Coffee Break – Cynthia Pump

MICHAEL Michael Kors - Cynthia Pump (Cheetah)I love the look of these cheetah pumps from MICHAEL Michael Kors — there’s also a black snake version that’s quite nice (albeit a bit more subtle than, you know, cheetah). A sale never hurts, either: these were $160, but are now marked $99-$109 at Zappos today. MICHAEL Michael Kors – Cynthia Pump (Cheetah) – Footwear

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Psst: Check out more great deals at the Corporette Bargains page!

Comments

  1. These shoes would match my pajamas PERFECTLY.

  2. I am not in to animal prints at all, but I think these shoes are gorgeous. Can’t buy anything for myself around the holidays, though.

    • If it makes you feel better about it, my experience with MK shoes is that they are unbearably uncomforable. Only shoes I’ve ever given away after 3 wears.

  3. manomanon :

    TJ
    I am going to Disney with a few friends in January and need tips for evening activities since we probably won’t be in the parks the whole time.
    Budgets…. probably under 50 per person we are just out of/ still in school so it can’t cost a fortune. My first instinct would have been Pleasure Island but that closed- other problem is that we don’t have a car due to age issues so something like City Walk in Universal is out.

    Thoughts?!

    • You can always take a taxi to City Walk.

      Downtown Disney is fun for shopping and food. We tend to eat later when we’re at Disney. Try to get reservations somewhere in Downtown Disney or one of the other hotels….

      I think Fantasmic is not to be missed (in Hollywood Studios). I’ve never seen Illuminations in Epcot, but would love to.

      If you’re into a little campiness, there’s a sweet (& short & free) electric boat parade on the lagoon that’s viewable from the Grand Floridian, the Contemporary, and the Polynesian every night. There’s also a luau at the Polynesian.

      I think there are stories around the campfire at Camp Wilderness most nights.

      There are lots of activities around at the various resorts. Moving around using Disney transport can take 1.5 hours, so that eats up a lot of time.

      • I lived in Orlando for a few years, and would definitely echo the taxi idea to City Walk, it’s really not that far of a drive. Though, there are quite a few bars that are strict on the 21 requirement though, but if not, check out Pat O’s, always a good time!

        Also, try to schedule your park adventures to have some time at night in Epcot. The restaurants around the world are fantastic, lots of great eating and drinking to be had!

        InfoGeek, my college friends are always posting pictures on facebook of dining at a restaurant in Downtown Disney, but I can’t for the life of me remember the name. Very luau-esque, tiki-something maybe?

  4. Any recommendations for gifts that give back/where a portion of the price goes to charity?

  5. Has anyone here gotten dental implants? Any experience or advice? Embarrassingly, I have never had “good teeth” and this is a path I am considering for at least a couple of mine. I am nervous about the process though, especially because this would be for front teeth and I am worried about how it would look in the interim. Not sure if anyone here has experience but thought I’d throw it out there in the ether. Thank you in advance.

    • Anonymous :

      My husband got these (I think?) for several front teeth. They seem to be working well for him. He does avoid things like really hard bagels and apples.

    • Patent Pending :

      I have veneers and crowns because when I was little I smashed my face (long story). I would look into veneers before implants, especially if they are upper front teeth. Implants take a long time, and sometimes require bone grafts. Veneers are much easier. I had glued-on temporary veneers for two weeks. They were ugly, and started to wiggle/crack at about day 10. The reason it took a full two weeks was because of the lab making the veneers (based on a mold), so it is possible it can go faster.
      Also get more than one consultation–prices vary widely. I had mine done in NYC and it was expensive, but they should last 10+ years, and it was my front six teeth, so it was worth the investment to me. I don’t avoid any foods, but I do floss carefully every day.

    • I have one and it’s great, but is one of the large teeth in the back, not a front tooth. The process I did was a slow one where basically a screw is installed in your jaw, it heals for 3 months, then it is exposed and a base for the crown is installed, then that heals for 6 weeks, then they put on the crown. I have seen ads where they claim the whole thing is done in one day, but I don’t know how those work. The process was relatively pain free as far as dental work goes. Getting the screw installed hurt, but there was no pain afterwards at all, I didn’t even need motrin. Implants are a big advantage because you don’t need to damage the surrounding teeth to build a bridge. Mine has held up really well and I haven’t been careful about what I eat at all.

      • Dh had this process done for one of his front teeth about 8 years ago and has never regretted it, and hasn’t (as far as I know) been careful about what he eats. He’s never had good teeth, and I know his parents spent thousands of dollars on dental work for him. His front teeth had a gap & were uneven. I was so happy when we were able to fix that for him, and he said he never realized how self consious he was about his smile until it was fixed. Gave him a real confidence boost, so it was definitely worth the money & discomfort in my mind.

    • Merabella :

      I have a dental implant and veneers. I don’t know how the dental implant would work in the interim on the front teeth because they screw into your jaw, it has to heal and then they build up a crown ontop. I’m sure that they can give you a bridge or something in the meantime while the screw into the jaw heals, but otherwise I don’t know.

      Veneers on the other hand are relatively painless. They shave down your tooth, take a mold, make you some veneers and then slap them buggers on with glue. There may be an interim period while they make the veneers, but they should give you something temporary.

      I cannot talk to pricing, because my dad did them for me (he is a dentist, he isn’t doing dental work on his kids out of the garage). I haven’t had any issues really.

    • Grandma Leyeh just got implants on her front teeth! Yay! She look’s great but almost unreal b/c her teeth look like Farra Fawcit’s teeth! The dentist’s father wants to date her! She is not interested in men or sex anymore. She says that she LIVES VICAROUSLY thru me! But my life is BOREING, working all day on my CASELODEs and trying to find a decent guy to MARRY!

      But so far all I have come up with are DUDS! Yuk, my mom says when I talk of these immature doofuses that are in my life! I do not want a husband that wears a baseball cap backward’s! Or drink’s! FOOEY on that!!!!!!

