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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Wide-Leg Paperbag Pant

A woman with a cream-colored top and bright blue wide-leg pants and light brown sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Wide-leg pants? In fun colors? I can’t click “add to cart” fast enough. These paperbag-waisted pants from Banana Republic are made from a lightweight faille fabric that makes the exaggerated wide-leg silhouette look elegant, not clown-ish.

Do note that a number of the reviewers note that the inseam is quite long, so size carefully if you don’t want to deal with alterations.

The pants are $130 full price at Banana Republic — but today you can take 30% off with code BRSPRING — and come in sizes 0–20 with short, regular, and long inseams.

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392 Comments

  1. to the OP yesterday who is hesitant to dine indoors, my MIL got Covid last week from dining indoors. She was with two other people. One has minor symptoms, the other is still bedridden 7 days later and my MIL is finally out of bed after 5 days, but still doesn’t feel 100% and keeps telling me (for the first time since vaccines came out) that Covid is definitely more than a little cold and how I should avoid getting it at all costs bc she doesn’t know how i’d be able to care for my kids and how its so much worse than the flu. i woke up to a text this morning from one of my best friends who is on her first family vacation with her husband and 3 kids and her husband has Covid, so now they are trying to figure out the logistics of getting home. My other best friend’s mom has Covid, so there go their Passover plans. And another friend attending a wedding a week ago and ~75/200 guests have Covid. Most of these cases are not showing up in any system bc they are from at home tests. Fortunately, none of these people are dying in the hospital, but most aren’t asymptomatic and don’t know yet how long it will take them to recover.

        1. Obviously it’s a typo that we can all figure out. You’re not helping your case here.

    2. OMG. Ok nobody can ever eat indoors again ever. You win. Let’s not go here again.

      1. That’s not what she’s saying. She is saying that right now, it is a rational and prudent decision to avoid indoor dining (especially if you haven’t already had omicron).

        It isn’t time to give up yet. There is currently work happening on nasal spray vaccines that are expected to be much more effective at preventing infection. I’m holding out for those. I can wait for indoor dining for a while longer. No restaurant meal is worth catching COVID. I am still out and about doing all my other normal activities with a mask.

        1. We. Do. Not. Care.

          Stay home! Opt out of work lunches. I want people to feel safe and healthy. I don’t begrudge any of it. It doesn’t affect how I perceive anybody. But shut up about it, for God’s sakes. It’s like talking about your diet. Boring, boring, boring.

          1. Actually we need to be talking about it. Ignoring and minimizing COVID is how we got ourselves into this situation, where people are shamed for taking reasonable non-disruptive precautions to protect themselves.

          2. We’re not ignoring or minimizing Covid. People make different risk calculations. It is so arrogant to assume that people who don’t think like you don’t understand and need to be educated . We understand the risks! I’m boosted and have all the right information to make an informed decision. People aren’t getting shamed for being Covid cautious. People are getting shamed for being boring, sanctimonious and repetitive. There’s a difference.

          5. When people are sick, they have nothing else to do but whine. Give this woman the benefit of the doubt and let her whine without piling on the negativity. Men tend to be even more sympathetic, in my experience when I had COVID, but I won’t dwell on that. Let’s be positive and help each other along, even if the subject is old and well worn by now. With Easter coming, it’s a time of renewal, not dissention. Let’s focus on that, and on figuring how we can get beyond Putin.

    3. Absent the hermits, I expect that we will all get it eventually. Flu is no joke — it laid me up for 2+ weeks when I had it and I couldn’t take care of myself. Flu when you’ve had the shot is still no treat. IDK which one COVID will be like when I inevitably get it but I would think it would be like any other no-joke disease that is bad enough that there are now shots for it.

      1. The long-term effects of COVID are worse than those of the flu. And I am no longer going to accept that catching the flu is inevitable. Masks in high-risk situations forever for me.

        1. IDK that getting COVID has a 1:1 yield on long COVID and I suspect that the opposite is true. I know people are studying this and I’m willing to see what the science says here. In the meantime, I manage my own chronic conditions so that I’m able to live my best life possible, which I suspect I’d do with long COVID as well. It’s not always fun, but my life is still a good one.

        2. My hunch is that some long COVID will be just psychosomatic or an area where mind-body medicine and attention to anxiety will greatly benefit people. It may be the tipping point for a lot of pre-diabetic people to slip on diet/exercise and become diabetic, but a lot of things are within our control or subject to our influence. I suspect that this with good full mind-body medical care this may be less of an actual struggle than people suggest here.

          1. Anxiety doesn’t cause heart attacks, diabetes, or POTS. Those are physical complications caused by COVID. The cardiac and neurological effects are treated by ramping up physical activity extremely slowly, over a period of weeks or months.

          6. I work in workers’ compensation. Pretty much the entire industry is concerned that long COVID will become the next asbestosis. We don’t think it’s psychosomatic. There’s lots of evidence it’s a real syndrome. Otherwise we wouldn’t be concerned.

          7. I think most long COVID researchers are focusing more on endothelial damage, microclots, direct effects on the brain, and on immunological changes.

            It’s my opinion that the prevalence of heart disease and type 2 diabetes (two conditions that are strongly associated with lifestyle factors) has created a sort of cultural illusion that healthy habits play a big role in disease generally. Pretty much any illness can be made worse by stress, sleep deprivation, or poor diet, but there’s a real limit to how much full mind-body medical care can help with conditions that have a totally unrelated pathology.

          8. Examining cadavers of people who died of COVID-19 =/= “COVID causes diabetes”

            And the article recommends getting COVID shots for people who haven’t. Not being a hermit.

          9. https://www.gao.gov/products/gao-22-105666

            10-30 percent of people who have had Covid may be susceptible to Long Covid, which would be 7.7-23mm people in the US alone. 45% of people with Long Covid cut back their working hours. People with mild Covid are susceptible, and it is not clear whether vaccinations reduce the risk or not. The symptoms and signs we see now, which include kidney injury and heart failure, are just the issues we are seeing in the first 2 years – Covid is basically a vascular disease and I’d prefer not to find out how much worse it can get if I can help it (other viral infections are now linked to diseases including MS).

            No. Thank. You.

          10. I don’t get why workers’ comp insurers would be worried. If a disease is endemic (e.g., the flu, strep, chicken pox), IDK how that is a workers’ comp issue. Life and health insurers should be much more worried. Are they? IDK.

          11. Asbestosis related workers’ compensation claims bankrupted several large carriers, that’s why the worry about a repeat of that. I don’t work for life or health insurers so I can’t tell you how they feel about it, I can only tell you about the daily conversations in my industry.

          12. Didn’t people get asbestosis from work exposure like working in brake pad linings etc where causation is clear? I don’t think COVID is like that — my kids are much more likely to bring it home from school (tons of kids, aging building, no vax requirement) than I am to get it at work (new building, high ceilings, low office occupancy, VAX requirement). How on earth could there be workersncomp exposure even if I worked in a hospital or care home?

          13. Certain states had presumption periods where anyone required to physically go to work who caught COVID was presumed to have contracted it from work. If not in a presumption period, the injured worker would have to allege that COVID was caused by work exposure, which applicant attorneys are actually having conferences to strategize about. For instance, if you attend a conference and there’s an outbreak after the conference, it would be hard to rebut that you got COVID at the conference so it is therefore a compensable injury.

            Unlike health insurance, workers compensation claims go back to the date of the accident, not the calendar year in which you had treatment, so like asbestos, the issue is that these claims may emerge years from now but go back to 2020 – 2022, which makes it nearly impossible to “close the books” on these years.

            In fact, a major problem with asbestos was that insurers no longer had money set aside for future claims for accident periods 20-30-40 years ago.

            Given the issues with asbestosis, insurers are very, very cautious about similar future mass claim events like that one.

        3. There are actually long-term effects of the flu (for some people) and some other serious viral infections. But there has not been as much focus as there has been with COVID.

          1. Because the risk isn’t the same. The clotting issues people are seeing is one example—I know because I have been following with my doctor because I’m at higher stroke risk after a brain hemorrhage at 30 (congenital malformation by the way—not like those diabetics who deserve it). I love when people get on me for not being a team player for wearing a mask though or suggest I stop being a princess or whatever other garbage the young healthy trolls here love to espouse.

          2. It’s true – the flu gave me pneumonia one year and ever since then if I get the flu or even a bad cold it tends to turn into bacterial bronchitis.

            But the long term effects of COVID are obviously new and are still being studied. They’re definitely of concern.

    4. I hope all your people are better soon! My biggest motivation for remaining careful is that I got some sort of unidentified death plague at the beginning of December 2019. I am stupidly healthy and this crap knocked me on my ass. I was short of breath and in bed or on the couch for over a week and not back to any sort of normal until the new year. Doctor told me there was nothing for it but to ride it out. For several weeks, I’d wake up feeling fine and then an hour later have to go back to bed. If I hadn’t already had leave planned, I would have missed more work over this bug than I have in my entire working life.
      By the standards of COVID, that’s a “mild” case. I don’t want to feel that (or worse) ever again, so I’m going to do what I can to avoid it.

        1. Perhaps, though I live alone, have never been into big crowds and didn’t have exposure to anyone who’d been abroad recently.

          1. I mean, did you leave your house? Grocery shop? Go out to eat? Of course you probably had exposure to someone who had it. It was circulating for a long time before it was widely talked about here.

      2. I had a similar thing in October 2019 – got from a woman on the bus. I was really ill for 2 weeks and had a rib rattling cough for another 6 weeks, and that’s always in my back of my mind. I don’t want to get something like that again.

      3. I had a similar course of illness in December 2019, no underlying medical conditions,healthy, great BMI and very fit, and a recent lung scan shows that my lungs are now a mess. Had anyone asked me, I would have guessed that I would get sick and then been fine. There is no way of knowing.

