Are Louboutins Appropriate For the Office?

louboutins for workAre Louboutins appropriate for the office with those sexy red soles? Reader J wonders…

What do think about wearing Louboutins in the office? Is the red sole too sexy?? I have a pair of Simple 85s, which are not high at all. They’re conservative, black kid leather, round toe, surprisingly comfy, but they have this in-your-face scarlet sole. I’ll be working at a bank that has a reputation of being somewhat laidback, but I don’t want to make the wrong impression… Help please?

When I was a first year associate I was completely jealous of another first-year associate who had done some serious shopping during her bar trip — LV bags, Hermes scarves, and Louboutin shoes. She had a classic kitten heel Louboutin, with the trademark red sole. This was before Louboutins were quite as “big” as they are today, so the red sole really stood out, and I thought, looked fabulous. So for my $.02, yes, simple Louboutins are appropriate for the office.

Reader J has a slightly higher heel — the 85mm version, which is just over 3″. Even this I don’t have a problem with — it’s a classic, gorgeous shoe, and so what if there’s a red sole. (Pictured above: Simple 85 Pumps, available at Saks Fifth Avenue for $595.)

Update: I’m seeing a lot of chatter on Twitter and in comments about whether Louboutins are appropriate for assistants or interns.  Does it shout “I’m not here for the money” the same way a Birkin bag does?  To me, a $600 pair of shoes and a $10,000 bag are in entirely different leagues.  I suppose my rule would be that if you can buy it in one paycheck, it’s appropriate for any woman of any level.  My guess is that Reader J can swing a $600 pair of shoes in one paycheck given that she works at a bank — my answer might be different for the unpaid intern.  (But even then I see so many teenagers walking around with Louis Vuitton bags (which generally cost around $1000)…)

But this isn’t to say that ALL Louboutin shoes are appropriate for the office.  For example, I would say that any of the platform shoes pictured below are pushing it for most conservative offices — the office hallway, alas, is a far cry from the red carpet.  (Fun question: can you guess which pair below is the most expensive?)

louboutin 1 louboutin 2 louboutin 3 louboutin 4

 

Readers, what say you?  Is the Louboutin red sole appropriate for the office?

(L-6)

(Check out other comfortable, work-appropriate shoes in the Corporette Guide to Comfortable Heels!)

Comments

  1. Any thoughts on Latisse?

    • I did (used?) Latisse about a year or year and a half ago (pretty soon after it came out). I used mine exactly the way I was directed and I was really pleased with the results and definitely noticed a difference. My friends and boyfriend noticed as well without my mentioning it – so it wasn’t just a hopeful placebo effect. My sister did not use hers every night/follow other directions/etc. so she didn’t notice as big an effect.

      That being said, I received my prescription through my uncle who is a doctor and my parents paid for it. Not sure how much it is and if it’s worth the price – but in my experience it DOES work.

    • AccountingNerd :

      a family member did this and it looked a little unnatural. I wouldn’t recommend it

  2. Maddie Ross :

    I think the style of Loubs is totally office appropriate (they look reasonably the same as the nine west and charles david pairs I live in), but my concern with owning them in general is the fact that I cannot keep shoes like this looking nice for more than a couple weeks, tops. A few paychecks in to my job, I tried switching from the nine west shoes I bought as a clerk to stuart weitzman (sp?) and cole haan. I didn’t find the slight difference in comfort to be worth the price though b/c they didn’t last any longer than the cheapies. If I did own Loubs, I’m sure I’d be too scared to wear them.

    • Thats interesting. I cant speak for cole haan, but stuart weitzman are by far the most comfortable shoes Ive ever owned — i probably have 15 or 20 pairs, includ the 4 in pair im wearing now (platswoon — its awesome) — and well worth the price. Stuart Weitzman generally top out in the $400 range and you can usually find them for about 265-365, which is probably twice as expensive as the other brands you mention. Charles David isnt bad, but i think often tends to look a little cheaper and is not as comfy. Nine West does not, in my experience, hold up well and is only moderatly comfortable.

    • Mountain Girl :

      ditto on this…I have never understood how women wear shoes and don’t destroy them after a couple of seasons. I am wondering if how you commute has anything to do with it. I drive to work and walk in and out of the parking lot and all over town with my shoes. I only change shoes if there is a danger I might get stuck in show and have to walk somewhere and then I wear my big fuzzy Uggs. I would imagine that my running in and out of the parking lots, through the grocery store and then to the school program or game probably causes excessive wear that someone who rides the subway and changes shoes at work doesn’t experience.