    • I have a crown on one of my top front teeth due to an accident in college. During the time it took for them to fit me with a permanent crown, they gave me a temporary one, so I was never without a tooth. Speaking of crowns, does anyone know a good cosmetic dentist in DC?

    • My two front teeth are both veneers. They look great and no one can ever tell that they’re not my real teeth. I’ve had mine for about 5 years now, and they’ve held up really well, I’ve never had any problems with them. I didn’t think the process of getting them was too bad either.

    • tooth fairy :

      I got Lumineers about two years ago and would highly recommend them. The process was virtually painless. First I went in for a consult/quote. I believe I was fitted for them at that time, and my dentist made a few adjustments to my teeth (i.e. shaved a few of them down, very minimally. This is a selling point for Lumineers, that the shaving down is veerrrrry minimal, if at all. I left the dentist’s office that day looking no better/worse than when I came in, and nothing was done to me that was painful.) The Lumineers were ready to be put on about three weeks later. I had them put on in about an hour to an hour and a half. I had to come back about a week later because they need to be spaced at that point, after they had time to set. They look a little strange for that week in between because it looks like you have a solid set of teeth. After they are spaced, they look AMAZING. Lumineers are pretty expensive…my mouth is now worth a late model Honda…but as a 30-something single woman, it has been life changing and so very worth the cost. If you go this route, please, please, please do research on dentists and only work with one that specializes in Lumineers. Too many horror stories of botched jobs by dentists who don’t know what they are doing!!

    • I have a dental implant for one of my molars! I’ve had it since at least 2002. They stuck a screw down in my jaw, and the fake tooth sticks to that. I’ve only had the fake tooth come loose once, and that was in 2005 or 2006. My dentist at the time replaced it with a new one, and I haven’t had any problems since. I eat all sorts of sticky/chewy stuff w/out problems. You wouldn’t know it’s a fake tooth unless I told you. They can match color pretty closely.

      Also, the procedure was relatively painless, all things considered. Healed up quickly, and I was off pain meds pretty quickly.

    • I have two dental implants for the teeth on either side of my two front teeth (was born without these). They are fantastic and look just like real teeth. I got mine when I was in high school (1997) and have never had any issues. There is some healing time involved as you have to have the actual implant inserted and then they follow up and add the tooth some weeks later (although maybe technology has improved and this timeframe is off…)

      • Thanks for all the responses so far. Unfortunately, I don’t think veneers are an option for me. I have crowns on the four top front teeth and very tiny teeth underneath. This has been a lifelong struggle for me – I have always had dental troubles and am totally embarrassed by how many proceedures I’ve had. I just really want pretty teeth for a change and I feel like while mine don’t look attrocious now, they don’t look as nice as other peoples. I am willing to invest in this process now that I am getting older and it seems to matter more, but I am a total coward when it comes to pain and I also cannot do anything with toothless downtime. My own husband doesn’t even know the extent of teeth situation – he would be shocked!!! Not that I could show up in court with four front teeth missing – lol. Anyway, I appreciate all the feedback and welcome more responses. At least now I can console myself that all the people that seem to have perfect teeth might have veneers! Oy!

        • Senior Attorney :

          I have an implant for a molar and I love it. The process was lengthy but not all that painful, and it’s just like having my real tooth back! I’m sure they have something they can do to fill the gap during the process!

          Plus OMG my dental x-rays are so cool with that titanium bolt there in my jaw! I feel like the Terminator…

        • In case you are still reading, I have an implant for a front tooth that was knocked out and put back in when I was a kid (after ten years, it got infected and had to be pulled out). Front teeth implants are different (my dad has a lot of implants, so we compare notes). Adnvantage is that you usually dont have to worry about nerve damage (like with molar implants) but the process is a little more complicated. I had a flipper/upper denture essentially while the implant healed. Annoying, but I got used to it and no one seemed to be able to tell. It took a year bc I had bone loss, but the time frames described above are more typical. I would suggest you get a consult with an oral surgeon who can tell you if you are even a candidate for implants. You can also discuss any concerns about pain – I found it to be more nervousness about a new procedure than very painful, but everyone is different and you should be able to get sedated or gas if you think you need it. It is expensive and they are not lifetime guaranteed (yet, no one knows how long they will last at this point, but you sometimes can get an implant redrilled if it did fail, my dad did when his jaw rejected one implant) but I am happy with mine and the crown restoration is so lifelike that it pretty much made the implant tooth look more “real” than the teeth around it. Definitely talk it out with some dental professionals, it may be that you want to go with some other option first if your teeth just look bad to you but are otherwise healthy.

  6. Anon Analyst :

    I’m about halfway through reading 50 Shades of Grey. The writing is atrocious and there’s times I’ve laughed at how unbelievable the plot is – yet I keep reading, and I’m not sure why. I’ll probably read the next two books as well just b/c they’re entertaining. I believe this started as Twlight fan fiction, but the Twilight books seem like Shakespere compared to this.

    • At My Wit's End :

      I couldn’t stop reading the first book, but I couldn’t get into the second and didn’t try with the third.

    • They just get worse.

    • Anon Analyst :

      I’ve borrowed the series from a friend, so luckily no money spent. I’ll see if I can get through the other two, depending on how bad they are!

    • It’s the “compelled to finish just see how much crazier this sh!t can get” syndrome. I had with the first Twlight book – I clearly remember being befuddled as to why I was reading it. And then didn’t read anything else in the series, even though I’m usually a consummate series finisher.

      • I usually will finish a book no matter what, just out of spite. But I have to say I didn’t get more than halfway through 50 Shades. It was just such a freaking fairy tale. I couldn’t take it. Not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t to be bored. “Christian Gray does not share his bed.” “But Christian and Ana cuddled all night.” “Christian never takes women home.”
        “Oh, but Ana, come meet my mother!”

  7. NYC MEETUP IN HONOR OF NOLA'S VISIT :

    NYCers-NOLA and I are planning a meetup for her NYC trip. We are trying to decide on either tomorrow or Thursday night. Syndey Bristow–you had said you were working Wednesday; would Thursday work? Does anyone else have preferences? Ru, you were interested?

