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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. Although I’m not a fan of lace for the office, I’ve always loved it for nights on the town, and lace is everywhere this season. A lace dress can be a little too much (at least for normal Saturday nights), but I love the look of this flowy, casual salt and pepper blouse from Tribune Standard. I’d wear it with jeans or skinny cords, and pair it with a great clutch. It’s $325 at ShopBop. Tribune Standard Pieced Top with Lace Update: Oh! I just realized the Kate Spade Friends & Family sale is starting right now. 30% off all your purchases, online and in the stores, for three days only, with code F12FFUS. (L-3)Workwear sales of note for 5.5.24
Our favorites are in bold!
- Nordstrom – Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Brooks Brothers – 30% off women’s collection
- Boden – 10% off full-price styles
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- Everlane – Shorts from $40; bottoms from $60
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; up to 70% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Mother’s Day Sale, up to 40% off
- M.M.LaFleur – 100s of styles on sale, including classic shoes!
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- White House Black Market – 30% off select full-price styles; extra 30% off sale styles & additional 20%
- Brooklinen – Anniversary Sale, 25% off
- Crate & Barrel – Up to 30% off spring refresh; up to 20% outdoor; up to 35% off spring kitchen event
- West Elm – Up to 60% off
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
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KinCA
Any advice on how to grow a backbone and say no to someone, particularly a very close but pretty sensitive friend?
Background: A very good friend from college sent me an email last week, asking me to watch her (adorable but extremely high energy) 5 month old puppy while she and her husband go out of town for 3 nights. She said that she’d approached Friend B about doing it and that Friend B was willing to split up the time with me, so we’d each have the puppy for about 1.5 days.
Yesterday, I found out that their trip is actually 5 days/4 nights, and Friend B can’t watch the puppy for as much time as she originally promised, so now I’m looking at 3 nights/4 days with the dog. While I have my own place (that allows dogs), I basically live at my boyfriend’s (where they don’t allow pets) & will be moving in there early next year. Not only is staying at my place for 3 nights (where I don’t keep many, if any, daily living essentials anymore) an inconvenience, but BF is pretty allergic to dogs & can’t sleep with me at my apartment with the dog. So somehow I find myself signed up for 2-3x the puppysitting I originally agreed to, and I’m not sure how to get out of it.
My friend is really nice but pretty sensitive and I can imagine it starting some issues if I were to suddenly say no or suggest she find a kennel for the puppy. Her new husband can also be pretty frugal, and I imagine he doesn’t want to pay to board the dog.
Any thoughts on how to back out or get back to the amount of time I originally agreed to? I’m sure I’m overthinking this; my inner people-pleaser just can’t help it sometimes.
Godzilla
Dear friend, I was happy to watch your dog for 1.5 days but seeing as how my boyfriend is supremely allergic to your doggy-friend, I can’t watch your doggy-friend longer than the original 1.5 days I agreed to previously. I hope you can find someone to watch the dog for the other 3.5 days. I found this awesome kennel that has cupcake-shaped doggy treats for your doggy-friends. I hope you have a nice trip with your DH.
petitesq
+1 (raaawwrr)
K...in transition
Dear Friend! I’m so excited about your trip for you, I’m sure you guys are looking forward to it. I got your email asking about puppy sitting and, while I’d love to help you out, my SO is totally allergic. Although you know I adore you, I don’t think you could afford my lawyer’s fees if I got arrested for killing my SO with puppy dander haha! Have the best time on the trip, I can’t wait to see photos when you return!
rosie
Remember that part of having a dog is taking responsibility for it all the time, even when you are on vacation. There are a lot of options they can look into–hiring a private service, kennels at all different price ranges (maybe their vet has boarding), exchanging boarding services with other dog owners–you saying no to the extra days is not leaving them stranded.
Anon
I feel silly posting about this, since it’s so junior high – but has facebook changed your perception about how a friend? I have been friends with a girl since high school and for the most part, I always thought I was on par with her other friends. We were in each other’s weddings, see each other socially, etc.
Then, facebook came – and it’s like she kisses peoples butts on it all the time. She writes snarky things to me or backhanded compliments to any of my posts or does nothing now. An example would be for birthdays – she writes lovely messages to our other friends ‘ dear old friend’ yadada or mutual friends will post thanking her for her card she sent. For my birthday – she writes ‘oops – almost missed it! Happy birthday”. Obviously, not the end of the world, but not really overly nice or genuine either.
