Wednesday’s TPS Report: ‘Petal’ Abstract Knit Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Anne Klein 'Petal' Abstract Knit DressHooray for color! This knit dress is a totally classic shape, but it looks like a comfortable yet fun addition to a work wardrobe. It’s $139 at Nordstrom (sizes S-XL). Anne Klein ‘Petal’ Abstract Knit Dress

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P.S. Happy Administrative Assistant’s Day! Check out last year’s poll re: how much/what to give to your assistant.

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  1. Love this! Would probably wear a navy or grey cardigan or blazer with it!

    • I love this too. There is a blue version at Z a p p o s that is also available in petite and plus sizes.

    • LOVE this dress. It is fantastic!!!

    • Yeah! It’s so pretty! Love the colors and the print.

    • Gorgeous. Love the length especially.

    • Agreed–super cute for summer office. I have a great royal blue cardigan from Tarzhay that might look cute with this.

    • I would VOTE for the GRAY.

      The manageing partner told me I do NOT have enough GRAVYTAS! What is he talkeing about? I am very much aware of my ROLE as an attorney at law, and have alot of cleints who love me. Also, If I was not GRAVYTAS oreinted, why is he ALWAYS stareing at me?

      I think women like us HAVE to stick togther. FOOEY on men who objetivize us! FOOEY!

      • LOL @ GRAVYTAS. I’m stealing this.

      • Seattleite :

        Ellen, he’s not staring at you. He’s staring at your mashed potatoes and wondering how they would taste with your GRAVYtas.

  2. Summer is coming :

    What’s the consensus on wearing pantyhose/stockings/those sheer things that cover your legs with peep toe shoes? Not fully sandal style open toe, but peep toe. Is it a wear one or the other situation like with sandals?

    • Former MidLevel :

      Yes – don’t wear hose with peep toes.

    • I think it looks strange to wear stockings with peep toes.

    • One or the other. Absolutely. I know we can all disagree on a lot of things, but I really don’t think it’s ever a good move and I will argue to the bitter end with anyone who thinks otherwise ;)

      • same here. ick. I loathe nylons/sandals. Only acceptable version is the done right/very fashion-y/Prada-ad style knee socks w/ open toed look (but then I think most here would say never at the office).

    • It’s probably a no unless it’s an intentional look with hose/stockings that are clearly not your skin color. With right peeptoe (especially with smaller openings), I think it can be done pretty tastefully, especially with patterned stockings (like a sheer chevron, tiny fishnets, etc).

      • Former MidLevel :

        Agreed that this could be a limited exception. But not a look I would wear in a conservative office or to court.

      • a passion for fashion :

        i agree that its totally acceptable with tights/patterned tights/stockings/fishnets. I dont think I would wear them with regular old stockings/hose.

    • Anonsensical :

      On a related note, how do y’all feel about fishnets with peeptoes? Or peeptoes or sandals with those tights that end in a little thong so your toes are nekked but your legs are covered?

      • I have a friend who wears the toeless nylons with peeptoes. I think it’s marginally okay IF the hose are barely perceptible on your legs, don’t show AT ALL on your toes, and I think it works better if your skirt is a bit on the longer side (at least to the knee). I also think it’s really only for more “formal” situations – like an evening theater outing, really nice restaurant, etc. Otherwise I’d just forgo stockings.

        This made me think – if the situation is too formal to not wear stockings, isn’t it also too formal for peeptoes? I am puzzling about this, because so many women’s shoes that are more formal are peeptoe or even sandal-style.

        • What type of “formal” do you mean? Federal court formal or night-at-the-opera formal? For the former, I’d say “yes.” For the latter, “no” – just wear your sandals or peep-toes with bare legs.

      • Fishnets can be okay if it looks really intentional, as per Godzilla’s caveat, but I don’t think it’s a look I would ever do at work (and I am not categorically opposed to small tightly woven nude-for-you colored ‘nets at the office). I also agree that with thick tights the look can work when it looks really intentional, though again I would probably classify it as too trendy for the office, and I don’t think that what’s the OP was asking about or at least it’s not how I read her question.
        The little thong tights seem fine in theory but in my experience it never lines up right and you always see the line of demarcation, which puts it in the “no” column for me.
        I obviously have very strong feelings about all this…

      • MaggieLizer :

        I wear toeless hose with peeptoes. The peeptoes have to be pretty modest, otherwise the seam where the hose ends will show.

        • What toeless hose do you wear?

        • Yes, please, where do you get them? I don’t think I’ve ever seen toeless hose (although I’m going to look now!) I have serious scarring on my calves from old burns, with scarring on the thighs from the skin graphs, and prefer to wear hose most of the time. Toeless hose would be awesome!!

    • yes. sorry, but thats such an old lady move (and I am a pantyhose person)

      • ahaha I thought I was the first to reply. But everyone had a strong reaction, and its a no :)

    • phillygirlruns :

      just don’t do it. go bare legged or wear shoes that cover your toes.

    • just say no :

      to hose with peep-toes. Unless you’re a hipster wearing red tights with black peeptoes ironically or something.

    • Have to agree with the consensus, and this is basically why I don’t wear peep toes to the office, even if its appropriate to that office.

    • I wear nude-for-me toeless hose. Bare legs are just not a good look for me.

    • I do NOT like peep toe shoes, b/c men like to look at my toes (they are very cute, they say), but they are thinking of toe cleaveage, which then leads to think and LOOK at my cleaveage, and that is NOT for them to look at. It is only for my boyfriend to look at, not men off the street.

      I like this DRESS alot b/c it does NOT show any cleaveage, and that is good, b/c men like to look at my cleaveage and think of my boobies, and I do NOT like that.

    • I hate seeing poor toes scrunched together in hose and sticking out of peep toe shoes.

    • I think it looks really weird and old lady to wear hose with peeptoes. I know you’re supposed to be able to wear tights with peeptoe booties, but everytime I tried it, I thought it looked weird and finally gave away my peeptoe booties to a student (who wore them with Pippi Longstockings socks and a skirt and looked adorable).

    • Unless you’re wearing them with color-contrasting tights, which is pretty on trend right now, then no, no hosiery with peep toes.

