Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 277 Comments · by

Holiday Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Join the Weekend Open Thread on Corporette! Our recommendation for the weekend: the Wilt Slub Knit Long Sleeve Top, part of Last Call's big MLK day sale. Something on your mind? Chat about it here. Last Call has a ton of great “just in” selections, including lots of Beirn and Foley & Corinna bags, as well as the usual broad selection of weekend items like tees and dresses from Splendid and James Perse. For this weekend, I'm liking this artsy but wearable slub knit tee, which I think would be lovely with leggings or skinny jeans. It was $120, but both the gray and the white are marked to $41.30 this weekend as part of Last Call's big MLK day sale. Wilt Slub Knit Long Sleeve Top, Platinum (L-all) Psst: Happy MLK Day! If there are good sales we'll do a round-up on Monday; otherwise we'll see you Tuesday!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. zora

    gah!! now i want this, too! Kat, yer killin me this week! Must. Stick. To. Spending. Freeze.

  2. Godzilla

    So I think I’m going through second puberty or something and I can’t stand it. I have new PMS symptoms and prior ones have disappeared. I’m going to peel my tongue from sucking on hard candies to battle nausea. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING RAWRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Godzilla

        Between my UTI and PMS posts, it does seem that way, no? Nah dude, this monster lady is VERY single (and I have confirmation that I do not need to pee on a stick).

    • Susedna

      Anecdata warning:
      This happened to me when I reached the end of my 20s. This also happened to a number of my women friends when they reached their late 20s. I think there can be hormonal and metabolic shifts each decade for some people.

      But this is with *some* people. I dare not generalize from some people to all people, and certainly not to monsters.

    • NOLA

      That does sound odd. I’ll echo hoola hoopa.

      But I’m sympathetic. I had to go off of the allergy meds I take for asthma maintenance because I’m having allergy tests next week. No big deal except that I am sooooo itchy, it’s making me crazy. I guess the allergy meds must be reducing my incredible skin sensitivity. Gah!

      • Godzilla

        This is explaining my excessive cravings for ginger beer all the time. That’s okay, ginger beer is delicious.

    • Infinitely Split

      You are not alone. I haven’t had PMS in a decade. I quit BC last year for non-TTC health reasons and now I have PMS for two weeks of the month. My girls swell so much that I think I may need to go up a cup size for at least a week a month. And then there is the nausea and cramps…I can’t decide what is worse – the BC side effects or the PMS.

    • BankrAtty

      I’m in my late 20s experiencing this too. More horomone related skin issues, PMS is MUCH worse, and I have dark hair under my arms for the first time in my life (and I just seem furrier generally, idk). Hugs.

      • Rosalita

        I also had crazy sweat glands around age 29 or so. I put pitstains in all my tops. I had to wear dark-colored tops that wouldn’t show sweat. Ugh. I was very embarrassed. I asked my dermatologist about it, and she said that it would go away in a year or so, which it did.

        But if this is happening to anyone else, order Certain-Dri from amazon. I had a hard time finding it in drugstores. You apply it at night, and then sleep on it, and then shower and put on your regular deodorant in the morning. It does so much good. I liked the solid better than the roll-on.

        • Anon

          The sweat thing happened to me when I was about 14. It was awful. I used Certain-Dri (or similar product) with some success but it did cause skin irritation if I used it multiple nights in a row. Eventually I found one application was adequate for a few days.

        • Anon for this

          Certain-Dri is AMAZING. It changed my life. I had really active underarms in my early twenties, and was embarrassed all the time. I feel like now I’m in one of those Sure commercials — Sure Sure Sure! Unsure Unsure Unsure. Anyway, if you pit out your tops, try Certain-Dri because it does work. I don’t really need it anymore (29), but when I used it I only used it once every 3-4 days.

          • mascot

            Yep, I had the same issue in my mid twenties and Certain Dri was all that worked. It went away before 30.

          • Anon because I'm stinky

            Embarrassing, but does Certain Dry (or other clinical strength deodorants) help with stink? My left armpit seems to leave more of a deoderant/armpitty smell on my sweaters of late. My drycleaning bill is killing me.

          • @ stinky

            It unfortunately does not help with odor at all. And you almost have to be more vigilant about making sure you aren’t emitting an odor during the day because you don’t have that sweat “signal” alerting you that things are active under there.

    • Ashley

      Oh please. Wait until menopause. That is when things get REALLY interesting.

      Its like being a different person every day some days.

      (Tongue in cheek, I sympathize. I remember what you are going through, too.)

          • Anon

            Yeah but it’s still obnoxious. It’s just another form of the one-upmanship that’s been complained about by many on this board. “Oh you think you had a bad day? Wait till I tell you about MY bad day” Or “Oh you think YOUR mom is a pain, that’s nothing compared to MY mom.”

            It isn’t any less obnoxious when it’s about age. I have a supervisor who does this ALL. THE. TIME. It is super obnoxious, particularly since (he!) does not know anything about my age or life and assumes I am younger than I actually am (we’re close in age, actually) and don’t have kids (I do, I just don’t talk about personal stuff at work). So he’s constantly with the “oh you guys think you’re X, just wait, I’m older than you !”

            Gah. Obnoxious.

    • Pip

      +1 anectata. My PMS/cramps also changed around the same time. In my case I got those “stabbed in the uterus” cramps that I’d only heard of before. On the plus side, I bleed less and during fewer days now.

      I’ve found that eating something helps with nausea, but when you’re nauseous your stomach kind of stops working. But if you kick-start it with something high on easily digested sugar, like a glass of orange juice, then hopefully the nausea goes down after a while and then you eat all the things!!!

    • Laurie

      I felt like this a few times but it went away after an afternoon of vigorous sex with a friend. I recommend it when symptoms first manifest. It works every time!

  4. Urgent advice needed!

    Hive, I had a phone interview on Weds and the recruiter told me that “if I didn’t hear back (from her) soon, to drop her an email on Friday. ” Does she mean today or next Friday? I’m pulling my hair out because I don’t want to rush her but at the same time I dot want to miss this window. Any a dice is appreciated!

    • Clementine

      Follow up today and even frame it that you’re making sure to follow up because this is an opportunity you’re very interested in/excited for (know your audience for wording).

  5. hoola hoopa

    Has anyone washed a down comforter? Successful techniques or horror stories much appreciated.

    • Anon

      Yes. I use regular cycle and regular detergent, and then throw a few (new) tennis balls into the dryer with it to help it fluff back up uniformly. Have never had an issue.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Same here. It also works a little better of your comforter has a lot of stitching, which helps keep the down in place. I tumble dry on low or medium heat, which takes a pretty long time but seems worth it after I dried a down pillow on high once and it smelled burnt and I wound up getting rid of it.

    • tesyaa

      Make sure you have a large enough machine – if it’s too small, use a laundromat. Make sure the tennis balls are clean, too.

      • Mpls

        I’d probably want to use a front loading washer too, to avoid the possibility of the machine getting unbalance when the comforter gets all wedge on one side.

        Agree with below about line drying as much as possible, although it will need to go in the dryer with tennis balls to break up the down clumps and fluff it up.

    • mascot

      Unless you have a higher capacity washer, a king size is probably too big. I’ve washed my smaller ones a bunch. If you don’t want to deal with it, it was about $28 for my local cleaners to handle our king-size one.

      • hoola hoopa

        I should have mentioned it would be a twin and queen.

        Thanks for the price quote. The thought of ruining the comforters is causing me such anxiety it may be money well spent!

        • tesyaa

          I don’t think you can ruin them unless the outer cover is made of a material that can’t be washed. But getting them washed is cheap enough.

          • hoola hoopa

            LOL, I have no doubt that the feathers will come out clean and fluffy – I’m concerned that they won’t be inside the comforter any more!

        • a lawyer

          Nikwax makes a down detergent. I’ve only washed down with that, but never had any trouble. I think most washers could handle the queen, but not the two together at the same time.

          • M-C

            I highly recommend Nikwax products. I regularly refresh my raincoat with their ‘shell’ product and it makes huge difference. Well, regularly, every couple years or so is ample :-). I’d totally trust their down product. You don’t want to use Tide or something that’ll strip everything from the feathers, they’d stop being so lofty. And I always use an extra-large washer at the laundromat, because it all goes better when there’s extra room Washing is not somewhere you want to see how far the down will compress.

    • Anon

      I agree with mascot, a king size is probably too big for a regular washer. We washed ours and it took it forever to dry (like, hours)…I would recommend line drying if possible.

    • Anon

      Thanks to my finicky cats adjusting to the new apartment I’ve washed several down comforters several times in the last few months without problem (including last night).

      I don’t use a tennis ball. I tried those drier balls, but forgot last night and it really didn’t make a difference. The thicker, queen size comes out fine.

      The thinner, but king sized one also comes out fine without any special problems. The queen is from ikea, and the king is from some rue lala special.

      I do use the laundromat style large dryers, though since I’m in NYC, and front loading washers.

    • Anonymous

      My queen washes fine in my top loading HE washer (so no agitator), and with more than enough room that I could do a king in it. My dryer, however, struggles with the queen and I end up putting it on a drying rack. If your washer and dryer are different capacities, make sure it will fit in the dryer before you wash it and end up with a clean, wet comforter and (depending on your home) nowhere to hang it where it won’t get dirty all over again.

  6. Mental Health Anon

    I have a mental health TJ – the hive always seems to have helpful input on this type of question. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy with my daughter (now 2). After she was born, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I have always been very healthy and being diagnosed with a chronic disease felt very strange. It really shook my faith in my body, if that makes sense. Now, a year later, I am pregnant with my 2nd child (with dr’s approvals) and find that I am much more anxious about every little thing. I think it’s related to my newfound knowledge that my body isn’t perfectly healthy all the time and that things can go wrong. I am working on exercising and doing some yoga/meditation each night, but I am wondering if I should do more to help with my anxiety. I am usually a very calm person, so I have zero coping mechanisms for this. Would really appreciate any thoughts. (PS. I know I am really lucky to have a healthy child and a disease that can be controlled by medication.)

