Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

For those of you hunting for Mother’s Day gifts, Nordstrom has a ton of suggestions, both by price point as well as “personality type” — while browsing through the “ladylike” type I came across these fun (and affordable) sandals by Nine West — love all the colors! They’re $88. Nine West ‘Letitgo’ Sandal

(L-4)

Comments

  1. I had so much fun with yesterday’s drugstore favorites thread.

    Today I’d like to hear your can’t-live-without splurge items, cosmetic or personal care.

    Mine:
    Chanel pressed powder compact
    Trish McEvoy makeup & planner
    Perrier-Jouet or GH Mumm Champagne

    • Proud member of the Clarisonic Cult.

    • Is the bubbly in the cosmetic or personal care category?

    • Always a NYer :

      Laura Mercier Eye Kohl
      Lancome Poeme
      MAC Blot Powder
      Shiseido cotton squares
      Stuart Weitzman shoes
      Monthly massages and facials

    • DiorShow mascara
      Chanel eyeliner
      Lancome eye shadow
      eye shadow primer

      But really, all of those things last me so long that I don’t even think they work out to much of a splurge.

      • Benefit mascara and compact
        Bobbi Brown blush
        Chloe perfume (haters gon’ hate)

        But like b23, it all lasts me forever (currently on a rate of two compacts per year), and I try to stock up (within reason) if I see something on sale or get a coupon.

    • Kevin Murphy AngelWash/Rinse
      Klorane gentle dry shampoo
      - these are things I *really* can’t afford on my salary, but my hair has been Uh.May.Zing since I started using them, and I think it makes me less stressed, cause i don’t have to fight with my hair, and it balances out b/c by protecting my color, I don’t have to go to the salon as often.

      oh, and Dark Dark Dark chocolate…. preferably Belgian… and TJ’s new Dark Chocolate Almonds with Sea Salt & Turbinado Sugar…..

      I would probably have more if I could afford them ;o)

    • FormerPhotog :

      My awesome stylist (she’s not super pricey, but add in the 2hr drive, and it’s a time suck, too)
      My LUSH stash
      SynergEyes hybrid contacts (used to be a splurge, now VSP covers them as necessary)
      Grey Goose vodka

      • Another Zumba Fan :

        I always have a bottle of GG at home and highly recommend Wegmans lemon drop martini or orange pomegranate martini mixers to go with it.

        • FormerPhotog :

          Aww…Wegman’s. Making me miss my days in undergrad…

          I like Trader Joe’s French Berry Lemonade with some frozen pomegranate seeds if I’m feeling sweet, but usually it’s a dirty martini, or a Moscow Mule for me!

          Today is killing me! I’m working from home, it’s dead quiet, and all I want to do is put on my shoes and go for a run – even if I finish my scripts, I won’t email them to MarCom until Monday to avoid them getting lost

        • How do I not know about these?

    • Bliss triple oxygen energizing facial mask
      Fekkai conditioner
      Laura Geller spackle foundation primer
      premium pedicures
      letting my 9yr old daughter use my hair stylist
      buying lacoste for my 6yr son because he wants alligators like daddy has not horses
      amarone

    • Stila eyeliner – so black and velvety smooth. The blues are gorgeous, too. But soft kohl eyeliner that smudges easily are for special events only – and the stick only lasts for a month.
      1-day contact lenses.

    • MaggieLizer :

      My cleaning lady
      Laura Mercier tightlining
      kate spade jewelry, shoes, and purses
      Troubadore, Chimay, or Lambickx. Or all three.

      • My life is so much better now that we have someone coming in to clean. I’ll add Kate Spade heels. I’ve been wearing the pair I bought at Off Saks all day today and my feet are still happy.

        • SF Bay Associate :

          +1 on the cleaning lady, and +1 on Kate Spade heels. Also, my absurdly expensive Tumi briefcase, our expensive new king size mattress (spectacular!!!), and my fancy downtown SF hair stylist. Our other big luxury is going out to eat at world-class restaurants pretty darn often.

          Bobbi Brown shadows and gel eyeliner last so long that I don’t think they count as luxuries.

          NOLA, I am so, so jealous of your access to Commander’s. If I lived there, I’d have a standing quarterly reservation in the Garden Room.

          • Yes, it is awesome. My new boss (starting in August) asked me how they managed doing twenty-five cent martinis and why we didn’t go regularly. I told him it’s a pretty boozy afternoon for a regular date. I always say that Commander’s lunch in the Garden Room is the quintessential lunch spot – see and be seen (I always see people I know), 25 cent martinis, tiny entrees, enormous desserts!

    • -Sunday Riley’s Juno Serum
      -Urban Decay’s Naked Palette
      -Louboutins (personal care – I have bad feet!)
      -80% dark chocolate (some on the kitchen counter; in my bag; at work; and emergency stash in the freezer)
      -monthly massage/mani/pedi (actually joined a spa to keep me on schedule with these)

    • Shu Uemura protective hair oil
      Origins face creams (not the spendiest but not cheap)
      Chanel foundation
      Smashbox O-Gloss
      Bond No. 9 perfumes
      Really good whiskey

    • Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer
      Bumble and Bumble Thickening Shampoo and Conditioner
      Kiehl’s Midnight Recovery Concentrate
      Clarisonic Brush
      Prescription Retinoid
      Pedicures and Gel Manicures
      Maker’s Mark Bourbon

      These are the things that make me feel the most polished. If my skin, hair and nails look good, my makeup can be more minimal and it takes less time to style the hair. And the bourbon, well, I like to have a good time even if I am just staying at home.

      • Wow, KSouth – we are almost twins. No Kiehl’s for me, and no pedicures until I get rid of some nasty blisters, but other than that, I am with you all the way!

        Thanks for starting these threads, mamabear, I’ve really enjoyed reading about everybody’s fave items – and am starting a mental shopping list :)

      • I am a banana. :

        Can we start a Maker’s appreciation circle?

    • K in... Transition :

      when I was working, I used almost all of my “fun money” in the first year on lasek (-ek, not -ik) and went from a -7 to 20/20 vision, keratin treatments for my hair every 12 weeks (wash and wear?! yes please!), and laser hair removal for my arms/legs/underarms/girlparts (shorter showers and no embarrassment for this pale skinned, dark haired girl?! heck yeah!).

      Other than those, I don’t have any expensive products… someday, when I work again, I’ll pay for a few more laser treatments to finish it and go back to the keratin

    • Equity's Darling :

      Chanel, butter London and deborah lippman nail polish.

      It just makes me smile to have fun/bright nails when I’m working late, and thankfully, my firm is not uptight enough to care:)

    • Laura Mercier cosmetics
      Kate Spade shoes
      Jo Malone colognes
      Starbucks coffee
      Moroccan Oil hair treatment

    • Anonymous Girl :

      Urban Decay Naked Palette
      Smashbox BB Cream
      Smashbox Halo powder

    • I rarely splurge on myself, but my hairstylist feels like a splurge because I had never paid so much for haircuts in my life before going to her (and she’s only $45) but she understands curly hair. When I’m feeling really decadent I’ll buy a $6 cupcake from a local cupcake bakery. Yum!

    • Brocato Cloud 9 styling creme (which I can now only mail order)
      MAC tinted moisturizer, loose powder, concealer
      Kate Spade totes
      Michael Kors shoes
      the occasional lunch at Commander’s Palace (although La Petite Grocery is my new favorite lunch spot)

    • -Regular massages and mani/pedis
      -Jo Malone Red Roses
      -Really nice scotch. Which I haven’t bought in a while, because I don’t want to move it cross-country. Woe is I…

    • Benefit boooing
      Tarte amazonian clay blush
      iced green tea, sparkling water, and ciao bella sorbet.. yum!

    • I have such a shopping list going, you guys. Keep chiming in!

    • My splurges are:
      - Fine teas
      - MAC Makeup
      - MAC Brushes
      - Clarins cleansing/toning products
      - Citizen of Humanity jeans
      - Yearly trip to the US (this combines beauty and wellbeing since I renew my cosmetics and tea stash in the US)

    • Oh.so.tired :

      Victor & Rolf Flowerbomb perfume

    • Chantecaille powder compact, eye shadows and blush
      Lipocils
      Chanel lipstick
      Fresh Sugar Lip Treatments. In Every Single Color they sell!
      Darphin skin care
      Jo Malone Lotus Blossum & Water Lily
      Annick Goutal Eau de Hadrian
      Celebrex
      Perrier, because my tap water is awful

      • Urban decay 24/7 eyeliner
        Gel manicures (every two weeks or so)
        Cowgirl Creamery cheeses
        Frye boots
        New iPhone even though I didn’t really need it
        Big screen TV to watch my streaming videos from Netflix

        • Ooh Cowgirl Creamery is a good one! Mt. Tam used to be my splurge when I lived in the Bay Area.

          Also:
          Nice haircuts
          Pedicures
          YSL concealer
          Pints of Jeni’s ice cream now that I live in the Midwest :)

        • I want to treat myself to a pair of Frye boots
          I hope they last as long as people have been raving about them

    • YSL Touche Eclait
      Chanel lipgloss and foundation
      Eufora Illuminate Shine Mist – smells amazing and works
      Makeup Forever concealer
      *I’m w/ b23, all of my items also last forever

      Laura Mercier eyelid base and her eyeshadow that comes in a tube
      Bobbi Brown gel eyeliner
      Josie Maran argan oil
      Shiseido Bio-Performance Super Corrective Serum
      Image Skincare (Vital C and Daily Defense lines)
      Philosophy Amazing Grace conditioner
      Sedu Revolution hair dryer
      Another member of Maker’s Mark club. Has anyone tried Old Pogue?

    • Fresh Brown Sugar Body Scrub
      Fresh Soy Face Wash
      (if you’re not familiar with Fresh products they’re awesome but wildly expensive, won’t lie).

    • Kate Spade handbag
      Cleaning lady every other week. Makes me look and feel more rested and beautiful!

    • Skippy pea :

      How much fun is this!
      Alterna. Caviar blow out cream and non aerosol. Mousse.

      • anon in SF :

        Bliss Sage Lemon body wash
        KP Patrol exfoliator — expensive, but really effective, and doesn’t leave a weird oily film in the shower.

    • locomotive :

      Urban Decay 24/7 eyeliner
      Urban Decay Primer Potion
      Urban Decay Naked 2 Palette (I am such a UD fangirl)
      Nars Tinted Moisturizer (St.Mauritz which is mediumish)
      Smashbox fusion soft lights (I think this may be a highlighter, but I use it as a bronzer/summer blush)
      Nars blush (deep throat..hah.)

  2. WannaBe Ex-Pat :

    I’m reposting this from the morning thread to see if there are more comments. Thanks to those of you who posted, I’ve already started looking at flats to rent =)

    My current internship ends this month and in August I’ll be graduating with my Master’s degree. I’ve always wanted to live and work in London and have decided that now is the time to find out if that’s what I really want to do. I’m 24, am single and without roots so I’m free to try this now.

    My plan is to set up appointments with employment agencies, send out resumes in the hope I can get an interview, and go over for six weeks in September to test the waters. I have been to London several times and fell in love with the city when I was ten but living there on my own will be different than travelling with my mother and staying with relatives.

    I have family north and south of London but don’t want to stay with them as I’ll be there for six weeks. My real concern is where to stay that won’t completely bankrupt me. I don’t really like hostels and know my standard 5-star hotel stays are out of the budget. Any recommendations for bed and breakfast, extended stay type places that are extremely clean, in or no more than a 40 minute train ride from London, and with a younger crowd? This is all new to me so I appreciate any tips you may have.

    I’m currently building my budget to include my airfare, my rooming situation, food, public transport, and fun money because I love British fashion! I’ve also started my packing list. Is there anything you would add, to the budget or my packing list?

    Thanks for any advice you ladies have for me!!!
    (I have dual citizenship with the US and an EU country so visas aren’t going to be an issue for me, btw)

    • I am an American expat is Scotland. Seeing as though you are a duel citizen, most of the cautionary tales I would extend to someone interested in working over here will not apply to you. If you are going to live in London, I would take whatever your budget is and double it. And, if you can afford to do so, I would come over here and have a look around the city before you move, so that you can see the neighbourhoods for yourself and try the morning commute, etc. Although I am not in London, feel free to drop me a line if you have questions about general life over here.

