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- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
In-House in Houston
Has anyone used Monogram Tours to go to Europe? They seem to have great tours (3 days in London, 3 in Paris, 3 in Madrid, 3 in Barcelona) where they take care of everything for you (hotel, tours, travel between cities, breakfast). All you have to do is get to London and back home. It seems like you can spend a little extra to get a nicer room. But I was just wondering if any of you have used them for travel? TIA.
https://monograms.com/
Anonymous
I don’t know anything about the company, but I would caution you against that type of trip. If you’ve never been to Paris, you’re going to be super bummed to leave after 3 days (is that 3 nights or 3 days?), and same with London and Barcelona. Madrid would probably be fine in 3 days. With that amount of time, why not choose just two cities and really get to know them?
Anonymous
Three days is plenty of time in Paris, especially with a guide.
More generally, I’m always so confused by comments like this. Not everyone has the means or desire to do a European vacation every year or two. Sometimes you have to pack in as much as you can while you’re there. You can always go back if you really really love something. This kind of trip sounds so much better than something like a cruise, where you only have a day (not even a night) in each city.
Anonymous
Three days in Paris or London is not plenty of time, particularly if it’s your first time. Unless you’re talking about only seeing the “highlights”, being rushed, and not really taking time to enjoy the city. Then I suppose 3 days would suffice. (even then, you will miss some major attractions).
Anonymous
I’ve done 3 and a half days in London because that was all the time I had, and I hit the majority of the major attractions (I think we hit Westminster, british museum, national gallery, Parliament, st. paul’s, tower of london, tate modern, churchhill war rooms, imperial war museum, and museum of london. and the outside of buckingham palace, which wasn’t open for tours while we were there). You’ve just got to be ok with walking fast and time it right so it’s not a super-crowded time of year/day (so hit the most popular sites first thing in the morning). I do think it’d be harder to do with a tour group, who inevitably will move slower than you would on your own, and it is quite tiring. But if you know you aren’t going to be back to Europe for a while, I say do it. Of course, I also once did 4 cities in China in 10 days, so my travel style is definitely “fast”
In-House in Houston
OP here. Thank you for your comment. This is exactly our reason for taking this kind of tour! We’re young so why not see as much as we can??
Anon
This, yes!
Violet
+1
Anonymous
I’m not a fan of group tours but I think 3 days is plenty to see the highlights in each city. 12 days/4 cities sounds a bit exhausting, but I can certainly see spending a week in Europe and dividing it between London/Paris or Barcelona/Madrid. If you insist on spending a minimum of five days in every European city you visit, it will take you foreverrrr to see Europe. Not everyone is going to make 30 trips to Europe in their lifetime and it’s pretty reasonable to want to go and just see the highlights.
Anonymous
Agree to disagree, I guess. Different travel philosophies. I would rather not hit every city in Europe and actually spend time doing a mix of tourist spots and walking around/people watching/experiencing life in the city. Particularly when we’re talking about Paris – there is so much to take in.
Anonymous
I spent three days in Paris on a high school French trip and we spent plenty of time people-watching in cafes and just walking around. You can do the tourist stuff in one day if you have a tour bus that shuttles you between attractions. It will take a little longer if you’re on your own but can still do it in 1.5-2 days and have plenty of time for soaking in the city in the third day. I love Paris and would love to spend a week there but it’s not necessarily something I’d recommend to a first-time visitor to Europe. It makes sense to hit up a bunch of cities and figure out which ones you like and want to go back to.
Anonymous
I just don’t understand how you could do the “tourist stuff” in 1 day or even 2 days. Non-exhaustive list:
Notre Dame
Eiffel Tower
Sainte Chappelle
Sacre-Coeur
Montmartre
One or more of the gardens
Louvre (3 hours minimum)
Orsay (2 hours minimum)
Catacombs
Those are just the essentials, but there are a million other museums, parks and palaces. Plus Versailles, which is a day trip. Plus all the neighborhoods to check out, cafes to sit at, restaurants/bars, and flea market/high end shopping.
Baconpancakes
I’ve been to Paris three or four times, for 3 days minimum at a time, and I STILL haven’t seen what I’d like to see. I could spend an entire day in one of the gardens, and an entire week at the Louvre. Versailles is definitely a day trip – it takes 3 hours to get through the main palace, and then there’s the amazing gardens and outbuildings.
Anonymous
Everyone’s tastes are different. I expected to adore Paris, but it and I just don’t click and three days in Paris on that sort of tour was plenty for me.
Meanwhile, three weeks in London isn’t enough for me.
I support doing a sampler trip like this until you know exactly where you want to spend an extended vacation– and meanwhile, you’ve done some highlights of lots of places. Win-win.
trefoil
+1 I’ve visited London twice, for a total of about 4 weeks, and I still feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface.
The first time I went was with friends and it was super intense: two or three major sights a day, early mornings and late nights. I was exhausted and cranky by day 5. The next time I went with my partner and we were much more relaxed, and what we saw was less tourist checklist and more deliberate (like Puddlejumper FKA LondonLeisureYear’s street art tour recommendation–SO GOOD).
Consider your own tolerance for social and activity and lack of downtime when you’re thinking about a tour like this–the only perk, for me, would be the transit time between cities when you’re not walking (oh the blisters) to zone out.
me too
Completely agree. I went to Paris and was so underwhelmed. Couldn’t understand what the big deal was about. Granted, I went in the winter and everyone was in a bad mood and grumpy (or maybe that is just Parisians in general).
Anon
She’s young. This will not be the last time she ever travels. If this is all the vacation time she has why not go for three days rather than not going at all? Vacation is supposed to be fun, not an obsessive list of all the things you must see. There are no cash prizes for checking the most things off the list.
I will probably never see the British Museum in London and I’ve been to that city three times. But I have spent enjoyable hours having tea and shopping on Oxford street and walking around pretty neighborhoods.
Not everyone has to do everything the same way.
Anonymous
no one is saying don’t go at all! she could choose 2 cities and spend 6 days in each. or even 3 cities and spend 4 days in each.
Anonymous
+1000
It must be nice to have tons of vacation time and available money to turn one’s nose up at spending “merely” a couple of days in a great city. For some of us, time and money are constrained, and we want to get the most out of the limited time we have to travel. OP – my husband and I dida tour similar to what you describe in the first post a number of years ago, and it was great. Go and have a fantastic time!
Amelia Bedelia
I know a lot of people will say not to do this type of tour, to take more time. And that has it’s place. But, I just want to tell you that this type of trip will be fun, too. I grew up in Europe, but my husband (grew up in Africa and California) had never been when we first married. He didn’t see the hype. A tour like this (also we were MUCH younger) was exhausting but so fun and exciting. And it gave him such a taste of Europe and how wonderful so many places were. Sparked a traveling bug in him that has lasted for 16 years!
So, don’t know the group, but fully endorse these types of trips! Just manage your expectations. You will be in a big group and only see the “highlights” and the top tourist destinations. Which is fine: you are a tourist! Enjoy that for what it is and then pick your cities to revisit later.
Amelia Bedelia
also, this type of tour has benefits in that you usually get guided explanation and get to skip the lines and get to never worry about a thing.
I’ve done two of these types. The one significant downtime I found was food. It was horrible and far too expensive for what you got. But maybe this one will be different?
cat socks
+1
My parents do group tours with a different company and I’ve traveled with them to Spain and Greece on these types of trips. They are older and like having everything planned out for them.
We saw a lot on the Spain trip but it was kind of busy because in some cities we only spent one night. In yours it looks like you will be spending a few nights in each place. I liked having a dedicated tour manager leading the group. He was very knowledgeable about the country and history and would talk to us as we traveled by bus to different cities.
Another thing I liked was that at each of the tourist sites there was a local guide who would walk us through the place and talk about the history, etc. I found that quite interesting and I felt like I learned more that way than I would have on my own.
In-House in Houston
OP here. Would you mind sharing what touring company your parents use? We’ve never been to Europe and so seeing as much as we can really appeals to us. Once we decide where we’d like to spend more time, we’ll go back. TIA!!
Different anonymous
My in-laws adore Tauck tours. Lots of insider access to tourist attractions, great accommodations and food. They are very pricey and the clientele may tend to be older, though.
January
My aunt and uncle are big fans (repeat customers) of Rick Steves tours.
AnonZ
+1 to January
Left a longer comment that’s in mod, but I have also done Rick Steves tours and found them to be really enjoyable. Would definitely recommend.
cat socks
They use Gate 1 Travel. They’ve done Spain, Greece, Iceland, Germany and South Africa with that company. I enjoyed the Spain and Greece tours I did with them for the reasons I mentioned above.
Eowyn
I’ve done several guided group tours and have had great experiences on Globus and Gate 1 in Europe!
Anonymous
I don’t know why you would do this
Anonymous
I don’t know why you wouldn’t, this trip sounds great. I also don’t know why you would bother to comment if you don’t want to provide actual feedback about why you think this is a bad idea.
Anonymous
Because the reasons why she wants to do this changes the advice. All this nice nice white knighting is a real drag.
Anonymous
Like, now that I know she is young and new to Europe and looking to do as much as possible, I’d say go full classic student mode- minimal minimal luggage, train pass, hop around a ton, prioritize good location but spend nothing extra on a nice room, you don’t need it.
I’d fly into London, then train to Paris, train to Marseilles, train to Barcelona, train to Madrid, fly back to London myself for a fun whirlwind tour. I don’t think you need a tour company for this personally.
Anon
Ok, but why say “I don’t know why you would do this” when you could say “What are you hoping to get out of this trip?”. Why not say something in a nice way if you can?
Anon
Why is it a drag that people on this board are trying to be kind and polite? Anonymous at 9:24’s comment wasn’t at all helpful. If she was legitimately curious about why the OP is interested in this sort of trip so as to give better advice, she wouldn’t have phrased her question the way she did.
Anonymous
Honey, if conversations aren’t fun for you unless people are fighting, maybe head back over to Reddit. You’ll be more comfortable there.
Parfait
At least on Reddit unhelpful comments get downvoted to the bottom.
Anon
I would only do this if, like others have pointed out, a highlights-only trip with little downtime is up your alley. Some people find that exciting and fun and others find it exhausting. I will say that Paris is a great city for slow wanderings/downtime at cafes and I’m not sure how much I would have liked it if I just hit the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, Versailles, and Notre Dame and called it good. I was only in London for one day and that was NOWHERE NEAR enough time, not even to see the main sights, so three days seems like an adequate minimum.
AnonZ
I haven’t used Monogram, but I have gone on some Rick Steves tours and found them to be a lot of fun! My favorite guided tour company is Intrepid Travel but I’m not sure they have any multi-city/multi-country tours like you’re looking for.
Please ignore all the naysayers here who are going on about “OMG you won’t get to EXPERIENCE the cities!!” I have done all sorts of travel, from short guided tours to a yearlong solo round-the-world trip. There is no “right” way to travel. A couple weeks city-hopping with a tour group is a great way to see a LOT in a low-stress way–all you have to do is get on the bus every morning! And you’ll probably make some new friends in your tour group.
When I was on my round-the-world trip, I had a running joke with a guy who I traveled with for a while about how people would always try to “out-authentic” each other about their travel experiences. “Oh, you stayed at a hostel? You should stay with a local family, it’s much more authentic.” “You spent 2 weeks in Chiang Mai? I can’t imagine rushing like that because it’s just such a laidback place.” Travel how you want and ignore all the people who are certain you’re doing it wrong.
In-House in Houston
OP here. Thanks so much. I’m super excited and for seeing 4 cities, the price seems reasonable. I really wanted to know if anyone has used Monogram Tours, but I still got a lot of good info and I’m going for it. I think as long as we know going in that it’s going to be a very busy 2 weeks, we”ll be fine.
Anon
I would try to get to the first city a day or two early so you aren’t tired from jet lag the first couple of days. (or if you can fly business on the way there — if you don’t have enough miles, a credit card or two can get you enough.) Sleeping on the overnight flight or getting there early will help you avoid losing as much time to being exhausted, which makes it really hard to be “on” and ready to go when the tour starts.