    • mascot

      I’d mention it to your doctor. My OB group had a therapist basically on call to help with the mental health issues for their patients.

      • Mental Health Anon

        Thank you! Not sure if my practice has a therapist, but I will definitely mention this at my next appointment

    • Anon

      Oh man, I so know what you’re going through (pregnant again after two miscarriages). I have found guided meditation much more helpful than trying on my own, there are many available online. I just let my mind wander to much without that voice guiding the relaxation. Frequently reminding myself that even with my past issues it’s much more likely that everything will go perfectly fine usually helps also!

    • pickle

      My sister has a chronic health issue, and she keeps a detailed journal about how she’s feeling each day (incl. heart rate, etc.) and things which may have contributed to her feeling better or worse. Her doctor really appreciates the data and I think that keeping her journal has helped her to feel more in control.

    • KLG

      You’re definitely on the right track. Most therapists/psychologists would recommend a solid sleep schedule, regular exercise, and some sort of calming thing (like your yoga/meditation or the breathing exercises that were mentioned). I do think talk therapy is useful to help guide you through some of the more specific thoughts you’re having and ways to change your pattern of thinking when these thoughts come up.

      And if it comes down to it, medication is still an option. I am not a calm person by nature and I have some really stressful personal things going on unrelated to my pregnancy so after discussions with my OB and psychiatrist I decided to remain on anti-anxiety medication during my pregnancy, in addition to continuing with my talk therapy. It’s not the right choice for everyone, but it is an option you could explore if other methods aren’t helping to control your anxiety.

  7. Anon

    After several years of putting all my disposable income toward my student loans, I am going to pay them off this year (yay!). Once they are gone, I am going to have about $3k of income per month back in my budget. I own a home (with a mortgage), I max out my 401k, I have a six month emergency fund, and I don’t have kids or credit card debt. What would you do with the additional money, whether fun, retirement-oriented or otherwise? After reading the comments on this blog, I am sold on hiring a house cleaner, but I am otherwise looking for ideas. Thanks!

    • Sydney Bristow

      Awesome!! I can’t wait to be in that position!

      Honestly I would take a lavish vacation to celebrate and then start adding a chunk of the extra into investments. I’d also loosen the budget amounts a bit and eat out a bit more often and maybe get cable again. Nothing that I’d go overboard with (aside from an awesome celebration trip).

      • Sydney Bristow

        Oh I’d probably also start paying extra on my mortgage. It would be amazing to live with only basic living expenses to spend on each month.

        • Ashley

          Unless there is any sort of penalty for does so, I would knock down this debt, too.

        • TBK

          But that would depend on the interest rate. If she bought in the last few years, her interest rate might be so low that it wouldn’t be worth paying extra. Although refinancing to a 15 year instead of 30 year mortgage could be worthwhile (not sure what rates in general are these days).

          • Sydney Bristow

            I’ve been so freaked out by my student loans and am pretty much a Dave Ramsey system convert that I would try to do it anyway. Debt is debt to me at this point. I actually don’t have a mortgage though (NYC renter) so definitely take that with a grain of salt.

            Just to put it out there, Dave Ramsey’s response to the interest rate issue is to flip it around and suggest that you wouldn’t borrow against a paid off house to invest in the market. There definitely is a split of opinion on this issue though.

    • E

      Invest the money. But go out to dinners! I live in Chicago and the amazing moderately priced food options are endless. My boyfriend and I agreed that we’d try a new place every week. With get togethers and schedule issues this ends up being once every 2-3 weeks but I love it and I love being a foodie.

    • applesandcheddar

      Do you have a Roth IRA? I would invest in that, which won’t take up much money because I think the yearly cap is $5,500. Also, maybe take some fun classes like art, yoga, cooking, or a language if you have time?

      • Anon (OP)

        I have an old one, but our income (mine and husband’s) will exceed contribution limits for this year and likely in the future. I am definitely interested in putting more away for retirement, though!

        • a lawyer

          As someone who at 56 is looking to retire in the next year and a half, I would (1) pay off the mortgage, (2) invest towards retirement [saving early in your work life really does add up over time, the prime reason I am able to make this decision], and (3) travel. Enjoy!

          Despite being in the over the hill gang, I finished college and law school with pretty massive student debts due to no parental financial support, out of state college and Ivy league law school. I also paid off student debt first and then bought and paid off a house. I know retirement probably seems so far off as to be unattainable, but it will amazingly be here before you know it!

          • Equity's Darling

            Wow, I’d love if you could go into more detail about how you’re able to retire so young!

            It’s something I’ve been thinking about, but it seems like I have to save SO much money in the next 30 years to be able to retire at 56. It’s overwhelming.

        • back-door roth

          Google this. You can roll your regular IRA deposit into a Roth even if you are above the direct contribution limits for Roths. Legal, relatively easy to do. DH and I have done this for years.

    • GlobalEmily

      I’m so envious! I’ve only just begun my student loan repayment and still sometimes get overwhelmed looking at my monthly payments and how long they will likely continue.

      I’d probably take some of that monthly money and add it to a vacation fund and start planning incredible trips every year. I’d also probably start another non-retirement based investment account. And like Sydney Bristow said, I’d probably add a little more money to some of my monthly discretionary expenditures (eg. going out to eat more, massages/mani-pedis, and shopping, etc.).

    • MJ

      First, buy yourself at least some sort of celebratory present! Good for you!

      Second, don’t think that just because you are maxing your 401(k) that you are saving enough for retirement. I urge you to use some retirement calculators (they are available at most mutual fund companies’ websites) and figure out if you are saving “enough.” Then I would schedule an appt with a fee-only certified financial planner to best understand whether you should be paying down extra on your mortgage or saving/investing, and which savings/investment vehicles are best, based on your timeline, risk tolerance, etc. Someone upthread already suggested that you be saving in an IRA or Roth. Then you can use the certified financial planner’s advice on where to direct the money _automatically_ so you can “set it and forget it” for your additional savings.

      Again, congrats!

      • Bonnie

        This. A 401(k) is not likely to be sufficient for retirement so go on a great trip and then start investing the money.

    • Joan Holloway

      Read “Your Money or Your Life” and then figure out the amount you need to save to live off investment income so that you can do what you most want to do with your time.

    • Anonymous

      Find a charity you are passionate about and become a regular donor. Your alma mater? Your religious community? Your local battered women’s shelter? A scholarship fund for the local community college? An animal shelter? Whatever matters to you.

  8. Amelia Bedelia

    I have tried hard not to become the girl who discusses all things pregnancy, but I have another clothing question.

    I previously ran a lot. during my first trimester, I had horrible complications combined with dreadful nausea. To compound the problem, I did nothing but eat bread all the time, because it calmed my stomach. I am at 15 weeks now and the nausea is much better, but I’ve gained about 8 pounds. I didn’t exercise at all during the first trimester, but I was cleared to do so last week. I want to start running again.

    My question – any great recommendations for pregnancy running gear? Right now, my old bottoms fit. I’ve had to buy a new sports bra, but that’s okay. But I envision this “fit” not lasting long and would like to stock up on pregnancy gear now. Any recommendations? And should I be wearing some sort of supportive gear for my stomach as it grows larger with running?

    any help would be GREATLY appreciated. thanks!

    • anne-on

      If they’re in your price range, I liked a bunch of lululemon tops when I was pregnant. I don’t think they sell the one I had any more but there were a few ‘flowy’ tops designed for dancers that you could cinch in below the belly, worked great for me up until about 9 months (when I gave up on the treadmill). I also found I was just.so.hot during working out that a tank and a sports bra were all I needed on top when running inside.

    • preg 3L

      I haven’t worked out during pregnancy (walked 2+ miles per day in regular clothes and that’s been it), but I would say that there’s very little you can “stock up” on during pregnancy, because your body changes so much every.day. it seems. You’ll want to start thinking about some sort of belly belt to support your belly weight when you run. I enjoy reading this new mom’s blog called omyfamilyblog [dot] com; you might find this post useful because it discusses pregnancy running gear: http://omyfamilyblog.com/2013/07/run-mama-run/

    • EB0220

      Get thee to mountain mama, stat!!!

      I don’t think belly support is required, but definitely get some if you start feeling it in your lower back.

      • EB0220

        A couple more things: Gapbody has a few decent options for workout gear. The gap pure shirts are super nice for exercise and general wear.

        Also, I regretted wearing my regular pants because they ended up being stretched out and useless to me after pregnancy. I should have just bought a few maternity workout bottoms. YMMV.

    • Sarabeth

      I wore my normal yoga pants the whole time. If you have anything that’s already stretchy and sits low-ish on your hips, you might be surprised.

      I did end up needing some stomach support starting around 20 weeks for running. But I don’t think you need it unless you are feeling discomfort.

    • Anonymous

      I am 35 weeks and still running. I wear regular running bottoms (tights / shorts if its indoors), a belly band, and a looser top (that is now tighter). All my technical tees from races that were never my favorite gear are now what I wear. I’ve also improvised by throwing longer tank tops under technical tees that are now slightly too short. I find that most athletic gear is stretchy and so it fits over the bump. I can even wear my winter running jacket when I do outdoor runs because it stretches over the bump.

      One thing that I needed was bigger sports bras. Much bigger sports bras.

      Does your husband / SO / baby daddy (not to be presumptuous) run? You could borrow his gear, too.

    • anon

      First, do not worry about 8 pounds in the first trimester. I think I gained that in my first pregnancy, and I gained the recommended 35 pounds. If you plan to breast feed, you will be amazed at how the weight comes off doing nothing but caring for your baby. In the end, I was five pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight when I got pregnant again. (ughhhh….)

      I used a lot of my workout clothes until about 30 weeks into pregnancy, and then, toward the end I bought some old navy maternity yoga pants for about $10 to 15 and one size up in athletic shorts than I would normally wear. I wore my maternity t-shirts from Gap Body, and I wore my husband’s undershirts. Oh, when I say I worked out, I went to prenatal yoga once a week and did a lot of walking.

