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Updated: Dec 21, 2020 236 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Fashion |

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The below content concerns the 2010 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.

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Nordstrom's Half-Yearly Sale is going on, and there are a zillion discounts.

For the weekend,  I like this diamond cut sweater — the exaggerated stitching is different and interesting. I'd wear it with jeans on the weekend, perhaps with an interesting base layer like a a tank with an ombre effect; I might also try it belted and worn with a *very* high, simple camisole or tank for the office.

Was $228, now $113.90 at Nordstrom. Seventy Two Changes Diamond Cut Sweater

P.S. Sorry I haven't gotten to the Weekly Round-up yet — I was traveling this week visiting TJ Maxx/Marshall headquarters and learning the secrets (well, some of the secrets) behind how they offer such great prices (and meeting other fun bloggers) — details to come! As for the Weekly Roundup, stay tuned for it on Monday. Happy weekend!

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

(L-2)

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Rachel

    I like the sweater, although I’d be more likely to wear it during the weekend than during work hours.

    And as a massive TJ Maxx addict, I hope you’ll share some of their secrets with us in future posts!!!

    • Anonymous

      Me too! Actually wearing a Max & Cleo wrap dress today that I bought at TJ Maxx for – I kid you not – 99 cents.

  2. C2

    Reporting back on the Enzo Angiolini Zebby boots, hyper-discounted at 6pm — very pleased! I ordered a half-size up to make room for thick socks, but I don’t think it was necessary as they run a bit long. The brown suede is lovely, and they’re soft enough that you can slouch them a bit if you need more wiggle room in the calf (ahem).
    http://www.6pm.com/enzo-angiolini-zebby

    AIMS, did you go for it?

    • AIMS

      I did now, thanks to your review!
      Shoes finally out of cart. Thanks for the report. So glad you like them & they are nice in person :)

      • C2

        Great, I hope you like them too (and don’t hate me if you don’t)! And I can’t believe I’ve taken my lifelong role as a shopping enabler online…

        • AD

          I missed the discussion on these, but I really like them too! I’ve been looking for some flat(-ish) brown suede boots, and it’s hard to beat the price of these – I’ve ordered and returned multiple pairs at much higher prices this fall, so my hopes are up….

        • AIMS

          Sometimes we all need a shopping enabler . . . The alternative would be me looking for similar boots later, finding them at higher prices, and hating myself for not getting these at such a great price.
          Thanks, C2. I will report when I get them next week — but I am sure I won’t hate you if I don’t like them :)

          • Lawgirl

            Love Slana (sp?), the video host. She cracks me up. I’ve bought several shoes & boots on her recommendations ;-)

        • S

          I just pulled the trigger on the boots, too. I have been looking for boots like them for a long time, and the price is too good to pass up. Thanks for your review!

    • S

      I picked these boots up in black leather, also after the discussion here. Also ordered a half size up and it definitely wasn’t necessary. They’re workable but my regular size would have been better I am sure. They are great quality, I can’t believe what a steal they were! Love them.

      • Littlest Attorney

        I got these boots, arrived Wednesday. Unfortunately they don’t fit (too tight in the calf area). I was so looking forward to them, but oh well. At least I passed the bar today!

        The website said the calf circumference on a size 7 was 15.5 inches. I got my size 8 and they were way too tight in the calf, so I measured the boots and they are only 14.5 inches in circumference. So, larger calved women beware! I let customer service know about the misleading circumference and they were great — going to refund my shipping when I return them.

  3. JAS

    Ooh, I think this is really pretty. Need to check if other colors are available.

  4. Macys

    I never ever shop at Macy’s, but my sweet aunt gave me a $100 gift certificate from the store. Any ideas on what I should buy? I haven’t been at all impressed with their womens clothing — are guys’ clothing there any better?

    • Ballerina girl

      I love their “Home” section–lots of sheets, duvet covers, blenders, etc. That’s where I’d head if I had a gift certificate. Wait till they have a big sale–you can get great deals.

      • anon

        I too buy their home products (bed and bath, and kitchen). I especially like their “Hotel Collection”. Agreed, wait for one of their big sales.

    • SF Bay Associate

      It depends on what Macy’s is near you. The really big Macy’s have good stuff, like the downtown SF’s shoe department. Overall, Macy’s is good for housewares, hoisery, athletic clothing, and basic jewelry, like white gold studs. My watch (Coach Madison) also came from Macy’s during a Friends & Family promo. Also, cosmetics if you are a department store cosmetics fan.

      I personally find that a lot of Macy’s house brands in housewares are not good quality, so I stick to outside brands like Kitchen Aid, Wustof, or Pyrex. It’s been years since I bought clothes or shoes at Macy’s, but that’s due in part to the disorganization and clutter of their stores.

      Be sure to wait to use your gc until a weekend, when there’s always some kind of coupon/additional % off thing.

      • A

        Macy’s is a great place to find good basics like work and casual shoes, “fashion” jewelry, mid-range jeans, lingerie, men’s dress shirts and suits, etc.

        I used to live in Philly and adored the Macy’s there. Now I live in a city without a Macy’s and I miss it a lot! It’s just a solid, reliable department store that isn’t crazy expensive but still has nice stuff.

        • Anonymous

          Really, you guys don’t like INC and Michael Kors? I love those lines for casual wear in my office where most of the people wear jeans and flip-flips.

      • Amy H.

        I was just going to say that I love the shoe department at the San Francisco downtown Macy’s in Union Square! I got my current watch (metal Seiko) there as well.

    • 2L NYC

      If you are in New York, the store here is incredible. There are nine floors I think, and the customer service is incredible. If you have any chance to come into the city or you live here, I would not discount finding great clothes for women here (very different from their online options, or even those options in smaller Macy’s around the country).

  5. Preggo Angie

    For those of you who remember my saga… did not get the job, but did get offered a contract extension at current job (through May 2012) so that’s positive news.

    Of course – I found out that I didn’t get the job from a press release sent to me from the company instead of a call or even an email. Bad form!

    • Anonymous

      This has happened to me too. It’s striking how little regard companies seem to have for applicants nowadays. Congrats on the contract extension though! That must be a big relief.

  6. 3L

    I am currently interning in a government office, and one of my supervising attorneys has asked me to assist with and observe a deposition next week. I’ve never attended a depo before, so I’m unsure about how formal my dress should be for the day. I typically wear a suit to the office, but usually downgrade my outfit to business casual by replacing the jacket with a cardigan when I’m not in court. For the depo, should I dress as formally as I would for a court appearance or an interview? Black/navy skirt suit? Could I get away with a light gray pantsuit? I don’t really want to ask my (male) supervising attorney about nuances of female dress formality, so any advice here would be greatly appreciated.

    • Res Ipsa

      Light gray pantsuit sounds perfect. I’ve certainly seen attorneys showing up to depos in polo shirts, but you should wear a suit, though it doesn’t have to be the funereal black suit that often gets worn to court appearances.

    • Anon

      When I was a summer law clerk in a governmental office I attended a few depositions and typically wore dress pants with a dress shirt, but not a suit jacket. But this was in a pretty (ok probably very) informal city, so maybe wear the suit jacket but with a shirt that looks professional even if you take the jacket off. The depos I attended lasted all day and half way through all the men had their jackets off and sleeves rolled up. (I was the only woman.)

      • Ballerina girl

        I work at a big firm and I always wear suits to depositions. Pants or skirt are fine, but I’d definitely dress as if I were going to court (I would wear pants to court b/c, well, it’s 2010).

    • anon - chi

      Wear a suit – any suit. It really doesn’t matter what color and it doesn’t have to be your super-formal interviewing suit, but I would always expect any attorney at a dep to be in a suit. This goes double for interns/summer associates.

    • Anonymous

      Unless you’re advised by your supervisor to do otherwise, wear a suit. Sometimes it’s appropriate to dress differently for strategic reasons, such as to make the witness more comfortable, but you should always assume that a suit is the default attire for a deposition.