Anonymous
“yearlong solo round-the-world trip” Exactly what I want to do next year – after I finish graduate school at a very advanced age. I would love to hear more!
Rainbow Hair
Love your post, AnonZ. I’ve done my share of traveling and always chuckled at the people (often the gap year kids, but also, ha, my dad) who insisted that I ‘did it wrong’ or ‘haven’t really been to ___ if you didn’t ___’ … like OK, sure, there’s always more I could’ve seen, but why on earth would I focus on that when instead I can focus on all the awesome stuff I *did* get to do!? Like not a single part of me wishes I hadn’t gone to Vietnam because I didn’t go to Halong Bay — I’m thrilled by what I did get to do!
Flats Only
Thank you for this reply! I feel the same way but couldn’t articulate it.
Anonymama
This is funny and true. I think it also depends on how much you like going along with the plan, and not having to deal with logistics, vs having control over your own time but also enjoying, or at least not minding, dealing with figuring out logistics in various countries. I think a tour would be good if you are stressed out by figuring stuff out and like doing things with a group.
Anonymous
Three days is lots of time to explore a new city, especially on a tour. I don’t know about this company but you’ll have a great time!
In-House in Houston
OP here….that’s what I thought too! On our first trip, why not do it this way. We can always go back and spend more time in the city we liked the most! Thanks!
Lilly
Group tours are not my jam, I prefer to park in one place and go deep. However, I don’t know why people are being so snotty about this. It’s a matter of preference, and often, practicalities. OP, I hope you go and have a wonderful time! And to some of the rest of you: I’ve got my regular handle attached to what I’m saying. if you are going to hide behind Anon with your snotty comments, don’t bother replying to me. I won’t read them.
Ellen
This BODEN dress is very pretty, Kat! Great pick! I do have to lose a few pound’s to look good in this, and I am happy that the rear zipper is concealed, though that will NOT stop Frank from trying to unzipp me (in a joking way). I know that if I let him proceed to do it, he would NOT do it b/c he know’s it is wrong, but since I always protest before he can do much unzippeing, he does get away at least with his attempt to do something he knows is disrespectful of me, and for that matter, his wife, and ALL women! FOOEY on him! But as I have told the HIVE before, I am powerless to do anything about it b/c the manageing partner knows Frank is NOT serius, and also that he would NOT do anything–in the manageing partner’s words, Frank is a toothless tiger”. Even if this is true, I do wind up looking silly trying to evade his greazy fingers trying to unzipp me to see what bra I have underneathe! DOUBEL FOOEY! I am a profesional, but even if I were NOT, NO MAN should be abel to do this (other then my HUSBAND–if I can ever find one). TRIPEL FOOEY!
What's your type?
Trying to find the easiest way to get my blood type – I am not a fan of needles, so I’m sure if I donated that would be an option, but I’m looking to see if there are any alternatives. My dr said they would charge an outrageous amount since it’s not something covered by insurance. I tried one of those home kits but the results were inconclusive. Any thoughts/ideas?
Nerfmobile
well, they check your blood type when you are pregnant to see if you are likely to have Rh compatibility issues, but that seems a bit drastic. I remember in high school biology we tested our blood types – it just needs a little finger prick – so kits must be available somehow that aren’t very expensive. Hmm, yes, a quick google reveals blood type test kits on Amazon for under $10. Look there.
Nerfmobile
Sorry, missed the part where you said you already tried a kit. Google also says that CVS pharmacies will do it for $35?
Anonymous
What are your parents? If they are both rH negative, you will be, too (or you will have found an explosive family secret).
My parents are both A negative. So am I, but I guess I could have been O negative.
Are you just curious? If you need to know for some reason, then you need to know with accuracy and a quick blood test will tell you. No one is really a fan of needles, but this is not bad as needles go.
I need to know b/c my husband is positive (for rH incompatibility for any pregnancies). My children are all positive (it would have been important to tell girls early if they are negative and why this matters (never hide a pregnancy if you got pregnant in high school, etc.)).
Anon
I’m TTC, so not pregnant and in my WTF appointment with the fertility doc (WTF meaning why am I still not pregnant) they ran blood work, including my blood type and that was covered by my insurance.
Anonymous
I had fertility testing cause I wanted a sense of where things stand (single, 34, want kids, considering doing it alone and wanted to know if the testing revealed a problem/concerns that would impact the timeline). They told me my blood type and insurance covered it
Anonymous
And I meant to add, I’m surprised your insurance won’t cover it. If you have a real reason to know, that seems like a simple test
Anonymous
It sounds like she’s just curious though. I can see why insurance won’t cover it if there’s no medical reason. I would think it would be in your medical records somewhere though. Most people have had blood drawn at some point in their lives and it’s one of the most standard blood tests.
Anonymous
We did blood testing in HS biology class (only I got the rH factor wrong on me). It can’t be that hard if you could get a testing kit.
Anonymous
Donate blood! They will give you your blood type and sometimes basic parameters (iron, etc.) of your blood.
anon
If you are getting other blood work (e.g., annual physical) they can often throw it in and get it covered by insurance.
Costa Rica
Does anyone have experience with any all inclusives on the beach in Costa Rica? We are going to spend some time in the Arenal area first, but want to spend part of our vacation relaxing with everthing taken care of. Thanks!
Anonymous
Can you share some thoughts and recommendations on different meditation apps?
Anon
Not OP, but also recommendations on when/how you use them. I downloaded the Headspace app in Dec but have yet to use it, partly because I’m not sure if I should be sitting on the couch/in a chair, on the bed, on a yoga mat, etc.
BeenThatGuy
I use Headspace and I don’t think it matters at all where you sit. If you’re physically comfortable, it makes no difference. Also, I’d suggest using it in the morning. It’s a great way to start the day off right. But if you can only sneak it in on a lunch break, at your desk, that’s good enough too.
Baconpancakes
I use headspace – they actually do give you directions in their intro! (Chair unless you’re used to/comfortable sitting cross-legged.)
Anon
Thanks, I guess I just need to try it. I had been a little intimidated about the whole process :)
Baconpancakes
I really like that they start you very slow – only 3 minutes at a time!
Good luck!
Sloan Sabbith
I am not good at meditating and I really like Headspace.
Fishie
No such thing as “good at meditating!” I thought that too but then when I lapsed I realized it had been making a noticeable (positive) difference in my anxiety/anxious thoughts/stress/everything. To be corny, that’s why it’s called “practice.”
Fishie
Also, I use insight timer. It’s free and has bunches of all kinds of guides including ambient music and sounds.
Anon
I also really like Headspace. For the posted above who said she hadn’t started because it seemed intimidating, Andy (the guy who guides the Headspace meditations) does a really nice job making it pretty easy and approachable.
I meditate for 10 minutes/day, usually after lunch because that’s when I feel like I need to be sort of re-centered. I like that Headspace has different packs, too, so meditations with different areas of focus. I’ve been dealing with chronic headaches, so right now I’m working through the pack of pain management. It’s nice.
Anonymous
I like Headspace far and away the best. (Particularly the creativity pack.) Worth the money. I don’t consider myself to be good at meditation but it’s non-judgmental and comforting and the introductory cartoons are cute.
Scarlett
I like Insight timer – lots of programs to choose from (I like people talking me through them) and easy to use
Anonymous
Not an app, but I really like the compassion meditation from UC Berkeley before sleeping. You can stream the audio from their website.
Lobbyist
I use Calm. It has a daily 10 minute mediation that changes every day and a big library of other stuff. And you can try some for free.
Fishie
I like insight timer. Free with guided meditations to get you started if you need it or music, sounds, or a straight up timer that you can set to end your meditation with a gong or a chime or whatever, or add sounds like rain or other stuff.
If you want a book, try 8 minute meditation. It’s an extremely practical intro to meditation without too much touchy feely stuff. The author is a lawyer IIRC.
Anon
Boy I was really confused. I know this place leans lawyer and I thought you were talking about mediation apps. I was wondering how that worked….
New Tampanian
Love love love headspace. Andy’s voice is perfect. Start with their 10-day program (basics) and then go up to basics 2. (all included in subscription).
Typically, I do it first thing in the morning (or at least that’s my new year’s resolution), on my couch. I alternate between legs crossed or regular sitting. Yesterday, however, I did it twice. Once first thing and then I did one of the “SOS” ones as I had a bit of an anxiety attack. Those three minutes really did help ease it.
Traveller
For those that like Headspace, note that they have a special going on right now for 40% off the 1yr subscription. $58 instead of $96. I think it expires end of Jan.
New Tampanian
gah! my subscription just renewed too!
Shopaholic
I really like 10% Happier. It’s based on a book about meditating for skeptics so I feel like it’s pretty realistic about the difficulties of meditation and it’s been relatively easy for me to use.
sfbae
i also do like headspace, but just to throw some variety out there (since you need to pay for headspace after a certain amount of time? or bundles??) i also really like the oprah + deepak choprah meditation set which is on an app and sometimes they do free challenges but i also pay for it and i really enjoy both oprah’s voice and deepak’s bits of talking for each guided meditation. i also like kristen neff’s kindness loving meditations which are free on her website. my therapist recommended the latter 2 which are not as popular/easy to find just from googling.
Anonymous
I feel like I’m in upsidedown land. Our president told my boss yesterday that my group is experiencing a process problem and that it’s because of a member of my team, who the president referred to as “the weak link”. Our president then asked if a former member of my team could be brought back on board because she did an excellent job. I moved that former member to a new role because SHE was the weak link. The new member of the team is solid. My boss tried to set things straight with our president but said it’ll be hard because once he loses trust, it’s hard to gain back. Is this just the nature of in-house work and working for a large complex organization? I feel like I never experienced these types of issues at the firm. Everyone generally knew who was performing and who was not.
Anon
I am a consultant and I have definitely had issues where a client gets a false bad impression of a team member and it can be very, very hard to change. I think it’s normal that the president doesn’t have a strong handle on how people are performing depending on how far down the chain your team is but then it also doesn’t seem appropriate for the president to suggest team member changes. Do you think there is a process problem and if so, what’s the real source? Can you address that and then check back in with the president once the issue is resolved or is s/he pushing for the change?
Anon
My guess is that the former team member bent the president’s ear and wants her job back.
Anon
Yeah this was my thought too.
Overcommitted Ladies and Working Out
Does anyone here workout during the day at a gym near their office?
I’m thinking of joining one that’s a quick walk from my office so that I can get my workouts in when the early afternoon slump hits me, and then I’ll work later, or from home (we are very flexible in terms of facetime). I’m most definitely not a morning workout person (I have better success getting into the office earlier than working out in the morning).
I’m hoping it’s more efficient than trying to grind through a really long day only to come home and have to grind through a workout. I train for events and races so my workouts are often intense which is hard to do at 8pm. I just don’t know if I will end up being able to pull myself away from the office during the day.
If this is something you do, do you find it helps your productivity?
Anonymous
I tried it and felt like I didn’t give it my all if I worked out mid day b/c I have long hair (I know, so lame of an excuse) but getting presentable again was a time suck (and not optional). It was better for me to work out at home pre-shower or post-work-day. If I have a lull at work I do some stairs or go for a quick fast walk.
Overcommitted Ladies and Working Out
Sometimes a little sweat/salt actually makes my hair look better :). But good point to consider.
BB
+1 this is why I never use the gym at work. I sweat a lot when I work out. I’d have to shower and re-apply makeup to go back to work.
Overcommitted Ladies and Working Out
Hmm I often don’t wear makeup- or just super minimal to cover a blemish or two. I’d put my hair in a bun after…but I do worry this might be a big time suck.
Anonymous
so jealous….. !
Ah, to be young, and have good skin and hair.
yes please
I’m like you: no make-up or fancy hair. I do high-intensity workouts that involve more strength building than cardio, so I don’t sweat much. The gym is in my building, so I just leave my desk for about 40-50 minutes. It’s really nice for breaking up the day.
