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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 354 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Dinola Gather Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. BOSS Black Dinola Gather Sheath DressOoh: cute dress from BOSS Black. I love the ruching, the short sleeves, the gathered front — I can see this being extremely flattering and comfortable. Bloomie's is almost sold out, in fact — only lucky size 8 is left in the fuschia. However: it's still available on the Hugo Boss website in yellow — and on sale. (I blame the unhappy look on the Boss model's face.) It was $395 (and still is, in fuschia, at Bloomingdale's), but is now marked to $265 at Hugo Boss. BOSS Black Dinola Gather Sheath Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

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Comments

  1. KC

    Anyone score anything good so far at the big Ann Taylor sale? (In particular, if anyone frequents the one on Connecticut in DC…) Wondering if it’s worth taking a stroll over there during lunch. Sometimes, Ann Taylor’s idea of a “sale’ is putting pants that were 89$ to 84$. no thank you. Would love to hear of any recent success stories there!

    • hellskitchen

      I got half priced basic tshirts at an AT in Philly. Lots of other stuff seemed to be significantly marked down

    • DC anonymous

      I haven’t been recently, but I did get some good deals at the Connecticut one during their sale this time last year.

  2. Anon for this

    Love the dress, now time for a quick threadjack: My employer is switching disability coverage providers. Apparently they need to know if we have any pre-existing conditions. The head partner at my firm just came in to my office to inform me of this change and inquire if I have any such conditions. I currently take a low dose of prozac to combat PMDD (basically it evens out my mood because I used to get overly emotional, anxious and irritable the week before my time of the month – sorry for the tmi). I’ve been on the medication for over a year with great success. I really didn’t want to discuss my period with the head partner, but I also do not think this qualifies so I said no. Did I do the right thing? I don’t want to misrepresent anything but I consider myself very healthy. I also take low-estrin to make my time of the month more mild – I get horrible cramps. Does that count? Any input from the hive would be greatly appreciated.

    • DC Jenny

      I have no idea whether you did the right thing from a legal perspective, but from a human perspective I am 100% horrified that you were put in that position.

    • Insurance Applications

      I think it’s better to disclose as much as possible on insurance applications so that the insurer cannot later accuse you of fraud. However, these disclosures should be made directly to the carrier, perhaps (PERHAPS) via HR.

      Can you ask the partner for the carrier’s contact info and tell him that you will contact them directly?

    • Kontraktor

      I don’t know about insurance stuff, but my hunch is that anything you are currently being treated for could be considered as a pre-existing condition. Different companies might have different standards on this. On the note of being interrogated, is that even a legal question for that guy to ask you? Do you have any HR person? A benefits rep? Even a female manager or partner? I do think you should disclose this information (honestly for your own sake, what if you ended up needing the coverage and somehow not reporting this negatively affected that), but I too am horrified the seniormost male partner woudl expect all his employees to tell him all their intimate medical problems.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      Yes, I think those count as pre-existing conditions. It’s unfortunate you were put in the situations.

      I might say, “I am not undergoing treatment for anything serious, but I do have some women’s health related minor issues. Please let me know if the disability insurance provider wants to speak to me about them directly.”

      • Anon

        Isn’t disability coverage completely different from health insurance? Am I missing something?

        • nona

          It is, but certain medical conditions can limit the type of coverage you can get.

          Disability pays you a portion of your pay check if you are out for a covered reason.
          Health pays for the time at the doctor to get better.

          • Anon

            Well I guess that’s part of my point. Would you really be on disability for what you discribed? To me not everything would be something that would be even applicable to disability. For example, Acne might be a pre-existing condition for health insurance but I doubt it would for disability/probably would not even be a covered reason.

          • Kontraktor

            I think it’s just better to disclose everything because you really don’t know how medical conditions will affect you in the future or how companies will classify things. What if a person’s depression got worse and she had to be out for an extended period of time? Or what if her medication (heck, or even acne medication as you suggested) caused a horrible adverse reaction? Or if the medication she was taking resulted in a pregnancy related complication? You just never know. So, in the interest of being safe rather than sorry, it’s probably better to disclose just in case something happens in the future (that may or may not be related to your condition).

    • kiley

      that’s awful. you are literally living an episode of the office, which is never a good sign

      The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won’t receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis.

      Jim Halpert: Sounds Tough.
      Dwight Schrute: Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?

      • Anastasia

        I immediately thought of that episode, too. Sorry, OP, that you were put in this position.

        Dwight: “[embarassing medical condition]? OH COME ON PEOPLE, be serious! no one really has that!”
        Kevin (looking around furtively): “Uhhhhhh…. someone….might…..?”

        • TMI

          I was getting checked at the doctor to find out what the source of an embarrassing symptom might be, and one of the possibilities was “an@l fissures.” All I could think was “dang, now I’m Kevin.”

      • Jules

        This reminds me, there’s a great blog analyzing episodes of The Office from the point of view of HR and employment law called “That’s What She Said.” It was started by a woman attorney at Ford & Harrison in Atlanta, although someone else in that firm writes it now. I haven’t read it in a long time but I remember seeing estimates of the damages that could be recovered in court for, say, Michael outing Oscar and then forcibly kissing him in a staff meeting (to, um, demonstrate tolerance for diversity?).

        Link to follow

    • nona

      Is there anyway that the head partner meant it as “You’ll need to update any pre-exisiting conditions with the insurance provider” rather than a “Tell me, and I’ll update them”? Like he didn’t actually expect you to list your medical conditions to him, but wanted to let you know that the information would need to be provided? And then just worded it badly?

      Either way, I’d go back to him and ask for the insurance provider’s info (or there’s probably a form). You can tell him the question caught you off guard, and now you have some questions for the provider about what constitutes a pre-existing condition.

    • E.

      I think you need to find out why they asked. It’s extremely inappropriate that a person with supervisory authority, rather than someone from HR, asked you for confidential information. However, the insurer probably needs to know whether there are preexisting conditions in order to give the firm an accurate quote. If the insurer finds that the firm provided incorrect information, then the entire plan could be invalid for everyone. So I suggest you contact HR, tell them that you were flustered and surprised that the partner asked this question, and you forgot that you currently take a prescription medication that could be considered a preexisting condition. Ask them to keep this information anonymous and they certainly will.

      • Original Poster

        In the partner’s defense, I believe he probably only wanted a yes or no – although a yes response would have then possibly prompted the question, “What is it?” which I was not prepared to detail. Then he said, “well you always looked healthy to me” – so I was just caught off guard and said I go to doctors for “routine maintenance” (silly, I know). In any event, I plan to think about it some more and then make a decision about what to do. But a sincere thank you to everyone who responded because I thought for a second that maybe it was just me who found this very odd.

        • anon

          As someone who works for a very small organization without a separate HR person, I feel you.

        • DC Jenny

          Judging a person’s health based on how they look is equally infuriating. Sorry you have to deal with such an a**hat.

        • E.

          It’s just so inappropriate the way he handled it. The way to handle this was with an all firm announcement that you are switching insurers and anyone who has any preexisting condition, or is not sure if their condition counts as preexisting, MUST contact the insurance company directly and confidentially. You’re definitely not the only one who felt alarmed by this.

    • p

      I really doubt any insurer would grant disability for PMDD, considering it’s still controversial and has the designation of “needs further study”. THerefore, I wouldn’t consider it a pre-existing condition.

      • E.

        The problem is that the insured party doesn’t get to decide what a pre-existing condition is. The insurer does. She needs to disclose it, but not to the partner. It’s none of the partner’s damn business.

        • Jules

          Agreed, sadly — insurers make the rules and THEY decide what is a preexisting condition. I handled a case many years ago and don’t remember all the details but my client was denied disability coverage for MS because he had failed to disclose something minor (headaches? a trip-and-fall that broke his leg? I don’t remember now) that the insurer said could have been an early indication of the ultimately disabling condition. You don’t know what the insurer will consider relevant so you have to disclose it. And fooey on your firm for having anyone other than HR or the insurance carrier itself involved in this.

        • Anonymous Poser

          Hearty agreement with the observation that the insurer decides what falls under the classification of “preexisting condition”. The insurer defines all the terms, pretty much. For example, I recently lost a fight with my health insurance over some lab tests that my doctor ordered as a part of my preventative care. My doc coded and wrote them down in the notes as such. I still had to pay for the tests out-of-pocket, because my insurance considered the tests diagnostic, anyway.

          When in doubt, disclose. I am sorry about your having to deal with the question coming from an inappropriate source.

      • mamabear

        You should definitely disclose it, but not to your boss (eww.)

        You don’t want to be denied down the road if you develop extreme mental illness just because you took a little Prozac now.

        Yeah, the chances of you developing that are remote, but that’s why you’re buying disability ins.

    • Divaliscious11

      Why would you disclose to the partner? I’d ask for the disclosure form and fill out as appropriate for submission to the insurance company directly.

    • Lyssa

      Sorry for being late to this one, but I’m a former disability claims worker – yes, this is almost certainly a pre-existing condition, so it does need to be disclosed. Depending on the contract and the applicable law, it is possible that you could lose all coverage for not disclosing something.

      Regarding whether or not it’s a disability – the question really goes to what the actual disability is that you would be filing a claim for at the time. If you’re filing a claim for a broken leg, then no, not relevant. But if you’re filing a claim for, say, depression, it might be because you’ve previously been diagnosed with something that is likely related to a form of depression.

      I agree that he shouldn’t have asked like that, though I’d chalk it up to ignorance and thoughtlessness, not malice. You should definitely either contact the insurer or HR, or just say that you have a personal issue.

    • Digby

      What Lyssa said, plus: once you have the new coverage, find out the exact wording of the pre-existing condition clause (either from the insurance certificate or the SPD). Some pre-ex clauses are very weak, and easy to work around if you can plan for your disability. I know that not every medical disability can be planned/predicted, but if there is any room to do so, and a weak pre-ex clause, it may not affect you.

        • SF Bay Associate

          I love the Boss Black Diotta dress I got at Nordie’s, and being the fabulous store it is, the online rep has given me a price adjustment twice on it. Here’s hoping I’ll get a couple price adjustments on this one, too!

          • AN

            Nordies gave me a price adj on this one though I got it a month ago. So they should give it to you. Compare this with $&@! SAKS who didn’t give me one though the purchase was just over a week before markdown!

  4. HereThere

    Any suggestions on where to get a firm/good but cheap (I only need it for a few years) armoire/wardrobe/standing closet in the Boston/Providence area?

    • Midwesterner

      I would hit up a few garage and/or estate sales this weekend. That’s what I did last weekend and there was so much furniture I wanted to buy but don’t have room for.

    • Anonnc

      This is precisely the need IKEA fills. Check out the location on Route 24 in in Stoughton.

      • Anon

        I got one for my guest room from Ikea – holds a ton of stuff, and while it isn’t quite the custom furniture look I’d like, I actually get some compliments on it when people visit and have somewhere to put their stuff.

    • a.k.

      start on craigslist! or estate sales/thrift stores. there are SO MANY armoires out there, there is absolutely no reason to pay full price.

    • Kellyn

      There are tons on the Providence craigslist right now. I’ve been dresser hunting and keep seeing armoires/wardrobes.

      • HereThere

        Thanks all. My problem is that I need one to hang clothes in and almost all the ones I find are dressers or jewelry armoires. I’ll keep searching there and garage sales, but I wanted to see if any of you lovely ladies had other ideas! Thanks!

    • Anonymous NYer

      Mine is from Direct Buy – my parents are members. I would def recommend Ikea or craigslist for something like this though.