      • a lawyer

        Pantsuit would be fine. Depending on where you work/live, many attorneys may go more casual, but you won’t be wrong in a pantsuit. Wear a shirt appropriate on its own, in case you want to remove the jacket.

    • 3L

      I sat in on countless deps at my mid-sized firm this summer and wore a light gray pantsuit on several occasions. Always appropriate!

  7. Res Ipsa

    That outfit is one cigarette away from truck stop hooker.

    (I think the sweater could work, but the combination of slouchy sweater with cut-outs+ short zippered leather skirt + black tights = professional of a different variety).

    • kellyn

      hahahaha yes great image. I feel like the outfit is one that didn’t make the cut for Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny.

      That said, the sweater itself is cool. The styling? Atrocious! Why do “they” do that?!

    • Lola

      Yes! I was just goofing off on facebook, and wish I could “like” your comment, Res Ipsa.

  9. S5

    So, what do you all recommend for work- to date clothes? Lately, I’ve been finding myself on Friday happy hour first dates. I know work clothes are fine for happy hour, but it’d be lovely to have some ideas of easy options to “date it up” a bit. That way if happy hour becomes dinner, I don’t need to feel like the work clothes are totally out of place. I work in a Seattle office so I don’t have the problem of wearing a suit on a daily basis…but I’m certainly not wearing date clothes to work :-)
    What do you do? Bring a change of clothes to the office? Jewelry? Would love your tips!

    • Anon2

      What about a dress that you can remove a cardigan/ blazer, add some fun jewelry, switch out the shoes, and done? I have a couple of sweater dresses (gray and black) that can be coordinated with different jewelry and shoes for work and happy hour. You could also probably do that with a wrap-dress, too.

      • S5

        Thanks Anon2. Dresses are definitely a good option – folks have any fun dress recommendations of late? I’ve been trying to find some cute sweater dresses this season but haven’t seen any. Or how about good dresses to wear over black leggings? links?

        • Anon2

          I’d stick with neutrals since you’d wear them to work as well.

          I like these from overstock.com:
          http://tiny.cc/9yg0e

          http://tiny.cc/l7rpc

          And there’s a whole bunch at JC Penney that I saw last weekend:

          This one is a steal (I’m tempted myself!): http://tiny.cc/8rip1

          I like this black one, too: http://tiny.cc/y3bne

          The two I have look great with black booties, chunky necklaces and a fun watch. Don’t need more than that though it depends where you go for your date. Nice thing about sweater dresses is you don’t freeze walking around outside or by a drafty door/ window!

    • AIMS

      I agree that wrap dresses are perfect for this sort of thing!
      A black DVF (or DVF style) dress will literally take you anywhere — and you can def. switch up shoes, jewelry, etc., to make it more office/date as need be.

      I also think cute black pants (the shorter, cigarette kind popular now) could work here with an easy top substitute (e.g., something more sparkly or sexy) . . .

      If you like the style, you may also want to check out some of the combos in the Jcrew catalog — many of the of the random combos would def. not work at the office, but could be cute variations on office clothes for a date.

      • S5

        I’m petite but busty, so appropriate wrap dresses have been hard for me to find. But I’m glad to see that I’m not a crazy person for bringing along a change of shoes/top etc. for these occasions. Too many of those magazine spreads make it seem like you can go from work to a date w/o really changing anything – just by taking layers off. hasn’t worked for me yet.

        • JessC

          I’m with you when it comes to wrap dresses. I’m short, busty, and a wee bit thick through the middle.
          Personally, I love sheath dresses. A great sleeveless sheath dress – wear a cardi or blazer over it for work, then switch out for some more night-out type heels and sparkly shoes. A pencil skirt and a sleeveless, silky blouse would probably work out too for a good day-evening transition.

    • alhambra

      Second the dress idea, and adding that you could bring a change of top with you – a skirt + button down for the office, and then same skirt + dressy top for drinks and dinner.

    • K

      I’ve had a few of these Friday happy hour first dates recently. Since we have casual Fridays, I normally wear jeans & a heels with a silky printed top under a boyfriend or cropped blazer to give it some structure & make it more business appropriate. Come date time, I can remove the jacket and the look is instantly more flirty and feminine. I live in SoCal, so I can usually get away with sleeveless tops most of the time, thanks to the great weather.

      I accessorize as normal but sometimes I will slip an extra bracelet or two into my purse to put on after work. I hate bangles at the office but love them when I’m not typing all day!

  10. Anonymous

    I’m 30. I have no reason to suspect I’ll have problems conceiving (no known fertility issues or likely causes of future issues), and we are not really financially/emotionally ready for children quite yet. But I’m starting to freak out on occasion because I feel like the media is really focusing lately on how sharply fertility declines for women after late 20s/early 30s…ugh.

    I’m not the only one…right?

    • anon right now

      Ditto completely. Sometimes I feel like I’m statistically risking my future offspring to genetic and physical abnormalities/disabilities if I am not done being pregnant by the time I’m 35 (5 years from now). Further freaked by the occasional “trying to conceive” posts by the corporettes – which detail the frustration and heartbreak of facing fertility issues. At times, I feel like it may already be too late for me to easily get pregnant and have a healthy baby and I don’t even know it yet.

      So, you’re not the only one.

      • Anonymous

        Oh man, thank you anon right now – it is nice not to be alone in these feelings!

        • AIMS

          I feel the same way. Don’t want a kid now, randomly freaked out that I won’t be able to have kids later. Being a woman sure is great.

        • Another Laura

          I’m an “old hag” now but when I was 31 I was freaked too. I kept telling my husband that I had “old eggs” as the media would call them in the multitude of infertility articles circa 1990.

          It took one month for kid #1 and one month for kid #2 two years later. My husband got the last laugh on the “old eggs” comment.

          My younger sister, OTOH, was trying at the same time and had multiple miscarriages. Ended up with a singleton and a pair of identical twins, all w/out intervention.

          Yes, many people do have problems but it’s best not to borrow trouble. Try to relax and start/keep healthy habits – eat right, attain/maintain a healthy weight, exercise, take daily multi-vitamins, meditate for stress reduction and keep positive. If you do these things purposefully, you can calm yourself by thinking that you are doing everything possible to have a healthy baby when the time is right for you as a couple.

          Also, tell your OB/GYN your plans and see if s/he recommends any screening or tests. Mine said that I did right by taking iron beforehand and as a result was never anemic during either pregnancy.

          • Ballerina girl

            I’m 31 and completely single so I hate it when people act like it’s a choice I’m making. I’d love to have kids (well maybe not tomorrow) but who am I supposed to have these kids with?

          • Anonymous

            @ballerinagirl – completely agree. I’m 30 and my husband just filed for divorce. Waiting to get pregnant isn’t a choice I’m making–who knows when I’ll have a partner to have children with?

      • Lyssa

        Wow, are you me? I decided to go to Law School in 2006 (5 yrs married), and figured I’d have a year or 2 to get my career started. Well, you know what happened- so, now, as I stare at my 31st birthday and 10th wedding aniversary, with a very questionable career future, who knows when it will happen.

        (secret admission: I take my pills religiously and always have, but just about every month, when “that time” starts to get close, I find myself secretly, just sort of but not quite hoping just a little bit that my contraception will fail and we will *have* to just work it out. In reality, I’m a planner, and would be devastated if that happened (and would never fool around with being irresponsible with my pills), but it’s moved from an intense fear to a “wouldn’t be so bad”.)

    • Legally Brunette

      I’m 31, no kids yet. My mom works for an ob-gyn and constantly sees younger women who have problematic deliveries, so she is really scaring me about how I am getting old. I think it’s harder to get pregnant as you get older, but I also know tons of women in their late 30s who have had healthy, beautiful kids.

    • anon

      Not the only one! My best friend is getting ready to turn 31, same type of situation – no reason to suspect. problems… etc – and her obgyn told her just last week that she was allowed to start worrying when she was 37 and unable to conceive. I think that really eased her mind.

