Coffee Break – Posh Dots Rain Boot

Chooka Women's Posh Dots Rain BootIt’s been a while since we talked about whether rainboots are acceptable for the office commute — but for those of you who can’t imagine a rainy day without your boots, I present this fun polka-dotted rain boots by Chooka. They’re available in berry (pictured), lime, brown, navy, and yellow at Amazon for $29.99-$67.15 — love the positive reviews, the polka dots, and the happy colors.  The berry pair is $39.63.  Chooka Women’s Posh Dots Rain Boot

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Comments

  1. endubsee says:

    I got a cheap pair of plastic/jelly ballet flats that are amazing when it rains! (I change out of them when I get to the office, but for the commute.) I find that rain boots are very hot to wear – even in cold months.

    • Bluejay says:

      Don’t your pant legs/tights/socks get wet?

      • Exactlly! Crocs flats, there’s nothing like them, and in black they can pass in most offices. And no bluejay, you don’t wear them with socks, that’s the point. Feet dry a whole lot faster, 5mn discreetly under the desk does it. And the feet don’t get cold unless it’s really, really cold. So 3-season goodness. Miles of comfortable walking, and built-in slip resistance to boot. These things have changed my life.

    • In my neck of the woods we need high boots or we’ll be completely soaked. You never know when a street or sidewalk will be flooded. My cowboy rainboots came with a carrying bag so I can bring shoes to work.

      • mascot says:

        Having just moved to swamp town myself, I justified buying these boots. We can go from dry to raging rivers in the streets in a matter of minutes.

        • I love my Chooka’s. I loved my little green frog Wellies when I was little, so I bought the Chookas with little blue whales all over them, to continue the animal theme. ;o) But i live in super cazh west coast land and am not worried about having silly boots for the rain.

        • Lady Harriet says:

          I’m in swampy SW Florida and really want to buy rainboots, but I’m not sure if I can quite justify them. It rains all the time in the summer and early fall, but the rain comes and goes quickly and almost never lasts a whole day. Usually it rains only in the afternoon, so I would have to either leave the boots at work or carry them with me every morning. The rainy season is drawing to a close, so I think I’ll put them off until next year. I did just get an adorable pink hooded(!) raincoat for 50¢ at a rummage sale this weekend, so that fulfilled my other longstanding wet weather clothing desire.

          • I bought mine after it rained for 2 straight weeks one December and I haven’t regretted it. They’re too warm in the summer, but late December/early January is when we sometimes get relentless rain.

  2. Super cute! If you’re in the UK (or here for a visit), Joules is definitely worth a look. Great quality but without the hefty price tag of hunter’s. I have red striped boots which are always a subject of discussion of my 90% male office.

    • Divaliscious11 says:

      Hope this isn’t too late – but how is Joules sizing around the calf? I so want some bow boots, but can’t find a size listing…..

      • Lady Harriet says:

        Oh, those are so gorgeous!

      • I’m large of calf and they fit me really well (maybe a bit baggy). I have the striped ones though, the bow ones are a bit more structured. They fit but with high arches, removing them was difficult.

        Joules does quite good sales if you sign up for their newsletters.

  3. I Absolutely LOVE these wellies!
    Perfect for the British weather :-)

  4. DC Jenny says:

    Can anyone in DC recommend a metro-accessible, fee-based certified financial planner? Thanks!

  5. anon re: IUD says:

    I’m the anon that was asking about the IUD a few weeks ago. I just found out my insurance will cover it 100% (less a $15 copay — sweet!) and I started my period yesterday. I called to schedule insertion but they have run out of the Mirena and if they don’t get it in this week, they will either have to insert it while I’m not on my period, or I’ll have to wait til my next cycle.

    My question is – I’ve recently started seeing a guy (who passes Kat’s eyeroll test!) It’s not official or anything (we’ve had four dates) but I imagine in the next month or so, if things continue to go well, I’ll want to start throwing some lady garden parties.

    Is it worth waiting to do the IUD? I’m afraid that I will be one of those horror stories that is constantly spotting for 80 days and the new Man Friend will be put off by it, since this is so in its infancy. But I’ve also heard that those are the exception, rather than the rule. I tend to tolerate low dose HBC pills well (few side effects or issues) so I’m hopeful the same will be true for Mirena, but I don’t know how common it is to get constant, noticeable spotting that would impede sex when you first get a Mirena.

    Would love the Hive’s thoughts/opinions/advice!

    • I can’t answer the question, but I’ve never met a guy who did not want to have sex while I was spotting or on my period.

      • e_pontellier says:

        This is interesting – my DH refuses to have lady garden parties when I’m on my period.

        • JessC says:

          My experience is in the middle – SO is not crazy about having lady garden parties when I’m on my period (heavy days), but if it’s a lighter day or I’m just spotting a little he’s all for it.

        • My experience is like anons. I’m the one that doesn’t really love it on heavy days- but hubs is all for it

        • So does mine, but he will if I’m just spotting at the tail end.

        • Honey Pillows says:

          I rarely want to throw lady garden parties when I’m growing roses (LOVE IT) because it feels like a personal, cleansing time for me -this may stem from my religious background, although I certainly don’t do a mikvah every month and wait a week.

          The Dear Young Buck is a little squicked out by it, anyway -he was a bit traumatized by an experience during this time with an early girlfriend, and while he’s not adamant about refusing party invitations, he’s not really into them at those times.

          This past week and a half has been trying both our patiences, however, as I just started a new hormonal BC, and I’ve been steadily growing roses for almost ten days now. Supposedly this is a Thing That Happens, but Le Sigh.

          (This is a Thing That Happens, right?)

          • mascot says:

            Yes. When I went back on the BCP, I spotted for weeks. A few months later, there were no roses at all for a month. Now things are more predictable and line it accordingly. It happens.

          • Marilla says:

            Definitely a Thing That Happens. Not fun when you start BCP. I’ve kept mikvah since I got married, but even before then I never really wanted to throw any garden parties or even other preliminary gardening activities when growing roses. I just wanted to huddle under a blanket and drink tea.

        • “doesn’t like” = entitled to his own (dumb) opinion.

          “refuses” = total a**hole.

        • oh for gods sake. I’m literally rage stroking at your husband. And I guess at you. He is so disgusting and just vile. To hear you stick up for him is actually making me feel sick. Now I need to go revaluate my life that I can get this upset over a person I don’t even know

          • BlueToo says:

            Hey, no need for that. She is making her own choices and struggling to find her way through a difficult situation. Support, empathy and encouragement: yes by all means. Insults and unkindness: not necessary or helpful.

        • Mine would never turn down anything at any time.

        • RookieRette says:

          My SO doesn’t really mind lady garden parties while I’m growing roses (LOVE these euphemisms!) – heck, our first time was on the tail end of one – but I’m almost never in the mood while the Crimson Flood is flowing. Either the hormones or the general I-feel-icky vibes, but it’s the only time that I just don’t wanna.