  3. Two cents :

    I don’t think that the red sole is sexy, the bigger issue is that most professional women who see you wearing that shoe will know exactly how much you spent on those shoes and will form impressions about you, good or bad. In general, I hate wearing clothing where the brand is advertised so blatantly. I feel the same way about Coach and LV handbags where the brand is boldly printed on the bag.

  4. I’m wearing a pair right now, so I guess there’s my answer. I have the simple 70s, not too high of a heel, classic almond-toe pump. They are classic and nice, but I really wouldn’t call them sexy. The red sole is … the sole of a shoe. Nothing sexy about that, imho. And frankly, if some judgemental woman wants to think less of me because I have expensive shoes – she can go ahead with that. Couldn’t care less. I live within my means, but my personal finances are no one else’s business. Maybe that judgmental lady spends $400 at Costco every week to fill her suburban McMansion, while I keep a simple city apartment. Who cares. I love them, and my feet thank me.

    • This.

      And this is why these discussions are so crazy. No one knows what someone’s financial priorities are. That woman I see may be wearing Loubs (carrying an expensive bag/driving a nice car/wearing a big diamond), but unless she told me how and why she bought them, I don’t know how and why she spent that money. For example, she could often eat/drink at home instead of in restaurants and bars, not spend crazy amounts at Costco/Whole Foods, etc etc etc. If those shoes make some woman happy and she’s can arrange her finances accordingly, more power to her.

      • This is exactly the point I was trying to make above. Just because you can SEE that someone spent money on something doesn’t mean that the things you can’t see are all extravagant. It’s a CHOICE – just like all other financial choices. And since it’s a choice I don’t understand why it’s not okay for a woman to want a pair of Loubs, and cut back on, say everything else, just so she can afford them and still be making it financially. Maybe she said to herself, “I think I’ll eat Ramen and not go to the movies for a month and buy those shoes.” Who. Cares.

    • Anonymous :

      Seriously.

      Honestly, even if you don’t live within your means, I don’t see how that’s anyone else’s problem.

      Women really are each others’ worst enemies if so many of us sit around being so [bleep] judgy all the time. Do you think men spend time at the office thinking about how upset it makes them if their colleagues are wearing Hermes ties and Cartier watches?

      Sheesh.

  5. I had a pair of black Nine West slingbacks about 6 years ago that had a red sole. I thought nothing of it at first, but when I became conscious of it I thought it looked odd, bringing that much attention to the sole of a shoe. I also thought it was too dominant for some outfits, red doesn’t compliment everything. I found myself wearing them less and less. Of course, Nine West isn’t CL, so exceptions can be made. Too sexy wasn’t my concern with the sole though, just too much color.

  6. I also think you have to take into consideration not just what your coworkers think about the shoe, but the client. As a surgeon, I’m not comfortable letting my patients know how much I spent on my shoes, and Louboutins are designed to let you know exactly what someone spent on their footwear. I think wearing something that is clearly very expensive (giant diamonds also fall into this category for me) distances me from my patients in a way that I’m not professionally comfortable with.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love me some nice shoes, but I don’t feel comfortable advertising my spending priorities.

    • This. My father is a surgeon at a public university hospital, and when he and my mother were looking for new wedding bands a few years ago (literally, theirs were falling apart! – basketweave = coming un-woven), he specifically didn’t want anything flashy for that reason. She did… so they got different but complementary bands.

      I’m a law student heading into public interest law, so — in addition to a scary amount of loans! — am conscious of the same thing.

    • Yes! I think I mentioned this before on this blog, but I will never forget going to my doctor, a breast surgeon who had a waiting room full of ill women, and seeing her giant diamond rings and earrings. She might have been born into money, might have had a right husband or struck the lottery, but all I could think (as a scared 22 year old) was that her jewelry was courtesy of cancer.

      As a lawyer, I keep this in mind. I dress well, and professionally, but never in a way that a client or an opponent would think that my success is coming through someone else’s pain.

      • Anonymous :

        I’m a bit late to this thread, but her jewelry is NOT courtesy of cancer. It’s courtesy of her abilities to help people who are going through cancer.

    • My gynae wears the most incredible solitaires….just focussing on them tales my worries away:)

  7. I don’t think they’re a problem, but I’d also be careful about wearing them in front of clients. For example, you don’t want a client to think to themselves “I pay her too much money per hour, as evidenced by her shoes.” But that’s a different audience than just the workplace.

