Holiday Weekend Open Thread

Linea Pelle Jules 41785 ClutchSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

I still need to round up Labor Day sales, but right now Endless is the best I’ve seen in terms of selection and price — tons of great designers and pieces up to 50% off. Take this Linea Pelle clutch, which is boring but a great basic that every woman should have. Love the wrist strap and the woven leather. Was $195, but is now $97.50. Linea Pelle Jules 41785 Clutch

(L-3)

Comments

  1. karenpadi :

    Bay Area meet-up!

    Saturday Sept. 22 @ 1 pm
    Cafe Borrone, Menlo Park

  2. SF Bay Associate :

    I got the measurements on a bunch of the J.Crew suiting dresses, which I’ll list as replies. In comparison, I wear a size 2 in the No. 2 pencil. I just got the pepper tweed and love it. Measurements for item 99306 in size 2: the waist is 26 inches and the hip is 35.5 inches and the length for all sizes is 25 inches. You will all laugh at the difference in size 2 for the dresses:

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Origami dress:
      90322 Origami
      size 00 size 0 size 2
      chest 32.25 33.25 34.25
      waist 26.75 27.75 28.75
      hips 37.5 38.5 39.5
      length f.w. 20.25 20.5 20.75 (length from waist)

      for tall (14342), add two inches to the hem. Nothing is different about the tall size other than the hem length.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Formatting fail.

        size 00: 23.25 chest, 26.75 waist, 37.5 hips, 20.25 length from waist
        size 0: 33.25 chest, 27.75 waist, 38.5 hips, 20.5 length
        size 2: 34.25 chest, 28.75 waist, 39.5 hips, 20.75 length

      • This is why my origami dress is a size 6. In what universe does a size 2 have almost 40″ hips? (Frankly, the size 2 measurements here look pretty close to my own and, as I said, I’m tall and close to 160 lbs. Craziness.)

      • Cornellian :

        I think this shit is part of the reason I gained 15 lbs without noticing. I’m still a 0/2, despite being a solid two sizes larger in my new work wardrobe. guess I need to get a scale.

      • Before we get too crazy about the sizing, are these the actual garment measurements? Because while my hips may be the same as the size 2, nobody at work wants to see them in a dress with zero ease. You need a couple of extra inches there, less at the bust and waist (but still something.)

        • This was my thinking too. If it’s the actual garment size, not the size of the person the expect to put in the garment, then the dresses with inverted pleats around the waist are going to have more fabric around the hips than say, a pencil skirt.

          And for the talls – I know you said no differences in measurements, but did they measure the neck to waist distance? You don’t normally see that (and it would factor into the overall length) but would affect if the waist is dropped a bit for a longer torso.

    • Equity's Darling :

      I’m wearing the pepper tweed skirt today with my robes for my call! I also love it, it’s a great skirt:)

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Emmaleigh 24155
      Each size up adds 1″ in all measurements except hem, add .25″

      size 00: 33.25 chest, 26.25 waist, 35.5 hips, 20.75 length from waist
      size 0: 34.25 chest, 27.25 waist, 36.5 hips, 21 length from waist.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Memo 48444
      Each size up, add 1″ to all measurements except .25 to hem. For Tall, add 2″ to hem of that size, no other changes.

      size 00: 33.25 chest, 26 waist, 38.5 hips, 22.75 length
      size 0: 34.25 chest, 27 waist, 39.5 hips, 23 length

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Director 16416

      size 00: 33.5 chest, 27.25 waist, 37.5 hips, 23.5 length
      size 0: 34.5 chest, 28.25 waist, 38.5 hips, 23.75 length

    • Are you sure that all of these are supposed to sit at the same place on the waist? Maybe that accounts for the difference?

      In any event though, shame on J.Crew for apparently giving into the vanity sizing trend. In no world should I be a size 0 in a dress, but I am for several of these. I consider myself on the smaller size of average for my 5’3 frame, so I pity those who are truly tiny!

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Nope, not sure. Those are the measurements I got from the J.Crew online person. Not only is the sizing ridiculous, but it’s totally inconsistent across their other products. I need a 2 in the No. 2 skirt this fall, but a 00 in the dresses from the same collection??

        • Damn, this sure sounds like I’m going to have a hard time making J Crew fit me. And I was *so* looking forward to shopping there on my trips to TO!

          • SF Bay Associate :

            It may just be the dresses, Jo. Sizing is wildly inconsistent across each item. You may find the dresses are all too big, but you need a Medium in one of the sweaters. It’s just stupid. Email customer service and say what are the exact measurements for item ##### in sizes X, Y, and Z. They have all the info.

        • I’m planning a trip there soon. I’ll try to report back on whether it’s as inconsistent as the chart makes it look!

      • As a side rant, I wish JCrew would extend their tall sizes to include size 0, especially when using vanity sizing. I could sometimes make do with a size 2 and have it altered, but the tall dresses would likely be much too large. Boo.

        • The same with the men’s side. You can not find a Small Tall anywhere, but I have a couple of skinny, long armed brothers that would appreciate properly fitting clothes (or would once he could actually find them somewhere).

  3. Stalking something @ Ann Taylor. Today, it’s 40% off. Do we predict it will be 50% off later this weekend?

  4. Equity's Darling :

    I just want to say thank you to all the posters (esp. Blonde Lawyer!) who left me notes yesterday.

    I’m feeling a bit better about my call ceremony, it’s in 2 hours, eeps! It’s good to know that I don’t need to know everything once I’m called, that I don’t need to know it all, because I think that’s what was scaring me the most. Articling seems to be a year of teaching us what we don’t know more than anything else, to be honest.

    Nonny: yes, they’re individual here, your principal makes an application that is basically your life story and a bit of a roast, you swear your oath, and then your firm hosts a reception for you:) It is really nice, they call it a wedding for one, and judges always say how they love sitting for bar calls and adoptions, because they’re such happy occasions. And my family did fly here for it, so it’s going to be a busy weekend. :)

    • TO lawyer :

      Congratulations! Enjoy the day/weekend – you’ve earned it!

    • That sounds amazing. I have fond memories of my call ceremony, though they don’t do it individually in BC. Have a really great weekend and be proud of yourself! You did it!

