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I first heard about Levi's “Totally Shaping” pull-on skinny jeans in a Frugal Friday post right here on Corporette. That was about a year ago, and now the price at Amazon, which was already very affordable, is even lower. The jeans also now have, whoa, 50,000+ ratings on Amazon! (I mean, they even rated an article in US Magazine.)
I'd never bought pull-on jeans before, and as someone who's dealt with the waist-gap issue with many styles and brands of jeans before, I wasn't sure if they'd work. But when I tried them on, I found that they actually fit my waist well, and they're comfortable and flattering.
Regarding the length, I'm only 5′ and bought the 28″ inseam, crossing my fingers. (I'm so tired of having to get jeans shortened. Sigh.) But I think I can get away without shortening these. I'll have to roll them up if I wear them with ankle boots, but I'll probably mostly wear them with flats. Three inseam lengths are available: 28″, 30″, and 32″. (Aside from the inseam, the size chart was a little weird, although I luckily picked the right size; I would recommend buying two and returning one.)
The jeans are only $24.99 at Amazon right now and come in several colors, including wine and a light olive green. I bought “Stormy Sky,” which is a great dark blue shade. They're also available in plus sizes (for one of those classic Amazon price ranges of $14.84–$49.94).
PSA: This is my second time ordering these jeans — but the only successful one. Somehow, I didn't check the seller's rating the first time I ordered, so I didn't know it was, uh, one star. Not surprisingly, that pair never arrived. (I got a refund from Amazon.) The second time, about a week ago, I didn't have any problems — the jeans arrived quickly via Prime. So just make sure you're buying from a reputable seller (always a good idea, obviously).
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Jeans
I have these jeans and basically live in them. Particularly through the WFH period, it was so comfortable and versatile – AND SO CHEAP!!
Anon
Same. I have so many of these. They sell a long inseam length (which is also higher in the rise) and they don’t slip down all day like my other stretchy jeans do. Sign me up. Which I did. I signed myself up.
Explorette
I’m wearing mine today!
EB
50,000 reviews is SO many. I am just curious if anyone knows how a product gets so many reviews? Do they solicit them?
Cat
Not on topic for the jeans, but I bought a widget last year and the card in the box said “post a 5 star review and then email us with a screenshot and we’ll send you a $10 A—n gift card! Just be sure not to mention this card in your review as it could get you [yes, you] in trouble with A—n!”
lol. Nice try.
Ellen
I have a pair, and endorse them, and I have a tuchus! I think that Kate picked a winner, even for those of us with larger tuchii! The best thing about these are that they are not expensive so you don’t have to worry if you don’t like them–you can give them to NY Cares and get a deduction! YAY!
On another topic, how are people dealing with the new mask rules? I plan on keep wearing them indoors because of the people who are not vaccinated, even tho I am, I do NOT want their bad breathe giving me COVID. FOOEY!
Anon
FYI, I tried the straight leg version of these (or kind of version of these – they said totally shaping but had a waistband and a fly) and sadly they are not the same. They don’t have the same snug feeling in the belly area, the fabric is much thinner, and they were sliding down on me within a few hours. It’s not a sizing thing. It’s a stretch fabric thing. I’ve had it happen with high end as well as low end brands. It’s too bad because I liked the fit of the leg – a skinny straight but not a skinny, so room at the ankle.
The elastic waist in the skinny style (today’s post) really does a lot.
Anon
They’re tempting, but the short inseam is still two inches too long for this human stump.
Anonymous
Have you heard of hemming?
Anon
That never works with these styles. Cutting off that much length means the taper is gone, and the bottom flops around instead of being slim against the ankle. It requires reconstruction of the entire leg.
Anon
I don’t think it’s a bad idea to have some extra room around the ankle now that straight legs are more “in” than skinny.
Any landlords out there?
I need advice as a reluctant landlord.
I rented my prior home to an acquaintance of my brother. Tenant moved in in December. He is a Piece of Work. He is so toxic and nasty that multiple contractors or service providers have abruptly stopped [tasks] and left, calling me to apologetically explain that they will not return while Tenant is there to finish [tasks].
I had a landscaper scheduled to start today. Several days of outdoor work. By 9:43AM, Tenant had barraged me with texts that Landscaper wasn’t there, was probably incompetent, he didn’t want them working at “his” home, but also sending me a picture of the landscaping that needs to get done, etc. I got him to calm down by pointing out that Landscaper was probably picking up mulch which takes some time, Friday traffic, etc. By 10AM Landscaper had indeed arrived.
Does anybody have advice for me on how to get this guy to simmer down? This is a small community, and I don’t need him alienating valued tradespeople and service providers – at my property or otherwise. He is a lawyer, which makes me wary. To complicate matters, there are some things that I want/need to do at this home, mostly outside work, and I am sloughing off because frankly I am afraid to go there and face a barrage of criticism and general surliness. Among other things, he had emphatically told me that “his weekends are not to be disturbed” but I work for a living so I can’t get over there during the week.
Brother doesn’t want to get involved. Brother has apologized for suggesting Tenant to me, and has suggested that perhaps Tenant is bi-polar. This doesn’t really help me.
Cat
No, but I’d be checking your lease for when you can give notice of non-renewal, and your landlord-tenant laws in case he refuses to move out.
Senior Attorney
You have a bad tenant and you need to get him out as soon as possible. My suggestion is to talk to a lawyer who specializes in this kind of thing and find out what your options are.
Senior Attorney
Which may include paying him off to move out early, if it’s really that bad.
