Weekend Open Thread

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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Are you guys aware it's almost MAY? I know, crazy, isn't it? That means Mother's Day is right around the corner (May 10 this year). It can be tricky to know what to get someone just now (Blue Apron? Door Dash credits? superior athleisure? crafts/baking supplies?) but if you're in the market for a more traditional gift for a fashionable mom, these Burberry sunglasses are 30% off in the big Nordstrom sale right now and have a nice mix of Burberry detailing / general classic fashionista appeal.

(These Longchamp ones are very light, but 70% off!)

A few more gift ideas in the Nordstrom sale: these cool octagonal reading glasses, this pretty striped wrap, or, for those whose moms have parties/weddings to attend In The Distant Future, this cute Minkoff clutch (70% off!) or this fun ostrich feather bag

(For those of you who have friends or family members graduating soon, what are you planning to get for them? We last talked about the best graduation gifts for friends a loooong time ago…) 

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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287 Comments

  1. I ordered some fun puzzles from Sq/Ft Decatur. The customer service was really wonderful. They have a lot of fun gifts as well as puzzles.

  2. I’m doing it y’all. Tonight I’m going inside my friends’ apt for cocktails. In six weeks I’ve stayed home except for walks and the grocery store and I am done.

      1. You’re welcome! I just can’t take being alone anymore and truly do not see why this is still an unacceptable risk.

          1. Yes, Americans are the only ones who aren’t following social distancing 100% to the letter of the law. Eyeroll.

        1. Why are you sharing this? Obviously, it’s deemed an unacceptable risk because if everyone does it, people die. It’s not cool to be so selfish & you’ll only look even more foolish if you do get sick.

          1. IDK — after 1.5 months inside, my germs are pretty old and cold at this point.

      2. Why couldn’t you just walk with your friends assuming the weather permits? Why do you need to go inside their apartment? My state’s shelter-in-place is extended to May 30, but by the middle of the month I’ll feel comfortable enough to drive to my kids’ apartments and walk with them outside. But why would I need to go into their places?

    1. Paging everyone who said we can’t reopen until we get to zero deaths or new cases….This is precisely why we’ll never get there. Even if the people breaking the rules are a small minority, as long as they exist, we can’t zero out.

      1. Our governor is looking for a decline in cases over a two week period first. The problem is, that is so unreliable because it is based on testing data. We just greatly increased our testing so of course our number of cases is going up. They are also testing every person in certain residential facilities, symptomatic or not. To get lower numbers, all they have to do is stop testing those asymptomatic people. I hope he tweaks his standard to take that into account.

        1. Yeah, our governor said the same. In addition to increased testing, this week they changed the criteria to include presumptive cases (doctor thinks they have Covid but no positive test), so after at least 7 days of declines we saw a big spike in numbers but hopefully they will start declining again soon. I personally don’t think we’re ready to open now and we may not even be ready in late May. I’m not disagreeing at all with the people saying Georgia is opening too soon. But I certainly don’t think we can expect to go to zero before we reopen anything.

        2. in addition to case numbers going down (which is obscured by testing density), the number of hospitalizations is another useful indicator. It provides delayed information, but is less likely to overlook a large number of people.

          1. Our state is also (wisely! I did not have high hopes) considering the % of positive test, given that the # of tests should be increasing. So if #s go up but not %, that gives you still more info.

          2. Good point. I think our governor is taking that into account too, particularly the number of deaths.

      2. We will never get to zero deaths or no new cases. Never. That’s an insane standard.

      3. I mean, I don’t make the rules. The virus makes the rules. When I say we “can’t” reopen until we get *close* to zero cases — I mean that if we reopen before then, we’ll be back to exactly where we were in March, with a second exponential spike, more shutdowns, and even worse economic damage.

        1. That’s an opinion or a guess. Not a fact.

          I think that probably 20% of us have already been exposed, so I don’t think we’ll be in worse shape actually.

        2. You can say whatever you want, but this isn’t the standard any of the experts use, probably because they recognize that it would result in a multi-year lockdown.

        3. That is simply not correct. It’s not like we are all going to re-open and go to a concert with 40,000 other people. We can and will start to re-open things long before we come anywhere near zero cases. States will start with things they see as “safe,” and we will practice social distancing, wear masks, and stay home when we don’t feel well. We know more about who is vulnerable, and we can try to protect those people.

          Yes, people will catch this virus. People will catch this virus until, and if, there is a vaccine. The intent is to keep the spike of people who are very ill from overwhelming the hospitals. “Fear porn” is a term I learned today, and it’s so true.

          1. Yep. Fear porn, that is a good way to describe half of these comments. You all are crazy obsessive about 0 cases. Never going to happen.

          2. This is not fear porn. You’re calling it fear porn because you’re in denial that many places here will probably need another 3 months of social distancing in order to avoid another spike in infections. Who’s really afraid?

            Cases didn’t grow exponentially because people attended 40,000 person concerts — the vast bulk of spread has occurred in family units or among friends and other intimate contacts. Think about it: huge gatherings and concerts were shut down by the end of February and beginning of March, and the U.S. still saw an exponential growth in cases.

            It’s comforting to you to call other people “afraid,” but it’s this kind of thinking that got us here to begin with.

    2. If you and your neighbors have both been home, and practicing physical distancing while out, what is the risk? For me, the way you feel (and I feel the same) is one of the vulnerabilities with no end in sight complete containment approaches. People eventually say f’it, and will start opening up society through their own every day actions.

      Before anyone gets all worked up, it doesn’t matter if you agree or not. We need to deal with what exists, not what we want to exist. I’m going to the drugstore tomorrow, yippee!

      1. Because you both have some exposure to the disease through the grocery store, and then you’re doubling the number of people that would get sick if any of you had gotten it at the store. The impact of 4 people getting sick instead of 2 may be trivial in the big picture, but if everyone thought this way it wouldn’t be.

        1. If they are sick. And with glancing contact with the outside world, if one of them is sick, we are all likely sick. I don’t think that that is how it is bearing out.

        2. And if they go to different grocery stores at different times it further spreads. So couple AB shop at Walmart and couple CD shop at Publix. A gets it at Walmart and gives it to CD who give it to the cashier at Publix who gives it to customers and family. If they were only doing one set of grocery shopping it at least closes the loop so it is “just” 2 more people sick instead of an unknown number more.

          Like the other poster above, I think the risk is WAY lower though if you stay outside and 6+ feet apart.

          1. I don’t think this is correct at all. If the first couple shops with masks and social distancing and the cashiers wear masks and have plastic shields in the checkout lines, I am just not sure who would be giving this to who or why anyone needs to be worried about what is going on at the grocery store. It is like you guys think you know with certainty how this virus behaves, which is apparent that it magically jumps from one person to another. However, visiting nursing homes, prisons might be a problem. Being married to a front line doctor might also be a problem. Working in a nursing home or prison—these would be problems.

          2. So it’s not contagious as long as you’re socializing for fun and not someone who deserves to get sick like a health care worker or a prisoner? Good to know.

      2. Yup. If they said look you must continue this two more weeks I would. I can’t stay home with no human contact through June.

        1. Why can’t you though? Why don’t you find a way to address that weakness appropriately? What’s so difficult about it? Why are other people able to do it and not you?

          1. +1 some people ought to be spending this time cultivating self-discipline. It’s not that you can’t do it, it’s that you don’t want to.

          2. I can do a lot of things that doesn’t mean I should. This is awful for my mental health.

            This is harder for some people than others. Not sure why that’s so difficult for some here to grasp. Just because it’s not that hard for you doesn’t mean it isn’t that hard for others.

            It’s not hard for me to stay a healthy weight, that doesn’t mean I get to tell people who that it’s difficult for that they just need to get over their weakness.

          3. “I can do a lot of things that doesn’t mean I should.”

            You *should* be staying at home. Period. Not up for discussion. Your mental weakness doesn’t need to be everyone else’s problem.

