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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 355 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Autumn Cashmere Loose Cashmere GG Hi-Lo Crew SweaterSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Autumn Cashmere is one of my favorite cashmere brands, and I've been hunting for a flattering but long tunic sweater to wear with leggings and skinny jeans this winter — so I'm drooling over this purple sweater at Piperlime. If $253 is a bit much for a weekend item, Last Call has a few options that are less pricey. Happy Weekend! Autumn Cashmere Loose Cashmere GG Hi-Lo Crew Sweater (L-all)  

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. NYC Meet Up

    NYC Meet Up! November 11 at 7pm at Grey Dog’s on W 16th St & 8th Ave. Hope to see you there!

  2. Calibrachoa

    This is going to be an interesting weekend… got stared yesterday when a spot of DJing eventually turned into drinks in the swankiest night club in town. 0.O that was… somewhat unexpected. But fun.

    I’d like to thank everyone who chimed in when I was wondering about dating the immature-seeming guy.. I saw him again as well and came to the conclusion that it is not going to work out. Not when he tells me and my friends how his mother texted him to remind him to not to drink with his medication and he was angling to get a lift home from his father.

    • Pink

      Sounds like a “thank you for being so up front and not hiding such things so I can make an informed decision right away!”

    • ADS

      Not sure what happened the last time you saw this guy, but what you saw this time certainly sounds like a showstopper.

      Whoah. How old is this guy??

      • Calibrachoa

        He’s 29 – that’s 2 years older than me. I originally felt a bit leery because he seemed so… well. Student-y when we met. Carrying a backpack and everything. Wasn’t sure if I was judging him too harshly or if I should give him a second chance…. turns out, nope.

        • ADS

          ZOMG. That’s really bad. Him, not you judging him.

          Turns out, I do think that these vibes we get are part of the pattern recognition from life experience.

          You see a lot of people who don’t have their crap together, and then they way they talk, dress, carry themselves. Then you see someone new who has a lot of the exterior behaviors and it’s not a bad hunch to check to see if this new person also has problems getting his crap together in life.

          • Calibrachoa

            Yeah that sounds pretty accurate. he was lacking this vibe of… steadiness that usually leads to me being attracted to people. then again, it is also well known that if i am attracted to someone they will turn out to be the worst jerk face mcjkerfacesson ever . (like seriously I had someone I was with tell their friend that if they ever had daughter about to get married, just introduce the guy to me. If I liked him, shoot him. Yeaaah…. )

        • TOS

          Am I the only one who thought the guy might have a disability?

          Not that it influences anything – if you’re not clicking at baseline – this is who I am – best to peaceably go on your way. Sometimes age isn’t enough information.

          I am aware of veteran issues through work, and it wouldn’t shock me to hear the guy say he has TBI.

          • Calibrachoa

            He did explain he has some health issues but did not disclose TBI or anything else with cognitive impact… while we were talking online we did have a pretty frank discussion in regard to “so this is what’s wrong with me”. :/

  3. Ellen

    YAY! OPEN THREAD’S!!!!! I love Open Thread’s! And this sweater maybe a littel pricey at $253, but double YAY! b/c NIEMAN MARCUS has CASHEMERE for $69.00 . That is what I need particulearly when it start’s getting cold out. FOOEY!

    The releatives LOVED Top of the Rock, but Igor fell and slid on the ice when he was showeing off. He was the one that wound up with a wet tuchus, and Grandma Leyeh and dad had the last laugh! He kept on swareing in Hungarian or something. I guess NO ONE like’s a WET TUCHUS, even Igor! I did NOT skate b/c I am not good at it and I did NOT want to slip like he did. Oleg was ooogleing the women, some of whom were dressed with VERY SHORT skirt’s. I kept thinkeing I was supersmart for warning him about NOT grabbeing any women, so he kept his hand’s to himself. YAY!

    This weekend, Willem said he would call and we should try and get together for dinner. It can NOT be tonite, b/c I am goeing out with Dad and Mom on LI for Italian food, after we drop Grandma Leyeh and the releatives back in the Bronx. Dad was very happy when I told him that Willem wanted to come up but was scared off when I told him that Igor and Oleg were upstair’s sleepeing! YAY!!!! He is not crazy over the name Willem either. Grandma Leyeh must be putting the hex on him already.

    Myrna may drive out to LI tomorrow and if she doe’s, we will take a ride to Robert Moses State Park. I do NOT think they are goieng to charge to get in, but I am not sure, b/c it is after Labor Day. Dad used to know this guy who gave him a VIP pass, but that guy was retired a few years ago when he suposedly mouthed off to his supervisor. FOOEY! Any way, I can’t write much b/c dad is waiting for us in the car and we have to get Grandma Leyeh home safe b/f it get’s dark out. HAPPY WEEKEND TO CAT AND THE HIVE! YAY!!!!!!

  4. Ciao, pues

    Two organizational conundrums:

    (1) Any suggestions on keeping track of thank you notes you need to write? I’m generally pretty good at writing notes (I like doing it!) but now that we’re expecting a baby and have started to get lots of gifts, I’ve got a mental list too long to maintain. I know I could just write this stuff down in a doc somewhere, but is there a cute notebook made just for this kind of thing? Or an app?

    (2) How do you keep track of coupons and gift cards you need to use? I’m constantly cleaning out my wallet to find a gift card that has lost value because it’s expired, or a great coupon I forgot to use. Where do you keep these things so they don’t fall too far off the radar to be useful?

    • Cat

      Thank you notes – not an app, but once I gathered addresses for our wedding, I put them all into a Word doc in a table. So it was one long column of addresses, and then in the next column, I typed in the gift we received – and then marked it in strikethrough once I wrote the note (this also is a nice way to be able to remember who gave what). It made keeping track of gifts & notes really easy because the addresses were all right there. (It’s also made an awesome source for the Xmas card list over the years!)

      • Anonymous

        Yes, Word doc. Do this now. The LAST THING you want after the baby is born is to think about/write thank yous. Just went through it myself. A few recent parents actually said in the card to our daughter “tell your mommy and daddy not to write a thank you note, they should be playing with you instead.” Very much appreciated. I’d never thought of doing that, but I do it now too!

      • Alli

        I did the same thing with wedding gifts. My husband is an accountant and loves any excuse to make an Excel spreadsheet, so we (he) did that with the guest list, and then used it for thank you notes– just added an extra column titled “Note” and put an X in the column when the note had been mailed. Good suggestion, Cat, to use this for Christmas cards! I will do that!

        • A Nonny Moose

          I did this with google drive, so DH and I could split the duty of wedding TYs.

        • anonypotamus

          google doc spreadsheet. we had a master one with names, addresses, rsvps, gifts, and thank you note columns. in addition to helping keep everything organized, I think it will be fun to go back and be like, who gave us this_____? and be able to remember the gift-giver even years down the road.

    • Lady Harriet

      For #2, I either put reminders in the calendar app on my phone for a week or so before it expires, or add it as a to-do item in Wunderlist with a due-date alarm. I usually just keep them in my wallet, but I don’t have many coupons/gift cards, so it’s not much of an issue. Young House Love did a post on this subject last year too: http://www.younghouselove.com/2012/02/conquering-coupon-clutter/

    • CapHillAnon

      For the gift card and certificate issue, we found that keeping them all in one place (in our case, in a small drawer near where we keep our keys and mail) was a huge step forward. We tend to go through them about very month when we are paying bills. They all go in there–starbucks gift cards, IKEA store credit, etc. Keeping them in a central and somewhat visible place helps us remember them.

  5. Hollis Doyle

    For those of you who wear flats in the winter, what kind of shoes do you wear with pants? It’s too cold for ballet flats (and they look silly with socks IMO), but flat boots seem too casual.

  6. Godzilla

    Shopping help! I need two lamps (yikes, I typed “lambs” at first). One for my night stand and one floor lamp. The only thing I know is that I don’t want beige. These are going to be accent/statement pieces, so I am okay with superhero, monster, gag or any other type of style. The two lamps don’t have to coordinate. Heeeeeeeeeeelp!!!!!!

  7. another Kat

    How tight are suit pants/slacks supposed to be?

    I’m looking for work in likely a business casual environment after working at home since graduating from college, and while I’m slim (a hair under 6′, 140 lb) I have in the last year or so developed fairly muscular thighs. All the suit pants/slacks I own are now on the tighter side, to varying degrees, in the thigh area. I’m trying to figure out if any of them are salvageable or if I have to go buy everything new. I’m 22 if it makes a difference- I’m young for my experience level and just look young in general despite the height, so I don’t want to make any fashion mistakes that would make people write me off as inexperienced.

    (My interview power suit fits amazingly, fortunately, so no worries there.) Can anyone give me a graphic that shows optimum fit (like the Corporette guide to hem length)? Or an explanation?

    Also, any recommendations for pants to fit muscular legs but a flat butt (in long)?

    • anon

      I don’t have a graphic or an explanation, but if you’re feeling uncomfortable about your pants they’re probably too small. Your clothes should make you feel confident and you shouldn’t have to think about them during the day. Take a good friend with you to a department store, try things on, and get some good advice about what flatters you.

      • another Kat

        Okay, all of this info helps for finding pants- thanks. But along with what anon is saying, how closely should they fit? If there is a crease on the front, should they be loose enough that the crease runs all the way up? Or is it okay if the crease flattens out a bit on the upper thigh? Fitted in the butt or a little extra material to make sure they’re not too sexy? Etc.

        Also, can I get some thoughts about cut/silhouette? What is the most classic cut of slacks- that won’t necessarily be 100% on style all the time but will never look dated? Straight? Slight boot?

    • jillian

      You’ll probably have to look for a “curvy” fit, and/or buy a size up and have the waist taken in. In other words, buy to fit the biggest part — your thighs — and have the rest tailored.

    • Anon

      Find a good tailor. Buy pants to fit the largest part of your body – whether that is thighs, waste or rear. Then have them taken in. We have to stop expecting clothing to fit off the rack.

    • DC Wonkette

      Second on wanting to feel comfortable. However, I think it’s ok if they’re a little on the tighter side as long as they are a darker and don’t reveal any VPLs…

    • Wannabe Runner

      You’ll just have to try and see which fits in which brands make you feel more confident and fit you better.