      • LadyEnginerd says:

        My experience is similar to Anon’s. Once they know I’m on board, they’ll happily throw down an old towel and go for it. If it’s their first time dealing with the, uh, roses in the lady garden they can be slightly apprehensive, but other than that? Not an issue. Heck, now that I’ve been with the same guy for years (we’re engaged), it’s NBD, and if it’s spotting, he doesn’t always notice unless I tell him.

        e, I hope you don’t feel like I’m piling on from the last thread, but because I am worried about you, I’ll just put it out there. If your husband’s refusal is phrased in such a way that it makes you feel like your body is somehow gross… this is also something to file away in the ‘not healthy’ category. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but how he refuses is more important than whether or not he wants to visit your lady garden while it is in full bloom.

        • Wow I think some people are really overreacting about e’s comments about her husband. My incredibly loving, supportive husband avoids this time because frankly, he thinks its gross. As do I. I agree that some of the things e has shared about her husband sound like red flags but the fact that he thinks grosss bodily functions are, well, gross is not one of them.

          • LadyEnginerd says:

            I think we agree. I don’t mean to imply that they have to be into it – he just has to be loving in how he communicates that he’s not into it. But her wording of “refuse” concerns me in the context of everything she’s posted. If he in any way shape or form makes her feel bad about her body, including “gross” bodily functions (that come part and parcel with being a woman), that’s an important thing for her to make note of and process. I really really hope this is not the case, but I think I agree with hmm above in that we’re both worried that in her case, there’s a legitimate difference between “refuse” and “doesn’t like” or “isn’t into.”

    • Bluejay says:

      This reminds me that I promised Kat I’d write a guest post about IUDs and it’s “due” soon.

      I think you’d be fine doing insertion right after your period ends, but you might want to check with your gyno to confirm. I understood that so long it is around the time of your period your cervix will be more open. But anyway. Some people have uncomfortable side effects from the IUD – I got a yeast infection and spotted for about 3 weeks. That’s not the best situation to be in with a brand-new relationship that’s just turning sexual. So if you are already using some form of birth control, maybe wait a month or two? But if you would be using only condoms, well, condoms have an 82% success rate (accounting for human error) and Mirena has a 99.8% success rate, so get the Mirena ASAP.

      • anon re: IUD says:

        Yes I would just be using condoms in that case, which makes me nervous too. Of course, I do try to use them correctly and would take Plan B in the event of failure.

        • Bluejay says:

          I’m not sure you always know that the failure occurred in time to take Plan B. Maybe consider getting the IUD right after your period ends?

          • anon re: IUD says:

            From what I understand, most of the failure attributable to user error is quite noticeable (ie, it’s put on wrong/double bagged, it breaks, it falls off, etc). The actual failure rate if the condom stays on through all of sex and does not have any holes/breaks is very low (ie, the manufacturing failure rate).

            When I once dealt with a condom slippage and had to take Plan B, the doc said that I shouldn’t worry about condom failure unless I actually saw a break/it fell off/it was obvious.

            That said, Plan B was awful. So I hope I don’t have to take it at all ever again!

          • curios: what was awful about it? I’ve never used it.

          • JessC says:

            Never took Plan B myself, but I understand from a friend who did that it made her really, really, not-able-to-get-out-of-bed sick.

          • Maddie Ross says:

            Dude – Plan B was awful. Like now that I am pregnant, it is exactly like early stages of pregnancy terrible — nausea, really sore b**bs, tiredness, light headedness, and general PMS-style crankiness. I only had to use it once to really shore up my BC practices. It always amazes me that some people try and claim that girls will use Plan B as regular birth control when making arguments against it. You only have to use it once to determine that it is not the same thing as normal BC. It is an emergency backup only.

          • anonforthis says:

            On balance, I took Plan B once, back in 2007ish. No ill effects.

            FWIW, i have never had a problem with hormonal BC or anything. Just throwing that out there…

          • anon re: IUD says:

            For me, Plan B made me bleed (not spot but bleed like the heaviest day of your period) for 30 days straight. I became iron deficient from all the bleeding (and was also *constantly* tired). I also experienced nausea, cramps and some vomiting for 3-4 days after taking it. I honestly would hate to every have to take it again.

          • Interesting about people having such bad effects from Plan B. I have horrible side effects from hormonal birth control, so the first (and only) time I had to take Plan B I was really nervous, but I didn’t have any side effects at all.

    • My Dr definitely recommended insertion on just about the last day of my cycle, and it was pretty easy for me, and i’m a baby about pain.

      As for the relationship, I did have some increased bleeding and spotting for the first few weeks, but it definitely wasn’t like CONSTANT, it was just a day here, a break, a couple days there. Plus, in the context of a new relationship, waiting another week or so to have an LGP shouldn’t be a huge deal should it? I think in the long run, it won’t be that much time, and it can actually be kind of hot to have the build up. ;o) So, if I was you, I’d do it if they get it on this cycle, and if not, I’d wait till during my next cycle. And then just tell him what’s going on and that you have to wait a couple weeks before you have sex… if you are still spotting, tell him (awkwardly ;o)) that you are still spotting a bit, but you’re up for it if he is… and just go with it. I think that is better than waiting even longer and using condoms. And, hopefully, he will either be okay with it, or your spotting will clear up in time to get to partying with only a short wait.

      … just for perspective: the inconvenience of a couple weeks/a month without LGPs is much better than dealing with an unwanted pregnancy ;o)

      • karenpadi says:

        Second the “wear condoms” advice (unless you’ve both been tested and you’ve seen the test results yourself). I think it’s great to have the IUD as a back-up method with a new partner but they don’t protect against STIs.

        Plus, I think a guy’s willingness to wear condoms is a great litmus test for how he’ll treat me in the future.

      • anon re: IUD says:

        Oh yes – would definitely wear condoms regardless, at least until in a sustained monogamous relationship where I know he’s been tested. Just wondering about whether I’d feel totally comfortable with them as a sole method of BC.

    • layered bob says:

      Your Mirena will provide years of hassle-free birth control. I think whatever may or may not happen with the relationship, the long term benefits of the IUD outweigh it. Also, BC is a man’s issue too – so anyone who is annoyed or put off by my BC issues would not be someone invited to lady-garden parties.

  6. TJ – I’m a first year associate and things have been slow… so slow that today, since my main partner is out, I have exactly zero billable work to do. I’ve been assured that things will be picking up and other partners have mentioned they have projects forthcoming, but in the meantime, what should I be doing with my time to be productive? I’ve already done a chunk of suggested reading (I read an annotated state-specific statute cover to cover that is crucial to one of practice groups I’m in) and signed up for some meetups with young professionals since I’m new to this small community and at my firm, it’s never too early to think about business generation. What other suggestions does the hive have for making good use of my time? Thanks in advance!