    Regardless of night, the tentative plan is Mamoun’s for falafel and then Vyne for drinks (near Washington Square), aiming for drinks around 8-8:15 and falafel a little earlier.

    -Gail the Goldfish

  8. Has anyone ever dealt with interstitial cystitis? My symptoms (urgency, discomfort, increased frequency) began a few weeks ago, and at first I thought I had a UTI. Saw my doc but culture was negative, though I did feel better for a bit. Now the symptoms are back, though more annoying and uncomfortable than painful.

    A little googling suggests this is interstitial cystitis, and a chronic condition. Yay. Suggestions for effective treatments, coping, etc. would be welcome. Bonus points if anyone has tips for managing endurance training (running & tri training) when you feel like you ALWAYS have to go.

    • I do not have it, but a friend of mine does. There are medications for it, but I believe she controls hers mainly through diet. She avoids very acidic foods, like coffee or tomatoes, certain spices and rarely drinks alcohol. She is still a runner, but I’m not sure how she manages that part of it.

    • I was diagnosed with IC about 7 or 8 years ago. I would start by tracking your food and seeing how that affects it. For many people, cutting out certain foods (citrus, caffeine, alcohol, strong cheeses) helps. I took Elmiron for a few years but it didn’t seem to help. Another treatment option is where they flush out your bladder with a solution every few weeks. You just have to find what works for your symptoms.

    • Do tampons irritate you? I wear them when I run if my pelvic muscles feel weak, I think the extra pressure helps. I have no idea if that would work for IC.

    • Get in a warm tub. That helps a lot.

    • I have IC, got it 3 years ago, been in remission about half that time.
      My advice: stay hydrated, amd bladder training. Drink water frequently throughout the day, because it is more comfortable (relatively) to go often when there is fluid to evacuate. The other side of the coin: bladder training. Feel like you have to go? Wait 5 min. After that, if you van wait a little longer, do. Keep pushing the limit-within reason.

      Cut out caffeine, strong flavors incl. Spices. I stil avoid black pepper, cinnamon, eyc. No acidic fruots/ veggies. No booze for now.

      What got me on the path to healing was cutting out wheat from my diet. YMMV, but I knew 10 years ago I was allergic/sensitive to wheat, and my IC symptoms flared -BAD – for the first time after a xouple years of eating bread. The first uear I was sick I continued eating wheat and didn’t get beyter. After I cut it out of my diet, 2 months later I began to experience refirg fpr the first time in months and months. I’lll always have this propensity for unexplained bladder pain, but the key is finding ways to keep the pain/siscomfort in check.

      Try getting Prelief from amazon. Made by the company that produces laid/beanfoodalen with food/bev, these tablets reduce the acids in food rather than changing your body chemistry. Been a huge hrlp for me, allows me to eat a varied diet.

      Talk to a therapost. This is going to be an extremely challenging time for you. When your body hurts constantly, it can drive the mind to uncomfortable places, too. I did

      I will post more when I am at a real keyboa

  9. At My Wit's End :

    TJ Vent- I was laid off from my big firm job earlier this year. I have not been able to find work since. I’ve applied for jobs at my skill level, that I’m overqualified for, underqualified for, doc review, anything tangentially related to law, retail, customer service, secretarial, and I’m not getting any calls back. I’ve had my resume checked by temp agencies, my university career center, my law school career center, and a couple of random internet people who work in HR, so I know that’s not the problem.

    I worked a ton of hours so my only friends were my co-workers, since I was new to this area. I have tried volunteering, but it’s competitive. I’ve got too much time on my hands and am really lonely.

    My unemployment is about to run out, so I went to a mandatory meeting at the unemployment agency to ask for an extension and the counselor expressed shock that a lawyer could be unemployed. I’m pretty shocked too. I’m starting to dip into savings and that scares me.

    Okay pity party over, thanks for reading.

    • Why don’t you hang out a shingle?

    • just Karen :

      Hang in there! I know it must be scary right now, and there’s not anything I can say to fix that, but I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way!

    • In House Counsel :

      Just wanted to send you some virtual hugs/good wishes. The legal job market is rough and no offense to the unemployment counselor but they must be living under a rock if they are surprised that a lawyer is not employed. Having had several law school classmates go through unemployment in the last couple of years, I will say they are all working now. So keep that in mind as you continue to apply/network.

    • Face of Boe :

      Are you me? I’m in exactly the same situation. Panicking.

    • It takes a really long time to find a good job in the legal market these days. I suspect you’re not getting jobs you’re overqualified for because you’re, well, overqualified (I speak from experience). Have you contacted a legal recruiter? They may not be of much help, but then again, they might. Good luck, and I’m sorry to hear of your troubles.

    • Ugh, I’m sorry. +1 on the poster asking if the employment person had been living under a rock. I was unemployed for almost a year and the unemployment system seriously is not set up to handle professionals (if I was out of state for a day, I didn’t get unemployment because I was “unavailable” for work — um, I can’t think of a single instance in which a lawyer wouldn’t get hired because she was unavailable on one single day). I also hear you on the volunteering stuff. Have you considered writing an article or volunteering to help out with bar association events? What about starting a blog in your area of expertise? Have you looked into getting on the list for court appointed counsel? The pay is miserable, but at least you’d be practicing. Where are you located and what’s your specialty?

    • Silvercurls :

      +1 on the Ugh, I’m sorry and +2 on the insensitive unemployment counselor. (It’s so annoying when people can’t believe the facts in front of their faces. Obviously lawyers encounter unemployment just like anybody else–unless this person mistook your physical presence for a hologram, vision, or hallucination?! Grrr.)
      Does your city or region have any companies that place lawyers in temporary positions?

    • Frou Frou :

      Sorry, that sucks. How’s your networking? Before anyone rolls their eyes, in my region, networking is really the only way to get legal jobs. I also second the suggestion to look at using a recruiter. Are you getting any interviews? Where do you think you’re not succeeding in the job search process?