You asked about productivity: I doubt the midday workouts increase my productivity. I think I have some form of ADHD and nothing but urgent deadlines can increase my productivity. But at least the workouts don’t decrease it, and they provide other benefits too. Give it a try! If you hate it, you can stop.
anon
This is exactly why I don’t workout during the work day. I do not want to get ready again.
Anon
Yeah, I don’t like getting ready twice. It’s already a drag getting ready once in the morning so I either workout before that or before bed when it doesn’t matter.
Anonymous
This is my issue. I also have to wait a while before showering to cool down so I don’t get all sweaty again after the shower.
Anon
Same. Plus my face tends to get super red while I work out, and stay that way for at least an hour after. When I was in high school with gym class in the middle of the day, I always got funny looks from people who thought I must be sick or dying because of how long it took my face to settle down after exercise.
Cornellian
I belong to the gym downstairs from my building. I don’t do very intense workouts most of the time, but I like going in the mid afternoon or after work. If I know I’m coming back to work late, I just dry off and get dressed, I don’t care what my hair/makeup looks like after 7 PM.
One thing I have found NOT to work is to work out here and then go home. I end up going home, showering, and slumping in to bed. I have to come back upstairs after.
Anonymous
Everyone I know who works out at lunch loves it. Theyre all guys though who can do the 1 min shower post workout.
Anonymous
We used to call putting on more deodorant the “express shower” or the “executive shower” for the lunch workout crowd.
It is easier when you are a guy with short hair (man-bun men, YMMV). I think with women, it just takes more time.
Baconpancakes
I tried it when we had a gym literally in my office building, and it still didn’t work for me. I felt energized, but it took so long to feel like I was presentable, it ended up taking a bigger chunk of my day than was practical. There’s a woman in my office who goes for a run around 2pm every day, though she is visibly flushed for a good deal of the afternoon and you can tell her hair wasn’t washed, but it doesn’t seem to bother her, so if it won’t bother you, try it and see if it works!
Anonymous
I tried this for a while. It was great on the days it worked out for me. I’d walk for 30 mins – an hour; nothing too strenuous because I didn’t want to be sweaty but it was a great way to add something to my day that I wouldn’t have done otherwise. It improved my mood and energy for the afternoon too.
I stopped for a couple of reasons that probably have more to do with me than with this plan generally. I’m very much a creature of habit. It takes a lot of mental energy to do something that’s not part of my routine. So when work was slow I was great about going to the gym, but when it was busier I pretty much stopped, even if there were some days that I probably could’ve gone. The other piece of that is probably anxiety-related – I pressure myself to go but I worry so much that I MIGHT not be able to go that I give up and don’t go. And then I have a guilt spiral about not going. I think I must dislike uncertainty so profoundly that trying to leave the office mid-afternoon stressed me out way more than it should have.
Anonymous
I do, and I love it when I can do it; but I’m in a corporate law practice that has a lot of noon calls, so it can get difficult… but I wash and air dry my hair and I have the fast shower DOWN. :)
Anonymous
I’ve had success working out mid-workday in two scenarios.
First, when I was in a Biglaw M&A/securities transactional practice, I was able to train for long running races by going out for 3-4 mile runs at around 5:30 after the calls stopped and then working until later at night in my running clothes. I imagine going to the gym at that time would have worked equally well- though it would take a little more time to walk to and from the gym.
Second, after I moved to a different role that didn’t have many meetings, my company had an onsite gym. I had great luck going to mid-day classes and showering afterwards. I sweat a lot, so I had to shower but didn’t dry my hair. All in, the gym plus shower plus grabbing a cafeteria lunch took close to an hour and a half. No one cared. My reputation might have taken a slight hit for walking around with wet hair, but I’m low maintenance/lazy so it’s not like I look particularly polished even when I walk through the door in the morning. I was in the best shape of my post-childbearing life during this phase, and I made connections at the gym who have been incredibly helpful for my professional life.
Anonymous
I love mid-day work outs and it does help my afternoon productivity. However, I can also get a little productivity boost from a short walk if I need it.
The only way my mid-day run works is get my shower, hair, and make up routine down to 15 minutes. I have a pixie, so that helps. I would much rather work out in the am, but my schedule current prevents that. Even with a short routine my 45 minute run ends up taking 1.5 hours out of my day due to driving, getting changed, etc. My boss is ok with this. I make up the time.
I think you should try it and see if you can work it in. Someone above mentioned she didn’t like getting ready twice. That is partially true. But I also feel like a midday shower is just lovely and indulgent. Then again, I have two toddlers so my idea of lovely might be off.
C2
I run over to my gym for spin or a strength class at noon any day that I’m working from home. I’m usually pretty productive afterwords and find that it helps me avoid an afternoon slump – but only if I get a filling, high-protein lunch in immediately after class. If not, I get hangry and unproductive.
Altering MMLF
I am a pear. I have a dress (Aditi?) that is roomy on top. I usually wear it with a jacket so it’s not much of an issue, but to wear sans jacket I was thinking of taking it in under the arms (on the seam that goes down to the waist seam).
Has anyone else done this? I don’t want to ruin the lines that are great otherwise.
Anon
Go to a good tailor. They’ll take care of it and make the dress look better than it does now.
Katie
Yes, this is absolutely doable – I have it done on many of my dresses.
Anonymous
Yup, I have.
Make sure you use a good tailor though. And I encourage you to not take it in too much the first time you attempt this. My tailor initially gave me the ultra-tailored look, which I didn’t care for, hugging every curve (or lack of curve). I felt like it emphasized my pear shape too much (ultra-small top, big bootie). This was with a sheath type dress. Less of an issue if the skirt has a bit of a flare.
Anon
Slightly off-topic, but why are sheer blouses (with an appropriate camisole) not work appropriate? I love them and would have a closet full of them if I could find more.
Anonymous
I don’t think they’re inappropriate. Maybe it just depends on the office. If the office is very conservative then anything other than traditional opaque fabrics may be a no go.
Anonymous
Is just wearing a camisole appropriate? If not, why would a see through layer make it better?
Anonymous
This. This is how you know if your top is sheer leaning towards opaque or just plain too sheer.
Anonymous
Because its a whole other layer of fabric? It’s not invisible, it’s just not completely opaque. What is the rationale for just a camisole (or just a tank top) being inappropriate? Are those concerns addressed by wearing another layer of fabric?
OP, if you like and don’t feel out of place wearing it at work, then do it.
Anon
I have a sheer blush blouse in a very ladylike style – pintucks down the front, high neck, buttoned cuffs – and I wear it with a nude camisole and it’s completely work appropriate. I think it helps that it’s not sheer-sheer, more like 50% sheer, so that you don’t see CAMISOLE when you look at me, ya know?
Anon
OP here. Yes, that’s what I meant be sheer blouses: the kind that are about the blouse more than the camisole.
anon
Agree. My office is business casual and I’m one of the more conservatively dressed women and I think blouses like this are fine. Maybe just don’t wear a hot pink camisole under a whiteish shirt. And yes, as always, know your office.
Baconpancakes
I think if it’s a blouse that’s a little translucent, it’s fine, like most white or light-colored poly blouses. I wear a camisole with those to avoid showing the silhouette of my bra. If it’s a blouse that you could read through, it’s too sheer.
Baconpancakes
Top two, ok: http://thestylespy.com/2011/01/sheer-passion/
Not ok (but super cute for sexy date night): http://www.burdastyle.com/blog/1-pattern-3-looks-convertible-sheer-blouse
tesyaa
I agree. I also think it’s different summer vs. winter. You’d wear a lightweight fabric normally in the summer, and some are a little see through which is why the camisole. Wearing a very lightweight fabric in winter, even with the cami, seems somewhat out of place.
NOLA
I had a young supervisee who would wear a sheer peachy blouse to work – at first with nude underneath and it was completely not obvious and looked appropriate. Then, she started wearing it with a hot pink bra underneath and a matching jacket, which made it clear that she was intending for the bra to be seen. I usually stay hands-off about what people wear, but that was too far for me and I told her that, while she looked adorable in it, it was not appropriate for our workplace. She seemed stunned. Then again, when she submitted her resignation, she wore a septum nose ring and dyed her hair green for that last month. Oh well…
Scarlett
In light of yesterday’s can the less conservative people speak up, I’ll bite here – know your office. Where I work, these are fine and I wouldn’t bat an eyelash or clutch a pearl. If you’re somewhere quite conservative or there’s a real dress code, different story. I don’t think there’s as many rules these days in a lot of places about what is or isn’t okay at work. Bear in mind I’m in the least conservative part of the US where piercings, colored hair, etc are all just fine.
Anonymous
Great to get some different perspectives. Do you mean sheer as in ‘can see camisole’ would be okay or sheer as in ‘can see bra’ would be okay?
Scarlett
I’d say can see camisole as not even hitting the radar / totally fine. Can see the bra, probably won’t get you sent home or anything, but I’d think twice (but again, in some offices here if it’s on trend that’s better than professional (I’m an old, so If it’s a trend, it’s one I’ve missed).
Scarlett
Ps – I’m talking offices in general and I really mean “know your office”, I can’t see certain looks flying at law firms or other conservative industries but not everyone works in those places.
Anonymous
That’s pretty much where my office would fall.
We don’t really do ‘sent home’ unless it’s completely egregious like intentionally visible underwear. (hot pink bra above might qualify as that’s clearly intended to make underwear seen) vs. someone who wore a nude for the bra under a similar coloured blouse and the bra was more visible than they might have expected. Client facing/repeated wear might raise some eyebrows through.
Rainbow Hair
I was noticing the outfit of a woman I was working with, like with a critical eye (because she had to publicly present something and I was advocating against the people who wanted her to wear a suit, ha is this a trend with me?) and she tends to wear dark blouses with a small pattern (usually floral) over skirts or pants. The blouses are a tiny bit sheer and loose fitting, and whatever she wears underneath it makes it perfectly appropriate for work — anyway, I convinced everyone that her work uniform was AOK and no changes were needed. So tally my perspective under “perfectly appropriate for work.”
Flats Only
Because the message you’re sending with a sheer blouse, even with a camisole, is “Hey, look, you can see through my shirt! Who knows what you might see if you look closely!”.
Anon
Disagree. It depends on the shirt. I have a beautiful white silk blouse that is sheer due to the thin silk material. I get tons of compliments on it when I wear it at work. It looks like it is clearly intended to be workwear. FWIW I usually wear a light beige tank underneath which is pretty much nude for me.
Anon
OP here. I have a gorgeous ivory silk tunic that came with a matching camisole, and I just cannot fathom why it isn’t professional. But some people seem to think it’s not right.
I also have some wrap-style blouses that need a camisole… are those also unprofessional because maybe the wrap will move?
I have fairly boring and conservative standards, but struggle with why this is a problem.
Anon
I would say trust your instincts if you are generally comfortable dressing professionally. If it turns out you’re uncomfortable, don’t wear it again.
By the way I also love wrap shirts and dresses and wear them to my biglaw office regularly. I wear a camisole almost every day regardless of the type of shirt or dress because I find them to be comfortable.
Anon
Bingo.
Ayr pants?
Does anyone have any experience with Ayr pants or jeans and how they fit? I’m looking at their Arrow pants because of the “premium Swiss equestrian fabric” that doesn’t bag or stretch. They have a lot of high waist options which is a plus for me. Worth the price? I’m 5’4″ and my biggest pants fit problem is waist gap and enough room for my thighs when the waist fits; Madewell high rise (10″) skinnies are the best jeans fit I’ve had in years. TIA if anyone has any info.
ANON
I’ve ridden horses my entire life and own my own, and I have no idea what “Swiss equestrian fabric” is.
Older moms
I had kids late — late 30s/cusp of 40. My husband is 5 years older than me.
I just realized that we will be retirement-aged when our kids are in college (counting back from why I’m not saving many baby things — if my girls have kids at 30, I will be about 70 and may be in a retirement home by then).
At any rate, if anyone is living this now, what sort of financial decisions should I be making now so that the math works out? My husband is overjoyed to think that he is retirement-eligible in 10 years (he is in a high-stress job non-lucrative job now and needs to switch at some point so he doesn’t have a heart attack; he should dial back so he can work at something maybe so he can keep working 15 years).