This is just an example, but bottom line is, I feel that she is nicer to people that are not me. I’m feeling resentful and bad things towards her now and kind of dumb for not seeing how things are between us earlier. I brought it up in spring after she blew me off for months on end and she said oh, anything is inadvertent. But, then things have pretty much stayed the same for the last 5 months.
Just curious if anyone has had anything like this and what they did to deal with it. The confrontational person in me wants to tell her to f** off. But that’s not very nice! haha. And, I am stuck seeing her due to mutual friends. It’s like I have a frenemy which stresses me out!!
Godzilla
The solution here is to unsuscribe to her posts. That way, you have no idea what she’s posting on other people’s walls. Resist the urge to follow her facebooking. And let her become a casual acquaintance. You are too awesome to care about her. RAWR.
K...in transition
ditto… especially the RAWR part
fairly legal
My roommate kind of behaves similarly toward me. We are in the same year at a pretty good law school, and I just feel that whenever we hang out with friends together, she has to either disagree with or slightly make fun of everything I say. We both do well in school, so I’m not sure if she feels threatened by me or something. I’m pretty confident in myself, so it doesn’t usually bother me. I do wish we could be closer though, because I have enjoyed being great friends with roommates in the past.
M-C
Being roomates is not the same as being friends. Keep a civil sheen on the relationship, so she doesn’t spill coffee on your bedclothes :-), but definitely find some real friends to hang out with. At the very least avoid hanging out with her socially. And start now to look for a more congenial roomate. You may not be able to change next semester already, but you certainly can switch for next year.
Jacqueline
Absolutely. I like some people more based on their FB posts if they’re insightful, funny, or share good links. And I find some people who seem fine IRL are incredibly annoying on FB — attention-seeking, constantly posting, whining, or bragging. It’s a revealing window into people’s psyches.
Anyway, that’s not really related to your problem. I agree with everyone else that you should just ignore/hide her on FB. It sounds like the problem is more on FB than IRL, so once you hide her on there (and she’ll never know), you may solve it just like that! Good luck.
Makeup Junkie
Yes, Facebook has really changed the way I see people, especially in election season. I have put a lot of people on my ignore list!
Pretzel_Logic
I kind of hate sites like Facebook because they keep you artificially linked to people you wouldn’t keep with otherwise. It’s perfectly natural and okay for friendships to have ebbs and flows and to pass out of our lives, and Facebook doesn’t let that happen. I got rid of mine a year ago when I realized that I had blocked 75% of the friends I hadn’t deleted, I kind of hated the remaining 25%, and I was constantly comparing myself to people’s fake Internet personas. It was just bad.
for the too long, didn’t read summary: block her and/or de-friend her. It’s okay to do that.
Merabella
I went through recently and deleted over half of my facebook friends. I decided that if I wouldn’t be able to recognize this person walking down the street or vice versa I didn’t need to be friends them on FB. For people I felt like I needed to be friends with on FB for peacekeeping I just unsubscribed to their posts so it is like they don’t exist. I would (as Godzilla suggests) just unsubscribe, and then you won’t be bothered by her posts.
I always toy with deleting my account, but I honestly like reading random crap about people I don’t interact with on a regular basis.
pumpkin
Ladies! I feel like such a grown-up. I took 2 suits and 2 coats to a tailor and spent $500 on alterations by an amazing tailor to make them fit perfectly. I’ve had them sitting in my closet for 2 years and never wear them because as is they just don’t fit. I thought long and hard about it. The cost of buying all new would be more and this way I don’t have to get rid of perfectly good clothes. I got this idea thanks to C-r-e-t-t-e since well-fitting clothes seem to make SUCH a difference in how you feel/present yourself, and so many of you have spoken highly of your tailors. I am so excited to see the results!
Alleyne
Awesome! I need to make a similar trip. Congrats on taking them in!
e_pontellier
Congratulations! That’s awesome.
M-C
Awesome! Thanks for the inspiration, I’ll take in that jacket :-)..
Not a political post
Whatever your political affiliation may be, you will enjoy this cutest video that I came across on my FB feed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVkfNUxRh7g
Jacqueline
That is adorable!
mamabear
LOVE it. My son is a fourth grader. Kids that age are awesome.
FrankenEye
Help – I managed to break several blood vessels in my eye a couple of days ago, and I know it is going to take some time to heal…but has anyone had success in making it not look so terrible? Or should I just get a patch and start dressing up for Halloween now?