  10. Awww thanks to everyone who left me messages this morning that were waiting for me when I got to my layover! you all are the best ;-) gave me lots of warm fuzzies…

    now minor layover rant: why, O why does the Southwest terminal at Midway have Zero real coffee vendors?! every other airport has 50bajillion starbuckses, why did midway get left out of the sharing it is so unfair :-P

  11. Cognitive Behavoir Therapy - did it work for you? :

    So I’m the anonymous that posted last week about feeling depressed and making an appointment to see some doctors. I had my appointment last night with a psychologist and I go to see a psychiatrist tonight. I’m a bit concerned about the psychologist though and I wanted some feedback/recommendations.

    Here’s my concern: she practices cognitive behavior therapy, and is VERY anti-medication (at least, traditional depression and ADHD medication) but is pro talk therapy, natural remedies and homeopathy, and based on what I told her she diagnosed me as having situational adjustment disorder as my primary problem. I feel really conflicted about this, as I personally feel that I am depressed and anxious ABOUT being depressed – that one of these days I’m not going to be able to pry myself out of bed (it currently takes everything I’ve got) and if I can’t get myself out of bed I’ll lose my job and then my healthcare and my house … And there goes the whole anxious spiral. Half of me feels like talk therapy & CBT might help me get to the root of some self defeating behaviors and bad coping strategies I’ve developed, but the other 1/2 of me feels like she’s just telling me to put my big girl panties on and deal with it, and hello- if that worked I wouldn’t be spending my time and money talking to her, I would just do it! I know some people on this board have done CBT and I was wondering how much it helped and whether you did it in conjunction with drugs or CBT alone. Thanks ehive.

    • Another S :

      Yay for you and the progress you’ve already made!

      CBT + meds = much better together than either one by itself (in my experience). I’d try another psychologist/therapist. Not just because of the meds issue, but because it sounds like you two didn’t click and clicking is SO important.

      • Honey Pillows :

        Seconded. CBT + meds is what most reputable doctors will recommend these days, and clicking with your therapist is one of the most important factors in actually making progress. If you don’t trust your therapist on a fundamental level, you can’t really get to the root of issues and start to work on your problems, as you’ll always be second guessing suggestions.

    • Talk therapy helped and perhaps would have been enough if I gave it enough time, but I wanted to attack the issue from multiple fronts. (It took me a while to motivate to see somone for my PPD/situational adjustment disorder) My personal experience with the medication was that it started working within a few days (YMMV) and I saw a tremendous difference in my moods. That gave me a nice baseline to address some of the “slower” solutions that we were working on in the sessions. I personally need the medication in order for me to see just how out of sorts things were. I only took medication for a few months, but still use the tools were worked on in therapy as needed.

    • just a lurker :

      I too am depressed and anxious about being depressed. Talk therapy was awful, just awful for me, and I tried a few different therapists. Therapy made me more anxious and depressed because it wasn’t working, so I just don’t do it anymore. I saw a psychiatrist in tandem and told her I wanted meds because therapy was too stressful. Now I have to check with the psychiatrist every three months for evaluation. It might be the easy way out (as one of the therapists said), but I’ll take it.

    • It sounds like she may not be the right psychologist for you — is there a reason you can’t try someone else? CBT can be really helpful, but you have to be ready to receive the help, and it sounds like maybe meds would get you to that place. Non-med stuff absolutely can help, but sometimes you have to start big (Rx) and work your way to small (natural remedies / helpers). It’s all so individual- and situation-dependent.

      Are you going to the psychiatrist primarily to get meds? Or are you also considering going into treatment with her?

      FWIW, I’d find someone else. A totally anti-med psychologist doesn’t seem like a good fit for you, and it’s extremely important that you and your therapist are able to work together for your treatment and recovery. There are plenty of docs out there — don’t settle.

      And yes, you’ll need to summon up more gumption to find another doc, and that might be hard, but it will be worth it to find one who’s right for you.

      {{hugs}}

    • In my limited experience, I found that going on medication for awhile helped immensely while I was doing talk therapy/CBT. Therapy is great, but I’m not sure I would’ve had the energy and drive to tackle that without having a jump-start through medication. I think many people (and even therapists) forget that medication isn’t always a forever thing. Honestly, if you’re having reservations about your therapist’s approach, I’d try someone else. Therapy is hard enough — who needs the extra stress of butting heads with the therapist?

    • karenpadi :

      CBT was great for me. I had anxiety issues about work due to a bullying boss/partner. At the time, I really didn’t want to go on meds–I felt like getting over the anxiety was something I needed to do “on my own”. CBT was great–I was able to vent my emotions and gained tools that I used for two years to beat my anxiety.

      In hindsight, I took the long way around. I should have taken my therapist’s advice and gotten an anti-anxiety medication (that was before I met y’all and realized there is no stigma). Instead of two years, and really struggling the whole time, I probably would have felt better much faster and recovered much sooner on meds.

      That said, I think the therapist you saw would have been perfect for pre-r e t t e me: no meds and work through it on your own–that’s what I wanted and my therapist very helpfully gave me the support I needed to do it that way. But it sounds like you have doubts and might want meds. Then this therapist isn’t right for you.

    • Merabella :

      Finding a therapist is kind of like dating. If you didn’t mesh with this one, you should shop around. Plus, if you don’t agree with their diagnosis, and don’t really like their methods, you aren’t going to want to go.

      I have family history with depression, and I think they best thing is a combination of both CBT and medication. You can look for a therapist who deals with CBT and specifically works with people who are on medication.

      Good luck and congrats on the work you have already done. Making that first call to the doctor I think is the hardest part.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Yes, just like dating, you need to mesh with your therapist. The first therapist I saw had Fancy Degrees and Decades of Experience which impressed me on paper, but I got a “crazy cat lady” vibe from her that I never could shake. I don’t know where that vibe came from, but I never fully bought into anything she told me… oh, that’s just the crazy cat lady talking. I eventually broke up with her months later, but I really should have stopped seeing her after a time or two. I felt guilty for thinking she had a “crazy cat lady” vibe and tried to convince myself to ignore it. Ridiculous. My therapist needs to work for ME. Therapy is not the time to try to challenge your preconceived notions, as unfair as they may be.

