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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 305 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Tweed Pencil Skirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. emerson-rose-tweed-skirt-nordstrom-fall-clearanceI was intrigued by Emerson Rose,the new in-house line of workwear at Nordstrom a week or two ago, and now is a great time to give it a try: there are big deals to be had, as a lot of those pieces are in the Nordstrom Fall Clearance. This tweed skirt, for example, could be worn with or without the matching suit jacket (which admittedly is not for everyone) — and it's down to $41 from $99, with all sizes left. It looks brown to me online, but the product description (in the URL) says “black & white.” Internet shopping tea leaves, indeed. Emerson RoseTweed Suit Pencil Skirt I'm hoping to do a big roundup of the plus-size sale today (sign up for our newsletter to be alerted when it's up on our plus-size workwear page!), but in the meantime, this dress looks pretty awesome for work and is 40% off. See our roundup of the regular and petite sizes in the Nordstrom Fall Clearance Sale here. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Comments

  1. Anonymous

    How do you deal with subtle racism in the work place? For example, I was at a luncheon and as someone left, they said goodbye, making eye contact with everyone except me even though I was the first person to say hello and get the group talking.

    Or, when people say things like “Oh, you do pay taxes. I just don’t like it when people come over here and get the benefits but don’t contribute.”

    • anon

      for the first situation, I don’t think there’s anything you can do; isn’t it possible the person was just being rude, or that they made eye contact and you missed it? I would assume good intentions and/or plain rudeness.

      for the second situation, why on earth would someone be talking to you about whether you pay taxes? was this in the context of a debate over immigration? you shouldn’t be discussing hot button issues like that in the work place, unless it’s with a close friend (in which case you should feel comfortable calling them out for saying something like that).

      • Anonymous

        I might say something like, “Uh. Taxes are just too high this year” in small talk.

        • anon

          In that case, I would give them major side-eye and walk away. And if it happened more than once, I would go to HR.

      • anon3

        Yeah, I’m hesitant to say that has anything to do with your race, unless there have been prior hints that it’s a problem for the person, in which case, those are what we should be discussing.

        • Anonymous

          I presume OP is referencing a scenario where she was the only one at the table of a different race and she was the only person not acknowledged with eye contact by the person leaving. It’s not exactly a far leap to think it was racism. If the same thing happened with a ‘rette at a table of men when a man left, most readers wouldn’t hesitate to label it s*xism.

        • lawsuited

          OP, given that you were there (and I was not), and given that you are part of a visual minority (and I am not), I believe you and trust your judgment when you say that the failure to acknowledge you and the comment about taxes were race-related. I’m so sorry you have to experience racism at work.

          For the first instance, I inserting yourself and saying good-bye to the person although they are not saying good-bye to you is a good way to take up the space your entitled to and a signal to the person that they are being rude. I appreciate that you want to keep things friendly at a networking event, but I don’t think there’s any way for bystanders to perceive you as being rude.

          For the second instance, I think I agree with the posters who suggest saying something along the lines of, “well, I’m not sure that’s the case, based on my own experiences and what I’ve read” as a reminder to the person that they’ve made an unfair generalization.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            I agree with this. I have seen this technique used by women that have been ignored. I’m part of a committee that has a range of people on it from CEO of major hospitals to medical assistants of the same hospitals. When we meet, some people gravitate to talking to the men in suits, assuming they are the executives and the women are the nurses/medical assistants. One executive is female and she will always walk up to the people talking to the men and introduce herself. I love watching from the sidelines as the person that didn’t even look at that older woman is now kicking himself/herself for snubbing the CFO.

          • Meara

            That is a great technique, and yes, let’s try to believe people’s lived experiences and not whitesplain to them any more than we’d want a man saying “oh, come on, I’m sure he didn’t ignore you because you’re a woman”. Yeah, maybe it was coincidental and maybe it’s best if you just go with assuming good intentions, but dang.

            As for the second situation I like the burn someone posted below, but generally I would default to the Carolyn Hax “…wow”. (Actually, hoping as a white person I would feel more empowered to call out some other white person’s racism, but yeah)

    • Anon

      “Yeah, I’m all in favor of closing tax loopholes. Isn’t it absurd that Trump hasn’t paid federal income tax in over 15 years? Totally get what you mean about people not paying taxes.”

    • Anonymous

      That’s awful. So sorry you have to deal with that. No idea on the first. On the second I’d be so tempted to pull a “Of course, I pay taxes, that’s an extremely important moral value in my home country. In fact, we’re often quite astonished by the reluctance of many wealthy Americans to pay a proportionate amount of taxes.” Not sure I’d have the intestinal fortitude to actually say that.

    • Anonymous

      In the second case I’m a huge fan of things like “that’s an interesting perspective. I’d be interested to see if the numbers bear that out.” It’s my go-to way of saying “you don’t know what you’re talking about AT ALL. Dumbass.”

      In the first, it depends on the circumstance a bit. Socially or with people who aren’t, you know, bosses I get a perverse enjoyment from forcing eye contact and maybe throw in a handshake for spite.

      • Anonymous

        “I get a perverse enjoyment from forcing eye contact and maybe throw in a handshake for spite.”

        Great idea.

      • Nancy Raygun

        For the last few years, I worked in law firms where this happens to me. I greet someone or say something in a meeting and get no response, while everybody else (usually white dudes) get the handshake and the greeting. I try to force eye contact or speaking as much as possible. It’s exhausting sometimes because eye contact and handshakes are hard for me, but I need these people to know that they can ignore me if they want, but it won’t be because I wasn’t being friendly or professional. I do that part for my own peace of mind.

          • Old

            Give it time – you too can develop a level of contempt for others that supersedes your shyness.

          • Nancy Raygun

            Haha, “Old,” that’s totally what it is! I am shy. I just hate feeling embarrassed because I went through all that trouble to say “good morning” to someone and they couldn’t waste their energy to smile or wave or anything. It takes a lot for me to do this too. Sometimes I get out of the elevator after forcing some small talk and I go straight to the bathroom and cover myself in powder because I am sweaty. After speaking up in a meeting, I have to take a walk outside because I’m so hired and anxious. But the more I do it, the better I get at it.

        • Meredith Grey

          I do this too (not visibly minority)… The hand shake gets them good.

    • Shopaholic

      I’ve been wondering the same myself lately.

      There is an older male lawyer in my small office who often says very offensive things that he doesn’t seem to realize are offensive i.e. female/POC judges are appointed to meet diversity quotas etc.

      We have a pretty good relationship and as a young female lawyer who is not white, I feel an obligation to speak up – especially since I’ve been at the firm for a few years now. So I call him out on it directly, sometimes ask him questions about why he would say that.

      I’m not sure it’s working (his go-to is that he’s just joking) but I feel like it’s my obligation to do so because there are other people in the workplace who are likely offended by him but can’t do anything to confront it.

      • bridget

        In this one instance, ignore what I said about not bringing politics into it.

        *If* he is against ObamaCare, the next time he starts on judges and quotas, ask him with a big smile, “C’mon, I bet when ObamaCare came down, you wished Harriet Miers and not John Roberts were on the bench.”

        • Shopaholic

          Ya… I know. But it bothers me that someone I like so much basically thinks that if I was appointed to the bench, it would be because I’m a minority, not because I’m qualified. Especially since he regularly praises my work.

          • Anonymous

            Anon at 11:03 here – In your situation, I would rethink how much I like him.

    • bridget

      Don’t start on Trump or divisive political issues unless you want your credibility to be linked to that.

      Use the fact that it’s the workplace to your advantage. “Even though I am an immigrant/minority/woman, payroll takes taxes out of my paycheck *the same way they take taxes out of yours.* We work at the same company; trust me, this place ensures that we are both in compliance with tax laws.”

      The key is to stress your similarities, because discrimination is all about treating similarly-situated people differently.

      • Anonymous

        To me your answer suggests that brown people not in her workplace may not be paying taxes because it’s just the company keeping her on the straight and narrow. That statement doesn’t address the racism, it just defines her as not like one of “those people.”

        • bridget

          No, it addresses the idiocy of suggesting that a working person (who clearly isn’t being paid under the table) is not paying taxes.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Bridget, I think the Anonymous at 11:34 is taking issue with your use of “even though”. They aren’t deducting taxes from her paycheck DESPITE the fact she’s a minority, they’re deducting them in the exact same way because that’s the way it works.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t think the person making the comment is truly talking about people who are working legally. The statement is meant to convey that the person doesn’t like immigrants who come here and who the person making the statement thinks mooch the system by accepting “government handouts” and I am sure the person is also thinking of illegal immigrants.

        • adsf

          “Yep we all have to deal with the same taxes. What a pain. What are you doing this weekend?”

  2. Rosacea flare-up

    I’m having a rosacea flare-up (I think) and am not sure why. I started a new job a few months ago, but it hasn’t been unduly stressful. I’m eating somewhat more poorly than I was before, which I think could be a contributing factor, but it’s WAY worse than I’ve ever had and I’m not eating badly enough to justify that. Could it be the new climate (I moved for work) or something? Does anyone have any product recommendations?

    • Nati

      The stress, diet changes, and new climate could all be triggers. I use Aprillon (called Oracea in the US – oral time-release doxycycline) and metrocream plus over the counter Cerave cream cleanser. This combo has really worked for me. Good luck! I know how frustrating flare-ups can be.

    • Anonymous

      I recommend you see a dermatologist. I had one resulting from some new products I tried and I couldn’t get it to calm down. Seeing my derm and getting metrocream finally helped.

    • CPA Lady

      FWIW, a cold, dry climate is the thing that has one of the biggest negative effects on my sensitive rosacea-prone skin. I moved from a place that was only ~10 degrees colder and it has made a big difference. Also, we have a giant humidifier for our house during the winter and that also helps. Keeping at a steady temperature and keeping my skin well moisturized is the best thing I can do to keep my rosacea from flaring up. I hate to recommend this, since I hate MLMs, but I folded and bought the soothe line from my friend who sells R&F and I really like it. My skin never feels like it’s burning/is going to crack anymore. I’m looking for a cheaper replacement for when my set runs out and I got some good recommendations here a month or two ago.

  3. Negativity

    I’m the poster from the other day who asked for tips on dealing with my own negativity. I didn’t get a chance to come back until later that night, but thanks so much to everyone who responded! There were some great tips and I appreciate all of them.

    • Anonymous

      Great! Try one of the tips next week and let us know what works for you.

      Good luck. You can do it!

  4. Marriage tips

    What are your best small tips for making a marriage (or LTR) run smoothly? I noticed that in the past few years, my husband and I have gotten into the habit of always saying thank-you, ranging from “thanks for taking out the trash” to “thanks again for listening to my work rant yesterday” or whatever it may be. It kind of happened on its own, but I think it’s actually really made us both feel more connected and like we’re on the same team when little annoyances happen (like taking out the trash or work issues). Has anyone else found any other strategies that have that effect?