          4. I am not the OP but I will respond here. I don’t see it as a weakness, and in fact, what I see as a weakness is your irrational fear.

          5. By that logic the physical weaknesses of others that puts them at higher risk shouldn’t be my problem. I’m complying with orders and staying home but I’m also not an insufferable a**hole who is projecting my anxiety on everyone else by pretending that asking people to socially isolate for months isn’t difficult or bad for their mental health. If this isn’t hard for you it’s probably because you aren’t totally isolated or are very introverted, so good for you but you yelling at people struggling right now isn’t going to change anyone’s mind.

            Mental health is heath.

          6. The point is … what are you doing to address your mental health? Therapy, exercise, medication, spending time with you pet … do everything you can & if you need more ideas ask for help. You probably have all the help in the world available to you and you should explore every avenue. There’s no reason for you to say you can do it for 2 weeks but not 2 weeks plus a day or however many days. You can’t predict that your brain will implode at exactly that deadline — you’re making a choice to stop then just because you want too & it’s a poor choice. I hope you find the resources you need and the will to power through.

          7. Anonymous at 5:07 Where in her post does it say she isn’t doing all of those things? And it’s not two weeks, she specifically said it’s been 6 weeks so maybe she hit that point last week where her brain really did reach a breaking point and Friday was the day she just couldn’t take it anymore… Thank you for at least providing (potentially) helpful suggestions unlike the other posters who seem to think that yelling/shaming is going to change anyone’s mind.

        2. Well actually you can, you just do not want to. It is hard and it sucks, but it can be done.

          This comment is exactly the problem. It is not no human contact, it is as little in person contact as possible. Video and phone calls and text all allow for human contact even in a suboptimal form.

          Wrap your head around the “we” in this and stop being so myopic – think of yourself as a soldier, not a victim.

        3. Does it help to think of it this way? The more you break the rules, the longer we all stay home. States have objective metrics they need to hit before reopening and every violation of the social distancing pushes out the date we will hit those metrics. Honestly, if we’d all social distanced perfectly from the beginning, we’d probably be ready to open by now.

          1. this statement isn’t true at all. please remember that there are many people (healthcare workers, EMTs, cops, firefighters, doctors, grocery store clerks, factory workers) who can’t sit at home like the rest of us. “Perfect” social distancing would mean no EMTs, all nurses/doctors, etc who work with Covid patients have to isolate in a hotel away from their families, no travel whatsoever, no grocery stores, no prescriptions, and so on. Not just mail order prescriptions but no prescriptions whatsoever. Because someone has to get that thing ready for you. No gas stations. I could go on and on. There are people in this world who are not white collar workers who can get get out their laptops and carry on.

          2. Of course I understand there are essential workers. But a large percentage of us, including OP, can stay home, and the fewer of us that stay home, the more virus spreads in the community and the longer it takes to get to the metrics required for reopening (whether it’s 14 days of decreasing cases, or zero cases, or whatever your standard, it doesn’t matter – it still takes longer to get there if people are breaking the rules and not staying home when they can).

    3. Just make sure your freind hasn’t been busy with alot of people. As it relates to s-xueal diseases, like HPV and Sypillis and Gonorea, my Dad says that if you have s-x with someone, you are acually haveing s-x with everyone that that person has ever had s-x with. As applied to the Virus, if you mingle with someone, you have to know that if they mingled with anyone else (and just causally), you are exposed to anyone those people (and their families) ever mingled with.

    4. I genuinely, truly, sincerely hope you enjoyed your cocktail . . . and seeing your friend! Cheers!

      1. I did thank you! I know people think this is trolling but I posted because I know I’m not the only one at the end of my rope. Seeing these two friends was key. And I’ll continue otherwise distancing and mask wearing and sanitizing.

    5. I applaud you. You have to do what you have to do to stay sane in this, the mental health risks of complete isolation are real. Especially with no end in sight. Ignore the naysayers.

      1. Yeah you do you! Your mental health is way more important than anyone else’s physical health!!! The rest of us are just doing this for fun and we all LOVE it!!! In fact, thank you for not following the rules so that we all get to do this for longer! Yippee!

      2. Agreed! I think you made a wise choice and I am happy it worked out and you feel better.

      3. It’s not solitary confinement. There’s Zoom, Facetime, the phone, writing letters, even (if you simply MUST) walking 10 feet apart on the same trail. Yes, it’s somewhat hard. If we can’t convince you to think of the good of all, think of how this going on for months longer due to people like you will be even harder FOR YOU.

    6. So are you being paid by the Russians (who are about to start really losing it with the negative price of oil) or the Kochs who are so sad about their stock numbers?

      Seems like a great indoor gig!

  3. I have no idea what to send my mom for mother’s day. She just lost her job, and is living alone with major underlying health conditions in the middle of a covid hotspot. I’d normally think books, but I know she has already has a big stack to read. Maybe a cookbook? Anybody have any good ideas?

    1. What about puzzles or magazine subscriptions? Is she crafty? I bought some fun cross-stitch patterns, and my mom has been crocheting a lot.

    2. A book of crosswords or other puzzles/games or a coloring book? A basket of supplies for a reading session with things like tea, snacks, fuzzy socks. That would be comforting I think.

      Maybe pay for her Netflix subscription for the next year or some type of food delivery (for example, blue apron or a snack box subscription) if she would be amenable and you get a sense that money will be tight?

    3. Does she like fancy treats? You can ship ice cream (I recommend Jeni’s) and high-end chocolate (I like Dick Taylor).

      1. Or baked goods! Several bakeries in my city are delivering. Maybe you can find one near her.

    4. If she doesn’t have this already, subscriptions to Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc? Upgraded cable / premium channels?

    5. I just ordered a big ole box of chocolates for my mom from Godiva this morning, and my sister is getting her new shearling slippers since she LOVES her old ones but they’re pretty worn out.

    6. If she won’t take money and likes to cook, get her “Dining In” and some ingredients so you’re proving her a little Alison Roman themed cooking basket. It’s stuff she could use now, will make the days different, will cut down on her own food costs and need to go out, but if she’s resistant to help won’t seem like a handout.

      Check out the ingredient list pinned on Alison Roman’s twitter and send her the non-perishables on the list. You could even print the tweet! If you want more (and assuming ”Dining In” is not dissimilar to “Nothing Fancy,” her other cookbook) and fancier stuff so it’s not just you giving your mom chickpeas (though, I just got a box of beans and I was BEYOND thrilled, but I understand other people are different) you could add a herb garden or plant, more tinned fish beyond the anchovies that definitely should accompany the book, some capers or other “tangy, briny things,” tahini, yuzu kosho, sumac, oil-cured olives, or harissa paste. All of these come up in her recipes pretty often.

    7. I would get her something sweet (flowers/chocolate/subscription) + a giftcard to a place she shops at frequently. My mom is going through something similar. She really needs money right now but refuses to take them, so I get her giftcards. She pretends to get angry at me and says she doesn’t need them when I get her the gift cards, but she also thanks me after she throws a fake tantrum, so I know she prefers the gift cards.

    8. Home chef does gift cards and the food is great. I’m planning to do that for my mom since grocery shopping is so tough right now for her.

  4. Dumb question but I’m not a reader. Is there a place to download a book maybe in PDF or some other format if you DON’T have a kindle or any other device like that? Just something you can read on laptop? It’s a history book that is available via amazon, barnes noble etc. but right now I’m trying to limit packages to only what is essential because I live in an apartment so I need to pick them up downstairs with the front desk person.

    1. Yeah, try your local library! I could be wrong, but I think Amazon’s format is proprietary and I’m not sure if there’s a way to read them on your computer, but you can get a kindle app for your phone. There are other ebook formats and readers that you can use on your computer.

    2. If you’re fine with Kindle format, could you just do the desktop/phone Kindle reader? Or is there another reason you need PDF?

      1. +1 you can read kindle books in your web browser, on iphone/ipads, etc. If the books is available from the library, you can also read it in the overdrive app (which I still use although I guess a lot of people have moved to libby? not sure the difference).

