Working Through Your First Trimester of Pregnancy
This is a post about working through your first trimester of pregnancy, which can be particularly trying — extreme fatigue, nausea, and all while trying to keep your “situation” on the QT in case of miscarriage.
But I suppose I should make a mini-announcement regarding some personal news in Katland. First, some hints: I'm on my third bra size since December. I haven't enjoyed a martini, or deli meats, or zippers, in a long, long time. Lately, I'm having trouble falling asleep because someone keeps kicking me. The news, if you're not with me yet: My husband and I are expecting our first child later this summer. Why yes, we are terrified; thanks for asking.
{related: check out all of our pregnancy discussions here and on CorporetteMoms!}
One of the things I've been dying to talk about since becoming pregnant is the first trimester,* and the complete, mind-blowing fatigue that most women suffer.
I would have considered myself a trooper when it comes to energy and the job — I've worked through mono and two bouts of strep throat without missing more than a day of work. But apparently mono and strep can't shake a stick at the whole “growing another human” thing.
It became incredibly difficult to get up and out the door in the morning — and by 3 PM every day I needed a nap. And not a 20-minute power nap, oh no: we're talking at least a full 90-minute sleep cycle. I kept thinking about that Sheryl Sandberg talk for TED about how women, upon getting pregnant, should ramp up their career and go 120 miles per hour. NOW??? I kept thinking. Is she CRAZY?
This fatigue caught me totally by surprise. After all, a lot of women don't talk about their pregnancies in their first trimester — the chance for miscarriage is highest then, and there aren't many external physical indicators of early pregnancy (most first-time moms don't start to show until around week 20).
Our latest favorite maternity dresses for the office in 2024 include dresses from Seraphine, LaClef, Kimi and Kai, Hatch Maternity, Isabella Oliver, and Quince. Nordstrom has a great selection in general!
A poll of my friends who have children or are pregnant confirmed it — everyone was exhausted during their first trimester, and every pregnancy book mentioned it. One friend, who was finishing up her final MBA year when she got pregnant, admitted that she slept 14 hours a day.
A few friends told me their miscarriage stories, where after going through nearly a full trimester full of fatigue they lost the baby, and in addition to having to deal quietly with the mental and physical repercussions of losing a baby (including surgery, sometimes), they had to get the energy up to try again.
(One friend noted that between her first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, and her second pregnancy, which she carried to term, her billable hours were shot for the year — and when she took her maternity leave they simply doubled the hours she had before she left. Ouch.) Another friend was cursed with such a bad case of nausea that she had to be medicated for it.
So I thought we'd talk about how to deal with the first trimester — keeping your energy up, rising to the occasion, and even maintaining your professional image through it all.
Before we get into the tips, though, here's an interesting thing to ponder (and perhaps you ladies will weigh in): does it hurt us to talk about the hardships of pregnancy? By admitting that pregnancy affects our stamina and energy, is it simply justifying all those people who discriminate against women employees in their fertile years?
I'm almost ashamed to say the thought hadn't occurred to me — and I've even been joking (at work, yes, and yes, my face is beet red) about pregnancy brain. One boss/mentor/friend heard me and gave me a sound rebuke (and a lecture on what it was like to be pregnant in a male-dominated environment in the late '70s), and I think the lesson here is right: pregnancy should never be an excuse for why you can't get something done at the office, or why the ts aren't crossed.
But that may just mean you have to step up your OWN game even more — because while in the third trimester, when you're showing and on your way out, people may cut you slack (whether they should or not): but in your first trimester it is largely a silent struggle.
Some of the best books for working mothers include:
How to Work Through Your First Trimester of Pregnancy
For my own $.02, these are the things I wish I'd known:
Wean yourself off coffee and diet Coke way before you start trying to get pregnant. The latest thinking re: pregnancy is that you are allowed to drink coffee, but only about a cup of it a day. Artificial sweeteners aren't recommended, so diet Coke is off the list also. Before I got pregnant, I only drank about 2 or 3 cups in the morning, and then a diet Coke around lunchtime for an afternoon jolt — but decreasing to 1 cup a day and no diet Coke meant I was going through caffeine withdrawal at the same time as first trimester fatigue.
(I should also mention that your tastebuds may change, as mine did — all coffee tasted totally burnt to me for about 4 weeks, and regular Coke continues to gross me out.)
Stock up on orange juice, and cut your dependency on vitamin supplements. I kept reading that pregnant women should avoid vitamin supplements during this time (beyond your prenatals) and so I have avoided my beloved Emergen-C. Instead I kept buying OJ when I needed a jolt of energy.
Take your prenatals at night instead of in the morning. I've heard it's the extra iron in the prenatals that makes you nauseous on an empty stomach — but whatever it was, I wish I'd stumbled on the advice to take them at night instead of in the morning long before I did.
