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Weekend Open Thread

Sam Edelman SB TrenchSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. 6pm is having a pretty great outerwear sale right now (as well as a fun denim sale if you're in the market — brands like Joe's Jeans as low as $50!). From the coat sale, I'm liking this deeply discounted Sam Edelman coat — love that slightly fun but still versatile deep purple color, as well as the single breasted style and the faux leather tabs at the cuffs. It was $240 but is now $56, available in sizes S-XL. Sam Edelman SB Trench Here's a plus-size pick from the sale. Happy weekend, ladies!

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

198 Comments

  1. Any new yorkers here using an exchange /Obamacare health plan? I’ve been on health Republic since August and am having major issues. I would like to switch plans during open enrollment but don’t want to go from bad to worse. I haven’t had luck finding good resources online

    1. PS, in particular I hope to find decent acceptance and customer service. I am paying quite a bit and I don’t think I’ve had one claim processed correctly yet.
      I very much appreciate health care reform in principle, but in practice there still are many outstanding problems.

      1. Not on an exchange plan, but I can tell you that most major hospitals and practices in NYC accept the Empire Blue Cross exchange plans, but Oscar and Health Republic (which both use the Magnacare network) are less commonly accepted. Affinity has a fairly wide network, but mostly with providers with a lot of Medicaid patients. I’d go with blue if I were you, although I can’t speak for their customer service.

    3. Don’t be afraid to look outside the exchanges as well. At least in MN (and I know insurance differs by state), exchange plans are only most useful if you are getting the benefit of the subsidy, but there could be plans outside of the exchange (individual plans directly through the providers) that may have better coverage options and carriers. Doesn’t hurt to comparison shop, if you aren’t getting a large subsidy.

  2. Great price and nice color although something about this jacket strikes me as deeply frumpy. I think it’s very reminiscent of similarly styled leather jackets that used to be everywhere.

    Speaking of coats: My SO was shopping around for a fall/winter jacket good for ~40 degree weather and really likes this field coat from LL Bean but apparently so does everyone else in America because it’s all sold out. Anyone seen anything similar in a comparable price range? Size L, if that matters. Thanks!

    http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/83557?feat=593-GN1&page=town-and-field-waxed-cotton-jacket&attrValue_0=Dark Loden&productId=1394514

    1. It looks like a Barbour jacket to me – I don’t know American shops, I’m afraid, but as it’s a popular style other shops will no doubt have their own versions

      1. Yes, that coat is a lower-priced doppelganger for the Barbour waxed jackets. Orvis has a ton of those, so I’d try there first. Bloomingdales and Nordstrom I think also carry Barbour. Lands End used to have barn coat that looked similiar. I don’t see if this year though.

      1. Haha, that’s the plan: he’s going to get the jacket and then we are going to solve mysteries.

          1. Clearly, I need to watch more Murder She Wrote. Plan to solve mysteries is still on though.

      1. Thanks! Orvis has a bunch of good options. And thanks Lily and Maddie Ross – Bloomingdales has a friends and family sale now and Barbour is included!

  3. Thanks! Orvis has a bunch of good options. And thanks Lily and Maddie Ross – Bloomingdales has a friends and family sale now and Barbour is included!

    1. Why do you gain it at that time, but not during the rest of the year? I would assume that you can pretty much keep doing what you’re doing during the rest of the year it would suffice unless you start eating significantly more.

      1. I realize that my reply was a bit asinine. I meant, if you’re regularly active, why do you stop around the holidays? Business? ? Or what do you eat/drink so much of that it causes you to gain 10 lbs? Do you normally not drink and then attend a lot of boozy parties? There’s not really a secret to preventing it wait gain, unfortunately. Just try to keep doing what you’re doing or maybe diet one or two days a week. Gaining 10 lbs must be annoying since that’s roughly a clothing size.

    2. With all the parties, treats, and cocktails, it’s a lot harder to do what you do the rest of the year. Most people are also less active in the winter.

      I generally try to eat lighter on/around party days and not limit myself from treats, but not overindulge either. Plenty of water. Regular weigh-ins help me – 1-2 pounds isn’t a concern, but if I creep up in the 3-4 range I know to scale it back.

    3. I eat before I go to parties. It’s the most effective way to keep me from snacking and overindulging. I also try and drink water between alcohol or high calorie drinks. In the winter I try and get my workouts in right before or after work. It makes for one less trip out in the cold so I’m more likely to go.

      1. I do the opposite with food – I avoid eating before parties, and sometimes skip lunch since I know I’ll be snacking at the party. That way I’m not eating party food on top of my regular meals for the day. I also drink a full glass of water in between glasses of wine, putting the water in my wine glass so I can be absolutely sure I’m drinking a full glass of water first and so no one can offer to pour me another glass of wine before I’ve finished my water.

    4. If it’s only 5 pounds I might let it go but be vigilant to lose it when all the parties are over. It’s really hard to resist when all kinds of tasty foods are practically shoved in your face.

    6. You can’t outrun a bad diet, so you’ve got to keep the alcohol + sweet/fatty foods in check.

    7. I’ve successfully lost weight before during the holidays:
      Commit to a minimum number of workouts per week (2 instead of 5 or whatever): Get a backup workout you can do at home in a pinch. Google NYTimes scientific 7-minute workout. They just came out with an app for it. Promise yourself that you’ll do that if you have to skip a workout to go to a party or the theatre. Walk extra, climb stairs, shovel snow, go skiing or skating and be active.

      At holiday parties, limit your splurge eating to things that you don’t get on a regular basis. At a party, skip the cheese and cracker plate but do treat yourself with your ABSOLUTE favorites that are only around once a year. So yes to caviar (if it floats your boat) and no to quiche. Yes to eggnog or latkes or smoked salmon, no to cold cuts and mini sausages.

      Weight Watchers allows people to “bank” calories ahead of time to account for a splurge so if you know you’re going to Aunties on Saturday, skip the extras on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I’m planning on using the 5:2 diet plan from now until January 1, as it’s been working for me. I can plan my splurges and have had more success not eating until I was as stuffed as a turkey.

    8. The suggestions on keeping an eye on what you eat are spot on. If you are one of those people who is also affected by the reduced amount of daylight, is it possible you experience cravings for certain things especially carbohydrates or sweets? If so be mindful of it to keep consumption in check. On staying fit, find an indoor exercise that is easy to keep up with. My go to last winter was swimming, managed to keep it up 5 days a week. Sign up for a workout class or commit to working out at home with exercise videos.

    10. These are all great suggestions. Perhaps also try eating homemade soup for lunch or dinner several days a week? I find soup, even when it’s made mostly of vegetables, to be very comforting and filling.