        1. I have no idea what the OD vs. Libby difference is either! :) Libby is prettier and easier to use? I default to Libby these days.

        2. Overdrive and Libby are the same platform, just different interfaces. Libby is the newer version.

    3. If you are a member of your library, most of them have online libraries and you can read the books in browser.

    4. You can read kindle books on a computer! Just download Kindle for Mac/PC.

      You can also use the Kindle, Nook and similar apps on your phone even if you don’t have the actual device.

    5. I don’t own a Kindle but read lots of kindle books. There’s a free app for iPhones (and I assume other kinds of phones). You can also read them in your browser.

    6. You can read kindle e-books in your browser if you like, you don’t need to download anything, just use Kindle cloud reader.

      You can also read B&N NOOK books in your browser, you can find info in the help section “NOOK for web”.

      And you can find lots and lots and lots of free books (no longer copyrighted material) to read through the internet archive pages, I think you can even download PDFs here in addition to reading online. Books from the Library of Congress etc.

    1. The blogger on Amid Privilege explains a lot of this really well. I think she used to comment on this site, too.

    2. May I rant about painted wood? I am gobsmacked by people – many of them who have grandparents and parents who were quite successful – who paint gorgeous wood furniture and staircases. This strikes me as the opposite of an old money move, but I have seen it everywhere.

        1. It looks good for a few years and then you’ve completely destroyed the wood. I cannot wrap my brain around it.

      1. Yes thank you. I have a beautiful old house (100+ years) and while they thankfully left the most beautiful rooms’ wainscoting alone, they painted the entryway and the library white, then dark red at some point. I spent a fortune getting the entryway scraped and stained, but it will never be like it was before the paint. I can’t afford to do the library!

    3. I reread these and again thanked my lucky stars I am on the West Coast, where very few people GAF about this.

      1. There’s other means of signalling status on the West Coast. In many ways, I prefer the quiet signalling of the East Coast; be smart, advance yourself, contribute to your community, be frugal but not cheap, and invest in your children, and you will fit in with the best of them.

        1. +1 I’ve lived on both coasts. The status markers are different but they are definitely still there on the West Coast.

      2. I feel like “West Coast, except Los Angeles,” would be the right way to say this.

  5. I could use advice/thoughts from the wise ladies on this board.

    I just passed my 10-year anniversary with my employer, a large tech company. Leading up to this milestone, I am getting more and more requests from less senior women for career advice and possibly even to serve as a mentor.

    Dealing with these requests is beyond awkward for me, because honestly I do not feel like I have any advice to give. Every day is a struggle and I am totally mystified by office politics and recognize that my survival here has to do with luck and being willing to work incredibly long hours, no vacations, etc. I do not feel like a role model, because my success has come at the cost of giving up any pretense of having a personal life. I am 40, single, and alone. My job has been a non-stop grind and I can’t even keep a houseplant alive. I bought a house last year. When my mom came to visit me in January, she met a neighbor and introduced herself as my mom. The neighbor incredulously replied “somebody lives there?!” and explained they never saw me, never even saw lights on, and assumed the house was vacant.

    To summarize, I do not feel like I represent any version of “success” that these aspiring women are looking to emulate. For obvious reasons I can’t really be candid and offer “advice” like ‘decide carefully if you want this and be ready to give up everything else.’ But I also feel like I am disappointing women who come to me for advise and I awkwardly indicate that I don’t really have any and suggest they talk to one of the men in the office (there are no other women at my level).

    Help?

    1. I think you need to stop asking yourself this question and start changing your life

      1. Yes, but she is about the same age as me, and sounds alot like me. It is difficult for professional single women of our age who make alot of money to find decent men who are not just interested in having us support them. Also, our eggs are stale and we cannot easily get pregnant any more so we are kind of in a place we don’t want to be. If I knew all this10 years ago, I would have done things differently, and married a guy, and had kids when I was younger like my sister. I just thought it would all come together, and it did, except for the husband and kids did for her.

      2. Yes. In the words of Mary Oliver, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

        OP, you’ve achieved a high level of success at work and truly, that’s admirable. Great job, and congratulations to you. 40 is not old. You still have years and years and years ahead of you where you can do anything and be anything you want to be. It isn’t even too late to have children or find a partner (and you can do one, the other, both, or neither, and in no specific order). You’ve gotten the professional success but as you have figured out, that’s not all there is to life. What kind of other experiences do you want to have? What do you want your life to look like 5, 10, 15 years from now?

        Thank you for being brave and sharing this with us. I don’t have answers for you on the mentorship requests, other than politely declining requests due to time constraints and referring people to another female you would recommend they talk to (because most of these women probably don’t want to talk to a man; I wouldn’t) would probably be less awkward for you.

    2. My thoughts are don’t worry about mentoring anyone & focus on developing a fuller life. Also try to look back and recognize your successes and build your confidence. I know you are a kick-ass woman who has a lot to offer!! What would it take for you to recognize/really feel that?

      1. What would it take? A boyfriend who didn’t leave me because I was so unavailable due to work. Friendships. Hobbies that included other people.

        No opportunities for me to develop any of that now, and honestly I would bet a large sum of money that if I took time to work on any of that stuff, I would lose my job within the year.

        I have accepted my choices. If I am not married with children, my husband can’t leave me for a younger model when I turn 45. I am thankful that I am self-sufficient. But no, I do not feel like a “kick-ass woman” and I do not expect that to change at this point.

        1. Well you can choose to spend your whole life stuck and miserable or get some therapy and make a change. Up to you!

        2. Why can’t you develop those opportunities now? Your life is not over. I am 40, single, and have busted my ass over the years, but I still was able to develop things outside of work. It’s a personal choice, of course, and involves some sacrifices, but to write it off entirely is cutting your nose off to spite your face IMO.

          I mean if you don’t WANT to do anything different, then don’t, but to pretend that you have no choices or opportunities is just not true. You can find a different job if you want to do these things. I’m NOT saying that flippantly, I get that it’s hard to change jobs and that new jobs come with different challenges and different salaries and all that, but you do have choices.

        3. There are people who can help you with this. Find a mentor of your own, preferably outside of your office. Find a therapist. Talk to a career coach. Figure out what you are missing from your arsenal of personal skills and either develop those skills or find a career track that does not need them.

        4. You remind me of a woman in the documentary “Generation Wealth.” The filmmaker meets up with subjects again after 10 or so years have passed. At the beginning, a woman was exactly like you – lots of achievement and money and not much else. By the end, her life was different because she made some different choices.

          You are 40, not 100. You can change your life staring right now if you want.

        5. If you don’t consider your career or life a success by any metric and are unwilling to make any change that points to a deep psychological problem that’s not going to be resolved through a fashion blog. Why do you care about this mentorship issue? It’s just one of the many problems of choosing this lifestyle. Change your lifestyle and this will easily go away. Mentoring doesn’t matter at all if you look at the big picture. Why worry about which color to paint your crown molding when your foundation is bad and your house is sliding into the dump? Or why rearrange the chairs on the Titanic?

        6. The boyfriend thing is something that may or may not happen (so much of finding someone is luck) but there is absolutely nothing stopping you from developing hobbies or pursuing friendships!

          It doesn’t sound like your job brings you fulfillment or joy so maybe consider if its the right job for you. As others have said, you are 40 that is hardly the point in your life when you can no longer make major changes.

          Put your own oxygen mask on first before worrying about mentoring younger women.

    3. I mean, they can decide for themselves. You can be candid and honest about the sacrifices and your day to day, but they have the automomy to weigh your story and the pros and cons and pursue the path they want to pursue. They are seeking you out because they think you are successful and may want to emulate your workplace success and want to know what you did to get there. You can share your experience and be honest.

      Gently, is the issue that you want spend your time pursuing something that does make you happy – do you want to make a change with your career, step back? Or maybe something in your personal life? It seems like the reason you don’t want to mentor these women is because there is something about your own life you want to change.