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      Yay! London!

      If you are looking for temporary accommodation, there are quite often rooms available in people’s houses/flats in the short term. For example there is a site called spareroom (please do a search, I’m trying to avoid moderation) and it has plenty of short term options as well. Usually these will be in house/flatshares so you would meet the people already living there. For a short term option that could work.

      I’m in London and I have to agree with HF that whatever you think you will spend, you will spend more. Also, a word of warning – trains are EXPENSIVE. Like, really expensive. So if you’re looking at cheaper places slightly outside London, you will probably bring your budget back to the max just in trainfares. It’s a huge problem here.

      You mention August, but another point to note is the Paralympics which are in August. It isn’t likely to be quite so hectic here then, but you may have trouble finding accommodation around then.

      I’d be happy to help in any way I can with advice/ideas etc. if you want you can drop me a line – ellecommawoods at the google

  3. ChocCityB&R :

    I’ve been waiting for a weekend thread to ask this question about finding work in the federal government (legal). It seems that although “they” say USAJobs is the place get hired, I don’t know anyone who has gotten a job from responding to a listing posted there. I would like to work for the Department of Justice, either in their Civil or Civil Rights Division, or for the US Attorneys Office. I’d also be thrilled to work for an agency, like Department of Ed or the new Consumer Protection Bureau.
    In law school, I had no idea what type of law I wanted to practice, so my coursework wasn’t focused and my internships ranged from Biglaw to nonprofit direct services. Now I’m certain that I will be happy as a public servant and litigator, or in the alternative, as an advisor/transactional public servant on issues I’m passionate about (civil rights, consumer protection, education). In law school it seemed as if every career path required me to jump through a specific set of hoops, none of which I think I’ve done, so I feel very ill-equipped to begin a government job search (which I’m certain has its own hoops).
    Right now I’m doing work that I love, but it’s temporary and I want to figure out what I need to do to position myself for some of the above opportunities. Is it necessary that I pick one passion/interest and develop some expertise there, or can I start with the feds with general legal experience and develop more expertise over time? If it helps any, I’m two years out of law school with general litigation experience since graduation. Any advice, anecdotal, links, hunches, ANYTHING, is MUCH MUCH appreciated.

    • I have been told that knowing someone on the inside who can let you know about excepted service positions that may not be posted on usajobs (or may only be posted for a very short time) is key. Also checking individual agency websites for excepted service jobs that might not be posted on usajobs. And if you are using usajobs, I understand they use a keyword frequency match so make sure your cover letter and resume mention words/phrases from the job posting as many times as possibly without sounding ridiculous.

      That said… I have yet to have any luck myself (not knowing people on the inside appears to be my big fail).

    • I’m sorry but DOJ and the US attorneys office are just not hiring right now.

      • ChocCityB&R :

        cc- I know about the hiring freeze, but I’m not looking to move anytime soon (like 2-3 years from now) so my question is more how can I position myself to be a good candidate for this type of job, and also how do I find one when they start hiring again (hopefully soon).

        Also I forgot to mention that I’d also be interested in state level work w/the AG’s office. KLG, I’ve also heard the “knowing someone” thing, and the funny thing is, I know a lot of someones who work in DOJ (I have friends who went through honors) but I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with that knowledge. They aren’t in a hiring position, so what’s the strategy to get a job when all the someones you know are not someones in HR or high up in the department?

        • Apparently you are supposed to reach out to all of them and tell them you’re interested in their agency and to let you know if they hear of any hiring needs or openings in hopes that they might be able to alert you to postings that may not be advertised on usajobs. I will admit I did get a heads up on one agency posting that was up for only 2 days because of this. And I had a friend get hired after she was interviewed for a position they already had someone in mind for (common) but liked her and gave her a heads up when a new position became available.

        • It seems like some states are hiring in the state AG offices. I have seen attorney positions posted on AG websites, and if you don’t have any connections, I would try some local bar events.

          • yes, consider local gov’t experience instead. I did it and got good experience. those federal agencies are difficult to get into.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        There have to be some exceptions. Former coworker just got hired as a US Atty.

        • Yeah, I saw a US Attorney job posting on USA Jobs website. It was in Boston, criminal division, I believe.

          On a similar note – I have applied for several positions through USA jobs and never heard a word. I periodically log on and check the status of my application and they all say “reviewing applications.” Some of these are positions I applied for in October! Can anyone speak to how reliable the status information is? Can I still cling to hope that someday someone might still call me to interview? For those of you who have gotten a job through USA Jobs, how long was it between when you submitted your application and when you were asked for an interview?

        • Some of the offices have exceptions but are generally only hiring people from other USAOs.

    • Agency Counsel :

      I got my fed job through usajobs.gov, granted that was over 10 years ago. It was about three months between submitting the application to when I got a call for an initial phone interview. Vacancy announcements on the website are usually up for 2-3 weeks, but whenever we have a job posting for even just our field office, we can get over 200 resumes each time.

    • There are consultants who specialize in helping people tailor their USA Jobs applications. I don’t know any specifics, but I know people who have used them – maybe another reader knows more details?

    • When I was applying, I didn’t get a single interview through usajobs. If you have friends who work where you want to work, ask them to notify you when their agencies are hiring and also ask them to take your cover letter and resume to the hiring person.

    • SpaceMountain :

      A federal court clerkship will do wonders for your DOJ application — you can apply to clerkships now, assuming you did not clerk after law school. Also, experience in the subject matter of the offices to which you apply.

    • TurtleWexler :

      I’ve had two federal jobs at this point. The first was only posted on law school career planning websites, not on usajobs (excepted service). The other, I actually DID get through usajobs, so I’m one of the very few people out there who seems to have done that. It was recent, too – I’ve been here for about 5 months now. But I really don’t have tips on navigating the system. I just did exactly what it told me to do, and I think I was lucky in that my previous job was very much like this one (different agency, but same title and general duties) so I think my keywords were spot-on. I applied for other jobs through usajobs and never heard a word. I do know that the federal hiring process is either extremely prolonged (6-9 months is not unusual, though there’s a push to speed things up) or extremely quick.

      Have you signed up for job alerts from the specif agencies? I still get HHS and EPA emails about new availabilities because I can’t figure out how to turn them off…I bet other agencies have a similar service.

      Getting a federal attorney job is really a combination of good credentials, good references, a demonstrated commitment to public service, and a huge amount of pure luck. Things are so very, very competitive, even in more obscure agencies/departments — when I left my last job, we had over 120 applicants for that position (advertised only on local career services websites) and there were 327 for the job I have now (which was listed on usajobs).

    • Our federal agency is required to post everything on USA Jobs, but the reality is that people who know people who work there already are in a much better position. We get hundreds of resumes for every opening. Also, read a book on how to write a federal resume and answer the KSAs as that will help you get past the first screening, which at least in my agency is done by a non-lawyer who doesn’t necessarily understand what legal resumes mean.

      • My agency is also required to post all vacancies on USAJobs, even if they are only for internal candidates. I am pretty surprised to hear people saying that some jobs are posted other places and NOT on USAJobs… I actually find that hard to believe.

        Some advice that was already mentioned, but that I will reiterate is to set up job alerts because some jobs are only posted for a short period of time. Make sure your resume lines up with the skills listed in the job posting (key words). Finally, sounds like a no brainer, but make sure that you submit ALL of the required documents and follow the instructions in the job announcement exactly.

  4. these shoes :

    no.

  5. Getting hitched :

    I know there have been a lot of gifts threads on here recently, but I’m having lots of trouble with this. I’m looking for a wedding gift for my fiancé. He already has a very nice watch, and doesn’t need cufflinks for work. I’m looking at around $1k or less, although less is definitely fine, as he likes sentimental things as much or more than expensive things. I’d like to do something more personal than sporting/concert tickets, etc. since it’s a wedding gift. Thanks in advance.

    • How about some art? Or a pre-wedding romantic weekend with no wedding planning drama? At a hotel that could become your go-to celebration place (for anniversaries, etc.). Or a balloon ride or other experience thing that you could do together?

      Congrats & good luck!

    • K in... Transition :

      sometimes you can find (through search or on ebay) cuff links made with paint or pieces from a sports stadium. it might be useful enough to be used but personal enough to be fun and unexpected…

      what about a really nice chair for his office or the home? something cushy and that he’ll get a ton of use out of?

      • You could also get plain silver cufflinks and engrave them with your wedding date.

        A friend of mine got coordinating silver keychains for her and her hubby with their wedding date engraved which I think they both really like (makes a nice gift idea for others, too).

    • A photo frame for his office might be nice, but only if you know he’s already planning to put a wedding photo in his office – otherwise it seems sort of pushy. Perhaps a nice set of luggage for the honeymoon? Something engaged with your wedding date, like a ring holder or paperweight?

    • A sterling silver frame from Tiffany, engraved with your (pl.) initials and/or engagement date + session with a photographer to take the perfect photo for the frame.

      Then, 50 years from now, your daughter can ask the hive what to do for your anniversary, and someone can say “make the invitation to the party an old photo of them” and there will be the perfect photo.

    • My mom gave my dad very nice crystal wine glasses for the two of them as her wedding gift to him. They use them on special occasions now and my dad will still mention that they are a gift from my mom.

    • If you have to spend $1K, MAKE SURE you get some benifit out of it also. When I was going out with Alan, I made the MISTAKE of geting him GOLD cuflinks, which did not benifit me at all.

      He liked it alot, but what did he give me? A ticket to a GIANT’s Game, and I do NOT even like FOOTBALL!!!!!! Beside’s, all HE did was DRINK beer and IGNORED me the whole time we were there with his dopey drinking freinds from the CPA class. BOREING guys too, I remember.

      So I recomend you find something you can enjoy TOGETHER, and then get the benifit of your $1K. That is alot of money to waste on a guy unless you do get MARRIED.

    • Anne Shirley :

      Hermes tie

    • recently hitched :

      Boudoir photos? Haven’t done them myself, although considering them for our first anniversary (time just got away from me before the wedding).

      I also saw really cute collar stays on Etsy that I almost bought for my husband (he has a watch and doesn’t wear cufflinks), but we didn’t get each other wedding gifts. The collar stays are thin metal pieces that you can get engraved.

      • do boudoir! :

        I did a boudoir shoot with my husband as the photographer, and we had so much fun! HIGHLY recommend doing a shoot if you’re at all interested in it :) And, second that suggestion as a gift for the soon-to-be-husband!

        • what exactly are boudoir photos…?

          • Pictures of you in fancy underoos in a bedroom setting. (Can alo be nude or semi-nude). Meant to be a private gift for your gentleman.

        • recently hitched :

          Is your husband a professional photographer, or did you just decide to do a non-pro one with him (both sound like awesome ideas)?

          • do boudoir! :

            Sorry for the late reply, I was busy all weekend! My husband is an amateur, but he would love to do photography as a side business. He has a good camera and a studio light kit, so we went to a hotel for a Valentine’s Day celebration. He set up the lights and camera, and I did fancy hair and make-up, and we just shot photos in different outfits for the whole evening. I also made a couple of feather/jeweled hair pieces to wear. It was a WONDERFUL time together, and the pictures turned out beautifully! Even if your SO is not a pro, you can still get great pictures with most point-and-shoot cameras these days.

      • If you do this, please don’t post the photos on facebook.

        One would think that would be common sense… but a former assistant of mine did it. Bad idea.

    • I got my so a print of the squash painting don draper had in his office for seasons 1-3 of mad men.

    • A book can be a nice wedding present, but I think it has to be the right book. Not a read-once-and-done book, but something he would read again and again and be glad to have on the shelf.

      Example:
      My mom got my dad a book of John Donne’s poetry for one of their early wedding anniversaries.

      • My husband got me Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnets from the Portuguese. An early or beautifully bound edition would be particularly nice. (We couldn’t afford more than the regular store version when we got married.)