      • Amelia Bedelia

        oooh, old navy is a great idea for bigger yoga pants.

        35 pounds? I wish. My doctor says I cannot gain more than 25. but it is good to hear on breastfeeding. I plan to try (though am not committed) to breastfeed while on my maternity leave. hopefully that will jump start weight loss.

        • Anon

          I’m not saying you shouldn’t listen to your doctor’s advice (and maybe there is some reason medically that you have not mentioned why he says no more than 25 pounds), but I would not stress over trying to keep your weight gain low. Obviously you want to be healthy and everything, but you gain what you gain in that process.

        • Brant

          I “wasn’t supposed to gain more than 30.” I gained almost 50. I lost the first 40 in the first 4-5 weeks post partum and 5 more before going back to work at 3 months. 6 months post partum I was down 8 lbs from my prebaby weight with basically no formal exercise.

        • R

          This. I wasn’t supposed to gain more than 25 either, but I gained close to 50. I lost it all by 7 months, and now at 9 months I’m 5 pounds down from pre-baby. And I eat like a horse and workout exactly 0 times a week. (Yay to bf /pumping and working full time plus running after a baby. I never sit down.)

          Do what your body tells you to do, don’t necessarily stress yourself out over the number on the scale.

    • Run Run Run

      I wouldn’t stock up, necessarily, but if you enjoy working out and plan to continue, it’s a good idea to have some things to wear while pregnant. With my first, I used my bigger T-shirts until they no longer fit, then I stole my husband’s shirts until the end. And I felt very dowdy and gross every time I worked out. With my second, I got a few longer tanks from Old Navy and Target that at least fit a bit and looked cute and I felt much better.

      The reason I said don’t stock up, though, is you probably can’t gauge at this stage what kind of workouts you’ll be able to do for the duration. I’ve always been a runner, and I desperately wanted to be that woman out running at 9 mos pregnant, but I had to stop running at 6 mos with my first, and earlier with my second because I got contractions while running. I could still do boot camp classes until I was 8 mos or so, and I could elliptical until the end. I just didn’t need all the same gear for that stuff that I would have for running.

      By the way, working out while pregnant is so hard, and so awesome (for those who can). It’s one of the main ways I still felt like myself, and I attribute my relatively easy pregnancies, with minimal swelling, little back pain, and quick recoveries to staying active. Who knows if that’s true, but I’m a believer.

      • Amelia Bedelia

        thank you. My doctor has definitely been supportive (and almost pushy) about me exercising again. I’m glad for that, as I do want to do it. He really believes staying active makes for easier end of pregnancy (even though he thinks I’ll probably stop around 8 months, just due to back pain, etc.), labor, and recovery. I’m not going to beat myself up if I can’ do more than a light jog (or even elliptical as I get bigger), but I want to try while I can.

  9. E

    Lol “holiday weekend” why do I feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t get work off?

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m working Monday too. Technically could have taken the day off but I don’t get paid if I do and I really need to money. Took too many days off in December!

      • E

        Oh totally I have only a few days to stretch between now and April. Fortunately all my clients are closed Monday so itll be a nice catch up day

      • tesyaa

        Our company has a holiday Monday but our group has to work. I don’t mind, because I get a comp day that I can use on a different day when I actually want to take off!

    • hoola hoopa

      Haha, I did a double take with that too. I don’t have any holidays between New Years and Memorial Day.

      • Lily-Student

        I’m in the UK and was therefore TOTALLY confused – we next have a public holiday for Good Friday which is in April this year I think (?)

    • Sparrow

      For me, the one good thing about working on a holiday is that traffic is so much lighter.

      • Ashley

        Wow, typing while eating equals incoherent post. I was going to say that I took today off, but then decided not to and proved how piss poor my editing skills can be.

    • Lynnet

      I feel like an idiot. I just assumed our office was closed Monday- have a family member coming in from out of town to visit for the long weekend. I just asked to double check as one of my co-workers was leaving, and nope, nope it’s not. So now I’m scrambling to see if I can take Monday off (which I really have too much work to do easily, I was planning on working during all of my down time this weekend anyway) and feeling an intense desire to hit my head against the wall several times.

  10. applesandcheddar

    Hive, I need some career advice from those wiser than I am. I have been in my current position for about 6.5 years, and this is my first job out of school. I am being approached my the international area of the agency where I work to come work with them. This would be a lateral move with no promotion potential. In this area, I would travel about 25% of the time to third world countries and offer what little expertise I have. To me, this has been a dream job since I have started working at my agency. However, in my current division, there is a lot of room for promotion, and soon. The work I currently do is not dream job worthy, but I like it enough.

    I am very torn as to what to do. On the one hand, there’s awesome work with cool travel, but no room for growth. Then there is what I’m doing and lots of room for growth. I do realize that I am early on in my career, so I could do the international thing for a bit then look for a promotion elsewhere in 5-10 years. Currently I’m looking at this like pro/con, but maybe there is an alternative way to look at it and help make a decision?

    I’m also hesitant about traveling 25% of the time since I currently do not travel. So any insights from people who travel a lot for work would be really helpful.

    • GlobalEmily

      Is there a possibility you could transfer back with a promotion in your current division even if you made the move to the international work?

      IMHO just the difference in the way you describe the two positions makes it sound like the move to the international area of the agency is the what you most want (“dream job” vs. “work is not dream job worth, but I like it enough”). When I was recently faced with either accepting my current job or waiting for something different, mentors told me not to focus too much on what might happen 5 or 10 years from now but instead to focus on whether I would be getting good experience and doing something that I would enjoy. Experience will open up opportunities that you never imagined. And in that vein, it’s probably wise to network and maintain connections both within your company (current department) and outside it so that regardless of what path you choose you always have future options.

      • roses

        “Experience will open up opportunities that you never imagined.”

        To be honest, I think this is very field-dependent. I’ve had friends who have done amazing, awesome work on fellowships abroad or in remote areas of the US….and then had no idea what to do when they returned. I’m all for seizing amazing opportunities, but only if you are sure they will be beneficial in the long run.

    • roses

      I have a few thoughts beyond what you suggested:
      1) Is there a job outside of your current agency that would allow you to travel that has promotion potential?
      2) Is it possible to work out an arrangement between the two divisions in which you would take the travel gig for 1-2 years and then come back to your current division? I would think you may have leverage to do this with your current division if you would gain some skill with the new position that would be an asset to them upon your return.
      3) Is your “dream job” your dream only because you want to travel in general, or is the actual work your dream? If the former, I’d hang on to your current job and make plans to travel to far-flung locations on your vacation time as you earn more disposable income.

      If none of the above are possible/applicable, I would only take the position with no promotion potential if you have a clear picture of how you would move on for that position. Do some research on if/how the skills you would gain are transferrable to another higher-up position later on.

      • applesandcheddar

        Actually, suggestion #2 is something I’m trying to work on. One thing I’m trying to do is assist the other area while staying in my current office. It’s not something that is generally done, but the area that is offering me a position is very understaffed and my area is low on work right now.

        I also do travel quite a bit in my personal time, so that is part of the appeal, but I also find the work interesting.

    • anne-on

      I work in a consulting firm and travel quite a bit for work. Honestly, the consensus among most consultants of a certain age is that travel is fun/interesting for a few years and much less so once you’ve done it for a while, are married, and especially if you have kids. I agree – I love my job but if the travel component magically disappeared overnight I’d be thrilled.

      • applesandcheddar

        Thank you for sharing this!! One of my concerns is a lack of a personal life. I live with my significant other, we’ve been together for 6 years, and I do get sad about leaving him possibly 25% of the time. And since we would probably have children in the next 5 years as I’m pushing 30, things get even more complicated. I appreciate that the travel is not a vacation and that travel in third world countries is especially difficult and exhausting.

        • anne-on

          I’ll also mention – my young toddler HATES when I travel. Like asks for mommy every night, has crying jags when I’m not home, etc. It can’t be helped, and I know it indicates a good bond, but it just crushes me every time my husband mentions it. My company is so great otherwise that in the long run it works out, but something to keep in mind if you’re planning to have kids.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open thread’s! I love Open thread’s (and the clotheing being hawked by Cat — tho dad has a freese on my cards through March — FOOEY!)

      As for the OP, you sound alot like me, agewize, that is. So we are probabley pretty much in the same boat on these issue’s. What I would do, if I were you, is to go where there IS oportunietie’s, even if it mean’s leaving where you work now. As a YOUNG PROFESSEIONAL, you need to pursue every open door b/c everyone knows that once we get older, we will NOT have the same oportunitiies b/c older peeople (particulearley older me) really like it when we can flatter them and we get ahead by useing the tools we have.

      For example, both the manageing partner and the judge I work before both cut me alot of slack b/c I flatter them. The judge really give’s it to the poor schlub’s that I am up against in litieagation b/c he knows how much I appreciate it and so I fawn over them afterward’s and they totaly love it. I do NOT know what I would do if I had to work in front of another judge, or a woman judge, who would NOT care for the thing’s that I do with the older guy’s I work with. Dad told me to use my assets, so I am doieng that, and b/c of that, I win most all of my case’s, and the manageing partner has made me a PARTNER already! YAY!!!!!

      So follow my dad’s advise and use the asset’s you have and you will NEVER regret it. NOW if I can ONLEY find a decent guy to MARRY me who I would NOT mind sleeping with! So far all of the guy’s that want to sleep with me onley want to have sex with me. They do NOT want to comit to MARRAGE. FOOEY ON THAT!

      Myrna and I are goieng bike riding tomorrow and mabye will go to a museum also. YAY!!!!!

    • ss

      Definitely recommend you check up on the subsequent career trajectories of folks who’ve been in the proposed role, as part of your basic fact-finding about the role.