      1. I don’t know. She can’t really be honest that she’s so unhappy (without the risk of it reflecting poorly on her in the workplace) and there’s no reason to add this type of mentorship to her already overwhelming workload.

    4. I get what you’re saying as someone who is nearly 40 with little life beyond work but I act as a mentor when requested which was a LOT when I was a senior associate in biglaw as I was the only woman left in my starting class after year 5. Think of it this way — they are asking for your WORK advice, not your LIFE advice. I understand that as mentoring relationships get close the conversation naturally shifts from just work to how you balance work with kids/family etc. But that’s not how it starts. It starts with a younger woman thinking you do a good job and thinking about getting up to your level. Then over time they will get to know that you don’t have kids etc. and they’ll understand without you saying so that you aren’t the one to talk with them about balancing kid life. But right now for all you know they want to talk about how to manage junior folks on the team who don’t listen or get the work done; or they are thinking executive MBA and want an opinion on whether that’s useful in your industry and whether you considered it or whatever. I think you’re selling yourself way short professionally because of your personal life. And oh — your home can look occupied with lights on whether you have a boyfriend or not??

      1. +1. They want your work tips and you certainly have a lot to offer there.

      2. I think if I had a decent boyfreind now that I cared for, the lights in my apartement would be off more then on! YAY!! But I don’t! FOOEY!

    5. I would say this….mentoring takes up some of your time, so make a conscious decision to do it and be clear on the time commitment you can make. If you don’t want to do it, that is fine too…your time is very valuable. Keep it professional….you may feel like your success comes with a compromise of your personal life – you don’t necessarily have to share that with mentees….you can answer questions about your experiences at different stages of your career, how you have handled specific things, and give coaching to your mentees. That’s all…don’t overthink this.

    6. I get it. I’m older than you, also alone, and don’t feel like I have a lot of advice to give. But I’ve come to recognize that I DO know more than a woman 10 or 15 years younger than me. I’ve been where she is, but she hasn’t been where I am now.

      I’d suggest meeting with them, but asking them to come in with one or two questions that they would like answered. It’s likely you know something about those questions, even if you don’t know what you think you ought to. And, often, people feel helped simply by having someone notice them, listen to them, and take them seriously. You can do that.

      I also think it’s OK to say, when appropriate, that portions of what looks like career success for you have come at the cost of sacrifices you wouldn’t necessarily choose for them.

    7. Just share what you do and how you’ve gotten ahead, you don’t have to have it all to be a mentor. You can tell them about the work you put in or regrets you have. FWIW, having mentees is good for your development and you need them to keep climbing the ladder, at least where I work.

    8. It sounds like you either need to set boundaries at work, or get a new job ASAP.

    9. I sympathize, for most of my career I have been feeling my way along, and I didn’t feel like I have it wired such that I can give good advice. If you don’t feel like mentoring is a good role for you, give yourself permission to make a difference for the next generation of women another way.

    10. It’s up to the people coming to you to decide whether to emulate you. I suggest asking people to identify in advance 2-3 questions they’d like to discuss so you can make the most of your time together. Either it will be useful and fun and you’ll do it again, or it will be awkward and you won’t. I have appreciated very practical advice about how people approach certain projects, I’m sure you have that to offer. If the topic of your overall life comes up you can say simply that this job has been quite demanding and occupies most of your time but you don’t need to talk about your dating life or lack of hobbies. If people want to know how to be a successful mom in your workplace, they will go to someone who is a mom – you don’t need to explain your personal life, nor would that be appropriate.

  6. Bleh, I am dreading Mother’s Day weekend. It’s my first Mother’s Day as a mom (although my LO is almost a year old) and my birthday is May 9. We had a weekend getaway planned that is obviously canceled. All the things I would do locally for a special day like a mani/pedi, massage, afternoon tea or a nice meal out are also off the table. I know many people have much worse problems, but I’m sad about it and just want the weekend to be over.

    1. Mother’s Day isn’t actually a day for moms. It’s a day when moms are expected to make everyone else happy by appearing to enjoy whatever it is everyone else wants to do. First you have to wait, starving and desperate for caffeine, in bed pretending to be asleep while your husband and kids fix you toast and coffee, then act surprised and delighted while they watch you attempt to eat the toast without getting crumbs in the sheets. Then you get to host the perfect brunch for your mother and MIL and present them with the most thoughtful gifts that are definitely not a cliche. After you clean up, you go on an outing with your spouse and children, then they destroy the kitchen baking a dry cake. If you are lucky, your husband will take you out to dinner instead of fixing you dinner on the grill.

      Just kidding … sort of.

      1. Lol you’re totally right! I had no idea anyone actually looked forward to this silly Hallmark holiday. We barely acknowledge it in my house.

      1. Same – never spent a single Mother’s Day with her. OP, I know that it’s sad for you because of the situation, but you can still make this a special day with your family at home. There are lots of fun things to do inside the house or in the yard (if you have one). Maybe your family can do a fancy dessert and afternoon tea inside?

      2. Ugh can we stop with the grief Olympics? She said she knows other people have it worse. Your first Mother’s Day is a special thing for most moms and it’s normal to be sad about not being able to celebrate.

      3. Incredibly rude and uncalled for. Congratulations, you get a gold in the misery Olympics. Does that make you feel better?

    2. My mom died 30 years ago and I don’t have kids, so Mother’s Day just bothers me. I want to unsubscribe from every promotional email telling me that they have a “perfect gift for Mom!” Luckily, my mom never much cared about Mother’s Day anyway. Her birthday was in April, so that was always when we really celebrated her. Sorry about your trip. Maybe some at home pampering?

    3. I’m sorry – that does suck. We got our first takeaway food last night from one of our favorite restaurants (two others are closed, sadly) and it was life changing, because I’ve been doing all the cooking.

      I would plan a good takeout food dinner on your actual birthday of Saturday and brunch/lunch or dinner takeout on Sunday, Mother’s Day. Pre-order some breakfast treat items for Saturday morning (bagels and lox, premade WholeFoods cinnamon rolls) or if that’s not possible and you (or partner) have to cook, do a make-ahead breakfast casserole with eggs, cheese, hash browns or tatertots or French bread. Make it Friday, pop it in the oven Saturday and eat with cut-up fruit and mimosas. Order flowers with your grocery delivery or heck, order flowers for delivery Friday. If you’re short on money, some of these may seem extravagant, so I hope that is not the case. Otherwise, just hope for a better birthday and Mothers’ Day next year.

      1. In our area a lot of restaurants (okay, two that I know of) are doing special takeout Mother’s Day brunches, so you might want to look into something like that.

      2. I like the idea of treat-yo-self. I suggested this above as a gift I’m getting for my mom, but why not buy a big box of fancy chocolates (or whatever treat you like and can have shipped), and maybe do some self-pampering with a face mask or a nice bubble bath or something while your partner takes the baby out for a walk in the stroller?

    4. Sorry that everyone has hijacked your comment to tell you how much worse they have it. You are well within reasonable to feel sad about this and I’m sorry it sucks so much.

      1. +1 million, this is really hard. I’m so sorry what should be a special day is now not. Hugs.

        1. No, it’s not that hard. OP still gets to celebrate, just inside. I get being disappointed, but it’s not “really hard” unless you choose to be unhappy.

          1. And this type of commentary is helpful how? Have a little compassion. OP is allowed to be more than “just disappointed” about her trip being cancelled and the activities she’d chose to sub out also not being available. When you were looking forward to celebrating with Plan A and Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, Plan D, Plan E and Plan F are all unavailable for a day that is supposed to be a celebration for you, yeah it is really hard to deal with. Do you also enjoy telling kids that Santa isn’t real?

          2. She gets to be with her family and can still have fun if she chooses to. I feel a lot worse for mothers who are separated from their newborns or pregnant women who are terrified about giving birth without their partners. I don’t think it always has to be “oppression olympics,” but that choosing to be happy at home with your family would be a good way to enjoy the weekend.