        • AN

          Agree! Where I live, few ladies have kids by 30, and most are fine (i.e. no intervention needed). Stop stressing till you hit late 30s AND have tried for several months to conceive.

      • anon

        I’m 36 and my OBGYN just told me I have nothing to worry about for a while yet. I am going to go with that, as I am really still not dying to have kids.

        • pjbhawaii

          My ex-husband is an OB-GYN. Women who get pregnant for the first time at age 35 or above are called “elderly primagravida.” I myself put off trying to get pregnant until I was 40. I was unable to become pregnant and, in the end, I adopted a baby boy — the love of my life.

          You cannot have it all. Biology is what it is. If you read the literature carefully, it is indeed much harder to conceive in your 30s and beyond.

          Good luck to all of you.

          • Anonymous

            If you are going to have major problems getting PG, you will have them at 25 just as you will have them at 37. If you have healthy eggs, the only real risk is that it will take longer to get pregnant as you get older. But it will not be impossible. “Elderly primogravidas” is an offensive and dated term that they use for insurance diagnosis purposes. No doctor I know would use it seriously. I got prgnant for the first time at 33 and I was “diagnosed” with it by the insurance company to justify the need for genetic testing. It means nothing.

          • Anonymous

            This: If you are going to have major problems getting PG, you will have them at 25 just as you will have them at 37. If you have healthy eggs, the only real risk is that it will take longer to get pregnant as you get older

          • anon - chi

            @ Anonymous: There are some people for whom this is true and others for whom this is not. Of course some people would have trouble getting pregnant at any age, but there are plenty of women who cannot get pregnant at 38 or 40 or 42 for whom there is no reason to think there would have been a problem at 25. It’s not just a matter of “taking longer.” Some people just cannot carry a baby to term at that age because some people simply run out of viable eggs sooner than others, and some (my mother, for example) start to go through menopause in their early 40s.

            For the record: I’m not trying to scare anybody and I don’t mean that people should freak out in their early 30s. But it isn’t true that you can absolutely count on getting pregnant when you’re older, though many, many women can.

    • Anon

      I think that, while it is wise to be aware of your age/fertility decline, if you are not ready to have children, then don’t feel pressured into it. I am young (28 and pregnant with my third child), but I had my daughter when I was way too young and although everything turned out fine, it was very different than when I had my son. He was completely and meticulously planned. I don’t love one more than the other of course, but there is something different about having a baby when you know are ready. And 30 is really not old!

    • A

      This is me exactly!! You’re not alone. In theory I want to be a mother in my early 30s when I’m young enough to have energy and physically bounce back, but I’m just not ready. Like you said, I’m not there financially or emotionally. I’m 30 now. Not sure when all that will change … but I’m feeling the pressure.

    • KW

      Nope, not alone. I’ll turn 30 at the end of this month and just graduated from law school in May. I’ve been married for a year, and it’s so hard weighing the feeling of wanting to hurry and start having kids before I get old(er) versus feeling like I should work for awhile to get my career really going and pay down some of my loans. UGH! Tough decision.

    • Preggo Angie

      While I can’t imagine how tough it is to have fertility problems, I think for a lot of folks it just happens… I’m 32, had stopped bfing #1 for ONE MONTH, transitioning from “mini-pill” to “real-pill,” and POW! #2 is on her merry ways 18 months after #1.

      Aside from feeling a bit like Bristol Palin, have finally made peace with the fact I’ll be paying around $1800/month for daycare.

      • DC

        Dang, that is cheap for two where I live (Washington DC). We pay $2650/mo for two.

    • Carrie

      I don’t think you should freak out. In my opinon, your early to mid 30’s is a great time to have kids. Most of my career friends did the same thing. I had my two kids at 34 and 36 and they are just fine. I had no problems getting pregnant either time.

      Having said that, I also know several women who did not think about this and put kids off for too long and paid the price. Most of them have become parents through adoption or IVF, although at great expense and not without heartache getting there. A few either are either still trying or didn’t have the money or energy to put into it.

      The media “hype” is correct, ladies. I was actually fairly guilty of putting it off until such and such case was over or until “next year” and then got pregnant with my oldest by surprise. Thank goodness.

      So my message – don’t go crazy trying to snare a man to get pregnant and make it all happen. But if you are in the position to, make a plan for kids and make it a priority above your career. You won’t regret it.

      • also anon for now

        Word!! I’m going to turn 34 in a few months, and so my husband and I have just started trying, even though I don’t feel ready, at all, emotionally. As in, we’ve been off the Pill for about 5 weeks now. (Dear god, the hormonal fog was horrible — I could barely finish sentences or add numbers!) The funny thing is that the symptoms of going off the Pill are eerily similar to the early symptoms of pregnancy — so I spent a good week thinking I might be pregnant, even though all the pee-on-a-stick tests said no. (But I was so out of it I was convinced maybe I was screwing up the tests. Because, you know, it can be challenging to pee on a stick.) And: I’m not pregnant — but a friend of mine who also just started trying DID get pregnant on the first month trying. Which, like, 4 other friends have done also. So now I”m freaked out.

        And I am trying, very hard, not to freak out about it (not “getting” it the first month). It’s like my competitive nature is somehow wounded that we didn’t nail it when so many of my other friends did. A good pharmacist friend of mine told me it may take 6 months for my body to return to normal — I’m sure I’ll just be a crazy stress ball by THAT time.

        Grumble. And I thought *having* a kid would be stressful.

        • Anon

          The thing about statistics is that you individually could fall anywhere on the spectrum. I had a lot of trouble conceiving and urged a couple of friends to try sooner than later. Well, both of them took that to heart to some extent, and both of them got pregnant right off the bat. If you start trying, I would say that you should seek medical support (testing etc at first) after 6 months, not after 1 year as is typically recommended. I waited the 1 year and later thought, well, I just lost a year (or at least six months) of where I want my life to be for nothing. Some people can’t conceive at 25 and some people have kids without medical help after 40. Now I have two and I am sad that I probably won’t be able to have anymore (due to our parental ages primarily). Wish it hadn’t taken me so long to conceive each time.

          • Lawgirl

            FWIW, and everyone is different… Had #1 @ 29 yrs old, #2 @ 34.5 yrs old. The extra 5 years made it *much* harder to conceive #2 (before it was bam, preggers)…I was shocked, actually.

        • Anonymous Poser

          And I think another trick is that being stressed out may make it more challenging to conceive.
          Yoga?

        • Anonymous

          Make sure you are trying right- I know it seems so simple. When I decided to start trying my doctor told me to have sex every other day from day 8-16 of my cycle. It worked perfectly and we were pregnant the next month. We also were on vacation and I have heard of lots of vacation babies! I was 32 by the way. Almost all of my friends waited until their careers were started to have kids.

    • Anonymous

      30 is way too young to be worrying. I have posted before on here about having problems – I was 29 when we started trying, but I had PCOS and my husband had sperm morphology issues so we would have had problems if I had started trying at 24. I have known several women in their late 30s who got pregnant either immediately after starting to try or who got pregnant by accident! I also know two 41-year-olds who have gotten pregnant with relative ease and had no trouble with their babies either. I am not saying “arbitrarily wait until you’re 40” but if you aren’t ready, you’re not; and if you haven’t found the right person to have kids with, you haven’t. Fertility treatment is also not the end of the world. It sucks, no doubt, but I went through 8 months of it and then got pregnant and now when I look at my kid, I don’t think “wow, that fertility treatment was sure terrible!” It was hard, but I would crawl through hot coals and broken glass if I had to, to get him.

