Weekend Open Thread

309 Comments

1. I hate hate hate hate you apartment. I wanted you to be a cute little dc english basement but you are full of mold and terribleness, and I do not want to deal with the expenses of moving! But you were the last straw black mold

   1. Do you live in my old apartment?

      Find an above ground place. It’s worth the increase in expense to avoid the black mold.

      Signed,
      Been There, Done That, Two Major Renovations But The Mold Wouldn’t Go Away So I Moved

      1. thanks for the sympathy :) its not even the worst thing that has happened there (hello there ceiling, what are you doing on my living room floor?) but it is the straw that broke the back. Any r3tt3s in DC need a lovely tenant?

   2. Sorry! What a pain. I’ve lived in many apartments that seemed like they would be fine but then ended up with cock roaches, bed bugs, and mold. Blegh. I know how frustrating it can be. I hope you find a okay solution!

   3. I once lived in a DC basement apartment. I had to more or less bleach the entire bathroom once a week to tackle the mold. Never again…

   4. You should try to find and listen to the song Basement Apartment by Sarah Harmer. It’s more about being down and out and broke, but the tale of woe mostly centers around a lousy basement apartment.

   5. Ugh, when I lived in a DC basement apartment, it was these little centipedes. They got everywhere, and then died in little curled up balls. I hated those centipedes so much.

   6. Hi ladies,
      I am a rising 2L going through the OCI process now. I was lucky enough to receive 16 callback invitations, including some of my top choice firms. I have a question about callback interview attire. For the OCIs I wore a black suit and white button down. I am petite, and found this suit to fit me well. I also have a navy suit, but I prefer the black one. For callbacks, should I buy a different color suit, like grey? Or should I wear the black one/buy another similar black one for the rest of the interviews? I don’t want to wear the same thing, unless it won’t really matter since it wasn’t anything particularly memorable, but I want to know if it is enough to switch out the button down for a white blouse or something else?

      Sorry to ramble, just trying to figure out what’s best! Thanks!

      1. I’m not a lawyer, so take this with a grain of salt. It’s perfectly fine to wear the same suit. Wear what makes you feel powerful and comfortable.

      2. Agreed. Same suit is fine. Also, a word of advice: schedule callbacks your favorite firms first. 16 is a LOT of callbacks, and chances are you’re going to burn out before you finish them. Get an offer or two under your belt (hopefully from your preferred firms) and then reevaluate whether you want to finish the rest.

      3. Same suit is fine, but I would wear a different color shirt. Black suit + white shirt = waiter! Eggplant, royal blue and emerald or forest green are all professional, but more interesting than basic white.

2. Oooooh. I started salivating when I saw these (or it might be from the Ritter Sport I’m eating) but almost choked on the “almost reasonable $367.50”.

   1. I thought I got a good deal on suede booties at the NAS, but ever since I’ve bought them I’ve been seeing similar type shoes everywhere for far less and I’m still wondering if there really is that big a different in quality as to my untrained eye they look the same.

3. I’d appreciate some input from anyone out there who has successfully negotiated for a flexible work schedule at a company where that’s not the norm. I’m interviewing for a new role at work that, per the job posting, would require approximately 30 nights and/or weekends a year (for special events). Several years ago I was in a similar position with a different organization and had similar non 8am-5pm obligations; I had a completely flexible schedule in that role, loved it, and had a lot of success there. In that scenario, I presented my manager every Friday with my schedule for the upcoming week. Now, I’m hesitant to propose anything that may sound too loosey-goosey, for fear of being shot down entirely. But, I’m also aware that–no matter what is proposed or agreed to–I may not know the best way to flex my schedule until I’m in the job and can gauge its demands.

   What are some key talking points for this during the interview? And, should I bring this up as part of the interview, or wait until an offer is made, even though I feel it’s almost on a deal-breaker level for accepting the position? For what it’s worth, I’m the top internal candidate for this job.

   (And for all those who may kindly suggest I send this question to Ask A Manager: I did. She hasn’t responded, so I seek the collective wisdom of the Hive.)

   1. When to bring it up is a tough one. Being upfront right away may be important but still dangerous to bring up right away. I think the fact that you don’t know what the flex should be until you’re there is a good talking point – you could bring it up using that, (e.g., I understand that this job requires flexible commitment and alternate hours to be most effective. How have previous people in this position structured their time most effectively? Is there freedom to adjust schedules accordingly to be most efficient?) Would probably come off as committed but may launch the conversation you’re really looking to have.

      In addition, there are lots of organizations that dig into and promote flexibility and that offer resources on how to set up an alternate arrangement. This page links to many about halfway down: http://uri-slrc.blogspot.com/2009/12/work-life-balance-initiatives.html

      Finally, I think when there’s consistent communication place, people are more likely to accept such an arrangement. Good luck!

      1. These are great links- thanks very much!

      2. Based on my own experience of “shooting myself in the foot” by being too honest to early, I would advise that you avoid the topic for now (at interview stage) unless you are specifically asked about it: and even then be guarded in your response. If you have a need to work flexible hiurs due to other commitments, or if you want to do so to make up for the times you will have to work outside office hours, I would say that you don’t bring it up until it is an issue you need to discuss because you been offered the job.

         Your strongest negotiating position is after you have the job offer, every “how to negotiate a salary” article or book I have ever read says this; and they also say that benefits can be negotiated just as salary can – flexible working arrangements could be considered a benefit.

         That’s just my humble opinion.

         Good luck with your interview!

   2. Famouscait, is this a newly created position or are you replacing a previous employee? I can’t tell from what you said but if you are replacing someone, can you ask that person what they do/did regarding flexible scheduling? If they didn’t have flexibility, it might be a tougher sell for you to get those accommodations.

      If it’s a new position, I think you have more leeway to set it up so it works for you, and especially if you are an internal candidate you are at a better advantage than an external candidate because you have a track record and are known to keep your commitments. If I were hiring from outside my company and didn’t know someone, I’d be hesitant to give them flex-hours or work-from-home status until they’ve proved themselves and understand the job. Some companies don’t allow telecommuting until an employee has been employed for six months, one year etc,, just so all the bugs are worked out first.

      I would wait until you get into the last phase of interviewing and you have learned the parameter and expectations of the boss/department. Then they’ll know that you (a) are a good fit and (b) that you had that type of arrangement at a former, similar position. Good luck!

      1. It is a new position. What I’m also struggling with is that I work in a central office (like a HQ) and this position is in a different, although nearby location. My office is notorious for being uptight and strict, and the outer locations have a reputation for being more laid back about employee time. That being said, the role has a dual reporting structure: 40% to the Director on site, and 60% to the Sr. Director at HQ. On a day-to-day basis, I’ll be working for the 40% boss who may well be amenable to a flex schedule. I’m not sure about the 60% boss, though.

         Thanks for feedback – I appreciate it!

   3. I work at an association as the director of meetings. OK it’s a non-profit so off the bat, probably more flexible than for-profit but hey, I’m commenting anyway.

      We work a 40 hour week. When we have meetings, some days we are working 10-12 hours a day. therefore, those extra hours go toward the 40 hours. So, if one of my managers works Monda and Tuesday from 7a-5p, then on another day, they can work 4 hours instead of 8. Of course, if the whole week is full of meetings, then sorry, you have to work every day all day and not get extra credit since everyone is salaried.

      My point is…most reasonable organizations would be flexible and if you worked an event until 12 midnight, not expect you to report for duty the next morning at 8am if your arrival at that time was not crucial. I personally think that flexibility in this type of job is written into it. I am sure there are some places that might not do this, but I’d think that 90% of them would.

      good luck.

4. I recently graduated law school and just found out I may be assigned to my firm’s IP group, which handles a mix of prosecution and litigation. I’m a bit nervous, however, since my science background consists of only a B.S. in a basic science (think biology, zoology, physics) with a few summer internships. Most of the other lawyers in this group have engineering degrees or advanced science degrees with extensive work experience in their field. Do any of you ladies work in IP? Am I at a huge disadvantage here, or am I worrying over nothing?

   1. First, they hired you. THEY think you’re qualified. Run with that confidence.
      Second, you won’t be at a disadvantage, let alone a huge one. If your firm wants you to do patent prosecution, they’ll send you through the hoops to make that possible (Patent Bar). With prosecution or litigation it isn’t so much the technology specific knowledge that makes you successful, it’s your willingness to to learn. Your science background means you know how to learn “sciencey” things.

      Unless your firm has a science/engineering specialty (like pharmaceuticals), you might be surprised to find out just how non-degree specific IP litigation is. Take your time reading the laws relevant to your assignments, just as you would any other role. And, if the technology knowledge is at issue, and you don’t understand, it sounds like you have a wealth of people to ask. No one knows everything, if you work with reasonable people, they won’t think twice if you have to ask, “Hey, do you know how this works?”

   2. It depends. You’ll probably end up doing more litigation than prosecution. If you do end up doing prosecution, you’ll probably do more software/business method stuff that’s not too hard to pick up as a technology. FWIW, one of my better IP mentors was a Russian History major, and my SW/BM group has a number of aeronautical engineers and rocket scientists.

      The flip side is that with an EE-ish degree, I was expected to do chem/drug delivery stuff at one firm. That was awful and I ended up leaving within 10 months.

   3. IP litigators don’t necessarily need the fancy degrees, but I do think that role can be somewhat limiting. It can be great experience as a junior associate because you will be interacting with the federal rules and court procedures a lot, possibly in many different jurisdictions. Ime, though, the procedure-focused nature of the job doesn’t really change as you become more senior unless you have a strong science background (and yours may be stronger than you realize, depending on the firm’s needs) because the science folks will do most of the drafting. You don’t want to be 3-4 years in and never have drafted a substantive motion. I’d try to figure out what role the firm envisions you in long term and try to get assignments from other litigation partners. If the firm pigeon holes you, you can always start thinking about a lateral move around your third year.

   4. I do IP litigation and I and many people I work with just have a pure science undergraduate degree. Nobody seems at a disadvantage compared to the people with engineering degrees, PhDs or lots of work experience. Not sure what Anononymous means about letting the science folks do the substantive drafting. In my group the associates who just have science B.S. degrees do plenty of the technical litigation work and are absolutely not limited to the procedural side of things (which most everyone in IP lit agrees is the boring part). Might be different if you didn’t have a science background at all, but you do. I wouldn’t worry about the litigation side of things at all. I have much less experience with prosecution, so I can’t really comment as much. But I agree with those that said they put you in this group knowing your background and everybody has to learn a ton on the job. IP law is so different than getting a PhD in or working in engineering. Good luck, I’m sure you’ll do great!

   5. Do they want you to do litigation or take the patent bar and do prosecution or do things like trademark/copyright? I’m an IP litigation attorney. I have a liberal arts degree. It works fine. There are always patent lawyers staffed on the cases–my role is litigation. So the patent lawyers help me understand the technology, and I figure out how to explain it to the trier of fact. Everyone plays to their strengths, and the client gets a better work product IMO. I have not found my role to be limited at all. On the contrary, at this point in my career I drive a lot of strategy and manage the roles of the patent lawyers involved in the cases. It’s really a very fun field, particularly if you are interested in litigation.

   6. Don’t worry about it.

      I’m a senior patent litigation associate at a big firm, and I can tell you that at least half of our patent litigators have no technical background at all. They get to do as much substantive work (brief-writing, arguments, trial, etc.) as those with technical degrees, and they do it well.

      I also did patent prosecution for a couple of years before focusing on litigation. I have a BS and MS in engineering, but most of the applications I worked on didn’t require more than an understanding of science and the ability to focus and learn a new technology (med device, mechanical arts). If you have a BS in a fundamental science, you can do that.

      You could end up really loving an IP practice. The law is fascinating, and you get to learn about new technologies and work with creative people.

5. I’m newly pregnant and job-hunting (yes, I must keep job-hunting — my position may be cut in January and I earn most of our household income so I can’t just wait until after the baby comes). Any suggestions for how to dress to conceal for as long as possible while still looking interview-appropriate? I feel like an untucked top just isn’t going to work, especially because I’m a lawyer in a (sartorially) conservative city. Also, how do I make sure I have something in my closet that will work if, as I hear from friends, my body may change rapidly from day-to-day?