Godzilla
Yeah….when that happened to me, my very kind coworker said I looked like the aliens from Avatar. A kind side effect from the violent retching of food poisoning. I wore glasses instead of contacts and just let people deal with my extra-monstrous appearance. I haven’t tried using Visine or its sister products but it’s worth a shot.
Alleyne
Has your doctor recommended cool or warm compresses? That might help calm things down / speed up healing, depending on what they recommend.
I would avoid Visine, except for one-shot emergencies (about to give a presentation, meet with the boss’s boss, etc.) The anti-red stuff is not good for repeated use.
I’ve had some eye issues in the past, and even though I was mortified at my bright red eyes, half the time people didn’t really notice. If they do notice, that’s it—they’ll notice. But most people won’t get hung up on it.
FrankenEye
Thanks, Godzilla and Alleyne, for the responses. I’m feeling a little less self-conscious about it today (and my screen name seems particularly dramatic!). I have a conference mid-next week that I think I may try Visine for, if it isn’t better by then, but it looks as though the blood is starting to migrate down to the bottom of the eye, which is mostly covered.
BMBG
It’ll clear up, you just have to wait it out. I did that earlier this year and it looked TERRIBLE. Especially when the red dot starts to disburse and fade to yellow. I just joked that I didn’t have pinkeye, but if anyone was concerned, I’d be happy to work from home. No one took me up on that offer. ;o)
Rest assured it’s common enough that people understand.
Shoe problem
Hi! Been waiting for this thread to ask advice for a shoe related problem.
I spend most of my time in sandals / strappy shoes / flip flops.
A recent run-in with covered shoes (broken in, soft leather, one size up) still left me with blisters and aching feet.
I have curly crooked little toes, and a large knobbly bone jutting out below my big toe, so it seems that my foot is unusually wide at that end. Even if I wear the correct shoe size after measurement, the shoe gapes at the heel so I assume my foot must be unusually narrow at the heel.
I can get bespoke shoes made but don’t really want to miss out on all the cute shoes out there. I will soon need to switch to covered shoes since I’ll be moving to a much colder climate in a year or so.
Tips in dealing with this would be much appreciated. Would wearing a bigger size with insoles help?
Look forward to hearing from you!
Thanks!
May
Snoozy
A friend of mine has a similar problem. If the issue is really narrow ankles, then a bigger size with insoles probably won’t work, unless the shoe has laces, buckles or straps. (Loafers, mary janes etc.) Pointy or really round toes are also a disaster – you need something pretty square.
My friend recommends Birkenstock shoes – apparently they make them with toes and heels as well as sandals.
None of this is cute – which is why my friend is actually having surgery later this year. Is the jutting-out bone a bunion? If so, then medical intervention might actually be necessary.
May
I do have bunions! I am embarrassed to say I thought a bunion was something else. Just looked at some images on the Internet. Thank you.
Shall now try to get myself to an orthopaedic surgeon. Better hope it’s one who’s sympathetic to the cosmetic nature of my relatively trivial problem.
Leigh
You may try these in the meantime though. I’m not a doctor, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I do have bunions. My limited research showed that bunions are caused because of the toe being pushed in from shoes and so it causes the ligaments and joints to be pushed out and the toe to go in. I use these at night (put on foot lotion, put these on and then socks), and the pain and the distortion of my toe is gone. I use them whenever I have problems for about a week.
http://www.walmart.com/ip/Therasteps-Gel-Toe-Spreaders-2-Each/10980502
Snoozy
Bunions have various causes – some are genetic, some are from the wrong shoes. Regardless of the cause, those spreaders can be quite useful – my mother has been using them for twenty-odd years and has successfully avoided further surgery.
May, good luck with the surgery consult. Not being able to wear shoes isn’t just a cosmetic problem, and lots of people have bunion operations, so don’t feel bad!
