This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Something on your mind? Chat about it here. I still need to round up Labor Day sales, but right now Endless is the best I’ve seen in terms of selection and price — tons of great designers and pieces up to 50% off. Take this Linea Pelle clutch, which is boring but a great basic that every woman should have. Love the wrist strap and the woven leather. Was $195, but is now $97.50. Linea Pelle Jules 41785 Clutch (L-3)Workwear sales of note for 4.18.24
Our favorites are in bold!
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Boden – 25% off through 4/18; 15% off 4/19-20; 10% off 4/21
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- Everlane – Spring Sale: up to 60% off 600+ styles
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off $125+; extra 25% of $150+; up to 60% off everything; extra 50% off clearance
- Nordstrom – Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (on eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- White House Black Market – 25% off entire purchase; $50 off $200
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Stay tuned for a list of our latest threadjacks!
Mrs. Jed Bartlett
Anyone else read the cover story of the NYT Magazine today? I’m not sure which statement scares me more:
1. “[The] president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary . . . wrote . . . “Christians committed to a biblical model of marriage and gender relations must look to this social revolution with a deeper level of concern. . . . . [including] the long-term consequences of a new matriarchal world order.”
2. “At a Sunday Bible-study group I attended for teenage girls, the mother who was teaching had the girls hold hands, march in a circle and say: ‘My husband will treat me like the princess that I am. He will be the head of my household’.”
TBK
Meh, these are par for the course in the complementarian model for marriage. And I think this structure can work for some people so if one person told me that was what s/he believed, it wouldn’t worry me too much (if you look at a lot of literature from this particular type of Christian viewpoint, there are pretty high expectations for the husband, too — I know Mr. TBK would not want that much weight on his shoulders; being the Head of the House means responsibility for all decisions, good and bad).
What I found most striking about the article was its focus on how women had been better able to adjust to the new normal in the economy. You hear about how men often take job loss more to heart because they’re more likely than women to have their identities defined by their jobs. (Not all men and not all women. I was completely at a loss when I was looking for work. An unemployed TBK is a sad and angry TBK.) I know a lot of people, male and female, who’ve had to face the fact that they’re unlikely to be lawyers again given the state of the economy. That kind of realization can completely unmoor a person. But if you identify as a wife and mother, going to work doesn’t threaten that and shifting around what “work” is doesn’t threaten that either so it’s easier for them to do. I really feel for all those guys. That has to be an extremely difficult position to be in, to have your whole sense of self turned on end. Good on them for rallying the way they have and being as willing to be supportive, instead of resentful, of their wives. It speaks well of their marriages.
karenpadi
“New Matriarchal World Order”? Ha! I’ll believe that when I see it. In the meantime, it appears that the patriarchy is using the Bible to convince women that they still have no power (even though the wives are the breadwinners). At least Abby and the other young girls in the Sunday School class don’t appear to be buying it.
Waiting for a proposal
Ladies, I know it is late in the holiday weekend, but I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5.5 years and we have overcome many obstacles throughout our relationship so it hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing. I have wanted to take the next step for several months now and made some important life decisions based on this relationship. I think it is time to get engaged or move on. I have even given him a deadline of Labor Day weekend, but it created tension and caused us to fight even more so I let it go even though it is still on my mind. We have a vacation in about 6 weeks and I am expecting a proposal at some point during this vacation. I’m feeling very anxious about it and worried that he will not come through for me and our relationship. If we are not engaged when we come back I will try to deal with it then, even though I’m thinking that I will have to take my cards off the table and find someone who can commit. In the interim, I know that I need to relax and stop stressing about it, but I’m having a very hard time and I was very snappy and annoyed at him this weekend. How do I relax, calm down, and not have such resentment towards him while waiting for an overdue proposal?
Miranda
I believe it was Miranda who once told Carrie, “Forget about him. What do YOU want?”
Maybe if you spend your time between now and vacation making your own default plan (what will my first three steps be if I come back from vacation without a proposal), then you won’t feel like it is all in his hands and can regain some calmness?
Waiting for a proposal
If I come back without a proposal I will have to figure out whether or not I want to continue with this relationship. Other than that, nothing will change. I will stay at the same job and probably take some time to myself without factoring a man into the picture. But the decision will be very, very difficult. I’m not sure if his resistance to proposing is because I was pressuring him or because he is just incapable of committing on another level.