        I also strongly believe that a good therapist should be open to considering any and all forms of assistance to help the patient. They may prefer one type of therapy over another, or be more or less a fan of meds, but saying they are “against” anything right off the bat is a concern for me – what if that thing would help me? I personally needed the meds to support my damaged psyche while I was in therapy to heal it. It would have been too much to try to hold it up on my own while I was also trying to fix it.

    • AnonInfinity :

      CBT changed my life. I did CBT only with no meds (though I know that CBT+meds works well for some people). It took a while, and things got worse before they got better, so I can see how meds would have helped. It’s been six years, and I still use the strategies I learned through CBT. I thought I would be crippled by anxiety forever, but now I go long stretches without those spirals you’re talking about. The difference in my internal life is enormous. I know I sound like an infomercial, but it seriously did change my life.

      Talk therapy was NOT good for me. My therapist also tried an approach at the beginning that was a CBT/talk therapy mixture, and I had a lot of trouble with that, so we changed gears after the first couple of sessions. For context, I struggle with anxiety but not depression.

      A big +1000 to those who say that you should try a new therapist if this one is not clicking or you feel any judgment coming from her. Fit is extremely important in these relationships.

      • Thanks for the feedback everyone. I guess its not so much that she’s anti-meds as she has seen too many patients with side effects from the meds and really believes that too many people overlook the side effects, some of which can be potentially dangerous – especially the increased suicide risk in young adults. I do agree with her outlook on looking at the “studies behind the studies”, as I have read clinical studies in the past that seemed to have a flawed way of measuring whether a drug was actually helpful. Overall though, I’m just concerned that even if I shop around I will NEVER find a therapist who I will really mesh with – no offense to any psychology majors here, but I have never meshed well with any of my psychology majors or professional psychologist acquaintances or friends of friends – its just such a different way of thinking than my brain works, and while many of them are nice people, we just seem to have a difference outlook on the world. I saw a psychiatrist today that I felt more comfortable with, and he gave me a prescription to try. I’m hoping to only use the meds as a way to get me over the hill to start the CBT, and the psychologist seemed to accept that, although I don’t think she really liked it. I’ll give her another session or two and see if I can mesh any better before I try out someone else. She at least had a plan of attack, which was better than previous counselors I saw who were good at listening to me, but didn’t really offer up many concrete suggestions, mostly just were there to listen rather than advise.

        • Glad to hear it! I never felt a “click” with my therapist but we did have a good working relationship. CBT is all about learning tools to help you “rethink” your reality. I didn’t need a best friend for that–I needed someone I could work with.

          I think you’ll be fine with her (but if she makes your sessions about medication–run). Make sure you do your homework–that’s what CBT is all about.

        • Round Two... :

          If the psychologist offers you meds, just make sure to discuss which side effects are deal breakers for you. When I was suffering from depression and anxiety a few years ago, I told my doctor that anything that was an “upper” was out, as at that point just having a diet coke could give me a panic attack, and that my husband wasn’t too crazy about the idea of anything that killed my libido. This helped pick a med that worked pretty much right away and didn’t disturb the good parts of my life.

        • Anonymice :

          Congratulations on getting this started! That’s one huge hurdle out of the way.

          There are a number of different medications with different side effects and if increased risk of suicide is something you need to avoid, there are some with a lower risk. As others have said, the meds can give you the boost you need to benefit from the therapy, so do discuss with your prescriping doctor which side effects you can and cannot deal with. Also some of the side effects will wear off after a couple of weeks and for example if I know I may experience increased agitation when changing the dose, I am prepared for that and handle it much better because I know why it’s happening.

          From what you describe of your symptoms it does sound like CBT may work for you and I think it is definitely worth a try. However, be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better, because in order for CBT to work you have to talk and think about things you would rather avoid. This is another reason why I think it can be useful to be on meds as well.

          It is better to find a therapist you gel with on a personal level, but if this isn’t possible, I recommend it be at least someone who you have a professional respect for. Like SF Bay’s “crazy cat lady”, if you have no confidence in their ability it’s ultimately not going to benefit you.

          I have in the past benefited from sessions with a therapist with whom I didn’t completely click but whose professional background, experience and knowledge I respected which gave me confidence in her. And I had no hesitation in saying so if I thought she was wrong about something! – plus, later in the week after processing things, I would sometimes come to realise that she was more right than I had initially thought.

          In terms of timing, I expect to be on medication for a major depressive episode for between 9 months and two years. When you feel ready and in consultation with your doctor, you can gradually phase it out and see if you are ready. There are some people whose depression seems to be due to a chemical imbalance that need to stay on their medication in the long term (as for any other chronic condition), but for others it need not last for more than a year or two.

          Good luck, and hang on in there.

  12. Does anyone have any good recipes for leftover cranberries? I’d make another Nantucket pie, but…then I’d have another Nantucket pie to eat.

  13. Flying Squirrel :

    TTC-related threadjack:

    I just need to put this out there. I’m having my second miscarriage this year (started today, but knew the pregnancy was over after bloodwork yesterday). Thankfully, I’m home from work today because I also have a really bad cold. We’ve been making less than ideal career and living decisions for the last 3 years in preparation for starting a family (which we really started to do 2 years ago). Now I feel like neither my career nor my personal life is anything like I had hoped. And I turn 35 in a month :(

    • just Karen :

      *Hugs*.

    • Hugs. I’m so sorry.

    • I’m really sorry. I had four miscarriages (two before each child) and I know it’s tough. When you’re ready, I hope you’ll consult a fertility specialist to see if there is a reason for your losses. Two in a row could be chance, but maybe not. I waited too long to investigate and went through a lot of heartache only to discover that taking mega doses of B vitamins (due to a gene mutation) and taking a baby aspirin a day would solve my issues, and I had a completely healthy pregnancy once I did that.