      The media can’t make the right decisions for your life. Only you can. The time will eventually be right and then it’ll happen. Look at it this way: the good news is that if you have trouble conceiving, you will almost certainly be able to know why it’s happening, and get some help. I have an aunt and uncle who tried for 10 years in the 70s and 80s to have a baby, never got pregnant, never found out why. Technology now is a gift, not a curse, and while people shouldn’t rely on it as a foolproof fallback, it is there if it’s needed. Don’t worry so much. :)

    • me too!!!

      you think that is bad? a girl at work gave me a copy of the book “Creating a Life” — it is all about women who wated too late to have kids (for a career) and then found out it was too late!!!! ugh.

      • anon - chi

        Wow. That is awful and incredibly insensitive. I sort of hope you smacked her, verbally if not physically. ;-)

    • JessC

      And let’s all not forget yet another option – adoption.
      It’s not for everyone, but it’s a god-send for some. While creating and giving birth to a life is certainly one of the most beautiful things in existence, having had some experience in the family law/adoption/dependency arena, watching a person or couple open their home and their hearts to a child in need comes pretty darn close.

    • mille

      Not alone at all. I have been haunted by a picture from a magazine that so helpfully used a half a pomegranate (lush, tons of seeds, juicy) to a half an old tomato (a few tiny seeds) to show how a 25 year olds eggs compare to a 35 year olds. I can’t find the picture online, so unfortunately I can’t share the mentally disturbing image with you, but it really has stayed with me and totally freaked me out. I do believe that most of the people I see in the media who are pregnant at 42, (or 48 like Kelly Preston!) had to go through a lot of medical intervention to get pregnant.

      That being said, you can’t worry about it too much, especially at 30. There is no reason to have a baby if you aren’t ready. You want to be in a place where you can be a good mom, and you already know you want to wait for awhile. Also, as others have pointed out, the decline in fertility may not affect you at all. Every woman is different and you just never know until you try.

      I am 33 and just had my first baby. I am married, but waited until I felt ready to be a single mom if I need to be before having a baby. Feeling competent enough to raise a baby on my own was important to me so that I didn’t feel dependent on the father, and it gives me the confidence to know that I can handle raising a baby. I know I can make enough money to support my family and I am emotionally and mentally stable enough to give my baby the attention he needs. I wouldn’t have felt that way in my 20’s, and certainly not at 16 when several of my schoolmates had babies.

      • Anonymous

        “I do believe that most of the people I see in the media who are pregnant at 42, (or 48 like Kelly Preston!) had to go through a lot of medical intervention to get pregnant.”

        Yes, this is something that really irritates me – celebrities in their mid-to-late 40s who insist they got pregnant on their own, with their own eggs. If Kelly Preston really got pregnant accidentally at 48, it’s almost something for the medical journals. I think it is possible for women in their VERY early 40s to get pregnant on their own; my grandma got pregnant at 42 with my aunt (of course, she’d had three other children at that point, and that apparently does make a difference). But I wish Kelly Preston, Debra Winger and some others who have gotten pregnant after 45 would admit they used fertility interventions so that women don’t get false hope. I realize it’s technically “none of our business” – but to me, if Kelly Preston is going to invite media to her baby shower, she’s inviting some scrutiny about how she got pregnant in the first place.

        My fertility doc had a chart on the wall in his office that showed women’s fertility as they age – contrary to what some people are saying here, it showed fertility peaking at around 27 and then going into a steady, flat decline until about 39 – at which point the line started looking like it was falling off a cliff. He told us the actual chance of a woman conceiving on her own after 45 was so low it couldn’t even be accurately calculated, and had a pretty dim view of the 40-year-olds in the media who were claiming “natural” pregnancies with no intervention at all. So definitely, ladies, don’t think that you’re going to put off getting pregnant until your mid-40s and be okay. But I do think 30 is too young to worry.

        • divaliscious11

          LOL…have a cousin Hope…accidently conceived when my was past her mid-40’s… as in Hope this is the last one!

      • TennADA

        Conception is not the only issue. I conceived naturally at age 40 and again at 42. Both resulted in early miscarriage (4 – 6 weeks). Older eggs have a much greater possibility of being defective. There is not a physical reason with mytbody itself that I miscarried – it was “egg issues”. The first time was probably the result of insufficient folic acid. If you might conceive, and especially if you are older, my obgyn says 1000 micrograms of folic acid per day.

    • Res Ipsa

      The good news: statistically speaking, when you’re ready to start having kids, you (like the vast majority of couples) will likely have no problem conceiving. But it is also absolutely true that your fertility goes down in your 30s. First, couples in their 30s tend to have sex less frequently than couples in their 20s. Second, (not too get too clinical here) the number of days that you have adequate, fertile, cervical fluid goes down dramatically from 4-5 days to 1-2 when you’re in your 30s. So even if you conceive eventually, you may not get pregnant as quickly as a younger couple. Obviously, anecdotal evidence on both sides.

      Now, for the sappy part. I was one of those women who wasn’t “emotionally ready” for kids. We wanted kids, but I wasn’t ready to give up my 8 hours of sleep, my social life, the idea that another human being would be utterly dependent on me, etc. Now as part of a couple with “unexplained fertility” (i.e., we’ve not been able to identify anything medically which would explain why we can’t conceive), I am kicking myself for not starting to conceive earlier. Maybe we still would have run into the same troubles, but we would have had more time to deal with what is an extremely stressful and heartbreaking issue. Consider also that adoption and IVF can run upward to $30K–if you have to save money for those, that may further delay getting what will, for better or for worse, become the near-singular focus and dream in your relationship.

      While I would absolutely not recommend trying if you’re not really ready, I would recommend talking with your spouse/partner about the emotional reasons you’re holding back now. I would also highly recommend the book “Taking Charge of your Fertility.” It’s essential reading for anyone of childbearing age.

    • Miriam

      I’m in no position to have kids, but my mom had me when she was 38! So it is possible to have kids later on. I was also her last; I have 5 siblings too.

      • MelD

        I think it’s a good point about your genes. I have no interest in having kids (I am in my 30s already and happily single), but my grandmother had my mom when she was 38, my other grandmother had my aunt when she was 36 and my mom had my sister when she was 36 without much difficulty.

        I think there may not be a right time to have a baby, but there certainly are wrong times. I’ve had friends confide in me that if they had it to do again, they would have waited to have children because of some other difficulty- one spouse on the road a lot, massive financial issues, etc.

        • D

          Yup, my mom had me at 34 and my brother at 37 with no problems at all. Fertility is such a crapshoot sometimes

    • E

      You’re definitely not the only one. I’m 26, my training contract completes on my 29th birthday… only after that can I start thinking about children and the fertility freakout is happening.

      • E

        Though my best friend’s sister just had her first baby – at 41. No intervention. That’s something to smile about!

  11. S5

    Nope, you’re not the only one. Add on to media pressure an Indian mother in my case. I’ll be 30 in 8 months and the constant pressure to get married because “some things have to be done in a certain time frame” is painful! But I also have plenty of friends having babies in their early 30s and all seem healthy.

  12. LA New Associate

    Hi all,

    Thanks for your tips and advice a couple weeks back when I first started.

    I’m finding that sometimes I need to transport documents/folders between the office and home, and they don’t quite fit in my laptop bag or purse. Does anyone have a good recommendation for a larger, stylish purse that can fit documents/folders (and protect them so they don’t get crinkled edges and the like)? Right now I’m either cramming them into my purse or else bringing a completely separate casual tote, which is fine for now but gets a bit unwieldy. Thanks!

    • LMo

      Yayyyyy! Glad they quickly told people officially after the “leaked” list thing. Congrats!

    • Suze

      Yay fresh jd!! Congratulations!! Hope things are going well in the job and all that. Long time, no see…I guess we’ve all been super busy, a good problem to have…

      Congrats again!!

  15. wrkbrk

    Any of you lovely Corporettes planning on attending the Environmental Law Institute Boot Camp in D.C. next Wed – Fri?? Will be heading to D.C. on Monday night! Super excited!

  18. Cat

    Something I’ve been thinking about — a daily open thread? I enjoy the dialogue that comes with the regular “threadjacks” (and don’t want to have to click around in separate boards or whatnot to find that kind of conversation). However, I also enjoy hearing styling suggestions & opinions regarding (or relevant to) the clothing / issue raised in the actual post, and often those comments get lost quickly!