    • This. YMMV depending on the transference issues with your target population and/or the tenor of your profession. There’s truth (research supported) that people do form opinions about professionals based on appearance and office surroundings … and they won’t tell you what they are thinking. You can try to please all of the people some of the time but I’m happing with pleasing some of the people all of the time. Besides, I can’t justify those high end things – I’m too “hard” on them and really, I DO have to think about what people might assume. Thanks to EC MD for saying it more succinctly. I’ve been talking far too long today…

  8. My first professional job out of college (at a charitable foundation) involved working closely with one of the Board committees. I attended a working lunch with the committee members carrying a simple leather Dooney & Bourke purse I had received as a college graduation present. It wasn’t covered with “DB”s but was obviously a larger, signature Dooney piece.

    One of the older, more conservative committee members contacted my organization’s Executive Director to share her concerns about my salary and whether they might be paying me too much. For a purse that cost $400-500, tops – D&B purses are hardly exorbitant.

    I think the committee member overreacted, but I also learned a good lesson about anticipating the message my clothes and accessories send in every possible situation. Given that I still work in the non-profit sector, where there is an expectation of frugality, I always err on the side of understatement and save my higher-end, designer items for non-work use.

    • found a peanut :

      Wow. That woman was completely out of line. For all she knew that bag was a hand-me-down from a relative, a graduation present, a thrift-store find, etc. And even if it wasn’t, and put the whole purchase on a credit card that you intended to make the minimum payments on until it was all paid off, how is it any of her business?

    • This. My parents own a jewelry store, and because of that, my husband’s been able give me several pieces over the years that would otherwise be way out of our means. At my last job with a non-profit political organization, however, I hardly ever wore anything aside from my wedding ring and simple studs because the executive director was the type to not give raises if he thought the person didn’t need it. The pieces are mostly classic styles and wouldn’t ever be considered over-the-top for someone in a higher position, but were enough to make me worry about the message they sent.

      On the flip side though, because of my experience, I don’t judge anyone who carries or wears designer items in the office.

    • Funny. Back in the day when I did IR, a (CRAZY) investor called the receptionist to try to find out what kind of car I drove. I would say that the problem was with the (CRAZY) committee member, not the purse.

  9. It seriously bums me out that our two concerns here are:
    Are they too “sexy” because they’re red?
    and
    Should you wear things that are expensive?

    Both of which I feel are really unreasonable. First, I think it’s silly to say that the red color is too “sexy” or whatever, because it’s a shoe. If it’s a conservative shoe otherwise, I bet no one but fashionistas would notice, and they’d probably compliment them.

    As far as wearing expensive things, this bugs me. It bugs me to say that I, as an assistant, shouldn’t wear something expensive I bought myself, or that I was given as a gift. Should I have not worn the $400 earrings one of my bosses gifted me with, because it was more expensive than my gas bill? Should I not wear my wedding ring (which I wear on my pinky finger since it doesn’t fit) because it’s got a real sapphire and people might think I paid a lot for it?
    It’s just really judgmental, and I think it’s pretty unkind to assume that people didn’t earn it or don’t deserve to treat themselves if they’re being fiscally responsible. What if you saved up for multiple years for those shoes or bag, or if it was a graduation gift? Just because your parents have money doesn’t mean you do, and just because you HAVE money doesn’t mean you didn’t work for it or don’t want your job!!

    • It’s not just that they’re expensive. It’s that they’re designed so that everyone knows that you’re wearing Louboutins and that they cost $700. That sole is as unmistakable as an LV logo. And worse, as someone mentioned above, if the cost seems out of line with your means you could be suspected of wearing a counterfeit – not a big deal for many people, but a major faux pas for a lawyer, especially if your practice has anything to do with intellectual property.

  10. Threadjack – About a month ago, I posted that I was concerned that I may have an anxiety issue that warrants some sort of help. I received some really helpful, compassionate responses, which I appreciated immensely. I’ve made some needed changes, but I still feel like the underlying issue is there and just not going away. I am talking to my doctor tomorrow and hoping to get some guidance on what to do next — counseling, medication, or both.