  5. I'm Just Me

    Polka dot recommendations for the frugal cor*por*ette

    (links to follow)

  6. Batgirl

    Guys, I just need some commiseration (as usual?)–I wrote a few months back about wanting to lose 3-5 lbs (I know, I know, not a lot, but it is on my frame since I gain it all in my waist). Instead, I managed to gain 3 more pounds. So now I’m at 129 when I was 126 and wanted to get back to 123 (at 5’3″). I think that in part it’s because when turn to food for comfort so when I started feeling like I had gained weight, I turned to food for comfort.

    Anyway, I’m trying to work out more and eat better, and am hoping that will do the trick, but at 33, it just seems so much harder to bounce back. Somewhat relatedly, is it possible that my “healthy snacks” of almonds and Luna bars could be fattening me up? I only eat a handful, but maybe they just add up?

    • Jacqueline

      I’m the exact same weight and height as you are, and I definitely know what you mean about even three pounds showing up more on a shorter frame. I wouldn’t blame the almonds and Luna bars necessarily — it’s just that EVERYTHING adds up, whatever you’re eating, but some things add up more than others, if that makes sense (it’s really the whole premise behind Weight Watchers).

      What’s your exercise routine right now? For me, sometimes adding one more day of exercise makes all the difference, and I don’t even really have to change my eating patterns (or I find that they adapt naturally, like I start to crave more vegetables and less sugar to fuel my body). What do you usually eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

    • NOLA

      No suggestions, just commiseration. I gain a few pounds and try to think of what I’m eating – at various times, hummus, fresh almond butter, milk. I just don’t know. And not to make you feel worse, but at 33, I could lose weight much more easily. At 47, I feel like it’s getting harder every day. I just can’t bring myself to give up everything I love (I already don’t drink, don’t eat fried food, don’t eat fast food, etc. etc.) and have no patience for counting calories. In general, my best success has been with eat less, eat better, move more.

      • NOLA

        Oh and I just thought to mention this – I decided to try something new this week. If I need a snack, I eat a small amount of fresh hummus or almond butter on a whole grain Wasa. You could also try the GG crispbread, which has been recommended by Dr. Oz for weight loss. I guess I’m thinking that it’s good to have something really high fiber with a little protein. It really fills me up so I don’t eat a lot of it. Also easier to control portions than with something like almonds.

    • InfoGeek

      I buy 100 calorie packs of almonds. I know they’re more expensive and there’s more waste that way, but it helps me stay on track. If I can’t buy the 100 calorie packs I measure out 18g of almonds. The best thing about almonds is that they help me feel full and they have some lasting power.

      Another snack I *love* is frozen blueberries. They’re sweet and they’ve got a great texture — it’s a little like eating bites of a popsicle, so it doesn’t feel “diet-y” at all.

      My real problem was carbs. Cutting down (but not out) carbs really helped me drop weight. Have you checked to see what the nutrition info is on your Luna bars? Maybe you’re getting more (calories, sugar, carbs) in them than you think.

    • Kontraktor

      OMG this is the 100% story of my life. I am almost exactly the same as you in terms of weight and amount I would like to lose.

      I think the unfortunate answer (well unfortunate for me because I am lazy) is that I just need to do more activity. When I was in DC, I was walking maybe 3 miles a day and more on weekendsm and I liked how I looked. Now, I have a super sedentary job I drive to and I am not walking nearly as much. So, the conclusion is that I just need to suck it up and start working in a run/walk/possibly light strength training routine into my life. Of course I have not done that and so I feel yucky about myself. But it’s on my radar because I think at this point it’s really the only thing that’s going to help. You might just have to up your workout routine.

      Regarding eating, I would say focus on portion control and whole food eating.For almonds, how many are you eating? It always seems like in weight loss articles it is recommended to eat like, 10 almonds as a snack. Ha. I probably would easily just keep nomming on them way past 10. Luna bars are a bit processed and probably offer about 200 or 300 calories, so maybe look into cutting those out. Do you drink soda? If so, that’s an easy one to cut out too. Right now, my main portion control hang up is at dinner where I just stuff myself, but I try during the day to limit what I eat and bring things and already portioned out containers. That seems to help a little. I also try to bring as many whole foods as possible, so pieces of fruit, plain cottage cheese, veggies, plain nuts. Sometimes I will have a healthy cerreal like Total as breakfast. I am trying to eat frozen meals as lunch, mostly to help with portion control, although I wish they were less processed. Next goal for me is to cook smaller dinners and force myself not to eat as giant a helping as I seem to.

      Okay I don’t know how helpful that is. But just trying to let you know that I 100% sympathize because you might as well be me here.

    • pinky

      OMG the almonds (and all nuts really) kill me – they are so nutrionally dense and i just keep trying to fill up on them. I do a snack of 75% veg and 25% fat – so like bell peppers with a small slice of cheese. or like 5 almonds with an apple. Some foods are such an addiction that its hard to kick, but I feel much better without them.

      On a side note, I quit my big box gym and joined a small spinning studio where they have DJ club night spinning classes and its so totally fun. Love to go workout now :)

    • Cornellian

      I can commiserate. I’m 5’3 or 4 but my sister is 4’11 and it’s crazy how much 5 lbs can do. I think probably working out is key, if your eating habits are okay. I definitely start losing weight if I’m doing low rep high weight weight lifting, I think my base metabolism goes up considerably.

      I’m also on the 130 end of my weight range ( I think 121 is fighting weight for me), and am trying to do something active everyday this week, even if it’s just a ten minute run and push ups. Here’s hoping!

    • PollyD

      This is interesting. I take a group personal training class and according to the guy’s records, I have gained 6 pounds over the year. I’m small, too (a bit more than 5’3″ but less than 5’4″) so you’d think I’d notice. But all my clothes fit, pants aren’t tight, I’m not spilling out of my bra or anything – so I kind of think that one of the measurements is wrong. I’m actually okay with the higher number (120-122) for my frame, so I think the lower number is the outlier. But I was just curious whether most women my size would notice a 6 lb weight gain. I suppose some of it could be muscle, but it still seems like a big difference.

      I think all the advice here is good, about being more mindful about portions and carbs – and bored eating! I think I do pretty well with meals and in the morning, but after lunch I find myself doing a bit of mindless snacking on not-very-good-food because I’m sort of bored and a bit sleepy. Should probably get up and walk around or something. I’ve also found that really trying to increase the amount of protein I eat has helped with weight loss in the past, I think it helped me be satisfied with fewer calories than the equivalent volume of carbs. I like beans for this, although I guess they’re still sort of carby. Also drinking more water. At home I like to drink seltzer/club soda with a few drops of bitters. I get tired of citrus and don’t really like most juices, so the bitters give the seltzer just a bit of flavor.

      • Kontraktor

        I think it depends to some extent where you are gaining the weight (and if it’s muscle). I seem to put a lot of weight on in my waist area, so I know immediately if I’ve gained because my dresses don’t start fitting right. But some people might have more evenly distributed gain, or perhaps you may have gained in an area that’s just harder to notice because your clothes still have extra room in those areas.

        When my hubs comes home from overseas, I think we are going to try to start making smoothies in the morning. We used to and they would keep me full pretty much until lunch/late afternoon. We would make them with Fage greek yogurt, a banana, and usually 2-3 different types of frozen fruit. I hope that helps me to eat a little less and or eat a smaller lunch.

      • Cornellian

        No, I think that totally makes sense that you haven’t gotten bigger. I’ve been a double 00 (normally a 2) at 5’4″ 129 when I was seriously weight training, running hills, working out with my gymnastic team. I’ve also been a 4 at 124 if it’s not muscle. Muscle v. fat can make a huge difference, and is one of the reasons I don’t keep a scale.

        • PollyD

          Hmm. I’m not so concerned with my absolute size at the moment, but I just don’t want this to be a trend – +6lbs a year would not be good! Guess I need to think about my eating (and drinking!) habits a little more.

      • Nonny

        I’m exactly the same height as you, but more like 135 lbs. Since I’ve been exercising more, I’ve been shocked at the amount of weight I’ve gained (I may actually be more than 135 lbs now), but it must be all muscle because I am not physically larger. Given that I wouldn’t mind whittling an inch or two off the old waist, though, things aren’t really working the way I originally planned! But I figure that if I am going to gain weight, better that it’s the good kind (muscle) than the bad kind (fat).

    • Anon

      One almond is approximately 10 calories. They are very healthy, but like everything, you need to be mindful of how much you are eating in a day if you are looking to lose weight or gain weight, and adjust accordingly.

    • LilyB

      I’m in the same boat, though I’m 26 so technically I have less of an excuse, if it’s true that it gets harder to lose weight as you get older. I’m 5’4 and 135 lbs, having gained about 10 lbs over the past few years. I actually just started weightwatchers, which I like so far, but sticking to a plan is just so hard, especially when you’re someone who eats out with friends a lot. If I go out to eat, it pretty much messes up my points for the entire day, which then makes me feel like I have to make up for it the next day by not eating my full points allotment. Not fun!

      The only advice I can maybe offer is to eat more fruit- with WW you don’t count fruit as any points, it’s basically a “free” food, and I assume their nutritionists know what they’re talking about. I guess even though fruits do have a lot of sugar, it’s the good kind, so maybe you could replace your current snack foods (especially the luna bar) with fruit?

      • Godzilla

        Dude, noooooooooooo, do not feel like you have to “make up” by not eating your points the next day! You can still eat out with friends, just make sure to look up the menu beforehand. And hello extra 49 points and activity points! Work off that meal, gurl!

        • Godzilla

          Oh also, it’s not unlimited fruit! 5 serving of fruits or vegetables per day, that are “prepaid”, not “free”. When they initially rolled out the PointsPlus program, people were gaining weight because they scarf down ALL THE FRUIT. Obviously, if you’re still hungry, fruit is a better choice than processed junk but the fruits are *not* free.

    • Batgirl

      I actually do use those 100 calorie almond packs (or count out about 10-15) but they’re still fatty. Here’s my diet (in a nutshell–look at that pun!): whole wheat toast with peanut butter at 7:30am, a Greek yogurt (0% fat) at 10:30am, a turkey and swiss (one slice) sandwich/or a salad/or a tuna sandwich for lunch around 12:30 or 1pm, then almonds or veggies around 4pm, then dinner is more unpredictable. Usually way more calories–turkey burger with salad and sometimes sweet potato fries, etc., the like. Anyway, I know that I could cut out more calories, but I don’t really want to. I don’t want to feel like I’m dieting b/c I don’t do well with that and I don’t want to be one of those women who doesn’t eat real meals. That said, I could stand to cut out (and am doing so now) the evening oreos, glasses of wine, and beer.

      As for exercise, I live in NYC so I walk a ton. I’ve definitely stopped exercising the way I used to but I still feel like it’s mostly about diet. I’ve started working out more consistently now–trying to do light workouts most weekday mornings.

      • Batgirl

        Oh and I should add, I kind of added the Luna bars in for emergencies–say, I’m leaving work at 6 and want to run some errands. I eat a Luna bar so I can make it till 9 before having a (very light) dinner (cereal or slices of turkey or something). I figure it’s better than a soft pretzel or chips, which sounds way better to me!

        As for diet, there’s still a ways to go (I think I’ve just added a lot of crap to my diet–mindless snacking at night or in the office if there are treats) but really I just wish it came more naturally. Boo!

        • Kontraktor

          Is there any way you could bring some more substantial meal food to eat a light dinner earlier? Maybe a tupperware of hummus, veggies, and some whole wheat pita? Or even a frozen Kashi/less processed type meal you could eat before you leave for the evening (or eat quickly in your car or something)? I do think eating very late is not necessarily a good thing. I think it helps to contribute to weight retention.

          • Godzilla

            Yeah, I vaguely remember reading something about how your body converts food to fat when you’re asleep because it requires less energy? Not cool.

          • KK

            This is what I was going to suggest also. Not necessarily to avoid eating late, but because if I ate as little as you do during the day, I would be starving by 6pm and I’d walk straight to the kitchen and scarf down everything as soon as I got home. This may be as simple as adding a piece of fruit in the morning and in the afternoon, and making sure you get sufficient protein at lunch and in your 4pm snack.