    Anyone else?

      • AIMS

        I’m not sure it’s necessary — I find that most of the item all of the discussion ends up taking place in whatever was posted last so I don’t think people would really enjoy having to jump between all the different threads. For instance, whenever a news round up gets posted at the same time as an open thread, no one posts much in the news round up & when the news round up is posted first, it is usually quickly abandoned for the open thread even when a “news” feature is being discussed.

  20. healthlawyer

    I saw this sweater at Nordstrom yesterday and it actually looks much better in person. Not something I would ever wear to the office, but a great weekend or casual date sweater. The wool-blend is soft and not at all itchy, although with the cutouts I would obviously wear a cami underneath anyway. For the younger professionals (20s, early 30s) following this blog, check out my blog on food and fashion @ http://www.cashmereandcupcakes.net. (Yes, this is a shameless plug!)

      • healthlawyer

        I am super new to the blogging community and had no idea! I think I’ll change the name of my blog, as I have absolutely no intention of ripping anyone’s ideas off. Thanks for letting me know, this is just something I’m doing for fun, I have a day job and only wanted a creative outlet.

      • anon

        Eh, there are sooo many fashion bloggers out there now-a-days that some repetition is un-avoidable at this point.

  21. CBC

    I was hoping some of the ladies here would be willing to share some of their experiences with doing a judicial externship. Specifically: what types of work can I expect to be doing and what types of experiences should I expect to have? Is there anything that you wish you would have known prior to starting your judicial externship? What do you think were the most important things you learned?

    A little about me: I’m a 2L. I spent last summer as a law clerk in a firm that practices in the precise area of law that I want to practice after graduation and that–God (and managing attorney) willing–I will work for after I graduate and pass the bar. I’m currently working for this firm on a very part-time basis while I’m in school. I’m very interested in trial work. I signed up for the judicial externship because I thought it would provide me with a different perspective from the one I get in my current job and hopefully help me be a better trial lawyer in the long run.

    • Lola

      I did a judicial externship for an appellate judge. I was mostly supervised by the law clerk. I wrote memos to the judge outlining the arguments of the parties, sometimes with a recommendation at the end. It was all done in a format the judge requested. My judge read all the briefing his/herself, too, but our memos helped him/her boil down the arguments. Depending on the length of your externship, you may be asked to help draft an opinion.

      The big advantages of a judicial externship are getting to know a judge one-on-one (and having them know you), learning how things work in the courthouse, and improving your legal writing skills.

      • Lawgirl

        I did a summer externship for a federal judge. Work was good, went to law & motion, sat in on trials, and wrote bench memos on basic matters (motion for transfer, prisoner appeals (joy!), 12(b)(6) motions to dismiss, motions in limine, objections to evidence, etc). The law clerks were my “boss,” and reviewed and edited my work before it went to the Judge. But the Judge did take the time to discuss my memos with me in 1-1’s from time to time. Good experience. Had fun times with my co-extern (we shared an office separate from the law clerks, and narrowly missed having an office in the extern bullpen). Wish I got paid or at least got a stipend to cover gas/lunch ;-) After I graduated, I got a federal clerkship on the same court (the 2 judges were friendly) and I think the externship helped…A lot.

        • A

          I did an externship in state district court last summer and my responsibilities were exactly the same as Lawgirl’s, except I’d get an occasional summary judgment as well (so intimidating!). Definitely my best experience in law school so far. However, experiences can vary based on the judge. Some of other externs in my program didn’t get to write anything and spent most of their days watching court and summarizing briefs for the law clerk. They were bored out of their minds. So I’d suggest talking with former interns/externs for any judge you’re considering before you take the plunge.

    • v

      Agree that it depends on the judge. When I clerked, we had interns in our chambers draft opinions (that would be edited by the clerks then the judge) – the same work the law clerks were doing. Great experience for them, and left them with a great writing sample.

  22. KZ

    another passed the NY bar! Yay!

    But a question–I’m still applying for jobs, so I need to update my resume–what do I put? “Passed the New York Bar” or “New York Bar (pending)”–I still have the character and fitness form to send in, so is it really pending?

    • Anonymous

      I have a section on my CV entitled “Bar Admissions” and under it I would write “New York (passed July 2010 exam, admission pending)”.

      • I'm nobody

        btw, once you have a job, continue to include “NY admission pending” at the bottom of your emails until you are actually admitted.

  23. boots boots boots

    i’ve been digging out my boots lately because it’s FINALLY cold in the south (only for the weekend, evidently!) but i realized that all of my super cute boot SOCKS that i used to have are gone! i guess i couldn’t fit them in my suitcase when i moved back from france last time?

    i know that you can find boot socks everywhere in france but anyone have any recs here? i’m thinking fun colors, little details at the top of the sock like a bow or lace. i usually wore them on the outside of my jeans or leggings (or with a skirt). any help, please?!

  24. Samantha

    I have a suggestion that I’ve been wanting to post since last week (related to Cat’s suggestion above re open threads):

    K, would you consider having a separate page for ‘Message Boards’? These could be topical e.g. shoes, exercise, law-related, pregnancy, performance reviews, job search and so on.
    On the one hand, when someone asks for advice, its nice to have everyone weigh in. (Whereas people with jobs may be less likely to visit a ‘job search’ type message board).
    On the other hand, when I look for posts on pregnancy clothing for instance, I need to either keyword search (most of these are in completely unrelated open threads) or look for tags. Having a message board would collect advice under one topic. It also would remove the need for multiple similar questions e.g. a recommendation for black mid-heel pumps, for instance.

    If ‘open thread’ or threadjack type discussions are spun off into a message board, then the ‘comments’ to each post can be specific to the content of that post. Thoughts, anyone?

    • nonA

      That would probably really bug me, actually. I like the randomness of the threads on this site – its like a conversation I have with my girlfriends at lunch, skipping between fashion, career, and personal topics from the most frivolous to the most serious. Its actually one of my favorite things about the site and I would hate to have to flip between a million message boards.

      • Lola

        I also love that this site is like an ongoing conversation. For the most part, I read the comments for the Threadjacks. :)

    • MelD

      I agree, if only because certain topics like where to find a maternity suit seem to pop up once a week as threadjacks. It can be really hard for newer users to search for stuff like that if it’s in a weekend thread of 300 posts or even the TPS report on a sweater.

    • BigLaw Refugee

      I haven’t seen this suggested before, and I think some version of the idea makes sense. I’m starting to see very similar questions posted over and over, and I don’t really feel like answering them multiple times.

      Perhaps what we need is a tag feature – so that as we post our “threadjack” questions and responses, we could also tag them with a topic. Then there could be some sort of FAQ directing newbies to run a tag search before posting their question.

  25. LMo

    Question – my firm donated a LOT of money on my boyfriend’s behalf to a veteran’s charity event BF was involved in. He wrote thank you cards to the individual people who donated, but as for the firm itself, what would be appropriate? A plaque?

    • nonA

      Is it going to be handed out to the firm at some sort of event, or is it just a thank-you? Firms are publicity whores, so I would suggest going with something that is a public thank-you (hilghlight them in an annual report, acknowledge them at an event, etc.).

      • Lawgirl

        Bummer divaliscious11 about the Md Bar.. I took CA bar and I wouldn’t take nothin’ for my journey… :-/

        • Law-Less

          Thanks! I thought it was hard too, but of course I have nothing to compare it to! The other good news is that just found out that I scored high enough to waive into the DC Bar! Woohoo!!! What a great weekend :)

        • divaliscious11

          Lawgirl – I hear the attorney’s exam isn’t as bad. I took MD after I passed NY but hadn’t been admitted yet. I took the exams a year apart, but due to scheduling (baby birth) my swearing in for both was within weeks!

  27. cold..

