny thing is that in New York at times I feel almost like a pudgy peasant. The number of really thin people is phenomenal. Some people are thin because they’re young. Others are professionally thin (models, people in the fashion business, in the public eye). Still others simply want to look good.

          • Em

            As someone who has dealt with eating disorders, I think it’s only responsible for people running/involved in weight loss communities to try and ensure that they’re not enabling people with eating disorders though. No, there’s no excuse for being preachy or judgmental, and it sounds like there tone was poor, but real harm can be done when people blithely hand out diet advice to someone with an eating disorder thinking “Well, it’s none of my business.”

    • Lisa

      Great sweater. Sorry you’ve been attacked for being small, I swear one can get attacked for just about anything if you hang out on the Internet enough. Doesn’t make it easier though.

      • Monday

        Thanks for all the supportive comments, ladies! Also–haha–if anyone does have an answer to my original question, I am still interested.

        • cda

          I haven’t tried on this particular piece, but generally, I can make the XS work but it doesn’t fit as flatteringly as on the model. Just a touch on the loose side (headed toward sloppy), instead of pulled together. So, I usually pass on structured pieces such as this, but will get a cardigan in XS and just pretend it is “boyfriend” style or whatever. YMMV.

  4. Ballerina Girl

    Early threadjack: I’ve recently taken a two year position as a lawyer with a non-profit. I am 33, single, and live alone. I have about $70K in law school debt (though I am proud to say that I used to have $140K and have paid half of it down through my old firm salary). Here is my question:

    Is it crazy to switch my law school loan repayment from 10 years to 20 years? I don’t want to keep it at that forever, but I thought it would free up some money during the two year position and that I could switch it back to 10 years or just aggressively pay down the principal when my financial situation gets a bit easier.

    I expect that I will make more money after this position is up and/or that in the next two or three years, I’ll hopefully have a partner to share my expenses with. In short, I think these might be my leanest years financially. My loans are all at interest rates of under 4.5%.

    Any advice much appreciated.

    • AtlantaAttorney

      No, that’s not crazy. If you find you are able to, you can always continue to make payments as if the payment period were 10 years, and chip away at the balance.

    • ECMD

      Just make sure you can switch it back when you want; I have this feeling that there are rules about once you start paying in a certain way, you have to keep paying that way. Even if you couldn’t switch back to a 10 year repayment plan formally, you could always just pay more each month. At less that 4.5% interest, once the economy recovers you might actually make more on investing it every year…but I will defer that to people who have way more financial knowledge then I do

    • Bonnie

      My financial advisor told me to slow down my loan payments because at the low interest rate I can make more money investing it. So it really depends on what you plan on doing with the extra money. If you’re going to invest it or fund your retirement, then that’s worth it. However, if it’s just to make life more comfortable then you’d just be extending the misery of debt unnecessarily.

    • MelD

      If you switch your repayment, there is no guarantee that you’ll get to keep your current interest rates. I have a few friends who thought like you did and ended up deciding not to change the terms because the interest rates were going to go up considerably.

      • Ballerina Girl

        Great point–I’ll look into that further. I called yesterday but they didn’t mention that. Originally, the default repayment plan was 20 years, and I changed it to ten while I was making a big law salary.

    • R

      if you plan on staying in the gvt/non-profit world for 10 years, and most of your loans are federal, you should consider entering the federal loan forgiveness program. You consolidate into direct federal loans, pay the level they require for your salary (determined automatically) and the balance is forgiven in 10 years. there is a lot of info online, so look into it, and think about the tax consequences when the balance is forgiven.

      • Ballerina Girl

        I’ve looked into that and while I plan on staying in the nonprofit world, I find it just too risky. I don’t want to reach the end and then have to pay back all of the loans I’d been deferring all that time because of some program change or the fact that I left public interest work. And the tax consequences look daunting. Thanks for the suggestion, though!

        • Eponine

          Actually if you get public service forgiveness, that is not taxable as income:

          http://www.finaid.org/loans/forgivenesstaxability.phtml

          The balance remaining after 25 years of repayment under ICR and IBR is forgiven. This forgiveness is taxable because it does not require employment in a particular profession. **However, public service loan forgiveness, which forgives the remaining balance after 10 years in repayment under ICR and/or IBR, is excluded from income because the borrower must repay the loans while employed full-time in public service.**

          • Ballerina Girl

            I’m a little confused–does this mean that if I work in public interest for the full ten years and then the govt forgives the debt that that “forgiveness” will NOT be taxed? Or am I reading that wrong? I was pretty sure it would be. Regardless, it’s too risky for me.

          • Eponine

            @Ballerina Girl – Loan forgiveness under the public interest loan forgiveness program (i.e. the 10-year IBR program) is not taxable. The law provides that loan forgiveness that is contingent on the recipient working in a certain profession is not taxable.

            Loan forgiveness that is not contingent on working in a certain profession (i.e. the 25-year IBR/ICR plans, discharge due to your becoming disabled, someone else paying off your loans for you, etc) is taxable as income.

      • Solo

        I was in public interest for the last 5 years, and I also decided against the public interest repayment plan. I thought I’d be there forever… and then in year 5, I moved on.

        I don’t see a huge risk (aside from an interest rate upgrade, so check about that) in switching to a 20-year plan.

        But if you want to pay more than your monthly payment, it can be tough to make sure the loan company applies it to principal, not interest. Even if you write “Apply to principal!” on your check or letter sent with the check, they might apply it to interest. It’s frustrating.

        But also please make sure you have a financial plan for yourself that is independent of anyone else. I know you would like to be in a relationship within 10 years, but what if you fall in love with someone who has more debt than you? Or you fall in love, get married, and god forbid, something terrible happens? There’s no excuse for a smart woman to be dependent on someone else for your financial well-being. Lois Frankel, of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office fame, has another book called Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich. If you’re a fan of hers (which I am), I encourage you to read it. It’s kind of like, financial planning for Corporettes. :)

        • Ballerina Girl

          Oh God, I don’t mean that I expect someone else to take care of me. I just mean that I hope to be splitting rent/groceries with someone. It’s financially tough living alone in NYC and my married/coupled friends pay significantly less than I do because they share rent. That’s all I meant. I’m very independent–financially and otherwise!