      You sound like you’ve figured this out already but the part about turning up in client countries as a donor (?) rep and offering ‘what little expertise I have’ reads as a major red flag for me. If there is no clear basis for how a person in the offered role shares responsibilities and authority for decision-making and results, you could be headed for a unproductive black hole.

    • Em

      My job description requires approx. 50% travel, and I often ended up away from home for 2-3 weeks in a given month.

      Like other posters have said, I’ve really enjoyed the opportunity to visit “non-tourist” destinations and see how people around the US and the world live differently than I do. Every place has its peculiarities and I have a great time exploring.

      That being said, regular and extensive travel amplifies whatever problems already exist in your personal life. If your relationship is rocky, it’ll probably get worse. If you have trouble getting out there and meeting new people, it will be harder when you’re almost never home. If you struggle with eating/exercise/etc., those issues will be compounded by travel. It affects every person differently, depending on where they start out from.

      In my experience though, the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks… this is especially true if you can commit to 2-3 years of travel. It sounds like a dream job to me, especially if the experience will be taken in account favorably by your employer when you decide to return to an office-based position.

  11. momentarily anonymous

    I’m a first year in BigLaw and my firm seems to have a “5 minute rule” – every email gets a reply instantaneously, even if it’s just “I’ll look into it.”

    I’m finding this really disruptive and stressful. My preference is to work for 30-40 minutes at a time and then take a 5-10 minute break and respond to emails. I initially tried to do this but quickly realized it wasn’t the norm.

    In a 12 hour day, I get about 60 emails that require a response, which means every 5-6 minutes I’m breaking concentration to respond. There’s never a chunk of time to simply get things done. Also, if it’s a quick question that will only take me 5-10 minutes to respond to, I’d rather research the answer and then respond. But protocol seems to be send an instant email saying “I’ll look into it” and follow up in 5-10 minutes with the answer.

    I tried coming in early, but people realized I was here and started barraging me with emails on their commute. At night time the problem is alleviated, but I frequently need to make tight deadlines between 9 and 5 and that’s when email frequency is highest and more disruptive to my concentration.

    Any suggestions?

    • roses

      Since I’m guessing you’re not getting emails from 60 different people (or probably even more than 4-5), I think it would help if you just responded to any non-urgent email with “Thanks, I’ll look into it around X time after I finish Y.” That way, you have alerted that person to the fact that you will be busy for the next however many minutes – I don’t think they will expect you to acknowledge more non-urgnet emails until after the period in which you said you were busy.

      • Sparrow

        I was wondering that too. Would you get reprimanded by your boss? If he/she does bring it up, maybe you can have a discussion to explain the situation and that you will be more productive if you have a chunk of time to get work done.

        If someone has an email that requires an immediate response, maybe they can mark it as such.

        Also, if you are getting into work early, can you just focus on your work and keep your email app shut down? If colleagues are emailing you while they are commuting, they might not be able to much even if you respond right away.

    • MJ

      This doesn’t work all the time, but I sometimes put a fake, “I will be in a meeting from 1-3” on my Outlook out of office autoreply (only for internal emails) if I really need to crank on something uninterrupted. Note that this does not work if your high frequency emails sit right next you, but I can buy time when you’re really in a crunch and need to crank.

      • Anon

        We have attorneys here (although typically more senior ones) who will set an auto reply to say someting like “currently deadlining, will check email at X time and respond then. If you need immediate assistance email secretary” or whatever. Though this might not work for more junior people….

    • L

      Not a lawyer, so take this with a grain of salt.

      It depends on who’s emailing you and what the higher ups think. Quite frankly if a fresh out of (any) school person told me “my preference is X” when we did things as Y. I’d probably roll my eyes and label them a special snowflake.

      That said, if it’s a few people that are closer to your level, try chucking out responses in your preferred fashion for a few days and see how it goes. You’ll either have people beating down your door telling you they sent an email or they’re going to deal.

      Personally, I’d try to deal with it for a bit to avoid the potential for the special snowflake label, but that’s just me.

      • baseballfan

        This. I agree that expecting someone to respond to an email in 5 minutes, even with an “acknowledged, will respond with more detail at xxx time” is not reasonable. Most all time-efficiency gurus will say to check emails at only a few predetermined times in order to be more productive with actual work.

        But that being said, yes, someone in their first year of a “real” job isn’t really in a position to advise the team on how they prefer to handle such things. Do consider the source (what are peers doing?) but try to make the best of it for a little while at least.

        And thanks for making me smile by using the “special snowflake” term, which I haven’t heard in a while. :)

        • L

          Plus the same ridiculous people who think you need to email someone every 5 minutes are the first people who’d be willing to label someone difficult for actually being productive.

          Annoying, but usually true

    • Anonymous

      Can you save an auto response and just fire it off on autopilot when you see the e-mail come in? Don’t even read it, other than to confirm that it’s not a “Would you like to meet for lunch?” e-mail.

    • non

      Is there anyone else you work with and respect who handles this differently? Is it truly the norm? Could you talk to a peer or manager about this? They might give you a better understanding of what’s really expected.

      People at my organization (a tech startup) expect super quick responses, but usually within an hour is fine. Responding within 5 minutes sounds crazy. I mean, this isn’t gchat, it’s email. I can understand why you are so frustrated!

      • Rosalita

        Agreed. My husband has complained his office is like this too. It’s a Know Your Office thing – and the kind of thing you have to just go along with until you are more senior.

        It could be that your superiors prioritize availability (via email) over speed in getting your work done.

      • NbyNW

        THis is a late response but one of my many reasons for getting a new job was a boss who would email, then if she didn’t get a response in two minutes (no joke) she’d phone or IM and if no answer, then she’d start down the list of co-workers until the target was acquired. And I’m not talking crises, just things she wanted/needed an answer and her anxiety wouldn’t let her wait. I’m so glad I got a new job…

    • Momentarily anonymous

      Thanks for the suggestions! I wasn’t suggesting talking to anyone about or explaining why I’d rather not do it. I was more looking for a way to ease into the transition since this seems to be the norm here and it’s very different from the norm at my last job (consulting). I think the stock response thing and replying about multiple projects in one email will help a lot.

      Many of my colleagues work in other offices so I think it’s partially their electronic way of stopping by my office – instead of popping by as they happen to walk by, they’re shooting off an email. It probably comes across as more pressing since their not checking in in a casual setting. I’m probably just over stressing about it since I’m still in the trying to assimilate phase (I just started a few weeks ago).

      • cbackson

        You should talk to someone about it – my suspicion is that you’re perhaps perceiving this as a bigger issue than it is, because you’re new and you want to do a good job. Waiting 30 minutes to answer an email really ought to be acceptable in virtually any workplace. Is there someone you can ask about it?

      • M-C

        I wouldn’t reply about different projects in the same email. That’d prevent people from sorting your mail effectively, and that’s not cool. It’s not more work to write several emails than one. Unless of course you’ve hit the occasional thing where several problems stem from one issue and you can propose a solution to that, but that’s exceedingly rare :-).
        I totally agree you shouldn’t let yourself be wantonly interrupted though. Nobody can get any work done if they can’t concentrate on it a bit, unless your job is specifically to respond to interruptions like you’re a receptionist or something, but then you wouldn’t have to do much else because it’s understood you couldn’t. I’d wait at least 30mn.
        Some techno-helps: you can set one key combination to be a standard response so your typing is minimized, you can use some tomato app to help you concentrate and have a set break time when you dispose of the emails, you can wear noise-reducing headphones to show that you’re trying to get something done..

    • Batgirl

      I’ll be the voice of dissent. At my former Big Law firm, the kind of response time you mention was definitely the norm during business hours (loosely defined as 9am-7pm) with a more “relaxed” response time outside of those hours (but definitely within an hour unless it was in the middle of the night). I found it incredibly annoying and stressful, but that was just the way it was. Partners cared more about getting a response when they wanted it than they did my being as productive as can be. Don’t underestimate how much it’s about billing time rather than being productive.

  12. Winner winner chicken dinner

    Can anyone recommend a good recipe for boneless chicken? I have some I need to use up. I would usually make greek yogurt chicken salad or thai chicken cashew, but I’m in the mood to try something new.

    • NOLA

      My favorite is this:

      Cut the chicken breasts in half so they are even size pieces. Dip them in a mixture of grated parmesan cheese and basil and oregano.

      Spray a baking dish with non-stick spray. Put the chicken in the dish.

      Slice the white parts of green onions. Saute them in enough butter to make a white sauce with 1 1/2 C. to 2 C. of milk. Add the flour, then the milk. Thicken the sauce. Take off the heat. Add 2 pkgs of frozen spinach (thawed and squeezed dry) and parmesan cheese. Put the spinach mixture on top of the chicken. Bake for 30 min. Can’t remember oven temp – 350 or 375.

    • Sparrow

      I like the Lemon Thyme Chicken from Annie’s Eats.

      Or you could make chicken parmesan or chicken fingers.

      • hoola hoopa

        I like baked chicken strips or chicken parmesan. I use a recipe by America’s Test Kitchen, but there are a million of essentially the same recipes online.

    • Miss Behaved

      Chicken pesto:
      Ingredients
      Nonstick Cooking Spray
      Chicken breasts (the thinner the better)
      Provolone (sliced)
      Pesto
      Bread Crumbs
      Parsley (optional)
      Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray baking dish with cooking spray. Dredge chicken breasts in bread crumbs and place in the baking dish. Spoon pesto over each breast and top with a slice of provolone. Bake for 20 – 25 minutes. Garnish with parsley.

      Or slow cooker chicken tikka masala:
      http://www.cookingclassy.com/2012/02/slow-cooker-chicken-tikka-masala/

    • TBK

      My mom always would dip boneless chicken in beaten egg, then Italian flavored breadcrumbs, and then bake them in the oven. She did it mostly with thighs, but I think chicken breasts would work too. They come out nice and crispy but without much in the way of added calories.

