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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 149 Comments · by

Coffee Break: d’Orsay Ankle Strap Pump

Coffee Break |

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d'Orsay Ankle Strap PumpOooh: I always love a great ankle strap pump, and this low-heeled one from reader favorite brand AGL looks fabulous. There are a lot of colors calling my name — the pale beige is a good match for my leg tone, while the black patent looks like a great way to dress up tights; we're featuring the navy here because it's such a pretty navy. I like the architectural heel, too, and the reviews all promise comfort (including one from a woman who notes that “these are the most comfortable heels I've had as a grownup who hates wearing heels.”) Sign me up! They're $350 at Nordstrom. d'Orsay Ankle Strap Pump Looking for something more affordable? These Rockport heels are similar and are available in wide widths as well. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Comments

  1. Ms B

    These look nice in the snake print, but the “glammy leather” looks odd and prematurely weathered.

    • Ellen

      Kat, I do ove these pumps, but I think we all ought to think about supporting FERRAGAMO today and morn the recent passing of the Ferragamo matriarch, Wanda. I read last nite the NY Times Obitueary where she died at age 96 in Florence. She had a very difficult life, after marrying at age 18 a man who was 42, and then raising 6 children and then facing her husband’s death taking over the busness and running it for so many years.

      I have many pairs of Ferragamo’s, many still in their boxes, and they are not expensive! But they are VERY comfortable. Men love me in them as they are so light and airy! I recomend you all read the NY Times Article.

      RIP, Wanda! We love you!
      https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/24/obituaries/wanda-ferragamo-96-dies-reigned-over-familys-luxury-goods-empire.html

    • Wanderlust

      I’d travel to the farthest places. Australia and New Zealand most likely. Maybe some SE Asia in there too.

      • Torin

        Yes! Aus and NZ! It takes so long to get there a short trip just doesn’t make sense. Husband and I went last year for 12 days and it wasn’t long enough.

    • K

      And unlimited money? Travel to Europe and/or Disney Word
      If I had my current limited money? Maybe road trip and visit family, volunteer for orgs I care about, read all the books I’ve been meaning to.

    • Anonymous

      Taking care of all the small tasks and projects I have let fall by the wayside. Organize and clean everything. Read books. Watch movies. Spend extra special time with my dogs, including adventures.

      If I had my stuff together, and those niggling tasks/projects had been timely done, plus a little $$, I’d second Wanderlust on travel.

    • SC

      Definitely travel. But I might try to find a couple of places to stay for weeks or even a month at a time, so I would also sleep and read.

      I’d also try to spend time with family members or friends who were important to me–after law school, I didn’t take a big bar trip, but I visited my grandmother. She passed away about a year later, about a week before I was planning to see her again, and I am grateful I made the visit when I did. She was 76 and seemed healthy–we all expected her to live another 20 years because her mother and grandmother passed away in their 90s, and she was still active.

    • Never too many shoes...

      Purge and reorganize my house from top to bottom. Travel. Host fabulous dinner parties every week. Drink prosecco in bed and Netflix my heart out.

    • Anon

      I was just at a working lunch where a woman in the group who is nearing retirement age talked about how she’s taken a year off between jobs and traveled the world. The other women at the table, all of similar age (I’m about 10 years younger), were all just kind of like – why didn’t I do that?

      Travel if you can afford it. Travel even if you can’t afford it, even if it just means a long road trip couch surfing with friends and relatives. It’s all too easy to wake up and be 50 and have never had a big adventure because you were too busy working/having kids/buying a house etc.

      • Anon

        I mean, yeah, but I don’t think “a big adventure” is necessary for adult life, nor is travel the only way to do that. If that’s what you truly desire deep down, go for it. But I don’t think everybody does or has to.

        • Anon

          I’m sharing an anecdote – every single woman at that table was over 50, most over 60, and they all envied the woman who had traveled. I don’t know why you feel you need to argue with my story, but unless you were at that table, don’t.

        • Anon

          I agree, couch surfing whilst travelling would be my worst nightmare, I’d rather stay at home in comfort and read and relax. I would genuinely look back at that time with fondness as time well spent for me.

          I only enjoy travelling if it is in as much comfort as possible – i.e. good journey/flight times, highly rated hotel and even then I’m glad to be back home afterwards – each to their own I guess! :)

  3. anon

    Those of you with no kids in your late 30s and older, whether by choice or circumstance, how do you deal with feeling isolated from everyone else who is having kids? I am coming to terms with the fact that I may never have them, and while I have a fulfilling life without them, the future feels scary as more and more people have them.