Are colleges even used to retired parents (not grandparents)? I love to think that we’ll have the luxury of time (something we don’t have now). I can think of one friend who had parents who became university employees where their children went to school (probably for the benefits, but many college towns are in LCOL / MCOL cities and have so many cultural benefits that it might make sense for younger retirees who still want to work at something just not kill themselves).
Anonymous
No financial advice but I just wanted to say I’m expecting my first child any day now and my 69 year old mom has been super involved and couldn’t be more excited to be an active, involved grandparent. She loves to travel and is already talking about vacations she and I and her granddaughter can take in a year or two when the baby is a little older. Lots of 70 year olds are not in retirement homes!
And I love that my parents gave me lots of clothes and books from my baby years. Save the baby stuff for your girls, if you move into a retirement home before they have kids you can alaways give it away then (or they may want to take it even if kids are a ways away). I owned my own home at 25 and would have accepted baby stuff then if my parents were downsizing even though I didn’t get pregnant until 34.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, I’m laughing my head off at being in a retirement home at “about 70.” My husband just turned 70 and last summer he rode his bike all up and down the hills in Crete and left me in the dust. And he’s still working and cycling every week and… no retirement home for him!
I'm Just Me ....
My parents were retired when my sisters and I were in college. They retired the year my older sister graduated from high school.
I will retire while my youngest is still in college, but he’s already started, so my retirement and his college years will only overlap a few months.
Anonymous
How does that work for financial aid / financial planning?
If my kids go to state U, we could probably work PT and swing it (I assume that our house will be paid off by then or we will sell it and move to a lower-cost option (either current city downsizing to a smaller place or moving to a lower-cost area)). I know my retirement income won’t be $0 but it will be much smaller, based on the hope of getting some sort of retirement jobs so as to draw less from savings.
Anonymous
You save up if you plan to pay for college.
I'm Just Me ....
When I was the student it was financial aid, — including merit aid for all of us — but college costs were much lower, my parents were retired and had 3 daughters in school at the same time.
For my children, I saved the money for their undergrad days starting with the day we conceived. It was X amount in college savings and Y amount into retirement savings on each and every paycheck.
I’m not sure how else it’s supposed to work.
Anon
A retirement home at 70? Are you anticipating health issues where you won’t be able to live on your own? I don’t understand this at all.
tesyaa
+1 my parents are 94 and 83 still living totally independently
Anonymous
Most retirement homes have a section for independent living, which isn’t unpleasant or costly. My parents might move into one in their early 70s but it would be purely for convenience and the social aspects, not because they can’t live independently. The odds are really low that you’ll be in assisted living (which is where the bills really pile up) at 70.
Anonymous
My mom is 64 and still working. I work with a consultant who is in her 70s. I think that unless you have health risks/problems, a home at 70 is pretty unlikely. People are living longer and working out of necessity or enjoyment.
Older moms
I guess I meant one of the “55 and better” places that I’m now getting mailers from. Takes my ego down a peg just to get the mail some days.
I never thought about retirement homes (or any flavor), but my grandmother is still alive and most recently went straight from her house of 50+ years to a nursing home. It was good that she was on her own and in her home, but in retrospect, I think that taking babysteps would have been better (forced downsizing and letting go of things; easing into one-floor living and no exterior maintenance; going from a multi-story house to an single-level house to an apartment to an apartment in a senior-oriented development, etc.). She is now brokenhearted to know that she is never going “home” and has entered “waiting to die” mode, which is just awful. Had she moved earlier, she might have treated this almost like a dorm where some of her friends are.
At any rate, that is a very different topic. But I don’t see that I’d stay in our current house once we have kids who aren’t using the local schools (good schools, so house is more expensive b/c of that; would be good to downsize for that reason alone).
Anonymous
As an aside, no…. your grandmother would never feel like moving to a Nursing Home is like moving into a dorm with her friends. The transition to a Nursing Home is pretty uniformly awful, and often more so when you are cognitively intact so you are aware of this transition even more acutely. I am sure any contact from the outside world for her keeps her going. Hopefully, someone will speak up to her doctor and have them consider treating her depression. It really helps, actually.
I’m a physician, and in my area the Nursing Homes are just really poor. Even the “nicest” ones that cost $10-15k per month in my major metropolitan city. I mean…. how nice can they be when you have to share a room with someone else, where you often don’t even have a closet to put your things. You give up almost everything…. your possessions, your freedom, your life….. Sickness and death are everywhere.
It is really smart of you to think about downsizing early. That is my plan as well.
Baconpancakes
I think there’s a disconnect here – I know that a “nursing home” is a very specific type of residential arrangement, and since you work in medicine, you do too, but most people think “nursing home” means any kind of senior living situation.
My SO’s grandmother lives in a very nice facility with the full spectrum, from independent 55+ apartments to a long term care ward. She definitely treats it like a dorm with her friends, partially because she moved into that facility specifically because her church friends were moving there. They have movie nights, cocktail nights, book clubs, multiple denominations of religious services, and casino nights.
My aunt lives in a much less nice assisted living facility but still enjoys her life there, and spends a lot of time just hanging out with the other ladies there. She runs the bingo club, attends services, and spends a lot of time decorating her apartment. She didn’t downsize at all -went straight from her house to this apartment to get care for my uncle, who has since died. When we asked if she wanted to find another facility, since she didn’t need the on-call nursing aides, she said no, because she likes having her friends around.
Anon
Agree with the doctor. My mom spent her last year in a nursing home. I think that had a lot to do with it being her last year. Depressing place but she needed the care.
Older moms
I’ve started lobbying my parents (late 70s/80s) to consider leaving their remote Vermont country house (2 plane trips for me to get to) and consider downsizing to an apartment in my city just b/c if something were to happen abruptly in the next 5-10 years, I couldn’t easily help them easily, they need to stay spry to make this work (and be able to drive), etc.
I want them to take the baby steps my grandmother didn’t. I think it was an eye-opener for us that there is a downside to aging in place — the possibility sudden, and unplanned-for end and it’s aftermath.
When you’re in your 80s, at least call the gutter people to clean the second-floor gutters; you don’t need to be doing that. Or better yet: apartment.
Anonymous
To Baconpancakes.
Physician here – I was responding directly to the post above mine, where the OP was discussing her grandmother moving directly into a Nursing Home. Nursing Home. You are speaking about different scenarios.
Anon
oh woah woah woah, a 55+ community isn’t a retirement home! You will most likely be in a 55+ community, as they are awesome, gated, and typically low-tax. My ILs moved there the day my husband moved out :)
If they need care of any kind, it has to be in-home nursing or they’ll go to an assisted living or nursing home type setup. Their community is all about golf, gardening & snowbirds that want a gated community that can watch their house while they jet-set.
Retired parents
I have a ninth grade daughter (15 year old) and know a handful of retired parents of HIGH SCHOOL children. I also know the same number of parents who are past retirement age and still working. The first scenario often involves people who married, had children later in life or had many children and were employed in an industry or by a company offering a pension benefit. In the cases I can site, the second scenario involves men raising another set of children with a second or third wife.
It seems like so much fun to be retired with children in college! If all goes according to plan, I will still be working until my daughter is at least 27.
Anon
If you had you last child at 40 won’t she be done with college when you’re 62? That’s not really a normal retirement age. 65 is traditional and the normal is being pushed to 67 as people live longer. If you want to retire early that’s fine but I don’t think colleges are going to give you a break on financial aid just because you made a choice to retire young.
Older moms
I think that my husband will be retired (and with a retired (or semi-retired) spouse, I may downshift a bit or need to adjust to my eventual retirement (move, go PT, etc.). I am in a high-stress job now (although handling the stress much better than he is) and trying to transition a bit now, career-wise.
I think that things have a shelf life, sort of like if you are in the NFL now (and make good $), you know you’ll likely have 4 good years before it’s time to do something else (that probably entails both a move and a downward shift in income). I don’t think that people expect people to stay in that but it’s great it if works out. The only people I know with high-schoolers who are retired now are retired military or police (and they often do something as a second career since many of them are only in their mid-late 40s) (surely no one expects them to unretire b/c their kids are younger).
But I’m not trying to just quit work to get aid for my kids. I’m trying to make sure I get my ducks in a row now while aiming for a PT encore career that can avoid having to draw down assets until late (my family lives into their 90s, so something sustainable like maybe working at a university / teaching / etc. would work; and if you’re semi-retired, maybe you are the one person for whom being an adjunct professor would be OK financially).
Anon
I think in this case, you save a lot now so you can afford to downshift as you age (which makes total sense). Make smart life choices like really looking at what you can/want to contribute to college and set those expectations. Budget and save accordingly. Then don’t feel bad when your teen wants to go to Fancy Sleepaway Camp all summer and you send her to the [totally fine and fun] YMCA sleepaway camp instead.
Anon
I don’t think the answer to this is crazy complicated–if you want to retire when you are going to need to be making major cash outlays for your kids’ college, then you either need to save like crazy now, or continue working. Just being retirement eligible doesn’t mean that it’s time to retire. It just means you’re eligible. Alternately, you could just not pay for your kids’ college, or pay less.
I would be very clear with your kids, in advance, about what amounts or types of college you’re willing to cover, and how much, and that the rest will be on them for loans. Yes to State U, no to paying for fancy private college. You certainly can retire when your kids are in college and expect your kids to shoulder more of the burden, but as you said, this takes more planning and will affect your child’s career choices, for good or for bad (artist waiting tables /=/ pay $1K a month in loans, CS major = pay $1k/month in loans).
You might want to see a fee-only financial planner (search the CFP website for recs in your area) to model out costs. It might be that continuing to work through the time your kids finish college will substantially change your retirement outcome. I am sure there are online calculators at places like Fidelity too, to model this out. GL!
Anon
So many of us are in that situation. My husband is older than me and would like to retire before my first even starts college. The key is to save now and do not count on any current income to help with college expenses.
And 70 is way to young to think about retirement home care unless you’re chronically ill.
Anon
My husband was an only child. He was born when his dad was 44 and his mom was 35, so when he went to college his dad was retired for 10 years, and his mom was working part-time in a retirement-path jobshare sort of deal.
They paid for DH’s tuition in cash, and as soon as he graduated my MIL retired (age 58). They sold their family home while he was in college, and it had exploded in value over the years–otherwise, the plan was for MIL to continue working until she was 65.
I would absolutely ensure you have adequate live and long-term disability insurance. You should also talk to your kids early about expectations for paying for college– by 9th grade, they should know if they need to work their butts off for merit scholarships, if they are taking out loans regardless, etc.
FWIW MIL and FIL are now 70 and 80, and in pretty darn good health. Though they’ve both lost friends that were in their 60s, so it can absolutely happen.
Anon
While I agree with the rest of your advice, please do not tell your 9th graders that they need to work their butts off for merit scholarships. Those are very few and far between and for many students, no matter how hard they work, out of reach. We already have a major crisis of depression and anxiety among high school aged children and this type of pressure does not help and tends to backfire. Also, the schools that offer merit-based scholarships that actually cover a substantial share of college expenses are often not the schools that people want to go to.
Absolutely tell them what they can expect in terms of parental support and explain their options (scholarships, loans, [miminal] money from summer jobs). But please acknowledge the reality that your average college-bound student is not getting merit based scholarships and would not even if they worked really hard.
Anon
I guess what I meant is message to kids that their high school grades matter if they want to go to an expensive private college. I got great grades in high school, but because I wanted to and it was easy, and with no thought of the future. My parents told me as I was getting ready to apply to college that they’d pay for state U only, and anything else was up to merit scholarships/loans on my end. I was like, WTF, maybe I would have tried a little harder on some things if I knew this.
Anon
As someone managing care for a late 60s age parent with a terminal illness who lives in assisted living, my advice would be 1) make the best provisions for yourself financially as you can afford and 2) to get your plans in order and make any necessary moves (like to assisted living/apartment in a retirement community) a bit before you think you need them. As a full adult (with experience managing teams of lawyers in big law), it’s so, so hard to worry about a parent, make arrangements because the parent is too ill to do so, and and deal with issues in caregiving. It would have been so much harder as a college student, both from a practical perspective and from an emotional perspective.