      • Another S :

        This. Depending on your circumstances, you may want to check with your doctor to see if the products of conception (sorry, I’ve always thought that was a horrible term) can be collected and tested in the hopes of shedding more light on your situation. I’m so sorry.

      • This too. I had 3 m/c before a successful pg, but I had a wonderful OB who realized something wasn’t quite right after #2 due to the timing of my losses (14 weeks, 12 weeks & 10.5 weeks – last 2 after hb on an u/s). We found out what was going on, tried the least invasive treatment (baby aspirin) for #3, and when that didn’t work, kicked it up a notch to heparin injections for #4, which was successful. Now I have 3 boys, all pg sustained by heparin injections.

        My ob said that at the time (this was 16 years ago) the standard was to wait & do testing after 3 losses, but that it didn’t really do any good to wait for #3. Talk to your dr and see if they are willing to do testing to see if they can figure out if anything is going on.

        Finally, I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to grieve. I’m glad you’re off work anyway because of your cold. Going through miscarriage is so tough. (((HUGS))) Eat cake – it’s my solution to everything. With lots of icing.

    • At My Wit's End :

      I’m so sorry

    • Regular poster, anon :

      I am so sorry. I had a miscarriage in October and I turn 35 in December, so I know how much it flucking sucks. I have no good advice, just understanding hugs.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      *hugs*

      *tea & sympathy*

    • ((hugs)) I am so, so sorry. :(

    • I’m so sorry. Big internet hugs.

    • I had three miscarriages before my second child was finally born. It felt endless and awful. Hang in there. Consult your doctor. There are amazing things happening with IVF. And don’t stop living your life.

    • Flying Squirrel :

      Thanks everyone for your kind wishes. I should clarify that both pregnancies were the result of IVF, so we have been seeing a fertility specialist for a little over a year now. We also have had 2 failed IUIs and another 2 IVFs that didn’t result in a pregnancy. The only thing they can find wrong is with DH, though given the outcomes of our IVFs, that’s unlikely to be the cause for the failed cycles or the miscarriages (we know the first one was due to an extra chromosome from me). I am switching doctors, but so far at first pass he can’t find any other issues either.

      We both really have been trying to keep our lives going “normally”, but between appointments for treatments and losses (and a couple unrelated medical issues) I feel like our lives have revolved around only work and TTC. We’re taking a vacation (much to my boss’s chagrin) this winter, which will also coincide with my 35th birthday (which was also the due date for my first pregnancy)…it’s the first real extended vacation that didn’t involve family we’ve taken since our honeymoon. And I feel like it’s all I can look forward to.

      THanks again. It can feel so lonely…especially when all of my friends seem to be announcing pregnancies or welcoming new additions to their families.

      • Hugs and rawrs

      • Sending lots of hugs your way. Glad you have the upcoming vacation to look forward to, you deserve it.

      • chi squared :

        I am so sorry for your losses. You are not alone! I also just had a miscarriage at 8.5 weeks (blighted ovum). the week before Thanksgiving. It was my first pregnancy, and I’m 37. I am going to be optimistic and think that we both have time – if not plenty, then at least enough. Maybe take a break from TTC if it is stressing you out, and focus on vacation planning or Christmas shopping or something else instead for a month? (Easier said than done, I know!)

      • hellskitchen :

        I am so sorry! I hope the upcoming vacation takes your mind off of things. Lots of hugs and love

      • Research, Not Law :

        I am so sorry. ((hugs))

      • Hugs Flying Squirrel. I unfortunately understand how you feel. The stress of all the IVF appointments and shots, not to mention the cost, is difficult enough. Then to have hope dashed with a MC I think makes the MC even more difficult because of what you’ve been through to get to that point. After 2 cycles and 1 MC, we’ve taken a break. I think we will try again but I needed to get away from the constant stress for my own mental sanity. I hope the vacation does wonders for your mental health.

    • des-pairing :

      hugs

    • I’m so sorry. Hang in there. My sister went through years of IVF and miscarriages before her daughter was born. Don’t give up.

    • I’m so sorry. This all sounds so rough. I don’t have much to add, but we’re also TTC and I also turn 35 next month (so many December 1977 babies on this board!) so I know how that number can loom out there. My OB friend says that it’s really after 38 that things can get more challenging and even then, there’s still time for most women. I’m glad to hear you and your husband are taking a vacation. The whole TTC treadmill can be such a grind even under the best circumstances. Lots of good thoughts going your way!

    • Frou Frou :

      I’m so sorry, and lots of hugs to you. It shouldn’t be so hard to build a family, and I have struggled, too. We also put off making decisions in anticipation of starting a family, but in hindsight, I would say that this wasn’t a good decision. So, with warmth and love, I’m telling you: Embrace your life, sister! :) Don’t hold back on what you want to do. A child, when or if one comes to you, will create changes that you can’t always prepare for. It’s easy to say this now that I’m (finally) on the other side, but I wish that I had known that my carefully laid plans were different from the life that we actually built.

      I say this knowing first hand how hard it is to live your life when you’re doing IVF. And it can be a very lonely process even though you may feel like you are always talking about conception with someone. I think that part of what makes it so hard is that you break up your life into tiny increments/hurdles to get through before moving onto the next. It’s incredibly hard to see any life at all beyond the part of the process you are in until you get to that next appointment. I found it helpful at times to be part of on online IVF community. But there were also times when that community was just too much for me to handle. It was good to be able to dip into it when I needed it and then step away when it got to be too much. If you haven’t joined one, then do consider it. My friends IRL were completely unable to relate; they all got pregnant on their first or second tries. They understandably didn’t know the process that I was going through, and it was tiring to have to explain it over and over even though they genuinely wanted to hear about it and wanted to know how to support me. And while they were well meaning and sincere, their words of encouragement at times made me feel more alone because they honestly couldn’t relate to the anxiety, heartache, disappointment, uncertainty and loss.

      So, you are on this (stupid) path to building your family. And it stinks, it’s heartbreaking at times, and its unfair. But it’s your path (and your DHs), and you can still make choices in your life. You can, and should, allow yourself to grieve your losses and disappointments, but also keep in mind that you can choose to find joy in small things; keep that feeling close to your heart when it comes to you.