Miranda
OK. So some things you can do between now and vacation might be:
1. Come up with the factors you will consider in deciding whether you want to continue with the relationship.
2. Identify 1-3 friends who can nurse you through your decision and post-decision hard times. (Perhaps tell them to be “on hold” to help you.)
3. Start putting in place “self-help” that you might need: list of movies to watch, books to read, ice cream flavors to eat. Whatever does it for you.
Waiting for a proposal
Thanks Miranda! I didn’t see this until I checked my e-mail. The only factor in deciding whether to continue the relationship is the engagement issue. Good thing I have a job to keep me busy! I’ll probably just focus on that and I have some happy family events coming up in the next month. I’m going to be an aunt in 1-3 weeks! Hopefully those things will keep me busy and keep my mind off of it. I think it was Labor Day that started this freak out and I can be very emotional. Once I get annoyed with something it just has to run its course. I need to get a better handle on my emotions. Love the Sex And The City reference by the way!
M-C
Why are you “waiting” for a proposal? Marriage should be a mutually agreed upon step. If I were you I’d simply tell him that you feel that the relationship should either move on or not, and ask whether he’d be ready to get married. Be prepared to not extract an immediate answer (no public declaration with flashmob and youtube video please!) but give him a few days. That’s why it’s called a proposal, someone offers and the other ponders. But there’s really no reason why the guy should be doing the offering, especially as it’s so obviously coming from you..
I very much like the other commenters’ advice to think through alternatives for yourself before you put the proposal on the table. But if I were you I’d be making my wishes known before leaving on vacation, this very week in fact. Because vacation when someone is expecting something and the other is dragging his feet are hell for both parties. Because if he refuses a good vacation by yourself, where you may even be free to meet other people, might be just what you need. Because frankly it doesn’t sound like he’s that much into it, otherwise he wouldn’t be letting your clearly expressed deadlines slip by..
Waiting for a proposal
Although marriage should be a mutually agreed upon step, it is difficult to navigate when there is no agreement as to when to take this step. Of course we have had conversations about getting engaged, getting married, honeymoon locations, buying a house and children. We have spoken about all of these things, but actions do speak louder than words. We can have countless discussions that mean nothing until we take that initial step. He knows where I stand and I just have to decide how much time to give him before I no longer believe him and not freak out in the process. I am waiting for him to decide to turn his words into action or walk away from him. I wouldn’t want him to propose or marry me because I am forcing him to. He needs to make the decision. That is why I am waiting.
Em
Have you had an honest talk with him about it? If having an official proposal is really important to you both, you can do that once you’re both on the same page, but it seems worthwhile to have a serious talk about what’s causing his reluctance and one that isn’t based around deadlines for a proposal. Instead the question is: I’m ready to take this next step; it sounds like you’re not. Can we talk about why?
Waiting for a proposal
We have spoken about it and there are various reasons why he is not ready to propose. We live about 2 hours away from each other and have different views on things like money and some family concerns. These are not things that will change and will require compromise, but marriage is all about compromise anyway. Either you want to do it or you don’t.
Monday
I know this may be way out of left field for you, but what if you just proposed to him? You’ve thought about it, you’re ready, and you know what you want. (Right?) If he wants to be the block and say no, that’s what he should do. Then you’ll know where things stand and be ready to make a decision from there. On the other hand, if he’s thrilled and wants to get married too, then congrats. I’d be going crazy too, putting all the power in someone else’s hand, saying clearly what I wanted, and then hanging around waiting for it to come. At this point I think I’d be so on-edge that the moment of getting a proposal might not be a happy one regardless, just due to all that has led up to it. This isn’t supposed to be about deadlines and tension.
I’m sorry you’re upset. I also hope this comment doesn’t come across the wrong way–I am very non-traditional when it comes to this kind of thing.
mamabear
I agree with Monday. Marriage is supposed to be about openness and communication and shared goals. I have never understood why it evolved that the decision to get married should be a surprise and all on the man’s terms. Other than having a stereotypical story to tell your girlfriends, what is the point exactly?