      • Casper Clone :

        I thought that was the purpose of sheer toe hose – so that there was no seam over toes when they could be seen. Otherwise, why would you ever wear them?

        • Yes, that is the point of sheer-toe hose. But that doesn’t mean it’s a GOOD point.

          • Haha – such a good point, Ummm. Manufacturers make lots of things no one in their right mind should wear. I was just at at Walgreens and walked past a whole bin of these stretchy, elasticised, sort of quilty shirts that reminded me of big scrunchies. I wondered who wore those. Probably the same people who wear hose with sandals, I guess.

          • Exactly. Sandal foot hose are a fiction that was invented for the sole purpose of selling you cr*p you don’t need.

  3. Gosharoo, I love that. Hello, my name is b23, and I am addicted to color. I’d wear it with hot pink shoes and a bright yellow jacket if I could get away with it!!!

    Anyway, threadjack: Anybody have any recs for running shorts that don’t ride up? I hate always having to pull down my shorts!!! I’ve thought about those bike-type shorts, but don’t those get hot?

    • I have the Anti-Running Short from Title 9, and they don’t ride up at all. Link to follow.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I often wear tight compression shorts, and they don’t ride up. I don’t think they’re hot at all. And they don’t feel heavy with sweat on a really hot day.

    • Maine Associate :

      I have the same problem. I have had good luck with the FILA SPORT Endurance Performance Bermuda Shorts from Kohls. Link to follow.

    • phillygirlruns :

      i run in cropped tights for this reason, even during the summer when it’s a bajillion degrees.

      • viclawstudent :

        This discussion makes me glad that I live somewhere where I can wear running pants, even in the height of summer (it doesn’t get overly hot here very often). I am not a fan of the shorts.

    • Have you tried a running skirt? I just bought one from Brooks and really, really like it. It has compression shorts underneath. I’m not sure if it would solve your problem, though.

      Also, gosharoo is such a cute expression! Might have to start using that. :)

      • I have been running in cropped tights for several years and love them but am now contemplating running skirts. However, I think the thing I don’t love about running shorts — showing a vast expanse of pale not-toned-enough thighs — probably holds true for running skirts too.

        Thoughts on how flattering a running skirt would be on a larger runner? (I’m not heavily into looking super-put-together when I’m working out, but I prefer not to invest in something that is actively unflattering.)

        • Hmm. One reason I like my skirt is that it offers a little more coverage than my running shorts do. I think it’s a little longer. If you go to a store, you can probably try one on first before you buy it.

      • I love running skirts–but the shorts underneath ride up on a lot of brands. I’ve had the most succes with Skirt Sport (I buy mine on zappos). Don’t like my Puma skirt or Nike skirts nearly as much. But I have a lot of inner thigh flab, which I think increases the ride up effect.

    • Does anyone else think that running shorts (at least the tight kind) make their legs look like fat little sausages? Because that’s what I think mine look like. I think I need to just get over it and run in what’s comfortable. Those Title 9 shorts look promising, though . . .

    • I like the Nike Tempo shorts:
      Because they’re loose, they don’t ride up.

      • These are all that I wear. I have about 15 pairs in various colors. I sometimes even wear them over running tights in the winter for an extra later of warmth.

        • Are these the same ones that everybody has or does Nike have several lines that look the same? Because if those are the ones that I have, those are the ones that ride up on me! Y’all must just have thinner thighs than I do. :)

          I’ve got some good suggestions here. Thanks!

          • These are definitely the ones everyone has. None of Nike’s other shorts lines look like ’em. Sorry they don’t work for you, I really thought they would! They’re my magic shorts that make everything better..

          • Someone please tell me I’m not the only one who has riding up issues with these shorts!!

          • They totally ride up on me.

            I have yet to find shorts that don’t. Sometimes even the bike-short type ones do.
            I wear cropped legging type items instead. even in the summer. They aren’t that much more coverage, and I don’t even care, because plucking my shorts out of where they gather is much more distracting during a run than my knees being a little warmer.

            Regular shorts ride up on me too. I hate shorts. I wear skirts in the summer. I own one pair of shorts. I’m a size 6, too, so I have no idea why, it isn’t a ‘big thighs’ issue. Just the way I’m shaped, I guess. You are not alone!

          • That is so good to hear! I’m a size 6 too, and while I don’t love my thighs, they’re not that big. And I have even sized up to a large and still have the problem. I have never understood it.

          • They do the same to me. And I have to size up so that band around the bottom doesn’t strangle my thighs, which means there’s too much material everywhere else–result: it bunches up between my thighs, and my J. Lo booty somehow manages to look saggy and pancake flat. Just not flattering at all.

            I like the Lululemon Turbo Run short–it’s a little bit longer so sometimes I feel like a grandmother wearing them on my college-adjacent trail, but I love that the length covers up the biggest part of my thighs right at the top. They’re also long enough to stay put, but not so long that you don’t get the “ah breeze on my legs” feeling of shorts.

          • Gah, please forgive my inability to decide whether shorts are singular or plural.

      • Was going to recommend Tempos. Love ’em. Running Warehouse dot com has a wider selection of colors.

    • I just bought a great pair of two-layer running shorts at — bike shorts underneath that hit at mid-thigh with a running short over the top. They’re not hot and just the right amount of coverage.

    • Target’s C9 by Champion 4″ compression shorts are the bomb. Way better than UA or any other brand I’ve tried.

      • springtime :

        Are we talking about the waist riding up or the leg part? I have a problem where the waist always rides up- any good shorts for that problem?

        • I thought people were talking about the legs riding up. Having said that, i’ve never had the waist either ride up or roll down in my C9 by Champion ones.

    • Lululemon. The best.

      Totally taking “Gosharoo”

      • eastbaybanker :

        I wish Lululemon shorts looked good on me! They’re all so cute but they have such a low rise. Could they make just one slightly higher rise short for those of us without washboard abs? Please?

    • Late reply here, but I went to Athleta the other day for some bermuda running shorts. I came away with the Bettona Bermuda, which I am loving so far. Cooler than capris, but no riding up issues so far. I also thought the Presto Bermuda shorts were cute.

  4. Not my style exactly, but very cute. Although it looks less “petal” and more green leopard print to my eye. Agree that it would look gorgeous with navy.