    • The Gilmores :

      All I can think of is the Gilmore Girls episode when Rory is living in Richard and Emily’s pool house and they think she’s about to sleep with Logan (they’re actually way late to the party), so they bring over their pastor. He tells Rory about the importance of saving that special gift for her husband, because otherwise she’ll have nothing special to give him and she’ll have to give him a sweater.

      So, um, a sweater? ;)

      • Oh.my.god.this.made.me.laugh.so.hard.

        A sweater. Yes…your husband won’t get the joke, but we will!

        • Alanna of Trebond :

          Ironically, I was just talking to my boyfriend about how I can’t just give him a sweater for our wedding (I give him sweaters for basically every other gift). I suppose I could still give him what the pastor wants Rory to give her husband, but honestly, that doesn’t seem like the coolest gift. For example–years later–with one of the commenter’s mother/father story, the father would just be like–oh look, there’s your mother’s “virtue”, that’s what she gave me for our wedding. I mean, what?

          I might just be in a super weird mood from 3L exam studying.

      • Hilarious! Love it.

    • Getting hitched :

      Thank you so much everyone! These are all really wonderful ideas! You all are the best.
      I had been tossing around the boudoir photo idea- I think I will email our wedding/engagement photographer, maybe she can throw that in for a discount.
      I think I will do that + something else from this list. Seriously really great ideas in here, thank you thank you!!

    • I don’t know what you think about this – it’s a little out there. But there’s an artist here in N.O. who does commissions of fashion art, like a bride’s dress. It may not be a good groom’s gift, but it could be kinda cool (artwork of you in your dress). http://rhondacorley.com/richmond-bridal-portraits.aspx

      I have three of her prints and I love her work.

  6. I am at a conference for breast surgeons. It is the first surgical conference I’ve ever been to that has a decent percentage of women attending. You would all be proud of the outfits. Most are dressed in cute professional clothes. I see tons of color, florals, ikat, etc. Its a totally energizing conference.

    • PharmaGirl :

      1. Adam Yauch died today. This saddens me greatly.

      2. I asked fmy husband or a very expensive watch (~$500) as a combination mothers’ day / birthday gift and feel so guilty. I’m already nervous that I won’t actually like it.

    • I’m just happy to hear there are women breast surgeons. When I needed surgery several years ago, I could not find a single woman breast or reconstructive surgeon outside of universities.

    • anon in SF :

      Excellent. I am also glad to hear there is a conference for female breast surgeons. Extra bonus points that they are well dressed :)

  7. K in... Transition :

    if anyone’s in the Northeast Ohio area who’d ever want to grab coffee or dinner or something, shoot me an email: munchkin 1616 at juno dot com …I’d love to meet some more C*rpor*tter gals! (that said, it’ll have to be cheap food, I can’t afford the fah-ncy cuisine y’all are used to hehe)

    PS for those who’ve asked before, yep, that’s a juno email address, yep, I’ve had it for almost 15 yrs… but I’ve had my original 89-90 New Kids tour jacket for longer and I still rock that, so I guess an old email address suits me :)

    • uh uh uh-uh-ooh… The Right Stuff

    • Hi K, and welcome to Ohio. I’m not in the northeast area but get up there sometimes — if I do, and I’m not booked the whole time, I’ll definitely drop y0u a note and see if we can get together.

      • Where are you?! I’m in Ohio, too, and actually have been to northern Ohio only once in my life. But, K in Transition, if that ever changes I’ll e-mail you.

        • River Song :

          I’m in Ohio as well! Southern, though we do travel to north-central quite frequently.

          • I’m in Cincinnati, so if either of you are anywhere near there, we should do a meet-up!

          • Anonymous :

            Southern/Southwestern Ohio – a meet-up sometime would be great. I get to Cincinnati fairly often, so maybe we can arrange a meet-up sometime.

          • I’m another Cincinnatian too! I’d love an Ohio meet up at some point, although I’m sure it’d take a while to arrange!

  8. RunnerGirl :

    Hi ladies. Long time reader but first time commenter here. I need support and advice and my friends and family aren’t cutting it anymore. I resigned from my job at a Manhattan law firm in July 2011. It was a small firm but growing steadily, and as it grew the partners got worse and worse. They were good lawyers but horrible managers. I got a ton of great experience early on in my career (I was there 4.5 years) – I won trials, independently wrote briefs and argued appeals, and have extensive deposition experience. Over time, however, the firm became completely focused on billing, and I was billing 180-200 hours per month in the last few months I was there. I had been billing 180/month for a few years before the final crunch. I know this is not unheard of especially in NYC, but I was certainly not making big firm money. I hated living in NYC, hated the cases I was working on, and the work, along with my emotionally abusive superiors, were taking a huge toll in my mental and physical health. I am admitted in my home state as well, and with the support of my family I decided to quit my job, move home, and focus on getting a job here. I know some people think I am crazy but I just couldn’t stay there anymore.

    Now, nearly a year into unemployment, my monetary cushion is nearly gone (although living with family has certainly helped), the forbearance on my private loans will soon end, and I feel like I made the worst decision of my life. (If I did, PLEASE don’t reinforce it to me now.) I have any ivy league undergraduate degree, my law degree is from a well respected school, and I have a huge amount of practical experience. And yet, I’ve had interviews with only five employers. I’m still doing the pro bono work (animal rights work) I was doing while in NYC in order to keep my brain active, but I’m getting really scared I will never get a job again. I’m 31 years old, I’m smart, hardworking, and well educated. I simply COULD NOT stay at my old job. If I had, I would have sunk deeper into a different kind of depression and probably would have become a lawyer-suicide statistic.

    What am I supposed to do now? Please, any advice or support is greatly appreciated.

    • K in... Transition :

      alright, first of all, you did NOT make the biggest mistake of your life; you put your life and your mental health ahead of a paycheck. Some folks spend their lives and never learn how to do that. Good for you!

      second, the economy still is in the latrine, so don’t take it personally or as a sign you’re doing something wrong.

      third, are you able to meet with lawyer friends or folks you work with pro-bono to take a look at your resume/cover letter to see if there are ways to improve it? Are you able to contact your schools to find out if they offer career services?

      fourth, you did NOT make the biggest mistake of your life. At 31, you have a solid 50ish years to make bigger mistakes in ;)

      • Agree with everything K in Transition said. It takes strength and a kind of wisdom to take a risk to get yourself out of such a bad situation. I don’t have much advice that others haven’t already said, but I assume you’ve gotten involved with the local bar oorganization? Volunteering or even just going to events could help you meet people who might be hiring.

        Also, if you’re looking for a real-life sympathetic ear you can tell us where you are, and maybe someone will be nearby to get a drink or something.

    • ChocCityB&R :

      In total agreement with K in transition, you did not make a mistake in leaving an untenable situation. Also, you are not alone in having trouble finding work, as I have many friends who have been searching since late 2009 and are still working temp/doc review to make ends meet in the meantime.

      What you do now is keep moving forward. Understand that this is a TEMPORARY set back, and that in time the economy will improve and you will find another job. Network your ass off, apply to every job that interests you, and for God’s sake, make sure you take care of yourself in the process. Looking for work isn’t easy, and being out of work while looking is even harder, so you want to practice good self-care while you live through this rough patch.

      Finally, consider counseling or support groups. Having a place where you can vent your frustrations to others in your situation can be invaluable (Corporette being a virtual version). Other people can prop you up and give you perspective when things seem insurmountable.

      • Migraine Sufferer :

        Maybe the local bar has a support group for job-seekers. Ours does. Might want to check it out. Might also want to attend bar activities in the area of law you want to practice in. Its a great way to make contact, meet people and satisfy CLE requirements.

    • RunnerGirl :

      I wanted to add that I do have solid references, including law school references, internships, and two of the partners at the firm I left. They did not want me to leave (I couched it as being unhappy in NYC and wanting to move to a new area, which was only half of why I left). They indicated they would serve as references for me. I don’t even know if I’ve gotten to the point in any of the interview processes where anyone has called my references. I had an interview last week at a medium sized firm where I would love to work, but of course they are doing three rounds of interviews and want someone to start by June 1st, so the fact that I haven’t heard anything in 10 days is probably not a good thing.

      I know there is a stigma against the unemployed, and while that should not be the case for anyone, I actively chose to leave my last position. It took guts and a strong sense of self. How do I get that across to prospective employers?

    • long time lurker :

      I would suggest network network network. Did you work closely as co-counsel with anyone while at your old firm? In terms of your home state I am assuming it has a decent sized city or metro area, if you have been to 5 interviews. Maybe someone you worked with knows someone in a firm that you could meet and greet. Law school classmates? Friends? Contacts at the clients you were working for? Look at companies with legal departments not just firms. Anyone you know who also does the same pro bono work that you do that could help you get in the door at their workplace? Perhaps there is a bar organization you can get involved in to network (although dues etc cost money). Do not give up but spend X hours a day trying to build connections and meet people, in addition to continuing to apply to job postings. Wish you the best, and your old job sounds awful.

      • Exactly. If you’re already doing pro bono work, how about looking to get on the board of one or more not-for-profits? It could be a good way to meet people and might lead to something.

        • Something else.. how about branching out a bit in the pro bono work? Animal rights, like that, sounds a bit PETAish, which may not go over very well outside of NY :-). Something pro-bono but less radically-tainted may do you good, as well as widen your circle of acquaintances.
          That said, second everyone in not beating yourself up about a bit of unemployment :-).

    • Where do you live now? I think moving to a better legal market would be a good first step. I realize you don’t have any money, but if you’ve only had five interviews in a year, you’re clearly not in the right place. You might also consider a career change. Would you be interested in a teaching fellowship program that would let you pursue a teaching degree while teaching in an underserved school district? Lots of major cities have such programs, and Teach for America is nationwide. Or maybe studying library science and becoming a law librarian? I have heard that there’s more demand than supply for law librarians.

      • RunnerGirl :

        I’m in western MA now and went to law school in Boston (Northeastern – I guess my attempt at total anonymity is silly). All of my law school friends have their eyes and ears open but no luck so far. I’ve actually had 8 interviews (a few with the same two employers) but no more.

        I applied to a new teaching fellowship program at a number of boarding schools (I went to one of them) but again have heard nothing.

        Networking has always been the bane of my existence but I am trying to do it. I’ve had informational interviews/lunches/etc. I’m actually pretty well connected by the pro bono work I’ve done, but while I would LOVE one of those jobs, there simply aren’t any.

        Thanks for all the advice:)

        • I live in the Boston area and went to a boarding school in the area, as well. I’ll keep an eye out for you, too.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          My parents still live in the New Bedford/Fall River area and always mention to me the number of legal positions they see advertised there. Might want to check out that area.

          • RunnerGirl :

            Where are they seeing them? I review Emplawyernet, MA Lawyers Weekly, Indeed.com, Monster, and government job sites daily, if not multiple times per day. I apply to every position I am remotely qualified for.

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            I think my dad sees them in the N.B. Standard Times, the local newspaper.

        • Can you open your own small practice? Are the pro bono cases you’re working on in an area where the court sometimes appoints attorneys – would that be a route to getting paid for your current pro bono work? Would you consider teaching civics/social studies in a private school that doesn’t require a teaching degree?

          • RunnerGirl :

            I’ve applied to some private schools for exactly this type of position. Others want at least some teaching experience. I have a lot of volunteer mentoring experience, but that doesn’t seem to be enough:(

        • Divaliscious11 :

          Have you taken the bar? What is your area of practice? Set up a practice, and get out there and network. Build a book of business. Try to become a court appointed advocate. Are you going to networking events? Western Mass is big – are you up north, where Albany is a market or closer to Springfield? You’ve got some options beyond sending out resumes but you are going to have to be pro-active….

          • RunnerGirl :

            I have taken the bar and am admitted in NY and MA. I’m in Northampton, so closer to Springfield. I practiced criminal defense and municipal defense litigation with my old firm. Setting up my own practice seems to be a popular opinion but I honestly have no idea how to do that. What kind of money does that take? I’m down to a couple thousand dollars to my name.