    • e_pontellier says:

      No specific tips (I’m still in law school), but I recently read Swimming Lessons for Baby Sharks and found it insightful, if a bit basic. A VERY short read – but discusses what to do when you dont have enough work. Might be helpful?

    • AnotherLadyLawyer says:

      CLEs? Not sure what state you are in, so you may need to go in person, but if you have the ability to take them online, I’d suggest CLEs. Even if you aren’t getting credit for them, it’s sometimes helpful to brush up on topics of interest in your practice. If you’re feeling particularly business generation/networking oriented — don’t forget to update your LinkedIn profile, including friending people or whatever they call it. You may also want to do some thinking about your contact list for future business development. I don’t know too many 1st years who do that, but it’s a thought. Finally, if your firm is into it/if you are into it — pro bono! You get to do something awesome and get great experience!

    • DC Jenny says:

      Read industry publications. Read a book on writing such as one of Brian Garner’s. Read other professional development books, like Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, if you haven’t already. Work on a spreadsheet of all your professional contacts. Work your way through the list of contacts, sending a catch-up email or scheduling lunch or coffee, as appropriate. Work on your internal networking – does someone else have a project you can help with? Think about intra-preneurship. Does your firm have a blog? Can you write posts for it? Can you work on a summary of recent important cases in your area?

    • AnonInfinity says:

      Know the politics of your office, but I’d approach a partner who does work I’m interested in to see if he or she has anything I can do.

      Other than that, reading is good. Are you in transactions or litigation? I’m in litigation, so most of my tips have that focus — Read the rules of evidence, rules of civ pro (state and fed if you have time), look up recent cases from your state’s highest court, books like Mauet’s Pretrial and Trial if you haven’t already read those. Then also industry publications for industries you’re working with. Books like “Swimming Lessons for Baby Sharks” and NGDGTCO are also great, but I feel weird about reading those at work for some reason. For some reason I’d feel weird if the managing partner came in and saw me reading one of those (Not sure why — anyone else feel that way?)

      I also spend way too much time on this site when I’m slow.

    • Former MidLevel says:

      Are you in litigation or transactional? If the former, it never hurts to brush up on the rules of procedure and evidence.

    • TO lawyer says:

      What about researching a topic within your practice area that’s of particular interest to you, with the view of maybe writing a paper on the topic?

    • Thanks for the ideas, everyone!! I’m in transactional so a lot of the litigation-oriented tips don’t apply, but I guess reading and learning about partnership tax (my new self-assigned project) will keep me on the right track.

  7. Kontraktor says:

    Don’t get how rainboots would not be acceptable for *commuting* in the *rain*. What the heck else are you supposed to wear?? I am not talking about what one wears when arriving in the office or rainboots as a work shoe?Is there really the implication that suitable weather footware is unprofessional, especially when one’s commute is walking or being outside for extended periods of time?

    • I don’t think that any rational person would ever consider rainboots inappropriate attire for a commute. In fact, I think dressing appropriately for the elements should only count in your favor. However, depending on your office, it may or may not be a better idea to get a simpler pair of rain boots in, say, a darker, solid, non-polka dot color.

  8. e_pontellier says:

    Ok, I appreciate all the comments from the last post about my DH. First, this community is amazing. Thank you all, and I’m sorry for posting so frequently. Secondly, DH is 12 years older than I am, which I don’t think I’ve mentioned. He works in banking and has for 10+ years, thus feels like he has the right answer about a lot of the situations I find myself in. Leaving him is not an option because I am fundamentally opposed to divorce and because we have made so much progress lately. I am in therapy and I feel DH now needs therapy, possibly plus meds, and I don’t know how to get him to take this (important) step. He is training for the marathon, and usually spends at least half the weekend running and then laying on the couch recovering from his run. He constantly complains how busy he is, and just yesterday said that he is just as busy as I am (I’m a 2L, on a journal, a TA, and networking/hustling for a summer job. Ok, not hustling, but if you know the legal market, you know how tough this is.). No real question here, just over sharing and saying thanks. To cfm (though perhaps it was another poster who made this analogy) – Hopefully I can find the sunlight I need. DH keeps saying that he sees how unhappy I am and he wants to make it better, but I don’t know what to tell him. Thanks again ladies.

    • Diana Barry says:

      Hugs to you. Could you please, please say to yourself that leaving him is not an option RIGHT NOW because you have seen progress? PLEASE leave the door open to leave him at another time. Never foreclose that option. Don’t get stuck!

      If he says that he “wants to make it better”, say OK, go to therapy with me and by yourself. If he refuses, then he doesn’t really want to make it better. Really.

      We are posting because we care about you and want the best for you – hope you know that!

      • Jo March says:

        +1000.

        I was in a relationship that sounds a whole lot like yours.

        I was also not allowed to call/email/text during the day. I also would get lectures instead of support when things went cattywampus at work (like your creepy networking story). My ex also refused to get therapy (though he did get on meds when his anxiety began to affect his work).

        It was awful. Now that I’m gone, I can’t believe how.much.happier. I am. Actually, the fact that I’m *any* kind of happy still amazes me sometimes, because I’d gotten so used to not being happy. All I could hope for was not miserable. That is no kind of way to live a life. You deserve better.

        Diana is totally right. If he refuses to do any of the things required to make your relationship better, he doesn’t really want to make those changes. And he is likely relying on how you feel about divorce to protect him from having to do anything. Because if he knows that *nothing* he does will make you leave, and he clearly isn’t as unhappy with the status quo as you are, why bother?

        I’m sorry if this is harsh, but man, it would have been amazingly helpful if someone had really tried to get this all through to me. But I was so scared of someone verbalizing what I knew to be true (it was time to cut my losses and try to be happy for my ownself, because I sure couldn’t be responsible for his happiness) that I couldn’t talk about how bad it really was.

      • Jo March says:

        I wish I could come and hug you, e. My heart kind of breaks for you, and for the person I was before I left. I was so sad, so scared, so hidden into myself. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells at home, and it got to the point where honesty just kinda disappeared because I was so scared of being yelled at for everything. And I pretty much stopped having real friends, because I felt like I couldn’t ever be truthful about what my life was actually like, so I was always all WALLS UP so no one could see what a mess everything was. And every time I read about how he treats you, I remember and ache for you. Please consider your options. You.deserve.better.

    • I just have a problem when people are fundementally opposed to divorce but not fundementally opposed to being treated poorly. I guess it is not my problem to have but its hard not to feel really, really badly for you and I think this whole community feels that way but I hope you find happiness. I personally think you will find that sunshine if you leave your husband, but I hope whatever you do chose ends up being right for you and that you feel good and happy about it.

      • Yeah cfm, that pretty much summarizes my thinking too.
        Mercifully my sister eventually got over her opposition to divorce. Not before throwing 10 years of her life down the toilet, but at least now she’s happy. She just can’t believe she stayed so long.
        What can I say, e, sometimes it’s so much less lonely to be really alone..