Anon
Yes, this. Maybe a large, absolutely necessary repair to the home rendering it uninhabitable, so he is going to have to move out?
anon
Often, a lease says that if it’s uninhabitable, the landlord just has to prorate the rent until the property is inhabitable again. It doesn’t actually terminate the lease unless the property is expected to uninhabitable for some period of time (120 days, 6 months, the remaining term of the lease). At least, that’s what the standard leases I work on say. I don’t know what OP’s lease says.
Anonymous
Figure out when the lease is up and how to evict him.
Anon222
Since we don’t know where you live, or what your contract says, we can only be of limited help. I’d talk to a lawyer asap to see what your options are.
Any landlords out there?
So I have talked to a lawyer that does a lot of LL/tenant work in the area. TBH Lawyer was sympathetic but not that helpful. The lease doesn’t require Tenant to be a nice person to tradespeople, and he isn’t violating his lease (yet). He HAS threatened to move out, which I indicated would work great for me since he is paying below-market rent at this point. Then he quickly changed his tune.
For the next tenant, I will be really frank about the behaviors that I consider acceptable or not. And there is zero chance I renew his lease. I am hoping he moves out early; he has made some noise about wanting to live in the major city ~30 minutes away.
Anon222
No termination rights for you as LL? Are you in an LL or tenant friendly state/jurisdiction?
If this work can wait until the tenant moves out, I would wait so you can avoid damaging your relationships with tradespeople. Unless not doing the work will voilate your obligations under the lease, do not do the work. If you have to, do the bare minimum to stay in compliance with the lease.
Anon
Check w/ the lawyer before not renewing the lease. My state has strong tenant protections and you can’t just not renew. You can go month to month but you can’t just ask the tenant to move out at the end of the lease because you want them to. You can only get them to move out for non-payment of rent, destructive behavior, disturbing other tenants, basically the same reasons you can get out of a lease. I think there are some LL protections if this is your only rental property.
Anon
Send ALL the tradespeople to your house and maybe that will get him to move out. Maybe jackhammer up and old patio and replace it with pavers (ask me how I know how disruptive that is)
Anonymous
It’s not just “being frank about the behaviors” – you need to vet prospective tenants better. You make or lose money and set the course of the tenancy with the vetting you do upfront. Not enough vetting, this is what happens.
Longtime landlord
Anon
Honest Q — how to you vet for this? Most LLs may balk at being candid b/c they want the person gone. A credit check won’t show this, either. I’m surprised that the brother had no idea, but a personal relationship contact would be the most likely to know the 411 (and yet here was a failure).
[Not just with tenants, but especially with tenants b/c the law gives them a lot of protections in many places.]
anonnnn
References. Signed, former LL
anon
Sometimes you can’t. I am a LL. I once had a problem tenant who had a good reference and was fine for 2 years. We lived on the property, and she was fine, even nice. Then we moved (a few miles away), and it was like a switch flipped. She got really aggressive with me and my husband. She would demand repairs and then not let in the workers, then accused them of stealing. She harassed and threatened the new tenant, to the point the police were called. I terminated her lease. She threatened me with lawyers, then when I told her lawyer to call me at work anytime (I’m a lawyer), she texted, “THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS.” Her lawyer never called me. For a while after she left the apartment, she would drive up and down my husband’s and my street around the time we got home in the evening and glare. She was totally nuts, but seriously, we lived above her for 2 years with no problems.
Anonymous
References, and not just the most recent ones. We do credit checks (not just for score, but for history of jobs, addresses, etc. – short stays? long tenures?), background checks, employer references, and we call the last two landlords.
You won’t catch everyone this way, but you will weed out many poor tenants. Plus, you’re watching for their demeanor when you ask for these things. Do they balk at sharing this info? That’s a red flag.
anon
Check your lease for non-renewal provisions, and set a calendar reminder. You could talk to a lawyer about your options, but you probably don’t have cheap ones at this point. Document everything he does that is nasty or disruptive.
Check your lease provisions about notice for maintenance, repairs, improvements, etc. You may need to give notice to enter if it’s not an emergency, but you also probably don’t need his consent. You may not even need to give notice to just do outside work. Disengage as much as possible–require all communications to be in writing unless there’s an emergency. There is no reason the tenant even needs to be aware of when a landscaper who works outside and does not enter his unit is scheduled to show up.
If it’s not already in your lease, for next time, add a clause that the landlord has the right to enter the premises to make repairs, do maintenance, show to prospective tenants or sellers, at all reasonable times without notice (or with 24 hours’ notice except in an emergency, if that’s required in your state). I always try to work with a tenant’s schedule as much as I can, but if they start fighting me about it, or claiming they’re doing me a favor letting me show the property to prospective tenants (which happened this week), it’s nice to be able to say, “Actually, I CAN show up at any reasonable time. I’m not trying to barge in at all hours, so work with me here.”
Anon
I agree with this. Just do the work. Ignore his calls and texts. Respond that evening and say you were busy working and couldn’t talk to him at the time.
Anonymous
What do you need to do yourself outside? Unless it’s critical just don’t.
Anon
LL in a very tenant friendly jurisdiction here, so if you’re facing the same, I would handle by shifting repair responsibility to the tenant (tenant arranges/hires and gets cost approval from you, you pay or permit deductions from the rent owed). And unless it’s urgent or breaches the lease, don’t bother doing anything to the place while he’s there. You can fix things when he moves out eventually.
Anon
How can you possibly ethically make jeans that are only $25? I am absolutely not claiming I am perfect in this regard, but it seems likely there were environmental and/or labor corners cut here.