          • Nonny

            I used to know a family where the mother was a professional dancer, the father was a gymnastics coach, and their son was a gymnast – so for all of them, body shape/size was a big issue. Needless to say, they were all very active. They ate pretty much all day long, but very healthily (lots of things like veggies and hummus), but they never ate past about 5:00pm. They swore that it made all the difference as their bodies had time to burn off calories before bed. I am not a nutritionist or anything like that, but it seemed to work for them. (I could never do it though…)

        • Hel-lo

          Yeah – Make sure you’re eating legitimate servings of protein, whole grains for fiber, and fruits/veggies at *every* meal or snack. It sounds like you might be starving yourself (slices of turkey for dinner??) and your body’s reacting by storing fat.

          • Batgirl

            Oh, no no no! I do that like twice a year–I just mean that if I’ve been noshing on lots of snacks to get through to a late dinner, I sometimes don’t need a full dinner by that time. Just have cereal or somethign. But usually dinner is a non-negotiable feast for me!

      • Anon

        “Anyway, I know that I could cut out more calories, but I don’t really want to. I don’t want to feel like I’m dieting b/c I don’t do well with that and I don’t want to be one of those women who doesn’t eat real meals.”

        Okay, tough love?

        If you want to be a certain size, and that size is smaller than your current size (and by size I mean weight, or clothing size, or whatever metric you use), then you really have three options: 1) eat less/better or 2) exercise more or 3) a combination of 1 and 2. Option 3 is best for long term success in maintaining your desired size. If you don’t want to cut more calories, then you need to up your exercise. I don’t think your food is the problem – it sounds like (other than walking as necessary in NYC) you aren’t very active. Unless you have physical limitations, an intense workout 2-3 mornings a week will give you quicker/better results than a light workout every day. You will also be less likely to dread working out/feel obligated, because it isn’t an everyday thing.

        • Batgirl

          Oh, yes, I totally agree! I just mean that I have plenty of room to go calories-wise before I want to cut into my meals too much. For instance, I’ve cut out the suddenly-nightly-Oreo session. And I’m also cutting out beer entirely (swapping in white wine). And those donuts at my office? I’d just rather cut out the total crap food before I start worrying too much about turkey burgers.

          I generally eat at 7:30–I just sometimes eat later if I’m running out. That’s what I meant by that.

          But everyone’s right! I know it. I just hate it. :) I’m trying to do some serious workouts but it’s gotten hard with my work schedule. I’ve never been a morning worker-outer so I’m trying to get into that habit first by riding my little exercise bike for 45 min (which isn’t a crazy hard workout) and then doing mat exercises and free weights for a bit. I’m trying to add in, though, a more rigorous workout at my office gym twice a week. We’ll see how it goes. I know I could cut out more foods and work out more–I’m just sad that the days of “oh, I’ll just walk more” seem to have passed.

        • Flamingo

          There was a discussion last week about how diet accounts for the largest share of weight loss, so OP may want to check that out also. Some posters below have also emphasized that. Of course, exercise is important for a variety of reasons, but diet changes seem to have the most impact.

          • NOLA

            So so true. I think, if you haven’t ever exercised, it will give you a big jumpstart, but I have found that exercise alone doesn’t do it.

      • SF Bay Associate

        I found I was creeping up on the scale just a touch, too. I figured I was slightly “over budget” on my daily calorie needs, so I just needed to cut out a few “expenses” to get back “in budget” and out of “debt.” I switched to the mini Luna bars (at Costco or Target) from the regular sized ones. They are 80 calories instead of 200, and satisfy my noshing urge. I also gave up on nuts as a snack on their own. I’m too much of a peanut butter and almond fan to only eat an official portion size. It also sounds like you may be eating mayo in your turkey/tuna sandwich, and turkey burger… try switching to low fat Best Foods (Hellman’s to you, I believe) – I love mayo and find that the low fat Best Foods really does taste the same. Try an open face sandwich, too. Also, try to give yourself a half-portion of your normal dinner to start – you may find you are not actually hungry after eating the first half. And you already know about the fries – not your friend if you’re trying to slim just a touch.

    • Godzilla

      Hello, dear female, could it be your uterus’ ladytimes? I always, without fail, gain a few pounds prior to my period starting, only to lose it all after it’s done.

    • JK

      In the same boat as you. I’m between 5’4” and 5’5” and my “happy” weight is 125. I’ve been hovering aroune 129 and am having a really hard time making it down a few lbs. I already work out 4-5 days a week and think about what I eat. I’ve started replacing refined carb snacks– granola bars, a cookie in the afternoon, etc. with a banana or an apple. I haven’t weighed myself recently but I am starting to FEEL a little slimmer and better about my body, so I think it’s helping a bit.

      • LE

        I’m also about 5’5″ (maybe a touch under) and my happy weight is also 125. I’ve been around 128/130 for the past few years, it’s amazing how “hard” it is to get back down to 125. Recently I’ve been using myfitnesspal (dot com) to help track what I eat. Even if I’m not losing weight I don’t want to gain weight– it’s also helping me eat healthier generally and make smart choices. I never really had to exercise much to keep my weight under control, but now (at 30) I’m sensing I’ll have to put in some more effort, and I don’t want it to slowly creep up on me over the upcoming years.

    • HoorayforJorts

      Make a vast majority of your fluid intake water. Make your healthy snacks fruit and veggies. These will help you make poops. Also, it will decrease your sugar intake and the sugar you do get (from the fruits) will be good sugar since it will be taken with fiber which will help you make poops. Poop.

    • OOOhh

      I started seeing a new trainer recently. She asked about my diet and whether I needed a diet plan (have been stuck at a weight/fitness plateau for months). I told her my calorie intake was fine, but she emphasized that it is the KIND of foods – I told her a typical snack was a 100 calorie pack of almonds and a Babybell low fat cheese and she immediately said I needed the diet plan! I decided I could stick to it for breakfast and lunch, and do my best for dinner (I eat out with the boyfriend often, but when I am on my own I am pretty good). I am down 5 lbs in 5 weeks. That includes more rigorous exercise and the addition of weight training – so it’s hard to know how much muscle I have gained also.

      Three different trainers I have worked with over the years have told me that “abs are made in the kitchen” as another poster here mentioned this week. I have muscle under a layer of belly flab and could not figure out how to lose it. For the record, I am 5’3 also, a curvy former athlete, and started at 143 lbs. Am down to 138, almost all of which has come directly off of my middle. I don’t feel my belly jiggle when I walk now. My traditional problem area is my hips/thighs – they say “first on, last off”, and my hips are that area for me. The tummy only appeared as I approached 30.

      So here is the ideal – no sugar, no dairy. Carbs limited to Wasa and brown rice. Again I cheat 3-4 times per week on this but I still try to skip the bread basket. She said certain foods give your body “store this” signals while others give “burn this” signals – almonds are a “store this” food. Fruit she recommends – apples, oranges, strawberries, grapefruit, pears. (NOT grapes or blueberries – too much sugar). I also think this does not have to be a FOREVER diet, just a way to get your metabolism kickstarted.

      Breakfast – One whole egg and one egg white, either scrambled or hard boiled. One piece of Wasa with a teeeny bit of organic peanut butter and low sugar strawberry preserves (10 calorie kind- which has Splenda which I hate. I bought no sugar added jam at the farmers market last week – more calories but worth it to me). Piece of fruit.

      Lunch – Two pieces of Wasa with either 2 oz of low sodium chicken breast or roast beef from the deli. Baby carrots, fruit.

      Snack – Wasa with peanut butter and strawberry preserves, fruit. Sometimes a hard boiled egg.

      Dinner – whatever the heck I want! I try to eat brown rice and chicken with a light dressing, or a spinach salad with chicken and strawberries when I am home, but that is mostly because I do not cook for myself – there are many other options. When out I order fish or a small steak and veggies on the side. Last night I had cake, because my boyfriend made it for me :)

      Is this boring? Totally. Does it work? I think so. I am not hungry, and I really do let myself off the hook on dinner several nights a week. I miss salty/spicy things the most, so this weekend I bought some fresh salsa and rice chips (not health food, but better than tortilla) and will have one serving of rice chips (about 9) with salsa so that I have something with TASTE.

      Is there a way to share the recommended food list with the hive? I would be happy to do it.

      • OOOhh

        Forgot to mention – watermelon is on the approved fruits list, and pretty much all veggies except for potatoes, pumpkin and squash.

        • Kontraktor

          Looks sadly at the pumpkin baked oatmeal she has been nursing throughout the morning.

    • Midori

      Dunno if it would help you, but my major lifestyle/health improvement lately has been keeping a large water bottle on my desk and drinking the whole thing by 1:00 pm. I find that I’m less hungry, have more energy, and don’t crave sugar so much (weird) when I do that. I didn’t realize how much dehydration was keeping me down, but it makes a huge difference, especially here in the summer. Lots of folks swear by this for losing moderate amounts of weight, too.

      When you get sick of water (I do!), flavor packets help. Or even non-sweetened herbal teas.

  7. 50th Birthday Dinner in SF

    Team: we will be celebrating my husband’s 50th birthday in San Francisco in August. Any recommendations for a restaurant for dinner on a Saturday night? There will be five adults. We are open to any and every kind of food with the exception of anything heavy with sauce, cream, cheese, lots of red meat etc.

    Thanks.

    • Kontraktor

      What is the budget per person? Are you looking for fine dining recs? Or more like, any type of good (but not chi chi frou frou Michelin-esque) restaurant?

    • mamabear

      I attended a 50th birthday party at Perbacco about a year ago. We had a party of about 8 and we snagged the tall table overlooking the kitchen. It was super fun. Perbacco is known for their pasta and house made cured meat (red meat, yes, but most parties just get a mixed plate of salumi as an appetizer.)

    • SF Bay Associate

      Perbacco is great. I’m also in deep, deep love with Prospect. Consider also Aziza, Ame, Quince, or Aquellero. I just had a truly amazing meal at Atelier Crenn, if you’re open to more creative and artistic cuisine. And One Market is solid – really great ingredients, clean flavors, though not inventive.

      Reservations go very quickly around here, so book as soon as you can.

      • mamabear

        One Market is actually my favorite restaurant in San Francisco. I tend not to recommend it because it doesn’t have the wow factor, but I’m so glad you mentioned it.

        I had a terrible experience at Prospect. I guess I should try again. If you look at their reviews on opentable you’ll see close to 50% had the same issues I had.

        • SF Bay Associate

          +1 on Delfina, Zuni (ask for the booth table in the window, which is a little quieter), Incanto, Flour + Water, and Frascati. Also in that range, La Ciccia, Cotogna, Nopa, or Zero Zero. Maybe Kokkari. I’ve heard great things about State Bird Provisions and Spruce. I don’t love Foreign Cinema, but it’s fine. La Folie is also wonderful, but more expensive than what OP is apparently looking for.

          OP, don’t forget about the Healthy San Francisco surcharge, on top of tax and tip. And you would be hard-pressed to name any restaurant in SF as suit-and-tie, regardless of the price. That’s not how we roll around here. Mid-range restaurants are especially hard to get reservations for, so I can’t over emphasize that you need to make reservations soon.

          Mamabear, so sorry to hear about your terrible experience at Prospect! How upsetting. It was one of the best meals I have ever had. One Market is a consistently solid performer. It has never let me down.

          • AT

            Oooh, Kokkari is one of my SF faves too. Highly recommend. Amazing Greek food, and plenty of variety, so you could easily avoid any of your “nos”.

          • 50th Birthday Dinner in SF

            @ SF Bay Associate: Healthy San Francisco surcharge?

            Thanks for the advice about reservations. I stand forewarned.

