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Frugal Thursday’s Workwear Report: x Living in Yellow Erin Crossover Tunic

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2025 Update: The Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale will begin again around Memorial Day — sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the great sales!

The below content is about the 2018 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Gibson has a new collaboration with the blogger behind Living in Yellow, and the collection mostly looks like really fun weekend pieces. However, this crossover tunic would look good either with jeans or a sort of relaxed pant for work.

It reminds me of the Lush roll tab sleeve tunic that was really popular, but it doesn't look so extreme (that had an exaggerated high/low style and this is a gentler high/low), and the crossover is flattering and easy.

We're featuring the top in plus sizes, but it also comes in regular & petite sizes, each available in six colors. 

It's $48–$54 at Nordstrom. x Living in Yellow Erin Crossover Tunic

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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313 Comments

  1. TTC diet advice please! How did you ladies do it with food/alcohol when TTC? Do you follow the same diet restrictions you would if you were pregnant, incase you become pregnant? What about alcohol? Do you only drink when you get your period, or if you take a pregnancy test first? I don’t want to go crazy being more restrictive than I need to (especially if it takes a while) but of course a potential baby’s safety is the first priority.

    1. It can take much longer than you expect / would like so don’t restrict yourself in advance. Eat all the sushi! Drink all the fizz!

      1. Yeah, I’m about to TTC, and thinking about all the dietary restrictions I’ll face if I get pregnant and then potentially six plus months after that for breastfeeding… I’m eating all the sushi and not passing up alcohol for now. I know many people who had no diagnosed issues, but it still took them the better part of a year to conceive. Plus how many babies have been conceived after drinking? ;-)

      2. +1 to this. You’re going to (potentially) have many restrictions once you are pregnant (I’d kill for a margarita, a turkey sandwich with cold lunch meat, and a spicy tuna roll) don’t put yourself through it prematurely unless a medical professional advises you otherwise. Seriously. I ate all the sushi and drank all the wine while TTC and (at 37 weeks) I’m counting down the days till I can again. 40 weeks can be a long slog.

    2. This question gets asked pretty regularly and the responses usually end up mostly saying don’t get drunk on the regular and you’re probably fine. Once you get a positive test, that’s when you stop drinking.

      1. This. There’s a short time between fertilization and implantation where you aren’t sharing a blood supply with the embryo anyway. My period was pretty regular so I knew when to expect it. I’d test around the time I was due each month. Once I got that positive test (which was a couple of days before I expected my period), I stopped drinking and changed up my diet.
        Start your prenatal vitamins while TTC.

    3. You’ll make yourself go crazy that way. Just continue as you would normally until you’re actually pregnant.

    4. It took me a really long time to get pregnant. At first I tried avoiding everything, but it just became a constant reminder that I *wasn’t* pregnant but very much wanted to be. So after a while I just started eating and drinking whatever I wanted, until I finally found out I was actually pregnant. If you’re actively TTC you’ll know pretty quick once you are pregnant so you’ll be fine to wait and modify food habits until you know you’re actually pregnant.

    5. Most of e food restrictions are to prevent you from getting food poisoning while pregnant, they aren’t because the food is unhealthy for the baby. No need to restrict that prematurely.

    6. I’m about to embark on this journey, and I won’t be restricting my alcohol intake (I have a longer response in moderation about this). The one change I’m making is to get into good shape by lifting and working out regularly after a couple of years of letting it go. I’m also making shifts in my diet of mindless snacking and too many carbs now (snacks are now fruits, vegetables, nuts, or tea and minimal refined carbs during the week) so that it’s not a hard lifestyle shift later on. And if it takes me years to get pregnant, these are changes that still benefit ME.

    7. Do you want to be cray or not? You don’t need to change anything. You want to be weird and anxious go for it, you’ll find lots of support. But inno way is it necessary at all.

      1. “Do you want to be cray or not?” This made me LOL. I’m not a mom but many of my friends have TTC and some of them indeed chose to be cray.

    8. Changed absolutely nothing until I got a positive test. Told doctor I drank until then and she didn’t bat an eye. Food restrictions are mostly listeria risk as noted above, not that they are unhealthy for baby.

      1. The only thing I’d restrict is v. high mercury seafood like swordfish because that can build up. But that’s advisable even if you’re not TTC.

        1. I am all about the avocado rolls for this reason. Everything else I try to only get quarterly.

    9. Personally, I would cut out alcohol while TTC. There will be days or weeks before you realize you are pregnant when the embryo is in a crucial stage of development with new cells forming constantly. I can’t think of a single compelling reason to continue to drink during that time, but giving up alcohol would be a non-issue for me. I know it’s not that easy for others.

      1. I stopped drinking during the last week of my cycle. It took us years to conceive so I wanted to err on the side of caution.

      2. There’s not a single compelling reason not to drink before you get a positive test. If you actually knew anything you’d know that. And you can keep your snide comments about it not being easy for others.

        Also stop being so smug.

      3. So everyone who drinks before they’re pregnant is an alcoholic who can’t give it up?

        1. Yep. According to the girl who shows up to be snide and judgy and wrong every time the issue comes up.

        2. If you find it impossible to give up drinking for a few weeks or months, then yes, you may wish to explore that more with your medical professional if it matters to you. If it doesn’t, don’t. Do whatever you want, but as I said above, I “PERSONALLY” do not see, and have never heard of, a single compelling reason to drink while TTC.

          1. Can you just not? It’s so inappropriate. The compelling reason is that when you aren’t pregnant there is no reason to pointlessly constrain your normal life. In the two weeks between conception and your first missed period alcohol does not pass to the baby. This is a fact.

            You’re hurtful and cruel. Struggling with fertility is hard enough without people like you calling me an alcoholic for not giving up drinking entirely for two years.

            Please. Just. Stop.

          2. I agree with you in spirit, but I don’t think the information you’re giving is quite accurate. There is a window where it doesn’t pass to the embryo, but not quite the full two weeks between ovulation and your missed period. (I’m in the 4 year club, so totally sympathetic to whatever people choose to do in terms of maintaining a life while TTC.)

          3. Anonymous at 10:39 am, may I give you a virtual hug?

            One of my friends has struggled with infertility for about five years now. It’s taken a massive toll on her, her husband, and their marriage. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

          7. Oh FFS. How did I know that this thread would devolve like this as soon as I saw OP’s utterly reasonably post? You can f right off being glib about alcoholism- because we know that’s what you’re doing. You know very well the hypothetical women you’re shaming don’t actually find it impossible to give up alcohol. It’s a cost-benefit analysis that reasonable people make. You’re presenting the choice to drink while TTC as if it was analogous to choosing to drink even though your doctor tells you your liver will fail and you’ll die if you do. It’s intellectually dishonest. Actual alcoholism ruins lives. Stop being glib and flippant about it.

            We had this fight a few months ago (you probably started it) if you wanna just go re-read it and get your rocks off that way.

          8. @ 10:39, I’m also in the two year club. It sucks. OP, I’ll give you some compelling reasons. Cider tastes delicious and I enjoy drinking it. I go to work meetings that take place in bars and it would be socially awkward to not order one drink while we conduct the meeting. If I didn’t order a drink, people would speculate I was pregnant. Since I’ve been trying and failing at that for two years, I don’t welcome the speculation. A drink (notice I said one) is also a nice occasional wind down after a stressful day. A glass or red wine pairs beautifully with a steak. I love a good whiskey. These are things I enjoy just as much as you might enjoy a good tea or chocolate. It’s painful to deprive yourself of things when you are trying to get pregnant but aren’t as it is a constant reminder of your empty womb. No thanks.

            Oh, and biology. Even my DOCTOR has said it is fine to drink until a positive test. I am being closely monitored and the test would come up positive long before the embryos cells could even be exposed to alcohol.

          9. Again, my heart goes out to those of you struggling with infertility, and the hug is also available to Anon at 11:36 am.

            You’re all welcome to borrow one of my life sayings: “You aren’t a doctor, and even if you were, you aren’t MY doctor. What you are saying is opposite of what my own physician says.” No need to debate. You are receiving good care from talented medical professionals who handle these issues every single day and have done so for decades. They know you and your medical history. It is a very rare situation in which internet randos would get it better.

            (I do know one of those situations – the woman had trouble diagnosing an ongoing problem, and a RN made a suggestion for the mysterious disease. RN was right. But that’s not what’s going on here.)

          10. It’s also cruel and hurtful to women who are dealing with alcohol abuse issues. Addiction doesn’t equate to moral failing, and throwing it around as an insult is stupid and mean.

          11. Yes, Anon at 1:22 exactly. Maybe I’m just sensitive because my own mother dealt with severe alcoholism.

            Rude Anon’s image of what’s going on: Basic B*tches who won’t make good mothers, who have no self control, who just *~*LoVe *~* #RoSe All DAY! And like totally can’t not have a glass of wine, tee hee, but who don’t have a problem OBVI

            Real life: Woman trying to TTC who already has a lot of her mental and emotional energy wrapped up in this effort, who is worried it may never happen, who does not want to constantly be reminded of the fact that she’s not pregnant, who legitimately does get sad when friends and strangers constantly ask if she’s pregnant when she orders a club soda, who does not want to live her life in limbo, who does not want to quit socially drinking for 2+ years, and makes a reasonable risk assessment and goes for a glass of wine.

            Real life: A woman who ACTUALLY can’t stop drinking who is experiencing health problems as a result, whose relationships with her husband and kids are suffering, who is depressed and self-medicating in part because she doesn’t have the support she needs, who eventually winds up in in-patient rehab to detox and attain sobriety, who is worried that everyone around her is cruelly judging her for “failing” and just being too weak to “quit”….it’s not pretty. It’s not something to joke about. It’s not something to be glib about. It’s no one’s choice. It’s not a moral failure.