Prepare your office for naps. Yes, seriously. Bring in whatever you need to make for a comfortable napping environment — pillows, blankets, etc., because you WILL need naps to make it even to 6pm (let alone 10 pm or whatever other quitting time is usual for you).
Eat frequently, and guzzle water. It took me a few weeks to realize that the nausea was so much worse if I hadn't eaten for a few hours — I also would get these whanging headaches if I hadn't eaten. Just a few unsalted Saltines and some cheese can help you function normally.
My final advice to women embarking on pregnancy is to time it well. The first trimester can be 6-8 weeks of feeling far, far less than your best, and I can think of a number of times in my own life when it would have been disastrous to be going through the first trimester: the first semester of law school, being a summer associate, crunchtime studying for the bar, and trial prep. So nail down your birth control methods during those time periods, ladies.
For those of you who've been pregnant, did your first trimester affect your energy, and how did you compensate for it at work? What tips do you have for the readers who hope to get pregnant some day — what's your best advice on working through your first trimester of pregnancy?
* Oh, and some terminology for those not familiar with the joys of pregnancy: your pregnancy is counted from the first day of your last period, not the day you conceive, which means that by the time most women find out they're pregnant they're already “4-6 weeks pregnant.” The first trimester ends around week 13–so we're really only talking about 6-8 weeks of extreme fatigue. Still: I've known careers to rise or fall in that time, so I think it is a relevant discussion for this blog.
Some of the best maternity pants for the office in 2025 include Seraphine, Angel Maternity, Quince, Old Navy, and sometimes Target. Nordstrom has a great selection in general!
Social media picture via Fotolia / vladimirfloyd.
Congrats, Kat! I was SOoooOOooo exhausted with baby 1 and exhausted & sickly with baby 2. I slept 14 hours a day too – yes ma’am: slept from 7pm to 7am one day after work. Hubby checked on me around 10pm, asking: “Honey, I’m worried; do you want to eat dinner?” I was like: “No, just SLEEEEPPPPP. ZZZZzzzzz.” LOL. Here’s my take on it (unPC & un-Sheryl Sandberg): Yes, my career suffered along with my work; yes I tried to hide it during the 1st trie, and no, I couldn’t always. Even when I was visibly pregnant, some colleagues were understanding, others were bitterly complaining behind my back. And yes, the work pressure and expectations only intensified when I came back from maternity leave, sleep deprived with boobs dripping milk :(
Gosh, writing this made me re-read my earlier postback in January (see bel0w) on a similar topic. I thought I was such a wet blanket amongst the chorus of Super Women like Sheryl Sandberg who could power through pregnancy no problem. Did it resonate then, Kat? ;-)
1 Lawgirl 01/13/2011 at 3:10 pm
Group hug as we start this topic. (Deep breath). Excuse short, direct sentences as I blurt this out. On “don’t leave before you leave” — Tough pregnancies, difficulties trying to conceive, and a host of other problems sometimes force you to downshift before you go on maternity leave. Co-workers and bosses are patient (sorta) during your preggo time, and then you leave for maternity leave. And then you come back. After 3-6 months, with other folks doing your work (begrudgingly, most of the time). And….when set foot back in that door, you’re swimming upstream to create a reputation that you can work just as hard (or harder) than when you had a baby. Which is impossible for most women. JMHO.
Read more: https://corporette.com/2011/01/13/planning-for-babies/#ixzz1Ny0O0CqH
Congrats Kat! I’m psyched for CorporetteMom.
With my first pregnancy I was exhausted in the first tri (in weeks 6-8 I basically went to bed right after dinner, and sometimes had trouble staying awake during dinner) and definitely took a few disco naps under my desk. Thank god this wasn’t during a busy period at work or I’m not sure how I would have managed.
I’m 18 weeks with no. 2 now and have had the good fortune to feel basically normal the whole time, although if I don’t sleep 8 hours a night I am very, very tired. I just told work, and it has been relatively easy to camouflage the belly (in my mind at least) with blousy shirts tucked into larger-size pants and longish open cardigans. What’s harder for me to hide than the fatigue and the growing belly is not drinking alcohol!
FWIW I haven’t cut out caffeine or Coke Zero but I try to limit to no more than one a day.
On the timing, I agree with others that there is no perfect time, although I sort of wish I’d been more realistic before I started trying to get pregnant with my first about the fact that it might not happen right away, since as an “achiever” type I found it frustrating that we couldn’t just get it done by trying really hard!
Congrats Kat!
Congrats Kat, wonderful news!
Congrats!
Congratulations, Kat! So happy for you.