          • SF Bay Associate

            San Francisco requires restaurants to offer health insurance to its employees, including part-time I believe, in a program called Healthy San Francisco. Instead of raising prices to cover the cost and hiding the reason why (and basically as a sign of protest), most restaurants add a 3-4% surcharge on your bill for Healthy SF. So 9% tax, 18-20% tip, and 3-4% Healthy SF on top of your bill.

    • 50th Birthday Dinner in SF

      All good questions:

      * I am hosting, and I would like to keep it to under $400, including a bottle of wine (we are not big drinkers).

      * We are not huge gourmands, so it does not have to be a rated restaurant. Also, there will be no suit or tie wearing in this crowd, so it does not have to be fancy. But it should be nice and we should be able to converse (so no high decibel levels).

      Thanks for the suggestions so far. I am going to look them up. And I will heed the reservations tip.

      Thanks again.

      • Darby

        Frascati on Russian Hill. Great atmosphere, it’s charming on the cable car line, but not at all touristy. “reasonable” but celebratory. My favorite spot for special occasions where you dont’ want to break the bank. Another fav is Zuni Cafe on Market. Great chicken & great everything. Also very celebratory & fun.

    • anon in SF

      Several upscale celebratory restaurants that are frequently mentioned include: La Folie, Gary Danko, Michael Mina (though he may have recently switched restaurant concepts), and Fleur de Lys. Of these, my favorite is Gary Danko. Most inventive food, best service, and surprisingly not as stogy as the others.

      Some people really like Boulevard, which honestly isn’t my favorite.

      My personal favorite is Spruce, over in Presidio Heights. I have had several fantastic meals there, ranging from an outrageously good rack of lamb, to an excellent burger at the bar. Plan ahead though, it can be tough to get in.

      All of these are pricey. For somewhat less expensive places, I second Perbacco, and would also suggest Delfina and Range in the Mission.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      Also, Foreign Cinema in the Mission is excellent. Not too expensive (compared to the big names like Gary Danko and Boulevard).

      • mamabear

        Oh yeah, I also went to a birthday party (40th) at Foreign Cinema. The group was around 30 people and they put us in a private-ish area. EVeryone loved it but parking was tricky.

    • Amy H.

      My favorites for this type of event (seconding some other commenters in part):
      Boulevard, One Market, Perbacco, Ame (all Financial District)
      (Oh, and that tall “chef’s table” by the kitchen is very cool.)
      Incanto (Noe Valley)

      I like Gary Danko, but it’s far more spendy for (IMHO) not that much more mind-blowing food. The exception to this is if the birthday celebrant really loves cheese — if so, try to go to Gary Danko so that you can experience the cheese cart. It’s phenomenal.

      Again IMO — given that you’d like a lovely evening where you all get to converse with one another, I’d steer clear of Slanted Door, Foreign Cinema and Delfina. All have amazing food, but in very loud/close-together/both surroundings.

  8. SH

    Just a quick thankyou threadjack to everyone who replied on the open thread this weekend. I had lost my cat. To update, I found my cat, although it was not a happy ending. :( Thanks for your help; I really appreciate it!

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I’m so sorry you didn’t find your cat healthy and well. I was crossing my fingers for you.

    • Kontraktor

      I’m so sorry. Is it possible to report this to the complex/the company/whomever let your cat out? I know it does not bring your cat back, but employees should know that they need to be careful of pets when entering in people’s homes. So many hugs.

      • JessC

        This. I know it’s cold comfort, but if this was caused by the carelessness of a company/complex employeed, reporting it could prevent this happening to someone else in the future.
        Big hugs to you.

      • SH

        Thanks. It was caused by the carelessness of the building management, although everyone is extremely sad and apologetic – the guys who did it have pets of their own. What happened is definitely a really tragic accident, has never happened before in the building, and will never happen again (hopefully). I’m currently talking with the building management about options, since I’m having a really hard time staying in my apartment (it happened in my apartment). Aside from how they destroyed my property and such.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          My heart is breaking for you. I am so so so so sorry. I was thinking of you and I’m glad you updated.

        • Bonnie

          Oh so sorry. I can certainly understand not wanting to stay in the apartment. If it was caused by their carelessness they should at the very least move you into another apartment and pay for any other costs you had to incur. FWIW when we lost our little kitty, we adopted another one fairly quickly. Being able to spoil another kitty really helped us heal. Hugs.

    • E.

      Oh, I am so, so sorry. That is absolutely awful. My condolences.

      You should report it to your building management so they never use this contractor again. Who the hell lets a pet get out of the apartment when they’re doing work? They could be sued.

    • Magdeline

      I have been thinking about you and your kitty since I read your post. I am so, so sorry. Big hugs to you.

    • zora

      I am so sorry, sweetie, I can’t even imagine how that must feel. :o( (((((Huuggss))))))

    • Anon Analyst

      So sorry to hear about your kitty. I’ve got 3 kitties and it breaks my heart to hear about someone losing a pet. *hugs*

    • Jules

      I missed this on the weekend thread, but I’m so sorry to hear about your cat. I probably don’t want to know what happened in your apartment, but if you really don’t want to stay there the building management should do the right (but probably not legally required) thing and let you out of your lease or help you move somewhere else that it manages.
      Hugs to you.

  9. pengwld

    Hi, long-time lurker, first-time commenter. I’m a lawyer working for almost 3 years in DC, pretty happy with my job. But, similar to many threads on this forum, I found it hard to make friends outside of work. At one point in my life, I made it a personal project to make a new friend who was NOT A LAWYER. It was really hard, similar to pursuing a romantic prospect. Then she moved to SF. But it was so refreshing to hang out with someone who did something different. So now I’m thinking very seriously about starting my own business geared towards professional and older women–kinda match(dot)com for people who only want to find friends. Women can choose not to get contacted by men. I’m curious to hear from the HIVE. Would this interest you? Would you pay a minimal sign up fee (say 15 dollars), with the idea that payment serves as a (albeit imperfect) gatekeeper?

    • Jem

      Honestly, I wouldn’t. I’ve had trouble making friends at various times but just wouldn’t want to deal with all the downsides of internet matching (time, bad matches etc.), plus a fee, for a friend relationship. I would consider a free service if I felt like simpatico people were on it.

    • r

      Yep, I think I would. I also live in DC and have found it difficult to meet people beyond my bf’s circle of college friends and my coworkers (who I honestly try to avoid now). Btw, I’m not creepy, but if you want to grab some coffee, email me at anonymousinthedistrict at gmail dot com I would love a new potential friend :)

      • Anon NJ and MD Bar

        Haha I love how you had to indicate that you are not creepy! No sarcasm; it actually gave me a good laugh while studying for the bar!

    • SF Bay Associate

      Sympathies. Can your friend be my/Kontraktor/karenpadi/SF CPA/zora’s friend now? And yes, your business idea is of interest to me.

    • Terry

      Have you considered meetup.com? There are all kinds of clubs there. Also, I’ve had some luck at attending events for local charities. They’re not as expensive as you might think (~$40 in Chicago) and it’s a fun party filled with other professionals.

    • TNT

      you know seriously. I might consider it.

      I work in a male dominated field. My first 2 jobs, I was fortunate to work in industries where due to the nature of the product, we were a fairly well balanced gender wise, and I was able to make friends of colleagues and other people and branch out from there.

      I have zero women friends any more, unless you count couple friends. But I’m constantly reading that there are other friend challenged people out there. After college, it becomes nearly impossible to forge friendships (for me anyway) so yeah. If there was a dating type website for friends, I’d be interested.

    • Flamingo

      I would be ok paying that if it was a one time thing. It would be nice to have a place where everyone is trying to make friends, because it would hopefully take the initial awkwardness out of things.

    • Merriweather

      These businesses already exist – check out the MWF Seeking BFF blog.

      Related: MWF Seeking BFF is a GREAT book – so much better than I thought it would be – I highly recommend it. It talks extensively about “friend-dating” and all the difficulty and anxiety wrapped up in it.

    • anon

      I joined the Junior League when I was in DC just to have some non-lawyer friends. About half of the membership is lawyers (chuckle), but some are on the Hill, some lobby, some have quit to do other things. It was helpful just to have some additional perspective, even if it didn’t broaden my horizons much. Plus it got me out of the office and gave me some (albeit small, butyou have to start somewhere) leadership roles. Definitely a time-management struggle, but so worth it in the long run.

    • anon

      You should read the book MWF Seeking BFF. In it, the author goes on 52 “friend dates” in a year, and she also tries out an internet service similar to the one you are thinking of starting. I can’t remember the name, but it’s described in the book in detail.

    • CountC

      I might pay. I am currently interested in meeting new people as I have moved back to NoVA and my circle of friends is really my boyfriend’s circle of friends. I am planning to join junior League after I take the VA bar next month, but would love to do a DC r e t t e meet up or try to meet up with anyone else in the area.

  10. SF Bay Associate

    I tried this dress on in “octopus” i.e. lavender at Nordie’s and it was super, super flattering. However, it’s unlined, thin cotton, so I wasn’t willing to pay $200+ for it. It’s item 542134 for $236 in lucky sizes 8, 12, and 14.

  12. My face!

    I’m lost when it comes to the latest in medical/laser facial treatments. I desparately need recommendations for a dermatoligist or reputable laser treatment center in the NYC area.

    Here are just a few of the problems: red, blotchy skin tone and large pores on my nose and cheeks, a few new dark spots and the dreaded pock marks on my cheeks from my acne-prone teen years decades ago. Writing that out makes me feel gross. I’m tired of using makeup to cover up these flaws. And lately, the makeup doesn’t seem to be doing the trick. Id love to be able to apply a tinted moisturizer with SPF and run out the door.

    Please, please recommend any treatments you’ve had to cure these ailments.

    • PollyD

      I don’t live in NYC so can’t help you there, but I’d start with a dermatologist rather than a laser center. I think a derm would be more knowledgeable about all the options available to you, and many of them have laser treatment available in their offices. More of the treatment might be covered by insurance, too. Maybe see which derms are covered by your insurance and see if you can google up any information on them?

      Good luck – I had skin issues in my teens that fortunately abated as I grew older, but I know how it feels to be self-conscious about your skin.

    • Godzilla

      No experience in these particular ailments or possible treatments but let me recommend Dr. Heller’s practice in Columbus Circle (thank you fellow C@$%%te for the recommendation). He’s an excellent dermatologist and has a cosmetic surgeon on staff as well as a bunch of other people who have all kinds of scary machines to beautify you. Ultimate testimonial: my skin looks so great now that my friend asked me yesterday if I was wearing foundation or not. I looked so good that she couldn’t tell. And I wasn’t.

      Granted, I look so amazing now I don’t need any more “work” now (ha) but this actually leads me to a question I have: has anyone ever gotten a chemical peel done? The cosmetic surgeon recommended it to smooth out my skin from the evidence of my teen+adult acne but I don’t know yo, is it worth it? What actually happens to your face?

      • Kontraktor

        I’m going to get a peel eventually. Basically the peels just help shed the outter layers of skin that are damaged and help to stimulate new growth from deep inside. It’s not just getting rid of the outter layer but really refreshing growth so your marks go away because new fresh skin is being generated. There are different levels of peel intensity. Some lighter peels don’t really have recovery time and you can wear makeup and everything within a day or so. Other deep peels do require recovery time. But, from what I’ve read, the deeper peels are really for people with severe wrinkles/crows feet and even then, I feel the trend these days is to lighter peels.

        I think if you have the extra money lying around (they are a bit spendy) and you want something that will probably brighten your skin a bit, it would probably be worth it. The pictures I’ve seen online seem to suggest they do work. It’s just a matter of how much you want to spend and can spend (price is what has been keeping me at bay).

      • My face!

        Godzilla – if you don’t mind sharing, what type of treatment did you have?