      Love and hugs, to you and your DH.

  14. Need new job :

    TJ!

    I am a third year associate at a large firm and want to start looking for a new job. I’m just miserable in my current position, and for those of you who might remember, I did a post a few months back on how I got rated “below class” during my review (even though every partner who rated me gave me an overall rating of “with class”). I have come to the conclusion that I need to get out before they kick me out. I also hate working in big law.

    Problem is, I’m not really sure how to go about looking for other opportunities. Google? Linked in? Not even sure if I’m qualified to go in house since I’ve only had a little over 2 years experience at a firm. Would love to hear others opinions. Just not sure where to start with this process of finding a new job…..

    Thanks!!

    • I would try your alma mater’s career services offices (assuming you went to school in the same state you want to be working in). I can’t speak for every school, but mine has a website they maintain with job postings offices submit to them. Also, try your bar association as they probably have job listings. Apply to anything that sounds remotely interesting. Also talk to friends, classmates, professional contacts and let them know you’re looking (just not anyone you think may let the word get back to your firm).

    • indeed[dot]com is a good job listing collector as well. Also, it literally can’t hurt to reach out to a recruiter at a reputable agency in your market. Also — I’d really have at least 2-3 people go over your resume and the basic version of your cover letter so that you know they are really on-point, that is super important.

    • karenpadi :

      Congrats! I remember your post and I was hoping you would leave (but then I have no love for BigLaw).

      I’d start with your network–the great thing about BigLaw is that people leave for greener pastures pretty regularly. Reconnect with everyone who has since left your group–even paralegals and legal secretaries. Talk to other non-firm attorneys you work with like co-counsel or opposing counsel. If you feel comfortable, talk to your clients.

      I’d recommend a recruiter if you’d like to stay in BigLaw. Mid-law, not so much, because recruiters are very expensive.

      I don’t think it’s too early to go in-house. In-house groups seem to be hiring “younger” (in law years) than they used to because they are moving more work in-house. Try to find a networking group where you can meet in-house folk.

      • Need new job :

        Hi there! Do you think that once you go in house, you’ll stop receiving training? I ask b/c I just spoke with a legal recruiter who said that once you go in house, you’re at the end of your training. That concerns me (if it’s true) because as a new third year I feel like I still have so much more to learn…

        • How can you ever be at the end of your training as a lawyer? Your recruiter’s statement doesn’t make sense.

          As for formalized training, that will depend largely on the structure of the legal department. My department is really small. I do CLEs here and there, but there’s no formal legal training provided within the company. I get tons of informal training, though. I’d have to really work not to. You’ll learn constantly–by working with and observing your business partners, other in-house lawyers, and your outside counsel.

    • I think a legal recruiter is the way to go if you want to stay at a firm. They generally do placements at both biglaw and midlaw/boutique firms (at least in my city), so you could tell him/her that you are not interested in biglaw.

      I also wouldn’t rule out in house for the same reasons karenpadi mentioned. Many larger companies will hire junior lawyers.

      Indeed[dot]com is a great resource. I know some people who have applied to jobs through LinkedIn, though I do not have any experience with that.

      Good luck!

    • I’d start setting up informational interviews with law school alumni (and undergrad alumni who are lawyers). Say you’re just putting feelers out to see what else is out there. First, it will give you some insight on different types of workplaces. Second, it will expand your network. Third, many, many, many jobs are never posted. I would bet at least two or three of these meetings (assuming you do a dozen or so) result in the person saying either “actually, my firm is hiring — want me to pass along your resume?” or “my wife’s/husband’s/golf buddy’s/dog-walker’s sister-in-law’s niece’s firm is hiring — want me to pass along your resume?”

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I’m reading a book right now called The Power In A Link about LinkedIn and networking. I’ve found it helpful so far. It could be a helpful resource for learning a bit more of the capabilities of LinkedIn so that you could do what Karenpadi suggested and reconnect with people who’ve left your firm already as well as others.

    • In House Counsel :

      If you are interested in in-house roles, definitely check out the job postings at ACC — http://jobline.acc.com/

      I ended up moving in-house after 3 yrs in big law and thought it was a good stage experience wise to make the shift. good luck with the hunt!

  15. PSA – here is a really good dupe of that beautiful art deco-ish top that was posted last weekend

    less than $100 at piperlime

    http://piperlime.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=89039&vid=1&pid=422680002

  16. If I see one more person post that copyright notice on fb, I legit will cry for humanity I think.

  17. First world whine:

    I have this hallux limitus thing –

    http://www.barkingdogshoes.com/newshoe/2012/11/jambu.html

    and I love shoes. All of the pretty holiday shoes are getting me down while I’m stuck in Danskos and Jambus.

    I already have what is probably the prettiest Dansko style out right now (the Reeny) but am looking for suggestions for other rigid-soled or rocker-soled shoes that aren’t Frankenstein shoes. Anyone?

    • In the Zappos comments, the Tsubo Asmik gets compared to Danskos. Tsubo is a very specific-taste brand, though.

      • DOH! I have some Tsubos in a very similar style and hadn’t thought of them for my current issue.

        Not exactly non-Frankenstein, but I do like the style.

        I get what you mean about specific taste. Mine are silver and are very space-age looking.

        I will go home and try them on! THANK YOU!

  18. Gail the Goldfish :

    Lawyers–what do you do when you want to move states but aren’t admitted to the other location’s bar?

    I’m seriously considering leaving NYC once my lease is up at the end of next summer and am considering moving either back to DC or North Carolina. DC’s bar is easy to be admitted to, but NC is problematic–I haven’t been practicing long enough to waive into and would have to take the bar exam, which has very high fees (like over $1,000) and super early deadlines in terms of signing up for the bar exam. Would employers even look at my resume if I haven’t taken a NC bar exam, or should I just suck it up and apply to take the July bar even though I may not end up moving to NC?

