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Updated: Oct 4, 2019 132 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. Denim jackets: yea or nay? I have a hard time with them because I remember loving my denim jacket as a pre-teen, and they say if you've lived through the trend once, maybe sit it out the second time — but fashion moves so quickly these days that I take that advice with a grain of salt. And jean jackets are EVERYWHERE right now — the perfect little affordable topper to all your fall clothes. A few highly rated ones include the pictured one from Kut from the Kloth, another two affordable ones from Vince by Vince Camuto and Madewell, and a more splurgey one from AG. But the pictured one is under $80, and I'm sure offers KftK's signature stretchy, comfy denim, so this would be my pick. It's available in regular and petite sizes XXS-XXL. Helena Denim Jacket Looking for something in plus sizes? This J.Crew one looks great (up to 3X), and this one at Torrid has a ton of great reviews and is available up to size 6X. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Comments

  1. Cat

    WWYD – there is an alternate Cat in the universe that apparently sometimes miss-types her g-m-a-i-l address and I get her emails. These are typically registration type things like Costco but I recently got a “thanks for setting up your new bank account” message. I’m confident there is not fraud using my actual personal info since I froze my credit and there have been no hits on people trying to access it. There’s not a button on these emails to say “did you receive this in error? report here” or any means of contacting a person to alert them of the problem. I changed my email password to ensure that wasn’t the issue. Anything else to do here?

    • Anonymous

      So I have a very common name with multiple spellings, and so I get a lot of email for other people. For sensitive things like bank accounts or medical information, if I get more than one or two emails, I will actually call to have them correct it. It usually takes less than 5 minutes and I view it as a good deed.

    • Minnie Beebe

      This has actually happened to me as well. My gmail address is firstlast at gmail dot com (not Minnie Beebe, btw). A woman in Minnesota (I’m in IL) has my same first/last name, but her gmail includes a middle initial that very frequently gets left out. So I get lots of her email.

      It was really annoying for a while because I didn’t know about the middle initial thing, and thought that this crazy person was giving out an email address that didn’t belong to her. I wondered how she could *not* realize that she wasn’t getting her email.

      Then one day, a receipt for a large furniture purchase landed in my inbox, and I opened it up. Lo and behold, it included a phone number. So I took a chance and texted her. We finally figured out what was going on, and laughed about it, and now I forward stuff to her when needed. I also sent a Christmas card. :)

      There’s apparently one of us in WI as well and I kinda want to start a facebook group for us. Neither our first nor last names are remotely popular, but I now know of at least 4 people with this same combo.

    • Anonymous

      My name is very similar to “Sarah Smith” – I was an early adapter to gmail and am first name.middle initial.last name at gmail – I get TONS of email for other Sarah Smiths. If they are receipts or ads or such I just delete/unsubscribe. It it’s a family member, teacher, doctor or pastor – they I write them back and tell them they have the wrong person / email address. I usually only respond once, unless I get on an annoying friend distribution list and then will follow up. Only once did I have to call someone – it was either a school system or a medical office and they sent me confidential information I should not have and I wanted to be sure they removed my email address from the system.

    • January

      I’ve had this issue as well. I have a common first name and a more-common-than-you’d-think last name, and someone in the same geographic area as me has the same first name and a very similar last name (one letter different), so our emails get mixed up sometimes. Once, after receiving several accounts payable notices for her from a vendor, I called the vendor to ask them to change the email address for her account in their records, and they refused, so I forwarded the email to her and she took care of it. She seemed very nice!

    • Anon

      I got some very personal emails for a woman who uses her middle initial in her email address (mine is just firstname dot lastname). Eventually, I figured out who she is and now I just forward her stuff onto her.

      As a side note, g mail ignores periods, so firstname dot lastname is the same as firstname last name. My husband uses a middle initial in his that frequently gets omitted, so I’ve started typing it (for other people) as firstname dot middle initial dot lastname, which makes the middle initial really stick out.

      • BeachGirl

        They ignore the periods? I thought I was getting emails for a lady whose email is first period last @gmail. Mine is first no period last @gmail.

        • Anonymous

          I’m a victim of the period debacle. My email is firstname.lastname@gmail and I get email semi-regularly sent to firstnamelastname@gmail for someone of the same name who is not me. Boneheaded things like carpet cleaning appointment confirmations, job interview requests, the SiriusXM subscription that came with her new car, etc. Enough to be annoying, but clearly not all this woman’s email. So I’ve just concluded that she’s an idiot who doesn’t know what her real email address is when she signs up for things. If it’s something I can unsubscribe from, I do. The rest I delete. However, it’s not half as annoying as the idiot who uses my phone number for things like her Petco membership. I’ve had this phone number for 14 years, Karen, it’s not yours.