            It’s cruel and judgmental and just f’ing wrong to pretend that woman who are TTC who aren’t cutting out all alcohol are alcoholics in denial. It’s intellectually dishonest to force them into a false dichotomy where they either don’t care about their babies because they choose to keep drinking or else they’re alcoholics because they “can’t” stop.

        3. Seriously though, who cares what judgmental coworkers think? If I’m TTC or pregnant and I want to have a sparkling water at a happy hour, why should I care AT ALL what anyone else thinks or says? I don’t really get that line of argumentation that it’s “easier” to drink in social settings. I totally get how it could look weird if you’re standing off to the side without a drink while everyone else is at the bar, but you can easily get a non-alcoholic drink and have something to do with your hands, or if you don’t want any drink, you can still mingle with the group.

          Basically, I think it’s different if you actually WANT to have a drink and if you feel like you “have” to have one because people will ask questions. Just…who cares?

          1. Because sparkling water at a bar for a woman around age 32 (me) inevitably creates speculation, and when ttc for a long time that’s painful. It’s really simple.

          2. For one, my meetings do not involve walking up to the bar. They involve a waitress taking our order. And when (literally) 9 out of 10 lawyers order a beer, wine or cider, it becomes very obvious when one person orders a soda or water. It puts attention on me that I don’t want. These people also know me and knew for years that I always ordered a particular drink at these meetings. They’d order for me if I was late. I don’t want the speculation of why I’m suddenly no longer drinking.

      4. It’s a bad idea to drink until you’re drunk, but having a glass of wine with dinner before the embryo has implanted has no proven negative effects.

        Some people take a year or more to get pregnant, and the stress of altering their lives in the interim is a problem in of itself.

        Perhaps I get weird on this subject because I know problem drinkers, and I rather dislike the idea of throwing potentially pregnant women into that category, simply because they might be pregnant and want a shot of Bailey’s in their hot chocolate.

      5. You realize it takes a lot of people more than a few weeks or a few months right? So what, they shouldn’t have a glass of champagne on NYE? Or their anniversary? Or when they get a promotion? because MAYBE JUST MAYBE this is the month! Every social event that they attend – which should be a welcome respite from the stress and disappointment and frustration of unsuccessfully ttc – should be a constant reminder that nope I’m still not going to have one glass because I’m trying.

        Like maybe you live in a bubble where alcohol isn’t a regular part of social interaction. But most people don’t. Most people live in a world that centers around happy hours and networking events and dinner/drinks for celebrations. Because that’s what our culture looks like. And if you don’t want to drink that’s great, no one should judge you for that either. But let’s not pretend that we live in a culture that makes it super easy to never ever have even a sip of a drink.

    10. After spending years trying to conceive (finally successfully!), and doing quite a bit of my own research, I have a different opinion. This board is pretty much an echo chamber on this particular topic, so I’m going to mostly stay out of this to avoid being called “cray”, etc. My advice is to talk to your doctor, let him/her know you’re trying, and then ask her/him what you should be doing.

      1. I’m the TTC for two years above whose doctor said go for it but if something different worked for you I would genuinely like to hear it because I will try anything to get pregnant. Even with doctor permission, I’ve still only had 2-3 drinks this entire month at 3 separate events and sipped them over several hours. No buzz here.

        1. Basically, I avoided heavy drinking during the TWW and then stopped entirely a few days post-ovulation until it was soon enough to take an early pregnancy test (which usually ended up being only a few days each month.)

          I also liked the book It Starts With the Egg. I didn’t take it as gospel or anything, but it provided a starting point for my own research.

          At the end of the day, I followed my doctors advice because she’s awesome and I trust her. Everyone’s situation is different so I think it’s hard to make an across the board proclamation of what anyone “should” do (aside from not getting plastered while pregnant, of course.)

        2. My reproductive endocrinologist told me to avoid alcohol in the second two weeks of my cycle, so doctors are divided on this one.

      3. Hey want to not get called cray? Try this:

        “I thought about this a lot, and struggled to conceive. My doctor recommended that I do x, y, and z, and that worked for me. Obviously lots of people make different choices and that’s totally fine, I’d just encourage you to talk to your doctor about this. Totally normal question to ask at your next gyn visit.”

        Leave off the snide judgmental digs at the rest of us being alcoholics and you won’t get push back.

        1. Yeah, I’m not the person that called anyone an alcoholic. Not drinking at the end of my cycle was incredibly difficult for me, but I wanted to be overly cautious based on some (albeit limited) evidence that it could increase the chance of early miscarriage. So I’m not judging anyone nor am I saying what you should or shouldn’t do.

          The choices I made were recommended by my awesome RE. They may not be appropriate for others, I have no idea what your medical situation is.

          1. Yeah I know? You said you want to avoid being called “cray.” That’s how. You’re doing it just fine.

    11. I very rarely drink but had a couple glasses of prosecco at a party the cycle I got pregnant, less than a week before my missed period (so I was definitely pregnant at the time). Doctor didn’t bat an eye and said I wasn’t yet sharing blood with the baby so it didn’t matter. Fwiw my pregnancy was completely normal and baby was healthy. Unlike some other people here, I gave up alcohol completely while pregnant but I don’t think doing so while TTC is necessary. I wouldn’t binge drink but that’s about it.

    12. I have been drunk less than 5 times that I can count – I’m normally a glass of wine maaybe once a month type social drinker. However, we went to NYC to celebrate my 30th birthday and my dad’s 60th birthday, and I had 3 large glasses of wine on an empty stomach and was weaving down the halls drunk. Turns out, I was probably pregnant at that time (but very early). My OB was not concerned in the least. So, FWIW, I wouldn’t give up drinking while TTC, but I would make sure you take prenatal vitamins. I didn’t know that was a thing, so I was super freaked out when I started reading once I got my positive test that I was supposed to have been doing that all along. I have a beautiful, healthy happy child though, so I must have done something right.

      1. this. I am four weeks along w/an IVF baby and switched to decaf during treatment and stayed that way. Way harder than giving up alcohol for me!

    13. Start a prenatal now so you can gauge the effects on your non-pregnant, non-nauseous all day self. The iron can be rough on a normal stomach and prenatals did wonders for my hair and nails! I settled on a prenatal vitamin pack rather than a horse pill which helped me out tremendously in my first and second trimester. I had a pretty heavy caffeine addiction pre-TTC and weaned myself to a cup of coffee a day. Which I maintained throughout my pregnancy and to this day.

      1. +1 to the weaning of caffeine early. I was somewhere around 800-1,000 mg a day (with no problems sleeping). I weaned down to the recommended 300 mg a day over about 6 months before we started TTC, so that it wasn’t that harsh of an adjustment. Then my DD had an erratic heartbeat at an ultrasound so they took me off all caffeine. Pregnancy without chocolate is not great, but at least going from 300 mg to 0 was manageable. Now that I’m BF I’m back to 1 (small) cup of coffee a day and it doesn’t seem to affect her. And chocolate (which I missed dearly).

      2. +1 to this. It’s a lot harder to wean yourself of coffee when you discover you are pregnant but coincidentally the most exhausted you’ve ever been! I went down to one 12 oz cup of half-caff every morning.

      3. Yup, giving up caffeinated coffee before getting pregnant was one of the best decisions I made. First trimester exhaustion is real and I’m glad I wasn’t going through caffeine withdrawal at the same time (I continued drinking decaf coffee and regular tea and eating lots of chocolate and I figured those things got me pretty close to 200 mg).

    14. Clearly, people have strong feelings about this in both directions. It took us a long time to get pregnant with many, many medical interventions (ultimately lots of IVF). The balance I struck was that I didn’t drink between ovulation and my period/positive pregnancy test.

      That was, in part, because there are studies that show that alcohol intake can decrease your chances of getting pregnant — yes, lots of people get pregnant while drinking, but when you’re already in that percentage of the population that’s having trouble, it’s not unreasonable to try to eliminate any unnecessary barriers to pregnancy. But I also had to balance that out with my sanity and living my life since it took a while — that’s the compromise I struck, and sometimes, I only did the two week wait part if we were doing a medical cycle (IUI or IVF ) since we’d invested so much in that cycle.

      I also think there are differences between having a glass of wine and getting tanked. I’m sure the former is better than the latter if you’re in the window after ovulation.

      And finally, yes, the CDC put out guidance saying that women trying to get pregnant should cut out alcohol. You can decide that that’s too risk averse for you or too restrictive, but some of the commenters above are saying that it’s crazy or that there’s no reason to cut it out, and I think that’s not really accurate in light of the CDC warning.

      Ultimately, like everything else in pregnancy, you’ll have to decide how risk averse/conservative you want to be. This is just what worked for me.

      1. +1. There is also still a lot that doctors and researchers don’t know about the earliest days after conception. For me, it makes more sense to completely abstain because I’d rather err on the side of caution. I agree with this post that other women will be more or less risk-adverse.

      2. Same situation here (lots of medical intervention… LOTS). Started out only drinking on my period… Ultimately ended up only avoiding during the two week wait after a treatment cycle.
        This was not OP’s point and I hope she conceives without difficulty, but I am grateful for the candid talk about infertility treatments (successful and not) on this board.

    15. I expect to get a lot of hate for this but when I was pregnant I had a glass of wine once in a while, a cup of coffee every day, a little chocolate now and then. We all did and non of us ever had any issues. This draconian attitude is primarily an American phenomenon.

      2. No chocolate during pregnancy?

        Oh my (expletive) (expletive), that guidance is insane. Do these people not understand that we have literally millions of years of evolution, and people eating whatever they could because the alternative was starvation?

        Maybe this is the chemical engineer in me, but you can ALWAYS be more safe, more risk-averse, get a higher percentage yield… but that is ALWAYS balanced against higher costs (in time, resources, and quality of life). There is no magical world in which pregnancy is not subjected to the same benefit-cost analysis that everything else is, wherein you eventually just draw a reasonable line and call it a day.