    • Worried says:

      The fact that you’ve chosen the name that you have makes me think that you’re not unaware of how bad your marriage is. So what is it that’s keeping you in the marriage?

      Your choice of name also makes me worry that you are crying out for help. I hope you’re getting the therapy and help that you need and that if you ever get really desperate, you have someone you can call. Carolyn Hax recommends this hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

      I obviously don’t know you, and perhaps I’m overreacting. But if this is a cry for help, then I’d rather overreact than ignore it. I am worried about you and want you to have the resources you need to navigate the toxicity in your marriage.

      • Jo March says:

        God, I hadn’t even noticed that. I know I’m totally projecting my own stuff here, but wow, e, that makes me even sadder about all this. ()()()()

    • cbackson says:

      Joining the chorus of those who really, really worry for you. Only you can decide whether or not to stay in your marriage. But please do not lose sight of the following:

      1) The way that your husband treats you is, objectively, wrong.

      2) Unless your husband accepts that the way that he treats you is wrong, he will not be able successfully to change.

      3) You deserve and are entitled to be treated with love, respect, and compassion by your spouse.

      Marriage is a bargain between two people. You can hold up your end, but if he doesn’t hold up his, the bargain has been broken no matter how hard you try.

      I don’t know on what basis you’re opposed to divorce, but if it’s religion, well, as a fairly devout person who has been through it, I’m here any time that you want to talk.

      • Susan says:

        Cosigned.

        e_pontellier, I am also concerned about you. You seem like a kind, lovely person. I think you deserve better in life than what you’re getting. Good luck with whatever path you choose, but I just hope things get better. If they don’t, please do not consign yourself to martyrdom and misery– it does nobody, not you, nor your DH any good.

      • LadyEnginerd says:

        Cosigned by me as well. I worry about you.

    • I don’t have much to add to the discussion – just want to offer my hugs as well. Whatever you choose to do, I hope things get better for you.

    • Anon for this says:

      Perhaps I am off base here, but you haven’t necessarily been mentioning your therapist as a source of trusted guidance. We cannot help you nearly as much as a therapist should be able to. However, if your therapist is religiously affiliated, or whose agenda is to reinforce that divorce is not an option, you might be well served to talk with someone who would be more open to discuss how your future might look if you make some different choices.

      You say don’t believe in divorce, but I know that you know divorce happens. I’ll even go out on a limb to say that you probably believe that some of those divorces are justified, like in the case of something major that breaks the covenant of the marriage (abuse, addiction, infidelity). For me, what you describe is squarely in that arena (to spell it out to you – emotional and verbal abuse). I’ve dated a guy who acted like you describe your husband, and I was a shadow of myself until almost a year after we broke up – after only six months of dating!

      Your marriage’s problems have gone well beyond the pay grade of a message board on the internet. Your husband clearly needs professional help, as he is clearly not functioning as an adult (missed bills from a finance guy?!), let alone a husband (lashing out and controlling you). What we are trying to tell you is that your marriage will not get better unless your husband gets himself better himself and then commits to working on the marriage. You need to set a limit for yourself as to when enough is enough. You need to take care of yourself first, or you won’t be strong enough to deal with him and his issues.

      Oh, and more concretely, if he has time to train for a marathon, he has time to go to therapy. It is utterly unacceptable to prioritize a footrace over his marriage, and it is unacceptable to use it as an excuse to abdicate his responsibilities as an adult (like paying bills).

      • cbackson says:

        This is really good advice.

        • e_pontellier says:

          Thanks everyone. Sounds like I have quite a bit of work to do on myself!

          • Puffin says:

            seriously?

          • Shayla says:

            Having followed the e_pontellier saga over the last few weeks, I have to point out: has anyone considered that she may be an exceptionally subtle troll? This last response in particular… I can’t help but notice that lately every post revolves around some objectively egregious behavior she describes from her husband, along with a chipper declaration of her own fault.

            I’m saddened if e_pontellier’s perspective is truly this screwy, but I’d also be saddened to see this loving community, so quick to offer support, burned by cruel trolling. And e_pontellier, I hope you take my incredulity not as an insult but instead as yet another sign that your posts here make your marriage seem so off-balance that it’s difficult to believe.

          • e_pontellier says:

            So I hope my Thanks didn’t come off flippant. I really don’t know what to say, and I’m sorry if people have been worried. I value the wisdom of the Hive and it sounds like I need to take a much harder look at my life. I guess it’s clear I’m posting too often, and I apologize.

          • Diana Barry says:

            Honey, you’re not posting too often. We’re just worried about you and that is why there is an outpouring of support and concern from all of us!!!

            Please post as often as you need or want. Hugs!

          • You are not posting too often! You are obviously so cared about here. But I understand what Shayla is saying about think you are a troll. You will take 5 comments about how awesome you are how what your husband does is wrong, and say “I have a lot of work to do on MYSELF” this is the second time you have done it. You are always the one doing the work. Your husband is the one that is a jerk, and emotionally abusive. For you to distill our comments into “it sounds like I have a lot of work to do” is what makes us all shake our heads.

    • Please don’t get pregnant until (and unless) your husband treats you better.

  9. Legally Brunette says:

    Gorgeous sheath dress WITH sleeves. Love both colors. Cannot buy this right now but it’s exquisite.

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/trina-turk-monarch-sheath-dress/3313929?origin=category&BaseUrl=Dresses&pprd=0

    • SF Bay Associate says:

      Wow, that dress is fantastic. I wish there were more colors i.e. more neutral options.

      • Legally Brunette says:

        I think the green is a great color, looks like more of a dark piney green which would be great for work. I would snap this up if I weren’t preggers right now! No harm in trying it out. Sorry, totally enabling but I just love this……

    • DC Jenny says:

      Love it, wish it came in my size.

    • just Karen says:

      Beautiful! I can’t afford it, but absolutely beautiful (especially in that green). If anyone sees something work appropriate in that color for closer to $50, I’d be all over it.

      • Puffin says:

        I recently got this dress in green and LOVE it. It’s really really perfect for work. The brand is quickly becoming a favorite for work dresses! I don’t know why I didn’t think of it as a more work appropriate brand before. Maybe a recent change?

  10. These boots says:

    I bought these last year in yellow- they were clunkier and heavier than I expected. I had bought them thinking that the bright yellow would be fun on a gray, rainy day, but in the end they just seemed too juvenile for commuting to my big law job. My office is certainly on the stuffy/dull side of business casual, but I feel great about integrating bright colors in other parts of my work wardrobe and have a pair of bright yellow flats that I commute in/even wear around the office occassionally. I think it was the combination of the clunky/polka dots/yellow factors- maybe they would work in another color.

  11. Anon Analyst says:

    I’ve posted before about stray kitten that my husband found at work. He was going to live with my sister-in-law, but that did not work out. I’ve been pouding the pavement trying to get the word out to people who might be interested in adopting a cat and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try here. I live in Ohio, but am willing to travel if it means getting this little guy to a good home.