    • Always a NYer :

      I thought the same thing with it looking like a green leopard print, which makes me like the dress even more =)

      • Oh dear, leopard print. Now all I can think about is leopard print … the floodgate has opened again …

      • Yessss, I definitely thought that as well! Covet covet covet.

  5. does sending my assistant an e-gift card at 9:05 this morning totally scream lazy/procrastinator/thought-less?
    I expected to be out of the office today so I figured I would handle admin day tomorrow, but lo and behold, here I am at the office.

    • Is there not a CVS or equivalent drug store within a close walk or drive to your office where you could go get a real card and maybe some candy or something? I mean, the short answer is, yes…and e-card screams thoughtlessness. Unless its one of those joke e-cards to a friend for an imaginary achievement, but I don’t think Admin Assistant’s day really fits that bill.

      • there is, but with my former assistant that back fired big time. i bought her a macy’s gift card from the duane reade downstairs and the cashier didn’t register it/load it up properly. so the gift card had ZERO value on it and no one knew until she tried to use it. it was absolutely mortifying, duane reade ended up fixing the problem, but it was so absolutely inappropriate.

        this is so not my usual style, but i’m recovering from some serious jet lag from a drawn out trip and my mind is so cloudy and fuzzy. ugh.

        • Betsy bee :

          If you want to chance a gift card again, maybe you could do an e-gift certficate to Sephora, Zappos, or a local spa online?

      • Oh…an e GIFT card, reading comprehension fail. Sorry, I thought you were just sending an e-card (hence my concern). I think an e-card is much better, especially if its one to Amazon where she can buy anything under the sun that she could possibly want.


        • no worries!! it was for a local coffee shop. she seems to love it, but like i said this is so not my style. i’m that girl that looks for reasons to write handwritten notes on pretty stationery. sigh.

          • Sometimes you have to let go of what you’d like to be able to do and do what you can do. Sometimes I can do exactly what I think I should and sometimes I fail utterly. I try to take it in stride.

          • I guess that makes the two of us. I’m a big fan of G Lalo stationery. :-)

    • PharmaGirl :

      Totally fine. At least you’re not sending it tomorrow!

    • MaggieLizer :

      I’d probably call a local florist and have them deliver today, but I like the idea of an e-gift card. I don’t think sending it today screams thoughtless.

    • Print out the e-gift confirmation and put it in a card. E-mail her the link later.

  6. The US ambassador is visiting the village where I’m a volunteer tomorrow. I’m a little nervous about decorum, both on my part and my community’s. What are you supposed to call ambassadors…Ambassador Lastname?

    • yes, ambassador last name is appropriate. i work with a few retired US ambassadors and my experience is that usually, these guys/ladies are serious people persons, so they are good with small talk and very gracious, so i’m sure who ever is visiting will put everyone involved at ease.

    • My dad was an ambassador. Don’t worry too much. Most ambassadors are very good socially. Address him as Mr. Ambassador or Ambassador lastname. (First name would be inappropriate). He probably would be interested in discussing your volunteer efforts so that would be a nice topic to bring up.

    • Also, someone might introduce the ambassador to you; you call him whatever he is introduced to you as. And ditto to qwerty and anonymous that says they are very good socially.

    • I had two successive US ambassadors visit my village when I was a PCV- both were great! Obviously differs by country (and village), but my village was wonderful. And I agree with qwerty- both ambassadors were beyond charming, and very gracious with my colleagues and friends. The only embarrassing part was when they spoke French- their French was so bad, it had everyone in my village giggling. But a few totally botched phrases in local language and all was forgiven. Enjoy!

    • Ditto on ambassadors being great with people – there’s a reason they’re called diplomats. My father in law is a retired US ambassador and he’s great – two families meeting each other for the first time never went so smoothly.

      Funny story about ambassador titles: the full introduction is often “His/Her Excellency, Firstname Lastname, U.S. Ambassador to ______”. For one of his trips back to the states, my FIL’s assistant booked his travel plans under “His Excellency Firstname Lastname”, and somehow the tickets were printed for “HEX Lastname”. He didn’t have any trouble leaving his posting, but he had to do a lot of explaining to get past security leaving DC on his way back. Now my husband’s family affectionately calls him Hex. Diplomat that he is, he takes it like a champ.

  7. Maine Associate :

    TJ – If you were moving into an office that was 11.5′ x 13′ that has one exposed brick wall and a window that covers 1/3 of that brick wall (direct sun in the morning), what color would you paint the walls? The carpet is a worn medium blue and the desk is cherry. The walls are currently a pinky-gray color, with the trim being a slightly darker version of the walls. The only thing that will be hanging on the walls are my diplomas, awards and calendars.

    • Cream. Not white, but a rich cream. Same color on the trim, but gloss finish (wall should be matte or eggshell).

      • I agree – the floor and furniture are already dark. I think a lighter paint color would make the room seem brighter.

    • Merabella :

      Slate? I think paint them whatever you want that won’t be distracting.

      • That would be pretty. And I’m jealous that you get to paint your walls.

      • one idea is to look at the color of the mortar and paint the walls accordingly – most likely greyish or creamish. if you paint the walls exactly that shade it will draw out the color of the mortar and won’t clash, and then do the trim a few shades darker.

        • This is a great idea. Because of the blue carpeting, you want to try to get the walls to look more coordinated (Here’s a quote from “The Song of the Lark” by Willa Cather, about a boardinghouse where the heroine lives: “The wall-paper was brownish yellow, with blue flowers. When it was put on, the carpet, certainly, had not been consulted.” )

          Also, I really like the idea of a rug that with a pattern that has a little blue and a little whatever-the-brick-color-is. Or you could do something along the same lines with a window treatment.

    • Anonymous :

      Exposed brick + blue carpeting = wow. If that’s red brick, that’s pretty bad. I’d go neutral/cream for the walls (and paint the brick cream if you can, I’m not a fan of exposed brick unless you really are in an old factory).

      Get a rug for over the carpet if you can.

    • Maine Associate :

      Thanks for all the great ideas. I didn’t realize what a trainwreck the color scheme currently is until Anonymous pointed out the blue carpet and red brick. Argh. Ignorance really is bliss.