Anonymous
You definitely cannot
Anonymous
There is literally no way for a *new* $25 pair of jeans to be ethical. Everyone should try their best and look inwards instead of immediately getting defensive.
No Face
I mean, that’s true of most inexpensive clothing. Buy what you can used, buy what you can made in the USA and/or by sustainable companies, and accept that the rest will not meet those standards.
Vicky Austin
There was something going around recently about how even if you can afford only fast fashion levels of clothing and you wear them for years, that’s 100% better than doing a SHEIN haul every other month and never wearing any of those clothes again. That made me feel better about my Old Navy jean shorts that I wore for 4 summers of camp counseling.
Anon
Maybe you can’t, but if you are buying at a place like Marshall’s, they are taking items that are probably sold to them at a loss by an up-the-foodchain retailer and reselling for more. The sewer’s wages only get paid once.
Anon
You’re kidding yourself if you think your name brand $$$ jeans are made ethically. You are paying for the label, not ethical practices.
Anon
I agree with this. All jeans probably cost less than $25 to make. You’re just paying more for brand recognition but zero money toward working conditions.
Anon
Yes, I think part of it is profit margin and volume. They can afford to make less because they’re selling a ton of these things.
Anon
I didn’t say that, and like I said I know I’m not perfect. But this seems like a bright flashing neon sign that this particular product is not good.
Anon
Not everyone can afford ethically made clothing, sadly
Anon
That is true! Probably not applicable to most of this place’s readership, though. I mean, we have regular commenters who brag about buying one of every color of different items.
Anonymous
Brag? What a negative read. We only duplicate buy a product we love, so when I posted about repeating the same Ann Taylor or Coach outlet shoes, it’s a product endorsement for inexpensive buys that turned out to be really good quality. But hey, if you would prefer to simmer in a vat of hate, YDY.
anon
This is such a weird overreaction to a totally benign comment. It’s well documented that there are many high earners on this board.
anon
I would assume the high earners on this board also aren’t buying 25 dollar jeans. This whole comment chain is bizarrely hostile
Anon
Well this particular thread is about buying multiples of items, not necessarily $25 jeans. But rich people love bargains too!
Horse Crazy
Yeah, well some of us buy $10 Old Navy tees in every color, not $400 dresses. So maybe don’t make assumptions?
anon
+1 things I buy in every color are things that either totally love after some time or I know will last me a long time and often times both. If I’m still loving a purchase a few years in, the ethical choice is to buy that same item rather than buy something that I may not like and will end up in a landfill while I go make multiple replacement purchases. Buying in every color is one of my more frugal habits….
Anon
Re yesterday’s purse discussion. I am in the office (this week — schools are open again). I went to get lunch and had with me:
badge
iphone
glasses
I needed a purse. I didn’t have a purse b/c laptop bag. Old badge fit in iPhone card holder and new one doesn’t (waaah). Will check my closet this weekend for a suitable smaller bag that can go into laptop bag.
Anonymous
Congrats?
Anon
There’s a meme about how much women can carry in their fingers – that sounds like you!
I got lots of great suggestions for a crossbody in yesterday afternoon’s post, in case that’s the style you’re looking for
Anon
Do many people bring a work bag and a purse to work?
I commute with either a backpack (days that I bike) or a leather tote bag (days that I walk or take the subway) and put my phones/wallet/keys/badge/glasses in the larger bag. When I head out for lunch or coffee, I just carry what I need (2 phones, wallet, badge).
Obviously my experience is not gospel but in both my current office and my last office, I’ve never seen a coworker carry a purse/wristlet.
Anon
OP here — the glasses are my finger-carrying breaking point. I think b/c I carry a larger laptop bag, I will get a large clutch (or one of those cross-body bags that can be a clutch sans strap) and put the smaller bag in the bigger one, like a makeup pouch.
Anon222
I always tuck my reading/BL/sunglasses into the front of my shirt. If you have to carry them with you, would this work? I also use the top of my head, but I know that doesn’t work with certain styles and can potentially stretch them out.
Anonymous
Not OP, but I have prescription sunglasses and need to keep them in a case and switch them for my regular prescription glasses when in use.
Anon
I’m yesterday’s crossbody bag poster (eagerly awaiting shipping of my new Cuyana!) I would never carry my prescription sunglasses in anything but a case. They cost $800 even with vision insurance – progressive lenses that my fussy eyeballs can tolerate are expensive. The sunglass case is a major reason I need a handbag.
And my new-to-me dog is major reason I need a crossbody rather than a bag I carry on my shoulder or arm. He’s definitely a two-arms-required dog when we’re out in public.
Anon
New dog owner, too, and I wear a fanny pack old-school style now that I’ve ditched the winter coat.
Anon
I’m from the original fanny pack era and I can’t bring myself to do it again. I’m also not a sporty type.
Cat
Wristlets are really common in my office. Lots of people leave the building and walk to get lunch, so between having one hand tied up with food and needing the other to open doors, swipe badges, etc. trying to just carry everything — in clothes without practical pockets — doesn’t work.
Anonymous
I keep a wristlet in my bicycle pannier. Into the pannier goes laptop in sleeve, any extra clothes or food, mask stuff etc, and a wristlet which can hold my phone, card holder, badge and keys, if I need to bring them anywhere during the day.
No Face
I liked a wristlet for this purpose back in my office days. I usually bought lunch at food trucks and took it back to my desk, so I needed my hands.
Explorette
I have been searching for the unicorn wristlet that holds phone, sunglasses, badge. If anyone has suggestions, I’d love to hear them!