    I have decided that I need a warmer winter coat. I just moved (back) up to NE after some years in places MUCH warmer, and I’ve already brought out my current winter coat and scarves and gloves and etc…and it’s November. I was thinking of a down coat, but I have pretty bad allergies and I’m afraid of having a reaction. I have issues with feather pillows and down comforters – but that’s after a night of sleeping. Would I be in a coat long enough to have issues? Does anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions of things as warm as down? I’ve had some thinsulate coats in the past, and they don’t seem to be as good to me.

    TIA

    • anon

      i have a down coat, and I haven’t really noticed that problem specifically, but my nose tends to run constantly in the winter anyway (tmi, probably…), so it would be hard to separate allergies + general reaction to the cold.

      One problem I’ve found with my down coat though is the feathers keep coming out through the fabric. So maybe make sure the fabric is a really tight weave? Mine is very warm, though. I bought it in a moment of panic during a freak snow storm freshmen year of college when I thought it was “cold” (I was in North Carolina, having moved from Georgia). Didn’t turn out to be much use in college, but it was super useful when I moved somewhere that the rest of the world would actually consider north.

      • cda

        does anyone know a retailer who sells all-down parkas instead of down/feathers combo? granted, it took a couple of years for it to start, but I am sick of having my coat leak feathers on my black clothes. it looks like I have a chicken for a pet.

        • Lola

          I have a Columbia jacket that looks exactly like down, but it’s really synthetic. And just as warm as down. It’s incredible. (Not puffy either – one of the new thin/sleek down ones that have just come around in the past few winters.)

      • Kaye

        Happened to me too (the feathers leaking through). It got worse after each wash – so my strategy with my new coat is to not wash it. Luckily it’s a dark color.

    • MelD

      I live someplace warm now, but when I did wear a down coat, I never had any problems. Usually I get congested within a few minutes if I have to sleep in a bed with feather pillows/down comforters. In this case, you shouldn’t have down near your nose and mouth for extended periods like you would in a bed. The feathers will come out, so if it is a skin allergy, you’ll want to make sure that you cover your skin properly.

    • Anonymous

      If you buy from Land’s End, they will accept returns at any time and for any reason. So you could have your coat, wear it for a week, and if it bothers your allergies, call them, explain the problem, and return it. Nordstrom also has similar policies, but I’m not sure if you’ll find a superwarm coat at Nordstrom.

      • Another Anon

        I agree with the Lands End suggestion. I’ve had mine for three years, and it’s about to do another season.

        No leaking feathers either.

    • rg

      Primaloft is the name of the synthetic fill that is thinner and just as warm (warmer in my experience) than down. I have a Patagonia jacket I wear for climbing…but several brands carry jackets with it.

    • Meme

      I’m allergic to down and can’t go near a pillow, comforter, or a down coat. But I’m pretty severe – if someone brings down into my house I usually start coughing and choking up and have to put the offending item in the garage.

    • OP

      thank you all for your suggestions – i’m thinking of getting a down coat and wearing it around the house for sometime and seeing how it feels. and if not, i’ll splurge for the warm columbia/patagonia ones!

  28. Phoenix bound

    Heading to Phoenix for a few days… anyone have tips on neat/unique things to see or do? I’ve got a car so I don’t mind driving around a little. I’d be interested in any vintage shop recommendations or things off the beaten track, too! Love to hear from you all

    • v

      In terms of attractions, the desert botanical gardens are beautiful; really stunning. In terms of food, if you feel like lining up, try Pizzeria Bianco. Amazing pizza, but a three hour wait every night. :-) If you don’t, their sandwich shop, Pane Bianco, is also pretty incredible

    • K

      Look at 7th Avenue for vintage shops…also the Heard Museum is cool and they have a nice cafe…it’s late tonight, but I will try to remember to check back and post actual links/names for the 7th Ave stuff….

  29. Needing Advice

    I could use some advice from the partnered Corporettes – I have been together with my wonderful BF for three years now, living together for two, and I couldn’t be happier. The one fly in the ointment is that our friends and family will not stop bugging us about when we’re getting married, and it’s really starting to p!ss me off. We have discussed marriage and I know that he is planning to propose – he just hasn’t done it yet.

    I’m definitely not seeing nagging where it doesn’t exist, either – more sensitive friends have noticed how often I get asked about it. I just don’t know how to respond, especially when I get asked in front of BF – it really puts him on the spot and I don’t want to embarrass him any more than he’s already embarrassed.

    For those of you who are or were in the same situation, 1) how did you make people shut up about it and 2) failing that, how did you cope with the nagging, especially from well-meaning family members? (Yes, Grandma, I know you’d like to see me walk down the aisle before you’re too old to travel!)

    • anon

      yea, i get this all the time. especially if i’m at a wedding. (been dating my boyfriend 7 years, we lived together the last 2 or 3 until I had to move for a job). I usually just say “when we’re good and ready” and that shuts people up. it’s none of their business, and it probably helps that i’m still fairly young. However, I only have one surviving grandparent, so I don’t get the “hurry up before I die!” question.

    • Anon

      I’ve started saying, with a completely straight face, “we’re waiting until the marriage tax penalty is eliminated.” No one knows what to say back to that, believe me.

    • Anon

      Totally been there. I have a wonderful BF of 3 years as well. We don’t live together (personal choice) and he makes me incredibly happy. The difference with us is that we KNOW we’re not ready to get married yet. I just graduated law school in May and have yet to find a job, and he’s working full time while getting his Bachelor’s part-time in the evenings. Though we’ve talked about it and it’s a definite possibility for the future, we just tell people we’re not ready and they leave it at that.
      My experience with overly nagging friends/relatives – just be blunt. Pull them aside and let them know that it bothers you. “Grandma/Friend/Whoever, I know you mean well and just want to see me happy, but it really embarasses Boyfriend/makes Boyfriend uncomfortable when you bring it up in front of everyone. Could you please not do that again?”
      As for how to cope – try not to let it get to you or affect your relationship. Just try to remember that they mean well and want to see you happy and settled.

    • Needing Advice

      Thanks for your advice, everyone – Anon #3, I do think it seems to make a difference to the nagging when you live together. I’ve responded on occasion with the “we’re just not ready yet” and got back “well, if you’re ready to live together, why don’t you just get married?” (Note, a lot of this is coming from relatives who don’t approve of premarital cohabitation – I know that’s not an issue for everybody.)

      With friends, we can joke and let it roll off our backs, but when my grandparents start saying things like “I want to see you get married before I die” – well, they kinda have a point. It’s much harder to respond to that in a way that respects where they’re coming from while still getting my point across that I don’t appreciate the level of nagging.

      • Anonymous

        “well, if you’re ready to live together, why don’t you just get married?”

        One of my friends, in response to that question, said “we’re not ready to send our sex life to the gas chamber just yet.”

        It certainly shut the nosy inquirer up.

    • Living in Sin

      Depending on who asks, I either tell them I will let them know (older relatives/colleagues); or I tell them since no one is being deported marriage isn’t necessary (friends/co-workers/siblings/cousins); or I ask when the person asking is getting married (divorced people).

    • divaliscious11

      I simply told people we’d get married when the time was right, and to my family, I warned if they didn’t stop bugging us about it, they’d run him off so do be quiet! We got married years ago now, but they did stop going on about it….

  30. cbackson

    Just wanted to thank all the Corporettes who shared their thoughts, experiences, words of comfort, and e-hugs when I posted a few weeks ago about my husband’s surprise divorce announcement. He is filing on Tuesday. It’s been an awful month in so many ways, but strangely, now that I know that divorce is what’s going to happen (that is, now that he’s not sitting on the fence anymore) I feel much more in control of my life and future.