  8. anon today :

    TJ – Do you ever get frustrated with people you’ve been friends with for years that don’t put in the same effort to friendships that you do? I’ve been out of college a few years now and really starting to see who my true friends are, which leaves only a handful. They’re also long-distance friendships so it’s mostly calls and texts rather than seeing each other in person, which leads to the “out of sight, out of mind” dilemma.

    The thing that’s really bothering me these days is “friends” who haven’t spoken to me in months expect me to drop everything now that they have time to talk. I too have a busy schecule but have always made time for them when they needed me. It really bugs me that I’m always the one accomodating them, never them working around me. A part of me is saying to cut my losses now but the other part doesn’t want to lose these people I’ve known 10+ years.

    Perhaps I’m being passive agressive (which I know I am being), but I’m tired of this. I haven’t responded to them yet, it’s been a few days, and don’t really know how to approach this. I’m not one to whine or complain but my feelings are hurt. Is there a way for me to say this as a fact we need to deal with or will I just come off as a b*tch? Thank you for any comments to this as I’m at an impasse with my own thoughts.

    • Merabella :

      In this situation my mother always told me “If you take your oars out of the water and the boat stops moving, you are the only one rowing the boat.” If your friends aren’t putting in any effort to be supportive of you, it may be time to cut your losses. On the other hand, if they have never been phone talkers/texters it might just not be their personality. If that is something that doesn’t jive with you then you aren’t required to be friends with them just because you have known them a long time. Sometimes people just no longer fit with you as friends.

    • Sometimes people grow apart.

    • Sometimes you have to let go out of friendships. I stopped forcing friendships from school 10+ years ago when I realized that with my true friends, we can pick up a phone after several weeks or see each other once a year, and it feels like no time has passed.

    • I think you have to consider each friend and whether its worth making adjustments to maintain the friendship. I’m not a phone talker, so I keep in touch with faraway friends via email and Facebook mostly. I’ve also accepted that there are certain friends that I don’t generally keep in touch with but can visit when I’m in town and have a good time catching up. I also have friendships where I know I will have to do most of the maintenance – arranging plans, keeping in touch, etc. – but it’s worth it to me to keep up the relationship with that person. The upside to that is that you get to be in control of everything. You can call when it’s convenient for you, suggest restaurants you like, and so forth.

      • “I’ve also accepted that there are certain friends that I don’t generally keep in touch with but can visit when I’m in town and have a good time catching up. ”

        I have found this realization to be so, so important.

    • This is a Hax question and if you are seriously frustrated, it would be worth your while looking through her archives. She is great.
      (in case you don’t know what you are talking about – Carolyn Hax is a Washington Post advice columnist)

    • I think it is difficult to raise these types of issues and get a satisfactory response and that it is typically only worthwhile if it is a friendship that you can’t imagine losing. In my experience, if a person isn’t treating you the way you feel a friend should, barring extreme extenuating circumstances, they typically are not going to significantly change their behavior, even if you raise it with them. I generally don’t want to feel as though I have guilted or browbeaten someone into behaving a certain way (and it’s hard not to feel that way in a situation like this).

      In my experience, some people, even formerly close friends, won’t behave towards you in the way you need a close friend to behave, especially as each of your life circumstances change. I don’t think this means that you need to have a huge falling out, but I have definitely had to accept that some friends are just not going to be “close” friends in the way that I need and made a mental note to not rely on them in the way that I would a close friend.

    • Part of this is that friendships do change. Some friends I can go months without talking to, but then pick up the phone or see each other and it’s like no time passed at all. Others require nurturing and tending more regularly.

      When you say that they’re not working around you – what is driving that? Did you have a rough patch where you needed friends, and no one accommodated you? Or is it more that they only want to talk on their terms?

      One last thought – only a handful of close friends, who will stick by you through thick and thin, may be small(er) in number than you are used to, but that is the makings of a good support system. Quality, not quantity, as we get older.

      • I understand that friendships change, and I accept that. There are friends that I can go months without talking to and then pick up the phone and talk for hours like no time’s passed at all. What bugs me most of all is that the friends who drop off the face of the earth are the ones who would call me almost everyday when they needed someone to talk to and I was always there for them. It feels like I’m “that friend” everyone can count on but I don’t have “that friend” because it’s me. Just typing this makes me cringe because I really hate any type of complaining but if I’m there when you need me, why can’t I get the same treatment? I’m really at the point of just giving up with some people. If they won’t make time, I won’t either. I’ll take that wasted energy and put it towards friends I really should make time for but the both of us are just too busy.

        • In the same boat :

          Know how you feel.

        • You haven’t really said, if you actually need someone to talk to, do you tell them that?

          In other words, you say these are friends you go months without talking, then you pick up the phone with hem and it’s like no time has passed. They call you when they need someone. You feel like you don’t get the same in return. My question is, are you actually CALLING them, saying “I need to talk to someone about a problem I’m having” and they don’t call you back or don’t have time for you?
          Or, are you calling and leaving messages like ‘hey, call me when you have a chance’, and you really have a problem you want to talk to someone about…but you didn’t *say* that?

          I ask because I am not a phone person. If I get a message like the first one, I call that person back immediately. If it’s the latter, though, I might call back days later, weeks later, or not at all, if I don’t ‘have a chance’.

          If you aren’t getting your needs met, then that needs to be addressed, but you have to make sure that you are asking for what you want, and not passive aggressively being upset they didn’t ‘know’ what you needed. If you are asking, then it’s time to review the value of the friendship, but just make sure you honestly assess your own behavior first.

          • Yeah, this was my question. I generally call my friends when I have news or need to vent, and they do the same. It’s reciprocal, and it doesn’t bother me, and if we don’t have time, we try to call back when we do.

        • eastbaybanker :

          I appreciate everyone’s thoughts on this as well, and have been in the same boat (the one that only I’m rowing!).

          I have a good friend who was my new best friend for about a year when she was having trouble getting pregnant. Then she got pregnant and after I helped throw her a baby shower, she dropped me. She turned up recently wanting to talk about 2 years later. Apparently she’s trying to get pregnant again and having problems. I am basically her side person to tell stuff she should be paying a therapist to listen to.

