Wednesday’s TPS Report: Cotton Stretch Dress
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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Oooh: fabulous basic dress from Brooks Brothers, and it seems to be selling out fast in the different colors. Love the boatneck and those little gathers at the waist — it's the perfect dress to wear for the office under a blazer or by itself, or even with an elegant wrap for an evening out. It's available in peyote (pictured), as well as a navy, a light blue, and a white; it's also available in petites. The dress is $128 at Brooks Brothers. Cotton Stretch Dress
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail editor@corporette.com with “TPS” in the subject line.
(L-2)
Sales of note for 3/26/25:
- Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
- J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
- J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
- M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- I'm fairly senior in BigLaw – where should I be shopping?
- how best to ask my husband to help me buy a new car?
- should we move away from DC?
- quick weeknight recipes that don’t require meal prep
- how to become a morning person
- whether to attend a distant destination wedding
- sending a care package to a friend who was laid off
- at what point in your career can you buy nice things?
- what are you learning as an adult?
- how to slog through one more year in the city (before suburbs)
I love the navy one with nude shoes. Good call Kat!
Has anyone tried to wash a dress like this? I have a superfine cotton dress from JCrew that I love but barely wear because I get deodorant all over the armholes and then have to dry clean it right away. I would get more wear out of it if I could wash it, but will this ruin the dress? The featured BB dress is stretch cotton- maybe it would wash better than the superfine?
I usually send this type of fabric to the cleaners when it’s time for an overall cleaning, because after spending enough on a dress I don’t want it to fade in the wash. For the deodorant marks, though, I’ve definitely done “spot washing” in the bathroom sink, saving many a trip to the cleaners.
With cotton dresses, I usually just do a spot wash of the armpits with a wet washcloth a few times and then I send it to the dry cleaner.
I hate that! Does anyone have any secrets for not getting deodorant on the arm holes?
Most people use way too much deodorant and put it on too broad an area. I used to do this until I read an article about it. Use just a single swipe, and put it only in the center area of your armpit (in the crease). Then it won’t be in the area of the armhole and there won’t be extra getting all over the place.
I use pantyhose to buff it off. I actually carry one of those little try-on footies in my makeup bag when I travel to get white marks off.
that is such an awesome idea!
You can always get deodarant marks off my rubbing the fabric against itself. FYI :)
I wouldn’t hesitate to wash it – maybe by hand the first time, to see how it holds up. Check out thelaundress.com – even if you’re not using their stuff, they have wash-it-at-home confidence building tutorials. There isn’t much that can’t survive cold water and a mild detergent.
Try something like Certain Dry or Hypersol (prescription).
Sorry Hypercare.
Unfortunately, I’m allergic to those super-antiperspirants. I break out in a rash and sometimes hives. I’d love to use them because I sweat a lot (sorry, TMI). Sad face.
I found the best deodorant ever–it is great for sensitive skin but still super strong. Check out Kiehl’s superbly efficient ant-perspiration deodorant cream. It doesn’t rub off on clothes. It’s amazing!
If you have serious sweat issues, you could try botox in your armpits or (even better) take Robinul (something like that). I have had this issue since puberty and it was terrible–even strong deodorant did nothing to prevent me from sweating a ton. I used to get the botox shots, and it worked great–dry as can be for a few months, but if your insurance doesn’t cover it it gets very expensive (most insurances cover it now, though, I think) and I wasn’t crazy about the idea of using that much botox long term. Also its effects lessen over time.
I have been taking Robinul every morning for the past two years or so and it’s completely taken care of my sweat issues–now I sweat like a normal person, no more, no less!
Is Robinul a prescription? I’m assuming you get it from a dermatologist, correct?
Yes, it’s a prescription. I also take it, and a) had to have my dose increased and b) had to take it in the morning because it gave me crazy dreams. My dermatologist said that wasn’t completely unusual. I am so glad I found it!
Thanks! I’m totally going to try this. I didn’t even know something like this existed. Making an appointment for the dermatologist asap.
I would hesitate to wash this dress. It’s not so much the washing, but the drying and pressing.
Clear deodorant?
Very nice dress.
This is a perfect dress. If I could, I would stock up on this in all colors!
Now *this* is an office appropriate, lightweight summer dress. If they had my size left in navy, I would have ordered already! I just don’t have enough brightly colored cardigans to make ordering the peyote worth it, as I think it would wash me (blonde, fair) out when paired with white/pastel.
That is a beautiful dress. I think I’ll stalk it until it drops below $100.
Oops. After seeing Cat’s message, I realized both my top pick colors are out.
This is a fantastic dress. I am still kicking myself for not buying it during their 25% off friends and family promo two weeks ago.
Ohhhh I like this! Very tempted… Does anyone have a guess on whether this would wrinkle? I have a couple of A-line cotton skirts that I rarely wear because they crease across my lap almost immediately. But it sounds like this dress also has some lycra mixed in? Any thoughts?
Help!
My husband’s brother passed away unexpectedly yesterday. Husband is devastated. Can anyone give me some pointers on how to help him get through this? I’m doing my best to take care of him, but it’s hard.
Also, for funeral wear – he already has a black suit, but what color shirt and tie are appropriate? If I get the chance, I want to pick him up a new tie at least, because it’s always going to be his “brother’s funeral” tie and he’s never going to wear it again.
Thanks all. This sucks :(
Be there for him, acknowledge the awfulness of the situation, let him say whatever he needs to say without judging or “correcting” him – let him be angry, melodramatic, devastated, whatever, without trying to make him see the “bright side.” I’m not a big behavioral science person, but I think that the idea of stages of grief (denial, anger, baragaining, acceptance, whatever they are) actually do make a lot of sense and maybe a quick review of this might help you understand, in a theoretical sense at least, what he’s going through.
It is going to suck for a while, for sure. On the clothing issues, how about gray or pale blue shirt, gray tie perhaps with some small stripes? My sister recently lost a friend unexpectedly and decided to buy a “funeral outfit,” for the same reason, she knew that she’d never again want to see the clothes she wore to the funeral. I never thought about this, but it’s actually a really good idea.