I’m *in* Europe, so I never considered the fact that European shoes were better for this type of foot, but thinking over my own shoe collection, it’s probably true. (I have flat as a pancake feet, with narrow ankles, but no toe or bunion problems.) Some of the best brands are horribly expensive though. I never thought I’d experience the day when I thought Ecco shoes were cheap. Compared to my latest pair from Think!, they are…
SoCal Gator
I have similar feet. Need wide at the toe box for bunions but have a narrow heel. First, try a Mary Jane or something with a strap so the back stays on. Also, European shoes tend to be roomier in the toe and narrower in the back. Like Dansko, Ecco, Naot. A great resource is a blog called Barkingdogshoes.com. She has a post up right now with shoe recommendations for exactly your problem.
anon
I spent two years in a very warm climate where I only wore sandals and flip flops. My feet, which had historically been fine in shoes, were covered in blisters everywhere the first time I put on real shoes. As in, on the top of my foot where nothing typically rubs blisters. And just felt so weird! The first few months back required a combination of socks with shoes whenever possible and wearing shoes for short stretches. I have since discovered that some of those shoes are inherently uncomfortably, but many are not. Just give your feet a little time to adjust – and then you will get to buy all the pretty shoes!
mamabear
I am like a broken record on this, but check out barkingdogshoes. It’s a blog about shoes for people with problematic/fussy feet.
TOS
Seconded! I have a bunion on one foot, and was just depressed with what the doc said – writing an Rx for athletic shoes – Noooooo! I’ve never been much on heels, but barking dog shoes has been GREAT for adding style into this temporary period of contemplating surgery and wearing (yes) orthotic inserts. I have young children and would like them to be more independent/have more judgement, perhaps both be in school before I need to stay off my foot for such a prolonged period of time.
Also – knee scooters/knee walkers are better than crutches for recovery.
Best wishes. And yes, I didn’t know what a bunion was until my doc pointed it out.
Gail the Goldfish
I have a similar foot shape and Aldo’s shoes actually work fairly well because they’re narrower in the heel. Franco Sarto also fits well (though I usually don’t like their styles). Oh, and some Cole Haans. Also, I put those gel cushions on the back of all of my shoes. And strangely, heels work better for me than flats in terms of not getting blisters.
Ellen
It is NOT even 9 a.m. on a SATURDAY, and I am already back at work sitting on my tuchus tryeing to catch up on thing’s before I get on the LIRR to visit my family. What is wrong with this picture? How is a professonal like me EVER going to be abel to relax when I have to balance my casework, litieagation, and corporate do diligience with all of the other thing’s I have to do.
I have a BOATLOAD of dry cleaening that I could NOT drop off b/c the guy was NOT there when I had to come here, and I want to look just right when I have my Tuesday calendar call. I called the manageing partner, and he was actualy sympetethetic to my situeation in Saint Louis. He said Jim should probabley have spent more time at the plant then the baseball stadium, but I should still bill 100% of my time.
The manageing partner said I have to go to court this week b/c he has a luncheon with two of his KRONIES that alway’s come to the firm and stare at me. Fooey! At least I do NOT have to join them for lunch. Yay!
My mom is bakeing me my favorite muffin’s b/c she see’s how stressed out I have become with all of the thing’s going on. She told me I will be much happyier when I am at home. She also asked about David. I think my Dad want’s me to date him. He is OK, but his room mate is very sloppy. Myrna left 2 voice mail’s for me, so I have to call her b/f I go out to LI. At least the weather is nicer here then in Saint Louis. DOUBEL FOOEY on the rain. I am giving my nephew this silly baseball hat Jim bought for me even tho it is way to big for him now. Mabye he will become a fan, but I hope he does not grow up & wear it backward’s and act stupid like Jim and the two guys from the plant. TRIPEL FOOEY! I hope the rest of the hive has a nice weekend! I have to start workeing now.
The manageing partner
Susan
Hear! Hear! Ellen, you are so right about guys who wear their baseball caps backward. That’s a sign to me never to date them because of their Neanderthal attributes–which carry over to other areas. Hang in there girl because we are all pulling for you. Jim may be a jerk but you may find David is ok. In any event don’t let guys like Allen into your life to break your heart. Drinkers are losers!
ELLENWatch
Can regular commenter Susan confirm that the above is/is not her? Thanks.
anon then
Is Ellen watching really a full-time occupation? Does Susan care? The sound of one click fading into the ether..
Lyssa
Trying to head out to the big box store to stock up on non-perishables before the baby comes. (Not neccessarily baby stuff, since I’m still afraid to buy diapers (what size?!?) and formula (what kind, how much?!) and such – more groceries, toilet paper, that sort of thing, so we don’t have to worry about it then.) I’ll probably do it at least one more time, but thought I could get most of it done now.
If you’ve been there, what did you wish you had on hand/really need immediately post-baby?
