Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Mosshart Contrast Blazer

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Mosshart Contrast Blazer by BardotFor a casual day at the office (or a dressy day at a casual office), I like this contrast blazer. Yes, the lapel and details are faux leather, but in little details I don’t mind that so much. Love the navy and the black, the interesting collar, the fact that it’s fully lined… and, ah yes, the sale: it was originally $141, but is now marked to $49.97, final sale, at Piperlime. Mosshart Contrast Blazer by Bardot

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]

(FYI — sister site Banana Republic is offering 30% off all full priced styles with code BREXTRA30 [but that doesn’t include the new Mad Men collection, alas].)

(L-4)

Comments

  1. Tj – I finally got a job! And one I feel could be the start of my career, not just a job to pay the bills =D aside from being excited, I’m also very nervous. The position will have me splitting my time between the offices upstairs and the factory floor below. Is there any advice you ladies can share about how to start on the right foot? I’m generally outgoing and very proactive but don’t want to be seen as a gunner or as too reserved. How would you bridge that line? Thanks and looking forward to reading your words of wisdom!

    • No advice but wanted to send congratulations your way! That’s fabulous news!

      • Yay!!!! it is great for you to get a JOB! YAY!!!!! Also, it’s FRUEGEL Friday! I LOVE FRUEGEL FRIDAY’S!! And this is a nice selection for me, if I can get reimburesed.

        But I was hopeing peeople would respond to my tax question I asked at midday yesterday about wether my clotheing allowance was 1099 taxeable or non-taxeable. My dad says no, but Frank say’s yes, and he is the acountant, but DAD is MENSA, and it could cost me $600 MORE in taxes! FOOEY!

        I will check back to the midday post, but will ask again b/c it is causeing alot of greif for me at work, and I want my 30% even if I have to pay tax, but dad says NO!

        I am finished with my power point slides for BALTIMORE and the manageing partner is lookeing at them now. Yay! But I have to go Sunday and stay over Sunday night at the West Overnite Rest Stop and Inn (FOOEY!) There was a Ritz Carlton nearby (@$350/nite), but the manageing partner had Lynn book me a cheaper room($109) I said I will leave if I see any bedbugs! FOOEY!

        I took a picture on my IPHONE of Gonzalo this morning, walkeing on Lex with a woman to just show my dad. He did NOT see me and he had his hands on her tush, and her TUSH was alot bigger then mine! My dad did NOT care, and he said that she looked just like Carmine Miranda (whoever that is). My dad still wants me to do my 5 miles a day to get my tuchus down to size 2. FOOEY! Dad says that could have been me. I am glad it was not b/c he probabley is sleepeing with her! DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • Just do your best to read situations and react accordingly. Though I have to admit that is really hard to do – I had a first meeting with my new boss as of Monday this week and was later afraid I came off too pushy but heard later that he thought it was great! I honestly don’t think enthusiasm is ever an issue, just try not to tread on people’s toes.

    • As you start out, make sure you do more listening than talking. And congrats!

      • LackingLuster :

        +1000

      • Agree on listening first.

        Also (don’t know exactly what your role will be – I’ve worked as an engineer in a manufacturing setting), I would say in addition to your peers take your time to get know the folks on the factory floor and respect their input. They can do a lot to make your work either sucessful or not successful, and the vast majority of folks on the floor I worked with were great people and a nice reminder there’s a whole other world than the “Corporette” one out there.

        • This! The people working on the floor may have years of knowledge and have seen tons of bright young white collar workers come and go.
          Wear clothes, or keep them available, so you can do down to the floor with a minute’s notice. Nothing wrong with wearing sandals in your office in the summer so long as you have a pair of solid shoes you can put on that you keep at your desk.

        • Was it possible that [this site]’s name was in a post and it didn’t get stuck in moderation? :-)

          • It did get stuck – I just wanted until it got approved rather than trying again without the [this site] name

    • Good luck! Listen, take good notes, and don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. Observe as much as you can and you’ll adapt before you know it!

    • Congratulations. How wonderful!

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Not sure what you’ll be doing on the factory floor, but I used to work in a warehouse so I’ll give you my advice on that assuming it will involve some manual labor. My experience was one where I was the only woman working out in the warehouse at the time, so that may have impacted me as well. I apologize if this comes across as sexist, but my experience really was one where the men had expectations about what a woman would be like to work with (I.e. afraid of breaking a nail, whiny because it was hard, not wanting to do something that involved getting dirty, etc). Not realistic expectations if you ask me, but that is what I was dealing with.

      Take the time to listen carefully to what you are being instructed to do and then jump right in. Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty. Always remember what you can do safely though, meaning if something really is too heavy for you to life without hurting yourself, speak up. I found that since I had jumped right in and proven myself doing everything else that nobody minded when I couldn’t lift something because they knew I wasn’t just trying to get out of doing something just because I was a woman (which I think was their expectation of what I would be doing at first).

      Don’t be afraid to ask questions about things that you truly don’t know or understand. At first, it will be key to observe what other people are doing, particularly those people who are viewed as being good at their jobs. That will start to become clear over time. By keeping an eye out for how these people handle things, you’ll have a better idea of where to start if you have a question instead of asking something which the person you are asking thinks should be obvious.

      Congrats on the new job!

    • If it’s a situation where you are a manager or similar position where you are working with the factory workers, my biggest piece of advice is to NOT act like you are above them. I have seen recent college grads get off on the wrong foot and it’s hard to change first impressions. In my case it was my peers who had a very obvious “I have an engineering degree therefore I know everything” attitude when interacting with technicians who had been doing their trade for decades. It is absolutely important to be confident in anything you do, but not c*cky. Remember that people are people and most of them can teach you something if you give them a chance! In that type of environment I recommend asking questions to show interest in what people are doing, and build relationships with the people you will work with on a regular basis.

      • Meg Murry :

        Yes, this! You don’t have to be “one of the guys on the floor”, but mutual respect with ALL employees regardless of title or education will get you much farther than a know it all attitude or giving orders. For the moment, turn your enthusiasm toward learning from all sources, not suggesting changes right away. If you can learn hands-on from the people doing the job all day, so much the better. Good luck and congrats!

    • Congratulations!

    • Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement!!! I can’t wait to start my first “real” job and can’t wait to learn from everyone there. Along with getting familiar with all the tasks I’ll need to do, I want to get to know everyone and for them to know me =D

  2. I am very excited for the BR Mad Men collection. I love everything Don Draper’s wife wears.

  3. You can get 30% off the Mad Men collection if you have a GAP or Banana Visa card.

  4. Does anyone make non-deductible contributions to an IRA? What are the relative merits of making non-deductible contributions to an IRA versus investing in a standard brokerage account? Thanks!

    • Would you still pay an early withdrawal penalty? I don’t really see an upside (although others may have more insight). It seems like you’d have less access and control over your money, with no offsetting tax benefit.