Very interesting. I have a dress from my father’s funeral, I never wore it again, but, have never parted with it in almost 15 years. Never thought about that…
Keep in mind that everyone grieves differently. Some people want to grieve privately and others need people around constantly. You’ll need to take cues from your husband to figure out what he wants and needs. Please do not force him to talk to you about his brother if he is not ready or needs some time alone.
I don’t think there is any set attire for a funeral, especially since it’s such a close relative. If he has a tie that he’s ready to retire, he can go ahead and wear it with the black suit.
I bought a “funeral outfit” (white dress with flowers- she always loved bright colors) for my mother’s service. I never thought I would wear it again, but I’m actually planning it for the first time in years because it reminds me of her.
Did his brother have a favorite color? That might make a good choice for a tie.
He might want to try a support group for those in a similar situation or short-term psychological counseling to process what happened. It’s going to hurt really bad for a long time- I think it’s key to accept this. It will gradually get better, but he’ll have to trudge through the pain first.
On your end, be aware of the signs of complicated grief, which can lead to depression. It is hard to say what is a “normal” time-frame for adjusting, but if you don’t see any progress in a year, he might want to check in with his doctor.
I’ve been in your position for several dear friends lately, and I can imagine that it’s even harder when it’s your spouse. My best advice is to expect the grieving process to take much, much longer than people generally think. Everyone who loves you will be there to support him for the next few weeks; your job is to take the long view and to give him as much time to heal as he needs [within reason of course — you should expect your needs to be secondary for awhile but not forever].
If your husband is generally expressive about his feelings, be as patient a listener as you can be, and encourage him to share as much and as often as he wants; don’t force the issue. If he seems like he wants to talk, ask him about their childhood and his memories. Help him to focus on the love rather than the loss — though that takes a lot of time. If he generally isn’t a talker, don’t expect him to change now, but be sure he knows you’re ready to listen if he ever wants to talk (say it!! explicitly!). Depending on your own relationship with his brother, you should also share your feelings and memories with your husband — it’s important to make sure his brother’s name does not become a forbidden topic that makes him shut down when mentioned. Keep his memory as a part of your lives and conversation.
Think about what was important to his brother and see if you can come up with a fitting way to honor his memory. E.g. if he was outdoorsy, maybe you can take an annual hike in his favorite spot. Remember that even after your husband was learned to cope, his brother’s birthday and day of death will likely always be on his mind, so commemorate those as you see fit. If nothing else, ask your husband how he feels and if he would like to do something special to mark the day. Show him that he is not alone with his pain. This will also go for any major holidays or annual traditions (vacations, superbowl parties, whatever) he and his brother may have had — just try to be aware of the many conflicting feelings that can last for years.
The thing I notice most often when witnessing grief is that those who have lost someone are often hungry to get to talk about their loved one. After a certain point, many people think that they have worn out their “grieving time” and that everyone wants them to move on. While you certainly don’t want to encourage him to dwell or obsess in an unhealthy way, help your husband to know that it’s ok to think about and long for his brother for the rest of his life, and that you will always be there to talk about his thoughts. There is nothing you can do to take the pain away; all you can do is make his life easier for now and create an environment where he feels completely safe in discussing his feelings, whether it’s to open up and cry out of nowhere, or simply to reminisce.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
My brother-in-law committed suicide. It was hard to deal with and there is no easy answer. Let him be angry, cry, sad, whatever he needs. My advice is don’t talk too much! Just listen.
My Dad died a few years ago. I will say that with those friends and loved ones in my life who didn’t know what to do, it was really nice just to hear “I’m not sure what to do/say. What do you need?” As people have pointed out, people grieve differently. It will also probably vary day to day, and over time. Try to be as open as possible. Sometimes you won’t hear anything at all. Just be there.
As for funeral wear: people will approach this differently too. I wore a basic black dress that I already owned because at the time I just wasn’t thinking about clothing at all. (I’m sure I looked terrible.) I hadn’t planned in advance to get rid of it, but sure enough after the whole ordeal was over I found myself thinking “f*** this old rag. I hate it.” I didn’t even connect it with losing my Dad, but looking back on it I’m sure that’s why. It was a miserable time. So I donated the dress, no regrets.
Later on, when we had a ceremony with my Dad’s ashes, my sister and I dressed up in the same outfit. Totally cheesy, but we did it because we knew he would have loved it. I definitely still have those clothes, and my sis and I both still wear them happily. So I guess some mourning clothes carry good memories, and others, not so good.
Sorry for your loss. This post really affected me, so I’m trying to send some good energy to you and your husband.
Re funeral wear — does your husband have any clothing that makes him think of his brother already? If so, maybe you could encourage him to wear that. When my grandmother passed, I wore a black tweed suit that I had bought on my last trip to see her, and that she loved when I tried it on. I paired it with the diamond necklace and earrings she and my uncle bought me for my 18th birthday. I still wear both things, and I think of her when I do. Maybe if there’s a set of cufflinks or a tie or something that your husband has, that could work instead of buying something new.
I guess my point is that the clothes don’t have to be a one-time only “get this over with” item, but more a tribute to your brother-in-law, and a symbol of the connection that your husband will have with him even long after the funeral.
I am so sorry for your family’s loss, and especially for your husband. My husband lost his dad in a motorcycle accident 10 years ago. I have had a good friend lose her brother to suicide, and another friend lose his mother to a sudden illness. No one who loses a loved one suddenly ever really “gets over it” but the grief does lessen over time.
Right now, your husband is in shock and even though I am sure he seems upset, it has not really “sunk in” yet that his brother is gone. And it may not for some time – maybe days or weeks, maybe months. Do not be alarmed to hear him talking about his brother in the present tense, or expressing doubt about the identity of the body, wondering if there may be some mistake, etc. He may want to see his brother’s body, closely question people who were with his brother near the time of his death, etc. He may express anger at people who talk about planning services or cleaning out his brother’s belongings. Basically, it’s like there’s a broken circuit – “my loved one is alive” switching to “my loved on is gone forever” in a heartbeat, and the person has to try to get the circuit to reconnect, which is incredibly difficult. Even very rational people faced with incontrovertible evidence go through this denial/confusion phase.