      4. Similarly in early March 2020 I got something that knocked me on my ass for 9 days, suspected COVID but couldn’t get tested unless I’d been to mainland China or in contact with a diagnosed COVID patient. I coughed for a year, was diagnosed with not one but two autoimmune diseases within 3 months of the illness, and to be perfectly honest I have never since felt like I’ve had the energy level I had prior to that illness – but with so many other things going on, including lockdown, it’s hard to know where to attribute that.

    5. Gosh, aren’t you sanctimonious COVID adherents tired yet? It’s like you’re in the most boring cult of all time.

      1. Hahahahaha the antimaskers are the cult. “It’s just the flu!” “Take off the masks!” “Muh freedum!”

        1. I think people forget how serious of a disease the flu actually is. “Like the flu” is no joke.

          1. Exactly! Many people think they have the flu, but it is actually another viral infection that is less severe than the flu.

          3. Yes. There’s a “flu bug” and there’s the honest to goodness influenza. The latter will likely put you in the bed with a scary high fever, severe malaise, and a rib-crunching cough. This is the one that can kill the elderly and certain other health-compromised people. Then, there’s the real possibility of a cough and fatigue that lasts for weeks or even several months afterwards after the influenza. Ask me how I know. I’ve had influenza and I’ve had what is medically considered a “mild” case of Covid. Covid and its aftereffects were/are much worse for me. Both suck.

        2. I am really shocked sometimes that we have so many anti maskers here, especially of the variety that cares so much that other people are wearing masks (and avoiding things like indoor dining.)

          1. I agree with this comment. I find it sad and discouraging. This board is read (I believe) by well-educated women and I find it shocking how little inconvenience many of the commenters are prepared to suffer for potentially great benefit to their fellow human beings.

          2. We are not anti-maskers. I honestly do not care whether you wear a mask. I myself wear one when public health authorities tell me I should and I don’t whine about it.

            What we are is a group of people who have evaluated our risks – just like we evaluate all of the risks associated with daily life – and have decided that we would rather travel, eat in restaurants (indoors when the weather or circumstances does not allows for outdoors), see friends and family, go to work conferences to advance our careers or socialize with people in our industries, etc. because Covid is with us for the long haul and we are not willing to forego all of those activities because of the fairly low risk of (1) getting Covid for someone who is 3x vaxxed and (2) getting a long-term complication of Covid.

            Some of you have made a different risk calculus based on your risk tolerance and personal circumstances. And that is fine – I am not interested in harassing or judging people for their choices. It would be nice to get the same courtesy in return.

      2. Sorry my fragile health inconveniences your privileged world-view to the point that you think my trying not to die is “sanctimonious”. God what a garbage person you are.

          1. Oh, but you do, or you wouldn’t all be putting so much effort into criticizing people who want to wear masks and avoid indoor dining.

        3. Agreed! Especially all the horrible people I see but wearing masks on public transportation. The pandemic showed me how much the human race really sucks.

    6. Honestly, we’re sill being cautious because my kid is in daycare. We just finished exposure quarantine #3 – she is too little to be vaccinated or wear a mask…so we still get a full ten-day quarantine/daycare room closure with every confirmed exposure. We need to work. These quarantines wreak havoc with our lives. So….we don’t go to indoor restaurants.

      Also, we have the non-covid respiratory infection that’s going around NoVA right now and I feel like I need to sleep for a week. If this isn’t Covid – I’m terrified of what Covid would do to my asthma-addled lungs. Sigh.

      1. Right there with you on every bit of this. I have asthma and spent the nine months before the pandemic hit with bronchitis that resulted from sitting in the same row as a teenager who had some respiratory virus on a plane. I can’t even imagine how terrible COVID would be for me. I have never been so healthy in my life as I’ve been since we started masking.

        My kid is in high school, not day care, but if she’s quarantined because I get COVID she has to miss school, and she can’t exactly teach herself the material from her AP courses. And if she gets COVID herself, she’ll be in even more trouble.

    7. omg can we not do this again.

      -Everyone is familiar that catching Covid may screw up life logistics. If you travel without a plan for a positive test at your destination, shame on you
      -Everyone is familiar that it is higher probability you catch Covid doing indoor, unmasked things, especially in crowds
      -Everyone is aware that Covid may be a sucky illness even if you are boosted and low risk

      That doesn’t mean everyone has the same risk calculus you do.

      1. And it doesn’t mean that everyone has the same d@mn-the-torpedoes risk analysis that the majority here have, either.

        1. I agree with you. Some are more conservative for many reasons and others are not. People on both sides of that analysis can be quick to judge and condemn.

          I’m tired of ppl screaming at each other for admitting that there is a gray area and – perhaps wrongful! – risk of judgment if your norms are different than your area’s or workplace’s.

          1. Not to mention that this is counterproductive. We are at a point with this where people need to make their own decisions and not be so judgmental about others’ choices.

            Good grief – so much anonymous yelling! To the person complaining about privilege, please be mindful that avoiding all indoor activities is privileged, too. Good for you, but a lot of people can’t afford that; they don’t work from home, they can’t avoid certain indoor activities, they have take public transit and they have to send their kids to daycare/school. And while it was incredibly dumb to say this is just like the flu in 2020, it is more like a cold or the flu for most people in 2022 (per Dr. Scott Gotlieb, who has been a consistently sane voice on this throughout). Yes, it’s scary because you don’t know how you will react to it if you get it, but if you’re vaccinated and boosted, it’s perfectly rational to move on with your life. Quite frankly, our society needs at least some people to do that. If you personally can’t, fine. But we are not all the same.

        2. The majority of this board is way more cautious than most people I know (and my circle was pretty cautious for the first 1.5 years). If you think this board is d@mn the torpedoes, I can’t imagine of what you think most people are doing

          2. Omg this. I read really out of sheer amusement at this point. It’s got to be hard being sanctimonious and anxious all the time.

          4. I don’t get that impression. I think we really just see the extremes on both sides commenting here. Most people like me fall somewhere in the middle and just choose not to comment on these threads. I’ll do what I want to do- not masking most of the time, but masking in closed conference rooms and such because I am pregnant- and I really don’t care what anyone else chooses to do. The only person I’m truly mad at for their covid risk choices is my 83 year old grandmother with Lupus who has only gotten one J&J vaccine and refuses any boosters. But even with her, I just accept she is an adult who will make her own choices.

            There also seems to be a lot more masking still happening in my area (suburban MD) than many of the commenters apparently think is normal. Probably like 25% of my office still masks all the time. Probably about 30%+ of people in stores are still masked. We have no mandates.

          1. My 85 year old great aunt suffers from anxiety (and truly suffers is the right word) and she is reasonably cautious and takes addition precautions and is not to the level of many here.

        4. I don’t actually think it’s a real majority. The named posters are mild about this. Rather, there is a collection of anons that reply to each other that seem to try to make normal views (doing my best, will mask to protect others or myself when it’s reasonable, please help keep my kid in school, some mix of partying and not) seem extremist. It’s a technique called brigading that can make it appear that a minority view (all masks are bad!) is actually the common opinion. Some telltale signs are the phrase “I’m normally (liberal/democrat) but…” (basically, false in-group signaling) and calling someone extreme for what seems like a relatively reasonable statement.

    8. Thanks for posting. I will still go on vacations this summer, but will be masked and try to eat outdoors!

    9. Having this argument every single day is very, very boring. Nobody’s changing anybody’s minds, theyre all just making themselves feel temporarily better than whomever they disagree with. Please, everyone, get a better hobby.

    10. all this person did was share anecdata. she did not say to never dine indoors again, nor did she say to never go on vacation or never attend a wedding. plus even if she did, it is a stranger on the internet, you dont have to do what anyone on here says. you’re all just reading what you want to into this post.

      1. Anecdata isn’t data. It serves no purpose, especially for something that is highly local right now.

    11. Nice to see this board has gotten back to what it was in late Feb 2020. Posted back then about how I was thinking of skipping a conference in Vegas because Covid was already a thing in China and Italy and starting to emerge on the west coast and Vegas is a touristy place packed with people from all over. The vast majority here called me a paranoid basement dweller etc. because back then – as now – they knew everything about everything.

      To the covid cautious – do what feels right to you and stop asking here/offering justifications. These people will never agree with you and just call you names while you meanwhile are trying to protect your cardiac health or your 2 year old or whatever.

      1. Yeah, I think about that just about daily, that people here were so angry when anybody dared to talk about what this new disease might do to the world. And now there are some people who can’t seem to live without it!

        1. Huh, I feel like the angry COVID isn’t real crowd are still very much here and very much in force.

      2. I remember your post and agreed even then that cancelling was the right thing to do.

        In February 14, 2020, I was in Seattle undergoing chemoimmunotherapy for lymphoma. I had an all-day appointment planned at the cancer center and had originally planned to take public transit to the appointment and have my husband drive me home, so he wouldn’t have to miss a whole day of work. I ended up riding my bike 12 miles to the cancer center because I was worried that the virus in China was already in Seattle, given our close connection with China, and that taking public transit was not safe. (My doctor’s notes from that day said “Patient rode her bicycle to the appointment.” lol) Two weeks later February 29, 2020, my Seattle suburb had the first known US covid death, so I was happy that I made the choices that I did.

        But even then, the progressive cancer center where I was did not recommend wearing masks and I did anyway in early March 2020.

        Knowing so many people with cancer and autoimmune diseases, I am totally fine with people wearing masks anywhere and everywhere. I do think that the society overall needs to come to terms with covid and fund treatment, cures and research. But mask wearing should never be shamed or discouraged – ever. I still have the lymphoma though in remission and my fellow patients are often asked why they are still wearing a mask and some are criticized by stupid people. Masks should always be required in healthcare settings and high-risk areas. I am not convinced that public school students (or at least elementary and day care age) should have to mask, due to the stress of having students wear a mask for up to 10 hours a day and how hard it is for those 3-8 years to wear a mask and learn words and see facial expressions. I’ve had to wear a mask for up to 12 hours and it is no picnic. But if parents want their kids to mask, then they should be encouraged and supported. I see less value wearing masks at concerts indoor or outdoor or at places like Costco where there is a lot of circulating air and patrons are not exposed for long periods, so I think some mask requirements need to be adjusted.