Of course, if your boyfriend has been expressing reluctance to commit all along, I’m not sure you “poppingthe question” is a great idea. But a frank discussion about whether you both see marriage in the future is definitely warranted.
I wonder if your demand that he “propose” has turned the focus too much to the moment of getting engaged rather than focusing on building a life together and how that would work.
Waiting for a proposal
I wouldn’t propose to him because I wouldn’t buy him an engagement ring and he already knows where I stand and what I want. At this point it is about him wanting the same thing, on the same timeline, and taking the appropriate steps to make it happen. I cannot take those steps because I need to know whether he wants the same thing and can act on it. I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I am dragging him through this. If he doesn’t want to get engaged after 5+ years, then I need to take myself out of this situation rather than continue to waste my time. My problem is just knowing when it is time to move on and to figure out a way to relax so that I don’t push him away. I know he loves me and wants to be with me, but he isn’t taking the next step. I don’t want to force him because if he doesn’t want to get engaged, then it will not work out. I just don’t want to waste my time or destroy the relationship because I am too focused on getting engaged.
Also, I do want the engagement to be something exciting and a very happy time for us. If it keeps going like this and I do not get a proposal on our vacation, then I do not think I could look at it that way. I would probably have too much resentment built up. I am very on edge which is why I decided to reach out! I just freaked out because Labor Day weekend was my “original deadline” and by not getting engaged, I feel a bit used, taken advantage of, and like it is a big slap in the face. I don’t even need the big proposal story. My ideal way to be proposed to is something private and relaxing, just the two of us. Nothing extravagant because that’s not what a marriage is about. It is about the day to day and building a life together.
Anonymous
Ummm…you don’t need a ring to be engaged, male or female. You seem to have a very limited definition of what constitutes a “proper” engagement.
At the end of the day, it’s a mutual decision by both of you to get married. As others mentioned, you might want to go the honest conversation route rather than waiting for a formal proposal.
Waiting for a proposal
Thank you all for your responses. Hopefully I will have fiance in a few weeks, but if not I know I will be okay. Sorry for the ramblings!
Austin Reed?
Has anyone bought suits from Austin Reed? I have two questions:
1. The suits themselves: how is the fit? How is the quality?
2. Customer service: how is the returns process, especially from the US? Their site says that I should receive my package in 10 business days, but that they have to receive my returns within 28 days of my purchase. Taking into account non-business days and the time it takes to mail back to the UK, that means I have just 2-3 days to decide whether to keep the suit. What if I’m not home those 2-3 days, or have a particularly heavy schedule those 2-3 days, etc?
Polgara
Not sure if you’ll see this, but I’ve got a few suits from there, and to be honest I definitely wouldn’t bother if I was ordering from the US. I actually don’t wear any of those suits anymore – I found the styles just didn’t work for me, and the quality is only ok – the trousers were not fully lined, which I prefer. The skirts all tended to be below the knee (although I am short so that probably didn’t help). The jackets do typically have beautiful lining, which is what got me to buy them in the first place. I do most of my suit shopping whenever I’m back in the US – Ann Taylor and J.Crew are better for the quality/money in my opinion. I’ve bought all my Austin Reed suits while in the UK so can’t comment on the international customer service.
Silvercurls
@ Miranda: second this.
@Waiting: Internet hugs, kudos for assessing your options so clearly … and moral support in case you and your BF separate rather than get engaged. Although I am sorry you feel stuck and frustrated I also keep getting the sense that the happiness coming from your relationship is somehow not proportionate to the amount of hard mutual work you’ve both contributed. Maybe this mismatch (effort greater than results) is a signal that you both need to acknowledge? It might be better to cut your losses now or in the near future, rather than struggle on but later end your engagement or marriage.
It’s frustrating to feel so-close-but-not-quite-there about reaching a huge life goal or to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want the same goal (or may want it, but not as strongly and/or not on the same schedule). It’s a different kind of unhappiness–but it’s still unhappiness–to progress towards the huge life goal if you’re not sure you’re pursuing it with the right person.