  5. MsZ

    Grammar police intervention: I believe “singular” means the item is notable, remarkable, or otherwise distinctive, while “single” indicates there is only one of the item. I respectfully submit that the button on this sweater blazer is not distinctive in any way.

    Otherwise, love the sweater.

    • Always a NYer

      I’m glad someone else caught that. Sometimes I think I’m the only one flinching at poor grammar. I have to stop myself from visibly cringing when I hear someone say, “I’ve went…” (shudder)

    • Scully

      Singular has both meanings. Check Merriam Webster- the meaning you describe is listed second. Singular can also mean of or related to a single thing or single instance. For an example, there are singular and plural nouns.

      However, I agree that for clarity’s sake, single works better.

      • Vivian

        I did not even notice this. Surely you have better things to do then to scratch out at Kat? Meow!

        • Terry

          I think this is another case where tone carry across the internet. I read these comments as polite, not snarky, corrections.

          • Terry

            Ah.. and to correct myself, I meant “tone does *not* carry across the internet”.

        • MsZ

          It was meant as more of a PSA (although as Scully points out, turns out I was incorrect!) than snark, from somebody who spends a lot of time editing others’ written work product. Apologies for any who were offended.

          • Scully

            MsZ wasn’t snarky at all. It was a fun grammar point (er, at least fun for this nerd). I love that we are all focused on details, and I’ve learned a lot from all the commenters.

            Some days, I feel like Ellen has multiplied…

      • notthatthin

        “I like that it’s cashmere, and just about as basic as they come, with simple lapels and singular, high button. ”

        I don’t think “singular’ can be used here. I believe what was meant is:

        “…and a single, high button.”

        The effect, arguably, is “singular.”

    • TME

      For some reason the song from A Chorus Line popped into my head:

      One, singular sensation / every little step he takes …

      • notthatthin

        Great ears hear alike. I also thought of “singleton.” I once knew of someone whose surname was “Singular.” Some people thought it was a pseudonym.

  6. Diana Barry

    I think these sweaters would be great for more casual offices than mine…I always try to wear a jacket these days, though.

  7. Anon for this

    I’m curious what the hive mind thinks about this since I’m sure it is an issue broke students and anyone who has moved for work has had to encounter.

    A very close friend moved far away for work. She was recently invited to a wedding in another state. I will be in other state the same weekend visiting with and staying with family. I offered to give her a ride to and from that wedding and told her she could stay with my family. I’d love to see her and I know she is broke. She already had a ride to the wedding. She wrote the bride and said “I’m so excited! I’ll be staying with friend after your wedding so I don’t need to rent a car or get a hotel! Since I’m not sure when the wedding will end, do you mind if friend comes a couple hours after dinner during the dancing? That way I won’t have to wait for her to come get me when things wrap up and she won’t just be sitting in the car.” Friend wrote back, “the venue closes at x time, I’d prefer she just pick you up then.”

    I was not at all insulted and did not expect to attend this reception anyway. My friend thought the bride was being incredibly selfish and rude. Another friend thinks my friend was selfish and rude for even asking.

    I encountered this once before in a slightly different context. My husband and I were invited to a wedding in a state we would have to fly to. I was in school, had no money, and just returned from a necessary international trip (family reasons.) I told the groom that I’d be attending his wedding but we couldn’t afford to fly both of us down so husband wouldn’t be attending. I said I would be staying with a friend and asked if I could bring friend in lieu of husband. Groom said the bride said no. I was a bit put off by that response.

    Thoughts?

    • Supra

      I think its obnoxious , selfish and rude of the bride. Its not as if she had to pay for dinner. What difference does it make to her if you go and dance/socialize with your friend a little. That’s just an example of brides thinking they are all-too important. Get a grip on yourself, bride.

        • AIMS

          This strikes me as one of those situations where everyone would benefit from being a little more gracious. Yes, you don’t invite people to other people’s weddings, and the friend probably shouldn’t have done so. But, it also wouldn’t have hurt the bride to act more graciously and make an allowance for the friend’s friend to come at the tail end of the festivities, when she would not be taking up a spot or a plate (although in this day and age, when you can just text someone that you’re going to be ready to go in, say, 30 minutes, it hardly seems necessary). As to the open bar, even if the friend’s friend had a glass of wine, it’s hardly going to make a dent in the bill for the night, and I can’t imagine anyone is suggesting the friend’s friend — who is the designated driver, really — would be coming to the wedding to take advantage of the free booze.

    • Bunkster

      Okay. Please note I’ve never been married, but I was involved in my siblings’ weddings.

      I gather whittling down a guest list is very difficult and extremely stressful. There’s always someone you want to invite, but you can’t. I think the thinking here is that if they could afford to invite someone else – in lieu of your husband or someone who can’t make it – they’d want to invite someone they know. It’s their party. They want to celebrate with people they know.

      • Maddie Ross

        This. I worked very hard at whittling down my guest list to a reasonable number that we could afford. It was the most stressful part of wedding planning for me and caused the only fight with my family/spouse’s family during the entire process. Even after all that, I did have one girlfriend call at the last minute and ask to bring a friend in place of her boyfriend and readily allowed it, because I knew him from school and was excited to get to celebrate with him, too. Had she called and asked to bring someone I did not know, I don’t think I would have encouraged it. I wanted to be surrounded by people I knew and loved that day. Not randoms.

      • anon

        Totally agree on this. And if Aunt Sally wasn’t able to bring her son, cousin Jimmie, but bumps into your friend who doesn’t even know the bride, there’s likely to be WWIII in that family. Also, weddings are one of the most important times in the couple’s lives and should be as intimate as THEY choose. With any party, the host should be the only ones setting the attendence list. But with a wedding, there shouldn’t even be a doubt. I think it’s really nervy to ask. Even if the bride says OK, you’ve put her in an awkward position when she has a ton of other things to worry about.

        • Ballerina Girl

          I would just suggest, though, that it is actually kind of a big ordeal to *attend* someone’s wedding. If I’m going to fly across country, shell out money for a hotel, buy you a gift, etc. can we at least stop acting like you’re doing me a huge favor by inviting me? I think it’s a mutual thing–it’s nice to be invited, it’s nice for people to go to the trouble and expense of attending.