    If anyone has any leads, please contact me at anonanalyst4 at gmail. Thanks much.

    • you should call up the shelters in your area, especially any ‘no-kill’ shelters. If you are willing to keep housing the stray for a little while longer, you can tell them that upfront, they would basically consider you a stable foster home and yet post the cat for adoption through your website and/or maybe ask you to bring the kitty to an in-person adoption event, often on the weekends in front of pet stores, etc.

      At least there’s no harm in trying if they could take the work of finding a home off of you. Other than that, I have no ideas, and I would LOVE a cat, but I think California is a bit far for what you were thinking. ;o) Good luck to you and the furrykin, give the kitty a smooch from me!!

      • rosie says:

        Local vets will also probably be willing to post a photo/sign in their offices about the kitten, if you are willing to foster the cat.

    • Anon Analyst says:

      Thanks ladies. I’ve got one local rescue organization that posted his pics on their Facebook site and Petfinder. I’m going to make fliers today and get a Craigslist post together.

      Zora, if the situation gets desperate I might consider booking a ticket to California. :-)

  12. Leigh says:

    TJ –

    Out of curiousity: how often do you ladies dress for your husband/boyfriend/significant other (to his/her tastes) and how often do you dress for yourself? And why?

    • DC Jenny says:

      Myself. Always. My dude really doesn’t care about clothing at all, though. The only exception is that I dress more conservatively around his preppy, straight-laced family.

      I suppose if he did care, I would take his feelings into account when we were going out together and do my own thing for work and going out without him.

    • Former MidLevel says:

      I dress for myself unless it’s date night. Then I wear things that I know my husband will like–not going against my own taste, really, but just dressing with him in mind.

    • Almost always myself, but I do take into account my bfs taste. He likes bold colors on me and I know certain shirts that get extra compliments.

    • Research, Not Law says:

      I dress for myself on work days. Weekends are about 50/50. He doesn’t have any particular or counter-to-my-own-style requests, though, so it’s hard to say. But on the weekends, I do tend to pick out items and outfits that he has positively commented on before.

    • 99.5% of the time, I dress for myself. But, I do take into consideration my SO’s preferences. So, if it’s “date night” maybe I curl my hair, the way he prefers. Or if we’re meeting up after work, I put wear a dress that I know he likes me in. But I rarely, if ever, go out and buy something that I don’t like because he wants me to dress in a particular way.

      I will say that I try to “freshen up” after work for him about 50% of the time. Re-apply make up, wear something slightly nicer than sweatpants and t-shirt, etc. Putting in a bit of effort to maintain physical attraction pays dividends.

      But I also expect the same from him. He knows there are certain outfits I prefer, and will wear them if we’re out and about, or just because. And I do like it when he freshens up in the evenings, too! (Brush teeth, comb hair, nicer lounge clothing, etc.)

    • Honey Pillows says:

      I like the attention, so I enjoy wearing the things the Dear Young Buck prefers. These are mostly lacy unmentionables I enjoy wearing anyway, so it’s not a big deal. Most of his fashion awareness has to do with what exposes my jubblies or makes my tush wiggle in a pleasing way, which is certainly unacceptable in the workplace, so his preferences don’t come into my daily life much.

      On the other hand, I’ve been encouraging him to dress in more form-fitting, tailored shirts and pants, and upping his fashion sense with gifts of plaid and scarves and heavy doses of compliments, and he’s started taking a teeny bit more of an interest in what he wears, and appreciating the looks the pretty hipster girls give him on the metro.

      • Love your phrasing in the first part of your response. Honestly, my SO doesn’t care what I’m wearing, but if it’s form fitting/short/racy he’s quick to chime in with praise… oh men.

        When I’m dressing for “our time”, I’ll try to keep prior “I like that” or “you look really nice in that” comments in mind, but it helps that he’s good at recognizing when I’m wearing something that makes me happy (ie. bright colors, funky patterns) and complimenting that.

        He’s also really good about remembering which clothing items of his I adore and makes an effort to wear them around me. In this sense, we reciprocate dressing for each other :)

    • KinCA says:

      I dress for myself 98% of the time. Every once in awhile, if we’re going on a special date or celebrating something, I’ll wear something that I know he likes, but for the most part, it’s all for me. Occasionally, I will ask him to help me pick which dress I should wear between a few options, but he really could honestly care less.

    • rosie says:

      I value my husband’s opinion and ask him what he thinks of things, but we have pretty similar tastes, so it’s not really a me versus him issue. I give him outfit “options” and let him pick if it’s an event with his friends. For example, we’re going to a wedding in the near future where he is a groomsman, and I think he’ll pick the dress I’ll wear out of a few options that I pick first.

    • To carry over from the previous post-in my last relationship, my bf didn’t like asymmetrical necklines and when we went out for date night he would get really annoyed when I would wear them. When I knew that I didn’t care one whit about his preferences when I was more or less ambivalent it was a bad sign. On the other hand, I would never dress for him. (Or let him dress me. Hi, Kim K?) Generally, I wear what I like, and on certain days wear something that I know he likes.

      • DC Jenny says:

        Ugh, I *hated* that episode of the Kardashians when Kanye got rid of all of Kim’s clothes. It had very creepy shades of Pygmalion in it.

        • Leigh says:

          Ok, that is just weird regarding Kim K. That would not fly with me.

          I probably take my husbands tastes into consideration about .5% of the time. I mostly dress for me, and occasionally will wear something that I know he’ll like.

          My experience is most like DC Jenny’s though, in that my husband really doesn’t have much input on my clothing. The only input he’s ever given is that he isn’t a fan of accessorizing (I am…in a big way), but he thinks I always look nice.

    • TO lawyer says:

      I dress for my SO on date nights/whenever he’s around because I like the attention from him and in my mind, I like making an occasion of our dates since they happen so rarely, which for me, means an outfit I feel fierce in.

    • I dress for myself most of the time but I also ask my husband’s opinion about my clothes, especially if I’ve ordered something online and am not sure. His vocab is limited mostly to “it looks weird” or one time he told me a purple blazer made me look like Willy Wonka but I generally appreciate the input. I also get a little thrill if he tells me I look pretty when I’m getting ready.

    • Jennifer says:

      I’m not sure I know what my husband’s taste is. He seems into me as-is!

    • layered bob says:

      I think my husband has pretty great taste, whereas I don’t really care, so I dress “for” my husband a lot or try to take his preferences/advice into account. I’d say probably 75% of the time. But there are times where I’ll ask, “Dress A or Dress B?” and he’ll say “Dress A” when I’ve actually sort of decided I’m going to wear Dress B already, his opinion notwithstanding.

    • Leigh says:

      I asked because I saw this article on Pinterest, and it rubbed me the wrong way (to put it lightly.) I wondered if dressing for your husband was something that everyone does and I’m just clueless about it.

      http://lovinglifeathome.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/25-ways-to-communicate-respect/

      • DC Jenny says:

        Ugh, barf x1000. But it doesn’t seem like I’m the target audience.