Divaliscious11
I had them, because my sister and sorority sister made them, but pre-portioned healthy meals. They came over the week of my due date and literally cooked up my kitchen, and then made portions in glad containers and put them in the freezer. Those first few weeks, it was a blessing to be able to just pull something out of the freezer, pop in the microwave and have it taste delicious, and know it was prepared with love for me….
mamabear
Get some diapers. The smallest size will fit pretty much every baby for at least a while. (I’ve had 6 pounders and one 9 pounder, and both wore the smallest size at birth)
You’ll be given a small can of formula at most hospitals when you give birth. If you’re planning to breastfeed, that’s usually enough to have as backup.
Make sure you have enough laundry detergent and whatever you use for fabric softener. I preferred the dye- and scent-free when my kids were babies. You’ll be doing a lot of laundry.
Buy more wipes than you think you’ll need. I liked the “natural” ones with aloe. When my babies were newborns I didn’t use commercial wipes, I used the softest washcloths I could find and wetted them with water. So maybe a stack of very soft washcloths.
Make sure you have some tylenol for yourself. You might want to get a bottle of the infant tylenol drops but I can’t remember how old the baby has to be before you can use them. You want them any time your baby gets a fever. You probably want a stool softener for yourself as your first #2 after giving birth is going to be like giving birth again. Usually your OBGYN will tell you to have this on hand. I think it’s called Colace.
In terms of food, get some frozen or canned stuff. Probably not the healthiest, but you may not have enough energy to cook when you’re not sleeping much. I’d avoid anything with beans or cruciferous vegetables because those can give your baby gas through your breast milk.
Lastly get a couple of paperback novels. I was always looking for something to read while nursing and it has to be lightweight enough to hold up for 20+ minutes (magazines and hardback books didn’t work).
Congratulations and best of luck!
Lyssa
Do you think that a tablet would work? I’ve been wanting one anyway, and was thinking that I’d like to do some e-reading.
Marilla
A friend of mine got an e-reader for nursing and loves it — she has a little stand for it so she has it on the coffee table in front of her while nursing, and she just has to swipe to turn pages instead of holding it one-handed and trying to maneuver around the baby.
Bluejay
Don’t forget to stock up on toiletries for yourself! Last thing you need is to finally get a quiet moment to take a shower and realize you don’t have any shampoo.
AmyRenee
You will definitely use size 1 diapers for a while, even if your baby is 10+ lbs when born, so you can buy one of the larger boxes of those. Size Newborn (N) diapers depends on what size your baby is – probably works best for babies under 9 lbs. Buy 1-4 of the smaller packs (3oish to a pack) of these, BRU, Target and some drugstores will let you exchange unopened packs of size N with larger sizes.
You can go to the formula makers websites and sign up for their coupons (use an email address you only use for junk, they send you TONS of stuff) and they will send you sample size cans of formula – if you don’t use it, you can always take unopened cans to your pediatrician or local food bank.
Buy some cheap underwear you wouldn’t mind throwing away if it gets stained. Buy pads too, so you don’t have to send your husband out for them if you run out. You’ll probably need pads for at least 1-2 weeks, and pantiliners at a minimum for some time after that. Tucks (or generic) witch hazel pads and dermoplast spray are a godsend if you need an episiotomy or tear.
+1000 to pre-made food. If you are into cooking for yourself, follow some of the freezer suggestions Kat posted a few weeks ago. If not, buy some tv dinner type meals for both you and your husband to have as a backup. Granola bars & luna bars are nice to have for a quick power snack as well.
Makeup remover wipes/face wash wipes are great for quick freshening up when you haven’t had time for a shower and feel gross.
Disposable plates, cups & silverware are good to have on hand if you wind up feeding a bunch of people that stop by or for when you are starving and just can’t deal with dishes.
Are you going to have a lot of guests stopping by that drink coffee or tea? Buy that, plus creamer – preferably something that will last forever in the fridge or keep on the shelf if you don’t drink it.
Toilet paper, paper towels, trash bags, baby wipes, cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, dish soap & dishwasher detergent, hand soap, toiletries for you and hubby are great to stock up on. Anything he counts on you buying him regularly? Razor blades, shaving cream, soap, etc?
Do you have family or friends that live nearby? Keep a running list on your fridge of things you are low on/need to buy and everytime someone gives you the “if you need anything, just let me know” line, ask them to bring over something on the list (milk, eggs, dish soap, etc)
Good luck and happy nesting!