      I recently went on a shopping spree and tried different pants fits at several stores – Eddie Bauer, Gap, BR, etc. I took notes and now have a list in my phone that says things like: “BR: Sloane ok. No to Marten.”

      Try “Curvy” styles. I found at Eddie Bauer that their “Slightly Curvy” fit me the best.

      • Nervous 2L

        Having that sort of list also makes consignment/thrift/Ebay shopping a lot easier :)

    • health care anon

      Do you crossfit? I’ve heard of this complaint quiet frequently among women who crossfit. I can sympathize, I have what i refer to a gymnast thighs and bottom. Getting pants to fit my thighs and waist is a huge challenge

      • Anonymous

        Nope, martial arts. Working on balancing out my butt and upper body withlifting but iit’s slow progress.

  8. JuliaBee

    So its finally cold where I live and I am shivering in my office. Has anyone seens some cool warm soft slouchy cardigans or sweaters? Willing to spend up to $200 . . . but cheaper is fine too. Thanks!

      • Fiona

        I love the shape of this and at that price would probably buy multiple colors, but XL=12-14? Boo.

        • (Former) Clueless Summer

          I am not trying to be snarky…but when is an XL NOT equivalent to sizes 12-14??

          • ADS

            Doesn’t it depend on the label?

            Those letters: XS, S, M, L, XL, etc. and numbers: 2,4,6,….etc. are all labels that are pretty arbitrary anyways.

            Think of them as floating exchange rates.

          • Fiona

            It’s not really about the label; mostly I’m just sad that this doesn’t go up to 16-18 (which, IME, is usually XL territory).

          • Anonymous

            But I don’t think the question is what it should be (without getting into how there is a huge difference between average size and median size) but I think XL usually is 12-14. I totally agree the sizes are completely arbitrary anyway but I usually see S= 0-2, M=4,6 L=8,10 xl= 10,12. which makes sense just because a small being 0-4 isn’t really going to fit any of the sizes then, and an xl fitting 4 sizes has the same problems

          • Another S

            I have this and I found it runs large (got it last year, but I’m guessing it hasn’t changed). I think XL would be worth trying. It’s Nords, so it certainly wouldn’t hurt to try!

          • Anne Shirley

            XL in many brands is 14-16, large 10-12, medium 6-8, small 2-4, and extra small 0

          • Baconpancakes

            Yep, with Anne Shirley on this. XL is almost never a 12. XL starts at 14.

          • M-C

            Every mail-order place I’ve seen in the last 10 years has XL=16/18. Maybe vanity sizing in higher-end stores has adjusted the numbers without adjusting the letter code??

      • Maggie

        Late to the party but I also wear mine all the time and had a friend buy it too after borrowing mine. I’m typically in the M range but bought it in L since I typically throw it on over thinner “regular” cardigans at work.

  9. Frustrated academic

    Pregnancy work wear PSA–the Liz Lange ponte dresses from Target are awesome–knee length (I am 5’3), several have cap sleeves, comfortable, washable and under $40! I love that they are structured and that the fabric has a little weight to it. Hopefully they will look as good in 19 weeks after weekly washings ;-)

    • gigi

      Thanks! I was eyeing the short sleeved grey ponte dress earlier this week. I may have to go for it now!

    • Anon

      Just bought the gray one last weekend and am looking forward to working it into the rotation. I’m buying a lot of stuff even though this is my third (?! is still my reaction to that nugget) and even though it feels like there is more maternity stuff out there with each pregnancy, it is maddening how difficult it’s been to get a decent pair of non-bootleg black pants for work. My old pants are too worn/not work-y enough/wrong size, and I’m crossing my fingers that some pants I ordered from Gap do the trick. /end vent

  10. TBK

    What shoes do all of you wear with non-skinny jeans in the winter? For years I wore plain boots that went a few inches above my ankle and had about a 1″ heel. Are these still in style? Or is that look very 10 years ago? The skinny jeans thing has never really worked well for me, even though I think it looks great on other people. Flats are too cold and exposed in winter weather; I want something I can wear real socks with. Suggestions?

    • another Kat

      I do the boots thing too. Mine have about a 2.5″ heel because bootcuts tend to slowly slip down on me (no butt) and I hate wet hems. Otherwise, if it’s not raining, I live in LA so just go with my regular shoes.

    • NOLA

      What about a bootie with a pointier toe that would show out from under the jeans? Or the ones that look like desert boots but with a heel? Or a heeled oxford?

      The Enzo Angiolini Presley boot is kind of what I had in mind but it’s pretty pointy. Maybe the Ivanka Trump Mina?

      • TBK

        I really can’t do pointy shoes. They’re a disaster on me. Plus I do *not* wear heels on the weekend. I wear them all week, but weekends are for running around and being fully mobile. I need a shoe I can do a mile in (or a few laps around a very large mall — same thing).

        • Nonny

          I just bought a pair of black Ecco ankle boots with a low heel and an accent buckle. Wearing them right now. Nice, roomy toe box which is fabulous as my toes are starting to swell, and good, soft leather. They are going to be great this fall/winter and are very stable from a pregnancy point of view. I think they look just fine in terms of style and I’ll be wearing mine with everything.

    • DJC

      I wear ankle boots under my boot cut pants/jeans in the fall/winter. I have two pairs (black and brown) from the brand Impo at DSW. They have a moderate heel height and are very comfortable. I wear them all the time in the colder fall/winter months. Link to follow. Also, I love wearing wacky socks with boots. No one can see them, but they’re fun for me.

    • Monday

      Would you be willing to roll up your cuffs to expose the boots, or is that too _____? This is one way to show off whatever kind of boot you might like, including one that your pants couldn’t comfortably fit over in the ankle area. I started doing this to avoid getting street water/snow on the bottoms of my pants but then decided I liked the look with boots that had buckles or ties. Heel is totally optional, but the socks can be as warm/thick as you please.

    • zora

      flat ankle boots or oxfords. I don’t think ankle boots under jeans are dated at all. This fall all I see are ankle boots everywhere.

    • eek

      Wedges. Got a great deal on a pair of Stuart weitzman’s from Nordstrom rack many years ago. They have held up well, I don’t fall over in them like I do in some wedges and they have a nice round toe. I’m not sure how I feel about the full wrapping over the heel in the current style….

      • Chini

        This. I live in Dansko clogs from late fall through early spring. They have some heeled versions (like “Riki”) that are super cute under bootcut jeans.

  11. Runners

    Stuck in moderation limbo. Apologies for double post.

    Rumor has it there’s a r e t t e dating group; why not a running club? There seem to be enough of us on here who run. So I created a community on g * gle plus where those interested can post on anything running related from sharing upcoming races, goals, reporting on how a daily run went, etc. If interested in joining this experiment email retterunners at gmail dot com and I will send you an invite to join the group.

    Happy weekend all!

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Not sure if I have time to really be active on the group – plus outdoor running season where I live is almost over, but I’ll join. Email coming your way soon.

  12. RPAFT

    Paging Dallas/Fort Worth area ladies: does anyone have a recommendation for a good legal recruiter/headhunter? I’m a 3rd year associate looking to make either a lateral move or (if I’m lucky) move in-house. I also just found out that my current position is being eliminated come January 1, 2014 (purely economic reasons, nothing to do with me).

    At least it’s Friday…

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      This one isn’t Dallas/Fort Worth specific, but I used Lateral Link last year and had a really positive experience (I believe they headhunt/recruit in most major metro areas).

    • SunnyD

      I know two people who successfully used Newhouse & Noblin. One made a lateral move to another firm, the other went in-house.

    • Anon

      I second the recommendation for Lateral Link. Avoid Major Lindsay. As an in-house recruiter, I avoid them like the plague. Also, don’t forget your personal network as we always prefer to hire without the fee!

    • Avery

      I’ve spoken with Tiffany Kay of Wegman and Jeremy Stone of Compass Law Group and found them both to be really helpful and aggressive (in a good way). If you want to post a burner email I’m happy to get in touch to tell you about my experience.

    • MJ

      2nd PSA re this: I ordered these last week and returned. They run small. I couldn’t even fit into my normal size. So factor that in…at least 1/2 size smaller than typical.

        • MJ

          I ordered the 11 too–I have a lot of older Cole Haan 11s which fit and these were literally an ugly stepsister in Cinderalla situation…not pretty! Good news is that they just processed another set of 11’s if you want to buy in multiples ;)

          Bigfeet UNITE!

          • Mpls

            Ha! I ‘ve some other 11s from Cole Haan too – and I really didn’t notice a difference. Maybe you got a mislabeled pair?

            When I first tried on Cole Haan shoes, I was superexcited to be about to try a 10.5, just to see if maybe that was a better fit. And…I’m pretty solidly an 11.

            As my grandmother says – you don’t need a big foundation for an outhouse. (what ever that means…)

    • Niktaw

      I have a pair of CH Chelseas in size 7, so ordered the last black Talia in 7. We’ll see if the sizes are consistent.
      Before I read this PSA I ordered Vince Camuto Desti from Nordstrom (on sale for 59.99). It seems a nice alternative and I found good reviews regarding comfort. If the Talia pair fits, I’ll keep it and return the Desti.

  14. Seattleite

    Help! This has been the Week From Hell and one eye has been twitching for two hours. Xanax might make it stop, but is there anything I can try first? My usual go-to, light pressure on the area, isn’t working.

    • January

      Can you eat a banana? A friend was complaining about the eye twitch recently on her Facebook page and someone suggested it might be related to potassium deficiency. Disclaimer: I’ve tried it myself with no luck. But, hey, how much can a banana hurt you?

    • zora

      My eye doctor once told me the only real solution was to rest it. Closed eyes in a dark room for at least a couple of hours. Or maybe a muscle relaxant or a warm or cold compress on it for like 20-30 minutes? But honestly, I think you should just call it a sick day and stop using your eyes for a few hours.

      Hope you feel better soon!