    • Monday

      I tell myself “they’ll be back.” Kids are all-consuming when they’re young, but these are friendships I’ve had for 10 or 20+ years. I think of this phase in our friendship as just that. We will see each other more often, and have more routines in common again, when their kids are older.

      • Anonymous

        I’m so glad you have that attitude! I have a 2 year old and a newborn and am really missing my friendships. I really hope soon my kids will be more independent and I can be a better friend.

    • Anonymous

      Actually, people lap each other in groups.

      I had kids in my late 30s. Maybe 50% of my college and other friends had kids 10 years before I did. Those folks now have kids in college and are out doing fun things, travelling, meeting for dinners out on weeknights, seeing plays, etc. I am still in the thick of it.

      Your empty nester friends will be back with you very soon. Some of us are envious that we are the ones not fitting in (but we will be back, just in 10 more years . . .). We’ll all be in the retirement villa together :)

    • Anonymous

      This is my life right now as all my early-30s friends are having their first babies. I do love babies, so I’ve found a lot of joy in being an auntie, visiting their babies and watching them grow and buying them cute things. I also focus on how nice it is to hand the baby back and go home to my nice apartment to enjoy peace and quiet and my own company.

      I also recognize that it’s a phase, and my friends are still the same people! It will just be hard for a little while, but soon those kids will grow up. The friends who are truly good friends still make an effort to see me/talk to me.

    • Anonymous

      Routine scheduled contacts help me keep up with my childless friends.

      I do a weekly yoga class with one friend and another group of 6 college friends have a standing lunch reservation for the 3rd Thursday every month at our regular spot – usually only 4/6 of us can make it but it’s rare that someone misses 2 months in a row.

      And don’t stop inviting me to stuff, I won’t always be able to go but keeping the line of communication open means I’ll make the extra effort when it does work out for a certain date/event.

    • Anonymous

      With one exception, I just don’t keep in touch. Honestly, for most of them, I haven’t really enjoyed their company once they had kids.

      • Anonymous

        I haven’t found they’ve changed too much as people so much as we have less in common, but have found they move out far enough that maintaining the friendship isn’t feasible.

    • Anonymous

      Early 30s but I’ve lived the past several years in an expensive city I have a love/hate relstionship with but great friends in. I’ve told myself once I get to the point where I’ve lost all my friends to babies, I’ll move to a more affordable city I like better. That way in my mind there’s a tiny bit of something to look forward to?

    • Anon

      I’m late 30s with no kids. I spend most of my time with other friends who also don’t have kids. I live in a city where most of the other people who live downtown also do not have kids. For friends with kids, I don’t see them as often but we keep up via text and the occasional hang-out. It’s typically brunch on the weekend with kid in tow or with the other parent taking kid duty, or we meet for lunch on a workday, or dinner on the weekend if they’re able to get a babysitter. For friends with kids who also live in the city, it’s much easier to keep up because we can easily pop by for a glass of wine or a walk on a Saturday afternoon.

    • Monte

      I think part of it is that I have set things up so I don’t feel isolated. I am 40, which means I have many friends without kids (which is critical!!), several with older kids, and then a fair number with young kids. The first two categories are those that I spend more time with, even if I am in contact a lot (text, etc) with friends in the last category. And part of it that I don’t want kids, so I am happy to see my friends’ babies and toddlers every now and again, but generally am happy to avoid the older kids and have cultivated friendships with other childfree folks or slightly older friends whose kids are teens and later.

  4. Unpopular opinions

    Here’s a lite take on last week’s thread about how our political views differ from the usual.

    What opinions do you have on issues of taste or life choices that are out of step with your friends or with the norm in your community? Can be trivial or not.

    • Lilliet

      I am violently opposed to the modern farmhouse trend Joanna Gaines has spread like a plague on our society. Where are your chickens? What are you growing? You live on a 50 by 25 square foot piece of land, WHERE IS YOUR FARM? And why is your house just white?!?

      • givemyregards

        I don’t hate the look in theory but I agree that it’s obnoxious how much it has spread. All the houses that people are flipping in my city look like they could be on her show and are marked up ridiculously for all the “custom design” work that looks like a joanna gaines target display. I’ve seen several on zillow with shiplap! In a house built in 2018! In modern subdivisions or neighborhoods where shiplap is not historically accurate! Infuriating!

      • nutella

        Yesssss. Barn doors- WHY! This has sort of fused into everyone seemingly having the same home style as well, too, and it drives me bonkers.

      • Anon

        There is a hilarious Instagram account, @pleasehatethesethings, that finds horrific zillow listings. Rustic chic abounds. It’s one of my favorite pasttimes.