Anonymous
I’d meet with a financial planner about this. If you make enough money to save for college and pay for it in full from designated savings, I’d don’t know that it matters whether one parent retires while kids are in school. But if you hope to qualify for financial aid, you’ll want to understand how retirement income will factor into your eligibility.
Anonymous
I am in graduate school – and past having to take social security. I am also just finishing renovating my home – partly because it desperately needed it but also to include “aging in place” features. Not yet in a retirement home!
regp03
I recently bought the Karel dress from Aritzia and was really impressed that the lining was fully attached and full length and that all exposed interior seams were finished with the French seam technique (https://indiesew.com/blog/how-to-sew-french-seams). I’d like to fill my closet with clothes that have this level of construction; I’m so tired of easily frayed fabrics being serged together with extra narrow seam allowances. I don’t have access to many brands locally, so I’m mostly looking online. Does anyone have recommendations for brands that use these techniques? Is it common with Reiss, Oasis, M.M. La Fleur, Club Monaco, Boden, etc? Anyone know of ETSY stores doing this?
Anonymous
Wouldn’t it be more difficult and expensive to alter a garment with French seams? I love French seams, but I require so many alterations that I’d be worried about buying clothes with French seams.
regp03
I do most of my own alterations, so I can’t speak to price. It takes an extra step to take in French seams, but I wouldn’t say it’s hard (my sewing skills are intermediate at best). I’d say it’s on par with altering flat felled seams, and those are pretty common on men’s shirts.
I think the work is worth the hassle for the higher quality construction.
Anonymous
For knits, I’ve really enjoyed the construction and drape of the St John Sport pieces I’ve bought second hand.
Anonymous
Also, maybe check out L K Bennett?
regp03
Oh that’s a nice recommendation. I always forget about them.
Anon
My tailor charges a ton to alter these types of seams. Like $20-30 even to take it in a little bit in the bust area.
Anon
I really don’t think that is a “ton”
Rainbow Hair
Oh man my tailor charges like 2x that to shorten blazer sleeves.
What Would You Do?
Credit card debt – yes, I know I’m awful for getting in it in the first place but I’m determined to pay it off this year so looking for some advice and I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone IRL.
I’m almost finished paying off a card with Bank A – I owe $1,600 on a card with a $10,000 limit and should have it paid off by the end of the month. At Bank B, I owe $13,000 on a card with a $15,000 limit. This second card has an outrageous APR and I usually accrue $200-$250 in interest per month. Bank A is offering 12 month 0% APR balance transfers, but won’t raise my limit. Would you pay down the $13k card until you reach $10k and then transfer it over (I prefer to have everything in one place with my checking/savings at Bank A) or would you open another credit line at another bank that’s offering 0% APR balance transfers? I’m hesitant to open another account and I don’t want 3 credit cards. But I’m wondering if it’s worth it to do a balance transfer sooner than later and stop accruing this interest.
Anon
I’ve been there. Transfer the max to Bank A as soon as possible to reduce the time paying interest, then work on paying the remaining $3k on Bank B before switching to paying down Bank A.
Anonymous
WHOA definitely focus on paying off the Bank B, and consider doing a bank transfer to Bank A or a third account.
I (not very intelligently) financed the bar partially with a credit card. To get out of that mess, I opened a new account with a 0% APR balance transfer AND an introductory 0% interest period for 18 months (USAA, for what it’s worth), transferred the balance I owed, and started making regular payments on the USAA card. I finished paying off the amount owed before I started accruing interest in the new account.
ace
Can you focus on extra payments towards Bank B’s card (instead of Bank A’s card) to pay down the worst interest rate? It sounds like you may be using the snowball approach, which is not always the best when the *other* balance has a higher interest rate.
I’d be hesitant to open a third card because I think the temptation would be a problem.
Cornellian
It would be helpful to know if you were concerned about your credit score in the near future, and how much you think you’ll have to pay down debt in this upcoming year.
What Would You Do?
Not overly concerned about my credit score but I’m looking into jobs that require security clearances so don’t want to take a huge hit. I anticipate paying all of it this year. I’m making $2,000 monthly payments.
Anonymous
What I would do is transfer an amount from B to A that you can reasonably expect to pay off within a 12 month period while aggressively paying the remaining balance on B. If you’re paying 24k/year to these cars, you could transfer ~9500 to A (taking into account a 5% balance transfer fee, giving you a total balance of 9,975. That means you need to be making payments of 831.25/mo to pay that off in 12 months. You’ll have 3500 left on B. The first month, pay the minimum on A and put the remainder of the $2,000 towards B. Same with months 2 and the small remaining balance in month 3 (and then in that month, put the remainder of the $2,000 towards A). Then, you can either just transfer that 2k/mo payment to A or spread out the payments more evenly across the remaining months.
What Would You Do?
This is very helpful, thank you!
anon a mouse
Think realistically about how long it will take you to pay down the debt. If you do a 12-month transfer to Bank A and don’t pay it back in that time, the entire year’s interest will hit at once on the entire balance (not just the balance you have left at the end of the 12 months).
I know you said you don’t want 3 cards, but you could also consider looking at a new card that has a longer balance transfer period and then cancelling Bank B. I recently did this to transfer a large balance to a card with a 19-month 0% interest period. (I should pay it off in less than a year but I wanted to give myself some breathing room because life happens.) Nerdwallet has a good roundup of all the different balance transfer promos.
Anonymous
This is not necessarily true. This is common on store credit cards with promos to get you to buy something from them; not common with general balance transfers on a bank credit card.
Anon
I think you’re trying the snowball method, so consider this:
Pay off your Bank A card this month. Move ten grand over to that card from Bank B.
Pay off the rest of Bank B (which is now both your smallest remaining debt and your highest interest debt).
Pay off Bank A.
Anonymous
This.
becca
General rule from my telemarketing days- the trick to balance transfer offers is usually that if you have a balance on the card you’re transferring to, all of your payments for the duration of the promotional balance transfer rate (in your case, one year) will be put toward the transfer amount, so any existing balance you have on card A will continue to accrue interest at your normal rate. So in your case, I would suggest doing the transfer after you have paid the 1,600 at Bank A and have the balance down to under 10k with Bank B (so you don’t transfer right up to your limit) as opposed to opening a third card due to the temptation issue mentioned above. You could also always call Bank B and ask for a lower interest rate, even if you intend to transfer the balance to Bank A in the near future.
Anon
I made a mistake and bought some bedsheets based entirely on appearance, with no regard for quality or anything else. Slept on them last night, and turns out they are crap. Is there any way to soften up scratchy bedsheets?
Baconpancakes
Wash them repeatedly in hot water, heavy duty wash, with fabric softener, and dry them on high heat. Out of curiosity, were they linen sheets? Because that is very common with linen, and they will definitely soften up.
Constant Reader
+1 You can also try those studded dryer balls to soften things up a bit. I had to do this with some terrible IKEA cotton sheets and Baconpancakes is spot on. Prepare for the repeats — took about 5 times in my case.
Anon
No, according to the website they’re 100% cotton. And looking now, the care directions say machine wash cold, line dry. Oops, I may have already run them through the dryer once. Dang!
Anonymous
Try washing them with a cup of baking soda.
Anon
They’ll probably soften up over time as others have said. I like to just wash on hot and add two dryer sheets at first. I also wash with towels as I think that helps them get really dry.
Wrong Mail Q
Apologies if I have asked this here before – I couldn’t remember.
A while back, I started to receive mail for Larry McDonald at my house, moving packets and such – mostly junk mail type stuff. Anything that looks legit, I return to sender. I did not know this person and upon checking my bank accounts and credit report for fraud, found nothing. I called the post office and they put a block on his name for mail to my address. It’s started up again. I check my accounts daily, and regularly log into Credit Karma to keep tabs on whether there are any new accounts being opened fraudulently. Google doesn’t return any hits for Larry McDonald in my area (under the assumption it was a case of a wrong address).
There doesn’t seem to be anything amiss, but I am afraid I am not thinking of something to check. What other reasons could someone be using my address besides fraud or a mistake? What else should I be checking to make sure my identity/credit is safe?
TIA
Anonymous
IDK but following
We get mail for my husband’s ex. It’s weird that her name is associated with us and our house (she has never lived here; they are long-time divorced but have the same name still; I didn’t change my name). Like maybe something is mixed up but maybe she’s trying to open joint accounts with him or use something to open an account we get stuck with.
Anonymous
The junk mail database companies invest a lot in connecting people, sometimes correctly and sometimes not. In the college dorms we had to share mailboxes. I had two friends with the same last name who shared a mailbox, and they would sometimes get junk mail addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Lastname.” Now we get a lot of junk mail for someone with the same name as my husband but a different middle initial, and some from my law school comically addressed to “Mr. Husband and Mrs. Wife Esq.” even though I don’t recall ever giving the school his information.
Scarlett
Probably not – it’s insane how companies can now get lists that include anyone you were ever associated with. I get mail addressed to ex-BFs, people who used to live at my house, etc. agree with others it’s probably someone who used to live there or was associated with someone who did. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Anonymous
I still receive mail for previous owners (like 10 yrs and 2 owners ago previous). Could it be he lived there at one time? Or that someone who did live there was getting his mail for whatever reason?
Anonymous
I get mail for someone who lived in my house almost 20 years ago and then moved out of state. That’s probably what this is.
Anonymous
This. Look at the chain of title on your house and you might see Larry McDonald’s name..
anon
Huh, I get mail for names of folks (I know at least one is a former owner) and I just always assumed it was this and nothing amiss.
Anon
I get mail occasionally still for previous owners, one of whom is deceased.
HSAL
My favorite was for the first 2-3 years that I lived in my new house, I got several magazines from two owners prior to me for 3-4 years. And it wasn’t like they were really long subscriptions, they would have an expiration date and then apparently she was on auto-renewal. It amazed me that someone would not notice auto-renewals for 5-6 years.
Wrong Mail Q
Our online property records go back to 1985 and I am one of four owners between then and present, none of whom are Larry McDonald. That would have been a very sensible explanation, though!
anon
A larry mcdonald may have lived there even if he didn’t own it. I live in an apartment (which is a bit different, of course) and I get mail for so many different people. Especially considering you’ve checked multiple times for fraud, I’d let it go.
Anon
He could have been a renter, maybe?
Maddie Ross
+1. We are technically the second owners of our home, but we randomly get mail for a third individual not in the chain of title. Doing a little digging with our neighbors, it turns out he was a short term renter who was in the property while the actual owners were going through their divorce and both moved out.
Wrong Mail Q
Good points! I found it curious that it didn’t start with the “new move” junk mail until 7 years after I had bought the house! haha
At any rate, the general consensus seems to be NBD. Thanks everyone!
Anon
Hahah I live in Berkeley and my big ramshackle fixer upper house used to be a commune. You would not believe the number of people I get mail for, not to even mention the types of mail I get. I shred it all.
Mary Ann Singleton
Oh hey I used to live in a ramshackle commune in Berkeley. Perhaps you’re getting my mail. Go ahead and shred it. :)
Anonymous
Idk why you are so worried. This isn’t a big deal at all.
Wrong Mail Q
Because there has been some legitimate mail that from outside view only appears could be credit card or financial services related. I am not all that savvy on the ways ID fraud or other fraud can be perpetrated, so just trying to cover my bases. If it were 100% junk mail, I wouldn’t be worried. Of course, it could be, as I am not opening up all of the mail.
Anon
For years I used to get mail for a prior roommate. Like, I had moved across the country from her (east coast to west coast) and still got junk mail for her. And once, a package from Target. Then I moved back across across the country and stilll got junk mail on occasion. I’ve moved 2 more times in the same city and it’s stopped now. I think…
Anon
Has anyone seen olive/khaki jeans anywhere? I saw a woman wearing them on the metro this morning, and they seemed so versatile!
givemyregards
Madewell! I have a pair from there that I love, although it looks like their current offering has a raw hem, which may not be what you’re looking for.