          3. Hi! I’m a pregnant woman worried about giving birth without my partner and also had a baby in the NICU for 2.5 months so I guess I’m one of the women you think is more deserving of your sympathy. I don’t want it now as a terrified pregnant woman and I didn’t want it when my baby was in the NICU and I couldn’t see her for 16 hours after she was born or hold her for ten days. What I do want is people to generally be more compassionate and understand that this whole situation is really hard for a lot of people. You absolutely are playing oppression olympics.

          4. I read a great book by a therapist where she talks about how she doesn’t believe in a hierarchy of pain, or minimizing your pain because “at least it wasn’t ____.” Whatever you’re going through, unless it’s having your entire family murdered, someone somewhere is always going through something objectively worse. Have a miscarriage? Well, someone had a 5 year old child that died after a long battle with cancer. Lose your job? Well at least you have an emergency fund and a spouse’s income to keep a roof over your head. Someone else lost their job and is now homeless. You get the point.

            Objectively, is a trip being canceled and the world being shut down on a special day the worst thing that can happen to a person? Of course not. But OP didn’t say it was. She said she was sad about it and looking forward to the weekend being over. That’s an eminently reasonable thing to feel, and I’m kind of astounded by the cruel comments. “At least ___” is never an ok response to someone expressing sadness or hurt. (To say nothing of the fact that “At least you have a mom” is sort of presumptuous, because you don’t even know if that’s true. She said nothing about her own mom.)

            OP, I’m sorry! My first mother’s day was really special and I would have been super bummed if I’d had a trip planned and wasn’t able to go. I hope you’re able to still have a nice day. I second the suggestions for a fancy takeout. And order yourself some flowers or tell your husband to order some!

          5. But it’s not either/or. You can be sad for pregnant women worrying about giving birth alone and also sad for people who are disappointed about canceled vacations and celebratory plans. It’s not a contest! That’s what everyone is trying to say. You sound really un-empathetic to say that you don’t feel sorry for someone just because there’s somebody else out there in a worse situation.

          6. Actually, downward social comparison (“at least I’m not ____ like_____”) makes you happier. You wouldn’t think it would, but psych research bears it out. Check it out!

          7. Downward social comparison can be helpful for the person, it’s not helpful for others to throw at you. It also can result in burying your emotions which can cause bigger issues down the road. I personally try to avoid it because it’s literally using someone else’s misery to feel better about yourself which just feels gross even if it works.

          8. But what you’re referring to is comparing yourself positively to other people and being grateful for what you have. That’s not at all the same thing as other people minimizing your pain, which is what some of the comments here were doing. I’ve been having a hard time a lot lately, and I regularly think about all the good things in my life so I can be grateful for them and feel happier. But if I told a friend “hey, I’m really struggling with this situation” and they snapped at me “At least you have a spouse and kids and a job” I would be so hurt and annoyed at that friend. Yes, I have a spouse and kids and a job and I am so incredibly grateful for those things, but sometimes you just want to tell someone you’re sad about something and have them say “I’m sorry, that sucks” without throwing in your face all the things you should be grateful for.

      2. Same here. Above posters: You are beyond unhelpful. OP is allowed to be sad about missing out on what she envisioned for her first Mother’s Day.

        1. Agreed. This board has been so full of people wanting to impose their thoughts, views and opinions on others as fact lately. It is like the policing of actions related to the lockdown is starting to extend into other elements of life, like feelings.

          1. To be fair, a lot of posts lately are whining about trivial stuff. If everyone you love is alive, well, and in your home with you, then you should count your blessings. Some of us are not as lucky and find it really hard to share your sadness over missing a mani/pedi.

          2. I think a lot of posters here lately are experiencing a ton of anxiety that is manifesting in trying to control everyone else’s behavior. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if everyone just did x then everything would be fine

          3. Anon at 10:31 I’m sorry that you’re dealing with whatever you are dealing with but that doesn’t give you an excuse to minimize other people’s sadness or be rude. Just scroll by if someone else’s post feels trivial. I’m not sure how telling someone else you have it worse is going to help you or them. And as someone else pointed out above, I’m sure someone could point to someone who has it worse than you do right now. Would that make you feel any better? Probably not.

            Sorry you’re going through a hard time.

          4. anon at 10:31, your type is the first to sound like a cat doused in water if someone even suggests cutting back on YOUR special events. You just don’t think other people have the right to be upset.

          5. Anon @ 4:35 can you please share the superpower that allows you to so confidently assume an entire personality type from a cryptic 3-sentence posting on an anonymous forum? I am but a mere beginner in the art of jumping to conclusions and this could be a useful skill for my advancement.

    5. You have valid sad feelings. It is rotten. My heart breaks for your loss of the day you wanted to experience. That is all.

    6. Wow, a lot of negative comments. I’m sorry about those. I am also approaching my first mothers day and my kiddo is also almost 1 year old (birthday is May 23). On the last Mother’s Day – like you I was very pregnant and very much ready to have a baby and felt a wee bit cheated that I couldn’t really celebrate because baby wasn’t here yet! But I also have a mom who passed away and no living grandmothers so its always going to be a bittersweet day for me. What about just asking your husband to make it special for you? It would be great if he could read your mind but he likely can’t. Kiddo could still make you a surprise art project, you could still go for a walk with or without your husband and kiddo (assuming the weather cooperates), husband could still make a nice meal for dinner after kiddo is in bed. It won’t be the day you imagined – I would definitely reschedule that for when this is over — but it can still have highlights and make good memories.

  7. Real question-no snark:
    Can someone explain how cases are still going up? My area has had stay at home orders for 6 weeks. I think most of the country has also been at home.
    Is it all coming from the grocery stores,( the only place I’ve been during this time)? Or are people bending the rules?

    1. People are bending the rules like crazy, but I think that the necessary interactions (grocery store, medical, pharmacy) are probably the main drivers among people who are at home. Then there are tons of essential employees who do not have the option to stay home.

      1. Yeah a colleague of mine told me he is HAVING PEOPLE OVER TO HIS HOUSE FOR A COCKTAIL PARTY this weekend. This is the same guy who had his whole family over for Easter, and is still going to the golf course. Ugh. I said “I need you to not tell me this stuff because it makes me think less of you, and I don’t want to think less of you.”

        1. I know you are in the LA-area too. I call LAPD to break this stuff up, and they actually come fast. I’m not normally one to meddle in people’s business, but this is affecting public health and is totally unacceptable.
          I have one neighbor who keeps having karaoke parties with 30+ people, and shocker, a bunch of people that came to one of them now have coronavirus. I have another who has large family gatherings, such as for passover. The latter also told me to not use my AC because I am “putting everyone at risk for the corona.” It’s all so bananas.

        2. My mother has a (now former) friend who has AN ACTUAL POSITIVE COVID-19 DIAGNOSIS and is still socializing! His attitude is “I feel fine, so why would I stop?” He is asymptotic, just walking around.

    2. Lots of people are bending the rules and lots of people are “essential employees” who are still going to work. I can’t believe the grocery store is a significant source of spread, except maybe in places like NYC where it’s hard to stay 6’ apart in the grocery store. More evidence comes out all the time that person-to-person spread accounts for most of the spread and surface-to-person transmission is minimal.

    3. In my state, factories (esp. those dealing with processed foods) are major sources of new cases. Pretty much all the hot spots in my state are associated with factory work because, I’m told, it’s impossible to completely follow social distancing guidelines. Which is terrifying on several levels, actually. It’s having an outsized impact on many Latino and minority communities.

      And there’s a lot of run-of-the-mill rule breaking from people who ought to know better but don’t care. Freedumb!

      1. Factories, nursing homes, other communal living facilities where people live in closer quarters, grocery stores and other essential errands, deliveries, take-out, rule-breaking, and let’s not forget the impact of increased testing on numbers of reported cases.