          It’s sad because I would like to be real actual freinds with her. But that’s just not what she has in mind. I’ve decided that there’s no point in talking to her about it. I agree with LStar that you can’t change someone’s behavior by talking. And also agree with mamabear that is can be hard to move on, but that’s life. We make new friends, lose old ones.

          And since we’re sharing mom advice, my mom always said, “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver, the other gold.” Which as an adult I take to mean that you have to accept that you’ll grow apart from people who used to be close, but that it’s worth keeping those epeople in your life in whatever way they fit.

        • My “best friend” and I have really grown apart over the last 3 or 4 years. So much so that I learned she got engaged when her fiancé changed his Facebook status. I’ve often thought about just stopping all communication and accepting the fact that our lives have just gone in different directions after 15 years. However, I just went to visit her to celebrate her engagement and we had the most fun time. I would be hesitant to write friends off, no matter how frustrated you may be. You never know when you may need them.

    • Anne Shirley :

      I try and reframe it- there are lots of people who live far away who I talk to every few months, and it’s great! We aren’t bogged down in each others daily dramas and can really connect on a broader life sort of way.

    • I’m 47 so approximately 25 years out of college. I see a handful of college friends probably once a year now. And we were SISTERS! (Sorority.) I thought we’d be close forever. But, I’m not friendless now. In fact, I have difficulties finding enough time to spend with all of my friends.

      You make new friends as you move through life. Work friends, neighborhood friends, friends of your significant other, and then if/when you have kids, a whole new group of parent friends.

      It sounds like you are more reluctant to move on from your college relationships than some of your friends are. Everyone does it at a different pace & obviously, most of us don’t realize we’re doing it. (Well, except for that one friend who immediately dropped all of us as soon as we graduated – I remember that like it was yesterday.)

      But the truth is, you’re inevitably going to be less tight with friends that no longer live in the same city and share the same schedule. It doesn’t mean you have to feel abandoned by your college friends. They can still be your friends. They are just not going to be your closest friends.

      I’m sorry. I remember these transitions and some of them hurt my feelings. I’m sure I probably hurt others feelings without really knowing it. But I’m just writing this to say, don’t ice out someone who is less engaged in your friendship than you are. Don’t burn bridges. I have found that it’s fun to keep in touch with all of these old friends from college. I may only get a Christmas card once a year from some of them, but it’s joyful to receive the card and think about them again. If I walked around harboring resentments about how each college friend wasn’t as close a friend as she used to be – well, that would be a pretty miserable way to live my life.

      • I definitely agree with this: “But I’m just writing this to say, don’t ice out someone who is less engaged in your friendship than you are. Don’t burn bridges. I have found that it’s fun to keep in touch with all of these old friends from college. I may only get a Christmas card once a year from some of them, but it’s joyful to receive the card and think about them again. If I walked around harboring resentments about how each college friend wasn’t as close a friend as she used to be – well, that would be a pretty miserable way to live my life.”

        I had a friend from college that was once one of my best friends and now is not, and while it was very painful at the time (and I agonized over inviting her to my very small wedding last year), it’s still fun to keep in touch with the (very) occasional email, and I know that if I’m ever in her part of the country that I’d absolutely give her a call.

      • In House Counsel :

        Mamabear, that was beautifully said. As someone in her early 30s, I am still struggling with all the transitions in college/grad school/life and beyond friendships and need to remember we make new friends as we grow and progress along.

      • Yes, mamabear. Exactly.

        The truth is, it’s a lot tougher to keep school friends once you’re out of school.

        And it’s tough to find any friends at all once you’re out of school, especially if you don’t have a lot of friends at work.

        I recently got an email from the boyfriend of my friend who lives in another state. He said, “She considers you one of her best friends.” I thought, wow, we haven’t talked in like a year. But sometimes that’s who your best friends are.

  9. Since Jcrew is not carrying my beloved No. 2 Pencil skirt in wool right now – any other idea where one could find a Navy wool pencil skirt of similar weight as the No. 2?

    • Have you tried e B a y? I’ve had a lot of luck buying new/gently used No. 2s from there.

  10. Legally Brunette :

    I’m looking for the perfect pink lipstick. Skin color wise, I wear Tahoe in Nars and I’m a NC42 (maybe NC45?) in MAC. Somewhat around Halle Berry’s complexion, I would say. I tried the Revlon Pink Truffle everyone was raving about, and unfortunately, it hardly showed up on my lips – too close to my skin color, I think. Not looking for a bubble gum pink, just a nice pink that I can wear to work. Ideas?

    • I like Clinique “Shy” and the Chubby Stick in Strawberry. I think there’s also one called Fireberry, something like that, that I like.

      I am a somewhat yellowish-toned pale white woman, so I don’t know if these colors will help you. On the other hand, there are some colors I wear quite successfully (purples, olivey chartreuses) that I often see worn by black ladies, so maybe undertone is key.

      • Second Chubby Stick in Strawberry.
        It will not create that made-up look – more “your lips but better” effect.

        • Legally Brunette :

          Do you have the same skin color as I do? The problem is that pinks that work for Caucasian women don’t work at all on me, and vice versa probably.

        • I am white, so yeah, my advice is not guaranteed to work. However, I have just googled “Halle Berry pink lipstick” and still think Strawberry is worth a try.

      • Clinque Shy was the lipstick I bought and wore for my wedding! I still love it and wear it often (almost 4 years later).

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Have you been to Bobbi Brown yet? She has beautiful pinks for most skin tones.

      • just Karen :

        I love Bobbi Brown lipsticks – for a nice pink, I love her Metallic Pretty Pink, or for a very very neutral -pint, Pink Brownie is fantastic.

      • Legally Brunette :

        I did a while back, and the woman at the counter was extremely unhelpful! Maybe I should go see someone else.

      • i second the Bobbi Brown rec. I’m slightly lighter than you (NC37-40) and really like her rich lip color line. There’s a gorgeous heather pink shade (i can’t remember the exact name) that gives me the MLBB better look, and a little bit of shine. Plus the formula is pretty hydrating so when it wears off, my lips don’t feel dried out.