  5. Shopping TJ: I somehow managed to lose my favorite everyday watch. It was a Lucien Picard gold, boyfriend-style watch with a mother-of-pearl face and diamonds around the face. I have given up on searching for it and am now on the hunt for another, similar watch. I am looking to spend $200-$300. So far, it looks like only Michael Kors watches fit the bill. Any other recommendations?

    • Anonymous :

      I love MK watches. If you’re looking for something trendy, go for it. I’ve got two Skagen watches for that price range and they’re pretty decent.

    • My husband got me a beautiful Bulova watch that sounds similar (although the band is stainless steel). I’m not sure of the pricing, but it is probably in that price point.

      • CW, we may have the same watch! (and my BF got me mine too…) I can also vouch for it – I love mine and wear it every day.

    • mezzaluna :

      You can get a Seiko or Esquire in that price range. Macy’s carries both and you can often use coupons.

  6. Calling on the hive to find a new work bag that is under $100. Specifically, a black quilted leather (or faux leather) duffle/satchel similar to the Michael Kors Grayson bag. I love the mk bag but alas its too expensive– calling on the superpowers of the hive to locate a cheaper alternative!!

  7. In the Pink - ASOS :

    Here’s my update on the noisy pink/red houndstooth peplum jacket. Back from the cleaners and while it drapes better, it is still noisy. I’m going to have to figure out what to do with it as it’s darling. Might throw it in the washer/dryer as I feel I have nothing to lose. It 72% poly and says “dry clean only.” Thoughts?

    • emcsquared :

      Leave it in a sunny window or hang it in the bathroom while you shower? Both those things used to take the edge off my overly-starched shirts from the cheap drycleaner in my old neighborhood.

    • Anonymous :

      I usually just soak them in a bit of water without any soap (unless they need washing) and let it air-dry on a flat surface. That usually removes all the starch and is not too harsh to the cloth

    • I think the noise is from the type of material and not from starch. Still a cute jacket.

  8. Maybe TMI but... :

    Anyone else get ingrowns from waxing/weeding the lady garden? I’ve found some products that have really helped (and a waxer that seems to cause them way less than other people), but I still tend to get some on the top area, every time.

    I’m not looking for advice on how to prevent them, but this is more of a “is this normal” question. I’m self-conscious that guys will see them in the bedroom and assume I have a STD or something! Past BFs have noticed I’m “self-conscious” but they think it’s a body issue thing- it’s NOT- it’s the red bumps. I have never told them why I feel this way.

    So (1) is it common to always get a few ingrowns (I would say I have around 7-8 at a time, always on the top of my garden, some so small you wouldn’t notice)? and
    (2) Do guys notice? Do they think it’s gross? (even if they shouldn’t!) Do they know this is normal when you weed your lady garden? Should I just be upfront?

    Thanks! I didn’t know who else to ask about this!

    • Weeding your lady garden! Almost burst out laughing in my office.

      No advice, but I salute your phrasing.

    • Sugar Magnolia :

      Should you hire a new gardener, he will likely feel so privileged to be employed in that capacity, that he will not care about a few bumps in the lady garden. They normally are just happy to get access to such a space.

      • Well, as far as I am concerned, No Man is geting any kind of acces’s until I see a Dimond RING from Harry WINSTEN or from Tifany’s.

        The last doosh I was serieous about never gave me any ring and I alway’s thought if I was good and honest and NOT to Judgementeal, he would see how good I was and MARRY me and I would be happey, but he did NOT, and beleive it or NOT, I do NOT miss him one bit now b/c he is Still drinkeing with the bottel, perferring it OVER me. FOOEY on that!

        Now all these men I meet want to date me but I know that they are realy interested in just haveing sex with me and that is TOTALY OUT of the QUESTION until I am at least engeaged with a dimond ring on my finger. And even then, mabye not.

        Anyway, I want to be MARRIED to a guy who love’s me for me. Is that so bad? I do NOT think so. Fooey on men who do not love me for me. Fooey! I can make a good wife for some lucky guy my dad says and he is very smart.

        • Please do not encourage Ellen to be unvirtuous. Look what happened with Alan. We don’t need a relapse with some Silicon Valley guy like Justin Timberlake, who piped a few Stanford women and dumped them in the movie about Facebook.

    • Yeah, it’s normal. Men can get ingrowns in that area, too – not necessarily from shaving or waxing, sometimes it’s just the way hair grows in. I don’t see why anyone would care. I think you’re being way too self-conscious about it. ;)

    • Most guys I know get or have gotten ingrowns or at least irritation from shaving their faces, so they understand, and no, they do not care at all.

    • Depends on how your hair grows, but totally common–you may want to look into some ingrown prevention–there are products for that. Won’t be perfect, but will help some.

    • karenpadi :

      I get them and they get pretty bad. I found it’s better when I do regular waxing. Shaving will guarantee that I’m still getting them 3 months later.

      My doctor said the best thing to do is use a hot washcloth to soften the skin for 3-5 minutes, then gently “pop” the infected part and tweeze out the hair (granted, I had a really bad one when I saw her and I don’t do this for small ones). I usually wet a wash cloth and stick it in the microwave for 15 seconds on high.

      Guys notice but most guys know they happen and don’t care. I had an ex who got some because he was wearing compression shorts (I had just gotten a wax and had a usual amount) and he accused me of giving him an STD. We broke up after that…

    • Have you considered laser hair removal? I used to get the ingrown hairs you speak about, but once the hair is gone, there is nothing to ingrow. Even if you can’t afford to get however many zillion sessions the laser place will want to sell you, you might get relief by even going once and then resuming your waxing/weeding practices because you’ll just have so many fewer hairs.

      weeding the lady garden is an awesome expression. Thanks for making my afternoon.

      • This. Laser hair removal is amazing.

        I would say waxing is second best and then shaving (if we are basing this on number of in grown hairs). Shaving used to always cause me to develop little red bums / in grown hairs.

      • I’ve spent $3000 on laser hair removal of legs, underarms, and bikini, am four sessions in, and at first it seemed to be going okay… but now I’m convinced the hair is growing back. I thought I had a 30% reduction under my arms, and now I think it’s all there again. Bah! I have two more sessions, but don’t think there’s much hope at this point.