          • Common name email spouse

            My husband has a common name. A poor man in Texas (we do not live in TX) was getting bombarded with school drama because the room parent mistyped his email address. I corrected the class list but I think he kept getting the emails and just gave up.

    • Parfait

      Usually I just delete these, if they’re just random shopping emails and the like. My gmail is similar to one that belongs to a theater, though, and whenever auditions start I usually get some headshots and stuff like that. I reply to those senders as there are not many of them and I would hate for them not to get the part!

      I did once have someone use my email to sign up for a sketchy dating site and I started getting unpleasant messages from gentlemen. Reader, I used “forgot my password,” signed in, and deleted the account. Not proud, but –no, yes, I am proud.

    • Anon

      I have made penpals with mine, who is a prominent photographer in New Zealand! She has a glamourous life of receiving requests from European magazines for her photos of Jacinda Ardern, going to Pilates workshops, and doing model photo shoots. I generally forward them to her and she thanks me.

    • Anon 2.0

      Banks generally do not pull your credit to open checking or savings accounts. They do often use Chexsystems, which is separate from your credit bureau reports. Having your credit frozen won’t stop bank accounts from being opened and won’t even register on Chexsystems.

      I’d say it is worth looking into for peace of mind.

    • Frenchie

      I am in a similar situation. My name is not super common, particularly the spelling, so it’s even more bizarre that someone has my same name in another state. My email address is just firstnamelastname@whatever.com, and it’s really hard to tell exactly what the senders think they are sending to. There are a few I’ve replied to. I am apparently on some prayer chain for this woman’s church and they seem incapable of figuring out how to remove me so I had to block them. I also know that this person with my name recently adopted a dog and get regular emails from her vet.

      My biggest concern is that this other person with my name works in a school district and I get sent FERPA-protected information quite frequently. It’s not cool.

      Coincidentally my sister-in-law has the exact same name, spelling and everything, and yet somehow no one gets us mixed up.

    • Anonome

      There is a notary with my name, and I get a lot of urgent, angry e-mails about official stuff that has a lot of money riding on it. Mostly real estate transactions–they often attach PDFs with scans of cancelled checks, people’s credit reports…I could steal identities all day long.

      I used to respond with corrections (it took ten seconds to do a search and find the right person, FFS) but I got so sick of the rude replies that now I just delete everything.

  2. Anon

    I just ordered a Barbour vest on recommendations here based on quality/longevity, but I see the tag says Made in Vietnam. Are those of you who spoke to quality wearing vests that were manufactured overseas in low-income countries as well?

    • Anon

      I think only the classic waxed jackets are made in England anymore, so most people who responded to you would have a liner made in other countries (unless they had had it for a long time). Both of my vests have held up very well over the 5 or so years that I have had them and one was secondhand, so it’s even older than that.

    • Anon

      I mean…a lot of brands are made overseas these days. You don’t have to be so snarky.

      • Anon

        It’s not snarky? I’m asking because I don’t know that I want to pay Barbour prices (a splurge for me) if the quality is closer to Old Navy, which was also recommended here.

        • Anonymous

          But why are you being so hostile to people here? Did you not do any other research or read any other online reviews before you purchased? No one from this s!te held a gun to your head and made you purchase the item.
          Whatever’s wrong today, it’s not about this. Take a deep breath, go for a walk and grab a coffee. Clear your head. Don’t take out your anger in inappropriate ways on people who don’t deserve it.

          • Abby

            I don’t really read her post as hostile… This is a pretty condescending reply to OP. Even if she was angry, this kind of post wouldn’t calm anyone down.

          • Anon

            Omg what are you even talking about with this bizarre post? Don’t take your own issues out on other readers.

          • anon

            Calm down. She’s not being snarky. She asked a follow up question seeking a specific factual answer. Grow up, you are being awful and a hypocrite and we are all made worse off by your presence.

          • Anonymous

            LOL, Anon at 4:14 (who is probably the original poster – people aren’t as clever about this as they seem to think they are) – take your own advice.

          • Anon

            Hey anonymous 3:38, I’m a disinterested bystander here, but the hostile tone is coming from you, not OP.