    • Anon

      No solution, just commiseration – I had 3 months of an eye twitch last fall (closed two LBOs in two months, and then all.the.deals in December), and the eye doctor gently told me that the only cure was to make the stress stop. He gave me a very light prescription for eye glasses and said it was totally optional, and suggested eye drops. None of it worked until I could sleep for three days in January. But the eye drops did feel amazing – I had no idea how dry my eyes were. And the eye glasses help me now when I have long nights or small type.

      • zora

        GAH! Three MONTHS! I would have gone completely over the cuckoo’s nest batty by then! congrats for making it through that. ;o)

      • MJ

        My eye doctor always told me that it was either stress or overtiredness…and he was usually right.

    • Also in Seattle

      Often a sign of magnesium deficiency. Try brown rice, spinach, almonds, or a banana.

    • PinkKeyboard

      No solution just commiseration. If it makes you feel better it’s not usually very obvious to other people, just to you.

    • NbyNW

      Magnesium supplement plus sub-lingual B-complex (B6, B12, folic acid – trader joe’s has it). If that doesn’t work, lots of wine.

  15. Anon

    I’m not a hipster at all but one of my guy friends is and we’re hanging out tomorrow. He said he wants to take me to a “hipster joint” What do I wear?!

    I usually go to swanky bars or clubs so wear a lot of minidresses and heels but i don’t know if that’s hipster enough.

    • ADS

      I would think minidresses + heels would be the very opposite of hipster.

      The hipster attire ethos seems to be purposely “taking back” nerdy clothes both for irony and for not “trying too hard.” I think anything classic or traditionally club/loungey, or dressy would be seen as “too obvious” and “without irony.”

      If you don’t care, then stick to the minidresses. If you really want them to have conniption fits, go in a BigLaw appropriate interview suit and make them think you’re in League with “The Man.” LOLz.

    • Commuting Shoes

      Jeans and a t-shirt/sweater. Don’t try to dress like a hipster, but I’d try to dress fairly casually.

    • zora

      “hipster joint” SHOULD mean basically a dive bar. They like stuff as grungy and ‘uncool’ as possible. So, I would go with jeans/flats or boots/shirt that you’re comfortable in.

      but if you want some real expert advice on how to be a hipster watch this:
      http://youtu.be/exTEep3OxMA

    • TO Lawyer

      whoops I am the OP. Not sure where my name went.

      It seems so odd to me to go out and not get dressed up. I have a hard time wearing jeans out and I barely own any casual clothes. I think I’m the opposite of a hipster.

      I’ll do it but this better be a really fun night. There are too many hipsters in this city…

      Thanks ladies!

      • TO Lawyer

        oo what about leather leggings with a long sweater? can i get away with that in a hipster joint?

        • zora

          haha yes, that outfit will be just fine. ;o)
          But seriously, watch the video and follow the instructions. “Don’t try too hard” … “He’s huge on the abandoned gas station circuit”…. ;o)

        • Blair Waldorf

          You can wear this to a hipster bar. And add slouchy motorcycle boots and you should be set. I don’t really think hipster means casual or not dressed up. I’ve seen lots of hipster girls with short skirts and longer sweaters, longer skirts and cropped tops, skinny jeans and all sorts of tops.

          I think as long as you don’t go out in mini dress + heels you’ll be fine. Stick with low-heeled boots and make sure at least one part of your outfit isn’t super tight and you’ll be set.

          And play around with makeup and hair! Messy waves, a fun eyeliner, or some color on your lips.

      • anon-oh-no

        just play a little taylor swift to get yourself in the mood and pretend your 22 . . . .

    • Anon

      If it’s a real hipster place, wear whatever you want. Nobody will truly care what you look like.

    • CountC

      Buy something with a mustache on it! I so hate that hipster trend. STOP PUTTING A MUSTACHE ON IT.

    • Anonymous

      skinny jeans tucked into boots, flannel shirt. or just a plainer shirt- something black

  16. Job Offer Q's

    TJ!

    I’m anticipating being offered an associate position at a local firm, via telephone, this coming Monday. (Basically, I’ve been talking to this firm ever since I summered there and am told that they just need to confirm my offer with a couple of shareholders who are currently out of town, and that I can expect a call Monday afternoon.) So my questions are as follows: is this an appropriate time to discuss a general starting salary? If so, any suggestions for how to phrase things? Or, is the salary discussion something I should do in person? Should I just wait and see the written offer before saying anything? This is my first potential job out of law school beside a clerkship, so I am totally clueless as to how to proceed. If it matters, I feel totally comfortable with the partner who I believe will be calling. I loved working there, enjoyed the environment and the people, but I know they don’t pay the most in town (because they have told me as much), and I’m just very curious what they do start at. Any advice or suggestions would be very welcome! Thank you all and happy Friday!

    • mascot

      Generally, part of the offer presentation includes the employer telling you what their salary number is. They should already have a figure in mind, I doubt you will need to initiate the conversation. It’s completely okay (and expected) for you to express your enthusiasm for the offer and ask to sleep on it. Then you can figure out if you want to negotiate any part of the offer.

    • M-C

      Do not wait till you have an offer letter in hand! It’s perfectly proper and expected for salary to be discussed before the offer letter is issued.

  17. what would you do?

    Would you rather…

    …live within a 15-20 minute walk to work and pay $400-500 more a month in rent, but then you could get a dog…

    or…

    …stay in your adorable, very cheap apartment but continue to endure a 45-50 minute commute, since it’s not very central? If you stay there, you can save $900-1000 a month toward a down payment. However… that commute is brutal.

    • Anon

      Using the time honored equation of time, money, or sanity (pick 2), I’ll take what’s behind door #1. I would much rather pay more in rent to live close to work and have a furry friend.

        • Anon

          That you can have two of the three at any given time. So in the described situation, I would gladly have more free time (shorter commute) and sanity (shorter commute, furry friend!) and would give up the extra money in order to get the first two.

      • Runners

        For me it’s not even a contest. I’ve done both and my choice is #1 all the way. And since your rent only goes up 400-500 it would seem you can still set money aside for a downpayment even if at a lesser rate. Win win.

        • A Nonny Moose

          Yes but… dogs are expensive. OP make sure you add in cost of a dog when calculating savings.

          (I’d still go dog route, fwiw.)

    • ADS

      How soon do you anticipate buying a place, since you mention the down payment?

      If you really do want to buy soon, stick it out in your cute cheap apartment. Then get a dog when you move into the place you buy.

      • what would you do?

        Within the next year. I have enough saved to buy right now, but I don’t have time to commit to the search for another 6 months or so.

        • Seattleite

          Then stay put. Why move twice in a year or so? Save more money – furniture, emergency repairs – and wait to get the dog until you have a cozy unpacked house to bring him home to.

        • L

          Save the money! You can get a nicer house closer to where you work and then get both shorter commute and dog but permanently.

    • Alice

      I think it depends on how long I saw myself living in either place. So if I was looking at saving $900-$1,000 for 1-3 years and then would be able to make a down payment on a great place, I would do it. But if was making the decision for the next 5-10 years of my life, I would find a place where I could have a dog and a short commute. Because the quality of life factor is so much more important when thinking about a longer period of time. And both dogs* and short commutes are quality of life essentials for me.

      * I just adopted a dog! SO worth it! But I would guess the first month cost $2,000 ($375 adoption fees + vet + heartworm and flea meds + toys + food + treats + obedience classes + crate + shampoo + collar + leash + harness….). Something to think about from the savings perspective. And I don’t have to worry about a dog walker/

      • emeralds

        Holy crap, $2,000?? I won’t say having a dog isn’t expensive (just spent $195 at the vet this morning!), but those are some extreme start-up costs. I probably did all of that for ~$700, although my pup’s adoption fee was only $125.

        • Alice

          OK, maybe not $2,000, but at least $1,500. Part of it probably was because I wanted to save $$ on the medications by buying a year’s supply at once. And the vet is relatively expensive in my high cost of living area (walkable location)–and we needed 2 trips to the vet and one vaccination.

          All in all, it cost a lot more than I had anticipated.

    • CKB

      I have a 50 min commute – 30 by train, and it’s not really that bad, do be honest. I commute that far for the cheaper rent & the good schools. We are saving to buy a house someday.

    • Susedna

      I admit I’m projecting my love of dogs here, but I would go with #1. The love and companionship from a dog can do so much for your quality of life.

    • Anon

      Love my dogs, but the time that you gain from the commute will all go to dog tending (and much, much more time if you get a puppy versus an adult dog). DH and I were surprised at how much we had to adjust our lives when we got a dog – no more “I’ll just have a drink with friends after work,” or you might have to clean up a wet floor at home. No more “I’ll just hit snooze one more time,” or you might have a howling friend who wants breakfast (or eats your shoes). And you do need to factor in dog costs, including possibly a spay/neuter, vaccines, dog registration, grooming, food, dog-proofing, and other accoutrements like leashes, poo bags, crates, etc.

      Having said that…I would probably go for the dog anyway. Just go in with your eyes open. : )

      • Traditionalist

        Totally agree, having adopted a dog in the last year. Love him to pieces, but man was he a huge lifestyle adjustment. May be smarter to do all that adjusting at once when you move into the house, instead of in the closer apartment first, especially if there is no second dog caretaker/SO in the picture.

        On balance, I think I’d stay put and wait on the dog.

    • ExcelNinja

      I went through this exact same thing about a year ago! I opted for the shorter commute with more expensive rent and have zero regrets. How much will you save in gas? How much is your time worth to you?

      I also just scanned the rest of the thread and saw you’re planning on moving again in a year anyway – I do however have to say I wouldn’t plan to move twice in two years.

  18. Equity's Darling

    What is your favourite daily indulgence?

    Mine is tea, I just picked some up, and it is delicious and makes my office smell so good.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        Oh how I love David’s Tea. All about nuts is divine. The mint chocolate is interesting. Spearmint is awakening and refreshing. The pots and cups are so cute and so reasonably priced. Everything about it makes me happy. I love it so much that it was one of the big motivators to entice me back into Boston after being near the marathon bombing. My husband bribed me with a trip for a new tea set. (That and the Lutheran Comfort Dogs I had followed and donated to for quite some time were in town and I desperately wanted to meet them.)