The next few days will be mostly about the immediate aftermath of the death. During this time, people are in shock and busy (or keeping themselves busy) with details. The real work of grieving comes after the funeral, after disposing of the person’s belongings, etc., when life is supposed to return to “normal” and yet there is this huge hole, where the lost person used to be. My husband did fine until about 2 weeks after his dad died, and then went into a deep depression it took him about 6 months to come out of. Some folks I know who have gone through this have gotten on antidepressants temporarily, and had them help through this phase. My husband didn’t want to go to therapy; my friend who lost her brother did, and it helped her a lot.
Mostly, however, what it takes is time. People grieve in their own ways, on their own schedule. Your husband may not want to talk about his brother at all at some points, then want to talk about him obsessively at other points. He may seem to go into depression or anger and then back to denial, sometimes over the course of an afternoon. He may want to proceed as though nothing is different. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no timetable for when people should be “done” with grieving. Anyone who has lost a loved one knows that you grieve their loss for the rest of your life. There’s a book called “I’m Grieving as Fast As I Can,” which is about widowhood, but I found it helpful because I kept thinking my husband should be “better,” and the book talks about the tremendous pressure placed on the grieving to “move on” and act like things are fine. Things may be fine, or they may not be, or it may change from day to day.
The best thing you can do is be there for him, hold his hand, offer him whatever comfort you can, and if there are logistics to be coordinated, help out. You cannot grieve for him, he has to do that work himself. It will be helpful for you to have a sympathetic friend you can talk to if you get stressed out or worried – that helped me tremendously. If your husband really struggles and won’t go to a therapist yourself, you can consider going yourself, without him. Definitely just be there for him and let him talk when he needs to, and don’t pressure him to talk when he doesn’t want to.
Again, I am sorry for your family’s loss. I will say a prayer for all of you tonight.
I posted recently about a series of mistakes that I felt were largely my fault, and several of you commented to say that it didn’t seem like it was totally my fault. Anyways, I got an email this morning from someone, with my boss CC’d, saying that his phone number was wrong on some items that were printed months ago, so should he trash them or send them back to me? I’m angry and debating what to reply, since I asked him what phone number to use and sent him a proof of the item before I had it printed. He gave and confirmed the use of the wrong phone number, and I have an email as proof in each case.
Should I write and make mention of this, or should I just tell him to just toss the items? Should I forward the emails to my boss to show confirmation that I didn’t just carelessly put some random number on something and then not check it on the proof? Talk to my boss about it in person? I’m starting to get VERY frustrated that I ask for confirmation from people, and I get it, and then it comes back on me when something goes wrong!
I suggest you forward the confirmation email string to your boss and write something like the following in your cover email (in your own tone, of course): “Boss, When you have some time, I’d appreciate your thoughts on ways I might be able to change the confirmation and proofing process for [describe the kind of materials you’re talking about]. As you can see in the email string below, the process I followed with X was [describe]. Unfortunately, as X emailed this morning, we still ended up with the wrong number on certain materials. I’m getting frustrated, and I thought you might be able to bring a fresh perspective .”
I must’ve been writing my response at the same time as UD – I like her suggestion too! It shows you are trying to make the process better and that you did your job.
I like UD’s suggestion but I think you have to know your boss. I worked for a woman once whose response would have been, “I don’t care. I pay you to take care of these things, not to bother me with them when it doesn’t work out. I don’t care what you did, next time do it better.” And on some level, that boss is right. That boss is not a good or caring or understanding person, or a good boss, but he’s right.
Also, forwarding the email to your boss covers you, but it doesn’t fix the problem. I would talk to X directly about this because this has the potential to go wrong over email. Stop by his office and let him know that this situation is not OK. You emailed him the proofs and he approved the phone number, and now his oversight is making you look bad. Obviously this has to be said very sweetly. Maybe something like, “X, is there a better way for you to approve the proofs? I emailed you to confirm you phone number and then emailed you the proofs a while ago for your approval and both times you didn’t notice that your phone number was incorrect. Would it be easier if I sent it to your secretary or brought it over personally?”
Then, I would forward the confirmation emails to your boss and write, “I spoke to X about it, we agreed that next time we’ll do ___________ to avoid X approving the incorrect phone number.”
That *is* irritating. There are some people who will always refuse to take responsibility for their mistakes. I think you can respond to him with a cc to your boss: “Mr. Jerk – I am attaching the e-mail you sent to me on January 1 where you approved printing the cards/stationary/whatever with the template I provided to you, including your phone number of 111-111-1111. If your telephone number has changed since your approval of that printing, please do recycle the items, and we will order new items. I will prepare a template and send it to you for your review and approval.”
I find that this is an effective and not whiny way of getting your point across.
On the other hand…was he checking an entire long document (e.g. a pleading?) If so, then he may not have paid attention to the form details like a telephone number, nor would I in your bosses shoes see that as an excuse. I guess looking at it from a different point of view, if I am asked to check a document I assume that the form parts like the company address area already correct. But maybe that was not the case here, just wanted to offer up a different POV.
OP here: in this case the ONLY thing he would be checking for was the phone number, like on a business card or promotional pen/coffee cup/coaster.
I do agree that in a longer document like a proposal or grant, it would be completely reasonable to assume the header/footer info was correct.
I’d reply something like this:
“Dear X,
Thanks for alerting me to the problem. I will get you new items. To avoid this problem in the future, could you please be sure to carefully review the proofs I send you before approving them?
Regards,
SM”
And if your boss asks to see proof that X had approved the proofs, then forward him the emails.
Thanks for the advice and perspective, I’ll definitely address it with as much professionalism as I can!
There’s no reason to be deferential to someone who’s implicitly accusing you of incompetence to cover for his own mistake.
Since he gave you the number and approved the proofs, it is his mistake. No level of process refinement can fix this kind of ineptitude without alienating competent clients. Offering to refine the process to minimize future errors (as other posters have suggested) would make you look insecure and timid.
Tell your boss that the client (?) gave and confirmed the wrong number and ask how much the client should be billed for reprinting the materials correctly.
“Tell your boss that the client (?) gave and confirmed the wrong number and ask how much the client should be billed for reprinting the materials correctly.”
This. Boss may say do it for free. Boss may say charge half or whatever. Any attempts to point out the mistake to client just sound snarky and adversarial.