        I’ve turned to dr. g@@gle for a quick summary on the available treatments out there and there are many: laser resurfacing, chemical peels, dermabrasion and mircrodermabrasion are just a few.

        • Godzilla

          This won’t help you but I’ve been massive amounts of steroids (RAWR) for my allergies and a sulfur wash for my meh acne. Instead of using the wash twice a day (due to sensitive skin), I use it twice a week. So, in conclusion, I love me some steroids.

          I also had a huge keloid scar from an acne cyst removed by the cosmetic surgeon. It’s now a thin line that nobody notices. Awesome.

      • eek

        I had one last October through a spa (I suspect it’s probably less potent than a derm’s office) and was very happy. I was glowing and my slight forehead wrinkles were diminished and smoothed back down into my forehead but not in a NicoleKidman-type way. I followed up with post treatment ointments and when I am back flush with cash again, I’m going to make it a regular thing. Obvs had to be careful of sun afterwards; even the SPFs don’t help so much when you’ve had layers of skin ripped off. Also, I felt like the effects lasted for quite a while – at least 6-8 weeks.

        • Mighty Mouse

          I’ve also been peeled twice at a medi-spa. Loved it. My husband couldn’t figure out what was different but thought I looked “fresh.” Can’t wait to do it again!

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I love my dermatologist-Dr. Palep at Spring Street Dermatology. I mainly just have acne issues, so not sure specifically how she’d be for your situation, but she is great. I think all the doctors in her practice have high reviews.

  13. PollyD

    So Cole Haan was having a sale this weekend and I pulled the trigger on a work bag, the Vintage Valise Kendra E/W Tote. I think people here have been happy with the quality of this brand? They were on sale for $250, so not absurd but more than I’ve spent on a bag before. I’d like to be reasonably sure the thing will last for, say 5 or so years of daily use (which mean riding in a car and then sitting in my office all day, and it won’t be used for carrying a laptop or anything super-heavy).

    I ordered both the orange and the turquoise – couldn’t choose between those online!

    • E.

      My Cole Haan bags have lasted years. I love them – gorgeous and practical, with tons of little pockets and clips inside. You’ll be happy with your purchase for sure.

      • PollyD

        Thanks! Can’t wait til they get here. I’m hoping one of the colors is a stand-out – they both look so pretty online and I’m really not into neutral bags. My fall coats are black, but my winter coat is orange, so I may be the crazy lady in the orange coat with the turquoise bag this winter, but I’m okay with that.

        • E.

          I have an orange coat (um, 2 orange coats) as well. Probably better orange coat with a turquoise bag than an orange coat with an orange bag!

    • eek

      I own that bag and love it. It’s very sturdy, the metal doesn’t scratch, the bag holds it’s shape, and the leather looks fantastic. I get lots of compliments on it, as well. It is heavy, but I think all Cole Haan bags tend to be heavier than most bags.

  14. Kat was right

    The fashionable woman inside of me is cringing, but I’m ready to pull the trigger on a pair of Birkenstocks. The Gizeh style Kat suggested look way awkward on my long, skinny feet, but the Mayari is surprisingly cute and not so … Birkenstock-y. Now, I need help picking a color: titanium (silvery), onyx (kind of a grayed-out navy) or something else altogether. I wear lots of coral, aqua/turquoise, lavender and pink in the summer, and my legs are lightly tanned. Thoughts?

    • EC MD

      Ha! I ordered the Giza’s she featured, wore them for a week and then ordered another pair in a different color. I figure since I’m pregnant this summer, supportive cute “flip flops” are my right. Also, I can actually wear them to work (I know, I’m going to be cast out of the corporette family, but it’s a know your workplace thing, right?) I got the gizah in Titanium, and it’s a lovely flattering color that goes with a lot of different things. Sort of a light greeny-gold. I’m more of a silver girl, but I really really like it. It goes with light an dark colors equally well.

      I’ll support you through the Birkenstock transition. I hadn’t worn them since high school, when we all work them with white socks (I know, I cringe too, but it was a thing)

      • Kat was right

        EC MD, I am laughing at the memories of wearing Birkis with socks in high school. So chic!

    • Silvercurls

      The titanium sounds like fun (especially if you wear silver/silver-toned jewelry?) but I have no personal experience w/ silver-toned shoes. Does the shoe also come in purple? OTOH a dark neutral such as navy or onyx will “ground” you and if you choose a color to match your bag and most of your other shoes–or buy a new matching bag–you can decrease or completely eliminate the hassle of switching purse contents.

      Caveat: Years of living with hard-to-fit-feet and a child with ADHD have made me so relentlessly practical that my daily bag & most of my shoes are black. No time for switching bags because while I’m I losing wallet, keys, phone, etc. my child is either raring to go or already gone. I suppose it’s OK to lose my fashion sense as long as I keep my sense of humor. :-)

      • Kat was right

        Being the mom of a young child has not helped me become more fashionable, that’s for sure. And my feet are jacked and my toddler runs constantly, so practicality always wins. Hence the Birkis. :)

    • anonfish

      I’ve been wearing silver Gizehs for 3 summers now and pretty much wear them with anything and everything. Only time I pause is when I wear an outfit that otherwise calls for gold jewelry. And then sometimes I change just so I can wear my silver shoes. Other times I just go for it. They’re fabulous.

  15. anon for this

    Junior associate in BigLaw here. I’ve been working extensively with a senior partner for the past few months in a high-stress case with accelerated deadlines in very quick succession. This week, I just seem to be making mistake after mistake and feeling very low on the self-confidence front. The man goes 1000 words a minute and I feel like I’m jogging alongside him to keep up and maybe it’s catching up with me? I just seem to be failing to spot things and making careless mistakes in spite of double-checking my work. I’m feeling very defeated (and with no time to feel this way! things! to draft! and file! all the time!). Any suggestions on how to, for lack of a better term, get a grip?

    • Midwest

      First of all, the amount of stress you’re feeling is completely normal given the circumstances. And it’s also completely normal to not be 100% on top of your game after being go-go-go for so long. In fact, it’s a tribute to your skill level that you were performing at a very high level until just this week. Remember, you are a human, not a machine!

      As far as practical suggestions for getting a grip, SCHEDULE some time to decompress, pronto. Take a long weekend, if you can. Or, if that’s not possible, clear your evening calendar for this week. Give yourself a break from chores, outside commitments, whatever, and just take it easy. Go to bed early.

      Remember that this, too, shall pass.

    • LeChouette

      My attention to detail often suffers when I am overtired / frazzled. I start spelling phonetically, etc. It sounds like you are given no time to slow down which is when mistakes happen. Sometimes this can be hard to avoid, but a few ideas:

      1) Sometimes it makes me feel mentally more squared away if I take three minutes and just write out a list of everything I have to do, will have to do, can’t forget etc. It’s not even as organized as a to do list, just a brain download so that I am not trying to keep everything in my head at once and can focus on one thing at a time without thinking (shoot I have to do A, or B, or can’t forget C)

      2) when I proofread something important I will go to a conference room (leave my office). The change in scenery helps me focus and I am not distracted by email / phone calls. Proofreading is important, so those things can wait

      3) could you ask your assistant to take a look at something short?

      4) generally I find that reading outloud forces me to proofread slower and do a better job.

      I am the queen of small mistakes due to having a tendency to work too quickly. It takes me like 3 times as long to proofread as a normal person. My judge used to yell at me all the time about this. If it is any consolation, I sometimes console myself by remembering that whenever I get a draft from partners it is usually a spelling/grammer/typing disaster. So you can be a good lawyer without being impeccable at all times. :)

      • anon for this

        Thank you for all your kind words. I will try to schedule some time to myself and implement some of those suggestions.

    • Completely agreed

      Ugh, sorry you’re stuck in that place — hopefully it passes soon. This happened to me a couple of months ago. I work with an extremely smart, but terrifying partner on a case with a thousand deadlines a week. After nine weeks of billing 10+ hours/day on this case, speed was coming at the expense of accuracy.

      The best way to get through it is deliberate breaks. No matter how busy it was, I’d grab coffee/ice cream/some sunshine for 10 minutes every afternoon with an (equally busy) associate/friend from another department. We’d vent, caffeinate, then get back to it.

      Things are a little slower now, but honestly it didn’t get better until they added another junior to the team. Wish I had better advice.

    • ss

      Take a deep breath and remind yourself of all the good stuff you’ve done to get this far. The good thing about an extended period of high-stress work with a single supervisor is that the supervisor will have a true 360 view of your performance. If he feels you’re delivering on the bigger stuff, he’s far less likely to recall any small misses once the heat of the moment is past.

  16. TN - Atty

    Just saw a paralegal in my office wearing capri pants with cowboy boots. I know we live in TN, but this is a law firm people!! (Thanks for letting me vent!)

    • Equity's Darling

      Stampede starts in a week. I anticipate 10 days of fashion horror to commence. Some of the assistants have started much earlier than next Friday, and I assume they’ll go through July, to be honest.

      I can only hope that capri pants and cowboy boots is the worst that I see.

      • CKB

        LOL!! ITA. I’m only working 3 days of Stampede this year, and will enjoy wearing my jeans those days, but last year by the end of the week I was pretty tired of jeans all the time. I missed my skirts & dresses.

    • Silvercurls

      Ditto re letting me vent. How about the annual parade of spaghetti straps in. the. office. with no cardigan. Or blatant cleavage? Or bra straps not just peeking out from the edge of a sleeveless tank but hanging out in broad daylight beneath/beside a top with completely different lines such as a racer-back tank or a t-shirt with cutouts?
      Or am I just an old fussbudget? :-) Either way, back to work.

      • Wit

        We have the opposite problem. There isn’t an over abudance of skin because our office is a freezer. Instead, one of the receptionists wears a nubbly old cardigan with 2 giant holes. One for each elbow. I cringe every time.

      • Anon Analyst

        Add me to the fussbudget camp. :-) Spaghetti straps in the office are not acceptable. I just dislike visible bra straps in general.

      • mamabear

        …or the intern falling asleep in the meeting (when she wasn’t playing with her iPhone) with her sunglassess still on her head. When she fell asleep she slid so far forward in her chair that her underwears were showing.

        (we’re venting, right?)

        And by the way, she did not turn off the iPhone sounds so it kept making that facebook sound.

        • Cornellian

          Sometimes I don’t understand why these people get/keep jobs when so many of my competent friends have problems getting interviews…

        • Flamingo

          That is hilarious and tragic at the same time. Did anyone tell her something? Also, why does it seem that interns cannot be fired? If you are falling asleep on meetings and your phone is making facebook sounds, time for you to go.

        • mamabear

          Totally hear you guys. She was an intern for the company I was visiting, so I just have to let it go. Other than posting about it here!

    • Kanye East

      I’m trying to wrap my mind around this and I can’t see how the pairing of cowboy boots with capri pants isn’t a crime against western wear (to say nothing of fashion).

  17. rosie

    Gift threadjack. I am leaning heavily toward getting my SO a one-hour introductory flight lesson for his birthday. Should I get myself one, too, so I do it with him, or is it enough just to get one for him, go with him, and then we can go to dinner afterward? The lesson is currently on living social, and while I can afford to get one for me and one for him, I don’t have a particular interest in doing it, and I don’t even know if we could do a lesson together as opposed to one at a time. Anyone have any experience with this or other thoughts about it?

    • AnonInfinity

      If you don’t have an interest in it, I think you should get it just for him. That way he can really concentrate on the lesson.

    • AIMS

      I don’t think you can do it at the same time. You may in theory be able to go out on two different planes at the same time, but you should call the company to make sure first. I am not sure it can be done just based on the logistics of these small companies. So, I would say, no, don’t get yourself one.