    • In my experience, it was completely fine to move states without having passed the new state’s bar yet. I moved in April and took the bar in July, and took two weeks off right before the test to study. For the intervening months, I worked on cases in other states and had to do pro hac’s anyway. The good thing about taking it would be to show that you are committed to North Carolina, but it sounds like you have other ties there so employers would understand why you were moving.

    • The advice I got was that if you want to move to a new jurisdiction, you should either be barred in the jurisdiction or be able to show that you have applied to take the bar on a date certain. Employers generally don’t want to hire you if they have to wait for you to get admitted.

      Recruiters will also be able to help you with this question.

      FWIW, I highly recommend practicing law outside of NYC. It’s been excellent for my sanity!

      • +1 on this. While it completely s*cks, and will likely cost you waaaay too much in fees, I think employers want to see steps toward admission to their bar. If you’re hired before you’re admitted, that shouldn’t be a big problem. I know that DC has a provision that allows you to practice under the supervision of a DC attorney while your admission is pending. (You get an asterisk by your name saying you’re admitted elsewhere and a DC lawyer in your firm has to sign on to whatever you do. Chances are if you’re new someone will be doing this anyway, so it’s really nbd.) I would be surprised if NC didn’t have a similar provision. Or you can just work on federal or out of state issues until you’re admitted.

        • Gail the Goldfish :

          Sigh. That’s what I feared, and my particular area of law is state, not federal, so I’d probably have to take the bar asap (unless I could find a job in another area of law, which I’d probably prefer). But so expensive! (Though apparently NC has one of the highest application fees–it will cost me $1750 unless I decide by January 1st, at which point it’s a mere $1500). DC, on the other hand, is like “oh, you passed the MBE and MPRE with decent scores? Sure, come be a lawyer here!”

          anon-you’re probably right about the sanity. I don’t work in BigLaw, but I’ve realized that I could make what I’m making somewhere else and not work as much. While there are many things I love about NYC, the rent is too d*mn high, the winters are too cold, and people in this city work way too long. Plus, I miss good cheese grits.

          • I love cheese grits! But alas, did not move to a cheese-grit-friendly jurisdiction. I am in CA and even though the cost of living is not actually that much lower, the style of living is SO much better. My office is empty by 6 pm. In NYC, you ate your afternoon snack at 6 pm before settling in for a long cozy evening at your desk with your Seamless-provided dinner.

          • Not sure if you’ll see this since it’s later, but I would seriously consider which place is going to give you a better lifestyle. Your NYC gripes sound familiar to my DC gripes….

          • +1 on L. DC is not the place to go if you’re no longer interested in 80 hr weeks. People here are all about their work.

      • FWIW, I was hired as a lateral into a state where I wasn’t admitted, so some employers will look past it (and foot the bill for the bar).

    • Great question. Whenever I think about running away to CA, the bar exam is basically what stops that dream before it can even begin.

      But if you really want to move, just think of it this way: $1000 on NC bar exam < what you will spend on NYC rent and other expenses compared to NC in the course of even 1-2 years.

      The other solution is to get into immigration law (or something similarly federal). Then you get admitted to federal court in NY and can practice in any other federal court in the country. I have a friend who does immigration who did this and she couldn't be happier with her chosen field.

      • Sorry, Aims, but I don’t think that’s legit. Sounds to me like your friend needs to be admitted in the state in which she practices law.

        • My mistake it seems – apparently it depends on the Federal Court. The district court where she mainly practices (OH) does not require state bar admission. Apparently all that is required is a CLE on fed court practice and admission to any other fed district court. So I guess, as in law school, the answer is, “it depends.”

      • The CA bar exam is not that bad. I took it this summer and while it was miserable, I think the very low pass rate is a function of a diverse crowd of test-takers, not the inherent difficulty of the exam. Happy to provide my Success Guaranteed Study Plan if you’d like it. (Just kidding. No success is guaranteed!)

      • I don’t think you can be admitted into federal court in a state in which you are not licensed. I know I could not be admitted into NY District Court until I was sworn in in NY state.

        I would take the NC bar. Even if you don’t move immediately, it sounds like something you really want to do and will end up doing eventually. You’ll be all ready to go!

    • I’m in the process of doing this. We decided last January that we want to move out of NYC, and it was too late then to take the February bar in the new state. I signed up for the July bar (which was also very hefty fees, over $1000), studied for the bar from April to July, took the bar, and found out I passed the bar a few weeks ago. Now that I’ve passed, I’m kicking the job search into high gear. It’s easy going to be a year to year and a half process for us to move (from January 2012 deciding we want to move to when I get a job, which will hopefully be soon).

      I’ll note, I did apply for jobs before I took the bar exam and while I was waiting for the results, but the majority of the jobs required admission to the state’s bar. It’s been a long, annoying process, especially since my fiance can work remotely from anywhere so he could move tomorrow! But I’m convinced it will be worth it in the end as it is time to move away from NYC. Good luck with the job search!

  19. K...in transition :

    Just wondering whether there’s anyone in South FL who’d want to do a meet up? I’ll be there for a few weeks at the end of next month and thought I’d ask…

    Otherwise, anyone in NE Ohio who’d be interested at any point in gathering, shoot me a message… I’m happy to organize either/both

    munchkin1616 at juno dot com

    • Lady Harriet :

      I’m assuming by South Fl you mean the east coast? I’m on the other side of the state, in SW Florida.

    • I’d be interested in NE Ohio, but probably not until after the new year. I work in downtown Cleveland and live on the far west side, so it would depend on where the meetup was actually happening as to whether I could make it.

  20. Random gripe— a former colleague endorsed me on Linked In. I think this guy is an idiot and a terrible lawyer. I don’t know who he thinks would be impressed by his endorsement. (Unsolicited, obviously!) And I find it condescending that he thinks he is in a position to endorse me or anyone else— truly, he is Not. A. Good. Lawyer. I realize as I’m writing this that I’m overly annoyed about it, so to steer this away from being just a crankypants vent, is there a way to reject / erase someone’s endorsement?

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