    11. In addition to the other comments, commit to doing at least one exercise every single day. I’ve chosen crunches, and no matter what happens, I do my set of crunches. It reminds my body that the lack of a really hard workout doesn’t mean that I’m going to slack off forever, and it keeps me honest. If I’m stuck doing crunches at 11pm too many nights in a row, I figure that’s worse than getting a solid workout at 6pm or 7pm at the gym. So, it’s both a positive AND a negative motivation for me. You could also pick a different exercise for each day that you don’t make it to the gym: Monday – Pushups, Tuesday – Crunches, Wednesday – Lunges, etc. Even bodyweight resistance is better than nothing, and you can generally convince yourself do 1 thing for 5-10 minutes every day.

  4. Ladies, what shoes do you commute in when it’s cold out? My commute has changed recently to include about 15 minutes of walking outside — no problem, but my ballet flats don’t cut it once the temperature drops below 50. I have a pair of (ugly) snow boots for polar vortex days, but would like something a little sleeker otherwise. Thoughts?

    1. I wear fleece trouser socks with my ballet flats. They’re like FLEECE TIGHTS but in trouser sock form. If it’s really cold, I wear my keen snow/rain boots that sort of look like regular flat knee-high boots.

    2. I swear by Ugg duck shoes.

      http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=ugg+ashdale+duck+shoes&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=28657515447&hvpos=1t3&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6327506818352827168&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_1w2befzs96_b

      Other brands I’ve tried (sperry) haven’t been as sturdy. They’re great to slip on and off and keep my feet dry. I’ve walked fairly long distances (they’re my dog walking go-to) and never feel uncomfortable. Keep in mind the fuzzy interior will push down a bit so order down if between sizes.

    3. I wear booties in the late fall/early winter and then usually switch to my knee-high boots. Do you have flat boots? Those would likely be comfy enough to walk in unless you have specific issues.

      1. Second the idea of flat boots, this seems more practical than ballet flats in cold weather. Wear them with the warmest socks/tights you can find. Or better yet get shearling lined boots (Ugg makes some in leather), or fleece lined boots–just be aware that for fleece sometimes people complain that it gets too warm.

    4. I wear socks with my ballet flats and take the socks off once I’m in my office. It looks terrible, but my feet are warm.

      1. I would be worried that the flats would stretch out. In fact, I don’t even understand the whole concept of fleece tights… most of my shoes would not fit properly if I wore thick tights with them.

        However, I’ve never owned fleece tights and I’m just guessing on their thickness based on my daughter’s fleece leggings, which are pretty thick.

        1. I use dress socks, so they’re thinner than athletic socks. I haven’t noticed any stretching. I definitely wouldn’t be able to stuff my foot into any of my ballet flats if I were wearing athletic socks.

    5. I don’t get how anyone walks to work in ballet flats — don’t the hems of your pants drag on the ground? Anyway, I walk to work in a pair of loafers with a bit of a chunky heel or a wedge, so as to keep my hems off the ground, and then change to nicer shoes when I get to the office. Because I wear these shoes pretty much only for walking to and from work, I get them big enough to accomodate wearing a warm pair of knee socks (either wool, or fleece-lined).

    6. Sperry’s with regular not super-thick socks over my knee-high hose, if wearing pants. Knee high boots, if wearing a skirt.

    7. I wear my normal knee high boots for commuting — the plus side is if I have something fun after work, it makes it that much easier to transition my outfit. If it is wet, I commute in my Hunter boots, and if it is really snowy, I break out the snow boots. But my ballet flats were retired this week when we dropped from the 50s to the 20s for my morning walk.

  5. Does anyone watch Jane the V*rgin? I was thinking how much I’ve learned from reading Corporette because in one episode she wants to change jobs and my first thought was “no, then you won’t qualify for FMLA!”

    1. Yes, and I admit I thought the same thing! I am really enjoying the show — it’s funny, but sweet. Seriously underrated.

  6. Which is more professional–natural short nails that have been bitten down or short acrylics that look like gel?

    2. Get a gel manicure that is nude for you – well, I have whitish, Caucasian skin, so that color looks good on me. It will lengthen your fingers and fingernails. I’m sorry I can’t speak to other skin tones. I do chew on my nails too much!

    3. I get the NexGen nails – they’re stronger/thicker because of the acrylic, but they stay my short nail length and look like better versions of gel. And bonus is they don’t have to scrape my nails to get it off like gel.

  7. Does anyone here have experience starting a frank conversation with a parent about their finances? My dad is about to go through a very expensive divorce. He’s 64. He is upper middle class? wealthy? I’m not even sure…but I am worried about his ability to take care of himself in retirement. My soon to be ex-stepmom had a very expensive lifestyle which is part of the reason for the divorce. It’s not just her that’s the problem–he encouraged her not to work and gave her everything she asked for. Now he’s trying to date and trying to giving lavish things to women he goes out with. I used to not think much about his lifestyle because I assumed he exercises the same financial good sense I was raised with. But now I am not so sure.

    I’m 32 and I’m hoping that “taking care of Dad in old age” doesn’t become a financial obligation for me 10 or so years from now. It could be totally fine, I have no idea. How do I start this conversation without sounding like an entitled brat?

    1. It’s not going to sound entitled if you leave yourself (potential inheritance or potential additional care expenses) out of it. Make sure that the questions come from a place of concern rather than blame. So, it’s going to be “concerned about your financial health post-divorce payments,” “not to be nosy but you worry if he has to eat into his retirement nest egg,” “you are grateful that he taught you the same financial good sense that he practices himself, but recent events and expense have you worried.”

    2. I feel you, though both my parents and I have more time than you do before this becomes an issue. But basically, I think there’s an 80% chance that my parents are going to need financial support in the future, however my dad is probably the most unwilling person to talk about money ever. To the point where I would rather not bring it up and just see what happens, than try to discuss it… It’s probably not going to be pretty.

    3. It worries me that your father is going through a divorce now, and already aggressively dating where he is giving lavish gifts. He will clearly start to attract a similar type of materialistic woman, at this rate. But don’t most of us tend to make the same mistakes…

      Unfortunately, I don’t think there is much you can do. If he is wealthy, there is no excuse why he cannot care for himself for the rest of his life. However, a habit of marrying women who he subsequently need to supported for the rest of THEIR lives will be the problem.

      I am hopeful that he already has an accountant and a lawyer. They may help give him impartial advice. Perhaps now is the time to start a discussion about life planning anyway, if you haven’t already. Concern for having medical/financial powers of attorney in place and Living Wills can stem from discussions about how he is managing the divorce. These discussions are very hard…. at least they were with us.

      I also have just seen a lot of older men not do well as they get older and become single. They do not survive well on their own, and can make poor choices….. or at least rapid choices. I have seen many… in my family and outside of it… get re-married very quickly after losing spouses through death or divorce. The speed can be shocking at times.

      Good luck.