        • S in Chicago :

          Stick with it if you noticed initial reduction. Hair growth occurs in cycles. So with each treatment, the laser is getting new hairs that were at different points in their growth cycle. Each time you go, you’ll notice it starts getting less painful (and the technician is able to increase the strength of the laser). That’s because there are fewer and fewer hairs that need treating. Mind you, I haven’t had anyone do my lady garden. Laser is so painful that my hat goes off to anyone willing. You’re far, far braver than me.

        • Are your appointments spaced apart enough? They should be every 6-8 weeks to allow regrowth between sessions.

        • Also, your age and fertility status may matter. I hormones have gone through baby / nursing cycle a few time and now I’m old enough to be showing some signs of pre-menopause. Hair that is hormonally charged (face/lip/lady parts) can come on differently later in life as hormones wax and wane. And you have to get laser done while they are dark otherwise it won’t work on gray.

          FWIW, my laser person said that I may need more treatments in the 40s/50s because that rogue hair isn’t around yet to be gotten. Waah.

          • Eh, I had laser done, went through multiple treatments to get all the growth cycles, and the hair was gone for about 2 years, then started growing back again.

        • Crabby blonde :

          I’ve gotten 14 treatments in my lady area… It always grows back to some extent, but it’s so much finer, no more ingrowns, and my touch ups are about the same price as a Brazilian wax at a nice place $75-$100. It’s not the miracle I was hoping for (that some people seem to get!) but it does make it much more manageable.

    • ha, you’re normal. I’m not sure how bad yours are, but i have heard good things about Bliss Ingrown Eliminating Pads.

    • I get them too and am also self conscious about them. You are not alone! I have never told anyone either.

    • Maybe TMI but... :

      Thanks for chiming in everyone! So does that mean you don’t say anything, you just pretend like there’s nothing there. Or do you actually say something to the guy, like “yah, I get ingrowns down there sometimes from waxing! It sucks!”?

      • It seems like you are over-thinking this. It’s not “pretending” if you just get to the business of lady-gardening without some lengthy preamble about possible flaws in the terrain. The only reason to mention it is if they ask or you are in pain and it might affect the gardening activities.

        • Gardening activities……………………..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

          • I thought “garden party” was the official euphemism? Or is it “gardening activities” only if you’re actually trying to, you know, sow seeds? I guess I just can’t keep this all straight.

          • Equity's Darling :

            Monday- Maybe gardening activities refers to the activities required to prepare the garden for a party? So, gardening activities precede the party proper? I mean, I would be pretty hesitant to hold a party in a garden that was not prepared.

      • It’s not like you have some disease, it’s an ingrown hair. You’re not hiding anything by not pointing out perceived flaws.

      • e_pontellier :

        My DH noticed that my lady garden has small bumps sometimes, but I have switched to a new waxing method (I think it’s called hard wax — and it is a LOT of wax — but it is way less painful) and I purchased “ingrown hair serum” which so far, seems to be helping (use immediately after showering). I read that tea tree oil can help if you want to try natural remedies.

        Our metaphor is ah-ma-zing.

      • I just act like nothing’s there, TBH. If a dude is lucky enough to be granted access to my lady garden, he can deal with the fact that trimming the hedges results in bumps and/or the odd ingrown hair. I’ve never had anyone comment.

    • Totally normal. Loofah (softly) works wonders.

    • I get the worst. Honestly, they were worse when I waxed. I think it is because the hairs had plenty of time to grow all sorts of wacky directions underneath the skin. I just shave now, but I am still self-conscious in a bikini because I feel like I always have irritation or ingrown hairs. (Still get them with shaving, just not as awful.)

      When I used to throw the occasional lady garden party with a guy that was new, I would hit the bathroom beforehand and put a little concealer on the red spots. It made me feel better. After the newness wore off, I stopped doing that because I was comfortable enough to explain what was up.

      An esthetician told me that she uses St. Ives Apricot scrub as an exfoliant in order to avoid ingrowns. I haven’t tried it yet. I am hoping that I can fix it by ponying up the money for laser hair removal.

    • I read this site and then checked the news, and at this moment there is an ad on the Wall Street Journal website that says, “What can your garden learn from a Tuscan estate?” I almost burst out laughing; I don’t know what a Tuscan estate would be in this complex metaphor we have going about lady gardens, weeding, and gardening activities, but now the ad seems irrationally hilarious.

      Regarding the actual question of this thread, I don’t really think ingrown hairs are anything to be embarrassed about – you didn’t do anything wrong, you’re not dirty, they just happen. To most people, including me. Why would a guy care? Unless he’s like the guy karenpadi describes, who sounds like a jerk anyway. Don’t worry about it.

    • Anon here :

      See a derm if you are very worrried. I had what I thought was an ingrown. It was an infected hair follicle that turned to a cyst that hasn’t gone away. I will likely have it surgically removed. Even ingrowns can get infected. Just keep an eye on it!

    • It’s normal. I know you didn’t ask for advice, but if you exfoliate every day for 3-7 days after getting waxed it should prevent them, and I like Paula’s Choice BHA gel as to exfoliate.

      No idea what guys think about this.

    • What does the hive think about depilatory creams (like Nair) when it comes to ingrowns? I’ve been thinking of switching it up.

      Reading this thread, I can’t help but think “why are we all ripping hair off our bodies so that we can then treat ingrown hairs and infections?” Put me down as a “trimming the hedges” gal and not a bare-winterscape gal!

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Girl, you must buy How To Be A Woman. I know Herbie will back me up on this.

      • Yeah, I don’t do it at all. I guess I should consider myself lucky that my husband prefers natural so I don’t even have to consider his feelings. I really don’t get why the trend is to look like prepubescent girls.

      • Anon for this :

        Im the one with the infected hair follicle/cyst issue. It is on the edge of my bikini line. I would have to shave there to be comfortable in a bikini. Those that just trim, do you let it show outside your bikini too or do you shave there?

        • Anon b/c this is TMI :

          Trim and tuck, lol. But I’m lucky in being relatively contained to begin with.

        • I absolutely keep my bikini line tidy.

        • Late reply, but I am starting to just wax/Nair the part that would show out of undies or a bikini. I don’t like the way it looks (because I’m a victim of the patriarch! :)) and because it feels uncomfortable to me. But I don’t tend to get ingrowns in that part as much–maybe because the skin is tougher.

      • Batgirl, I couldn’t agree more.