    I’m struggling with a lot of decisions, among them, whether I want to keep our house and live in it or try to sell it. But the most difficult one emotionally is about my name: we were only married three years and we have no children. I’m not attached to his name but everyone at my firm and in my city (where I’m very involved socially and civic-ly) knows me by my married last name. Changing it now feels like I’d have to explain what happened even to total strangers–people will wonder why I changed it and I know lots of people who don’t know me well will ask if I got married. On the other hand, I’m worried that it will seem weird to people if I don’t change it, given the shortness of the marriage. Any thoughts/advice?

    • cbackson

      I will add that I’m still incapable of even saying “I’m getting divorced” without crying, so the prospect of having to explain to the mail room guy, the church treasurer, the other members of the nonprofit board I sit on, etc., what has happened is hard to deal with.

      • Kit

        There’s no need for you to provide an explanation. I know that is easier said than done, but it really isn’t anyone’s business. A friend of mine that divorced last year asked my husband and I to spread the rumor to all of our friends so he didn’t have to tell people face to face or explain what went wrong. I think that helped. Is there someone in your office you can ask to spread the rumor to co-workers and other colleagues in a non-gossipy way to take some of the pressure off of you?

        It will be easier to change your name if you do it as part of the divorce. Presumably, the divorce won’t be final for several months, so you’ll have time to adjust to the change and become more comfortable with it. I don’t have any personal experience in this arena, but I imagine you will eventually feel awkward about using his name. It would be different if you had kids.

        • cbackson

          I had thought about asking someone to spread it around, and then was worried that it was somehow weird to do that–it makes me feel better to hear that someone felt okay about being asked to do that. I’ve told as many people face to face as I really feel like I can handle at this point.

          It’s kind of a big pain if I don’t change it until after the divorce. I have to decide before Tuesday if I want the judge to change it–that’s when my husband’s attorney is filing the papers. He only told me Thursday that he was definitely decided on divorce, so it just feels so fast.

          • Kit

            I don’t know which state you are in or what the laws may be in that state; however, it is unlikely that you name will be changed on the day the papers are filed. In my state, the name change is part of the divorce decree, which won’t be entered until several months until after the initial paperwork is filed. That will give you some time to adjust to the idea of changing your name. Do you have an attorney yet? If not, you should get one.

      • Lawdy

        Sorry to chime in so late, but I went through the same situation and kept my (now ex-) husband’s last name because that’s how people had known me professionally for 7 years. HOWEVER, it later became pretty awkward because my ex lives nearby. I was constantly getting questions from strangers along the lines of “oh, are you related to [ex-husband’s-new-wife]? Also keep in mind that in order to change your name later, you may need to go to court. It might be much easier to do it as part of the divorce and just be done with it, even though it will be difficult for you to have to explain to everyone while the pain is so fresh. When I finally changed back to my maiden name it caused all sorts of confusion at work because I had waited so long. Some people who had met my BF (now husband) thought maybe he & I had been married and were now separated and that prompted the change. People were very confused and afraid to say much of anything. In hindsight I would have gone back to my maiden name as part of the divorce and started with a “clean slate” back then. Believe it or not, this too shall pass. Hang in there.

        • cbackson

          Thanks. Part of what I worry about is that his last name is completely unique–everyone in the US who has it is related to him. And we’re in somewhat related fields, so I know that keeping it may, in the long run, result in me being asked about it long after he’s long out of my life.

          • More advice

            Chiming in late. I hope things go as easy for you as possible.

            Given what you’ve said – no kids, short marriage and especially the uniqueness of the name – I’d say you’d be better off in the long run to change it back. Have your law school diploma re-issued. And it is a great idea to ask others to spread the word for you.

            Something else you could do is to have your administrative assistant send an email to all your contacts announcing that you are going to “use your maiden name profesionally.” This may get it out quicker and cut down on the questions. And if there are questions, perhaps they can be filtered by the admin.

            My best to you.

          • cbackson

            @More advice: Thanks. I hadn’t thought about asking my admin for help, but that’s a good idea.

    • D

      ::Hugs:: I promise you can get through this!

      Most of the women I know switched back to their maiden name in their personal lives. I’m not sure about professional. What name is on your diplomas/certificates?

      Also, consider that this decision is not just a practical one. It has an emotional component to it- some people want a fresh start after such a big change.

      • D

        I’ll add, you don’t have to change it right away. No one has to know right now. You can decide when, if at all, it feels right.

        You are still grieving for the loss of the partnership. In some ways, it’s like grieving for a person. Don’t worry about crying. Little things will set you off for a while. Excuse yourself, let it out, splash your face, and carry on.

        • Fiona

          Ditto – you don’t need to change your name immediately. Give it some time until you are feeling better, and then deal with it.

          FWIW, I have one divorced friend who is still using her married name, and two other friends who have gone back to their maiden names. Also, if people you don’t know well ask why, you can just say “I’m going back to my maiden name professionally.”

          And btw, thanks for keeping us updated! I remembered your story from a few weeks ago and had been wondering how you were doing. Hang in there – you sound like a really strong person.

          • cbackson

            Ah, that’s a really good response. I hadn’t even thought of explaining it that way.

            Thanks for thinking of me–I appreciate your (and everyone’s) good thoughts and wishes.

      • cbackson

        My maiden name is on my undergrad diploma, but my married name is on my law degree. So I could change get my law diploma re-issued (I looked into it).

        A part of me really does want the fresh start and I feel like I’ll probably get the point where I do decide to do it. It’s just so hard to think about right now.

    • Anonymous

      So sorry that this is so hard for you. I don’t think there’s any rush to change your name. My cousin got divorced, and she kind of changed the name back gradually over a year. She wasn’t ready at first, and then once she got more used to the idea that she was divorced she realized she missed her maiden name, changed it back legally, and then started slowly transitioning to actually using it on her email address, business card, etc. Just take this one step at a time.

    • EG

      You can also start gradually by using your maiden name as a “middle” name, and then when you are ready, drop your married name. So, sign you e-mails First Maiden Married. This lets people connect you with your maiden name, and when you drop your married name, it is less noticeable and most people will be able to figure out what is going on without asking you awkward questions.

      • cbackson

        Ah, I was already doing that, so maybe people won’t have as much trouble with it as I thought. Somehow, I hadn’t thought about that helping with this.

  31. Update

    A few weeks ago, I asked for advice on juggling career choices and my relationship. I was the 3L who limited my job search because my boyfriend didn’t want to leave his job. He also “didn’t believe in marriage.”

    Everyone advised me to put my career first and let the relationship go if it had to, which really struck a cord with me. I did some soul-searching- I was never the kind of woman who would consider this- what happened to that woman? Why in the world am I suppressing my chances? I made some promises to myself after that.

    Here’s what happened:
    I told the boyfriend I had been limiting my choices because I was acting like we were married. I said I needed to step back and act more realistically. I’ve always been ambitious and I have to put myself first here. Since I know we aren’t getting married, I’m broadening my job search nationwide. I told him this isn’t a marriage conversation about “us,” because I know his thoughts on the subject, but a career conversation about me.

    He said he never wanted to hold me back and I have to do what I have to do. He mentioned I had been willing to move for him when he had other job prospects out-of-state, and he really appreciated the support. He said he is very reluctant to move because he really likes how life is turning out here, but he would consider it if I got the perfect job.

    About marriage, he said maybe he gave me the wrong idea. He has always been cynical about others’ marriages and doesn’t think it helps a mediocre relationship. But he can’t see being with anyone else but me. He didn’t want to disrupt my studies; once I got settled with a job, he was going to bring up marriage. So he doesn’t believe in marriage in general, but thinks we can make it happen.

    (Lesson I learned from conversation: sometimes he makes blanket statements about a subject, which I shouldn’t take at face value and should assume some nuance.)

    Well, last week, I was offered a 2012 federal clerkship in my city! Now I just need to find a 1-year gig until fall 2012. I will probably be in the area for the foreseeable future, but I’m still going to search nationwide for that 1-year opportunity.

    I can’t thank the wonderful ladies of Corporette enough for bringing me back to myself! Even if things don’t work out, I now have a solid handle on what I want from life and how I want to get there.