   1. I had two wonderful, loose fitting knit faux wrap tops from Halogen (Nordstrom) that I loved when I was in the in-between stages of pregnancy last year. They were meant to be worn untucked so they hid the swelling bump for a bit and they looked good under suits (both were in saturated colors that worked particularly well with black, gray and navy). They also fit like a normal knit shirt across the back so, to me, they read less maternity than for instance an empire waist shirt might.

      1. I think this is a great idea. Also, these interviewers don’t know you, so they won’t have noticed a change in your size. I don’t think you need to do much to conceal it. I’m sure they won’t notice. Good luck!

         1. Agree with this. I looked/felt really big at 16 weeks. I took a photo on my phone and sent it to DH, complaining that I looked enormous in my dress.

            Now, at 30+ weeks, I look back at that and laugh. I only looked pregnant to those that know me. To all others I just looked pooch-y.

         2. Agree with preg anon, if people don’t know you they can’t really tell. While body change is different with every pregnancy, most ladies (I included) could probably get away with slightly larger clothes for most cuts till around 20 weeks, especially since this sounds like your first pregnancy. It sounds like many can go on for much longer. And after that it’s still concealable if you’re skillful.

            As others have advised: looser fit clothes, stay away from empire lines, dark solid colours, no shiny fabrics on top, jackets better still if you can button them, clothes a size up (not too much as other areas don’t fit as well), accessories near the face, bigger bag that you can put over your tummy and CONFIDENCE! All the best with the interviews; I also interviewed a little when I was about 3/4 months. Lean In has a helpful chapter that makes you realise maternity leave is such a short portion of our long careers.

   2. Hmm. Currently 38 weeks pregnant so I have some first-hand experience with dressing professionally while expecting. :)

      It depends on how far along you are, honestly — and you might be surprised that even if you feel like you’re showing a ton, it’s really mental and you may have just filled out a teeny bit or are just a bit bloated (trust me on this). How far along are you at this point?

      For practical advice on dressing to conceal — try a jacket buttoned up with suit pants, a size up from what you might usually wear to cover up any bump action. As for your body changing every single day, that’s really not what I (or any of my friends) experienced. Not on such a dramatic scale, just the gradual growth you might expect. You really can get a lot of mileage out of one-size-up clothes instead of feeling like you have to buy a ton of maternity wear.

      Good luck! And congrats!

   3. Do what I did. Buy 5 muumus, preferably designer muumuus, and if they ask, just say you are wearing these muumuus on doctor’s orders because of a contact dermatitis issue you are trying to cure. Unless you are working in a doctor’s office, no one will ask another question and since you’re newly pregnant, no one will even notice the baby under your loose clothing.

      Of course, being pregnant, you will change in other ways and if you get morning sickness, the muumuus will be of no help. On those days where you must see the OBGYN, just tell them you have a doctor’s appointment. With your contact dermatitis, they will just figure that is why you are going. By the time anyone figures it out, it will be long after January, and you will be able to get maternity leave like I did! Good luck and congrats on the baby!

   4. I interviewed for and was offered a couple of big law jobs while 7 months pregnant. When I negotiated maternity leave, the interviewers were shocked to learn I was pregnant. I wore normal suits with a belly band and the jacket unbuttoned, loose silk blouses in dark colors, and eye-catching necklaces to shift the focus to my face.

   5. Like everyone else says, it’s more noticeable to you than anyone else. I’m 37 weeks pregnant, and people keep commenting that I only starting looking pregnant in the last few weeks. I think they are nuts, but no one is paying as much attention to your changing body as you.

      As far as actual clothing advice, I’d shoot for flowing shells that can blouse over the waistband a little. Honestly, a jacket hides a lot.

   6. Blouson style tops are your friend. They conceal VERY well and look very professional under a suit jacket because they are not intended to be tucked in. This in a dark color with an eye-catching necklace would be great.

6. My spouse and I are moving 3,000 miles across the country. We head out in 13 days. We decided to move for my job, but my spouse was recently hired by a company in our soon-to-be new home. The company that hired him has around 100 employees and a decent internet presence in its niche market. He had an interview over the phone, then interviewed in person. About a month ago, they offered him a job over the phone and told him they needed him to start no later than the first week of September, but that his start date would depend on the date they promote the employee he is replacing. At the time, this sounded reasonable enough. Fast forward to today: spouse has still not received an offer letter. He has been in contact with HR, but is told each time that they’re still working out the details of the other guy’s promotion–an explanation that sounds flimsier each time I hear it. Am I making something out of nothing? Or is there legitimate reason to be concerned that this unofficial offer isn’t going to materialize into an official one?

   1. It’s a legit concern. They may be working out the guys promotion or they may be finding funding for your husband. When I got my current job I was told they wanted to hire me in August, I didn’t receive an official offer until November, and then started in January. I found out that the reason I started so far after they wanted me to is a) they were working out the transition for the woman I was replacing and b) they held off on hiring a lot of people so the quarterly financials looked better. Now I love my job, but holding off on hiring me left me unemployed for 2 months and temping for 2 more (not to mention lost income). So I would tell your husband to keep looking for jobs in the meantime because there is no guarantee.

   2. A friend of mine was just in a similar situation that fell through. The company said they were just waiting on a final committee approval to send out the offer letter, but the committee members had been on vacation/had sick kids/dog ate their homework/etc. and hadn’t quite gotten around to it yet. It turned out there were some internal issues and they decided not to hire anyone for a few months. So no, I don’t think you’re making something out of nothing. If I were your DH, I would continue the job search until he receives an official offer.

      1. +1. I have my own similar story. Anything can happen, I’m afraid.

   3. yeah, you NEVER know what could happen on their end. He should keep looking for another position just in case.

7. Does anybody in NYC have a house cleaner they recommend? I have a studio and I love cleaning my apartment, but I’m finding I just don’t have as much time/energy to do it with my recent change in schedule.

   I just looking for floors, general surface stuff for a <500 sq ft apt, and I'll provide my own cleaning supplies.

   I'm looking for 1-2x a month.

   1. No recommendations, but I really wish I’d ever loved cleaning any of my living spaces, from my childhood bedroom to dorm rooms to apartments to houses. I have hated cleaning every one of them. Just a bit jealous.

   2. I like Si Se Puede because it’s a worker’s collective of women of color and they’re very good.

      1. +1 for Si Se Puede

   3. Yes. My house cleaner is trustworthy, very good at her job and flexible in terms of scheduling. She usually comes twice a month. I don’t want to put her contact info online but if you want to post an email add, I can send it to you

      1. Not the OP, but would love your rec!

         Crimson girl (one word) at gmail

         I have been using MyClean (really like my cleaner there) but finding them too $$, and I feel badly that she gets so little of what I pay.

         1. Just emailed you

8. Just go. You are going to move for your job anyway, and Internet companies are notoriously flaky–Remember the Facebook movie? They really are like that. The Hive gives you hugs and we all pray this Internet job will materialize, but DH will be with you in any event and he will find work.

9. Does anyone have advice on applying for jobs as a 3L? My career services office has been unhelpful, and I am unsure if my summer position will lead to full time employment.

   1. Classmate of mine who had a not long term 2L summer option (basically nothing via OCI), spent 2L summer identifying every single firm in the location she wanted that had a dept she wanted and papered them with CL and resume on her own.

      She ended up at a biglaw firm b/c they decided over the summer to do a big hiring push after no OCI and has been doing really well…

      I have no experience in doing this, but it worked out for her.

   2. My biggest suggestion: if you had multiple summer offers, reach out to the firms that you turned down. I turned down my summer offer and ended up spending four years working at a firm that hired me as a 3L – I’d declined their summer offer, but they were still willing to look at me. It makes sense, if you think about it – unless something has changed, they liked you enough to offer you a summer position, so they should still like you now.

10. The bloomingdales sale (click on the link Kat posted) has lots of simple and pretty floor-length dresses on sale for under $400!

    1. Ooh, over to take a look. Thank you!

11. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. Granted, I recently got engaged, but I’m trying (in vain) to go easy on the wedding craze because I’m studying for the LSAT and we’re not actually getting married until 2015. Everything I see even remotely related to weddings that is emotional in any way makes me tear up! I was listening to a song I love, and all of a sudden the idea of walking down the aisle to it pops into my head, and I’m teary-eyed. It keeps happening, and I’m not a big crier, so I don’t know if I’m just losing it or what.

    1. Are these sad tears, unexplained tears, or happy tears? Makes a big difference.

       1. I think happy. It’s just so weird for me because I’ve never been the kind of person to cry so easily! But then again, I’ve also never been the kind of person to care about weddings, and I now have a subscription to Brides magazine and four or five back issues of Martha Stewart Wedding in my apartment…

          1. Welcome to the club! I was just like you. These days, I tear up whenever someone mentions a new father holding his baby for the first time. It’s a big deal. I still get misty whenever I hear the song for our first dance. Or when I look at the photo of my husband when he first saw me coming down the aisle. I’m not an emotional person at all. But if you can’t get emotional at the biggest decision of your life, when can you! And congratulations!

             1. Heaving a big sigh of relief that this isn’t totally weird. I’m used to being pretty solid in terms of being emotional, so when I teared up at work today because I read an article about a bride’s first look with her father I was a little horrified.

                And thanks! Big congrats to you, too!

          2. I went through the same thing when I got engaged. We dated for a super long time before getting married and getting engaged made me more sentimental. I would be really moved by silly things and super invested in reading wedding websites. I’m still more affected by emotional things than I used to be but it’s definitely settled down compared to those early days post-engagement.

          3. This happened to me too. I think it had to do with unresolved feelings about whether I deserved my now-husband and the idea of him loving me for ever and ever. :)

             But yea – things are going to get emotional. And you will not be the only one in tears by the time this is over. Your mom, your dad, his parents, possibly your fiancé.

             You sound like the kind of bride that would appreciate http://www.apracticalwedding.com. I ordered their book on amazon, and when I read it, I told my now-husband, “I found my people!!!”

             1. Very delayed response, but thank you to New Bride for the A Practical Wedding rec! I can’t stop reading it, it’s right up my alley!

    2. Could it be that you want to get married sooner?

    3. You just made what is probably the biggest decision of your life thus far. It makes sense that you’d feel overwhelmed as it sinks in. Good things require processing just as bad things do. I agree that you should reflect a bit on where the tears are coming from, but if you really trust in your choice to get married, then just give it time. It will become part of your normal life circumstances long before your wedding date rolls around…and then you’ll probably go through a similar transition period after you tie the knot. Hugs.

    4. Why wait until 2015? One of my regrets was putting off our wedding so that we could have the “perfect” wedding date. In retrospect, it would be have been nice just to get married sooner so that we could really live our life together and not be stressing out over every.little.detail.

       1. I can really see the wisdom in this! You can definitely reach a point of diminishing returns. When you go all out on a wedding, it can take a toll on the rest of your life. It’s smart to think about how much time/effort/money you are willing to put into it and scale it back from there.

       2. Venue, money, family…. There are a lot of reasons people have to book out that far. I did and I’m glad I did. Granted, it sucks having to wait sooo long, but at the end of the day, being able to pay for the wedding ourselves cash is amazing.

          1. Very delayed response, but we’re waiting until 2015 because he’s travelling a ton for work in the next year, I’m taking the LSAT, applying for law school, and then will be in my first year, I have 3 significant family events in 2014, and we’re trying to save up some money because neither of our parents have enough money to pay for a full wedding. I don’t have a “perfect date” in mind like Hollis did…L, you seem to understand exactly my position!

             (Also, turns out I got my period two days after I posted this originally, so many that has something to do with the extremity of my tears, although I’m still a little weepy.)

12. Anyone else having trouble with the search function on this site? I’m trying to find brunch recipes which I’m sure we’ve discussed before, but the results are coming up blank. (For reference I first entered “brunch recipe” without the quotes, then just “brunch” and nothing either way.)