Monday
There’s still a pair in mustard or plum available on sale, lucky sizes! (I am way too up to date on Madewell’s offerings.)
lawsuited
I saw some yesterday at Old Navy.
Fishie
Not jeans exactly but just got a pair of olive cargo pixies from Old Navy (and a brick/saffron color too…so cute!).
Cat
Rag & Bone offered a dark olive pair in the fall – check Nordstrom?
EB sun valley parka
Just wanted to say a big thank you to the reader who recommended the Eddie Bauer Sun Valley parka! I’m 5-3 and around 150 and ended up having to exchange the medium for a petite medium but I got it at half off and it fits great! So much that I’m a little bummed that since it arrived our weather has been on seasonably warm. It is like wearing a stylish sleeping bag. Thanks!
Anonymous
Help! I have way too many clothes cluttering my space. I started thinning my wardrobe last night, but it gave me major anxiety. I have clothes I bought 1-2 years ago and never wore. I started to feel bad about it, although I know that the money is gone, and I should donate a piece if I’m not wearing it. I’m going to look into any local Dress for Success type of nonprofit to feel a bit better about getting rid of perfectly good clothes.
Anyone had luck selling pieces? I don’t have anything particularly expensive, mostly clearance from Macy’s or Nordstrom.
Is it weird to offer gently used/new clothes to friends my size?
Anonymous
Your clothes are not worth money and they aren’t people who deserve your time. Put them in bags. Take the bags to goodwill.
Anon
I don’t think it is weird if you do it casually like “Hey Friend. Cleaning out my closet and I have some new/gently used items I’m about to donate that would look great on you! Let me know if you are interested!” You want to make sure the friend feels like they can refuse/aren’t forced into taking them if they don’t want them and that they won’t hurt your feelings if they turn them down.
Sloan Sabbith
A friend did this to me and said “If you don’t like them, give them back to me, I’ll make the goodwill run so you don’t have to.” It was really the best solution.
C
When I started my first job, a friend who had been working in a similar office for a few years was cleaning out her closet and asked if I wanted first pick before she sold/donated items. For someone just starting out with no professional wardrobe and little spare cash, it was seriously one of the nicest things anyone could have done for me! I spent maybe $50 getting things tailored, supplemented with sale pieces from Target, H&M, etc. and that was my work wardrobe for that first year. Absolute godsend.
anon
I love when my friends let me look through their old clothes! But, FWIW, while i might like it when I’m looking through them at her house, 8 times out of 10, I ended up donating after I try it on. She’s getting rid of it for a reason, and it’s likely the same reason I end up not keeping it.
IHHtown
For unworn clothes of good quality and brand, I’d post them to sell. The others give away to Dress for Success or Goodwill, whichever applies to the piece.
Betterandbetter
I don’t know why it would be weird to offer to friends so yes, do that. I’d be happy to get such an offer from a friend (Actually, I see why it would be weird for someone who was more aquaintancy than friendly.)
Given the choice between donating and selling though – especially for the purposes of purging and getting stuff out of your house I’d pick donating 100%. If you itemize donating is usually worth a lot more than you can sell for anyway and even if you can’t the time suck usually isn’t worth it unless there is a consignment store that will buy it off of you-plus you know, helping people.
PolyD
Is donating still worth it, given the tax changes for 2018?
I regularly bring gently used shoes to my book club and let people take them home. They usually seem pretty delighted about this. I’d do clothing, but our sizes and body shapes vary too much.
Anonymous
I don’t itemize and I donate all the time. It gets the stuff out of my house all at once, instead of taking up brain (and physical) space in my life.
Anon
I donate to Goodwill all the time and have never itemized my taxes. It feels better to me than throwing stuff away and my clothes aren’t fancy enough to make selling them worth my time.
PolyD
I’d still donate, too, but Betterandbetter specifically said “If you itemize donating is usually worth a lot more than you can sell for anyway.” So I was wondering if that still stands, given the tax changes for 2018.
Anonymous
The value of your donations won’t change. The only effect of the 2018 tax changes is that far fewer people will itemize because the standard deduction is going way up. So if you’ll still be itemizing in 2018 the deduction will be exactly the same. If you will no longer be itemizing, then you won’t be able to deduct charitable donations, including clothing.
lsw
I’ve been there. For me, getting them out the fastest was the best. Here are some things I’ve done in the past – take it all to Goodwill and think about how thrilled someone will be to find something nice and awesome, send to ThredUp and not care if I get like $5, give to a friend to sell on Poshmark and tell her to keep anything she wants (this is her side business), take it to a local clothing swap organized with friends.
It was really, really hard for me to try not to “recoup” some costs or something, but in the end, the mental “cost” of having it around was too much.
Anon
For me, deciding whether to sell or give to friends or list on Poshmark or whatever would just give me prices paralysis. I agree with the prior poster. Stick them in a bag and take them to goodwill THIS WEEKEND.
Anon
*process paralysis
Clementine
Remember this feeling when you shop. Don’t buy things just because they’re on sale and don’t shop as a hobby.
And no, it’s definitely not weird to offer nice clothes to friends! I’d probably put pictures on Facebook and offer them to any takers.
Anonymous
You could look to see if there are any consignment shops near you that focus on non-designer brand clothes? There are a handful of stores like this in the DC area. You won’t get much money, but it is better than nothing.
Anon
Definitely not weird to offer to friends! A neighbor of mine graciously gifted me about $3k worth of her clothes – I loved it!!
Rainbow Hair
A friend has given me things from her closet, like, “Hey I know you’ve been really into wrap dresses — I’ve had these two for a few years and I just don’t like wearing them” or whatever… and it’s delightful.
lawsuited
Given that so much of the clothing donated to Goodwill still ends up in a landfill, I try to give things that I won’t use but are unused or in good condition to friends or family members (or friends of friends or friends of family members) who will be able to use them.
Anonymous
I had never hear this. Do you have any info about it? I’m mainly wondering if it is the crap that people give to Goodwill that should really just be thrown out to start with. I have a hard time believing that Goodwill throws out new clothing that is donated there
AnonZ
Another option is Thread Up. I sent them a bunch of clothes a year or so ago and they sorted out what was worth reselling. I didn’t have any of it sent back. I think I made like $50 so it wasn’t a big windfall but made me feel better that some of the perfectly good stuff was getting a second home.
Anonymous
Or try Swap.com. Last time I checked ThredUp wasn’t accepting clothes.
Pesh
There was a discussion a few weeks ago about finding good quality non-wool sweaters, so just wanted to throw a recommendation out there that I stumbled upon! French Connection’s Baby Soft Crew Neck sweaters are amazing! I’ve never shopped that brand before, but this is my Holy Grail sweater! Super soft, warm but thin, not itchy, really flattering cut (not too loose or too fitted). I’ve worn it a few times already and so far no pilling. Haven’t had a ton of luck finding more online, but hoping that’s because they’re just out of the retail season.
Anon
Thanks!
Horse Crazy
I posted this yesterday on the Coffee Break, and I’m trying again here. Any suggestions for a shoe insert (for arch support/comfort) that specifically works well for heeled boots? Thanks!
Anonymous
I bought the “Superfeet Delux Women’s High Heel Arch Support Insoles” a year ago and have been very happy with them. Substantially improved the boots’ walkability.
Minnie Beebe
Since everyone loved yesterday’s bright yellow dress, I thought I’d point you all to a lovely bright yellow dress at Boden (where I was clicking around as a result of today’s post.) It’s not nearly as formal as yesterday’s, but if I could wear yellow, I’d give this one a try. I’m thinking of purchasing it in boring old black, though I’m a bit in love with the hot pink: http://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/womens-dresses/day-dresses/j0134-yel/womens-mimosa-yellow-trinity-jersey-dress
Elegant Giraffe
Very pretty and MUCH more affordable :)
Legally Brunette
I tried this one (and returned it). Note that the yellow is more of a mustard in real life, not a lemon yellow.
Legally Brunette
This is the dress that I have, in yellow. Lucky sizes only left.
http://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/clearance/womens-dresses/jersey-dresses/ww277-yel/womens-mimosa-yellow-alicia-ponte-dress
C
Oh I want this in the green! If only Boden fit me :(
trefoil
OMG that green! Can anyone comment on how the petites fit, especially at the top end?
Boden Petites.
Can’t speak to sizes above 6 or 8, but I can say that I (5’3″ short-waisted hourglassy pear) like their petite dresses a lot. Length (both at hem and waist) works well for me, as does the fit through the shoulders (which is really where my need for a petite shows up).
Parfait
Boden gives exact garment measurements for all sizes, there’s no need to guess.
IHHtown
The navy version kind of looks like a jean dress, I think it’s the bright red piping. I also prefer the white.
Anon
Yes I thought it was denim when I first looked at it
Interview Attire
Any suggestions on the right wording to ask an HR manager what to wear for an interview? Everything I’ve come up with sounds ‘off’. TIA!!
Anonymous
Why do you need to ask? Wear a suit unless you have some specific reason not to. This is not an appropriate question to ask HR.
Pompom
I think a suit is a smart bet in a lot of fields, but I would push back on whether this is an appropriate question to ask HR. I spent a lot of time in HR (I know! I’m the one everyone hates! Sorry!) and we wouldn’t bat an eyelash if someone simply asked “I’m interviewing for XYZ role with XYZ person on Friday; is there anything specific I need to know about the dress code that would prevent me from simply wearing a suit to the interview?” Obviously, you know your workplace and industry, but the OP is clearly questioning hers. That’s ok.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t ask. If people wear business casual, a suit made of separates should work. If they are at all formal, just wear a conservative suit.
OP
Background: I work in the tech industry and while the office dress code appears to be on the very casual side of business casual, the position may include meeting with external customers.
SF in House
As a hiring manager in tech, I would think nothing of this question. In the last few places I have worked, we included a line like “Our dress code is business casual. Feel free to wear the same.” When I interviewed for my current job at a start up, a suit would have been really out of place. So, just send an email that says “what is your dress code for interviewees?”
OP
Perfect – thanks!
Scarlett
+1 – a suit is no longer the default at all & you can look really out of touch assuming that
anon
Yes, DH wore a suit to his interview and apparently everyone thought it was weird. He still got the job and enjoys wearing shorts to work everyday.
Anon too
Exactly what happened to my husband too.
KateMiddletown
Two people in my office (both in their 60s and support staff) leave their text message notifications and cell phone ringtone on SUPER loud. Can I ask them to turn their cell
on silent without sounding like a bitch? At least one employees’ spouse calls multiple times a day on their office phone, too.
Anonymous
They probably don’t even know they can lower the volume on notification & ring tones. I think if you say it the right way, this is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask. But you might also give them the option of lowering the tones, and help show them how.
Anon
Really? I wouldn’t assume they don’t know they can lower the volume on their phones. Maybe they can’t hear it well at a lower volume.
Anon
ETA … doesn’t mean it’s not reasonable to ask them to lower the volume. It just seems like an odd assumption that they wouldn’t even know how.
Minnie Beebe
I don’t know if it’s the right approach or not, but at a prior job in a wide open concept office, I’ve turned off people’s ringers in these situations! One guy in particularly was noisy in general, and would routinely leave his cell phone on his desk when he’d be away from his desk for HOURS. Ringer was always all the way up.
It would get turned off after a few calls, with ZERO F—s given.
Anon
Is anyone doing the bright accessory with neutral outfit challenge today? I want to hear what you came up with. I don’t think I have a bright accessory but I do have some red shoes….
Anon
I think I will do it after all. Neutral two piece outfit (not a sheath dress wearer) with red shoes. No shiny necklace or other contrast piece.
Delli
I did all black (long sleeved shirt, trouser pants) with quilted patent red flats: https://item1.tradesy.com/images/corso-como-patent-leather-red-flats-22197640-0-1.jpg?width=720&height=960.
Sloan Sabbith
Kind of. Black dress, black tights, black boots, black cardigan, bright coral scarf.
Carrots
I don’t get the emails, but I did it unintentionally today. I’ve got a black sheath dress, with black fishnets, black booties, a black and white leopard cardigan and then a bright orange bib necklace.