  2. What would you do in this situation? My husband was at a sporting tournament this past weekend and just found out one of the guys he was with tested positive for COVID this morning. I’m supposed to go into the office today and have some other social events this week and feel fine. Husband just tested negative. We are fully boosted and had Omicron in early January. Am I fine to go about my business?

    6. I am extremely COVID-cautious. In this circumstance I’d wear a high-quality mask around others and would decline activities (indoor dining!) where I would have to take it off. If husband tested positive or developed symptoms I would quarantine.

      1. Same. I’m very cautious, but if you test negative I’d assume that you’re fine for that day. I’d keep testing daily, and quarantine if either of you start having symptoms.

    8. Yes. My (vaccinated) daughter was exposed on Monday to someone who tested positive today (but negative yesterday) and is asymptomatic. She’s being PCR tested today and if negative, we are going about our business. If not, my vacation plans are on the chopping block and she will be really, really sad.

    9. Thanks all! Just needed some reassurance that I’m not a reckless monster after seeing some of the posts on here recently. Going about my day as usual and will pívot if husband tests positive!

      2. i’m the OP above. you are not at all a reckless monster. as of right now you were not exposed to covid. your husband is negative, there is nothing for you to do.

      3. You’re what’s called “an exposure to an exposure,” and even California (which has been more conservative than the CDC) does not ask you to take different steps. This cancer patient would appreciate you telling me but not judge you for doing your normal! I am actually not sure what California would say for your husband (I think it’s just to test and then quarantine if symptomatic?), but the exposure-to-exposure construct is very clear to me.

    12. Huh, I guess I’m in the minority. I would probably wait just 24-48 hours before looking for a negative test, and/or give the folks you’re hanging out with a heads up. I normally would be fine with hanging out with you, but I’m pregnant and getting over something respiratory so would probably opt out this time and be appreciative of the heads up.

      1. +1. If it is something that must absolutely positively be done today in person, I would wear a high quality and do it when avoid as much human interaction as possible. If it was something that could at all be delayed or done remotely, such as by ordering online, I would do that.

        My answer is based on the fact that I would be annoyed if someone called me after they or their spouse got Covid, and I learned they knew of their exposure before our unnecessary interaction.

        1. +1 because rapid tests are taking longer to register positives these days and it doesn’t seem that difficult to avoid unnecessary interactions and wear high quality masks to necessary ones.

      2. Yeah I think I’d want the head’s up for a small interaction, especially unmasked. But would you mind if she goes to the grocery store masked?

        1. That falls into my it’s not necessary category, just because I would so guilty if I later found out I have Covid. If I needed groceries, I would either order delivery or curbside pick up groceries.

  3. Hive – Philly brunch recs please! (Or if someone can point me to some past threads that’d be awesome too.) A couple girlfriends and I are going next weekend and need a brunch rec for Sunday. We’re staying near the Met but am heading to the Philadelphia Museum of Art after brunch. Only dietary limitation is that one of us has a shellfish allergy.

    We’re all fully vaxxed and boosted, no issues with indoor/outdoor dining, and are perfectly fine wearing masks in public indoor spaces.
    Thanks!

      1. Suraya is great, but it’s in the opposite direction of the Art Museum. If you don’t mind a 20 minute Lyft ride, go for it.
        I would recommend Cafe Lift in Callowhill if you don’t mind waiting (they don’t take reservations and are BYOB), K’Far in Rittenhouse, or Parc if the weather is nice.

    2. Suraya, Juno, Ants Pants, Anejo, Talulas Garden, Parc

      Anejo and Juno are the only bottomless brunches I know of, if you’re looking for that.

      Ants Pants is delicious but casual.

    3. Bar Hygge or Tela’s Market are near the Art Museum. I had brunch at The Love recently, which was really good (get the scones!) but that’s a little bit out of the way from where you are staying and the museum. Suraya is great but I doubt you’d get a table at this point and its the opposite direction of the museum.

    4. Sabrina’s (18th & Callowhill) (BYOB), Parc (Rittenhouse) for an amazing sidewalk scene, do not skip the bread basket.

      Am apparently moving Suraya to the top of my own list as haven’t made it there yet!

      1. i miss living in Philly so much. used to live next to Parc (but i’d probably only go if you can sit outside or inside close to the window) and went to that Sabrina’s the weekend I got engaged. The french toast is excellent

        1. I just went to parc and Tallulahs this weekend. Both had nice private heated outdoor space.

    6. This is a bit south of where you’ll be, but I just had brunch at Hawthorne’s on Sunday! I’ll be thinking about the home fries and the goat cheese/mushroom/greens omelet for a LONG time. They take reservations and it has a super cute vibe.

    7. Parc is so great. I live in SF, but my firm was based in Philly, and man….I miss that place. I dream about it. It’s that awesome. Love it.

    8. It’s been awhile since I’ve brunched in Philly, but the Phila. Museum of Art and the Barnes Foundation (down the street from PMA) had restaurants in them, and I enjoyed them both.

  4. I’m guessing you’re in New England? We are back in the crosshairs here. Vaccinated/boosted people who have been taking reasonable precautions and have dodged the bullet until now are getting sick. I’ve had three close colleagues in separate units get sick. One healthy woman in her late 20s ended up in ER after returning to work too soon. The other two are both still struggling to breathe when speaking in meetings, coughing, etc.–more than two weeks after their positive tests.

    1. This is exactly why those of us who haven’t had omicron yet need to continue masking. All of you who are demanding indoor lunches and calling people party poopers for wearing masks need to back off. Some of us can’t afford to get sick, especially now that employers are expecting twice as much work out of everyone and zero sick days because we are all working remotely.

      1. The only people initiating long-winded discussions about this are the Covid cautious. Otherwise, it never gets brought up because the rest of us don’t care!

        2. I completely understand that people have different situations and risk tolerance! But some people appear to be factoring made-up disinformation (e.g. “long COVID is all psychosomatic anyway,” “Omicron is just a cold”) into their risk/reward calculus. People I know have also understandably confused the new CDC map focused on hospital capacity with the CDC map that tracks transmission (the maps are very different!).

          Absurd hyperbole from the cautious doesn’t help either. But there’s still a real need to move on from exhausted debates over mask and vaccine mandates to the kinds of interventions that would benefit everyone (ventilation, filtration, and maybe UV light disinfection for indoor air) and that we’ll wish we had in place if a future variant or another airborne contagious disease is more severe.

          2. There are just as many people here factoring in made up info into their risk calculus going the other way. It’s all exhausting.

    2. Yep, because all those formerly cautious people haven’t had omicron yet and are now exposing themselves by casting off their masks.

        1. That’s just logic. If you haven’t had omicron yet, you’re extremely susceptible even if vaccinated.

  5. How do y’all deal with LinkedIn requests from students/prospective junior people in your field?

    I’m a law firm partner and recently spoke at an event for women wanting to become lawyers. After the event, a lot of the attendees sent me connection requests on LinkedIn, some with comments, but most not. What’s the thing to do here? Ignore them? Accept them, but without comment? Accept them, but say that I can’t help people individually because I am involved in the recruitment process at the firm . I don’t want to discourage people from applying to my firm, because I didn’t acknowledge their approach, but I also can’t be seen as engaging in any kind of favouritism (I’m not sure that a LinkedIn connection would be favouritism, but it’s not an obvious one for me to navigate).

    2. Also a law firm partner, and I accept all of these types of requests. If they messaged me, I would respond with something like, Nice to meet you. I get occasional requests to have coffee to discuss aspects of being a lawyer, and I get very occasional questions about whether I’m aware of anyone looking to hire. If I think my firm may be interested, I get and forward the resume. If not, I give them other leads if I have them, or I tell them good luck. I’ve never had anyone push or be inappropriate, and I have had these connections be really great ones for me personally (e.g., we hired an associated who came in through another partner but who I’d had a coffee with a year or two earlier, so she knew me–in the same practice group and office–and felt great about the firm). Obviously, YMMV depending upon how your firm handles recruitment, but I’ve always found it to be fairly fluid–recruiting good people is hard, and we are encouraged to leverage our connections to do it.

      And if nothing else, I feel like it’s my responsibility to give back to all the people who connected with young me, had lunch or coffee with young me, mentored young me, etc.

    4. I accept any connection request that’s from someone I recognise. If I get messages asking for help I just explain that I can’t on an individual basis and then link to my firm’s grad recruitment or mid career recruitment pages as appropriate.

    6. Also a partner and involved in similar events. I accept all and am friendly to anyone who sends me a message. You never know where they’ll be in 5-10 years! I think LI is an incredible marketing tool that allows you to regularly tell people what you’re up to. I find completely random connection requests/sales pitches a bit annoying, but otherwise connect with anyone and everyone who I know, meet, or who sends me a request. This isn’t for every industry, but it’s great for mine-employment law. My HR clients LOVE linkedin and I take advantage of that.

      I’m curious about your comment that you cannot show favoritism because you’re involved in recruiting. Does that mean that you cannot recommend candidates? I’m not in Big Law so forgive me if I’m asking about something obvious…but is that the case everywhere? My experience with lateral recruiting is that so much is about who you know, but is it different with students?

      1. Thanks, all, even the person with the snarky answer – to answer the question, I am in charge of our graduate recruitment so hiring what would be the equivalent of summer associates etc and we have a centralised (blind) process for that.

    7. I don’t accept requests from people I haven’t met, but if the request was from someone I was at an event with, I accept without comment.

  6. It’s too soon for you to get an accurate test result anyway–so yes, go about your business, ideally wearing a mask. Test in five days and/or if you have symptoms.

  7. Thanks to those who posted about Covid first-thing this morning. It let me know the conversation here is going to be all about that for the next few days and I should just come back next week, maybe, when everyone’s gotten it out of their system (for now). Because honestly, people – is there anything left to say about Covid that hasn’t been said here a million times already? Don’t think so.