    • Anon

      I don’t really have recipes for these things, but I like to make:

      Chicken Fajitas (grill the chicken after marinating in soy sauce, garlic, chile powder, lime, etc.)
      Shredded chicken made in the crockpot with either salsa or BBQ sauce, then make into tacos, sandwhiches, ect.

    • Anon in NYC

      Chicken souvlaki: Lemon juice, a lot of garlic (5 gloves), a lot of oregano (2 handfuls). Combine chopped garlic and oregano with about 1/2 cup of olive oil and juice from 1 lemon. Add cubed chicken (about 1.25 lbs chicken). Let it marinate for about 2 hours. You can then either put the chicken on skewers or just broil/bake it in the oven. I like to squeeze a little more lemon over it, or serve it with a garlic/buttermilk/yogurt sauce.

    • Philanthropy Girl

      We love combining greek yogurt & mayo (equal parts to equal 1 cup, or you can just use one or the other), 1/2 fresh shredded parmesan cheese, dried parsley, a bit of garlic powder, and salt & pepper, spreading it over the chicken and baking it at 375 for 45 minutes. It gets nice and brown on the top and stays very moist.

  13. Ashley

    The Eileen Fisher spring collection…makes even the 6-foot tall, 18-year old gorgeous models look frumpy.

    Then I got to these pants….

    Look on these with horror!!!

    http://tinyurl.com/muqfwsj

    Who would really wear this?

    • tesyaa

      I have seen someone wearing that style like, once in my life and I’m in my late 40s…

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Oy. and they’re $258?! They look like someone took a long jersey skirt from Old Navy and somehow accidentally got part of the hem stuck together.

    • Anonymous

      Ooof, those are tough.

      I’ll admit, I clicked, thinking, “Whatever it is, it can’t be as bad as she’s making it out to be.” And its actually worse.

      • Matilda

        I was going to ask why that existed BEFORE I realized it costs five hundred dollars. Five. Hundred. Dollars. I apparently have no sense of high fashion.

    • Meep

      I’ve had the “Lightweight Viscose Jersey” version of those pants since last summer and love them. I especially like them since I’m not interested in dressing just like everyone else, and they’re in a fabric that blends with the rest of my mostly black closet. I wardrobe them just like a maxi skirt.

    • Abby Lockhart

      I would absolutely fall in the boots pictured, and the vision of myself tripping in the boots with those pants on is just too much. It brings up my fear of being stuck in a fully-zipped sleeping bag.

  14. Anonymous

    just reactivated my gym membership, the giant charge on my credit card bill and new cute workout clothes from old navy will motivate me to actually go, right??

    • Anonymous

      just reactivated my gym membership, the giant charge on my credit card bill and new cute workout clothes from old navy will motivate me to actually go, right??

      • Lily-Student

        I tell myself that I only have to go and get into my swimsuit/ running clothes, and if I’m still not feeling it, I can pull out. By the time I’m in the changing rooms and changed I usually just want to get into the pool (it helps that I get public transport to uni so I feel dragging swim kit around all day is a waste if I don’t use it)

    • Wildkitten

      Cute new workout clothes are great motivators. Also, you could say if you go 8/12 times this month you get new new workout clothes.

    • Pactfan

      Have you looked into the app Pact? It’s a huge motivator for me. You commit to going to the gym a certain number of times per week and then you are charged for any missed days. As an added bonus, if you meet your Pact, you are rewarded with a small sum of money. While the reward isn’t a lot (it’s not about the money), it is nice to know that if I workout regularly I’ll have earned a small amount of money that I can use to purchase myself a bigger reward.

      Pact also now allows you to put make the same deals for tracking your food intake and eating more fruits and veggies.

  15. So, So Anon, Yo...

    How did you all go about finding a therapist? A bit of background — I’ve been really sad the past few months, and I have a history of depression. When I was diagnosed, I was in college, so I simply went to student health. They set me up with a psychiatrist I saw about once, maybe twice, a year, and I was on what I later realized was a totally ineffective for me anti-depressant. This time around, I think I’d like to do more talk therapy, and get on another pill only as a last resort. Mostly, I’m just sad that my life isn’t at all how I pictured it, and it’s hard because it seems like my sister and my best friend have the life I always wanted/was sure I would have. I’m actively doing things to improve what I know makes me sad, but I think it’s time to get professional help.

    So back to my original question… I searched my insurance provider and it gave me 199 options. I called one office near my home and left a message, but they haven’t called me back. Then I called my PCP and asked for a list of referrals that I’m still waiting for, but they said some will not take my insurance so I should go through my insurance’s list of providers. I’m in Alexandria and have BCBS FEP, if specific psychiatrists/psychologists/therapist can be recommended. General advice as to how to find someone is also welcomed.

    • L

      Good for you for being pro-active. The referral from your PCP is a good idea because if you meet with someone who can’t prescribe then they can work together, should you decide medication needs to be an option.

      Insurance is a good place to start and then I’d cross reference with location (work or home) and then look at their practice pages or zocdoc for hours. A lot of therapists don’t have a ton of “off hours” so if you’re going to go on your lunch break, it helps to find one close. I emailed a few of them that I liked after reading their page and asked a few questions and about an in person consultation. I ended up not pursuing it, but I was surprised by how much I could tell via email.

    • Sierra

      location, sex, type of license, appointment times, ease of getting appointments, prompt replies/call-backs, websites, etc. I emailed rather than call. Also check to see if your employer has some sort of deal where you get a few freebie visits. But in your situation, I’d cross-check the insurance list + referrals and then look into the ones who are in the overlap.

    • Senior Attorney

      If you are a lawyer and you know anybody who is involved in family law, they are often tuned in to the best therapists. I found Dr. Shrink by asking for a referral (“for a friend”) from a friend who is a family law judge.

    • LizNYC

      You can also check out the Psychology Today website to see what the psychologist/psychiatrist has to say about his/herself. I found my current one that way.

  16. Etsy

    I’ve decided to open an Etsy shop this summer. I’m doing this not to make a living from it but more as a creative outlet. I know what I’ll be making (and that there’s a high demand for it that I can easily have friends spread the word on Facebook). Does anyone have experience who could comment with advice or things they wished they knew starting out?

  17. Jo March

    Pregnancy/Baby TJ: Help me, oh wisest of hives!

    I’m now just about 34 weeks pregnant (Baby Bhaer is due March 4th). My mom has health issues that include both mobility (which is not really the problem) and some cognitive stuff. This is due to her MS and the medications she is on for it, but frankly some of the cognitive stuff is still pretty unexplained. But it means she is forgetful, repeats herself lots, has not-so-much self-awareness about her actual cognitive state, and is just generally hard and emotionally exhausting to be around.

    She lives out of town and has been pestering and pestering me and I finally gave in and she’s booked a visit from March 27th to April 1st. I really would have preferred she not come for a little longer, but it’s not just a matter of setting boundaries – she honestly doesn’t get how much extra work it will mean for us to have her here. She can’t cook or shop or clean for us, and the most I’d feel comfortable with is perhaps letting her watch Baby Bhaer while I’m showering or cooking. I don’t know that I’d leave baby alone with her.

    I’m not even sure what I’m asking, except for maybe ideas? Support? How to make this easier? The closest comparison I can think of for her condition is very early dementia, but that’s not quite right because she certainly knows who everyone is etc. It’s all just really stressing me out. I know I can’t deny her the visit, because she is soooo excited about this baby. But ugh. Should I just get the in-laws to stay too so they can do the actual helping/run interference? That will mean a HOUSE FULL OF PEOPLE when baby is just weeks old. Argh!

    • Anon

      Do you have a close friend that can help out and run interference? If you were my close friend, I’d happily help you out by running a massive grocery stock-up for you (including ready prepared foods that need to be popped into the oven or put on a plate and, voila, dinner!), cleaning up before Mom arrives, and also coming over once or twice “conveniently” during Mom’s visit to give you an opportunity to quickly shower or something while there was another adult in the house.

      Seriously – this is the time to engage the girlfriend army.

      • preg 3L

        Agreed. I think any army of people you can pull together — neighbors, church friends, book club members — is essential here. Due on March 4 means you could have a 6-week-old baby by the time your mom arrives or you could have a 2-week-old baby when she arrives. If you end up in the 2-week-old baby camp, and if you had any sort of difficulties during delivery, you will probably need someone to help you with very basic things. If you end up in the 6-week-old baby camp and/or have a normal delivery, you’ll probably be just fine running interference on your own. So start calling on friends now, getting together with people you can meet through local prenatal meet ups, finding local support groups (or even a live-in baby nurse / nanny you can hire for a week or two before your mother arrives and while she’s in town). And good luck!! Does Professor Bhaer get any sort of leave?

    • Holly

      Could your spouse / SO / baby’s other parent be home that week to help run interference? I would think inviting the in-laws might make things more complicated (because you would have a house full of people), but I guess it depends on your relationship with them and how helpful you think they’d be. (For instance, my in laws would be zero help and would just cause me more stress.)

      In terms of her causing you extra work: Could you tell her up front that she should expect your house to be messy, there not to be home-cooked meals, and that you’ll be sleeping most of the time the baby is sleeping? Maybe you could set up a meal delivery service for that week so that you don’t even have to think about takeout or heating up frozen food? Don’t feel any obligation to entertain her. You will need your sleep and should prioritize that over spending time with her. So maybe remind her to bring a book to keep herself entertained, or have some movies she could watch? Good luck!

    • rosie

      Can you hire someone to come in a few days a week while she is visiting? I am thinking someone to do light housekeeping, some cooking, and maybe spending a little time with your mom (playing cards, maybe, or just talk to her, if she’s a big talker) to give you a break.

      I also like the idea to have some books and movies on hand for her–or magazines, crossword puzzles, whatever she likes to do–so you don’t feel like you need to have constant interaction.

    • mascot

      Can she do really simple tasks, like fold baby’s laundry? She will probably be happy to coo over the baby most of the time. Babies don’t care if you repeat yourself and it could give you a break. Depending on how mobile she is and how needy the baby is, she might be able to hold baby for you while you do something else. Honestly, after 3 weeks of being cooped up alone on maternity leave, I was ready to crawl the walls. Even limited adult interaction was welcome.