    • espresso bean

      Ooh, good question! I would also say a nice cup of Tazo Awake black tea with honey in the afternoon, a hazelnut latte on the way to work, and a brisk mid-afternoon walk to get the blood moving!

    • DJC

      Something chocolate. I recently picked up some dark chocolate covered almonds from Trader Joe’s.

      • zora

        GAH! yes. those.

        I always have a stash of chocolate treats in my drawer at work. The TJ’s almonds with cocoa and turbinado sugar, I can’t EVEN. right now i have the TJ’s dark chocolate almond bark. Also great.

      • CountC

        TJ’s dark chocolate bars filled with caramel and sea salt!! Not daily, but when I am near a TJ’s I always get some!

    • emeralds

      1) Coffee. I’m a snob about it. My morning pour-over is one of the highlights of my day.
      2) Booze. I must have either decent beer or decent wine available for a post-work drink.

    • roses

      Wearing my big fuzzy bathrobe and watching Netflix. Can’t always be daily, unfortunately, but when I do have the time…ahhhhh.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      This isn’t a daily indulgence but when I’m grumpy I love to visit are local boat launch/grassy knoll where there are 20 or so giant white geese and another 10 or so Canadian geese. They get really pushy and grabby and talkative when you go to throw them bread and they just crack me up.

  19. Grumpy Cats Twin

    How do you deal with an obnoxious co worker? Said coworker constantly eats like a wildebeest who has never seen food before. I can usually determine what type of food he is eating before I see or smell it. He tends to eat very loud snacks: popcorn, celery, apples, carrots, etc. Several people in the office have complained about it to our supervisor, but it is very clear that coworker has not changed his chewing techniques. It can hear the chewing over the sounds over my earbuds, inside my ears, with music playing. I wish I was joking. My only solution so far has been to wear earplugs, but this is very inconvinient if I am working on a project that includes frequent conversations with other colleagues. It is sounds silly, but the chewing really grates on my nerves and is my biggest stressor at work. Any suggestions on how to deal?

    • zora

      I don’t know if this is very helpful, but I have coworkers who make weird noises (constant throat clearing, smoker’s cough) and I do the earbuds with music, but really I’ve just had to get used to it. Over time I have noticed it less and less. I don’t know if there is anything you can do to make him stop.

      The only other thought i have is whether *you* can move? Can you ask your supervisor to let you move to a different spot or have a quiet place with a closed door? I seriously have a hard time working with any noise. Or do you have a break/lunch room? Can you talk to his supervisor about specifically asking him to eat in the break room rather than at his desk because it is distracting? Of course then you can’t eat at your desk either, because that would seem totally one-sided.

      I’m sorry I’m not more helpful, good luck!

    • DJC

      Ask A Manager just posted an update about someone dealing with an obnoxious coworker. Unfortunately, if your supervisor has been told and nothing has changed, then unfortunately I don’t think the supervisor is taking the appropriate action with this person.

      I second Zora’s advice about seeing if it would be possible for you to move. Good luck!

    • Anon

      For some people (such as myself) suffering from Misophonia, getting used to it is not an option. Have you considered that may be the case? You can find a lot more information about it with a simple google search. I suffered from it for over a decade and was told by far too many people that I could just get over it (the distraction, the anger and stress related to certain noises) before more came to be understood about Misophonia. The only real solution for me was to move and get away from the situation. Unfortunately, you will never be able to change someone’s eating habits. Especially if they’re that bad!

      • Ashley

        I did not know there was a name for this. Misophonia could explain some of my “sensitive to sound” issues.

    • PinkKeyboard

      Are you me? If it’s too bad I try to take a walk/go talk to someone in person vs phone/email to escape for a bit. Other than that earbuds with white noise or bose noise canceling headphones. In commiseration mine has: very very loud obscene phone call breathing, grunting, colors and uses an engraver (loud mechanical noise) in his cube, plays angry birds with the sound on, eats all food aggressively (vigorous yogurt scooping, keeping in mind the yogurt is brought in a giant tupperware so he hunts it around the container with the spoon), excessive phone calls to wife with baby talk, and brought a train scanner (like a police scanner for trains) which he played full volume every morning. You get used to it and vent innapropriately on the internet basically…

    • M-C

      Earplugs, as in foam, as not a good solution – too hard to change state. I like the big earmuff-type noise reduction protectors like http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0017YLTAI/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=2BSWK7M444MV5&coliid=I2E5DT38HKTWG which I just got for a friend. Instantly removeable when you need to talk, and don’t really block voice or phone rings to the point that you’re oblivious. Better yet, show a lot to other people with those big yellow things. So they know when they need to get your attention explicitly. And they lead to a lot of conversations about how disruptive certain work habits really are :-).

    • Taylor

      I too have the same reaction to people who eat like this. It’s like my one deal breaker when it comes to relation/friendships. I know it sounds so crazy, but if you make a lot of noise when eating I cannot be friends with you (or we will just never do anything that has food involved…which is practically nothing)! I have been known to just get up from the table and walk away because it makes me so mad. So I feel for you. My only advice is noise canceling headphones. A splurge for sure, but worth every penny when you realize you worked all the way through your co-worker’s lunch/snack without even realizing it :)

  20. MCA

    My best friend is getting married next May and I am the maid of honor. I have been tasked with organizing the bachelorette party and need some place for all of us to go! We are spread throughout the Midwest and East Coast so a destination weekend is the plan and we are targeting the first weekend in April for the trip. A few of us are in grad school, so we are looking for something that isn’t too expensive. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks for your help!

    • big dipper

      New Orleans! We went for my friends bachelorette after we took the bar. It was cheap, food was delicious and if you have single female friends, there’s like a 3:1 bachelor:bachelorette party ratio. Also there’s fun stuff to do during the day (house tours, swamp tours, ghost or vampire stuff, etc),

    • tcb

      New Orleans! I went with a group last spring and it was perfect. Drinking, dancing, music, great food, cheap… we rented a house near the French Quarter and were within walking distance of pretty much everything.

      • Wannabe Runner

        I stayed in the Hotel Monteleone a few years ago. On Royal Street, parallel and one block away from Bourbon Street. It has a rotating carousel bar in the lobby! Highly recommend.

    • A Nonny Moose

      NOLA would be awesome. I’d add, Nashville, Key West (although that may be $ that time of year), and Austin, TX.

  21. Travel help...

    Have any of you well-traveled ladies flown on Vueling? As I’m trying to decide between similarly-priced RyanAir and Vueling flights, any thoughts are greatly appreciated!

    • AEK

      I flew Vueling from Barcelona to Madrid and lived to tell about it. I don’t remember anything notable about the flight, and don’t think I’m repressing anything scary or gross, so I say, all clear!
      With the smaller carriers abroad, it never hurts to use your local search engine to check if there are any labor disputes brewing that might disrupt your plans.

    • agirlfromoz

      Veuling. (just flew Barcelona to Venice with them)

      And with budget airlines, don’t forget the cost of paying for a checked bag (Ryanair’s checked baggage allowance is either 15kg or 20kg – and you have to decide when you buy the flight and pay for your baggage, with Veuling you can check a bag up to 23kg).

      (caveat: I’ve never flown with Ryanair, and you hear enough horrible stories that I have no desire to)

      • M-C

        I second Vueling over RyanAir.. Vueling is just a cheaper branch of Iberia, so does have some sort of respectable airline behind them :-).

    • Calibrachoa

      As someone with extensive experience with Ryanair… avoid. they will heap charge upon charge on you and the customer service is.. something else.

        • Monte

          This comment baffles me. Southwest and Virgin are the only US airlines that rival Jetblue — the rest are a nightmare (and as a pro-union lefty, this pains me). Talking about Jetblue and US Airways in the same paragraph boggles the mind — the former is a service provider and the latter a torture device.

          • Alanna of Trebond

            Try Delta. I would say Delta/Jetblue are the best, followed by Virgin (America). I don’t like Southwest’s weird seating style. Followed by United. And American and US Airways are dead last.

  22. AnonGirlFriend

    Question for all of you – I am too close to it to think clearly. When is your boyfriend’s close female friend too close? As background, I have been dating BF for 9 months. Early on he mentioned a long-time female friend who lives in another city. From the way he talked about her, I was visualizing much older, mentor-type friend. Then I met her. She is older but only by 8 years. She is also “together” for want of a better word. She makes me feel incredibly insecure.

    Several times a year he goes to her city for work. When his visit is on a Monday or Friday he stays the weekend and they hang out. He is there now and it is really bothering me. I suggested he come back Friday night or Saturday morning so we could spend the weekend together but he said they already had tickets to a sporting event (they are both huge fans) and besides “I get to hang with you every weekend.”

    I know they talk every couple of weeks. When his dad died unexpectedly he called her before he called me and really relied on her for support. I just feel like he is getting the kind of emotional support from her he should be getting from me. Having said that, I don’t think they are sleeping together and she has always been nice to me to few times we have met.

    Thoughts? I am pretty sure if I say “her or me” it is not going to be me.

    • springtime

      I think I’ve heard this mentioned before on this site- telling him her or me won’t help- he has to choose for himself (if he does actually want to choose).

      Also, worrying about it won’t stop him from doing something you wouldn’t be happy about. Only he can do that. You have to decide if 1) you gut reaction may be telling you something or 2) you’re just being paranoid. If it’s 1) it could mean you have to break things off (I guess? I don’t know of another alternative) or if it’s 2) figure out why you’re paranoid and work on fixing that!

      Maybe that approach is too simplistic?

    • emeralds

      Drop it. I’m not seeing ANYTHING in your post that would make me think this relationship is inappropriate. You don’t say that they talk constantly, send frisky texts, or that she intrudes in your relationship in any way–you’re saying that your BF has a close friend, apparently of long standing, who happens to be female, who he talks to every couple of weeks, who you don’t believe he’s sleeping with, who he visits as a corollary of work several times a year. Sorry. That does not pass the smell test for me.

      That said, if you’re concerned with the fact that he turns to her for emotional support instead of to you: have you tried asking him about it?

      • Eleanor

        I agree, this sounds like a pretty normal friendship to me. I think telling him “her or me” or something like that would sound paranoid and would be pretty unreasonable.