I echo the commenter above that there is no great time to have a baby. As advice for making it through, I’d add to your list something like Deploy your Resources: accept that you need the sleep and the slack and ask for the help that you can – even if you are not telling folks at work, from your husband/partner and friends, and by hiring out cleaning, ordering groceries, etc. This is good practice for when the baby comes, too: both times, you just can’t do as much as you are used to doing.
Congrats, Kat!!!!
How did everyone who has had kids know they were pregnant????
I couldn’t figure out why I was so hungry all.day.long. And then my brests were really sore, like nothing I ever experienced pre-period.
This is funny! I was not trying to get pregnant and got pregnant accidentally ( was engaged and we were planning kids so not a huge deal, though a huge surprise!)
I was doing a long case with a slow surgeon with loupes on (those funny magnifying glasses surgeons wear). By the end of the case I was so nauseated and feeling terrible I had to sit down before I passed out. I must have looked terrible because the whole OR ground to a halt , nurse getting me a cold cloth and juice, anesthesia finding me a chair, etc.
Anyways, the surgeon (who is lovely) said “did you eat lunch” which I had, and the nurse said “are you pregnant?” I sat on the chair, catching my breath, ticking off the series of symptoms I had attributed to the crush of being a surgical resident, (fatigue, nausea) and added it to the breast pain and tried to think of the last time I’d had a period….
Also, late to the game, but a few things I found. I was a third and fourth year surgical resident and had from a physiologic standpoint I had an easy pregnancy, though pregnancy working 80 hours a week was not easy. I reviewed the literature on caffeine and found it very non compelling. I did cut back to a shot of espresso in the AM and one in the PM as a middle ground.
I didn’t have as much fatigue as some have…when I was working 30 hours shifts in a level one trauma center I had to lay down between 3:30 and 430 in the morning, but otherwise did fine. I felt like fluids and small snacks kept me going.
Also, there isn’t really much data to support the idea that work load has any outcome on pregnancy. My OB and I had many talks about this, as there was no way for me to cut back during pregnancy — either I was working 80 hours a week, or I was on disability. She and I reviewed the literature, and there are small but statistically insignificant data that suggest that female residents (working 60-80 hours a week) may trend toward preterm labor but it wasn’t particularly impressive.
For me, pregnancy was the first stage of figuring out how to prioritize differently. In some situations, we do rounds where we stand in front of patients rooms for three or more hours. When I was pregnant, I sat. And I decided that if someone thought less of me, I was okay with that.
Peeing all the time. gross. i know. but you did ask!
Congrats, Kat. Hope the pregnancy is smooth and the baby is happy and healthy.
On a selfish note, CRAP! Please, please, please don’t let this wonderful blog become a blog for Mothers who happen to work. Corporette serves a great purpose for professional women that can’t be easily replaced.
This. (Glad someone said it.)
As a full time mom, full time surgeon, I agree. I love the clothes and professional end of things here, though it might be nice to have a small adjacent space to discuss the clothes, professionalism and balance that comes with motherhood. But I love that people are in many phases of their lives here, and want it to remain true to the community here.
I’m unmarried and childless, and I didn’t read anything in this post implying that Corporette is in danger of becoming “a blog for mothers who happen to work.”
Considering 1) the daily posts are focused mainly on clothing, as opposed to the “lifestyle” component of the site, 2) the comments/threadjacks (which i love) cover just about every topic imaginable, and 3) Kat is rolling out a separate mom newsletter for these topics, I don’t see that being an issue.
Then again, as someone mentioned earlier, I am one of those people who enjoys reading about others’ lives/experiences, including topics such as pregnancy and working mom-hood, even if they don’t pertain to my particular life at the moment.
Congratulations! Those who are expecting will likely find a “breastfeeding while working” post to be helpful. Breastfeeding isn’t the completely “natural” process it’s often made out to be–some babies pick it up right away (think motor skills, like riding a bike) and others take much longer. My son took 8 weeks to learn how to latch, and my daughter took 3 weeks. Still, though, completely worth it–as my kids were sick much less than other kids, resulting in less time off work. Plus, I got an incredible amount of work done in my closed-door office, thanks to hands-free breastpumping. You can even pump while you’re driving a car (with a blanket strategically draped around you, of course!). Just in case it takes your baby a while to pick it up, I recommend the following:
–Vet your hospital’s lactation consultants in advance. What are they going to recommend if your baby doesn’t latch? Do they have experience working with these cases? If the answer is, “Just keep trying to latch,” then go find your own consultant, just in case, and pick someone who bases their recommendations on clinical research. Often, insurance will cover their services. Just because someone is “certified” or “licensed” doesn’t mean they are able to help with these tough cases, unfortunately.