          • anon

            If you honestly are seeing it as a “big ordeal” to celebrate with them, then you honestly probably shouldn’t be there. I’ve been married close to 7 years, so I’m not saying this as someone in a bridezilla moment. And I’ve turned down many an invite that simply will be too big of a hassle or inconvenience to attend. I just think it’s important to recognize that it isn’t your day, it’s theirs. The same is true of respecting wishes for a guest list at a funeral/memorial.

            Is it a pain to travel and spend money? Yes. But feeling put out in some way by having to buy a gift or whatever still doesn’t give you the right dictate to the couple the terms in which they need to structure THEIR event to accomodate what you want. Seriously, how big of an inconvenience is it to set a prearranged time to leave?

          • Ballerina Girl

            I’m not saying it’s not their day–I’m just saying that a wedding is a lot of effort for guests, too. It’s not an effort I don’t want to make, but I think that that’s why you extend courtesies to your guest. I don’t know that I would’ve asked to have the friend come, and I don’t know that I think it’s bad the bride said no. But I do think that people overblow weddings nowadays.

      • mamabear

        I agree with Bunkster. It is very hard to narrow down a guest list. The bride has a budget and a certain headcount she can afford. This probably means that some dear friends and possibly family could not be invited. So why should she host people she doesn’t even know, when others dear to her had to be excluded.

        And yes, I had one invited guest show up with THREE friends to my 40-guest wedding. It was completely obnoxious of her, and if she had bothered to ask me if she could bring three strangers to my intimate wedding, the answer would have been an emphatic no.

    • Bonnie

      Even after dinner, the bride would probably still feel obligated to provide your friend’s drinks. And there’s also the question of finding her a place to sit when she probably already has the seating chart planned out. I probably would have acted differently, but don’t think the bride is obnoxious, selfish or rude.

    • eaopm3

      From my experience, and I know this varies by culture/region etc., a wedding invitation is issued to those who are listed on the address/inner envelope. If your friend that is visiting from out of town was invited with a “Guest” then she should have RSVP’d to bring you along with her so the bride knew ahead of time the number of people attending. If she was not invited with a guest, it was impolite of your friend to put the bride on the spot and ask her to fit another guest into her venue.

      As for your situation with your friend standing in for your husband… I go both ways on that. First, it was clear that the invitation was issued to you and your husband, because the couple knows you and wants you both there – not you and someone they don’t know. Personally, I would’ve been fine with you bringing a friend in lieu of your husband, because that is what would have made you (my guest) happy and comfortable and I would have already budgeted for two people, but some people think differently.

    • Non

      On your issue – I’m guessing you had an invite that either said Anon for this and Guest or was addressed to both you and your husband. I think if it said and Guest, then you get to bring who you want. Unless its a really small wedding, I don’t think the bride and groom are going to notice. If the invite was addressed specifically to you and your husband, then maybe it gets a little stickier. Honestly, I would have just RSVP’d for 2 and then brought the person that was able to come (either friend or husband), without bothering the bride/groom about it.

      As for your friend – I wouldn’t have even asked, I would have just had the friend show up (dressed appropriately for the wedding) and had them hang out, assuming it wasn’t a small wedding/reception. At that point, there’s likely a cash bar, she’s not another person to feed, so its not an imposition on the hosts. At the same time, since your friend asked, and got a response, that’s what she has to go with – regardless of whether someone else thinks its rude/selfish.

      Caveat – I’m a big proponent of “the more the merrier” as far as weddings go. And given the fact that neither situation really impinged on the couple big day plans, I would go with the beg forgiveness rather than ask permission route. YMMV.

      • anon-oh-no

        dont do this. Its not “likely a cash bar” and its terribly rude to crash someone’s wedding. I’ve only been to one (of probably 30 or so) wedding that was a cash bar, so it is an imposition on the hosts. But regardless, its just tacky to show up uninvited.

        • Lana Lang

          I can’t really decide if I think it’s appropriate or not appropriate, but I don’t really think the person drinking the bar dry is going to be an issue in any case (I hope!) since said person is driving!

      • Diana Barry

        No, no, no for the second point. You don’t want random people showing up at your wedding, it is an imposition if some random person shows up that you don’t know, even if they aren’t eating/drinking anything.

        At my wedding, one of my bridesmaids had her brother drive her to the wedding, and he came to the reception – but she definitely asked beforehand! We were dealing with a strict head count (limited space) so if someone had brought anyone unannounced, it would NOT have been good.

        • Non

          Well, I think that fits into the “as along as its not a small wedding/reception” issue. If there are space limitations, or its a small enough wedding that a non-invitee will stand out, than there are different considerations. But, if its a wedding where there are 100-200 guests, many of whom leave before the end of the night, than having ONE person show up and stay an hour to help out one of my friends is not going to blow my gasket. But, YMMV.

          And its not a totally random person – its a friend of someone you invited, who is helping out so that friend of yours can attend. And like I said, I’m of the “more the merrier” persuasion.

          • Hel-lo

            Non – I’m with you. I won’t break the bank to have a friend/driver stop by at the end to pick up a guest. If she has a soda, who cares. If she gets her groove on to a few songs, who cares. Half the guests will be gone already anyway. And if she shows up in a few wedding pictures, and the bride and groom years later say to each other, “I though you knew her…” then they have a funny wedding memory.

            I don’t go to weddings where the head count is very specific until the very last minute the venue closes.

          • Non

            Thanks, Hel-lo. My typical wedding experience has been family or college friend weddings, where the guest list is 100+, so its not like you notice one more person, especially once the dancing starts.

            And I was a semi-crasher at one point. It was a wedding of people I knew in college, but didn’t make the cut for an invite. My friend had RSVP’d for herself and her husband but her husband couldn’t go because of a knee surgery that subsequently came up. Since I knew the group, she invited me along to take the plate she had already RSVP’d for. I know this a different case than stated above, but its an illustration of what I consider a possible exception to the iron clad guest list issues I hear coming up. But – I would only consider this for a larger wedding receptions – not for a small guest list.

    • MelD

      In this instance, I think the friend was being selfish. If you have an open bar or are serving a limited set of options throughout the night, that’s an extra person on the tab. Furthermore, sometimes cake and dessert come out way later in the night and the couple would have to account for that as well.