    4. Why are you concerned? You are not sure if he is middle class or wealthy, which leads me to think that you have no idea what his financial situation is. Do you have any idea how much he has saved for retirement? What his monthly nut is? Has he indicated that he intends to have you support him? I get that you may be coming from a place of concern, but it sounds like speculation without any support for that concern. Under those circumstances, sitting down your senior citizen father and talking to him about his finances sounds at best condescending and entitled. If you have additional information, or he has implied that you are his backup plan, you can absolutely use that as the basis for a discussion about long term planning. But your post doesn’t make it seem like you are there yet.

    5. Do you have reason to think that he is or is getting senile or dementia? This may be worth considering and learning more about – 64 seems young today but many early symptoms of dementia start to present at this age.

    6. Dear gref,

      I realize I am responding late. I have no advice about the discussion. I have been in this exact position. (I am child of wife 1. During divorce from wife 3 (18 years his junior and no earning capacity)/already engaged to wife 4 (28 years his junior and no earning capacity), I had this discussion. I started with “as long as I have a home, you have a home.” I ended with “you might consider talking to a lawyer about a prenup.” The discussion ended with my being yelled at and told not to meddle. Years later, after having been disinvited from the wedding to wife 4 and disowned at least once, the conversation turned to “can you please lend/give us money for a downpayment?” This scared the #@*& out of me because he was always a highly successful entrepreneur and the thought that *he* was asking for money from *me* (not nearly as successful, but I squirrel it away) was totally disorienting.)

      Anyway, I don’t think there is any way to make the conversation go better. But I *do* think that you will benefit from spending time thinking about (and maybe even discussing with a therapist or trusted friend) how you will handle requests and how you will feel about how you handle requests. I have received numerous such requests. Most requests are doomed to fail (“buy me out of this building I co-own with several other people, including one of my ex-wives who hates you”) and to put me at risk. I know I need to say no, and I do say no. But even though I’ve been going through this for years, I still feel like a terrible, horrible, disrespectful, Commandment 5-violating (“honor your father and mother”) person.

      So if I could give you any useful piece of advice, it would be to find a way to deal with the way you are going to feel about handling this.

      1. I don’t have anything to add really, but this comment is great great great.

  8. Is anyone up for sharing thoughts on NOT using any anti-aging products or procedures? I’m 33 and assume that every day of it shows. I use sunblock and moisturize, but overall it just is what it is. I want to let nature take its course, but sometimes feel like I’m the only one. Am I? Is this going to be hard? Any reflections or experiences?

    1. I’m 32, and don’t use anything not even sunblock or moisturizer (yes bad I know). Luckily I was gifted with pretty good skin and still look young for my age.

      1. What if you weren’t, and what if you didn’t? I’m wondering about the experience of looking exactly the age that I am. By the way, I’ve read that most people have very skewed ideas of how old they look to others. My goal is not to believe I’m fooling anyone, but rather to let go of the belief that I should be trying/hoping to in the first place.

        1. Yes, most people think that they look younger than their age yet they really don’t!

          1. And it’s easier to see this in others than ourselves. I felt sad but kept totally silent the other day when my mom said “how old do you think I look? People usually guess I’m around 48!” She’s 60 and there’s just no way.

            That’s why Im operating on the assumption that I telegraph my real age- at least- no matter what I do. Because what’s wrong with that?

          3. Honestly, I don’t question what you are saying. I do believe that SOME 32 year olds really could pass for mid-20s. But literally ALL 32 year olds think that they look 25 and only very very very few actually do.

          4. 33-yo here. After sitting under fluorescent lights in a windowless office all day staring at my computer screen day after day, I feel like I probably look 10 years older than my actual age most of the time.

          5. I’m 30 and a lot of people tell me I look younger. I actually don’t think that I do- I think people hear 30 and think it should look older than someone in their late 20s, when really it doesn’t.

            My mom does not do anything re: anti-aging, as far as I know, aside from coloring her hair. She’s not really into makeup, though. Not sure what I will do yet — I am very skeptical of most anti-aging products, and my skin doesn’t get along well with Retin-A, so I may not bother.

        2. Then I probably would be more motivated to put some effort into it. But by then it would be too late I’m sure. I think you can do a lot to prevent the look of aging but I don’t know how effective most products that claim to reverse it are. I probably would not consider injections or surgery, but I’m sure if I looked a lot older then my age I might have a different feeling about it. Of course I’m also the person that god LASIK and became near sighted again a few years later so I’m pretty skeptical about a lot of claims! I have some smile lines around my eyes but they don’t bother me. If I were to start getting gray hairs in the next 15 or so years I probably would dye them (I don’t dye or highlight my hair at all at present.) After that I’d probably just let it go.
          My husband was recruiting at a college and the students didn’t believe he was 30, they thought he was much younger. Then a week later he was carded at a bar and denied admission because he didn’t have id. He was kind of upset about these incidents.

          1. Yes, there’s another objection I have- most of this stuff seems pretty dubious wrt actually working, and the more serious steps scare me or just turn me off.

          2. But your husband got carded not because they didn’t believe that he was thirty! That’s not how this works.

        3. I’m 48 and I think I look younger, and a lot of people tell me the same. But many of my co-workers are in their early-mid 20s, and to them, 48 probably sounds like 70.

    2. I’ve always had the positive view that wrinkles around the eyes show you smiled a lot and lead a happy life.

      1. Funny story – I was searching for eye creams when my son was 6 or so. I found an ROC product called “Line Eraser” and I was thinking out-loud to myself “This one called Line Eraser should work really well to remove lines from my face.” and my son said “Oh, no! Mommy you can’t!” He was so upset – I think he literally thought I was going to erase the lines on my face as you would do with a pencil eraser. I didn’t buy it then out of deference to his feelings.

    3. Plenty of people are like this, my mother included. I am not one of them. I color my hair and wear make-up. Its not going to be hard if its what you believe in and you have a reason for doing so. Its just part of who you are and what makes you, you.

      1. I actually color my hair and wear makeup too. I’m no 100% naturalist. I just see some distinction with trying to look younger than I am- like playing with colors is fun, and trying to “smooth over fine lines” or whatever is not. Anyway, thanks for your perspective.

        1. Do you mean botox or stuff like that? I don’t think I would do that. I don’t actually mind looking my age. I color my hair and wear make-up because I like the aesthetic, but not because I’m under an illusion that it makes me look like I’m 20. I guess I’m comfortable looking like a “pretty” XX-year old. That means keeping myself in general good shape by eating right and exercising, wearing stylish clothing and coloring my hair and wearing make-up.

    4. No one is under any obligation to look a certain way! If you don’t feel like it’s worth the trouble, then that’s great. You do you.

      For what it’s worth, I’m the same age as you, and I don’t know anyone who has done anti-aging procedures. (Believe me, my friends would tell me.) Most of the professional women I know don’t even wear makeup, so I definitely don’t think botox or whatever is mandatory.

    5. I am 31 and I am like you too. I don’t mind wrinkles I guess :-).

      But if it bothers you and you want to do something about it and it is safe to do so, then why not?

    6. 35 and I’m right there with you. There are bigger things to worry about in life, right? I see no reason to feed the beast of gendered expectations of beauty this way, and feel no pressure to do so from any source that I respect enough to care about.