Anon
Oh I think that is literally the challenge! She mentioned a bright belt or necklace i think.
Never too many shoes...
That sounds like a great outfit!
Nerfmobile
Dark brown pants, brown suede flat Mary Janes, and a fine-gauge short-sleeved sweater in a similar brown, for the neutral. Pop of color is a fuchsia cardigan.
Senior Attorney
That sounds great!
Anon
I did it! I’m wearing a gray dress I normally would wear with a pink cardigan, black belt and black heels. Instead, I’m wearing it with a matching gray cardigan, snakeskin belt & heels, and bright orange Kendra Scott earrings for the pop of color.
not sure
I tried. Black dress, black tights, nude patent leather shoes. I don’t have any bright shoes at work so nude was the only one that “stood out”. I’ve never worn nude shoes with black tights — does this work?
Anonymous
honestly, no.
Senior Attorney
Yes! Black dress, black tights, black jacket, wide-ish leopard calfhair belt. Big fun!
OG OP
I switched from the red shoes (which i felt kind of frumpy in) to a bright scarf at the last minute, based on some of your outfit descriptions, and feel much more fabulous. I’m so glad you all chimed in!
Anonymous
“yearlong solo round-the-world trip” Exactly what I want to do next year – after I finish graduate school at a very advanced age. I would love to hear more!
Anonymous
This was misplaced – it refers to the discussion about the 4 city/countries tour,
Anonymous
Navy, with tiny white spots Talbots “maxi” dress (was a two piece that I had tailored into one), navy Talbots cardigan, navy shoes and tights, and a bright blue and white scarf.
Anonymous
I signed up too late for this week’s, could someone send it to me at lizzyhicken01 at the mail of Google? Many thanks!
Eeertmeert
Want these shoes. So cute!
Anonymous
I feel like this has been asked before, but I can’t find it. Planning a safari for a honeymoon and I’m having a hard time deciding between South Africa or Tanzania. I have several friends that have done South Africa and loved it, but I feel like Tanzania may be more our style, but haven’t been able to find anyone who’s been to get a recommendation. We’re pretty active travelers and prefer to be moving and seeing things most of the day rather than spending a chunk of time lounging at the hotel, and it kind of sounds like mid-day at the South African safaris are pretty loung-y, whereas Tanzania you’re on drives most of the day. And before anyone says “but it’s your honeymoon, you’ll want fancy hotels and to lounge around!,” we’ve been dating over a decade and are well past the needed to lounge on vacation stage:-) Think more “expensive vacation” rather than “honeymoon” vibe in particular.
Anonymous
I have done both but it was in 2000, so obviously my advice is dated. The safari in South Africa was good, but my time in Tanzania was AMAZING! We were always on the road, but it was so worth it and continually saw incredible things.
Anonymous
+1 I’ve also done (in 2010), and if your focus is to see is much as possible, I would go with Tanzania. I did it as a budget trip, so can’t recommend any places
Anon
One of my best friends spent several years living and working in Eastern Africa. She recommends Tanzania as hands down the best place for a Safari to anyone who asks her. I haven’t been, so can’t offer more than her general recommendation.
Anonymous
Thanks! Any particular travel agents/companies you’d recommend for Tanzania?
safari
Piper & Heath has done itineraries in Tanzania and they are wonderful. They’re based in the US now, which is convenient, but one of the owners is from Africa, was a safari guide there for many years and has tons of reputable contacts.
Anon
I haven’t been to Tanzania, but you might want to take a look at Rwanda to see the mountain gorillas and to do a safari in Akagera National Park. I worked there for a while and it looked really easy for tourists to get around in the gorilla sighting region (didn’t make it to Akagera, but heard great things).
Rain Query
OK–I have a really weird question, but the hive is smart, so here goes.
This morning it was pouring in my city.
I am never sure if I should walk slowly and steadily, because then I only get a certain number of raindrops on me, or if I should run and get more raindrops on me in a shorter time.
There must be someone who is good at math (yes, I know, I didn’t give values) or just has common sense that has solved this dilemma. Run or walk? Which is better, dignity aside?
Anon
Less time in the rain means less wet but you’ll fall and break your neck.
Buy an umbrella.
Signed,
A mathematician and a mom
Anonymous
An umbrella.
Anon
The Brits have done the math :) http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-18901072
Anonymous
The question and this link made my day lol.
BeenThatGuy
There used to be a show on TV where these quirky scientists tested this out. The data they collected showed that you got more wet when you run/hustle.
Anon
Mythbusters, right?
waffles
I think the Mythbusters did an episode on this and I seem to remember they determined you’ll get less wet if you walk.
New Orleans!
I am going to New Orleans this week for a training. I am staying at the Embassy Suites on Julia St. (since that is where the training will be.) Any recommendations for walkable restaurants or must-see things nearby? Thanks!
Anonymous
Food: Willa Jean for breakfast/brunch, Cochon, Peche, Compere Lapin, Meril, Domenica. Cafe du Monde for beignets, Mother’s for a crazy toursity lunch experience.
Things to do: WWII museum, walking tour of the the Garden District, Faulkner bookstore in the French Quarter.
Never too many shoes...
St. Louis Cemetary #1. And all the things above.
While it is so panned by so many, take a walk down Bourbon Street and people watch. It is much calmer during the day and in the early evening if you are not into the crazy party scene.
Anonymous
I’m probably overthinking this. Some friends and friends-of-friends host a clothing swap every 6 months or so. I was finally able to attend a swap for the first time. I expected to drop off my stuff, socialize a bit, and leave. I’m trying to get RID of stuff, not collect more stuff. But I felt really pressured to take something with me. It felt almost rude to not take anything. I’m also self conscious about being one of the higher earners in the group; I don’t want to seem like I think their stuff isn’t good enough. I took like 2 things but I really didn’t need them and now they’re in a pile to go to Goodwill, plus I feel guilty that I deprived someone else the opportunity to have those things. Is there a better way to navigate this type of event? Or should I bow out next time?
Anon
I think I’d just say that – I really need to clean out my closet and I promised myself I wouldn’t take anything tonight. Say it like you’re really tempted.
Anonymous
+1
And definitely do NOT start looking through the donated clothing….. and then choose nothing.
Anonymous
The point of a swap is to trade clothes. It’s literally in the name. So yes, it is weird to leave with nothing. Bow out next time.
Elegant Giraffe
Agreed. I think you have to leave something and take something. Don’t attend next time.
Anon
Agreed. Don’t attend if you don’t want to take clothes and don’t take clothes just to donate them to Goodwill.
Baconpancakes
Bow out. Clothing swaps are for people who want more/new clothes but don’t want to pay for them. Maybe you can send your stuff with a friend who is attending so you don’t feel the pressure to take new stuff.
Anonymous
i do what you did. I have no guilt. if it helps my friends get rid of stuff to pretend that it went to friends, I’m happy to play. but that’s also because my MIL regularly takes my donations to her church and goodwill for me.
Nerfmobile
If you have the space, stick the items you took in a corner and take them back the next time.
Anon
I would not do this. I think it’s super rude to whoever brought them initially.
Nerfmobile
Why? It’s a 6 month interval, so it’s not like you are returning it right away. Maybe you got it, wore it some, then decided you were ready for something different. 6 months is a reasonable interval for that.
Parfait
Not rude in my crowd! If someone brought it initially, it was because they thought they would like it and it didn’t work out for them. No shame in the same being true for someone else! I’ve been to long-standing swaps where certain items just keep coming back and going home with someone else. That’s part of the fun.
Never too many shoes...
I totally disagree. I have been going to swaps with my friends for years and am always a net contributor as I want to get rid of things, not get more. Nobody ever says anything.
Also, among our group, it is totally fine to take something and then bring it back next time if it did not fit or just did not work. We have a particular shirt that I think everyone in our swap group has “owned” at one time.
Boden Sample Sale - Boston Feb 3
Posting for Boston
Boden’s Sample Sale is Feb 3rd at Hynes Convention Center at 10am! Get your shop on!
http://www.bodenusa.com/magazine/competitions.html?subpageCB1=3
anon
Boo, this is the first time I wish that I could be in Boston in February.
Anon
Woot-woot!
Anonymous
Anyone used spirolactone for adult acne? I have a prescription but my dermatologist really made me mad on this last visit by blaming everything on my Mirena. I’m actually under the impression that the Mirena doesn’t circulate hormones throughout your bloodstream like a birth control pill, it’s just localized in the uterine lining, and I don’t notice the breakouts being worse at a particular time in my cycle. I’m also annoyed that he didn’t ask about plans to conceive soon and the internet is telling me I’ll need to get off it if we start TTC. So at this point I’m inclined to think he is a quack and just stick with my Retin A (even though it does not seem to be helping) and try to find a new derm.
BeenThatGuy
You might owe your dermatologist an apology. I went to my dermatologist 6 months after Mirena insert with horrific acne. She put me on spirolactone and I had no relief. I had my Mirena removed, Paraguard inserted, and my acne cleared up.
Anonymous
Sheesh. Girl. Idk what bee flew up your rush but by blaming Your Mirena he means you’re not getting the skin clearing benefits of oral contraceptives and since you have an IUD nope he probs doesn’t think you’re going for a baby soon. Take your pills, it’s a solid recommendation and get over it.
Gail the Goldfish
Yes, tried it once before and currently trying it again at a higher dose, and honestly, I don’t think it’s done a thing for my acne. Pretty much the only thing that will keep my skin clear is Bactrim (oral antibiotic). Of course, I don’t love being on antibiotics long term. I’m currently trying on severely reducing dairy and diet soda and seeing if that has any effect, because I’ve basically tried all medications (except accutane, for various reasons) and nothing totally works, so guess I’ll just try tweaking diet/skin care regimes until something sticks. You’d think by my mid-30s I would have grown out of acne, but nope. You do need to be off spirnolactone if you’re trying to conceive, which my doc told me repeatedly, so I’d try a new derm if you don’t like the one you’ve got.
Anon
I think you’re overreacting. If you have an IUD why would he ask about your plans for TTC? It’s a very long term birth control option. I can see a lot of women here being offended if he DID ask and complaining about how men just see women in relation to their desire/ability to bear children. If you plan to have your IUD removed soon so you can TTC then I think you should have volunteered that info.
Anon
I use spiro and Finacea cream and I’m pretty clear. I don’t use any hormonal bc though (and the Mirena is indeed hormonal bc, I don’t know where you get the idea that you can just limit the hormones to your uterine lining because that’s what you want)
When I did use hormonal bc though, my skin was the clearest ever. I used the tri phasil pill. I unfortunately can’t take it because it also gives me migraines.
Anon
I use spironolactone along with a topical retinol cream, and the combo works really well for me.
Anon
I tried it and had a not so great reaction to it. It made my blood pressure too low to the point that I semi-fainted in my kitchen one morning. It also gave me severe light sensitivity and headaches. I know for other people it can be a miracle drug though.
Anonymous
OP here– I was mostly annoyed because I tried to explain my history of acne to him and felt brushed off– I had the Mirena for five years before having twins two years ago and had no skin problems at all as long as I used the Retinoid religiously (I did Accutane in my early twenties). I guess things might have changed hormonally post-birth, but he didn’t do a very good job of explaining that– he implied that the hormones in the Mirena were what was causing the acne. I did mention that we might start trying again within a year or so and got no mention of going off the spiro, but I do think I’ll just start taking it, see if it works, and get a new doctor for next year’s appointment or if this hasn’t started working in 3 months or so.
Em Esq
I have a Mirena and my derm put me on spiro a few months ago. I had had maybe two pimples in 10 years before I got the Mirena and then once I got it, boom, acne all the time. I love the Mirena enough that I don’t mind this effect, but the spiro seems to have really evened out the hormone balance without any side effects I’ve noticed. Mirena is hormonal, but a much lower dose of hormones than oral contraceptives so you lose out on the benefit of hormones keeping your acne in check – that’s why he wanted to prescribe spiro.