Merabella
I also read somewhere that buying adult diapers for yourself is a good idea as it just is easier than trying the whole pads thing, especially at night.
anon
Buy a stack of stuff that you can pull out when people come to visit and see the baby. (We had a dozen boxes of Girl Scout cookies and went through them all in feeding guests!) Obviously, you don’t owe anyone food when you’ve just had a baby – but I thought it felt kind of nice and organized to be able to offer coffee and cookies.
Merabella
No babies, but I read somewhere (here maybe?) that store brand baby formula is just as good as the other stuff. And I feel it is like toilet paper, you can never have too much.
AnonforThis
No question, just a work and personal life related vent that I don’t know where else to release. I enjoy my job, but DH and I are cross-country LD (and have been for 1.5 years). The plan was for me to start while he was still looking in my area, but he’s been unsuccessful, and we’ve tapped out both of our networks. At this point, I’m looking back where he is (or where his current employer could easily transfer him), but part of the reason I took my current job is that I have had a lot of trouble since finishing grad school 5 years ago finding a job I find fulfilling in his current city. W/o going into details, what I do right now is very specific to my city. It’s an amazing job, but I can’t do it anywhere else. He keeps saying he doesn’t want me to have to sacrifice my career or take a job I don’t love, but I don’t see how that’s possible (he also earns 2-3x as me, and it would be difficult for both of us to live in my city on my salary alone, the reverse is not true). I know he wants to be supportive, but he absolutely loves his job. While it’s very sweet that he would give it up if he could find something (even with up to a 50% pay cut) in my area, he really doesn’t understand what it’s like to have spent 10 years in school (I have a PhD) and hate your job to the point where it was a struggle to go in every morning…which is the situation I was in before taking my current position. At this point our plan is to finish up what I’m working on right now, which would take a few more months, and move back to his city regardless of whether I have a job. I know I’ll find a job, but I dont’ know if I’ll find one I like.
Adding to all of this, we’ve been TTC for 2 years (we’re at an age where it doesn’t make sense to wait longer…if I got pg without a job lined up, I would quit). A bit over a year ago we were diagnosed with male infertility, and we’ve done 2 IUIs and 3 IVFs which have left me with one m/c and no baby. Also, as a side note, around the time I graduated I was in an accident that has left me unable to do many of my old hobbies (that included skiing, mountaineering, hiking, and cycling).
I feel like I’ve lost more or less every dream I’ve ever had, and my marriage is the only good thing in my life (even though I risked even that by moving cross-country for a job). My career isn’t what I want it to be, I have no children and maybe never will, and I can no longer do the things that give me the most peace and enjoyment in my life (being outdoors). I know that since I feel like my DH is the best thing about my life, moving back even if it means I have to quit is the right thing to do. But it’s frustrating.
LadyEnginerd
I hear you, especially on losing hobbies due to health problems after sacrificing for a PhD. I think the very first thing you do is find a therapist to help you have a support system you trust while you’re in your current city away from your husband (I went in grad school, and I’d have dropped out without that support). The second is to start being more flexible about how to do work you love – both you and your husband, but more so you right now since you’re planning on finishing up and moving to join him regardless of whether you find a job. You don’t specify field, but can you do something you find fulfilling to supplement a job that isn’t a perfect fit? Can you turn your dissertation into a book? Can you adjunct at a local university to keep your hand in the field that is your first love? Third is to find a hobby you do love now, or to take concrete steps to rehab so you can go back to some of your old hobbies, if not at the same level as before your accident.
The good news is that it’s much easier to run a job search from your target city. I think something will pan out for you sooner than you think – even if right now it seems grim.
Hugs
Anon, hang in there. I can understand your frustration with TTC. We’ve been down that same road and I’m doubting whether we will ever have children. have you talked about adoption? As much as I’d like to carry a child, we will love any child. Can you take up less physical hobbies? Or maybe yoga? Things may look bleak now but are bound to get better.
e_pontellier
How should I follow up from my interview yesterday? I’m a 2L, interviewed at a mid sized law firm yesterday. Even though they’re a mid-sized firm, they have a very small NYC office (12 attorneys), so it had a small-firm feel. It was a first-round interview but it lasted 2.5 hours and I met with 6 attorneys. I loved the firm and everyone was super nice — I’m trying not to get my hopes up but it would be amazing to get a summer job. This firm does give offers to summers. When I got home, I emailed a thank-you to the attorney who initially reached out to me and scheduled the interview. Now, should I email everyone else I met with? Should I send a handwritten card to the office? Should I send a handwritten card to each person I met with? Thanks in advance!!!
rtg
If you can figure out the emails of everyone else you interviewed with, you should definitely follow-up with them as well. I think you’ll hear varying advice on hand-written notes in addition. I’m not in law, but I wouldn’t.
eek
I’d do this, if you can. First thing Monday. If you don’t get to it, I wouldn’t sweat it. You likely won’t get a response and from what I hear/have experienced they are a nice to have but likely won’t make a difference in you getting/not getting an offer.