    • Anon

      OK, going to re-write/expand my post because I think the original intent is getting very lost:

      I bought a Barbour vest like you all recommended. However, I’m concerned that the quality may not be great because quality often goes down when production is outsourced (I think I had assumed it would be made in England like the waxed jackets). I am curious whether those of you who recommended it before also have Made in Vietnam tags on your version. If so, then I’m sure I’ll have no problem, but if yours was made in England, then I might want to look for a consignment version or something instead. I’m really trying to focus on quality over quantity, but don’t want to go for the “quality name” if recent versions aren’t as good as the old versions. I hope that clarifies things.

      • Anon

        I have found the items made in Vietnam are of good quality. I don’t own any Barbour item though.

      • Ellen

        Don’t worry about the others who thought you were snarky. It is Friday, and chances are, some of those people who jumped on you really need more male attention from their DH or boyfriends downstairs. Hopefully they will get some more loving this weekend, which always results in a calmer HIVE on Monday! YAY!!

    • UHU

      This may be to late but… If it’s important to you, I’d check with the company to see what their manufacturing processes/policies are like.

      For example, a Canadian, indigenous owned company called Manitoba Mukluks (fabulous mocassain, boots, accessories) outsource to Vietnam. This came about because they couldn’t keep up with the demand. Their factory in Vietnam follows Canadian labour standards and workers are paid well–I believe it’s the minimum wage for the province they’re based out of, which is far more than local opportunities would give them + they receive benefits etc. The Vietnam made products are very well made (and beautiful) and I’m very happy to buy from this company.

  3. SF Anon

    I’m looking for a new carry-on suitcase. I travel often for work, so I’m willing to spend $$$ for something that is functional, durable, and will last a long time. Bonus points if it also looks nice. Any recommendations? Does anyone have and like one of those Away bags? What about Victorinox?

    • JTM

      I love my Away bag but I also got it for a discounted price – IDK if I’d buy one full price. But I absolutely love it and it’s my favorite bag to travel with, by far.

    • NY CPA

      If you’re willing to spend $$$: Tumi bag with ballistic fabric. Super durable. Can be repaired if there’s an issue instead of throwing it out and generating waste ($ and environment-wise). I got one last year and it felt like SO. MUCH. MONEY. to spend on a bag, but I don’t regret it at all. If you don’t mind waiting until November, they have a semi annual sale around then. I was able to get a super classic carryon in black for several hundred dollars off the MSRP.

      • Beaglelover

        Briggs &Riley ftw, they guarantee for life. I’ve had whole suitcases replaced. For zero dollars.

        • BabyAssociate

          +1 for Briggs & Riley, I have a hardshell expandable carry-on (international size) and I love it.

        • Anon

          Ok the Briggs and Riley crowd always pipe in with free repairs, but I don’t want a bag that needs repairing all the time, you know? I ditched my Briggs and Riley for a Tumi after the third repair and have never looked back. I prefer the lightweight hard shell, FWIW.

          (I find the free repair reviews of Dagne Dover puzzling as well – I would prefer a handbag that doesn’t break at all)

          • Frequent flier

            +1 for Briggs & Riley. I gave the Simpatico hard-sided international roller and it fits everywhere but the tiniest pond hoppers where everyone checks roller bags. This is my third BR carryon. Before buying this, I considered but rejected Rimowa (limited warranty, repairs a pain, felt flimsier than BR), Tumi (their int’l size is not true int’l if you fly internationally), and Away (felt flimsy and don’t see it lasting). I travel every week for work including sometimes internationally.

    • Dpmitten

      I have a Patagonia rolling bag that I got after too many suitcases broke. I love it. Best money I’ve spent in the past few years. Really sturdy and guaranteed for life.

    • AZCPA

      I love my Away. I bought the bigger carryon, and while the capacity is large, it looks smaller than most standard sized carryons. It does feel different – much more flexible, but when navigating it through a bumpy parking lot I found that to be a feature and not a bug.

  4. Denim Jackets -- any reason not to get a budget one?

    I like the look of these jackets, especially now that fuller pants seem (?) to be coming back. But is there a reason to buy something spendier than Old Navy? They all are casual (I could wear to work though) and I don’t see how a spendier one would be better necessarily. Thoughts?

    I haven’t had one since high school but it was one of the few things I literally wore to pieces. I’m almost 50 (eek) and really looking forward to having another one.