        • BB

          Yesssss! Totally checking this out! McMansion Hell is another great one if you haven’t seen it.

      • Anon

        Well, look at it this way. Since it’s so ubiquitous now, it’ll look horribly dated in less than a decade and you’ll have your revenge when everyone is either living in an unstylish eyesore or will have to remodel.

      • Fishie

        Yeeeeessssssss. So much shiplap. I thought Shabby Chic was over in the 90s.

    • Anon

      Not quite sure what you mean by out of step — but I think mine is that I’m not a big drinker. Basically every time I hang out with friends, there is wine or some other drink. But I can easily take it or leave it, and would prefer to spend the calories on something else. Many of my friends are cool with that, but there are some who still give me a hard time about it.

    • Torin

      I don’t have kids, and don’t get what’s attractive about having them. Like at all. I get intellectually that this is a thing most people do and they seem to love it and I think that’s great for them. I just have no interest.

    • (Ducks)

      I think gift registries are weird. I’m not comfortable asking people for gifts in any format, in any context. It doesn’t make a difference to me that it’s the norm.

    • anon

      High heels. I freaking hate them. I wear them to work some days because they are seen as more professional but my feet are dying by the end of the day. The other day I was at a gathering and I was the only 30 something woman not wearing heeled booties. I automatically feel less stylish in flats, but my feet do thank me. I’m learning not to care.

    • Superanon

      I don’t understand transgender(ism?)

      I am tolerant and will not treat you any different than a regular person but deep down, i just don’t understand how it is suddenly so ‘normal’

      • Superanon also

        Me too. It makes me feel like a horrible liberal, but I have a really hard time reconciling it with my views on not confining men and women to specific gender stereotypes.

      • Super anon

        I get it in a “gender dysphoria is a diagnosable mental illness that can be treated by letting people live their truth”, but I think it gets way way WAY more attention than really called for considering the percentage of the population actually affected. Honestly I think they’re just the targeted group of the moment – which is great, it was homosexual individuals 10 years ago and that resulted in a great increase in visibility and rights. But it’s just not anywhere near common enough for me to think about too much.

        Tbh, I feel like traditionally underserved populations need greater attention right now as all their rights and access to voting gets stripped away and the attention to transgender issues is shadowing issues that affect them and huge chunks of the population (i.e. the poor, immigrants, black people getting shot, etc.)

      • annony

        I’m completely committed to equal civil rights for transgendered people (as in, I have marched for and risked arrest for those rights on multiple occasions, starting when it was illegal to be gay in my state), but I am super bothered by the argument that the shared experiences of biologically female women are supposed to be disregarded to make transwomen comfortable. Like the idea that we are supposed to say “people with uteruses” instead of “women,” for example. It feels like we have had to work so hard to carve out spaces for women and then suddenly we are supposed to pretend that there aren’t all these formative experiences that most women share due to their shared biology because a very small percentage of women don’t have those experiences.

        It feels incredibly sexist to me. Like another way of saying that women don’t matter. We have experienced so much oppression arising out of that biology and now we aren’t even supposed to be able to speak the language of our own bodies in our own spaces?

        • Anonymous

          +1 million. I’m against discrimination but not ok with erasing women.

        • Anon

          Something like this

          It’s finally “the year of the woman”
          Whatever that means
          And then we get no, no, no, these transgendered women feel you’re being exclusive
          If you don’t agree you’re a TERF and you should die (if you think I’m making this up you should check out the exhibit that was allowed at the SF public
          library)

          We are 51% of the population and now we have ONE year where it’s supposed to be about us, but (former) men come along to say no, you can’t have that. Of course.

          Why can’t we have women’s issues that are exclusively related to being raised female? I’ve battled my way up the corporate ladder for … a lot … of years, and to have someone who became a woman last week say “I feel you, girl”, well that’s nice. But you don’t.

          I would never, ever, ever in a million years claim “I know how you feel” to a transgendered person. I don’t claim to be an expert on transgender issues. I support your right to transition, and I will use the pronouns you prefer, and yes, by all means you can share my public restroom. No problem. But to say we don’t get to have feminism because it’s not inclusive enough of trans issues. No. Call me a TERF then, but I’m not yielding. We are 51% of the population and we are finally starting to have a voice. I’m not stopping now.

        • Anon

          It gets even worse when you get biological males demanding access to private spaces for females, particularly prison cells, showers, and DV shelters. I will never apologize for defending women’s rights to sex-segregated spaces. I honestly dgaf how you identify.