          • Hey RunnerGirl – re setting up your own practice, the ABA has some resources on this.
            http://www.americanbar.org/portals/solo_home.html

          • Divaliscious11 :

            Ahhh…sad – I went to one of those 5 schools in your neighborhood…..

            Anyhoo – if I had criminal defense experience, I’d set up shop and find clients in Nnorthampton, Holyoke & Springfield…. Can you check to see if the court does appointments? Just make sure you get your full retainer up front etc… (dated a crim defense attorney before)!

          • lucy stone :

            Runnergirl, there is a great book by Jay Foonberg on starting your own practice. My fiance became unexpectedly solo a few years back and he found it helpful.

          • no longer "job hunting" :

            For starting your own practice, there’s a book called “Solo By Choice” that I would recommend. The start up fees don’t have to be very high: you can work from home and maybe join a club where you can reserve conference rooms for a small monthly fee. Other than that, your expenses are malpractice insurance, regular insurance, a copier/printer, letterhead/business cards, and westlaw access (or use a library and research the old fashion way if you want to save $$). Don’t pay for advertising– just network heavily, set up a website, and give out business cards.

          • Just want to give NoHo a shout-out as a Smith grad. Although I imagine you may feel differently given your situation, I would give my left arm to spend a year there as an adult :)

          • I hung my shingle about a year ago. I love it, but it’s not for everyone. I highly recommend Jay Foonberg’s book and “Solo By Choice” by Carolyn Elefant.

            Many many solos get a job in retail until something more comes along. At least it would take care of some of the monetary stress for the moment.

            Is there a young lawyers group in your area? Go to their lunches or networking events, and get involved in their pro bono work. They can find you jobs, too.

    • You absolutely made the right choice. Protecting your mental health is paramount. I was going off the deep end at my old job and I, too, quit last summer and experience much longer unemployment than anticipated. I ended up taking a job I knew I wouldn’t like to pay the bills and just keep searching, although there are days when I wish I had done contract work instead (I’d make about the same amount…). BUT, I actually sleep at night now. It’s amazing what that will do for your outlook.

      If you have good references, have them call one of the people you interviewed with recently. People don’t always call to check references but it does speak volumes if a reference seeks them out.

      Second, the job searching comes in waves. Some weeks/months there are tons of jobs open, others not so much. Keep that in mind.

      I agree with everyone who suggested you get comments on your resume/cover letter.

      And lastly, the job market for lawyers still stinks. Yes it’s getting better, but it’s still insanely competitive and there is not enough work to go around. It is not a reflection on you. It just means that unfortunately a year might not have been long enough to find something else.

      You did the right thing.

      I’ve become quite shameless about connecting with old acquaintances on LinkedIn and emailing “friends of friends”

      • RunnerGirl :

        I don’t think I understand LinkedIn very well. What do you do when you come across people who are 2nd or 3rd contacts and you want to pick their brains? Email your contact and try to get that person’s info? Use the “introduction” function on LinkedIn?

        • I’ve actually found it most helpful for finding contacts within my own connections that work or have worked at places to which I’ve applied. When people aren’t my connections and I don’t feel I know them well enough to add them as a connection and contact them directly, typically I email our mutual contact to ask for an introduction. Or sometimes I email our mutual contact and ask if they wouldn’t mind letting the person know I’ve applied for a job at their company and forwarding my cover letter/resume.

        • I used it once in a very helpful way. After I applied to my current job (which I love), I searched the company on my contacts list. A 3rd circle person came up who had just retired from the same area of the company I’d be working in. We were connected through a guy I didn’t actually know (we were on a telecon-based committee together at one point). He lived in Denmark, guy I wanted to meet lived in Seattle. I messaged the direct connection guy asking for the intro, he sent it, I sent a note to the company guy, we met for an hour at his country club (retired executive) where he did a total info dump for me on the organizational dynamics- names, structure, etc. He didn’t help me get the job in the sense of calling the company for me, but he armed me with really good info going into the interview which increased my presence.

          Generally, I find pure networking when unemployed to be almost impossible. You reek of job-seeker-ness and can’t help show it; you have nothing to do, etc. I think it is way better to network by working with others, through a volunteer committee, nonprofit board, certificate course, etc. Those are a few things I did. That way you are meeting people by demonstrating your skills and personality, not putting out the ‘give me a job’ scent. It’s hard to motivate to do that, and doesn’t usually give people much ground to consider you for positions (‘i met her at a networking event, she seemed nice?’ doesn’t help; vs. ‘she executed this project well and was awesome to work with’- yes)

          • RunnerGirl :

            YES – this is always how I have felt about networking. I have to be able to DO something.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Someone once told me, you are never without work if you are admitted to the bar. Obviously you want a regular job but you aren’t finding one right now. Time to just find your own clients. Can you get on the federal defender list and start taking criminal appointments? If your state doesn’t have a formal public defender office can you get on that appointment list too? Did you have any insurance contacts at your old job? Can you see if the adjusters can send you some claims in your new state? Does your state have a lawyer referral service? In mine, you can sign up for referrals and in exchange, you remit a small portion of your fees back to the program. I currently get about 3 referrals a week that way. What about getting on the list for some pre-paid legal services programs like ARAG and Hyatt? While their covered stuff pays at a low rate, you get all the referrals for the uncovered stuff and just have to give a 25% discount. Time to go solo and build a client base while still looking for traditional work. If you find it, you already have the clients to bring with you, raising your worth to future firms.

      • RunnerGirl :

        I actually have a lot of criminal defense experience but mostly on the research/writing side. I’ve interviewed with CPCS (MA’s public defender system) and have been told that I’m too experienced for entry level positions and not experienced enough for supervisory roles. Ugh. I haven’t pursued the federal defender list because while I’ve won federal appeals, I don’t feel extremely comfortable with my trial skills. I want someone to teach me more! But it’s something to consider.

      • Fully agree you did the right thing.
        In my twenties after law school, I quit a horribly abusive job in NYC.
        Fast forward: I am 35, have a dream job in a great company in Seattle.
        I won’t say the years in between were easy- I called them working my way out of the 7 circles of hell- unemployment, slightly less awful jobs (still horrid though, the next few were), etc. It was really, really hard mentally, financially, in many ways. But I eventually made a 3-year plan after introspection on what I wanted and stuck to it and it worked. The biggest part was leaving NYC. Unemployed, so that was risky, but worked out better than I could ever have imagined.
        What would I have done differently? Quit the abusive job sooner and dealt with the consequences. Nothing is worse being treated in a way that makes you depressed and ill. Good luck- I wish I had enjoyed my transition times more by remembering that I would work again. Now I never have time off and wish I’d had the presence of mind to enjoy more of those days rather than stressing out about next steps. You’ll be fine- eventually. Suggest first taking stock of what you want next then picking 3 strategies to get there and taking small steps to achieve those strategies. More than 3 possible pathways are too much to focus on well so try to narrow it down to a fairly specific goal then specfiic steps.

    • How’s your cover letter? Are you underselling yourself/not selling yourself enough?

      • RunnerGirl :

        I’ve had people review my cover letters/resume. I tailor them for each position as much as possible, etc. My best friend kindly paid for a legal employment counselor and she said I was a much better candidate than most people she sees. It’s just so damn tough out there.

        • manomanon :

          I’m not sure where in western MA you are but could you look into working with the Law Center at UMass Amherst? Or something with one of the 5 colleges (MHC, Smith, UMass, Amherst and Hampshire for those less familiar than me)
          Or see if they are hiring in areas like risk management etc.? While it’s not your type of law specifically it would give you something law related!

          Good luck!

          • Divaliscious11 :

            I don’t think there is a law center at UMASS. I think there is now a law school at UMass-Dartmouth, but that’s on the other end of the state… These is a legal studies dept at UMASS, but unless she wants to adjunct, not sure that helps….

          • manomanon :

            It’s not a law school- I’m still not really clear what it is, but a bunch of my pre-law friends from UMass work there part time theoretically to gain law experience before heading to law school.

    • Firm to In-House? :

      I have no actual advice — I got into my current job before the whole world went south — but just want to add my voice to the others: you absolutely made the right decision. Instead of beating yourself up over it, please be proud of yourself for realizing that you needed to do the thing that was right for you. And also, your family is awesome.

      • RunnerGirl :

        Thank you – they are! It’s not as though they have tons of money – we’re pretty middle class – but my parents just couldn’t let me stay in that situation any longer.

    • I’ve seen people from New York attend the PLTC program in British Columbia (10 week course), article (10 months of basically law work there are almost no limits as to what you can do as an articling student and you get paid) and write the two bar exams up there. I’m not saying there are tons of jobs to be had up here in Canada but there certainly is a need for lawyers in many areas. I think a lot of firms up here will be hiring for articling soon and firms in Cananada love people with fancy smancy American degrees and foreign experience. I see many articling students with great jobs and hirebacks who were lawyers in other countries. I mean, it’s worth applying and seeing what happens if you’re okay with a move.

    • no longer "job hunting" :

      Leaving the awful law firm was the right decision. Hunting for a job in this economy is extremely difficult. Here are some ideas that may help you:
      (1) Does your state bar association have sections? Mine has sections based on practice area, and each section has a list serve where practicing lawyers post questions. You can join the list serves that match your career interests and submit several good answers per week with the signature “RunnerGirl, Available for contract work in ____ area.” This way practicing attorneys in your field will see how great you are, and if they learn about work they may send it your way.
      (2) Picture where you want to go in your career. Someone in your legal community is there right now. Buy that person coffee. Ask them if they know of any contract work or other people you could talk to. Follow up with all their suggestions. The goal is to have all the higher-ups in your community looking for work for you. The best bet here would be small or solo firms, because the bigger firms’ hiring processes are more formal.
      (3) My state bar has a program for people who are not eligible for free legal aid, but can’t afford standard attny fees. The program refers these people to lawyers who are willing to work for a smaller fee. Not sure how it works, but signing up to get referrals is free and it’s a good way to meet people/get experience/small fee is better than no fee.
      (4) Go solo.

  9. Mamma Mia :

    I asked earlier in the week, but didn’t really get any tips, so I’ll give it another go: Does anyone know any good pregnancy apps? I downloaded the babycenter one, but it’s really more of a fun facts and tips then a tracking app. I’d more like to track anything that might need tracking, be reassured that everything is good and right with my uterus, I don’t know. I’m on Android, but we have most of what I-phone has.

    • Maddie Ross :

      I’m generally not (or at least try not to be) the snarky one, but you might be well-served in joining the community at the Bump or one of the other online pregnancy sites for all of your questions. I’ve enjoyed hearing about your journey, but since you have near to daily questions about this stuff now, I can’t help but think they would be more helpful for that kind of thing. Congrats though, and best of luck to you.

      • Mamma Mia :

        OK, sorry. (All of those sites that I’ve seen have message boards that are terrible, so I’ll just try to re-focus. Just having a bad day today and haven’t been able to concentrate on much else, so I keep checking Corporette.)

        • Consider asking at

          reddit.com/r/babybumps
          reddit.com/r/mommit
          reddit.com/r/breastfeeding

          And all the other subreddits linked there.

          I’ve found the reddit community pretty accepting of most parenting / pregnancy views. Do check out the breastfeeding subreddit cause it could save you so much trouble in the long run.

    • Will second Maddie Ross’s very polite suggestion on this one.

    • PharmaGirl :

      I joined baby center and read my birth board along the way. As annoying as some people could be, it was very reassuring to know that everything I was going through was completely normal. It was also nice to see posts from people who were due earlier in the month so I had an idea of what was coming. There is a what to expect app but I didn’t use it much.

      I highly recommend Total Baby for after the child is born. I obsessively tracked ‘input’ and ‘output’ and used Total Baby to report back to the pediatrician during the early visits (the ped will ask how many times per day the baby eats and poops and how many hours the baby sleeps).