Anonymous
I buy clutches that have either wrist or shoulder straps. They are slim, so easy to put in my laptop tote. L.K. Bennett has patent or regular leather clutches that work for day.
Anon
This is exactly why I don’t believe everyone who says covid has made them think purses are unnecessary. That change is not gonna last.
Cat
I’m one of them and so far it’s sticking for casual errands — if I’m wearing pants with pockets or a jacket I’m good to go.
Workwear unfortunately… not as flexible.
No Face
I go purse-free in cold weather because my coat or down vest usually has deep pockets. Otherwise, I still need a purse!
Anin
I switched to using nice work bags that can hold my laptop and personal items. Knomo Grosvenor does this job perfectly.
DeepSouth
I got the AllSaints Captain Lea leather crossbody on sale at Nordstrom. I have been using the Gucci camera bag all winter in black and wanted a neutral for spring. I picked this one up instead of another designer bag. It’s still big enough to be useful, but the shape will tuck nicely into my laptop tote as well.
Anon
My husband, mother, and brother are teachers. My father is retired military. Suffice it to say that none of them know what they’re talking about in regards to private business.
I am so mentally fatigued by managing their pandemic emotions regarding my job. I work for a private company (truly private: multigenerational owners who rebuff all buyers, train the grandkids into the field from their teens, and no stockholders). My family is constantly freaking out that if I don’t get back in the office soon, the company is going to offshore my job. This is simply not true. I’m a senior SME whose work requires both in-depth industry knowledge and exacting language skills. My job is fine, and frankly I’m excited about the way my industry is embracing remote work.
But OMG, they just will not calm down and lay off, no matter how much I explain. I was kicking around the idea of looking for a fully-remote position, but I don’t know if I can handle the stress of them feeding each other’s fears and hassling me about it. My husband is completely distressed that I will be downsized at any moment, and no amount of reassurance or education about my field is soothing his old-fashioned views. I am losing my mind.
Anon
Do they all have rampant untreated anxiety? Agree that this is a them problem (and sorry it’s spilled over into being a you problem.
Easy answer: you have competitors, no? You could go work for them IF your job is outsourced / shipped overseas. But even they know: do they want to deal with outsourced overseas tech support / customer service? I didn’t think so. If your owner/bosses aren’t idiots, agree that your job is safe (or as safe as it ever was). Possible case: they will save on real estate costs and you will be permanently WFH.
Anonymous
Have you tried “at this point your refusal to trust that I understand my own job is disrespectful. I refuse to listen to it anymore.” And then not listening to it? Like. Get up and leave the room. Hang up the phone. Tell your husband you’re upset that he thinks you’re an idiot who doesn’t understand her own job and you’re scheduling couples therapy.
Anon
+1. Once I sat her down and explained to my mom that her second-guessing of my work decision was insulting, I just stopped engaging. If she brought it up, I said that I know what I’m doing and will not talk about this because your insulting my intelligence. It took some time, but it got a lot better. May not work for everyone, but might be worth trying if you haven’t yet.
Anon222
+2 This is absurd. Do not engage with this.
pugsnbourbon
You may have already tried it, but if not, put them on an information diet immediately. You don’t even need to tell your husband you’re job searching, though I’d let him know prior to accepting an offer. But tell the others absolutely nothing.
If they continue to press and natter at you, tell them to stop. If they don’t, leave/hang up.
Cornellian
+1. Don’t tell them anything, it will just give them fuel to worry/freak out about.
Anon
Are you the meal ticket for all these people? Why are they so stressed about your job? You don’t owe them any more explanations or reassurances. Thank them for their concern and refuse to engage. “I’m not worried about it,” is a complete response.
Anonymous
“We have been told not to go back to the office until they tell us to. I can’t imagine it would be good for my career to ignore what my boss tells me. I’m not even sure if the building is open or accessible without permission.”
“We discussed this. I have been told to work from home and am not allowed to go to the office.” Repeat Ad nauseum.
Anon
So sorry! My husband claims to be freaking out over this too- it turns out the bigger push is he wants me out of our small house so he can revel in retirement again! I thought we were sharing the house pretty well but apparently not…
Vicky Austin
Mom??
(Kidding, but you have my sympathy!)
Anonymous
I am with your husband here. My husband’s employer is signaling that it will be going to permanent WFH. I am Not Pleased, as I had hoped to go back to the office only two days a week. My commute is over an hour each way; his is 15 minutes. I cannot take much more of being trapped in this house with my husband yelling on Zoom all day, and I don’t want to give up 10 hours of my week commuting just so his employer can save on office space.
TL/DR, go back to your office ASAP and give your husband some breathing room. Spouses are not meant to be together 24/7.
OP
Yes, we talked and once he made clear this was his deal, I agreed to 1day a week (my office is restricting how many ppl can be there, this is all I can do for now!) I’m wearing headphones and trying to give him space!
Anonymous
On behalf of all introverted spouses, thank you for your understanding and kindness.
Anonymous
Maybe you could start bragging a little? When they freak out – agree with them. Yes, it’s terrible about the people who have XYZ jobs, or don’t have seniority above level D. Validate the fear, but not how it relates to you. Because you are very pleased that you have these special Unicorn Skills that makes your employer do whatever it takes to keep you, even letting you WFH.
Seventh Sister
I think there are some people who just can’t imagine that remote work is real work. I finally had to stop engaging with my mom because she thought being “at home” meant I had the day off!