      • I use Veet. The thing with depilatory creams is that they don’t rip the hair out completely, but rather remove it at the skin level leaving the root behind. So if you do your whole bikini area, it can be itchy growing back in, plus you need to do it every week or two. I just do the edges and I exfoliate, and I never have itchiness or ingrowns (I used to get ingrowns before I started exfoliating).

        There’s a great quote from Eve Ensler’s book The Good Body:
        “Women are busy piercing, perming, waxing, lightening, covering, cutting, lifting, tightening, flattening, starving when we could be running the world. How do you keep women out of power? Keep us in front of the mirror.”

      • Ooh girl, you, me, and Caitlin Moran are all for trimming the hedges. When my garden is all wintery and bare, I alternate between feeling like a chicken cutlet and a six-year-old, neither of which is conducive to the party atmosphere.

  9. Regalia345 :

    Does anyone have any recs for black heels that are super comfortable and similar to the Cole Haan Air Talia Mid Pumps? I love the heel height (2 1/2 inch), look, and comfort of the Air Talia Mid Pump but can’t afford to buy multiples as my everyday work shoe ($148 on a pair of shoes is already a splurge for me). Does anyone have any recs for a similar shoe but under $100?

    • Am I missing the point or do you want to buy multiple pairs of a shoe that will all look exactly the same? Can’t you just wear the same pair every day?

      • AnonInfinity :

        I’ve read that shoes last longer if you rotate them. So, if you want to wear a shoe that looks the same every day, you can buy 2 pair and rotate them.

        Also, I’ve bought multiples of the same pair before so when one pair wears out, I’ll have another pair on standby and know that I won’t have to rehem any of my pants.

      • Regalia345 :

        I buy multiples so I can rotate the pairs so the shoes last longer. The shoes have an opportunity to air out before the next wear. I’m on my feet almost 12 hours a day and can only wear black heels, so buying 2-3 pairs of the same shoes that are reliably comfortable is the best bet.

      • Maybe she has them in another color and is looking for black ones as her second pair.

        OP, I adore the Air Talia mids, and i have never found anything even remotely close to how awesome they are. It was worth the $148 for a second pair for me.

    • Just ordered Naturalizer Clava. Should arrive today so I’ll send an update and let you know how they feel. (I think they’re about $60 at Zappos.)

      • I have the Naturalizer Denio (very similar, just a slightly shorter 2.5″ heel), and they’re very comfortable.

      • I love my Naturalizer Clava. I wish the heel were a little more slender, but I just find Naturalizer shoes really comfortable. My fav pump brand because of that.

        • I agree – I love Naturalizer shoes. They are comfortable, they have some great basics, and you can get really good deals on them. They are my go to brand of shoes – I’m not much of a trendy shoe person.

      • Got them. Have to return them. They were listed as leather online but turns out they are not. :(

    • Sofft heels are very comfortable.

      • Seconded. My standard black work heels are Sofft (and even better, purchased at Nordie’s Rack) and I love them to bits.

    • e_pontellier :

      I would look for the pumps at a discount shop – perhaps DSW? I found the Cole Haan Air Talia Mid Pumps in black at ShoeMania (in NYC) for $60 recently.

    • I don’t know whether you’re still checking responses, but zulily is having a huge sale this weekend. I saw some Etienne Aigner mid heel pumps that look a lot like the Cole Haans and they’re $3oish a pair on sale. Black and red patent. I didn’t check sizes. I also saw a pair of Me Too pumps that have a similar feel. I think both brands are supposed to be pretty foot friendly, particularly Me Too.

    • 6PM has the Air Talia mid pump in black leather for $112.99.

  10. Blazers as Separates? :

    I’m trying to incorporate more blazers into my work wardrobe, but I’m having a hard timd finding blazers that work as separates. Everytime I try one on, it just looks like I’m wearing a mismatched suit. Any tips for finding blazers that work as separates? As always, specific recs would be really appreciated!! I’ve been on the hunt for months now for a gray blazer and a combo black/white one with no luck.

    • I try wear a jacket and skirt/pants that are two shades of the same color, or a pattern on one and a solid on the other that incorporates a color from the pattern. E.g., light blue jacket with navy skirt, tan jacket with dark brown skirt, black and white tweed jacket with black skirt (or black and white tweed skirt with black jacket). Or I wear a top and bottom in the same color with a different color jacket — e.g., navy skirt, light blue shirt, tan jacket.

    • I love blazers as well, but struggle to find good ones (in a reasonable price point) for similar reasons. I don’t have recs for gray or black/white blazers, but I recently purchased the blazer from the Limited that Kat posted a few weeks ago, and love it. I think because it’s shorter than a normal suit jacket and has a more clearly defined nip in the waist. They don’t seem to have the exact same one online anymore, but search for “Knit Jacket” on their website to see it in a gorgeous purple color (only downside is it is 3/4-sleeve). Also, check out Zara’s “jogging blazer” – it seems to run a tiny bit longer, but comes in fun colors and has full length sleeves.

    • Don’t know if you have Zara in your area, but they often have a great selection of blazers that are meant to be worn as separates (no matching pants/skirts). I don’t know if it’s just the psychology of it or if they actually look different from suit jackets with matching bottoms, but I always feel good about wearing them with jeans or over a dress. And they’re not outrageously expensive, around $90-100 full price.

    • Echo what others here said. I usually wear a black and white pattern jacket with a black skirt or black pants and a jewel toned top. The jacket I really like to do this with is a Banana Republic Camille jacket. Link in the next post. It is huge on this blogger, but mine is fitted and has a little nip at the waist and is very flattering. Because it is black and white “tweed” (it’s actually cotton), it goes with most of my wardrobe.

    • You’re in luck! I don’t like getting on shopping websites at work, but the GAP currently is selling the “Academy Blazer” in ponte in multiple colors, including a gray with black piping and black with white piping, and it is comfortable, lined, and on sale for 30% off $88. I happened to pick mine up with a 40% off and $20 rewards card, which brought the grand total to, oh, $32 or so.

      (I have no affiliation with the GAP… this was my first blazer purchase there!)

      • This is on my list. I also bought the tweedy one they are carrying as my 10 year old American Eagle schoolboy jacket finally bit the dust.

    • mezzaluna :

      I’ve had luck at Talbots. The “Jacket” section has a good selection of blazers hat are not part of a suit, and that work well as separates.