    I have some credits in the BR/Gap/OldNavy family and was thinking of using them for the aforementioned denim jacket.

    • LawyrChk

      I still have one from Gap circa 2003, and I love it. It’s going strong 15 years later. I think the Gap version is a classic!

    • Abby

      I have one I LOVE from Levi’s that is a hand me down from my sister in law. I like the less structured kind, so I can tie it around my waist when I’m out but I’m also 27 so YMMV.

    • anon

      Do it! I have my Gap jacket from 2005 and still wear it regularly. I wish it were a *tad* bit bigger (because 2005 was age 25 and pre-kids for me), but it’s not small enough to deter me. The medium wash has held up very well, style-wise.

    • Anon

      I got mine from LOFT years ago when I was on a trip that was colder than anticipated and needed something fast and in store. I don’t normally go to LOFT for quality but it has held up really well. No regrets.

    • Jess

      To me, the difference is all in how it feels. If it’s stiff, I won’t wear it. I’ve heard exceptional things about the Kut from the Kloth ones in terms of softness/stretch, but I bet you could absolutely find a great jacket at Old Navy or Gap.

    • Anon

      I own the pictured Kut from the Kloth jacket in the light wash and it is honestly terrific. I wear it all the time — it’s a great flattering cut and so soft and stretchy that it’s as comfortable as a sweatshirt, but more pulled together. I’m sure you could find a good one at ON too, but would happily pay $80 again for this one.

      • Housecounsel

        I have the Kut one too, and I wear it more than any other single item in my wardrobe.

    • Small Firm IP Litigator

      I bought an Adriano Goldschmeid denim jacket and it is much better than cheap ones. It is very soft and comfortable, and it is tailored without being tight (not boxy).

    • A.

      I think it’s OK to go low-budget here. I spent $30 recently and got a super-cute denim jacket from J. Crew Factory.

  5. What to wear?

    For those reading on this Friday afternoon, help me pick an outfit for tonight! DH’s office bought tickets to a fundraiser at a local historic garden that is a client of theirs, and we get to use them. Option A: Black Tadashi Shoji cocktail dress – below the knee sheer overskirt but lining has mid-thigh slits, so kind of sexy. With basic black heeled sandals, or teal suede block heel sandals. Option B: Kelly green infinity maxi dress, probably worn as a halter-neck, with big gold hoops, and gold block heel sandals (kind of a disco look, but not costume-y). Will wear a leather jacket with either. I am 16 weeks pregnant, and Option B shows it more – Option A just barely zips and I kind of just look “thick.” Any thoughts? Happy weekend!

    • Anonymous

      I think B for a garden event, and definitely block heels or even flats. A sounds too sexy for this kind of event.

    • LawyerAnon

      Both sound gorgeous. Honestly, when I was pregnant a couple yrs ago, I just wanted to be comfortable so my personal preference would probably be flowy rather than barely zipped. Unless hiding the pregnancy from husband’s colleagues is something you need/want to be doing at this point.

    • Panda Bear

      They both sound pretty. In your shoes I’d consider – most importantly – which one is more comfortable (sounds like maybe B?), and whether you are actively trying to conceal the pregnancy (sounds like A?) But either one sounds lovely. Have fun!

    • Anon

      I would go with the black dress, but I’m 23 weeks pregnant and wore a black c-cktail dress to a fundraiser last night….

    • Rainbow Hair

      Option B! It sounds more outdoorsy, I think? And more comfortable. Sounds like a fun event!

    • Anon

      B. The black dress sounds wrong for a garden event. The green dress sounds sexy AF anyway.

  6. Anon

    Nope, I wore denim jackets in the late 90s-early 00s and that was enough for me. For a casual jacket of a similar shape I like J Crew’s downtown field jacket.

    • Anon

      I’m excited it’s a little cooler today, because it means the start of downtown field jacket season!

    • Anon

      I have and love this jacket but it’s not warm at all! I wear it on warm but rainy days, but once it’s in the low 70s I freeze unless I add a really warm sweater under it. I wish I had a warmer version of it! Is it just me?

      • Anon

        Whoops I meant 60s in my post above. But yes I do! ~73 and below I need some sort of topper if I’m wearing a dress – denim jacket, field jacket or similar. I run really cold.

          • Anon

            No! I’m both from and live in the northeast! :)

            Weather-wise, I would be much happier in SoCal, but the AC in Florida drives me crazy every time I visit. I don’t want to be cold indoors!