    • Cb

      Oh that’s very good – thank yous are important! I have been working on greetings. I tend to dash into the house and start working on something but have been taking the time to hug my husband and give him a proper smooch. It is such a nice transition into the evening. I mentioned a few weeks ago that we always take our shower together, using the time to snuggle but also to talk without distractions.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I like this one. We have a specific greeting when we come home, but adding a kiss on a more regular basis after the greeting would be nice. I’m going to try this out. We do kiss then sometimes, but not every time. Especially if I get home first and have started working on something.

        • Cb

          We either come home together (1x a week or so) or my husband is home first so he meets me at the door and helps me get my coat and scarf off and then we spend a few minutes kissing and snuggling. I’ve been better about meeting him when I’m home first.

          • Meg March

            Yes, I realized recently that when I am home first, when my husband comes home, he always comes straight to me on the couch (or wherever) for a kiss and greeting, while when he is home first, when I get in, I put away my stuff, head to the bedroom to change, etc. I’ve been trying to focus on greeting him first thing, if he’s already home, because I know how great it feels from the other side.

      • anon

        We have a guideline about a brief “no-negativity” period for the first bit of time after the 2nd person arrives home (maybe 15 minutes or so). No complaining about work, the commute, the weather, the state of the house, nothing. (Obviously there would be exceptions if, like, a family member died during the day, but never for small stuff). It sounds trivial, but there’s something special about re-establishing a warm connection after a tough day.

    • AIMS

      Don’t say f*ck you, shut up, & avoid name calling when you fight. Don’t ever threaten divorce or a break up unless you actually really mean it. I think how you fight is as important as how you get along.

      Try to do little things daily or at least weekly to show each other you appreciate them. It can be small. But I think it’s something we all do in the beginning of relationships (“here’s an unexpected cup of coffee, thought you may be tired!”) that makes us go all swoony over each other and it’s important to keep that up.

      • JayJay

        I agree with all this. My husband and I (married 11 years, together 16) never ever threaten divorce or breaking up, even as a joke. If we argue, it’s respectful. I tell him thank you for all the routine stuff he does and he does the same for me. We have two young kids, so it’s important not to “keep score” on all the child care and chores. We both pull our own weight and recognize that there are seasons where one person will have to chip in more, but that it will even out over time.

        More than anything, we respect each other and want to make each other happy.

      • anon

        +100 to AIMS and JayJay. No naming calling, no divorce threats, no score-keeping.

      • Senior Attorney

        And no eye-rolling. According to the Drs. Gottman, acting contemptuous towards your partner is the reddest of red flags for risk of divorce.

        Basically my biggest tip is Rule One: Be Kind.

        • lawsuited

          “Be kind” is our number one rule as well. I prefer it to the popular “be honest!” because sometimes honesty is needlessly hurtful, and to the even more popular “compromise!” because constantly negotiating and keeping track of who compromised last time and who’s turn it is is tiring. Although honesty and compromise are both important in a marriage, kindness is the golden rule.

    • lawsuited

      Dishwasher, laundry room on the main floor, cleaning service. Reducing the amount of menial labour that each partner has to complete in order to make the household function frees up energy to focus on each other.

    • SC

      A calendar system that works. FWIW, we each have our own Google calendar for personal stuff, but we can see each other’s, and we can invite each other to shared events. We’re not perfect, but my frustration level has decreased tremendously since we’ve gotten better.

      Related to that, I’ve asked his family to communicate with both of us about any plans and logistics that involve our whole family, instead of using DH as a middle-man. We live in the same town as his family and see them pretty often, though, so YMMV on that one. I suppose the same could be said for friend groups, etc.

    • Shenandoah

      Making a conscious effort to show appreciation, even for and arguably especially for the little things. Also, it’s important to not try and “keep score” with your partner. It turns into a losing, passive aggressive struggling where you’re keeping track of how often they’ve said “thank you” for taking out the trash, or how you’ve unloaded the dishwasher five times this week and they’ve only done it once. If your partner isn’t seeming at all appreciative of you, then that’s obviously a conversation that needs to occur. But trying to keep things even just creates more issues and leaves you feeling dissatisfied with your relationship.

      Mostly I think it’s important to just be kind and respectful of your relationship and yourselves as individuals. Don’t making a habit of bashing them when out with your friends, even if it’s said in a joking manner. That’s something I’ve had to learn to avoid because it seems fairly innocuous but it can create cracks in the foundation over time.

    • Meredith Grey

      Spending down time together during the week has really helped us feel connected. Since we take public transportation to work, we try to time our commutes together. Another one is we try to eat dinner together without TV & phones. We both are pretty conscious about making an effort to chit chat about fun, light things during these times. Dinner chat is key as we both have to work hard some days not to wolf down dinner in silence before zoning out in front of the TV!

      • Curious

        What sorts of things do you chat about? We’re having trouble finding topics, given work stress and the election.

    • Marriage tips

      I agree about not keeping score – I think the gratitude thing has really helped us there as well because even if one person has done the bulk of the unpleasant chores that week, a simple thank-you goes so far and mitigates the whole “I’ve done this every day and he hasn’t” trap.

    • In-House in Texas

      Touching is so important. Just walking by him at his desk and I run my fingers over his arm, or sit close to him on the couch, even for 5 minutes. A cute pat on the butt and of course a kiss good morning and good night.. Any little touch to let him know that I love him makes so much difference (in my opinion).

    • NOLA

      One thing that I have changed since my marriage with my current SO. Rather than talking about issues at work with my SO throughout the evening and letting it dominate our conversation, if I want to rant about something (or he does), I will do it for 10 minutes, then we talk about something else.

    • Sofia

      Humor. DH and I tease each other (gently and truly in good fun) about the little things. It’s a good way that we have found to express the little annoyances while laughing with each other and not letting things build up. It took some time for us to fall into this pattern — it really only works because we both rib each other and we both take it, so there’s not underlying aggression and defensiveness.

    • ArenKay

      I agree with many of these. One I stole from my parents (50+ years married, most of them happily) is that whenever Spouse #2 arrives home from work, we both go to our room together for a few minutes of private chat while SNO2 changes from work into slob clothes. It gives us just a few minutes of daily us time, which is sometimes hard to find on frenzied workaholic with kids days.

  5. Closet Redux

    What can I expect from an interview with HR that takes place immediately before the department interview? I’ve done HR interviews as screenings– making sure my qualifications, salary expectations, etc. are in line before passing me on to the next round. But immediately before? This is a medium sized company and the HR interview is scheduled for 30 minutes with the director of HR immediately followed by an hour long interview with the department director. If it’s a screening, it seems like a collosal waste of the department director’s time.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve done several interviews where I’ve met with an HR/recruiting person as part of a full day of interviews. It’s just a chance for more people to meet you and form an impression, and for you to ask HR directly any questions that might be more appropriate for them to answer. I don’t think being asked to meet with HR has any particular significance one way or the other and I wouldn’t read too much into it.

    • Jax

      I would expect the HR portion to be more about listening to the HR rep go through the benefits package, work schedule, holidays, and anything quirky to the company. Then s/he will pass you off to the “real” interview with the department director.

      Take notes and ask any benefits questions to the HR rep, because the director will probably be 100% focused on your fit for the job and expect that you’ve already addressed the “What’s in it for me?” questions with HR.

      • NOLA

        That’s what we do. Those of us in the department don’t want to answer benefits questions because we might get it wrong. We let HR handle that.

      • Anonymous4

        In my most recent interview this was exactly what happened in the HR part of my schedule. Review of benefits, company policy, and a general “get to know you” for another person to form an impression of my fit within the company.

    • ml

      In my experience, HR asked some generic questions like “why do you want to work for (company)?” and verified my experience on my resume. Also tried to broach compensation, but I believe I punted on that. Now that I’m in a hiring position for that company, I know that the HR rep who interviews the candidate first is basically just another voice for evaluating personality, professionalism and fit. Im not sure why the director would be conducting this portion of the interview, though, so may be different at that company.

  6. Cindy

    Does anyone have a recommendation for layering pieces like Uniqlo’s heattech that have a deep V-neck?

    • Ellen

      Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this Fruegel pencil Skirt from Nordstrom’s! Great Pick, Kat/Kate!!!!

      As for the OP, I am NOT familiar with the Uniqulo top you are refering to, but whenever I have a deep Vneck, I am VERY careful NOT to wear it with just a bra. A cami generaly work’s or even a turtelneck if it is good for winter. Otherwise, men wind up stareing at our boobie’s, which is disgusting.

      I have been SO busy this week, I have NOT even had the chance to p’ost on time. The manageing partner has me on 3 new account’s and they all insist on IN PERSON meeting’s, so I have been all over Manhattan and Brooklyn meeting with their HR department’s. I did NOT get home last night until 7:450 PM — and missed Wheel of Fortune. FOOEY! I hope to have better hour’s next week, so I can be more of a giver to the HIVE. YAY!!!!

    • Anonymous

      I’m not sure about the v-neck but Lands End has silk long johns/layering pieces.

  7. Kitchen

    Here’s a fun random topic for Friday. If you were redoing an apartment kitchen, would you open it up to the living room or keep as is which is a sort of long, narrow galley. On the one hand, open kitchen would be nice b/c it would make cooking less more social, we could keep an eye on the toddler and it would provide a nice area by way of an island type set up for socializing/setting out snacks for, say, a super bowl party. OTOH, keeping as is would be great for dinner parties or even weeknight dinners when I want to just shut the mess away until after we eat and it would give us more flexibility in terms of available wall space and furniture set up in the living room. Thoughts???

    • Anonymous

      Open plan, otherwise people will end up congregating in the closed-off kitchen.

    • BB

      Open is absolutely the way to go if you like to entertain. I love that my counter basically becomes a buffet table when people are over. Also, it somehow makes cleanup faster – I think it’s the ability to have someone pass plates to you through the “hole” and put them straight in the dishwasher?

    • Anonymous

      Open plan. I’d enjoy not being shut away in a claustrophobic kitchen every day, and dinner parties don’t happen all that often.

    • anon a mouse

      Open it up to living room, but see if there’s any way to stagger the heights of the counters/islands that are closest to the living area. In other words, you would have a clear line of sight to the living room, but people in the living room wouldn’t see the dirty dishes piled up in the sink. My parents did something like this and it’s so nice to see into the kitchen without seeing everything in the kitchen.

      • Anonymous

        This is a good idea and commonly done–bar-height counter on the living room side, regular counter height on the kitchen side.

        • SC

          Ooh, my parents’ last house had this, and I loved it. We tried doing this in our current house, but we messed it up, and it’s too high on the living room side. (There were reasons, but we still don’t love it.)

        • Anon in NYC

          Open plan. In our former apartment people would crowd into our tiny galley kitchen to socialize while we were trying to get things done (why, people, why?!). The dual height counters that someone mentioned is also really helpful in terms of another surface area for buffet style serving or to keep things off your table while everyone eats.

          Also, I think an open plan would have better resale value since that’s what more people want these days.

      • Bonnie

        +1 Partially opening up the wall also lets you put in base cabinets so you only sacrifice some storage.

      • Laura B

        Just another different datapoint, but I hate the duel/staggered/raised counter heights. I think you loose working space from the counter, and I don’t like how it cuts off the kitchen. I guess I like it more open. We’re looking at houses and whenever I see one I know that I’d want to get rid of it and make it one solid surface all on one level.