Try to relax and be calm for _yourself_. Your BF will appreciate the cease-fire, and you’ll benefit from his being glad about this, but these are side effects: The real benefit is that YOU will be free to be yourself, to observe and react to events without your anger getting in the way. This will also boost your confidence about being able to thrive even in less-than-perfect circumstances–whether that ends up being single again, or moving forward with a less-than-perfect partner.
You’re already working with good ingredients because you’ve got enough inner substance to find and read this blog! Take care of yourself and give the problem some time and space. If nothing else, you won’t spend the time up to and through your vacation being torn apart by your questions.
Silvercurls
Bother! This was supposed to be a reply to Waiting for a Proposal above.
Waiting for a proposal
Thanks for the advice. It hit the nail on the head with cutting our losses now rather than in the future. I’m trying to be patient and wait, but it’s difficult when I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want to “seal the deal”. To make matter worse, I did break up with him and he did everything he could to get back together with me and obviously he was successful. So in addition to being frustrated about the engagement, I don’t understand why he wanted me back if he isn’t serious about the relationship and willing to take the next step. This just adds to the feeling of being taken advantage of and taken for granted. I just don’t know how exactly to relax and be calm rather than that crazy, psycho, angry witch because who would even want to propose to someone acting that way. It doesn’t help that I am a typical type A, over-planner. I want to know if he will be around in a year or not.
S
I just cleaned out my closet and now I have almost nothing to wear. My office is pretty casual (I normally wear jeans and don’t work at the same branch as most of my coworkers), so I’m mostly in need of casual clothing. I need to go shopping and I normally like clothing and fashion, but I’m in a rut and have absolutely no inspiration about what to buy. Do y’all know of any guides or resources that give suggestions on how to build a more casual wardrobe?
petitesq
This book might be helpful. Not 100% on point, but it lists building blocks for a new wardrobe, and I think I remember thinking it was too casual for my office (conservative-ish law firm). http://www.amazon.com/Closet-Confidential-Style-Secrets-Learned/dp/1570616159 Either way, it’s entertaining and an interesting read. Good luck :)
karenpadi
Nordie’s personal shopper! I literally wore out all my work clothes because I never wanted to shop. In two hours, I had a new wardrobe that I love but never would have chosen for myself.
Jacqueline
I also work in a very casual office, and I really like People StyleWatch! There are lots of pictures of celebrities on the street and at events for inspiration, and the magazine does a good job of pointing the way to cheaper versions of their outfits. It really helps me to see a few pieces put together on someone else before I can do it myself, so this is a good starting point.
going to trial?
Ladies, just found out that a case I’m working on is going to trial at the end of the month. I’ve heard horror stories from the senior associates about no sleep and living on junk food until trial ends. Any suggestions on how to maintain one’s health and sanity during trial?
Former Partner, Now In-House
1. Immediately lower your standards for exercise to eliminate all barriers to actually doing it. Carry a fully stocked gym bag (clothes, shoes, towel) at all times. Be prepared to jog around the block while the night word processors working on your documents at midnight or use the icky gym you usually avoid in favor of the nicer one near home etc.
2. Order healthy meal service to be delivered to the office for the next 30 days. Pay zero attention to the comments from other associates.
3. Be prepared to not shower in exchange for an extra 30 minutes of sleep at least twice a week.
4. If you don’t have a housekeeper, either get one now or be prepared to live with the mess until the trial ends.
Senior Associate
I recommend requesting healthy snacks for the war room (Greek yogurt, hummus, carrot sticks, fruit, dried fruit, nuts, etc.), and staying well hydrated. At trial, I found drinking lots of Pellegrino helped me avoid stress-induced snacking. Also, eating a light breakfast like yogurt and a banana, or instant oatmeal helped me stay in the “no junk food” mind set. bring workout clothes just in case you have time to work out, but I wouldn’t count on it. Good luck!
Going In House
I am starting my in-house job tomorrow and am so nervous! Any advice? I was in Biglaw for my whole career so this will be a major change.
Former MidLevel
Haven’t been there, so I have no competent advice, but just wanted to say congrats! That sounds like an amazing opportunity.
Ellen
Good luck to you. I know peeple inhouse and they are NOT workeing on Labor Day.
It should be much better than having to be billeing all the time like me. FOOEY!
I am billeing right now!!! Doubel FOOEY! I have to do this at work NOW b/c my computer is not workeing and I am useing the manageing partners’ computer. He is relaxeing NOW in the Hamtons.