    So, here’s my shameful confession: I haven’t told my husband and I’m not sure if I want to, especially if I decide on the medication route. I’m judging myself pretty harshly for needing help and I can’t bear the thought of anyone knowing I have a problem. Even my lovely husband, who is my best friend. He has many wonderful qualities but he’s very much in the “all you need is an attitude adjustment!” camp about most mental health issues, unless the person clearly poses a threat to herself or society, which I do not.
    I’m afraid he’d either a) try to reassure me that nothing is wrong or b) be completely freaked out that he may have a wife with a wee bit of a mental health issue. A year ago, I confessed to him that I thought I might have PPD — and it took all my strength to do it — and he didn’t have much of a reaction at all. I think he thought I was over-dramatizing it, honestly. Obviously, I wasn’t. I didn’t take care of myself a year ago, and now I’m probably in worse shape because of it.

    My more rational self tells me it’s a really bad idea to keep a secret this big from my husband. But I feel scared and vulnerable, and I’m afraid I’ll chicken out of getting help altogether if he responds the wrong way. What do I do? Keep it to myself for the time being and tell him when the time is right? This is not how we operate as a couple and I’m afraid of the damage this approach will cause … but I really need to take care of myself right now, and I don’t want to be talked out of it.

    I have no thoughts on the shoe issue, as I doubt 99% of the people in my city have a clue what a Louboutin is. :)

    • I think you should focus on staying calm and yes, tell your husband what’s going on. Emphasize (calmly) the same points you raised in your post, namely – you really need to take care of yourself and are not looking to be talked out of it; he’s your best friend, you don’t want to keep this from him; and while you’ve considered different options and been patient about waiting it out, you feel like there’s an underlying issue and you’re seeking help for it.

      I don’t think there’s any point in speculating about medicating vs. not medicating or what have you until you talk to a health professional and see what they say.

      And your husband FWIW sounds like a good guy who will be supportive and non judgmental.

      Best of luck to you.

    • Ballerina Girl :

      Please don’t feel like you’re the only one out there with mental health issues. They have such a bad stigma and it’s so unfair. I have suffered with anxiety and depression and medication has, occasionally, been a godsend. I too hate the stigma, but I try to fight it. I’m not going to tell you whether to tell your husband or not (it’s your relationship, what do I know?) but I can tell you that you shouldn’t be ashamed of trying to find a solution to your problems. Good luck!

    • The first goal should be get yourself to a good mental health place.

      Ideally, that would be with your husband’s support, but it doesn’t sound like you can trust that he will give it. That is an issue the two of you will need to deal with down the line, but IMHO, shouldn’t be the first issue. This is a “me first” issue. Try talking to a professional. They should give you some guidance on how to approach going on medication and dealing with your husband.

      Unfortunately, going on anti-anxiety meds isn’t a smooth process for everyone. It is good to have someone “in the know” in case you have a bad reaction (which you might not be able to determine for yourself).

      I don’t say this to scare you out of taking them. It is something I should have done decades before I finally did. I had an easy time with the meds, and only need a low dosage to get everything in line and have had no lasting side effect. My greatest fears were not realized. I don’t feel “different” or “not me.” I just don’t have the constant buzz of anxiety in the background draining my energy.

      Good luck!

    • Also Midwest :

      Is your husband my husband? My H just doesn’t deal well with high emotions and tends to take the same sort of position your H does. Honestly, I wouldn’t tell your H if you are worried that he will freak. He’s not in your body and everyone operates differently. If you need meds, take them. If H notices a change in your behavior and asks what the deal is, then you can decide whether or not to tell him.
      1) Take care of yourself first then 2) Tell your H how his reaction affected you after you’ve taken care of yourself, but only if you want to.

      • karenpadi :

        This reminds me of the “Modern Family” Episode where the blonde wife casually mentions having had therapy a few times over the years and her husband is like “what the heck? You had to go to therapy?! What was so wrong?”

    • Wanting to Move :

      Midwest, I cannot offer much advice, but I understand your situation. My husband is a lot like yours, and I was diagnosed with PPD last year after the birth of our first child. I started seeing a therapist, and my husband hated that I went. He also insisted that I not take medication, and that I was overreacting. I recently stopped going to therapy because work/life has just gotten too busy, but if I went back/decided to take medication, I probably would not tell me husband. If he cannot support my decision to take control of my life/get better, then it is just not positive for me to tell him. Is there someone else in your life that you may be able to tell? It’s really hard not having someone to talk to about these sorts of things.

    • Hi Midwest — I responded to you on your OP, and have been thinking of you, so I’m glad you posted today.

      I don’t know what the answer is, but I’m inclined to say “medicate first, tell husband later.” That way you are not “talked out” of something that — as I read your post — you have clearly decided to do, whether or not it’s actual medication or only counseling.