–Identify a pediatric chiropractor who can do cranio-sacral therapies. After one visit to the chiropractor, my daughter was latching like a champ. :)
–If in any doubt about whether baby is latching successfully post-birth, insist that a hospital-grade, rental-quality breastpump be brought to your room. The colostrum must be removed (by baby or the pump) within six hours of delivery to maintain milk supply. It’s much easier to figure out a breastpump right after delivery and deal with latch problems later than it is to try to force a baby to latch who doesn’t want to cooperate, or worse yet, to have to fix milk supply issues at a later time. The pumps you buy at Babies R Us are ok for cases where there are not latching problems, but the rental pumps have stronger motors–which is essential when your baby isn’t latching.
–Don’t believe the hype about “nipple confusion.” If proper bottle techniques are used as taught by a knowledgeable lactation consultant, your baby can have breastmilk (or formula, if necessary) from a bottle while you’re working through the latch process.
Kat, since you are in NYC, you probably have access to much more knowledgeable staff than I had in my area, and many babies happily latch with no problem. Still, I’ve met so many moms who felt like they had to “give up” on breastfeeding when their efforts were hampered by not having good information and knowledgeable assistance. I totally support the choice to breastfeed and/or formula-feed, but my sincere hope for all mothers is that our choices are based on everyone having access to accurate information about breastfeeding and the barriers that can crop up.
I am VERY happy for Kat! I would like to have A BABY, too, but I don’t even have a Boyfriend, yet.
I am very hopeful I will have a boyfriend this summer, get engaged by Thanksgiving (or Christmas at the latest), and get married by next JUNE. Then I can also have a baby!
ha. never have I agreed with Ellen/Alan more.
Oh ELLEN, don’t you realize you should be working OUT at the gym instead of reading blogs on the world wide Web? That will make you much more attractive to a wealthey Man who is looking for a NEW wife. Maybe if you start now you can look hot ENOUGH to meet a man this Summer.
I was incredibly ill for the first 4.5 months and the fatigue never truely cleared. It definitely affected my work. I ended up telling my boss before my family or friends, because I needed to give some explanation. She was so relieved to find out why I’d been such a mess!
Finding a place to nap was very important, as I shared an office and rode transit (no car). My solution was to use a large, quiet lobby in the building next door. Not ideal, but sufficient.
It’s important to portray the fact that you are still a professional, albeit an ill professional. Be clear that you’re still engaged in your job, even if you have less energy to put towards it. Take your nap, but don’t spend your awake time browsing crib bedding online. I also found it useful to be honest about what I could and could not take on. Some of that was reminding coworkers about my upcoming maternity leave, and some was knowing that I needed longer deadlines, etc. It’s better to be upfront about needing more time than to come up short.
Planning a pregnancy is very important, too. We’ve postponed getting pregnant for our second until I meet two big deadlines at work (next month, actually!) because I knew completing the tasks would take all my focus, but that I’d have some goodwill to spend after it was done. But I am also in the “there’s not good time to have kids” camp. There’s always something. Both my husband and I got laid off after I became pregnant with #1. And I was recently selected for our company’s leadership development group, but decided that I’ll just be pregnant with #2 for it and that’s that.
My other advice is to read “The Female Brain.” There’s a chapter on pregnancy and it made me feel so much better about pregnancy brain and the intense fatigue.
Congrats, kat! Any recommendations for good maternity suits that aren’t crazy expensive? Sadly the blazer on your post is sold out in small and medium……
Congratulations, Kat! Very exciting news! I’m looking forward to your posts on this even though I’m not at that point of my life yet!
I’ve been pregnant five times, delivered three live babies and now have two living children. I’m glad you metioned your friends that had miscarriages. I think we are all programmed to think that pregnancy is a breeze, while it’s in reality a bit of a gamble.
That being said, pregnancy is not an illness and it is not rare, or even unusual. It’s in fact quite usual, but for each of us, it only happens a few times, if at all, so it’s natural to be comsumed with it. I totally was, every time.
The thing to remember is, everyone else around you isn’t necessarily consumed with your pregnancy. So that’s my big piece of advice. Do not make yourself All About Being Pregnant during your pregnancy(ies). At least, not in the workplace.
Coworkers will chat with you and tell you about their kids and tell you all the awful things that happened to them or people they know during pregnancy or childbirth (like I did in the first paragraph here) but, really, they’re wondering if you’re going to come back to work. Or if they’re going to have to take on your workload while you’re on leave. Or if you’re going to stretch out your leave and leave everyone hanging. Or if you’re going to start slacking right now.
So yes, I know those first trimester ickies. I do. I was exhausted and nauseous and prone to tears and gaining weight WAY before I wanted anyone to know. But if there’s ever a time in your career you need to buck up, this is it.