    1. I don’t think the site search function works on comments. try googling it as follows — site:corpor*tte.com brunch

       1. yeah and you might want to include the word recipe or recipes in your search (as you did before) because otherwise you’ll get a lot of brunch recommendations for various cities.

          1. Thanks to you both, that certainly did the trick!

             Now I have a new dilemma. If I have a silk shirt that needs to be cleaned and the tag says “hand wash only” but I don’t want to do it myself how do I instruct the dry-cleaner? I’m assuming they know what to do, but this is my first 100% silk shirt so want to be sure there is no misunderstanding.

             1. “Dry cleaner” + “no misunderstanding” = “good luck”

13. My husband and I are about to move to DC for BigLaw jobs. We’re looking for an apartment (2Br). Ideally we’d like something in the Dupont/Logan area. Everything (especially Logan) has changed a ton since we last lived there. Can anyone recommend some buildings in that area we should check out on our apartment scouting trip later this month? Thanks!!

    1. I don’t have specific building recs, but I found apartmentratings.com to be very helpful. Their search feature isn’t great though, so lots of times ended up just wandering around the neighborhoods I was looking at and writing down the names of places that looked nice and researching them later. FYI, if you haven’t been back since Logan has picked up – be prepared to spend way, way more than you would have before. A 2-bdrm in a decent building will cost you at least $3000.

       If you’re willing to rent a condo, another trick is to look on the websites of realtors and property management companies – they will usually list some nice places and you can often get a better deal than if you went through a traditional apartment building.

       1. Yeah prices have definitely gone up. We’re hoping to stay around $3500. Its pricey but to not have to commute on top of BigLaw hours is worth it to us.

          Can anyone recommend any good realtors? My husband is skeptical of that approach but I’ve had good luck going through a realtor in other cities so I’m definitely open to it.

          1. Check nakedapartments.com. I’d imagine they have a DC section. Realtors are rated and vetted so you don’t have to worry to the same degree about crossing paths with an unscrupulous or unreliable realtor.

    2. Thought not exactly what you asked, but I’d really recommend using Craigslist for your search. I’ve lived in DC for several years now, and in 3 different apts, and found each one on Craigslist. The real estate companies and apartment buildings all advertise there, so its a great one stop shop, and you can view your search results directly on a map now.

       For buildings, I’ve lived in 1150 K St. (South of Logan) and loved it. Not sure if the building has 2 bdrms, but I think it does. Mostly late 20s/early 30s professionals.

    3. The website Zillow might have some good leads. It’s easier to search than Craigslist but has fewer postings. I used it in my last apartment search and found it helpful.

    4. Not quite the right area, but I had a few friends who loved their apartment building – Post Mass apartments.

    5. HI there. I live in Logan and just moved…sold my house and purchased a 2BR condo. I was open to renting but when I realized I’d have to pay at least $3k to rent, I figured I might as well buy since a mortgage is less than $3k. If there is any way you can buy, I’d definitely do that if you can but of course it’s not so simple!

       In any case, I agree that Craigslist is a good source. There is also a website UrbanTurf that is dedicated to city living and they have tons of resources for condos and rentals. Many buildings have just come on-line in the 14th street corridor. Capitol View on 14th, 14W, District Commons (i think) are a few. I am sure you can find them on Urban Turf. These are all brand new luxury buildings so be prepared to pay top dollar.

       There is a building called The Mondrian on 12th and M that has recently had a sign outside advertising 1, 2 and 3 BRs for rent. it’s an older building so rent is probably more reasonable…and you might even score a 3 BR for the price of a 2BR at one of the afore-mentioned places. Not sure, but worth a shot. Google it and you will find.

       good luck!

    6. I just moved out of my building in Woodley Park – not Dupont or Logan, but just the next metro stop up (@ 29th and Woodley Rd, next to the Marriott). Gorgeous, art deco building, with really fabulous tenants that really try and make it a community. 2brs are $2700 max. If you’re worried about the commute, 1 metro stop wouldn’t necessarily make a difference.

14. Ladies, shopping help? Any recommendations on dresses or where to look for a dress that’s otherwise relatively modest but has a cut-out lower back? I’m thinking something on the level of a black or navy a-line dress. Any help or tips appreciated!

    1. If you only need the dress for one occasion, rent the runway allows you to sort dresses by trend, including cut out. Otherwise, I would search shopstyle for “cut out dress.”

       1. +1
          I LOVE Rent the Runway.

    2. I love Asos & ModCloth for fun dresses.

    3. not navy or black but http://www.thelimited.com/product/striped-cutout–dress/3278762.html?ppid=c1&start=1&cgid=sale-dresses&dwvar_3278762_colorCode=175

       1. Thanks! That’s adorable and totally in line with what I was thinking.

15. Sources for truly opaque leggings that are for normal wear, not exercise? Bonus if they come in dark neutrals other than black. Thanks!

    1. J Crew pixie pants are very thick. I think they come in navy and grey, too. They never go on sale, but J. Crew has a WIT20 promo code at the moment that is good for 20% anything.

       1. I second this. I’m surprised at how flattering they are. I think the ponte is slimming. I have the black, now I want them in navy.

16. Where do all you smart ladies get your news? I’ve always relied primarily on CNN’s web page, but lately they seem to go out of their way to include multiple headlines every single day about dead, missing or horribly abused children. Just today they have (1) the guy in California who kidnapped the girl and killed the mom/brother, which I understand is a major news story because of the Amber alert, (2) man swept away while trying to save his daughter, (3) teen dies after police taser him, (4) surgeon investigated after babies die, (5) abused teen commits suicide, (6) parents chose faith over medicine – 2 die (I’m assuming children) and (7) missing boy’s body found. That’s just from a quick scan of the homepage. It’s like they are going out of their way to find the worst possible things to report on.

    I want to keep up on major world events and local news, but even just skimming the headlines is starting to be soo depressing. I actually tried happynews.com the other day, but there’s not much substance there. I don’t need to be protected from bad news, but I feel like they are just going for the most sensational horrifying stuff they can find (and skipping a lot of relevant in-depth reporting in the process).

    1. The BBC

       1. +1

    2. I like BBC headlines. First of all it’s less US focused, but also I think it is less sensational, more substantive.

       Also, Washington Post headlines. I work in foreign policy, so my reader includes Foreign Policy Magazine and The Atlantic. I also like the blogs that kind of have a snarky/funny approach to the news like Wonkette. Laughing at the f*cked up state of politics keeps me from crying about it.

    3. I get a daily digest of headlines from the NYTimes. It’s free!

       I gave up on getting news from CNN.com after they rushed to get a decision out on the Supreme Court’s ruling on the Affordable Care Act last year – and they got it wrong. Now I only go to the site for distraction news, not substance.

    4. Twitter. I follow the major news stations and newspapers as well as state police. I scan my home page daily and see all of their tweets. I only click to read the ones that look worthwhile. Since they can’t tweet every story they usually just tweet the truly newsworthy ones.

       1. By major news stations I mean local. If national or international news is big enough (and not just sensational) it will make it to the local station’s twitter.

       2. Second Twitter. I follow a couple of NPR news shows and then the hosts of those shows as well. The shows give a good overview of national/international headlines and the hosts give a little commentary on the stories.

    5. NPR!

       1. NPR. And add to it with NYT online.

    6. I peruse BBC, CBC, Globe+Mail, National Post and the NYTimes, plus a local newspaper that has bad writing but I think it is important to generally know what’s going on in my city. Half of my news is Canadian focused, so probably not all that useful for you?

       I also find that listening to the CBC and BBC world reports/world news either via podcast or radio are great for getting snippets of sufficient information to leave me informed.

       For more in-depth stuff (though less timely), I read the Economist every week (well, to be more precise, I listen to their word-for-word audio edition when going for a run, or cooking…I like to nourish my body and mind at the same time, it’s more efficient and leaves more time for watching terrible TV).

       What’s the American equivalent to BBC or CBC? Is it NPR?

       1. “What’s the American equivalent to BBC?”

          BBC :) (at least, in my experience)

    7. I really like the Skimm for a quick update. WSJ for more in depth.

    8. Al Jazeera, NY Times, BBC.

       1. Also The Atlantic and Mother Jones.

    9. The Economist. It’s a weekly source rather than daily but it covers the type of news I want to be aware of. Their website is great too

    10. Huge fan of the Guardian for regular news/current events.

        For interest pieces: Salon, Slate, NY Times, Atlantic

        If I have time, the Economist is a gold standard.

    11. Yea, CNN was recently removed from my bookmarks for no longer being a source of actual news. I’m not sure they’re going out of their way to find horrible things for the sake of being horrible–I think it’s because that’s what gets viewers. With their “distractions” videos, I don’t even think they’re trying for news anymore. It reminded me of this video (at the end of the article): http://www.thewrap.com/media/column-post/daily-show-john-oliver-only-fictional-newsrooms-hire-investigative-reporters-video-73081

        I was going to go on a rant about the state of news coverage on American TV and how the 24-hour news cycle killed actual news, but instead I’ll just answer the question. BBC and the Economist. Politico, The Hill, and Roll Call if I want US political news specifically.

        1. The Daily Show.

    12. BBC, NPR, and used to be NY Time,s but I think I am becoming tired/jaded of it

    13. Twitter, facebook, NYTimes. In that order.

    14. Reuters, Wall Street Journal, Google News, local paper

    15. The Week magazine. I get the print version and read it with my morning bowl of cereal. It’s the best if you’re looking for a quick read on a variety of current topics. It’s not all negative either.

17. My SO is exploring the possibility of a post-doc after he completes his PhD. I’m fully supportive of the opportunity, but would love some stories from those with experience living apart from their SO for 1-2 years. I have the feeling it is going to be a bit of an emotional roller coaster.

    For context – I would not be able to join him due to my job (and I can’t work remotely, so that eliminates a W-Su visit where I work W-F), and we’d be a flight away (on the same coast, however).

    1. Don’t know what field your husband is in, but in the sciences (bio/chem/physics) many post-docs are now much longer than two years. I know some people who left after 2-3 years, but some who are stil there after 7 years. Sorry to be a downer, but the market keeps changing.

       1. I’m trying to stay anon here, but in his field 1-2 years (3 max) is the norm, and has been the norm for some time. Obviously things could change, but 1-2 years is a reasonable expectation for us.

          1. Also, with acadamia, I think it’s even more important to set drop dead end dates. As I understand, people often have to chase post doc after post doc to try to find some place where they would even be elligible for a tenure track position. Alternatively, I’ve heard about people basically having to pick up at a second’s notice to go and pursue the one tenure track job available in a certain field, and it’s off in The Middle Of Nowhere Private University, but it’s that or nothing.

             Certain science fields may be different, but I guess I am trying to say that in acadamia, you might be facing more than just 1-2 years of this type of thing, and so it will be important to set expectations about how one of you will follow the other (or not), who will compromise, when you’ll move, etc.

             1. I totally agree with Kontraktor. A drop dead end date paired with dealbreakers on what happens on the other end (would you be OK with Middle Of Nowhere Private University?) are going to be critical.

    2. It’s really tough. I lived apart from my boyfriend/then fiance/then husband for all our 8 years together before we finally reconsiled life and moved in together about a year ago (ended up being about 1.5 years after getting married). I will say a couple things.

       1. communicate standards and expectations for visiting. it can be incredibly helpful to always know when the next time you will see each other will be. it can also be incredibly heartbreaking to hear that your spouse doesn’t want to see you, if you don’t talk about that schedule and how frequently you will visit. if one spouse expects a lot and the other expects less, and you don’t talk about that, you will be very let down and sad and frustrated.
       2. it’s expensive. it was a pain to manage finances in 2 households, nevermind that I had to live with roomates (he got ‘our’ place alone) and so it was a bit awkward when he came over to my place. We were married and felt a bit beyond sharing a space with people but had no choice due to budget. Be prepared to potentially lose a lot of savings in other areas due to 2 household financing, as well as commuting costs. Between gas and train tickets, we were probably spending $300-400 a month for awhile if not more. This would be worse flying between cities.
       3. it’s stressful. you will probably spend a lot of your weekends scrambling to do errands for one house and try to do errands for the other. We used to spend almost all day Sunday cooking in one place, divide leftovers, the other person would bring to his/her place, I’d haul leftovers on the train, etc. Did the same thing with errands (because we couldn’t share errad duty during the week/errand duty during week was spent on errands for our individual houses vs. couple errads). we felt we couldn’t really do many activities/laze about much because there was always so much to get done.
       4. it’s sort of sad. honestly it really wears on you to have to leave every sunday night/leave on a sunday after not seeing each other for weeks and having 1.5 days together. if you don’t have an end point in mind, I think it will be really hard to get through.