      A year ago I was in a very bad spot and when I told my husband who had been in the “you have a wonderful life, home, baby and husband–wtf?” camp, he was very understanding. He still wanted me to consider herbal/vitamin supplements/exercise as a first step, but I *knew* that I was well beyond that point.

      So, again, go to the appointment first. See what they suggest for you and also for dealing with Husband. Then evaluate what to do again. Keep us posted. Hugs.

      • Yes. I agree. Medicate first, tell later. like when he notices that you are better you can explain why. Good luck.

    • Is it Friday Yet :

      Midwest, I’m sorry you are going through this but commend you on how you are taking the necessary steps to take care of yourself. FWIW, my husband and I have an extremely close relationship and we have a policy of full disclosure. With that said, if I were you, I would go see your dr tomorrow and then tell your hubby tomorrow evening. It’ll give you a few hours (depending on when your dr appt is) to consider what the dr said and to evalute which options may work for you. By being able to recite what your dr says (assuming he/she gives you good advice) will help illustrate to your hubby that it’s not something you can just fix by telling yourself you will smile today and try to be happy and relaxed. It’s likely he still may not get it right away, or ever, but that is okay. You need to figure out what’s right for you, communicate it with him so he’s not left in the dark and then proceed with what you need. With that said, if he says things that aren’t supportive or rolls his eyes, I encourage you to, in a non-confrontational manner, remind him that you two are there to support each other and that you are simply asking him to listen to how you feel and support you as you try to fix whatever it is that’s wrong.

      Thank you for taking care of yourself. You deserve it.

    • AnonInDenver :

      Midwest – FWIW I think you should share all this with your husband now but be firm that you’re going to seek help. I doubt he’ll be able to talk you out of it and he may not even try. Men can rise to the occasion – but only if you let them know what’s really going on.

    • Anonymous :

      I definitely think you should tell him, but I see nothing wrong with doing it after you’ve spoken to your doctor, know your options, and perhaps even know how you want to proceed. He’s your husband, so it is fair and right to involve him in your medical/mental health decisions, but ultimately you need to do what is right for you. And, in my opinion, that entitles you to space to investigate/consider your options before you consult him.

    • Former 3L :

      Oh, honey. You’ve got to tell him. I don’t think it’s a good plan to go about regaining your equilibrium while keeping something large from your best friend and partner. What you should do is muster all your resoluteness. Do you feel okay about your decision to try meds? Work that out as hard and as detailedly as you can before you go to him. Get right with God about it yourself (so to speak). Then you can go to him with confidence in your decision. You can address the fact that he may not be on board, but reiterate that you want to maintain openness and you would really appreciate his support. If he goes for A) “You’re all right,” the answer is, ‘I thought so too, but I’m not. So.” and if he goes for B), well, this is one of those things and he has got to sack up. Best of luck to you.

    • *Hugs* In my opinion, you should keep your appointment with your doctor and find out what he or she recommends as the next step. I do not think this is something you need to tell your husband about beforehand – it’s only a doctor’s appointment – until your doctor gives you a recommendation. If your doctor recommends counseling/meds/both, I think you need to tell your husband. From his perspective, I’m sure he would feel terrible if he knew that you kept something of this significance from him.

      I also think you need to find ways to counter his “all you need is an attitude adjustment” arguments. For my two cents, here are a few: 1) I have tried adjusting my attitude and something still feels off. I want to try this for a little while and see if it works; 2) I know that you think that nothing is wrong, but I feel like something is wrong; 3) A lot of people suffer from anxiety, and I want to learn how to effectively manage it so I don’t have this problem going forward.

      Also, and I mean this in a non-snarky way, I think that you should consider counseling even if the doctor doesn’t recommend it. I think that from what you wrote about telling your husband that you might have PPD and his (lack of) reaction, you may just want to talk to someone. I think it would be very anxiety-inducing to feel like I couldn’t seek help because my husband didn’t really “believe” in treatment for everyday mental health issues. It would make me feel like there was something wrong with me that I wasn’t 100%.

      Keep us posted!

    • You’re probably worried that “keeping a secret” is bad for your marriage. It might be; I’m not judging that. But, even though you are married, your first responsibility it to yourself. Your marriage may end; your relationship with yourself never will. If, for now, to protect yourself, you feel you need to keep this private, then do.

      Later, for the sake of the marriage, you may have to come clean and explain why you “lied” (ommitted, whatever). Deal with that later. Deal with yourself first.