        Sorry for the rant.

      3. My regular OB’s advice was under 300 mg a day of caffeine, and an occasional glass of wine after the first trimester is fine. One of my high-risk OBs was APPALLED at 300 mg and the other was impressed I was keeping it under 300 mg, so YMMV.

      4. I think this is all about control. TTC and pregnancy both represent, to some degree, a loss of control of your body and your fate. There are only so many things you can do to get the outcome you want. So, women tend to focus on what they can control – what they eat, what they drink. It’s sort of magical thinking – If I eat or don’t eat X, I’ll get pregnant/have a healthy pregnancy.

        I’m not trying to be mean or shame anyone, really. I’ve never been nor wanted to be pregnant, but had front row seats at a friend’s 8-year journey to get pregnant. Women need to do what they need to do to get through this, but it’s not the same for every woman.

        That said, I think I’ve read that heavy drinking can decrease sperm count, so y’all might want to bug your partners about their drinking, too, if you are TTC.

        1. original OP here, thanks so much everyone for your thoughts and advice, it’s really appreciated. nice to hear thoughts on both sides of the spectrum. we will of course talk to our doctor too.

  2. Anyone have a rough idea what it would cost to hire an estate attorney to help settle a small (potentially insolvent) estate, which will include some probate work? There is a will. I’m all for hiring someone, but others are concerned about cost. A ballpark would be helpful. Any recommendations for someone to do such work in the Jacksonville, FL area? TIA

    1. Any estate lawyers I’ve worked with have always given an estimate of cost before performing any billable work. I’d check with a few locally (hourly rates vary immensely based on firm size and level of experience, at least in our LCOL town.)

    2. I might be completely off on this (and it might vary by state), but I was under the impression that the estate attorney got paid first from the estate. Cost matters for a solvent estate because money paid to the estate attorney means less for the heirs. It matters on a different level for an insolvent estate – you want to be a good steward of resources regardless of whether or not there’s money in it for you – but my impression is that it is rare for the family to have to pay for the attorney.

      But this could vary by state or the time I saw it could have been a weird circumstance.

      1. This is usually correct. I just did an insolvent estate (in MA) and we got paid first. HOWEVER we had to write our fees down a bit because it was a short sale (only asset was real estate) and the bank had to sign off on our fees.

    3. This will vary wildly by jurisdiction, so you’re best contacting some attorneys in that area for estimates. Attorneys who handle probate regularly should be able to give you an estimate easily.

      1. Thanks, all. Consider this my PSA for the day: have a plan in place and spare your family this horrible pain and added stress/time suck. I’m on a legitimate goose chase. No one expects to pass suddenly or young, but it happens. Talk to your parents about their plans, too. Sigh.

        1. Well, you are in pretty good shape. At least you have a will. So your parents did plan. Can you simply go to the lawyer who made the will? If not, just call and ask a couple family friends who they use, if this lawyer is not available.

          It costs… what it costs. Don’t get hung up counting every dollar, when there is almost nothing there. There are better places to expend your emotional energy.

          My mother passed without a will, and it was very challenging. Sometimes these things are just too explosive to discuss and when early cancer/illness/sudden death happens, it is almost a bit cruel to push the family too much.

          I believe it cost a few thousand for us, but no will. Just call a couple and ask the price. Not too hard.

          It will work out. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Hang in there. Just make a couple calls.

  3. Posted late yesterday due to mod so wondered if there were other ideas —
    Super long shot but I wonder if anyone has ideas – litigator at a big firm for 10 years; financial regulator for 3. As I’m thinking about my 40-50s (late 30s now), I’m
    dreaming of being on an executive track at a NOT financial company. My whole career has been financial services and I’d love to work someplace that does or makes something tangible, not derivative products. This is impossible right? I know people usually say – go in house and try to switch to business. I’ve looked for in house jobs for years and can’t break in — someone always gets it over me. In the meantime I’m looking at jobs like – strategy analyst at a hotel co (meant for a 22 year old probably) and wondering if I could work my way up to an SVP one day if someone let me start at the bottom. I have a business undergrad but LONG time ago from a Wharton kind of school; ivy law school and my career has all been business type of litigation. Seems like an impossible switch but I figured i’d seek some opinions before letting the dream go.

    1. I’m not a lawyer so take this with a shaker of salt, but the path you suggest sounds like you’re selling yourself short. Why not go for a relatively senior-ish position at a start-up? They always need lawyers who can wear multiple hats. And it seems plausible to me that you start kind of senior at a start-up (or even at the exec level at a very small start-up), work for a few years and move into an executive role there, and then that’s on your resume and puts you into consideration for similar roles at more established firms. Of course there is a lot of risk here, and it may not be feasible if you have a family that depends on a stable income and benefits from you. But worth considering!

    2. I don’t think a start-up necessarily makes sense – true start-ups rarely have slots for senior lawyers, much less people who have a focus in regulatory affairs. Is there an adjacent area of interest that you could start moving into in your current job—something that would give you portable skills besides financial/regulatory? I think that’s the direction I would go.

      And I think you should consider some middle ground between giving up on your dreams, and acknowledging that it’s a long shot. Maybe find ways to accept the position that you are in, but still keep your eyes peeled for an opportunity.

  4. What brands sell nylon briefcases? I’m starting to get back pains from my heavy leather one… TIA!

    2. Check out the Victorinox Divine tote. It’s very similar to a briefcase. I LOVE MINE. And it’s often on sale for 30% on ebags. I have two and they’ve held up to several years of daily abuse, and it’s much cheaper than Tumi, but has great pockets, organization, and laptop and tablet sleeves.

      1. I absolutely love my Knomo briefcase. I find the quality to be comparable to Tumi, but I’ve always been able to find Knomo on sale for half the price.

        1. Tell us your secrets to finding sales! I am stalking a cheap nylon version of the popular laptop in ebay!

        2. Wow thanks for the UK recommendation! I’ve been considering replacing my beloved but now shabby law school backpack with something more professional since I’m starting a longer commute into London soon, and these look great.

  5. Just had to toss beloved and shredded Dirty Laundry d’Orsay “nude” with gold pointy cap toe flats. They were comfortable, went with everything and got TONS of compliments. Cannot find the original or a dupe anywhere, so that’s task number one – do you have a suggestion? My replacement is LifeStride Quiz pointy toe d’Orsay flats in blush which are on sale at Zappos, cute I think (for work purposes). I like that the cap toe is patent and the main shoe is perforated. I liked the metallic cap toe on the original – I don’t want a black cap toe because I’d like to wear the shoes with navy clothing as well.

    1. Fun search (and I love your choice, I may grab them). What do you think of the Nine West Soto in gold or tan

      1. I like that – skews more casual than the original I’m trying to replace in that the originals were “nude” patent and gold so they looked slightly fancier. I liked wearing them w/monochromatic outfits for a little flair. Update on the LifeStrides – am wearing a lot of bandaids on my heels! But they may break in.

    2. You probably wont find a perfect replacement, but go to Nordstrom Rack and putz around the shoe department every now and again, and you’ll find something cute and inexpensive that adds that “bit of flair.”

  6. Ever feel like your friendships require almost a kissing up level of agreement or else friends accuse you of being unsupportive? Had a friend get up and walk out of drinks with me (after she was the one who asked to get drinks) because as she recounted her relationship issues that she’s been complaining about for 5+ years, she thought I was being unsupportive and harsh. Meanwhile I’ve been listening for FIVE years, so what if I didn’t fall all over myself in agreement one time?!

    1. I don’t have friendships like this anymore. I don’t need melodramatic people in my life. I also can’t listen to five years of whining without saying what I think (perhaps I’m too direct!?!)

      1. In a situation like this, I once said to a friend, “This has been going on for so long, I don’t know what else I can say at this point.” A reasonable friend can at least accept that, if not like it.

        1. I’ve done this too. Except in my case, I added “and I really feel like we’ve explored every possible avenue and remedy here” (because we had) “and since you haven’t attempted any solutions (she hadn’t), I feel like continuing to talk this thing to death isn’t going to help either of us.” She got really angry and left abruptly and we didn’t talk for a few months. Then she called me and said, “that was a real wake-up call; I finally realized I was being an idiot” and over the next few weeks extricated herself from a truly toxic and horribly one-sided relationship. She’s married to a very nice man now and we’re still friends. Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind, like the song says.

    3. I value the friends who will tell me to STFU or that I’m screwing up my life. I mean, it’s great when they listen first and offer some sympathy, but the good friends are the ones who help you get un-stuck.

      1. Friends level you out, true. People who kiss up aren’t really friends. They are people to hang out with and have fun with once in a while, but no intimacy there.

    4. Nope. My good friends are certainly not perfect (neither am I), but all of us are mature enough to recognize issues in our lives when they arise and then work to do something about them. As anon at 9:32 a.m. mentioned, my good friends also will tell me when I am being obtuse and tell me to get over myself. I value their friendships enough to not take this personally and use it as a wake up call.

      None of us kiss each others a$$es.

    5. I’ve never had anyone walk out on me but I’ve had two friends accuse me of this. One was very melodramatic and basically refuses to speak to me and told all our mutual friends and acquaintances that I am a terrible person so I’ve let that go because that’s her issues, and another is one of my best friends and just pointed out that sometimes people just want to b*tch and they’re not looking for a reality check from you or even advice. I’ve tried to be mindful of that, especially with her. Only you can know if your friend maybe had a point, even if walking out is pretty drastic as a reaction.

      2. I draw the line when people are seeking my active agreement (don’t you agree he’s a jerk). Um, vent while my wind wanders (after 5 years + dark bar + alcohol), but I’m not your wingwoman on this.

        And for venting people: set yourself some boundaries (time / volume / # of repeat plays your venting on the same topic gets) before people who were formerly your friends set them for you. In the long run, it pays to consider your audience.