Celia
I don’t think it makes a difference whether you e-mail or send by mail, but it is nice to send a message to everyone you met. Getting physical thank-yous would probably be noticed and appreciated even more, but you need to be able to get them in the mail ASAP (as in, Monday). If you’re not positive you can do that, just send the emails. Late thank-yous don’t have the same effect, IMO. Congrats and good luck!
Celia
Just to make it clear — I think it’s an either/or deal with written notes vs. emails. Don’t do both!
shortiek
I found that my close friend’s mom has breast cancer. Her mom is getting a double mastectomy next week, and they’re hopeful that that will be it.
I’m really at a loss on how to help. I’m obviously closest with my friend, but her parents were always nice and interested in my life when I was hanging at their house (which was all the time in high school and college). What would her family appreciate at this time? I make a mean chicken soup?
I told my friend that I’m available to help out and talk to, (and I know that just dealing with her family can be stressful, let alone adding this) but I don’t know how to be supportive without being pushy.
a lawyer
Having been through this with my mom and sister (and myself, prophylactically), I’d say make the chicken soup and take it over! No one will have time or energy to cook, and chicken soup is exactly what is needed!
Lalo
Ok. I just found out that the guy I’m sort of dating has a sister who is sort of dating my brother. What are the odds that 2 cross country pairs of siblings would start dating? Except I don’t think that my half will last very much longer. Which is an issue in and of itself, but whatever.
A
Ha! That is pretty amazing. Such a small world.
applesandcheddar
What is the etiquette on tipping at the salon? I normally tip the stylist about 20%, but what should I be tipping the person who washes my hair?
anon
Just had this discussion with my husband this morning! He had his hair washed by someone else at the salon and was clueless on what to do (though handled it well). I usually just give a couple of bucks to the person who washes my hair and tip the stylist around 15-20%, but maybe I’m cheap.
mamabear
I give the tip to the front desk , usually $20, which is over 20% of my bill, and ask them to divide it up. Sometimes one person washes my hair, my beloved stylist cuts it, then another person blowdries it.
It’s a “team concept” salon and I think they’re used to sharing tips, but really, when someone else washes your hair, it is to free up your stylist for more profitable activities, so your stylist is probably used to sharing his/her tips with this staff.
anon
Any recommendations for a nice winter nightgown? My mom asked for one for her birthday and I have no clue because I don’t wear nightgowns. Garnet Hill was my first thought, but they surprisingly didn’t have much. What other stores might have something?
e_pontellier
Have you checked Lands End dot com?
anon
Thanks, they had exactly what I was looking for, and with a coupon code.
anon
I think we used to get some at Lord & Taylor for my grandmother
SoCal Gator
Try Appleseeds or Vermont Country Store, both online.
Anon ZZYX
Any recommendations for a couples counselor in DC/NOVA area? I’ve been married for about a year and feel like we both have some growing pains to work out and counseling could help.
KinCA
I don’t live in the area, but consider checking out the therapist listings on Psychology Today’s website to find a licensed therapist near you.
MissMarple
Karenpadi, I made an appointment with the Nordstrom personal shopper you recommended at the last meetup – so excited!! For those of you who’ve worked with one, how big or small of a budget did you give the PS to work with for your first meeting?
SF Bay Associate
I saw karenpadi’s personal stylist today. Wow, fun! She’s great. And wow, did I spend a good bit of money… I think I let her a bit more off leash than I should have. She gave no pressure at all – just brought me beautiful things that fit so darn well and I could not stop myself. I asked for a suit, boots, and jeans, and goodness did she deliver. A Hugo Boss suit (jacket, skirt, pants), Aquatalia boots, and the jeans… she actually got me into Paige slim straight leg and skinny jeans. I was a boot cut girl and never ever would have believed I and my pear hips could wear such things, but wow, I looked great ;). She also put aside a dress that I liked which I didn’t like the price of to see if would go on sale in the next few weeks.