    • This may not be what you want to hear, but I’m not really sure what you need an app for. I mean, I hear what you’re saying, but there isn’t a ton on minutiae to track until late in pregnancy, when a kick counter may be helpful. I’m totally an obsessive at times and I’m not trying to be critical, but I just don’t see what you need. Good info about pregnancy birth and the first year of life is easily obtainable. I guess I would caution you about tracking too much. There is such a range of normal and the symptoms come and go randomly. As long as your not cramping severely or bleeding there’s not a lot of value in micromanaging things. Just my two cents.

      • Anonymous :

        Ditto. I used the Babycenter weekly emails (hey! he’s the size of an avocado now!) and frankly, unless there are special conditions, that’s all you need.

        My OB made of point of telling me (and others), ‘you’re not sick. there is nothing wrong with you. go about your daily life while pregnant.’

    • Honestly, I left most of the tracking up to my OB. They can give you the best guide to what’s normal (a whole bunch of weird side effects you wouldn’t expect) and what’s concerning (a much smaller list of things you can’t control). BabyCenter and TheBump have weekly emails that were somewhat educational. There are paper journals out there if you want to do a keepsake of weight, cravings, pictures, that sort of thing. I also like Your Pregnancy Week by Week and From the Hip for reading material (better than WTEWYE).

    • Fitnessista posted about some sort of app she used. You could check out her blog archives, in the family section.

    • MM,

      I don’t know that I agree with the other commenters. I’m also pregnant, and I have found that the communities on the Bump, or on Babycenter, are made up almost entirely by women who are like :
      “OMG!! LOLZZ!! I’m preggerific! Like, I super-duper love my husband (BFF 4EVA) and like totally can’t wait to be a mommy-wommy! Babies are so cute my back hurts so like I’m just going to stay in bed today and watch Judge Judy RFLMAO!!”

      …and that I have less in common with the women on those threads than the non-pregnant women here. I say, keep on asking on Corporette and those of us who are interested will answer, and those who aren’t will skip past. Just like with threads about big hips, or threads about frizzy hair, or threads about any of the other challenges that come with being a professional woman over the course of your career.

      Nobody is doing any other woman any favors by separating discussions about other aspects of personal life (what do I buy my fiance, what’s a good graduation present, weekend book recommendations) from discussion threads about pregnancy. I’d argue, instead, that we’d be doing better to keep pregnancy, a relevant and often challenging aspect of a professional woman’s life, a relevant option on the comment threads as well.

      Finally – Congratulations!

      • Agree. Or, they say things like “I’m 19 and my boyriend left me and I am getting a tattoo is that bad for the baby” yuck.
        I personally skim past pretty much all clothes talk and read workplace behavioral stuff, pregnancy stuff, and anything else of interest to me. I wouldn’t expect anyone to not post about their vacation question, gift ideas, etc. just because I have no interest in Boston hotels or wedding gifts. And of course it’s a fashion blog in large part so the materialistic stuff is just always there. But I don’t know anywhere else to absorb collective advise from a group of women situated similarly to me in life.

        So I am going to ask another preg-related question. Did anyone have a really hard time with their usually beloved spouse towards the end? Like, I literally want to ship him to Kalamazoo in a box right now. Despite normally loving him so much. He is driving me crazy. Won’t get into details, but welcome any suggestions on how to break out of cycles of behavior caused by stress, hormones, and exhaustion on both sides. WHen I have zero, zero time/energy to go to counseling etc.- I am breathing through painful false contractions right now after a long day of doctors and work (due in few weeks). It is sad to be in such a bad place with him but we can’t seem to get out of the anger cycle.

        • no longer "job hunting" :

          I totally get like this w/my fiance. We get into these stupid fights, and the more we fight, the more we fight. We finally just both sat down and decided that we hate fighting and we were going to make a habit of not fighting. Surprisingly, it’s worked. I really think long term relationships revert to habit. It’s a question of what kinds of habits you want to foster.

          Also, PMS and being busy/exhausted always make things worse, but we’ve discovered things like yoga and sleeping in on a Saturday morning make things better. Know your signals.

      • +10,000. The beauty of this forum is that we can all connect to other smart, successful, interesting women about everything that is going on in our lives. Whether that is venturing into online dating or whether to get a dog. To isolate pregnancy as the One Thing that is off-topic is just reinforcing the idea that pregnancy and the workplace do not mix. We already have to combat that attitude at work — it seems to do everyone a disservice if we have to combat it on a women-focused website.

        I’ve never been pregnant but I am hoping to have kids, and the pregnancy discussions here have been really illuminating as to what to expect. I do hope people keep posting them.

        • I think pregnancy to a large extent is off topic for work. I have received entirely unwanted child having advice from female lawyers and once received an email about a partner’s miscarriage (this was not information I felt I needed to know).

          However, this is not work, it is a form about work – all meaningful discussion relating to the lives of working women should be welcome.

        • Its not that pregnancy is off limits, people were commenting that mamma mia has posted everyday about it

      • Completely agree. Twice I posted asking if anyone knew of another forum/blog that was more corporate-mommy geared. No takers. The second time I asked if Kat was going to do it (because she had once mentioned doing something similar in a preg-o post) and she replied on the post that it is a work in progress, but wasn’t quite ready to put up yet. So maybe there is one in the works!

        Nothing worse than “OMG I drank a bottle of beer before I took the test – is the baby dead now?” forums. Maybe we should start our own working attorney mom forum!

    • MM – There’s a long, supportive comment from me in moderation right now. I used the name of this site. I hope you’ll check back when it gets out of moderation.

    • Yes please stop the pregnancy questions. I don’t mind an occasional question but not one in every single post. It’s easy to say that those who don’t want to read can just skim past but try to remember that there are women in this community who have miscarried or can’t get pregnant and it may be difficult for them to see all this pregnancy talk. Besides if you don’t know what medicine to take, you should be asking your doctor not an Internet community of laypeople. At least limit the questions to how pregnancy related to your corporate life.

      • The OP already welcomed the other message boards suggestions, so at this point it’s unnecessary to jump on her. Plenty of people post here with other questions not related to corporate life and get great advice every day.

        Regarding your point about whether other posters may find the pregnancy talk difficult, I would counter that there are a number of people who read this site daily who may find other topics difficult (ex – those who are unemployed for years, and here we are talking about new jobs, those who are going through a divorce while others are talking about wedding presents, etc). I’m not trying to start a discussion on whether one situation is harder than another, but feel strongly about the fact that you can just scroll down, instead of trying to police what we post here.

      • Anon for this :

        Seconded!

        • Anon for this :

          I actually meant to ‘second’ sigh’s response.
          Some of us find work and our professional lives an escape from the baby stuff for the reasons sigh mentioned.

    • i didn’t respond prior b/c I think they mostly stink. I get the what to expect and it is repetitive with an annoying tone. I skim it anyway… but generally have found that just relying on my doctor/nurses’ advice and the mayo clinic guide book are the better courses of action. There is also a lot of misinformation in those apps which got me concerned at times until I found out it was crap.

  10. Happy weekend everyone.

    If you could get any fur coat, what would you get? I inherited a full length mink coat, and took it to a furrier for them to send out to be cleaned. I now have to decide whether to have it restyled or to trade it in for something else. The furrier says that it is a good quality mink, but the style is very eighties, so that would have to be changed if I decided to keep this one rather than trade it in.

    I am in my early thirties, and very rarely attend a formal function to which I could wear a fur coat. If I had not inherited this coat, I probably would never in my life own a fur, but this coat has sentimental value. My father bought it for my mother, then years later they divorced, and more years later he passed away and she gave it to me.

    • A good friend had her grandmother’s mink made into a throw that she cuddles under while watching TV. This was partially because of worn areas in the fur, so wearing it as a coat would not have been possible.

      With the leftover pieces, she hopes to make some throw pillows, but hasn’t gotten around to having that done.

    • so anonymous :

      Since the coat has sentimental value, I would hang onto it. I feel like styles come back in – in the past few years, the 1920′s stoles seem to have been in style, but that will surely evolve into a rehash of a different era. The 80′s-style furs are sure to come back, and you will love to rock it out then!

      • It is VERY eighties. Think huge sholder pads.

        • Always a NYer :

          You could always remove the shoulder pads.

        • Because of the sentimental value, I personally would have it restyled rather than trade it in. If you were going to trade it in, maybe just take cash rather than a coat and buy a piece of jewelry and try to transfer the sentimental attachment to that.

          Maybe you can have a small stole (and hat and or muff?) made from a piece of it; I’m thinking something that, when you wear it over another coat,would look kind of like a collar. Then you would get more wear out of it. I like the throw blanket idea as well.

    • If I were in your position, I think I’d be inclined to have the coat cleaned so that you can safely keep it in your home. Then I would sit on the decision for a while. If, over the course of the next year or two, you find yourself saying “Hm, I might wear mom’s coat to X event if only it …” See how you feel about it. Maybe you will decide to keep this coat, either the way it is or with minimal restyling, so it will really be “mom’s coat” to you.

    • A friend’s mom inherited a fur coat a while back and had it cut down. She used the remnants to make a cute scarf and ear muffs for my friend. Not exactly the same situation, but maybe it will give you ideas…

    • I would definitely keep the mink you have, both because 1. it’s sentimental, and 2. because I don’t like the idea of killing another animal when you have a perfectly acceptable dead one already. My personal fur credo is that I will never buy or wear a new fur, but that I am fine with the two furs I was given, both of which were owned by others before me.

      An idea for a re-style, if you don’t want the full-on fur coat–a shrug. My mink is a shrug, and it’s a bit less in-your-face look-at-my-giant-fur-lined-with-dollar-bills than a coat, so I think I get more use out of it.

    • Keep the fur coat and have it restyled into a more “today” piece. And what about wearing it just for the heck of it? Granted, I think this may be a “where are you living” situation, but I would pull it out for dinner or to go to the theater or over to a friend’s house.

      • This. I have a fur from my mother. Its not work wear, but general winter use I pull it on, belt it (I haven’t got round to tailoring it down for me yet) and wear something that is sentimental to me

    • Divaliscious11 :

      I’d have it styled so it was a more modern cut. I have a full length dark/more formal coat, but I also have a knee length more casual coat….

      • i would never buy a fur coat per animal reasons. if you decide to get rid of yours, animal shelters welcome them because homeless baby animals love them to cuddle on.

        • Divaliscious11 :

          On the off chance you DID intend to post this to me…. Not likely. I like my furs and may buy another! If people don’t like fur, they shouldn’t buy it.

        • If you meant this for me- I won’t get rid of my fur for animal reasons. When I said I wouldn’t buy myself a fur, it was really for style reasons. I wear leather and eat meat.

          Thanks to everyone for your suggestions. I think I will get it restyled, and see if they can make it reversible. That way, if I don’t want to show all the fur, I can wear it with the fur in the lining and the collar and cuffs. I saw this on some of their modern coats, albeit shorter ones. I will take ADL’s advice and find at least one excuse to wear it this winter. Maybe this upcoming winter won’t be weirdly warm like the last one was.

    • Clueless Summer :

      If you don’t think you ever will/are not comfortable with wearing a fur coat to the events you go to, I would suggest perhaps making it into the lining of a coat? (Assuming you are in a climate where fur-like warmth is needed in the winter). I know a woman with a nice black wool coat that has a removable fur “liner” – so she gets the lovely warmth and softness of the fur, but what other people see is a normal black coat.

  11. another tj – I have to recommend this JC Penney Worthington $22 skirt.

    http://tinyurl.com/829gk69

    For the talls out there, I’m 5’10″ and it hits me mid-knee.

    It is not quite as vanity-sized as lines like Talbots, but I found the size chart accurate.

    I forgot I had it (impulse buy when ordering shirts for my husband.) I just grabbed it from my closet and thought it was one of my usual Talbot’s or Nordstrom skirts. It really is of pretty nice quality, particularly considering it’s only $22!

    I think the style is probably comparable to The Skirt.

  12. Threadjack:

    This is sort of a follow-up to the proofreading threads earlier this week. What’s on your proofreading checklist? My basic ones are: automatic spell check, search for double periods, search for all defined terms (with “match case” enabled).

    I also keep a document-specific list as I’m working on the document of things that I know might get missed.

    What are yours? For reference, I’m in Biglaw, corporate junior associate.