    7. No. There’s a friend of friend who’s been talking about breaking up with her (now live-in?) BF for about 10 years (longer than I’ve known her), but…hasn’t yet? It comes up when I see her at mutual friend stuff, but I mostly we don’t engage on it because, she’s either going to do something or not on her own terms, so what’s left to say.

      I mean, if that’s all this friend ever talks about and you are sick of hearing about it and she diverts any conversation back to her relationship woes, she’s not being a very good friend either and I’d be considering spending less time with her until she can find a new topic of conversation.

    8. I find it hard to talk to my college best friend because she has a pattern of being “the other woman” and wanting to endlessly discuss and dissect these relationships. She complains that other friends tell her straight up that she needs to stop it. I have tried asking her more neutral questions about whether she thinks these relationships will really get her what she wants, instead of telling her what I really think, but I can’t offer her the expressions of approval and support she is obviously seeking. There has been no outright drama between us, but we’ve just drifted apart.

    9. I had a friend who constantly got into relationships with men who were objectively terrible – think drunks with no ambition who put her down and took advantage of her relative wealth. It got REALLY tiring to keep listening to her trials and tribulations with these men when all I wanted was to grab her by the shoulders and scream “aren’t you better than this???” Even though I kept my mouth shut, if I was ever anything less than 100% supportive and available for hours-long talks, she accused me of “judging her choices.”

      Fortunately, she found a nice man whom she is now engaged to marry and the problems basically stopped, although she does still complain about the problems in their relationship. Thinking back, I’m not sure if I found anything particularly effective to say during her rants, but I do remember saying one time “just because I don’t agree with you 100% doesn’t make me a bad friend” and she seemed to hear it.

    10. Yes, I think I’ve told this story before but a former friend of mine went through a bad divorce (objectively bad, she wasn’t making it up) and when we would have lunch it was all we talked about for 2+ years. Then an objectively awful thing happened in my family, and I was telling her about it with tears in my eyes, and she interrupted me and changed the story back to her now three years ago divorce.

      And that was the last time we ever had lunch.

      1. You are also friends with my sister, too, I see.

        Things not as important as her now-far-in-the-rear-view-mirror-but-not-to-her-divorce:

        — child’s ER visit
        — my husband’s unemployment
        — our father having cancer
        — other family member having a stroke over the holidays, going into a nursing home, and dying last month
        — my having a tumor (oddly, in my head but not in my brain but awfully close by)(removed! all better!)

        I am just so done with her drama (which is the same old drama, just somehow evergreen).

        1. And see, when it’s a friend you can just cut off their melodramatic ridiculousness and focus your attention on your other friends. When it’s a family member, you’re stuck. Or at least I feel stuck with mine.

    11. I have a friend like this. She’s an amazing friend but she has terrible taste in men and she loves to try to fix them. Then she complains endlessly about how dumb they are to not do what she wants them to do. With the first couple of relationships I tried to avoid telling her what I thought for fear of being judgy… but with the last two, I’ve straight up told her, this relationship is not going to work, it doesn’t matter how right you are if he doesn’t want to change, you have to accept him as he is stop trying to fix him. And you know what? She stopped complaining to me. We drifted apart until the relationships ended but now that she’s single we’re close again.

      We both had to give some to become close again though. She had to swallow some pride because she was afraid I would have an I told you so attitude. So I stayed far away from anything resembling that. My refrain was, I know you felt strongly for him and you are hurting right now, I’m here for you. After she’s already broken up with him is not the time to tell her she should’ve done it sooner.

    12. I have a friend like this who knows she needs to vent off steam a little bit sometimes, so she’ll walk in to my house and yell, “set a timer for 5 minutes!” She is a dynamic, wonderful, fiercely loyal person (and also very loud). I find the venting quite entertaining because she can cram a lot into 5 minutes. When the timer goes off, she’s done, we move on. Caveat that she has been to/goes to therapy, knows this is an issue, and is self-imposing the limitation.

      2. Your friend is self-aware. Which is great. Most people like this have zero self awareness, which is why they are like this.

        My friend (divorce drones/interrupter above) does not have the self awareness to figure out why I stopped being available for lunch. I am sure that in her eyes I am just another person who has let her down.

      3. Ha! I did that when I was going through my divorce. Except I limited myself to 10 minutes at a time (although in my defense I often didn’t use it all…).

        1. I started doing the same thing. After venting during long walks with my then-husband who was a therapist, I decided that it was healthier to let it go. I gave myself 10 minutes to vent about work, then I would stop. It helped me, too. Not always dwelling on the negative.

    13. Op here – thanks all. Glad I’m not the only one who thought this was over the top. I don’t completely want to lose a friend over this but I also don’t want to be the one texting my support or an apology when she was the one who walked out. Do I just let it lie for a while to give both of us time apart?

      1. Posted above about a similar thing happening to me. Yes, give it some time, and some time might be longer than you think right now. This may sound selfish, but if you jump in too soon with an apology, she’ll view you as being in the right and feel righteous in her feelings and the dynamic won’t change. If you give her some time to think things over, most likely she’ll at least meet you halfway on the complaining issue in the future.

  7. Trying to get a compressed work schedule to accommodate a child care issue. My workplace allows this. There is a question on the form to apply asking if this is covered by FMLA. I can’t figure this out from my brief online research. It seems like the answer is no, right?

    3. What type of child care issue? If it’s that your kid needs to be taken to the doctor on a regular basis, is in the hospital, etc., it could possibly be a FMLA issue. But if you just need to accommodate daycare hours, no.

      1. Thanks y’all! I suspected as much but wanted to make sure and HR’s response was ‘we can’t tell you what to say’…

    5. I am confused. Why would FMLA be involved if you are still working the same number of hours, just on a different schedule?

      1. The form is a general form that would also apply if I wanted to work a reduced number of hours. I assume that’s why the question is there but I wanted to double check that it doesn’t apply to my situation

  8. I don’t recall having a general OOTD post recently and I always enjoy hearing what other people are wearing (inspiration to step outside my box)!

    What are you wearing today??

    I am wearing my office pajamas – a black v-neck sleeveless jumpsuit with a hot pink blazer, black D’Orsay pumps, pink chalcedony earrings, a black rutilated quartz pendant, and oxidized (black) stacker filigreed rings with small diamonds.

    1. Wow, your outfit sounds great!

      I’m wearing off-white tweedy pencil skirt from J Crew a season or two ago, navy/cobalt/yellow/white print BR silky shirt, also from a season or two ago, and oversized cobalt blazer from more than a season or two ago. Ivory pumps with navy and gold trim, small cobalt handbag. It’s pretty matchy-matchy but I like it.

    2. Navy polka-dot Portofino, grey BR boyfriend cardie, Gap bi-stretch ankle pants in burgundy, and navy oxfords – it’s very basic, but is my spring uniform (portofino + cardigan + ankle pants + flats). I adore these colors together, though, and the dots make me happy.

    3. I’m going to be on a train for 8 hours tonight and leave from work, so I am prioritizing comfort.

      I’m in black Ponte Nordstrom leggings with a zip at the ankle, long purple sleeveless blouse, and a black flora Portofino shirt from Express, with tweed Ona flats.

    4. I’m on Easter break and got a lot done yesterday, so today still in my nightshirt while I strip beds and do loads of towels and sheets (a friend was visiting for a long weekend), so dishes, pack things up to give away (stuff I haven’t used in years). It feels great. I haven’t had a “nightgown day” in forever.

    5. Dressy t-shirt (white with black roses), black jean jacket that I’ve worn way more than I thought I would, black pencil skirt with white stripes on the sides (and zip-up pockets!), purple fleece-lined tights, safeTstep black flats. Also cross necklace, claddagh ring, rose ring, watch, and dangly pearl-and-rhinestone earrings.

  9. Today I learned that David’s Bridal sells your contact information to all kinds of annoying vendors and multilevel marketing companies like Mary Kay, and people who’ve bought dresses there have stories about winning a BS “spa day” that’s just a sales pitch. So if anyone’s planning a wedding and thinking of buying a dress there, I recommend not doing that. Wedding planning seems stressful and no one should have to field all that solicitation on top of it.

    1. And I think you’re being silly. They sell good dresses at an affordable price point in a wide range of sizes. Give them a fake email and move on. Every store does this.

      1. I would actually disagree here with the “good dresses” point. I actually found more affordable dresses that were much better made at my local boutique. But I agree with your point that all stores do ths. I normally just decline to provide my email information.

        1. The person your responding to specifically pointed out the range of sizes DB offers. Yes if you’re a sample size then you can get an awesome dress off the rack at freaking Kleinfeld’s if you want. The rest of us don’t have the same options.

        2. Where is this magical place? David’s had pretty nice dresses for under $500, which no other store I went to had. My used dress was still in the 800’s. The only other optionI saw that was cheaper than David’s were those weird Chinese knockoffs they sell on eBay.

          1. Maybe I just got lucky in that we had several good stores near us that had a full range of sizes and that were actually equally affordable to DB. I realize this might not be available in all locations.

    2. This information is available in the privacy policy on their website. I am not trying to attack you personally, so please don’t take it that way, but these companies are required to tell you what information they collect and how it’s used. I start from a place that assumes a business will use my information in a way that profits them, and then if I really decide I care, I go and read the privacy policies on their websites. I wish consumers in general would do a better job of educating themselves about this.

    3. My post is in mod, but all of this is disclosed in their privacy policy freely available on their website.

    4. I, like an idiot, gave David’s Bridal my real email and phone number and instantly started getting constant spam phone calls. They’re by far the worst of all the vendors I’ve dealt with and they’ll never get anything other than a fake email from me again.

    5. This is a pretty extreme reaction. A LOT of your big wedding-related things do this – you basically can’t get away from it. Lots of registries do this – Bed Bath and Beyond is one of the worst culprits. And if you ever go to a bridal expo – you know all those mailing lists you sign up for to get free stuff or awesome discounts? Yeah they all give out your email address.