    • Terry

      I lived for years with a fully open kitchen and, when I moved, a closed off kitchen was a huge priority for me. The mess was always on display and if I poured myself a glass of water I felt like I was disturbing everyone else. Is there a middle ground? My sister has kind of a window from her kitchen to the rest of her place that might give you some of the benefits of an open plan.

    • Cat

      I’ll be the voice of dissent, but we don’t really entertain at home much and don’t have kids that need supervising while someone cooks…

      We lived in a 1BR condo that had a large living room and then a bit of a U-Turn at one end to enter the kitchen (so the long wall of the galley kitchen backed up to the long wall of the living room). If we’d opened up the kitchen, there would have been no easy solution to any other furniture arranging — couch/TV area wouldn’t have worked, we wouldn’t have had space for two desks, etc.

      Storage was also at a PREMIUM so forgoing those extra upper cabinets would have been a real issue.

      Is there a way to do a window/pass through, perhaps over the sink, without opening up the whole kitchen?

    • SC

      I vote open kitchen. Like it or not, the kitchen becomes the gathering place. We redid our kitchen to an open plan, and I love being able to have friends sit at the island and talk to us while we make drinks and finish dinner. Sometimes, if we’re running late and they’re good friends, I even ask them to chop something. My MIL has a long galley kitchen for exactly the reason you mentioned–she wants to be able to shut the mess away. It works for her and her husband because (a) they’re more formal than we are anyways, and (b) they sometimes entertain super-fancy clients. But with family, people always end up crowding the kitchen and talking while she cooks. It’s a really big galley kitchen, but it still seems like someone’s always in her way. I’ve also noticed that whoever is watching a small child (me, lately, but DH’s step-sisters before that) ends up in the living room/dining room isolated from the other adults.

      • Anon

        This. The kitchen is a gathering place in today’s society, and when you have a closed kitchen, it shuts out anyone who can’t hang out in there like elderly relatives or those with young kids. Ours is semi-closed right now (larger doorway without a door, but still walled) and I hate it. I get stressed trying to get dinner ready but not ignore the guests in the living/dining room. I’m counting my pennies until we can afford to take out the load-bearing wall and make it truly open.

    • lawsuited

      Open plan, for sure. I find it hard to ignore mess in the kitchen too, although it’s easier to do at dinner parties when there are lots of people around and I don’t want to be rude by cleaning while entertaining, but I’m happy enough leaving pots on the stove and dumping everything else into the sinks so it’s out of sight.

      • Laura B

        To add to this, if you’re remodeling and decide on open plan, get a big deep sink. More room to put mess out of sight. :)

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I’ve had both layouts, and when we bought, we went open plan.

      The advantages of open plan – better sight lines to the rest of the house, the ability to stay “in the flow” when entertaining even if I have to check the oven or something, the ability to see/talk with my husband while cooking something that requires me to hang out in the kitchen for a while, the general feeling of spaciousness that the open floor plan gives, the fact that the kitchen feels less cramped because I’m not closed off, the way the heat from cooking dissipates through the whole open space so I’m not roasting along with the turkey on Thanksgiving – far outweigh the advantages of a closed kitchen (which, basically, are “can hide mess” and “increased wall space”).

      You can deal with mess by throwing everything in the sink (and you can even get a cutting board that’ll fit over the sink, so as long as the mess isn’t overflowing the top of the sink, you can literally cover it) and/or by cleaning as you go (which is what I tend to do even when I’m entertaining), and personally, I haven’t found the lack of wall space to be a problem in laying out our living room – we have the TV on the wall that we do have, and everything else is floating anyway, so the wall situation has proven to be pretty irrelevant. We just used an area rug to “anchor” the living room space, then the dining table forms another natural anchor in the dining space, no walls required.

    • H

      Open. Especially since you said you have a toddler. You can cook, clean while LO is playing in the living room.

    • CHS

      I’ll add to the dissent – I’ve had both open plans (two different apartments) and separate closed off (two different apartments) and now we have a galley off of the living room and I love it. I can still cook and keep an eye on the living room but it’s much easier to keep things corralled when it’s messy, and I don’t feel like everyone is up in my biz while I’m cooking. I hated that when cooking something loud (needed the oven fan on, sauteing, etc.) that you couldn’t hear much else in the living room. I also love love love being able to block kiddo from the kitchen easily – one baby gate and we’re good to go for when we’re boiling water or anything like that.

      For me the open kitchen aligns with the whole loft-style apartment camp – we thought we’d love it in theory, but it turns out that living in it is much different than visiting. One year in a true loft and we were aching to get back to a traditional floorplan with real rooms. And doors. Yay for doors!

    • dissenting vote

      Dissenting opinion: I hate open kitchens. I think they look hideous. I love to entertain, and I love to be entertained, but I hate the huge gross multi-purpose rooms that became so common in the 90s. To me, no matter how spic and span your kitchen is, it’s akin to having a door-less closet open onto a main hallway. There was a article in the WSJ a few years back that more people are starting to be on my side for this one!

      • Emmen

        I’m so with you. My kitchen is a separate room (doorways w/o doors on either end to the adjoining rooms) and it is my refuge when entertaining. I’ve never felt closed off or trapped in there like some other commenters seem to. At 15’x11′ it’s bigger than a galley, but definitely not large/spacious. I love it in there. Having the whole works in the open is unappealing to me; I find it unbecomingly ostentatious or showy in an odd way. I’m so glad that trend is dying.

    • Scarlett

      Also dissenting – I had an open kitchen & hated it when I entertained. It made the whole party space look messy & there was no staging area. Moved to my current place which has a closed/separate kitchen & it’s wonderful. When I have bigger parties, I keep people out of the kitchen by having someone help from taskrabbit (this lets me go to the party area & makes people feel like they’re in the way if they go to the kitchen). When it’s informal, I don’t mind people hanging out in the kitchen with me & we also can go to “clean space” once the food is ready & it’s wonderful to not look at a mess of dishes. I am 100% closed kitchens.

    • Anonymous

      We had this choice and kept kitchen shut off due to loss of storage space/mess/kitchen noises while TV is on. Toddler has a kitchen helper step stool at island and a basket of art supplies stashed near breakfast nook.

  8. Anne Elliott

    Ladies, We are going skiing in the Alps (Austria) and I wanted to ask those who are from similar places:

    Do we need special snow boots when we just walk around the village etc? I understand that roads will be salted and well kept. I was planning to wear my wool socks with Tods loafers or similar.

    Or, at worst, Trainers with warm socks.

    we live in a tropical country so these would be used only 2 weeks/ year at best. Hence I’m reluctant to get them if not needed.

    • Anon

      You would normally want something like Sorrel boots, but if you’re from a tropical country, I would recommend rubber rain boots with thick socks or something like clogs with a big sole. DON’T wear the loafers, but you could probably make the sneakers work if the roads are all cleared and salted.

      • BB

        +1 to not wearing loafers. Those are a summer / warm weather shoe by design. Do you go hiking? If so, light hiking boots would work here and you can use them again even in warm climates if you go on hikes.

      • Intervention

        I don’t think rubber rain boots plus wool socks will be warm enough. Just like you need a parka or ski jacket, you need boots.

      • Anonymous

        Rubber boots will freeze and crack in below freezing temperatures. I ruined my Hunter Boots wearing them in the snow last year.

        • Anonymous

          If you have $hitty rubber boots, maybe. This is what I wear all winter and I live in Alaska.

    • Anonymous

      If this will be two weeks every year, I would definitely buy some appropriate boots. Just wait until the after Xmas sales.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve spent lots of winters in Austria. You will 100% need winter boots for any of the ski resort towns. You MIGHT be able to get away with just shoes and warm socks in Innsbruck in December but not January/February. And even then, your feet will be cold. Buy the boots.

    • Intervention

      Yeah, no. You need boots. I live in New England and have been to Austria in January. Buy boots and wear the wool socks. Your feet will be cold and wet without boots. You will have no traction without boots. You will ruin your leather loafers with salt residue and mucky water.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, it’s important to consider the salt as well as the cold. If the streets are plowed and salted, that’s great, but salt RUINS fabrics. It’s not like the roads will be perfectly smooth and dry.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      First of all, you definitely need boots.

      Second of all, you don’t need to spend all that much on them, just get something that’s waterproof and meant for winter. I walked around Iceland for a week in the winter in a $50 pair of Totes winter boots with warm wool socks, and was completely comfortable. Winter boots don’t have to cost big money to be serviceable for short-term use.

    • Anonymous

      I used to live in a tropical country, and would very occasionally go skiing someplace like Japan or visit relatives in Vail in winter. For those trips, I used some sturdy hiking boots plus wool socks. You can get by with sneakers/ hiking boots and wool socks, but you will honestly be much, much happier with proper snow boots. Kids, especially, will be infinitely happier and more comfortable with snow boots. I completely understand the desire to avoid buying more stuff that will just moulder in storage 90% of the year, though!

    • NOLA

      If you are in town where they have cobblestone streets, do not where something like sneakers. Wear heavier soled boots with heavy socks. I made that mistake in Salzburg as a young’un. The cold just radiated up from my feet.

    • Parfait

      Even if the roads are well plowed, there will still be random piles of snow around and possibly puddles, because salt. Definitely don’t wear loafers or anything where the top of your foot is even a little bit exposed. Snow will get inside and your socks will get wet and you’ll be miserable. You can probably get by with hiking boots if you have to, but having warm dry feet is key to enjoying yourself in the cold. I would get some actual snow boots. You don’t have to spend a ton on them.

    • Anonymous

      Loafers?! No way! You need boots and thick socks. Your feet would get so cold and wet in an instant in loafers.

  9. Toronto?

    I’m going to be in Toronto at the end of the month for a couple of days. Anything I should definitely do while I’m there? I don’t have a huge budget, but I wouldn’t mind doing some shopping if there are stores I definitely shouldn’t miss. Not terribly concerned about touristy stuff, I’ve been to the CN Tower and Hockey HOF. I like trying new restaurants and beer.
    Also any recommendations for where to stay? I’m thinking I’ll get an AirBnB, open to suggestions though.
    Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      All the big stores are on Bloor St. Holt Renfrew is the high end department store and it’s beautiful to walk around in there even if you don’t buuy anything.

      The ROM is a fantastic museum close by.

    • waffles

      Welcome to Toronto!

      We have a great exhibit at the Art Gallery of Ontario right now, called mystical landscapes. It features some great Monet, Van Gogh, and other artists. If you like hockey, I think tickets to the Toronto Marlies (the Maple Leafs feeder team) are reasonable.
      Second the recommendation to wander along Bloor Street for shopping. The Holt Renfrew is great, and the luxury boutiques too. My husband and I visited the distillery district on a recent stay-cation. It’s small but cute for a half day of browsing.

      For downtown, my favourite inexpensive restaurant is IQ. Check out iqfoodco dot com – you can pre-order online, which is especially important at lunch because they are all JAMMED. If you like sushi, ki is a great splurge but can be a scene during happy hour. Cactus Club (the first Toronto location of a popular Vancouver chain) is the latest hot spot, though I find it a bit overpriced and super crowded.
      We have so many great restaurants in Toronto, it really depends on what food you like and what part of the city you’ll be in.

      feel free to email me at jackski at gmail dot com if you want any more ideas!