    • grapefruit

      I don’t like or understand sports. I don’t mind if my husband watches at our house, but I hate hate hate the idea of going to a bar to spend $$$ on drinks and food for 3 hours just to not have conversations why we all watch the game. I’d rather stay home.

    • Anon

      I believe strongly that if you are in a stable life position (not working 3 jobs, living paycheck-to-paycheck, or insanely strapped for time, etc.) you should be giving back to your community on a regular basis. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do, but you should be doing something – working with the homeless/foster kids/rescue animals/underprivileged schools/whatever. Buying Boy Scout popcorn or Girl Scout cookies from your coworker’s kid once a year doesn’t count. I work full time, have a toddler, and still volunteer regularly with 4 different organizations because I recognize I am privileged AF and want to give back to those who are not. It disgusts me how people rant about all the problems in the world, have hours every week to watch football/shop/play video games, but do literally nothing to make the world a better place.

      • Senior Attorney

        +1

        And I am constantly surprised that this is apparently a minority position.

        • annonny

          +2 Every time we have a thread about this here and people are full-on defiant about the fact that they neither give to charity in any significant way and nor do they volunteer or contribute in non-financial ways, I am deeply horrified.

          Not talking about people who can’t afford to, talking about the people who just think it isn’t important.

        • Anonymous

          Inequality + charity still seems like such incredibly regressive politics to me. But the big giver in my family was also abusive, so I guess my perspective is warped. But I would much, much rather obviate the need for charity, which seems to be anathema among centrists.

      • Anonymous

        I mean, you should do something but it can be money. I think it’s unrealistic to expect parents of young children to give lots of time. I’m a mom of two young kids, work only 40 hrs/week and still feel like I have no time for myself. You better believe that in this stage of my life any limited free time is going to self-care or nourishing my marriage or friendships. I give money to charity.

          • Anonymous

            I did a lot of hands-on volunteering pre-kids. Now I write checks and donate blood regularly (and I think if you aren’t ineligible to donate, you out to be donating, too).

    • anon biglaw partner

      I drive a tiny fairly crappy car. My partners and even our mid- to senior-associates tend to drive high-end SUVs or, if they drive sedans, a BMW or Mercedes. People comment on it A LOT. It feels sometimes like my choice to drive this car makes them insecure, oddly.

      I read basically no literary fiction and generally find it self-absorbed and tiresome. And before law school, I graduated from a creative writing program where everyone wanted to write lit fic. I’ve just always preferred genre fiction (my writing in the program was all sci fi or thriller stuff).

    • Anon

      I never thought Seinfeld was funny. Still don’t. There were maybe 2-3 funny episodes over the whole series, and even those aren’t funny now that time has passed.

      I also don’t like quoting movies. Some of my friends can quote 10 minutes verbatim from certain movies and I just don’t get why it’s fun or enjoyable. Ok, you’ve all seen Happy Gilmore. We don’t need to relive the entire thing right now, live action but without talent.

      I’m actually fun-loving in real life and I find lots of things funny, I swear. But these two things, I do not get.

      • anon

        I feel this way about Friends. It’s just so tired and canned to me and yet it seems like every woman my age is *still obsessed*!

        I do love quoting movies, though!

        • Ellen

          I love Freinds! I love Rachel! The manageing partner thinks I look like a Blond Rachel! My hair is a little longer, but he wants me cut her hair JUST like Rachel! I think he wishes Margie looked like Rachel, but she does not. She is still VERY pretty, just not like me or Rachel! FOOEY b/c I like my hair longer, so I can wear schrunchies! YAY!!!

      • anon biglaw partner

        I find Seinfeld unbearable. The humor has not aged well at all.

      • Anon

        I find both Seinfeld and Friends unbearable (but will admit to liking the first few years of friends when it was on the air). I will also add How I met your mother to the list of shows that didn’t age well.

      • mascot

        I liked Friends, but can’t quote it and don’t rewatch it. Never got into Seinfeld and don’t understand the fascination. I’ve never been one to follow tv series, particularly sitcoms. I think The West Wing was one of the few shows I watched religiously. I’m more apt to want to quote song lyrics.

    • Anonattorney

      I thought Heath Ledger horribly overacted in the Dark Knight. No one agrees with me. :(

      And I hate clawfoot tubs.

    • Anonymous

      Two things (but unrelated to each other): I don’t like Halloween and I don’t like travel planning. I recognize that with the second one, a lot of people enjoy it (I have one friend who plans “fantasy trips” on a regular basis), but I don’t understand it – all the various choices become overwhelming extremely quickly for me.