    4. Because this is just an incredibly infectious disease with a high R-naught factor.

      1. Nah, that’s not really why. It’s higher than the flu but not way higher. It’s because of what was said above about rule breaking and essential workers, and because nobody in the population has any immunity to it. Even without flu shots, we wouldn’t all catch flu every year because we all have immunity to other flu strains that helps protects us. None of us have immunity to this or anything like it (except the few people who have gotten it recently and survived).

          1. I mean “way higher” is a subjective term, but it’s much closer to the flu than to viruses like measles or Zika. And R0 is not fixed. The measures we’re taking lower it. There was just a study that almost half of US states have a Covid R0 that’s currently below 1, because of social distancing measures. So no, R0 is not the reason we’re still seeing new cases.

        1. Here’s a source for R0 of COVID-19 vs the H1N1 flue. 5.7 vs 1.2 or 1.4 is an enormous difference, especially when you’re talking about an exponential process.

    5. Cases are going up because we are doing more testing in many places. On April 1 my state tested 1000 people. Yesterday, we tested 2541. One day, our testing number was 5700+ because one testing center reported really late. The more you test, the more you find. There are several articles in the NYT and Post today about how far more people have or apparently have had this virus than we realized. So no, it’s not the fault of the person having a drink with her neighbor.

    6. Testing is also still increasing. If you’re testing more, you’re going to find more cases. A large chunk of new cases in my state are large clusters in nursing homes where they are testing everyone in the home once one resident tests positive and finding lots of asymptomatic cases.

    7. Cases are going up in my state due to prisons, nursing homes and halfway houses. Also, more testing.

    8. Sigh. This question has also been on my mind. Sadly, my self-isolating employee just caught it this week, and I am very scared for them. It appears very limited outside contact really is sufficient. This makes me so sad and mad, and frustrated at the defiant socializer above.

    9. The level of un-examined privilege here is astounding. There are LOTS of people who still have to go to work. They’re poorer and browner than you and they’re helping you more or less maintain the lifestyles you’re accustomed to. Freak out all you want about the person not social distancing enough; overall they’re not the ones still getting sick.

      1. May I be both? I’m not poorer or browner, but if people like me didn’t go to work, the internet would cease to work. I’m cool with it, it’s our job to serve.

    10. There is more testing. Previously symptomatic people were not counted. Our state’s new cases – which I track on a spreadsheet – are going down as testing -also tracked – is going up.

    11. My husband is an essential worker. He is in food manufacturing. We have completely isolated since March 10. He goes to work and that’s it. We both tested positive this week. We haven’t seen another human being other than through our windows since March 10…..so yes, people are being stupid, but please remember that not everyone who is positive is doing stupid things. It bothers me that people think we did something wrong when I’ve spent most days lecturing people about how scary this is.

      1. I think this is a way bigger problem than the grocery stores–essential workers who have to work in an environment where they can’t distance appropriately from their co-workers. thank you for making this point, i think it is good for all of us to hear that someone who tests positive may not be doing something “wrong.” We appreciate the work that your husband and his co-workers are doing for others and I am sorry that both of you tested positive.

    12. i also think healthcare workers are still spreading this. so, say a nurse who works with covid patients is positive but asymptomatic goes to her doctors office or to her dentist. she doesn’t acknowledge or doesn’t get asked if she works with covid patients, and a hygienist cleans her teeth. or a dermatologist removes a mole for her. most of us on this board are not working right now, but for those who are working (like healthcare workers or others), i think there is a desire to go about life as normal as much as possible. we all acknowledge some degree of abnormality because we are working from home. i think the exposure is really high in healthcare right now and those workers are still a big source of spread. We all rely on the nurses and doctors and others, to care for us and for our families, and i feel for them that they are working through this, but i do think these workers are a big source of spread right now.

  8. I promised I’d follow up so here it is: Went to my doctor’s office, waited for maybe 5 minutes, got my finger stuck. Results came back by email half an hour or so later. Negative for both my husband and me. Not surprised but maybe a little disappointed because I’d hoped the cold I had in late January was going to get me out of this whole mishegas.

    Onward.

    1. Seriously! I am praying (almost; not a person who prays) that I have been exposed. Would be the only present I want this year.

      Bummed for you.

    2. Interesting! May I ask if you know what kind of test you had? My understanding is they’re not all reliable and I wonder how you go about finding a ‘good one’.

      1. My doc said it’s 99% reliable and it’s an IgG test but I don’t know the manufacturer.

        1. Interesting… as I haven’t heard of an IgG test that is this accurate. If it isn’t too much trouble, could you ask your doc which test they used?

    3. There was barely any COVID in this country in late January, of course your cold was just a cold.

      1. This is incorrect. The NYT has been reporting that virus infection was in the US far earlier than we thought.

      2. This is both rude and false. There’s increasing evidence that the virus was here much earlier than anyone thought, particularly in areas where there are historically a lot of international travelers. I think Senior Attorney lives in/near LA, so it’s reasonable for her to think her cold might have been COVID.

        1. +1 I live on the West Coast in Canada and on December 2019 (right around or a bit before Christmas and boxing week, I read an article in The Gaurdian Uk that described a new ‘dangerous flu strain’ was infecting people in China. I remember reading / relaying the information to my husband out loud and being concerned. I believe there were cases earlier than first thought, even in my large West Coast city that sees lots of international travel. Many people may have had this in January.

          1. +1, by Jan. there was spread in Guadong, and there is extensive travel from the US to tech factories there.

    4. Well now the WHO says there’s no evidence antibodies give you immunity, so maybe testing positive for antibodies wouldn’t have mattered.

        1. Not all vaccines operate by creating antibodies and relying on the antibodies for immunity. That’s the traditional model and most, if not all, our current vaccines operate that way. But a lot of the Covid vaccine candidates use new technology. The WHO also said it isn’t proven that you’re immune, which is a very different statement than saying it’s proven you’re not immune. I think they’re basically just taking the cautious approach and saying we don’t have enough immunity data to give survivors “immunity passports.”

          A vaccine is definitely not guaranteed, but there’s nothing so far that suggests it’s impossible.

          1. What’s the new technology? Genuinely curious how we can create vaccines other than antibodies. Sounds awesome if it works

          2. I don’t know how the new vaccines are supposed to work.

            One very hypothetical hypothesis I’ve seen is that the TB vaccine is conferring some protection (hypothesis one) and doing so (hypothesis two) by increasing the number of IGM immunoglobulins generally (I think we know it does that, anyway).

  9. The warmer weather on the west coast has me thinking of summer dresses. When we can finally go out and about town again, what would be your perfect every day summer dress? (Right now I’m wearing jeans to go on for walks, but it may change when I can go bare legged)For me it is a simple short and breezy lightweight cotton or rayon dress with a print for that I would wear for running errands — usually bra friendly and v neck or scooped. Sometimes it is a sophisticated flowey number that I swear I will buy when I see it at Anthropologie, and then it sells out or fits wrong— I might wear this for work with a cardi or jacket. Ideally, it is magically not see through but feels lightweight as a cloud when I wear it on a blazing hot day. I haven’t seen any exciting ones yet online, but I’m still dreaming. What’s your perfect summer dress, or does it not really exist?

    1. I have one. It’s a shirt dress in dark green linen, short sleeved (really half sleeved), and I bought it in Paris. It will forever be my favorite dress.

    2. Boden is my go-to. I’ve got several of the Amelie dress and they had a sleeveless dress last summer that was a very similar style that I’m not seeing on their website right now. The Land’s End fit-and-flare sleeveless is also a favorite, though they are a little heavier cotton than my Boden dresses.

      1. I have two of the Amelie dress too! I’ll also be getting my Zara spotty dress out again – I dyed it green.

    3. Right now, I want every dress described and linked here…They sound amazing. I’ve always been a dress person…

    4. Athleta’s v-neck Santorini dress is pretty close to my ideal dresses. Need to wear Nike shorts underneath though, otherwise stomach/underwear lines are a bit too visible.

    5. Ann mashburn Bridget dress. It is in some magic fabric that is super light but also completely opaque. Warning- it’s expensive, but once you get it, you’ll realize why.