    • No specific recs but I find camel/ tan jackets the most useful for pairing with colours, prints and other neutrals. With tan shoes, I find I can wear pretty much any kind of light or bright colour and still look reasonably polished. For navy, black and grey, some kind of texture helps (tweed, silk slub) helps although I still pretty much only wear black with ivory, and avoid grey/ greige separates, for the exact reason you say ie. it looks like I’ve lost the other half of a suit.

  11. TurtleWexler :

    Seattle-based ‘r e t t e s: I had posted a couple weeks ago asking if anyone was interested in a meetup and a couple people said yes, but then life got a bit crazy and I didn’t follow up. So, trying again — if anyone is around in the next couple weeks and wants to get together sometime, email me at acorpor e t t einseattle at gmail dot com (all one word, no spaces). I’ll loop everyone who responds in so we can try to find a date and time!

  12. DDF Brightening Cleanser :

    I promised someone here I’d let them know how I liked the DDF cleanser I got in my Birchbox. I’d say it helps with the brightness of my skin tone (maybe evenness as well). I dislike the licorice smell and I think it is responsible for drying out my skin a bit. I’m going to keep using it until I run out to see how it impacts my skin long term. Unless I see drastic results the smell alone is enough to keep me from ordering it again, but I am anti-licorice. Hope this helps! L

    • I tried this out too while on a sunny-location vacation (its travel size!). It made my skin get a rash like crazy b/c of the sun exposure. I probably should have noticed the warning on the back, but oh well. After about 3-4 days, my skin went back to normal.

  13. Totally Anon for this :

    Ok, so last night was an emotional night for me, my sister had her third baby, and I had her two toddlers. So there was happiness, stress from being inexperienced in caring for a 3 and 2 year old and sadness that my dad wasn’t around to meet his third grandbaby.

    On top of all of this, I took my kids to my house and my husband kept calling my 2 year old nephew ‘retard’ and ‘retarded’ because he has started stuttering when he’s speaking. Beyond being p*issed off that he was telling this to my nephew’s face, and calling him by that name, I don’t like people using those words anyways. In my opinion, if a person is mentally handicapped, it doesn’t mean you can call them rude names.

    I confronted him, and he came back at me with “Well you yell at them, why can’t I call him that?” {I ‘yell’ at them to stop hanging on our glass table that might break and hurt one of them, or when they’re doing things that will hurt them. And I know I probably should find a different way to take care of this without talking louder (my husband defines yelling as talking louder) to get their attention.} So while he was supposed to help me care for the kids, I took them and left. We stayed at their house for the night.

    I don’t even know what I’m looking for here, but first of all, how do you deal with people who try to justify their actions by throwing something you do back on you? Secondly, I don’t even know how to deal with this issue with my husband, other than keeping my niece and nephew away from him.

    • Totally Anon for this :

      Should clarify my first sentence (I’m not thinking extremely clearly on this issue): My sister was in the hospital delivering her third baby, and I was babysitting her two toddlers.

      • I understood…my reply may have gotten lost below, but calling a toddler these names is unacceptable and abusive.

        • Agree. There is a huge difference between raising your voice to warn a child to stop doing something dangerous and calling a child insulting and offensive names. And who mocks a stuttering child anyway? Is your husband someone who generally has good moral character or is the way he normally treats people?

    • Does he normally act like this to other people? It’s one thing to be mean to an adult, but to a child? It sounds like you could use some counseling.

      • Totally Anon for this :

        I’ll answer the first question in a post below, since a lot of people asked it, but why would I need counseling? I knew his behavior was wrong and removed the kids from the situation. I can understand why HE would need counseling, and I actually think he does need to go.

        • Sorry, I meant couples counseling to work out his reactions – if he attacks you instead of owning up to the fact that he made a mistake, that’s not a good situation to be in. It might not be something that would come up in a solo session with him and a counselor if he thinks it’s not a problem and it seems like it’s affecting your relationship. If he keeps it up it’s going to affect your self confidence and your relationship with your family if it hasn’t already, and that’s not ok.

    • Research, Not Law :

      First off, good for you for not only intervening, but for removing the poor child from the situation. He shouldn’t be subjected to that.

      Certainly taunting a child is different than raising your voice to alert them of a safety concern. As you said, it’s best to not yell – but I have a 3 year old at home and do my fair share.

      Is your husband usually like this, or was this an off day? Has he given any indication that he’s sorry and realizes that he was out of line with you and nephew? If he does, then I’d go home and let it be water under the bridge. If not, I’d call a friend to help and stay at your sister’s place. The kids will probably be more comfortable there anyway (mean uncle aside, it can be comforting to be home with mom and dad are away).

      Do you plan on having kids? He really doesn’t seem ready. Honestly, your husband sounds like a tool. Turning on a child and his wife like that is not okay.

      (Also, stuttering is very common at that age and generally coincides with a surge in verbal skills. It comes and goes. Stuttering as a pathology isn’t diagnosed until the child is ~5+. Just an FYI, if you were curious.).

      • Yes my daughter did this off and on when she was three. It was annoying and I worried about it. Completely resolved itself without intervention.

        I don’t mean to sound hateful, but your husband sounds like he has major issues. If he’d treat someone else’s kid like this, imagine how he might treat his own kid! I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine.

    • Is this type of behavior normal for you husband, or was last night just out of the blue? That is, does he use degrading names for people generally? Does he call your own kids names? What was the context — did he think he was being funny and just engaging in some light teasing (I would disagree that this was funny or teasing, btw), or was he frustrated and stressed and this is what came out of his mouth in response to frustrating/stressful triggers? Also, is he the type who’s likely to admit wrongdoing when he cools off, or will he stand his ground to the end rather than say he was wrong?

    • Wow. Two separate issues here.

      The fact your husband called a 2 year old “retarded” for stuttering is completely unacceptable. Talk about being a bully, especially to a kid. That word is completely unacceptable and your poor nephew! What kind of adult gets off on hurting a kid’s feelings?!?! In a calm moment, you should say that word is completely unacceptable to use, let alone as an insult to a 2 year old and he should apologize to your nephew.

      The throwing stuff in your face makes no da*mn sense to me. “You yell at them” so he can insult them?! That’s not an argument. He should feel ashamed of himself and I’d love it if you could find someone who knows child psychology who could make him fully understand what that kind of behavior can do to a kid.