      Also, I got one for my SO a few years ago and he still has not used it! So keep that in mind – is your SO someone who would take advantage of this experience?? If yes, is there a two hour option? When I researched this, I spoke to one of the instructors and he said that the one hour lesson is basically only 20 min. of holding the wheel, but the two hour lesson has more time to actually do a few things. If there’s a two hour option, I’d recommend that.

      If you’re looking for an experience gift you can do together, look into sailing lessons.

      • rosie

        I have been burned by people not using gift cards before, too, but I think he will use this one. He generally wants to take flying lessons and perhaps get a pilot’s license if we moved to a rural area. While he procrastinates, I think part of the gift would be me helping plan when he would do the lesson and where we would go to dinner.

        That’s a good tip about the timing–maybe I will give them a call before I buy it to see what the deal is and if it can be extended at all. Sailing lessons is a good tip–I actually sail and have been teaching him a bit, so I could look into boat rental near us, too.

        @recent grad–the deal is in Annapolis, so DC area. It is $99 for a 1-hour lesson (usually $205 or something).

    • recent grad

      What city is the living social deal in? Sounds like a great gift! My fiance would love it, but that’s probably something I’d let him do himself and then let him talk my ear off about it at a nice dinner :)

    • Digby

      Many trainer planes only seat two – the pilot and student. If they do seat more, it wouldn’t be much of an experience for you – small planes are really noisy, so you might not be able to hear that much, and strapped in a back seat, you probably wouldn’t be able to see that much, either.

    • Claire

      I bought one for my boyfriend five years ago as a surprise, and I’m still getting kudos for how much he loved it. I booked the actual time when I bought the voucher, blindfolded my bf and drove him out there. Actually booking it and making him keep that afternoom free might mitigate the risk that he will never get around to doing it.

    • Anon

      We did this for my SO’s last birthday. It was enough for me to go along for the ride. You can’t do the lesson together; it would be one at a time.

  18. shebringshomethebacon

    I know we have a few Gilmore Girls fans here. Watched the “Festival of Living Art” episode recently and seriously love that idea. Has anyone has actually gone to the real festival in SoCal? Or if there is something similar that other cities host?

    • K... in transition

      just started watching Bunheads too, which is like GG only with Sutton Foster instead of Lauren Graham but the same sort of dialogue and some of the same actors… interesting!

      • AnotherLadyLawyer

        Ladies after my own heart–I just love Bunheads and I’m so excited to have Emily Gilmore/Kelly Bishop back in my life!

      • Margaret

        I have been recommending Bunheads to all my GG-loving friends. So far, it seems on track to be basically the same show. I’m so excited to have Emily Gilmore back in my life. And, honestly, I’m liking Sutton Foster better than Lorelai so far. Non-pouty but still quirky!

      • Senior Attorney

        Wait, what? Sutton Foster is in Bunheads? OMG I saw her in “Anything Goes” on Broadway last winter and have the hugest girl crush ever!

        *sets DVR*

        • nona

          The first 3 episodes should still be on Hulu. Or are probably repeating on ABC Family.

    • oclg

      I’ve been to the one in SoCal, but I have no idea if they exist anywhere else in the country. Here it is called “Pageant of the Masters,” although I’m not sure how that might help in a google search to find another one.

    • elz

      My husband’s family is from Laguna Beach and he talks about the “Pageant of the Masters” all the time. I think that’s what the episode referenced, I can’t really remember. We plan on taking our daughters one year soon. He says it is amazing; and he doesn’t get overly animated about much!

    • Merabella

      Pageant of the Masters is my favorite event ever. The whole thing is so fun, from the actual Tableau Vivant to the outside Festival of the Arts. I highly suggest going if you have the funds/time.

  19. Grammar

    Hive, I know a while back we dicussed certain phrases or common grammatical errors people make in daily speech. I couldn’t find the thread to locate one particular phrase I had in mind and it’s driving me insane! Could you please give me some examples?

    • NOLA

      I’m not sure – it might have been in the pet peeves discussion? Was that Friday morning?

      There was an article on the front page of our paper this morning where it said that a dolphin was no longer “weary” of humans. AAAAAAAAAGH!

      • DC Law

        Ooh “weary” instead of “wary” is a big one. Gross.

        The one I mentioned on the other thread was using “whenever” instead of “when.”

    • Bunkster

      “Irregardless” and “Supposably” are 2 of my favorites. Years ago I worked for a company in another state and almost everyone I worked with had terrible grammar. Not only the 2 I just mentioned, “him and me went…” and so on. I used to send a weekly grammar infraction email to a friend of mine.

          • Kellyn

            Not surprised. I’m always flattered when people tell me that I don’t sound like a Rhode Islander for reasons like these!

          • TCFKAG

            Yay RI. And I have to fight my desire to use irregardless on a daily basis.

          • Francie Nolan

            I have a funny RI story; I grew up just over the RI border in CT. After graduation, I got a summer job at a small newspaper (the Penny Saver) and they made fun because I said COFFEE instead of CAWFEE and would pretend that they did not understand me when I asked questions. On my last day I went in and talked as RI as I could, which they found even more funny because I had a CT axe-sent (in RI speak).

          • TCFKAG

            My father, who has lived in RI for over 35 years now, still gets given directions by landmarks that didn’t exist when HE moved there. He just has to know “where they used to be” or he’d be scr*wed.

            :-)

          • TCFKAG

            Francie — you just made MY DAY.

            ohmygod, watching them try to give directions from Warwick to Providence City Hall had me rolling. Also, where the Almacs used to be!!!! haha.

          • Francie Nolan

            The only thing missing is about 10 people saying you wnet how far?! From Wa wik to Providence, (long pause) , for dat?

          • TCFKAG

            My extended family is from Newport. I grew up in Providence. Suffice it to say they didn’t make it to most of my major life events.

            Rhode Island — where a twenty-minute drive means you better pack a lunch.

      • MaggieLizer

        I tried to take a business school class during law school. I walked out the first day after the prof hit 10 irregardlesses in under 3 hours.

      • AN

        Irregardless is the holy grail of Singapore English, in that it is ubiquitous.
        Drives. Me. Crazy.

      • Coalea

        That drives me crazy too!

        Also makes me think of the Friends episode where Joey says that a point is “moo” – “like a cow’s opinion; it doesn’t matter.”

      • anon

        This reminded me of that “Friends” episode:
        Joey: Rach, you gotta find out if he’s in the same place you are. Otherwise, it’s just a moo point.
        Rachel: A moo point?
        Joey: Yeah. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.

        • Anon Analyst

          That reminds me of another Friends episode where Ross yells at Rachel for using “your” instead of “you’re”. One of my huge pet peeves in written grammar.

          • Senior Attorney

            OMG one of my Facebook friends posted an invitation to her parents’ 50th anniversary party, with the big heading: “YOUR INVITED.”

            Thought. I. Would. Die.

        • Bunkster

          There’s an episode regarding “supposably” too. Joey thinks they both sound good. Chandler is not amused.

          • Coalea

            Isn’t Joey’s test something like, “Did they go to the zoo?” “Supposably.”

    • eaopm3

      How about “aposta” instead of “supposed to”? Because I just saw that in writing this morning and almost knocked my Diet Coke over.

      • Anonymous Poser

        It isn’t “woah”: It’s “whoa”. Certainly you see this word in more casual settings, but I still manage to be annoyed by the error. Does anyone have an idea where the misspelling originated?

        • Amy H.

          No idea, but another one that seems to have come along at the same time drives me NUTS. You are fazed by something, people, not “phased.”
          Set phasers to stun!

      • Hel-lo

        I saw “i mys well” yesterday. This was a first for me.

        “I’m going to stop at the grocery store for ice cream, and i mys well pick up tomatoes since we need them anyway.”

    • beccavt

      Homonym mix-ups kill me. Like peek/peak/pique. Or when people mix up breathe and breath (i.e. “just relax and breath”).

    • Anon Analyst

      Instead of saying “I have a question”, I’ve heard people say “I have a doubt”. That may be a language issue since the people are not native English speakers. I don’t know why, but that just annoys me.

      I’ve also been asked to provide an “updation” instead of providing an “update” on status for project.

      Finally on of my biggest spelling pet peeves “a lot”, which is two words.

    • JK

      My pet peeve is “a whole nother”= nother is NOT a word! People use it like, “that’s a whole nother issue.” CRINGE.

    • mamabear

      Weary for wary

      Discrete for discreet

      Mute for moot

      “I could care less” (I’m sure you could)

      Inapproprite apostrophes

      These all drive me nuts. Or should I say nut’s?

      • Anonymous

        There was a “Sassy” Working Our Nerves backpage (or two) about the apostrophes during my formative, Sassifying years. With photos– a proto-Tumblr. I can totally see it in mind’s eye… I think Sassy got me from girlhood to Corporettehood.

        • Coalea

          I cut this out and have it in my scrapbook of awesome magazine clippings! I can’t believe someone else remembers it!

    • OOOhh

      In addition to the others –
      I wrote recently that a coworker keeps saying “in lieu of” when he means “in light of”
      I have seen “formally” instead of “formerly” on resumes twice in the last year or so
      Cue and queue

      Classic: “For all intensive purposes.” GAH!!!

      There is a sign on the express checkout at my local grocery store that says “12 items or fewer” and it makes my heart sing since most say (incorrectly) “12 items or less”

    • Wordy

      A manager I used to have confused “relative” with “relevant.” Drove me batsh!t.

      “We need to focus on the issues that are the most relative for this initiative.

      Also, I’m seeing a lot more “lead” when it should be “led” lately. And “tack” versus “tact” is one our local newspaper cannot seem to get straight.

      I could go on all day.

    • Kanye East

      I hate when people misuse “malicious” and “potato.” Examples of proper use:

      I can’t stop eating these Oreo cookies; they are malicious.

      My friends think they’re so smart, potato know $h!t.

    • viv

      “Everyday” is not the same as “every day.”

      “Everyday” means ordinary or mundane. It’s an adjective, as in “everyday things.” But you go the work “every day.”

      I see that all the time.

  20. new york associate

    I saw a woman on the subway today wearing a coral shift dress under a navy blazer with rolled up sleeves and it looked SO amazing and fresh that I’m now obsessed with this combination for work. Any suggestions for actual items that fit the bill? I’m plus-sized, so it’s often hard to find the items that I covet.

    • Marilla

      I have no helpful suggestions but I LOVE that outfit idea/colour combination. I need to train myself to pair colour with colour instead of black/grey with colour.

    • Hel-lo

      I love coral with navy.

      I’ll pair it with a neutral pants (brown, gray, or even black) and a yellow skinny belt.

    • hellskitchen

      I do this often with The Skirt in a coral-y shade and a silk navy blouse

      • oclg

        Me too, but with a grey blouse/shirt and a navy blazer. It is one of my favorite outfits for work.

    • sugarMag

      Sorry new york associate, but I am not shopping right now due to my pregnancy.

      However, I have found some great stuff at ASOS and Nordstrom, and even in the JC Penney’s plus size section. (I am tall in addition to being a size 16-18, so sometimes JCP is my only option for things I can afford).

      • new york associate

        sugar, I’m a little bigger than you and I about lost my mind when it came to finding maternity clothes. JCP was my best friend during that very long nine month period!

  21. Always a NYer

    Ladies, I was browsing the LK Bennett website and found a dress I must own one day. It’s the Wilder Dress in Fawn Leopard =)

    link to follow

    • Basics

      If you are in NYC, you should know that Lord & Taylor carries LK Bennett clothes. I was there the first week of June and purchased a grey wool suit (jacket and pants) for $235 that originally sold for over $600. It was the first time I had tried on anything by this designer, and it was extremely well made. I wanted to buy either a matching dress or skirt to get more use out of the suit, but L&T did not have the skirt and the dress is bizarrely office INappropriate (shows far to much skin around the decolletage and shoulders). This was in the rear, right corner of the store (on the same side as the escalators) behind the JNY department (I forget which floor).