  10. Thanks to whomever recommended Midnight Chicken. I just finished reading it like a novel. It’s a great cookbook and a lovely, if sad, memoir. It will affect me for some time.

    1. I don’t know if it was me who recommended it, but it may well have been – I’m glad it reached something in you. Tonight (it’s 11pm here) I made the sticky ginger beer chicken, but with tofu – absolutely delicious.

      1. I do think it was you! I made that last night! But with chicken and ginger ale instead of ginger beer, and not nearly as much ginger (that’s.. a lot, and more than I had anyway)

    2. Oh I’m so glad to see this comment! The author is a friend, and I love seeing her book get into new hands. (If you haven’t made the brownies yet, they are worth the effort!)

      1. Please tell her I’m so sorry, but thanks so much for writing the book. I can’t wait to make the uplifting pasta.

    3. This sounds like something I really need right now. I’m going to order it. Thanks for sharing. <3

  11. WWYD? Our daycare is planning to reopen May 18 if things stay stable in our community. Would you send your kids back? I am desperate for some actual childcare because the current situation is not sustainable for much longer — but I realize that’s coloring my perspective. At what point would you consider it “safe enough,” both for your family and the larger community? We kept our kids home for several weeks before the daycare closed, out of caution, and because we didn’t feel great about having them in a group setting knowing that other families were not practicing any kind of social distancing. But I honestly can’t say how I should gauge what’s an acceptable enough risk. I want to do the right thing and it’s getting more difficult to tell what that is, exactly.

    1. Some doctor friends were estimating that the chance of their kids getting coronavirus from *them* (ER doctors) and dying was 0.0007%. That’s pretty low. I know some people get anxious about any level of risk (car seats and car rides, airplane rides, horseback riding – there are almost no activities without risk) and the anxiety makes them crazy. I had a friend who wouldn’t let her kid visit any home with a pool, even if she was there.

      It also might change if you or your kids or immediate family members have underlying conditions – asthma, COPD, diabetes, cancer, heart disease. If you are all healthy, that weighs heavy in the equation.

      If you can handle the anxiety and the fact that risk =/= zero, then I would go ahead.

      1. I agree with all of this generally, but I wanted to point out that there has been recent news that asthma is not actually a Covid risk factor. Asthmatics are a higher percentage of the US population than the hospitalized Covid population and Covid deaths, so they’re actually underrepresented when it comes to severe Covid disease. Perhaps this is just me wanting to believe what I want to :) since I have mild asthma, but it seemed like solid data.
        https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/16/health/coronavirus-asthma-risk.html

        1. Thanks for sharing this. I have a kid with mild asthma and have been worried, so this is really good news for us.

    2. We will go back to daycare as soon as it opens but we will probably limit social interactions beyond daycare and in particular avoid grandparents. Kids seem relatively unaffected (numbers seem to show this is lower risk than flu for kids) so I’m comfortable sending but I do worry about kid being a carrier and infecting grandma.

    3. I would for sure, yeah, and am praying I get similar news soon. But no one in my family is high risk, and I would not want to do grandparent visits after we restarted daycare (my parents would probably insist and I’m not sure I would be able to keep them away, but I would want to, because they are higher risk). My kiddo loves school and is so sad about not going, and working without childcare is just not sustainable for us. A nanny isn’t really an option for us financially, and the aspect of school that my kid loves is the other kids, so I don’t see a nanny or long term babysitter as a solution to our childcare woes.

      It’s a very individual decision and I think whatever you decide is right for your family is perfectly valid. I’d say my friends are split about 50-50.

    4. It will be a long time before I send my kid back, because I’m prioritizing her ability to see my dad. My dad has immune conditions and his doctor forbade him from seeing Kiddo because kids are disgusting germ factories (a paraphrase). I know that if she’s interacting with lots of other kids, the chances she’ll get clearance to see my dad decrease… not to mention the risk from her seeing him increases. FWIW i’m still paying tuition.

      1. Yeah, this is very logical. I think a lot of us are going to have to make choices between retuning to group childcare and seeing grandparents. For me, the choice is group childcare but I can totally understand how someone would make the other choice.

        1. I was about to post a followup that I don’t necessarily think everyone should be making the same choices I am / will be (schools are still very much closed). We’re incredibly lucky that my parents live close by and are a huge part of Kiddo’s life, which kinda tips the scales in that direction. Though for 1000 reasons I’d love for her to be back in school.

    5. We’ll be going back as soon as we can. But there are some significant caveats:
      1) Everyone in my household is under 35 and none of us have any underlying health conditions.
      2) All the grandparents live 2,000 miles away and we didn’t have a lot of in-person contact with them even pre-COVID.
      3) We’re in a small college town in a rural county so we have the rural benefit of low population density, but unlike most rural areas our population is generally liberal and educated and obeying social distancing rules. We also have an amazing university-run hospital system that rivals any big city hospital in terms of quality of care. I feel safer here than I would just about anywhere else in the US. Our county has a very low total number of cases and has had a steady decline in new cases for a couple weeks now.
      4) Our daycare center is small and made up only of families who work at the college, so most people know each other at least in passing and I believe the population will be very compliant with any rules the school puts in place, eg., self-quarantining for 14 days after travel.
      5) Our daycare’s leadership is excellent and I know they’re getting guidance from local public health authorities, and won’t open prematurely (see: more than two weeks of declining cases and still no sign of opening).

      If any of these things weren’t true, I’d be much less comfortable with it.

    6. Do you mind saying what state you’re in, or at least what stage of reopening your state is in? Just trying to get a sense of when my daycare might reopen (I know different states have different plans but anecdata helps).

  12. So, vaguely in keeping with the theme of the post, I’m looking for a college graduation gift for my younger brother. I checked the “graduation gifts” post linked above, but he’s not old enough to drink, doesn’t wear makeup, and already has appropriate clothing for his job. (He’s a computer science major and will be working at one of the big Silicon Valley tech companies, so that means nerdy T-shirts and shorts.) Also we live in a virus hotspot, so nobody’s going outside except for grocery shopping. His in-person graduation was canceled because of the coronavirus, so I’m kind of hoping for something special, but all the options I’m seeing either assume a way larger budget than I have or are clearly aimed at people working in very different industries. Ideas? Thanks!

    1. If he does something that will someday require him to work at a desk, you could get him a nameplate for his desk or a fancy frame for his diploma… I would give either of those with either a gift card to somewhere like @m@zon or target or his local grocery store or cash. Another option is to give him something tangible along with a monthly food-related delivery whether it be a meal kit or fancier produce or something, it might be a fun reminder that he is loved while also being something he could enjoy whether he is home or in an office. Whatever you decide, you may want to be mindful about keeping the item small if he is moving from a college place to an adult home in the near future, to remember that many new grads are pretty broke and can use groceries more than trinkets, and that he may have mixed feelings about receiving tons of graduation focused gifts for a celebration he did not get to have. An alternative is to gift him something small and useful now along with an experience later, whether it’s tickets to his closest theme park or a road trip with you or something, it might be fun for him to have something to look forward to!

      1. I’ll disagree that a desk accessory or diploma frame would be good — especially because of his industry.

        Is there a tech upgrade he would appreciate for home, especially if companies are likely to have people WFH more often going forward? New monitors or other accessories? Wifi boosters? (In my family, I’d ask for very specific requests here – like seriously give me the link to what you want – as the non-tech-expert trying to buy for the tech expert is likely to misfire otherwise.)

          1. I was thinking he would be WFH for a while (if not indefinitely) and was picturing a nice frame for his home office or workspace or something for his desk that might help him feel more like an adult than a student, I hadn’t thought about either within the workplace itself, as I figure the first several months will be working from home (if not longer). Sorry for not being clearer! :)

    2. I would go for a good pen. I like Caran d’ache both ballpoint and fountain pens. It’s personal (and I think they do free engraving if you want), good quality, easy to carry with you in a move, and isn’t a silly “you’re a computer nerd so here’s a nerd thing” gift. It’s simple, and understated, but a good pen could also be a marker of being an adult. (Not saying it has to be – everyone is welcome to their $1 bic of choice.)