      Yelling for safety reasons in an urgent situation seems fine to me (no kids myself though), but if it’s a less urgent situation, you could always try the “you shouldn’t do that bc of X.”

    • Sorry about your dad, and congratulations on your new niece/nephew.

      Regarding the fact that he justified what he said by saying that you yell at the kids. I would talk to him about it not in the middle of a fight (or a confrontation). Just ask him to tell you if you are doing something that he finds objectionable, rather than saving it for when he needs to defend himself (I wouldn’t phrase it like that, but I’m just trying to convey what I mean). Tell him you value his opinion, and if you do something that bothers him, you hope he will tell you at the time or soon after so you can discuss.

      There are so many things wrong with the other part of your question. You don’t call someone “retard,” to their face or otherwise. You don’t call a child names. You don’t make fun of a child. Do you plan to have kids with him?

    • Dude, your husband is an a–hole. Who says that to a 2 year old? I have a 2 year old nephew too, and if someone called him “retarded” for his developing speech skills, I would freak out on them.

      That said, I think this is a deeper conversation with your husband. Does he not know how to interact with children? Or humans for that matter? I think as a first start, I’d wait until the iron has cooled and then have a real conversation with him about how to interact with children and why calling them names is very hurtful. (Or you could have your three year old nephew have this conversation with him, because even three year olds should know this…) As for using the word “retarded”… that’s a longer conversation about respecting people, especially the less fortunate than us.

      I’m sorry this is so snarky. It’s just striking a chord with me. NO ONE CALLS MY BABY NEPHEWS RETARDED.

    • Stepmom re: driving and ACT preparing :

      “how do you deal with people who try to justify their actions by throwing something you do back on you?”

      The other day, I recommended John Gottman’s, “Seven Habits of Highly Successful Marriages” (or a title very close to that — I am not near my bookshelf). One of the chapters talks about the “four horsemen of the (marriage) apocolypse” — aka “don’t do these things when you disagree with your spouse or you will soon be single again!” One of the four horsemen is exactly what you are describing. I can’t remember what Gottman calls it, but it is bad, bad, bad.

      I loved this book. It was very insightful, not at all preachy, practical and easy to implement (easy as in “clear” not as in “it’s so easy to be a perfect spouse”). If your husband won’t read it and discuss it with you, maybe it would help if you read it alone?

      • Senior Attorney :

        Gottman’s Four Horsemen are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. I’d say the husband’s behavior here is classic defensiveness, of the cross-complaining variety.

    • This is beyond appalling. Unless your husband was having a majorly off night and this is so completely out of character for him that you think it might have been his evil twin talking, you need to seriously consider whether this is the kind of person you really want to spend your life with. Short of actual physical abuse, I can’t think of much worse behavior from an adult towards a child. How about a little bit of empathy toward the 2 year old who was probably more than a little bit confused and out of sorts by the fact that his mom was off having a baby (which is going to rock his little world)? Instead, he gets mocked for what may or may not be a disability (bit too soon with a kid just learning to talk whether this is a real issue or just a transitory thing). I wouldn’t just be p*ssed off, I’d be reevaluating everything about my husband and whether he was really who I thought he was.

    • Totally Anon for this :

      I am just going to reply with one long comment instead of going through each one.

      To answer the question “Is this normally how he acts?” The answer is yes and no (He has been working on it).

      I do think that he is verbally abusive at times to me. I have confronted him about it, and I believe he is working on it. He generally will recognize, or be open to conversation about why a behavior is wrong, and why he should stop x behavior. The first year of our marriage was h*ll. Some of the things he said to me should never be thought about your parter, let alone out loud to them, and they broke my confidence to pieces. I fought back though, and while he doesn’t understand why words would hurt, he at least doesn’t say them (much) anymore. He was open to going to counseling, but we never did.

      When I asked him if he really thought it was ok to call a 2 year old a retard, he said “I think that it’s a good idea not to say it even if I do think it…he’ll hear it plenty in school.”

      Which put me over the top again.

      I completely agree that he is acting like an a**hole and a tool. I won’t disagree there.

      We’re not planning to have children, and this situation firmly solidified that in my mind.

      Fiona, I am incredibly angry that he said this to my nephew, and I would protect these babies whatever the cost. :)

      Thank you for the book recommendation, I will definitely find it and read it.

      BLP: Believe me, I’ve given it much thought today.

      • Major therapy. For you, for him, together. I don’t mean to be gloom and doom on a holiday Friday, but can you see yourself staying married to a person who behaves this way? I hope working on it is actively seeking professional help

        He needs to apologize to your nephew or kick him out of the house. Actions like this should have consequences.

      • Research, Not Law :

        Yikes. I do agree with BLP.

        I would try to stay at your sister’s place until they return from the hospital. I’ve got two at home and know it’s a handful, so hopefully someone can help you. But bringing them home to your husband isn’t going to improve the situation.

        Sorry, hon. Not a great start to the weekend. Congratulations on the new nephew or niece. You’re a good aunt. Be good to yourself, too.

      • e_pontellier :

        You’ve gotten so many replies that I’ll try to only say something new. Your husband’s reaction that you yell at the kids, so he gets to also, is very childish. However, it sounds more like a reflex than something that should make you reconsider your marriage (calling your nephew retarded is a different story and I agree with Fiona!). I think the reflex is that he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions. If you decide to go to couples counseling, also try to go to individual counseling. I read about someone (I think on this site) who said both she and her DH did individual counseling with their couples therapist, so the therapist really got the whole story, and that sounds kind of brilliant. Good luck and I’m sorry your father isn’t here to celebrate the baby with you.

      • Elle Urker :

        You are not planning to have children but you still might fall pregnant and then they are stuck with this awful father. If you choose to stay with your husband, please consider a permanent solution.

      • One other point to bring up with him – not only was it not ok to say to/in front of the 2 year old, but what if the 3 year old repeats it? How awful would it be if your sister came home from the hospital with the 3 year old calling the 2 year old retard? You need to watch EVERYTHING you say in front of kids, they will repeat it at the worst possible times.

        It will probably be easier on the kids for you to watch them at their house – already childproofed, all their toys are there, food they will eat in the fridge/pantry, sleep in their own beds, etc etc. Less convenient for you, but probably less stressful on the “don’t break the coffee table” front.