      Others will disagree. Just my two cents.

    • As a person who has been in your husband’s shoes (spouse of someone with anxiety), I think you need to tell him. Your anxiety will affect him (in a negative way), and your treatment will affect him too (in both positive and negative ways). He has a right to know this is coming, and be able to seek out resources to help him cope with your changes. For instance:

      Talk therapy will help you to communicate differently about your wants and needs, which will be confusing to him if he doesn’t know what’s causing the change. He may resist the change if you can’t articulate why it is happening. You need him to work with you, not against you.

      Anxiety medications have sexual, emotional and physical side effects that you will need to be open with him about. Changes in medication are often scary and you may need his support for your safety, as well as emotional comfort. He has a right to ask questions about your medications so he can help you plan around the side effects so he gets what he needs from the relationship too.

      One suggestion would be to approach your husband with a plan. For instance, “I have an anxiety problem, which is making it difficult for me to do [x, y and z things we enjoy]. I have done these things to help myself [list them] and I plan to do these things [list them].”

      Then tell him what it will mean for him and how he can support you. If you make this very concrete, it may help him feel like a partner in your recovery instead of a passive, scared bystander (been there, it sucked).

      For instance, ‘I need you to help me plan my medication schedule so I will still be in the mood x days per week. I need you to be able to leave social events quickly if I have a panic attack and need to take a rescue medication. I need you to take “night shift” with the baby on nights that I need to take a rescue medication, and I need you to help me watch for [x,y,z] signs that my medication dose is wrong.”

      Good luck. I really hope that you can make your husband a partner in your recovery- anxiety is so scary, and I really don’t think anyone can or should have to handle it alone. *hugs*

    • Would you be comfortable having your husband come to the doctor with you (might not be the appt tomorrow, obviously)? Maybe it would help you to discuss this situation with your doctor tomorrow and then let your husband know that he can come to an appointment if he has any questions/concerns. That way, you’re taking action and are inviting your husband to be a part of it, but you’ve started the ball rolling.

      Mental health issues in general are very stigmatized in our society. It’s getting better, but there’s still a difference in reaction between “my mom has cancer” and “my mom has severe depression.” Don’t let that keep you from doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.

    • I met my husband in AA and when we were both 12 years sober, I started having serious anger problems. I began attending meetings again, and considered that it might be early menopause. In any event, he was against medication of any kind but of course, it was my decision. I have now been taking He admits he was wrong about it. The Lexapro, combined with AA and meditation, has taken away the mean and bitter edge. So, educate him and tell him! Oh, my brother had a great comment on the idea that we, as a society, have become too dependant on medications. Well, it is not normal for us, as primates, to be living in this concrete and steel technological environment either. So what if we need meds to cope?

    • undergrad anon :

      I went through a similar conversation with my long-ish term boyfriend at some point…he was convinced for awhile that I didn’t really need any of the medication I was on for anxiety problems because I should just “get over it.” What really helped me when I was explaining it to him was to say “it’s not anything I’m doing, my body isn’t producing [x y and z] and it’s causing me an undue amount of stress.”

      This situation might not be the same as yours, but I found personally that telling him “this is what the doctor told me,” didn’t do a whole lot of good, because his attitude about mental health in general is over-medicated by American doctors. (He was brought up in a different culture.) Thus, saying that a doctor considered my situation and thought that medicine would be more effective than any sort of “attitude adjustment” didn’t carry a whole lot of weight. I don’t know how much of an issue this would be if he wasn’t born and raised outside of the USA.

      Hope this was helpful!

    • Ladies, thank you for taking the time to respond. I’m taking all of your ideas for talking points when I decide it’s time to tell DH. Maybe that’ll be tomorrow after the appointment, maybe it’ll be next week, who knows. I know I would not feel good about keeping this a secret forever.

      Anyway, thank you, thank you, for your support. It’s hard to discuss these issues with my family and friends. That’s more my issue than theirs, in most cases — but the fear of being judged or thought of as “broken” is really difficult. I also know that having a good support network is pretty key to fighting depression and keeping it at bay, so I need to become more comfortable with the idea of being seen as less than perfect.

    • One of the things that was helpful for me was using therapy to learn how to talk about emotions and my anxiety/depression. After having a few practice talks with my therapist I was better able to approach conversations about my anxiety with my husband and others. Talking about emotions isn’t a skill that I learned growing up so I needed a safe place to practice and learn it later in life.