With your husband, my thought is to go through the stuff that would happen if you lost your job. As scary as it is to think about A Bad Thing happening, I know with my job, I’d get some kind of severance, then draw on emergency money for living expenses, all the while looking for a new job by applying to new jobs and networking. I’d also pick up some temp work, possibly work as a consultant, consider taking a retail or service job if I was sufficiently worried about health insurance. Would it suck? Yes. Is it impossible? No.
jeans
Any recs for a pair of black flare or bootcut jeans? I am a curvy pear – very small waist and big rear. I am also short waisted so Mom jeans/very high waisted jeans don’t work so well.
I
anonymous
I would check Old Navy. Or maybe Express? I remember getting lots of low rise, flare and boot cut jeans from there back in the day.
jeans
Thanks for the suggestions. Express just doesn’t work for my body shape. And so far no go with Old Navy.
Anonymoose
Similar body type here. I find a midrise works best for me. I highly recommend trying the Levi’s Curvy Bootcut. I honestly ordered mine on the river site.
Anonymous
Take a look at Talbots curvy cut.
20+ year lover of original Talbots
I get SO frustrated with Talbots. They have only a few non-skinny Curvy jeans. Then I put them in my cart and check out … one assumes that they are available. Only many many days later when I get a confirmation email the shipping is literally two to three months later! One year I returned a pair and to this very moment, I have never gotten a refund. SO frustrating. I will check out your suggestions of other brands. BTW I recently sent customer service at Talbots an email about the present situation and got a “thank you for shopping at Talbots” email in return. Really.
Anon
I’ve had good luck with Mother. Needed to size up (which I discovered because my usual size wasn’t in stock). They have a few cuts that will give you warm and fuzzy 90s feels.
Anon365
I had great luck with Joe’s (also a short waisted pear).
Mal
Universal Standard! I have a great pair of black flare jeans from them – same body type as you.
Z
I had a job interview this morning for a position I am really excited about – it went really, really well. I was so nervous going into it but the interviewers were very chill and said I did a great job. Hopefully I’ll have a good update in a coupe of weeks!!
Senior Attorney
Woo hoo! Good luck!
No Face
Great feeling. Ride it all weekend!
Anon
Good luck OP! Keep us posted.
Anon
High five! Fingers crossed for good news.
Anonymous
Okay, I have a bedroom/office that’s really sized for a twin sized bed, but I’d like to be able to put up couples somehow. Are there any good solutions for this? Do beds that expand from a smaller to larger size really work? I want the room to have a bed and not a sofa on a day-to-day basis, so the usual office sleeper sofa concept isn’t working.
No Face
I have an Ikea hemnes day bed that does this. Twin that can expand to full. The problem is having a good mattress when it is expanded. In the future, I will get a really good air bed to put on top of it.
Anon
I had a great L-shaped Ikea thing for this where the full sized bed popped up like a trundle. Freiten? Something like that. It may be cozy for a couple, but it’s better than a twin.
Anonymous
Murphy bed? You can also get a daybed with trundle that pops up to the same height as the daybed, creating a king, but there will be a gap between the mattresses.
PolyD
My boyfriend is large and I don’t like to share anything smaller than a queen-size bed with him (and that’s cramped) so I like the idea of a twin with a trundle bed under it. I’d rather sleep by myself in a twin than with him in a full.
To be clear, I would not complain to the host if offered a full-size bed, but I might decided that we should stay in a hotel in the future. Which is also not an insult to the host, I realize I am fussy!
Anan
We just bought a cabinet Murphy Bed that’s queen sized and I’m really excited about it.
Anonymous
I think the solution is to focus on couples visiting being two people you, and have room for two people to sleep comfortably. You don’t need to make sure that couples get a king size bed so that they can sleep together. Any solution that involves two small twins is fine. A trundle bed would be excellent. +1 for the IKEA hemnes day bed.
Anonymous
Thanks for the ideas. I am liking the trundle concept if I can find one that’s nice and built for adults. It helps to hear that people have had success with the IKEA options and don’t curse their memory.
Anonymous
See if you can find a good quality trundle pop up bed.
Cb
We have the hemnes in my son’s room, I would upgrade the mattress for adults but it is totally fine to sleep on and the underbed storage is fantastic for linens etc.
anon
I had older version of this bed (mine was more daybed-style) and was happy.
Attracted to Co-Worker
I’ve gradually become attracted to a co-worker. (I’m married, he is divorced, FWIW). He is in a different practice group, so I don’t work with him regularly, but see him regularly around the office and he and I chat on a fairly regular basis. Nothing inappropriate has occurred, but I find myself looking forward to seeing him more than I feel comfortable with. I have started to care more about my appearance at work, as well. He is not the type of guy I’d normally be attracted to, and he is not really physically handsome, but this is happening anyway. I feel guilty about this, and I’m afraid it is going to get worse if I don’t somehow head it off. Quitting my job seems a bit extreme and is not on the table anyway. Any suggestions?
Z
Maybe start by limiting interaction to only when is necessary for work. If he stops by to chat, can you cut it off quickly and say that you’re really busy?
Anonymous
I would talk to a therapist about why this is happening.
Anon
Not everything needs to be pathologized. Crushes happen. If it were a pattern with OP, that was disrupting their life, that’s when therapy would be an appropriate recommendation.
That said, therapy is great, go if you have a chance and want to, just please don’t feel like crushing on a coworker immediately classifies as shrink territory.
Anon
Y’all need therapy for why you are addicted to therapy.
anonymous
What’s going on in your marriage? Is your husband meeting your emotional needs / speaking your love language? Focus on fixing any issues there, especially if there is anger or resentment towards your husband that you haven’t dealt with. Also therapy if you need it.