      • Torin

        Also just not the biggest fan of Halloween. I’m not really that creative and don’t have a flair for throwing together a fabulous or hilarious or whatever costume out of things I can make or already own, and I’m far, too cheap to spend money on something for a costume I’d only wear once. I get that it’s fun for some people but it’s just not my thing.

    • Blueberries

      I hate the term “passion,” as in asking people “what’s your passion?” instead of “what do you enjoy?” or telling kids to “find their passion.”

      We can enjoy things without being passionate. I think it’s really unhelpful to tell kids that they should be passionate about something and then spend their lives doing that thing. Most people can go about their lives enjoying activities, caring deeply about certain things, doing work that they find rewarding in some way, and never have a true passion.

      • Anon

        Lol, yep. From a culture that downplays emotion even for emotional occasions, I am just constantly in awe of the American culture that wants us to feel everything so deeply. Someone talking about their “passion” often feels false to me and makes me cringe.

    • anon

      I eat fast food at least once a week. You can pry these wendy’s chicken nuggets out of my cold dead hands.

    • anon

      Kids’ sports: specifically, how many families are drawn to these hypercompetitive, time-consuming leagues that dictate their lives. Some people really love it, and more power to them, but I would be such a miserable parent in that scenario. I value our free time too much. Rec leagues for life, man.

    • Anon

      I’m a spender. I know everyone around here practically breaks their arms patting themselves on the back about their savings but I’m a here and now kind of person. My dad died young, there’s lots of cancer in my family, and hell yeah I’m going to spend quite a bit of my hard earned money on enjoying life. I have enough for a modest retirement and I have saved enough for my kids to attend state school, but I have no intention of leaving a fortune.

      • Anonymous

        I think there are just a lot of us here that have seen elderly parents burn through $2M+ on end oflife care. If I were childless I’d probably have a similar attitude to you and just declare bankruptcy/get Medicaid when I ran out of money. But I have kids and really don’t want to be a burden to them.

        • Anon

          Nope nope nope. This is a confessions thread. No arguing with someone’s position.

          And by the way, children are in no way obligated to pay for their parent’s care. I just went through this with my own mom’s end of life care, and she did run out of money, and Medicare and Medicaid picked right up. She worked and paid taxes for her entire life – that’s what the safety nets are for.

          • Anon

            Exactly. My family could never have become contributing members of society if Medicare and social programs didn’t assist my grandparents. I don’t know why there is such a stigma about this.

        • anon

          This may not be fully grounded in reality, but one reason I want universal health care is so I can spend more of my money now. I feel like the urge to amass millions in retirement savings and that constant feeling of insecurity we all have is due to late/end of life medical costs being so high and -worse- unpredictable. If I didn’t feel like I needed to save 3 million or else, then yeah, I’d buy more sweaters and travel more. I’d be stimulating the economy!!!

      • Anonymous

        My dad is like this. He’s about to turn 60. His dad dropped dead at 62. My dad put us through college (he had kids young) and has flat out told us that his (nice) house, (large and expensive) boat, and dog is his estate. He has money for retirement but stepped WAY back at 55 when the last kid finished college (one decided not to go). He has a consulting practice and plans to do that as long as he remains healthy as it bankrolls his thrice annual fancy fishing vacations and other nice travel lifestyle. He has done a lot of renting a ski house for the month and inviting family up, and will continue to do that for a while.

        For many years he was the solo breadwinner working 80+ hour weeks with a commute into manhattan from the far flung burbs. He stopped that after 9/11, a day in which he was scheduled to have his weekly 8am breakfast at Windows on the World but missed his train because he had to take me to school because I (yet again) missed the bus.

      • Anonymous

        My family runs to incurable things as well. However, the current generation of medical technology meant my sister lived longer and in much better health than my mother. It’s my turn next, and the next generation of technology could mean a cure. So you might consider betting a bit more on being around to enjoy life longer than you thought. I am starting to think about that, which is a major mental shift for me.

    • Fishie

      So many Nos for me that some of my friends seem to love:

      Decorating with words (e.g. anything that says “Live, Laugh, Love” or “Family” or pithy sayings about wine or messes or house rules. All of it is a big old “No” for me.

      Logo bags

      Decorating – why would I spend time and money putting pumpkins all over my house when I’m just going to put them away in 2 months?

      Chuck taylors (unless you are in a rock band)

      Country music produced after 1980

      • Anon

        Okay, I just want to say there IS good contemporary country music out there, but you’re not going to find it on the commercial radio stations or CMT or anything. You just have to be a country music hipster :)

        • Fishie

          I’ll give you that. I went to the bluebird cafe recently and was blown away!