    • Anonymouse :

      Try Dior Addict lipstick. They have a ton of pinks of all kinds, most of which I can’t wear, sadly — from pale to dark pinks. You might try Vintage or Backstage – both are darkish, a bit brownish pinks that look very natural. You have to actually look at the color in the tubes, though — the online swatches and the colored bulb on the end of the testers are not true to color at all! You need to pick up each one and look at it.

      • Anonymouse :

        Forgot to say that I am have a classic Celtic ruddy/fair complexion, but there are so many pinks in dior’s line that it seems at least possible that you could find a good match.

    • Hi – I am around the same complexion as you. I use the Clinique chubby stick in Strawberry as the other folks mentioned. I also recommend Clinique butter shine lipstick in Raspberry Rush.

      • Oh, that reminds me – Pink Goddess from the butter shine line is also very nice, a bit more of a golden pink.

    • I have MAC in Lovelorn and I think it would look great on your complexion. MAC’s website describes it as an “emotive blue pink (lustre).

    • I’m a tad lighter and probably a bit more olive than you, but I have several pink lip products in rotation that add a nice, subtle pop:

      Laura Mercier Sheer Baby Pink
      Guerlain Rouge G Georgia
      Nars Lip Gloss in Stella and Oasis

  11. I brought in flowers and a gift card for my assistant — I still haven’t gauged what the level of giftiness is here for AA day, so I went middle of the road. I just put them on her desk. No one else has flowers etc.

    Either everyone else forgot or is having fancier arrangements delivered. It really could go either way.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I’m crossing my fingers for you. I feel this occasion is so much more difficult than Christmas. Plus I recently got my own assistant rather than a shared one, so I had to do the gift by myself. I did a small arrangement and a card, which I hope is enough. Eep!

  12. SF Bay Associate :

    San Francisco meetup this Saturday! Cafe Asia in the Asian Art museum at 1pm on Saturday the 28th. See you there!

    • Yay, I’m excited!

      I am planning to go earlier to check out the exhibits, if anyone wants to do that, too. Reply here, and if anyone else is interested, I’ll come up with a meetup plan. I’m thinking 11:30am.

    • eastbaybanker :

      Too bad–I’m volunteering all day Saturday. Next time!

  13. SF Bay Associate :

    I clicked on today’s pick, decided it wouldn’t work for my figure, and then while at the Nordie’s site, I checked on my cart to see if anything I threw in there to wait for markdowns went on sale. The Ivanka Trump Audrina skirt I’ve been waiting for went down, so thanks for pointing me back to my cart, Kat!

  14. Yay, after 3 months of searching, I finally got a job offer (and the long distance part of my marriage can end!). Negotiating question: has anyone here successfully negotiated a title change when considering an offer for a new job? I’m a “Director” at my current job, but the offer is for a “Manager”. Wondering about the possibility of asking for the position title to be changed to “Director”…

    • Congratulations!!!

    • Yes, but you should consider the implications of the title at your office. If there are other people whose title is director, director could mean something totally different than what it means at your current job. I would ask them about it, but also ask if there are other people with that title and what it means in their office.

    • D Train South :

      Congrats! I did this once, and I was successful in large part because there was no one else in the organization who had either title, so there was no issue of “status”. That also meant it really didn’t matter to my managers what my title was — the job was the same.

      • Thanks ladies! I’ll definitely be sure to look into the implications of the title change, but fingers crossed that it works out.

  15. Always a NYer :

    Question for those of you who have trained your successor. My internship ends in six weeks and I’ll be “training” the new intern during the three weeks we overlap. I hardly got any training when I started so I’m at a loss as to what to do as I was specifically told by my supervisor (who is retiring before my internship end) that it was my responsibility to show him the ropes. I’m in a cube so we’ll basically be hip-to-hip during that time. Other than showing him how to do my current responsibilites and monitor a process I created, I don’t know what else to do other than show him where everything is/who to go to for what on the campus. In my mind, all this won’t even take a week. Also, normal hours are 8am-5pm but I’ve worked it out with my boss that I can come in at 7am and leave at 4pm to go to the gym here. Do I tell him this? I’m not sure if my boss wants the new intern to think he can do this or not.

    To sum it all up, how should I go about this? Are there things I need to let him figure out on his own or is it my duty to give him the benefit of my experience? TIA.

    *Sadly, because my computer will no longer be my own, my Corporette time will be severly limited during those three weeks =(

    • Merabella :

      I would assume that his hours would have been discussed with him prior to his being hired, so I wouldn’t worry about that as it isn’t your responsibility. I would do what you have written here, it may only take a week, after that just be there to answer questions for him if any come up while he is working.

      Congrats on finishing your internship!

    • Yeah, I would do what you suggested. Also, is there anything else you wish you’d been told when you started?

      If you have projects, brief him on each one. I’m sure there are things that you will need to finish up. He can help you do that.

  16. TJ SOS:

    Next week my SO and I will be traveling to Nashville to hang out and then to Louisville for the Kentucky Derby. Due to work/life craziness though, we have done minimal planning/research into places to stay, eat and visit. I would appreciate any and all recommendations. Since life has been so crazy, we want to keep the trip low key and are looking to stay in cute b&bs, eat lots of amazing bbq, drink at country bars, and buy a kick a** pair of cowboy boots.

    Any recommendations for the above activities? Particularly cute B&Bs (or lowkey/romantic hotels) in Nashville (we were thinking of East Nashville possibly?) or an hour or so outside of Louisville in the direction of Nashville would be really appreciated. We will be driving between the two cities. Thanks!

    • Always a NYer :

      I’m planning a trip to Nasville in June and at the top of my list is to visit the Parthenon re-creation in Centennial Park. I also want to see the Grand Ole Opry and buy an awesome pair of cowboy boots. Have fun and let us know how it goes!!!

      • The Country Music Hall of Fame is really, really fun. And do the Studio B tour.

      • When DH and I went to Nashville a few years ago we went to this place on Broadway btwn 2nd and 4th, can’t remember the name, but they had a buy 1 get 2 pairs free deal that was ongoing. If you are going with a group, get together and buy some boots!

    • If you like bourbon, you should definitely check out the distilleries. Google Kentucky bourbon trail. I’m jealous–I haven’t been back to Kentucky in years (I grew up in Louisville)! Have fun at the Derby! Have you picked out a hat yet?