I’ve been in your shoes and made bad choices and took things too far. Don’t do that. It won’t end well. Play the scenario out in your mind – imagine telling your husband that you cheated. Do you have kids? Is this the type of behavior you want to model for them?
The way you head this off is by keeping your behavior professional and appropriate. I know it can be fun and exciting to have a crush, but don’t take it any further.
Attracted to Co-Worker
This is part of the reason I feel so guilty…NOTHING is wrong in my marriage. And I’m beating myself up over it.
JD
I think sometimes it’s more about you than your marriage. Maybe you’re a little bored right now even though you have a great life. The last year has been really weird. Can you look for something new and different to do somewhere else in your life that isn’t at all about the crush? New hobby or something just for you?
Anon
IMO, work crushes are pretty normal. It’s good that you’re aware of it and trying to nip it in the bud. It will definitely pass and you will look back and laugh. You know how your partner has annoying and gross habits that makes you question for a millisecond how you married this person? Your coworker’s are probably worse. He probably keeps his towel on the ground, leaves dirty dishes in the sink and the toilet seat up, picks his nose and eats it, and snores super loud. You don’t get a chance to see these annoying gross habits since you only see him at work, but they are there. Picturing a crush do these things pretty much culls any unwanted crushes for me.
Anon
I agree. This coworker is the kind of guy who doesn’t always flush after he goes #2 and laughs really really hard at rac1st jokes when he thinks he’s alone. I am not even going to get into the skid marks.
Anon
This is exactly what I do, and it works really well. I fixated on a work crush’s verbal tic until it annoyed me so much that I couldn’t stand him. So…win, I guess?
Attracted to Co-Worker
Love this, thank you guys. I am trying to imagine the nose picking and eating!
Amy
How far has this gone? There’s a certain amount of this that happens, and you simply pull back the friendliness level, wait it out, and the attraction fades. If that’s where you are, just cut the friendliness level, feel the loss for a bit but don’t dwell on it, give yourself a mental shake, and move on.
But the fact that you’re writing about it here, and that you even thought to put words to something like “quitting my job” makes me think that you may be past the first little flush of attraction. If so, mentally play the whole scenario out to its potentially ugly, lonely, tawdry, painful, guilt-inducing, sad, loss-filled, destructive end. Bring this attraction out of hiding and put it under a bright light in an interrogation room and ask it some hard questions. Then get ruthless about doing the things you know to do in order to shut this down. (I’m guessing you know when a conversation is “appropriately professional” small talk and when you’re engaged in the kind of personal chat that invites relationship.)
And turn TOWARD your marriage (counseling, if needed)
Attracted to Co-Worker
Yeah, I’m past the “first flush” stage. I’ve been feeling pretty strong attraction for him for a couple of months now. It’s getting more difficult and confusing for me. I like these ideas and will try them, thank you.
Anon
Crushes are normal! And I’m certain this has been discussed here before although I know it would be hard to find searching the archives. I am normally one to recommend therapy, but I don’t think that’s necessary here, at least not yet.
Anon
Gut check please re: reaching out to catch up with an ex when happily married. Out of nowhere I’ve been REALLY missing my HS ex, not in a romantic way. We were friends for a bit in college after we broke up, but life got complicated and we mostly lost touch except for sending a few facebook messages every few years or so. About 10 years ago he asked if I wanted to grab a drink, when we were both dating other people, and I declined to appease my then-SO. I’ve regretted it ever since and really wish we had been friends this entire time. We’ve run into each other a few times over the years and chatted a bit, so it’s not like we’re total strangers today. I’ve been thinking about asking him for a drink, but I’m not sure if it’s too weird. I really don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Would that be an obviously bad idea?
Cat
this sounds rife with possibilities of mixed messages to your spouse, your ex, and/or yourself…
anonymous
Yep. Don’t do it. Catch up with him at your next high school reunion.
Senior Attorney
What do you hope to gain? Real question. And if you’re so happily married, why are you pining for your ex all of a sudden? Thought experiment: What if you invite him for drinks with you and your husband?
OP
That’s a good question. I think in my ideal world we would become couple friends who occasionally get dinner and drinks together. Your second question is even better, because the ex and DH both have strong personalities that would clash. So, that couple-friends are probably out of the question. Honestly I think you just talked me out of it. There is nothing to ne gained here.
Anon
Does the ex have a partner? Can you get together as couples? Your current husband might not be against it as your previous SO was.
OP
Oops forgot to mention he’s married. I’ve met his wife a few times but don’t really know her at all.
Anonymous
What is it that you miss about him?
So it’s clearly been more than a decade since you’ve seen each other or had any substantial contact. I’d caution that neither of you are the same people you were that long ago … so it’s possible what you’re missing is kind of who he was as a teenager and teenage you interacting with him. I’d think about what it is you’re really missing and if you can get that somewhere else in your current life or by adding something moving forward.
Anon
If this is truly not about still having feelings for him, I think it’s fine to be friends with an ex. However, I would not suggest starting with a drink just the two of you. How about a coffee date or drinks with you and your husband and him and his wife? If neither of those are appealing to you, it’s worth considering why not.