       I’m not sure if I could go back to living apart now that we’ve been together. I finally feel like we have a real life together after so many years and it would be tough to give up. I think I survived so long before since I did’t know what I was missing. I think the most important thing is to have a firm exit plan going in… what is the absolute longest time you will tolerate the arangement before a compromise or action to get you together again is mandatory? that’s critical to discuss because you always have that theoretical light at the tunnel to think about vs. wondering perpetually if things will ever be normal again.

       1. Thank you – this is very insightful.

          Did you have children during this time?

          1. No, thank goodness. I am not sure how we could have managed. We had (and still have) 2 cats and sometimes shuttled them back and forth. That was bad enough.

             As a military spouse and former government contractor, I’ve known a lot of people to have similar commuter marriages, often with kids. Generally speaking, one spouse stays at the regular home with the kids and tends to not work (or work minimally). The far away commuting spouse tends to be the one who rents a room somewhere for the week or rents a crash pad. I also think the parents I’ve known who have put up with such arangements have basically become okay with being single parents and dealing with the parameters as such. I mean, you can’t expect your spouse in that instance to help with driving, homework, house errands, etc. So, you have to go about it as if you’re a single parent managing it alone.

             One guy I knew who lived apart from his family during the week and made the 4-5 hour commute home on weekends seconded my opinion about feeling really overwhelmed and busy on the weekends because he was trying to catch up on rest, honey dos, and kid visiting time. I think he also missed his kids horribly, probably more so than his wife, so he rarely did aything with his wife and tried to spend lots of cram time with the kids.

             Ultimately I think you just have to set a ton of expectations with your spouse/family, set a drop dead end date, become ‘okay’ with the separation (ie, no guilt tripping, etc.) and communicate like crazy. I also think you have to strongly consider what you are giving up/compromising. I used to think I could live apart from my husband forEVER and be oh so jet setting and independent. After being apart so long and finally living together, I realize that I married him for a reason and my life is kinda empty without him/without that aspect. I can only imagine it would be worse with kids. So, I think it’s fine if you decide your job/his job/whatever is more valuable than time together as a family, but that means you have to be okay with those consequences and lost finances/time together/shared memories/etc. When I looked honestly at my life/us, I was kind of sad at myself that I could ever think a ‘job’ would be worth giving up precious time with my husband (especially in our young newlywed phases), but we all make choices that suit our own lives. For the record, I found another job here in my new space, and while it isn’t perfect, my last job apart from hubs wasn’t either, and I get far more benefits being together with him than I did from being at a job I liked slightly better and being alone.

    3. What’s his plan for after the postdoc? Have you already discussed which cities will make it possible for you to follow him on the other end? If he wants a professorship or a similar research job, have you wrapped your head around just how competitive those jobs are and just how arbitrarily those jobs are scattered geographically?

       Simplistically, he should only postdoc at a university if he wants to be a professor. If he wants a research job, he should find one at a place that promotes from within (like a company or a national lab) in a location you’d be willing to move if he got promoted.

       Most of the long-distance postdoc emotional rollercoasters I’ve witnessed have crashed because of the uncertainty of the job search on the other end, not the reality of a long-distance relationship.

       1. This also reflects my experience, first- and second-hand. The early academic career path is extremely rough on relationships for all the reasons mentioned on this thread. I think it’s about finding that careful balance between obsessing about every little possibility beyond your control vs. trying to stick to a pre-determined plan when it may just not be feasible. The couples who I’ve seen deal with this most successfully have been those who were most patient, willing to withhold assumptions about the future, and focused on the present. But I hate to say it–many have spent years apart and still don’t know when it will end, and many have simply accepted that having kids is not in the cards. Unfortunately I think the happiest academic spouses I know are the ones who have been willing to move basically anywhere at any time.

          1. To be clear, I didn’t mean that not having kids is “unfortunate”–but rather that not having a choice about it is the problem.

    4. Late to this, but I had 2 stints of long-distance with my husband, first when he was working in another city and took a year and a half to be able to move to my city. And second, after we’d lived together a couple of years, when he moved away to do his MBA in a top university (and didn’t get admitted into the lower-ranked one closer to home).
       In the second stint, we also decided to get pregnant (because we’d waited so long already). Helped immensely that there was an end date to his MBA. But we had to hope he’d get a job in my city (and not in the MBA city, which was easier). I was pregnant and lived alone that year, and worked a full-time intensive job similar to big law. Everything turned out ok (back in same city with our kid).
       Things that helped are having a set end date, touching base everyday, and meeting as often as needed, even when it’s expensive, and even when one of you is a student and you want to save money. Sometimes that’s once a month and sometimes its every weekend. We made a lot of airlines rich.

18. Hi ladies,

    I’m in the market for THE perfect black fall riding boot (business casual appropriate). Preferably something that will last at least 2 years, and is under $200. Anyone have any favorite brands, or suggestions for truly awesome riding boots?

    1. DSW’s website has a beautiful black riding boot that looks nice and is very affordable ($99.95), but I don’t know the brand, Me Too Dee, so I can’t speak to quality. I would check out DSW in person though. In my experience they have a pretty solid selection.

    2. Someone on this site once recommended the Dublin Aristrocrat Dress Boot and I bookmarked it because it looked like the perfect flat rising boot. I’ve never purchased or even seen in person, but they look nice online.

       http://www.amazon.com/Dublin-Aristocrat-Dress-Boots/dp/B001QY43NO

       1. really liking these, thanks!

       2. Might be worth a heads up that those are actual riding boots (as in, meant for wearing on a horse) and therefore not designed for walking/every-day life. The leather will be stiffer, the heel more weighted and the sole less padded. They can work if you really break them in, but probably won’t be nearly as comfortable.

    3. When my friend and I were in NYC last winter, we saw a woman wearing perfect riding boots in a restaurant bar and we asked her what they were. She kind of sheepishly said Jessica Simpson. I’m not a fan of the JS brand myself (not because of quality – just can’t abide her), but the boots were great and they’re the right price. I like the studded strap on these: http://www.6pm.com/jessica-simpson-essence-black-bellucci

       1. Ha I also would never have thought. Also found these, on looking: http://www.6pm.com/jessica-simpson-chad-blzck-waxy-belluci

    4. I bought a pair of miz mooz “kelsey” boots (in cognac, not black) last year at nordstrom and they are *my* perfect riding boot. Now that it looks like they don’t sell them there anymore, I am starting to get really stressed about how I will eventually replace them.

       1. http://www.footsmart.com/P-Miz-Mooz-Womens-Kelsey-Boots-79803.aspx?SRCCODE=WMGLGSH1&cm_mmc=goog-_-PLA-_-WMGLGSH1-_-012813&kwid=productads-plaid^56749095157-sku^79803+311+13+070-adType^PLA-device^c-adid^22955697997

          1. wow these are great.

19. Recently I’ve been experiencing nagging shoulder and neck pain. I think it’s work related, as it tends to start around 4pm and is not as prevalent on the weekends. I always hear a lot about ergonomics, but don’t know much about the topic. For what it’s worth, I tend to have decent posture. I try not to slouch during the day, etc. Does anyone have tips for addressing the pain? Is this something I need to see a specialist for?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. I have this issue, often from sitting and typing for long periods. Initially it probably came from a car accident I had, but what you’re describing is what brings the pain back. I have found that frequent stretching of the area, especially the front of my shoulder, helps a lot. Massage actually makes it worse.

       Stretches that work best for me (taught by a physical therapist after my accident) while standing:
       –Reach down hard with an extended hand and tilt your head in the opposite direction
       –Tuck your chin and look straight down, bending your neck as far as possible
       –Hold on to a door frame with one arm and lunge forward with a straight back so your front shoulder is stretched all the way (elbow is behind you)

    2. I addressed this by getting one of those desks you can raise and lower, so you can stand up or sit down at work. I spend maybe 3/4 of the day standing now, and don’t have any back pain, and I feel more awake. My firm paid for one, but in retrospect it would have been completely worth it for me to pay for it myself if they refused (it was $500).

    3. I have had lots of shoulder pain (I’m a swimmer and a writer, plus just susceptible to repetitive stress injuries) here are the things I think you should check out before you go to a doctor:

       1) Are you carrying a messenger/cross body bag / one strap bag? You could be putting too much weight on a single shoulder. Try a backpack or wheeled bag.

       2) Do you sleep on your side? This can cause your upper shoulder to “slouch” basically all night long, resulting in overuse-like injuries. If the pain is in your neck and radiates into your shoulder, you may need a new pillow.

       3) When you are sitting at your desk, put your hands on your keyboard. Are your wrists straight? (They should be.) Do you bend up at your elbows to reach your keyboard? (Not great.) Do your elbows bend at 90 degrees to reach your keyboard? (Better / Preferred for many.) Often to take stress off of our wrists and elbows, we’ll pull our shoulders up (like a turtle or a shrug.) Make sure your chair is the right height for your desk — you may need to put something under your feet to make it comfortable.

       4) Is your monitor the right height? (It may need to be adjusted if you change your chair height). If the pain is really in your neck and radiating (when I was in physical therapy I had pain that radiated from my neck into my wrist) it could be from looking down at your keyboard, monitor or reading lots of documents.

       Stretching and exercising helps — I really like the Gaiam DVD “Yoga for Back Care”. I’ve also done a course of physical therapy which was amazingly helpful — some of my muscles in my back were weak relative to others and strengthening them helped tremendously. I also found the massage given by my physical therapist to be amazingly good and pain relieving. Pilates is also often recommended for people who have shoulder injuries or want to maintain shoulder health.

       If you are feeling any numbness or tingling you should go to a doctor immediately. But I’d try changing how you carry things / how your desk is set up first. If that doesn’t help, see a doctor and get a Rx for physical therapy. It can be really fantastic and life changing!

       1. Thank you so much for this! A number of these things apply (looking down at a monitor, wrists bending upwards to type, etc.) I think it’s an issue of my desk being too low, so I am going to look into raising it a bit. Thanks again!

20. I’m throwing a bbq with a friend and would like to do a Miami/South Beach theme bbq. Other than palm tree decorations, we’re at a loss of how to give the bbq a miami feel. Thoughts?

    1. Cocaine?

       1. *snort*

          I’m sure my boss would like to know what, exactly, about this sublease I’m reviewing, is so entertaining.

          1. Not sure if your first line was intended as a bit of a double entendre relating to the previous comment, but I found that entertaining. :p

             1. I’m laughing even harder now!

    2. Art Deco and pink/turquoise (and other pastels) buildings are what stand out in my memory of Miami.

    3. I went to a Miami Vice themed party once where they handed out cheap sunglasses – I think they were white or very light colored. It helped everyone get in the mood even though the party was at night. Everyone wore lots of white and pastel colors. I can’t, for the life of me, remember any of the decor.

    4. Mojitos, guava and cheese (look up pastelito recipes or just put a slice of guava paste with a slice of queso blanco), coconut anything. For recipes, depending what kind of barbecue you’re going for, you can either make lechon asado (akin to pulled pork Cuban-style) or a Cubanised burger called a “frita,” which involves adding chorizo to the ground meat mix, and then serving with matchstick fries in the sandwich itself. Also do plantains either fried sweet (“maduros”) or as chips (“mariquitas”). I am typing on my phone so can’t send a link, but the Three Guys From Miami website has a lot of awesome recipes for these and other foods. If you have access to fruits like passion fruit, guanabana, tamarind, which you can get frozen, and the easier papaya and pineapple, make them into juices, that’s always something I associate Miami with.