    • Hi there!
      Hope you find relief from your symptoms, and hey, if it takes meds to do that, well why not?
      I think trying to get through a dosage schedule without letting your husband know may actually be a strain in itself.
      Would you be able to decide with your doc / therapist and then have an interview with your husband present?
      In my opinion, a lot of the stigma related to mental health is based on the fact that people carry various misconceptions and they may therefore change their opinions quite dramatically if exposed to more accurate information.
      Good luck!

  11. anonymous :

    I don’t think the issue is whether the shoes are expensive or sexy, it’s more that they are in-your-face expensive. I would avoid because it could seem obnoxious. Would you buy the exact same shoes if they had a normal sole?

    • Ballerina Girl :

      This! This is what I was trying to get at–it’s not just that it’s expensive, it’s that it’s it seems designed to show off how expensive it is.

      • its not though. the red sole has always been his signature. and when he first started designing, people didnt know who he was. moreover, there is no exact same shoe w/o the red sole — meaning, that you dont get the craftmanship and comfort if you buy something cheaper.

        • yes, exactly. I think the difference here is between people who look at it and think “expensive!” and people who look at it and think “ooh, pretty!” I fall into the latter camp. They are just gorgeous shoes. In fact, I wish they were not so expensive, so that I could buy more of them.

  12. job applicant :

    Can anyone think of a way to address an email that doesn’t involve using “Dear Sir or Madam”/”To Whom it May Concern?” I’m applying for a job with a company that projects itself as informal/laid-back, and those greetings sound a bit too stuffy for this place. I couldn’t find the name or title of the person who might be reading my application.

  13. Reading all the judgments people make based on the cost of your possessions, I have to ask – do you ladies feel that the same holds true for a watch? A nice watch (Cartier Rolex Omega Baume & Mercier whatever etc etc) can cost well into the 6, 7 and even 8 figures or more.

    Assuming that the watch isn’t excessive looking – e.g. studded with diamonds or channeling Liberace – and looks professional, does wearing an expensive watch elicit the same responses and judgments? If not, is that because watches are inherently more professional and practical (although, a $100 Timex will tell time just as well)? Does it depend on the watch? Or on the office and profession?

    Curious to hear your thoughts.

    • whoa! sorry, meant to say 4 and maybe 5 figures!! i am not talking about 1/2 million dollar watches – major typo.

      • I’m not super-judgmental, but I think there’s a definite difference in that watches appreciate with time. My mom gave a 20 year old Rolex as a graduation gift from college which was still in great shape and worth more than what they paid for it 20 years ago. Whereas you may only get a few seasons out of a pair of shoes, especially if you wear those shoes often (at least I kill my heels pretty quickly). Also, certain watch styles don’t change much over time — the classic silver and gold band on my Rolex was stylish 20 years ago and will probably still be 20 years from now. Whereas some of the Loubs Kat posted…

      • AnonInfinity :

        Hahaha! I was curious about this 8 figure watch. Since most people couldn’t put $10,000,000 on a credit card, I think I would just be jealous that I couldn’t also buy an island if I wanted to.

        I think that a not-too-blingy watch is perfectly fine, though it probably does depend upon the industry/area. I’m in a big (for my area) law firm, fwiw.

      • Anonymous :

        It absolutely does. More for alpha males flashing the latest creations, but it still does. Rolex-Cartier-Patek are at the top of the pile.

        IMHO it comes down to if showing off is appropriate in your office.

    • I think it is just a question of being in-your-face with the brand and price. Louboutins are unmistakeable, like a logo bag. If your watch is expensive but only a Rolex connoisseur would know it’s a Rolex, go for it. If it has a giant flashing red sign attached to it that says “Rolex!” then probably not appropriate for work :).

      • L from Oz :

        One day, when I’m rich, I will buy a Patek Phillipe. If this never happens, I may still buy one anyway, for a serious round birthday. I have no interest in fancy shoes or handbags, and this is my dream splurge. If I ever have such a watch, you bet I will wear it! (I’m also the sort of person who never leaves the house without a watch, so there’s no danger I wouldn’t get wear out of the thing.)

        Mind you, since I’m wearing a Swatch watch today, Patek seems rather far away ;)

    • To be honest, bag/watch = investment. Money = yours. Do as you wish and have no regrets later.

      Not that I’m judging the shoe-buyer OR Kat’s Monday splurge-buyers (there are enough women in this world to do that!).