Anonymous
Having been the ex on the other end of this scenario, I can tell you that the contacts raise a lot of questions about intentions for me every time, even though there has never been any actual romantic overture (and this has been going on sporadically, from afar, for years). I am single, so don’t cut it off because I enjoy the calls. And given they have all been facially platonic, I don’t have a real reason to suggest there is anything inappropriate. But at the same time, I don’t know what his wife knows about these calls and while he doesn’t ever attempt to create an opening through the “I’m unhappy in my marriage” thing I am familiar with, he does sometimes seem too interested in my dating life and in telling me what a catch I am for some guy and wishing me luck in the pursuit. I mean, I’m kinda old and never married, so I’m not sure I’m a great catch. We dated decades ago. He married someone else unlike me. I don’t really know what he’s getting at but I usually think he’s fishing for something. No matter how pure, the circumstances mean there isn’t really much he could do that wouldn’t make me wonder what he wants. I think your ex might feel the same.
Anon
I rejoined FB a few years ago and became friends again w/ my HS boyfriend. We’ve met up at stuff in our hometown but never 1 on 1. His wife or my husband or both were there. We do message sometimes on FB though just us but not about anything sensitive… just dumb memes the other would appreciate.
I guess my advice is that if you think you are both secure in your relationships, go for it. If either of you has a marriage on the rocks, steer clear.
Anonymous
I often think about this but never do it. I didn’t really keep in touch with anyone from HS, so for me it’s mostly about occasionally wanting to connect with someone who knew me when I was young. I often have the same debate about reaching out to my closest friend from HS that I’m not in contact with.
There are parts of my life that my friends didn’t live through. I had cancer in my 30s and often thought about reaching out to my ex/friend from high school. There’s a big chunk of my life that sort of…got erased because I don’t keep in touch with people from when I was young. It’s like a version of me got erased from my harddrive, haha. Having cancer made me think a lot about my life and I occasionally wanted to connect with someone who knew me in my formative years, and outside of my parents, I don’t have that.
There have been other moments too – like when one of my parents was very sick, because my ex/friend knew them really well and would have “gotten” what it was like in a way my adult friends who barely know my parents would have.
Anonymous
Clearly stupid
Anon
I am in a weirdly similar/dissimilar boat. Had a really weird, and very serious relationship with someone as a teen (both in religious families, dating meant marriage, we both had every intention of getting married asap before I broke it off but then again we were both still very young so it didn’t have the same sting as a full on adult engagement), we went no contact after the breakup, then a few months ago they messaged to apologize for some very hurtful things they did while we were dating that they never apologized for before (or really understood at that point). Overall, we’ve chatted off and on since then. No romantic feelings left whatsoever since it was so long ago for both of us and we’re very different people now, but I do intend to see them again if we have a convenient time. My SO may not like it or get it, but they’re the only person I know from that time who also really knew me–we were very isolated, so it’s not like I have anyone else I could talk about with those times who would also relate on the same level as someone who literally went through that same h3!1 with me. It’s not a romantic thing, it’s just a very specific kind of friendship thing.
Anon
Why? Just go internet stalk like a normal person ;)
anon
Hahahaha this is my favorite comment
Anonymous
I did this when my ex and his girlfriend(now wife) moved into the city DH and I live.
My ex is an academic, with all the stereotypical pros and cons that go with it, including writing several books, teaching in an ivory tower and lacking the ability to change a lightbulb. DH is a sharp business person who has mechanically inclined hobbies (restores furniture, works on cars, that sort of thing).
I was missing the academic banter with exBF. We got together as couples and my husband refused to ever do so again. Their personalities were so different. He gave me full green light to see ex whenever I wanted as long as he did not have to go ;).
I meet up with ex every once in a while but as it turns out, I, too, find him a bit tiresome now.
Anon
Does anyone know where I might find an outdoor storage box/deck box that is not made of that dark brown plastic wicker? I was hoping for a better selection but I think I’m looking in the wrong places (hardware stores, big box stores).
Cat
I mean, they’re more expensive, but places like Pottery Barn and Serena & Lily have tons of options.
Cat
ok what accidentally naughty word did that post include??
Anon
Maybe it’s because you keep complaining about going to mod.
Cat
how lovely.
Most of my posts aren’t trapped and I’m usually good at avoiding known trap words… if there was a new one I missed I’d rather know so I can work around it!
Anon
I find if I list a bunch of retailers in one post it’s more likely to go to m o d
Z
I have one that is dark brown plastic but not wicker.. got it from Wayfair.
Anone
I had a dark brown plastic one from Wayfair, too. It lasted for about 5-6 years. Not super long, but I think that’s how long stuff like that lasts these days.
Anon
Depends on what you want to fit into it but I got a wooden one at world market. It’s more for toys/sports equipment than “deep seating” chair cushions, though.
Aunt Jamesina
Ikea has a teak one that’s great! I have a bunch of their teak patio items, and as long as they’re stored for the winter (Chicago), they hold up really well and I think they look more expensive than they are.
What percent coworkers vaccinated!
Yet another legal employment vaccine question- as we return partially to the office I want to know how many of my coworkers are vaccinated! My company has a place to self-report so someone has this number. Since there’s roughly 80 people in my building, I figure a percent number is really anonymous aggregate data they could share? (10/10 of my work pals are vaccinated but we skew older!)
Anon
I can see why no workplace would want to share personal data.
Anonymous
I work for a hospital system and we absolutely share every day the percentage of employees vaccinated. (Do this for flu shots too.). Not individual data but aggregate, yes.
Anon
My company also has a self reporting option hat they’ve been hyping lately. I won’t be participating in that, because they will just use it to force us back to the office full time.
Even if you did see your company’s self reporting numbers they wouldn’t necessarily be accurate.
OP
You’re right – one of my coworkers has said he refuses, for this reason…
Monte
Yup — my firm has a survey and I am completely vaccinated, but also refused to participate in the survey for this reason.