      As for the second case, it really depends on the type of wedding. If it’s a small wedding with a very limited guest list with only family and very close friends, it makes sense to limit it to close friends and their spouses only. If it’s a really huge affair with a lot of people who don’t really know the couple very well, one friend probably won’t make much of a difference in the dynamic of the event.

      • Argie

        Friend wasn’t selfish for asking (it never hurts to ask), but shouldn’t be offended when her bright ideas aren’t accomodated. Sometimes its easier to just say no (politely, which it sounds like it was), rather than allow exceptions for everyone that asks. Some people just like having their plan and sticking to the plan and not having to figure out if this exception is going to disrupt the plan. The bride/groom have enough other planning logistics to worry about.

        • TX Attny

          Completely agree with you, Argie. Neither were rude, and the bride/groom have other stress for the day.

    • Eponine

      In the first case – it was rude of your friend to ask. You don’t just invite someone to a wedding reception (unless it’s your own).

      In the second case – it was fine to ask, but many couples only allow a guest to bring a date if it’s their spouse. This is common practice, especially given the high cost of wedding receptions. The bride was not rude.

      • PollyD

        Define “spouse.” My boyfriend and I have been together longer than a lot of the couples whose weddings we’ve attended. Usually, we are both included in wedding invites. However, there was a wedding a few years ago for which my bf was a groomsman, I knew the groom (he and my bf have been good friends for probably 10+ years) but not the bride, and I was NOT invited (not even as a “and guest”). Plus it was sort of a ‘destination’ wedding – well, the destination was Atlantic City but guests were expected to arrive on friday and stay through the weekend for the sunday wedding. I wasn’t actually too upset about not going, but I think it’s a little rude to expect people to go away for a whole weekend and not invite their significant others. The funny thing is that friends I told about this were much more upset about it on my behalf, because apparently if one stands up for a wedding it is rude not to allow them to bring a guest? I don’t know, I’m not up on the finer points of wedding etiquette.

        To be honest, I’m not sure if I was excluded only because we aren’t married or if other spouses were not invited, either. And to make the whole thing pretty funny, my bf and a good friend of his who was also in the wedding decided to share a room, but didn’t read the invitation so only reserved the room for friday and saturday nights (the wedding was sunday night so it would not have been desirable to leave sunday night). I think they ended up crashing in someone else’s room sunday night.

        • Eponine

          I think you can do “plus ones” one of three ways – only spouses/fiances are invited, only significant others are invited, or a guest can bring any date. In the first two cases the invitation is normally addressed by name (Polly and Boyfriend) whereas in the latter it would be to Polly and Guest. It’s considered a breach of etiquette to only invite half of a married couple, so at the very least, spouses should be invited.

          Singling one couple out for special treatment is quite rude, so it wasn’t possible for them to invite you without inviting other people’s non-spouse SOs. And if they couldn’t afford that or wanted to keep it small, it’s understandable that they didn’t invite SOs.

          Personally I think that in this day and age, there are so many people who aren’t actually married but function as a family unit just like a married couple does that it’s preferable to invite SOs as well as spouses (especially when you take into consideration same-sex couples who may not be able to marry). But I wouldn’t be offended that you weren’t invited, unless other girlfriends were invited and you were the only one left out.

          Sorry for the long and rambly response. I’m going to be a maid of honor in a few weeks, so I’ve been reading up quite a bit on wedding etiquette.

        • Anony

          I would not attend a wedding where my spouse was not included in the invitation. I did not exclude any spouses in the headcount for my wedding. Significant others who were truly significant (and not just passing flings) received a personal invitation as opposed to a +1.

    • anon

      Very interesting. To me this raises a related question about when you are and are not obligated to invite +1s. Let’s say I am planning a small wedding, and I want my very loved and dear cousin to be there, but not so much his nasty girlfriend. (Let’s say they’ve had several horrible breakups/get-back-togethers and we all think she’s using him.)

      I still have to invite her, right? Because it’s about my relationship with my cousin, whom I love and want to see on my wedding day, and part of loving my cousin is loving (or at least putting up with) whomever he wants to be with, provided that no one’s personal safety is at risk.

      Right? Or wrong?

      • Bonnie

        If your cousin is in a serious relationship (whether or not you like their S.O.) it’s customary to invite both.

      • Argie

        1)Will your cousin know anyone else at the wedding (if its family, I’m guessing yes)? Part of the rationale I’ve heard for allowing guests is so your invitee knows at least someone else there.
        2)Is your cousin going to be offended and put out if you don’t invite the g/f? If you want to maintain the relationship with the cousin, and not inviting the g/f will hurt, then you probably should invite.
        3) Are there other cousin/relatives of similar consanguity that are allowed to bring a g/f or b/f (as opposed to a spouse or commited life partner)? If you let your other cousin with the b/f you do like bring the b/f, you may have to allow nasty g/f, for parity’s sake.

        Or, at least, that’s my take.

        • Supra

          It sounded like she had asked if the friend could come way after the dinner/seating portion of the night was over. And it was more in the context of, “when she arrives to pick me up, can she come in in case I’m not ready to go? It did not sound like she invited the friend to have dinner/sit down/take home favors/drink from the bar.

          In the second situation, asking to bring a stranger and not your date for the entire evening is not okay, and its fine to turn it down, but to say that your ride can’t come in, but instead has to wait in the parking lot, just so that there’s not anyone you don’t know there, is, in my opinion, rude and selfish and screams of a bride throwing a “wah, its my day” fit.

          • MelD

            Yeah but if drinks are served throughout the night and your friend comes 2 hours before you are set to leave, do you really expect she’ll sit there quietly not drinking while everyone else around her is totally sloshed? It may happen, but it’s really not realistic for the bride to expect that will definitely be the case.

            Also, it’s pretty rare where I’ve been to a wedding venue that had only one room total. Most places at least have some sort of lobby or entry area with a few chairs where people can wait or sit while waiting for people inside the venue.

        • anon

          Who knows if it’s a “serious” relationship – serious drama seems to be the recurring theme – but to Bonnie’s point and Argie’s point #2, the voice in my head says that my personal feelings about the girl are irrelevant and my relationship with my cousin is what matters.

          He’s not particularly fussy himself so I think he’d take it in stride if I didn’t invite her, but I just don’t want to set that tone, basically. Anyway thanks for your thoughts!