But, wait, is the issue that he gave you the wrong number, or that the number has changed since you ordered them? If you’re sure it’s the former, I’d respond differently than if I wasn’t clear which was the issue.
The issue is that he gave me the wrong number, and then confirmed the wrong number in the proof that was sent to him.
Emotional rollercoaster week!
The pressure is up again and this time I feel several people are not willing to recognize there might be something wrong with their strategies. I feel that all fingers will gravitate towards little Houda. This is starting to become very negative.
I was thinking of sending an email to my company designated mentor ‘F’ to tell her how I feel and my current thoughts of quitting the job.
‘F’ basically created my department from scratch and was so brilliant she was moved to an assignment abroad. She is not in my direct reporting line and does not interact with HR. I just want to talk to someone to make sure what I sense is correct. I do not want to quit and regret my wonderful job just because of potentially biased insecurities…
A mentor is supposed to respect confidentiality… Do I take the plunge and seek her input?
What if word gets out that I was contemplating quitting my job.. would that affect my career progress within the company?
My general manager is so appreciative of my work and praises me whenever he gets a chance, so it makes me feel guilty to even think about quitting. I do not want to quit because of other people, but at the same time I realize that these people are not going anywhere soon!
Thoughts?
IMHO, never threaten to quit (just quit) and never give the impression that you are anything but thrilled and grateful to work for your employer.
(Full disclosure: I’m laid off.)
Good luck.
as my name suggests, I have little real world experience. But I felt similarly about a big research project that I worked on, and I would say:
1) definitely ask for perspective/help. I spent waaaaay too long being very frustrated, and when I finally brought my issues up to someone else, it was such a relief and also productive. I only wish I would have done so sooner, and been more proactive about the whole thing.
2) don’t put much in writing. I know its silly, but I think its safer to say, “I’m having trouble can we talk?”. You will be able to clarify/restate etc in a conversation, and won’t have someone misread anything or have any risk of critical thoughts being forwarded to the wrong person. Verbally was the only way I felt comfortable getting help.
Good luck!!
Houda – do not put this in an email. Such matters are better discussed in person, and I would NOT mention quitting.
Or over the phone. Never in writing, and never mention quitting at all. Don’t even hint at it, because when layoffs/staff reductions/changes come around again, as they always will, they will say, oh, fire Houda, she’s thinking of leaving anyway. “Supposed to respect confidentiality?” Hardly. She’s also supposed to be loyal to the company that is paying her salary, and when it comes down to it, will she look after you, or after her own interests and tell her superiors?
If you want to talk over your feelings with someone, see a therapist/counselor/clergymember.
Is there any way to approach your general manager with more general thoughts about your situation and minus the “I’m thinking of quitting” part? If that person likes your work, they may have suggestions and may be able to re-steer the course of some of the things you mentioned.
I don’t know about mentor confidentiality. I would never mention to anyone in a supervisory or “non-real-friend” role that I was thinking of quitting. I don’t think there is any point (it won’t help to change things, in my view). Most likely, it can only hurt your position.
I agree with everyone who said not to put anything in email or mention quitting. Just ask your mentor if you can schedule a time to talk and then tell her you are struggling/frustrated and looking to improve. After you’ve had a chance to talk to her, then take some time to reflect on her advice before you mention quitting to her.
Definitely talk rather than write, and focus on the situation and how to improve it – don’t go anywhere near that you contemplate quitting over it. It’s all about advice on how to best deal with the frustrations at hand.
I think you should check out the replies to stupid mistakes above, she seems to have a similar situation regarding work problems that are not necessarily her fault. There’s lots of good advice for proactive ways of managing problems and hopefully making your life a little easier.
Concur with checking out the good advice I’ve received about different situations. The “how can I improve to mitigate the situation” has been the most popular sentiment.
Paranoid attorney here… I would be very careful about what you put into your e-mail. You never know when it might pop up to bite you in the butt. Plus, things get really misconstrued via e-mail. I’d recommend e-mailing your mentor to ask when she might be available to talk about some things that are on your mind. Then, have a face to face with her. I wouldn’t couch your discussion as, “I’m thinking about quitting.” Instead, I’d tell her that there are certain aspects of your job that you’re finding really challenging, and seek out her advice on how to deal with them.
I own this dress in navy and love it. I wear it once a week. I was sad there wasn’t a matching blazer. I doesn’t wrinkle too badly. The pleats in front and back are generous enough that I don’t have to wear Spanx, but not so generous to pooch out. I’m planning on buying other colors once it is on sale. I bought it first came into the stores and I feel like I’ve already gotten my money’s worth this year. (I live in the Deep South.)
Absolutely gorgeous. I am going to show my generation, however, and say that I can’t believe they call the color peyote. Carlos Casteneda, anyone?
Funny! (And yes, I read all of those Carlos Castaneda books when I was young.)
Heh. I’m glad that I’m not the only one whose mind that crossed. And yes, I’ve read some Casteneda ;-)
Aaack it’s too short for me. Oh for tall sizes to be as prevalent as petites…sigh.
Ditto.
My thoughts exactly, especially when the first comment mentions the dress was too short. Otherwise, gorgeous dress.
Another one wishing for more tall sizes. I don’t even consider myself tall (5’8″, but the rest of my family is 6’2″ and up, so I’m “the short one”), but I know my hips/rear would eat up a lot of the material when I sit, making this way too short.
Maybe there is enough room in the hem to let it out a few inches. I’ve done that with several of my dresses – an inexpensive alteration.
That’s a good point. My luck has been hit or miss with this approach — in general I can’t get enough length out of the hem to make a dress under 38.5″ office-appropriate.
If I can be an irrational crab for a moment, I get really frustrated about this because you can always hem a skirt as much as needed, but beyond letting a hem out an inch or two, there is no way to make a skirt longer. I realize that there are probably more women out there with 30.5″ inseams than 34.5″ inseams, but throw a tall girl a bone once in a while! Even those brands with tall sizes do not offer them for all (or even half of) their styles.
OK rant over. Lest you think me a petite-ist, I wear petite sizes on top (yes, I am built like a spider), so I empathize with those issues too.
Amen sista!