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

      I know that I use a lot of passive voice, sometimes have issues with subject verb agreement, and subject verb gaps, so I review my documents just for those issues on top of other reviewing. Also, I recently learned that I can make my Mac read my documents to me, so I do that before I submit anything. It helps point out awkward language.

    • I don’t have a checklist. I go word by word. Sentence by sentence. Paragraph by paragraph, etc. I check every element. I also proofread it by reading backwards.

      • I am the same way. I do have a checklist for what needs to be included in a brief pursuant to our state rules, since I forgot something once and had to file an amended brief which made me feel like a giant idiot.

      • Same here, minus the backwards proofreading. Twice, and then once more after it’s been attached to the email.

    • Anonymous :

      Check for common typos that do not get caught by spellcheck, ie. “doe snot” for “does not”.

      Remember to add unusual words that you use often (i.e. client names) to your personal dictionary in spellcheck, but be cautious if the word is too close to a common mispelling.

    • Moonstone :

      I was a copy editor for publications for many years before I started supervising paralegals. Of course you are checking every word, as the other responses have said, but after you have done that, you will catch the most serious of your errors if you go through the document and doublecheck the spelling of every proper noun, and then go through again to look at every number/figure/numeral. It’s anti-environmental, but that’s where a printout really helps — you highlight each name or number after you have checked it.

      I am afraid to post this because I am worried a mistake is lurking!

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I posted about my recent tortuous/tortious error. I’m reading something on the court’s website now and they have it spelled wrong too!!

    • MissJackson :

      I keep a list of partner-specific stylistic proof reading items. You know — Partner A likes italics whereas Partner B prefers underlining, Partner C wants two spaces after colons, Partner D is a transition-word fanatic. Basically every time I get a document back and it is marked up by a Partner, I use those stylistic corrections to make a list of personal preferences. It helps a lot and you can be a superhero and pass it on to the younger associates.

    • I find it really helpful to do the final proof on hard copy. It makes it easier for me to spot any spacing errors. But even before that, there’s something called reveal codes or reveal formatting that will show you spaces on your documents so you can really spot any errors.
      I also add to dictionary very liberally for commonly used words and I do “ignore for this document” or whatever for any names I don’t want added but I don’t want highlighted in red.
      If at all possible, I try to give myself some time to get away from the document before proofing (even if it’s ten minutes). Check all the citations and search for “v.” to make sure I haven’t missed any cases. If I have any words that I could possibly mistype, I’ll run a quick search for that word (principal/principle, rational/rationale) or just try to pay extra attention to words like that.

    • In addition to what everyone else mentioned:
      I search to make sure that all parties are referred to the same way the whole way through, i.e. John Smith shouldn’t be Plaintiff in one sentence, John in another, and Mr. Smith in another. Or, if he is, it’s at least the result of a conscious choice.

      I also do a separate proof of all headers and footers- I’ve learned the hard way that if I don’t, I’ll often miss inconsistencies.

    • I always search for “trail” to make sure that there’s not a mis-typing of “trial.” You can add specific similar searches based on your particular case.

      • When it absolutely, positively, has to be perfect, I do the following (very tedious process).

        1) Read out loud, slowly (although having the computer read it is a really good idea too!) to catch any weird phrasing and the like.

        2) Print it out and from the very top of the page (including the caption) make a checkmark over eveery single word, indicating that it is (a) spelled correctly, (b) has the right amount of spacing around it and (c) is punctuated correctly. I have caught so, so many errors this way, even on documents I had reviewed multiple times and had reviewed by others. In fact no matter how many times I review a document, I always catch errors when I go at it again with this methos.

        3) for extra credit, now print out another copy and make brackets around each sentence to check for (a) correct tense, (b) subject-verb agreement (c) not run-on. Although I find a lot of this is covered in step 2.

        4) For bluebooking, while I am drafting, I always out the full cite ( No “Ibid”) until I am totally completely done with drafting and the document has been approved to be put in final. This way, if you re-arrange your paragraphs somewhere in the process, you don’t have “Id” referring to the wrong case.

        I am going to add party name consistency to my list! That’s one I don’t do as methodically.

    • I do some work for utilities before my state’s regulatory body, the Public Service Commission. I always run a search for “pubic” because it’s very easy to miss!

      • Tee hee. We mistyped “made a pubic disclosure” rather than a “public disclosure” in a PowerPoint presentation argued by biglaw sr partner at a federal ct hearing.

    • Read your document backwards. Seriously – it helps so much to keep your brain from skipping over sentences where you *think* you remember exactly what you said.

    • I check for hanging participles, passive voice, subject verb agreement, improperly placed commas, and other punctuation. I find it best to do all that on a hard copy using a red pen because I can see all corrections easily when I have to make them to the electronic version. I do another review just for proper Bluebook citations at very end.

  13. Happy Friday! I’m hoping for a sunny weekend.

    • My car thermostat said 103 when I left the mall this afternoon. Yeesh.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Sometimes weI flirt with the idea of moving to New Orleans… but that would be why it’s not as compelling as it otherwise might be. 103 degrees and what, 80% humidity??

        • I’m not sure it really was 103 degrees – just what my car thermostat said after it had been sitting in a totally unshaded mall parking lot. It’s probably 86-88 It’s actually not all that humid today (relatively speaking) – about 50%. I’m not going to lie – the summers are brutal and we’re so tired of our summer clothes by October that we want to burn them. But you get used to it (and I’m from northwestern PA). I am so acclimated to the humidity that I go north in the winter and I itch all over incessantly. We also treat our summers like the winter up north. You just don’t go out in it. I go from my air conditioned house to my air conditioned car to my air conditioned office.

  14. anonymous :

    I live in the city and have to be on Long Island for some of this weekend. I’d like to go up to the North Fork and do something outside. Suggestions for places to go/thinks to do please?

    • long time lurker :

      Love the North Fork. To me it is all about the farmstands and the wineries. Paumanok is my favorite vineyard. The smaller ones, like Old Field, are preferable to the large ones, like Pindar, because they seem to spend more time explaining their wines. A few of them, Osprey’s in particular, will have live music and space to picnic and enjoy their wines. My view on the wines is that North Fork does whites fairly well, like chardonnay – a trend is that they do not age them in oak, but if you are an oak fan you will find it if you look. The reds can be iffier, although some of the Merlot is OK. Just saying that while it is a thriving industry it is not the level of Bordeaux or Napa really. Other than vineyards, the tiny town of Mattituck has a delicious cheese shop and a cute restaurant Love Lane Kitchen (sweet potato fries yum). Greenport has some nice restaurants, as well. The North Fork Table and Inn is supposed to be fabulous (have not yet been).

      Around Peconic Bay I believe there are places to rent kayaks if you are into that. And bike rentals. It’s a pretty flat place, so it would not be challenging.

    • Always a NYer :

      If you like homemade pie or jam, stop at Briermere Farms in Riverhead – 4414 Sound Avenue. They have a website so I’d check that out. When I lived in Nassau county, we’d always go there at least twice a year, their pies are that good!

    • I’ve only been to the North Fork once, but really loved it. I thought Green Port was such a cute little town, with quaint shops and cozy restaurants. We really enjoyed walking around and checking out the stores. We went to a few of the larger vineyards, including Pindar. I definitely felt that their tasting rooms were a bit crazy – they were very packed. However, it was really nice to buy a bottle of wine and sit outside enjoying the nice weather, beautiful scenery and live bands. Probably, if I was in charge of where we went, I probably would have tried the smaller vineyards – but my friends were more concerned about having the outdoor activities available at the vineyards than the tasting room experience.

  15. Ladies, I need your advice. This last week I was at an out-of-town wedding for an old work friend. She and I used to work in the same building, but now live across the country. We usually only see each other when I am in her city for work once or twice a year. I hardly knew anyone at the wedding, and my BF was out of town, so I was on my own. The wedding was gorgeous, and I spent a lot of the time with a fabulous gay guy who has been a good friend to my friend, although we hadn’t met until the wedding weekend. Ceremony? Gorgeous. Drinks with FGG? Lovely. Reception? Fun fun fun, and then I all of the sudden I was so drunk. I told the groom that if he hurt my friend, I would kill him, and then burst in to tears. I was flirting with the bride’s brother (attention seeking behavior) and drinking like it was my job. At one point the bride’s brother asked if I have a bf what was I doing with him. Good point – nothing happened, but not the kind of behavior my bf would have liked. Eventually the bride’s brother and sister packed me into a cab after an ill-advised cigarette smoking adventure. I got sick in the cab, sick at my friend’s apartment where I was staying, and am now going through a huge shame spiral. I tried friending FGG on FB, but he hasn’t responded and now I can’t see his profile through mutual friends, although previously I could, which I am of course taking personally.

    I want to send the bride (who is currently on her honeymoon) an email or a card to say that I had a blast, and I was really out of control, and to apologize for being such a mess. I am not a mean-spirited drunk, but I am a goofball and usually hate myself the next day for being so ridiculous. I will never see FGG or her family again, but I am really beating myself up over this, and I am SICK at the thought that me acting like a crazy person – especially to her family – could wreck our friendship. On the other hand, she has told me her brother is a pro-drinker so maybe they will all chalk it up to good old-fashioned wedding shenanigans?

    Thoughts?

    • Worry not! Forgive yourself, send the bride and the FGG (if you can track him down) a nice note emphasizing how much fun you had with a sincere apology and move on. Rest assured that others are obsessing about their own behaviors, outfits, regrets and only gave your behavior a passing thought. You can only control your feelings/reaction at this point. Be good to yourself. And focus on the fun you sound like you had!!!

    • Agree w/ Betsy Bee about no one else is giving your behavior as much thought as you are. Time will make it better. Here’s a story for you: at my wedding to my ex, a very very very close family friend of mine made out with my cousin on the dance floor and then up against the wall and then blocked a door so that the wait staff couldn’t come out of the kitchen. Then took him home with her (he flew in from Hawaii and had a hotel room of his own and his mom/dad/brothers were in town, too). He got sick in the car (note: my friend’s FGG was the designated driver). They both came the next day to a bbq and it was awkward for them, but my attitude was, eh, it’s close family friend and cousin, they are adults, and there is more to their character than whatever happened that day. Sure, we noticed it, but honestly, we all laughed about it and, knowing both of them, we all knew they were mortified. I never bring it up to friend but occasionally she brings it up. My parents still adore her, etc. etc.

    • Sorry. Frankly, I did similar things at 2 weddings in my mid-20′s, and that’s when I stopped drinking heavily. Will have a glass of wine now occasionally, but I haven’t been drunk since the second of those two weddings as my shame was great. I have been much happier ever since.
      I eventually apologized verbally to at least one person… he doesn’t love me for sure and that’s ok.
      Unfortunately, one of those two weddings was my own. Sigh. Live and learn. Well, I’ll never look back and wonder what if I had partied it up for a long time- very comfortable in my current lifestyle choices.

    • anon for this :

      Um. I once attended a casual get-together for mothers of my child’s preschool class and ended up vomiting in the hostess’s yard. I wanted to die, pretty much. (She sold wine for a living and kept refilling my glass and I’m not a big drinker… )

      I had to call to apologize in the morning because my car was still at her house (as obviously I didn’t drive myself home.) She was gracious, I was humiliated, but it passed. I am pretty sure no one even remembers it, and it’s not my regular social circle.

      That said, it was a red flag for me that a particularly stressful situation in my life was impacting my decision-making. So I attended to that as best I could. If you have a pattern of acting out, hard drinking, what you identify as “attention-seeking behavior,” etc. then maybe it’s time to stop drinking and take a hard, cold look at your behavior. What a relief it would be to not have that kind of morning ever again, right?