      • eaopm3

        Yes, you still have to invite her for the reasons you gave. It’s your cousin’s decision to be in that relationship, and it’s not anyone else’s place to “comment” on it by excluding the girlfriend from an event. I think excluding her would cause some drama and it isn’t worth it.

        • Supra

          Well, it sounds like I’m in the minority. Based on the situation (after dinner, driving, etc), it seemed unreasonable to me that the bride would have responded the way she did.

      • Eponine

        You can’t single out your cousin’s girlfriend for special treatment. That would be quite rude. You can only allow +1s if the couple is married, so that no one could bring a girlfriend or date unless the date is his/her spouse.

        • PollyD

          I think you need to be careful about “only if the couple is married.” Many people in long term relationships are just as committed as married people, in some cases even more so. Plus this pretty much excludes all long term homosexual couples. I know at least two such couples who I would probably invite to my wedding – both have been together for nearly 20 years.

          I admit that I am a bit sensitive about the emphasis on “married couples.” I am a strong believer in marriage and commitment, but I don’t like to see one couple being thought of as “lesser” because they didn’t have a party and sign a paper while another couple who did so, but who may very well divorce in the not-so-distant-future (there must be some reason the term “starter marriage” has become so popular) is automatically accorded extra social status/benefits. The bride and groom absolutely has every right to invite who they want, but I would look askance at a couple who invited a pair of newlyweds but hesitated to invite both members of a couple in a long term relationship (I’m talking 5-10+ years), assuming the b & g’s relationships with both couples is more or less equivalent.

          • Eponine

            Posted this above but I guess you didn’t see it…

            I think you can do “plus ones” one of three ways – only spouses/fiances are invited, only significant others are invited, or a guest can bring any date. In the first two cases the invitation is normally addressed by name (Polly and Boyfriend) whereas in the latter it would be to Polly and Guest. It’s considered a breach of etiquette to only invite half of a married couple, so at the very least, spouses should be invited.

            Singling one couple out for special treatment is quite rude, so it wasn’t possible for them to invite you without inviting other people’s non-spouse SOs. And if they couldn’t afford that or wanted to keep it small, it’s understandable that they didn’t invite SOs.

            Personally I think that in this day and age, there are so many people who aren’t actually married but function as a family unit just like a married couple does that it’s preferable to invite SOs as well as spouses (especially when you take into consideration same-sex couples who may not be able to marry). But I wouldn’t be offended that you weren’t invited, unless other girlfriends were invited and you were the only one left out.

            Sorry for the long and rambly response. I’m going to be a maid of honor in a few weeks, so I’ve been reading up quite a bit on wedding etiquette.

    • Bette

      I don’t understand why you and your friend just agree on a reasonable time to pick her up from the wedding. If the wedding is still happening at that time, then she will just have to leave slightly early.

      Thinking that you can invite a stranger to someone else’s event, whether it be a wedding or something else with a clear guest list, is rude.

      • elle

        I totally agree. Or what about just calling/texting if you want to stay later than you originally planned? In any event, friend shouldn’t have asked.

    • anon getting married in 1.5 weeks :)

      I don’t think the bride was being “incredibly selfish and rude.” Personally, I would have said yes, because who cares if you have an extra person during dancing and dessert (as long as you don’t expect the bride to come meet you and talk to you, because there are 347589 other things on her mind and 100-200 other people she HAS to talk to). But other commenters have given very good reasons why she might have said no (especially if it’s not a mutual friend situation). So not a big deal — and really and truly, your friend could just call you when she wants to be picked up.

      In the 2nd situation, tbh, the bride may have been happy to include your husband in her budget and so on but not so thrilled about the idea of including someone who is, for her, a total random. And I don’t think your friend would have been expected to be invited just because she independently offered to host you.

      • anon getting married in 1.5 weeks :)

        (In fact, I think I would be rather surprised and confused if someone asked me that question — “I’m staying with Friend X, A Person You Have Never Met, can she come to your wedding too?” — I’m terrible at conflict so I would have a hard time finding a way to say no, but I would be very inclined to say no. There are fights enough with parents and in-laws trying to keep the list down to People We Actually Know and Care About — why would I add another person who I don’t know?)

  8. Nancy P

    Bloomingdales, why do you tempt me? I am going to have to order this in red once my next cc bill clears.

    • Bonnie

      I lovve it in red as well. With the A/C cranked up in my office, I have been living in a sweater jacket similar to this. I definitely have to add this one to my shoppingnotes.

    • Louise

      I can’t decide between the red and the blue! I’m going to stalk this for a while and wait for coupons, sales, etc. I’m in no hurry to receive a cashmere jacket in August…

  9. Leather

    Kat (and Corporettes): after your post yesterday about leather skirts, any chance you could tell me where to find a very simple pair of black leather pants?

    I have a pair I LOVE, which I purchased from Bloomies in 2001, from their Sutton Studio line. No waistband, no seams except down the outside of the leg, no pockets, fully lined, one hidden side zipper. Very simple. And still in great shape. But they no longer fit because I lost some weight.

    I have been looking for a couple years and haven’t found anything. I’d prefer not to spend more than a couple hundred dollars. TIA.

  10. Dee

    Thanks everyone who gave podcast suggestions yesterday! I downloaded a bunch and listened to The Moth and Savage Love this morning. Both great and I’m really looking forward to checking the others out!

  11. Nancy P

    Is anyone else curious about what happened to A. from this weekend, who had the young employee who threw the tantrum when she wasn’t promoted and was likely going to be fired yesterday?

    • anon

      Yup. I’m very curious to hear how it played out. I’m embarrassed to look back on some of my office behavior when I was younger, but I sure hope it was never that bad.

    • PollyD

      Oh yes…. I was completely shocked by that story. I can’t imagine even WANTING to act like that at work, let alone actually doing it.

    • Ruby

      I’m curious. When I was 24, I was notified via email that I did not get a job I’d applied for as an internal candidate, which I had been assured by supervisors I was a shoo-in for. My job at the time was on a contract that ended soon and my work visa depended on the job, so this essentially meant I was being notified that I was going to be unemployed in 2 weeks and had to start saying goodbye to close friends and colleagues whom I’d expected to work with for years to come. And of COURSE they sent the email in the middle of the work day. And they gave the job to a well-connected friend of the director who did not meet the minimum required qualifications for the job (who quit a year later, surprise surprise).