    • Seattleite

      Would you be this upset if she were a cousin or sister? If not, can you learn to think of her like one?

      My thoughts are that 1) anyone who ever issues a ‘them or me’ ultimatum is crazypants and is automatically the one to go; and 2) Nine months into a relationship is awfully early to expect to be a boyfriend’s primary source of emotional support. You have a boyfriend who is capable of maintaining a mutually rewarding relationship with a woman without needing to be in her pants. CELEBRATE THAT.

      (And I realize this sounds cranky. I’m not, and I get you’re upset and insecure. Please imagine this said with love and blankets. I have a headache and can’t figure out how to word this better, so I hope you will forgive my harshness. Going away now before I burn bridges. Mwah to all of you, happy Friday!)

      • zora

        Or what if this friend was a male? Would that make you feel as weird? I agree with Seattleite, obsessing about this is hurting you more than his relationship with her.

        I will admit I’m biased, as the looooong time female friend who got completely ‘dumped’ as a friend by the guy who recently got into a serious relationship, even though we have been through some really big and bad life things together for years, I really hope you can trust him and your relationship and just be happy with him. He was basically like a brother to me, and it really sucks to be suspected by the girlfriend of something that has never been there, and therefore lose a really important friend.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          Me too. It is the worst. But I was “dumped” about 5 years ago and he didn’t even have the cojones to actually discuss it with me. I just figured it out from all the other stuff he said. They are also now part of a super conservative religion where you don’t ride in a car alone with someone of the opposite sex, even for work. So . . . I can kind of figure out why our friendship was so scaled back on his end. What frustrated me the most was he was in my wedding and I would never have married someone who didn’t respect our friendship. He clearly felt differently and married someone with intense jealousy issues that conveniently found a religion that supported that view. Gah.

          OP – emotional affairs are a real things but it sounds like he relies on you for support too but there are just some things that his old friend might understand better at times. I’m sure there are things you turn to your bff for or your parents or whatever. It is the same with him except the bff is a girl. If he hasn’t slept with her or married her yet, there is probably a reason. He is with you, not her.

      • Susedna

        Heartily seconding the part about him being able to be friends w/ an awesome woman w/o needing to get into her pants. This is a very good trait on his part!

    • Walnut

      I’ve been in this situation twice with two guy friends. I IM’d with each of them daily. I got to know the one’s GF/now-wife and we are now all three friends and often activities include both of them with me and my now-husband. The other guy friend didn’t work out. I pretty much agreed to sever contact because I respected the relationship between guy friend and his SO/then wife. After their divorce, guy friend and I now IM or chat nearly daily again. It’s like having one of my best friends back.

      Moral of the story, get to know his friend. If he values her and their friendship so much then chances are she’s an awseome person.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I totally agree with this. My boyfriend’ best friend is a woman and befriending her was one of the greatest things to happen. I never really had a chance to feel insecure or jealous because I met her pretty early on. He loves that we are friends. Apparently his ex couldn’t get along with her at all and that just makes life difficult for everyone.

      • Lady Harriet

        My first post got eaten, but I agree with this advice. The situation will be more comfortable for all three of you if you become friends with her too.

    • L

      First, I’ll say acknowledging that you feel insecure around her is probably a good thing. Insecurity can cloud your judgement and make you act in ways that would otherwise baffle you.

      When he gets back, why don’t you have a frank conversation with him. Understanding she is important to him, you are also important to him and hopefully in a much different way. Don’t make it an ultimatum, explain your feelings and that is it. It’s up to him to figure out what he wants to do with that information and that will give you your answer about what kind of guy he actually is.

      • Wannabe Runner

        I think you should ask him to meet her. Like, next time he flies to her city, you should ask to go with for the weekend and hang out with them both.

        Then make your decision about whether she’s a threat to your relationship.

        I just don’t think you have all the information here. It could be totally innocuous, or it could be something more. The only way to figure that out is to hang out with the two of them together. (Which he should want to do, if he’s a fan of you both.)

    • Gail the Goldfish

      That wouldn’t bother me.

      Pretend this friend was a guy. Would it bother you if he talked to his guy friend who lived out of town every couple of weeks and stayed for a weekend when he happened to be in town for work? If not, I don’t really think it’s any different if it’s a girl if you don’t think there’s anything else going on. Talking every couple of weeks and staying a weekend when you’re there anyway really isn’t that much. Unless they’re spending more time with other friend than they are with me, it’s not going to bother me.

    • Lynnet

      I agree with what everyone else has said (except for the running stuff). I wonder, and this might be completely out of line, if the issue is a conflict between your different perceptions of SO vs. friend? For example, I know a lot of people expect their SO to be their best friend, but I don’t. I have friends for friendship, my husband’s role in my life is far more important and completely different than friendship (fwiw, over the course of our relationship my husband has had both male and female close friends, as have I). It sounds to me like maybe you are more in the SO is your best friend camp, and your SO is more in the SO is something other than friendship camp, and that might be causing a little friction between you?

      I do agree that making friends with her would probably help a lot. Maybe see if she wants to come out for a long weekend and stay with you guys, or if you can go along with your SO the next time he goes out. Not in a jealous way, but in a this person is obviously really important to you, and you’re important to me, so I’d like to get to know her better way.

    • TO Lawyer

      I’ve been the friend in this scenario more times than I’d to count (it’s really easy to make guy friends in Canada if you’re obsessed with hockey). It really doesn’t sound like they’re too close for comfort. I understand why you may be insecure, but think of it this way – he is choosing to be with you. \

      Please don’t give him an ultimatum. First of all, that seems like an over reaction to this friend. And second, you will probably lose (and quite honestly, should lose if you’re giving him an ultimatum after 9 months in).

    • Anonymous

      I honestly don’t see how this is a problem (and think it’s really all in your head). She lives in another city that he visits rarely. He’s not trying to hide the friendship. This just doesn’t raise red flags to me.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I’m probably going against the grain a little bit here, but I completely understand why this is bothering you (having gone through something similar with my now-husband early on in our relationship) – it’s completely fine for him to have a best friend, and for that best friend to be a woman. The question, though, is whether the level of emotional intimacy with this friend is interfering with/is going to interfere with his ability to develop an emotionally intimate bond with you. Right now, you’re not even a year in – it makes sense that he called his best friend first when his dad died, it makes sense that he’s emotionally closer with this person he’s known forever as opposed to you. However, if/as your relationship with him progresses, at least some of that emotional focus/intimacy needs to start shifting to you. That’s not to say he has to “choose” one of you – that’s silly – but he does need to develop a bond with you that’s as intimate/more intimate, emotionally, than the bond with the best friend.

      My guess is, you’re feeling uneasy because you’ve been/wanted to be emotionally intimate with him, and you feel like he’s not reciprocating on the same level. To me, THAT’S the issue, not the friend, and you haven’t been with him long enough to know how that issue is going to play out (i.e. whether he’s going to become more emotionally invested in your relationship over time, or whether what you’re getting now – best friend as primary support/focus, you as secondary – is the permanent status quo). Be watchful, and don’t be afraid to cut bait if you’re not getting what you want/need from him, but don’t make this about his friend – it’s about whether or not he’s capable of being the type of romantic partner you’re interested in having.

      Let’s assume the worst – he has no interest in developing an emotional bond with you, and uses the friendship to fill that need. Even if you forced him to give up this particular friendship, he’d still be the same exact person, and it would only be a matter of time before this problem popped up again, because the issue, here, is *him*, not whoever happens to be his best friend.

      • zora

        Wow KKH, This is brilliant. I never thought about it like that, and I take back most of what I said above and second this entirely. your advice is just as killer as your kitten heels. ;o)

          • Ashley

            Echoed they bottom line of what I saw as the red flag in this, too. They may just not be compatible emotionally. The friend is the spotlight, but not the actual problem.

    • Abby Lockhart

      Chances are, if they have such a close relationship, he has already considered dating her and decided against it for a reason. It also sounds like he is very open about talking about their friendship with you, so maybe you should just ask him about it. It would be great to plan out your opener and find a way to frame the conversation in a way that does not scream jealousy. I also think you can communicate that you hope to become the person he turns to first when he faces a crisis/emotional moment in life, and work toward building that intimacy. In the meantime, he has a very long relationship with this person, she’s been a rock for him for a long time, and she probably knew his father pretty well, even if indirectly. I think you should expect to move into that role over time, though, and if you don’t, that would be a red flag that your relationship isn’t where it should be, not that this is the other woman. Perhaps also see if there is a way for you to spend more time with them together to gauge whether she is a supportive friend or flirtatious hopeful.

    • East Coast Anon

      I wouldn’t want to date someone who had a problem with me hanging out with a long-time, good friend.

  24. Anon

    Baking query: are stand mixers worth it? I’ve a semi-regular baker and have had my trusty kitchenaide mixer (and a food processors, though I rarely use it), but for some reason the recipes I’ve been eyeing lately seem to call for a stand mixer more often than not. I failed to pick that item up via wedding, and didn’t grow up with a stand mixer in the house, so I guess the need for one has not been obvious to me. Thoughts?

    Also, I just tried Smitten Kitchen’s Bourbon Pumpkin Cheesecake last night for a parents’ event and it went over way big. FYI if you’re looking for a pretty easy, pretty awesome seasonal recipe. Thankfully there are leftovers to indulge in tonight.

    • marketingchic

      I completely love my stand mixer. I use it weekly for pizza dough, and it makes chocolate chip cookies so easy I almost feel guilty.

    • Marilla

      I bake a lot and don’t have one (small apartment kitchen). I can see how it would make life easier for some things, especially now as I’m baking bread weekly. I may splurge when I have a house, but for now I don’t think it’s worth the space compared to a hand mixer (or just mixing by hand with a hefty whisk or wooden spoon or pastry cutter, etc).

    • Terry

      I have one and like it a lot. There are a few things I make that benefit from extended mixing and it’s nice to just leave it going in the kitchen. (Also, if you make bread the dough hook is awesome.) That said, if you don’t have much storage space, or don’t mind standing there holding your mixer, I don’t think it’s essential for any recipe.