        In regards to yelling – if kids are about to do something dangerous/break something, try “STOP” or “FREEZE” instead of “NO”, then once you have their attention, talk in a normal voice as you lead them away from whatever it is. Its ok to raise your voice briefly to get their attention, but the more you talk loudly or yell the more they will ignore it. Old teachers trick – try whispering to get their attention instead of yelling, when it isn’t a dangerous/about to break something situation.

        Good luck with your husband and your family, and I also am joining in the counseling or DTMFA chorus.

        • This. Totally this.

          It sounds to me like he’s moved on from only verbally abusing you to verbally abusing people you love. If you’re a childless adult with no other attachments in the world, then his behavior only affects you – but you can’t in good conscience expose your beloved nephews to this jerk and his terrible behavior.

          • Dump the MFA. I loved a guy to the extent I had his name tattooed on my butt. Now I am having difficulty maintains relationships with guys who see that name emblazoned on my ass because they think I am slutty. My ex was named David and I am looking for a decent guy who can accept my bum for what it is. David’s are acceptable tho I don’t sleep with men on the first date anymore.

      • anonanonanonanon :

        Please leave him. Having been in a previous verbally abusive relationship with a substance abuser that I am lucky to have survived, you need to leave. He can’t treat you like this, and by “you” I’m referring to you and anyone/thing that you love. do whatever you can, but leave.

    • wow, sorry but your husband sounds like a total jerk. I’m pretty sure most people would agree that calling someone “retarded” is not okay. And what kind of adult name calls a 2 year old?!

      The fact that he tried to excuse his actions also raises a red flag for me. Whether or not he’s normally a great guy, someone who reacts to stress like that – bullying a child, arguing like a child– is not the type of person I would want to be in a partnership with.
      Really not okay.

      Stuttering is really common in young children, and they grow out of it. But it can be really harmful to mock mistakes in a toddler’s communication– the idea is to get them talking, not shame them into silence !

    • Wow! Your husband’s reaction sounds over the top! Does he do this to adults too?

      If he’s normally a reasonable guy you need to figure out what’s going on with him and maybe when you are both calmer and less stressed give him a better idea of how to handle the kids. And if you’ll be babysitting somewhat regularly you might want to do a little toddler proofing (put what breakables you can out of sight and reach) and invest in some toys that you can pull out when the little ones are there.

    • However you may feel about this man now, please be sure not to get pregnant..
      And congratulations for doing the right thing, getting the kids out of his range.
      Now try to think of the times when he does the same to you, because I’d find it hard to believe that he doesn’t, a least a bit, sometimes.

    • Your husband sounds like a total retard.

      • This. My jaw dropped when I read this. I do not understand on whose planet it’s acceptable for an adult male to call a three-year-old names. I do not say this lightly, but DTMFA.

        • Please don’t scream at me ya’ll. Was he, perhaps, calling the kid “retarded” in the way that someone might call a kid a smartypants or a goofball? Was he kidding with the kid, and didn’t realize that it isn’t funny and then when you called him on it, failed to apologize?

          • There’s a chasm of difference between referring to a kid, jokingly, as a smartypants or a goofball, and calling him retarded because he stutters. The OP also said that her husband has been verbally abusive to her in the past; and when she called him on this particular instance, she quoted him as saying “I think that it’s a good idea not to say it even if I do think it…he’ll hear it plenty in school.” Which is the opposite of anything that could even be remotely construed as a joke. So in this case, from what the OP has described, I don’t think there’s a chance that he meant it as anything but an insult.

            And I mean, joking about someone being “retarded” is inappropriate anyway.

  14. He’s being verbally abusive to your nephew. I’m sorry, this is a red flag, and you shouldn’t have your niece and nephew around him.

  15. I am thinking about subscribing to a monthly box of some sort. The one’s I’m considering are very diverse because I’m not looking for a specific product but rather a fun surprise. Obviously, Birchbox is popular. But I already have baskets of samples and discarded beauty products. I also looked at “Quarterly Co.” and that sounds fun, but is less frequent and could just be “more junk.” I also looked at “Little Black Bag” which looks fun, but is more expensive and possibly time consuming. What box do you subscribe to? Do you like it? Should I just spend an extra $25 at Sephora/Anthropology/Macy’s each month?

    • Merabella :

      I am interested in this as well. While part of me feels like these things could be fun, I also get the sense that I’d just have more crap around the house that I don’t necessarily want.

    • I get Birchbox – and it’s exactly like getting a little care package in the mail each month. For me, it’s $10 very well spent. Sometimes, it’s not stuff I want, but more often than not there’s at least one good sample in there that makes me happy and other times it’s useful stuff I can take with me travelling (small shampoos, powder mouthwash, etc.). I also have tons of samples from dept stores and Sephora, but these are much bigger and usually better. Some are even full size.

      I think the thing I like most about it, beyond the low cost/high fun value, is that about half the stuff that I don’t nec. use a lot still comes in handy at some later point. E.g., I got two full size eye pencils – one dusty plum and one sparkly dark purple – which I would probably never buy but that are very nice quality and are awesome for the 10 times a year where I want to do something different for a night out. And sometimes you find genuinely amazing products you might never try like the shu uemura hair oil or the jouer tinted moisturized and lip stuff.

      Anyway, I guess my point is I really like it. It can be hit or miss, but it’s definitely more hit than miss and it’s totally worth the $10 bucks in my mind.

      • emcsquared :

        Yes to the eyeliners! I got one in a bright peacock, and thought, “Gorgeous color, but I’ll never use that.” But this morning I woke up, thought, “I’m having a cr*ppy week and want to wear everything that makes me happy,” and now I’m sitting at work wearing bright blue eyeliner and my favorite cardigan.

        I like Birchbox, but I’m debating whether to re-up. I too have found that there is always at least one thing in the box that I’ll use (often perfume, nail polish, or a hair product) but that I am way too cheap to pay for a full-size of any of the items.

        I was looking at a box that is a gourmet food monthly box. What I would really like is a box that sends me a new craft project every month…

        • NotYourKindOfGirl :

          Its not exactly a new craft project very month, but have you considered Phat fiber? It’s basically BirchBox with yarn …small size samples of various indie yarns (mostly from etsy). I just got my first one today…it’s very nice, although I don’t know what I’ll do with all the little yarns.