    1. I am genuinely curious as to why you think that next week people will be done talking about Covid.

    2. no one is forcing you to read the post. skip and move on to something more of interest to you.

    4. I used to think that rude and ignorant comments (in both directions) wouldn’t taken in a forum dominated by professionals. To me, the inability to maintain a respectful dialog is so much more of a long term problem than COVID.

      1. I’d like to think it’s because we’re all anonymous, but I think years and years of Facebook have proven that doesn’t stop people either.

    5. Do you see the collapse button? Is it hard for you to use that? Like I’m going to collapse your thread now. It’s not hard.

  8. I’m going to a conference in Hawaii in June. Does anyone have advice on how to enjoy Hawaii while still being professional? My day will be centered on conference stuff, but my evenings will be free. Normally, I’d plan to go swimming. But my boss and several other important professional contacts will be there. The idea of my boss seeing me in a swimsuit makes me cringe. Do I just need to get over it? Not swim while in Hawaii?
    Also, has anyone here been to a conference in Hawaii? Was the conference dress code different than similar mainland conferences? Any tips for conference dressing in Hawaii?

    1. Ummmmm you think your boss just gonna be staring at the pool? Wear a cover up when you’re wandering around enjoy the swimming.

      1. Go to the beach. Wear a baseball cap and sunglasses. Wear the plainest black one piece. I doubt anyone will even recognize you.

    2. There is a lot of modest swimwear available these days. (Long-sleeved, even swim shorts or capris if you want to go that far.) I’d get a swimsuit you feel comfortable in, and pair it with a rashguard so you can be more covered up when you want to be. And then….go swimming.

      1. You don’t even have to be that modest! This seems like the perfect situation for a classic black v-neck (but not too low) one-piece and a nice sarong!

        1. Totally agree. Just making the point that there are options at a variety of modesty levels. From “itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie yellow polka dot bikini” to long sleeved rash guard accompanied by swim capris! And that she should swim in something at the level that is most comfortable for her.

    4. I’ve never been to Hawaii but I think I would take the opportunity to visit different beaches rather than staying right near the hotel (and potential boss in swimsuit sightings) if that is feasible given the time available.

    5. I cannot fathom not going swimming in Hawaii just because I might see my boss.

      I wouldn’t wear an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini, but I would wear a sportier/more coverage bikini. I don’t think you need to go for modest wear either – if that’s not your style in the office I think it’s look weird in swimwear.

      And, as others have said, this could be a great reason to check out other beaches besides the one right by your hotel.

      A conference in Hawaii is the dream, enjoy!!!

      1. I was thinking the same thing – I want to go to a conference in Hawaii!

        +1 to all the other comments suggesting exploring other beaches! It will also feel way more like a break and treat if you’re somewhere separate from the conference site and not seeing other conference people, regardless of your swimsuit status.

    6. Hmm. I never went to office yoga because that felt weird, and I don’t like it when I run into coworkers in the hotel corridors on my way to morning coffee, but the beach seems different to me. It’s not as if you’re going to be socializing with your boss in a swimsuit. Maybe they will see you at a distance from across the beach, while they are also wearing a swimsuit. I would go to the beach in a normal bikini, not super va va voom or cheeky.

    8. If you’re traveling all the way to Hawaii on the company’s dime, can you tack on a vacation after the conference? That’s what I would do.

      I have family in Hawaii, and my impression is that professional dress there is far more casual than other places. Hawaiian shirts seem to be the standard for men, even in stodgy professions. Women wear the equivalent – either Hawaiian shirt with skirt or pants, or lightweight dresses. I’m not sure about where you will be, but air conditioning is rare in Hawaii, with even upscale hotels using windows and ceiling fans to circulate air. So it’s possible that you won’t need to dress as warmly as at most conferences.

      1. All of this. It’s more casual by far, you can even wear the nap dress! But seriously, much more casual. I’d either stay longer or at a different resort if you’re really uncomfortable, but many of them are also quite large so pretty easy to avoid people too.

      2. Re Hawaiian shirts seem to be standard: I once had a videoconference interview with a state judge in Hawaii for a clerkship position. The judge was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. (sadly, I didn’t get the job)

      3. I have a friend who regularly does business in Hawaii and wears a muumuu for it. It’s perfectly acceptable and muumuus make a lot of sense in Hawaii’s weather.

    9. I would go swimming in a more modest bathing suit. I went to a conference in Miami hosted at a hotel with a rooftop pool. You bet I went swimming in a tankini. I didn’t see my boss, but I saw some colleagues who were also at the pool. Enjoy yourself!

  9. My boyfriend of two years and I are talking about getting engaged. I have met his entire family, due to reduced pandemic travel, he’s met about half of mine. He was previously married. He casually mentioned yesterday that he borrowed 150k from his parents to pay a property settlement to his ex spouse. I got the impression if he doesn’t pay it back (and he doesn’t plan to) this will be deducted from any inheritance he might otherwise get. I know his parents have some money, but this seems like a huge amount to just not repay- and I am in my head about, is there any expectation that we (he and I) “owe” them? My family comes from limited means so I’m looking for perspective here. Is this type of family loan normal? Does it ever work out? What if anything should I ask him?

    1. My grandma paid out a similar amount for my philandering uncle’s divorce, there was no expectation of him paying it back since he was the golden child, it works for them. On the other hand, my grandma counts every penny with me and keeps a tally. So I think its largely based on their relationship.

      1. Agreed, it’s often based on favoritism. My in-laws funded my BIL’s entire life (literally, he never moved out), while my husband had to fend for himself since he graduated HS.

        1. Somehow its comforting to know I’m not the only one with this level of favoritism in their family.

          1. My parents gave my cousins’ wife a part time job that pays more than my lawyer gig because “being a sahm mom is important to her.” Another cousin is also “working” for them because “he’s trying to find himself” at 44 with two kids and a wife. Meanwhile, Im always too stressed and taking things so seriously.” I’m in therapy but come on.

          1. BUT in some families (usually ones who need estate planners and do annual gifting), this is normal and not a sign of favoritism. The big picture or a will or candid talk might help set your mind at ease. It may just be an “advance on inheritance” or there may be some annual forgiveness of the debt paired with cash gifts to other siblings to keep things fair. One side of the picture is just one side of the picture.

          2. Oh, the BIL I mentioned is absolutely going to die a virgin. No worries about being a terrible spouse there.

    2. Does he have siblings? It may have been set up that way to keep family peace (John never repays the loan, but when John’s parents die, they sell the house and sister Mildred gets 150K more than John gets, assuming house is the only asset).

      N.b. 150K years ago will be worth way more than 150K much later given any inflation, so John benefits much more in the end vs Mildred in this example. Mildred may have gotten something on the side.

      Also, for gift tax reasons, they may forgive a portion of the loan each year but then true up in the will or give the same amount to Mildred to even them out. “Gifting”

    3. Ask him not us! “Babe can we talk about this? In my family that would be a huge deal and we’d have to prioritize repaying it.”

    4. I would never borrow money from anyone – bank, parents, anyone – that I didn’t intend to repay. It’s a core value of mine, but I know not everyone shares that value. I know friends who willingly seek and receive loans from their parents all the time, without any pressure to repay within certain time frames, and everyone is cool with the situation. Personally, I couldn’t live with the feeling of obligation / weight with that type of power imbalance in a relationship but that may be because I’m pretty sure my parents would be questioning all of my purchases for as long as I owed them money.

      1. A lot of these family transactions are just structured as a “loan” to avoid tax consequences.

        1. There are no tax consequences to the recipient of a gift. The only “consequences” to the donor is they have to file a gift tax return for gifts of more than $16,000 per year per person, but no tax is due until you reach the lifetime exemption of like $12,000,000 (double that for a couple).

          1. Right, but to avoid hitting the lifetime limit you structure as a loan and take the yearly 35k as forgiveness that doesn’t count toward it

    5. I think the bigger issue is that he couldn’t afford to pay his own property settlement.

      1. I honestly wouldn’t assume that. It may be that he had a house he didn’t want to sell and a bank wouldn’t lend the whole amount, so if your parents are $$$, they may just advance you a share of your inevitable inheritance (the same way rich people pay for downpayments on kids’ houses, annual exclusion gifts, college, and private school for the grandkids). It’s like my parent picking up the check at Olive Garden or letting my sister move back in post-divorce. Parents help kids within their means — these people may just have more $ than we are used to. I used to work with estate planners and this was really common for their clients (who’d be the parents here). They also help set kids up in businesses (cosign lease on a store, help front website costs, etc.).

        1. +1
          When I got divorced, my ex wanted to keep our house but was worried about getting a big enough mortgage to pay me out my share (because it could have ended up as more than 80% of the appraised value) and considering asking his parents for the money. He was able to get the mortgage at the end of the day so it didn’t matter, but it wouldn’t have been weird. Whether or not it needs to be paid back depends on the family.

    6. If he is not obligated to pay it back and this is not indicative of poor money management, I’d let it go. I know some parents make their kids feel indebted to them but it doesn’t sound like the case here.

        1. +1. I also don’t see an issue. Loans and substantial gifts to children are very, very common in wealthier families.

        2. Agree. It’s especially common in Asian/Indian cultures for parents to give their kids money without any expectation of it being paid back.

          1. And also with the expectation that it nets out because all the kids are treated fairly.

    7. So. This is something that happens in other families (lol, not mine). My BFF’s parents have ‘loaned’ her sister a substantial amount of money – down payment on a house type money. Her parents are really good about being fair with their daughters and part of that is calling it a ‘loan’ without an expectation of any repayment which would cause hardship.

      So, realistically, my friend will likely get a larger share when her parents’ estate is settled because they’ve marked the ‘loans’ as owed. Her mom framed it as ‘we had the opportunity to really help our grandkids and kids. We will be fair.’ It’s not a family secret or anything, but look at the big picture before you jump to the stress position.