      • AnotherLadyLawyer

        There’s also a new LK Bennett store in Columbus Circle and if anyone is looking for phenomenal (if a bit too expensive) black patent wedges, I’m in love with an LK Bennett pair on shelves now – so comfy!

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Or the actual LK Bennett store in NYC? There’s one at Columbus Circle. The clothes are cut really ginormous though.

  22. aycee

    Thanks everyone for the advice/commiseration on how to deal with my massive workload! Sadly the amount of work itself isn’t very negotiable (it’s admissions stuff, plus test prep, plus getting myself up to date on a huge range of subjects, and in two languages, one of which I’m still in the process of learning) but I really do feel more able to manage it now. Big thanks especially to oclg, and to Midori- I can’t believe I didn’t think of the rewards thing! I see many checklists and stickers in my future (hey, if it worked for the kids I taught…)

    Now I just need to summon the willpower to get off this site and get to work…

    • Kontraktor

      Maybe you should join some sort of association or volunteer group that allows for you to do these things? I don’t know, it just seems hard/a little odd to me to be so perscriptive about the things you need to do to get into whatever school. I feel admissions criteria tend to me so much more fluid and arbitrary, and you would probably have more luck showing, say, some international aid/volunteer work vs. you “learned” X language with Rosetta stone or something.

      Could you get involved after hours with a local Amnesty International group? Look into any relief trips you could join? Could you do any work for a human rights type non profit? What about enrolling in some community college classes for language learning?

      I just feel that if your field really is this rigorous, you need to be doing structured activities that you can advertise on your application and not just self study.

    • kiley

      Do you mind sharing what program it is? As someone with two advanced degrees, (just meaning I went through a tough admissions process twice) I can’t help thinking you are overblowing what you need to do to prepare to get into school. Two years of hours a day seems extreme and I feel like I have experience with graduate school and programs of varying nature. I cant even picture what program this would be and wonder if you are being realistic about what is necessary

      • Kontraktor

        This. The only programs I can think of here would be the Wharton Lauder program or possibly a Kennedy school program. But honestly I feel admissions to those schools is going to be a) very dependent on test scores (which is really the only thing you can control, and so I’d spend most effort here) and b) extremely competetive no matter what you do. I think if it’s either of these programs (or something similar), the OP has a way better chance of adding additional activities/volunteer work/relevant experience to her resume than trying to self study random information or whatnot for 2 hours a night. Admission to these sorts of programs is just so arbitrary that it’s hard to say what will give anybody a better chance. And if admission does require something so specific (like language fluency), the OP probably isn’t going to get where she needs to be on her own anyway and should look into extra school after work.

    • oclg

      Can I ask what the languages are? I am trying to learn French and would love even an email pen pal! And I’m glad I could help yesterday!

  23. Blonde Lawyer

    Leaving for vacation Friday at 4:30. Will be out of the office all next week. I have a dental procedure at 1 on Wednesday and will likely be out of the office the rest of that day. I’m finding myself feeling very very very anxious while trying to get everything done pre-vacation. Like knot in the stomach anxious. I know I should be grateful since I at least work somewhere that won’t make me cancel my vacation or anything. I think part of my anxiety is that I have a review either before I leave or right when I get back and I want everything to run smoothly in my absence. I making a list of everything and meeting w/ my senior person so he an cover my cases while I’m out. I know everything to do to make sure it goes smooth. I’ve gone on vacation from this firm before. Yet, I’m still anxious. Oh well.

    • AnonInfinity

      I went on vacation a few weeks ago and had this exact same problem. I wasn’t even looking forward to the vacation because I was so anxious about making sure everything went smoothly in my absence. I had to send out a flurry of emails the first morning of vacation on last-minute issues that popped up, but everything else was really great. So, I guess I don’t have any words of wisdom, just commiseration. I have no idea how to be less worried about it in the future.

    • Merabella

      You and I have the same exact schedule, including the dental appointment and review schedule. Am I secretly writing on [this site]? I feel like I’m having a Tyler Durdin moment.

  24. Looking for K in Transition

    K, if you’re here today: I know you’re looking to build up your basic work wardrobe at the moment. I found a $50 Macy’s merchandise credit (or maybe $49.99) while going through some old papers, and I thought it might help you out. It’s unexpected “found money” to me at this point anyway, so I don’t mind parting with it.

    If you’re interested, could you re-post your email address?

      • K... in transition

        total TJ but I just wanted to say thank you… I’ve been having a really rough 7 mos (job loss, breakup of a long relationship, sick pup, losing him, two moves, still looking for work) and you guys have been a really incredible support.

        I know some here are stressed about whether they contribute enough to their family due to work or are TTC or so many other things, and I hope it helps even a tad to know that, in this c*p*r*tte family, you guys are really great friends/surrogate moms/sisters/etc!

  25. Lawyer with no Law

    Hi, this is a thread jack. :) I’m hoping some more experience attorneys can weigh-in on an employment dilemma I’m facing.

    I graduated in 2011 and passed the bar in Oct. 2011. Since Oct. 2011 I’ve been working as a law clerk at a busy insurance defense firm while I look for an attorney position. I’m limited to 31 hours a week. I like the people/work and I get to do a variety of tasks (doc review/motions/interviewing clients). My employment search has not been going well and I’m finding the 31 hours a week hard to live on.

    Here’s my issue: I have the opportunity to do a long-term (9-12 months) document review project. It would be 40 hours a week and more money. It’s a mortgage company review–which I’m actually interested in. My idea is that I would take this position and make a little more money while I continue my permanent employment search. However, I’m nervous that the document review will make me a less attractive candidate for a permanent position (I’ve heard other attorneys look down on it). I’m also worried that I won’t be learning/practicing useful attorney skills (writing, client interaction, going to court, etc).

    Any thoughts?

    • Former MidLevel

      That is a tough one. You are right that there is some prejudice out there against doc-review work. But if you’re having trouble paying your loans now, it might be worth it. On the other hand, doc-review projects don’t always go as long as estimated. The case could settle, the volume of docs could be less than expensive and some people could get cut, etc. If I were in your shoes and could afford to make loan payments in my current position, I would probably stay. It sounds like the experience is good and it would leave you time to do interviews, work on your resume, etc. But that’s not an ironclad recommendation–I think a lot depends on your ability to pay bills (including loans) in the interim.

      • Former MidLevel

        Argh – that should have been “less than expected” not “less than expensive.” I think it is coffee-break time.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I think it is risky to rely on the project length that you are told. The projects that are advertised to be longer term, like your 9-12 month one seem to have a tendency to last 2 weeks. I’m on month 9 of a 3 month project right now. It all changes so quickly. Just something to consider.

    • GW

      Honestly, I don’t think that having a document review project on your resume is any less attractive than having worked as a non-attorney law clerk for almost a year already. I don’t mean to sound dismissive of your current position, just that it’s probably not helping your resume much either, so you may as well go for the better paying job.

      • Darby

        I agree with this & would add that many first year/junior associate lawyer jobs are doing doc review all the time, so you wouldn’t be getting too far behind your peers by doing this.

    • Bonnie

      Doing a doc review would not hurt your career but there are no guarantees with those projects. The case can settle suddenly and you’re automatically out of work with no notice.

      • Lawyer with No Law

        The project is a government mandated review of about 18000 mortgages/foreclosures, so I’m not really worried about it ending abruptly. It’s also about $800 more a month which is hard to turn down.

    • anonfish

      Have you looked into working for an insurance company as a claims adjuster? If you are already doing insurance defense, you have the right experience. I was literally in your exact position after I graduated law school- was clerking at a defense firm getting paid peanuts while I looked for a “real” job. I broadened my search to include adjuster positions, got one and have had a great career in insurance for the last 8 years. I work in corporate lines, so a law degree is necessary for an adjuster position and for the position that I have now. It may not seem as prestigious as working in a firm, but there is an opportunity to make decent money and it’s generally a 9-5 kind of job. Not sure where you are located but if you want more info, I’d be happy to discuss over email.

      • Lawyer with No Law

        Sadly no. I was hoping the clerk position could grow into something more, but it will not. I used to be working 32 hours a week but just got bumped down to 31 (which prompted my considering a lateral move).

  27. Nonny

    General question:

    Coral top with red bottom – yes or no?

    The coral is quite saturated, the red less so. Context is casual, not work.

    TIA!

    • Former MidLevel

      It’s hard without seeing the precise colors, but I think that as a general matter, coral and red can be lovely together. If you put them together and they look good to you, I say go for it.

    • Equity's Darling

      I really love that colour combination! It’s so bold and yet light/springy. I recently did mint with coral and was pretty happy with that combination too.

    • Hel-lo

      I think this can look good, with a couple other neutrals (nude shoes, camel bag, small neutral jewelry). But I’d avoid more color.

  28. Tired Squared

    Today, I am thankful for extremely hot buffalo wings that have cleared out my sinuses for the first time in a week!

    What are you thankful for, ladies?

      • Senior Attorney

        My tap dance class RECITAL is tonight! Super excited!! We are doing one number to “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” and one to “Drive By.” Big fun!

    • Anon Analyst

      Today I am thankful for the fact I actually cleared out my email inbox at work. That will probably last all of 5 minutes.

      I am also thankful that I planned ahead and stashed some Skinny Cow chocolate bars in my desk at work a couple of weeks ago. That will help me get over the afternoon hump!

    • NOLA

      My two new air conditioning units (blissful cool!) and my awesome SO who installed them and has done so many other little jobs around my house in the past month. My sweet kitty girl and my absolutely hilarious teenage nephews.

    • Midwest

      I am thankful that I made cake batter cookies last night, which I’m now enjoying with my lunch.

      I am especially thankful that I have something to look forward to this evening: outdoor community jazz concert with DH, DS and my sister.

    • Former MidLevel

      I’m thankful for my wonderful husband, who is currently studying for his 3rd bar exam because my dream job (which I will start shortly) is in a new state.

      • Midori

        Awww. I’m studying for my 3rd bar exam b/c husband’s new job is in a new state! The things we do for the ones we love. :-D

      • Anonymous

        Sigh. I’m sorry – I know I’m going to sound like a jerk, but this really bothers me. There’s something about people talking up their spouses that registers like bragging. Especially on this thread – I mean, people are talking about buffalo wings, candy bars, etc — and you took it to a totally different direction.

    • EC MD

      I’m in the second trimester, my energy is back and I am no longer puking up toothpaste (sorry if TMI)

      • sugarMag

        Yay 2nd Trimester! I am just 2 weeks away from the end of my second trimester, and am worried about that at this point.

        However, my chiro has fixed the pelvic pain I had, so I can get out of a chair and walk without extreme pain. Yay!

        • mamabear

          Oh, I had that pelvic pain in all three of my pregnancies. By the last one my OB suggested I needed a walker.

          (Sacroiliac and pubic symphysis, right?)

          I felt your pain! I’m glad chiro has helped you. PT helped but did not alleviate mine.

      • 1L-1

        In my second trimester, and feeling SO MUCH BETTER! Baby is the size of a turnip, apparently.
        Also: did two loads of laundry last night AND returned books to the library the day before they were due AND went food shopping AND made a good supper last night.

        AND!! Woke up early this morning!

    • Sydney Bristow

      I am thankful that I got to sleep in this morning, take a nice relaxing bath, and lounge around in a fuzzy hotel robe and slippers before going to work. And I’m thankful that I’m going on vacation tomorrow. It makes this partial workday seem much nicer.

    • Cali CPA

      My dad is coming to take me to lunch today! I love having retired parents.

    • Wednesday

      Grateful for my awesome SO and looking forward to the poetry recital we’re going to tonight! Poetry is awesome, people.

    • Hel-lo

      I just did the second run of Couch to 5K this morning! First one was on Sunday. My BF and I are doing them together. Feels great so far.