Anon
Same, my work claims that they’re hearing that people aren’t vaccinating due to not having the availability. They ran a survey and claimed that they will do on-site clinics. Lol, it’s a rural red area and most of the employees are laborers with Trump bumper stickers. They’re hearing no such thing, it’s an excuse to force us back.
Anon
I don’t see how this is any of your business, assuming you are fully vaccinated.
Anonymous
Our office is just now opening, optionally for everyone, but anyone who comes in must be vaccinated. So here it is 100%.
HW
Looking for book recommendations! I recently read Sourdough and Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore based on recommendations here and loved both. I also just listened to the audiobook of Gold Diggers, which I also loved. Any other good books in a similar vein (not sure how to categorize it, but something like fiction/mystery/magical realism)?
Senior Attorney
I really loved Piranesi by Susanna Clarke.
anon
Gods of Jade and Shadow. The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue.
No magical realism component, but I for fiction/mystery, I really enjoyed The Searcher by Tana French. I loved her other books too, but those were more traditional mysteries.
Anon
I second Gods of Jade of Shadow. Maybe Icarus Girl?
Anon
The Midnight Library (Haig) and Leave the World Behind (Alam) were both excellent. I read both on recommendation and have recommended both in turn. Two of my favorites so far this year!
Roxie
has anyone ever had surgery to correct a droopy eyelid, just cosmetic (no actual medical need)? I’ve had one gradually get worse the last 10 years and suddenly feel like it must be fixed, it seems to have gotten worse over the last year (or I’ve just stared at my face on zoom too much this year)? I have a plastic surgery office from a prior medical procedure I can make an appointment at but I want to hear other experiences first. thanks!
Anon
Not me but older friends have had hooded eyes reduced because they started interfering with vision. Is that what you mean, or do you mean the lower part of the eyelid, the part that actually opens and closes over your eyeball.
Senior Attorney
Yes I had my upper eyelids done just before the pandemic. (Like, JUST before — last week in Feb 2020.) Highly recommend. It’s a simple office procedure and although I took a week off work I could easily have gone back the next day and been fine. And the results are great — so happy I had it done just in the nick of time!
Anonymous
As a counter, my mom had hers done (they wouldn’t do just the troublesome eye) and she had many visits beyond the initial surgery. She was down for several days getting eye drops and going for check ins. She also has scarring now in the eye creases that I can see when she blinks. She looks a lot younger though (even though it’s not why she did it).
Anon
A blepharoplasty, or ptosis correction?
Car Repair Advice
I need some (potentially legal?) advice here. I had the resonator of my car fall off last summer. I took the car and resonator into the dealership and they told me that they would have to replace the resonator. Okay, fine. They told me they would have to order it and I would have to pay up front, but they didn’t know how long it would take to come in. I paid the $660 for this part and assumed it would be in within a month or two at the longest. I STILL have not gotten the part, despite calling and checking in weekly. Now they won’t return my calls or I get passed around to different members of the service department and nobody will solve the problem. At this point, I just want the money refunded and I will go to a non-dealership repair place and get it fixed. How can I make this happen when they won’t do anything??
Anonymous
Do you have a receipt or anything in writing? If they aren’t taking your calls, go in person and talk to a manager. A lawyer is probably not worth it for $600 but you could threaten to take them to small claims court.
Anon
+ 1. Go in person and refuse to leave until its resolved
Anonymous
1. Ask them for a refund. 2. Dispute the charge through your credit card company if needed as you did not receive the goods.
Anon
I would look up your state or county consumer protection bureau and ask for help. In my state, it is run by the attorney general, and the office would have specific instructions for you and also help with resolving this.
Anon
Yes, this. Consumer complaint. Probably to your state’s attorney general office, consumer division.
Jolynne Smyth
Stopping back into Corporette after a few years away for some fashion chat. Always such great ideas here. I’m noticing almost everyone is “anon” or “anonymous.” It becomes a bit hard to track the replies/threads of discussion. Isn’t every post where the poster doesn’t use their real name “anon”? Just wondered. :-)
Cat
Nope. Frequent posters end up sharing enough details about their location, job, family, etc that if you happened to be a real-life acquaintance there’s definitely a chance you could piece it together.
I mostly post under this name – general questions or opinions – but try to keep anything unique or detailed under Anon.
Anonymous
I used to post all comments under the same name but I’m from Canada so I was constantly accused of lying (as if it’s inconceivable our laws and ways of life are different) then the icing on the cake was someone else started posting under that name too. So I gave up, I’m fine if I don’t contribute to the sense of community anymore.
Anon
I used to post under a regular name and then someone figured out who I was in real life in a pretty creepy way so I stopped.
I’ve also seen some of the regulars with non/Anon names get piled onto by anon tr0lls and I’d rather avoid that. No one is going to agree with anyone 100% of the time but I don’t really get wh it has to turn into negativity and name calling on every post that person makes.
anon
+1 people get pretty creepy about linking things together about regular posters. Even if you aren’t getting identified in the real world, lots of posters with handles get piled on completely unnecessarily. It’s why I stopped using a handle
Anon
I use Anon because I’m a long-time reader and I pretty easily figured out that I know another frequent poster. I don’t think it was creepy because I wasn’t trying to figure out who this person was, but she mentioned she lived in the same town as me once and she shared the same profession. With all the additional posts, it wasn’t hard to figure out who she was. I never said anything to her, but given how easy it was for me to figure out who someone was, I just post as Anon.
anon
Same. I figured out who someone was here (without trying!) and ever since then I’ve been anonymous. As an aside, this person’s “online” personality is very different from her “real life” personality. I find this intriguing and wonder how widespread this is.