    • MissJackson :

      From a bride’s perspective: my wedding was one of the drunkest event I have ever attended (and I was a sorority girl). We broke all the records for the venue for alcohol cost. At one point, I had a conversation with my uncle wherein afterward I was like, “whoa, I am the only sober person here.” My brother in law came running up to me at one point to tell me how much he loved my extended family (later found out that my extended family convinced him to do shots with them). We provided transportation back to the hotel from the reception and so no one worried about over indulging. I spent the last hour of my wedding dancing with my good friend and using my full skirt as a privacy barrier because she was wearing a short dress and kept showing the world her hoo-ha. One of my friends apparently got sick on the bus on the way back to the hotel. My cousin was so drunk and smitten by some of my college friends that he apparently managed to figure out what room in the hotel they were staying in and drunk dialed them.

      I got the most. amazing. ever. notes, emails, facebook messages, etc. afterward. I would literally laugh for hours! People were so so so so apologetic. The bus puker sent me this “I’m so sorry I got sick please let me pay for everything” email, my cousin was so mortified and worried that he had offended everyone. Honestly, it was no big deal. People had a lot of fun at my wedding, and that was all I cared about. So go ahead and send the bride a message, ask the bride to send your apologies to anyone else involved, but know that the bride will likely get the biggest chuckle out of this :)

      Everyone has a night like this in their lives that they wish that they could take back. Don’t stress out about it.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        My wedding was the same. We were young and the first of our college friends to get married. My husband grew up over seas so we had friends and family from all over the world in town. We had an open bar and a bus. There were sooooo many hook up stories. One friend threw up on the bus. We were in a limo starting our honeymoon so we had no idea. My fave story though is my mother in laws friend’s husband got so drunk at the rehearsal dinner that he missed the 2 pm ceremony. My in-law’s room also had a murphy bed and one of their friends got locked in it somehow. The “adults” were more out of control than the recent college grads. Everyone still talks about how our wedding was the best they had been to in a long time.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          Though I will add, the girl that threw up on the bus no longer drinks. A few years later she decided she was a problem drinker and had to stop.

    • Seriously, everybody will get over it. It happens. My brother and my uncle came to my wedding without their wives (long trip and my nephew was an infant) and both of them overindulged. My uncle (then in his 50s) ended up peeing off of the second floor balcony of the hotel where we had our reception and where everyone was staying. His brother was horrified. We just laughed. Nobody said anything about it afterward.

    • Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend instead…

      And yeah, it’s worth apologizing just to be polite but it’s not something she is losing sleep over.

      • I agree, prob time to break up with the bf. But I think you are beating yourself up much more than they are thinking about it

    • Thoughts? Consider AA.
      Yes, nobody was paying as much attention to your behavior as you are. But this sounds like a red flag that you’re out of control…

      • um, AA?! uh, that is an extreme reaction to one incident. *Everyone* has a few bad-decision-making moments in their lives, it’s called Life! And over-indulging at a wedding is classic, as the other stories above show.

        OP – everyone else’s advice is spot on, you will be fine! This has happened to all of us. But not anon’s advice: you did some flirting and drank too much, on ONE NIGHT. That does not an alcoholic make. Don’t let anyone make you feel like this is the end of the world. You will be fine, and you can make better decisions next time. Hugs.

        • Thanks everyone! FWIW, a little more background: I usually have a one-and-done drinking policy (due to previous am-I-an-alkie-? concerns a few years ago), and I only have this issue at weddings I go to by myself. So, I’ve already decided that I’m not going to weddings by myself any more. I am keeping the BF. Nothing happened with the brother other than flirting, and I haven’t been in a relationship for ages, so I’m chalking this one up as lessons learned and reaffirmed.

          Thanks again for sharing your stories! This is my first time posting. But I’ll be back. :)

        • Um, no they don’t. Seriously, the assumption that all women behave like this is offensive. She knows she behaved like an idiot. There is no magic pass for weddings to behave like an idiot.

          And I think getting smashed, threatening your friends husband, crying, flirting with the non boyfriend and then wondering if you should apologize on a public message board are all cries for attention that you may at least want to think about. In particular you should not threaten people, apologize to the groom as well as the bride.

          • wow, i think you are being really hard on the OP, Loking. Plus, I was saying we all have bad decision making moments, not saying all women have done exactly this… but if you can find someone who has *never* done something they regret, I’ll give you a hundred bucks. And people have admitted things their not proud of on this site before. The flip side of that: judging people you don’t know, from a few sentences on the internet, anonymously, is very easy. I don’t think that’s what this community is here for.

          • I think when you’ve reached the point of threatening to kill someone you should expect judgement. I don’t think telling her that it’s okay is helpful- it is not okay to threaten anyone. Would you like being threatened by your partner’s friend on your wedding day?

            I did not say she is an idiot and I’m sure she’s a smart woman like the rest of us. What she did was a series of idiotic things. She came here clearly looking for people to say that her behavior can get a pass. No, you do not get a pass- apologize to your boyfriend, your friend and the husband and try and behave like a civilized human being.

          • I did not mean to imply that I actually threatened the groom with violence – it was more like a “this person is special to me and I will never forgive you if you mess with her” sort of thing, which I think was understood by everyone. It’s not like I was armed. And I can’t believe I just wrote that!

            I wasn’t looking for a free pass, I know an apology is in order. I was more looking for assurance that this is not the end of the world.

            Thanks for your support, zora. Hugs back ‘atcha for understanding.

          • And I think EVERYONE else understood that, Uh Oh. It is definitely *not* the end of the world. ;o)

          • Your initial post says very clearly that you threatened to kill him if he hurt your friend. Sure you were drunk and you didn’t mean it literally- it does not mean that you didn’t threaten him.

            That is clearly what your post says, not that you implied a threat or that you implied violence or that you threatened to defriend him on Facebook or whatever you are now saying happened.

            You are not honest and I’m not bothering with this anymore.

          • I didn’t take that literally when I read it. I highly doubt the groom felt his life was in danger. It’s like when someone says “Oh I’ve done x a million times!”. I don’t expect that they have an Excel spreadsheet counting the times they’ve done x.

          • Seriously, honey. You’re the one out of control here. Dial it down, sistah.

    • I think you were “that girl” at this wedding. Every wedding I have ever been to has had a “that girl” and a “that guy.” I think it would be gracious of you to email the bride and groom, the bride’s brother, your friend whose apartment you got sick in, the FGG, and anyone else who was affected by your episode and apologize; say you were too excited to eat and the alcohol caught up with you way faster than you expected. Then never mention it again and in a year no one will remember anymore. Don’t worry. I’ve been “that girl” too; I think most of us have been.

      • I agree with Bluejay.

        After one time of being “that girl,” I never ever want to be her again. So use whatever works for you to behave a little better next time (having an escort, stopping after one, whatever works).

        But yes, it’s not the end of the world. We do stupid stuff sometimes. But we also learn from it.

    • Working Girl :

      Honey, you sound fun. Do not beat yourself up. It’s a much bigger deal to you than to anyone else. You did not “act like a crazy person.” One of my friends was so out of control at my wedding that the guests next door to her in the hotel–who unfortunately happened to be relatives of my husband–called the cops to complain about the loud partying all night. There were cigarettes and there were inapprorpriate hook ups, and I am glad she had fun. There is nothing wrong with you letting loose a little, and your friend should be glad people had a good time at her wedding.

  16. Looking for tips for getting out of bed. Work is super slow – and it’s oh so hard to get going in the morning with a long slow day to dread …. Anyone have a great morning routine that helps?

    • Get a dog that bothers you incessantly, starting around 6 a.m., until you get up and go for a walk with her. By the time you come in from your 30-minute walk, you will have woken up and, bonus! started your day with physical activity.

      Be warned that, effective as she is as an alarm clock, your dog will not understand the concept of “days off,” and that she will torpedo your plans to lie in bed until 7:00, like the sloth you are, by licking your toes and aggressively jingling her dog tags.

      • PharmaGirl :

        See also: babies.

      • Ha! This is how I get out of bed in the morning. Except my dog has learned there is one sure way to get my attention while I am pretending to still be asleep: she licks my mouth! Eww! I take off her tags before bed though, so at least she’s quiet. I have to get up at the same time every day to take her out though, no sleeping in on the weekend. At least she’s always willing to go back to sleep when we get back.

        • Ooh that’s a good call to take the tags off at night. Hadn’t even thought about it. Will implement immediately, and be grateful she only licks my toes, not my mouth!

          • Another idea – put a rubber band around the tags or buy a dog-tag pouch available on amaz*n – if your dog gets lost, the tags are still easy to access.

      • Firm to In-House? :

        a.: Do we share a dog???

    • For me, it helps to get up 2-3 hours before I actually have to leave for work, and to do something enjoyable during that time. I start my day with a good cup of coffee on the couch while watching the news and playing on the internet, and then some kind of exercise (running on the river if it’s nice out). By the time I have to shower and leave for work, I’ve already had a nice little morning of doing things I like, so going to work doesn’t feel as oppressive.

      • This is my preferred method – although usually it’s working out followed by puttering around while getting ready for work.

        Working out in the morning only happens regularly if I have a class to go to.

    • I shower in order to get clean at night, but in the mornings when I don’t feel like getting out of bed, I get up, switch on the kettle so I’ll have hot water ready for my coffee, and then get in a hot shower (with my hair up to keep it dry) and just stand there for 10 minutes. I feel totally awake by the time I get out.

      I am not a morning person, so there is no way in heck I’m getting up and going outside to exercise. Gah.

    • I go to work early and I’m not a morning person so I try to stay with a routine and a schedule. When I wake up, I turn on my laptop but give myself a short amount of time to mess around with that before I get in the shower. That wakes me up. Then I do hair and makeup and I take a good amount of time to read the paper and have breakfast and coffee. If I rush, I just have a harder time convincing myself to get out early, despite having to get up earlier. The only thing that ever makes me late is dithering over clothes and shoes. Feeling good about what I’m wearing does wonders to get me going. But seriously, I know what you mean. I have been crazy crazy busy at work then I had a day this week where I had virtually nothing on my calendar and I sat on my bed before work trying to convince myself to go.

  17. Housecleaning question: does anyone have any good tips for rinsing cleaning products off your shower (in my case, porcelain tiles and clear glass doors) if you do not have a hand-held spraying attachment? I feel like so many commercials talk about things like “spray, rinse and walk away,” but rising is a huge pain in the behind if you cannot spray :(

    On a related note, any ideas how expensive it would be to replace my shower head (assuming it’s even possible)? I am not handy and live alone, so I would need to hire … a plumber? A handyman?

    • K in... Transition :

      http://www.amazon.com/Peerless-76950-Shower-System-Chrome/dp/B000LV9V9Y/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1336158050&sr=8-4

      I have this… basically you unscrew the showerhead you have and screw this one on following the included directions, a 10 min project total.

    • Like to replace it with a handheld? If your showerhead unscrews (all the places I lived they did. The whole bracket doesn’t come out it just the head. And then you just buy a hand held at bed bath and beyond and screw it in! 30 bucks and easy peasy. I’m not handy at all. If you are looking for a full replace I’m not sure, but I always replace my showerhead with a nice handheld one that mounts with adjustable spray.

      • So actually this doesn’t necessarily work. I always have used a handheld, and I thought I would just replace the showerhead in my current apartment with a handheld. But the existing pipe is too high up and too close to the wall for a handheld to fit properly; I’d have to install a shower head mount with a moveable bar or something to get it to work right. So OP should look carefully at her shower setup before deciding to just replace the showerhead.

        Also, if her showerhead’s been on there a long time, it is probably stuck pretty good and she’ll need vise grips, a wrench, and a lot of upper body strength to get it off.

    • If you want to screw a new showerhead on, I would also recommend getting plumber’s tape. Basically, you tape the screw part, and then screw the new head on over that. It will work without it, but it is much better to do it with it. There must be a you tube video.

      • 2nd teflon tape (what the plumber’s tape is called.) I just went through this installing a drip system for my kitchen garden. Battling a leak, I finally learned that hose threads, like sprinkler to garden hose connections, are made watertight using washers. Pipe threads, like what you find in shower heads, are made watertight using teflon tape.

        (And my problem was, I was connecting a pipe thread to a hose thread. )

    • For the shower head: If it’s clogged, soak it in CLR. If all else fails, buy a new one. They’re not expensive. And the ones with the extra hand-held spraying attachment aren’t expensive either. I am fairly handy but trust me, it’s not hard.