      • Anon

        OMG your first one is my life. If I never see “live laugh love” again in my life, it will be too soon.

      • Anonymous

        Yess to no good country music after 1980, especially when it comes to male singers. I do like Miranda and Kacey though.

        • Anon

          I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Randy Travis, Clint Black, and Dan Seals.

          Otherwise I agree on the country music.

    • Anonymous

      really anything that’s monogramed or personalized. I find personalizing certain household items (soap dish/soap pump, cutting board , bedding ) weird – like, are you afraid that the people you invite to your home are are coming over and then walking off with your soap dish or bedding? and the only way you’ll catch them is because your monogram is on X item?

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think women should have to starve themselves into fashionable sizes. Men don’t. I don’t want to read one more string about disordered eating. It’s still disordered even if you call it cleanses, fasts, Atkins or Keto.

  5. Laser Hair Removal

    Is it true that laser hair removal only works on brown and black hair? I was pricing laser hair removal, and one place wanted me to come in person, schedule a phone call, etc. I said I don’t have time to meet and just want to know the cost. They asked what color the hair is, and I said I have red hair, and they said it only works for brown/black hair. Is this actually true or should I just try somewhere else? (A tangential problem is that I’ve called two places now, and they all want me to come in for a consultation, and I am not doing that. Just tell me the cost!)

    • Anonymous

      The reason why they want you to come in is because they need to see the hair to give you an estimate…why are you so opposed to a consultation?
      Different lasers work on different types of hair. Depending on how thick and dark your hair is, and also the contrast with your skin, it could take fewer sessions, thus cost less.

      • Laser Hair Removal OP

        Opposed to consultation because I don’t have time. Will do consultation if completely necessary, which it sounds like it may be; that’s why I ask. But their reply that it only works on black/brown hair and cannot be done on red hair is my other point of confusion. If it cannot be done on red hair, then I certainly don’t want to take the time for a consultation. If it’s impossible on red hair, I don’t have to go to a consultation at all!

      • Anon

        I have always bought by the area and number of sessions. You buy a group of sessions and buy more if you need more after those run out. It’s not that hard, the place sounds sketchy. And sorry to tell you, if you’ve been charged based on the color or thickness of your hair (rather than type of area and type of laser), you’ve been scammed – thickness of hair has nothing to do with how hard or expensive the treatment will be.

    • Anon

      You need to contact more studios, that’s weird that they require in person consultation and won’t give you cost. I only go to places with cost on the website so I know I’m not paying based on what they think I can afford. Also, the better laser places have different types of laser that work on different skin contrasts. It is true that the lasers work better on dark hair against light skin, but you can definitely have it done, it just won’t be as effective. Also, ask them if you can just send a picture.

    • givemyregards

      There are new lasers that work better on blonde hair and people with dark skin, but I think it depends on the equipment that each salon has. And I agree with 3:35 Anon – I also really hated having to go in for a consultation with the place where I had treatment done, but I think it will probably be a bigger hassle to try to fight it. They have a whole liability spiel they have to go over and they’ll give you an estimate of how many sessions you need to have done. When I went for mine, I found it a waste of time, but the place I went to didn’t try to upsell me that much so I ultimately just chalked it up to part of the process. But I do think it’s worth getting them to tell you whether they have the updated machinery that will work on your hair color before you go in for the consultation.

    • PolyD

      I don’t think it’s unreasonable to go for a consultation – if there’s not much contrast between your skin and hair, the laser won’t work well. I would think they would be able to give you a ballpark cost over the phone, and you do usually buy a package of treatments, from what I’ve seen. But I think a good place would want to see you before having you purchase a package.

      I had my lower legs done about 11 years ago (dark hair, white legs) and I’m still very, very happy with it. I do have some hair growing, but it’s much finer and sparser. I shave my lower legs maybe once a week.

    • Anonymous

      I am late responding to this, but one reason for the consultation is probably because they’re going to spring some kind of deal on you that is only valid if you accept then and there. That’s what happened to me. I have dark hair, but my mom has red hair, and it didn’t work 100% for me – some of my hairs were too light. this was years ago though, so the technology may have changed. it was still one of the best things I did – my underarms are so much more manageable now…but I still have hair!