      • KC

        Agree completely. For small spaces, the additional features probably aren’t worth the storage space. But for things like making dough, beating meringue, etc. it’s wonderful. I throw the bowl and attachments in the dishwasher, so it’s no more work to use the stand mixer than a hand mixer (mine permanently resides on my counter – which I realize isn’t an option/desirable for all).

    • Walnut

      I bought mine on major discount from the Kitchen Aid ebay store. It was refurbed, but has been going strong for six years.

      And yes, buy one. I justify it just for whipped cream.

    • DJC

      I have Kitchen Aid stand mixer as a wedding gift. It is essential if you are making something like Swiss Meringue Buttercream. However, I find myself using my hand mixer more often because it is less clean up. I use it to make cake/cupcake batter and butter cream frostings.

      Sometimes I find I have more control with the hand mixer. With the stand mixer, it seems like sometimes the ingredients get clumped in the middle of the paddle.

      My stand mixer is currently in storage since we are living in an apartment while our house is being built. I still bake, but I have e found some cupcake and cookie recipes that use melted butter so I can just use a whisk.

      • preg anon

        My stand mixer leaves stuff unmixed on the outside of the bowl. Am I using the wrong attachment? I usually use the wire one that looks like a whisk, and stuff gets stuck inside of it and I have to be really careful to get everything in the bowl mixed. It is nice to be able to walk away while it is mixing, but it almost seems easier to use a hand mixer for thoroughness.

        • tcb

          you can adjust the height of the beater so that it gets closer to the bowl. check in the manual, or google “beater to bowl clearance.”

        • IMMJ

          The wire whip is for things like egg whites and whipped cream. Use a thicker one (mine for my Kitchen Aid is kind of heart-shaped and pretty flat) for batters. You’ll still want to use a spatula to scrape the bowl. And to the OP, I was very happy when I finally got my stand mixer. I waited for a sale since it was expensive, but it’s worth it.

        • Anon

          The wire whip is essentially a whisk and should not be used on doughs. It’s for whipping cream and egg whites. Use the paddle attachment – it’s the heavier metal, flat and kind of looks like a heart or an apple. You may still need to do a couple of scrapes of the bowl but you won’t ruin your whisk attachment or worse – kill the motor on the mixer as the whisk struggles with too heavy ingredients.

    • Baconpancakes

      If you bake once or more a week, or even cook regularly with things that require mixing, I think it’s worth it. I wouldn’t go out and purchase it if I was short on space and money, but as it is, my parents had two and gave me the extra, and I’ve found it fantastic. And if you ever make recipes that require making meringue, there is no substitute. Standing over the bowl with a hand mixer for ten minutes is terrible. And it does replace the hand mixer -I don’t even have one, now.

    • LizNYC

      I LOVE mine. I’m a semi-regular baker who wishes she did so more, but for the ease of not standing over a bowl for 5 minutes at a time for certain recipes, it’s a godsend. Plus, it’s easier to add stuff when I don’t have to juggle ingredients + holding a mixer + spatula. I got mine on Amazon near/after Christmas for under $300 and it’s a 6-quart professional (not the 5-quart screw-in to the base).

    • BBL

      My husband wanted to add it to our wedding registry so badly and I just didn’t understand why he thought they were so great.

      That is, until we received one. Forget the fancy meringues. It makes any regular old Betty Crocker mix 10000000x lighter and fluffier! Worth it. Get one.

      • Jenna Rink

        Seriously! Mine is older than I am. My parents got it before I was born and passed it down to me when I moved out on my own. It’s 27 and still going strong.

    • dareeling

      I always wanted one, but I got it 7 or 8 years ago and have never taken it out of the box.. I pretty much bust out the handheld only to make frosting and everything else I just do by hand. So, I’d say if you have room to keep it on your counter and you like to bake, then yes, worth it. Otherwise maybe not.

      • Wannabe Runner

        I agree with this. My hubby did our registry and he registered for one. He also grew up with one, but a Sunbeam or whatever, not a KitchenAid. I have never used the stand mixer we got. (He also prefers to handwash everything, so I think it makes tons of extra dishes to wash.)

        I grew up with an electric hand mixer, and find it much easier to control (and less intimidating).

        I think it depends on how much you bake. You might want to try borrowing a friends and seeing if you like it.

    • Anonymous

      I have had mine for years – love it and use it all the time, even for simple baking recipes. Makes pizza dough in ten minutes without the mess. Ranks in my top two kitchen electrics – tied with the panini press/griddler.

    • ExcelNinja

      I used to bake every weekend when I was single with a ton of time on my hands (two loaves of bread for the week, a savory pie for lunches, and some sort of treats for colleagues) and my stand mixer was the love of my life. Worth every penny.

    • Anon

      Totally worth it. Even in a small kitchen. I use mine for everything from cookie dough to shredding cooked chicken breasts. I also found that I used the dough hook quite a bit – breads, pizza and pretzel dough are all easily mixed up.

  25. EmilyD

    I just got Le Pen (felt-type) ink on a sheer polyester shirt. Please tell me the dry cleaner will be able to get it out. I could weep. This is why I can’t wear white clothing.

    • gigi

      I recently got a terrible ink stain out of a cotton shirt using hairspray – I think I found the advice on realsimple or martha stewart’s website. It worked like a charm! Not sure how it will work on polyester, but it may be worth a shot. Good luck!

      • AEK

        Hairspray works on ink stains if the hairspray contains alcohol (many don’t, these days). Rubbing alcohol works, too.
        (I’ve only tried this with ballpoint ink.)

    • M-C

      In short, bring it to the dry cleaner. You pay them because they’re the trained professionals, and not getting their info randomly off the net :-). Bring the pen with you too, if you can, so they can get solid info and maybe even experiment.

  26. Baconpancakes

    Mad Men dress challenge!

    My team has decided to dress as Man Men for Halloween, and seeing as how I’m busty and already own a pen necklace, I need a Joan dress that I’ll continue to wear after Halloween. Anyone seen any for a size 12-14 hourglass? Under $120, green, if possible.

  27. Julia

    Going back to thank you notes…I have my mother’s bride’s planner notebook from 1948. It lists who gave her what and what store it came from. I love it for two reasons: I have inherited all of her things and it’s nice to know who gave them to her, and seeing the names of all the now-defunct stores and department stores is a walk down emeory lane. So keep a list, a spreadsheet, because someone might appreciate it some day.

  28. Do You Run?

    Stuck in moderation again! Maybe third time’s the charm.

    Rumor has it there’s a r e t t e dating group; why not a running club? There seem to be enough of us on here who run. So I created a group where those interested can post on anything running related from sharing upcoming races, goals, reporting on how a daily run went, etc. If interested in joining this experiment email r e t t e runners (all one word) at gmail dot com and I will send you an invite to join the group.

    Happy weekend all!

    • TOS

      Count me in as interested. I am a beginning runner, resuming now that my podiatrist has helped me get The Bunion Situation in order. I’ve been fishing for positive music with good running tempos lately. Example: Cake’s ” The Distance” has great pace but depressing lyrics, however, I just found Lianne La Havas’ “Is Your Love Big Enough” and it adds to my energy. I am of a certain age, and have small children, so my exposure to up-tempo recent music is limited to Zumba and Cardio Party. Any recommendations from other play lists?

      • Susie

        For me, tempo is not as important as just music that I enjoy listening and/or singing along to. (Yes I’ve been known to sing aloud as I run, as if my voice wasn’t bad enough when I’m not out of breath.) Bon Jovi is my personal favorite, my husband says he can tell when Bon Jovi comes on when we run together because I suddenly leave him in the dust. Some of my other (rather eclectic) top choices: Toby Keith, Nickelback, The Doors, Jason Aldean, Metallica, and Garth Brooks. I love Cake too actually.

      • CKB

        I have a wide mixture on my running mix – from Abba to Eurasure to Katy Perry to Queen to Adele to Lady Gaga to Neon Trees to The Clash. IMO, as long as it’s music you like with a decent beat, who cares how old it is? Some of my music is pretty cheesy, but cheesy is great for a run, imo. I plan on adding a few country songs to my mix next. Try thinking of your favorite songs from when you were a teenager. I think I’d really dislike running to music I didn’t know.

        That being said, Pink has great upbeat music with positive lyrics, but right now I love it when Katy Perry’s Roar comes on while I’m running.

        • R

          This! I love Katy Perry’s “Roar” for running! I’m a beginner runner as well and get so hopelessly bored while running. But I love being outdoors, and running is the easiest (and budget-friendly) workout out there.

          I actually found a lot of rap and hip-hop with grandiose inspiring for runs — think Kanye’s “Monster” or Lupe Fiasco’s “Show Goes On.”

  29. Solutions Please

    I work professionally at a State U. Our default email is Google and we’ve all now migrated. Our office has had a number of interfaces, including Outlook, as an overlay to enhance email features. I also have a smartphone and an iPad that I routinely use. I got frustrated with many dis-connections that didn’t synch with sent mail , and numerous calls to IT because I can’t find the sent mail on my PC but it’s on my iPad…

    What do hive members use or recommend, as i am slogging along with basic gmail. Our general counsel has tried Outlook, AppleMail, and now PostMail with no particular endorsement.

    • Pink

      It sounds like an IT network or settings issue that needs to be addressed by the institution. I use the gmail app for personal email and love it.

    • M-C

      Sounds like you’re trying to use incompatible tools simultaneously. If you’re using gmail, you’re NOT using Outlook. Thunderbird maybe, but not Outlook, which is strictly a Microsoft product. Stick to what your IT department recommends, or don’t expect any support to detangle you from your own irrelevant initiatives.

      • Wannabe Runner

        You can use Outlook with gmail. I find that it works better if you do IMAP rather than POP. (This is in your gmail settings.)

        I use gmail for work, and use Outlook on my work computer. I also use the native mail app on my iphone and ipad, and both have my work account and personal gmail account. I find it very intuitive. If your IT department can’t tell you how to set that up, then they are quite ineffective. (Hint: It’s not very hard.)