    • JK

      Thankful for awesome weather in NC today! Sat outside during my lunch hour and read a book. Going to go for a run tonight. Bliss!

    • Amy H.

      Getting to sing with the SF Symphony chorus under Michael Tilson Thomas. The man is a genius, and can communicate that genius. It’s performance week, so orchestra rehearsal tonight, and then concerts Wed. through Sat. Very excited!

      • zora

        omg, i am so late, but AAAHHHHH!!!! really?!?!?
        Hey, if you ever want a C-orpor-e-t-t-e cheering section, you should totes let us know! I always love an excuse to go to the symphony!!

    • Laura

      Being named “Employee of the Year” for our department at our staff meeting today – which came as a huge surprise but also as a great boost to know that the year’s hard work has been noticed and appreciated.

  29. Lurker

    TJ: Long time lurker, first time commenter here.

    I got married two years ago, and three months later my Dad was killed in a car accident. My life immediately changed from those two things, and the first year or so of my marriage was very difficult/rocky. I used to be a very outgoing, bubbly person that loved most everyone/everything, and I’ve turned into an introvert that is pretty grouchy with a horrible attitude. I was like this in my teen years, but was able to make the change into someone that people actually liked being around. I’m having a much harder time this round, and the fact that I basically have no friends in the area I live does not help me socially.

    Anyone else have any similar experiences with advice on how to change this? I know I need to find friends in the area, but I’m also struggling to do that. Are there life coaches or people who help with this stuff? Or am I just shooting in the dark?

    • Rosalita

      I would suggest a counselor or therapist. This is the kind of total life change that can really affect you, and there’s no need to expect you can do it all by yourself.

      Finding friends in a new city is really tough, especially if you’re not in school. (School = ready-made friends.) It’s also hard to even find friends in a familiar city if you’re not in school.

      How do you feel about your work situation?

      If you’re a religious person, you might also find some comfort at a house of worship.

    • Anne Shirley

      Of course there are people who can help! Hint- they are often called therapists. You don’t have to be at rock bottom to use them. You’ve gone through massive changes, so needing some help getting back on track is completely normal.

    • Similar sitch

      I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

      My dad was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer a few years ago, and it took a terrible toll on my relationship at the time. We broke up, my dad passed away two months later, and my job situation was terrible (I used to clean out my desk every Friday because people were constantly being let go and I did not wanted to be able to grab my purse and GTFO). I had also gained a significant amount of stress weight and was not at all happy with myself. That Christmas was so awful – I was so negative and angry about everything. My family still talks about how they were literally afraid to talk to me.

      I seized control of the parts that I could – my health and my career. I felt like a shell of a human being a lot of the time – I wasn’t ready to date yet and obviously there was nothing I could do to change the loss of my father. I decided I wanted to go back to grad school and change my career path, but stayed in the terrible job for almost another year while I applied and was accepted to school. Just having a light at the end of the tunnel made things so much more tolerable. I started going to group exercise classes and getting into better shape which boosted my confidence and made me feel proud of myself for trying something so scary – and it meant a lot fewer hours in front of the TV.

      I can relate to some of how you are feeling, though clearly our situations are not exactly the same. My advice is to yes, seek therapy – sometimes you just have to talk about things even when other people think you “should be over it” by now. There is no such thing. You are allowed to feel what you feel. But it can be hard for a partner to hear about negative things or always feel like they are trying to cheer you up- it is exhausting and I think ultimately led to the demise of my LTR while my dad was sick. You can pay someone to hear all of your stuff without judging you or you feeling guilty for wanting to talk about it…again. Take the pressure off of your SO.

      Then – control what you can control. Are there other areas of your life where you could make positive changes to boost your mood? A life coach could be helpful here. Even if they are a long way off (like my decision to go back to school) just feeling like you are being proactive and taking control of your life again may be helpful. It will also boost your confidence enough to try putting yourself out there with making friends, which is also super scary.

      Be kind to yourself. Don’t feel like you have to be “over” this on anyone else’s timeline (think about what you would say to a friend in this situation, then say it to yourself), but think about some positive changes you could make to your life to help yourself feel human again, and not like a bundle of raw nerves (as I felt). There may also be some guilt, conscious or subconscious, associated with changing things in your life – I know I felt it a bit – because it feels like you are “moving on” or that pursuing your own happiness means you are somehow “past” your dad’s death. I don’t think you ever get “past” it…it just feels less raw as time passes. I would explore this in therapy, too, to make sure you can make steps toward positive change without guilt – give yourself permission to be happy again. It doesn’t mean you miss him any less.

      Hope this helps.

    • anon

      I don’t know that I have any helpful advice, but I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. My dad suddenly got sick last year, went into the hospital, and passed away. Most of the time I feel like I’m coping okay, even though I miss him terribly. But I used to be a very easy-going, generally upbeat person, and I feel like my baseline has skewed to more subdued even when I’m not actively feeling sad.

      Even if you don’t have friends locally, do you know people who have gone through something similar? I found it more helpful to talk with acquaintances who had been through something similar than my close friends who, while they love and care about me, just couldn’t relate to what it’s like to lose a parent at a younger stage in life.

    • viv

      Start making small steps to improve your life. No change is too small. One healthy lunch. One phone call to a friend. One trip to a movie to cheer yourself up. One walk around the block. Doing these things step by step will help you feel more in control of your life and it will all start to build on itself. I didn’t even have a tragedy like yours happen to me, but I often feel subdued and grouchy and pesimistic about life. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s okay to have down days.

    • Lurker

      Wow, thank you all for the good advice and telling your stories. I have considered a therapist, and will probably consider it even more now. I just haven’t made the jump yet. I’m not comfortable talking about some of my feelings with anyone (even my SO), but I know this needs to change.

      Rosalita, I am not completely content with my job situation, but a lot of that is my fault. I would love to change that, but right now, my job is more stable than my husband’s and I don’t want to jeopardize our finances. He will be getting laid off in October, so any big changes for me will need to be once he is settled in another secure position. I am a religious person, and attend church three times a week. Unfortunately, my Dad attended the same church, and my Mom does, so most of my time there is spent trying to be strong for my Mom.

      Anne Shirley, first of all: I love your name! Thank you for the advice, and I’m definitely considering finding a good grief counselor/therapist in the area.

      Similar Sitch, I am so sorry for your loss as well. You are completely right in that the pain never goes away, it just becomes less raw as the time goes on. My job situation is similar to the one you’re describing (I came back from vacation in February, to my desk being moved without knowing, and one of my coworkers with 4 years less senority than I have being promoted to my boss), I still don’t keep anything personal at my desk for the same reason as you. Your advice about taking control of several areas is good, and I need to determine what I can change/control to improve my quality of life. Regarding boosting my mood, I think I need to work on my eating/activity levels and find a hobby I enjoy. I love(d) to write/read prior to the accident, but I honestly can’t concentrate long enough to carry on a conversation, let alone to do either of those.

      Anon, I am sorry for your loss. It really does help to have someone who understands the pain, and I do have one friend who lost her mother at a young age. She has been a great help in getting through this. Most of my close friends have not experienced loss of this magnitude, but they’re supportive though they can’t understand the pain. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who experienced the personality change of being upbeat to subdued, though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. (Misery loves company and all that. :)

      Viv, thank you for your ideas. I think I need to sit down and write out the little things that make me happy, and try to do at least one a day.

      • Rosalita

        It sounds like you’re having a really, really tough time. It’s not just the loss of your dad – each of the things in this new comment just add to the stress.

        It’s ok to feel overwhelmed by this. No person should have to endure all of this at the same time.

        Anti-depressants prescribed by a psychiatrist might help you to get through each day. If you focus on “getting happy,” that kind of ignores the magnitude of everything on your plate. Therapists can be of great help.

        • Similar sitch

          Another plug on the therapy stuff – especially when trying to stay strong for others, you need to make sure you have an outlet for yourself. I tried desperately to make my mom think I was OK, so that she wouldn’t worry about me on top of her grief. Not exactly the same as being strong for her (sounds like she is leaning on you) but I think it helped her to know that I was dealing with my grief with the therapist.

          Anon – I shared that experience. I went on a trip with a friend and something hysterical happened. I was cracking up and she remarked that she hadn’t seen me laugh that hard in a long, long time – and I realized it was true. I think when you are grieving, your “highs” feel more like “mediums” – and I didn’t really even realize it.

          Also forgot to mention – I found out after several months of what I am now pretty sure was a mild depression that my thyroid was underactive and my B12 was so low that several doctors asked if I was vegan (I’m not), since they typically only see such low levels in vegans. I think the stress affected my thyroid (for which I now take medicine) and my constantly upset stomach during this period affected my ability to absorb the B12. No wonder I felt terrible – there were medical reasons – probably brought on by my situation – that were making it harder to stay in a good mood because I was so, so tired and sluggish. So I would also get some tests done – who knows what the effects of such a long period of upset have had on your health.

          OP/Lurker – let me know you got this.

          • Lurker

            I have found a therapist in my area that I am going to contact today, so we’ll see how that goes!

            I am hesitant to try anti-depressants, just because I know they can have adverse reactions, and my body doesn’t process medication properly to begin with. I’d rather try to get out on my own, and then possibly look at a medication route.

            Similar sitch, my Mom does lean on me quite a bit. My older sister is married w/two kids and in a Master’s Program, so she doesn’t have time to be there for her, and my younger sister and brother haven’t dealt with my Dad’s death at all (I push it aside, and do a good job at faking it, but in no way am I past it), so she doesn’t have anyone else. I’m pretty sure she knows I’m not past it though, because I think she’s a little scared to talk to me at times too because of my grumpy/angry responses at times. Which is unfortunate, because I’ve learned that there really are no guarantees in life, and want no regrets when she passes on (hopefully a very long time from now). I definitely agree that the ‘highs’ feel like ‘mediums.’ My little sister is getting married in October, and we’re all struggling with my Dad not being there to walk her down the aisle. So I doubt that high won’t even feel like a medium :/

            Anyway, I will definitely check into a therapist, and have also considered going to the doctor, because I’ve had major health issues in the past due to stress. I planned to make an appointment last night before I even got this post!

            Thank you both for your input, I really appreciate the time you’ve taken to respond!

  30. working mama

    Big thanks to Kat and the hives for influencing me to improve my wardrobe. It is taking forever but I’m finally getting out of dowdy-ville!! I just bought my first pair of Cole Haan shoes (black slingback peeptoes) and I’m really excited! Can anyone tell me if they stretch out after wearing? I bought a 1/2 size up and with the adjustable strap b/c they fit perfectly in the store; but the smaller ones could work if they are going to stretch out. I also think I just found them on Zappos for $10 cheaper but not sure if that is worth the cost of gas/time to return.

    • ChristinaMD

      traditional CH leather will stretch, a full shoe size – I’m not sure… I usually size up 1/2 size for CH. Patent leather will not – I generally size 1/2 to a full size depending on the cut of the toe box.

    • GovtMom

      I haven’t had much luck with my CH shoes, both patent and regular leather, stretching. I need to size up 1/2 size.

  31. Hand SPF?

    At my last dermatologist appointment, my doc said I seemed to be pretty good about SPF on my face, but to make sure to remember daily SPF on my neck, chest/sternum area, and my hands. I’m remembering pretty well on my neck and chest… but hands are a different story. I put SPF lotion on in the morning before work, but I wash my hands enough during the day that it doesn’t last. Does anyone else put SPF lotion on their hands? And each time you come back to your desk from using the bathroom or something?

    I’m in my early 30s and can see age/liver spots developing on the back of my hands.

    • Digby

      Try Lubriderm moisturizer with SPF 15. If you use it each time you wash your hands, you’ll re-up the sun protection. Lubriderm used to make one with SPF 30, but that’s harder to find/maybe discontinued.

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