       Damn, I’m hungry now! And live far away from Miami these days!

       Atmosphere-wise, I’d go for a lot of colour, some salsa music playing, and anything tropical you can get hold of.

    5. Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine vintage great music

       1. Please.

          Celia Cruz, Benny Moré, and the Buena Vista Social Club.

       2. Pitbull!

    6. City skyline decor, like the opening of CSI:Miami on tv.

       Second the salsa/reggaeton music.

       Think nightclubs.

       And vintage cars or muscle cars.

21. I’m in my mid-twenties but until recently was unable to drink alcohol for medical reasons. Now that I finally can, I realize I don’t know very many drinks! Any ideas for a good cocktail to order at an after-hours work get-together? Most of my coworkers seem to order wine or gin & tonics, but I’d like to branch out a bit while still avoiding Bright Blue Sugary Drink with Flames or anything unprofessional. So far I’ve tried gin & tonic (meh), caipirinha (delicious!), and vodka soda (meh).

    1. A classic gimlet is made with gin, but it sounds like you may not be gin fan…

    2. I like prosecco.

       The only time I order cocktails is if I’m at a restaurant that has a fancy cocktail list. Otherwise I tend to stick with wine or beer.

    3. Whisky sour? Okay, it’s not classy, but it is delicious, one of my go-t0 drinks, especially if the bar has bourbon and they make it properly. Other common options : screwdrivers, vodka cranberry, vodka soda water with a splash of lime or lime wedge, rum and coke, jack and coke, malibu and pineapple juice with soda was really popular during undergrad (though realllyyy sweet)…basically, pick a liquor, and pick a mixer and go to town.

       Or, find a prohibition-era cocktail bar in your city, and go, you’ll get to try lots of really great drinks, or go to a nice bar with a good bartender that’s not too busy, and you can tell them what flavours you like, and they’ll make something good for you. I’m thinking of three specifc places in my city that will do this, and it’s awesome. One of them makes a chammomile rye drink that is possibly the most delicious drink I’ve ever had ever. So. good.

       Realistically though, I like wine a lot, so I usually just go with wine.

       1. Ha! I was going to suggest whiskey sour, but as a 35 year old woman, I thought, “you should not be recommending a whiskey sour to this impressionable young woman!” But, they are delicious.

    4. Greyhound – it’s a screwdriver but with grapefruit juice (and vodka) so sounds much more unique
       Jameson & Ginger is my go-to, but i like whiskey.
       also with whiskey: old fashioned or manhattan
       you could just go with a (vodka) martini, too, good and you look sophisticated ;)
       if you like caipirinha (which are AWESOME) you might like mojitos? Good summer drink, too.

       1. Man, we should go out for drinks! I’ve been sticking with wine lately, but Jameson and Ginger has been my go-to for so long, and I was about to suggest trying an old fashioned to OP.

          1. Ha, seriously! between that and your news recs above, I think we might be twins!! ;o) If I was in brooklyn i would totally take you out for a drink ;o) If you are ever in SF hit me up, woman!

             1. Will do! Probably not in the near future, but in 6 or 7 months I may be planning trip to the Bay Area (where I’ve never been before, actually)!

             2. Yay!! Definitely keep me posted, we will totally plan a cr3tte meetup in your honor! And we’ll go somewhere with a crazy whiskey selection ;o) drop me an email sometime: zoradances at the g to the mail.

       2. I will add: I also didn’t drink at all for most of my 20s, so was timid when I first started drinking. But now I LOVE whiskey, especially jameson’s, it has a sweetness to it, but not too sweet, and i like the flavor combination with either lemon or ginger ale. I even like a good bourbon or sweeter whiskey neat to sip on. So, don’t be afraid to try out the brown liquors, too. ;o)

          1. Jameson’s is my favorite whiskey too, there are too many fun and crazy memories with Jameson.
             Also crown and ginger is another one I would recommened.

          2. +1 to “don’t be afraid to try out the brown liquors”

             My favorite drinks involve bourbon or whiskey. A Manhattan or an old fashioned is a classic drink that’s easy to order most places. Whiskey and ginger ale or bourbon and soda are also solid choices.

    5. A Tom Collins has similar flavor notes as a capirinha.

       1. +1. I’m not sure where you’re located, but Tom Collins is a drink which, in my experience, tends to be mixed well only in the South. I love a good Tom Collins but had to give up on getting a decent one in the Midwest or West Coast.

    6. My usual is just a plain old cranberry & vodka. I’m ghetto enough to go with the well vodka, but you may prefer the taste of Greygoose. Or I often get one of the in-house specialties.

    7. If I’m at a regular bar, I usually order vodka and cranberry with a lime wedge or a gin and tonic. At girly places, I’ll order a pomegranate martini. If there’s a specialty cocktail menu, I’ll order something fun where the ingredients appeal to me (basil, lime, fresh mint, etc.). A French 75 (pear brandy and champagne) is awesome but that may be something local.

       1. oooo that French 75 sounds Uh Mah Zing! I might have to try that when I come visit you ;o)

          1. Woohoo! Will definitely have to go to La Petite Grocery.

       2. Interesting, French 75 has been my go to lately but I’ve never had it made with pear brandy, that sounds delicious!! When I order (portland, philadelphia, ny) it’s made with gin, champagne, lemon juice, & sugar.

          1. You know, I went and looked it up and, I think, traditionally here in N.O., it’s made with champagne and cognac. But the place where I’ve had them describes it as being made with pear brandy.

    8. Do you like brown liquor? My new favorite cocktail is a sidecar. I also often do Knob Creek neat (or something else if anyone has a recommendation — I do love brown liquor). As for Manhattans, I’ve found I prefer a perfect or dry Manhattan to the regular kind (too sweet for my taste).

       Do you like the taste of gin? (You said you were a bit meh on G&T.) Have you tried the better brands? Bombay Saphire is my go to for martinis and G&T. When you do vodka, the quality is less important, especially if you mix it with something, but gin really has a range of quality. It also has a very distinctive taste and a lot of people don’t like it.

       Mojitos are a great summer drink. Very light and refreshing, and, while you get a bunch of mint leaves in there, it’s not over the top. I don’t like them too sweet so I always ask either to go light on the sugar or to give me the simple syrup on the side.

       Finally, if it’s a place that’s not too crowded (so the bartender isn’t busy), and that’s a little bit fancy, ask the bartender to make you something. Oftentimes they like experimenting and may have a few favorite inventions they like to show off when given the opportunity.

       1. For sipping bourbon, I like Basil Haydens and Four Roses Single Barrel.
          Bourbon and ginger ale (pref. spicy ginger ale) with 2 lime wedges is my standard order for the average stocked bar. I also like vodka sodas with lots of lime/flavored vodka. Sweet tea vodka is good too, but that may be my South showing. Not sure you see that heavily everywhere.

       2. If you like Knob Creek, may I recommend Basil Hayden? I prefer scotch to bourbon, but have been trying to dip my foot into bourbons lately and really like it.

          For the OP, try a lime rickey, a mojito, or a margarita on the rocksn (not frozen). If you like caipirinhas, you may enjoy these too. I also recently discovered the sea breeze which can be really delicious if made with fresh squeezed grapefruit juice and a couple of mint leaves.

          1. I can’t order a sea breeze because that was Lorne’s drink on Angel and if I try to say it, I start thinking about Lorne on stage at Caritas and then I just start laughing and then awkward. ;o)

    9. If you like Caipirinhas you should try a Mojito and a Mint Julep. They taste very similar, but the Mojito features rum while the Julep features bourbon (and a caipirinha features cachaca, which is a sugar cane-derived brandy).

       Once you figure out the booze you prefer (I’m a bourbon girl, myself), then you can start experimenting with other drinks. And definitely hit up a friendly bartender to suggest things to you once you know generally what you like (but for the love, don’t just say “make me something you like!!!” bartenders HATE that and it will make you look really young. give a spirit (like rum or bourbon or whatever) and a flavor note (like mint or citrus) as a guide).

    10. So to TJ your question – I find I’m fairly selective about what I drink – wine, beer very occasionally and mixed drinks with vodka generally (although I do love mojitos). Usually nothing too sweet but I’m interested in branching out. I’ve never really been able to stomach whiskey/scotch/bourbon but maybe I just need the right type? jamesons? Any other suggestions?

        It would be nice to be able to have an after-dinner drink with the men I work with and actually be able to enjoy it!

        1. So scotch and whisky/bourbon, despite the family relationship, have a very different flavor and people who like one don’t always like the other. I like both (but I think that’s not super-common, maybe?). I would probably suggest a whiskey mixed drink, rather than trying to make yourself like any of them straight – I’m a big fan of manhattans (which are made with rye whiskey and are fairly popular right now). An old fashioned would be another option.

           If you really want to try to get yourself to like the whiskey family in its unadulterated form, I’d suggest trying a gentler bourbon (like Maker’s Mark). I’m no good on the scotches, because I like very smokey Islay scotches, which are rough on the first-time scotch drinker.

    11. I love a simple rum and coke.

    12. Dark and stormy! It’s dark rum (preferably Goslings) and ginger beer, sometimes with a squeeze of lime.

        1. Cosign! I was wondering if any other ‘rette likes D&S. I love them but my go-to neighborhood bar doesn’t carry ginger beer

    13. Just saw this recipe. It’s a lawnseat.

        Ingredients
        1 lemon, thinly sliced
        8 ounces bourbon (W.L. Weller Bourbon)
        2 ounces Rothman and Winter Apricot Liqueur
        1 ounce Simple Syrup
        4 sprigs mint
        Preparation
        Prepare grill for high heat. Grill lemon slices until lightly charred, about 30 seconds per side. Let cool.
        Muddle grilled lemon in a large pitcher. Add bourbon, apricot liqueur, and Simple Syrup and fill pitcher with ice. Stir until outside of pitcher is frosty, about 1 minute. Divide among 4 rocks glasses filled with ice. Garnish each with a mint sprig.

        Read More http://www.bonappetit.com/recipes/2013/06/lawnseats#ixzz2bXB69U1n

22. I’m a fifth year biglaw associate. I interviewed for my absolute dream government job a few weeks ago. It is far less pay, but completely worth it. I just received an offer today! I should be ecstatic, but . . . I found out two days ago that I am unexpectedly pregnant! I know, right?

    My partner and I discussed this at length. It is my dream job and we can afford to take the pay cut, even with a kid. I am willing to not get 6 months paid maternity leave. That’s fine. But will it create ill-will if I take the job knowing this? The job is understaffed and they want me to start immediately and have stressed how busy they are. If I do take it, should I tell the boss when I accept? If not, how soon after? I want to do the right thing, but I really don’t want to lose this opportunity. On the other hand, I don’t want to burn bridges. And, as I understand it, I won’t be entitle to any leave at all – even unpaid – when I have the baby because it is less than a year!

    any thoughts?

    1. If you just found out, accept the job, keep your mouth shut and when you feel comfortable, you can say “I unexpectedly found out I’m pregnant!” and reassure them that you’re there to say and will do a kicka** job

       1. This. You’ll have a good 4-5 months to make an amazing impression before you have to say anything.

    2. Be sure you understand what the leave policy really is. I know the official word is no leave, but are you sure that also covers FMLA? Also, if it’s the federal government, there are “leave banks” where workers can donate leave to cover people who have run out and still have ongoing medical conditions. Depending on how far along you are, I might choose to tell them when you call to accept your offer and discuss coming on board. If it’s just going to be a matter of a few weeks between when you start and when you’re ready to tell, I might just tell them now. They legally can’t withdraw the offer, but you’re showing that you realize it’s something you’ll all have to figure out.

       http://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/leave-administration/fact-sheets/leave-and-work-scheduling-flexibilities-available-for-childbirth/

    3. Not sure what gov you will work for but I would casually check with HR to see what the leave is. They probably also have some sort of intranet that has a lot of HR stuff on it too.

       I would be very surprised if your leave didn’t kick in right away and that they didn’t let you participate in FMLA leave.