    • Nashvillian here... :

      I’m not aware of any B&Bs in East Nashville, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any. There is lots and lots of great food, bars and nightlife over there though, so you should definitely check it out.

      Honestly, given what you are describing (BBQ, country bars, etc.), you probably want to stay downtown in walking distance of Broadway and do cabs (or drive) everywhere else. There really aren’t any “unique” properties, but there’s a nice (new) Hampton, a Hilton, etc. Or you could splurge and stay at the Hermitage. It’s not got the biggest rooms, but the Oak Bar is wonderful, it has the top rated men’s bathroom in the nation (random, huh?) and was the scene of some big moments in the Suffragette Movement, which is pretty cool.

    • I’m moving to Louisville soon so I’m also interested in any suggestions too. Bette – if you have the chance to report back after your trip, please do!

    • I would tend to agree with Nashvillian’s suggestion of staying downtown. If you go to the bars such as Toosie’s or Robert’s Western World, you would be able to walk back to your hotel. Except for taxis, public transportation in Nashville is a joke. Metro police have a special DUI unit that saturates the downtown area, as well as looking for potential offenders elsewhere. With that said, I had a quick look at Tripadvisor. If you search “Nashville, TN” then click on Inn/BB’s you will see a few possibilities. At a glance, I would focus on a couple of them. One is 1501 Linden Manor, which is in the Belmont area. It doesn’t look walkable to Hillsboro Village but probably is to the 12 South area [which I am not very familiar with – perhaps Nashvillian would know what’s there]. For east Nashville, there is Top o’Woodland. This does appear to be walkable, as a geographic matter, to bars and restaurants, though I’m not sure these would be country bars. Though I have happily visited Cafe Margot and Marche restaurants in that area, I am not certain of the walkability of the area at night with regard to safety – perhaps a local would know. All in all, when I’m looking for Nashville nights out, I stay downtown and walk to the bars after cabbing it to a restaurant. [my fav’s are not downtown]. Although I’m sure there is some decent BBQ somewhere in Nashville, BBQ is not Nashville’s “thing”. Hot Chicken is, and I heartily recommend Prince’s Hot Chicken, so long as you are not in a hurry.

      • onehsancare :

        Cannot recommend Prince’s Hot Chicken highly enough!! Ditto the “not in a hurry” part of that advice, though–I thought we could stop on the way to the airport. The friendly taxi driver finally turned off the meter after I was in line AN HOUR.

        I still dream about the chicken . . . .

    • East Nashvillian here – there is a B & B in the neighborhood; it’s cute-ish but not super (Top of the Woodlands). Every other hotel close to us is pretty sketchy. But the bars / restaurants in our area are top notch. No. 308 got a NYT mention. It’s a funky bar with cocktails and great music – the owners are young and laid back.

      I would recommend either staying downtown or near Vanderbilt – most of the hotels in the Vanderbilt area have a free shuttle to downtown / honky tonks.

      For your boots – I recommend going to Nashville Boot Company, as opposed to the places downtown (which mark up hugely for the tourists).

      Restaurants: City House (my favorite hands down – Italian-Southern, local ingredients, super cool staff, great drinks/wine list), Marche, 12th South Tap Room, ML Rose Pub, Mas Tacos Por Favor, The Pharmacy

      Bars: No. 308, The Patterson House, Roberts (Honky Tonk), The Station Inn

      If you like BBQ, in Louisville, go to Hammerheads. They have traditional BBQ, then some really interesting takes on it – pulled duck, a rack of lamb ribs. It’s in an odd spot, but the food was terrific. The owners were up for regional best new chef in Food and Wine.

      I’m rambling on and on… email me at natalied119 at yahoo if you want more thoughts or directions. There’s a ton to do in Nashville and we travel to Louisville often (it’s a fun driving trip from here).

      Have fun!

    • In moderation – reposting without my email address.

      East Nashvillian here – there is a B & B in the neighborhood; it’s cute-ish but not super (Top of the Woodlands). Every other hotel close to us is pretty sketchy. But the bars / restaurants in our area are top notch. No. 308 got a NYT mention. It’s a funky bar with cocktails and great music – the owners are young and laid back.

      I would recommend either staying downtown or near Vanderbilt – most of the hotels in the Vanderbilt area have a free shuttle to downtown / honky tonks.

      For your boots – I recommend going to Nashville Boot Company, as opposed to the places downtown (which mark up hugely for the tourists).

      Restaurants: City House (my favorite hands down – Italian-Southern, local ingredients, super cool staff, great drinks/wine list), Marche, 12th South Tap Room, ML Rose Pub, Mas Tacos Por Favor, The Pharmacy

      Bars: No. 308, The Patterson House, Roberts (Honky Tonk), The Station Inn

      If you like BBQ, in Louisville, go to Hammerheads. They have traditional BBQ, then some really interesting takes on it – pulled duck, a rack of lamb ribs. It’s in an odd spot, but the food was terrific. The owners were up for regional best new chef in Food and Wine.

      Have fun!

    • Thank you all for the advice! I will report back on cool things we find in both Nashville and Louisville.

    • I love Nashville! I’m a big country music fan, so I took a tour of Ryman Auditorium, too. It’s right by the Country Music Hall of Fame.

  17. Shopping challenge threadjack:

    I am having an unreasonably difficult time replacing a pair of sandals… I wore these Marc by Marc Jacobs bad boys (mine were beige/light tan) from 2008 through last summer but they’ve given up the ghost:

    Here’s what I liked: minimalist (vs strappy) but not *too* minimalist. In beige, they were nude for me (I have very very pale skin). Small (1-inch?) wedge heel. I could wear them with jeans or dresses. And not too blocky—those Clark’s, Ecco, comfort-type shoes don’t look good on me.

    Has anyone with similar taste seen good sandals this year? Ideally beige or light pink (nude for me!), but I am open to color (minus black).

    Thanks in advance!

  18. best day ever :

    so far today, i have spilled coffee, yogurt (vanilla, so it left a nice white blob stain), water (half a nalgene) and white out on my black pants. it’s 10: 45. are the gods telling me i need to go to loft during my lunch and buy new pants since they’re doing 5o% off pants?