      • LadyEnginerd says:

        Hah! Dressing for your husband is definitely not something I remember from Sunday School (along with Thou Shalt Not Nag Nor Interrupt). Funny that those are items without corresponding bible references :)

    • I dress to my taste which is pretty much his taste and I dress to the occasion. However, I do consider what are his favorites in my wardrobe and if he says “you would look really great in X”, I do keep an eye out for that item. I feel that it’s like anything else in a relationship, it’s doing something nice. I wouldn’t ever wear anything I didn’t feel comfortable. FWIW, he says I’d look good in anything, so clearly he’s wearing some sort of love goggles.

    • RookieRette says:

      Most of the time, I dress for me/my work. When I get home, SO doesn’t so much like the little lacy unmentionables (though he’s not saying no!) as he likes having layers to peel me out of. He says it’s like unwrapping a present. :)

  13. Help! How do you handle this situation? I drafted something. Someone technically senior to me (he’s not directly in my line, but part of my job is keeping this guy happy) has “edited” it and it is now frankly a pile of cr-p. I pride myself on my writing and this guy is the king of grocer’s apostrophes and the like. Also, it’s expected that someone in my position will have excellent writing skills. What do I do? It still has my name on it as drafter and I can’t change that. I also can’t go through with a machete and fix the writing. I can fix errors (e.g., where he says “affect” and means “effect”) but the plainly poor writing is not something I can change without insulting him. If he were the only one to see it, or if his name were going on it, I wouldn’t care, but it’s going up to his boss. She’s new and her main impression of me will be from this document (she’s also my boss’s boss and so we definitely need to keep her happy). This has happened to me in other jobs before (senior attorney used to “fix” my work then think he was doing me a favor by telling the client it was all mine — ugh!) and I’ve never found a good fix. Any suggestions? Help!

    • No Problem says:

      Hmm. Can you fix what’s wrong and say that you revised it to reflect whatever style guide is appropriate (Strunk and White, etc.)? Why can’t you go through and fix the writing? Is it just that you’re concerned he’ll be mad that you fixed his “fixes?”

      Also, is the document in track changes? Then the boss lady can see what you originally wrote and also what Mr. Fix-It did to it.

    • Brooklyn, Esq. says:

      Was he doing optional “editing” (i.e., making suggestions), mandatory editing, or co-writing? If the first, could you say something like, “thanks so much for your suggestions/edits/revisions, I incorporated many of them into my final draft!” and then remove whatever you think is particularly egregious?

    • These are mandatory “fixes” and his ego can be fragile. It’s important for my job that he not feel the least bit like I’m showing him up. I worry that he would think I was insulting him.

      • No Problem says:

        Just curious (and this goes beyond the situation you’re talking about here to a broader issue): what if the situation were reversed? What if you were male and he were female? Do you think he (you) would be so concerned about the woman’s “fragile ego” that he (you) would be ok with turning in cr@p just to stroke that ego? Would you be insulted?

        I guess what I’m trying to get at is that this is your work that needs to be presented in the best way possible. The best way does not include pandering to his ego, since he’s turned your work into cr@p.

        I have a motto that goes something like “being more senior/older does not mean being right.” I know this can step on some toes, but in the end you have to CYA. Definitely incorporate any changes you agree with. If it’s the wordsmithing you disagree with, I don’t see why you would keep it.

        • This isn’t a male/female thing. This is a “keeping this guy happy is part of my job” thing. Seriously and quite literally. If I make him feel bad about himself, I’ll be in trouble with my boss.

          • Brooklyn, Esq. says:

            Sounds like you’re in a tough spot. The only thing I can think of is to heavily emphasize to your new boss that your original draft was quite different before you took revisions from your coworker. This is a little passive aggressive but I’m not sure another route is available given the parameters you suggest.

            That said, perhaps it’s worth investigating those parameters a little more–if the new boss is your boss’s boss and you want to keep all these people happy, what about going to your boss? Say, “As we’ve discussed I know it’s important to keep Senior Guy happy. However, I know that both of us also want to impress New Boss, and I think Senior Guy’s edits to this document are a little off base. How should we handle this?” Ideally, she will give you permission to fix things, or suggest “edits” of her own that supersede Senior Guy’s edits.

          • No Problem says:

            TBK: I guess I’ve never been in a situation where I had to keep someone happy like that, to the point of possibly turning in something that was wrong just to save face. I would think he wouldn’t want his boss to see the cr@p work either, but you know the situation better than I do.

            Brooklyn, Esq.: I like this approach. You definitely need to make it clear that Mr. Fix-It has made edits and this draft does not reflect your original draft. Getting buy-in from your boss is definitely appropriate.

      • Nonny says:

        Can you perhaps make the edits “in a rush” and “accidentally forget” to make some of his more egregious changes, and then apologize profusely once the document has already gone out?

        • Oh, please don’t do this. I’m on the editing side of this and when someone “forgets” or forgets to make my edits, I begin to doubt the quality of their work and their attention. Better to be proactive about it with them.

    • lucy stone thinks this is a bunch of stuff says:

      Hate this situation. Could you possibly accept the changes you can live with, change his obvious typos, and then send that to big boss asking them to review and approve the other changes?

    • Did my work hire someone new that I wasn’t aware of?

      So this is about 60% of my job, down to the personalities, and this is how it goes: I write, technically senior people re-write, I re-write for grammar and basic style (they’re non-English speakers, so they’re ok with grammar edits and such), I send to big boss who says that it’s a POS (forgetting that not-me wrote whatever is making big boss angry, which I gently remind her about, which she then defers to “professional differences of opinion”) and I get *another* lecture about foreign laws and such, I nod politely and hit “accept all changes.” Then I go back and make grammar and basic style edits and generally make sure it all flows. It’s published, and everyone complements me on another successful article (I don’t put my name on it, so the complements are all internal).

      If I absolutely, unequivocally, don’t agree with a change, I tell the changer immediately and say why I don’t agree. Most of the time they’re cool with it.

  14. Research, Not Law says:

    What shoes do you wear in the winter? I’m mostly in ballet flats during the summer, but they are ill suited to the rain and cold. I’m usually in flats with trouser socks or loafers, neither of which are particularly stylish. I know boots are a favorite, but what else? Or do you wear commuting shoes and ignore the weather outside the office?

    • rosie says:

      I have been wearing flat ankle boots (not sure if you are saying all boots aside or just higher boots) in the winter with pants. They are similar to flats for me, comfort-wise, but warm and I can wear wool socks with them without having to worry about what they look like.

      • Another S says:

        I’ve been looking for flat ankle boots but not finding many to my liking. Would you mind pointing me to your favorites?

        • rosie says:

          I got my pair from a Nine West outlet in winter 2011. I saw similar shoes in a Nine West store last year, so might be worth checking out.