    7. I’m 29 and use sunscreen religiously on my face, neck and hands (have since I was about 25) and moisturize very occasionally (it seems a little redundant with sunscreen – I try to do it after my shower if I shower at night but if I shower in the morning I just put on sunscreen). I don’t do anything else anti-aging and don’t intend to. I also don’t really wear makeup, although I will color my hair when it becomes noticeably gray. I’m skeptical about whether anti-aging products really work, unless you’re talking about Botox or something done by a doctor and that seems to drastic for me. My mom’s never done anything at all, even moisturizer or hair dye and I think she looks beautiful.

    8. About to be 34 here. I use sunblock and noisturizers (and wear make-up). But that’s about it. I’ve occasionally wondered about Botox but haven’t seriously looked into it.

      1. Do you mean moisturizers at night? You’re not supposed to use moisturizers in addition to sunblock, are you?

        1. There’s no problem in using both. The moisturizer should go on before the sunscreen, though.

        2. My makeup has SPF in it, so I use moisturizer after I wash my face am/pm. I’ll use sunblock when I’m not wearing makeup. It goes on over the moisturizer – it’s just so automatic for me to put on moisturizer that I always forget and put it on instead of reaching for the sunblock.

        3. I could never wash my face and then NOT put on moisturizer– so for me it’s moisturizer and sunblock in the morning. Moisturizer first.

      2. 32 and same. Moisturizer (with sunblock) and makeup during the day, moisturizer at night. No specific “anti-aging” regimen, although I’m noticing some fine lines and that my brow stays furrowed more often than I would like. I’m ok with it so far and feel like I’m fine with looking my age (for now).

    9. I’m 34, and I haven’t done any anti-aging treatments other than a cream for a week or two here and there. I’m actually finally starting to feel like I look like an adult, and that’s not bothering me. I don’t know anyone my age who has done anything like injections or surgery yet, although older women in my family have done both. The only person I’d say it doesn’t look great on is someone who also dresses at least 20 years younger than she should.

      I’m open to it in the future, but I am at this point having trouble seeing the beginnings of aging as a bad thing. Ask me again in 10 years, and I’ll probably have something different to say! But then again, it’s probably easier to preserve a youthful appearance than to recreate one.

    10. Same age. I don’t know if I look my age or look younger as the only people I have ever spoken to about this all love me very much and are thus biased, but my goal has always been to just look nice for whatever age I happen to be (except when I was 18 when I just wanted to look 21 so I could go to bars). I suppose most people define “nice” as looking younger than their age but I don’t. I have an aunt in her 70s and she looks every bit her age but she has beautiful healthy looking skin, rosy cheeks, a dewy completion – she looks lovely and if I looked like her at that age I think I’d be very happy.

      I do think it helps that I am in a profession where experience is valued so I don’t feel the pressure to look younger; if anything, it’s the reverse – I am happy to look my age so that I am taken more seriously than if I looked 23.

    11. Honestly, if you use sunscreen and moisturize, that’s the best possible thing you could do, and more than most women. Most “anti-aging” treatments are to try to reverse problems that are already there. I just turned 30, and I’m considering starting adding in a serum for firmness and cell turnover, but it’s mostly because I AM vain, and I like hearing from 25-year-olds that they thought I was their age.

      There’s nothing wrong with looking your age – professionally, there’s theoretically a benefit to looking just the right age (not too young, not too old) as a woman, but credentials and experience outweigh that by far. If you’re single and looking, you might find the men attracted to you skew older – but that’s a fault of them, and the guys who might be interested in a younger-looking you probably wouldn’t be a good match anyway. (I bring these things up only because you asked if there would be difficulties – I agree with the above posters, and think it’s probably no big deal, and you shouldn’t feel pressure to invest any more time or energy in it than you feel like.)

    12. I am 40 and have the same beliefs when it comes to looking my age. I don’t believe it is necessary to try to fool anyone. I don’t care to look 25 and am proud of what my years have enabled me to achieve. Everyone has to do what is right for them, but I personally am not going to go out of my way to “look young”. For instance, Botox is not for me. But I do believe in taking care of what I have, so moisturize and use sunblock, like Monday.

    13. I’m going to be 53 in a couple of weeks and I confess I have never used an anti-aging product but most people do guess my age as a decade less (seriously not trying to humble brag but answer your question.) I have a theory that some anti-aging products have more of a placebo effect than significant actual effect and that other than basic skin hygiene we really don’t need an array of anti-aging products.

    14. 40 year old and my skin can pass for that of a 30 year old. I don’t smoke or drink. For the past few years, I have been using retinol serum and alternating with glycolic acid moisturizer. I use minimal makeup…..loose powder plus lipstick and eyeliner sometimes. When I am not at work, I skip makeup entirely.

      I am religious about cleansing my face and moisturizing morning and night. I also use sunscreen but should probably use more. Apart from the few days I go for a beach holiday, I don’t bake In the sun, poolside etc. I do swim a lot but spend all my time in the water than lounging poolside.

      Of course no one will mistake me for 25, but I have no intention of having any cosmetic procedures, fillers, Botox, etc.

    15. I wish I could! I am 41 but have done botox every 4 months (about 35-40 units per pop or about $450) for the past 7 or 8 years, plus I use the whole Obagi Nuderm system (with Retin A) through my doctor. In my defense I am fair (blond hair and green eyes) and I spent every summer and break in Newport Beach :0 so my skin was prematurely aged. I have to say it think now, i don’t look ‘frozen’ or fake but I do have good skin for my age.

      i would like to think I am trying to look good for 41, not 31. But I do wish I wasn’t so vain that I have to spend so much on my skin.

  9. Any recommendations for a navy quilted vest? I have an outdoorsy one that is nylon/down (the Patagonia nano puff), and am looking for something a little more appropriate for weekends in the city (so, a cloth like exterior, or at least not shiny!).

    I like the look of the J. Crew Excursion down vest, but am ambivalent about the pockets and worried about the quality for the price…

      1. Seconded. They have a gorgeous vest at Nordstrom with a slimming cinched back detail that I’m obsessing over.

      1. I bought the ON tweed vest in brown. It arrived yesterday and I absolutely love it.

    3. Just bought a cozy one for a great price at old navy. I wear it with a brown leather belt around the waist.

      1. Update: It’s $62 if you go to their lightning deals page, not if you just click on the link.

  10. I have a winter coat (JCrew) that I love, but the lining is ripped up. I know it can be re-lined – how much does tailoring skill matter for relining? is it worth going to a better tailor for this (i.e. the tailor I would take suits to), or will the local dry cleaner probably be fine?

    Thanks!

    1. This happened to my J.Crew coat as well (and I’ve heard from other people to whom it’s happened), so that the sleeve lining and a bit of the body lining was torn up around the armpits. I probably should have gotten a larger size because the lady day is so close-fitting it’s somewhat difficult to move your arms, but I ordered online and it was final sale.