    • hoola hoopa

      Obviously, I don’t know your mom or your exact situation, but I was in what sounds like a similar position with my first baby so here’s my experience. Briefly, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected it to be.

      In my case, it was my husband’s parents. His mother has macular degeneration and at the time we thought she had early dementia (turns out, it was medication side effect + her not wanting to admit how bad her eyes really were, but she had the signs of early dementia similar to your mom). His dad is a lovely person, but domestically and parenting-wise useless. They also TAKE OVER our tiny house when they visit, which causes me a great deal of stress. Needless to say, I was feeling a lot like you sound. How was I going to make sure she didn’t hurt the baby when I wasn’t right there? How were we going to feed everyone? Will they be okay with a messy house and a cranky, stinky DIL? Would they judge me for every single parenting decision I made? ::breathes into bag::

      MIL completely understood her limitations. She held the baby while sitting and never asked to babysit, etc. It may not seem like it now, but having someone just hold the baby and coo at it endlessly is a huge boon for you. FIL paid for lots of take-out. And I stupidly forgot that they had four kids of their own and were completely unphased by the bomb that had gone off at our home. She did also fold laundry and get me things when I was trapped by a sleeping/nursing baby (like a glass of water, my kindle 2 feet out of reach, etc), but mostly just kept me company when I really needed it. Being home with a newborn is actually really lonesome and boring, or it was for me anyway.

      I hope your visit goes as smoothly.

    • Anon-oh-no

      I went through this with my mom — she had early stages of dementia when my daughter was born. I don’t have a lot of suggestions — just commiseration. It’s super draining. That said, as I sit by my moms deathbed three years later, as draining as that time was, it was worth it. Try to find ways to enjoy it.

      • Coach Laura

        Anon-oh-no – I saw your earlier posts about last rites and wanted to wish you peace and comfort at this time.

  18. Anon

    This post may come off a bit whiney and entitled and I don’t mean it to be, but I am very frustrated and need the wisdom of the hive. FWIW I’m in my late 20s.

    I have been noticing recently that people who act horribly have others bending over backwards to accommodate them however other people who act reasonably don’t get any special entitlements. (I’ve always known this but there are a couple recent events that have underscored this in my mind).

    Can someone please reassure me this works out in the end? I feel like I get walked all over because I don’t throw a fit but people like my younger sister can act awful without impunity and at the end of the day, ends up with more than I do.

    This has also happened in a work context recently. I am proud of the fact that I am reasonable and self-sufficient but am I always going to lose out/not get any special treatment because I act like an adult?

    • non

      Can you give an example? Where do you live? This is definitely not a commonplace in my world. I don’t see people throwing fits much, except for my boss actually, who freaks out on a daily basis, but I don’t think it really works out for her in the long run. Learning how to communicate assertively is the ultimate skill — not being a doormat but also not being a bully.

    • Monday

      I think I know what you’re talking about, and have felt this way both at work and with family at times. I cannot tell you that it works out in the end, because I’m not sure it does. Some people really do seem to bulldoze their way through life without too many negative consequences. My philosophical take on it at this point (early 30s) is that the essence of being a good person is in not expecting to be rewarded for it; indeed in being willing to pay penalties when necessary. It has to be an end in itself.

      You say “I am proud of the fact that I am reasonable and self-sufficient.” That may be all you get, but it’s a lot.

    • Godzilla

      Well, if people are walking all over you, that’s your fault, not your sister’s or coworker’s. You have to set boundaries. And you can set boundaries without being a special snowflake.

      If you need something extra, know that people like you more. They just won’t say it. I mean, do you ever notice the light bulb that works? No, because it does its job, unlike the annoying flickering one.

    • rosie

      I think I know what you mean. I once had a supervisor tell me he appreciated that I was “low maintenance.” I took that to mean that I would come to him if I had a problem or question, but I didn’t inflate the importance or urgency of an issue just for the sake of getting attention or making myself look important. I wouldn’t necessarily say people walk all over me, although in the example I’m giving, I would reschedule a meeting with my supervisor if someone else “needed” to see him right away if my issue could wait, so in that sense, I did give in to someone higher maintenance, but I didn’t feel like a pushover.

      You also should make sure you are being a good advocate for yourself. You can calmly and rationally voice disagreement over a decision or suggest that you should attend a meeting/handle an issue/etc.

    • January

      Also late 20s and know the feeling as well. Some of my running buddies are 20 or so years older than I am, and I don’t find that they have the bulldozer personality. Whether that’s because of age and life experience or whether they never acted that way I can’t say. Remember that you aren’t necessarily in a position to see the consequences of the obnoxious person’s behavior. And, to echo Monday, you have to live with yourself, which may be the more important thing.

    • cbackson

      Eventually, you’ll be a functioning, successful adult, and they won’t. Unfortunately, that’s all the reward you’ll get, but trust me – it’s worth it.

  19. cleary

    Hi all – Any advice for dealing with a young employee who just doesn’t seem to put his heart into his work? He’s just out of college (where he had excellent grades and top honors, per his resume), and interested in the field but his work is subpar. He wants to move on to bigger and better things, but I have told him multiple times that until he does his current job well, I’m not comfortable giving him new responsibilities. He comes running to me to ask what font I want something in or how to use Excel, but doesn’t come to me to fact-check his work (which often contains basic content and grammatical errors). When I try to discuss the issues (which I do calmly, though he is clearly terrified of me), he breaks down and says he just doesn’t know what else he can do.

    Other folks in our organization want to fire him, and have put him on a 60-day improvement plan. I want him to work out, but he’s not making it easy for me AT ALL. Help! How do I convince him that he needs to take the time to do high-quality work – and that it may mean taking the time to figure things out on his own? How do I motivate him to do so?

    • anon

      That sounds extremely frustrating. Perhaps a first step would be giving him a flow chart for how projects should be completed. Specify that certain things must come to you first for fact checking. Make it a formal process rather than assuming he will know when you want to review things (maybe you’ve already told him all this, though). But the basic problems with grammar and content errors are harder to fix. If someone doesn’t care about being detail-oriented, it’s hard to get them to deliver quality work. It’s also hard to teach someone grammar. That’s a skill you would probably expect them to have already to fulfill their role. So I don’t know, maybe putting him on a performance plan is not such a terrible thing. Do you have weekly one-on-one meetings with him? Going over projects on a regular basis can be helpful too, although it may not fix things to the extent you need.

    • Aerith

      I would just flat-out tell him, “You need to take the time to do high-quality work, which includes taking the time to figure things out on your own, and turn in work that is free from content and grammar errors. If you continue to make these mistakes, you’re not going to get off the performance plan and it could lead to termination.” If he’s not motivated enough to do it, that’s his problem. I’m not really a super patient or touchy-feely kind of person, though, so maybe you shouldn’t take my advice. :) I don’t know what else you could do, maybe give him a mentor that is another newish though not quite as new employee?

    • Shay-La

      I think your response really depends on how much you want to mentor/invest him. If you really want to help him out, then he may actually need to be told that to do “bigger and better things” he has to do the mundane things perfectly. It seems so simple, and that you should not have to tell someone this, but in my experience you do. But, it may also be a case that he’s in over his head. In managing someone similar it became clear that the heart of the issue wasn’t that she didn’t want to be doing her assignments, or even that she thought her work was acceptable, but that she barely new what she was doing and then just scrambled to get something, as opposed to nothing.

    • Rosalita

      Grades and top honors do not necessarily mean he’ll be a good worker. Being a good student does not mean he’s willing to work as part of a team. Those are different skill sets.

    • L

      Before the next project, sit him down and talk to him. Explain to him what you mean by fact checking, make sure he knows what resources are available, give him examples of good work and maybe sit down with him and edit by side by side so he can see what/where is wrong. Also, tell him to create a “finalize” checklist for your review. Then you can see what steps he’s missing and help guide him in the right direction, not just at your place but in his career.

      Also, he needs to prioritize his use of time. Explain that to him. Fonts aren’t a deal breaker. Facts are a deal breaker.

    • anon

      I’m embarrassed to say that this sounds an awful lot like me the first 6 months of my current job. I think I’m doing a lot better now. What helped me was 1) observing what my colleagues did when they got a project that they weren’t sure how to do; and 2) making “thoroughness” my new mantra. Now everything I do I ask myself if I have been as thorough as I could be in completing it. This has really changed the way I approach my work and look at the final project.

      As someone who was also a top student and struggled with the transition into the workplace, here are the major things I had trouble with:

      1. Not being good at things anymore. Which led to depression, which led to not spending as much time on things as I should because I was too busy being depressed, which led to not being good at things.
      2. That the quality of my work impacted people other than me: In school, if you do a good or bad job the only person hurt or benefited by your performance is you. The transition to having other people rely on my performance was tough for me.
      3. That someone else would be critiquing my work before it was finalized: This was tough because there were a lot of things that seemed pointless to do until I knew what my boss wanted, like finalizing the formatting or making sure all the citations were correct. As a result, I seriously fell down on thoroughness.
      4. That I was responsible to someone else for my time: In school, it doesn’t matter how long you spend on something, but once I started working I was constantly thinking about whether the work I was doing was worth the amount my employer was paying for my time. This meant I was a lot less thorough, because I felt like reviewing my work carefully was a waste of my employer’s time.
      5. Paralysis from not knowing where to start: Everytime I was asked to do something new, I would freeze up, with no idea where to start doing it, even if it was something I’d done before outside of the work context. Eventually, I learned when I froze up to take ten minutes to walk myself through the paralysis, remember that I’d done this thing or something similar before, and figure out discrete steps for going through this project.

      I know these aren’t suggestions, per se, but I hope they’ll give you some insight that might help you help him.