        • I’ve had these for a while and I highly recommend them. Esp. for the price. Amazingly comfy straight out of the box and they look cute with skirts/dresses, too (though I tend to switch to pumps in the office). I usually buy some version of a shoe like this every few years to wear in the fall/spring and these are by far the most comfortable, if not the utter most stylish, iteration I have gotten.
          http://www.6pm.com/indigo-by-clarks-carly-allison-black-suede

        • I have had a lot of luck with boots by Diba. They don’t last forever, but they are always super comfortable. I also like Wanted for a cheap brand that is still always comfy. I find both of these at DSW, or Endless/Amazon. And Steve Madden are a go to for boots both high and ankle.

    • All my work shoes live under my desk. I commute in flipflops in the summer and something more substantial in the winter.

  15. I Blew It says:

    A few months ago, I filed a series of Motions to Quash (subpoena for business records). I got the oppositions today, and realized that I should have done separate statements for them. Partner doesn’t know yet. I drafted, he edited, signed, and secretary sent out/served. I’ve found a little case law that says the court should allow leave to file one, and that the court doesn’t HAVE to dismiss when the issue is simple like these, but what are the chances of that? Slim. So I have a huge mistake on my hands here, and I’m just terrified. I’m a 5th year, I should know better, I really should. Somehow when reading the code and practice guide, I just didn’t see “do a separate statement you moron.”

    I’ve only been here 8 months, and I have made 1-2 other mistakes so far, but nothing like this. I’m so freaked out over this.

    • It’s always better to admit the mistake (obviously best if you can demonstrate a solution with the admission.) I’m currently trying to figure out how big a mistake I made Friday is…it took some self coaching, but I had to admit the mistake to my boss this morning. I’m rooting for you!!!

      • Former MidLevel says:

        Agreed. Don’t bury it or try to conceal it. Come up with a plan to fix/ameliorate the error, then go talk to the partner.

    • SF Bay Associate says:

      I’m so sorry. You need to go tell the Partner. Immediately. Think of a way to explain it if you can, but heaven forbid he find any other way than from you as soon as you knew. Yes, you are going to be in trouble, but everyone makes mistakes. They need to know that they can trust you not to hide your mistakes from them.

    • I’m sorry. That’s the worst feeling. Is there any chance you can call the clerk and at least get a read on the court’s likely position? The partner’s going to have to call the client and have pretty much the same experience you’re having right now once he finds out, and he’ll blame you for making him go through it. The best you can do is give him as much armor for the call as you can. He needs GOOD research. He needs a plan for how you’re going to go forward. He also needs to know what steps you’re going to take immediately to make sure this sort of thing never happens again. You might consider making a checklist to show him of all the steps you need to take before you hand over something to review. And for the next few months, you have to be totally on your A game. Absolutely no mistakes. Enlist help for this if you need it (like giving your secretary your checklist and telling her to run through it with you every time you’re ready to hand off an assignment — if she’s friends with any of the best secretaries in the firm, ask her to see if they have any tips for how to stay on top of things. Sure, legal research is for lawyers not secretaries, but the older, better secretaries have some tricks.) As for the timing and the research, he needs to know about this as soon as possible but that might not be enough time to give him all the information he needs about current law. If you have a small amount you’ve done, I’d give him that — with a thoughtful summary of each case — and a plan for the other things you’re going to check with an estimate of when you’ll have the research completed. Good luck.

      • I Blew It says:

        Thanks everyone! It looks like the worst case scenario is that the court should give me 2-3 days to get one in. There is a small chance Partner will decide to take these motions off calendar tomorrow morning, because it appears we have an agreement to narrow the subpoenas anyway, and he just ducked out for the day without giving me an answer on that. I’ll have the research/armor ready to go in the morning, and, in the meantime I’m getting ready to present how it happened (oversight on my part), how it will never happen again (because now I know that all discovery motions require separate statements as a rule of thumb), and how we can prevent this from doing any damage to our case (I have good law that says if it’s a simple issue, and you volunteer to provide said statement, the court should…operative word should…consider on merits or give leave to provide it.)

      • I Blew It says:

        Just to fill in the details, I’m at a very small law firm with just 2 partners, me (associate), and a pretty inexperienced secretary. Theoretically that’s why the partners look at almost everything I do, and I look at their filings, because we are supposed to catch each other’s mistakes. I would never, ever voice this anywhere but my own head, but I made it known I had never done motions to quash before (I was defense only upon until this point and my area didn’t deal much with consumer records) and they’re both 15+ year trial attorneys. And Partner did a massive edit of what I wrote, and he signed. So there is a little sliver of me that wants to place a little blame on Partner. I would never do that, because I’d like to stay in my job, but it is still in the back of my mind.

  16. I work for one of the big firms, and just got an email sent by a very senior partner to all attorneys nationally soliciting donations for the Romney-Ryan campaign, which he or another very senior partner can “assist with.” “No pressure intended” it says. I’m practically apoplectic.

    • If I were you, I’d forward it to Chris Hayes at MSNBC (or mail it anonymously). He’s been all over these kinds of shenanigans w/mining companies in Ohio.

    • No advice other than above. But I’m right there with you in having a rage stroke.

    • I guess I don’t really see the issue, I used to get these emails often from the higher ups. I actually think that sending it nationally is better than a smaller group, I think that it does make it less pressure. As long as he is not violating company policy, use it as a reminder to make a donation to your candidate of choice if you are so inclined.

      • Really? I don’t think partisan solicitations belong in the workplace.

        • I would def rather not get them. And if I were in charge I wouldn’t allow them. I guess I don’t get rage stroking about an email? An eye roll for sure, but if it is not against company policy I don’t get why you’d be so mad.

          • I just don’t think it is appropriate, especially in light of the reports of miners being told to forgo a day of pay to attend a R/R rally, reports of emails being sent out saying “If our guy doesn’t win you all lose your jobs,” etc. Partisan politics should not be in the office.

      • Nothing in the OP refers to a “candidate of choice.” That might be a different situation.

        • I’m saying just use it as a reminder to donate to whoever you like. I would just delete and move on.

          • Actually I’d forward to MSNSBC, send a contribution to my candidate of choice, then move on :-).

      • This. If you’re not a Romney/Ryan supporter, just delete and move on.

      • I read the “assist with” to mean that they are offering to make a larger donation in your name than you might otherwise make, as a way to circumvent the individual donation cap of $2500 per election per candidate. See http://www.fec.gov/pages/brochures/citizens.shtml

        If that is the case, that is a huge issue. And maybe I just have my suspicious hat on today, but I don’t know what other kind of “assistance” they would be offering to provide since it’s super easy to do donations online.

    • lucy stone thinks this is a bunch of stuff says:

      I am so happy I work for the government because this would get you in deep doodoo here. I wonder why he only sent it to attorneys and not firm wide.