      Just create a different email for your wedding. You’ll want to do that anyway to field RSVPs, anything from your website, and questions from vendors. I would never ever give out my real email address for anything wedding related, if only because I don’t want wedding planning to take over my whole life. I will check wedding messages twice a week (more often as it gets closer) and respond at a time convenient for me.

    6. I recommend establishing a burner email address specifically for the wedding (later to be used for baby registry garbage.) V easy on g0ogle.

    7. Ha, I used to buy these lists in a previous business, and made a lot of sales from it. That said, we had a legit offering and didn’t hound anyone. The customer gets to opt-in or chose to not respond. You get to hit unsubscribe. Set up a google voice phone number if you don’t want to give out your cell for wedding-related things (except maybe to your planner, if using).

    8. I have a weirdly fierce devotion to David’s Bridal just from having purchased a bridesmaid’s dress there. But it was such a non-headache (in contrast to every other bridesmaid dress ordeal I’ve ever endured) that they have earned my complete loyalty. So, that being said: please lay off David’s Bridal! They are one of the least terrible parts of the wedding industrial complex.

      1. For a nonheadache inducing place, try Brideside for bridesmaids dresses. Azazie gave me nightmares and migraines- Brideside was a breath of [efficient, straightforward] fresh air.

  10. I need an accountability partner today. I can’t focus!

    lol…i need an escrow agent to hold some $ and then release it as a donation to a cause I find if I don’t get my work done.

    (don’t worry, it’s work I pretty much WANT the end goal of, I’m medicated, healthy, have a timer set, a list of tiny steps, even some “focusing” essential oils, b/c what the hell….(also, i work from home for the perfume sensitive).

    2. No actual help, but I wanted to share that my DH and I teasingly use the threat of donating to a repugnant cause when we’re trying to hold each other accountable or discussing something. We’re both fairly moderate, although I lean liberal and he leans conservative, so I joke that I’ll donate to Elizabeth Warren and he jokes he’ll donate to Trump (we both voted Hillary) when we’re trying to convince the other one to come to our side or when we’re trying not to buy that splurge we don’t need. “Okay you can buy the TV, but it’ll come with a $100 Trump tax!” or “Ok fine we can do this dinner with your family, but I’m giving a $20 tip to Warren if I go.”

    3. Actually, this is a thing you can outsource, if you want. Google “stickk” – they have a financial commitments section (lots of other options too).

      Never tried it, so can’t vouch for it personally, but when I worked in academic coaching I had some students who really liked it. (It’s been a couple years so I don’t know exactly how it works now.)

  11. In planning for next year, I’m trying to figure out my quarterly estimated taxes. I made partner this year, not at a law firm. Is this something I can do, I can handle my own taxes so I don’t know why I’m finding this so difficult. Maybe my mind is just spent for the time being. Thx! -Non-Law Partner

    1. I just made partner (at a law firm) and literally the only piece of advice every single person gave me was hire a professional to do your taxes now. I’m a smart person, I have always done our taxes, and I hired someone. It’s annoying to spend the money on it, but the peace of mind is worth it.

    2. Yep, they will save you more than their fee. If you can’t get in somewhere until after April 17, overpay for this quarter

    3. I have some items wrapped up with my family, so we use the tax accountant in my hometown. My tax prep typically costs $100-$225 depending on how complicated a given year is. A few weeks ago at 8:30pm, he and my dad were finalizing things and he found a place where he could get me another $500 back if I had one piece of documentation. In 10 minutes I found it, turboscanned it to them with my phone, reviewed and signed off on my tax returns the next day, and already have my tax return back. One call on an item I would not have thought of has covered his fees for 2+ years. You may be at less of a risk of this as an individual, but we were audited a few years ago and that would have been awful to go through without him.

    4. Thanks everyone, off to find someone. You’ve convinced me! Cheers to all you successful women.

  12. My boss who I’ve worked for for almost 10 years gave notice today. He has been my mentor, my closest work confidante, the person I can always go to with any problem. He’s always supported me and believed in me, promoted me multiple times, and for the first time in my life I actually was happy to go to work instead of feeling like “uggh, it’s Monday again.”

    I’m so sad that I’m stealth-crying at my desk. I don’t know what to do (I mean, I guess there’s nothing TO do). But I’m so sad…

    1. I’m sorry. This is my boss right now, and I know if he were to leave I’d be bummed out too :-( Excellent bosses are extremely rare in my experience.

    2. Oh that is soooo sad :( That sucks. The silver lining, if you’re ready for that, is that now you have a mentor at a new workplace and your network has expanded!

      2. Thanks guys. :( His new workplace is somewhere I definitely don’t think I want to work plus is smaller so doesn’t necessarily have good opportunities even if I’m wrong about that. But I guess we’ll see…

    3. A similar situation happened to me a few years ago. I was devastated because he was such an amazing mentor, boss, and all around great person. Funny how life works out because now I’m considering an offer from a job where he now works. He wouldn’t be my boss, but he would be training me and I am so excited about that possibility. So you never know what might happen! Definitely keep in touch with this person. Oh, and I totally cried when he left so don’t feel bad about that!

  13. Every night somewhere around 4:30 AM, I wake up having to pee. I don’t love it, but it’s been like this for years, so whatever. The problem is that I’m often not aware/coherent enough to actually get up right away and go to the bathroom. This morning for example, I tossed and turned for 90 minutes before finally getting up at 6 AM to pee. And then I was too awake to fall back asleep before my 7 AM alarm. Any tricks for getting me out of bed right away when I first wake up?

    1. I think waking up at that time is a symptom of some sort of adrenal/endocrine issue. I think if you do a search online they can give you strategies to prevent that. I can’t think right now, otherwise I would help more. All I know is that it is a thing and you can fix it.

    2. What about wearing a Fitbit or similar device, and setting the silent alarm to vibrate on your wrist at 4:30? This might wake you up enough to let you recognize that you need to head to the bathroom. I find it much less jarring than a sound-based alarm, and it doesn’t disturb anyone else within earshot.

      1. This is smart. Thanks. I can’t do a regular alarm because it would wake my SO but I do have a Fitbit with that functionality.

    3. I get up at the same time, but the difference is that I realize it right away and then I force myself to go. I keep my eyes half closed, bathroom light off, and then rush back to my bed. I also notice that if I go to bed earlier, for some reason I don’t wake up at 4:30 am. But if I go to bed past 11 pm, I invariably wake up at 4:30 am. No idea why but food for thought.

      1. I take a medication at night that makes me need to pee at 3 a.m. I get up. Lights stay off. I go, I go back to bed. No lights and no looking at my phone “just to check.” I’m always able to go right back to sleep.

    4. Could you set an alarm at 4:30am to get up and pee? Kinds stinks, but if it’s every night that’s what I’d do.

      It is common to start to need to get up in the night to pee, especially after having kids. You could mention it to your OB. You could try to decrease your drinking after dinner (none!), elevate your legs when you get home from work to try to pee everything out before bed or even wear compression stockings. These are all things I would consider as I hate interrupting my sleep….

  14. I just started Lexapro for depression and anxiety (as in, I just took my first pill this morning). I’ve been reading a variety of forums since I got the prescription yesterday, and I’m feeling very nervous about side effects (especially regarding sleep, fatigue and weight, all of which are already problems for me). I know everyone is different, but if anyone has personal experiences with Lexapro, I’d love to hear them. Did it work for you? What side effects did you experience and when did they subside? Did you find it helped your motivation and energy levels? Did you notice an increase or decrease in irritability? Any input is appreciated.

    1. Why are you obsessing and reading forums? You need less input not more. This is your anxiety talking.

      1. This! I’m on lexapro and it’s been great. Another friend had to switch drugs; now she’s great. Just pay attention to your body, and be proud of this step you’re taking. And don’t let anxiety derail the journey! You’ll know if you have to switch and in the meantime you just need to be present.

      2. +100000000

        You can talk yourself easily into having all of the side effects you describe.

        This medicine is a good thing and will likely treat all of the side effects of depression. These include irritability, decreased energy, decreased motivation, weight gain, poor sleep and fatigue.

        If your anxiety gets worse initially, keep in touch with your doctor in case you need something to help bridge you over the initial transition period.

        Even if you do have side effects, most will go away within days/weeks.

        Good luck, and congrats on taking this big step! Life can be so much better.

        Stop reading the forums. Get outside. Life your life.

      1. I took it Lexapro for a week and had the very weird but not debilitating side effect of super-sweaty palms. I switched to Pristiq. I just feel calmer and better able to deal with life. It’s been wonderful and I have had zero side effects. However, as my doctor said to me, “If I told you a medication had the side effect of your left third toe itching, your left third toe would itch.”

    3. I’ve been on Lexapro for almost a year now and really like it. However, for the first couple of weeks it was a little rough at times. I would take it in the morning and it would make me too fatigued to do anything at work. If I took it at night, my sleep quality would be awful. After those first couple of weeks though, I adjusted and I haven’t had any problems since- and I take it in the morning now FWIW. The tiredness and interuppted sleep were the only side effects I had so YMMV, but I would give it at least a month before determining if it’s right for you.

    4. As you said, it affects everyone differently, but is generally a well tolerated medicine, which is why it is often the first prescription given to patients with general depression and anxiety. It’s kind of useless to ask what side effects strangers on an internet forum experience because they will be wildly varying and encompass the list on your pill bottle.

      If it helps you it helps you, if it doesn’t, you go back to your doctor and get a new prescription. In my experience with it, it helped tremendously with expected but mild side effects.