  6. Whino

    Now well into my 30s and having birthed three kids, I feel like my body is getting very weird. As a result, I’ve started tracking a lot of physical stuff to see if any of it is predictable or controllable. Looking over my records, I just realized that during the early days of my period, I consistently have a lot of jaw, neck and shoulder pain. I think I clench my muscles in my sleep, especially my jaw muscles, and then I have pain for days afterward — I guess hormonally motivated(?). Does anyone else experience this, and how do you handle? Going forward, I will try preemptively doing some neck and jaw relaxation exercises that I have found on yutube, but I’m wondering if others have any tricks or tips. It is so f-ing uncomfortable! Thx.

    • nuqotw

      I get period migraines. I think this stuff just changes as we get older / have kids. I just try to anticipate it and down a bunch of Advil.

      • Anon

        Early 30s and I just started getting period migraines a few months ago! Such a pain. I’ve been doing the same with Advil, but it’s awful

      • Anonymous

        I got period migraines when I was on the pill. I quit the pill and the migraines stopped. Thank God.

    • Brokentoe

      See your dentist and get a mouth guard. It will keep you from clenching your teeth/jaws and the problems that come along with it.

      • Torin

        +1 I grind my teeth in my sleep when I’m stressed and got a mouth guard for it in law school. I never noticed any relationship to hormone cycles but then I also never tracked that issue.

    • Anon

      I clench my teeth/jaw when I’m stressed. Now that I’m thinking about it, it could very well be hormonally motivated… and specifically related to the pill. I have a mouthguard that I sleep in at night, and it helps tremendously. Mine is custom made (and was fairly expensive I think), but I know people that have gotten them for much cheaper. I would talk to your dentist about it.

      Ever since using the mouthguard, I do not have as much pain in my jaw if I’m clenching and generally sleep better. Also, prior to getting the mouthguard, the clenching had apparently caused a lot of wear on my teeth– the dentist found three small cavities, which is how he realized I was clenching my teeth to begin with.

      • Anon

        Yes, for me, this was a side effect of the pill. I can’t sleep with a mouthguard, so I just quit the pill.

    • Whino

      Thanks all. I’ve actually had an anti-grinding retainer since my teens, but I would appreciate any other advice people might have.

  7. a vent

    BLERG!

    I am so frustrated by a cantankerous, old, mean, white man attorney who’s been jerking around his plaintiff’s case for YEARS. and surprise! SOLs exist and now he’s sending me poopy threats and making unreasonable demands. it’s just so annoying and sometimes I enjoy it, but sometimes it makes me so mad I could spit. I want to drive to his office and rip him a new one. ladies can play that game too SIR.

    but the best I can do is even-keeled, good faith, well thought-out responses showing exactly how the facts are on my side. but BLERG.

    • Anon

      F%^k em. Outlawyer him and win every time and he’ll have to bother someone else.

      • Ellen

        Agreed. We women have to stick together to combat the older men who literally want to sc***rew us, figuaratively too. Since we stand up to them, they try to emasculate us, and then tell peeople we would have s-x with them when in reality we find them gross. FOOEY on men like this! FOOEY!

  8. Asking a board member to resign

    I have to ask a board member to resign from a non-profit on which I serve. Anyone have a script for how to do this gracefully and with kindness? Member wasn’t fulfilling board obligations–think attendance, financial support, etc.

    • Anon

      That does sound difficult. My advice would be to keep in mind that this person will probably be relieved. If they couldn’t or wouldn’t fulfill their responsibilities, this will ultimately be a relief.

      • Senior Attorney

        This, for sure.

        “Joe, you haven’t attended a board meeting since May and I also notice that we haven’t received your expected contribution since then. I know you have a lot on your plate and I suspect being on our board is slipping through the cracks. We have really appreciated your service, but at this point shall we take this load off your shoulders and call it a day?”

        • Anonymous

          I actually had this happen to me recently, and the lady said, “I know I never could have been on a board at that stage in my life!” And I really really appreciated that line. If you have anything like that you could say (when I was at that stage in my career, when I had young kids, when blah blah blah), say that too. Otherwise, I like these suggestions.

          • Senior Attorney

            Oh, and another phrase I’ve used is “How about we declare victory and retreat?”

    • Anonymous

      I would ask questions and try to lead the person to making the decision themselves and give them a graceful exit. “I notice that you have not been able to fulfill your board obligations- x, y, or z- lately. We have valued your support, but it is important that board members fulfill obligations. Is there something that we could do to better support you in fulfilling your obligations? Do you think that board service makes sense for you in this season of life? Could we figure out another way for you to support the good work that we do besides board service? Etc.”

    • Anon

      I would have a discussion with this person about expectations and what s/he thinks is the best route forward.

    • OP

      Thank you all for your helpful comments. I’m putting a script together using your input.