I am 5’11” and get incredibly frustrated with petite women who complain about not being able to find clothes. Every dept store I have ever visited has a petite section. I have to scrounge through seconds and sale racks to see if I can find even one pair of pants that will accommodate my 36″ inseam.
Grass is always greener!
Is it? I always thought that petites had the better hand because at least there is the (annoying, expensive) option of having things shortened/taken in. As previously pointed out by C2, for many skirts and dresses, there simply isn’t enough hem to let out to make it office appropriate on me, so having it lengthened/let out isn’t even an option. But I’m admittedly biased because I’ve only ever experienced the tall-girl frustration, not the petite-frustration.
I have let out the hems of dresses too. I am not tall (5’6″) but a dress that covers my knees looks waaaayyyy better. Caveat – sometimes when a dress has a back slit a corner of the hem will be cut away in the hem seam allowance so there is less material to fold up. You only know this if you take the hem down. I wish the clothing manufacturers wouldn’t do this!
YES! I have a wool sheath dress that I really like, but I would like it a lot better if I could let the hem out an inch. Upon inspection, though, the corners of the back slit are cut. I’m still debating whether I could get away with having folded corners at the bottom of the slit as a “design element.”
I would LOVE if more designers realized how important it is to leave a few inches of fabric to let out the hem. I’m not tall (5’5), but I like my dresses to end at the middle of my knee cap, so that rules out anything shorter than 39 inches.
The designers that consistently have enough fabric at the bottom are Classiques Entier, Tahari, Taylor, and sometimes Donna Morgan. BCBG is terrible about doing that.
This may be an option, but doesn’t work for everyone. Tall sizing should be about more than just letting out the hem/sleeves/cuffs without regard to the other proportions of the garment. For a lot of us, the waist on this dress would hit at mid-ribcage, even if the total length were adjusted.
This. It is so frustrating to find a garment long enough (at Marshalls/Filene’s, I scan the dress and pant racks for those garments sticking out below the rest at the bottom) but to have the dress approximate an empire waist, or have the rise on the pants barely cover my butt – dashing my hopes!
Well, this may not be a practical solution, but if there is a skirt or dress you really love but is too short, would it be possible to sew on an additional couple of inches of a different material? Something that “goes” so that it looks like an intentional design?
Maybe it’s a little too Holly Hobbie, but as a shorter person I have skipped purchasing some really pretty skirts with a contrasting hem, or design at the hem, because the were too long and shortening them would lose the design. I know skirts can be taken up at the waist to avoid this, but I think this might cost more than I want to pay.
I totally need to take sewing lessons!
I love this dress and I think it’s at a great price point too! I may just have to stop by my local brooks brothers store to try it in….I can’t order things online without trying them on first!
Threadjack! Man help!
My fiance is summering at a pretty casual firm and has no idea how to dress. He has a closet full of quirky statement tees and hole-y jeans, so I have been recruited as his personal stylist. I was thinking of buying everything at banana republic, thats safe, right? Are polos ok or should we get more button front shirts? business casual is tricky for men and women!
Stick with slacks/khakis and button front shirts. Buy him a couple polos for any casual weekend events he might attend. It’s still an interview so he should err on the side of more formal even if the firm doesn’t require it. He might want to keep a blazer and tie in his office so he can up the ante if he gets asked to sit in on a client meeting last minute.
No polos. Business casual for men is essentially half a suit – slacks and a button-front with no jacket or tie. He should probably keep a jacket and tie at the office in case he needs it for a meeting.
Actually, I think a polo would be fine. I’m at a business casual firm and I’ve seen men wear polos in the summer before.
I’d get him some button-front shirts and slacks to start. Then, once he gets a feel for the office culture, he can determine whether it’s okay to venture into polo territory.
Are you in DC? I work in DC and they haven’t been permitted (other than on casual Fridays) in any of my business casual offices. Granted, there may be firms with different policies, but I’m not familiar with any.
Ditto this and what you described in the half a suit post, at least from my experience in a small firm in DC as a summer associate.
My firm is business casual in NYC. The rule with polos we have is they are only appropriate if it is exceptionally hot outside (think 95+ and humid). Otherwise, it’s always button front.
As a summer err on the side of caution and do not wear a polo to work.
Button front is probably the way to go. I would not just go to BR though if he really doesn’t have any dress clothing yet. Going to a department/suiting store is going to be a better bet since they’ll have options for a larger variety of figures and you can get a salesperson who is trained to help in that area.
eh, I’ve cooled on BR – the stuff doesn’t seem to hold up. For a probably better price, I’d watch for a Jos. Banks sale (they are ubiquitous — do not buy anything without getting at least 50% off from that store) and stock up there — haven’t had any major quality issues and when you find the typical 3-for-1 sale, the price is right.
Agree with other posters, at least from my BigLaw experience – button-front and nice khakis or dress slacks. Men in my business casual firm rarely wear short sleeves, though, so he’ll need to take a look around and figure that out for himself. Either way, he should keep a suit (and blazer/tie, and button front shirt if he doesn’t always wear one) in his office for last minute client stuff.
How about Nordstrom’s? I bet they could be very helpful – do they have personal shoppers for men? Also, isn’t their half-yearly sale coming up?
This. I also stopped buying at BR a few years ago because I had several (expensive, silk) pieces just completely fall apart on me after I hadn’t had them that long. My Sig. O dresses almost entirely from Jos. A. Banks. They have great sales. You can also get some good stuff on sale from Bachrach.
It really depends on the firm. I have worked at firms where polos are totally ok for men, esp in corporate (they tend to be more casual). I am in Boston.
BR is def safe and good quality, esp their khakis (practically every guy I know wears them). If there are any outlets near you, try the ralph lauren outlet for nice button-up shirts.
My fiance and both my brothers love the BB no iron sport shirts (long sleeves that can be rolled up, button down). They look nice and are easy to care for.
One of my brothers that is a little lankier does surprisingly well at JC Penny for dress slacks and button downs. And ditto Cat on the Jos.A Banks recc and caveat–their stuff is not as high quality as the prices indicate, so make sure you (or your fiance) gets one of there “special” deals that my brother that shops there believes they basically offer to everyone.