I recommend ginger ale, saltines, and letting go of all your committments outside of work. And working your ass off as much as you can while at work.
Congratulations!!!! I am an attorney at a big Bank and I had my first child last fall. My advice for getting through the first trimester (and beyond) is to stay active. Excercising regularly helped to keep my energy up during the day. Also, go to bed EARLY. This was difficult for me becuase I was a night owl. Even though going to bed at 9:30 seems nerdy, it will be much easier to get through the day. It doesn’t get any easier once the little one gets here….but I still try to exercise and get some extra sleep when I can :)
Wow at all the negative comments about “picking up slack.” If a co-worker had some other kind of medical condition, would you complain about that? Anyway, more on topic, I have loved this blog for pregnancy-related fashion: http://www.pregnantfashionista.com/. She does a great job of finding stylish maternity wear.
This!! My colleague was hospitalised for 3 mths (infection) and everyone rushed to pick up slack. I was out for the same time (m-leave) – with 5 mths advance notice/smooth handover to replacement etc – and boy did my boss grumble!
Congratulations Kat! I’m happy for you. Don’t hesitate to sneak down here into the comments if you need some support or hugs, even if it’s anonymously :)
Congratulations, Kat. I think it is WONDERFUL for you and your family!
One day I also hope to become a loving mother to my children. I made some bad choices with Alan so far, but I hope to IMPROVE. Best of luck! We will be cheering you on!
Congratulations, Kat! I just entered my second trimester and my energy levels really haven’t gotten that much better. I now fall asleep on the couch at 11 instead of 10:15 or 10:30! Fortunately, I work mostly from home, so If I really need a nap, I take one.
Congratulations, Kat! I hope the rest of your pregnancy is easier, and I look forward to hearing more about CorporetteMom.
Congratulations, Kat! Wishing you and your family all the best.
Congrats Kat! This is great news! Hopefully you will stop feeling so exhausted soon and get back your energy.
Now we know the reason behind the job change. :)
Congratulations! I’d strongly recommend “The girlfriend’s guide to pregnancy” by Vicki Iovine if you haven’t read it…a fun read even if you weren’t preggers….
Kat, I am thrilled for you. I wish the best for you, your husband and Baby Kat. I hope you find a wonderful balance between work and family and that you are all healthy and happy.
I don’t know if I recommend this course of action to others, but here is my story:
I was a fifth-year associate during my first pregnancy. Not by choice, I was also the top billing associate in a hundred-lawyer firm. I was assigned to a huge, very public trial and stepping aside just didn’t seem like an option (this was twelve years ago). I would literally break down sobbing at night from sheer exhaustion, and didn’t gain an ounce the first four months of my pregnancy (lest you think this is some kind of boast, let me assure you I made up for lost time and gained almost 50 pounds). I would think about my daughter-t0-be and convinced myself she would end up being some kind of tough warrior princess because she had lived through such a trying time. My boss expressed concern about my and the baby’s health, but his boss didn’t even seem to notice and he was calling the shots.
I am so glad I did all that, because here’s the thing: for the next eight years, before I left to go in-house, I was The Girl Who Worked Her Tail Off While She Was Pregnant. Shortly after the trial, I asked to go to a part-time schedule when I returned from leave (nobody else was PT at the time) and my request was accepted. I worked three or four days a week the entire rest of my time at the firm and had another baby, and nobody ever questioned my work ethic for a second. Is this fair? Should I have had to do all that? Maybe not, and I hope it’s better now, but it worked out for me.
The Warrior Princess is now twelve, and she doesn’t seem to have suffered any ill effects from the work schedule or the single can of Diet Coke I drank every day while pregnant with her.
Yeah, unfortunately, there is a benefit if you can be “The Girl Who Worked Her Tail Off While She was Pregnant.” I was the “Resident who Did an 8 Hr Case the Day she Delivered” and that added a little bit of cred to my life. It eased my last 18 months of residency, when I definitely was struggling to balance a new baby and the demands of the job. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but it does have an up side. And I agree my 2 year old shows no ill effects of my punishing schedule during pregnancy.
Wow, just wow.
Second the recommendation on the Vicki Iovine book (and all of her Girlfriend’s Guides).
I am going to pipe in here because I was one of the “slackers” during my pregnancy. I was so sick for five months (until I went on medication) that I frequently could not stand up. I was barred from any court appearance after I had to run out of a court hearing to throw up (and had the clerk following me into the bathroom to be sure I was ok) . I offered to go on disability, but my boss really did not want me to do that (for reasons too complicated to go into here). I dumped a lot on my co-workers and I am sure they did a certain amount of private grumbling.