      I was sobbing, and so I went for a long, long walk and a lunch with a coworker and we talked about what jerks everyone was. And then I was sad for a few days, but not at the office.

      Anyway, I hope things went well for A. and that the young woman learns something from the experience and doesn’t remain jobless for too long.

      • Nancy P

        See, this is how you deal with bad news. You can only do so much about your emotional reaction, but you can control where it is and who it’s with. Props to your 24-year-old self.

    • GRA

      Yes! I’ve been waiting for an update, too. A. if you’re out there – let us know how it went!!!

  12. Adriana

    Threadjack – I’m a recent grad starting a new job at an accounting firm in September. I have a lot of work clothes because I worked in an office while attending college. Most of these clothes come from JC Penney and a few other mall stores. However, I want to invest in some classic, well-made basics, and was looking at these shirts as a starting point:

    http://www.brooksbrothers.com/IWCatProductPage.process?Merchant_Id=1&Section_Id=691&Product_Id=1231514&Parent_Id=302&default_color=BLACK&sort_by=lowestPrice&sectioncolor=&sectionsize=#

    They’re Brooks Brothers’ non-iron tailored shirts. Has anybody bought/worn these shirts? If so, how is the fit? Are they really non-iron? How do they look after many washed and wears? I normally wear a size 4 in stores like JC Penney and Express, so would a 4 in BB fit me?

    Thanks for your help!

    • Oneanon

      I wear these frequently. Yes, they are really non-iron. I wash them, throw them in the dryer, take them out as soon as the cycle ends and hang them up, and I’ve never needed to iron them. They keep through many washes and wears (I’ve had most of mine for years). I personally find the white one too see-through (even with a camisole, you can see my camisole) but the other colors are great. I don’t know about JCPenney or Express as I don’t shop at either, but I wear a size 6 in most everything and I wear a 6 in these as well.

      Congratulations on your new job!

      • Anne-on

        On the fit question, Brooks Brothers tends to cut *much* more generously than Express or JCrew do. I’d try them on to be sure, but if you’re smaller busted, or petite, Brooks Brother’s sizing may not work for you.

        • Oneanon

          Definitely try them on because this is not my experience. I wear a small in JCrew’s button downs (or a 6 in “number sized” tops) and a small in Brooks Brothers tailored or fitted button downs as well. I’m small busted and thin.

          • Oneanon

            I mean a 6 in Brooks Brothers tailored or fitted button downs, not a small.

            (Exits stage left for coffee…)

    • LawyrChk

      These are definitely great shirts. If you can be patient, they often go on sale and you can find them for around $50 each rather than $90 full price. I’d recommend trying them on in-store if you can just to confirm that you are getting the right size and cut (I like the fitted and tailored more than the classic, but I wear a 4 in fitted and 6 in the tailored, I think).

    • Ballerina Girl

      I’ve gotten a bunch at their outlets–usually for $50-60 a pop, I think. Classic for suits–very nice, and no ironing at all! Great!

    • Bonnie

      These are the best shirts ever. To avoid gaping, I size up in Express but wear my true size with this shirt. If you are near a Brooks Brothers’ outlet, they usually have them for about $50.

      • Adriana

        Thanks everyone! Unfortunately I don’t live near a BB outlet, but I wouldn’t mind order a few shirts online and trying them out. If they last for years the price will be worth it.

        • MJ

          Note the difference between tailored, fitted and classic too. Classic is HUGE–no shape. Tailored is very slender, not for people with hips. Fitted is more for curvy types, (but not too curvy–they’re still button-downs). Also be sure to check out the Clearance section on the website–that’s where you can get them for about $35 if you wait for their 25% off sale and combine that with the clearance. I have a whole closetfull of these and they do last a very, very long time. Eventually the non-iron chemical comes out and you do have to touch up with an iron, but they are very, very classic and I always look put together for work without even having to think about my outfit. Just pair with a v-neck sweater and skirt and I’m good to go.

          • Ballerina Girl

            This is true! Classics are kind of boxy–fitted can be a bit too form fitting if you don’t get the right size (and sometimes the sides will come out of my skirts).

    • Anon

      Just FYI – Non-iron shirts are non-iron b/c they have formaldehyde in them somehow. I wouldn’t wear them for that reason. But to each her own.

      • Bonnie

        All non-iron or wrinkle-resistant clothing was created with a minute amount of formaldehyde. FWIW, I’m highly allergic to formaldehyde and have never had a reaction from the Brooks Brothers’ shirts.

      • Kanye East

        This has always scared me, but if aspartame is any indication, a little formaldehyde isn’t a kiss of death as far as American consumers are concerned.

        ;P

    • Anonymous

      I think I might be the only reader that doesn’t like these shirts. I have a larger bust, and the size I need to be appropriate over it means that everywhere else looks like I’m wearing a man’s shirt–baggy sleeves, flared sides (even though I have hips), and a massive collar that swallows my neck whole.

      Also, I prefer not to tuck in my button downs because the look is not flattering to my proportions, but that’s not really possible with the BB shirts because the buttons stop about 6″ from the bottom (so your untucked flaps are truly flapping wide open). IMO, they really need one more button on the bottom. Obviously YMMV as no one else here seems to have a problem with this, but just something to think about if you are a non-tucker.

      • Hel-lo

        Sounds like a trip to a tailor might really make these shirts useful for you.

  13. NJEsq

    Clothing advice please –

    I bought a burgundy sheath dress from Ann Taylor (http://www.anntaylor.com/ann/product/AT-Apparel/AT-Dresses/Tucked-Sheath-Dress/258941?colorExplode=false&skuId=89697092&catid=cata000012&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=9233) (tucked sheath dress if the link doesn’t work) that I want to wear to a wedding and probably to work. Having trouble finding a black blazer that would go with it, I’m bad at this stuff!

    I’m short (5’2″) and petite so I don’t want anything that’s going to be too long but I’m having trouble finding a style that works. Well, except for a Theory blazer from Bloomies that is almost $400… :(

    • Ruby

      I’d go for a single button blazer that stops at the high hip, to accentuate the nipped-in waist of the dress. I have a nice one from Loft, but it’s a few seasons old. Beautiful dress, by the way!