If you’re in D.C., I’d suggest going to the Lord and Taylor in Friendship Heights. I think I’ve bought half of my husband’s work wardrobe there. I don’t remember his name, but there is an older Italian man in the men’s department that has a great eye for men’s professional wear. The quality of the clothing will be better and cheaper than BR too.
I thought that was pretty bizarre myself…
Ah, this was a response to Lisa’s comment about the color name.
This is a nice dress – I’ve tried it on. However, I have to say that I bought the superfine cotton dress by Elie Tahari for Nordstrom that was featured on here a few weeks ago, and I actually like it better. The Brooks Brothers dress wrinkled when I tried sitting in it for a few minutes and I haven’t had much issue with that in the Tahari. The lining on that dress is sturdier and I think that helps.
Also, I know some readers had mentioned that the Tahari dress in the picture online looked like it might make one’s hips look wider. In real life, I haven’t noticed this to be the case. When I tried on the Brooks Brothers dress, it didn’t seem to be an issue with that one either.
Too bad the petite version only comes in Peyote; I’d have preferred Navy. Also, all the dresses should be fully lined.
Still, nice dress.
I looked up petite earlier this afternoon and all sizes were left in navy. I just checked now and only 4 petite is left!
I’m a regular-ish poster, anon for this.
My spouse quit his job last week, for the third time in two years. He “isn’t happy” and deliberately ignored signs (beginning maybe four or five months ago) that he needed to step up his work performance. He has had some interviews but no offers. Last time he was unemployed for several months. He has been treated for depression for over a decade, has a therapist, but doesn’t go on a regular basis. He does take medication.
So: we have two small kids. I can’t cover mortgage, health insurance, student loans, other existing debt, expenses like utilities, and groceries on my salary. (He makes about 60% of our income, and our health insurance benefits have come through his job, although I can get them through mine and have started that process.) I know my parents will help but I am sick about having to ask. I am seriously considering a divorce, as I am beyond angry and feel as though he is not caring for his health, is making bad decisions that are going to hurt me and our kids.
I guess I just want advice, both for short-term financial survival and for longer-term planning.
I am sorry you are going through this. Try counseling for yourself before you make a big decision. He really does sound selfish to the extreme, but are there other issues, perhaps, alcoholism? I am an alcoholic, and believe me, meds and therapy won’t help if he is an alcoholic.
I am so sorry. This sounds like a nightmare. Counseling for you individually and marriage counseling for both of you ASAP. I know it is expensive but it is really beneficial, especially so you can understand his depression better. If you are considering divorce, an attorney can explain your options to you and let you know what steps you can take to protect yourself financially, even if you decide not to go through with it. For now, call your student loan people and see how much you can lower the payments.
If his job is affecting his mental health, I can understand he may need to quit. But as someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, I also think he owes it to you to do everything in his power to manage his depression if he wants to quit his job. That means regular visits to a therapist and a good psychiatrist to make sure his meds are still effective/the best choice for him right now.
May I suggest you begin putting money away for when/if you do leave him. I have a friend who has been in a similar situation for over a decade; when she first began telling me how unhappy she was, she also mentioned that divorce was “not something we do.” I purposely didn’t ask for clarification. But I also never advised her as if she were eventually going to walk away… and years later, now she DOES want to divorce him. But she has no money to hire a lawyer, find a new place, etc etc.
I am sorry you’re going through this with your husband and unfortunately, even if he does land his dream job tomorrow the health issues that affect his decision-making and the way he lives his life won’t disappear like magic. I wish I could go back in time and tell my friend to start putting money away, to start building a safety net in anticipation of this day.
I am sorry that you have this stress in your life. I divorced someone with mental health issues because he refused to seek help and address the problems. I went and got therapy first, tried to get him to understand that we could not continue together unless he got help, and he rejected that, and our marriage. Short-term, please get counseling. Go a few times alone, and then ask him to attend with you. He might feel comfortable enough to go on his own after that.
In general, though, I agree with the previous poster that said he sounds very selfish. That may or may not be depression related, but if it’s his personality, that is something that may never change.
After you get (or he refuses to get) counseling, quietly and quickly prepare to make it on your own with your children. You may have to ask your parents for money, but it will be worth it to make sure your children are cared for.
Best of luck to you. You can do it.
Marriage counselling definitely (and perhaps individual for yourself as well). He is being very selfish, and perhaps a good round of counseling can bring it to his attention (and make him really understand) how his actions impact the rest of the family.
I know that this is hard for you and you feel betrayed, but do keep in mind that divorce is definitely not going to put you or your kids in a better situation, financially speaking. Divorce itself is extremely expensive, setting up 2 households is expensive, carting the kids back and forth is expensive (and exhausting), and having the family around is not going to inspire husband to engage better in work- he will probably not make any more money, and you’ll have to deal with pulling it out of him through child support as well.
Try to think about ways that you two can reduce your expenses. Make a list of those to discuss in marriage counseling, so that he can see the consequences of his actions. Good luck and I hope that things work out.
He’s sick. Depression is an illness. He needs treatment(and should be seeing his therapist regularly. He needs to get a job, any job, to contribute to your household expenses. Since he’s depressed, he’s unlikely to be able to get off his bum and look for one, or cope with having one he doesn’t love all the time. A therapist can help him with this.
In the immediate short term: defer your loans and anything that you can defer paying. Cancel any utilities you don’t need. Cancel childcare if you think he can take care of the children while he’s not working (if you think he might harm or neglect the children – do not cancel childcare). Don’t allow yourself to be late on your mortgage payment. Don’t be ashamed if you need to go to a local food bank or apply for food assistance, either from the government or a local charity.
In the medium term: You guys need counseling together. He needs to understand that his impulsive actions, caused by his illness, are extremely harmful to your family, and work with your therapist to take steps to avoid this situation in the future.
In the long term: If things haven’t started to improve in the next 6 months or so, I certainly wouldn’t judge you for consulting a divorce attorney.
For short term financial survival I’d focus on downsizing expenses, an unemployed spouse probably means less daycare at least, more ability to cook etc.
For long tern financial survival I’d focus on making your salary be sufficient for your family’s expenses. With a spouse that has problems with depression it seems sensible to me for you not to plan on relying on him contributing financially. That way, when he does contribute, as he has been lately (60%!) it will be a nice extra that the two of you can sock away.