    • Anon

      I’m a little concerned that I also wore denim jackets in the late 90s, but never really stopped wearing them and still have one! Are they really still in style?

      • Anon

        I’m with you, still rocking my Dollhouse jacket from the 90s. I’m wouldn’t say STILL in style as much as BACK in style :) Keep rocking it!

      • The original Scarlett

        I personally think they’re classics, not era specific – I’ve been wearing one for at least 7-8 years, maybe longer, and consider myself pretty with it. Slip dresses, bike shorts, chocker necklaces, T-shirt’s under slips, all very 90s and I have no desire to revisit, but a denim jack is timeless.

  7. Seeking Promotion

    Hi all – I’d love thoughts on an issue at work. We are in the process of replacing a paralegal team member in my department and my boss (our GC) suggested that perhaps the replacement should report me (the assistant GC) instead of the senior paralegal as the previous team member did. The senior paralegal will not be happy about that at all and I’m not sure my boss feels strongly enough to pick this battle with her for me. I love the idea and think it makes a lot of sense. Besides telling the boss I’m interested, what else should I do to emphasize that it makes sense for our department? A deck maybe? A memo explaining my reasons? TIA!

    • Anonymous

      Geez, nothing else. Just tell your boss and have talking points ready to address the senior paralegal’s questions and emotional response.

  8. Where to go in February with kids

    Everyone is so helpful with travel suggestions, so asking the hive: where should we go with our kids in mid-February for a week? Open to domestic or international. Kids are 5 and 7 and we will be traveling with another family, with kids around a similar age. We live in California, the other family lives in Boston.

    Criteria:
    – We only have a week (or a bit less, with travel)
    – We are coming back from a trip to Asia the month before, and we won’t have the time or the energy to go that far for this trip
    – Don’t want to go anywhere too cold
    – We enjoy the beach but don’t want a pure beach vacation. Would love a mix of cultural/historical activities with some relaxation.

    The other family suggested Egypt. Not sure if this is doable in a week though? Other ideas?

    • Anonymous

      Egypt is too far and the jet lag will be brutal from the west coast with kids, especially if they have just recovered from Asia jet lag.

      Costa Rica would be my top pick. Direct flights from major airports and lots to do/see besides just the beach. Stay in one location and do a couple of excurison days.

    • Anon

      I think the jet lag for Egypt will not be worth it for a week, especially with kids. If the other family is proposing Egypt, I’m guessing they want something more exotic than the US/Caribbean. Maybe South America? I haven’t been personally but have heard great things about Colombia and Argentina cities/wine country. Patagonia is amazing although probably difficult with 5 year olds who can’t hike that far.

    • Anon

      Egypt is far so that does not make any sense to me. What about somewhere in Mexico where you could also visit some ruins/historical sites? Costa Rica? Panama?

      • Abby

        I think Costa Rica would be better for kids than Belize, especially at that age.

        • Of Counsel

          Not sure why you think Costa Rica would be better for kids? I have been to both and would vote for Belize because of the ruins. it has a lot more cultural/historical sites than Costa Rica.

          Although full disclosure – I did not take the day trip to Tikal because I did not want to take my kid into Guatemala.

    • Anon

      Colombia would be perfect. What about Peru? I know the kids are a bit young, but there are some cool things – the Nazca lines, the Sacred Valley, even a day at Machu Picchu would be cool. Bonus – there are direct flights to Lima from JFK, ATL, LAX, etc.

  9. Huh

    Can anyone explain why literally every single post I make goes into mod? This is regardless of whether I put in an email or not.

    • Ellen

      Myrna says that everyone goes into mod mode until they are viewed as responsible p’osters. You should make sure you do not say or do anything bad, b/c the site’s quality depends on the HIVE being freindley to each other, staying on track, and buying clothes, not being snarky. If you do this, you will become an honored member of the HIVE, like the rest of us.

  10. Anon

    I need to buy a narrow, rectangular table to go against a wall in my house. What do you call this type of table? I searched “side table” but that’s mostly small tables that go next to a couch or chair. It’s not really a buffet, since it’s just a table, but I want it against a wall like a buffet. I’m looking for one that’s about a 12-18 inches wide by 4ish feet long. It’s probably obvious, but I just can’t think of it.

  11. Abby

    Any recs for West Palm Beach? Headed there this weekend for a friend’s wedding. We’ll hit the beach tomorrow if it’s nice, but currently says it’s supposed to rain. Any boozy brunch or amazing lunch/bars? Thanks!