Fast forward a few years. One of those co-workers had the weddding from hell (honestly she could have written a book). Then her Dad died suddenly and she was a wreck. Guess who covered for her? Another co-worker had her own baby – who was born with massive health issues. Guess who covered for her? Life happens and sometimes it interfers with work.
My best advice for preparing for having a baby if you have a demanding job? Tell your co-workers “no problem – I’ll cover for you” when life throws them a curve ball. I am not talking about people who can’t prioritize or who got drunk Thursday night and can’t make it to their 8 am hearing. But whether it is that you just broke up with your significant other, your dog died, you really need that day off, or something more serious, I made it clear to my co-workers that they could call me. Those people saved my hide (and vice versa) many times.
Oh – and for me lemon drops were better than ginger.
Here here
I’m curious whether anyone covered for her colleagues like you suggest before getting pregnant and whether people remembered it when she was pregnant.
Additionally, did you (or anyone else) find that the people who helped you during your pregnancy held it over your head long after the “debt” had been repaid? How long did it take for you to work off any backlash from being sick and unable to work as hard during your pregnancy?
I am not sure whether people remembered or not, but I will say that I did not encounter a single person who gave me grief (whatever they may have been saying behind my back). I am a firm believer that you can’t wait until you need a favor to offer to do a favor. And no, none of them held it over my head afterwards. On the other hand, I was not keep close score. If you really needed my help, I would give it. It you really want my help (i.e. you really want to take a couple of days, but something just came up and you need help), I am happy to do that too – occasionally. If you ruin three of my weekends in six weeks because you can’t prioritize and I got stuck with your undone work, I am likely to not answer my cell when you call and/or rat you out to the partner in charge.
Gestating another human can be extremely physically taxing, or perhaps debilitating. It is a continuum. I think we all agree that if a pregnant woman is order on bedrest by her doctor, her employer should provide the same medical leave they would for any other medical condition that requires a worker to leave work. By the same token, if a pregnant woman is suffering extreme nauseau (sp?) or other physical conditions (like fatigue) that do not require bedrest but do require physical slowing down, it may not be an option to just tough it out. All non-pregnant workers too may at some point have a physical reason to cool it at bit at work for 6-8 weeks — maybe a spate of migraines, or mono, or whatever.
Not sure why some posters have such hostility toward those with physical concerns caused by pregnancy. Maybe the hostility comes from different types of work places than mine? I’m in big law and was an associate for both my pregnancies. There are tons of fungible associates in big law. If someone asked me to do a project and I said “I’m sorry, I am running at capacity right now,” they would not know why or care — they would just ask someone else to do the work, who would probably have no idea I’d been asked and refused. No one has to “cover” for another. (For context, I slowed down to minimum billables or just below during pregnancies, as compared to huge numbers in other years — over the course of my career, I am giving the firm way more than the minimum, so I have zero regrets about just hitting average when pregnant.)
By the way, HIGHLY recommend having babies while a junior associate, BEFORE 5th year. You can turn off your work completely then for maternity leave. If you wait until you’re in the final grind to partnership, maternity leaves will slow down your partnership, and you will have client relationships that you don’t want to hand off to someone else and lose completely. Even tougher after you make partner. And, it’s easy to think it will all work out before you get there, but infertility can creep up on you — everyone they say about declines in fertility being dramatic each year of your 30s is true. Not trying to be alarmist, just share the truth. Everyone woman I know at my firm has a story about miscarriage or other difficulties.
Thanks very much for this comment. I had first kid right after graduation and delayed my BigLaw start date until after the February bar, in large part because I figured that as a junior associate that I was fungible. Thankfully this was correct, and after arriving at the firm when No. 1 was 8 months old I noticed that all the women who had kids while mid-level or senior associates, or who were partners, went part time when they returned from maternity leave. Except one junior partner, who had a child soon after making partner, and was dying. I mean, the poor woman had lost about 30 pounds from her pre-pregnancy self because she was killing herself trying to make her bones as a junior partner and balance that with parenthood (no such thing, apparently, as a part-time junior partner). I feel like that old sense that you should wait until making partner to have kids is sort of crazy, and her example only confirmed it for me. Plus, I think people expect some job-hopping at the start of a career, and time off is less detrimental.
I think anything I’d say has already been covered, so I’ll only add that there are really no good times for having a baby but there are better bad times. While I was lucky to have had easy pregnancies, don’t get fixated on that. It’s only the start of a long journey–life is infinitely more complicated (and rich, yes) with kids. Once I had the baby I realized that all the hype about pregnancy gets a bit ridiculous because in so many ways that’s the easy part. The real craziness starts once you have the kid. You might be tired now but try functioning after your kid was up all night after a tough day at the office, or when you just got a call at work that the baby is running a fever or is throwing up. Be kind to those around you who are going through pregnancy and parenthood, and hopefully they will repay the favor when you need some help.