      • NJEsq

        See that’s what I was thinking, it’s hard looking online though because I can’t tell where it’s going to hit on me. I guess I’ll have to wander around the mall a bit.

        Thank you :) so glad I bought it!

  14. Camera

    Thanks to all of you who gave me recommendations on digital cameras about a month ago. Based on some input here, I bought the Nikon Coolpix S9100 and absolutely love it. Great clarity for people pictures. I appreciate all of the helpful advice!

    • MJ

      I love the ladies at King Garment Care (6th at King, in the W. Village). They have done some great work on difficult fabrics (hems) for me, and in my experience they’re friendlier than some of the other tailors in the area (and communication in English is easy).

  16. Thanksgiving Weekend Wedding - okay?

    Organizing a fairly last minute wedding in NYC. Is it okay to do it the Saturday after Thanksgiving? For what it’s worth, most guests will be coming from overseas (this is the earliest date that works for them), or are foreigners living in NYC, but there will of course be some guests who are from NY/U.S. I don’t want people to feel like I’m putting them in an awkward position. If they have family commitments that mean that they can’t come, I’m fine with that, so long as they don’t feel awkward or like they have to cut their family time short. For those that can come / don’t have to travel, I feel like it might be a nice way to extend the celebrations of a holiday weekend. Thoughts?

    • Eponine

      I like it when couples schedule their weddings on a holiday weekend because I don’t have to take an extra day off work to travel. Since presumably guests could travel on Friday, they wouldn’t miss the holiday at home. Go for it.

    • Bunkster

      No opinions either way, but I will say my brother and his wife got married the day after Thanksgiving. My parents threw a Thanksgiving rehearsal dinner at a nice restaurant.

      And I don’t think there was anyone who couldn’t make it or was upset about the day.

      For the rehearsal dinner, my mom ended up inviting more than she might have wanted to because she didn’t want to split up families on the holiday. But all the families were invited to the wedding anyway.

    • Circe

      It’s just as good as any other time, honestly. I think no matter when you schedule a wedding, there are people who will be inconvenienced. So they don’t have to come. When you talk to people say “I realize it’s thanksgiving weekend, and of course I understand if you can’t make it. It just averaged out to be the best timing” or whatever. If you schedule your wedding for when people have their time off work, some people will grumble about having to go when they have time off. If you schedule it otherwise, some people will grumble about having to take time off. So just be understanding if people can’t make it, and…

      Congratulations! (which is the most important thing)

    • Anonymous

      My brother got married on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and they actually found that more people, rather than less, were able to attend due to already having Friday off from work (for a lot of people, at least).

      I don’t think there is anything wrong with choosing this date for your wedding. Christmas Day/Easter/Yom Kippur/Thanksgiving Day itself? Yes, problematic. But two days after a holiday is fair game.

    • R

      one thing to keep in mind – traffic is really crazy in and out of NYC that weekend so if you do it, and people are driving, they’ll have to leave A LOT of time to arrive/leave.

      • Thanksgiving Weekend Wedding - okay?

        Thanks, everyone, for the advice and well wishes.

        I would definitely be gracious about people who decline the invitation. At most this would probably impact 7 or 8 couples. It will only be a small (under 50 people) party with family (from overseas) and very close friends, so my primary concern is making those friends feel torn between attending and cutting short any pre-arranged family plans outside the city. That being said, I ran it by a work friend, and she said she would love for it to be that weekend, because it was one of the only times of the year that she could more or less confident that work would not interfere.

        People coming from overseas will be coming to NYC for at least a couple of weeks (they’re coming a long way), so there’s no avoiding the New York holiday-themed madness. They’ll like the snow at least! First wintery holidays for most of them.

    • meme

      Another perspective –

      We had a family wedding the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and there was much grumbling about it. The aunt of the groom actually circulated an email to the whole family and asked if, pretty please, could they pick another date. And many people could not make it because of pre-existing Thanksgiving weekend plans or longstanding Thanksgiving traditions they weren’t willing or able to change. Other people made it, but with a bunch of extra hassle added to an already busy time of year. For example, people who were already planning to travel from their home state of A to state X for Thanksgiving then had to make plans to travel to state Y immediately after Thanksgiving for the wedding. We all found it a big pain in the a**. Especially people with children. Thanksgiving is the biggest travel holiday of the year, and many people will already be traveling for it, and then will have to cram in another day or two of travel to attend the wedding.

      After that experience, I would never do it because of the potentially awkward position it will inevitably put some guests in.

      • Ballerina Girl

        I would definitely be pissed if someone invited me to a wedding that weekend. Or if not pissed, I just wouldn’t go. Tickets are expensive and it’s a family holiday for most people.

      • MJ

        I was recently invited to a (destination) wedding on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I too am lukewarm about the date. Most of family and friends will have to fly from the northeast to FL on the craziest (and, most expensive) travel weekend of the year. I would better understand a local wedding, but it seems a bit much to ask friends to travel a distance on that particular weekend.

      • Anonnc

        Yup. I know it’s an honor to be invited, but last summer I missed Memorial Day weekend, Fourth of July and Labor Day weekends at home with my immediate family/friends because of extended family weddings. I was not pleased. I’m under no illusion that I was essential to the happiness of any of these couples, but family politics sometimes make these events command performances. When my brother was planning his wedding this year, his very lovely wife-to-be kept pushing Labor Day (“more travel time,” “an extra day to hang out with out of town guests,” “the venue is cheaper on Sunday night”). I’m pleased to say we all bit our tongues. I’m even more pleased to say that another couple booked their preferred space, and the wedding is now in October.

      • Em

        Yep, I wouldn’t go and might be pissed – that’s one of the few times I get to see my family, who lives on the opposite coast.

    • kz

      I think theoretically having it that close to a holiday is perfectly fine since it gives extra travel time, but since it is a holiday weekend, flight prices are going to be astronomical and that may deter some guests, so that might be something to think about. New York airports at Thanksgiving are a nightmare. I actually stopped flying home for thanksgiving because it was such an expensive hassle.

    • MelD

      I think the main issue with Thanksgiving is that it tends to be a pricey time to travel. It may be fine for the NYers, but it may be cost prohibitive for the out of towners. I would probably do a preliminary check on prices for hotels/flights, etc and make the decision from there if the prices look doable.