      I took it to a skilled tailor (not a dry-cleaner type place), who sewed up the tears in the torso lining, and totally replaced the sleeve lining in both sleeves with heavier, stiffer material that will hold up better. She also sewed an extra sort of flap over each armpit to reinforce it further. It was a year or two ago, so I don’t remember how much she charged, but it was definitely more than hemming a pair of pants or what have you. It was probably $50-$60. She’s kind of pricey generally (but she’s excellent and I’ve been using her for years, so it’s worth it to me), and I live in a medium-sized city in the Midwest, if that helps. So, if you just have a few tears and want someone to sew them up a dry cleaner could probably do it, but if you want anything more I would take it to someone more skilled.

    2. I had a beautiful Dior wool coat for years, and the lining tore. I took it to a skilled tailor, and she put in a beautiful new partial lining that made the coat look even better.

  11. I wrote a couple of months ago about wanting to divorce my husband, who’s been suffering from severe depression for a long time now. I got great advice from several of you (thanks, Senior Attorney!), and am now starting the legal process for a divorce. Luckily, my husband’s condition has improved for now — he’s gone up and down for years — so he’s able to handle things better at the moment. We don’t have any kids, so that’s not a factor.

    Now that I’m getting started on the logistsics, I wonder if those of you who have gone through a divorce would share some more general advice. What were your best decisions? What do you wish you’d done differently?

    1. Good luck and congratulations on making a decision! The main thing I wish I’d done differently is what you’re doing — get out when my gut told me to, rather than waiting around for years in the vain hope things would get better.

      Best decisions? Picking a good lawyer. Allowing myself to feel very very sad and awful and just putting one foot in front of the other until things improved. Which is to say, don’t beat yourself up about feeling awful and not being at the top of your game while this is going on. It’s tough stuff. Joining my local Rotary Club was a great decision and led to some great friendships and a lot of activities to keep me busy. Oh, and not contacting my husband beyond the bare, bare minimum to get the divorce done was a very good decision because it helped get me moved out of my old life and into my new life.

      What do I wish I’d done differently? I wish I’d realized it would take a while and not gotten so attached to the idea of it being over quickly. And I wish I’d believed my lawyer when he said I shouldn’t worry because it was going to turn out okay. Oh, and I wish I hadn’t spent even one single second feeling guilty about leaving.

      1. Thanks once again, Senior Attorney! Excellent advice. (Though I’ve already done the “wait around for years” thing for at least two years, so I already blew that one. Oh well.) It’s funny, a friend was just urging me to join the Rotary Club, for the same reasons you mention.

        1. Heh. Two years isn’t so bad. I stayed for fifteen years, and I knew it was doomed for at least half that time! Definitely give Rotary a try. And if they don’t turn out to be your people, keep looking. It took me a couple of years to find a group I clicked with, and it was sometimes discouraging but I’m glad I didn’t give up.

  12. For those who don’t check out Corpor e t t e Moms – I thought this article Kat posted was a great read (link to follow):

  13. Sort of an odd question, but what the heck.

    I’m one of those people who needs a paper planner- digital flat does not work for me. So far I’ve been using a Filofax, and I love it, but I recently fell in love with the Erin Condrin line of planners.

    The issue is they’re bright, and colorful, and from what I can tell seem to be marketed to the SAHM/creative set. Which is great! But I’m a BigLaw attorney in a very conservative firm, and I’m worried that an EC planner will come across as unprofessional, especially given that I’m already taken for much younger than I am, and one of the few women in my firm. Granted, it’s completely possible I’m overthinking this, but I’d still like some feedback from people who are also in law.

    2. Eh, how much are people really going to see it? I know several people who prefer paper planners. As long as it keeps you organized and isn’t obscene, who cares?
      While I am sympathetic to the need for a paper planner, I’d also keep at least some work related stuff duplicated electronically so that your assistant and other can see for scheduling and deadline purposes. That will also be helpful so you can just pull out your phone for a quick check on a date and confirm when you get back to your paper planner.

    3. I would not bring one to a meeting, but it could probably live at your desk. If you are concerned, stick to the Filofax and save the EC for home.

    4. You’re not overthinking. EC planners will make you look like you play all day with washi tape and stickers.
      I checked the Kate Spade ones and there was one all white with golden dots. The smaller format is still a solid A5 or more but not one of those gigantic planners.
      I look very young and after skipping EC planner for reasons above, I almost got the Kate Spade one but instead went for a very small planner with bird drawings (something you’d find in an encylopedia). Got it from Papyrus in NYC if it helps.
      As much as my inner cutesy girl wants a colorful planner, this will not serve me when I need to jot down a number, or date during a meeting.

      1. I kind of wish my job included playing all day with stickers and washi tape!

        To the OP: I think they look young, but if you were that concerned, some of the covers don’t seem too silly – especially any cover where you could skip emblazoning your name on the front. I have liked the Moleskine planners in the past, myself, which are just plain black or plain red but are very nice to write on and have a lot of different options.

    5. You’re overthinking this but to the extent that you’re concerned they seem more college than anything else. If you’re concerned, pick a sedate one.

    6. I agree that they don’t exactly say, “Serious lawyer here!” On the other hand, how do you use your planner? Is it really something your colleagues or clients would see, or does it live in your bag?

    7. I guess this is another “know your office” thing? I had one. I ended up not using a ton, but I wouldn’t have hesitated to put it on my desk.

    8. I had one once and it was just black and white with a basic design on it and my name. I wouldn’t say it was at all unprofessional. I didn’t use the stickers and all the other crap it came with (part of the reason I didn’t reorder). I now have a nice Kate Spade one that is very nice looking.

    9. I use a levenger paper planner in a discbound notebook. I also like the look of EC, but I like my ability to keep my planner in a notebook with the other papers I need. And it hides my washi tape and stickers in a professional-looking leather cover.

    10. I’m a paper calendar person too (I keep meeting electronically but I need to plan my life in paper). I got a nice leather but fun Kate Spade one a few years back and I just buy the refills every year (although they come out annoyingly late). The refills usually have fun art and meet my “fun” paper products desire, but the planner looks professional enough to take anywhere. I think they still sell them.

  14. The people have spoken and we have dates for DC meetups:

    Happy hour on Wednesday, November 19
    Brunch on Sunday, November 23rd

    If you’d like to be added to the emails, or have suggestions for places, email me at dccorpore**e at yahoo dot com (replace * with t)

  15. I just found out that my sister-in-law miscarried. They announced the pregnancy to us a few weeks ago. Any advice for what to do to make this time easier? I know it’s impossible, but I just want to do something, even if it’s small. If nothing is the answer, I’m OK with that too…I just feel like I should do something.