    • Anon

      The Breakers for brunch. You’ll prob. need a reservation. The Best Brunch in the World.

    • Jane

      Eau Palm Beach Resort for lunch and then a walk on the beach using their beach access. It’s one of the few restaurants on Palm Beach where you can basically sit next to the beach and the food is delicious (spendy, but delicious).

      The Restoration Hardware has a beautiful restaurant on the top floor and the food is great. Then take yourself over to Sloan’s for ice cream.

      If you love to shop, head to Worth Ave on the Island. Free parking on Worth (if you can get a spot) for two hours and acess to the beach is right there.

      Even though rain is in the forecast, it doesn’t usually rain all day. It will pour for an hour or so and the rest of the day should be fine.

    • Cat

      The Breakers for brunch or drinks. Or Cafe Boulud.

      Closer to West Palm, the City Place mall has a bunch of restaurants, though it’s not as unique of an experience as getting over to Palm Beach island.

    • T

      Avocado Grill in WPB is great for brunch or drinks. On island, Breakers, definitely. The Colony Hotel food is kind of garbage but it’s super instagram-worthy for outdoor brunch if that’s your thing.

  12. Lots to Learn

    Curious what pants everyone thinks are on-trend for work these days. I feel like skinny ankle pants are heading out, and just bought some straight-leg pants at Ann Taylor Factory but they still seem a little frumpy (although I am enjoying not having tons of ankle show and not having skin-tight pants getting caught on my calves when I stand up from sitting). I feel like the wide-leg pants are more for casual looks – I’m looking for business casual suggestions, to wear with blouses or blouses and jackets. Thoughts?

    • Anon

      Check your hem. If they’re hemmed right, they don’t look frumpy. OTOH, we’re sure to get a flood of “how do I keep my pants clean while commuting” posts as the wider legs roll out because when they’re hemmed right for heels they will be too long for flats. The answer is still Cityclips.

    • anonymous

      I used to wear a lot of boot cut pants when I worked in business casual. Like the Express Editor pants. I would wear them with ankle boots that had a bit of a heel. Search for the “perfect pant length” post on You Look Fab.

    • Coco

      I’m in SF and I’m short so I am still wearing skinny ankle pants. I feel like in general pants are still ankle length. If you are tall skinny and hip you are wearing high wasted wide leg pants.

  13. Carrots

    Starting next week, I’m getting my first official reportee. Give me all your best manager tips. I’ve got a good support system above me to help with my direct boss and her boss and had a temp in the interim and so was able to start some habits there, but otherwise, I’m a newbie at this.

    • Anon

      Establish expectations early and have regular check-ins against those.
      Explain your preferred communication style. i.e. I ask my direct reports to keep questions in a list and review with me once a week unless it needs an immediate answer (this may not work for all industries, we have a mix of long-term projects or maintenance activities as well as the standard immediate workload)

      • Leatty

        +1

        Consider scheduling weekly 1x1s with her so you can touch base with her on a regular basis.
        Give constructive criticism, but also praise when warranted.
        Actively listen when she speaks with you

        • Walut

          Weekly 1:1’s are my best managerial tool. If you don’t have anything to discuss, use the time to shoot the breeze and learn more about their life outside the office. Mix up your venue also – some people really open up while expending a little kinetic energy, so a walk & sync can be productive if sitting in a conference room doesn’t fuel good conversation.

          • Celia

            Why do you need to know about their life outside the office? Why not use the time to discuss goals and aspirations related to their job and work?

          • Walnut

            I’m a better manager when I remember that my direct reports have lives beyond their work product. I don’t need to get deep into the weeds of their psyche, but being engaged in their triathlon training, offering empathy during a rough baby sleep regression or flipping through pet photos is a nice way to connect. Of course, promotion planning, stretch projects, and information sharing that may give color to their day to day work is standard 1:1 conversation.

          • Another anon

            Yes to knowing the whole person – at the office and outside. Read the book Radical Candor as you get started!

    • Tippins

      Give clear and complete guidance whenever possible – don’t make her guess what you expect.
      Deliberately mentor her and create opportunities for her to grow. Help her develop skills she’ll need to progress in her field.
      Think about what YOU would like in your ideal supervisor and try to deliver that.
      Listen.