      • Anne-on

        I’ll third (or fourth) the others who have noted the expense of flights/hotels during that weekend. NY is insanely packed during Thanksgiving weekend, the hotels are jammed with tourists who come in for the parade, the train stations (Grand Central and Penn) are total nightmares, and the traffic is crazy. As a native NY’er, my entire family tends to stay in as much as possible that weekend.
        You might want to call around to a few hotels NOW to see if you can reserve a block of rooms that weekend, otherwise your friends and family simply may not be able to find a place to stay.

    • Valleygirl

      Sounds fine except airfare might be a little nuts due to the holiday…

    • Hel-lo

      I think it really depends on your family (or the families of the guests).

      If your family always gathers, say, at grandma’s house, and always has the exact same meal, with the same green bean recipe, prepared by the same auntie, and then you have a football game, or whatever, then it will disrupt your routine.

      But if your family is like mine, and is all spread out, and scrambles each year in the fall to figure out who has to host everyone this year, and half the family doesn’t even show up… then I think it would be a good time.

      Some families have tried-and-true traditions. Some don’t.

    • M in CA

      You may also want to consider that going forward you’ll be celebrating your anniversary on Thanksgiving weekend. My brother/SIL got married on a 3-day weekend (along the lines of Labor Day, Memorial Day, etc.) and they celebrate their anniversary every year generally on their own, which interferes with family/friends events. By choosing to marry near such a major US holiday you may face similar conflicts in the future — but since you say that most of your guests are from overseas, maybe you’re not from the US and don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, so that won’t be a conflict you have in the future.

      In any case, congratulations and best of luck with the planning. :)

    • Another anon

      I agree that hotels in NYC are likely to book up and be expensive on Thanksgiving weekend. But international flights may not be any more expensive than normal – and depending on the day flown, might even be cheaper. My sister lives overseas and often flies back to the States around Thanksgiving. Usually, the international leg of her journey is no more expensive or more of a hassle than at other times of the year. In fact, sometimes it’s cheaper, and international terminals tend to be less crowded because fewer people are flying to/from the US for business at that time.

      • PollyD

        Shh!! Don’t let everyone else in on this (have taken about 6 different trips over the years over Thanksgiving weekend and yes, travel to Europe is not crazy and you can get some pretty good deals)!

      • Thanksgiving Weekend Wedding - okay?

        Thanks, all. I should have made clearer that neither of us are from the U.S., so all family – bar two – will be coming on international flights (which are readily available and no more expensive) to NYC in the week or two before the actual wedding day, NOT domestic flights. Obviously, because we’re not from here, there’s no issue with our families having Thanksgiving traditions to accommodate. A bunch of guests who are foreigners living in NY also fall into that category.

        The hotel issue is something to consider, but I actually assume we’re going to end up with everyone staying at our place or our one-other-family-member-who-lives-here’s place, or maybe in a sublet in our building (we’re only talking immediate family – brothers, sister, parents, grandparents, and we’re all pretty close).

        My main concern was focused on our American New Yorker friends who may have plans to travel to be with their families that week. They’d need to be back at work on Monday anyway, so no concerns about traffic, hotels, etc, for them. On reflection, I think there is only one friend who now lives outside New York who would actually need to fly in to the city.

        And thanks, Anon, for your suggestion about calling each invitee and specifically telling them that we’d understand if they couldn’t come and that they needn’t send a gift. This is just what I had in mind.

        • AbbyA

          My family has a tradition of getting married the Saturday after Thanksgiving: my parents, my brother, my sister and I. If people don’t fly in until Friday, the airfares aren’t bad.
          One result is that my husband and I have never celebrated our wedding anniversary with a romantic night for two. We are hosting people for Thanksgiving, and guests who stay on for a couple of days. The upside is we are often celebrating lots of wedding anniversaries together, which can be a ot of fun.

    • a.k.

      I think it’s fine to hold the wedding that weekend if that’s what you want. One thing you may want to consider is future anniversaries and locking yourself into always doubling up anniversary/Thanksgiving.

      My BFF got married two days before Christmas, largely for family-logistical reasons since they knew everyone would be together for the holiday. She still grumbles that it’s a total hassle because they can never take a long trip for their anniversary, because they are juggling vacation days and family travel for Christmas, etc. Just something to be mindful of.

    • kz

      random thought: it’s probably way too short of notice, but perhaps for otherfuture wedding planners–what about that random 3-day weekend in October? Yes, I can’t even tell you the actual holiday–Columbus Day, maybe? A lot of people get that off for work, so you still get the extra travel day, but people don’t have family plans like they would at Thanksgiving.

  17. anon

    1) it’s your wedding, so pick a date that works for your, your fiance, and anyone else that absolutely requires consideration – your parents who live far away, your ailing grandmother, etc. If you pick a tricky date, simply be prepared for others to send their regrets and of course be gracious about it.

    2) Thanksgiving weekend is the worst travel period of the year, the most expensive, the most crowded. Airports are jammed and NYC is full of parade-seeking, xmas-shopping tourists. Even people who are in NYC anyway will probably not be thrilled to add an additional obligation to their already-full-of-obligations weekends, and those who are not will feel the same, plus the added difficulties of making their way in and out of town.

    3) So if it’s really the very best time for you and the overseas guests that matter (keeping in mind the flight headaches), do it, but be gracious about people who choose not to attend. In fact, I would even expect that more guests than usual will not be able to attend.

    Good luck and congrats!

    • Anon

      Adding on – if you do choose that weekend, I would personally call everyone I invited (yes, call) and say “I know the weekend is crazy and expensive. I’d love for you to be there, but I completely understand if you can’t be. If you can’t be, please don’t send a gift [note, your close friends who are financially able will anyway] — I only invited you because I love you and want you to know I want you to be part of my life”
      or whatever sounds like “you”.

  18. CT

    Oh ladies, I’ve been so frazzled lately that I forgot to put on deodorant this morning! Luckily I had a stick handy at my office. (take this as a lesson: be prepared for your own forgetfulness!)
    I just have so much stuff to get done this week! But after I do, I’m going on a little vacation next week. Hooray!

  19. Solo

    Do any Corporettes use FreshBooks for their office bookkeeping/billing? Would you recommend it? I just started my own practice a couple months ago and I’m trying to figure out the best way to keep the books. (I want to do it myself, for the most part.)

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