      • DC Jenny says:

        Yep, my experienced is colored by living under the Hatch Act, but I also think this is very inappropriate.

      • b/c he assumed that lawyers were probably Republicans b/c they make more money, and that lower/support staff must be Democrats b/c they make less money?

      • mascot says:

        We see a lot of emails for local/state political events at my firm and they are only directed to attorneys. I presume that is to avoid pressuring our staff in anyway or making them feel like they have to contribute to each person’s candidate. Could they just delete them if not interested like the rest of the attorneys do? Probably.

  17. Jennifer says:

    You guise… on the advice of my mother, I went to my PCP today to see about getting a prescription for retinol cream. (To clarify: the advice was not unsolicited.) I had a lovely chat with my doc, got the ‘scrip and brought it to Target. I wasn’t sure what it would cost, so I asked them to run it through before I agreed to fill it. Grand total… $10! I’d recommend anyone who’s on the fence about trying retinol due to pricing to check it out; sometimes it’s covered.

    The doctor also recommended that I use a vitamin C cream but of course I didn’t bother to ask for brand name recommendations. I am now on Sephora and totally overwhelmed by the options. Do any of y’all have recommendations?

    • Honey Pillows says:

      Lurve Target’s generic pricing.

      • Jennifer says:

        Yes, I was totally expecting them to say it was 100 bucks or something I was unable to do. $10 was such a great surprise! I see they sell some Vitamin C-enriched creams, too (Avalon Organics) but I’m totally unfamiliar with the brand.

    • I use the Lancer Dermatology Vitamin C Treatment. Very impressed by it, and the other products in this line. I purchased at Nordstrom but am sure this is available online.

    • anonforthis says:

      When did the patent expire for retin-a? I was on it in high school and it was pricey.

      • yikes says:

        Ran out a long time ago, but the generic/cheaper versions of retin-A can be a little harsh for those with sensitive skin. I STRONGLY recommend you start using it very sparingly. I think they describe a pea sized drop for the entire face/neck. I started using one of the more pricey newer versions, and starting using it only once a week for a couple weeks, then 2x week for a couple weeks etc… and I still peeled. I have sensitive skin.

    • How did you ask the doctor? I think I’m going to ask for one but I’m not sure how to go about it as I want one to prevent wrinkles and it’s totally not a medically necessary thing.

  18. For the people who were talking about whether or not to wear mint green in the fall/winter months, I just saw the CUTEST outfit on a woman walking into my building this morning!!

    Mint green pencil skirt with a forest green pullover sweater. And light brown/tan flats. It was so adorable, and the color combination looked very season appropriate.

  19. Maybe I should ask this tomorrow when more people are around but…is anyone here active on Reddit? I have never really used it myself because I have always been sort of weirded out by some of the subreddits. I don’t know if I think that outing the people who post the creepshot photos themselves (the tumblr) is the best way to go about it, but it does need to stop. One of the articles I read (and I wish I could remember which one it was because it was really interesting) quoted someone as saying that because women and children go outside we lose all privacy and are opening ourselves up for people taking and posting photos. Ok, sure. She then went on to talk about the internet as a place that helps us shift our norms and if we are doing this, is it going to become less abhorrent? And will the jailbait ones then shift norms towards it being ok to creep on little kids?

    Soooo, I’m rambling a lot and don’t have a thesis. I just want to know what you all think. Educate me on Reddit (because despite all my reading it still seems like a bunch of entitled dudes who don’t care about others but can’t deal when the tables are turned. Violentacrez in particular.).

    • cbackson says:

      I’m Team Adrian Chen on this one. To me, that’s the internet self-policing, which I’d prefer to gov’t intervention in the space.

    • Not active on reddit, just read the story about it today but totally on team chen. The internet is not some mysterious new world where there is no connection to the real world. Its the real world, and the things we used to do in the real world, on speed. So sometime before the internet, I’m sure there was a dude who took a real camera and tried to take pictures of ladies and then looked at those pictures later, or shared them with a few friends. He is a creepy person, and if people found out he was doing that, (like his neighbor or coworkers) they would be like oh you are really creepy. So why shouldn’t people find out your doing that on the internet? Your sharing those pictures with many, many more people than you wouldve, and with that is the risk that you are easier to find and expose.

    • Why does outing these creeps need to stop? People are looking through their public reddit history, not doing something that invasive. If these people are claiming that taking secret pictures of women’s crotches and posting them for others to wank off to is totally cool, then what’s so wrong with aggregating other stuff these guys have posted and showing the world who they are? By their own logic, they’re doing this all in public.

      • I don’t think it’s wrong and if I said that I didn’t mean to. I just don’t know if I think tumblr is the right venue. It just strikes me as a teen girl platform over something more serious. It’s a big deal. Give it a real website.

      • Exactly. People misbehave on the net in a big way, because they think they’re anonymous. It’s the tourist effect, where they feel freed from the usual social constraints. But they’re not, really, it can work totally the other way, and it’s important to let everyone know that..
        Love http://www.ihollaback.org/ along the same lines.

    • Locomotive says:

      I used to be on reddit a lot but lately I just can’t handle the constant sexism/subtle or not so subtle ‘women are h_oes and b__hes’ that is prevalent on much of the front page and bigger subreddits. The general response of any dissent in those places is ‘well don’t read it’ and I choose to not sit quietly and fume about internet strangers and their sh___iness and instead don’t read it anymore.

      I do like going on twox, a few other sport (bicycling, climbing) specific subreddits and the fitness one for topic specific discussion.

  20. K...in transition says:

    Wanna play Fill in the Blank?

    The nicest thing someone’s ever done for me was: ______________.

    I guess mine would be the times I’ve had awful medical emergencies, when a friend has given up his or her afternoon to spend time doing nothing but sitting around with me without judgment for being gross. The support during such times feels like the biggest hug in the world.

    I would also double the blank and add all of the kind thoughts, words, and gestures by so many of you, earlier this year, when my beloved dog was ill and then when he was gone. It truly saved me.

    YOUR TURN!

    • Mr. 30 (then “hot boyfriend”) read People Magazine aloud to me to help me get through my claustrophobia when I had to get an open MRI. Did I mention he HATES People Magazine?

    • A few years ago we were REALLY struggling financially but hadn’t talked to family about it – we were trying to figure things out on our own. Out of the blue my bro & sil sent us a $500 cheque. It was so unexpected but so appreciated. It made me cry.

    • Awww, mine is easy. We just moved to a new house, which financially was a big stretch, and found out we were pregnant. We were planning to add two more bedrooms to the house before having baby #2 but it just didn’t work that way. We were scouring CL looking for cheap building materials to make a second bedroom in the basement. For Christmas that year, we had a nice time with the ILs got nice presents and were sitting around talking when MIL came out with an envelope for us and one for BIL and family with a certificate she made for basement finishing. Best gift we’ve ever gotten. BIL got flooring for the new house they were building.

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