    • JessC

      Great news! Glad you decided to have a heart-to-heart with him about your job search and your relationship. Best of luck with the BF and the job search for the future!

    • Anonymous

      Good! It’s really important that you had that conversation and I’m glad it is working out. You made your boyfriend think about what’s really important, and he decided that it’s being with you :).

    • Lola

      Yay – it seems like it all worked out really well. The more communication, the better.

    • jr. prof

      Thanks for the update! Kudos for taking a hard look at what you want, whether you were on track to get it, and the role of the boyfriend in all that. It’s also heartening to hear that he is more willing to flex on both location and marriage – I hope this turns out the way you want!

    • Kit

      That’s fantastic. In the end, this probably made you and your relationship stronger and happier. I love that you had the guts to make promises to yourself and have that difficult conversation. I wish more people I know could do this!

    • ning

      Congratulations! I’m glad your straightforward conversation and hard work really paid off!

  32. Worker Bee

    Has anyone recently purchased a suit that they can recommend for defending a deposition at a big law firm in Southern CA in November?

  33. btsbsc

    Hi Trusty ‘rettes! I’m traveling to New Delhi this week for personal travel. I have gotten all of my vaccines and stuff but I need help figuring out what to pack. I know that it’s been pretty warm during the day chilly at night. We will be doing a couple of long road trips and quite a bit of shopping. When I want to be comfy, I go for sweatpants and hoodies – pretty much a slob! what should I wear so that I comfortable and stylish? Thanks!

    • S5

      Even if the weather is mild, Delhi is often quite humid. I’d recommend some light cotton khaki style pants and comfortable tops. REI/Patagonia and other such brands have nice looking travel clothes that can handle a bit of dirt and are also comfortable. Of course what I usually do is pack as lightly as I can then go and pick up a few ready-made simple cotton salwar-kamiz (the long top with the loose drawstring bottoms) and wear those during my time in India. If you have that option, I’d recommend it. Take a couple sweaters to throw on over the salwar and you’ll be set. Don’t forget to carry along your own boiled water when you’re out and about!

      • rg

        Ditto this…definitely layers this time of year. Especially if you’re traveling. And quick dry travel pants are a great idea. I have a pair of OR Wild Roses ones that I really like, though fit and comfort is the most important. I’d definitely hit up REI or the like. And I second the idea of maybe buying a few cotton tops in India. But definitely bring along a couple of wool cardigans and a light jacket as well.

      • Samantha

        I second this! If at all you can, buy a few ‘tunics’ salwar kameez when you get there and you can rotate them. It will also help you not to stand out too much.
        Some more suggestions:
        – Wear loose flowy stuff as much as you can, layered with sweaters as necessary. Tunics work well for this, it fits in with what the norm is (skin-tight clothing is uncommon). Otherwise cotton type tops from Old Navy that are a little bit loose on you will work.
        – On that topic, wear cottons because as S5 said, it can get quite humid and you really want something that can breathe. I find rayon type blends extremely uncomfortable esp in humid weather.
        – You probably already know this, but wear comfy shoes. Sidewalks may be irregular and you dont want to struggle in your nicest heels. Unfashionable of me, but I veer towards moccasins or ballet flats.
        – I also picked up a couple of long (ankle length) flowy skirts that were super comfy, airy and had pretty prints. To me it had the other benefit of not being skintight (or showing your shape – I wore this in the middle east as well).

        • rg

          On the footwear note, I would also add that it’s a good idea to have shoes that are easy to take on and off (sports sandals, or “athletic” slip ons–I’ve got a pair of Nike Mary Janes). Most tourist sites require you to remove your shoes, so it’s nice to have something that makes it easy. Also get something that’s easily washable (like Tevas) or you’re happy to toss after your trip. Roads are dirty!

    • Ballerina girl

      Just seconding everyone else here–it gets VERY cold at night (relative to daylight temps at least). Surprisingly cold–like low 50s. And hotels usually aren’t heated. I was surprised by how cold I got–I wore a hat to sleep at night. Don’t go overboard but bring one warm jacket and/or a very thick sweater.

  34. SouthLaw

    I have a friend who is an adorable, tiny woman with a sweet voice who responds to inquiries about whether she and her SO are married by looking the inquirer straight in the eye and saying “No ma’am, we’re living in sin.” And… that takes care of that line of questioning.

    She does it so well that it almost makes me wish that I had an opportunity to use the line. (Of course, I am neither tiny nor adorable, so it might not work so well). I invite you, however, to take it out for a spin.

    • JessC

      HAHA. My mother told me a story once – her younger sister got married before her and around the time of the wedding a number of relatives started nagging her about when she was going to get married (and she wasn’t even SEEING anyone at the time). Her response: “When I damn well feel like it.”

  35. CW

    Would someone please point me to those threads where we discussed work basics/essentials? I know I’ve seen them on Corporette before, but can’t seem to find them!

    Thanks.

  36. coco

    PSA:

    I just handwashed my lovely merona tights which i can’t say enough wonderful and good things about…and they bled like nobody’s business. So far, I haven’t seen any difference in the overall color (i.e. no streaking) but we’ll see what happens when they dry. I don’t remember any color wearing off on my legs or clothes while wearing them, but now I’m nervous about a rainy day and a light-colored skirt. So thought I would share. Anyone else have this issue with the merona tights??

    • Makeup Junkie

      I had that problem with Spanx tights. The color still seems fine to me though, so I’m not too worried

    • Whitney

      This looks great from the front, but the back of the skirt is AWFUL. I could not imagine having that many buttons lining my backside.

  38. anon

    Hello ladies- Have a friend whose dad just passed away. I remembered a thread in the comments on grieving a while back, and wanted to reread it for advice in how to be supportive. When I search corporette using its internal search engine, though, I’m not coming up with it- it seems to be only searching through Kat’s posts, and not the comments.

    So,
    1) Is there a way to search the comments on the site, and
    2) Does anyone remember offhand what post these comments were on?

    Thanks much!

      • j

        ok, after ree-reading that, it does not seem very clear at all. In order to search for specific pages using Google, the search query should look like this “site:corporette.com grief [or pregnancy suit or clerkship or whatever].” Google will then limit its search to Corporette.com – or any other site it has indexed. Pretty sweet.

  39. Miriam

    In need of some venting and motivation! After this terrible semester I am just ready for it to be over and have some time to sleep over winter break! I’m finding it so difficult to stay motivated and concentrate. I will read a paragraph and have to reread it because I’m just lacking motivation and not engaged in the material. I know I only have a few more weeks and I shouldn’t let all my hard work fade away now. I already had a red bull and coffee and I have 4 classes tomorrow!!! Does anyone have any good tips on how to stay motivated in the home stretch?

    • Laura G

      Find a cute guy who will be supportive downstairs. It will calm you down.

    • Miriam

      I love both of your responses! They at least made me laugh on a Monday morning. Maybe I’ll pick up some No Doz tonight.

      • CSF

        My suggestion is to take a break. Get your work done this week, and when the weekend roles around, don’t work on anything school related. Go out with friends, or on a weekend away, or getting stuff done around your home. Take time completely away from your classwork, so when you get back to it next Monday, you’re refreshed. If you go at your classwork full steam 100% of the time, you WILL burn out. You’ve got a while left in the semester to burn out yet, and there’s still time before you need to be panicking over exams. Take a break now, when you can. Trust me!

      • Anonymous

        You probably need more sleep, not No Doz. Lack of sleep leads to inability to focus and short attention span. Caffeine makes it harder to pay attention and focus, not easier. Try cutting out the red bull and actually sleeping for 8 hours a night.

        • Miriam

          Thanks for the advice CSF and Anonymous. I was just really stressed out. Sunday nights are the worst because of the 4 classes on Mondays. But I got my work done and I’m feeling better. My b/f also goes away for work for about 2 weeks which will leave me with no distractions on the weekends! I’m feeling much better. Sleeping for 8 hours would be amazing!

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