      • waffles

        St Lawrence market is fun to visit too, and you can get a tasty quick lunch at the vendors’ stalls. I think the bacon sandwich was recently voted Toronto’s “signature dish”. That’s back bacon or peameal bacon, also known as Canadian bacon in the US.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      There are SO many new microbreweries in Toronto right now, it’s crazy (there are like 3 in a 10 minute walk from my house, for example). So if you want to try new beer, you are definitely going to find that easy. I really like Folly (and good food too, more snacky/share plates than dinner) and Halo (more of a tasting room type vibe, not food, but if you’re really into beer, it’s a do) and Bellwoods. Bar Volo, which was Toronto’s original craft beer place, is closed now but has opened Birreria Volo.

      I would AirBnb. Anywhere reasonably close to DT and a subway/streetcar line will be fine for getting around.

      For restos, I’ve been meaning to check out Patois. Also love Richmond Station and Byblos. Canoe is the classic Toronto fine dining, depending what you’re into.

      Blog To and Toronto Life will have good run downs, neighbourhood by neighbourhood.

      • TO Lawyer

        Mmm.. patois is amazing! So is Richmond Station – the burger there is probably the best burger I’ve had in the city.

      • lawsuited

        Patois is amazing, but closed for renovations following a fire in a neighbouring building. Second Richmond Station, and also like The Gabardine for comfort food, Terroni for Italian, Mildred’s Temple Kitchen for brunch and Montecito for creamy polenta.

    • TO Lawyer

      Yay welcome to Toronto!

      There’s great boutique shopping on Queen Street West.

      What do you want to do while you’re here? The big clubs are on King West, more fun and low key bars tend to be located on ossington street or also on Queen West. (especially west of Bathurst street).

      There are fantastic restaurants in every neighborhood, in pretty much every price range and every type of cuisine so it’s hard to give you recommendations without knowing more but here’s a list of suggestions:
      -Dai Lo
      -Sidecar
      -Byblos
      -Dandylion
      -Bent
      -Lee
      -The good son
      -Nuit Social
      -Carbon Bar
      -La Carnita
      -Khao San road
      -Pai

      For cocktail bars, I really like civil liberties and rush lane.

      For wine bars, I like midfield or archive.

      • BabyAssociate

        Former Toronto resident, Pai is beyond amazing.

        Add also add the Caledonian for delicious scotch.

    • Toronto?

      Thanks everyone! It’s really an aimless trip for me so I’m excited to research the restaurant recs and read up on the museums/shops/market!

  10. anonymous

    We’ve talked a lot about how divisive this election has been. Regardless of who wins, I don’t think America is exactly going to be in a good place any time soon. I can’t recall ever seeing our country so polarized and angry.

    I’ve been spending a lot of time phone banking for Hillary, but I’ll have time to do something else after the election and I don’t know where to start. Any thoughts on what to do post-election to help our country heal? And does the answer change depending on who wins the election?

      • Anonymous

        And that means solid jobs with benefits….. Not these great “flexible” contract jobs with no health insurance, no retirement benefits, no sick days, no security etc.

        In my mind, it means a New Deal type of approach, along with re-assessing education/job training opportunities, and possible re-evaluating relevant trade issues.

        I’m a progressive Democrat.

        • Sydney Bristow

          I 100% agree with you on the “gig economy” that has been getting so much positive press. I lived it for 4 years and you can never feel comfortable because your work could dry up literally at any moment and you can’t reliably set up your next job because it isn’t always certain when your current one will end. Retirement, if you have an agency that offers it, is basically pointless because you can only contribute when you are working for that agency, which can change at any moment. NYC finally required sick days, so that one I didn’t have to deal with as much. Health insurance, like retirement, was tied to the agency if you didn’t buy it yourself on an exchange and would jump to COBRA in between projects you worked on. You had to try and save every single penny and work as much overtime as possible in order to build a cushion in case you were involuntarily out of work for over a month. It was absolutely stressful. The “flexibility” could be good for some people and was nice in some instances. I was able to take off nearly a month for my wedding and honeymoon, but that’s because I specifically saved up for it and was on a long-term project that was ok with me leaving. Not all projects are so nice so your flexibility might just be whether to extend the time you are out of work.

          Seriously, I cringe every time I see anything about the beauty of contract work. It may be good for some people, but for a large portion of people, a regular “permanent” job is a much better option.

          • Walnut

            How are people on the “gig economy” paying for health insurance? My self-employed parents just received their new health insurance in the mail and will pay 33k in premiums this next year. Plus a 13k deductible and 26k max out of pocket.

            My parents do okay for themselves, but are by no means rich. We’re in a rural community where most people are self employed. People don’t have the cash to pay for insurance like that. The alternative is paying the penalty and gambling with their health. This is why they are voting Trump.

          • SC

            I understand the problems with health insurance, but I don’t understand the mentality that people would be better off without it. I have a “gig,” and DH works for a small business with no benefits. So we pay $900/mo in premiums for a high-deductible health insurance plan for our family of 3. This year we don’t qualify for a subsidy (probably will next year, but I left a high-paying job in July). Our current plan is also being canceled this year, so I have to shop for new insurance and will have limited options, and we may have to change some of our doctors. But pre-ACA, we might not have been able to buy insurance at all.

          • Sydney Bristow

            Many aren’t. I didn’t have any for a long time, then had an accident that freaked me out so I got a catastrophic coverage plan. I literally couldn’t afford the one real plan that was available to me. Once the ACA went into effect, I looked at buying on the exchange and technically could have afforded it but luckily my now-husband and I were able to file for domestic partnership and get me on his very good insurance.

            My future brother in law has a plan like your parents. I think his deductible is 15k. He recently spent a week in the hospital and no longer has a job. I’m pretty sure that he is going to have to file bankruptcy.

            It really is a big problem. The ACA did open up plans to me that I could afford, but that’s because I live in NYC where there were a bunch of plans to choose from.

          • Walnut

            My parents single option under the exchange isn’t any better than their private insurance. Before ACA my parents had a catastrophic coverage policy with a lot of exclusions – but at least they were able to afford the premiums. They never considered going without coverage before but they’re looking at it pretty seriously right now.

            My parents are in good financial shape and are very, very frugal. Their frugal nature allows them to have the option to pay these premiums. Others in the community are not in such a position and word around town is many people will be going without for the first time ever – and that scares the heck out of all of them.

      • CHJ

        The jobs report just came out and the U.S. added 161,000 new jobs in October. Unemployment is at 4.9%. One thing that perplexes me is why there is this deep sentiment that the economy is bad or unemployment is high. Is it a rural/urban thing? Is it the flex economy like anon below mentions? Is it coast vs. middle? To be completely transparent, I live in a blue state with a booming economy, so I am heavily biased and I admit that.

        • Anonymous

          I have no idea either. I live in a red state with a booming economy. Other than in places like West Virginia where many people were employed in an industry that has become obsolete, I don’t understand this doom and gloom about jobs and the economy.

        • Anon

          Yeah, it’s pretty rural vs urban. I live in Chattanooga but grew up in rural Alabama, and I found this article about the city and the surrounding areas to be very enlightening. It’s about how Chattanooga was an industrial city on the verge of collapse, but was revived by a tech boom. When I was reading it, I kept thinking about the differences between rural and urban areas and how so much of the basic resources for success are present in cities and completely absent in rural areas.

          http://motherboard.vice.com/read/chattanooga-gigabit-fiber-network

        • cbackson

          I think there is enormous regional variation in employment and growth – parts of rural, small town, and exurban America are in really, really bad shape, for example. It’s also the case that many of the employed are underemployed – so they have jobs, but those jobs aren’t really enough to live on.

          Basically, if you look at the core of Trump’s support, you’ll see a segment of our society that, in many ways, is in really bad shape and needs help. People who live outside the prosperous cities, who don’t have college degrees…those folks are suffering.

          • cbackson

            I’ll also say that I’m not ignoring the portion of Trump’s support that is driven by nativism, racism, etc., but I’d encourage folks to think about the fact that the lesser angels of our collective nature come out most strongly when people are suffering economically. So if you are dirt poor in Owsley County, Kentucky (third-poorest county in the country, with a MEDIAN household income of $23,000), and you are trying to figure out how you’re going to keep your family alive and off of heroin, there is an instinct to look for something that explains how your community ended up in this situation. Blaming immigrants and people who are different at least gives you something more concrete than “a complex and changing global economy largely doesn’t have much of a place for high-school-educated, unskilled, rural workers” to look to.

            You can say that those people should just be better, should just understand those complicated economic forces, or you can realize that they need a lot of help and aren’t getting it, and that maybe getting them that help would change the way they think about the world.

        • bridget

          The labor force participation rate is at its lowest point since the Carter Administration. “Unemployment” is “low” because people have given up on looking for jobs, work under the table, or are on disability (as a desperate measure).

          The middle class and working class have suffered under this “recovery,” while the professional classes and wealthy have thrived.

          There are a lot of people making Hunger Games analogies, with rural areas suffering and a privileged, urban class oblivious to it.

          • Anonymous

            This is laughable when we all know you support Trump, and therefore ending all the social safety nets us elitist liberals support and pay for with our taxes to avoid states like Mississippi and Alabama, who elected decades ago not to educate any of their citizens well out of horror at the thought of literate black children, turning into the actual hunger games.

          • bridget

            I am a NeverTrump person who nevertheless has sympathy for people not like her.

            You have NO IDEA what I think, believe, and advocate for.

            But I richly wish you could say that to my face, so I could slap you.

          • JayJay

            It’s neither here nor there, but I’m fairly certain bridget has been pretty clear that she doesn’t support Trump.

            And you didn’t address her point – which is true – that the labor force participation rate is incredibly low and many people are underemployed.

          • Anonymous

            Really Bridget? Nice change of tune. Slap me? I do know what you think because you tell us all the time. But way to go wishing you could be violent against me instead of addressing the actual point.

          • lapsed Catholic

            Oh, we “privileged urban class” people are not oblivious. Far from it.

            We literally pay for the rural areas. The rural areas, through gerrymandering, have an out-sized voice in government at the Federal level. The rural areas take our money and our political voice. Then tell us that WE are the meanies.

            Maybe the rural people should turn off Faux News and stop blaming Muslims, Jews, Mexicans, H1B workers, women, and other minorities for their problems.

            Maybe rural people should do what the underprivileged “urban” people do: use contraceptives, take their mental health medications, go to community school, get up at 4:30am to take public transit to their low-paying jobs, and actually try to better themselves instead of wallowing in the “unfairness” of it all.*

            Bridget, you are laughable. I hope you realize that St. Bridget, your namesake, is widely thought to have been an abortion provider as her miracles included “causing miscarriages” and “bringing back menstrual flow”.

            *I’m a legal aid attorney in one of your “privileged urban areas” who grew up poor in my city. I worked my way through community college, 4-year college, and law school. I spent 8 years in BigLaw as part of the “privileged urban class”. I know what impoverished people go through to make ends meet. And no, my clients aren’t all saints. But at least they are trying.