    • LeChouette :

      I believe when you withdraw you don’t pay taxes on your capital gains — so the gains are tax free. (at least I know that is the case for roth (non tax deductible) 401ks).

    • The gains accumulate tax-free, which is huge. It means that any gains you realize are not taxed, so that you can reinvest 100% of what you accumulate. . If you are truly saving for retirement you should put as much into tax-exempt accounts as you possibly can.

    • The gains do not accumulate tax free. My financial adviser said that the main benefit on non-deductible IRAs has something to do with estate planning.

      • Gains do accumulate tax free; the gains are taxed only on withdrawal, presumably at retirement. As IMMJ points out, that’s a major boost.

        Example: Assume two accounts of $100K, one an IRA, one a taxable account. Both return 6% of the balance in taxable gains every year for 20 years. In the taxable account, the holder pays 20% tax on the gains annually and reinvests the balance at the same rate of return; then withdraws the lump sum at year 20 with no additional tax at that point. In the IRA, the entire gain is reinvested annually, as tax is deferred until withdrawal at year 20, when the holder pays a lower LT rate of 15% on the accumulated gains. [tax rates obviously change, but in theory there’s supposed to be a benefit of holding over the long term vs short]

        Assume both withdraw the balance at the end of year 20. At that point the taxable investor has had an annual return of 4.6%, the IRA investor a return of 5.4%. Doesn’t sound like much, but in dollar terms, the taxable investor has $255K, the IRA investor $288K, 21% more cash.

        As others have pointed out, there are other things to consider, particularly the fact that you can’t access the money w/o penalty until a much later age. That said, they remain a pretty good vehicle for retirement savings. Most financial advisers would say, max out both your 401k and an IRA – whatever you can do in tax deferred accounts is a good thing. I always have, even though IRAs are not tax deductible for me.

  5. Love this blazer. Somebody needs to recommends this piece to the ladies at http://www.boardroombelles.com
    The outfit they posted today (pencil skirt with wedge sneakers and a hoodie) almost made me double over in pain – so atrocious!

    • Not cool at all dude. I love their comments to this community, and if you don’t like an outfit you can comment that its not your style on their blog. No need to come here where you know they contribute and participate and knock their post.

      • +1

      • I agree! And for what it’s worth, I actually like the outfit you’re bashing.

        • You like those high-heeled wedge sneakers? Seriously? Man, I thought those were awful.

          • I do. I’m not sure I’d wear them, but they’re cute.

          • I like them and would absolutely wear them. Not to the office, but my personal style outside of work is very different from my style at work. I like to be trendy and fun outside of work.

          • LackingLuster :

            I’d wear them. I think they are cute. So hard to find cute weekend shoes.

          • LackingLuster :

            I just bought a pair. Steve Madden Olympiaa in Taupe. A more conservative take, but cute nonetheless. And they will be here tomorrow.

        • I actually like it too. It’s not really my personal style, but I would appreciate the look on somebody else.

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        I agree this is mean-spirited – but I see people post (sometimes positively, sometimes negatively) about Capitol Hill Style here all the time. Is that any different? (For what it’s worth, no skin in this game, I don’t read CHS, so I’m not a fan or a hater.)

        In any cases, with this and yesterday’s gym thread, it seems like lots of people are having a bit of a Mean Girls week this week! I think maybe we all need the weekend…

        • I definitely try to maintain an “if you don’t have anything nice to say” mentality on this website, but this week has been seriously testing me on that, so tempting to take it out on the interwebs.

        • It’s different because CHS is rude and nasty on her blog in general. Which isn’t surprising when you consider her politics.

          • Seriously? I don’t read there and have no idea what her politics are, but whether she’s liberal or conservative, for you to make a statement like that just shows how rude and nasty you are, not to mention intolerant of other’s political views.

          • She’s not rude and nasty today. Her post about Rosa Parks is awesome. I like her style a lot, although I disagree with her politics.

            As a side note: I unsubscribed due to her affiliation with the NRA, but then I missed her posts, so I resubscribed. I’m a sucker for time wasting blogs and clothes. And apparently, have few convictions :/

          • Because Belle is a Republican working for the NRA that makes her rude and nasty? Why, that isn’t nasty or rude at all. People can just be nasty, regardless of their political leanings. For what it’s worth, I’ve known plenty of Dems who were just as nasty.

          • Ah the common pitfall of confusing personality with politics. Some people do that when they think liberals are welcoming and not prejudiced, but you have illustrated that you should not confuse politics with personality traits.

          • Amelia Bedelia :

            She is not rude and nasty. She is admitedly snarky. There is a difference. Some of us enjoy that.

          • Wow. Supporting the NRA makes her a nasty person? Okay, I’ll out myself. I’m a member. My husband is a lifetime member. He’s also the kindest, most thoughtful, loving man I’ve ever met. Or do you mean conservative Republican (which I assume she is given who her former boss was)? I’m a Democrat (yeah, a female Democrat from New England who’s also a member of the NRA — we actually exist), but I know some conservative Republicans and am even friends with them. I may disagree with them on several points, but they come to their opinions honestly and I respect them for that. Many of them believe what they do because of their faith and, when I look through the lens they look through, I can see that their beliefs actually come from a place of deep love. Again, I think the assumptions they make and the outcome those assumptions produce are misguided at best, but these are kind-hearted, loving people.

          • TBK- thanks for saying this, your honesty is awesome. :)

        • Not very different- but she doesn’t post here and isn’t a contributing member. This poster posted it here knowing boardroombelles would see it, which seems extra mean.

          It has been rather mean girl this week.

          • Yep, I agree. The girls from BoardroomBelles have been regular posters here and have always commented in a thoughtful, positive way. It’s awfully nasty to turn around and snark about them like that. If you wouldn’t wear something, just say so (or don’t — that is always an option available too..).

            It has been a bit petty and mean around here lately. I hope everyone can chill out and be a little nicer next week..

          • Stop trying to establish yourself as the Police Dept on this site. I’ve been seeing you do that on a number of occasions, and it’s tiresome. You like catching people up on mistakes and get some joy pointing them out, so it seems rather hypocritical to then turn around and be Nice Police.

          • I don’t understand what you mean about catching people up on mistakes? I’m not trying to be the nice police- in fact I have said before I think unpopular opinions are silenced too quickly on the site. I have no control over other people’s post- but I am certaintly allowed to post my own opinion, just like everyone else is.

          • Of course you’re entitled to post your own opinion, but note that when a lot of those opinions are about the tone of other people’s posts, you risk coming off like the nice police.

            Again, it’s not that you encourage or don’t encourage unpopular opinions. It’s about your calling people on their tone.

          • well agree to disagree I guess- I really don’t think I comment on tone much at all- but I probably do when someone seems to purposefully trying to hurt another commentor. Not trying to silence any voices or make everyone play nice, just voicing my opinion when I think someone is rude.

        • hellskitchen :

          I think that people bring up CHS on this blog in context to an ongoing conversation – someone asks about pairing tights and dresses and someone else responds with CHS’ rules which starts off a whole chain. But I don’t think anyone has ever come here and said “did you just see the outfit that Belle posted today..?”

          I do agree with you that this week has seen a lot of petty posts… perhaps we have run out of interesting topics to talk about so people are getting creative

      • Thanks guys! In Anne’s and Eva’s defense though – they did post on our site as well. And we’re definitely open to criticism – I think my blog partner, Posey actually had a similar reaction to that outfit :)
        That still won’t stop me from wearing this outfit to the Nets game tonight :)

    • Evangeline :

      I’ll do it. Just watch me. And I agree, seriously ugly.

    • Amelia Bedelia :

      I had thought that at least half of the Boardroom Belles writers were British — if so, take it from a native that the dressing asthetic, even in a professional setting – varies widely from that of the US.

      It was so much fun when I first relocated to the US and realised I needed an entirely new wardrobe . . . and, that by US standards, I cannot match . . .

  6. NYC Meet Up :

    NYC meet up on Wednesday March 27 at 8PM – hope to see you there! (at Grey Dog’s Chelsea)

  7. Amazeballs :

    Good morning. Long time reader, new poster. Am going to Los Angeles for the first time! I have some touristy activities planned, but am looking for some food related recommendations. The ladies on this site seem to be in the know as to where the best places would be. Where is the best place to get veggie friendly Mexican food? Any fun bistros? Veggie friendly vietnamese? General suggestions?
    Thanks so much!

  8. Saying I'm sorry and thank you :

    Reposting from tail end of last thread

    My child goes through periods of anxiety/depression, which manifest in children as behavior problems. Tonight when the pediatrician stayed late to help figure out where to find treatment, the “behavior” was on full display….really ugly. The doc mentioned that she’s moving this weekend (ie, gave up packing time to help my kid and got crap for thanks). I’d like to send her some kind of thank you that would help out while she’s moving, am thinking of a meal delivery service like Doorstepdelivery.com.

    Have you used this service/would you recomend it?

    Is this an appropriate way to thank her for caring about my (bratty, nasty) kid?

    • I think that sounds lovely, and I am sure she would appreciate it.

    • It’s a very nice idea, but honestly, I think a heartfelt handwritten thank you note might be more appropriate. And if she’s part of a larger practice group, then a copy of it to the head of the practice or the administrator. I have a very good relationship with my kids’ pediatrician but I think she’d feel uncomfortable if I ever sent her a gift because she would feel that she’s just doing her job.

      • Also, remember that as long as she has her doctor hat on, your kid is not “bratty” or “nasty,” s/he has clinical issues that you’re doing your best to address. It may not have been the easiest appointment she had that day, but she’s a pediatrician. She takes care of kids who are having all types of difficulties, whether or not that job happens to be fun all the time. This was just one example.

        No opinion about a particular gift or card, and I think it’s great that you want to say thank you. But just my perspective on, well, perspective.

    • While it’s a very lovely thought, I would be very uncomfortable receiving such a lavish gift from a patient or patient family. It’s too much — it’s part of her oath and my oath to do what she did for you. What I appreciate more than anything is a heartfelt card or note expressing appreciation, and a small token — chocolates, baked goods, etc. But really, I keep all the cards my patients give me, and those words are more important to me than anything.

      • This. As a daughter of a physician, I know that my dad always appreciated the heartfelt, token gifts the most. An 11 year old cancer patient gave him a Bart Simpson window decal and it spent the next 10 years adorning the window of my parents’ master bathroom :)

      • In the Pink :

        Yes. A note. I keep all the ones I receive. A token gift, would be nice. After moving, I know my hands are in horrible shape, even though wearing cotten gardening gloves. If you want to put in a token, maybe a quick mani coupon?

        Kudos to you for persisting in getting help and a plan as a mom!

    • I’m from a rural area where people still give hams, fresh eggs and all sorts of food goodies to the doctor as a special thank you. My parents friends are all doctors and they love that tradition. Quote my Dad’s bestie: Where else am I gonna find a wild boar steak? And personally, I once did a translation for someone and the next time I returned home there was a bag of home-smoked sausage dangling from my parent’s door. Is there a better homecoming than that? I for one LOVED it so much, it made my entire weekend.

      But I can see where a lavish gift might be uncomfortable for some- though I don’t know how much that particular delivery service costs. Generally speaking though, the gift of food is appropriate in my opinion. And food delivered to make her move easier (the very occasion for which she took on an inconvenience without complaint to go the extra mile for your kid) seems like a very thoughtful gift to me.

    • Saying I'm sorry and thank you :

      Thanks for all the comments!

      I know dealing with kids and their issues is her job, but when she goes above and beyond like she does (saving us for last so we can take as long as we want–there was absolutely no one else in the clinic while this was going on, last nurse checked out while we were talking to doc) makes it seem like she has a personal interest in him.

      So I’m doing both: dropped off a note this morning with a thank you for all the extra attention she’s given my kid over the past couple of years (including giving us her email and asking kiddo to co-author a book with her), saying I had hoped that positive engagement with her and others would keep these issues at bay and I’m sorry she was htere for the resurgence, and telling her a little something was headed to her email box, for the reasons Parker -Brb outlines in the second paragraph.

  9. I really like this blazer. When we were shopping in NYC together, Susedna bought a Zara blazer with faux leather sleeves. It looked really cool and a little edgy. Fun!

    • Currently a sucker for faux-leather sleeves. Especially on Parkas and Blazers….sigh. I wonder how long that particular madness will have me in its grip…and when I’ll wake up one day and wonder to myself, who in the world will wear all these faux leather sleeves in your closet?

  10. Chi question :

    Morning,

    Any of you living in Chicago, have recs for a gyno? I just need a check-up and birth control refill.

    Thanks in advance!

  11. It has been an awful week. Let’s play a game. What’s your most shameful confession that you hope your coworkers never find out?

    Me: I’m going to Kim Zolciak’s wine bottle signing this weekend.

    • Agreed on the terrible week. I had a secret that I somewhat let slip at a lunch yesterday but am hoping my coworkers forget about : I am a royalty blog afficionado.

      • Ha! That’s amazing, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with some friends and we were talking about someone who is super republican (in the British abolish the monarchy sense). Both my friend and I go, ‘we lurve Prince Harry….err….except for the whole Nazi thing!’

        Have you see Gin O Clock and the Queen’s satirical twitter account? It’s the bright point of my day.

        • Ooh – I’ll have to look those up. My current love is the ‘royal order of sartorial splendour’ because much like me, the author is a magpie, and loves all the tiaras and pretty clothes. I love Prince Harry but actually wish I could be the Crown Princess of Sweden.

      • Well, I used to run a royalty blog, and have long been an administrator on several different royalty forums (not at the same time). None of which I’d want my co-workers to know.

    • Hmmm….I don’t know if I have one. My supervisor just confessed an addiction to Bejewelled. There are whole tracts of political theory that I haven’t read (nor do I plan to read) which I guess would be pretty embarrassing as a political scientist. I also have a shameful lack of knowledge about American politics (I do European politics, I can’t help it).

      I actually secretly support the movement I’m studying (or not so secretly depending on how much I’ve had to drink) but that’s pretty normal for my context.

    • I’d wear high top sneaker wedges ;)

    • If you’re going to Kim Zolciak’s signing, you and I should be friends. Brando Glanville will be here in Dallas soon and I’m seriously considering going to her book-signing. She? I doesn’t have it.

    • S in Chicago :

      I’m a huge zombie fan. About once a year I will take a “super S sick day” and watch movies for what would be considered an incredibly embarrassing amount of time.

    • I hope my co-workers never find out how much I enjoy shows like The Vampire Diaries, Pretty Little Liars, etc. A nice, brainless way to end the week (I usually watch on the weekends).

  12. Jackie, the Anon Threadjacker :

    Does anyone else feel irrationally guilty about looking for a new job when they have a job? I know, in my head, that it makes sense to move (all I’m hearing around the office is how slow things are, and I’m not making much money at all, nor do I really feel good about the work that I am doing); it might even be a relief to my employers if I did.

    But I still just feel weirdly awful about it. They’ve been really nice to me. Both my bosses even came to visit me in the hospital when I had surgery a few months ago. I like my assistant a lot, and I’m worried about her job security should I leave. I feel bad for things that they’ve paid for for me (nothing unusual- CLEs, cell phone, they’ve put my name on the door and that feels like a waste). I feel awful about my own sunk costs – I’d be switching subject matters, so most of my learning up to now will go to waste. Someone else will have to take over my cases that I’ve worked from the start. That sort of thing.

    I know that it’s stupid, really I do. But honestly, the way I feel, you would think that I was, say, cheating on a spouse or something. The idea of telling them that I’m leaving (assuming that I do find another job) makes me feel like throwing up.

    • This is normal.
      The folks in your office sound like they are really nice people. This means that they will be sincerely happy for you when you move on to a job that makes you happier.
      And, no one is irreplaceable, especially at work (even ditched spouses find new partners and become happy – not always, but often enough).

    • I’m starting to think about moving on and while I know that it is the better prospect for me I do feel bad about what has been invested in me. But in the long run we have to do the best by ourselves!

    • No one expects you to stay in a job forever. When I got married, I promised I stay with my husband until one of us died. So if I was off looking for something else, yeah, that’s something to feel guilty about. I’ve never been in a job, however, where I swore to be there “so long as we both shall live.” You leaving is a risk your employer is aware of and, if they’re any good at running a business, have taken into consideration. Meanwhile, everyday you take the risk that they could terminate you. That’s how at-will employment works. Go do what you have to do. This is business, not personal. Anyone with any business sense will know that.

      • +1
        The one thing you can do though is to be as upfront and open as possible about your transition when it happens. Have a personal conversation and offer reasons for you leaving – stick to positive reasons here, which focus on your personal growth rather than the negative situation of your current position. Offer to help hire and train your replacement. Have all your ducks in a row as much as possible before you leave and leave things as tidy as you can. If there is a big (annual) project due shortly after you leave, offer to finish it before you go – so your company stands a chance of training a replacement before the next time that becomes due.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      No.
      They would have no problem letting you go if there was a business justification for doing so, so you shouldn’t feel bad for looking.

    • FedTaxAtty :

      Jackie, I’m in the exact same position. (Actually, I have an interview today…). I have to keep reminding myself that the only person responsible for my career is me. It’s like my mentor always says, “you’ve got to do what’s best for you.”

  13. Reporting back on my first brazillian experience. The procedure itself was both not that painful and not that weird, both of which surprised me. However, she took off more than I asked for. I said I wanted a small triangle, and I showed her an outline on me. She said she got it. But apparently she never watched Sesame Street because I have a rectangle, not a triangle, and said rectangle is smaller than the requested triangle, like the sides of the requested triangle were lopped off to make a rectangle, like a two lane landing strip. I am pretty upset, like when a hairstylist agrees to take off 2″ and ends up taking off a lot more, and also very weirded out about how little foliage is now in my lady garden. I keep telling myself it will grow back, but I feel like less of a woman than before I went in yesterday. DH hasn’t seen it yet, and my lizard brain is telling me to hide until it grows back, even though I know that’s not rational nor feasible. Has anyone else felt less like yourself after their first major landscaping experience? Will I get used to how different I look? And how do I prevent the ingrowns I hear are a problem after a wax?

    • @Anon: Home-Waxing is super common in France. The first time I went to Monoprix to buy razor blades there, I couldn’t find them amongst all the home waxing kit. One thing that all these seemed to be delivered with and that struck me as odd, is a sheet of oil. Thinking there must be method to that madness, I tried liberally applying baby oil after any landscaping thereafter and found that immensely helpful. It also helps to wear loose clothing for as long as possible afterwards. e.g. doing it at night and then just hop into PJs.

    • Anon For This :

      Honestly, YMMV but I felt different the first time got I got a full brazilian but grew to love it. I’m a strong believer in you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable but I don’t think you’re necessarily “less of a woman” because of this. And FWIW, my SO loved it the first time he saw it (to the point where I almost had to fight him off because he was so intent on giving me some umm extra attention). You may get used to it and like it. But if not, it was an experiment and it’ll grow back!

      As for ingrowns, I use an exfoliating scrub on the top (every few days, not too soon after a wax) and it generally works to keep the ingrowns at bay…

      • I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that I think foliage of any given type makes any person more or less of a woman, whether wild garden or entirely without foliage. You’re right, to each her own, absolutely. I just meant for me, how I am reacting, makes me and only me feel like less of a woman. I feel really, really weird. What scrub do you use, if you don’t mind?

        • Anon For This :

          Oh man this is why I shouldn’t post while distracted. I didn’t mean to imply that you thought that – what I was really trying to say was what anon below me said – that “change” is weird sometimes. I felt weird at first too but now I wouldn’t go back.

          I use the body shop shea butter scrub but also used the st. ives apricot scrub for your face (the one that comes in a tub) and liked it.

    • Aw, I’m sorry! Definitely felt weird and not like me after my first landscaping, but that feeling passed quickly and now I feel weird and not like me when I grow it out. So part of it I think is just “whoa! Change!”

      That said, it’s annoying she didn’t listen to you. If you are attached to the triangle, is it possible for you to go back in and ask for someone else that can fix it and give you a (smaller) triangle? That might at least help you feel like it looks a way you are more comfortable with.

      And of course the wonderful thing – it’s hair! It’s gonna grow back – if you’re a hair-growth-machine like me, in a couple weeks, otherwise, definitely within the month. So hopefully it’s only a passing discomfort.

    • I know that this isn’t what the OP’s post was about at all, but I’m getting so tired of all the pressure there is out there to go completely bare (or close to it). I’m 34 and feel like things have changed so much in the past ten years or so. My skin gets irritated when I wax too far in and I feel like it’s kind of sexist that it’s become such an expectation.

      There’s good grooming (i.e. making sure you’re clean whether you have hair or not) and then there’s expecting women to remove all of their body hair despite pain and cost? And the worst part is, I feel like I’ve internalized it! That’s part of why it makes me uneasy when people who do go fully bare talk about how much their SOs love it–that’s kind of just perpetuating the whole internalization of it. (I.e. do whatever makes you feel good but your man will be soooo much more into you if you take it all off!)

      Generalized rant over–I just hate how I feel like I should wax, then hate it even more when waxers are like “you don’t want a full brazilian??” like I’m crazy. Can I get a?

      • Anon For This :

        I feel like I should respond to at least part of your want seeing as I’m one of those who talks about how my SO loves it. Honestly, I like that he loves it because it makes me feel more s3xy. He didn’t have a problem with my landscaping before I started waxing but because I feel cleaner and s3xier, our LGPs have improved. Maybe it is because it’s been internalized in me too but I feel less self-conscious – that may also be part of what he is picking up.

        I would never wax because my SO likes it (and I would never say that your man will be so much more into you – my SO was plenty into me before I started) but honestly, in my mind, it’s like lingerie – pretty unncessary but I like that I can do something in that sense that makes me feel more confident in the bedroom.

        • Sorry, I definitely didn’t mean to address that to you–which is why I didn’t reply to you directly–it just reminded me of some things others have said.

          Again, not an attack on you, but I also take issue with people saying they feel “cleaner” because I think it implies that women who don’t wax are dirtier. I get the sentiment because I sometimes feel that way, too (though I also feel more exposed in terms of protecting that area from clothing rubbing on me, etc) but it bothers me when I catch myself saying it.

          I can also relate on the feeling s3xier bit because I think I do, too–but then I think that that’s because I’ve drank the Kool Aid a bit, too.

          It’s a fraught issue–I just hate wrestling with it internally. That’s kind of what I am ranting about–the internalization. Though it clearly comes from someplace external (i.e. societal pressures) otherwise there’d be nothing to internalize! I guess I just feel like we expect women to go to greater lengths and jump through greater hurdles every year beauty wise.

          • VeryAnonForThis :

            But it’s a feeling….I feel cleaner when I wash my hair as well, but have a number of acquaintances who’ve recently undertaken to “give up” on shampoo (these are very fashionable, professional women in NYC) and they literally never wash their hair, just rinse with water. Is it their place to judge me because I feel clean when I wash my hair with shampoo? By using shampoo, am I just conforming to a societal pressure to “clean” my hair? The point is, it should not matter. Don’t judge yourself so much! It’s OK if you feel s3xier when waxed, it’s just a feeling!

            We should all be able to do what makes us feel our best and makes us feel more comfortable. It’s nobody else’s business if I use shampoo or wax my v*gina, and not my business what someone else does with their body either. That’s what we should be striving for. You’re not doing anything wrong by jumping through a hoop you CHOOSE to jump through.

          • I don’t know if it’s a feeling, though. You actually ARE cleaner after you shampoo. (Whether we need to be that clean is another question.) As far as I know, though, there’s no reason to think that you’re cleaner after you’ve waxed, however, unless you generally think that hair is dirty.

            I don’t feel bad for choosing to wax…I feel bad when I do it knowing that I hate doing it, hate paying for it, and hate putting my lady parts through the trauma…all while feel s3xier. UGH.

          • I should say that i don’t know if it’s “just” a feeling–there’s feeling cleaner and being cleaner. Sometimes you feel cleaner b/c for psychological reasons and those psychological reasons are often culturally imposed.

      • Funny you should say that. Part of the reason I’m struggling with the new landscaping is I feel like I’ve lost a bit of my own version of empowerment by moving another few steps towards the women-should-be-hairless-except-for-long-hair-and-shaped-eyebrows dogma, a few steps away from telling The Patriarchy to go f itself. I do wonder if she took off more than I wanted because she assumed that’s what I meant, because most women do. So, thanks Batgirl. That’s part of what’s bothering me, I think – whether I’ve internalized more of that message than I realized. I thought I was stronger than that. I know it’s just hair, I know I’m totally overreacting, but I feel like my identity has shifted somehow. And again, this is just how I feel about me, what other ladies do is their business.

        • Yes, that’s kind of how I felt after a recent wax! I’m not trying to say people should do what I do or that people who wax are less feminist, etc. I’m really not–I think you should do whatever floats your boat. As long as it’s your own boat that you’re floating–not a boat that was set to see my Cosmo or anyone else. I just hate that I feel less attractive now when I don’t–and I didn’t feel that way 10 years ago.

          I guess i should clarify that I’m really talking about how ten years ago, I felt great just sort of “trimming the hedges” and taking off what you’d see in undies or a bikini–but now I feel like I’m abnormal if I don’t take way more off than that.

          And this is related to what I said in response to “Anon for This,” but my waxer said something about how “most women” get Brazilians now because they like to be cleaner. I think that’s more about associating hair with dirty than anything else.

        • I hear you and Batgirl, too. Half the time I think “who cares, do what you like!” and then the other half I think “am I part of the group normalizing this trend?” Personally for me its more about the time and expense that all the grooming can take – society should expect people to be reasonably clean, but spending hours/$$$$ on body hair removal,mani/pedis, head hair cut/maintainance/coloring etc etc etc just wears on me.
          I think its along the same lines as the mommy wars/feminist arguments, when women feel like they are “betraying the sisterhood” if they admit that they would prefer to leave the workforce for a while (or forever) to be SAHMs. The feel that makes them failed feminists, when in fact feminism is all about having the CHOICE of whether to work or stay home, remove your body hair or not, etc etc etc

          • Right, absolutely. Though on a more philosophical note, perhaps, I do feel like choosing your choices (to paraphrase SATC’s Charlotte) can occasionally have an impact on women more broadly and is really rarely out of the context of societal pressures.

            But yes, I’d be super annoyed if anyone told me I shouldn’t do x or y–I just don’t like feeling like I’m slacking off in the self-care department by choosing not to do a full wax (or any wax at all).

          • Some choices are bad for the individual and some choices, while good for the individual, negatively impact the group. As Batgirl says, in a more gentle way.

          • Word. Frankly, I find lots of that sort of grooming to be expensive and frankly boring. Given my options I am spending my time/money on books and camping equip.

      • hellskitchen :

        Really? I always felt that every time we have talked about braziliams, there have been many women who shared that they prefer keeping it natural/lush/lightly trimmed. I occasionally go completely bare because it makes LGPs more fun for me but sometimes months go by when I don’t bother doing any trimming. Perhaps this expectation differs by generation or age groups?

      • Is it really an expectation though?

        Maybe I am just living in a bubble because I was totally clueless that people seem to think that this was a modern societal expectation until I read it here. I would assume that I would be in the target pressure demo too being a single, 20-something, with enough disposable cash to actually pay for waxing.

        Is your partner saying something negative? Are you friends? Honest questions.

        I don’t think I’ve ever discussed this topic with a partner, ever, and I’ve never had a substantive conversation with my friends about it either.

        • No, my partner isn’t–I’m just projecting b/c I’m assuming that his past partners (the most recent of which was a bit younger) did. My friends run the spectrum from full Brazilian to shaving the edges. But I do live in NYC and feel like Brazilians have gone from being kind of a kinky thing some women did on rare occasion to feeling like I’m getting scolded by my waxer if I don’t go that route.

          I’m fully copping to this being a mostly-my-own-head thing. But I guess when I read about women doing them for the first time and others telling them they’ll get used to it, etc., I feel this pang of “why are we doing this to ourselves??”

          Also, I hate pain. :)

          • Yeah, I’d say don’t stress. Just because his previous partners sported this look doesn’t mean that you have too. I bet that you have a different hairstyle (on your head – ha) and a different fashion sense. I don’t think waxing is like shaving your legs in American society, do whatever makes you happiest.

            Also, did he make a point to tell you his previous partners’ preferences in that regard? That seems odd to me. Not to totally jump to conclusions here, but perhaps the pressure is coming from him?

          • Oh God no. He would never tell me about that. Or express a preference. He’s very “whatever floats your boat.” But I worry on my own because I feel like the game’s changed. And yes, I’m also just generally anti-“women need to do a ton of crap to merely exist as women” and I hate it when I find myself tipping into “maybe this is just good grooming and not a feminist thing at all?” But that’s kind of my point–I think that’s what people are thinking now b/c it’s becoming ingrained.

            Ok, clearly I need to just chill out and do my own thing! Thanks, friends!

          • Remember to put it is context too – you are being sold this by your *waxer*, whose job is to give waxes. Her sample population is extremely skewed, AND she is trying to sell you a service. Her definition of “most women” is actually “most women who come to me to be waxed that I have talked into taking off more”.
            And for some ancedata – I am firmly in the just trim the edges at home stance, part because I personally don’t like the idea of full hair removal (for me – you do what works for you), part because I don’t want to give it the time to maintaining full removal status, and part because I’m just cheap/would rather spend my time & money on other things.

          • I feel like this is really a NYC thing. In DC, plenty of women do Brazilian (and so have I on occasion), but I don’t think it’s expected. I also know that it became a Thing in NYC long before it was done at all elsewhere (I remember being 22 and being aghast that my friend in NYC got it ALL taken off — I’d never heard of that before). That’s not to say that the pressure doesn’t exist in New York, just that it’s probably a much less widespread problem than it seems if everyone you know is doing it.

          • hellskitchen :

            Yeah my waxer tries to scold and judge me too… she always says it’s been too long since the last one and that’s why it hurts so much. A few months ago, she tried to talk me into getting waxed every 3-4 weeks. I told her if I had that kind of money to spend, I’d rather save it and do a laser hair removal so I wouldn’t need to come in for waxing anymore. She hasn’t said a peep about frequency or tried to be judgy since then.

      • I feel like Brazilian waxes are the new d*uche. As in the “You are weird/gross if you don’t do this/You are more sexy as a woman if you do this.”

        I can’t bring myself to buy in.

        • +1000

          I’m always sad when there is some annoying trend and it’s got a critical mass of adherents, and then the ones who are not sure end up brainwashing themselves that it’s really for themselves when it’s really to fit in and to please others. There’s a lot of self-imposed delusion on these things.

    • hoola hoopa :

      My first brazilian was a disaster. I suspect that the person who did it simply wasn’t experienced. I let it grow back and mustered up the courage to do it another time with someone highly recommended and specialized in brazilians. It was a world of difference.

      Also, I think the first one is awkward no matter what. Your hair follicles and skin just freak out. They get dramatically better by the second or third. If your partner is like mine, he’s going to be excited about it even if it’s not perfect.

      I’ll echo others that it felt weird at first, but I quickly learned to love it. I was a firm ‘women are supposed to have hair down there – I refused to look like a prepubescent girl for a man’ member; turns out, I really like the clean and smooth feeling.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I feel for you! I had a similar experience a couple of months ago and have retreated to home waxing for the time being. I’ve had decent luck with the Nads waxing strips. Also, I use a little tube of stuff called Bikini Zone to help ward off ingrowns. I get both of those items at Target.

  14. Anyone see Ask a Manager’s take on all the Yahoo brouhaha yesterday? Spot. On. Well done, Alison.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I disagreed with her, but I do agree it’s probably time to stop talking about it.

      I mostly disagreed with her because she suggests over and over again on her blog that enacting big org-wide policies [and hoping the people they are targeted at “get” them] isn’t as good as *addressing individual problems with individual workers*. So I felt like she was actually arguing against her own advice/viewpoint in that post.

  15. For those of you on the Paraguard, how bad were your periods/spotting for the first few months? Super heavy? And did you spot a lot in between periods? I think I’m going to get one, but I’m going on a beach vacation in a few weeks, so I don’t want to have heavy spotting the entire time.

    • I previously used the paraguard, and the best way to describe it is that whatever the normal effects of your cycle are now, they will be a little bit worse. For me, that meant worse cramping and a heavier flow for a day or two more than usual. No spotting at all, though I didn’t have that before. My gyn at the time required that I be on my period when she put it in, and that first one was particularly heavy/painful because of the insertion, but that only lasted a day or two. If you’re not going on vacation for a few weeks, and you’re not likely to be on your period during that vacation otherwise, I would think you’ll be fine.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      I think my cycle got heavier, but shorter – 3.5 heavy days versus 4-5 medium days. I stopped cramping, though and even though I am fairly regular, without the mild cramping, I’d lose track and then get caught unprepared, so much so that I now always have something in my bag……

      I didn’t have any spotting. I had mine inserted 1 day before being 6 weeks post-partum (was traveling the next day) so I had it a couple months before my cycle returned so I can’t give immediate post insertion thoughts.

      Am terribly sad that I hit 10 years in a few short weeks….

      • This has been my experience too. I was bfing for 10.5 months after insertion so I didn’t have my period until I stopped, so I can’t provide feedback on periods immediately post-insertion. I will say that I had terrible issues with HBC and love my Paraguard!

    • VeryAnonForThis :

      Much heavier and much longer for me, and bad cramping for months. I ended up getting rid of it earlier than planned (before trying to have a baby) because the cycles were so disruptive. Mirena on the other hand (mild hormones) apparently can nearly eliminate your period.

      • I wish I could take Mirena for that reason, but I’ve had a lot of problems with other forms of hormonal bc, so my gyn thinks Paragurad is safer for me.

        • I had a similar experience. In the end the paraguard didn’t fit correctly (I’ve not had children, so apparently my uterus is too small). I’ve ended up on a non-estrogen based bc (Implanon implant – progesterone only), and a very low dose mood stabilizer. Does the trick, but not ideal.

      • Chilled Coyote :

        I had a Paraguard for about a year and a half . The pill was interfering with my anti-depressant, so I had wanted to avoid hormonal bc, but eventually the periods got so heavy and long and I had so much spotting all the time, I was ready to be done with it. I was a bit worried about the hormones in Mirena, but decided to try it. After the first 2 months, I haven’t had a period. There have been maybe 6 days of spotting the ~2 years since then. Couldn’t be happier now. And because the hormones are localized to the area, I’ve had no trouble with my regular meds.

    • The cramps got much worse in the first 5-10 cycles after insertion of the Paragard but it was still totally manageable with ibuprofen (just a bit more of it). The bleeding was heavier but not a big deal – again totally manageable.

      Divaliscious – does having had it for 10 years mean you can’t get a new one? I thought it was just that you had to replace the one you had after 10 years.

    • Need to Improve :

      I had it inserted six weeks post partum and until I started bleeding again I felt nothing. My husband never noticed it being in. In fact, I tried to check to make sure it actually was there and could not even find it the first time. Once my cycle came it was heavier than before–more blood—expecially for the first three cycles or so. The cramps were actually lighter for me and there was no spotting. I think spotting is more an issue with the hormonal ones. I still have it in and I love it. My doctor said it has the same “accidental PG” rate as a tubal ligation.

  16. intl offer :

    Question for the hive: I’ve received an offer to work abroad for an American organization. I’d be getting paid through a U.S. bank account, but I’ve heard something about exclusions from U.S. taxes on income earned abroad. (specifically if working abroad 330 days of a 12 month period)

    Does anyone have any experience with this? i.e. If started in April ’13 (meaning less than 330 days in ’13), how would taxes work? Just trying to get a sense of the “real” value of the offer.

    Thanks!

    • Aargh, this is the bane of my existence. I don’t live in the US, I spend less than 10 days a year there and still have to file taxes in addition to my UK tax. It’s like a loyalty fee.

      There was a helpful article in the NY Times but I’d assume that since it’s an American org, you’d pay taxes like normal:
      http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/16/business/global/for-americans-abroad-taxes-just-got-more-complicated.html?pagewanted=2&_r=2&smid=fb-share&

    • Divaliscious11 :

      There is a foreign income exclusion. Its gone up (used to be about $86K last time we used it) and as a general matter and in simple terms, you won’t owe income tax on the first (exclusion amount) of income earned outside the US. Income earned above that is taxable (although you have to file total amount). That said, if you pay local country income tax (and there is a tax treaty with US) you receive a tax offset/credit for taxes already paid to the local country. You will just have to submit the paperwork indicating what you were paid and local taxes paid. If you are not paying local taxes, you still get the exclusion, you just have to US taxes on the overage.

      Not sure if it is different if you are working for an American company and everything is done in America vs just being paid through an American bank. That could be different.

    • Anne Shirley :

      Ask them to pay for you to consult with an intl tax expert. If they’re a large org they probably already have a relationship. And negotiate that they will pay for tax prep services.

    • Yes–I worked two separate one year stints in London, neither of which fell on a calendar year end (e.g. I was there for partial tax years…for many years). There is a time-based test and an earnings based test. Find the IRS publication on foreign earned income at IRS dot gov. Essentially, if there’s a tax treaty with the country where you are headed, then you pay whichever tax is MORE. And you have to file both places, and you can’t exclude the foreign income/deduct it until you’ve met the tests.

      And filing somewhere that’s new is not obvious–e.g. you may have to pay a tax preparer. I had to do tax extensions until I met the 330 day period. My good friend had to have her fiancee plan her wedding because she’d been sent to the US for nearly 30 days by her foreign employer (and still needed to get married in the US, despite living abroad). It’s doable, but you need to keep really good track of where you are. Also note that your retirement savings gets messed up–tax-advantaged savings like 401(k) contributions will reduce your US tax but not your foreign tax. It’s REALLY annoying.

      The first time I lived abroad, I was a local hire (e.g. paid in local currency). The second time I was on US payroll and seconded to the UK (e.g. paid in dollars). The second employer did our local UK taxes for us. I highly, highly recommend that you negotiate tax preparation into your offer. It’s really stressful trying to talk to other expats to figure it all out.

      All that said, living abroad was AH-MAZING and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

  17. This is definitely the most random, long-shot request I’ve ever posted on here, but does anyone have a lead for the drawer pulls on the blue and white dresser in the link below? Or something similar?

    http://www.theanimalprintshop.com/blog/molly-sims-nursery-little-darlings/

    Thanks in advance!

  18. TotallyAnon :

    I am an admin at a finance firm. My boss has been very, very short with me the past two days, and it seems like something is wrong.

    I have no clue what it is. He and I have not exchanged cross words, nothing has gone awry or whatever. Id like to address it b/c it makes me so uncomfortable.

    Literally, my stomach hurts and I can’t eat.

    • What are you going to say though? Please be nicer to me? If he is just being short and not rude (ie calling you names, demeaning) Just try to not let it bother you. Your stomach should not hurt over your boss being short with you. It may have nothing to do with you. Just keep doing your work well.

    • Sorry you’re experiencing this. It sucks.

      Has your boss been generally short with other people during this time period? If it’s not just to you, then he could just be going through a rough patch that he’s not concealing particularly well.

      • Meg Murry :

        Yes, this. If he’s being short to EVERYONE (or everyone that isn’t a paying client), just keep your head down and keep plowing on – inquiries will probably only make it worse. Also, its Friday afternoon. I’d wait to see if its still just as bad on Monday, or if the weekend calms him down a little.

    • hoola hoopa :

      Since it’s only been two days (which I understand is excruciating in the moment but is actually a brief period), wait it out. If it was something you did, he’ll probably get over it soon.

      Is he being like that with others? If so, it’s probably something going on outside of his relationship with you that is spilling out on to you. It’s most likely this. Not fun or fair, but you can relax.

      If it continues beyond a week and is only directed towards you, I’d ask him if he’d like you to do something differently or if you’ve made a mistake. I’d avoid discussing ‘feelings’ and stay focused on performance.

    • Are you sure it’s about you though? Maybe his mother is sick, maybe his wife is divorcing him, maybe his kid got arrested, maybe his dog is dying.

    • As a fellow Admin, I totally sympathize. However, long years of experience has shown me that, hard as it is to believe, it might not be about me! If you can’t identify an incident that might have created the tension, it is probably coming from something that has nothing to do with you. As much as it sucks that he has been short with you, it will suck worse if you make it about you by asking what’s going on. Hang in there, and try some ice cream for your stomach :-)

    • It may not be about you. I always think it’s about me when my boss is short with me, but usually it’s because of stuff going on in his life.

    • Would it be possible to ask “Is there something wrong that I can try to fix?” as you are otherwise going in his office to do you duties? I’m thinking of this as coming off as a casual but caring question. Some would say that this is a rather passive approach, and as someone who once worked for Mr. Viciously Crappy Moods With No Explanation, my recommendation of a fairly passive approach is deliberate, on the chance that that is what you are dealing with. I hope that you do not work for someone with unexplained nasty “moods”. If you find that you do, start looking for other employment, now. But I hope you get some I formation – that it was something you did, but you can help put it right, or it was something someone else did, in which case you can quit fretting about it, but still see if there’s anything you can do to improve the situation. It may well not you at all, it maynot even be work related, and he may refuse to answer and merely grunt and glare in your general direction (my experience, sadly), but it’s worth trying to find out so that you can quit tearing yourself up about it.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I am surprised by this advice. I think it’s perfectly appropriate to ask about a change in attitude. Either “I can’t help noticing that you seem a little brusque with me — is there a problem we need to talk about?” or, if you have a closer relationship, “Hey, you seem a little distracted — is everything okay?”

      I’m a boss and I would hate for my assistant to have knots in her stomach because I’m letting my personal problems affect my job performance. And if there is a performance problem, better to find out about it sooner than later.

      • I think it really feeds into the stereotype that you have to be “nice” to women. Her boss is short with her. I am a very good boss to my assistant I think, but if I am short and business like, I do not want her asking me if something is wrong. If he is being outright rude, that’s one thing. But you can’t ask someone to be nicer/friendlier to you.

        • Senior Attorney meets Woods-comma-Elle :

          I took the OP to indicate a recent change in behavior by the boss, about which I think it is reasonable to inquire. YMMV, but in my view nobody should be “very, very short” (the OP’s words, which in my view at least border on outright rude) with his or her staff for days on end, regardless of the gender of said staff.

          I guess I bat for Team Nice to All.

          • TotallyAnon :

            Thanks, everyone. After some serious thought. I think I’m just going to be polite, but keep my head down.

            Its tough, but not everyone is (or should be!) super nice and friendly all the time.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Good luck! Hopefully you can relax and forget about it on the weekend!

  19. anon for this :

    AUSTINITES: I need a recommendation for legal aid or something similar (a low cost solo practitioner?) (an organization that helps impoverished women with family law/ custody/ support issues) in Austin Texas. A young woman I know (only as an acquaintance online) in Austin is moving out of her boyfriend’s place to another state, and his lawyer wants her to sign something about support. She doesn’t have anyone to look at the papers to see just what it is that they’re suggesting (and I don’t know all of the facts, as I’m not able to *be* her lawyer for this as I’m up in Michigan), so I’m hoping you all might have some ideas.

    • Cornellian :

      UT has a bunch of clinics, but her best bet may be central texas Lawyers’ Referral, to be honest. This all sounds super shady, why would you need to sign anything about support for moving out of a boyfriend’s place? Do they have kids? I have some friends doing solo practitioner work, but I’m loathe to send anything their way with no information.

      • anon for this :

        Thanks! Multitasking fail on providing info: yes, they have a child, he’s agreed she can move out of state, but apparently he is concerned she will get on assistance in her new state and they will come after him for support? He is not paying support now but they have been living together. He said she can talk to *his* lawyer about what the paper means, and she’s afraid he won’t tell her the truth and/or they’ll pressure her into signing something she doesn’t want to sign. Google thinks maybe I should refer her to the Texas Rio Grande Legal Aid.

        • also anon :

          That sounds really suspect. Why is she considering signing this? Also, I thought from taking family law that you couldn’t contract away child support, but I’m not a family lawyer and have even less of a clue about Texas laws.

          • anon for this :

            I agree with all of that. I suspect she’s considering it (to the extent she is; more she’s actively asking for resources to help because she doesn’t understand it) because she’s a bit intimidated (I don’t mean to imply physically intimidated), overwhelmed, not frequently involved with the courts, afraid he might try to stop her from leaving the state with the baby (he’s apparently already agreed she can) (and she can’t afford a lawyer, so how would she fight that, she might be thinking), afraid he’ll give her trouble between now and the time she’s leaving (it’s very soon as I understand it, so she’s under the gun), afraid she’ll get fast talked by his lawyer, afraid to seem unreasonable, etc.

            My ex and I contracted away from the standard child support in our separation agreement but we needed court approval and I had to justify it as being in my son’s best interests that we do that. I don’t know anything about family law except as a party and nothing about Texas, so who knows. Also, I haven’t seen the provision. I suspect she just wants someone to look it over, explain it to her, so she can decide if it’s something she wants to do, outside of an environment where she’s being pressured to sign it quickly and outside of a situation where she can’t trust the people explaining it to her.

    • Volunteer Legal Services has a family law pro bono group for low income individuals in Austin.

  20. I hope this isn’t TMI but I would love any advice: Every night this week I have woken up drenched in cold sweat and shivering (to the point where I’ve had to get up and change into dry PJs). I’m 34, otherwise healthy, and don’t feel sick. I can’t figure it out, and Dr Google is freaking me out big time. Has this happened to anyone else? The only thing I have changed recently is that I’ve increased the amount I exercise somewhat, but not dramatically.

    • I would go to the doctor. It could be early onset menopause, or a hormonal imbalance. Better to be safe than sorry.

    • LackingLuster :

      Are you stressed out? I have had this happen during periods of stress (i.e. trial prep) when I am too busy to let my stress manifest itself in other ways– like I don’t even realized how stressed out I am until I wake up and the sheets are soaked.

      • I’m actually feeling remarkably unstressed this week. I may have found the reason after stepping away from the worst Dr Google suggestions (lymphoma, other cancers, HIV…you name it). I’m on an antidepressant that seems to have night sweats as a side effect (although I’ve never had them on this med before), but weirdly, the same antidepressant is prescribed to treat night sweats. Very confusing. I’ll ask my doctor next time, but in the meantime I’ll stop freaking myself out.

        • Miss Behaved :

          I was going to ask if you were on an antidepressant. I had the same problem with one.

        • Yup, my antidepressant gives me sweats. Yuck. (But worth it overall)

        • Good to know that others have had this experience. I’m just annoyed that it started this week as I’ve recently met a new boy and we’re getting close to a first sleepover. I don’t want to stay over at his place if I am going to wake up soaked in sweat in the middle of the night. Oh well, maybe it’ll subside a bit.

        • Seattle Freeze :

          Yes, this – my antidepressant also is giving me night sweats – not every night, but sometimes more than once/night. Not fun.

    • This happens to me periodically, and as far as I know, I am healthy. I am not on any medications and I have no other symptoms. No weight gain or loss, no tiredness (other than from interrupted sleep from having to change clothes). But, I will definitely go through phases where I get really, really, really sweaty while I’m sleeping. Its happened to me for years, off and on.

    • I had this happen two years ago when I moved into a new apartment. I was thinking perimenopause, but then I talked to DH, and learned that he was having the same problem. It was our heat, not me!

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