Anonymous
I am in a loop with my GYN and Derm because Derm prescribes spironolactone contingent upon my having birth control and due to my age, GYN will only give me BC options that make my skin worse. For now, the plan is to accept both and take one.
Gus Fring
Desperately need some advice. My husband has always had an entrepreneurial streak and seems like he’s chafing under the red tape at his current job. He’s an incredibly hard worker and a really talented problem solver and has always been a great employee but seems drawn to the idea of being his own boss. He’s been toying with the idea of trying to run some small businesses on the side to see if he can get them off the ground and eventually replace his income from a job with several income streams from things he owns and oversees. I think his dream is to have a small business empire (a la Gus Fring from Breaking Bad) of laundromats, liquor stores, etc minus the meth.
A business broker he has been talking to approached him about buying a liquor store a few towns (~10 min) away from us. All of the sudden, this idea that was very theoretical became very real. I’m really risk averse and the least entrepreneurial person ever (I appreciate all the creature comforts that come with being at a Fortune 100 company – tech support, infrastructure etc. even if it means things like compliance and tons of corporate policies) and I want to be supportive but am also kinda freaking out!
Does anyone have any experience with things like this? Good, bad, ugly?
Boden Sample Sale - Boston Feb 3
I would have him do a HARD look at margins in retail, and also do a really robust survey of buying habits in the area. Is that store profitable? Do they have audited financials? Why is the owner looking to sell? Is it hard to find staff? Is it safe to staff it (do you want your hubs held up!?!)? How much inventory do they have? Is their wholesaler competitive in pricing? Is any of the inventory aged and unsaleable (old wine, etc.)? Are their prices competitive? How would the business fare if, say, a BevMo opened across the street or within a mile? How much would it cost to transfer the license?
Business brokers are there to sell businesses–they don’t care if you’re successful with what they unloaded. I would start with something a lot easier than a liquor store.
Laundromats mint cash with minimal staffing needs. Liquor store–totally different.
Anonymous
What does he know about liquor stores? What’s the rate of return? Why is it for sale? Where’s his business plan? How’s he buying it?
These are all reasonable questions.
AnonZ
Agree with the other commenters to push for some serious due diligence on this.
Beyond the specifics of this particular liquor store, I think it would be a good idea to sit down with your husband and figure out exactly how this small business idea would fit into your lives overall, specifically your budget.
I would frame the conversation as, “I know this is important to you because you’ve talked about this for a while. Can we work on a plan that we both feel comfortable with?” Then you can talk through things like, how much money can he spend on an initial investment, and where does that money come from? How much money will these businesses need to be generating before he quits his job? Would it be assumed that you would keep your job no matter what?
I think it will be important to figure out these parameters separate from any specific opportunity.
Nerfmobile
I also think that you don’t start in small retail by running it “on the side” – that’s a recipe for getting ripped off. Unless he’s managed retail before, that’s going to be a full-time hands-on job to learn the business.
Shopaholic
I’m debating vacationing alone. I was initially thinking an all-inclusive but I’m reconsidering now (esp given some of the comments I got yesterday).
I think what I want is a few days in a city. Where would you go for 5 days? I was thinking of NYC but not sure given that it’ll be February. Although I am okay with a bit of cold.
Any other suggestions?
Thanks all!
Anonymous
Where are you now? I’d do 5 Days in London because I love it, or 4 Days in Montreal, or Madrid? But that’s because I live near NYC and am not in love with it!
Shopaholic
I live in Toronto. I actually love NYC and never feel like I get enough time to explore which is why it was first on my list, but then I was debating going someplace warmer.
Anonymous
Oh in case go for it! It ain’t gonna be colder than Canada!
Anonymous
Iceland. You can take day trips from Reykjavik to see the Northern Lights, the ice caves (which you can’t see in the summer), and Vik.
Anon
How about San Francisco? You could take a couple days and do Napa/Sonoma if you want to get out of the city and get some sunshine.
Anonymous
From Toronto, I would say Iceland, Dublin, or London if you want a short flight. When I’ve gone on solo trips to cold places in the winter, I usually max out my daylight time walking around, go to museums in the afternoons, and then in the evenings I will go to a show or sit at the bar of a restaurant in a busy location and just people watch. I’ve had some of my coolest experiences this way– for example, it turns out that the grounds of Prague Castle are open at night, and the cathedral is all lit up, but there are no other people around in February, and it’s very magical to wander around in a castle by yourself.
Anonymous
Thank you for this! I’m about to go to Prague solo and this is great to know! It’s safe at night?
Anonymous
This was in 2011, so I don’t know if the situation has changed in any way, but I stayed right near St. Nicholas (I think) at the base of the hill that Prague Castle was on, and I was very comfortable wandering around in that neighborhood, and crossing the bridges to go to the main downtown part on the other side of the river. There were lots of lights and people, but I will admit I was still usually back in my room by 9 or 10. There was a restaurant really close to that church that had authentic Czech food, which was heavy on the pork but quite tasty. Another thing I enjoyed doing was getting a cup of hot wine to sip while I wandered, there were a ton of vendors selling them. And it was kind of cold, so I did a lot of ducking into public places to warm up for a few minutes, but that’s how I ended up finding this cool concert where the musicians set up on the landing and you sit on cushions on the stairs, and they played classical music by Czech composers. I think the tickets were only $10 or so. It was in some big old building right behind a big statue of a guy on a horse, within a few blocks of the old town square.
The ticket for Prague Castle was good for two days, so I saw two or three of the exhibits one day and the rest the next day. I think it might be a bit overwhelming to try to see it all on the same day. I also thought the Jewish section and synagogue were really interesting (and depressing, the way they had to put the gravestones on top of each other because they weren’t allowed to use any new land for a cemetery). And you should definitely buy yourself some garnet jewelry! I have some earrings that are a bunch of tiny chips of garnet, in kind of a flower pattern, so they were cheap but they are very sparkly and I wear them all the time. Have fun!
BabyAssociate
I went to Prague solo a couple months ago, totally fine at night! But I second the Iceland suggestion. It’s an easy flight from Toronto and February should be a great opportunity to see the northern lights.
Anonymous
Iceland, go see the northern lights, go to the blue lagoon, go on some group tours and see the beautiful landscape.
Anonymous
I had the exact same decision to make last year, though in May, and I picked Valencia. There is a lot to do but it seemed more doable as a solo trip than a bigger city. I can’t say how it turned out, though, because my plans ended up changing completely and I traveled somewhere else with a friend. I do love visiting NYC as a solo trip, though.
Anonymous
I did a solo trip to Lisbon in the spring years ago that was lovely. I think it was March or April, but definitely much warmer than Boston at the time.
Random
Sorry if this posts twice. Does anyone have recommendations for a plaintiff side employment lawyer in the San Francisco area? Hostile work environment type issues.
Anon
Cliff Palefsky
Anonymous
Mark Gabel at the Gabel Firm
Delli
What is your day moisturizer? I’m looking for a light (no balms, etc.), daily moisturizer for normal skin — I’m a little sensitive, but not abnormally, and I have good genes (my 63YO mom looks 51). What do you recommend?
Annony
If you don’t need it to do anything else for you (SPF, etc.) I love the Beauty Counter’s Nourishing Day Cream. Very gentle but effective.
Rainbow Hair
I have the Aveeno Daily Radiance SPF 30 thing. It’s the one skin product I’ve stuck with for a long time. I really like it, and appreciate that without thinking about it, I’ve got a high SPF on my face.
HSAL
I’m not outside much so I feel fine using the SPF 15 version of this and I love it.
Anonymous
I use Nivea’s Soft Moisturizing Creme – it’s super basic, but somehow strikes the balance of keeping my skin moisturized without giving me acne.
lawsuited
Philosophy’s Take a Deep Breath is very lightweight and refreshing (possibly cooling?) and gets on well with my sensitive skin.
Charleston Recs?
Spending a low-key girls’ weekend in Charleston. You all always come through with recommendations for not-to-be-missed sights, shops, restaurants, coffee, craft cocktails, etc. :)
Anonymous
Kaminsky’s for dessert/cocktails/coffee/ general indulgences.
Anon
+1
HSAL
Wardrobe Oxygen just posted about her Charleston girls’ weekend and she seemed to cover a lot. I was there for work and the only two recommendations I could make now would be Poogan’s Porch and the rooftop bar at the Vendue (weather-depending).
FIG
FIG for dinner. Probably too late to get a reservation but it was one of the best meals I’ve ever had.
Anonymous
You could honestly eat almost anywhere very well. Husk is a standard recommendation, but really amazing. The Ordinary is on Upper King, and is an amazing oyster bar.
The market (the old slave market…) is worth a visit if you’re walking around.
If you want to go to a plantation, Belle Hall does the best job of discussing slavery and how slaves lived on plantations (that I’ve seen). The house is from the 1900s, and is not actually historic, but it’s pretty. But, Belle Hall would require a bit of a drive outside of Charleston (it’s in Mount Pleasant).
I can second the recommendation for the rooftop bar at the Venue for cocktails. Stars also has a cool rooftop bar, and is on Upper King. (Many of the newer restaurants are on Upper King, as well as a lot of the trendier bars and restaurants).
Fleet’s Landing is not the fanciest food, but it has an amazing view of the harbor. Might be fun for cocktails or a brunch/lunch.
Shenandoah
Brunch at Hominy Grill. And you’re doing yourselves a disservice (unless you’re vegetarian or vegan) if you don’t get the Big Nasty biscuit.
Any of Sean Brock’s places would make for a great dinner experience – Husk, McGrady’s, or McGrady’s Tavern (the more “budget-friendly” of the three).
Stella’s is phenomenal Greek food and worth a visit.
I’ll echo the Kaminsky’s recommendation for dessert martinis, milkshakes, coffee, everything.
Wander around King Street and the City Market and you’ll find plenty of street vendors, shops, and art galleries worth browsing. Charleston is perfect for girls’ weekends!
Anonymous
+1 on Stella’s –SO GOOD
Anonymous
Sigh, looks like longer post got stuck in moderation and who knows if that will clear before while people are still around to see it, so I’ll try a short version–South Africa or Tanzania for safari? Travel style is very active, don’t like a lot of down time.
Anon
We did South Africa, mainly because we wanted to spend time in Cape Town and it was easier to combine that with a safari in the same country. We had a great time and saw all the animals we wanted to see, although I would love to go back to Africa someday and explore other countries including Tanzania. I would think the level of activity would be similar in either place – most camps offer morning and late afternoon game drives with a mid-afternoon break.
Halt?
Any other Halt and Catch Fire fans here? I just finished the series and am so sad that it ended! I think it was one of the best shows about women and work I’ve watched in awhile.
Blonde Lawyer
Loving it! I have no idea how to tell you where I am in the series without a spoiler. Hmmmmm – I guess I can say I just finished the episode after the community house party.
Anna
I also just watched it all. I’m a Netflix binger and almost never watch shows when they’re actually airing (I don’t even have cable), but I’m so glad they kept this show on for four seasons despite minimal viewership.
Anonymous
Loved it, esp. how authentically woman-centered it was.
coat advice
Has anyone bought this T Tahari wool blend coat from Nordstrom/Macy’s/etc… ?
I was wondering about the fit and fabric quality/appearance. I wear mostly black/grey/navy and thought this burgundy color might be nice since all of my other winter coats are black. Love the collar and belted is best for my extreme pear shape.
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/t-tahari-marla-shawl-collar-wrap-coat?ID=4753278&ranMID=3184&ranEAID=AysPbYF8vuM&ranSiteID=AysPbYF8vuM-Zv9UQaimIU01nmiNYR9JzA&LinkshareID=AysPbYF8vuM-Zv9UQaimIU01nmiNYR9JzA&PartnerID=LINKSHARE&cm_mmc=LINKSHARE-_-5-_-63-_-MP563
Anonymous
No but I have a similar one from CK that is also that length and belted wrap style with big collar. I really like it and also thought burgundy might be a good compromise between black/gray outfits and camel/brown outfits. Sorry I can’t help on the rest but thumbs up on the style!
coat advice
Thanks! I do appreciate your feedback.