  30. Chai

    Lawyer ladies, I am in need of wardrobe advice. I’m a 3L law clerk and have asked by my boss to attend oral arguments for a case next week. I’m not actually doing anything substantive–just observing and taking notes, but our client will be there and I’ll be in the courtroom. Is this a full suit day or is a blazer/sheath dress acceptable? Is the rule still full suit any time you set foot in a courtroom?

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Normally, I’d say suit not required, but the client’s going to be there, so for me, that means suit up always, especially as a clerk.

    • AnonInfinity

      I’d wear a full suit just to be cautious. However, I do think this is a fine situation for a sheath/blazer combo if the following criteria are met: both made of suiting material, both made of the same suiting material, not sitting at counsel.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I consider a suit dress with a matching suit jacket a suit. I’ve seen people ask if they were appropriate before and some people saying they were a tad less formal but I think they are the most formal suits I own. Just my humble opinion of course. I have pant suits, skirt suits, and dress suits, and the dress suit always look fanciest. I think it is in part because where a shirt would be in a skirt suit is the same material as the jacket and “skirt” so the dress gives it a bit of a three piece suit feel. I wouldn’t put that type of outfit in the “separates category.”

        • anon in BigLaw

          Exactly. I am also confused why having a different fabric covering your torso would make it more formal. I consider the suit dress + matching suit jacket a full suit.

    • Blue

      I would definitely go full suit. Maybe it’s a regional thing, but to me, oral arguments = suit (I’m in the Midwest). And you never know if the client will be conservative, etc. Always better to err on the side of too formal, and being in court, it couldn’t possibly be that much of an error.

    • Monte

      Suit, no question. The ability/right to wear separates is something that many bosses (not to mention clients) will not think you have earned for quite a while. While you can look plenty professional in something other than a suit, I know that folks a generation older will absolutely ding you for not wearing one. Err on the side of caution.

    • Wannabe Runner

      I vote full suit… unless you are plus size and the only plus-size suit you can find is made of crappy polyester. Then wear whatever you think is the most professional looking.

      Suit options for the size 18+ women are sorely lacking. :(

    • Marilla

      Something like the following?

      Hi Partner,

      Friend suggested I get in touch with you regarding opportunities at your firm. I currently work at XX doing YY, but would be interested to discuss ZZ. I have attached my resume for your consideration and would be happy to chat by phone or meet for coffee.

      Thanks,

      Banana

    • ss

      I know in the place of Partner, my first thought would be to wonder what has transpired between Friend and this stranger, and what, if any, exaggerated promises have been made on my behalf. Marilla’s note is great if you are indeed looking for a job but if you are not, you should provide Partner some reassurance about your expectations before you pursue the introduction further. Something like :

      Hi Partner, Friend very kindly offered to do an e-mail introduction. I currently work at XX doing YY, and am not actively in the market for other work. I do however have a lot of regard for the work you/ your firm have done in the ZZ area. If you have some time for an interested young lawyer, perhaps we can meet for a coffee ?

    • Monday

      Do it. It’s not everyone’s taste, but I love charismatic pieces like this, especially for going out. If you’re afraid of tackiness just avoid styling it with other things that would look over-the-top, such as red lipstick or leather pants.

    • Anon

      I like it and would wear it to work (and I’m in a conservative Big Law firm). Do it!

    • big dipper

      Get it. I bought a $10 leopard print top at H&M thinking I’d it once or twice. I wear it all the time! I love it. It’s perfect for going out or casual weekend apparel. I’m on the hunt for an upgraded version since I wear it so much.

    • CKB

      It’s cute! Buy it! I would totally wear it to my business casual office, but I also have a zebra print dress that I regularly wear.

      • E

        Thanks for the input. I’ll be keeping it. I asked my friends for advice, but it’s hard to take that for what it is because mycollege best friend would wear a purple leopard print top..not ok

  34. SoCalAtty

    Some of the hive may remember my angst over an upcoming destination wedding I’m afraid I’m going to end up footing much of the bill for…

    The Cliff’s Note version – this particular group of friends (except for the one getting married) is perpetually broke, and every time we have a destination wedding in the “group” I usually end up footing much of the bill – rental car, using a timeshare or a connection I have for the room, food, drinks etc. – because I can afford to do it, and, up until now, I’ve wanted everyone to be able to do things together and not have half the group sitting back at the hotel not able to participate. Well, it has been getting a little ridiculous – and I decided I wasn’t going to do that this time. Reserved myself + husband a super nice room, and made it a mini-vacation for us. This is to a SUPER fun city that I have never been to, and I’m very excited to go!

    Anyway, now a few members of the group would like to sleep on my floor, because they only have rooms for part of the weekend and I have a room starting way earlier in the week. I responded, “sure, your split of the room might be cheaper than getting your own” (it won’t), and they obviously expected to get to crash on my floor for free…and are cranky…I’m trying to smooth this over as nicely as possible, by agreeing with them that splitting my room would be cheaper and not just letting them go for free this time, but I may be doing lasting damage to this friendship. But…it is becoming more a source of exasperation for me….

    Anyone have experience with this? I’ve already determined that husband and I will go off on our own for almost everything but the wedding, because we have some local friends that are going to take us around and it is probably out of everyone else’s budget – which is totally ok, I just don’t want to not do something because others in the group can’t.

    • another Kat

      “but I may be doing lasting damage to this friendship”

      It doesn’t sound like you have a friendship. It sounds like YOU are a friend and they are not your friends. If the mooch-ship is what you want, continue to fund their activities.. if not, stop, and the reasonable ones will realize they were mooching off you the entire time and appreciate (and probably respect) you more now that you’ve stopped. If none of them do that, none of them were actually friends.

      • tk1

        Exactly what I was going to say.

        I’m shocked they asked considering that you are making this a vacation with your husband (not that sharing a room is a problem, we’ve shared rooms to keep costs down, but we planned it that way. not just had moochers show up). Have they never heard of vacation s*x!

      • SoCalAtty

        Thanks Kat, zora and tk1! My husband was joking about just that – he said he was going to text them, “trust me you guys, you don’t want to share a room with us.” He has known them as long as I have, so that would actually be pretty funny.

        Put the years of mooching together with the fact that we have finally (FINALLY) made it through a refinance of our house, and are signing documents next week to sign a home equity line that will consolidate all of our credit card debt from being young a dumb (and then randomly unemployed) into a 6% installment loan, saving us a ton of money, we are making this a kind of celebration trip.

        After I told them how much their room split would be, they said, “oh, well it wouldn’t cost anything to change my plane ticket to the next day….” They’re all supposed to be at my house this weekend, too – wedding event Sat. night – but no one can seem to tell me WHEN everyone is showing up? Talk about another blown weekend.

        • L

          Put your foot down. Seriously. It may be mooching, it may just be ingrained (oh, of course she won’t mind if we sleep on the floor, we always do!) but boundaries ASAP. Good friends don’t use their friends.

        • M-C

          Well, you’ve given them bad habits, so you should expect a bit of grouching when you arbitrarily decide to change the rules. But I think you’d get a lot less grouching if you said “we’re making this into a touchy-feely couple vacation as well” rather than coming up with costs of sleeping on the floor..

    • mascot

      Honestly, I feel like once you reach a certain age, piling 12 people into a hotel room is ridiculous. I have no issue sharing a villa or house with friends, but having other people share a room with me and DH? No thank you.

      • Hel-lo

        Agreed! Also, no more hostels or crappy $79/night hotels. I worked hard so I can afford a nice room to myself (or myself and DH).

  35. another Kat

    This got moderated earlier- apologies if it shows up twice.

    How tight are suit pants/slacks supposed to be?

    I’m looking for work in likely a business casual environment after working at home since graduating from college, and while I’m slim (a hair under 6′, 140 lb) I have in the last year or so developed fairly muscular thighs. All the suit pants/slacks I own are now on the tighter side, to varying degrees, in the thigh area. I’m trying to figure out if any of them are salvageable or if I have to go buy everything new. I’m 22 if it makes a difference- I’m young for my experience level and just look young in general despite the height, so I don’t want to make any fashion mistakes that would make people write me off as inexperienced.

    (My interview power suit fits amazingly, fortunately, so no worries there.) Can anyone give me a graphic that shows optimum fit (like the guide to hem length I saw in the archives)? Or an explanation?

    Also, any recommendations for pant brands to fit muscular legs but a flat butt (in long)?

    • M-C

      Moderation doesn’t mean your post is lost, it just means you need to be a bit patient to have it show up. Moderation is a good thing, and if you’re having a real emergency you should be dialing 911 instead :-).

      • another Kat

        I realized that, oops! It took so long to show up that I thought it got permanently eaten and just said it was in moderation to make me feel better.

  36. Marise

    I just came back from an in-house promotional interview, where my older male supervisors told me that they thought I did excellent work and my clients love me, but I am perceived by some of my peers as too ambitious. All this because I applied for the head position in my office after five of my clients asked me to do so. How does one respond to such a criticism? I am furious. All I can think about is the Howard/Heidi study mentioned in Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean In.”

    • Monday

      Was it acknowledged in the meeting that 5 clients encouraged this application?

      • Marise

        Yep. Maybe I should chalk it up to working in government. In private sector, ambition is encouraged. In the public sector many believe you should just keep your head down, warm your seat, and wait ten years.

        • Monday

          So you do think this would have happened to Howard as well as Heidi? No snark, I am just probing. At first it sounded like you took it as a gender thing, now you’re talking more about the culture of your field (as applies to everyone–?)

          In your shoes, I would still be very frustrated, but more ok with a standard that applied to everyone equally.

    • ss

      Don’t be furious. Most supervisors prefer to make popular decisions but not usually at the expense of making the right ones.

      Here’s a possible response : “That’s their perception ? Well, I value my relationships with them, so perhaps you can help me read this a bit better – should I see this as criticism or as feedback, and what do you reckon I should do about it ?”

      If your bosses identify it as criticism, then you will want to ensure you emerge from the discussion with specifics which you can work on. I suspect though, that they mean it only as feedback, and then you want them to emerge from the discussion clear in their heads that they are not going to ding you for it.

  37. Katriona

    I’m interviewing for a job in another city. I’m through the first round (and I was told this at the end of the first interview) and there are two more rounds to go. I’ve done my research and all of the salary surveys that I have found indicate that the market rate for lawyers at my level in that city is between 30% to 60% more than I am earning at the moment.