    • ss

      This isn’t going to be immediately helpful for you but the fact is that there is a high management overhead related to training fresh-from-college employees and acclimatising them to normal professional expectations. Anon at 8.40 pm explains very clearly why this is so, from the perspective of the employee.

      Many big employers deal with this by having an intake programme of some sort – maybe with formal training attached to it, maybe less formally but still involving managers laying down performance expectations to the whole incoming class at the same time, which reduces the need for constant one-on-one pep talks. There is also a definite expectation that the class learns and becomes productive as a cohort, with some amount of self-help and joint learning between peers within the cohort, and also some amount of competition within the cohort, whether it is for placements in the better permanent roles at the end of the programme, or simply to be retained.

      If your firm is committed to employing fresh graduates, it should acknowledge the training requirements and costs associated with it, even if that cost is hidden in reduced productivity when training is informally administered by existing staff. If this young man is a one-off hire, you may want to do the best you can for him, but your firm may also need to acknowledge that you are not set up for fresh graduates and pay up the premium for more experienced hires in future.

      • anon

        Great point, although I think this is actually very rare. I’ve never seen this kind of training program take place, or heard of any friends who’ve received anything like this.

        I think this is why internships are viewed as requirements in many fields these days — they helps acclimate students to the working world so they aren’t totally overwhelmed when they make the transition.They know better how to ask the right questions, deal with new projects, and fit in with the company culture.

        • ss

          Not that rare. My industry (financial services) has intake programmes for different roles and when I’ve been involved in campus recruitment, I always see a healthy mix of industries well-represented by both Fortune-500 type companies and smaller locally- or regionally-prominent businesses.

    • a lawyer

      Show him this post and tell him it is about him. He needs a wake up call.

    • cleary

      Thanks for the advice, everyone! The discussion about what it might be like from his perspective was particularly helpful. We have talked clearly about the expectations and consequences a number of times. And unfortunately we don’t have much of an ability to mentor – I work for a small firm with a low overhead, and he’s the most junior staffer with a sizable gap between him and the next most junior.

  20. Equity's Darling

    How do you all think the Olympics are going to go this year?

    I love the Olympics (especially winter, because its the most likely place Canadians will medal), but between the terrorism and Putin and the recently illegality of being not-hetero, I have a sneaking suspicion these Olympics will be a lot more political than being about sportsmanship and excellence. I just really hope nothing bad happens to any of the Sochi visitors/attendees.

    • Anon

      This is a very old-lady, get-off-my-lawn thing to say, but with every new Olympics, I miss the Olympics of my childhood more and more. I miss not having internet coverage of the events so that it was always a surprise when I watched the events. I miss the day-long coverage that was actually coverage of many, many sports and events, not just beefed up coverage of the top 5.

      Also, nothing will ever top Gordeeva and Grinkov in pairs :)

      • Senior Attorney

        OMG, I still remember Tai Babilonia and Randy Gardner in 1980 — they were favored to win the gold over the evil Soviet Irina Rodnina and Aleksandr Zaytsev, and then on the first evening of competition, Randy turned up with a pulled groin muscle and they had to withdraw. Dick Button and I, we cried ourselves to sleep that night!!

      • Ashley

        Great comment! Some reminded me just recently of how many more games there are than what they now show on TV. I had forgotten.

      • LH

        I totally agree about the Olympics being better pre-internet. I always enjoy watching the skating, but this year moreso than usual because for the first time in a long time (i.e. since the Michelle Kwan/Sarah Hughes days) I’ve actually followed the whole figure skating season and watched US Nationals, so I have opinions on all the skaters, not just the ones the TV people hype up as “stars.”

        • anon

          i really like watching the figure skating too, to catch sight of my fourth-grade boyfriend who was an olympic medalist and is a coach of current olympians.

    • hoola hoopa

      I also miss the era of exclusively prime-time Olympics coverage. The excitement of watching the major events and highlights all together every night is gone. Now they expect people to be watching things on the three non-broadcast channels and/or streaming live at ungodly hours, so the prime time coverage is now just three hours of beach volleyball. UGH.

      I expect the Russian Olympics to be completely uneventful. I think they will be so tightly controlled that nothing surprising (politic/activist-ly speaking) will get through. I’m sure there will be plenty of commentary dissecting the smallest of details, but just blah blah blah. I don’t expect to see much more than maybe some small rainbow flags, nothing truly captivating or world-changing. Maybe I’ll be surprised.

      Now get off my lawn, lol.

  21. ExcelNinja

    Help me ladies – My office is super hot. It’s an old building and people in non-window offices are freezing, whereas those with windows are boiling, so it seems like the HVAC just sucks. I used to have a little space heater when my office was one of the cold ones, but now what do I do to cool it down in here? I don’t think a fan would do much except push hot air around, though I’d welcome being told I’m wrong since that seems like the simplest solution.

    People often say “it’s like a sauna in here” upon entering so I’m not exaggerating! And, I do keep the door open most of the day…it’s closed for maybe 1-2 hours per day for phone calls, and less if I can help it.

    • Rosalita

      The main thing I would do in this instance is slip off your shoes under your desk and wear a sleeveless top or a more summery top.

      Same kinds of things you do in the summer.

    • M-C

      Don’t underestimate fans! Do you notice when they talk “wind chill factor” on the winter weather report? That’s what it’s all about.

  22. Liz

    Hi ladies – My long-term, long-distance boyfriend is looking to move out to where I am in the DC area so we can get engaged sooner rather than later. He lives in Phoenix now and despite impressive technical skills and success in his current position has yet to find anything — he’s looking in business analytics, operations, or logistics, which I think this area has plenty of. Granted, it’s been only three months of jobhunting and he’s had a near miss, so maybe we just have to be patient. However, in the interests of speeding up this process, I was wondering whether it would be better for him to list my address rather than his? I read an old post on jobhunting in a different city where Kat recommended it, but I saw that was for a reader whose SO lived 90 minutes away rather than several thousand miles. As background, we are both only a few years out of school. Would love any advice.

    • Coach Laura

      Yes, I really think he should use your DC address. In a hard market, it could make a difference.

    • non

      Only have him use your address if he could start within two-three weeks and make an immediate transition to DC. Otherwise, he’ll have to explain at some point that he doesn’t actually live in DC yet and needs time to move once he’s offered the job. Plus, many employers have background checks and will want you to list every address you’ve had in the last seven years (not that this would necessarily be a huge problem in terms of him being found out, but the lies would have to be repeated, which makes it more uncomfortable over time).

      Plus, I think it is possible to get a job from out of state without using a false address. I moved from the West to DC and got a job before I moved. I don’t even work in a high-demand field. I applied to 15 jobs (using targeted resumes and cover letters – plus each job was closely related to my previous work experience, making it more likely that I would be considered), and got two phone interviews. One company flew me out for an in-person interview and I landed a position and started a month later. On my resume, instead of my address, I wrote “relocating to Washington, DC.” Then I explained in my cover letter that I was moving to DC because of my partner’s career. Explaining why you are moving to DC helps the employer understand that this is the real deal and that you aren’t just applying to a million random jobs all over the country because you are desperate. Show them that you are interested in this job, this company, and this city.

      I think the Career Tools podcast also has a helpful episode about job searching in a distant city. I would recommend that he listen to that. Good luck to you both!

      • non

        One more point, another problem with him using your address is that the employer will expect him to be available for an interview on short notice.Will he really be able to find out about an interview on Monday and fly out that Wednesday to make a 10 am interview? It’s usually a bit complicated logistically, and I think not being honest about your situation can add stress to the whole interviewing process.

      • Liz

        Thank you! I 100% agree with the issues of having to schedule interviews quickly and would much prefer honesty. I had not thought of using the “relocating to DC” line, though, so that’s super helpful. I suggested it to him and he’s on board. Really appreciate it!

    • Anonymous

      Are you me? I read your post and thought one of my friends posted it about me!!! My boyfriend and I are going through the same thing, only its been going on longer. Stay strong – and good luck!

  23. Cb

    Thanks everyone for the name-changing thoughts yesterday, really appreciated the different perspectives. The advice about publication and the advantage from going from super common last to super common last + color was also food for thought.

    I spoke with my other half last night about what we were going to do with our future kids namewise, and he said, we’re going to Green Bird them so we’ll all have the same last name. I was assuming he wasn’t going to change his, he was assuming that if he was asking me to change my name, he was changing his as well.

    So talking helps :)

  24. Organizationally Challenged

    This is something I should have learned in elementary school, but does anyone have tips on keeping your office neat? Mine is always a mess because I am on a case that requires millions of binders and so.much.paper. Then I don’t have enough room to really work and being in my office with all the mess is hugely distracting. And I don’t want to die in an avalanche of binders and paper.

    Bonus points for people who are not naturally inclined to be organized who overcame it.

    • EC MD

      Have a medical assistant come behind you every evening and tidy?

      Okay, I kid, but that is honestly what has helped me tremendously. And using staff strategically can be helpful (if you have support staff, handing them a box and saying — can you organize this for me?)

      Otherwise, the key mindset that I had to switch to was that keeping my office neat and organized was part of my job, not ancillary to it. At the end of the day, I don’t leave until my stacks are neat, stuff that I haven’t gone through goes back in my inbox, stuff that needs to leave my office leaves my office, my coffee cup is rinsed. (This is all barring an emergency — that’s when my MA comes behind me).

      I’m not a naturally tidy person, and I guess that before I adopted this strategy, I thought people who were tidy were “naturals” at it. I now know they work at it too, just like I have to. Its not secret, but spending 10 minutes cleaning up at the end of the day actually really really solves 95% of the problems.

      • Silvercurls

        “I thought people who were tidy were “naturals” at it. I now know they work at it too, just like I have to.”

        Sigh. This is so true. Also applies to one’s home as well as workplace. (I am currently seeking employment.) It’s dreary to acquire the habit of cleaning up after oneself every. time. but I definitely needed to redefine “leaving a mess” as an exception to business as usual.

        My understanding is that new habits eventually become the new normal. Until then, one needs a lot of determination.