    5. Not personally on Lexapro, but DD is. Started at age 16 and will be transitioning off this summer at age 19 (her choice). I did notice some weight gain but not alarming. She complained a bit about being sleepy/tired but that was long after starting the dose. She started with a low dose (10) and moved up to 15 when anxiety symptoms started coming back. The drug has been life changing for her and us (parents). Granted, high school is challenging enough, but this allowed her to handle a lot of the normal, icky stuff. She did therapy along with medication and that was so-so. Her psychiatrist did warn us about the potential increased risk of suicide or self harm, so we did frequent check-ins with her. Her irritability went way, way down. We had our happy daughter back! As I mentioned before, she’s planning to transition off this summer when she’s home from college, with guidance from her doctor. We’ll be watching carefully to see how that goes. Best of luck – it worked great for her.

    6. I’ve been on Lexapro for a year and a half. As much as I hate to admit it, I love the changes I’ve experienced. I have anxiety from another health problem and my Doctor suggest Lexapro once a day at the lowest dosage. I used to stress and get myself worked up over important things and had a few panic attacks, but I also got worked up about dumb things like what to wear on the weekend. Rationally I knew it didn’t matter/I couldn’t change it, but I couldn’t calm myself down. Now I’ve pretty much a different person, so much so that my sister calls the old me “Cranky Brittany”.

      As far as side effects, I didn’t notice any sleep or fatigue changes. I might have gained 5 lbs. I moved right after I started the medication and haven’t been able to get back to a gym/routine I like/that’s equivalent to what I did previously.

    7. I’m sad to discover that my favorite drugs information site is now offline, but you can still find it on the wayback machine. It has a cheeky tone, and the name is “crazymeds,” but the helpful part is a breakdown of side effects to tell you what’s common, what’s rare, what’s worth calling the doctor about, etc. Lexapro is a very commonly prescribed drug, and it’s a refinement of Celexa, which has been around for decades, so we know a lot about it. I think you may find the crazymeds write-up reassuring.

      I found Lexapro useless, but it turned out that my symptoms weren’t psychiatric (they were early symptoms of a physiological condition), so I don’t think that my experience reflects on the drug. I think they are still arguing over whether the weight gain side effect is due to insulin resistance/metabolic syndrome or not, but I would watch out for carb cravings and make sure your meals have enough protein to be filling.

    8. write down any symptoms as you experience them and ask close family if they notice any differences. Sometimes it can be hard to tell when you are depressed. Lexapro has been great for me, once I worked with my doc on the right dosage. My experience with symptoms of the drug were so obvious I could tell right away and my doctor agreed and helped. Stay away from the crazy folks on drug forums.

  15. What should my husband wear for a “semi-casual/dressy formal” wedding in California? I was thinking of a suit with no tie, but some of my other friends who are going are wearing “nice shirt and pants.” The bride’s father is notoriously casually dressed, but I figure even he might dress up for his only daughter’s wedding. Thoughts?

    2. He can always take off the jacket if no one else is in a suit, right? Anything designated ‘formal’ equals jacket for men, imho.

    4. The wedding is next week at 4:30 pm at a nice historic venue in a city park. The weather should be warm, too.

      1. Navy sportcoat, gingham shirt with no tie, khaki pants. Take off the sportcoat if necessary.

    5. Isn’t “semi-casual/dressy formal” a contradiction in terms? It’s either semi-casual or dressy formal. Can’t be both at once.

    7. At a similar wedding, many of the men wore more casual suits, like khaki or seersucker.

      1. Two gay male couples I know wore matching seersucker for their weddings. Nice for a spring or summer wedding!

      1. Agree with sport coat, pants, and a button down with no tie, so jacket can easily be removed. My husband would probably do a fitted T-shirt under the jacket instead of a button down, but then you can’t take off the jacket as easily and that look isn’t for everyone.

    9. Definitely depends on your husband’s style, but for a similar sounding wedding (southern california, fall, afternoon, in a park) my husband wore khakis and a dark brown vest, cowboy boots and a white buttoned shirt.

    10. I would go with colorful dress shirt (no tie) and dress pants with sport coat. For the stylish men I knew in CA, that was their uniform, and it worked pretty much everywhere. Wear the coat if you feel underdressed, roll up the sleeves if you feel overdressed…

  16. I have a lot of space above my washer and dryer in our guest powder room (near dining), that i want to put to good use but also look good as it will be visible to everyone who visits and uses the loo. I’ve searched and searched on Pinterest and design blogs and everyone seems to have a ton of laundry stuff to store out display that I don’t have or want. Any ideas? Crazy ideas are welcome!

    1. Does this mean your washer and dryer are in the bathroom? I’ve never seen that. Do you have shelves there currently? What kind of shelves?

      1. Yes, correct, it’s one of the thing about the house. No separate laundry room and literally no other area where we could keep our washer and dryer. Our powder room has a massive closet but with no shelves or anything, and the doors had to be removed, to fit them. So essentially anyone who uses the loo sees this open closet area. I believe at some point there was a bathtub there which was gotten rid of during a reno and turned to a closet space. Thanks!

      2. Washer (and a dryer if you’re exceptionally lucky) in the bathroom (not the powder room but the main venue of bodily hygiene attempts in the house) is a very common thing in London where I live. I’ve had to put on my full hunting arsenal whenever renting to ensure I can find a flat/flatshare without this icky combination. I’d rather the washer be in the kitchen (which is traditional) but hopefully away from the stovetop/oven as possible.
        The above certainly pales to the new trend among buy-to-let landlords to install a glass shower cubicle in the bedroom (and in one place I saw, the pantry in the kitchen).
        Anyway, I digress.

    3. Welcoming any ideas as well. We currently have a washer and dryer in our bedroom because UK apartments normally have space for a washer or a dishwasher in the kitchen but not room for both.

      1. Our washer-dryer is in our kitchen (along a wall). It used to be in a closet for 1920s size washer/dryers, but our normal 2000-ish ones barely don’t fit so we had to take the doors off. We don’t have giant applicances, just not tiny ones. And there is a window there, so we can’t put in a stacker to save some space.

        Just live with it? Can’t put in a tension rod or curtain b/c doors surround it.

        Maybe it will become a thing (it is convenient!) and we will be ahead of the curve.

        1. I’m thinking of putting one of those IKEA tabletops over it to even it out. At least it is a useful space for folding laundry. We had it stacked but it was weirdly worse – it felt precarious.

    4. We had our washer and dryer in the guest bathroom in our last house. Cabinets had been installed above them. We’ve got cabinets above our machines in our laundry room now. Shelves/baskets may be more picturesque, but I want my storage to be practical and not dependent on everything looking perfect. We store all sorts of stuff in there.

      1. +1 to cabinets. If you don’t want to have things on display, close off the space.

    6. Depending on how wide the space is, I’d put some sort of tension rod (curtain or shower) and use a pretty curtain keep things out of sight – could be hemmed to the appropriate length and very easy to coordinate with other decor. Easier and cheaper than cabinets.

    7. I’d get a custom curtain & hang it in front of the laundry from the ceiling if you have the right set up for that. Cheaper than a cabinet & could add interest depending on what else you have going on in there. If you have a colorful shower curtain or something, I’d do a neutral, if not, I’d consider a pretty pattern. There’s a lot of people on Etsy that make great curtains.

    8. I’ve lived in the Northeast and the Southeast US in houses and apartments with this configuration. Is it odd to have the W/D in the bathroom? I’ve always had shelving above. I woudln’t worry about dispalying anything. Use it for towel/linen storage!

        1. I tend to think of houses in Texas as being way bigger than they should or need to be.

          1. I am sure you are right but those of us who live here think we need ALL the space.

  17. Ok ladies I can’t tell anyone else …. I worked up my nerve to ask my boss for more money yesterday and it worked. I laid out my case clearly, and asked if there were performance issues i wasn’t aware of that we needed to discuss. Long story short I’m getting an increase with back pay!

    2. congratulations, that’s awesome!

      on another note, I think it should be socially acceptable to share this kind of news with friends. No one has to talk about the amount of money involved, and I think if we knew our friends were doing this and succeeding, asking for more money would seem a lot less scary and more achievable.

      1. First, OP, CONGRATS!!!

        Second, I talk about this stuff with my friends including how much my raises are. My friends have always been supportive and super happy for whoever it is that got promoted/got a raise. I am one of the few in the close friend group whose salary is not publicly available, maybe that’s why we are more comfortable with it?

  18. Has anyone tried the whole “deleting yourself from the Internet” thing? Like, taking info off of all of those random websites? Can you really do it?

    If you establish a burner e-mail, it always has to link back to your “real” e-mail and phone number, so I’m not even sure how one can really go about this.

      1. How? When the big names (the secure ones) ask for double authentication? They won’t give you access to the new e-mail unless you confirm, right?

        1. Uhhh no. You don’t have to do that. It’s an option. Also don’t use gm@il, who cares what your email address is if it’s just a burner.

  19. When nearly your entire team (about a dozen people) stands up and walks out to go to lunch, inviting everyone they walk past except for you…feeling hurt, small, left out, and too old to feel this way.

    2. I know the common advice here is: there loss, don’t bother. But I have had this happen to me. And I have (in my mind at least) turned the table back at them after feeling this way the 1st time, by simply getting up, asking loudly “is there a lunch plan you all forgot to add me on” and forcing myself on the group. I don’t care if they later talk behind my back, this is terrible behavior and someone needs to call them out on it, and I do! At least a couple of people in such groups have come back to me later and b*tched about the one person who wanted to exclude me, and in cases where it was inadvertent apologized profusely.

      1. +1 to this. We need to stop being too polite to call out bad, bullying behaviour – be it in the workplace or in the family or among friends. Not saying we have to be baying wolves, but being firm and pointed without raising one’s voice should work wonders.

      2. I think that you are both immature and naive. Lunchtime is personal time and people can spend it with who they want to spend it with.

        1. Eh – I think you can invite yourself along a couple times without it being an issue. It’s basically elementary school rules – if you are going to invite more than 1/2 the class, you should invite everyone.