    8. I think a good place to start is ask if he’s gotten it written down somewhere, even if just in an informal email between him and his parents so everyone, including you, is on the same page. Before you get married, maybe a pre-nup if you’re really worried about it?

      In my view, this is deeply cultural and individual to the families on what they mean about the 150k. In my Asian family, that 150k isn’t really a big deal in the long run because it’ll all even out when one of my generation sells a house and the elders move in with us or it’s calculated into what will be taken out of our inheritances. My cousins and I acknowledge that we’re very privileged to be in this situation. So far, no family drama yet since we were more or less told this when we reached adulthood.

    9. I think if you’re talking about getting engaged, you should be able to ask him all of the questions you just asked here. This is going to be hugely dependent on family relationships, and he’s the best person qualified to answer.

    10. In many families, there is the belief that young adults need money now, not when they are established professionals nearing retirement (ie when they would normally get an inheritance).

      I would ask him about it, and also the circumstances that lead to him needing to borrow $150k from his parents for a pretty settlement. Also discuss his emotions regarding money and marriage, because that is a huge pitfall for remarried spouses who got shellacked in divorce court.

    11. If his family is that rich and your family had limited means, you may have some issues. My husband and I get into a lot of arguments because he thinks we are poor because we don’t have the giant piles of money that his parents had, whereas I think we are doing pretty darn well.

    12. I’d personally want to hear it straight from his parents in this situation, YMMV. I’d also want to fully understand your boyfriend’s current finances. I think you should both open your books to each other so to speak (actually show each other accounts/credit reports etc. and walk through current financial situation).

      1. +1 – I agree. I think going through financial situations pre-engagement makes the most sense. It would also help set the expectation for being included in financial planning going forward. I don’t understand how people get engaged without knowing the full financial picture of their partner. And worse, I don’t understand how women are married for long periods of time without understanding how their combined finances are planned.

      2. It seems very weird to say to bf “I don’t trust your explanation of this, I need to interrogate your parents about it.”

        1. Yeah – that would be a weird way to phrase it — but saying I’d like to talk directly to make sure there aren’t any misunderstandings seems right to me.

        1. Right. This is a bizarre take. I would be so put off if my fiancé asked my parents about the large sum of money they gave me (not that they ever had such a thing!). This would feel like he didn’t trust my read on the situation AND that he was trying to feel out my parents’ financial situation. Gross.

          I do agree that OP should talk to her boyfriend and that they should be completely transparent about their finances before getting married.

        2. This! If you don’t trust your bf at his word, then you have larger issues.

    13. Tbh this post comes off a little weird. Especially the part about deducting from his inheritance. It is none of your business if your boyfriend’s parents bankrolled a property settlement between him and his ex wife before you two became legally married.

      Importantly, it sounds like it was a gift, or a loan that will be written off each year as a gift. The amount changes every year but ppl are allowed to gift $X amount each year (maybe it is 15k this year?) to an individual without having to report it on taxes. His parents combined can give him 30k a year. They may be writing off 30K of this loan each year for five or so years without tax consequences to him.

      1. I respectfully disagree. It’s her business when they become a joint financial team, which they’re considering. It’s good to figure out whether he is in their debt, whether he mismanaged his way into this situation or what the family dynamics are with regard to money generally. I’ve learned that parents can give money with all sorts of non-explicit strings attached- it’s good to get clear on that.

        1. +1. This is a source of tension in my family, and I’m darn glad we can all talk about and manage it. It’s still stressful even with that.

    14. I don’t really think its owed – its more about getting the inheritance now, when there are many things you might need to use it on like property or a house or marriage or kids, vs when you’re older and likely already settled.
      In my family money between family members is much more fluid, and it really isn’t owed. This is going to be very hard to explain to a serious SO for me. But essentially its thinking of the money as more communal and how to use the “family money” to benefit everyone overall. Not your money vs. my money.
      If his parents could afford to give him that money now, then there is absolutely no problem.

    15. Divorced with rich parents who bankrolled his divorce settlement? Run the other way.

        1. Really? This guy’s parents have a lot of money that they are clearly willing to spend on his divorces. That creates a huge power imbalance in the marriage and in any subsequent divorce proceedings if OP does not have her own assets or family money. His parents will be able to pay for lawyers while she won’t. Etc.

          1. Or maybe he was in a miserable marriage and his parents, who had the financial ability to help, chose to do so to enable him to move forward in his life and find happiness. It actually sounds like a good family dynamic that she may find herself welcomed into with open arms. You have way insufficient data to make these leaps.

          2. Huh? No, it means that a divorce may be easier because there are some assets there. What a bizarre take.

      2. Really? Would it shock you to know that my former in-laws forgave $175K of debt to my ex and I went we got divorced. People can do whatever they want with their money. It’s not shocking. My current partner knows this and has no qualms.

    16. As an example, my parents sent me 100k when I got divorced to buy my own place (significant down payment money for a condo in my city). I could have lived without it, but it was very welcome at the time. My parents are well-off and could spare the money, but it’s clearly a loan with a 5-year term coming up soon, we signed a contract and they charged very low interest (1%). I have been putting money aside every year and plan on repaying every dime, and I realize I am very fortunate to have had this option. Knowing my parents, if it was a significant financial hardship for me they would just extend the term, but I don’t plan on asking for that. My grandparents also did this for them when they were younger and they have asked me to pay it forward to my future children if I can. I am now getting remarried and have made it clear to my spouse that this is my debt and I would never expect him to pay it – the condo is also in my name and the rental income (since we now live together in a new place) goes to me. If you are getting engaged, I recommend an honest conversation about it – what was the context and what are the expectations surrounding repayment? Talking openly about money is an important step when considering marriage (ask me how I learned that in the context of marriage number one…)

    18. We really benefitted from doing a prenup, not because we actually wanted much different anything than our stage laws, but because it helped us have a systematic financial conversation. This is definitely something you should be able to talk about (money differences and money tension is a key cause of divorce). You can Google “questions to ask to prepare for a prenup” even if you don’t pay the legal fees. Well worth it before marriage!

    19. My parents are planning to upgrade my sibling’s house by building an in-law unit and the construction cost will be in the neighborhood of that amount. They are adamant that they will deduct that $ from sibling’s share of the inheritance, but tbh I don’t really care. It would be a huge, life-improving sum of money for my nuclear family (even if it was just half that amount) but I’ve seen enough people die having exhausted all of their assets and I suspect my sister will be burdened with most of the eldercare. It wouldn’t weird me out but I grew up in the upper end of the middle-middle class.

  10. Ugh — where is my engagement ring? I put it somewhere “safe,” likely when we traveled or had workers over, but I have no clear memory of where / when and with COVID, I haven’t felt a need to find it or wear fancy jewelry until just last night for Easter. It’s not in the usual places. [I have a jewelry rider on my insurance policy, but I’m pretty sure it’s not stolen, just missing. Maybe for 2+ years?] I have no idea when I even wore it last. My daily driver is a $25 Qalo, which is so much better when my hands swell.

    1. I am absolutely Catholic, but I pray to St. Anthony in these situations and it works.

      1. How do you know it works? Are you able to determine that had you not prayed, you wouldn’t have found it? Or disprove that the missing items would have turned up regardless of a prayer?

        2. Who cares? I’m an atheist but it doesn’t affect me if someone else prays to a saint. It works for her, and this is an aspect of religion that isn’t hurting anyone.

        3. Not the Anon above. You look for something for a month or a year. You kneel down, pray to Saint Anthony, and almost invariably find it that very day.

          1. Exactly. You pray to St Anthony after you’ve done a comprehensive search and it hasn’t turned up. Nothing to lose. It’s not a replacement for the search.

        4. Ha! I also ask Tony to look around and I’m an agnostic lapsed Catholic. If I’m in a real pinch I ask my mom to pray, too, bc I figure he’s more likely to listen to her. It doesn’t have to make sense.

      5. Haha I’m a diehard athiest but a couple of weeks ago I prayed to St. Anthony and he found my missing engagement ring in the dryer!

      1. I haven’t worn my engagement ring in almost 15 years. I have a white gold band that I wear because it’s just more comfortable.

      1. I’m 100% no on this — I wasn’t even carrying a purse during the past 2 years (just phone with card holder stuck on it). We went on 2 trips and I likely hid it in the house for them or when workers were over.

        I am just going to have to go through everything THING until I find it and no Goodwill donations until that is done I guess (and this is making me want to own MUCH less stuff — ugh). There have at least been no “large sparkler found in hand-me-downs” stories on the news in recent memory.

        1. perhaps that meant zipping it into a stored purse felt safe? Suitcase? Hidden travel jewelry box? Tucked in with stored formal evening clothes?

    4. I lost my wedding ring during COVID lockdown. It emerged 18 months later under the middle of my king sized bed. I think it fell in the floor then was behind something that I shoved under the bed.

      1. I think king size beds are sinkholes for stuff. If you have a Roomba, Roomba might push things to the middle under the bed so you don’t see it. Things can fall between the mattress and headboard and you won’t see them.

        It can happen with smaller beds, too, but everything seems so much more hidden if it gets caught up in a king size bed. That said, my partner and I will sleep in separate beds before we share anything smaller than a king.

      2. yeah rings tend to easily roll off a dresser or whatever and end up under the bed, the dresser, corner of a closet, etc…

        1. My mom once found her missing engagement ring in a dresser drawer. It had fallen off while she was putting away clothes.

        2. Yep. I guess my crappy carpet is bouncy? I had a ring fall off and bounce all the way under a dresser. I couldn’t find it anywhere. Perplexed me for years because it appeared to simply vanish after hitting the ground.

    5. Do you ever hide stuff in the attic or basement, maybe? (pretty sure thieves would take one look at my attic and go “nothing we could steal is worth this.”)