    • preg 3L

      I used to think I was “naturally organized” and then I started working at a law firm and . . . well, I’m not a natural. The key for me was replacing stacks of paper with standing folders, so that I can find what I need when I need it AND have a place for it when I’m done with it. I always feel silly making a folder for 1 sheet of paper, but eventually, I will have updates and need to add to it. I agree with the idea that thinking “this is a real part of my job” has helped.

    • Equity's Darling

      I’m not naturally organized, I have to work at it. I used to think that I needed to be perfectly organized, but then I realized it doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be good enough that someone else could find something they were looking for in my office . I’m always afraid of an illness and someone finding my files in disarray, so I try to keep them in good condition.

      How are your binders organized? I use a lot of binders, I don’t love file folders unless they have brads in them, because I lose paper otherwise. I have my assistant make them, along with tables of contents and nice covers/spines. I also colour code my binders based on what’s going on – Research is white, drafts are blue, correspondence is yellow, etc. Sometimes it’s just one 1/2 inch binder, with coloured dividers for the different things. When the binders get out of control, I box them and label the boxes.

      If the binders/boxes are labelled correctly, it works well.

      Also, aggressively purge, and try to use as many electronic files as possible (e.g. I have all emails saved into the relevant folder, but only keep the last email thread printed in the binder, so I don’t have stacks and stacks of paper of the iterations in an email back and forth). And get old files moved into your filing cabinet (or offsite for things that are really done or far away).

      Only things being worked on in the next month or so get to live in my office, otherwise, they can GTFO.

    • Maribel

      Don’t try to live up to the standards of others. If you are never going to make file folders for every paper, just get big bins of general categories and throw stuff in there. At least you’ll be partially organized!

  25. AnonPhD

    Threadjack: Advice needed on interview-appropriate suits for my 25-weeks pregnant self, stat. I’m a health professional working in a hospital setting, with a usual dress code of business casual, which means I don’t currently have any suits in my maternity wardrobe. As of this week, pre-pregnancy suit jackets reeeeeally don’t look right, and I have an interview for a great job next week. I think for my field suit separates could be okay, but would rather find a suit that works. Where to go (preferably in store rather than online) for maternity suits? TIA to the hive for your collective wisdom.

    *Also, I know there’s been debate on applying for jobs while pregnant on thissite before. In my situation, it’s unavoidable for a variety of reasons, so I’m focused on making the best of it.

    • Anonymous

      Can you still wear normal clothes with a belly band? If so, that’s what I would do (and did successfully, when I interviewed as a BigLaw lateral at 6.5 months pregnant). I didn’t button my jacket, but since most of an interview is spent sitting down, it’s not a big deal.

      • AnonPhD

        I wish I could. Unfortunately I’m carrying low and had to give up bella band + regular pants about three weeks ago. If I can’t find anything else appropriate, I’ll have to use maternity pants + a regular jacket unbuttoned, but I’d feel more professional in a suit.

    • Diana Barry

      I would go to a Pea in the Pod store – they usually have a few suits that you can try on. That was the only place that I found suits actually in a store. They are not the best quality but they are perfectly interview-appropriate. Good luck!

    • Kc esq

      I preferred non maternity jackets, even late in pregnancy — and I was big. I got a few longer cut blazers and just didn’t button them and they actually looked more natural to me than so many of the maternity suits that have ties instead of buttons or something else conspicuously “maternity.”

    • AnonPhD

      Follow up: My visit to A Pea in the Pod today was successful. I wound up splurging on a great Theory jacket and then getting a pair of maternity pants that will do well enough with the jacket. Thanks everyone for the suggestions!

  27. Want To Get Married paging Sydney Bristow

    I thought of another thing that changes when you get married: flexible spending accounts. I can put $2,500 of my salary in mine to pay for my health care expenses with pre-tax money (and with highly corrective glasses and maintenance meds for a chronic condition, I use it all every year). If my fiancé had a job with access to his own account, he could do the same. But I think that once you are married, you are limited to the $2,500 between the two of you instead of the $5,000 you get if you are single and each have your own account.

    Can anyone confirm?

    • Anonymous

      I think as long as you both participate in your respective employer’s plan, you can each put in $2500. What you can’t do is put $5000 in one account if only one of you had a plan, or if you each had a plan, do $1000 in one and $4000 in the other.

      • Mpls

        Agreed – I think the limit is per plan.

        But – if you or your spouse has a plan with a HSA (health savings account), BOTH of your medical FSA are limited to vision, dental, or out of pocket medical expenses over a certain amount ($1250, I think).

    • Sydney Bristow

      Thanks! I’m on his insurance already and I actually don’t know if we have an FSA or HSA as part of that. I’ll look into it.

  28. Katherine

    Hey Hive! Happy weekend! Is anyone on MyFitnessPal? I joined a few weeks and am loving it. It would be great to add ‘rettes who are on there, just let me know your username!

  29. Want To Get Married paging Sidney Bristow

    I thought of another thing that changes when you get married: flexible spending accounts. I can put $2,500 of my salary in mine to pay for my health care expenses with pre-tax money (and with highly corrective glasses and maintenance meds for a chronic condition, I use it all every year). If my fiancé had a job with access to his own account, he could do the same. But I think that once you are married, you are limited to the $2,500 between the two of you instead of the $5,000 you get if you are single and each have your own account.

    Can anyone confirm?

  30. Want To Get Married paging Sidney Bristow

    I thought of another thing that changes when you get married: flexible spending accounts. I can put $2,500 of my salary in mine to pay for my health care expenses with pre-tax money (and with highly corrective glasses and maintenance meds for a chronic condition, I use it all every year). If my fiancé had a job with access to his own account, he could do the same. But I think that once you are married, you are limited to the $2,500 between the two of you instead of the $5,000 you get if you are single and each have your own account.

    Can anyone else confirm?

  32. hellskitchen

    Help me choose:

    Vince Camuto Volero boots: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/vince-camuto-volero-boot/3516194?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=BURGUNDY&resultback=722&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_3_B

    OR

    Enzo Angiolini Ellerby boot: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/enzo-angiolini-ellerby-boot-nordstrom-exclusive/3482747?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=640&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_3_B

    The VC looks a bit more lux in person but I have no idea whether it is a comfortable boot especially for long term wear. I know the Enzo is. Price diff is not much.

    I might post this again tomorrow to get more advice but thought I’d ask today as well

    • Susie

      Just based on look/description I’d go with the Enzo. I don’t think I have shoes from either brand so can’t speak to comfort or quality.

    • Anonymous

      I have the brown Vince’s. I’ve only worn them twice so far, but the upper is stiffer not softer than any other boot I tried on. Footboot is comfy though.

    • Anonymous

      I got the Ellerby in brown this fall and have been wearing them nonstop. They’re really comfy!

  33. The Amazing Avocado

    Whoever suggested putting mashed avocado on toast with hot sauce, I’m sending waves of gratitude your way.

    Honey oat toast + avocado + sriracha = dance party in my mouth.

    • Senior Attorney

      Wow. Must try this.

      How can it be that there are no avocados on site at the Bachelore*t*t*e Pad today???

  34. Wildkitten

    Do DC R3tt3s have suggestions for personal trainers who are flexible about location and timing?

    • Anon

      I met with Chris Perrin 2-3 times and really liked his sessions. He was very flexible. His business is growing pretty rapidly lately so I’m not sure what his flexibility is like now but he’s a great trainer!

      http://www.perrinpt.com/

    • Anonymous

      Yes! Do you have an email address? Ill send you some info about mine- agnese but I need to look up her last name

  35. NOLA

    What’s everybody up to today? I spent yesterday purging my closet. I could purge more clothes and probably will, but I stuck to mostly winter clothes this time. I had a stack of shoe boxes in my hallway (still do!) and a friend came over and took 3 pairs of boots, 3 pairs of shoes, and a purse. She was thrilled and I’m happy to have them to go a friend. Hard to know where I’ll be size-wise in the summer. Weight loss has somewhat plateaued but I think I need to just get back to my routine.

    This morning, having a hard time getting moving. Just finished (finally) the eggplant hat for my friends’ baby (see my tumblr for a pic). Should get going and get other stuff done.

    • Susie

      I’m off work today and my agenda includes: catching up on homework for my masters program, home manicure, tidy up the house, prepare a large casserole-type dish that will last several meals (which will probably require a trip to the grocery store too), and go to the gym. If time permits I want to finish the shutterfly photo book for 2013 I started. Whew, I think I’d rather be at work!

    • zora

      I found out the super fun news on Friday night, that the landlord is replacing ALL the windows in our building starting between Tuesday and Friday. So, I somehow have to get all of my furniture, etc away from the windows today. In my 400sq ft apt.. not sure exactly where i’m supposed to put everything for four days that is away from the windows. Yay, fun day off!!

    • preg 3L

      I’ve been having braxton-hicks contractions every 10 minutes since Saturday (though I had a bit of a break this morning) and I’m really over it. 3 weeks away from my due date still! Otherwise, I’ve been trying to get homework done, but mostly just playing on tumblr.

    • Senior Attorney

      I have the day off so I am running around doing errands. Started out with a nice sweaty session at the gym. Then had a truly Real Housewives of L.A. moment when my cell phone rang while I was in the middle of my checkup with the cosmetic surgeon, and it was my divorce lawyer! Good grief! When did I get to be That Woman? Meeting friends for Happy Hour later and that story should be good for a big laugh!

    • IT Chick in MN

      I’m working, just took a quick break for some reading. Tonight, I’m hoping to make progress on Mount Laundry and do some sorting of clothes that need to go.

    • ExcelNinja ,,,^..^,,,

      Working! Mondays are crazy. Leftover pizza and Pierce Brosnan tonight (James Bond movie, not in real life). Then early to bed :-) Hope everyone who’s off today is having a great time!

    • cbackson

      I billed 11.6 hours :-( But on the upside, I got up early to run a 5K and set a new PR!

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions