Weekend Open Thread

Anthropologie Terry Moto JacketSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

I often remember a weekend suggestion from a few years ago — a terrycloth moto jacket from Gap — that shocked the heck out of me when it sold out within hours of being posted.  (I don’t think it was the traffic from the Corporette link much/at all, but I still remember being surprised when it sold out so quickly.)  So for this weekend I thought I’d post another terrycloth moto jacket, this time from Anthropologie — easy care, chic, available in white and green in both regular and petite, and only $88.  Score.  Anthropologie Terry Moto Jacket

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  1. …and on sale for $59.95!

  2. Professional Clothing :

    Posted this the other day, but really late to the party:

    Hoping y’all have some tips –

    I recently switched jobs from one that requires casual/semi-business casual clothes to one that fits that dress code part of the time, but also requires professional dress 3/5 of the time.

    Any tips for quickly professionalizing my existing wardrobe without repurchasing the entire thing?

    • Anonymous :

      Black blazer (or really, any color blazer, instead of cardigans).

      Conservative, almond toe pumps in a plainer color.

    • I would just get a few more pieces: a couple of blazers, and a couple more business formal bottoms, like tailored pants or pencil skirts. And then mix and match those with your existing pieces. Like, the top and cardigan you would have worn at the old job, but put the tailored pants with it to dress it up. Or, the other way around, keep the bottoms and top but swap in a blazer.

      And agree with also maybe adding in some more professional looking shoes, pumps or flats that look more business formal.

      I definitely think you can keep what you have and just start mixing in a couple of new pieces at a time.

    • Clementine :

      Look at what you have an evaluate the situation. What do you have now? I would suggest seriously going through and evaluating.

      After assessing what you have, start working on filling in gaps. Think about what works for you. I would also make sure you have 2 suits in neutrals (grey/navy/black) that also work as separates. If you can, buy both the skirt and pants that go with a given jacket to give you more options.

      Most solid color dresses plus a blazer/jacket plus a pair of dressy shoes can be very business appropriate. Buttoning up cardigans to wear with pencil skirts can be a good look too. Mostly, I would use the 2 suits as the stepping stone to get you through the first months. I did this when I went from a jeans job (not in my field) to a ‘business professional 4/5 days and dressy business casual on Fridays. My suits were from the limited and I slowly but surely have been upgrading. I am still surprised at how pulled together a dress with a blazer looks.

    • Not any specific tips on items, but be sure to check the sales. I got lots of my separates from Macy’s, L&T, and other large department stores during their big semi-annual sales — like a black blazer for $25. Kohl’s is also really good for this. And if you’re starting a new job, it helps to remember that to these new people, everything you wear is new to them (even if you’ve had it for years), so even if you’ve always worn a piece by itself at OldJob, the people at NewJob will never know it wasn’t anything other than a great shell under a blazer.

    • Kontraktor :

      I also think more professional dress can mean more modestly cut, more neutral or slightly nicer fabrics. Granted, this advice is coming from somebody who regularly wears hot pink dresses and matching tweed jackets, but I also have a lot of items in my wardrobe that are plain but make me feel really stuffy and formal. Think, very traditionally cut wool trousers with a crisp pleat down the front, silk collared blouses, structured seamed tops with sleeves, pearls (all in colors like charcoal, camel, cream, maroon, etc.). Things like that. Getting a few pieces like that help tide you over until you can stock up on more separates and build a collection. In general, I am also a HUGE separates fan so finding fun jackets that work with things you already have can be a great way to revamp quickly!


      have you ever thought about getting a pair of fleece tights they are so comfy and did you know you can get them at walgreens

  3. anon atty :

    I have a client that I have been courting for years and have gotten a bit of work from. My firm hasn’t cared about this much, until lately when a senior partner’s BFF moved there and now senior partner is courting them hard. But largely with the BFF (and not with the business line I work with). Now I am getting emails demanding that I let him and others know about all of my contacts, meetings, etc. No collaboration, no sharing, and with a tone I wouldn’t use to a dog. I know senior partner is grabbing for all of the credits, but can you imagine how p*ssed he’d be if the roles were reversed? Anyway, any advice from others re similar situations? I think he’s been a bit tone deaf and has annoyed my business line contacts a little (so don’t want egg on my face) but I’m OK with him developing his own business with them? Hate firm politics! FWIW, I am a partner, but decades junior (and he’s very Dowager Countess to my Daisy-from-the-kitchen).

    • Anonymous :

      Can you talk to the firm’s managing partner about it? This is very unfair and should be a violation of the firm’s culture and maybe even its partnership agreement. I would be very polite but not back down.

    • Not a partner, but I have a lot of friends in sales…so somewhat analogous. First, depending on the size of your firm, do you have a BD coordinator who tracks these things…then you could get him or her involved. Second, and this is a “know your firm” sort of thing, but do you really “answer” to this partner bc he is senior, or not really, because he is in such a different area at your firm? I would really evaluate whether you think you “need” to answer to him, if that makes sense. At some firms I’ve worked at, they are very “one firm” and other firms (rhymes with Schmatham), it’s incredibly cutthroat/eat-what-you-kill/step-on-the-guy-next-to-you-to-get-ahead. So…there’s that. Also, I think lots of partners have _terrible_ internal email etiquette, but it’s astounding how polite they can be in client emails, so, I would chafe at that too. So sorry you’re dealing with this.

    • another anon atty :

      Disclaimer: I am hardly a firm politics success poster girl, but since nobody else has weighed in, here’s my two cents.

      First, remember that we all teach people how to treat us, whether we realize it or not. So if you positively reinforce this behavior (through compliance or capitulation) then you can expect more of it. So whatever you do, do not comply or capitulate and hope that someday Daisy will get her day because she’s been good.

      Also, remember that when the dust of origination credit settles, your actions (and his) will likely have to withstand scrutiny. So, whatever you do, do not resort to sneakiness or underhandedness or anything else that you’d have trouble explaining to the client or to the other partners if all came to light. Take the high road.

      But taking the high road does not preclude a little playing dumb. So I’d force the Dowager Countess to explain himself. When you get a demand, politely and with no defensiveness ask for an explanation. “I’m going to lunch with so-and-so. Why do you ask?” If he tells you that he’s developing the relationship with his Dowager Friend, express enthusiasm and then tell him that you’ve been working with this client for years, the first work came in through you, and ask him how he sees divvying up origination credit. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, smile politely, and stare at him until he answers you. Occupy his space. Don’t let him dismiss you.

      And also, ask yourself and dig a little with your contacts about how to deepen the relationship. Especially if he’s annoying them, take your best contact out to dinner, have some wine, and try to get some candid feedback. And if the answer is a broader team or different specialization or if there’s any way you can improve your odds of opening the pipe a little more by bringing someone else from your office to the next meeting, do it! Beat Dowager to that punch!!

      And finally, remember that we young ones lack the experience and the gravitas and the whatever of Dowager Countess, but we bring something to a biz dev situation that’s far more desirable in a fast changing legal market: flexibility! So when you’re having that nice wine-drinking dinner with your contact, explore alternative billing arrangements, fee structures, team structures, what have you. I got my best client (out from under a Dowager) by building a database that knocked the time it took to complete the task in question down by 2/3. The client abruptly stopped caring how many decades of experience I had.

      • Alanna of Trebond :

        I am a wee associate, so I don’t know very much about anything. But depending on the firm, it may be difficult for a single partner to unilaterally explore an alternative billing arrangement. For one, the firm where I worked very briefly had a policy of never discounting and I would be surprised if they permitted this type of client handling. On the other hand, this firm also has no such thing as origination credit, so there’s that as well. Very interesting description otherwise — fascinating to read about this take on firm politics.

      • “Occupy his space. Don’t let him dismiss you.”

        Love this!

      • Anon atty :

        I’m also not a partner…but presumably you have relationships with some of the more senior partners at your firm. Any of them who could be a resource? This guy sounds like the type who has done this to others before, so they might have insight as to how it’s been handled in the past.

        Does your firm have a marketing department? Is the head respected enough within the firm to be a good mediator on this? I could see saying something like, “as you know I have a longstanding relationship with Client. I am so excited that BFF now works there, as it could be an opportunity to deepen our existing relationship. Let’s sit down with marketing to make sure we coordinate our efforts to maximize the firm’s interests and make sure we’re not stepping on each other’s toes.” But definitely make yourself a part of the process, and I agree with others that you need to be firm and stand up for yourself on this one.

  4. Hey i have some work skirts and shirts i need some help in putting them togther as work outfits. Thanks :)

    • Europelover :

      Google image searches are always helpful when I need inspiration for putting together an outfit. I generally type in a description of the item I want to wear with the terms outfit and then peruse some of the outfits to find looks that I like and that I can create with pieces I have on hand. For example: if I wanted to wear red dress pants I would search “outfits with red dress pants.” I’ve also had luck by searching for outfits ideas with multiple items like “outfit with grey pencil skirt and cardigan.”

    • anonymous :

      What exactly are you asking?


      i find that a pair of fleece tights can really pull an outfit together especially in the winter they are like a warm cozy blanket for your legs and did you know they sell them at walgreens

  5. Impostor Syndrome TJ :

    Wise Rettes- I am a somewhat recent college grad who has began working in a sort of industry specific/process improvement sort of consulting. I got promoted very early, after about 17 months of work, in early January. I know I have the support of many of my superiors who worked very hard to get my promotion pushed through, but since my promotion a few weeks ago I have been feeling very unworthy. My mentors and supervisors are pushing me very hard to perform in this new role and become a better delegator, work planer, and begin supervising. I have only been in my new role for about 3 weeks and I am feeling completely overwhelmed and like I have no business being where I am. How do you all adjust to new roles and increased responsibility? How to you fight back the feelings of unpreparedness? I know there are a lot of expectations for me, and when I look at others in similar roles I know I can do well, but I am feeling really overwhelmed at the moment.

    Additionally, I am taking on this new role midway through a project, and many things are being shifted onto me that I did not start and were done haphazardly, and now I need to manage. This is significantly adding to my anxiety around my performance.

    • Blair Waldorf :

      Deep breaths! You’re only 3 weeks in. I think it’s pretty normal to feel like you don’t know what is going on in the first few months of a new position.

      The few months of my job were very anxiety producing. I worried that everything I was doing was wrong. It helped me to stay very organized, give myself extra time to complete tasks (aka no procrastination) so I could make sure it was done right, and to let yourself ask questions if you need help! Your supervisors promoted you for a reason and you will learn how to do this job and be great. And you are not alone feeling overwhelmed at the start of a new position.

      In terms of the project, just communicate to people so they know why things are taking longer. Obviously don’t throw anyone under the bus, but just say that you are working on some underlying issues that need to be addressed before the project moves forward. If you don’t understand why something was done a certain way and you are now responsible for that component, ask someone who contributed for an explanation.

      And lastly, fake it until you make it! Seriously. Just channel your inner Hillary Clinton, Olivia Pope, or whoever works for you, and act like you are confident. Eventually the act will feel more natural, and you’ll be all set.


      sometimes just a good pair of fleece tights can do wonders for your self esteem not to mention your legs you can find them at walgreens

    • Wannabe Runner :

      You’re right that this is imposter syndrome. You are perfectly capable of doing this job, you just don’t feel that right now.

      Your mentors wouldn’t have put you here if they didn’t think you could handle it. Nothing is smooth at the beginning. Hang in there. It will get easier.

  6. A close relative of mine was offered a job a few hours after her interview last Friday and she immediately accepted. This was the “perfect” job for her and she was so excited about it. She really clicked with her interviewer and she thought that she would fit in with this company perfectly. She was supposed to start next Monday. Her recruiter just called to say that a current employee had been offered the job and they were giving it to that person instead because something had happened with that person’s job. While I understand the company was trying to be loyal to its current employee versus an employee who hadn’t started yet – but I can’t help but feel like this is really wrong. How disorganized is this (large international) company that they didn’t know 5 business days ago that they had an employee to shuffle around? I just feel terrible for her. Has this happened to anyone else? Is this common?

    • Did she give notice or quit a current job for this? Either way, I can’t even imagine how upsetting this is.

      • She was laid off a few months ago, so no current employer. I can’t even imagine if she had already given notice to a current employer. However, given the fact that she was laid off (former company cut hundreds of employees) and was so excited to have found a great job (that was much better than her last one in both opportunities and pay) this was devastating.

    • Anonymous :

      My husband was recently told he would be moving into a new position at his company along with another person they hired from outside. A week or two later they backtracked and said it was a no-go based on the company’s budget. Luckily my husband still had his job at the company but I thought about the other person and felt like that would have been awful. It just really sucks.

    • Anonymous :

      A very long time ago, I went to a job interview and the interviewer told me I got the job and to start the following week. I showed up to work on day 1 and they told me there was a mix up and thought I was someone else. They apologized for wasting my time and I left.

      • That is so horrible. I cannot imagine.

      • First summer after law school I interviewed for a research job with a prof. His assistant called me to tell me I was hired. Then later that same evening, she called me back because apparently the prof had gotten me confused with the *other* short, curly-brown-haired, ambiguously-ethnic/non-Anglo woman who he’d interviewed and meant to make the job offer to!

        To his credit, he felt so bad that he essentially told the other profs hiring that summer that they all had to at least interview me bc he had really screwed up. And the prof I ended up working for was way better. But JEEZ.

      • This happened at the previous company I worked at. “John” shows up for his first day of work, and the owner says, “but where’s John?” We say, that is John. The owner says no, I meant the other guy, why did you hire this one? BUT, we never said anything and he stayed at the company a few years.

    • This is not common but it does happen: however it is a sign that they are a mess and do not have good process in place. I know it’s hard and I’m sure she feels devastated, but she should try to see this as a major bullet dodged situation. Because this is completely unprofessional and if they do things like this, they are probably a mess in other areas, too.

      • Also, for anyone else reading, this is why you should NEVER quit a job till you have an offer on paper in hand. And even then, a company could technically still pull this AFTER an offer letter is signed. It is horrible, but it does happen, so always be looking out for your own a$$.

        Ask a Manager has posted a couple of stories similar to this, if it makes your relative feel better to see she’s not the only one.

        • Sweet as Soda Pop :

          +1 offer letter signed and returned, pre-employment requirements complete and approved (background check, drug and alcohol) and notice from HR that you are cleared to start work on X date before giving notice at your current job.

          • Sometimes you don’t have the luxury … I got an offer letter before I had my background check and pre-employment requirements done at my current employment. It was too good an offer to pass up with a major player in the industry, but they wanted to start in two weeks. Yikes!

        • Wannabe Runner :


    • When I was looking for my first job post grad school, I got a job with a large international company (aced the multiple interviews and the tests), and even had a start date. All I was waiting for was the official paperwork — that never came because instead of the paperwork, I got a phone call saying, “Oops, we weren’t supposed to offer you the job because, turns out, we’re in the midst of a hiring freeze with no end date. So sorry. ” It really hurt at the time, but it meant that I moved to the place I really wanted to be and took a totally different course in life. *hugs* to your relative. It really sucks.

    • Yes, this has happened to me a couple of times. And not after an on the spot acceptance. Some employers just plain suck, to put it bluntly.

    • Yay! Open Thread’s! I love open thread’s!

      As for the OP, yes, big companie’s and big firm’s and even the goverment back track’s on their job offer’s. It really SUK’S but it hapens. This hapened to Ed’s cousin. He was offered a big job in some company and after he told everyone at his old job to go stuff it, they called him and said they did NOT have a bugget for him at the salary HE wanted, but they would hire him at about $20,000 less. Since he had BURNED his briges at his current job, he had to take it, and this was YEAR’s ago when $20,000 was alot more money then it is now. I think Ed says he was goeing to make $80,000 and onley wound up takeing $60,000 b/c of the screw-up.

      So the word for your relative is, DONT BURN YOUR BRIDGES, and be carful not to be to hasty. In my firm, everyone knows what we are all makeing b/c Frank practicaly POST’s our salarie’s — he is workeing now on our W2s b/c Dad told him he was waiting to give it to the acountant that work’s up all of our INCOME 1040’s for our taxe’s. Frank say’s I am lucky this year b/c I do NOT have a partnership tax issue, but next year I will. FOOEY! I do NOT mind payeing taxes, but I can NOT stand to have to sign all of these paper’s dad and other’s keep throweing at me. Everything from my COOP Board to Dad, to Frank with the Partnership, and even the manageing partner, who is getting me my OWN AMEX BLACK CARD! YAY!!!!!

      I think the new Guy might have had Lynn stay over last night, b/c Frank says Lynn is wearing the same dress as yesterday. I did NOT see her clotheing yesterday, but those 2 have been smileing at each other all day and went out for lunch together. At least Mason is not stareing at me today. YAY!!!!

      I am goeing to a Museum with Myrna tomorow. I hope it is not to cold out b/c I need to get step’s in on my fitbit and dad does not know if I am walkeing inside or outside. If we go to the Natural History museum on the west side we can see stuffed animal’s and fishe’s and then go out for deli! YAY!

      • I cannot understand why anyone would waste time writing this drivel. I come on here to write about a real issue and you trivialize it by writing this crap.

        Thank you to everyone who responded with REAL experiences.


      that happened to a friend of mine once and it sucked so bad especially since it was close to the holidays I literally did not know how to help so i went to walgreens and you can guess what happened next

  7. Equity's Darling :

    What is your favourite weekend relaxing activity?

    I’m looking for new ideas, so far sleep is the front runner.

    • Knitting, but I live a quiet life.

    • A Nonny Moose :

      Reading. I used to read for pleasure very frequently, but stopped during law school. I’ve since started again and just love it.

      • backgrounder :


      • Sydney Bristow :

        Me too.

      • Me too. I decided I didn’t want to be someone who doesn’t read. That’s not me.

      • +a million. Signed up for a library card and it has been amazing.

        • +1 for reading and +1 for signing up for a library card! A great way to save money.

          • backgrounder :

            Yessss! I was a stalwart book buyer for my Kindle. Got a city library card and now I have access to Kindle books from the library. Gamechanger, seriously. :)

          • Sydney Bristow :

            Yes! Library ebooks are fantastic!

          • Library cards often get you movies too. And music, in addition to books.

          • I used to buy ebooks but since October have been reading ebooks borrowed through two libraries I have cards for. Saved a fortune. It works so well and they have newly published books and a generally great selection. Two different library cards helps since they have different ebook collections and each limits the number you can check out. Between the two, I can read to my heart’s content. In California, if you have a drivers license you can get a library card from any city in California regardless of where you live. Some libraries have wider e-collections than others.

          • Coach Laura :

            I love getting free eBooks from my library for my kindle. Like SoCalGal I have two cards – one for my suburb and one for the city where I work. Between the two, I haven’t paid for a book in a few months.

      • Anon4This :

        Reading x1000. My Kindle Paperwhite was the best purchase I made last year. It’s so wonderful to never be without a book.

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      Cooking. And,of course, followed by eating.

    • amelia earhart :

      Yoga! Also crocheting and cooking.

    • Clementine :

      I enjoy being outside and going for lovely long runs, but in the winter I love going to the gym and hopping on a cardio machine while watching totally mindless television. We don’t have cable at home and they do at the gym and it’s one of the ways I just go and relax and spend 30 minutes or an hour watching a show on home decorating or celebrity style.

    • I like food shopping late on Friday or Saturday night, when the crowds have left, but the store is restocked, and I have the aisles to myself. But then again, DH and I joke that our favorite date is going to Home Depot.

    • sleeping and watching movies … i don’t recommend them, i really need to get more of a life.

    • Turning off the alarm clock and being able to wake up when I feel completely rested. Sitting on the couch and getting lost in a good book. If the weather is nice, I like to spend time outside on the deck or take my kitty for a walk.

    • Exercise really helps me relax. I go to the gym on Saturdays. Walk on my treadmill on Sundays. And I read on the treadmill so two birds with one stone. And I cook, which I also enjoy. Picking up my knitting again.

    • cabin in the woods :

      Cross-country skiing about 10 miles to a cabin in the woods and spending one or two nights there drinking and playing cards with my friends by a wood stove, with occasional excursions outside to ski some more. Those are my favorite weekends.

    • Riding my horse! Not quite as much fun this time of year when freezing, but still peaceful, relaxing and makes the hard work during the week worth it (no job, no horse).

    • Sleep is #1. Also reading, watching TV/movies, playing games on iPad. I don’t find exercise relaxing at all, I wish I did.

    • With three little kids and a husband the works odd hours, I really feel relaxed when we are all together and out walking around at the zoo or the gardens in our city. I also really like painting or coloring with my kids. It’s fairly mindless for me and keeps everyone busy for a while.

      Non-kid related, my favorite weekend activities are long hikes (especially while camping–we still go hiking with the kids, but can’t go as long since the 5 year old is too heavy to carry in a pack but too small to hike a long way yet), and sitting around watching trashy TV with good food.

    • anon in tejas :

      taking my dogs to the dog park. it’s obviously a lot of fun for them, but I am so surprised at how much I enjoy seeing them play and run around and be happy. Plus all the other doggies to watch and pet.

      playing soccer. I play on a women’s rec team. we are at varying levels of fitness, but when I have games (about 8 in the fall/spring), I am always amazed at how much I enjoy it.

      also love cooking, baking, eating at new restaurants

    • Nothing. Doing nothing is my most desired weekend activity. Its such a treat to wake up and have absolutely nothing to do; nothing due at work, nothing that needs to be done because you have done everything already and ahead of time (and its perfect so no revisions), nothing to do at home, nothing to wash, nothing to clean, no kids to watch…just nothing. Of course I’m dreaming because I never ever have nothing to do.

    • Law Firm Recruiter :

      Riding my horse! Also love cooking and reading.

    • ex enviro :

      Tennis, thrift shopping, sewing. Sewing is something I look forward to all week because I love doing it so much. It is both relaxing and stressful, though. Every project is inevitably complicated in some unpredictable and infuriating way, but I get a great sense of accomplishment from flexing my problem-solving skills in a non-work context. It’s relaxing in the long run. I used to crochet until I realize that I only have use for so many hats and I lack the patience and dedication needed to count stitches/follow patterns to make anything else.

      • Wannabe Runner :

        This. I absolutely love sewing blankets for friends’ babies or table linens to give as wedding presents to friends. I love the sense of accomplishment and admiring my own finished work. Plus it impresses the crap out of people at showers. (Hearing, “You made that??! Like, from scratch??” from friends is really fun. I know that makes me sound like kind of a show-off. They all have other wonderful strengths, like exercise, or good looks, but I’m better than them at sewing.)


      personally is like to go to drug stores and see what kind of new hosiery is in stock but that’s just me

    • ExcelNinja :

      +a billion to sleeping in. I sleep until 8 or 8:30 usually and then hang around in bed for another hour or so just being lazy and catching up on the internet, or reading a book.

      – long hike or bike ride with DH
      – taking my time cooking dinners
      – writing a blog post
      – wine (I don’t drink during the week)
      – organizational projects like sorting through my photos
      – “window shopping” online

    • Senior Attorney :

      I signed up for a CSA box a few weeks ago so I’ve been doing a lot of vegetarian/vegan cooking on the weekends. Yesterday I made a really good root vegetable soup and today I am planning on a spinach frittata.

      I’ve also gotten interested in high school basketball games, of all things. My trainer is the coach of the local team and the games are ridiculously entertaining. A group of us from the gym likes to go to the Friday night game and then out for apps and drinks and it’s a great start to the weekend.

      And sleeping, of course.

  8. I need to sign an offer letter for a job I accepted, but it doesn’t reflect the negotiated salary. Would you just scratch out the initial offer and write in negotiated salary, (which was done over phone and confirmed via separate email) or ask for a revised letter? Haven’t done this in a while!

    • A Nonny Moose :

      I would definitely ask for a revised letter. I would email your POC and say “I think there is a mistake, we agreed to $X and my form says $Y.” Congratulations!

    • I would also ask for a revised letter. I once refused to sign my annual contract because it did not reflect a promotion. I didn’t want anyone to ever question my years in rank by looking back at that incorrect contract.

  9. Yay! My friend and I finally got to talk about our trip to Europe. She originally wanted to go this spring (I didn’t) but neither of us did anything. We talked last night and agreed that we’ll go in the fall. I’m so excited! Definitely Vienna (it’s the 30th anniversary of our junior year abroad) and Salzburg. If we end up in Salzburg, we may fly home from Munich. Neither of us has ever been there and it’s the closest big city. Also considering Prague. She went there on a school trip while we were in Vienna. I didn’t get to go because I had acute tonsilitis. Of course, it was behind the Iron Curtain then. I’ve heard it’s beautiful. Any thoughts? We’re just starting to plan.

    • amelia earhart :

      Prague is beautiful. If you were thinking of flying from Vienna to Prague, I highly recommend taking the train instead. It’s not a long trip but the countryside is gorgeous.

    • amberwitch :

      Munich is lovely. Great food, nice city.
      Prague has changed a lot since the wall fell.

      • How had it changed?

        • Equity's Darling :

          Prague was so so amazing, I absolutely loved it- it’s so vibrant and energetic and youthful, and it’s undeniably cool, but it’s like no one in the city knows how cool they are, which makes them even COOLER.

          It is gorgeous, the lennon wall was very memorable, the Kafka museum was certainly an experience, I loved the castle/gardens, and all the museums (veletrzni palace especially), and the Charles bridge, and I saw the nutcracker ballet, it was just so memorable and amazing. And the food was great- a surprising number of vegetarian restaurants, and these delicious pastry things called Trdelnik’s? Yummy.

          I love Prague.

    • SALZBURG!!! and do the Sound of Music tour!!! You get to see the Gazebo and when I was 7 I danced around it singing You Are Sixteen. you should DO THAT.

      • Equity's Darling :

        Hahaha, I did the tour also, and skipped down the long tree-lined lane that they run down…..It was awesome

        • The Sound of Music tour is the bomb and anyone who says differently hates puppies and kittens. ;-)

          I actually loved Salzburg. I went back to a couple of the places on the SofM tour again just to see more of it. Plus downtown Salzburg is lovely.

          Prague is okay – I thought it was too crowded and felt like Eastern European Disney. If I were picking a fourth city in that area, I’d go with Budapest.

          Munich is gorgeous – though it is best if you enjoy beer. Since beer is not my thing, it was slightly less awesome. But the huge public park/garden in the middle of the city is AMAZING.

          • Or Krakow, another slightly smaller / quieter Eastern European city. Relatively easy plane ride from Prague. I lived therefor a few year and loved it.

          • My sister in law actually works on the sound of music tour. Every time I see you ladies praise it I have to suppress the urge to send her the link.

          • Kraków is really gorgeous and not so far away. Plus mountains on the way, if you enjoy hiking/skiing.

      • Oh yeah, ha ha, no. Been there. Didn’t do the tour. But also, because it was COLD. Like early December, cold radiating up through the cobblestones to your feet friggin’ cold. There was no skipping down tree-lined lanes. We were too busy shopping at the Christmas Market and drinking mulled wine.

        • Equity's Darling :

          I was also there during Christmas Market season! The snow on the ground did not stop me, but I was very dedicated to skipping down the lane. The people on my tour probably thought I was nuts. Whatever, I win all the meories.

      • Europelover :

        I’m so jealous! I studied abroad for a year in Salzburg and also spent a year living in Germany while completing a Fulbright.

        Traveling between Salzburg and Munich (or anywhere within Bavaria) is inexpensive with the train if you buy a Bavaria Ticket (Bayern Ticket). The Bavaria ticket allows up to 5 people to travel on any given day within Bavaria for approx. 30 Euro total (ie. you and your friend could get from Salzburg to Munich with this and you could also take day trips to places like Nuremberg (which I highly recommend for the Nuremberg trial museum!).

        I, personally, would skip the Sound of Music Tour unless because you’ll see pretty much everything on the tour just by exploring on your own. The tour may only be worth it if you are pressed for time.

        Here are some Salzburg recommendations:

        1. Cafe Tomaselli – a good place to go for apfel strudel (apple strudel) or other pastries and a nice cup of coffee.

        2. Augustinerbrau (on Lindenstrasse) – a traditional Austrian/ German beer garden. There are some food options within the beer hall, but mostly things like pretzels not full meals.

        3. Bosna Stand (Getreidegasse 33 – Geitreidegasse is the main street that runs in front of Mozarts Birthhouse. 33 is the entrance to a little alleyway and if you go down the alleyway there is a Bosna stand). Bosnas are these incredible seasoned sausages – whenever I run into people who have been to Salzburg they often ask if I ever tried the Bosna stand. They are also incredibly cheap – 3 Euros or less.

        4. Schloss Hellbrunn – This is a castle on the outskirts of Salzburg. There is a bus you can take or it would be a short bike ride or taxi ride away). The castle grounds are gorgeous and the main attraction is the “Wasserspiel” which is an entire garden filled with unique water features (that may or may not be open when you go in the fall). The gazebo from the Sound of Music is also located in the gardens here (but it was gifted to the city by the movie crew and is not an authentic fixture).

        5. Kapuzinerberg – this is the “mountain” on the Neustadt side of the river (Salzburg is divided by the Salzach river into Altstadt (“old city”) and Neustadt (“new city”). Climbing the stairs up the mountain leads to some incredible views of the city and the Festung (Fortress/castle that sits atop the Monchsberg). There are two sides that you can climb up – one is off Linzergasse (a main strip in Neustadt) and is a windy climb/road without so many stairs. The other is off Steingasse and the stairs are directly next to the house where the man who wrote Silent Night was born. There is just a sign that indicates his birthplace, no attraction.

        6. St. Peter Stiftskeller is a delicious restaurant for some typical Austrian fare – it is not expensive, but definitely pricier than Bosnas. You would pass the restaurant when hiking down the Monchsberg from the Festung(Fortress). It’s within the plaza where St. Peter’s Bezirk (church) and Petersfriedhof (Cemetery) is located.

        7. If you have time I recommend getting tickets for a Marrionettentheater (marionette theater) performance. Salzburg’s symphony is also quite good and there are many other performances through the Mozarteum (school of music).

        • Europelover :

          Prague is gorgeous. I also highly recommend Budapest – especially the thermal baths for some R&R!

          • A second recommendation for Budapest! I visited both Budapest and Prague (actually, studied in Budapest for a while) and it is a much nicer city – less touristy, more history, and those baths… aaah!

          • I second Budapest as well – did a trip there & to Prague in the early fall & found Prague completely overrun with tourists. It was a really pretty place & I think it would have been lovely at some other time of the year (not sure when) but it was so crowded that I didn’t enjoy it. Absolutely loved Budapest – this was in 2011 & at that time it seemed relatively undiscovered, especially as compared to Prague. Also – just a travel tip, I wouldn’t rule out taking flights in Europe (depending on how far you’re going) instead of the train – with all the cheap airlines there, if you travel light you can really cut down on travel time for about the same cost.

        • I’ve been to Salzburg so I knew some of this, but these are great recommendations! I spent just a few days there so many years ago. I loved it so much, I cried when we left.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Yes! I was there when I was, in fact, 16. I have a photo of myself doing this: http://www.reelclassics.com/Musicals/SoundMusic/images9/som_doadeer_statues.jpg


      there is no walgreens out there so pack accordingly just a word to the wise have fun and safe travels

    • In visiting cities in Europe, I’ve found that you need about 3 days in each to really see it. And that mostly means checking off the major attractions. Also, remember that Oktoberfest is in the fall (ends first Sunday in October) and Munchen can be expensive at that point. But totally worth going to once. If you want to be in a tent without a reservation, go at lunch. Buy a dirndl. Every girl looks great in one. So much fun. I preferred Budapest to Prague. I couldn’t find amazing food in either city. Great pastry place in Budapest.

  10. 30 Weeks and Needing to Snap Out of It :

    Feel free to skip if you aren’t in the mood for a pregnancy post, or for a pity party. Can anyone give me some reassurance? I am 30 weeks pg and feeling so fat and down this week. I haven’t gained an outrageous amount of weight – about 25/30 lbs so far – but I have put on extra weight in my b*tt and thighs, which is getting me really down. I keep thinking that the major weight gain is still to come. I also feel vain and awful about feeling this way because someone very close to me just had a miscarriage last week and is understandably devastated (and I am devastated for her). I am so happy to be pregnant and very grateful that I and the baby are healthy, but I just can’t shake the blues the past few days.

    Can someone give me a virtual slap across the face and tell me to snap out of it?

    • Anonymous :

      I think you’re entitled to feel this way. Your body is changing and you are obviously going to notice that. Just try and remember its for good cause and keep your gripes to internet strangers/your husband/etc so as to not inadvertently offend anyone who is trying to get pregnant and understandably sensitive about the whole topic.

    • The weight will come off. Don’t look at photos of celebrities (including the Duchess) 1 month or whatever postpartum. Or even when they’re pregnant. One woman in 1,000 looks like that. The rest of us get pudgy and have weird-shaped baby-bumps (not those perfect little round beach balls that the celebrities have). Also, don’t look at models in maternity clothes. Those models aren’t pregnant. They’re models who are wearing baby bump padding but not the b@@b, b*tt, thigh, upper arm, face padding that comes with real pregnancy. Also, if it’s any consolation, I’m just about where you are (29.5 weeks) and have gained ~60 lbs with my twins. Your body was designed to protect your baby even if there was a famine. Once your baby is born, your body will shed a lot of the weight (over a period of time) just because it’s not hanging onto calories for the baby.

    • Anonymous :

      I can commiserate. I feel the same way, except 8 weeks fatter and grosser! I’ve sort of stopped caring at this point, but I definitely walk around sighing and muttering to myself about how uncomfortable I feel.

      I will say that I gained most of my weight in the second trimester (25/30 lbs) and then it really leveled off for the past few weeks or so. I’ve only gained ~1.5 lbs in the last 8 weeks.

    • It’s all for the baby. I gained a lot more weight for my bigger baby than I did for my smaller baby. I was wondering about my weight gain as I outgrew all my maternity clothes, but it turned out he was just a big baby and I assume he needed all that support from my body. My weight gain was also in spurts, which I assume coincided with the baby’s growth spurts.

    • I definitely think you’re entitled to feel blah, but I really really appreciate that you’re being sensitive to your friend who miscarried. I’ve been there before and it’s awful. You’re a good friend. And I imagine it probably doesn’t make you feel better about your body but people will definitely remember you being a good friend so much more than they will remember you looking big during your pregnancy.

    • If it helps I gained about 22lbs when I was pregnant and carried just like Duchess Kate. Why? Because like her I also had hypermesis gravidum. I was throwing up multiple times a day until a month before I gave birth. I was so depressed, tired and miserable. It was like having a 9-month bout of the flu basically. I wanted to kill everyone who congratulated me for ‘keeping the weight gain down’ and ‘looking great’. I would have been much much happier able to eat normally and gain more weight. Try to enjoy your pregnancy – your body is doing what it needs for the baby.

      • Yet another example of everyone assuming that thinner is better, and chirping away about it when they have no idea of the circumstances. I’ve also heard horror stories about cancer patients getting jealous comments about being so small, let alone those with depression or eating disorders.

        • SoCalAtty :

          I got those at one point right after I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. During that time, we went on a trip to Italy…and, honestly, I DO look really good, looking back at the pictures. It’s horrible to say that, but weight is a huge struggle for me when I’m well, so now I have this weird conflicted thing about those pictures. They look good, but I’m so sick. I would have be a lot happier if I could have actually kept the food in my system for more than 5 minutes. Getting all of those compliments when you look like that and then gaining the weight back after getting it under control…not good for body image…

    • I won’t slap you across the face, but I will give you a virtual hug and tell you to give yourself a break and just try to enjoy the fun parts of pregnancy for now (the baby kicks! Oh, the best.). You’ll miss that stuff later, whereas the weight will eventually go away. For what it’s worth, I am much happier with my (thinner) post-baby-body than I was with my pre-baby body.

    • Anonymous :

      Congrats on letting your body do what it needs to do for your baby!

      I gained a lot of weight with my last pregnancy and then the baby came early (I was just a little bit further along than you are now). I remember looking at his scrawny body and being thankful for every single ounce of fat I managed to pass along to him while he was in me.

    • I’m 38 weeks and have gained about 40lbs, and I think I was about where you were at that point. However, my weight gain up until then was a lot of thigh & rear end, whereas most of it since then has been all belly, so it hasn’t felt as drastic.

    • Hugs and commiseration. I’m only 25 weeks and still have lots of gaining ahead of me, but have already struggled with the changing shape. I expected the belly but not the gaining in the hips-butt-thighs trifecta. It’s unnerving that my body isn’t just for me now. It helps to remember it’s temporary, my baby is worth it, and frankly, doing something nice for my changing body helps (rubbing oil on my belly and other expanding areas, wearing clothes that fit me and make me feel good in some way).

  11. Can anyone recommend any good books on home buying? I’m a total novice and don’t even know where to start! Thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      Check if your local real estate firms have first-time homebuyer classes. They’ll be able to give you good tips and information on your local real estate market.

      • I’m signed up to take a Redfin class but I’d also like some books to read.

      • +1 My realtor’s office is doing something like that this weekend. You can also set up an appointment with a realtor to get more information. It is good to understand the market where you want to buy.

        I don’t know any specific books, but you may want to check out a site like realtor dot com. They might have resources or links for first-time buyers.

        The biggest factor for us in buying a new home was the monthly payment. We wanted it to be within a certain range, so we made sure to have all the financial details in place before we started looking.

        Some other things to consider:

        – school districts
        – how much a property taxes
        – do you want a newer home or are you okay with paying less and doing fix-its on your own?
        – how much will homeowners insurance be?

    • Home Buying for Dummies contains a lot of good information and was well written.

    • Anonymous :

      I bought my 1st home last year and out of all the books, workshop materials, and websites i had, I kept going back to Homebuying for dummies. Bit embarrassed to admit it

    • Carrie Preston :

      I would find out who the top agents are in your market and talk to few. Home buying advice will vary a lot depending on where you are and how you approach it in a hot market will be quite different than in an area with a lot of inventory. There are some things that will vary less, like qualifying for a loan, but even that can be market dependent. For example in SF certain banks will finance TIC’s (typically more local ones) and others won’t and local agents can help connect you to the right ones.

  12. Chicago neighborhoods? :

    I’ve lived in Chicago for ten years, and I’ve lived all over the city (East Lakeview, Wicker Park, Roscoe Village, Lincoln Park, and now Ravenswood). I feel like I’ve lived here so long that I’m blind to other possibilities. I’m sick of Ravenswood because you have to drive to everything and it’s dead at night (rent is very cheap, though). I’m considering moving closer to downtown. Budget is $1700 for a 1 BR, and in-unit w/d is a must. I have a car, but I could get rid of it if I moved to a walkable neighborhood.

    Any recommendations for buildings/neighborhoods? I’m thinking either Old Town or the West Loop, but Old Town seems overpriced and the West Loop is a bit of a ghost town at night. Thoughts?

    • South loop! You could definitely get a 1 bed at that price in the South Loop. There is tons to do – lots of restaurants, grocery stores, shops, etc. It isn’t as lively at night as Old Town (lived there too and LOVED it, but it’s so expensive). However, it’s only about a $10 cab ride to River North or a 10 minute L ride. Also, if you work in the loop, the commute is so easy.

    • Anon. associate :

      River North. I lived there for 5 years before recently moving out-of-state, and LOVED the walkability to work, hip restaurants, fun bars, shopping, etc. It’s also close to public transit and close (enough) to the Lake. The vibe is very yuppie–lots of mid-2os to mid-3os singles and couples, mostly without kids. I got rid of my car when I moved there, which was awesome. $1700 might be a bit low ($2k would be easier), but I think definitely doable.

      • You can live just west of River North – think like Chicago brown line stop – for around $1700. There’s not as many bars like RIGHT there (though there are a few), but it’s great because it’s convenient to both River North and West Loop.

  13. Headhunter for finance? :

    Hi guys – anyone here work in finance and can give me tips on how to look for and work with headhunters? Due to a variety of reasons, I’m not happy where I am and want to look for an opportunity elsewhere. To give you some background: I’m 4 yrs out of school, currently an associate in the S&T department at a major bank, in a strategy/research role. Ideally, I’d like to move to a similar position at another bulge bracket bank, or onto the buyside. I’ve been approached by headhunters before, though none in the past year. Unfortunately, I haven’t kept any of their contact details. How do I go about looking for headhunters, what kind of things should I be prepared to discuss with them, and anyone care to share their experiences working with a headhunter?

    Thanks in advance!

  14. goin' to california... :

    So I got into my dream graduate school. YAY!

    Which of course brings me to the important question of, what on earth do I wear? /g/

    I’ve been accepted into a top-tier professional degree program in the Bay Area, and my industry is pretty formal- suits most days, and some places insist on skirts and nylons. Obviously, grad school will not be near this formal, but I’m still at a loss as for what to wear. Any advice would be appreciated.

    Complicating matters is that I live on the other side of the planet from CA, so I’ll be limited in what I can bring with me, as well as my budget, especially when it comes to bulky things like coats and boots. Would it make more sense to buy them and bring them (clothes are cheap here), or wait until I’m in the States and try my luck thrifting?


    • AnonInfinity :

      My industry has a dress code similar to the one you stated (law). I would not recommend wearing anything more formal than jeans or cute skirts unless that’s how you just like to dress. There were people who came every day in yoga pants (which I also don’t recommend). Most everyone was in jeans and t-shirts or jeans and a cute sweater. Just normal casual clothes like you’d wear on a weekend when going to dinner or something similar with girlfriends.

    • Kontraktor :

      For school, just wear nice casual clothes like normal. The bay area is ridiculously weird and informal as far as clothing/appearance goes, so honestly nobody especially in a school environment will likely care what you wear so long as you look clean and groomed. Even in formal industry, things seem less formal. I had an interview at a major bank for a strategy consultancy position in down town financial district, and even those people weren’t really dressed in 100% traditional suits, the women weren’t wearing nylons, etc.

    • CA lawyer :

      The Bay Area is very casual. While they might exist, I can’t think of any restaurants where you’d be out of place in something like nice jeans and a pretty shirt. That said, if you have suits, bring a couple in case you get an exciting opportunity that requires one (which might happen if you’re in law school). A nice dress would also be helpful to have just in case. The temperature swing from day to night and from one part of the Bay Area to another is bigger than in most of the U.S., so bring layers.

      The ease of thrifting depends on where you are–lots of options in Berkeley, but the options aren’t so great in Palo Alto.

    • Coats? Boots?!? Leave those at home! You need a Fall-weight coat or heavy jacket from the East Coast/Northern Europe, for the winter, on a regular winter (ie not this year or last), and you need some closed shoes for the winter maybe, if you’re not comfortable in sandals all the time. But forget your real winter clothes. You need a few light sweaters, cardigans if possible, and you can use a lot of scarves. Wind-resistant jackets are best. That’s it. On the other hand, you won’t have that much use for real summer wear either if you live in SF :-), you can skip shorts entirely for instance, and you need a summer jacket (and a scarf) for the foggy summer evenings. Formality in general is much less than anywhere else except possibly Australia.

      • Must disagree about the summer wear, since the Bay is more than SF … it can get really hot all over the place, from Napa to Oakland to Palo Alto and especially San Jose in the summer.


    PSA for the hive. Dresses for $150 and less.


  16. Olivia Pope :

    Any recommendations for a week in Phoenix? I have only ever been in the airport. DH has a conference in February and I’m tagging along.

    My only true hobby is eating, so restaurant recommendations are a plus.

    • Anonymous :

      Will you have a car? Drive up to Sedona. It is a must-do if you’ve never been to Arizona again. Sedona literally took my breathe away (like you know when you’re actually in awe a few times in your life?). It’s only 1.5 hrs from Pheonix I think.

    • Math Chick :

      The WSJ did a thing on a long weekend in PHX last weekend or the weekend before? Maybe someone can dig it up for you?

      My recommendation would be to drive to Tucson and to St. Xavier del Bac and try to loop in the saugauro cactus forest. Mentally I can’t recommend driving north of anywhere with how cold it is today.

      Also: Tee Pee Tap Room in PHX if you like to eat.

    • Anonattorney :

      I weirdly really really like Phoenix in the winter, because it’s sunny and warm. Scottsdale is very pleasant and is essentially the Beverly Hills of Phoenix. I would recommend trying to stay there, if you can. Also, if you golf, the golf is amazing. There are a million courses and almost all are very beautiful. I’ve only ever eaten at some of the hotel restaurants, but they’ve been really good. There are a couple good ones at the Fairmont Scottsdale Princess — La Hacienda and Bourbon Steak.

      It’s weird down there, and very cookie cutter because all the buildings look the same (and a lot of the people look the same), but if you just embrace it it’s actually kind of great. For a week. And then you’ll want to GTFO.

      • Math Chick :

        If you go down Central to the downtown, there’s a lot of really neat “Old Phoenix” stuff and some historic neighborhoods by the Heard / Library area. I thought they were amazing and in my dreams I live b/w the Heard and downtown. Very not like the rest of PHX, but awesome. All of my escape fantasies are based there. There is just so much sky.

        Also: Arizona Biltmore, all of the Frank Lloyd Wright stuff, not sure if it is time yet for the Cactus League, but that, too.

        If you care: there are some casinos b/w Phoenix and Scottsdale.

        Mailee’s on Main (Scottsdale and strip mall in far north Phoenix) had great Pad Thai.

    • How exciting! I grew up there & miss the weather so much! Depends on where you are staying. I’m most familiar with the Camelback / Arcadia / Biltmore area (pretty much where Phx / Scottsdale overlap).


      Postinos (old post office converted into a wine bar). They have great wine selection and amazing brushetta boards where you can pick various types.

      Lons at Hermosa Inn. My absolute favorite restaurants ($$$$). Also an original adobe.

      Biltmore & Phoenician Resorts (Biltmore is Frank Loyd Wright and the houses in the resort are huge and awesome to look at; Phoenician has great views and would be a great place for a cocktail at sunset). Sanctuary is also a good place for a cocktail / views.

      Barrio Cafe. Amazing Mexican Food. TeePee would also be cool (where Prez Bush went when he was in town).

      – Camelback Inn Spa (great R Bar there too for cocktails, outdoor fireplaces, etc) and famous spa; close to El Chorro lounge (free cinnamon buns & kind of a phoenix staple).

      – T Cooks at Royal Palms — The resort itself is beautiful and T Cooks is fantastic food.


      – Old Town Scottsdale – very walkable, cool galleries, shops, bars, etc. The Coach House is in this area and is one of my favorite bars. (very low key but popular spot). This part of Scottsdale is less “Snobsdale” than North Scottsdale (which in my opinion is “newer” so you get the cookie-cutter, not as nice things all over the place). Unless you are staying up there, I wouldn’t make the trek (plus, that’s where you run into a lot of freeway traffic).

      – Hike Camelback mountain. Great workout, take advantage of the weather & amazing views of the valley. Bring Water!

      – Golf anywhere

      – Take Vinyasa Flow Yoga with Beri at the Village. I haven’t found a yoga teacher I like as much as her — and I’ve tried. Hard. Then spend the day laying out by their pool, going to their spa, playing tennis, etc.

      – If you want to go to a mall I’d suggest Biltmore or Scottsdale Fashion Square (though the Biltmore is outdoors and is pet friendly).

      I would not suggest driving to Tucson — it’ about 90 minutes but I don’t think it’s worth it. If you did take a trip, I’d head up north to Sedona area; maybe visit Whiskey Row up in Prescott; Flagstaff is also very cool (and you can ski for the day as well!); this puts you really close to the grand canyon as well.

  17. Anonymous :

    Lawyer ladies, what time are you expected to work until on Fridays (on average) ?

    • Generally 6:30 but no one looks askance if you sometimes leave at 6:00. I would say the minimum departure time during the week is also 6:30, but leaving at 6:00 would be frowned on.

    • Equity's Darling :

      4/5 or so. But I usually end up staying however long it takes to avoid being in on the weekend. I value weekends more than Friday evenings.

      • Woods-comma-Elle :

        This is me, too. I would rather stay late on a Friday than do work over the weekend. If it’s quiet, the place starts to empty out around 4/5, if it’s not quiet, it’s anyone’s guess!

    • At my firm, no one looks askance if you leave early on Friday afternoon, even as early as say 3pm, as long as your work is done, but that’s one of the bonuses of working in a biglaw satellite office. That being said, there are also plenty of Fridays where I’ve worked all day and night.

    • TO Lawyer :

      I usually try to get out early around 6 or so but that’s because I’m usually so drained by Fridays that I can barely function anymore.

    • SoCalAtty :

      In-house. Technically the office is open until 5:30, but I’m frequently gone by 4:30. When I was a a firm – 5:30.

    • Anonattorney :


  18. sleep bra :

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a sleep bra for 30D / 30DD / 32D range? I’m having a hard time finding a bra to fit that cup size that is wireless but not a high-impact sports bra.

    • Math Chick :

      Have you tried the Coobie?

      • sleep bra OP :

        Ooooooh… Thank you!

      • Anonymous :

        I’ m 38DD but find a Genie bra (as seen on TV) works well as a sleep bra. Definitely get them in stores rather than online. I got a two-pack at Target for much cheaper than those sold on the official site. No wires, and not enough support that I would wear them in public, but enough to wear at night.

    • Anonymous :

      Sleep bra? Why? Not trying to snark, just don’t understand the purpose/function. Especially if one’s chest isn’t that large. Or even if one’s chest is large.

      • sleep bra OP :

        I am more comfortable with a little support. Besides, after two pregnancies and almost 4 years of breastfeeding, the poor things can use all the help they can get.

      • Woods-comma-Elle :

        I can’t speak for the smaller of chest, but I would like to defend the sleep bra for those of larger chests. I’m a 34G (believe me, I wish I wasn’t) and no bra is just SO uncomfortable for me, no matter what the context and results in unnecessary pain and discomfort when trying to sleep. I used to wear a regular bra to bed and then realised that wasn’t great either as I would sleep on top of the wires and they would dig in, so I went without one altogether for a while and that was all kinds of fun (not!). The middle ground I found was a non-wired bra which does the job without the digging.

        As to the original question, I’ve found that department store brands (I get mine from Marks & Spencer, but probably Macy’s might do something similar on the other side of the pond) are pretty good, the ones that just come in boxes, as they are easy to clean in the machine and aren’t wired.

        • We have the same bra size, so let me recommend the Old Navy racerback shelf bra tank. I normally can’t do just a cami/shelf bra, but something about this one gives decent support. Super cheap and I wear them all weekend.

      • Anonymous :

        Once you reach a certain size, strange things happen. I’ve pulled and torn pecs, and need the extra support to prevent aggravating injuries.

    • lucy stone :

      I’m a 38DD and wear a Barely There Comfort Flex most of the time for sleeping. It gives me enough support that I don’t feel uncomfortable, but is also not noticeable or pinchy.

  19. Oh my goodness. I posted like 2 weeks ago about working with the WORST CLIENT EVER and holy cow they just keep pushing me over the edge. I’m so close to being done with them but this final stretch seems like the most painful. Love ending my Friday feeling immensely frustrated. Seriously they are unbearable and I’m disappointed in my own upper management for not putting their foot down.

    • Ugh, clients... :

      I also have one of these “WORST CLIENT EVER” who constantly argues with me about what laws apply to her case (based on her wikipedia research and consultations with lobbyists who are not lawyers) and makes me explain again and again what the arguments are. She also constantly says, “well that may be the law, but I FEEL…”

      But it gets better! I am in the office this weekend preparing to argue a motion on Monday in her totally hopeless case, AND my supervising attorney will be in court to evaluate my performance to see if they want to make me permanent here (right now I am considered a temporary employee). So I have a hopeless argument against a BigLaw lawyer (who has been practicing law since the year I was born) in a super complex case in which we don’t have a good argument, and my performance will directly affect whether I have a long term job or not.

      Even better, we offered to settle this about six weeks ago, the opponent got multiple continuances in order to consider our offer, then finally counteroffered on Friday night at 630pm with a fraction of what we asked for and I haven’t been able to reach my client to transmit the offer to her, and I know she is going to freak the f— out because of how low it is and possibly be unable to compose herself enough to put forward a counteroffer.

      And at 7:15 pm on Friday they served me with a reply brief as well.

      Living the dream.

  20. Recs for ny fertility clinics :

    I would appreciate any and all recommendations of (or warnings against) fertility clinics in nyc. In particular I was told to contact two doctors at Weill Cornell, but unfortunately neither takes insurance. There are others in their practice who take insurance, but I don’t know if they’re good or not. And preferably warm as well — the TTC process has been rough on DH and me. TIA!

    • I recommend Sher Institute! Really patient doctors who explain everything in great detail and are extremely accessible by email.

    • Fertility clinics :

      I did outside monitoring at RMA and had a good experience overall. My Dr was in another city, so I can’t speak to the warmth of their doctors, but in my brief interactions with them during ultrasounds they were all very pleasant. Their offices are also very convenient and efficient. I wanted somewhere I could get easily via subway.
      If you have a challenging case, I’ve heard Cornell is the place to go. You have to keep in mind that success is both the quality of your doctor and your lab. If you are unsure about the other drs there, try googling them. There are generally no shortage of ppl sharing their opinions on fertility boards.
      This is definitely a challenging time and I wish you the best of luck! I ended up having to go straight to ivf and was overwhelmed by the thought of all the hormones and injections, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had built it up to be.

    • A friend is using New Hope (after trying a cycle at Cornell) and really appreciates the approach. It may not be your thing, but they try to use fewer drugs. And they take a lot of insurance plans.

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