          I agree that it’s best to assume that the omission is inadvertent and ask if you can come along. You either get invited along or make the cliche behave more discreetly (which they should be doing if they don’t want to invite everyone).

        3. Aannnnndd here’s the immature, backstabby person who thinks it’s okay to do this to other people and is mad because she just got called out. Be better, girl. Be better than that.

    4. I feel more weird being invited to things when I know I am not wanted there. It’s just so awkward. I am an adult and I can accept that I don’t have to be included in everything and I don’t have to include everyone.

    5. That’s awful and hugs and I’m sorry. Workplace bullying is real. Belonging is a near-primal need, and not belonging stings a lot, even if you feel above it.

      And I think you should speak with your closest confidant who was included, and ask what’s up, or if you were just forgotten or if it was intentional. Then you’ll at least know….

      I had a whole summer internship where my boss (who sat to my left) and the lady who sat to my right Mean Girls’d me every day. They did things like IM’ed about me all day, criticizing everything from my outfit to how I answered the phone, and they would sneak away for lunch and not invite me (but be absurdly secretive and weird about it) every single day! They talked loudly about their weekend plans (together) and were constantly trying to make a huge deal out of excluding me. (Truly–I didn’t want to hang out with them on weekends AT ALL!) I really wish they’d have just been normal, not made it weird and exclusive, over and over.

      One time I truly, accidentally, grabbed a sandwich at the place they snuck off to (I didn’t know they were there!), and they acted shocked and dismayed that I was in the same place as them, as if I was following them. (I wasn’t–Specialty’s is just a great deli!)

      Honestly, I didn’t care that they were closer to one another than to me (I was just an intern, there for the summer), but their petty, Mean Girls behavior was awful (there were so many more examples!). It’s not like I could call by boss out. I just had to suck it up. I was so glad when the summer ended.

      If this continues at your workplace, seriously…consider looking for another job. The mental energy to rise above petty behavior like this is exhausting, and it knocks your self-confidence even if you try not to let it.

  20. Ladies! My family is moving to a new house in a few weeks! I am so excited. I need your shopping/design tips– here’s the deal. Our current house has tons of built-in shelving. We have several large pieces of furniture that are beat up and we are selling before we move– including our guest bedroom bed/headboard, and our couch and loveseat. We are very much still in the student-loan-paying-off time in our lives, so while we will have to buy furniture, and kind of a lot of it, it needs to be either very durable (toddler, dog) or on the less expensive side. Preferably both.

    Hit me with your favorite furniture pieces, the miracle sofas, the awesome end tables, your favorite curtains or other decor sites. We have almost a blank canvas. Up until now we have only ever had one big open floorplan with an eating space and a living room space. Now we have a separate den, living room, dining room, and breakfast nook. I’m a little overwhelmed with all the space — which is a happy problem to have!

    Not yet in the buying mode– I need to educate myself way better first. I love secondhand shopping, am the opposite of a snob when it comes to brands. I love the book and blog The Nesting Place- my style has always been “improvise with what you have,” so I’m especially looking for versatile unicorn furniture.

    1. For things like end tables, I love Target. They have great style and low prices. Or if you’re very patient, you can make out like a bandit at estate sales. Find out who the leading estate sale people are in your are and get on their email lists.

      And for ideas, I love Houzz and Pinterest.

    2. Join pinterest and start pinning things that appeal to you. Once you’ve accumulated a few pins, a style will start to emerge. Living in the house for awhile can help you determine how you are using the space and what you really need.

    3. I would just suggest that you keep some of the beat up stuff until you’ve been in the house for a while. Maybe not ALL of it, but we were happy to have some stuff to tide us over while we looked for things we really loved. We’ve been in our house for 9 months and are just starting to get some furniture delivered (even after you decide, it can take a while for it to start showing up!). It can be super overwhelming — take the advice I ignored and focus on one room at a time!

      1. I’m in the same life phase and I actually did the opposite and gave away our beat up stuff during our last move (almost two years ago). I knew from prior experience I’d just keep the junky stuff around far longer than necessary out of habit, and wanted to start with a relatively clean slate and slowly acquire what I really love. We’re taking furniture purchasing verrrry slowly, but I’d rather our house be empy-ish than full of stuff I don’t like. We’ve done a mixture of Craigslist (used Room and Board stuff is amazing!), resale shops, local furniture stores, and a few select items from places like West Elm and Crate & Barrel (which are pretty but often not as nice as they could be for the price point).

    4. Billy bookcases from IKEA. There are ways to frame them out with trim if you want them to look more built it, but there’s nothing I love better than a wall of matching bookcases. With the various door options and height extenders, I think there are lots of options.

    5. King Hickory sofa, Artisan and Post for wood furniture (solid wood, made in the USA, simple, clean styles). Our seven seat King Hickory sofa wears like iron and was, with tax and delivery, $2200 – we also had hundreds of fabric choices to chose from. With Artisan and Post, there aren’t a ton of options, but we really like the quality of the pieces we’ve purchased for our bedroom.

    6. I have had 2 sofas from Ikea and they have been super comfortable and durable for the price (first one lasted 5+ years, second one is going on 10 years).

    7. I love my ikea friheten sofa — it has held up well and is actually decently comfortable for sleeping.

      I always give this advice, but definitely consider shopping used/vintage/thrift stores for furniture. (Where do you live? Maybe people would have advice on specific places.) You can get great quality for less money. AND it’s a great way to look at lots of different styles/ideas in the real world to get a feel for what speaks to you.

    8. If you previously had a lot of built ins, look at Modern Shelving Co (modernshelving dot com). We basically used industrial shelving over a wall, it looks light and really lovely. takes some elbow grease to install but we love it and people comment all the time that they like the look. Other stores have similar things, these are just the ones we chose for combo of price and quality.

    9. Depending on the style of sofa you like, I recommend a look at Big Lots. They have Ashley brand sets and sectionals and I was surprised at how nice they were. We spent a huge amount on a lovely looking sectional from Klaussner furniture (custom, US made etc) and it has worn terribly and after two spring and frame fixes now needs new cushions and this is after only 4 years with two adults only. I also had great luck with an upholstered bed at wayfair.
      My other pieces that I love have been Craigslist find that I refurbished as that is my hobby. Cheap to buy but lots of sweat equity and now I have a custom desk and credenza and dresser.

  21. Hi! I saw your post yesterday and wanted to offer some thoughts. I know many, many women that have stepped out/very far back, and then re-entered the workforce without taking a major role/ego/financial hit upon return. Does it mean that you’ll be exactly where you would have otherwise been without the gap? No. Does it mean you may have to take a lower role, or re-set the clock a little bit on experience you already have? Maybe. So much of this depends on your role, industry, and what you’ve done in the interim.

    I stepped out of a corporate role and took contract work when my oldest was 3 and I had another one on the way. I’m still here 3 years later, and because it’s working so well for my family, we decided to condense the time between kids and I’m about to have my 3rd. My kids are in part-time childcare of various scenarios (daycare, preschool, occasional babysitter, my mom helps sometimes, I have a network of other part time moms and we trade playdates, etc). Some thoughts:

    1. Keep in contact with your mentors/network. Think about projects you could pitch to these people- they can be small. Market research? Lead gen activities? Leading a “voice of the customer” panel/workshop? Attending industry events and doing market/competitive research as an independent consultant? Doing models here and there? Serving as a subject matter expert on certain projects?

    2. Try and attend a few industry events. Not at first, but have them on your radar. If you’re strapped for cash, you can often get a ticket if you volunteer for the org. Maybe even thinking about volunteering for the org.3

    3. Look for opportunities that might help you keep your resume from having a gap. For example, I will often hire people in your role to do one-hit market research for my consulting firm based on their areas of expertise. I’m in the greater Boston area, which is filled with Old Moms. Many women have stayed home/gone part time, but since they stepped out at 35 or 38, they had a LOT of career experience to fall back on. I know many account executives and sales VP-types that were able to take a break/pause in their mid/late 30s and step back in their early 40s.

    4. Think about where you want to be in 15 years. Are you OK if you’re not a partner or in the C-suite? I certainly am/was fine with that, but I think a lot of the advise you got yesterday was (harsly) trying to say that you may have down-career impacts from this decision. And you probably will. But that doesn’t mean “no career”- it could just be a different career.

    5. Finances- the doomsday scenarios brought up yesterday are important to consider. Of course, there are SAHPs all over the country and they manage. HOWEVER. Be smart. I contribute an absurd% of my consulting income to retirement, through my IRA and my SEP. DH continues to max his 401k and IRA.

    When I stepped back, we talked a lot about what it would mean for lifestyle, but we also knew this might happen one day. I kicked @ss and took names at my career from undergrad until I was 33. DH took 2 years off when he was 29 to go to business school, and we lived on my income. Then we had a baby, and DH was the default parent while I was a road warrior flying across the country every week and logging 70+ hour weeks regularly. DH got a Big Important Job after business school, and for 2 years we made ALL THE MONEY. We also were cranky and never saw our kid. We saved ALL THE MONEY. We bought a house that we could afford on one income, knowing one of us could lose our jobs or hit a breaking point and need to leave our jobs at any point. Whaddya know, a year later I lost my job (but got a sweet severance package). It was such a blessing in disguise–my blood pressure dropped overnight. I stopped grinding my teeth. I slept better. I started looking for a new FT gig only to realize that with DH’s recent promotion and the fact that I was pregnant, taking a FT role at the same level I left would leave us needing a nanny and a half for our kids. We decided we didn’t want that. We looked at the bank accounts. I networked around to find contract work.

    3 1/2 years later I’m still here and have had several FT job offers along the way. I will be having my 3rd kid and when he’s older and my other two are in grade school, I might consider going back to “corporate” but I may also continue to grow my consulting practice and just chill here in this semi-part time role for as long as humanly possible. I made good money relative to the amount of hours I actually work. I see my kids (probably more than I’d like at this point- they’re pretty sassy.) We eat dinner as a family most nights. I exercise again (gyms with childcare, you are the worlds greatest thing).