  9. Anon

    How do you guys wear mid-calf boots? I see they are pretty on trend right now, but I just don’t know how to make them work. I think they look silly with skinny jeans or tights (unless the opening is large and I’m going for a moto/biker chic look), they are annoying under looser pants rubbing against my leg skin, and I kind of feel like they cut the legs at an akward spot and make anyone shorter than 5’8 look stumpy. How can a curvy (not heavy but definitely on the thicker side) 5’3 woman wear them? I love the style but the length…

    • Ms B

      I don’t. I am shorter than you and reached the conclusion long ago that boots either have to be above my knee, just below the knee, or ankle length or shorter to look all right on me. Mid-calf boots = 100% stumpy for me. Hard pass.

    • Cat

      You have my full permission to sit this trend out. I’m on the shorter side, too. Mid-calf boots make me look like a frumpy Kirsten Larson. I find the street sneaker trend to be far better for me!

    • Anonymous

      You just listed a bunch of reasons why you actually don’t like this style.

      “I love the style but the length…” So don’t buy mid-calf boots?

    • AZCPA

      Funny, I’m also short (5’3″) and I think they are way more flattering on me than ankle boots (which make me look stumpy) or knee boots that make me look like a kid playing dress up.

      I wear them with skinny jeans and pants, or tights and a dress.

  10. Financial Q

    This might be a dumb question that’s already been answered, but when you’re saving for something with an unknown timeframe, where should you put the money in the meantime?

    I’m currently casually saving for a downpayment (TBD timeframe – my lifestyle doesn’t currently make it make sense to own, but that’ll change in the next few years, but in a HCOL area…it makes sense to save early). It’s currently all sitting in an Ally savings account, and I feel like I might be leaving money on the table? I’m maxing my 401k, IRA, have a stocked emergency fund, and also put a little money into Vanguard ETFs every month, but I don’t know what I should be doing with this money. Sorry if this has been answered, I just don’t know what the recommended route is.

    • givemyregards

      Not in a position to tell you the “recommended” route, but I’m in a similar situation where I think I’ll buy a house “maybe someday” but have no immediate plans to actually do so, and what I’ve done is put the money in the market but in very low risk investments (recognize that all investing carries risks) because it could honestly be 10, 20, or never years that I actually touch it. I use Betterment and have the money invested in low yield but low risk things that still give me a slightly better return than a savings account. If you think buying is 10+ years away for you, and saving for a down payment isn’t creating a financial hardship for you, I would maybe go that route? Otherwise, I’d probably leave it in savings for peace of mind or do fixed term CDs. Would be interested to know what others think so you may want to ask again in the AM.

    • Torin

      I think this just depends on your risk tolerance. In your shoes, I kept that money in my Vanguard index funds along with the rest of my long-term savings. It was there for a couple years before I withdrew it for the downpayment. The market moved around a bit while it was there but I ended up with more than I would’ve made in an interest bearing account by a good bit. Some folks view that as too risky for a short-term investment but I didn’t.

  11. Normal rental rules?

    I’m going to be in a hurry for a rental in a market where the worst dumpster-fire houses are rented at prices way higher than COL or local wages would suggest. And it’s still hard to find a place.
    Around here it seems to be common that landladies (yep, gender specific) contract that you have to clean your bathroom (including shower or tub) every single morning and they have the right to come in and inspect it at any time. Is this a thing anywhere else? It seems crazy to me, but I’ve heard about it from more and more people as I ask around for anything better than what’s on CL.

    • Anonymous

      Woah. Where. On. Earth. Are. You!!! I would die! Clean my tub daily?! FWIW, I’m in NYC and this would not be normal.

    • givemyregards

      That sounds bonkers to me, but I have noticed that all of the leases I’ve signed recently require that you not hang dry any clothes in the bathroom, open a window every time you take a shower, etc. etc. to prevent mold, which seems overbearing to me, but no one has ever actually come to check that I’m doing that and since I’m a clean person, it’s never been an issue. I think as long as you’re not renting a house to host your fraternity and are going to keep the place relatively clean, you don’t have much to fear about signing a lease with those requirements. Although, I personally hate signing things with clauses like this even if they’re not going to be enforced so I understand the frustration.

      • Anonymous

        I might have signed a lease thinking it wouldn’t ever be applied without terrible tenant behavior. But I’ve have friends say, “Don’t worry–as long as she’s impressed that you do it for the first few months, the drop-in inspections will only be every month or two”.
        I called my current landlords to complain that the (uncaulked) bathroom wall has insect larvae–she thinks it’s because one time she caught me with soap scum and hair in the drain. So yeah, moving asap.

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