Congratulations Kat! I am so happy for you and can’t wait to hear more!
As for me, I have to say I consider myself really lucky. I am in-house, and my original contract in Asia was due to wrap up in April 2010. As I was due in May 2010 it worked out perfectly.
And even better, I got an offer to take over the legal department here at the European headquarters of the same company, and they agreed to wait to hire me full-time until October 2010, so I was able to be at home with my son for 4 months.
And just this morning, after I had to leave work early to pick up my sick child from daycare yesterday, which meant postponing a meeting, I had an email from my boss, the CEO, who said (this is a direct quote) “No problem at all. You are mother of Henry, it must be No1 priority. See you tomorrow.”
But I have to say – now that DH is also working full time – even with this amazing support at work (and a very supportive husband) being a working mom is hard.
Oops, I think I am wandering. The topic was first trimester, which I got through by eating everything but the kitchen sink. Really helped with the nausea, not so much with the weight gain!
I’m coming out of general lurk-dom to say congratulations!!
And thank you so much for being so honest and straightforward about pregnancy and work. I really appreciate your point of view!
Congrats Kat!! Third trimester is also tiring – but exciting since you are that much closer to having a baby to hold in your arms!
Kat! Congrats!
I am 11 weeks pregnant and here a few tips I have learned:
1) Drink lots of water. It helps a bit with the fatigue.
2) take your time and try not to stress about what you can’t get done. You’re only one person.
3) Tell your immediate boss if you have one (my bosses know and know that’s the reason why my productivity has lowered.
4) tackle the hard thinking work when you have the most energy. For me, this is in the morning. By 3pm I am drained.
5) Take a walk at lunch. Just getting out in the fresh air seems to help (it’s not only healthy, but it clears your brain).
6) Get your doc to check your iron. My fatigue has been cause by low iron as well as pregancy so I have to take a supplement on top of my prenatals.
7) If you can put your feet up, do it. I’m not sure why this helps but it does for me (circulation maybe?).
8)EAT! eat smaller meals and more frequently. I find that I have fruit in the morning, a light lunch and something crunchy (carrots, etc) in the afternoon, and a light supper.
9) Make sure that you exercise (I don’t mean going to the gym). Go for walks, take a prenatal yoga or fitness class if they are offered.
Enjoy it! Looking forward to the maternity posts. I need good office wear.
Congratulations Kat! that’s wonderful.
I’m at 9 weeks, and am praying that the nausea/tiredness really will only last another three or four weeks. Long before I got pregnant I was running 12-15 miles a week, and I’ve found that I feel better on days that I run now, so my first advice would be to stay active!
Also, I would challenge the idea that we have to wait so long to tell our superiors at work. I went for my first drs appt at 7 weeks and had an ultrasound. At that point the heart beat was going strong and the dr. said we had a less than 5% chance of miscarriage. I told my boss the next week.
Granted, I work in a very family-friendly environment. I also thought that if something terrible did/does happen, I don’t want to have to go through that in silence.
I agree with this completely. With my first pregnancy, I told my office at 8 weeks after we heard the heartbeat, and then let some of my other colleagues know around 12 weeks. Unfortunately, I fell into that unlucky 5% that miscarried after seeing a heartbeat, and was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage at 12.5 weeks in March of this year. The support that I received from my coworkers and other attorneys I work with (even several of my judges who had heard the news) was amazing. I was shocked by how many male attorneys came up to me afterwards to tell me that they had been through something similar with their wives. I ended up having to have a D&C and needed to take several days off of work, and was so grateful that my office knew what was going on and was sympathetic to my situation. I think it helped a lot that the people I work with understood already how excited I was about the pregnancy, and so could appreciate the depth of my grief over the loss. I cannot imagine having to try to suffer through something like that in silence.
I am currently 5 weeks pregnant for the second time, and told my office yesterday, even though I don’t plan on telling friends and extended family for several more weeks. It was necessary because I am going to me have a lot more doctor’s appointments and blood draws already this time around and needed to explain my absences. If I do end up having another miscarriage, I won’t regret for a second having shared the news with them.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Prayers and good thoughts for you on baby #2!
I got pregnant with my son during my last semester of law school and took the bar exam 7 months pregnant. I had awful morning sickness, but was able to control it for the most part with lots of water, preggo pops from Motherhood Maternity, and crackers to eat during class. I was also exhausted and would spend most Sundays sleeping! The harder part was starting a brand new job with a brand new baby though.
I had been at my job about 2 years when I got pregnant with my daughter. I was pretty tired then too and would sometimes rest during lunch in my office. I told my boss pretty early on, because we are a fairly close and family friendly office and I just wanted to get that part over with. I was lucky this time and did not have morning sickness, but towards the end it became very hard to sit all day and work.