        • Joy the Baker has some kind of box that I find intriguing:
          http://joythebaker.com/enjoy/

          • Migraine Sufferer :

            I’m using my prize from MIL Bingo! to sign up for this one. :)

    • I love the concept of Birchbox, but my skin is so sensitive that I’m leery of paying for products I might not use. I’m trying to be more thoughtful in my purchases, but if I were going to join a club, I probably would join Julep Maven – 2 nail polishes each month, plus other goodies!

      • Even if you end up skipping every month (which you can, if you want to) I think Maven is still worth it for the discounts on all Julep products. (I love their mani/pedi products even more than the polishes.)

  16. Thanks so much for all the book recs in this mornings thread. Turns out I have to have surgery tomorrow and will be out for at least 2 weeks. So keep the book titles coming, and any tv show recommendations, if you’ve got any!

    • If you haven’t done it already, watch Downton Abbey on Netflix. It’s fun and not too taxing.
      Feel better and good luck with the surgery!

    • Here are some good TV shows:

      Homeland
      Breaking Bad
      Battlestar Galactica
      Game of Thrones
      Hatfields & McCoys (History channel miniseries)

    • Mrs. Jed Bartlett :

      Good Wife. If you haven’t seen it yet, order the discs from Netflix (it doesn’t stream) and watch them in order. You should get through about a disc or two each day (about a season a day).

      If you are having any surgery that would be adversely affected by drooling, watch something else. Because you will drool over Alicia’s wardrobe.

    • Also check out Sherlock (originally on the BBC, think it is on Netflix too). Loved it.

    • karenpadi :

      Dr Who. Oh my oh my. I have a new addiction.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        New episodes start tomorrow! I don’t have cable but I already bought the season pass on iTunes! New Doctor Who + the return of college football + a long weekend = an awesome 3 days!

        • Senior Attorney :

          I KNOW!!! Can’t wait!!!!

        • notyourkindofgirl :

          How do you watch football without cable? I’d like to start watching it, but I don’t have cable and don’t think it’s worth it to gt it just for football.

          • Sydney Bristow :

            I normally go to alumni watch parties at a bar. We have a really strong alumni group in NYC and always get a big area of a bar reserved. It’s awesome to watch with a ton of other fans. I’ll also watch it with my digital antenna if it’s on broadcast tv, which isn’t often since my team is on the other side of the country.

      • Honey Pillows :

        Yesss welcome to the cult.

    • K...in transition :

      “Without You” by Anthony Rapp is a book worth reading, as is “Raising Abel” by Carolyn Nash.

      As for tv shows; Parenthood, Doogie Howser, and random cheesy teen shows!

    • The first 7 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer are free on Amazon for Amazon Prime members.

    • When I was out for surgery, I watched the whole series of Arrested Development, back to back to back. I had seen it in first runs and liked it, but its full amazingness was not apparent until I watched it on Netflix. Plus, Netflix is sponsoring a 4th season to be released soon.

      Funny, light, but a lot going on (so even if you’ve seen it, you’ll still have much to discover) – perfect for convalescence. Highly recommended if you like Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, Seinfeld, etc.

      If you’re down with Dr. Who, may I also recommend Firefly? Not too many episodes were produced of this one, but it is a gem. It’s a Western, set in space. Available on Netflix streaming.

      I am SO HAPPY to learn that season 2 is streaming via Amazon! I have set the hubby to connecting the computer to the tv in the bedroom.

  17. Merabella :

    I bought a bikini top on Asos in the fuller bust category today, I will post when I get it how it works out. On a similar note, the top was $11, I’m psyched to say the least.

  18. If I can just vent for a minute….I have about 3 relatively simple tasks to do before I can leave the office for the weekend. But I am incredibly burned out after a very busy and hectic week with my pedantic, condescending boss breathing down my neck all day. He left a couple hours ago and after I sighed abig sigh of relief, all my energy to do this work evaporated. can anyone commiserate?

    • Yes. Yes. My office is totally empty but I’m stuck here another hour. (Yeah, I know, I get out at 5:00 — cry me a river, but I’m still antsy today.) I also took an early lunch for various reasons and it’s made the afternoon so l o n g .

      • ARGGH. I convinced myself to “just finish up the exhibit binder, it’s really not that hard.” And just as I am clipping the last of the documents in, I realize that one of the arguments are presenting really does require an additional exhibit (contrary to my earlier thinking) meaning that to correct this mistake I have to re-number and move all the other exhibits, and also revise and reprint and re-hole-punch and re-copy all the tables of contents.

        F it. I’ll come in late monday night/early tuesday and do it.

    • Yep. My boss cancelled all his afternoons appointments and left around 1 pm. But of course, everyone else is still stuck here and per him, not allowed to leave early. He of course managed to not sign my vacation requests and give me a hard time about my incredibly reasonable (and necessary to keep my law license) CLE requests before he left.

    • Yep – the rest of the office left around noon except for us poor finance/accounting people. And I’ll be here for a few hours tomorrow, and will have to put a couple hours in on Monday too. Darn month end.

  19. Seattleite :

    Update:

    I am having a mastectomy next Thursday, September 6. The second spot in the left breast is indeed cancer, which has made it into the lymphatic channels. We are hoping that it hasn’t gone as far as the lymph nodes, but won’t know until surgery. There are also still a bunch of smaller spots that won’t be determined until post-surgery pathology. At the moment, it is looking likely that I will need 7 weeks of radiation after the 6 months (for sure) of chemo. Because of the radiation, I cannot have reconstructive surgery yet. The plastic surgeon prefers to wait until 12 months after radiation, because of the damage to the skin.

    I may still remove the right breast later, but that spot wasn’t cancer so it isn’t urgent. My surgeon wanted to wait because a bi-lateral mastecomy is very hard on the body and takes longer to heal. They want to get chemo started sooner rather than later.

    Thank you all who have left supportive comments, sent emails and letters, and even care packages. Every single one has made an incredible difference at a very dark and discouraging time. And also many thanks to Kat, who has given us this site and allowed it to become a community of caring and loving women.

  20. e_pontellier :

    I posted a few days ago, but wanted to post again and say thanks so much to everyone who replied last weekend, to my problem (DH giving me the silent treatment for 12-36 hours). I recently stood up for myself and it worked out extremely well. Looks like DH and I are on the right track to get this silent treatment kicked out! Thank you thank you for all your support.

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