    3. Maybe something like a really nice hoody (e.g., American Giant)? Along the same lines, could you upgrade something he already uses regularly (nicer headphones, better set-up for making coffee and some local beans)?

      1. I really like the nice headphones idea . . and he’ll use them at work as well

    4. I have to be honest. A nameplate seems very old / dated. Who even has them, other than perhaps government officials in old-fashioned offices interacting with the public? He might wind up working from home half the time. And he doesn’t seem to be in an industry where one would hang a diploma on the wall or use a fancy pen. Honestly, these seem like ideas for college graduations circa 1980, not 2020.

      1. I’m in his industry, and agree with the assessment of nameplate or framed diploma (that would look so odd and he probably won’t have an office), but many of us techies like to dote on our physical tools. Very good coffee makers, well functioning watches, notebooks with the paperweight and line darkness we want, pens that are a pleasure to use with practical features, bags that are light and durable with good design. I stand by the pen recommendation, but obviously steer away from the Gold Plated Desk Pen to put in front of your Oak Framed Diploma from 1984 ;)

    5. This is an unusual time to graduate for sure. My thought is a framed print/quote that is personal & inspiring. I am partial to the Roosevelt dare greatly one as a reminder to be my bravest, bada$$ self no matter what the haters may say.
      Is there a historical person he looks up to? Or a riotous New Yorker cartoon that speaks to you of his nature?
      Let us know what you choose!

      1. Here’s another whimsical idea, an Etsy painted rock paperweight ….even IT people have papers on their desks. Easy, affordable, personal and useful.

    6. hmmm…. maybe a Silicon Valley classic?

      A pair of All-Birds
      A Timbuk2 messenger bag

    7. I’d get him something that combines his interests/ high tech and classic grad gift. Such as a smart watch that looks analog; Garmin, the original purveyors of GPS’s, makes some really gorgeous ones.

  13. Are blue light glasses worthwhile? Have already adjusted my phone/computer to a lower level of brightness, but wondering if they would help reduce eye strain.

      1. I set my phone to switch to “night display” but will research red shift. Thank you!

    1. Why not just put bluelight blockers on your electronics? I use flux on the computer and my phone has a built-in blocker option. Both free and always on so I don’t have to wear (or not lose) something!

      1. I’m the anon above who wears them for headaches – flux and the blocker on my phone (and turning both to grayscale) weren’t enough. So I wear the glasses, too.

  14. Are Tory Burch Miller sandals over? I noticed a comment the other day on here that they are. I typically seem to be a little slow to catch on to trends and things. I really like mine and will keep wearing them but enjoy knowing how dated my look is at any given time!

    1. Yes, the height of that brand’s popularity and the ubiquity of its particular logo is several years in the past. Now that you mention it, I can’t remember the last time I saw either the flats or the sandals out in the wild, but then again I haven’t seen anything other than folks in sweatpants for quite a while…

    2. I think they peaked a few years ago. Sort of like how the Reva flats were ubiquitous a decade ago and then everyone just… got bored of them. Not that they look bad or super dated, just not the latest. In general, sandals that are more like slides are “current” but my feet hate them and chafe – so I’m sticking with flip flop / th-ng sandal styles regardless. If that’s you, too, I’d try to swap to a style that doesn’t feature a big logo medallion.

      1. Thanks! It depends on the style – my feet look so dumb in the Hermes (or knockoff) ones because they are super wide right at the cutout. When something is peaking is right around the time I even become conscious it exists!

        1. The Hermes and knockoffs were exactly what I was picturing as more current. I tried on the Steve Madden version last year and the cutouts weren’t good for my feet either :)

    3. I think trends have somewhat shifted away from logos, but I totally respect continuing to wear them & owning your personal style preferences! I’ve been reflecting on how much time and money I waste buying/returning/selling clothing & accessories and am trying to shift out if they habit.

  15. Last week I reached out to a professional contact for advice he was uniquely positioned to give. It took 5 minutes of his time. He was inappropriately flirty with me when we worked together a few years ago to the point where management had to intervene so it was hard for me to reach out. Now he won’t stop emailing me, asking questions like “am I quarantining alone”. Don’t want to burn a bridge, but, come on, dude! UGH

    1. Some bridges aren’t worth saving, and I would have expected this one to be burned when he acted so inappropriately that management had to intervene. Do not reach out to him again. His advice isn’t that valuable, no matter how unique.

      1. This is true, but this is also how women lose out on connections and information relative to men, which is disappointing, sigh.

  16. Saturdays these days are so hard for me. I’ve gotten used to WFH during the week but I still miss my Saturday routine so much. I’d take a class at the gym, then meet a friend for breakfast. I’d go grocery shopping, stop for a latte, and spent the evening cooking with my husband. I miss the human interaction so much, even just the chitchat with the grocery clerk. I do what I can- walk every day, listen to a fun podcast every Sat, chat with friends, but I feel like I should be better able to handle the change in routine- instead, I’m a tearful mess. Husband works Saturdays now.

    Just looking for commiseration. Thank you.

    1. Agreed. this is the end of week 5 for us, and i am struggling. saturdays are the worst for me as well. like you, i miss my saturday morning workouts. when the weather is bad, it is so much worse. i am beginning to feel like there is no way out of this and i just start to spiral. i miss running errands! and why can’t i find any clorox wipes anywhere?

      1. Luckily you don’t need Clorox wipes in a home; you can sanitize using other methods. Just like you don’t need hand sanitizer in the home bc you can wash your hands.

    2. same. i’m at my parents house and my stress level/annoyance at living like a teenager when i’m in my 30’s just caused me to run up the stairs and slam the door after they asked if I wanted to go on a drive. #mature but seriously, i want my life back.

    3. Your feelings are valid, there is no “should” for this time. Have a good cry, goodness knows you have company. It is freakin hard right now.

    4. Saturday this time of heat in this gorgeous weather (I’m in CA) used to mean getting up early, putting on my grubbies, and heading to the plant nursery. I’d spend the morning planting and weeding and sweating, then shower around noon, then have lunch and a big iced tea in my garden. The evening would mean a cocktail with my husband and a nice roast chicken or a tri tip.

      I can’t go to the garden center (some attached time hardware stores are open, but to me it’s not worth the risk for the few things they actually have in stock), I haven’t been able to get any whole chickens or roasts at the grocery store, and we’re running very low on cocktail fixings.

      Still, last night I made some spearmint simple syrup with the mint that grows wild (and encroaches on my tomato garden) and tonight, or what the hell, this afternoon, we’ll have mint juleps looking at the weedy, mostly un-planted garden.

    5. I’m sorry. I hope it gets better.
      I’ve gone to personal trainer via FaceTime, and that’s a good enough combo of exercise and personal attention that I think it patches the social gym experience. It’s expensive, but I go 3x per week and consider it worth it.
      Maybe an option for you?

  17. Crocs… Trying to find them or something as washable-hose offable, meant to be comfy as possible but that does not have the tiny bumps on the inside where the bottom of the foot goes. Need something flat bottomed so no designs or patterns or tags or the like. Flip flops are out because the spot where the strap connects to the shoe causes blisters. Hoping to find something with a back or strap too since that is better for not putting pressure on toes. Any recommendations? (Shoe shopping for someone with sensory processing disorder is difficult as it makes textures and feelings no-go options!)

    1. Do Native shoes have textured insoles? I don’t know, but someone on here likely does.

    2. This person probably has wide feet if the flip flop causes blisters where the straps connect on the side.

      I second Birkenstocks. After the break in period, they will be custom fit to this persons foot. And they come in narrow and regular widths – the regular width fits and average width man’s size, and it’s what I wear.

  18. My husband has been going back to school and just finished up his bachelors. He loves Vans, so I got him a custom pair in his school colors. He was very pleased, though a little bummed that he won’t be able to show them off for a while.

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