          • Wow

            While I don’t usually agree with Bridget, I have to say that I appreciate hearing a conservative voice here. Many of us, including myself, live in liberal bubbles and it’s important to hear other viewpoints.

          • Anonymous

            the rural poor suffer differently, as states heavy with this population are Southern havens for Republican governor’s who cut all assistance, don’t expand Medicaid, and underfund schools.

        • nutella

          I think it is a rural/urban coast/middle thing. I watched a fascinating documentary about coal miners in Appalachia that really dives into this. Those jobs are never coming back, but “Trump for Coal” is a rallying cry and he promises he will bring back coal jobs. It’s not going to happen and while many know this is true, he speaks to their frustration- their economy is poor and dependent one coal alone, so the towns are ghost towns. They feel that their jobs were taken away from them (not necessarily by immigrants, because they don’t see them, but maybe by immigrants elsewhere in this country and definitely by factory workers abroad like in China. They have lived their lives the same way for generations and while never exceedingly rich, were able to get by. When you are in a position of privilege (even if it doesn’t seem that way because you are poor but still white) anything less than what you are used to feels like it is being taken away from you. This is why the poorest states still vote Red even though it is the cause that has the least to do in helping them and even though they benefit the most from Blue state politics and welfare policies. Around them they see the world looking a lot less like it used to (why “make America great again” is the rallying cry- this is when it was great for them) because there are more minorities and women not just in their country but in positions of power. I believe electing Obama was the epitome of this frustration for them. (Competition among poor whites and even worse off minorities is as old as slavery in this country and around the world.)

          Politics is more than just thinking rationally ‘what’s best for me’ – it also taps into a lot of feelings, which is why Trump supporters are so white hot for him. He barely touches on substance and he is successful because he focuses more on spotlighting their feelings of frustration.

          I agree that there has never been a better time to be alive, but I am a female child of immigrants. There literally has never been a better time/place to be alive for my family. But if you can remember a time just a generation or two ago that you felt things were ‘going more your way’ yeah, you feel like this country is going down the tubes.

          • cbackson

            “(Competition among poor whites and even worse off minorities is as old as slavery in this country and around the world.)”

            This is essentially like 75% of the explanation for the post-Civil War south, in fact. Wealthy southern whites had a very, very strong incentive to stoke that competition, so that poor southern whites didn’t look at poor southern blacks and realize that they had a lot more in common with each other than they did with the political and economic elite in the southern states. They wouldn’t have used these terms for it, but the southern white elite was very focused on keeping racial struggle alive in order to avoid class struggle emerging.

          • Anon

            I came from a poor rural area (not in the deep south) and yes “Make America Great Again” appeals directly to poor rural primarily white folks who see the 50s as a prosperous time for them. That’s why so many rural women are still voting for Trump – their moms and grandmas were better off in the 50s because the dad could work at the factory and ensure the whole family was set for life. They’d rather live a stable life than their current life, even if current life has more opportunities.

            The racial component comes in because they see it as poor black people get all the benefits and handouts because they’re in cities. Poor whites in the country get nothing. They’re being “left behind” and literally no one cares. Trump is the first politician who has said he cares, and that’s why he’s “anti-establishment” and “tells it like it is”. He might be brash, but at least he’ll fight for THEM, not for inner cities who already get so much help.

            As cbackson said above, getting real help to the poor rural whites would do a lot to change their view of the world. Until that happens, we’ll keep having this segment with these views.

          • Ex-Rural

            I grew up in a farming and mining town. Red states get more cash from the Federal government, but the way states dole it out is overwhelmingly to the middle class. (NPR had a great report on this if you’d like to google it.)

            But the problems of rural areas are inherent in their rural-ness. It’s incredibly inefficient to provide services in rural areas. If you have a baby with a one in five thousand genetic defect, there will be hundreds of these kids in NYC. You’re more likely to find an expert, get properly diagnosed, find assistance from people with experience, link up with a non-profit that specializes with that defect and on and on — before you get into what the government should or will do. And this is basically true for ANYTHING.

            There’s a reason the West was electrified by Rural Electric Co-ops. It’s just not sustainable to live like that and expect to have the same level of services.

          • Suburban

            Agree with Cbackson and will add that we see this in the northeast and into the 20th century (NYC draft riots; Boston bus riots, etc.) I think this is why racism is more accepted (and trump is more popular) among working classes and certain white ethnic groups.

            What I still don’t understand is why the children of Appalachian coal miners are looking for more coal jobs. It’s heartbreakingly dangerous and back-breaking hard work. Weren’t miners exploited terribly (paid poorly, living in company towns ) save for maybe some union protections? And these folks are also anti -union right?

            If anyone should demand government help for education, job transition and a decent place in the modern economy, good grief it should be these folks. Why are they itching to get back into the mines that (unless every American roots song has failed me) their fathers and grandfathers were literally dying to get out of?

        • Anonymous

          Unemployment is low, but many people are underemployed and most of the new jobs that were created are menial jobs that aren’t exactly anyone’s career goals. That figure also doesn’t count the people who gave up on being employed because they can’t find jobs in their field and are just tightening their belt because retirement is close, rather than start working at Starbucks.

        • Anonymous

          Also remember, that unemployment is based on people who are looking for work, but not finding it. I don’t know that there are metrics for working-age people (18-65) who could work (not otherwise disabled) but are not.

          I keep hearing reports about the increase in 18-40 year old men (white, mostly I think) who just aren’t working. I don’t know if it’s a mismatch of jobs and skills in that part of the country, or something else. But it’s that situation that (I think) is feeding a lot of the Trump support. And definitely needs to be acknowledged and addressed, in addition to everything else on HRC’s campaign list.

        • anon a mouse

          It’s because people are inherently unhappy with what they have and think they should have more — more stability, more benefits, higher salaries. People have jobs but they don’t think the jobs are good enough. Part of that is objective — salaries have remained relatively flat until recently, costs for health care are rising, etc. And part of that I think also comes from the fact that prices of houses and other goods continue to rise faster than salaries, so people feel like their money doesn’t go as far as it once did.

          I also can’t discount the rise in social media for amplifying people who look like they have “more” than you and fostering more comparisons without a full picture (e.g., you don’t know whether that friend who just took a fabulous trip put it all on a credit card).

          • Anonnnn

            I think this way to thinking dismisses the fact that there is a large faction of this country that literally doesn’t have enough.

          • emeralds

            People have jobs that literally are not good enough. One summer after college I worked full-time as a barista making slightly above minimum wage, at a status-y place that wouldn’t hire your prototypical high school Starbucks employee working for fun money. If I hadn’t been able to live at home and carry over health insurance from my old salary job until my new salary job started, I don’t know what I would have done…and I was working alongside people with high school diplomas or even college degrees who depended on that job to pay their bills as their only source of employment. The coffee shop didn’t offer benefits to non-management employees, so they didn’t have health insurance (this was just barely pre-Obamacare) or they couldn’t get coverage because of pre-existing conditions. A retirement match was out of the question. And they couldn’t save for retirement independently because they had bills to pay, kids to feed, and cars to fix (that they relied on to get to work because public transit sucked), and every single dollar they made was taken up by those necessities.

            We all worked 40-60 hours a week. Opening shift started at 6:15, closing was at 11. These were hard-working people who worked as hard as they could, took as much overtime as they could get, and they still could barely make ends meet, much less get ahead. And how were they supposed to go to college to get additional qualifications if they had no money, or their manager would rarely accommodate scheduling requests so part-time classes were out of the question (which was absolutely the case)? The job wasn’t good enough. Period.

        • Anonymous

          salaries are flat. the issue doesn’t just exist in rural midwest areas. and it doesn’t just impact people without advanced degrees. the majority of people participating in this online community are lawyers–you forget that there are many people working in corporate america whose salaries have not gone up in the past six years. corporations are not spending on employees and when you add to that the increasing cost of health insurance and the erosion of other benefits, it takes a toll.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s never been a better time to be an American. Native rights are national news. Black lives matter is changing how our police operate, albeit slowly. Sexual assault on college campuses is being taken seriously and when it isn’t, that is treated as a failure. Instead of hiding behind code words white supremacists are being acknowledged as racist. We are grappling with understanding that a significant portion of this country hates brown people- that has always been true and I think it’s positive that it is no longer being swept under the table.

      I like the American Society of Friends social action committee’s work. Peace focused advocacy.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with a lot here. Despite so much conflict now, there is so much progress that has been made. When I think back to when I was in college…. It is still amazing how far we have come. For the first time we see more South East Asian faces in higher offices, LGBT issues are in the forefront, Spanish is the required foreign language kids learn in school in my area, and the pace of innovation is staggering. I am Medicine and see so many good things, as well as ripple effects throughout the world with less starvation, better disease control, and even addressing cancer in 3rd world populations. Even global warming progress is being made.

        I am still very hopeful.

        Sometimes it is easier to change society than people, and then society drags people along with it. It sometimes takes a new generation when big change is happening. And don’t fool yourself that big change isn’t happening.

      • Question

        Honest question (from a Hillary voter):

        If Trump wins next Tuesday, will you still think there’s never been a better time to be an American? Because although I agree with your points re: issues that have been bubbling below the surface for too long finally getting needed/overdue exposure, I’m also shocked and horrified that apparently 1 in every 2 people in this country would vote for that walking dumpster of stupidity and vitriol.

        My husband and I would seriously consider moving abroad. Not joking.

        • Anonymous

          My husband and I would seriously consider moving abroad too, although we have jobs that are hard to do abroad so I don’t think we would actually move. But I am absolutely horrified and heartbroken that half of Americans are ok with blatant racism, misogyny, religious discrimination and xenophobia.

        • lawsuited

          Interestingly, I’m Canadian and have been fielding requests for information about immigration, healthcare and school systems, and job market from friends south of the border for the last few months, with a significant uptick in the last week.

        • Anonymous

          Remember that many (most?) of the Trump supporters are voting against Hilary… Not for Trump. It is a difference.

          And if we don’t get off our high horses and start figuring out how to talk, there will still be ugly times.

          But we will continue to move forward.

          Fortunately a TV cartoon like Trump doesn’t come around very often.

          • anon

            Agree that people are voting for the Republicans/against Democrats and Trump just happens to be the name for that tool. There is also the belief that if elected, there would be many more checks and balances for his actions and he’d hopefully have smart people surrounding him that could do the work. Although, if the party can’t “control” him on the campaign trail, I’m not confident that they could do enough damage control if he takes office.

          • Anonymous

            That’s not how voting works though. A vote for Trump is a vote for white supremacy. Plain and simple.

          • Z

            It’s not that plain and simple. There can be a lot of factors that go into a person’s decision to vote. That may be how you view it, but not how an anti-HRC voter would see it.

          • Anonymous

            Except in reality land, we don’t have a no vote system. You can’t vote against Hillary. You can only vote for someone else or not vote. I don’t care if that is how the idiots see it, that is the actual world we live in.

          • Anonymous

            I’m stating this so you keep this in mind as you make sweeping judgements about Trump voters. Of course I understand the other issues.