For me not being able to rely on my spouse financially would not be a deal breaker. Only you know what is a deal breaker for you. Do keep in mind that if you divorce him your financial situation will only get worse.
That he has a therapist is an excellent sign that he isn’t closed off to getting help – but everyone enters time periods where it’s very hard to do everything you know you’re “supposed to” to take care of yourself. Try to encourage him to take care of himself and tell him that he’s worth it, often the problem is that you feel you don’t “deserve” the help because you aren’t “that badly off”.
No advice (no idea what it’s like to deal with something like this), but just want to say I’m sorry you are going through this! :(
Depressed people who don’t live normal lives aren’t any more selfish than blind people who refuse to drive their kids to school are. It’s a condition, not a character flaw. There are very definite limits to what people with chronic conditions can do with their lives.
That said, you don’t have to put up with it. Few people would have a relationship with anyone who had a serious physical disability or chronic illness (remaining with someone who gets sick after marriage is a bit different) and chronic mental illnesses shouldn’t be regarded any differently.
If he’s unable to provide for his family in a way you’re comfortable with, then divorce him. You’ll have to find a way to live on less for a while, but in the long run you’ll be far happier and more secure when the only people in your family you have to take care of are your kids rather than both your kids and a sick partner.
Wait a minute. I agree in principle with your statement that depression is not a character flaw. However, the husband here is not treating his depression properly, by not seeing his therapist on a regular basis. To me, this is the equivalent of being with a diabetic who will not go to the doctor to have their blood sugar monitored. It’s not the fact of the disease, it’s how it’s (not) being managed.
Why do people think her financial situation will get worse if she divorces? Doesn’t that depend on how assets are divided? For example, she might be able to sell the house and downsize to an affordable apartment/smaller home. The student loan debt might be entirely or partly his. Perhaps she could also jettison some utilities (like cable?) if she were 100% in control? Surely she would be entitled to some kind of child (and possibly spousal support depending on the state) if/when he were to get his next job?
@OP: I know you don’t want to have to ask your parents for help again, but is it a possibility for you to move back in with them for awhile? I’d recommend counseling first, but perhaps a trial separation could give you some clarity? And, if you do move forward with divorce, no or low housing expenses + built in child care (I’m making some assumptions here about your parents) might help you get back on your feet. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds awful.
She WILL, by definition, be living on less money after a divorce than she is now, and and any support she gets she may have to fight for, not just for the decree but to get it paid, and the fighting costs money also. Plus, no income = no support, and the assets will likely be divided, meaning less savings to fall back on. Divorce is expensive, and there’s a reason that women are almost universally worse off financially after a divorce, while men are usually better off.
That said, there’s more to life than money, and refusing to treat depression over the long term would be a deal breaker for me. (Full disclosure: I suffer from depression, as do several members of my biological family. It sucks. It IS treatable, but you have to actually treat it.)
What a rough situation for you. I’m sorry your husband is putting your family through this, and I agree with the other posters’ suggestions to try counseling, but as far as finances …
The “Get Rich Slowly” personal finance blog (I’m not affiliated with this blog in anyway, but I follow it and think it’s excellent) had an article a couple of weeks ago about doing a “financial fire drill.” I’ll leave off the link to avoid moderation, but if you google those terms it will be the first thing that comes up. It’s meant to be an advanced planning tool, but it does have some great ideas for emergency downsizing when you lose an income.
Good luck!
As someone who’s struggled with depression on-and-off for the past several decades, I would suggest that IF you decide to stay with your husband (no judgment on this, you have to do what you believe to be best for you and your children), you should encourage him to focus on address his depression issues before moving on to a next job. Whatever he is going through right now is clearly serious enough that it has affected his ability to perform at work. Adding another failed job is only going to exacerbate his problems, and may only marginally help your current financial problems.
You mention that he is already on medication, but if it is an old prescription, it may be that it has worn out its effectiveness. This happened to me, and it took me a long time to recognize that this had happened and to work with my psychiatrist to adjust the medication to something that was actually effective. Truthfully, I probably behaved much like your husband during this time, and was in a state of denial about how bad my depression was and how little my meds were doing to alleviate the problem. Good luck.
Thanks for all the advice. I’m trying to sort through things and not panic or make hasty decisions, so it’s really helpful to get some feedback
I agree 100% that his depression is an illness. But knowing that just doesn’t help me solve many of my problems. I spent probably 5 years of the marriage being the uber-supportive partner and found that it did not make a positive difference in how he functioned or how he treated me. We have had a very difficult 5 years since then, in part because it turned out that “supportive” slid into “enabling.” So he has a pretty long history (most of his post-college adult life) of not successfully addressing his depression or making good, intentional decisions about his professional life.
Experience suggests that the unemployment will not make things better, and I do not think he has/will take therapy seriously. I’m focusing on the money because it’s what’s giving me the most anxiety at this moment, but the thought of living with the consequences of his illness and his associated choices and behavior for the rest of my life is pretty awful right now.
Thank you to everyone who replied. I appreciate it so much.
I’ m not mattied, so I don’t have any advice. Just wanted to wish you the best no matter what you decide.
It sounds like you’ve wound up marrying the disease rather than a person. That’s the all too frequent outcome of getting involved with someone with a mental condition. If that’s not what you want out of life, then you should issue an ultimatum that he get proper treatment or you’ll get a divorce. There is no nobility in prolonging your own suffering.
You might look into your local NAMI chapter as well. They often provide support groups for families of individuals with mental illnesses as well as those with mental illnesses. My mom has bipolar disorder and my dad found his NAMI group incredibly helpful–I think it was good for him to talk to people who knew where he was coming from.
Hugs to you in the midst of all of this.
I was a divorce attorney for many years. My quick and dirty read is that it’s time to prepare to leave. You’ve put in a decade and it’s not any better. He is what he is, and to be grim, I doubt he will change.
See an experienced divorce attorney and find out what you need to do to protect your assets, and to help the children get through this. Our court system provides mandatory counseling when children are involved. Divorce is under-rated as a bad experience, but so is prolonging an unhappy marriage.