I just came back to work after my maternity leave and it has been easier this time. My co-workers did have to do some work in my cases while I was out, but no one seems very resentful. We have had four babies born in our office in the past 6 months, so everyone is pretty used to helping out.
Congrats!
It sounds like you’re a few weeks ahead of me! I found the best solution for the exhaustion was to let my supervisor know, as I started taking a lot of sick days. It was early to tell anyone-I hadn’t even told close friends yet, but I could tell it was effecting my work. My supervisor and I were able to arrange it so that I could work from home on days that I was really tired, so I could save sick days for my maternity leave. This way I can take naps in between projects!
I was also told by HR that anytime I needed a nap to feel free to use the mother’s room, I’m in a cubicle so I can’t really hide out and nap in my office! I’m finding there are days when I am even more exhausted in the 2nd trimester, so this has been really great information to know.
Congratulations! Wonderful news. I hope this means many more juggle-related threads – I find those terribly interesting these days.
My first trimester – and beyond – was difficult. It was the height of the 2009 layoffs and I was so scared to let anyone know about my pregnancy for fear of being targeted that I kept it under wraps for six months (nobody realized, they just thought I was just putting on weight). I was vomiting into my office bin (lining) at least twice a day for many months – it came on so suddenly that there wasn’t even enough warning to run to the bathroom most times. Tough times. All worth it, though!
Anyone have a child over age 40? Went to post-grad school late in life, and it’s finally “time” for us to have a child, but I am a little….scared.
All my friends had kids (mostly “oops” babies) in their early 20s. I don’t know anyone who made this decision over age 30, let alone at my age.
Advice appreciated!
My sister had a beautiful baby boy when she was 38 and her husband was 49. She had no problems conceiving and had a perfectly normal delivery. There are so women over 40 having kids these days that it’s no longer even looked upon as a big deal. My sister tells me that she definitely has less energy running around with a 3 year old than she would have had 10 years ago, but the baby plan didn’t work out back then. Good luck!
My advice is to act now if you’re serious about having kids. We started when I was 40 — wasted a good year trying “on our own”, then wasted more time with my regular OB (whose first advice was “you should really try donor eggs”). By the time I got to a reproductive specialist at 42, he told me my chances were incredibly slim. And he was right. I spent an incredible amount of money and lost several early pregnancies, and that was it. We adopted our wonderful son and I can’t imagine life without him, but I also wish I’d started a lot earlier. Parenting a toddler at 45 is exhausting, particularly when you hold a demanding job. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Do I feel like I’m going to collapse sometimes? Yep. Best of luck!
I am a junior partner at a law firm and had my first baby in October 2010. My colleagues graciously covered my cases while I was gone, but honestly not much happened while I was on maternity leave for 10 1/2 weeks. I too was absolutely exhausted the first trimester; it was all I could to sit at my desk awake all day, much less get much done. One piece of advice: continue your exercise routine. Hot yoga, which I’ve loved for years, kept me sane and from gaining a lot of weight (31 pounds total). Despite the advice of doctor friends to avoid the heat, I had no complications with the pregnancy or the birth, even though I’m of “advanced maternal age.” (But I would NOT try hot yoga for the first time while pregnant; it’s hard to get used to even when you’re not pregnant.)
Congratulations Kat!!!
Can’t wait to see CorporetteMoms!
So after reading all these posts I have deduced one thing – if you want your life to suck, have a baby. Yikes!
Kat, Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am 7 weeks into my first pregnancy and have not told anyone (except, of course, all of you on the internet?!)! I have a 14 hour a day job as a senior exec at a demanding company in New York and I am EXHAUSTED. I usually have boundless amounts of energy that keeps me moving/working/traveling seven days a week–and have been here for 13 years and love love love my job–but it is all I can do to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I had to roundtrip NY to LA this weekend for work and felt absolutely horrid all day yesterday. Morning sickness hits me like a ton of bricks first thing and then makes me feel like I am on a rolling ship for the rest of the day. It is incredibly challenging in meetings where feel like a) putting my head down for a nap b) throwing up into the nearest trashbin. Has anyone come across anything that can help with the afternoon slump? I had a meeting that started at noon yesterday and ended at 3:00 p.m. and did not have time to grab lunch–by the end I felt so dizzy/weak/ill that I thought I was going to pass out. The one thing that does help with the nausea is exercise but I am so bloody tired at the end of the day that it is difficult to make myself go to the gym–and in the morning the nausea is too bad to try! Okay–enough complaining–just needed the thoughts of other women who have been through this and had to keep it a secret from everyone at work. Please tell me it gets better. Please!