    6. The exact same thing has happened to me, except I used to wear mine daily and left it at home (in a place I think I remember) for an extended trip over the winter. I’m devastated – I don’t think I’ve cared about a physical thing this much before (though I recognize that it is just a thing). It was not just an engagement ring but also an heirloom ring from my grandmother and pretty much irreplaceable.

      I will pray to this saint!

    7. Just found my husband’s after a year in the crumb trap in the bottom of the dishwasher. I blame the three year old.

    8. I don’t think it’s senility because I’ve always been a bit scatterbrained (though it may be getting worse) but I now live by rules. I never put something away except in its designated place. Sunglasses – always in glasses holder by car keys unless being worn or in purse. Car keys on hook. Keys to parent’s house in car ashtray. Airpod case in my purse pocket or on charger. Diamond rings in china cabinet in bottom of antique teapot. If I ever dare to put something somewhere else (mailbox key, sunglasses) it is never found or is found a year later after paying $400 or $200 to replace said item (thankfully never lost a diamond or unique item).

  11. Any suggestions for nice, heavier, or textured tshirts? I need some tops that are short sleeved, nicer than just a tshirt, somewhere between a blouse and tshirt. I bought one before from BR factory but they dont seem to have it in pink or red, which is what I need now.

    1. I love the Vee/Tee Rex t-shirts from Universal Standard. The fabric is nice and thick – but they’re definitely just t-shirts. I wouldn’t say that they’re a blouse/t-shirt combo.

    2. Look for things in woven jacquard or ottoman fabrics, which is what many of my tops like this (purchased a long time ago) are made of. I totally get your desire for this niche type of top!

    3. Check out Daily Ritual on Am@zon – I have a couple of their terry and cotton-modal tops that I wear to work.
      (I will say 10 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers as penance)

      1. That won’t be enough. You need to sacrifice 10 cardboard boxes and the leftover rutabagas from your CSA share on top of the compost heap.

          1. Here’s a good and easy Swiss chard recipe:

            1 bunch swiss chard
            1c chopped onion
            3 cloves garlic, minced
            6 oz chicken breast, cubed
            1c cooked (brown) rice
            1-2T soy sauce
            1/2c shredded cheddar (2oz)

            1. Wash chard. Cut stems off chard leaves and dice. Cut leaves into 1/2 inch strips.
            2. Spray nonstick skillet with cooking spray (I like to use the wok).
            3. Cook chard stems, onion, garlic, and chicken over med-hi heat for about 8 min.
            4. Add chard leaves, and 2T water. Cook 3 more minutes, until chard is limp.
            6. Add soy sauce and cooked rice and cook 2 more minutes.
            6. Sprinkle cheese over top, turn off stovetop heat, cover pan until cheese melts.

            Serves 2-4 as main course.

          2. Hey SA, spraying a nonstick skillet with cooking spray ruins the non-stickiness over time. You’re better off using a small amount of a cooking fat like oil or butter. I like avocado oil.

          3. Thanks for the heads up! I usually just skip that part but good to know!

  12. Recs for a place to get some simple, solid quality jewelry? I’m pretty minimalist and like classic pieces, but would love to buy a nice pendant necklace or two, for example. TIA.

    3. I love GLDN. My wedding band is from them, and I have bought a few gifts for friends. They have nice, dainty pieces at a good price, and they are a small business based out of Washington state.

    4. Check out GoldDeluxe (based in Detroit) and Virginia Wynne (in NOLA, I think). Automic Gold does really delicate, solid-gold pieces.

    6. Odette NY has some interesting silver pieces and the quality seems good for the price. I also like some David Yurman. I fought it for years, but if you can get past the ostentatious stuff they have some nice pieces. Lastly, Ippolita.

    7. If you like high quality costume jewelry, I like Melinda Maria.

      I like Au Rate too.

      Etsy has great stuff (cue discussion from yesterday–please don’t @ me about this!)

      I also find that if I click on one ad from FB for somewhere like Mejuri or Au Rate, I start getting a lot of suggestions for other places. So–stalking ads for the win.

      And if you want to splurge – Eliot Gaskin has the most gorgeous sapphire hexagon rings. To die for.

  13. We graduated last May. My roommate has had an internship and then a bad job and then went to a staffing company where they have targets to hit for job placements (it paid much better). She just got sacked after 4 months for not meeting quotas (I guess they have a 3-strikes policy). She is concerned that she wasn’t given reviews or feedback or help with her job performance and is also having to manage some parents who tend to helicopter (and there is some family connection to how my roommate got this job). I have a sense that jobs like this just have a high washout rate and if you’re not meeting quotas, that is the feedback and the only answer they have is “meet your quotas” and just hustle more. She is devastated, but I think she wasn’t happy anyway with this job and in this economy, can find another job before she truly needs to worry about the rent, etc. Any helpful annecdata from former sales job workers? [I’m in auditing, so sort of a clear start path, which my roommie doesn’t have as a person with a general BA — I think she is also very lost right now and feeling a lot of pressure and like a failure. Being with the family for Easter this weekend will actually not be fun for her now.]

    1. Does she want to be in sales? If not, then she should not apply for any more sales jobs. I know that sounds obvious, but it’s easy to fall back on what you know.
      Next, she needs to take a frank look at what ownership she has in her situation. Even in my worst jobs, there were things I can think of that I should have done differently.
      If she’s a new grad and doesn’t have a specific field, she should seek out a temp agency who places entry level office workers and tailor her resume/cover letter to getting entry level office work. Make a care for being “competent at being competent”.
      Good luck to your friend. I spent way too long in service and retail because I had no role models and had to figure out my own path.

    2. Never in sales, but took a while to find my groove. Internship + bad job + layoff/firing is a really rough start to her career. Helicopter parenting makes this worse. Her best bet is to apply a LOT, just because that’s going to turn off a lot of employers, and really consider what she’s good at and what she’s bad at. Is she detail oriented? Does she enjoy working under pressure? Does she work autonomously, like clear targets, or thrives with ambiguity? What exactly is her BA in? I ask because placing a person with a philosophy degree is not the same as placing someone with a degree in history.

      If she’s in an interview and says, “I was just terrible at sales; I hated cold calling, was not good at forming client relationships in a short period of time…. So I’m now targeting jobs like this one, because data entry plays to my strengths: I’m very detail oriented and work well in a quiet spring that might drive outgoing extroverts up the wall.”

    3. Yeah that’s ridiculous. I think your sense is right. 50% of my job is managing sales and I’ve done that over over ten years at a growing company – we concentrate heavily on building relationships with customers, not quotas. Granted, I’m in a smaller privately owned specialized tech field, so it’s much different than a recruiter or a publicly traded company – we don’t live or die by quarterly reports, but take a more annualized approach. One of my sales team members may have a low sales month (or couple months) on paper, but are actually working with a customer a lot on a much bigger project.

      If your roommate wants to stay in sales, I would suggest trying to screen via job descriptions and interview questions for companies that focus on building relationships and work on long term projects. That is the most rewarding part of sales. She may need to start as an inside sales support role, vs sales person, to begin in order to learn the business/terminology for a year or two, and from there she can move to an outside sales role.

  14. @Commenter “Curious:” I saw your good news belatedly yesterday. I am so glad for you. And thanks for your kind words about my work!

  15. Senior Attorney — reporting back that, yes, borrowing my partner’s Kindle was a life-changing experience, and yes, I want one. Thanks for the tip :)

      1. BTW, I have something I would like to discuss with you offline so hit me up at seniorattorney1 at gmail if you are so inclined. ;)

      1. Yeah, me, too! Fun fact: Hubby and I got them for each other for our fourth wedding anniversary last year and only later found out that the “modern traditional” fourth anniversary gift is electronics.

        1. Nice! Four years already – wow. I remember your “I need to leave this (old) husband” post in what, 2013?

          1. Actually time is flying even faster — this past September was anniversary FIVE! And yes, 2013 was when I left the old one (with y’all’s encouragement)!

  16. Spurred by the comments about upcoming recession on yesterday’s thread – I’ve noticed many people here comment with an anxiety about keeping their jobs in the future. On many occasions, people have said something along the lines of they go out of the way to demonstrate cultural fit/engagement/hard work now because they don’t want to be layed off in 3 years time.

    Do you spend any mental energy wortying about potential layoffs in the future? If yes, why do you? If no, why don’t you?

    1. Nope. We have an emergency fund; we can easily pay expenses on one salary; and I figured out how to get a good job in 2010 as a brand new grad who was much less networked and employable. I am already risk averse, to my detriment, at work, and I am actively working on being bolder. This includes being bold with boundary setting, which I mention because the layoffs came up in the context of skipping a team lunch. Since I’ve planned for the possibility of job loss for any reason, there’s no reason to worry more and take even fewer risks than I already do. Now, I’m coming from a point of privilege here — a tech salary and lack of student debt has put me in this position. So I am answering just for me.

    3. Yes, some, though not in a way that I would say is “anxiety” as opposed to long term planning. We manage our fixed expenses to be comfortable on one income if necessary. But – better to be the one making the choice (stay or go) than having the choice made for you.

    4. Some, yes. You never know what can happen in the future, and if there is a list of people to be cut I don’t want to be on it. If I can pretend to be a cultural fit (even if I’m really not) I think it will benefit me. I basically just try to be kind, responsive to colleagues, even if I don’t like them. For context, I lost my job in 2009 and I am very aware that it could happen again.

    5. I’ve been at my Company for 23 years (crazy, right?) and I’ve been thru multiple RIF’s. I used to worry when one was imminent but now I can’t waste the mental energy. I’ve planned well with emergency funds and am prepared (or so I think).

    6. No. I’ve been blind-sided by layoffs too many times to think my work ethic has anything to do with it (worth noting, I’m in tech, so downsizings are the norm). I concentrate on keeping my resume up-to-date and my work samples fresh and relevant, to pad the landing if needed.

    7. Not now (I am an equity partner) but when I was first hired at my current firm, yes I was paranoid about being a good doobie because I had been fired from my former biglaw firms.