I suffer from mental illness and have had to leave jobs without having a new one for my sanity. It would utterly ruin me if my husband left me because of it. It really sounds like you are the one being selfish and intolerant. You should be supportive not selfish!
I would think, though, that there’s a difference between “not happy” and “need to leave job for my sanity.” It’s pretty harsh to jump in and judge without knowing that his sanity was truly at risk. Please don’t project your own situation onto someone else with such strong words (selfish and intolerant, really??) when they are reaching for support.
Wow. Don’t judge her without knowing the facts. Especially since she sounds like she’s really thought about this and is genuinely worried about her life and her family.
Hey all – I know this may have been talked about before, but is there any advice for “managing up” for partners who always seem to wrong-foot you? I work with one partner (a litigator, which I am not) on a sporadic basis- usually only 3 cases per year. She is about a generation above me, late 50s. She always seems very impatient and low-tolerance – for not knowing what she is thinking, for not getting the email she sent 5 minutes ago, etc. Her email communications are also always very short and terse. I am not sure if this is just her, or if this is her way of telling me that I’m not competent, or what. She also will frequently bark corrections like “focus” or “yes, but can they do Y” when you are explaining “can they do X, if not, can they do Y” and haven’t gotten to the “Y” part yet.
I have thought of approaching her to ask, but she is always so short on time/impatient that I am not sure that would go over well, either. Any advice? Should I try to match her terseness/shortness in my communications with her?
I’d suggest not taking it personally (which, i know from experience is easier said than done). A lot of us litigators are short and terse from time to time (some more than others) and get annoyed when people cant read our minds. ive often been on both sides of this and my best guess is that its not meant personally. I wouldnt try to talk to her about it or try to match it if thats not your style. But you could possibly ask some additonal questions about the projects you are working on that might help you better anticipate her needs or “read her mind.” Also, from my experience, a lot of litigators dont like to read through long explainations in emails, so you could try putting the punch lines right up front (which may avoid the “focus” comments) and then, if explaination is necessary, do that below.
I wouldn’t bother talking to her. She’s probably acted like this her whole career and has gotten along just fine. She’s not going to change anything for you, and it would probably just make things worse. I tend to take things personally, so I usually deal with people like this by seeing their rudeness as a disability (i.e. she just can’t help herself, poor thing). It stops me from getting angry when faced with rude and disrespectful behavior.
Random threadjack question for lawyers- why is there this assumption that all lawyers are woefully incompetent at math? Most of my friends in law school had some sort of math background, so I am surprised when my coworkers always say “Oh we’re lawyers, so we’re bad at math” as if it is some sort of given.
I think that the majority of law school students are from humanities and social science backgrounds. None of my law school friends have any sort of math background. If we were math-inclined, I think more of us would have gone into business, finance, engineering, etc. instead. I practice in tax law and even tax lawyers don’t need to use much math besides basic addition and subtraction. As for the saying, it’s just a stereotype meant as a self-deprecating joke so I wouldn’t take it personally.
Agreed!
I think it’s just kind of a joke, really, although I agree with Anon that many lawyers don’t have a math background.
The joke I always heard is that if we were good at science, we would have gone to med school. And if we were good at math, we would have gone to b-school. But since we were good at neither, we went to law school. I haven’t done any kind of math beyond the basics since my sophomore year in college.
I use the bad at math joke as a small talk device and to convince non-lawyers that I am not evil. It helps humanize me to a stranger who might be afraid of lawyers. It does not matter (to me) that it is not true.
I’m good at math, but I am definitely the exception among my coworkers. Whenever we go out to work one of them whips out the calculator on her phone to figure out how much each of us owes and how much to tip. They won’t believe me when I tell them the amount (which I figure out in my head).
Math major now lawyer here. Represent!
Ladies, I got a phone interview for my dream in-house position! I know I’m much better in person than on the phone, so I want to make sure I nail this — any suggestions on phone interviews and how to make sure I wow the interviewer?
I think there were a few threads about this, so see if a search turns anything up.
My tips would be to make sure you are somewhere quiet, where you will not be interupted; to keep a notebook handy to jot notes and to maybe have some prepared bullet points you want to bring up for anticipated questions (unless you think this will distract you); and to speak clearly and slowly so you are easy to understand.
Good luck!
I’ve done several phone interviews. These things have helped me:
(1) always do it from a land line. A cell phone will inevitably fail just when you need it not to.
(2) if you can do it in a quiet environment, a good speaker phone can help set the appropriate “atmosphere”. Test with a friend to make sure that the speaker phone doesn’t distort your voice.
(3) this advice came from a career counselor: pretend it is a live interview. Dress as if it is a live interview, and sit as if you are in an interview room, in a upright chair. Sitting up will help you project your voice. Also, doing this will make your voice more lively, and inflections are surprisingly communicable through the phone.
(4) always wait a pause before speaking. There is sometimes a lag with phone calls. Make sure the interviewee has said his full bit before you answer.
(5) keep a glass of water near if you think the interview will go long.
Thanks ladies, these suggestions are great! Any idea whether a thank-you note is appropriate (or expected) after a phone interview?
Treat it like an in-person interview — so yes, if you would send a thank-you note for the in-person interview, do it for the phone one too.
I had a killer phone interview last fall for the job I have now. I’d been in for my first in-person interview and was driving home (on the Southeast Expressway – for those of you who know the Boston area). I got a call from the VP who is located in NJ and is the boss of the guy I met (my current boss). She and another guy in NJ proceeded to give me a very technical SQL exam, as I was weaving in and out of traffic on the Expressway.
Totally unexpected, but I aced it. They still use it as the example when they give the test to potential new hires.
Anyway, don’t sweat it. Just try to relax as much as possible. Because you’re on the phone and they can’t see you, you can have notes on the company and the job in front of you. Sometimes it’s better.
Grade A stuff. I’m uniqsetuonably in your debt.
Threadjack question – there’s a partner in my office (really nice guy and we have a good rapport) whose father died two weeks ago. He’s back in the office today for the first time. Do I mention something when I see him? Is it ok to simply say “I’m so sorry for your loss”. I want to be appropriate without being awkward or making him uncomfortable, if you know what I mean. Thanks in advance.
Well done article that. I’ll make sure to use it wisely.