    4. I think you can wait a few months to tell also. And presumably, you will do a good 6-7 (depending on how far along you are) months of good work before going on leave, and will take 3 months or less leave, and then return to do YEARS of good work for this agency. You don’t need to be apologetic or say it is unexpected, if you don’t want to.

    5. Government lawyer here. Each office has different policies. Make an appointment with your HR persion as soon as you start to understand your options. At the DOJ, they will only give you six weeks paid leave if you have a vaginal birth and eight weeks if you have a c-section. If there are other complications, you can get more time but you have to really push for it.

       The leave bank is something you have to join by giving some of your leave. Once you are in, you will get that set amount of time. Another option is leave donations. Your colleagues can give you leave.

       Just remember, the government is different from firm work. More likely than not, your boss will realize that people get pregnant and life goes on. While you don’t get 6 months paid leave, you also don’t get the highly stressful competitive environment of firm life. You will manage the expenses. Don’t worry about.

       As for when to tell your boss, tell him/her when you would normally feel comfortable telling. For me, I told at the three month mark. At that point in time, you can explain that this was a bit unexpected, but you plan to return after you take maternity leave. Every boss wants to be the first to know these things and likes hearing that you plan to return. (If that truly is your plan, that is).

23. Any recommendations for interior designers around DC? I’m looking for someone to tell me what to do and then hook me up with the contractors for flooring/painting.

    1. The MONA listserv I’m on recently had a bunch of recommendations for this. Email me at corpor*tt* dot margaret at gmail dot com, and I’ll forward you the responses.

24. I am heading to Nashville next weekend (Fri-Sun) for mini-vacation, and it’s my first time there. I’m overwhelmed by the food, drink and live music options, so would love some suggestions! The one thing that is a given is the Bluebird Cafe, but other than that I’m open!

    1. It’s been a number of years since I’ve gone, but some of the (very touristy) things I enjoyed were: a riverboat lunch cruise, Jack Daniels factory tour (this is about an hours drive though), Loveless Cafe, Tootsies, Robert’s Western World, the aquarium restaurant, and Opryland. I also enjoyed going to the Grand Ole Opry and definitely recommend that and/or the country music hall of fame if you enjoy country music.

       1. Not sure what type of experience you are looking for, but I would tend to say you may want to forego the aquarium restaurant (it’s a chain with places all over the country), as well as the riverboat cruise (the General Jackson). The Jack Daniels distellery in Lynchburg is cool, but well over an hour away. Robert’s Western World is the best of the honky-tonks downtown in my opinion. And Loveless Cafe is fabulous if you have a car (it would be an absurdly expensive cab ride). The Country Music Hall of Fame is really cool. I don’t love country music, but it’s still a really interesting overview of the last 100 or so years of life in the south – I would highly recommend. Where are you staying?

          1. I personally really enjoyed the riverboat, found it fun and relaxing. The food and music were both quite good. YMMV.

             Also, wanted to add we visited the Hermitage (Andrew Jackson’s plantation) which was very interesting. If you’re interested in history I definitely recommend it, though I don’t recall how far this was. We did a lot of driving. Another restaurant we went to was “Cock of the Walk” mainly because we found the name funny, but we enjoyed it. Basically I really enjoyed my whole time in Nashville, everything was terrific. Though if healthy eating is important to you, be careful if you don’t say anything your salad will have bacon on it and your fish will be fried.

          2. I second Nashvillian. Adding Cafe Margot, Prince’s Hot Chicken, food vendors and stands at the Farmers Market, and City House for eats. The Jack Daniel Distillery is a bit of a side expedition, but they have an excellent free tour and the town square, a block away, is charming. There is a local free publication called “The Nashville Scene” that should have some good info, and you might want to check their website ahead of time. The Frist has an interesting exhibit of Art Deco era cars right now.

          3. Thanks for everyone’s input so far! We are renting the car so we have mobility. Yes, I like country music, and no, I have no plans to eat healthy for those three days. The main goal was to listen to great live music, drink, eat and be merry. And I signed up for a 5k on Sat to counteract all that merriment and because I am a runner and can’t help it. :-). But really I just want to experience the city as much as possible, esp. the music scene.

    2. Check out the Wildhorse Saloon! They have line dance lessons and it’s cool to just watch, too. Centennial Park for green space and a random reproduction of the Parthenon. Demo’s for casual Italian. I seriously cannot recommend this place enough. The Brown Butter Garlic Spaghetti is life-changing.

       1. As a Nashville native, I am embarrassed that people are suggesting Demos and Cock of the Walk, or saying our fish is all fried. OP, please look into restaurants like Tavern, Kayne Prime, The Southern, Etch, Rolf and Daughters, City House or Husk for an awesome meal. Patterson House for prohibition era cocktails. And good luck with your 5k – is it the undies run for colon cancer by chance?

          1. Thanks. All of those restaurants look awesome. I’m coming from NYC so I am eager to eat at places totally different than I can get here and don’t mind some fried. I cannot wait to try Loveless for that reason. Plus I don’t want to dress up while I’m there. And yes, it is the Undies run.

          2. Agreed. There are so many great, unique restaurants in Nashville. Demos’ is not one of them. I about spit out my drink when I saw the previous suggestions! BTW, my husband went to the Nashville Husk without me, and he has told me that it is better than the Husk in Charleston. I feel like that is a pretty strong recommendation!

    3. Monell’s

25. I just fou d out that a partner is probably taking a case from me and giving it to someone else. Feeling very sad about it because he’s a partner that I love working with and I feel like I’ve let him down. Bad start to the weekend.

    1. I’m sorry, that sucks. Do you know for sure why it was reassigned? Partner could have just figured you were really busy and is trying to help you out, spread work more evenly among associates, or maybe the other person has a niche interest and has specifically requested to work on cases like this one. Unless you know for sure what the reasons were, there’s no reason to assume it’s because Partner was disappointed with your work.

       1. I have been incredibly busy with another case for a while, and I know I have not been doing great work on the case. Even if it was to help me out because I’m so busy, I am still pretty down on myself for not doing an A+ job on all my cases. I’ve been feeling that way for a while, and this kind of brought it home.

    2. I had the same thing happen to me recently and freaked out/questioned my abilities, until both the senior and I were in the office late several nights in a row with both of us working on the same case and realized the case really required both of us and was not necessarily a “my failure” situation.

       TGIF right?

       Also want to second bgt’s comments.

26. My assistant just informed me that she has incurable cancer. What’s the appropriate thing to do here? A “we’re here to support you” card with a small token? Go on as normal with a heightened understanding for her absences? I want her to know that we care, but also don’t want to make things uncomfortable. Any advice?

    1. Ask her how you can best support her.

27. Does anyone here have any tips or advice or website suggestions for finding the best deal on a rental car? I will be needing one at Oakland airport in November and right now, it’s looking like it will cost almost as much as my plane ticket!

    1. Sometimes it’s worthwhile to take a cab to a car rental company’s non-airport location and pick up the car there. In Seattle, for instance, it costs more than twice as much to rent a car for a week from Hertz at the airport as it does at their downtown location.

       1. Good tip! Anyone else have any advice?

          1. I don’t really, I do feel like rental cars have just gotten WAY more expensive, especially if you get the insurance, which I always do. It is so frustrating.

             There is a place in North Oakland called “Rent a Relic” that is waayyy cheaper than most rental places. (It comes up on google) It would only be about a $40-50 cab ride to their place from the OAK airport. I rented from them a few times before I bought my car and they were good to work with, never had any problems.

             There is also Zipcar and City Carshare here, but I’m not sure how much time you need to be driving every day, it might actually be more expensive.

             I’ll keep thinking and ask around oakland, if I think of any other ideas, i’ll post for you on a future thread. Good luck!!

             1. For the insurance, most credit cards cover rental car insurance. Check your credit card coverage.

          2. My parents just rented a car for a long trip and found that in addition to renting a car not at the airport that they could also get a AAA discount, so if you have a AAA account you should look into that.

    2. I always use Hotwire and get really cheap rates.

    3. I’ve always gotten good deals by bidding on priceline. I start ridiculously low and on average get them for $12-13/day.

    4. If you’re a Costco/Sams club/Warehouse member, check there first! You can often get a much better deal there. Also, search non-airport locations (something like 5 miles away) which can often be cheaper.

    5. If you google “rental car discount codes” there’s a few websites I’ve used for that. Usually a 25-30% discount code. Also, if you work for a large organization, your hr may offer discounts for travel.

    6. I swear by this method — wait until 2 or 3 weeks before, then do Priceline and name your own price for about 1/3 to 1/2 of the posted price. I’ve gotten car rentals in Madison for $20/day, L.A. for $15/day, etc.

28. Job searching is the WORST. I posted a little about this earlier in the week, but my fellowship is ending soon and I am scrambling to find a job for when it does.

    This week I applied at Firm #1 and Firm #2, both in the same city 4.5 hours away. Firm #1 does exclusively family law, I know very little about the firm/its reputation, its paperwork makes me a little leery because it seems like they hire frequently/have a lot of turnover (I’ve never applied for a law job that had an actual employment application to fill out, and I’ve applied for a LOT of law jobs). I got a call this afternoon from Firm #1 asking me to come interview next week (so fast!). While it’s not my favorite, I’ve done a lot of family law. And a job is way better than no job. And maybe I will love the interview and the firm, who knows? But I’m feeling very weird and sad about possibly leaving public interest law: it’s what I love and what I’ve always done.

    Firm #2 is using a third party recruiter and I submitted my materials to the recruiter. The job listing expires in like October, so I’m thinking/hoping that’s an intentionally broad window of time just to allow lots of people to apply. Firm #2 is this really interesting private firm doing public interest work, the position description literally sounds like it is describing me, and I think it would be a really great fit. I was so excited reading the job listing. But I have a feeling I probably won’t hear anything back, good or bad, for awhile.

    So I did something that seemed reasonable but now I’m questioning myself. I called the recruiter and told her that I realize it is very early in the application process and I just submitted my materials, but that I will unexpectedly be in town next week and would be available for an interview if that’s something she’s interested in at this point. I was thinking 1) it is such a long drive, it makes sense to check and see, and 2) maybe this will read as taking initiative and being engaged? But now I’m thinking it might read as desperate and pushy. I really hope it wasn’t a mistake.

    I hate job searching so much. I feel like I have a permanent stomachache.

    1. I think it makes total sense to let her know you will be in town. You aren’t being desperate, or pushy, you just gave her information that she might find useful, and if she acts on it, great, if not, you’ll interview later. Plus, I’ve never worked with a third party recruiter before, but isn’t her job to present the best qualified candidates to the firm, so they can make the final choice? So even if she rolls her eyes a little bit, I can’t see it even coming into play as to whether or not you get an interview, if your other qualifications are what they are looking for. Don’t sweat it!

       1. Thank you for this. I know I’m overthinking it, but I’m so worried about messing this up. I will try to chill out!

    2. FWIW, my BigLaw job had lots of forms, including an employment application, background check form, credit check form, etc. It sometimes is just the product of a robust HR department rather than a ding against their hiring frequency. Good luck

       1. That makes me feel much better! I’d just never seen a standardized application for an attorney job before, so it threw me for a loop.

    3. I feel your pain – I was in your shoes for a long time. I don’t think calling the recruiter to let her know that you would be in town was a mistake. She may turn you down, but I would not say, based on what you’ve written here, that you did anything wrong by contacting her. Good luck. I know it is really, really hard, and chances are you’ll have to go through a lot of the bad ones before you find a good one.

       1. It is SO hard. And before I got this awesome fellowship, I was looking for 1.5 years so I think I have a bit of unemployment-related PTSD. Thanks for the reassurance and well wishes.

          1. You’re doing the right things, and I think it’s smart to contact the recruiter, but try to keep it in perspective. Don’t get too emotionally invested in each job you apply for. It’ll just make the process more painful. There are a lot of factors at play, and there’s a lot you don’t know at this point about the job itself, your prospects, etc.

29. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the comments and advice yesterday! I wasn’t able to check back until late in the evening, but this really, really helped.