    • Stuck

      I manage the business development and client care for an architectural firm. I’ve been there 11 years and for the last 18 months I have been jockeying for a promotion to associate principal. It’s a standard promotion for the architects but only one non technical person has it in the company.
      My boss gave me some specific tasks this year and has said she would nominate me. These promotions typically are vetted and decided in January.
      There is a male architect in my office with less tenure and experience than me. I’m considered a corporate employee but I work in the same office as this guy. I knew he would be nominated for this role. Full disclosure I don’t like him. He’s rude and has said that I’m not qualified because I am not an architect. Yet he’s always asking to use my network for him.

      Friday I received a company email congratulating this guy on his new promotion, several months early. I was floored. No one seems to understand why. The things that are bothering me include why did he get this promotion early, why wasn’t I as a leader of the office given a heads up (I play a quasi number two role in the office though I have no official title). Why is my promotion something that needs intense vetting?
      I’m beginning to think I won’t get this promotion in January. I have been here for so long that I never get approached for new positions by recruiters. I’ve changed my LinkedIn but so far, nothing. I’m active as hell on it and have a strong local brand. I hear others say how they’d like to hire someone like me. My questions are, when do you know if this promotion will happen? And how do I use my network to find the right new position? I have my eye one one firm but don’t know how to tell them that I’d love to work for them.

  14. Anonymous

    I am a part president of an organization (like a lawyer networking thing) that does an annual Christmas dinner among other events. Due to some organizational changes two major events didn’t run and the Christmas party which is the final event of the year is in jeopardy of not running. I reached out to the organizers about saving it and they’re giving me some freedom to plan it.

    I see two options this late in the game – we can either spend about twice what we normally would because we need to book a caterer and venue and there aren’t many options left or keep looking for a cheaper option (possibly losing our window to book anything. The org can afford to spend more money. They also spent basically nothing this year because they ran no events so we could justify it saying we are using the money from the spring, sumnmer and fall events that did not happen. Those of you in big centers know that venues usually fill up for Christmas parties months in advance (sometimes a full year).

    Thoughts?

    • Anonymous

      How big an event? My firm entertains during major conferences when everything books up, and we have variously held events in a large art gallery, an obscure small museum and a historic mansion.

    • Flats Only

      New Year’s party in January? Towards the end of January folks will probably be starting to come up for air from the post holiday hit-the-ground-running period and you won’t be competing with a bunch of other events.

  15. Anonymous

    The Last Line? Can anyone speak to the quality of their jewelry? A tennis bracelet has been web stalking me.

  16. Anonymous

    Looking for advice on how to thrive in the “middle.” I’m a mid-level litigation associate with a toddler and a preschooler. There was just so much change over the last 5 years (new jobs, new house, new babies), that I’m afraid I got used to the chaos of it all and I’m struggling to settle in and stay motivated now that things have leveled off. I finally feel like I can catch my breath but am finding it really hard to stay focused and work a routine now that I can actually kind of have one. My kiddos are generally sick less often now that they’ve both been in daycare/preschool for a while and the newness of a lateral move last year has basically worn off by now, thankfully. I’d really like to capitalize on the relative calm and set up some systems that will help me perform well over the next few years before I go up for partner. But instead, I find myself wasting time, procrastinating, and then scrambling to get stuff done when I fall behind. How can I reset to a slow-and-steady mindset rather than “survival mode”?

  17. Anonymous

    whats the interior design site everyone likes? was it haverly? if so was there a particular designer you liked? the ones recommended to me i didn’t love the portfolio

    • Coco

      I just used Havenly I thought my designer was only OK but I did like my final end result.

  18. lamomesq

    OFFICE CHAIR HELP NEEDED. I need a new office chair. Preferably under $350.
    One that does not hurt by backside after a day of brief writing. Would be terrific if it helped with my abysmal posture as well. What are your favorites? Many thanks!

    • Anon

      I’ve heard good things about the Aeron Chair which is $$$$$ but if you can get your hands on it secondhand.

      Personally I like Duobacks. It was the only chair I could sit in for 14+ hours in law school, so much so that I dragged mine into the office on day 2 of Biglaw (I have the basic DK-026 version I bought for $120 in Korea; not sure it’s available in the US and they seem to go by the name Grahl in the UK). You could try out with a car seat version if you prefer to try out for cheap : https://www.amazon.com/DK-912-Comfortable-Driving-Science-Cushions/dp/B07VYG5CW9/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?keywords=“duoback”&qid=1570372377&sr=8-2
      L

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