    1. You can’t go wrong with mailing a card with a thoughtful note from you in it. And maybe sending pretty flowers.

    2. How awful. If she’s the one who told you, or you think she would be OK with you knowing, I would text/call (depending on your relationship) and tell her how sorry you are. If it were me, I would also add something like “I would love to do some cooking for you– would be up for me bringing a few meals over?”

    3. I would call/email/write and say (in your own words), “I am so sorry for your loss. I am here for you in any way that you need. I’ll be thinking of you a lot.” People take miscarriages so differently, and even the most well-meaning “cheer up” notes (like, “it just wasn’t meant to be” or “at least you know you can get pregnant!”) can feel absolutely horrible when you’re going through a miscarriage. That said, not acknowledging it also hurts, so I would definitely reach out to her and say something.

      1. Yes. I have been there, and it meant a lot to me to get messages like this. I would not have wanted calls or people coming over with meals (too intrusive, too emotional to have to talk about it on someone else’s schedule), but a card with this message is perfect. OP, sorry for your family’s loss.

    4. Definitely send a card. If the two of you talk, give her a call and let her talk if she wants or talk about everything but the miscarriage if that’s what she wants. The most important thing is not to disappear from her life because you’re uncomfortable. If all you have to say is “I’m so sorry for your loss,” that’s okay.

    5. Chiming in to agree with sending a card or (short) handwritten note just saying you are there for her. No one has suggested it, but I’m going to go ahead and specifically suggest AGAINST doing anything permanent to memorialize the baby/pregnancy until you know that she’s someone who wants that. Some people are very comforted by memory items (necklaces or artwork about the loss for instance); some aren’t. I’m the latter and while I wouldn’t say I’m offended by them, they actually just made things worse for me.

    6. A card, with a thoughtful note that you are so sorry to hear about her loss. Treat it like a loss of a child, as it is in her mind. DO NOT say that “it was meant to be…” as the baby would likely have had genetic/medical problems etc.. That will never help, and may make her feel even more guilty.

      1. +1. “It was meant to be” or “It was God’s plan” has got to be the most insensitive, inappropriate thing to say in any situation, ever.

    7. I agree that you should not ignore her and let her know that you are there for anything — to talk about it, to not talk about it, etc. My sister lost her baby and wanted to just shut away for a few days so we made sure there was plenty of food and the house was clean and she wasn’t bothered. (FYI Along the lines of cleaning, depending on how it happened, you may want to wash the sheets, clean up, etc. if something happened at home so that she doesn’t have to come home to upsetting reminders.) Also agree to not say much along the lines of “it was meant to be” — if she’ll let you in, the best thing to do is just be there, to listen if she wants to talk, and to hug.

    8. If you are in town, see if she wants company. I know I did, particularly when my husband had to go out for a bit.

  17. I need some advice about a lateral move. I am a midlife, in biglaw (not nyc) who recently lateraled but I am considering moving to a different firm, in the same city, that I was originally considering but whose offer I initially declined. I have been at the new place a short period of time. Is this a horrible career decision? Any advice?

    1. > Is this a horrible career decision?

      Impossible to say without more detail. Why do you want to leave your current job? How “recent” was your recent lateral move? What would be different at the new place that justifies the move? (Is the offer even still open?) How long, on average, have you stayed at previous positions?

      You don’t want to be the lawyer that’s been 5 places in 8 years. It starts looking like the problem is you. OTOH, life’s too short to be miserable if that’s the issue.

      1. I don’t think the culture at this new place is a good fit, and I don’t think they have enough work for me to hit hours. I don’t want to be too detailed, but the move was within 3 months, and the offer at the other place is, to my understanding, still open. I think the culture at the other place would be a better fit, and I believe that they are busier than my current firm. I was at my previous firm as a summer and then worked there until I lateraled as a mid-level.

        1. You can do it, but you can’t do it AGAIN. So make sure this place will work.

          1. +1

            Everybody gets one free “the job didn’t work out like I thought so I bailed immediately” scenario without raising any eyebrows. (Or many eyebrows, at least.) But you only get to do it once. Twice or more makes you seem like a flake.

    2. A couple of things to consider:

      1) Are you comfortable completely burning the bridge at the firm you’re trying to leave? It’s expensive to bring people on; they’ve probably let other candidates go to hire you; and they’ll now have to reopen their search/retrain someone. They will not like you for this, and it will damage your reputation there. Only you can determine how this will effect you in the long run. I work in biglaw outside of NYC, and my city has a small enough biglaw community that doing this would have a fairly negative long-term effect, not just in the firm you left, but more broadly.

      2) Bear in mind that the firm you’re considering going to may not enjoy feeling like your second choice. Even if they’ve told you the offer was still open, you may come into a situation where people feel less-than-welcoming to you as a result. We’ve had similar situations in my firm and there was actually a strong push *not* to bring the person on, for that reason. The question of why you turned them down, and why that rationale didn’t hold up, will be at the forefront for the people at Firm 2.

  18. Does anyone have a recommendation for a person or service that can help with your resume? I feel like mine is missing the mark and my school services haven’t been of much help. I really probably need two- one federal and one for law firms. I have about 4 years post JD experience and would like to relocate from DC to Boston.

    1. I used Kate Neville of Neville Career Consulting a few years ago when I was trying to figure out a lateral move myself. Her office was on K St then, not sure if it still is. Anyway, her comments on my resume were very useful, as was the rest of the career counseling, but overall it seemed a little pricey. I’m not sure if it is actually pricey, because I didn’t do a ton of shopping around.

      About a hundred year ago, I used the ABA career center people for a telephone career coaching/ resume review, and it was awful.

      Good luck, at any rate!

    2. I used Kristen Coleman (Kristin Coleman Career Services) and highly recommend her.

    1. Sure, I’m in the South Bay though so not sure I can get up to the city, but if anyone else works down here I’d be up for a lunch or coffee meet on a weekday afternoon.

    2. yes! I am similarly in the South Bay but can get up to the city if it is late enough during the week, or on the weekend.

    5. I’m also in the South Bay – perhaps the SF folks could organize one up there.
      For those in the South Bay, would anyone be interested in meeting for tea on a Saturday afternoon in Santana Row? Let’s say Saturday, December 6th in the afternoon at Lisa’s Tea Treasures? If people are interested, email me and I’ll develop an email list, and we can talk further over that email list. You can email me if interested at southbaysocialtea [at] gmail [dot] com and then I can make a reservation for us with the appropriate table size.

      I’ll repost this on Monday so everyone can see it in case someone missed it over the big weekend thread.

  20. This sounds strange after the preceding discussion about aging gracefully, but…
    I’m a newbie to eye creams and I’m thinking of getting one. My primary purpose would be skincare and not cosmetic, so something that moisturizes that area and prevents future lines as opposed to covering up dark circles or other ills.
    If it’s not too much to ask then something that is gentle/natural i.e. doesn’t have proven harmful or carcinogenic ingredients like parabens or phthalates etc. But that probably is too much to ask.
    Finally, I’m somewhat motivated to pull the trigger on this purchase partly because of the freebie bags Sephora is offering with minimum purchase, so I’d like to be able to get it from Sephora!
    Is there a reason that a regular cream like Cetaphil can’t be used in the eye area and a specialized eye cream is needed? I remember reading something about small molecules being easily absorbed by the skin there, but that sounds a bit unscientific to me.