    • AnonInfinity :

      Yes. I don’t see how you could interpreted these signs any other way.

      • Agreed. The world works in mysterious ways at times, but this definitely sounds like a sign new pants are in your future ;)

    • That was me yesterday, except it was spilling Indian food all over myself at lunch (like: dish in the lap), changing into jeans, sitting down, and those jeans tearing in a very NSFW place. Luckily, I was not at work.

      Go shopping at lunch. New pants = do over!

    • Wow, that’s truly impressive. Yes, get thee to some new pants.

  19. just Karen :

    Today is my last day in the office before my wedding! And then two weeks off for my honeymoon – I am incredibly excited, but I have never left the office this long. I am an attorney working for another attorney part time, and as a sole practitioner part-time. The attorney I work for is willing to be on call to cover any emergencies, and the paralegal we share was going to check my mail and voicemail to be sure nothing major gets missed. Unfortunately, the paralegal has to have surgery tomorrow (minor, she should be totally okay) and will be out all of next week. Hopefully one of the other paralegals in the office will be willing to keep an eye on things, but I am now incredibly nervous. I have created an active case list with a VERY basic summary of what’s going on with each client, and will go through my files today to be sure current contact information is written on the inside cover. I have tried to let my clients and opposing counsel know that I’ll be gone for all of my active cases, but there are all those cases that have been sitting inactive for a year that could pop up at any moment. Any other advice for what I can do to cover myself? Ack!

    • Happy wedding and honeymoon to you!

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      Congrats and enjoy – try not to worry too much about work, you’re not going to look back when you’re 80 and think ‘Gee, I wish I’d done more work on my honeymoon’!

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Set your out of office and voicemail so if anyone tries to reach you they know why they can’t. Also leave the emergency contact persons number but make clear it is for emergencies only. So, out of office could read:

      “I am out of the office for the next two weeks. If you have an urgent issue and need to speak with someone in that time frame, please call Joe at xxxxxxx. Otherwise, I will contact you when I return.”

      Make sure someone is checking your paper mail because in my jurisdiction you only get 10 days to respond to motions. You could draft a motion to extend deadline for the covering attorney to use if need be in your stead. I’m not sure how long you have been practicing. If you need sample lingo for that let me know.

      • just Karen :

        Thank you!!!!! Under normal conditions I would have no problem drafting a motion to extend deadline to leave on hand (brilliant thought!) but I swear the wedding planning has eaten my brain. If you have a sample you wouldn’t mind sending me, I would be forever in your debt! My e-mail (my real one uses my whole name, so forgive the tag on my commercial account – I chose it as an 18 year old :) ) is [email protected]

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          I don’t have one saved but this is what I would write. I’m posting it here in case others could use it. Keep in mind, my jurisdiction requires very specific pleading as to the circumstances requiring extension/continuance. Yours might just require you to say “unavailable.” I’m pointing this out cause otherwise I expect a ton of “but that’s TMI responses.” We also use a lot of archaic legal lingo so of course amend for your office.

          NOW COMES client, by and through her attorneys [firm name] and respectfully requests an additional _ days to respond to [opposing party’s] motion. Opposing party’s attorney [assents, objects, was contacted but has not yet responded ] to this motion. In support thereof, client states as follows:

          1. Client is represented by Attorney Karen.
          2. Attorney Karen is the only attorney in this office that has worked on this matter.
          3. Attorney Karen is out of the office until DATE for her wedding and honeymoon and will not be able to prepare a response before the regular deadline.
          4. (if opposing party couldn’t be reached or objected.) Opposing Party will not be prejudiced by this delay because (basically say why two more weeks won’t matter for the relief he/she requested) and this extension will not require the continuance of any trial or hearing. (If opposing party assents) Opposing party assents and this extension will not require the continuance of any trial or hearing.

          WHEREFORE, client respectfully requests that this honorable Court grant her (number) additional days to respond to Opposing Party’s Motion.

          Respectfully submitted,

          Attorney Karen

          Insert your usual cert of service.

          • Can I just say:

            1. Yay, just Karen! Congratulations on your wedding and have a wonderful, wonderful honeymoon.
            2. I love that this is such an amazing community where people like Blonde Lawyer take the time to provide comments and motion drafts like this. You are all fantastic.

            Incidentally, today is also my last day in the office for a while (Vegas and time off, here I come!)…but in my case it is my Last Day Ever in this office so I am in the middle of madly completing Last Day chores…It is so surreal.

          • just Karen :

            Thank you thank you thank you, a million times thank you!

    • Congratulations! Have a fantastic time. It sounds like you have everything covered. Make sure you change your voicemail/out of office directing callers/emailers to other people, and you should be set!

    • Vintage lawyer :

      I’m a sole practitioner and when I’ve left the office for vacation I’ve found it helpful to leave an outgoing voicemail message that says, “I am on vacation until X Date. If you have a true emergency, please contact Attorney XXX and he will locate me. Otherwise, please leave a message and I’ll call you when I return.” Somehow the words “true emergency” seem to work, no one ever calls my emergency contact, and I’m able to enjoy my vacation.

  20. DC Darling :

    Anyone know of an excellant tailor or alterations place in NOVA/DC? I am sick of doing it all myself and the last tailor I used botched a beautiful Theory blouse.

    • I have never tried her, but everyone loves Cheryl Lofton and Associates.

    • Yes! Mrs. Joon at Dupont Court Cleaners. She’s extremely talented. She’s altered everything from basic sheath dresses to a formal gown with layers and layers of chiffon for me.

      If you need someone for a major event, like your wedding dress, Maria Luz at Anytime Alterations is fantastic. www (dot) anytimealterations (dot) com.

    • Yes! I’ve had great success at Fashion Dream in Clarendon. She did a great job on my wedding dress and has since done several more business-y alterations for my mom.

      • DC Darling :

        See now I’ve heard from friends that Fashion Dream is way overpriced. 30$ to hem pants? Forget it.

    • Honeymooning :

      Stephen the Tailor! In foggy bottom. He’s fab.

    • This is late, but…Reeds Tailor, on Lee Highway in NOVA. The strip mall in which he’s located is not much to look at, but his work is top-notch.