    • People who say diamonds are a girl’s best friend probably never heard of a hand shower :-)

      Seriously, aim one at medium/low speed at your privates.

    • If you are not going to switch shower heads, fill a bucket half-way with warm water and slowly pour the water down the walls. The water should run in a sheet down the wall. Be careful- if you go too fast, it will splash all over the tub (and you).

  18. I am supposed to go on a business trip, and was selected to go largely because I said I was already THINKING of travelling to the location on my next vacation (so I would just tack-on a few days of work). However, this place is FAR, and I was just considering the possibility of going- which I thought I made very clear. I did express a lot of enthusiasm in going because that is what junior people are supposed to do!

    At first, it was clear to me that the firm would be paying for my expenses and trip there. Now, I am getting the impression I am expected to go, and on top of that, expected to pay for my flight (which will be $$) and no mention of any accommodation such as hotels, etc. has been made. I am quite junior and I have tried to bring it up but the question keeps kind of getting brushed off.

    How to I fix this? The time is approaching to book the flights, and I don’t have thousands of dollars lying around to take random trips. I tried to speak with the person today but she is running around all day and didn’t have a moment to bring up such an awkward conversation (money is always awkward). Would an email be okay? Help!

    • Get over the awkwardness. Put your big girl pants on approach the person.
      You could approach it with the assumption that they are covering the costs “it’s gettin close to the time to purchase tickets for x. What will the procedure for reimbursement be? I’ll also need some guidance about budget for accommodations, per diem, etc”

    • I have to say, I’ve never heard of a firm expecting someone to pay for their own business trip and it’s considered totally normal to take advantage of a firm trip to tack on some vacation time. With that in mind, the way I might approach it is to say “You know, I need to book my flight to X location, and given the expensive flight, it would be difficult for me to front that money myself. Is their a way to have it billed directly to the firm?”

      If they were expecting you to pay for the flight yourself then, yes, that will be awkward but it’s an entirely unreasonable request and so it should be awkward for them. You should not feel awkward at all. And it is completely reasonable to, at that point, say that you had said that you were considering taking a vacation there, you had not made any firm plans, and you, at this point, are simply not planning to do so in the absence of this business trip.

      • Thanks for the tips- I already sent out the e-mail about how many days i should plan for business so I knew how many days I would be accommodated, and it got brushed aside- the only reply I got was “it is hard for us to predict how many days you will be working given the nature of the business trip”.

        I also emailed about the costs of flights, but I guess I didn’t directly state that “how will I be reimbursed”?

        I just found out I got a permanent position at the company, which is why I’m so concerned about causing drama. Another reason why it’s awkward is because of the dynamics of the people I’m working with- in that, they generally don’t like to be told what to do with their money (as partners). So it’s a bit of a dance to make sure I am not taken advantage of while not sounding demanding at the same time.

        • “it is hard for us to predict how many days you will be working given the nature of the business trip”.

          That would make me worry that you might not get your actual vacation time respected, which makes it even more important that they understand that they need to pay your expenses. I would directly ask about the procedures for booking travel and how you will be reimbursed.

        • have a conversation, don’t handle through email. this is ridiculous. tell them simply where you are at on the matter and confirm they’ll be paying for the business travel, or that you aren’t going there for business.

        • Don’t say “how will I be reimbursed”, say “which is the firm’s travel agency, and who handles tickets?”. It sounds like you want to avoid reimbursement talk at all costs, make sure they pay up front. Bad enough that you probably won’t hardly get a vacation at all..

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      If it is a business trip, it needs to be a treated as a business expense (with any additional days you tack on on your own dime, of course). Plenty of companies, however, require you to book your own travel and pay for your own hotels, and reimburse you afterward. Perhaps that is how your company does things?

      I would email accounting or HR and say “I haven’t traveled for Company before. What is the protocol regarding expenses? Am I expected to book through a company travel agent or with a corporate card, or keep my receipts to submit for reimbursement? In addition, if you could forward me any standard information as to what Company considers reasonable reimbursable business expenses for travel, that would be helpful.” (the second sentence because many companies will pay for coach, not business, up to $X/day on meals, etc).

    • Yes, I think email is fine, but I’m confused. How do you know that you were selected for the biz trip because you mentioned to your bosses that you were thinking of traveling to this place?

      • Because we were all in a meeting and they casually mentioned we might need to go in person to get the info from the company, and I casually mentioned “Oh, I was thinking of going there on my time off.”

    • A business trip is paid for by the company, period. I’ve had co-workers go on trips where they have friends/family and stay a few extra days but the companies have always paid airfare and hotel/meals for the relevant days with the employee picking up the costs for any extra nights in hotel, extra charges for the rental car. I’ve done this too, but never at my expense for the business part. Sometimes you can get a better airfare if you stay over a Saturday night, so that benefits the company: These airfare deals are less common than they used to be.

      I think bringing it up by email is fine and even better it gets you a written record of the authorization, if they indeed authorize it. Most companies don’t expect a junior-level folks to front the costs of such a trip. Do you have a company expense credit card? If not, I would not book anything without written confirmation that they will pay you back. Actually, I’d ask that someone with an expense card pay for the tickets instead of you putting it on your own credit card. You should also read the company policy manual on business travel expenses, which most mid- to large-size companies would have, to see how it addresses reimbursement for travel expenses and guidelines (such as always flying coach and maximum hotel costs and/or per diem for meals).

      Depending on what you find out about policies, I would say something like “The trip to X is coming up soon and if ABC company/department wants me to go, reservations need to be made soon. As you know, I don’t have a corporate expense credit card, so I need to make arrangements for someone to put it on their company card or to have accounting cut me a check for the airfare. I’ve read our travel policy, and have found Flight 000 on Allways Airline for $X, which looks like a good price. Hotel Y is near the meeting location and their rates are $X a night, and I’ll be staying X nights. (If I stay additional nights, I will pay for them myself.) If you approve of these expenditures, I will make the reservations on Monday. If you have other suggestions, let me know. ” Good luck!

      • “Most companies don’t expect a junior-level folks to front the costs of such a trip.”

        Ha! I wish. Two weeks after I started a ($33k/yr) job, entry level, I was expected to book (on my own credit cards) a trip that with airfare and hotels, came to $5k. None of it was reimbursed until two weeks after the trip, and I had to get my parents to front me the money since the corporate policy was that all travel was booked by employees and reimbursed afterward (so no one had a corporate card, except the CEO).

        • Similar situation at my last company. All employees, regardless of seniority were expected to front the money for hotels, cabs/public transportation, and meals, all to be reimbursed later. Depending on how long you were on the road, it was possible to rack up quite a lot of expenses!

          Plane/train trips were booked through corporate travel agency and paid by company directly.

        • Moonstone :

          My place is like this, too. It’s one of the big differences between Biglaw and a smaller firm that’s not run the way most businesses run.

          • I’m in biglaw, and our airfare is usually paid directly by the firm, but we have to front meals/hotel, which can be a LOT depending on city and length of trip. However, the firm will pay the annual fee for a credit card if you use is only for business expenses, which can help to keep your normal credit card freed up.

          • I’m working a small (18 attorney) firm as a first-year attorney. Every lawyer in my firm has a firm credit card for booking travel arrangements (we do a LOT of it). Per our handbook and the partners, meals, hotels, rental cars, gas in rental cars, etc are permissible uses for the card. The only thing that I am later reimbursed for is mileage that I put on my personal vehicle driving to out-of-town hearings.

            This conversation is making me realize how lucky I am, even more than I already did.

        • This. Most small companies operate this way.

        • Another Sarah :

          Same here. Although my company will pay the extra interest on the business expenses if I can’t pay the whole thing. We get paid once a month, so sometimes this happens because someone’s bill is due before getting the paycheck with the reimbursement.

          • Wow, this is horrible. I wouldn’t front my large corporation a single dollar. I take out cash advances on my corporate credit card. Helpful perspective as there are things about said large company that are annoying (like processing the receipts). But we’d never be asked to pay for international business class tickets etc. that can be $10,000 per trip.

    • “Dear X,

      Since I’m supposed to be going to Location on Date, I need to get tickets and book accommodations. Who is our firm’s travel agent and what is the billing code I should give her for the charges? Also, how do I arrange to receive my per diem?

      Thanks,
      Anon”

      • This is great wording.
        And then, if they write back and say that you have to pay for it yourself, and you can’t afford it, I think you need to just be honest:
        “I am sorry, I assumed the company covered business trips. I do not have the resources right now to front the expenses for this trip. I appreciate the opportunity, thank you for thinking of me.”
        and then see what happens. Get used to awkward stuff like this, unfortunately, it’s the reality of being an adult, sometimes other people are bad at communication. :o( I still get that sinking feeling in my stomach when I have to deal with things like this, it hasn’t so much gotten easier, as I’ve gotten used to powering through and I know that at some point it will be over, and it probably won’t be a big deal. good luck!

      • This. It’s much better to approach them in a way that assumes they’re paying and you don’t have to front anything (because this is the way well-run businesses work, frankly, except maybe the per diem – at my job we get it reimbursed, not advanced). This way if they’re going to be jerks or have some stupid policy, they have to feel awkward explaining it to you.

      • I like this wording. Its also good to note in most places the admin staff will know the answer to theses types of questions. I do alot of short term contracts and try to make friends with the admin staff so I have someone to ask stuff like policy on travel expenses and the like.

  19. D Train South :

    These shoes remind me of the tropical-print flats I wore as a middle school student in the 80s. I loved those shoes and felt so fashion-forward and grown up wearing them. It all comes back around, doesn’t it?

  20. tall girls :

    Where do you really tall ladies (5’10″+) find cheap, work-appropriate dresses? My favorites in terms of price and style are The Limited and Target, but I find that most dresses from these places are too short for work, especially without tights. I hav e a decent winter dress wardrobe, but as we head into summer months I don’t really have any dresses I can wear to the office. I generally find BR/Ann Taylor overpriced for the quality, even with the sales. Anyone have suggestions (either retailers or specific links) for dresses that work on someone of my height and are under $100?

    • Anonymous :

      This one is a toughie (6 footer here). AT, BR, JCrew all have tall dresses. I tend to only wear separates/suits, although I am strongly considering some custom made dresses just so I can have a damn shift dress that fits.

      When I was very young and skinny, I would buy shift dresses two sizes too big, and have them tailored to fit, so the whole proportion waist/hips thing (lengthwise) could be tailored in.

    • I can’t wear dresses most of the time. I am 5’10″ and find the waist is usually at the wrong place for me, and having it go all the way up to my shoulders makes the dress hit too high at the hem. I wear separates.

      That said, I have been looking at eshakti because you can custom-order to your measurements.

    • I am a banana. :

      Talbots on sale.

    • Mountain Girl :

      I don’t have good luck with dresses. I tend to wear skirts most days because they are much more plentiful for us tall gals. A pretty fair share of my work clothes come from JCP and Gap. Eddie Bauer has talls and sometimes they have things that might work for a business casual office.

    • another anon :

      I have to wear tall dresses because of the placement of the waist. I wear tall dresses from Boden, Ann Taylor (usually when there’s a 30-40% off everything sale) and recently, one from the Gap.

    • I stalk BR sales. They will often have dresses that are 41″ long (my minimum for work). I won’t buy until they drop under $100.

    • associate :

      I have a couple Antonio Melani (sp?) from Dillards that are a pretty good length.

    • I’m going to have to plug Long Tall Sally! You can get some good quality, well priced work appropriate clothing all created for taller bodies (long sleeves! Lower darts! Longer hemlines!).

    • Divaliscious11 :

      Talbots, Nordstrom, BR (occasionally), Marshalls/TJ Maxx, Nordstrom’s Rack

    • Nordstrom does have tall women’s clothes. But it’s much easier of you develop a good relationship with one of their personal shoppers, who can snap up the rare things suitable for you as they go by.
      Then again, a dressmaker isn’t really more expensive.. Especially if you order several different fabrics/colors of the same pattern. I guarantee you nobody will know, they even deny it if you point it out :-).

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