    1. Parabens are not “proven harmful or carcinogenic ingredients”. But to answer your question, from what’s available at Sephora, I recommend Caudalie Premier Cru – no parabens, no phtalates, no sulfates.
      But my absolute favorite eye cream is Chanel Sublimage.

    2. For moisture, I really like the Yes To brand, specifically Yes To Blueberries. It’s 95% natural, if that means anything. I get this at Walgreens.
      For moisture and help with dark circles, I can’t say enough good things about Philospohy’s Eye Hope. I think Philopshy is at Sephora.

  21. I need to discuss with some other actual lawyers! Sorry if you’re not caught up, but I have to vent that it is SO DEPRESSING to hear from actual jurors’ mouths that they don’t follow judges’ instructions and don’t give a $hit about the presumption of innocence. Ugh. I’m trying to listen objectively, but I can’t take my lawyer hat off.

    1. Jurors are just people, and people have biases that can’t be fixed by instruction. I’d rather know that than not know that. But yes, it sucks.

    2. A litigator I know was so disheartened by what she learned sitting on a jury that she was rethinking her entire career. Like Wild Kitten, I think getting to see how jurors really operate is a gift. You learn what is and isn’t important to your practice. That said, ignoring burdens and presumptions is infuriating.

      1. I’m a criminal defense lawyer, and for that reason will never get put on a jury. Probably a good thing since I’d want to shoot myself if I actually saw how they decide cases. It’s so frustrating though, because every appellate decision includes something like “we presume that the jury followed the court’s instructions…”. But in reality they don’t. At all. Ugh.

        1. You might not get put on a jury in a criminal case, but if I wanted a juror who would stick to the burdens and encourage others to do the same, I’d sure as heck put you on my civil case jury, all other things being equal.

  22. Any tips on good rental car discounts, other than the usual standard g00gle search/top price comparison websites?

    1. Name your own price on priceline. Even if your reasonably low offer is first rejected, if you have a few days, they’ll come back to you with an email to say “bid that now”.
      One other thing: whatever you want, reserve the cheapest option and then just upgrade at the place, day off. It’s the cheapest way to get a nice car.

    2. I’ve gotten great rates with coupon codes from the horribly-named rental car momma s!te. Google “rental car coupons” and you should be good to go.

  23. Help with cognitive issues – something weird happened this morning that I realized is actually really weird. I woke up about 30 minutes early and the overhead light in my bedroom was on. I thought it must have been my husband but he sleeps in later than me, and I asked him and he didn’t turn it on after I went to bed, which makes sense because he never turns it on when he comes to bed after me. So I assume it was me, but I don’t remember at all (used to sleep walk as a kid so that’s a possibility).

    Then on the commute to work I felt very distracted from my driving. The day was very busy and stressful and I got a lot done so I felt fine, but at the end of the day I had to drive in an unfamiliar part of downtown in heavy traffic and I started to turn the wrong way down a one way street far enough that I had to reverse out. Thank God there wasn’t heavy traffic in this exact intersection. Then this evening another weird thing happened that I won’t detail.

    Is this just bad stress? I’ve been very stressed and not sleeping well. I was feeling depressed enough last month that I went to the doc to get an anti depressant but I haven’t picked it up from the pharmacy, and I’m no longer feeling depressed I think just stressed. Has anyone dealt with something like this? In pretty freaked out now that I see a pattern of lapses.

    1. It is probably stress-related. I did the exact same things (turning lights on while asleep, turning down a wrong way street in the middle of rush hour traffic (!) ) during a period of extreme stress. If you’re worried about it, make another appointment to see your doctor again. Perhaps anti-anxiety medicine rather than anti-depressants might help you more right now?

      Most importantly, take care of yourself. Sleep. Eat. Exercise. Give your body a chance to release some of the mental stress. Actively try to help yourself cope until you have a chance to rest a bit.

    2. If you feel weird enough about it, try seeing a doctor. You’re probably ok but if you see a pattern then maybe it’s something.

    3. The sleep deprivation alone would be enough for me to do any of these things. I have terrible mental lapses when I don’t get enough real sleep. If you can arrange things so you can get more sleep for a few days, maybe a LOT of sleep, I think you should.

  24. Can anyone share personal or anecdotal HAPPY stories of quitting your job without another job lined up in order to take a break and having been better off for making this decision in the end?

    I’m well-aware of the downsides and risks of doing so and would really love to hear of some good experiences if they exist so I can make a balanced and informed decision.

    Thanks in advance!

    1. I have two friends who have done it. Maybe three? (law school, winning choice for job satisfaction, obviously).

      Two of the three took a while to land on their feet (like 8 months+), one had a job almost immediately (maybe 6 weeks?). All three are significantly happier now, but honestly, I think I’d be way too worried to do it. All three had alternative financial backups to their own savings, which probably made it easier, but I don’t, and so, unless I had 12 months of income saved up, I’d really be hesitant (unless my expenses were insanely low that I could pay the bills by like…being a barista).

    2. I did it in 2011. I was 30. I was so, so miserable and depressed, and was developing an ulcer. Thankfully my firm allowed me to take unemployment (shocking, since the partners were such a-holes), which helped. I only had to put some of my loans into forbearance rather than all of them, and moved in with my parents. They wanted me to. I was also emotionally done with NYC – hated it and needed to leave. It did take me about 14 months to find a new job, and honestly, although it was nice in the beginning to have a break, I was pretty miserable and depressed in a whole other way after the six month mark. I just tried to focus on staying as physically healthy as I could, volunteering a bit, and being with family. I did recoil from friends because I was ashamed and felt like none of them could understand.

      Looking back, I realize I really had no choice (I would have become suicidal had I stayed), and I’m glad I did it. I’m not at the job I got in late 2012 anymore, but that job led me to my current job in which I am extremely happy and fulfilled.

      1. What you said about having no choice is exactly how I feel though I don’t think I realized it until you said it. Thank you for sharing, and am happy to hear you’re in a great place today!

    3. I left my biglaw job in 2010 with no plan other than to take a few months off. My efforts to find a non-law firm job didn’t pan out but I ultimately (after 7 months) went back to a different firm and it was like night and day – I loved it. From there I got an in-house job that would have probably never been possible if I’d stayed at the first firm. I was definitely nervous about dipping into savings for those months but I got lucky and it was worth it.