30. Hi ladies,

    I’m looking for a new interview suit and decided to try JCrew. I got the black 1035 jacket in super 120s and it seems to fit well, but I’m having trouble with the pants. The 1035 pants seemed to emphasize my ample hips when I tried them on in the store so I ordered some Hutton trousers on eBay instead. I got the same size as I had tried in the other style in the store (but in petite), but they just arrived and are WAY too tight. I also think they might be an older style since are lined and have cuffs (which I don’t want). In any case, I wanted to ask Corporette if anyone has noticed sizing differences between the 1035 trouser and the Hutton trouser and if anyone can attest to which is better overall for a woman with wider hips/thighs and smaller waist. Is there usually a big difference between regular and petite in Jcrew suits? Ideally I’d like to get opinions and order another pair online so I don’t have to go to the mall. Thank you!!

    1. This isn’t going to be helpful, but I have a 13″ difference between my waist and hips and I have yet to find a pair of pants that is work appropriate. Fitting my waist and lower legs means they’re way too tight in the rear and upper thighs. But if I size up to fit to my hips/seat/thighs, the waist and legs are so big that any attempt at altering those parts down to fit doesn’t work (I’ve tried–the legs still look like MC Hammer pants and the waist gapes).

       I’ve just given up on pants and exclusively wear skirts and sheath dresses.

       1. I’m an hourglass, and I only have a few pairs of slacks. If needed, why not buy for the larger measurements, and then have a good tailor take in the waistband? I have nearly everything I buy tailored for this reason. The tailor will be your.best.friend.

          That being said, I do well in the jag stretchy jeans (faux fly) and just got a pair of AT curvy dress slacks.

          Truly, it is the rare occasion that I wear pants. skirts and fit-and-flare dresses (which are blessedly now just pushing some of the sheath fashion obsession out of the racks).

    2. I always have to size up in petite pants, especially jcrew, which can be 2 sizes or more smaller than regular pants.

31. Sorry if this double-posts – got a weird error and decided to try again. Original comment below:

    I’m looking for a new interview suit and decided to try JCrew. I got the black 1035 jacket in super 120s and it seems to fit well, but I’m having trouble with the pants. The 1035 pants seemed to emphasize my ample hips when I tried them on in the store so I ordered some Hutton trousers on eBay instead. I got the same size as I had tried in the other style in the store (but in petite), but they just arrived and are WAY too tight. I also think they might be an older style since are lined and have cuffs (which I don’t want). In any case, I wanted to ask Corporette if anyone has noticed sizing differences between the 1035 trouser and the Hutton trouser and if anyone can attest to which is better overall for a woman with wider hips/thighs and smaller waist. Is there usually a big difference between regular and petite in Jcrew suits? Ideally I’d like to get opinions and order another pair online so I don’t have to go to the mall. Thank you!!

    1. I can’t really speak to the differences between J-Crew suiting pants because I tend to avoid them because, well, I find that J-Crew really doesn’t work well for people with hips. At least in my experience.

       I personally prefer either Brooks Brothers (if you can get a sale) or Talbots suiting for my hippy petite figure. Ann Taylor also has some nice curvy fit suits and they still line at least their winter suiting – not sure about the cuffs.

       Anyway – I know J-Crew is very popular with many but it has just never worked well for me (though I did buy my first pair of JCrew casual trousers at the outlet this past weekend, so I guess at least one cut does fit – but it is a very baggy cut – not really a suiting cut.)

    2. I have a pair of the Huttons. They are wider leg and higher waisted than most of the other pants I’ve tried from there. I had the problem where the size I normally wear was a bit too tight in the bottom and seemed to pull across the front. I ended up keeping the next size up. I thought they would work because the cut is a bit wider, but I hardly wear them because the waist is huge. I’ll echo that I also tend to go with skirts for suits, because pants rarely fit my curvy bottom and seem more difficult (expensive) to have tailored.

32. So, attorneys, how do you evaluate summer clerks?

    We have one who has a great attitude and lots of enthusiasm. We are in a niche area and it’s impossible for him to have learned any of the relevant law before joining. But I did expect him to have two basic skills that he should have learned his first year of law school: IRAC (structure of legal arguments) and BlueBooking (how lawyers cite their sources). He half-a$$es any projects using these skills and complains that I’m tougher than his legal writing instructor (that part is probably true). All other projects, he’s solid.

    How would you weigh attitude/enthusiasm over IRAC/bluebooking? Would I be overreacting by voting “no” to a fall clerkship for him? Or is it just growing pains?

    1. Half-a$$ing his work and outright complaining (even if it in a slightly joking manner) does not sound like a great attitude to me. It’s understandable/expected to lack of substantive knowledge in the area but sounds to me like he lacks even basic skills and is not really trying to improve. Based on your description I’d definitely vote no, I wouldn’t want to be stuck working with him in the future if it means I’ll have to spend a significant amount of time checking over his work.

       1. I am terrible with blue booking and there are some younger lawyers who are great at it. It is a knack and we don’t all get it. Truthfully, it is more of a paralegal skill and you can be a great lawyer even if you aren’t doing good citations. Can he think and strategize? Does he get the organization? Is he good in court and oral presentations?

          1. Understood. A misplaced comma or trying to cite to a source that isn’t formally recognized by the BB in favor of “better” sources is expected and tolerated. But this wasn’t just a matter of a few missing commas but completely wrong citations missing crucial information to aid someone in finding his source. I haven’t bluebooked since law school when online/Internet sources were barely mentioned in the BB, but I was suspicious and checked the latest BB for how to cite Internet sources and knew immediately that his citations were very much incomplete according to the current style. I had to walk through the relevant section of the BB and teach him how to do something his legal writing teacher had already taught him. That is why I’m questioning my vote on whether to keep him.

    2. Ugh! I am not a lawyer, but to me there is a huge (huge!) difference between not *knowing* how to do something and not being willing to *learn* it over several different projects and complaining about it!(???complaining???) I really can’t advise you, but I feel for you, and if I were you, I would be ready to smack this kid by now. Good luck!!

    3. Thanks! It is frustrating because he has learned the skills but seems surprised that it’s expected that he use the skills he spent $50k learning last year.

       Well, I am on a panel at his law school in October about how to get a job in my niche. I will have to preface these new anecdotes with “a few summers ago” and “at another firm”.

       1. I am a current law student and I would expect to get a ding based on this. I think that it is totally fair – first of all, you should learn a consistent way of formatting legal arguments (I would argue there are some different ways, based on the fact that our legal writing teachers gave us different ways, but they are similar enough that you can adapt and would find out which your employer prefers) and most certainly should have the attitude of helping out and learning and improving as much as possible.

          If you did not tell him about this, I would mention it (in whatever way seems kindest and most professional), but I still would not vote to keep him on. Attitude like that is something that is unlikely to change.

    4. I would vote “no” for a summer clerk who doesn’t seem to have the two most basic skills one is taught the first year of law school and complains when you coach him on it. I don’t expect perfection (I certainly wasn’t perfect at BBing as a summer), but “completely wrong citations missing crucial information” is not acceptable. I would also be troubled that this is how he behaves during an evaluation period. What will he be like once he gets a job?

       1. Yes, this is what I thought of first off – when you’re a summer, or just starting at a job, you’re presumably on your best behavior and making every effort to be perceived as competent, willing to learn, etc…it seems like this should be a warning sign.

33. I am thinking about splurging on La Canadienne boots. One style I like is suede, and another is microfiber. I am wondering: how well does the suede hold up in winters? I live in Colorado, so I definitely deal with snow and salt. I’d hate to spend this much on boots and have them look dirty or stained after a few wears.

    1. IMO – suede and winter don’t mix. The fabric WILL soak up the salt/snow mix and will require cleaning/care . The microfiber might do the same, but I imagine the cleanup is probably easier.

    2. Suede is just not something that is good for wet winters. Each time I bought suede, it ended up with a big salt stain on it that doesn’t come off. Sorry.

    3. I have suede la canadienne boots I wear in snowy winters. They are weather and water proof, but I spray them at the end of each season since the treatment wears off. I have had them for 5 years and I think they look great. I don’t get them soaking wet and salty but they do have to deal with the elements. I vote you buy them! I love mine

34. A friend of mine just had her first baby. We were close friends back in college/our mid 20s, but haven’t kept in great touch since getting married/moving away from each other (still exchange quick emails or facebook messages, but not close enough to be invited to a baby shower of any kind).

    I’d like to send her a small gift/something to acknowledge the birth of the baby. Any suggestions? Flowers? Not sure I want to do food, since she lives right near her parents who I know have already stocked the fridge for the apocalypse. They have a small condo, so I don’t want to do anything big/bulky. Any good books for baby? I don’t want to add to what has to be a mountain of baby stuff she’s already accumulated.

    1. Perhaps get her something off the registry? This way you know she hasn’t gotten it yet and it is something she wants.

       1. There isn’t really much of anything left on the registry (I checked) :)

    2. I did a really small ($10 or $20) gift card to babies r us in a similar situation and a nice note. Went over well and revived our friendship. :)

    3. I did a really small ($10 or $20) gift card to babies r us in a similar situation and a nice note. Went over well and revived our friendship. :)

    4. A Goodnight book for the baby. Google Adam Gamble for his series of baby books featuring different cities and states.

    5. For new babies I always do a classic children’s book in a really nice hardback version. And write a note inside. It’s the kind of thing that stays part of their book collection, rather than the age-based ones that get beat up and eventually passed on.

       I like the original Winnie-the-Pooh, or the Dr. Seuss sleep book, or Charlotte’s Web, The Little Prince, a nice Curious George book, even tho they are little now, the kind of book that will get read over and over.

    6. If the baby is born and named, I vote something personalized that she can never have too much of – a monogrammed bib or burp cloths.

35. Could someone advise how the Joan of Arctic boot runs, comparable say, to Stuart Weitzman or Donald Pliner?

    1. are you talking about the Sorel snow boots? If yes, I’d say they run a half size big.

       1. Yes, the Sorel boot. Thanks for clarifying and thanks for the info.

          1. And frankly you are going to want them to be a little bit big. You want your foot to be able to slide around a little, because you need the air space in the boot to help keep your foot warm. Some of the styles (like the Kate the Greats) also have an issue with rubbing on the back of the heel, and having the extra space will help prevent that rubbing.

36. So…it’s pretty normal to feel adrift right after the bar exam, right? I’m unemployed (although I do have a couple interviews coming up and have broadcast to my entire network that I’m looking), realized right when the bar was over that I’ve been single for…a while, my rent is jumping way high because I had to go month-to-month (because of the tenuous job situation), and a bunch of my friends moved away right after the exam. It’s slowly sinking in that literally everything about my life is in flux. Oh, and I apparently gained weight during barzam prep and I’ve never gained weight during a stressful event in my life (always tended to lose it instead). The exam ended a full 10 days ago and I’m still wiped out–in every sense. Is that normal or am I just pushing myself as a type A? (FTR I’ve been reading for fun books like CRAZY and I’m super excited about the first real vacation I’ve had in about two years next week.) Honestly…I think I would feel better just if I knew this was a fairly normal feeling at this stage.

    1. Totally normal IMO. I went straight through from college to law school and the time after the bar exam was the first time in my life where there wasn’t a set “next” step because I didn’t have a lawyer job lined up (high school, college, lsat, law school, bar exam, and then.. what?). So yea, I remember feeling a bit adrift. Plus, it’s months of prep for something and then it’s over. Just enjoy the vacation and worry about life when you get back.

    2. I hope it’s normal to be stressed after the bar exam. I do have a job lined up, but even so. Don’t know the practice group. Don’t know if I’ll last long enough in the job to pay off my loans. Don’t know if I passed the exam. Still living with family. Still surviving on a tiny budget. Still trying to make friends in a new city. Still just waiting for “real life” to start, basically.

    3. Totally normal! I didn’t have a job lined up after the bar exam even though I went on about 20 interviews during 3L. By August 17 I was working at a family friend’s law office because his paralegal was out on disability. Then they hired me full time and I’m now working there as an attorney. You never know what could happen or what tomorrow will bring. Just take it one day at a time and relax! You just went through something incredibly stressful. Give yourself a break.