            But there will always be Repblicans that vote on single issues or for the Supreme Court alone. Democrats do this too.

        • Anonymous

          I voted for Gore and Kerry but I thought all the people who said “I’m moving to Canada is Bush wins!” were ridiculous. But I’m honestly not sure I can live in Trump’s America. This isn’t about policy anymore. Trump has normalized racism and hatred, and it’s not ok. I don’t recognize my country anymore.

          • anonymous

            Totally agree with all of this. I have spent the last week feeling nothing short of despair and starting to half-heartedly look for jobs in Toronto.

            HOWEVER.

            Even if Trump wins (and I still hold out hope that he will not), millions of people also feel like we do. They can’t/won’t all move. There has to be some way to unite with them to continue to move this country forward.

            I can kind of understand the poor less-educated voting for Trump, but they do not make up 50% of the electorate. That’s where I’m struggling to understand. Where are all the other voters coming from?

          • Anonymous

            I knew a couple college-educated people voting for him. They are deeply religious Republicans and although they say they condemn much of his rhetoric, they believe it is worth holding their nose and voting for him to get pro-life Supreme Court nominees. They have also bought into the right-wing propaganda and believe Hillary is a criminal, and not just the email scandal…I know at least one of them thinks she murdered Vince Foster.

            I also know some Bernie bros who are voting for Jill Stein, which just makes me sick to my stomach. They agree with Hillary on 95+% of issues and disagree with Trump on just about everything but they think “Democrats and Republicans are the same…we need third parties.” Shamefully these people are old enough to remember Nader.

          • Anonymous

            Lol. Donald Trump is massively pro choice, doesn’t care about their values, and if th Clintons murder people explain how Anthony Weiner isn’t dead.

          • Anonymous

            I totally agree, Anon at 11:43, but many right-wing Republicans believe that he will appoint extremely conservative justices because he now says he will and they believe what he’s selling. These people were very #NeverTrump in the Republican primary (they mostly supported Cruz or Rubio) but they have come around and accepted that they “have to” support their party’s nominee and stop Hillary. Not saying I agree with it at all, just explaining the reasoning behind some Trump supporters I know who aren’t poor and uneducated.

          • October

            Re: pro-life (narrowly defined as anti-abortion), for some people it’s about more than just judges… this year’s updates to the democratic party platform are bolder than ever about protecting abortion rights. Some people feel like they just can not vote for that. The judges thing in my opinion is a red herring (judges don’t always vote on expected party lines! The Supreme court cannot just make rulings willy-nilly!) but at least I can *kind of* respect the platform argument.

          • anon associate

            Re; judges. Absolutely not a red herring.

            No, SCOTUS can’t just make up rulings willy nilly, but you’re ignoring the fact that there is very concerted effort to pass bills specifically designed to present challenges to the standards set out in Roe v. Wade or Casey. And in the mean time, dramatically limit abortion rights/access.

            That’s what the 20 week abortion bans are about. And the admitting privileges/ambulatory surgical center bills. And the “partial birth” abortion ban. The court is very evenly split on abortion. There’s a sick cottage industry working to overturn RvW that knows these issues so well that they know what lines to push and they know specifically how to entice Kennedy to go their way. If you want some real life examples of the differences that judges can make, take a look at how the 5th circuit (which is known to be extremely conservative) has ruled on anti-abortion bills and the dramatic and harmful effects of such rulings. That shiz doesn’t happen in the 9th circuit (or many others).

        • nona

          So what? you’re just going to move and say “oh, well, not my problem to fix”? The US doesn’t get better unless people who believe in the premise stick around to defend it. Not in big ways, but in the small everyday local ways. Yes, it’s messy right now, because change is hard, but part of being a US citizen is standing up for the ideals of freedom. And acknowledging it’s actually work. Trump hasn’t normalized racism and hatred – he’s just bring to light what a lot of people currently believe. Now that we know that, we can continue to work on addressing it. It’s a reminder to not be complacent.

          Because you might be able to consider moving abroad, there are a lot of people who don’t have that option and would be stuck with what we have. Saying you’ll move if Trump is elected is self-indulgent and selfish, in my book.

          • Anonymous

            He has absolutely normalized racism and hatred. It certainly existed before him, but he has made it much more socially acceptable to say, and given a voice to people who already had hateful thoughts to say those thoughts out loud and cause other people fear and pain. That’s what “normalized” means.

          • nona

            Fine – he has normalized saying it out loud *in a select cultural demographic*. And it’s not like it was terribly hard to do – he’s saying publicly what many people were saying privately.

            I still don’t see how fleeing the country fixes that. In fact, that makes it worse.

          • Anonnnn

            Hilary voter, here. I completely agree with nona. If racism is newly normal to you via Trump, you live in a bubble.

        • Anonymous

          Please do so. In fact, go now. We need people who will be part of the solving our problems, and not ones who threaten to pick up their toys and leave if things don’t go their way. Please give up your citizenship and passport on your way out.

          • Anonymous

            I am considering leaving and I have served a full career in the military. But you know what, it’s my right to choose to live wherever I want, and it’s not required for me to give up my citizenship if I choose not to stay in a country where it is that much harder for me to be accepted and not put down because of my skin color.
            Racism is definitely not new to me. But Trump has made it more acceptable.

          • Cdn Anon

            Can I just say, as a Canadian, I hate when people say they’re going to move here. For one thing, we have our own problems that we as a society are trying to fix.

            But things are different because we have different views on things. Things are not so polarized here. We don’t have gun issues, abortion is not an election issue, gay marriage is not discussed anymore, we have single-payer healthcare.

            None of these things are perfect but we have different values as a society than Americans do and I hate the idea that Americans have let things get as bad as they have in a myriad of ways and when the sh*t finally hits the fan, are you going to come do the same thing to my country?

          • Anonymous

            You do know that all Americans are not the same, don’t you? We don’t all have the same values.

            And yes, don’t worry. As you know, it is very difficult to emigrate to Canada. Not gonna happen. That is, unless you are my ultra rich BIL’s sister from an Asian country who paid half a million for her Visa. Canada’s values are very comfortable with THAT.

            And it’s easy to sit on your high horse in Canada, considering your buffer just below….

          • Cdn Anon

            Yup this was the American attitude that we don’t want up here. It’s unhelpful and I think part of the reason why your country is so polarized.

            Also keep in mind that when a political party up here tried a racist strategy to get elected, they were resoundly defeated in a landslide. Your polls are alarmingly close which means even if you don’t agree, a large portion of Americans are ok with misonogy and racism.

          • ck

            Cdn Anon, are these really necessary?

            You’re on an American website where the vast majority of the people are stating how dismayed they are by Trump and what he represents. A lot are admirers of Canada, and we’re eager to make progress in the areas you mention, and we are making progress. When I read your post, you are stating you want to keep all immigrants out too…. including the big bad Americans who think Trump is a foolish dangerous embarrassment. A little harsh, and unnecessary, eh?

            Kick us while we’re down already ;) !

            Don’t worry… I have no desire to move to Canada, and I’ll keep trying to make things better down here.

        • ANon

          The solution to Trump becoming president cannot be that all the smartest people of the country (i.e., those who didn’t vote for Trump) flee the country. Besides, if the country could survive 8 years of W., the country will survive 4 years of Trump.

      • Anon

        For poor rural white folks, it’s the WORST time (in memory) to be an American. None of those issues feel like they impact them. Their jobs have left, there’s no more pensions, health care is more expensive, schools are failing, their guns are being taken away, and a single salary isn’t going nearly as far as it did in the 50s. Heck, even two working adults can barely keep up. In their eyes, the government has taken from them (the middle class) but helped the poor and the wealthy. They’re being squeezed out of everything and it feels like no one cares. Yet they’re told they are “privileged” because they’re white, while they’re working their second minimum-wage job and buying white bread for dinner again.

        It fuels the fire when they hear people say it’s never been a better time to be an American. You’re considered part of the problem, one of the establishment. It’s NOT for them, and no party is even trying to make it better for them. Hence the mass appeal of Trump – he says he’ll get them back to prosperity, and they’d rather take their chances with him than go with Clinton who they KNOW won’t care.

        • Anon

          I’m a gun owner (albeit a super liberal one) and no one is taking away our guns.

          • emeralds

            My dad has been saying Obama was coming for his guns for the last eight years. I check every time I visit and what do you know, they’re all still in his house. My boyfriend was even able to successfully PURCHASE a shotgun during the Obama administration! Truly mind-blowing.

          • Anon

            I debated whether to add that line. But the reality is that they see it as a real threat. And when you live 30+ miles away from the nearest law enforcement, which is a volunteer force anyway, anything that threatens your ability to protect yourself and your family is a very big red flag. It’s literally an issue of safety for rural people, and an integral part of their self-identity. (“I can take care of my family myself, I don’t need outside help.”)

            The democrats have consistently campaigned on an issue of gun control, and when Fox News (and local NRA chapters, and local gun shops, and even your local Walmart gun counter employee) interprets that to mean “they’re coming for your guns”, you get this fear.

            Regardless, the issue is part of the overall issue – gun control maybe matters in cities, but in the country where literally no one can hear you scream, it’s an issue for a completely different reason. Again, poor rural folks feel like they’re being ignored, and potentially even harmed, at the expense of “helping” cities. And again, no one cares.

          • Ex-Rural

            Where on God’s Green Earth is there a volunteer police force? 30 minute response times? Yes. Volunteer police? You are making things up. Stop it.

            Also, if you are protecting your family with something other than a double barrel shotgun, loaded with bird and buck shot, you are too stupid to have a gun in the first place. And nobody’s taking away shotguns.

          • emeralds

            My dad is a college-educated, white, rural Trump supporter. He has no excuse to actually believe anyone is coming for his guns–he doesn’t have a criminal background or ties to any terrorist organizations, he doesn’t have any handguns or “assault” rifles or automatics or semiautomatics, he has no history of the kind of mental illness issues that could be flags for going on a shooting spree, no kids in the house, literally nothing that anyone interested in gun control talks about. He’s just a rural white dude who grew up hunting who owns a couple of hunting rifles and shotguns. But he’s got Fox News and a bunch of alt-right conspiracy theory blogs screaming in his ears OBAMA IS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS!

            And I’m just like, yeah. Point me to one piece of evidence that doesn’t come from Breitbart and then we’ll talk. So I really don’t care, nor do I think anyone should care, about his fee-fees or the fee-fees of his demographic. FWIW, I come from a gun-owning family on both sides, I know how to shoot, I live in a house with a gun, I shoot skeet on a semi-regular basis, and I am 100% pro-responsible gun owners having guns. But I also 100% support common-sense gun control measures.

    • Z

      I’d suggest volunteering in your local community. I live in a very small mid-west town. Our community women’s shelter is on par to reach almost a 150% increase in their numbers. 150%!! Our school district is seeing an increase in poverty. The number of people depending on the food bank is increasing. Yes, it seems that we are a very divided nation right now. There is a lot of anger, frustration and resentment. But we can’t focus on this if we want to move forward. I think the best way to move forward is to forget about national politics that are dividing people and focus on improving our communities.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’d like to get involved in ensuring voting rights for everyone. It becomes an issue every time there is a big election, but then drops away after.