    8. I focus more on making myself a good job candidate in the event of a layoff. Maintaining networks, keeping my resume up to date, keeping skills current.

    9. Not anymore. I didn’t have a job when I graduated from law school (2010) and figure that while it sucked, I survived that and am in a much better financial place now (loans paid off, healthy emergency fund, married and figure the odds of both husband and I losing job at the same time are low), so I’d probably be ok. And also I read Simu Liu’s (Marvel actor) instagram post yesterday about being laid off from Deloitte 12 years ago turning out to be the best thing to ever happen to him in hindsight and kind of have the same thought that maybe losing my law job wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world…

    10. Am I worried about future layoffs? No, I’m an equity partner. Am I worried about the upcoming recession? Heck yeah. I was a second year lawyer in 2008. It was so tough. Even if you kept your job (I did), there was so much uncertainty. I’m hoarding cash.

    11. As an Old around here, I will say the 2008 recession hit me hard (my employer was one of the ones you were reading about every day and I lost all of my stock) but we made it though and now I’m at a point in my life where my family can weather it. We should all prepare to deal with a cyclical economy as best as we can, but at the end of the day it’s just the normal process and if you have skills that are valuable to an employer, you will land on your feet.

    12. Do I worry? Yes, because in the ten years since I’ve graduated, two of the four law firms I’ve worked at have gone out of business. One was large enough this was improbable (>100 attorneys). I must have exceptionally bad luck on this front.

      But is it a realistic worry? No, because my loans are paid off and I am married. Single broke me worried a lot harder and got a lot of comments about “lacking confidence.” It turns out I didn’t need confidence, I needed a safety net. Now that I have a modicum of financial security, I get complimented on my confidence and executive presence. It is what it is.

      1. thank you for saying this. I look forward to one day having the confidence of a married woman with a safety net.

    13. As a health care provider, nope. I couldn’t sh00t the proverbial person on 5th Avenue in broad daylight (or whatever he said). But I can wear nap dresses and call BS when I see it. None of my colleagues has ever been laid off to my knowledge, and since Covid we’re even more secure. The last job I left has attracted no applicants in over 6 months. My current employer raised their salary offer to me significantly after I declined what they had said was their final offer.

      Health care definitely has 99 problems, but job security ain’t one.

  17. What to wear? I have an in-person interview in San Francisco at a small (10 people) start up. We’ve had 2 Zoom interviews, and the interviewers are dressed in t-shirts. I wore a blazer.

    I haven’t had any in-person interviews since the before times, and I’ve never had a startup interview. I don’t want to look stuffy. What about dark wash skinny jeans, a nice t, and an oversized blazer that I can take off if needed? Or should I wear chinos? I’m unnecessarily stressing about this.

    1. Your skinny jeans outfit sounds perfect (I have been part of two early-stage startups, fwiw).

    2. Even at a SF startup, you can’t go wrong being a little more dressed in an interview. Not sure what level or role you are going for, but I’d step it up a little more than you’re proposing. I’d do an interesting blouse with the jeans, flats and a blazer. Save the t-shirt and chinos for the actual job.

    3. I would do a straight leg jean – more modern/current. But otherwise, sounds great!

      Alternatively, if you don’t want to do a lighter jean, maybe a coated straight leg jean or a leather pant (thinking the Melina pant from Aritzia).

    4. When I was interviewing at startups I wore a dress that was on the casual side of business casual and a blazer that looked good with it. When I arrived, depending on the vibe of the startup, I would take the jacket off. So if it read more casual, I’d treat the blazer like a coat, and if it seemed like being a bit more formal was appropriate, I’d leave the blazer on.

  18. I swear this is a real question, please don’t get mad. I can’t believe I’m asking this but I really do wonder if I’m missing some key piece of information on how to be human. It’s so embarrassing. What do you do about flatulence in a professional setting? Like, if you’ve eaten something that unexpectedly causes quite a bit of it and you have meetings or something.

    2. in a meeting, hold it in, and then make a break for a coffee run or something to get outdoors!

    7. Pray that it is the sneaky silent type, but invest a lot of time in making friends with as many colleagues as you can so they are more willing to ignore it if it isn’t.

    9. I used to be a camp counselor and have always remembered an older counselor’s wise words on the subject when one of our tween girls farted during cabin council and they all had to giggle about it: she calmly and kindly said, “We all eat the same food,” gave them each a smile, and changed the subject. Not exactly related to your question, but there are very few contexts in which that story is relevant, ha!

    10. This is tough, and happens to all of us! 1. Start taking probiotics to add new bacteria to your gut. Can’t hurt, might help. Rotate and change your choices. 2. Don’t eat fart-y foods at breakfast or lunch. 3. Always carry digestive enzymes and Gas-X. 4. Make a run to the ladies room or the stairwell. 5. Make a face and look at someone near you. 6. ignore the whole thing and carry on, like Joe Biden did when he farted while talking to Camilla!

    11. If someone does it, I ignore it. If it’s stinky, I’ll find an excuse to step out for a moment.

  19. Suggestions for padded sneakers that I can wear with a casual dress? I love my Hokas, but they read too casual/sporty. I bought a pair of Calvin Klein Vans look alike slip ons, but they are heavy with no cushion on the bottom.

        1. Don’t knock it until you try it. Only sneakers I’ve ever tried that look cute and on trend with a dress.

        2. The name sounds as if they are to be worn with a dress by the Emperor’s new tailor.

      1. I like the look of my Vejas, but I find them both heavy and not much cushioning, similar to the OP’s complaint about her Calvin Kleins.

    4. Ecco and new balance have great cushioning. I’m eyeing a light pale pink nb with the bigger scaled letter to wear with summer dresses when I go on long summer walks…

      1. And forgot to add…I was meeting someone inside a Nordstrom in the shoe area. A display had Vejas, and new balances in pinkish colours and from a distance they were very similar in terms of colour, shape and letters v and n.

  20. Residential Solar Panels! Do you have them? Likes/dislikes/things I should watch out for?

    I am in Northern Virginia and am considering getting them. Running the numbers it looks like it will be a financial wash for me after everything (26% federal tax credit, 0.99% financing, small local tax credit). But it is taking on debt (that will generally be offset by monthly savings, but it is technically debt).

    Thanks!

    1. Are you getting panels plus some sort of battery? Friends got panels and find them useless much of the time given the weather and presence of deciduous trees that have grown taller across the way.

    2. Does your electric utility do reverse metering so you can sell back excess power when it’s sunny?

    3. We are in NoVA, and were approached by a vendor. We looked into it, but the the tax credit seemed dodgy (they said we could include the cost of the new roof we would need, and I couldn’t find anything saying that was correct), we would have been responsible for maintaining/repairing the system, and we were only allowed to have enough generating capacity to cover our own power costs, not to sell back to the system to cover the costs of the hardware. In short, it was a lot of money and not a situation where it would pay for itself in a few years, so we passed on the deal.

      1. I asked my tax advisor and she said it didn’t apply to the roof. The solar providers claim it does. I think it probably doesn’t but isn’t regularly enforced. I decided it wasn’t worth the $3000 I’d get back from the roof.

    4. I’m considering this as well, but in Texas so I assume the supply of sun is higher here?

      A couple things I’ve been looking in to you may want to consider:
      -make sure you have net metering and that there isn’t serious talk of getting rid of it
      -consider how electricity prices are likely to change in the next decade (my suspicion is that they’re going up)
      -having at least one battery (for me part of the point is that my state’s grid is an absolute embarrassment so I’d like to have a backup source for at least some basic power use.)
      -check if you can use a HELOC and get favorable tax treatment that way (maybe not if you’re already maxing your state/local tax deductions in NoVA)
      -money aside, i put some value on the environmental benefits, although I’m not sure how to calculate.

    5. I would love to have a good objective source for how to look into solar panels as well. It seems like everything is an ad or an advertorial.

      I see solar panels + backup battery + electric car as all the same project

    6. If you can swing it, I recommend also getting a battery so that you have electricity when the grid is down (which happened with some frequency due to storms when I was growing up in Arlington). The peace of mind that comes with knowing that I won’t lose the contents of my fridge and I can power essential medical equipment when the electricity is out is huge.

      Even if you can’t get a battery, I think it’s worth it–if your grid power is from fossil fuels, it’s nice to have a cleaner source of energy, and it help smooths out cost of energy when there are spikes.

      I’d ask people in your area about installers and the general process for getting them. The process can be quick and easy or terribly long and painful. If you have a difficult jurisdiction, an installer skilled in dealing with the jurisdiction is a must.

    7. I would start with an assessment to learn suitability of your location and estimate how much power you’d be likely to get.

    1. If that red flag was any larger there’d be a bull in the window of the house by now.

        1. I strongly suspect it is a flipper who is willing to deal with the eviction process. It will probably take them that long to fix up the house anyways, and they can make a huge profit when reselling

          1. In Virginia, squatters have very few legal rights. Probably a flipper or landlord with good attorneys and an ability to not give a — about whatever the squatters say.

    2. Wooooow. Thank you everybody for bringing my attention to this story, I am truly getting a lot of amusement out of it!!

    3. Well now we just wait the inevitable longform article on The Cut in a year or two about how the purchaser’s dream home turned into a living nightmare.

    4. This reminds me of a very funny story that a coworker told me about buying her house. Apparently the seller, an single older man, just casually floated that he wanted to live in the basement after she bought the house. He and his realtor kept insisting that it was no big deal, he was a nice guy, and he could even help with the kids! Like a bonus grandparent! She kept insisting that no, she didn’t want a strange man living in her basement, and this went on for an hour or so with both the realtor and the seller insisting that he was really very nice and would be really helpful. It sounds like the set up to a sitcom but obviously she thought it was funnier in retrospect.

      1. That is crazy! “I want to get all the money from selling my house but keep living there.”

      2. My mom purchased a home in the early 2000s and apparently the agents were, uh, not great. We moved in to discover noises in the laundry room walls…. the previous owner left his poor cat who was hiding and terrified!! We finally got the cat out and back to him along with the giant weight lifting machine he left in the basement! Looking back as an adult, I do wonder, did my mom not do a walk-thru before closing? I have more questions than answers at this point in my life.

        1. I don’t know about the giant workout machine, but scared cats are hard to find. DH and I have “lost” our indoor cat at least twice. The first time was in a 300 sq ft apartment in NYC, when maintenance came in to fix something. When we couldn’t find the cat anywhere inside the apartment, we wandered up and down every stairwell and around the perimeter of the building. When we couldn’t find the cat anywhere outside, we returned to the apartment to find the cat sitting in the middle of the living room. We never did figure out where he went.

          During our last move, we boarded the cat for the day. At the end of the day, when we brought the cat to our new house, he disappeared. We figured he got out while we were still making trips to the car and looked all over the outside of the house. The next day, we found him wandering around inside. Again, no idea where he was.

  22. Not looking to cause a fight as I don’t care what people are or are not doing re Covid, but has anyone seen any reasonable predictions for when this wave is expected to peak esp. on the east coast where it feels like it’s been a few weeks already? I think there is just less data out there this time as there are so many more home tests + certain states have now said they don’t need to put out data.

    IIRC BA1 became known the week of Thanksgiving, accelerated through Dec, went sky high during the holidays/New Years and then the peak in DC was around Jan 20 and Boston around Jan 14 – so about 2-3 weeks after the major NYE gatherings. Do we expect something similar here as the last of the k-12 spring breaks on the east coast are now [maybe next week?] and many families are traveling + many will gather for the holidays this weekend. It seems like BA2 has been a growing issue in DC for a few weeks already. Anyone seen anything on this?

    1. My sense (based on nothing other than generally following timelines like you laid out) is that BA2 is in the “accelerating through December” equivalent right now. So the peak will likely be about a month from now, maybe 6 weeks out, and will make it difficult to guess what Memorial Day plans for anyone being Covid-cautious should look like.

    2. In Texas I’m planning on June, so my bet would be maybe late May for east coast. (not a doctor or epidemiologist, etc etc) I think I read that the average difference between peaks (measured by hospitalizations) has been ~158 days in the US so far, if that’s anything to go on. Trying to find the article…

  23. Is anyone else in this situation – you always bought lunch at the office and considered lunch your main/well rounded meal + you don’t cook/are a lazy cook/bad cook so there’s nothing in the way of dinner leftovers for lunch + all the places you used to eat at work have closed/are unsafe to get to + to add to the fun – you have no fridge/microwave access at work so anything you bring has to be safe at room temps until lunch.

    Lunch ideas? All I can think is I’ll be going back to the soggy cheese or PBJ sandwiches from high school and honestly I didn’t used to eat more than two bites of them then.

    My MO if food is too difficult to secure is honestly just to skip that meal/get by with a granola bar. Yet going to the office just voluntarily now, I find that if I do that for the entire day – I am EXHAUSTED by late afternoon; part of this I think is that I’m walking around a few miles when I go to the office between commuting, moving around the building and am hauling a laptop, so it’s a different exertion than rolling from bed to couch where skipping meals is NBD. Right now because I’m not required to go to the office, I have no set office hours – so I’ll leave by 2-3 pm when I can’t focus anymore and grab lunch on the way home. Yet we’re back to the office for real next month so I can’t just leave then.

    The main source of food pre pandemic near my office was a transit station which had every type of fast casual [think something like Grand Central or Union Station]. Problem now is the building is surrounded by homeless encampments so it just isn’t safe to walk through those to get there; plus the inside of the building isn’t particularly clean either; and I question if I really want to be lined up with travelers with dubious masking on a daily basis getting lunch. So yeah I need to figure something out and all I can come up with that sounds even reasonably ok is a bagel and cream cheese or fry up an egg the night before and put it in some bread and grab it from the fridge in the morning; while cream cheese and eggs both need refrigeration, I’m inclined to think if I pull them out of the fridge at 9 before leaving and eat on the earlier side in the 11 am hour, they’d be ok. Any other ideas?

    1. I’ve been in the no fridge/microwave situation and did a combo of hearty green salads, pasta/grain/bean salads, and sandwiches that were all fine at room temp. If you really don’t cook, you could buy a bunch at Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods once or twice a week.

    2. Buy a nice insulated lunch bag that comes with an ice pack. Then you can pack lunch meat, eggs, salads, hummus, and yogurt.

    3. I have no fridge/microwave and nowhere close enough for takeout. I bring lunch daily in an insulated cooler with ice packs. I usually bri g a rotation/combo of the following: pre-made/bagged salads (one bag usually lasts two lunches for me); bagel with cream cheese; salads from the grocery store deli (eg, farro salad, quinoa salad); pretzels/baby carrots/hummus; Babybel or string cheese; hard boiled eggs; variety of fruit; cheese and crackers; yogurt; granola bars; a small treat — a cookie or little piece of chocolate.

      It helps to have lots of reusable containers in different sizes. I also spend more for the premade stuff at the grocery store (eg, pre-cut pineapple and melon) because I know myself in the kitchen. Convenience is key and if I buy the fruit whole or the salad ingredients instead of the pre-made salad, 50% of the time I won’t bother and it’ll go to waste. Also, at first pack slightly more than you think you’ll eat — it took me awhile to get the balance right.

    4. I sometimes just throw sort of random snacks together and call it a charcuterie board. some cut up carrots, some olives, and some cheese. Or some crackers, hummus and a piece of fruit. Leftover pancake from Sunday and an orange. It’s not gourmet, but it’s more shelf stable-ish and doesn’t seem overwhelming in the morning.

    5. Definitely insulated lunch bag with ice pack.

      I’ve been in the office 2 days this week and brought potato salad with half a can of tuna mixed in. And some fruit.

    6. I always preferred bringing my lunch to work and in my last 5-year stint in an office park where there was no restaurant and no place to walk to get food – a drive of at least 5 minutes was needed, so I brought lunch a lot.

      Easiest would be to get packaged salads at trader joe’s or similar and put in an insulated bag. You would never need a fridge with an insulated bag and an ice pack – I use BuiltNY bags. Go old-school and freeze a water bottle or a yogurt or something if you don’t want to buy an ice pack. But even without an ice pack, most salads would be good from 7am to 12pm without ice in an insulated bag. Put a fork in the bag or keep a supply at work. Done.

      If you don’t want to make a lunch from scratch, you could do store-bought hummus, baby carrots and a hardboiled egg or almonds. Someone here posted that years ago. Put hummus, carrots and almonds/egg in separate ziplock or waxed paper bags or tupperware at the beginning of the week and then just grab one set each morning. They sell hummus in little portions- not as environmentally friendly, but then you can toss everything instead of taking the tupperware home. Or you could buy a big container and put it in tupperware. Hard-boil a bunch of eggs on the weekend or buy them pre-cooked. Cornellian’s idea of olives and crackers added to the hummus and cheese is good too.

    7. I use an insulated lunch bag and make a smoked salmon sandwiches (bread or bagel) with a side of pickled veg is what I usually do if I don’t have access to a fridge and/or microwave. Also throw in some fruit (fresh or dried, your choice) or nuts or some cheese for an afternoon snack in case you get hungry before going home.

  24. BF of 8 ish months and I only garden ~1 time per week, always on weekends. We see each other much more than that and things are otherwise great, but I can’t help feeling like we “should” be doing it more. I’d be really happy with closer 3-4 times a week, but BF just hasn’t seemed up to that and it’s not a big deal to me. He’s also a bit older than me. This is just a price of admission thing, right?

      1. Oops I knew I forgot something in the post. We did talk about it and he’s said he’d like to do it more but feels overwhelmed/tired during the week

    2. Do you want to do it more or think you “should” do it more? Studies on marital satisfaction and gardening say that there is little additional benefit beyond once a week, provided both parties are happy with it.

      Does SO have a responsive or spontaneous desire? Men can be responsive.

      Are your sessions long such that doing it on the weekend makes more sense than during the work week, when he’s stressed? Does he worry about rushing it if he’s tired, such that it wouldn’t be good for you?

      Do you both enjoy it?

    3. If you have a discussion about it and he says he’s a one time a week guy, then yeah

    4. I still remember being in a newish relationship and talking to a friend who was also in a new relationship. We talked about gardening and my friend said “he’s not a once a week kind of guy” meaning he was a less than once a week kind of guy, whereas my then bf was not a once a week kind of guy, meaning that wasn’t nearly enough for him.

      So while my bf was complaining that our 2-3 times a week was “we never do it!” her less than once a week was “we do it all the time!” We’ve now both been married to these men for over 20 years.

      Everyone is different. Don’t compare yourself to others. Do what works for you. If you feel deprived by your weekly schedule, then it’s probably an incompatibility issue. But don’t make it about comparison to others.

    5. You didn’t say how much older, but one consequence of aging has been that everything gardening related takes longer. Excellent, fulfilling, but never quick.

    6. If you’ve discussed and that’s his approach and he doesn’t seem willing to change then yes that’s the price of admission.
      It would be way too high a price for me to pay but YMMV. But in case you need to hear it – totally valid to end a relationship over this if you need to.

    7. If it’s not a big deal to you, then you don’t have a problem, right? I think every relationship is different. If you want more, there’s no shame in either doing it yourself or asking him to please you in other ways. Maybe that’s an option because there’s no performance pressure for him with being so tired during the week.

  25. Can anyone recommend a career coach who specializing in helping female lawyers? I really need some advice and I don’t have anyone who can provide it.

    1. I have posted this in the past, but I used Sheila Wilkinson and she was a big help to me.

      1. Oops. Now Elena Rand. She has a book coming out soon and a website called elenarand dot com. Very savvy about lawyers and has a refreshing, holistic approach.

    3. What kind of help are you looking for? Making partner? Returning to work post-leave? Making a career move?

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