      Full disclosure: I’m wearing a Franck Mueller men’s style watch and I also own an Omega (latter being hubs’ 30th b’day gift to me)

  14. Anonymous :

    Threadjack:

    Any suggestions for a fashionable rolling briefcase I can use on a daily basis? I’m unable to carry a heavy bag (aka, something with a laptop in it) until after I get surgery (which I’m putting off). Since I’ll be using it daily, I’d like something that is a bit stylish, but not showy, and is durable.

  15. I think Louboutins and similiar well-known, high-end luxury items are lazy ways to say to the world “I Have Money!” I feel the same way about LV bags, Cartier tank watches, and Tory Burch flats. They aren’t original. It’s kind of like the grown up, well-financed version of everyone in my 6th grade class wearing the same Umbro shorts and Adidas Sambas.

    I’m not necessarily opposed to wearing expensive shoes or jewelry, or carrying an expensive bag. I think that well-made clothes, particularly once they’ve been tailored, can make a world of difference. But it’s the obviousness of the red sole, the lack of originality in the same LV bag on every other woman in my office elevator, that seems silly. I want people to look at me and think “well dressed” rather than “well funded”.

    So my problem with Louboutins in the office is just that they seem a little silly and obvious.

    • How is it different than wearing, say, an Armani suit?

      • I guess the distinction in my mind is that an Armani suit doesn’t have “ARMANI” running down the arm or some other sort of obvious logo. It’s more subtle. I think I also associate Louboutins, LV bags, and the like, with cheesy celebs and rich NYC teenagers, but not so much with the Armani suit.

      • If someone is wearing an Armani suit, don’t you just think, nice suit, not Oh, $2,000 Armani suit? Or maybe you can tell it’s Armani by looking, I personally cannot.

  16. Anonymous :

    When a question like this is posed about something being “too sexy” (I’m ignoring the $$ issue for the most part here), I think first of my own opinion, and then of my mother’s. In this case, I think that the conservative shoe with a red heel is fine. But I also know that my mother would be absolutely aghast at these shoes – anywhere – let alone on a professional woman at work, otherwise professionally dressed. Now, admittedly, my mother is a complete prude and very quick to judge someone’s outfit as being too risque or sexy. She is also vocal about her opinions. I don’t think her judgment is fair at all, or reflective of today’s styles. But I also know that she is not alone, and perhaps is even a fair representative of a certain demographic. She is early 60s, a (non-militant) feminist educated at one of the Seven Sisters schools plus a masters degree from GW, and could theoretically be working in an office with a Corporette.
    As I said, I would not really blink if someone wore those shoes around my office. But I know that if my mother’s trusts and estates attorney came into a meeting with her wearing otherwise conservative, but red-soled shoes, my mother would absolutely judge her very harshly for them and decide this attorney is nothing but a floozy, even if she was also giving the best advice Louboutin-money could buy. I say this not because I think one should dress to the most conservative opinion, but just to say: 1) consider your audience and 2) it is worth noting that some people WILL think these are too sexy, and you should consider that even if you choose to wear them anyway.

    • Anonymous :

      Yep. It’s never just about you. Fly your freak flag proudly but remember that your choices are speaking volumes about you and you need to be aware of the message received.

  17. I take life one mile at a time, and have run 35+ miles per week for 20 years. Any pair of shoes that doesn’t hurt and protects my poor pounded upon feet are OK with me. I don’t care if they cost $10 or $700, or the color of the sole. I would assume that anyone else wearing expensive shoes is also meeting a physical or psychic need, both of which hurt when they are not being met.

  18. Anonymous :

    Kat, this extended moderation thing is killing me slowly! It’s tough to discuss anything!

    • Agreed! What’s going ON?

    • it’s not on purpose — no idea what the problem is b/c i haven’t changed anything on the backend of the site. frustrating for me too — i go out for dinner and come back to 40 unmoderated comments!

      thank you guys for your patience…

  19. Blondie, Esq. :

    OF COURSE! Sheesh, what a silly question.

  20. I don’t think it is an issue as long as the shoes are tasteful and the outfit is polished. As far as admin/interns/youngens wearing such things…I would assume they have family help ($) or they have a fake. There are so many fake LVs out there that I almost always assume its fake if the girl is sub 30. This goes with jewelry, bags, shoes, etc. Let’s also not forget some gals buy second hand, some gals have fashionable moms/sisters who hand-down great bags/shoes/jewelry. We should all be so lucky! So long explanation longer, you can judge all you want but you probably don’t know the truth.

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