      My home state of Oregon now has everyone automatically registered to vote when they turn 18. It has switched from an opt in to an opt out system, which I think is great. I think that everyone should vote. Here in NYC though, thousands of people in Brooklyn were wiped off the voter rolls before the most recent primaries. There are a bunch of other things that the Board of Elections in NY has done that seem really sketchy and it seems that there are big issues with being able to vote all over the country.

      I’m not really sure how to get involved with this, but it is something I think about and would like to help out.

  11. B&B in Lake Tahoe

    Can anyone recommend a good B&B (or hotel with a decent breakfast) in Lake Tahoe during ski season? I’m flexible on resort, but would prefer to avoid the party-heavy areas around Heavenly. I’m just looking for something cozy and fun (mountain feel great) with good food included. TIA!

    • SW

      So the Hyatt may be bigger than what you want, but the restaurants are good and the location is convenient. Anything in Incline Village would probably work for you. It’s a nice area.

  12. Mer

    Anyone have recs for a very moisturizing conditioner? I have thick wavy hair that tends to be pretty frizzy which I typically blow out every few days and I’ve been using Moroccan Oil conditioner, but wondering if there’s a better option.

    • Shenandoah

      I’ve got fairly straight hair that is fine but I have a lot of it, so take this with a grain of salt. But I actually really love the Kirkland brand shampoo & conditioner from Costco.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I really like the Hydrate formula from Number 4 haircare. I get it through Birchbox or you can buy Direct. I’d stay away from the ones sold on Amazon though because they seem to be fakes. It’s expensive but oh so worth it to me. I have a ton of hair that is prone to being a wavy/straight/frizzy combo and this is my miracle product.

    • anon a mouse

      Look for a leave-in. Living proof is great; shea moisture is equally good at a lower price.

    • Trefoil

      I have similar hair, and i currently like the Garnier triple nutrition conditioner. It’s so cheap but works well to make my hair not expand to fill the room.

    • nutella

      I have the same hair – thick enough to grab a fistful, wavy, and reaches my bottom bra band. Here are my tips: put oil in your hair (focusing on the tips, I never go higher than my ears) *before* you shower. It smooths out my hair and helps it absorb what’s going on in the shower. I shampoo and condition like normal. I love creamy conditioners, like the purple Pureology. I leave conditioner in for a couple of minutes while I body wash, then rinse it out. Then I squeeze my hair of excess water – never wring and never tousle it with the towel. I use an Aquis hair towel and this was a game changer for me. Not only does it cut my drying time in half but it also reduces frizz. I just wrap it around my hair and do other things – again, I don’t tousle/rub with a towel. If my hair is really in rough shape, I may massage in a drop or two of hair oil at the bottoms again before blow drying, but typically not. I literally don’t put anything else in my hair. In the summer, I may run a straightener to smooth it out, but never touching the bottoms. I wash my hair about every 3-4 days and this works really well for me.

    • Terry

      Have you tried Argan oil? I put some in my hair after I wash it (wet or dry) and it’s the only thing that has really helped my frizz.

  13. Anon

    Any great ideas for breakfast at my desk? I don’t like to eat so early in the morning but get an appetite for breakfast around 9:30. I need some ideas besides granola bars that are clean, no microwave needed, and filling. Any suggestions?

    • Anon

      Overnight oats in a mason jar.

      Peanut butter and banana sandwich.

      Slice of quiche.

      Individual serving size cup of greek yogurt topped with whatever you want (berries, granola, nut butter, etc).

      Leftover slice of pizza.

      Handful of Halloween candy.

      Those last two were brought to you by a somewhat hectic week :)

    • lsw

      I keep a box of Belvita and a jar of peanut butter and use that when I missed breakfast.

    • Anonymous

      Someone recommended the Shalane Flanagan superhero muffins a few weeks ago. They are delicious and freeze well, although don’t make the mistake I did and defrost a whole week’s worth at once.

      • Anon

        Because they don’t keep the whole week, or because they are tempting and you eat them all in 2 days?

        • Anonymous

          They kept the whole week when I baked them fresh, but when I pulled a week’s worth from the freezer the last couple muffins got icky–they seemed to ferment.

    • Anon

      I bring in a greek yogurt. I get it out of the fridge just before 7 and eat it around 930 or 10, and haven’t had any problems with it being at room temperature. If I’m feeling fancy, I get the kind with granola to mix in. But greek yogurt has enough protein to keep me full until lunch.

      • Sydney Bristow

        This is what I do too. My doctor recommended Dannon Light & Fit Greek Yogurt.

        • Anonnnn

          My favorite – although it doesn’t keep me full until lunch. What gives! I feel like I’m snacking all morning if I have that yogurt at 9pm.

          • October

            Because it’s loaded with artificial sweeteners and no fat! Artificial sweeteners can actually trigger a starvation-like response in the brain (besides being all kinds of bad for you in general, IMO). Also, you need some fat in your breakfast. Research is also showing that dairy with fat is better for adults than fat-free.

      • emeralds

        I usually do overnight oats, but if I want a change of pace I bring in Greek yogurt topped with granola and fruit. Quiche or PB&J would also fit your specifications.

    • LadyB

      I have recently become a big fan of the greek yogurt cups that come with a variety of fillings. I used to eat a big breakfast, and I have found these to be perfectly filling. If I’m particularly hungry that morning I may also have a handful of almonds later on

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      I eat breakfast at my desk when I get to work – I do a peanut larabar and banana. Like that larabars are cleaner than granola bars (although still high in sugar).

    • Anonymous

      I keep instant oatmeal in my desk. I can go to the water fountain or Keureg and just add hot water.

    • Anon in NYC

      I make oatmeal every morning and put it in a thermos that keeps it really warm.

    • Anon

      turkey sandwich. I know it sounds funny but the kick of protein really helps my appetite.

  14. Anonymous

    I bought the purple back-zip sweater by this brand last week. Love it! Way more than I’d usually spend on a sweater but a personal stylist pulled it for me and it fits perfectly. Nips in at the waist and gently flows down, almost peplum but not quite.
    It’s item 5164845.

      • lawsuited

        Sale for VIB Rouge members starts today, and for VIB members starts on November 11.

    • sombra

      the bite beauty lip set, maybe the milk set? Kind of interested in trying their stuff, haven’t before. maybe another living proof dry shampoo. I buy all my skin care stuff from japan or korea, but I like the make up offerings from sephora a lot.

    • Meredith Grey

      My VIB coupon came with a mailer that says buy $50 gift certificate and get a make over. I’m thinking I might do this so I can look fancy for Thanksgiving!! Any one know if gift cards work with the sale??

      • lawsuited

        You can use Sephora gift cards in-store and online during the sale, but you can’t get the sale discount on any gift cards you buy during the sale.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      More Ole Hendrickson vitamin C serum, probably a replacement clarisonic brush head, living proof style extender (or whatever that cream is called) and maybe dry shampoo. I’m a sucker for palettes too so if they have one I like, I might do that.

    • Calico

      Hey Sydney Bristow, I had so much fun playing with the lipstick colors on the Sephora app. I had never heard of that before. It actually works!

      • Sydney Bristow

        Yay! I found it by accident one day and had way too much fun with it.

  16. Small or mid-size SUV

    I’m looking at small or mid-sized SUVs so I can have 2 car seats in the back seat and, when needed, our dog in the way back. I’m considering the Toyota Rav-4 and the Honda CR-V, and may also test drive the Chevy Equinox and Buick Encore. Thoughts on any of those, or recs for other brands I should consider? TIA!

    • Anonymous

      I know it wasn’t your question, but my kids can climb into my minivan tons better than then can in anything raised (husband’s SUV). And with sliding doors, they can’t open them into other cars and can get themselves in/out/buckled in on their own years sooner than in an SUV.

      That said, my cousin loves her Chevy that has AWD and 3 rows of seats (forget the name, but similar to the Buick).

      • Anonymous

        This.

        I’d go with a Mazda 5 – drives like a car but sliding doors like a minivan. Great if you need to bring along friends (yours or the kids)

      • Beth

        Fwiw my kid was climbing into the Acura MDX and into her car seat by 2.5. I do worry about the doors closing in her though.

    • Walnut

      We have an Equinox and have transported two adults+one carseat+luggage+a great dane. Ours is older, so we’d sort of like to upgrade, but have not found anything that will give us a substantial improvement in quality for the price tag. I think we’ll be hanging onto our Equinox for another 3 to 5 years.

    • Mrs. Jones

      We recently test-drove the Subaru Outback and Forester and really liked both. Outback has a little more cargo space, and Forester has a little more visibility for the driver.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        My family has had a Forester since 2001; now it’s my car. Such a reliable car- made it through family trips, my brother and I learning to drive (including being totaled once, whoops), and has 168K on it. Still runs fine.

      • anon anon armani

        Love my new Forester. First import ever. It’s got really great visiblity, easy to get in/out and rides so smoothly 000 so does the engine when it shifts. I’m amazed and pleased. Can’t attest to the car seats. I do know a dog would be easily put in the back and the cargo area “mat” that arrives in the car is super. To think I was going to do my “usual” order of one from weather tech.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      My Nissan Rogue gets amazing gas mileage and my friend totaled her Nissan Murano and walked away without a scratch. I’d check those out.

    • Anon

      My husband and I are thinking about the Subaru Outback – no need for car seats (yet) but they’re supposedly great on cargo space and comfortable to drive without being as huge as an SUV. My friend also loves her Nissan Rogue, which might fit your requirements.

      • ace

        I have an outback and it’s a great car. My one grip was the lack of a third row, which only became relevant once we had 2 kids in car seats & wanted to be able to comfortably hold 5 people. We’re 5 years in and have had no major mechanical issues, and totally would have been those crazy people who have two of the same car if the outback had a 3rd row option when we bought our newer car (instead we opted for a Highlander)

    • Lilly

      I have a fourteen year old 4WD Nissan Xterra that has never given me any trouble. It did not have the recommended maintenance, but it has had had common sense maintenance. Full disclosure: it’s been only secondary transportation (hauling dogs, snow days, hail forecast etc) for the past three years. Mileage is at 203,000. It’s comfortable enough, and still reliable enough, for all day road trips. I rode in a CRV once and thought the seats were heinously uncomfortable after about an hour.

    • Anon

      Do you already have the car seats? Is at least one rear-facing? If so, test to make sure it fits in the car. My (older) Rav 4 was too tight with both Britax Marathons rear-facing, so we ended up upgrading my car a little earlier than planned. It would have been fine with the Britax Frontier that my oldest is now in, but it was a factor in keeping them rear-facing the fully recommended time.

    • RAV-4 Forever

      I adore my RAV-4! My husband liked it so much he bought one, too, but his is a hybrid, so even better!

    • Shenandoah

      Also look into the Mazda CX-5, or CX-7 if you want more room. Mazda is producing really solid cars – safe, very reliable, and fun to drive. I would take a Mazda over a Toyota or Honda these days. I would also look into a Subaru Forester, but you’ll pay more.