    I posted this specifically on this board vs the mom’s board because I thought there might be value in others seeing that it’s possible to carve a different path for yourself with planning. It won’t be the same as staying in the game FT, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. DH and I have also talked about him stepping back in a few years–and if he can put together a viable part time business plan then I’ll go back to doing the corporate thing for the benefits etc. My work tends to lend itself to consulting whereas right now, his does not.

    We don’t live in the same $1M home we could be living in with two of us working fully full time, and we don’t go on annual international vacations, but we do well. We drive nice cars and live in a nice town and eat at restaurants and don’t have to worry about $ for the babysitter ($15-20/hr for a high schooler! insane!). My kids do most activities with me during the week so we have dedicated family time over the weekends.

    I honestly never thought I’d be a SAHM. And really, when I was a full time SAHM, I didn’t like it. I’d rather deal with an angry exec than a tantruming toddler any day. I’d rather be looking at financial models than sweeping up cheerios. But the contractor gig works great for me- best of both worlds. Cleaning service + more time with the kids ;)

    1. Thank you for posting this. I want you to be my mentor. Signed, mom of 1 y/o who doesn’t want to lean out but doesn’t know how to be a mom and a mid-level career woman.

      1. I was honestly pretty happy working FT with one (young) kid. It was once that kid got older and funnier (3) and when I had a second kid (that was SO MUCH HIGHER MAINTENANCE) that we were holding things together by a thread and then the universe gave us the shove we needed as a family to restructure things.

        Just like they tell you when you’re a parent that you need to “find your village,” I had to find my Work Villiage. I am a lousy salesperson, but I have done solid, reliable work for years and have a very good reputation. I found someone that has awesome sales skills and would much rather sell than do. We started a practice with the caveat that I never wanted to work more than 20 hours/week, and she wanted summers off (she has high school kids and wants to see more of them before they leave for college forever). She works full time (35-45 hours/week) doing 50/50 selling and delivering. I work 10-20 hours/week delivering and managing our small and growing team. I’m putting together a business plan to start building assets outside of our consulting brains so perhaps we can sell one day–or at least sell our product. We also love west coast clients, because they work well for our schedules, so we try and get as many of those as we can. They never want to meet at 8:30 amEST when I’m trying to get all the kids out the door and are perfectly happy to meet at 8pm EST after my kids are all asleep.

    2. What you have done sounds awesome and is honestly my dream. But it’s also pretty different than being a “stay at home mom.” You may have leaned out, but you are not a SAHM.

      2. I think a lot of people struggle with *how* to work part time. And for a while, I worked 0-3 hours/week. I was definitely NOT part-time. three years in, I am, but 10 hours a week with a super flexible schedule is not what people typically associate with “going part time.” That’s part of why I posted–to show that there’s an option between full time, reduced hours at your current company, and staying at home completely.

        1. Kids aren’t on the horizon for me but I think this type of advice/story is really helpful. You’re right that a lot of people do struggle with how to work part time. I like hearing about different paths and options people took. I think that the take away from your story is that you always had a meaningful toe hold in your industry– sometimes more, sometimes less, but you never totally opted out. Seems to me like this is a safer and more viable option, if it can be done, than being a SAHM who reads journals.

        1. +1

          Working 10-20 hours a week is not being a stay at home mom. Many posters yesterday encouraged part-time work as an option.

      4. +2. You phrased it much better and in a more palatable way, but this is what everyone yesterday was saying. Really consider who you are, what makes you happy, and your options down the road, and please don’t step out entirely.

        I get that our society is built on the idea of a stay-at-home spouse (both from a kid perspective and from a spouse who gets to lean all the way in at work because they have someone at home to pick up the dry cleaning) but it’s almost always a terrible deal for the one who stays home. It just is, and when you have options, you’d do well to keep your eyes wide open on that.

      5. Yes, this. To me, a true SAHM means no compensated work (teaching that one yoga or spin class a week does not count). The OP works reduced hours at her own business. This is not the same thing.

        1. Why does being a yoga or spin teacher not count? Do you mean if your regular job was as a lawyer or accountant? I think if someone is a yoga teacher and they cut back to once/week they are still working part time.

          1. Sure, if you were a yoga teacher before and then you cut back to one class a week. But if you were a lawyer teaching one yoga class a week doesn’t count as part time work / keeping you connected to your industry if you ever want to go back.

          2. Yes, what Anon at 12:53 says. I’m picturing the former lawyers I know who now teach a spin class on W morning when their youngest is in Mother’s Day Out in exchange for studio fees. Yes, she has a “job” but she is still a SAHM. That does not count. Obviously, a professional yoga instructor who cuts back hours would be a different story.

      6. Fair, but at various points I was earning $0. Also, optically and practically, I am a SAHM. I’m with my kids the vast, vast majority of the time. I have lots of SAHM friends and I am home with my kids more than they are most weeks (longer preschool hours, kids in grade school, etc). My preschooler goes to school 9-1 3x week and would do that whether I worked or not. My little one goes to daycare 9-1 3x/week mainly for socialization and because I hate toddler paydayes. Most of my SAHM friends send their toddlers to a 9-12:30 town pre-preschool.

      1. Really confusing how this is exactly what you were looking for. Numerous people yesterday suggested part-time and you said that wasn’t an option.

        1. What she’s looking for is somebody to tell her exactly what she wants to hear, regardless of how applicable it might be to her own situation. Anybody who doesn’t do that is just a hat3r.

        2. Give yesterday’s OP a break – part-time may not be an option in her situation or her field. What today’s advice-giver above has done is to give yesterday’s OP a road-map.

          This advice is golden and really, you say you work part-time but you’re really an entrepreneur. Hiring people, creating a partnership, looking for potential down the road – this is not just a part-time gig. You are very creative and proactive. Kudos.

  22. I need recipe inspiration. I’m attending an Easter gathering Saturday and I’d like to bring an appetizer that is: vegetarian, not dessert, tasty at room temperature, not a dip (I don’t want to lug chips/crackers along), doesn’t need a fork. Some ideas I had were tortilla roll-ups or ranch veggie pizza but wanted to see if anyone had a great idea I hadn’t thought of.

    5. The Pioneer Woman’s website has ten brunch ideas today. The asparagus puff pastry looks delicious.

    6. deviled eggs! I’d transport them in a cooler but wouldn’t fret if they sat out for a couple hours, especially if I made them with greek yogurt instead of mayo.

      1. I agree, though I don’t think mayo is going to spoil any faster than Greek yogurt. The eggs are the weak link here (if anything, the mayo will help).

  23. I am involved in a volunteer group in my community, and we have a public Facebook page where we post pictures and videos of our activities. One member caused a lot of strife in the group, and he was asked to leave. He’s now asking that all images and videos of him be removed. The main one is a video of our one-year anniversary, where he made a long speech (he does public speaking coaching as a side hustle). Is that speech his intellectual property that we have to remove?

    Our group was very loosely organized, with no bylaws or anything. We are in the process of getting those in place to avoid this situation in the future.

    1. I cannot speak to the IP question, but I would review the Facebook “rules” to see if you have any obligation under those to remove an image/video of someone if they ask you too.

    2. I don’t know if you have a legal obligation to remove it or not, but I’m guessing your organization probably does not want to spend the time or resources finding out in court – even the satisfaction of being right probably is not worth the headache that someone could potentially cause. I would just take the video down if I were you. If the video is really important or has a lot of other good content, some simple video-editing software could be used to just snip his portion out.

    3. I wouldn’t do it, he’s clearly just trying to get back at you guys. I’d just ignore him.

  24. Looking for a recommedation for where to stay for one night – this Saturday to Sunday – in either Philadelphia or Manhattan? Need some R&R this weekend (battling health issues, work annoyances, etc.). Located in northern New Jersey and don’t want to travel too far. Seeking great hotel, fabulous spa in-house (or near one) would be nice, and/or close to great restaurants.

    Where would you stay?

    1. I’m in North Jersey too. Have you thought about going up to Crystal Springs in Hamburg? I’ve also heard great things about the Mohonk Montain House in New Paltz and Woodloch Resort and Spa in the Poconos. Of course, none of the suggestions are Philly or Manhattan but they are all less than an 1.5 hours away from us and easy to get to.

      Enjoy yourself!

    2. Keep in mind that it is school vacation week starting tomorrow, so you may encounter a lot of families with kids if you go somewhere family-friendly. That could be a plus or minus for you but as the parent of a young child, i thought I would throw it out there in case you want to be at a pool away from crazy splashing. Mohonk is lovely, definitely family friendly, probably too remote to be near great restaurants but I am not sure.

    4. How about Atlantic City. Harrah’s has a huge indoor swimming pool in a biodome with palm trees. It’s like being on an island for the day. You can rent a cabana, drink a tropical drink and just relax. Lots of nice restaurants too.

    5. The Crosby Street Hotel or the new Whitby Hotel in Manhattan, hands down. Both are Firmdale hotels and the Firmdale hotel I stayed at in London was one of the best hotels I’ve ever spent time in. Gorgeously decorated + afternoon tea!

  26. I thought I was hosting brunch, but due to some travel changes, it will be dinner now. Ideas?

    I’ve got a bone-in ham, so there’ll be ham. Was thinking asparagus, rolls, deviled eggs, potatoes gratin? Seems less than festive to me. What are your best go-to Easter dinner dishes? What about dessert?

    2. Sounds like what I served last year. I just added a crystal bowl full of chocolate stuffed plastic easter eggs as a centerpiece to make it “festive”.

    4. Barefoot Contessa did an asparagus and pea risotto last weekend. Agree with lemon dessert – maybe a soufflé? Or a version of strawberry shortcake?

    6. NYT’s Strawberry Pavlova is really delicious, light and a show-stopper. Super simple to make as well!

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