    The prospective employer has indicated that, if successful, they would not be willing to pay me more than I am earning right now. I was equivocal when this was mentioned during the first interview and I did not engage in a discussion with them regarding market rate but realistically, I would not move if they were not willing to pay the market rate. Any ideas about how I should address this? I do not want to waste their time (or mine) but equally I do not want to ruin the chances of getting the job by getting hung up on this issue so early in the process. Any suggestions as to how I should deal with this?

    • ExcelNinja

      @Katriona: do they know for a fact what you already make? If they do…you might be wasting your time unfortunately. If they don’t know, they might make an offer at or slightly below market in the new city and their comment might just be that they don’t pay above market.

      • Katriona

        Yes, they do know what I make. The recruiter asked and I told her. I’m reluctant to move city and start with a new firm for less than market rate.

        • ExcelNinja

          I feel like you might be wasting your time then. They told you that they won’t pay you anything higher, and it’s a deal breaker for you, so why bother?

          • Katriona

            A very good point ExcelNinja. I think I will have to withdraw with as much grace as possible.

    • preg 3L

      I’ve heard of firms doing this, but then adjusting your salary to market (or whatever their internal scale is) at the next annual review. You could ask if comp is lock-step or merit-based?

      • Katriona

        Compensation is merit-based, not lock-step. It’s a good point but as they have been so clear about salary from the first interview, I would be reluctant to move on the basis of a non-binding/indicative “we’ll see how things are going at annual review time”. I do want this job but not badly enough to take a net pay cut due to cost of living in the new city.

    • M-C

      I think you should handle this as one always handles salary negotiations: after you get an offer. You’ve already indicated to them what you’d like, and that your current salary is not good for you. Don’t withdraw now, as they may well change their mind about their opening gambit later on,or someone else may override that person. Simply, when you get an offer, reiterate your reasoning for why you want more, which is very sound imho (and let’s not even talk moving costs and different costs of living). It’s not like you’re actually working for them, it doesn’t cost you anything to keep going on the application :-). But don’t take the job at your current salary, and do keep looking..

  38. zora

    also, half a bottle of wine and some sweet potato fries is an acceptable grown up dinner… right?…..

    • ExcelNinja

      zora: Only if leftover pumpkin cheesecake and cheap pink champagne is too!

    • AnonInfinity

      Oh yes. I call this “wine dinner” and have it approximately once per week.

    • Equity's Darling

      You guys are all classier than me, I had beer and preztels for dinner last night. It was delicious German beer, and the preztels were big and soft with caraway seeds and grainy mustard, but still.

    • Calibrachoa

      Hey that was me yesterday! Kind of.. there was a lot more wine and I stole the sweet potato fries. Why is it that food always tastes better when you nibble off someone else’s plate?

    • Miss Behaved

      How about combos and wine after a day of nibbling on pizza and cupcakes and munchkins while sipping mimosas? Did I happen to mention that I was at a toddler’s birthday party?

  39. LifeScienceGoingToFinance

    I am new to this site. I am a PhD student in the biosciences in Switzerland trying to make the transition into finance (I want to be an equity analyst in healthcare/pharma). Took some classes in the field, acquired some basic knowledge, making contacts at the moment…

    Question: I have a couple of career events coming up this fall. These are mostly career fairs, but also “get togethers” and introductory meetings in the university, where students can meet representatives from the industry. My big question is: WHAT TO WEAR?

    I will be graduating next year, so I am actually looking for a job. Should I wear a suit (dark grey pants+blazer, white blouse, black accessories)? The finance industry is conservative, even if my position would be more of a researcher position. But people with jobs similar to the one I am looking for wear suits, definitely.
    However, the dress code was pretty casual for similar career fairs in the past, think nice dark jeans + blouse/nice shirt, optional blazer. These events are still held at a student-setting and people also attend in between classes.

    I don’t own a lot of formal clothes (except my suit) since I am working in a laboratory, so any advice would be appreciated.

    • ExcelNinja

      I work in finance. I would err on the side of suit. You won’t do anything but impress them!

      • LifeScienceGoingToFinance

        Thanks, I thought so, but reassured now.
        I am pretty insecure about the dress code, I am looking to amp up my wardrobe, but being on a budget while not knowing brands/stores is difficult. Here in Switzerland it seems that the options are so limited.

        • ExcelNinja

          I hear you. It doesn’t make it easier that this site is pretty US-centric for shopping/where to get items. Do you have a friend or acquaintance who dresses as you would like to dress, and who you would feel comfortable asking where they get their clothes? Hopefully some other ladies from across the pond will chime in. If you don’t have much luck this weekend try re-posting your question on Monday, and btw welcome to the site :-)

          • LifeScienceGoingToFinance

            Thanks :) In fact I have a friend in the business world, who gave me some tips – unfortunately, no “real” shops, she orders most of her stuff online. She said that I should try to find some brands where the fit is good for me, and then get a couple of pieces in different colors (e.g. blouses), to be able to combine.

        • M-C

          You can order from landsend.de, which has plenty of conservative business-appropriate clothes for affordable prices, and reasonable shipping for you.

    • Hel-lo

      Protip: Add a colorful top under the suit instead of a white shirt. I always also add a pop of a contrasting color in a chunky necklace.

      Good luck!

      • LifeScienceGoingToFinance

        You are reading my mind. I own a nice pink shirt that goes very well with this particular suit.
        Also, ESPRIT has sales online right now in Switzerland, so I ordered another blazer/skirt combo. Their suits fit me very well in general, just need to shorten the pants.

  40. Anon

    I exercise daily and use an app (Nexercise) that gives me points, and when I get 25,000 points, I get a $10 Amazon gift card. I’m married, and my DH uses my Amazon account, and he always takes my $10 gift cards and uses it for his own purchases. Do you married ladies use separate Amazon accounts or do you share?

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      We have separate accounts for things like Amazon, credit cards, etc. We’ve only been married a year and had our own separate stuff beforehand, and we’ve never bothered to combine. Also, we frequently buy presents for each other through Amazon, so I wouldn’t want to combine regardless.

    • ExcelNinja

      We just use my Amazon account….this just happened to me with a $50 birthday gift card that was applied to our monthly subscribe&save order! Is your DH doing it on purpose? You should definitely use your $10 gift cards for YOU!

      Funny story, I bought my dad a Kindle for Christmas ages ago and told him to just buy books on my account as part of the gift. After two years I couldn’t take it anymore and kicked him off my account…my “recommended for you” items were filled with horrible, cheap sci-fi (he loves it).

    • preg 3L

      I’m married & have separate Amazon accounts.
      Have you talked to your DH about this? He could be doing it inadvertently OR he could assume that you’re gifting it to him to use, since he seems to use the account far more often than you do.

      • Anon

        ExcelNinja: My DH is doing it on purpose. I want to use the $10 gift cards for myself, but he doesn’t leave the credit there and just uses it for his stuff. I don’t know what to do.

        preg 3L: I told DH that I want to buy little rewards when I exercise and he spent the gift balance anyway.

        • ExcelNinja

          That’s balls and very inconsiderate of him given that you’ve spoken to him about it. In that case I would just open up a separate Amazon account for your gift cards since he apparently can’t control himself.

        • NOLA

          That sounds like a really jerky thing for him to do when he knows you wanted to buy rewards for yourself. I guess I’d wonder why he would do something like that, but my ex used to regularly do things how he wanted to, even if I asked him to do it another way. But then… he’s my ex for a reason. Not saying you should get divorced or anything (obviously very extreme overreaction) but I would sure wonder why he was behaving in such a passive aggressive way.

          • Senior Attorney

            Gah.

            I can only hope you are British and are using “mean” as a synonym for “cheap.” Because even a tiny little bit of “mean” as in “unkind” is a big red flag in a relationship.

          • CapHillAnon

            It would be “mean” if he took/ misappropriated something of yours that he knew you valued, out of his thoughtlessness. It’s another level to be misappropriating a personal incentive of yours. If my partner did that, I’d be shocked and livid. It makes the meanness sharp and purposeful.

            It would be wise to consider whether this is someone you want close to you. Not only is he not on your side at all, he is actively disrupting your personal goals.

            Do get a separate amazon account, and maybe separate other things as well.

          • CapHillAnon

            Ok I just reread your note–we are talking about a husband and not a boyfriend!

            Does he do other selfish and mean things like this? If it’s a pattern, wow. Even if it’s not, this seems indicative of some issues that need consideration and attention. You deserve better treatment than that. Good luck.

        • Fiona

          You say that you know your husband “does it on purpose” by not leaving the gift cards when he makes purchases. Have you talked to him about it? What does he say?

          Pending the answers to those questions, I’m going to give the husband a smidgen of benefit of the doubt and ask whether he knows HOW to not use gift card balances on his purchases. My husband and I share an Amazon account, and it probably wouldn’t occur to him to check if there’s a gift card balance and opt out of it before making a purchase. There is no way that I know of to NOT make gift cards the first payment method – you have to override it on a purchase by purchase basis.

          In either case – whether your husband is being spiteful or just clueless – it would be more convenient for everyone, I’d think, if you set up a separate account for your gift card purchases.

    • mascot

      We share the Amazon account and all other accounts so all money is basically joint money in our house. However, if my husband used a credit that I had earned, he would have no issue with me taking that money for myself out of another account and vice versa. I’d be most annoyed that you’d asked him not to do something and he persisted in that course of action.

      • Anon

        Thank you all for listening to me. And especially thanks to everyone who responded. I feel a little better now, just being heard by you. And you’ve given me some things to think about.

    • SoCalAtty

      Separate Amazon accounts! If he’s taking something you earned, and he knew you wanted it for something, that’s a problem…but easily solved. Open a different account.

    • M-C

      Not only do you need a separate amazon account, but you really should be looking very closely at your finances. When my sister divorced, her expenses dropped significantly, contrarily to common wisdom. That’s because her husband was routinely chalking up $50 lunches to the common account, while she dutifully brought her little lunch bag to save money. This behavior with the amazon account sounds like a big red flag to me..

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