I may go in house, unless I decide to become a judge. I have to consider the money verses the presetiege of being a Judge. This is a good choice I should have in a year or 2. Yay!!!!!
Tripel Fooey!
Alta_Litgirl
Hi ladies,
I need some objective advice. I started dating a really great guy about 6 months ago and the topic of moving in together has been swirling around for the last 6 weeks or so. I’m 26 and he’s 31. We’ve both lived with other people before, and he is recently divorced (although he was separated from his ex-wife for 2 years before we met).
I love him and I could see myself having a future with him, but I don’t want to move in together unless we were to get engaged. I want to tell him this, but I worry about sounding crazy because we’ve only been dating for 6 months. We’ve generally talked about marriage before, and he knows that I would like to be married to someone in the future (he’s less psyched about getting married again). We currently spend a lot of time together, and I feel very comfortable around him, but I don’t want to overstep my bounds and tell him that I would want a ring before we moved in together when we’ve been dating for a short period of time. I would have no problem being open with him if I didn’t think it would make me come across as a crazy person.
Is telling someone that you care about and have been dating for 6 months that you would need to be engaged before moving in together weird/crazy?
Ellen
You are NOT crazy. This is where I was, but I NEVER spoke up. Go with your instinct and doNOT moove in with him into any apartement unless he is willing to MARRY you NOW.
Not later, but NOW. I do NOT think you want to be considered PART of the furnituere. Of course NOT!!! If you move in, you will ONLEY be another posesion of his, not a wife who is an equal partner.
At 31, he is OLD enough to know if he want’s to marry you. If he does, he should say so. He should NOT say to wait until you move in and he will deceide later. That is wrong. He will have had everytheing he want’s from you so why should he MARRY you? I have decided to INSIST on a ring before I will even SLEEP with a man any more. I would NEVER moove in with a guy, b/c that means unlimited sex WITHOUT any comitment. FOOEY on that!
I (and YOU) should have a comitment before you have given away everything you have. If he feel’s the same way, he will MARRY you, give you a nice ring and you will BOTH be happy. TRUST ME. I KNOW.
Otherwise you will be part of the furniture.
30
No, not crazy. Just honest. If he’s the one bringing up the topic of moving in, there is nothing wrong with you making your feelings clear. What might be weird is if *you* were pushing the issue, and insisting on a ring at the same time.
K
It’s not weird if he asks you to move in or otherwise brings it up. It’s a little weird if you bring it up totally out of the blue.
Monte
Depends on how you phrase it. If you say, “I would love to move in with you, but I also need to be engaged, so let’s do it!”, that might sound crazy, since you don’t seem to indicate you guys are at that stage yet. If instead you say, “I think I would really enjoy that, but it is important to me to be engaged before I move in with anyone,” then it sets your boundaries regarding what you are comfortable with generally, rather than making it appear that you are eager to marry this particular guy after 6 months.
Of course, you need to be ok with him saying that he needs 6 months/2 years/potentially forever to feel comfortable with talk of engagement, and you guys might not live together any time soon.
Sydney Bristow
I don’t think it is weird or crazy. I had a similar conversation with my boyfriend before we moved in together, although I only wanted to make it clear that I consider moving in together to be a step before getting engaged and I wasn’t ready to do it unless that was where we were heading. We talked about it generally when the subject of moving in together came up and talked about where we see things going. He was definitely feeling the same way, so we actually out off moving in together until we met each others families. We officially moved in together a few weeks ago, 7 months after we started dating.
I think it will all come down to how you phrase it and bring it up. I’d just tell him when the subject of moving in together comes up again that you’ve lived together with someone before and don’t want to do it again until you are engaged and give him your reasons why. Make it clear that you dnt expect him to propose right away because of this, but he needs to know how you feel about it.
Frances
I say nothing without a ring. Repeat. Nothing. I got an ex’s name tattooed on my ass with nothing to show for it. Nothing. Other guys i take to bed think I am trash for doing this in the name of LOVE. David wound up sleeping with my cousin and getting her pregnant. I need an understanding guy to MARRY me, but I am used goods in their book. Think of me before you do anything stupid!