    • Anonymous

      I have the GMC Acadia, which is essentially the same thing and love it. Drives like a car, not an SUV. Decent gas mileage. Good cargo space and I like the captain seats in back for carrying multiple adults.

    • SC

      It’s a little bigger than the cars you mentioned, but we have the Nissan Pathfinder and love it. It has plenty of room for 2 carseats. It also has the optional 3rd seat in the back, which I love. Most of the time, we use the back for cargo, but occasionally, we’re super happy that we squeeze in an extra person or two in the back. We drive our cars for a long time, so I’m hoping it will work well for carpooling in a few years.

    • Anonymous

      We love our Mazda CX-5. Seriously, love. We decided to spring for the higher finish level and the car is so comfortable and has great amenities. It’s fun to drive and safe. We routinely transport four adults and a goldendoodle in the car quite comfortably.

    • Anon100

      I just bought a 2016 Toyota AWD RAV-4 and LOVE it. (Upgraded from an ancient Honda Civic). I was actually surprised that the current RAV4 is shorter in length than the current Honda Civic or Toyota Corolla, but the RAV4 still has plenty of cargo space. My avg gas mileage is about 25mpg overall. The only thing I don’t like about my RAV4 is that it can be a little jerky when shifting gears.

      The only reason I didn’t consider the Honda CRV is because I didn’t like the look of the current model. I believe Honda includes great safety features in their cars now. My parents drive a 12 year old Honda CRV and haven’t had any major issues with it yet. I would have bought the Honda CRV in a heartbeat if it looked just a bit sleeker.

      I also considered the Subaru Crosstrek and Outback, but ultimately went with Toyota because I wanted reliability and affordable maintenance costs.

    • Anonymous

      My picky mom LOVES her Encore. Granted, she is retired and has no young children, but she has been super happy with it.

    • honda

      My family had a Honda CR-V for 14 years and it was in fantastic shape. An extremely, extremely dependable car and very easy to maintain. Ours was from the late 90s but I’ve seen the ones today and am very impressed. Friends of mine that have newer ones also LOVE them- they are very reliable and look like mini BMWs inside! I really would recommend them to anybody. I found them to be an nicer and easier drive than the Rav-4, but see what you think. The Honda CR-V is actually the ‘family car’ around here, even among bankers. It’s just a good, nice-looking car.

    • lucy stone

      I just bought a Mazda CX-5 and it’s been great. I have the highest finish level and it’s so nice.

    • Bonnie

      I love our CR-V. They’re very dependable cars that keep their value. Our 3 yo can easily climb into his car seat and the dog jumps in beside him. It’s about the same frame size as an Accord but taller and with more rear storage space. I like that it is small enough that I can pass stuff to kiddo in the backseat. That being said, with 2 kids and a dog in the car, you would not be able to fit much more than a few bags of groceries.

    • Anonymous

      I love my 2014 RAV4. Plenty of space for my family of 3. I was also considering CRV but I ended up with RAV4 because of its sleeker design, reliability and 0% interest financing. So far, so good..

    • Anon

      We love the CR-V, but we only have two kids and no dogs. I find the CR-V extremely comfortable, a smoother ride than the RAV-4, and more spacious on the interior than the Subarus or the Mazdas. We have had zero maintenance problems with our CR-V, which is about 4 years old now.

      However, as the kids hit elementary school, I’m thinking hard about upgrading to a bigger car to give us the ability to bring friends or my in-laws along with us when we go places.

    • Ford

      This isn’t on your list, and some people are anti-Ford, but I drive a Ford Escape Hybrid and I absolutely love it. Mine is a 2008, and when it finally dies (a long time from now), I want to get another of the same thing. It is so easy to drive, and there is plenty of space in the back area. The only thing is the middle seat is super narrow.

  17. OMG I am possessed

    by something that is making me want to eat all the time! And, I think, turn me into a man (I have developed a gut and am some chin hairs).

    This is hormones going crazy, no? I am mid-40s (no menopause symptoms, but have dipped to fairly regular from regular like a Swiss clock), weight and eating habits have otherwise been in statis for decades. Now I want to eat all the foods. The delicious ones (greek salad, extra feta) and the naughty ones (nightcap = bag of fritos).

    Has this happened to anyone else? Temporary or permanent? I am shopping now b/c none of my cool weather clothes fit and pear + gut is a crazy shape to try to outfit. And booking an electrolysis appointment.

    • Mrs. Jones

      Are you me?!? I’ve been in this exact situation for almost 2 years so have to think it’s permanent, at least without taking drastic action.

    • Anon

      I feel your pain – I’ve been getting dark hairs on the backs of my legs (like, DARK) and a mustache. It sucks and I don’t know if it’s permanent or not.

    • Anonymous

      Yup. Ratio of estrogen to testosterone is changing.

      I love my cheap,disposable Tinkle dry razors for the facial hairs. Watch a video to be sure you do it correctly. Fast, easy, painless, cheap. I kick myself now that I didn’t remember earlier that my late mother used the same technique.

      I can’t keep the bad food in my home anymore…. Too risky.

    • anonreader

      Have you been screened for PCOS, insulin resistance or thyroid? These are symptoms.

  18. Sloan Sabbith

    Related to the red bag post from yesterday, Lo and Sins just released the OG and the OMG in burgundy. I’m not a red bag person (but a plum or wine bag, absolutely) -!: still think it’s really pretty.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      *But I still think. I’m not entirely sure how random punctuation happened there.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      *Sons
      *But I still think. I’m not entirely sure how random punctuation happened there.
      Typing is hard this morning…

  19. Anon-In-House

    I have completed a first round interview for an in-house position and have been asked to return for round 2 next week. This is an existing client (currently in private law practice) and I have handled several matters for them over the last year. In other words, they know my work product.

    Yesterday I was kind of thrown off b/c they asked over the phone during the scheduling of Round 2 if I could tell them my salary requirements right then – on the phone. I wasn’t ready and didn’t commit to a number but said I would get in touch before the interview. Is this weird? Is it not? When negotiating, do you prefer to throw out the first number of have the company start….?

    • Anonymous

      They usually ask me what my current salary is and I tell them, because honestly a lot of other companies cannot match it. I’m in a niche field where people are in high demand. Some companies expect to be able to hire at what is cheaper than the going rate and is instead what is the going rate for our profession in other niches, which is an instant no. I think your situation is perhaps different because you may expect a pay cut, but it is a good idea to get a good idea of what the salary range and whether or not it is acceptable to you before you all waste your time. Be blunt about what you want – I don’t think dancing around it gets you anywhere.

      • Anon-In-House

        I tend to agree. I am actually expecting a pretty decent raise b/c I am currently paid pretty well-below market. I am thinking just say my goal number, no holds barred and see what the response is.

        • JayJay

          My only caution would be that some companies (financial institutions are ones I am aware of) do employment verification for new hires and it may include salary verification. It’s a small chance, but they might notice the discrepancy.

    • tazdevil

      Good for you not to be button holed into a number. Both Robert Haft Legal and the ACC do annual in house salary surveys. Do your research this weekend prior to speaking with them next week.

      • Anonymous

        Note that the RHL salaries are way inflated in my experience (and I’ve been in-house at three companies in three different markets). We’ve had a few candidates request salaries based on the RHL figures that were way off and we had to talk them back to reality before proceeding with interviews.

    • ace

      The move from biglaw private practice to in-house is such a significant change (usually drop) in pay that I’ve found it usually comes up during the first/screening interview. Remember that if you’re in a firm where salary info is readily available on the internet, they may already know what you’re making or have an idea that it’s higher than what the company will pay.
      It’s better if the interviewer says, “Our range is X to Y, does that work for you?” but I’ve also been asked what my requirements are. Make sure you know what’s market/appropriate because you don’t want to be interviewing for a job that pays $1– K when your minimum is $2–K.

    • Anonymous

      Going through this process recently I was asked about my expectations by every company before they gave me their range. I wound up saying something along the lines of “I understand positions with this title/industry would be in X range” and maybe something more specific (“I would be expecting the higher end of that range given my level of experience”) depending on what information I had available.

  20. Oh so anon

    I have concerns about sexism in my workplace and am concerned how to proceed. I am a researcher with an MA and I work for a branch of government. There is one other woman and one man who have the same role as I do. Lately, our office’s receptionist has been taking a lot of time off to address family matters. The female researchers have been ordered to cover phone duties in her absence. The male researcher has not. There is also a history of… microaggressions in this workplace (e.g., professional women asked to fetch coffee, addressed as “dear”).

    Does anyone have any advice? I am in Canada if it is relevant.

    • Senior Attorney

      Can’t you speak up? Say “Hey, if Receptionist is going to be out a lot, let’s figure out a way to divide up her duties so everybody takes a turn!”

      We talked about coffee (well, food, but same idea) yesterday and there were some good suggestions.

      When people call me “dear” in the workplace, I call them “darling” right back.

    • Anonymous

      Do up a schedule that has each researcher responsible for receptionist back up duty and include the male researcher. EG – Monday – Suzy, T- Bob, W- Sally, T Suzy, F – Bob, M- Sally etc. with three of you, a fifteen day schedule will give everyone equal time.

      When asked to get coffee. Treat it like they were offering to get you coffee: “I’m good for now thanks. I’ll grab a cup after the meeting. Let’s start with XYZ.”

      • Anonymous

        adding that where in Canada may make a difference. Some east coast locations (like east of Ontario), I wouldn’t find ‘dear’ automatically offensive depending on context.

    • lawsuited

      Do you, the other female researcher and the male researcher all have the same seniority? If you do, I would definitely say something like, “It looks like the receptionist duties have mistakenly been assigned to me and [other female researcher] only, although I assume the receptionist duties were meant to be split 3 ways between all the researchers. I certainly don’t think [male researcher] should be off the hook because he’s a man, do you? Is there something I’m missing?”

      YMMV with the off the hook comment, but I’ve used it in my private practice workplace when asked to organize potlucks and other social events. They key is using a calm, inquisitive tone.

    • AnneShirley

      This is totally game to discuss with your boss. Document the conversation, but there is no need to be overly confrontational. Something like, “Boss, I’ve noticed that since receptionist has been off, only Jane and I have been asked to cover phones (or whatever). To ensure that all the researchers can continue to focus on our work equally, I want make a schedule up so that Bob is included in this rotation too. I know we don’t want it to look like only female researchers are being asked to cover reception duties, right?”

      Document this conversation in an email. If Boss refuses to have Bob cover some duties, ask why politely and document that.

      I assume you are unionized? If so, this is the sort of thing you can grieve.

      • Oh so anon

        Thanks for the advice! I sent my manager a polite email using similar wording. I know I need to speak up in such situations, but I usually just “swallow it”, if you know what I mean.

  21. Kay

    I had this happen to me.. I said something to my boss and she basically thought I was overreacting. Nothing came from it and it made me look bad (in her eyes anyway). So take that for what it’s worth.

  22. A

    My 58 year old very independent boss kept asking the 3 females to take notes / minutes etc. then one day I said ‘nope, the men can take a turn, the secretary days of the 80’s are over’

    before I could take it back, she agreed. Then she apologized to the women privately.

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