Come to think of it, I think it was MYSELF that I let a bit more off leash than I should have. I think giving yourself a budget, and letting her know is a good idea. It seemed helpful for her to know the departments I usually shopped in (Individualist, Studio 121 and brands I usually wore) to get an idea of my budget, too. HAVE FUN!
karenpadi
Yay! I’m so glad you liked her! I set a budget, and then I spend double. Oops.
She does pick out absolutely gorgeous clothes! I feel so pretty in them and, honestly, I don’t regret buying any of the pieces I bought through her. They all work and they all work with each other!
Here’s the thing. I grew up in a household where clothing budgets were severely constrained. Plus, my mom wore scrubs to work (dental hygienist) and so I never had a female role model for dressing professionally. I feel like Melyssa knows this stuff. She knows what I should be wearing and what pieces I need. She knows what kind of clothing budget I should have. I feel more confident than I ever had before about my clothing.
And yes, I have another appointment with Melyssa next weekend.
SF Bay Associate
Yep, my household was also a double-coupons-at-Mervyns kind of household, and had a SAHM + SAHaunts. I made today my Triple Points Day to get my suit, jeans, and boots. I cannot remember the last time I went shopping in a store, and it’s been years and years since I bought anything at full price. Turns out it’s not as easy to find the right basics using only the sale racks. I didn’t like any of the tops in store – too expensive/didn’t fit me. At the Rack, a clearance sweater and clearance jeans. Online, a dozen sale/clearance tops (some/most of which will go back and will be monitored for further markdowns), plus socks and boxers for the hubs to marginally assuage my shopping guilt. I am definitely on a shopping ban now.
KP, considering you sent me and MissMarple to her, I hope Melyssa gives you some extra sugar next weekend.
MissMarple
Your purchases sound awesome! I discovered Hugo Boss last year when I was looking for suits for a major trial, and fell in love with the quality of the materials and clean lines of their women’s suits. And I am also a pear-shaped, boot-cut jeans girl – can’t wait to see what Melyssa finds for me! Thanks for sharing your experience!
karenpadi
Yay! I hope you really like her!
For my first meeting with her, I needed a whole new wardrobe–all of my clothes were literally falling apart. I gave her a budget of $1k-1.5k for that. I spent more but I don’t regret it at all. I am thankful I had so many wonderful choices.
You can give Melyssa any budget–she really works the sales rack.
MissMarple
Thanks – that’s good to know! I was thinking around $1k. I have a good set of basics and just need some tweaks to make my outfits more fun while maintaining the professional image I need working in a heavily male-dominated computer hardware company.
zora
For that I think 1k makes sense. But one other suggestion then, and karenpadi/SF Bay, tell me if I am crazy, but i would recommend actually bringing at least a few of your basics that you wear all the time, so that she can see them and you can try things on WITH the skirts/pants, etc that you wear. Or at the very least, bring a list of what you have? Or photos? I think it’s going to be hard to visualize how things will look with what you have at home.
But have Fun!! can’t wait to hear what you get!
"Allergies" PSA
It’s official. We are coming home a few days early. I am miserable, and I want to see my doctor, sleep in my own bed, get on the road to feeling better. It means we are missing our side trip to Istanbul, but my fiancé has enjoyed being with his family here and I’m not sure I would enjoy the side trip feeling like this.
Moral of the story (harkening back go my earliest posts): I wish I had seen an MD immediately back in February/March when I first felt unwell. Ladies, do not delay real medical care.
anon for this
A weekend secret…
I’m about to enter my 30s and I feel like a failure for having almost nothing in my life the way I’d wanted/ planned. Even the special gift I’d planned for myself for over a decade can’t happen due to lack of funds.
Lately, the only thing somewhat boosting my spirits is to look up old high school classmates on fb and feel a little smug over seeing them working at grocery stores living in parents’ basements. Of course, I feel horribly snobby for this later.
Can anyone relate?
Leigh
I can relate. I’m so far behind in life from where I wanted to be.
anon
K, you are not actually anon when you post secrets you already shared.
K...in transition
someone emailed me about this a few mins ago… just saw it now. sorry, this one wasn’t my secret… but you’re right, there are some parts of this I agree with. I hope, whomever the post person is, that she sees this and knows at least 2 of us out here can relate!
Anon, you have a great memory to relate this person to me! :)
Leigh
I am planning to go back to college to pursue accounting. I am just beginning to look into majors. I think there are a few ladies in accounting here…can anyone offer any advice/suggestions/guidance? Anything would help at this point.
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