    4. I understand your anxiety and need for positive stories about this–indeed, all you find when looking is lectures about how dumb a move it is. I was there, and I’m glad I quit even without knowing what was next. I was 29 and had been in the job less than a year. Here were my reasons:

      I was so miserable at my job that I was severely depressed, having relationship problems and probably heading for an eating disorder too;
      I had no respect for my boss–he did shoddy work and was s#xually harassing me on a daily basis;
      I planned to leave that professional field and so didn’t need a reference, nor did I want anything to do with this boss again in the future;
      This boss was preventing me from working with anyone else at our organization, so I had no tweaks I could make;
      I had substantial savings and my live-in boyfriend was in a position to help if they ran out;
      My boyfriend and I planned to move to another city soon.

      If I had needed to, I could have gotten a good reference from that boss and continued working in the same city and same field. As it went, however, I got a good job elsewhere and now that period of my life is like a distant bad dream. It’s totally irrelevant to my life today and for most resume purposes it doesn’t even come up.

      Good luck to you. I know it’s really hard to know when to take a leap like this.

      1. Oh, forgot to include: my boss was also effectively stealing from our employer. It was indirect and would have been hard to prove, but I knew it based on info that only I had access to. I was neither up for reporting this nor for condoning it any longer by continuing to work for them.

      2. Thank you thank you – it means a lot that someone understands how hard it is to take this leap. Like you, finances are not a major issue but I’m still finding it hard. Thanks for sharing and I’m glad it all worked out in the end!

    5. I did it with my first job out of law school. My boss would call me at 7 am or 11 pm and he micromanaged everything. There was no way I could look for a new job while continuing to work for him. The thing is, I was completely prepared to waitress until I found a new job. Within one week, a friend called and said there was an opening in the public defender’s office and I got the job and was happy there for years.

      1. I would LOVE to know, please report back and all the best! Happy to share too if/when I end up taking the leap..

    7. Thanks to everyone who replied, I really enjoyed reading your responses and it’s helped me feel more confident of a decision I know in my heart is the right move to make. Thanks again.

  27. I bought this skirt yesterday at Talbot’s friends and family sale, and now I’m wondering if it’s too long, and maybe dowdy? It hits me just below the kneecap when standing. I was planning to wear it with a purple merino pullover and scarf, tights and knee high riding boots. I’m 54, and after I got home, I realized I had a skirt awfully similar to this one about 20 years ago, lol. Okay, the one 20 years ago was longer and fuller, but I worry.

    http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi33903&N=4294966578+10434&No=24&selectedConcept=Misses&_=1416149785046&Nrpp=12&Nr=AND%28product.siteId%3ATalbotsSite%2COR%28product.catalogId%3Acatalog20002%29%29

  29. Just taking a moment to vent. I have some fabulous friends. One group of my friends is composed of young attorneys in various sectors. These are vibrant, creative, smart young women. We all got out of law school around the same time, and have been a support group for each other in a lot of ways. We have an email chain where we vent, celebrate, joke around, and just generally support each other and pick each other up when we’re down. I’m the only corporate lawyer of the bunch, and the only one at a large(r) firm (my firm is around 500ish attorneys). Lately, every time I try to vent about something, I get some kind of feedback that’s more or less “oh, poor little rich girl.” Which, first, I’m not. And second, are my complaints less valid simply because I have a higher salary? Sometimes I just get told that I should remember how lucky I am. Well, in many ways, yes, I am definitely lucky. But I also work long hours, am frequently depended upon to do the work of 2-3 associates, and have a high pressure job. If some weekends, like this one, I’m in the office with more work than I can get done, in order to avoid being double slammed on Monday, while juggling work for three partners who all think their work comes first, do I really not get to complain about that simply because I make a higher salary?

    That’s a rhetorical question, and I’m not even looking for any feedback, I just felt like, of all places, this might be a place where there may be other women who feel like I do: not entitled to have any complaints or stress simply because I make more money than some other people (but in the scheme of bigger law firms, I don’t make that much). I recognize that I am lucky to be in a well-paying, secure, interesting job. I try not to complain very often. But I’m at a point where I feel like I no longer have anyone to vent to, and that in and of itself has become stressful.

    1. H&D – I think that’s unfair to you. Having a higher salary doesn’t mean that your stress and problems are any less valid. You worked very hard to get to where you are, and to be compensated for your knowledge and your work ethic. It smacks of passive aggressive jealousy, and maybe it means you have to temper the conversations you have with this friend-group since they seem not to be able to set aside certain issues they might have individually to support you in your times of need, which adds to your frustration of why they can’t support you. I have a small group of people I can talk to openly about certain things like this because we do share a similar income/professional level. It’s all too easy to assume that things magically disappear b/c when pay gets better even though bigger pay checks usually come with a new bucket of issues.

      Do you have any outlets? Music, golf, volunteering to let the steam off?

      1. GM: Thank you, thank you, thank you. You actually made me a little teary. There’s no measuring how good it feels to have your feelings validated.

        I do have outlets to let steam off – I do outdoorsy things/sports (when I have time!). Also, to give my husband credit, he’s a great listener and, lucky him, gets to hear a lot of my venting. But what I am really missing is what you mentioned — a small group of people you can talk to openly about things like this, who share a similar income/professional level. That is one of the reasons I come to this website (and why I posted here) – I feel like there are women who understand. I’m not sure what I can do to find that. I feel like, as I am rising up the ladder here (I have found that I’ve very career-driven), I need it more and more. I have a fabulous female partner mentor, but no one who is, like me, a few years out and navigating young, professional life. There are no other female corporate associates in my office and only a few in the firm, generally. And I live in a smallish city. It is something I am working on, though.

        Again, thank you, your comment along made my day.

        1. H&D – really happy I could help and support you from afar. It’s tough, and what your friends don’t see are all the hard spots you endured to get to where you are. I personally had more than my share of potholes, including a protracted period of joblessness when I lost my job in the market crash and it took me WAY longer than I thought to find a new one, exhausting my finances and at times, my spirit… but it feels good for me to be where I am knowing what I had to get through to get here. Hang in there – and when all else fails, drink more champagne. ;)

      2. GM, I have a very grateful response post to you that is apparently in moderation. Theoretically it will post at some point.

    2. Maybe they think reminding you of how lucky you are is how they can pick you up when you’re down?

      1. I think that is a valid point, and would likely agree with you if that is all that they said. But since it’s usually accompanied by more hurtful words, it is harder to receive it in a positive way. Most recently, “you should remember how lucky you are,” was used in a #sorrynotsorry context, after a friend realized what she said had been very harsh.

  30. I use MAC Comfort Creme as a daily moisturizer and in the evening (when I remember) I use the Benefit It’s Potent eye creme. I got the Benefit as part of a deal, and I like it so far.

    I’m 40 and depending on the context, usually don’t get pegged for that (I just retired from competitive athletics last year where some of the young’uns were floored that I’m a such a dinosaur) and most of my skin care is preventative. I have played outdoor sports for most of my life, and routinely apply sunscreen on any exposed skin before I leave the house on days when I am playing or coaching. I have unfortunately had a few friends diagnosed with melanoma and that freaked me out a bit.

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