37. Any suggestions how to deal with the massive amount of rejection during the OCI process? I understand that I am more likely to be rejected than get a callback (or even a summer position offer), but it is difficult a) not to be hopeful, especially when interviews seem to be going well, and b) not to get a bit down from all the rejection.

    Also, any tips on improving interviewing and/or knowing how an interview goes?

    1. It is waaay more common to not be called back after OCI. But if you had more than 3 interviews, and didn’t get a callback, I’d ask law career services to schedule a mock interview. The law school should have alumni who they can call on and who will be honest with you.

    2. One thing that is hard about the OCI process is that some firms were interviewing at multiple schools for only 1-2 positions. (Depending on firm size, of course). Some had a candidate in mind because of family or other personal connections but were still interviewing at the schools just to maintain their good relationship with career services. OCI rejection is most likely NOT PERSONAL. Every firm is looking for something different and it likely doesn’t have much to do with you personally – e.g. they want someone with prior business experience. Second the advice to do a mock interview just to make sure you’re not doing something unconsciously that’s hurting your chances. And overall, remember that OCI is only one way to get a job, not the only way. In the end, I took a job with the county prosecutor and later a solo practitioner and got way more practical experience during school than I would’ve at a firm!

    3. Thanks to both of you. I know it isn’t personal and mentally I get it (especially since I did not really expect anything), but it’s tough emotionally when you still hope! I’ve received a couple of thanks but no thanks emails and keep hearing about others getting callbacks (with firms i interviewed with and others). I also have more OCI coming up, but I don’t know what I should work to improve on (even if the interviews are going well, I figure there is always room for improvement!).

       I ended up with a lot more interviews than I was hoping for, so at least I have more chances! (I was hoping to get 3-4 and ended up with about 16. I’m a little over halfway through with the screeners.)

       I did mock interviews before OCI and was told I was good (though obviously some negatives to work on, which I think I corrected or at least improved upon – but nothing major/huge), but if I get many more rejections, I’ll contact our career services to see if they have any more feedback.

       I’m definitely not relying just on this process – I’m also looking at resume collections, emailing out cold (I’ve been told email is better than mail), and keeping an eye on job postings. It’s always nice to hear about how people found jobs outside of OCI, since at school that’s pretty much all you hear about!

       1. I did OCI (graduated 2012) and ended up with nothing. 3 callback interviews, but nothing. This meant I had a ton more uncertainty, fear, anxiety and rejection until I finally got a job offer the fall after I took the bar. I am now in a job I love. The process is awful, rejection is awful, but it helped to keep in mind two things:

          1. As others have said, rejection is not personal, and more than that, it is not necessarily a reflection of your worth, your abilities, or your intelligence. There is a huge amount of luck and circumstance that goes into who ends up with a job from OCI–and that always becomes quite clear after OCI, when you compare classmates with offers to classmates without. It is often really hard to explain why person A got three offers and person B got none, given what you may know about their interests, qualifications, interviewing styles (I mean, sometimes the explanation is obvious, but a lot of times it isn’t at all).

          2. A job through OCI might not be the right job for you in the long haul. I really wanted a job through OCI, mostly because I wanted to avoid the uncertainty, fear, anxiety and rejection mentioned above! And the time before I got my job offer was really, really difficult. And I sometimes did resent friends who were able to spend their last two years of law school actually working hard at doing well in law school and associated activities without worrying about spending hours and hours every week networking, interning, job searching, sending resumes, etc. BUT I ended up in an awesome government job that fits me much, much better (really interesting work, lots of responsibility, loan repayment, actual work life balance). If only I had known that then!

          * By the way, my perfect job is probably not your perfect job, but FWIW I got my job by stalking USAjobs on a daily basis. I saw this posting the day after taking the bar exam. Government tends to hire summer/fall. Law school classmates who ended up getting offers after graduation ended up in firms with last minute hiring needs, or in district attorneys’ offices and public defenders’ offices.

          1. Thanks! That is all very helpful and makes me feel better.

38. Trying again since the first comment got stuck in moderation! Hello Hive – Have a career dilemma that I’m hoping to hear your thoughts on! I’ve been with my company close to 3 years and am happy there. In April, I moved from my present job to another role in another group to help with a large project. Recently I found that my new group will be disbanded in a few months and that the plan is for my team (of which I’m the analyst) to work on a larger integration that will be happening once we close on a large acquisition in early 2014. Here’s my two-fold dilemma: (1) integration experience will be a good item for my resume with my company , but doesn’t do a lot functionally to advance me to my personal career goal (I should be looking for something with a more commercial bent); (2) having been in my new role only 6 months, I’m concerned about jumping around too much and trying to explain this on my resume (since I started in a rotational program, most of my roles with the company have been short – my longest has been 20 months). Any thoughts would be helpful!

    1. I don’t know if this would work, but as to your concern about short roles within the company, maybe you could put it on your resume as all under the company (so the dates show how long you worked there – and save space) and then list the beginning as rotational program, with the different positions, then something here about the promotion and move. It sounds like the roles have been related, so I think that would work. Obviously, have someone more knowledgeable about your actual situation review it to see if it accurately reflects your roles.

39. I’ve recently started working out again after breaking up with the gym for awhile. I have really liked the effect on my stress levels and I finally feel like I’m working out to feel good rather than look good. With that said, I’m starting to take on a very masculine shape (really broad shoulders, boxy hips, etc.) and it’s a side effect that I’m not particularly fond of.

    Does anyone have ideas/suggestions on workouts that will still include weights/resistance but won’t make me look like a bodybuilder?

    1. More leg work (to balance out what sounds like a lot of upper body work) and ballet type exercises (plies, battements, etc.) to lengthen your muscles.

    2. My comment is similar to Rising 2L’s comment: I suggest the Bar Method classes or Barre3 classes. I’d ask at your gym or find a program to learn the routine and then do it by yourself at your gym if you don’t want to switch gyms.

40. I need help re: making friends.

    I am at the point where most of my friendships from university have begun to fade. Mostly because everyone dispersed after graduation. I’m fine with this.

    I haven’t really had a chance to build up a base of new friends yet. Of the friends I do have, almost all are in long-term, serious relationships. As a result, they don’t seem to need someone to hang out with. If I do see them, it’s for a very particular purpose (ex. we both need to buy shoes for an upcoming interview) as opposed to a “let’s go out tonight!”

    Has anyone been in this situation who can shed some light?

    I try to hang out in libraries and coffee shops and other communal spaces as often as possible, and take cooking, pottery, and yoga classes. Unfortunately I haven’t actually made many friends in those contexts, because at the communal spaces people treat me like I’m crazy when I try to be friendly (“excuse me, would it be okay if I shared a space at your table?”) and my classes (perhaps by off chance this time around) are full of retirees or others who aren’t likely to be the friends I’m looking for now.

    1. I don’t have any tips, but I feel similarly in many respects. =/

       Some people have suggested using a dating site like grouper to make friends, though it does require that you have two friends to go with you.

       I don’t know about you, but I’m also in a city where you pretty much only meet people through people, which makes things all the more difficult (and increases the crazy looks when you try to be friendly and make friends).

       1. Thanks for your response, Elle.

          I feel helpless and a bit loserish. I go out on the weekends to the library, market, boardwalk along the lake, etc., but I don’t really have people to spend much time with, and the feeling of loneliness is grating on me. I’m living in a city of 2.5 million people and I feel as alone as ever! I’ve been in and out of relationships pretty consistently for the past 2 years, so I’ve been used to always having a built-in friend to do things with.

          I think I will try to find some meetups, but one thing I’ve noticed about making friends as an adult is that it seems so much like dating. It truly can feel absolutely exhausting, which is ironic because I’ve always thought of friends as the sort of anti-work. In reality, when you’re trying to meet new ones, the opposite is true.

          If I had more free time, I could devote myself to volunteer causes, which I suspect would be a great place to meet people. But with work responsibilities, I’m lucky if I can even make it to classes that I’m paying for regularly.

          I’m happy to hear that I’m not alone but realizing that I’m going to have to be a lot more proactive about meeting people. It just seems hopeless sometimes.

          1. I think it definitely helps to have a long term activity with a fairly consistent group of people within it. That’s been one of the few things that’s worked for me – and it was at least a year of once a month/every 2 month events to feel comfortable (I’m on the introvert side).

             You could try friends of friends. Maybe host a friend mixer? Invite your current friends to bring someone new to a casual get together?

             1. I think the consistent group is key. I had joined some really awesome letter writing and knitting groups, and even a book club, but each month the turnout varied so widely that it was hard to establish lasting connections.

                I am also an introvert, so the business of making friends is exhausting for me.

                The friend mixer is an amazing idea. I’ve been meaning to hold a house-warming since I just moved, so I might integrate your idea then!

             2. A friend mixer is an awesome idea!

             3. Let me know how the friend mixer works out. It’s an idea I’ve had bouncing around in my head, but haven’t actually implemented. I have these different friend groups that I think would be fun to introduce to each other, but I never seem to have the right event. So – I hope it works out!

    2. You aren’t the only one. :-/ It’s hard to make friends as a singleton in my 30s. Honestly, I met my newest friends through meet-ups for this site. :-)

       I’ve also reached into my professional network for potential friends. I saw women at networking events who are in their late 40s and up who seemed to just be hanging out with their girls. I figured “I want to have that much fun networking!” I just asked some awesome-seeming women my age without wedding/engagement rings if they want to meet for drinks or dinner at a trendy spot.

       Also, check your facebook for people from your distant past who now live in your area. People move around a lot. I have a few friends like this.

       1. Yep!! I was going to say meetups from Thissite!! ;o)

          It is not you, it is really hard. I moved to a new (old) city 3 years ago, and I am just in the last few months feeling like I have a core group of awesome friends. But i still spend a lot of time by myself, and just try to enjoy it.

          It does take work, like dating. And you kind of have to make a fool of yourself a few times, but keep doing what you are doing, I’m sure you will find the right woman who takes you up on your chatting! Also, try different classes if those aren’t working out. There are volunteer opportunities that aren’t extremely time consuming, the same amount as a class. Like an outdoor cleanup on a weekend. I also met people through other people and then poached them. That is perfectly acceptable. ;o) And then once i met people, I had to make sure to keep reaching out and asking them to do things. I bought tickets to plays/operas and then asked people to go with me. It did take a while, and I felt really down and lonely for a long time, but now I have a few awesome people to do things with, and a bunch of other long distance friends from thissite that I email and chat with every day! ;o) So, always come back here if you are lonely and want people to talk to, we’re here!

       2. On behalf of everyone with rings..please don’t assume we’re not aching for girlfriends too! I have a hard time making friends and have moved around a lot, and agree that it involves really putting yourself out there and a dating-like process–including the fear of “coming on too strong.” But I sometimes get the feeling that single women my age think I’m not interested in hanging out because I have someone at home. It does help with loneliness, but NOTHING can replace good friends. And I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow that need.

          1. Hi Monday,

             I’m sorry if my post came across as if I rule out married women as friends. I would love to meet women open to enlarging their circle of friends- married or not!

             My unfortunate experience with my own group of married/committed friends is that they always decline my offers to go out and/or require months worth of planning in advance and/or bring their spouse/partner everywhere (without warning). I can only be the third wheel so often, and I so miss having friends that I can call (once in a while) the day of with a spontaneous plan. I can’t really be justifiably upset about this, though, because I act the same way when I have a boyfriend too. It’s just been a while since I’ve felt this frustration.

             Zora and K-Padi, thank you for your really thoughtful and kind responses. Sometimes just hearing reassurance that this is a relatively universal struggle brings comfort. I read about the Bay Area meet-up last weekend with envy!

             1. I know what you’re talking about, Cord. Just a PSA that not all of us are like that!

             2. Thanks Corduroy! You expressed it better than I could. I do have some new married friends too and they are great. But I really really need my single girls to commiserate over dating and being single.

          2. +1

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