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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
We’ve discussed our favorite work-appropriate T-shirts before, and I think we need to add this one to the list. This satin-trim high-low tee from Alfani checks a lot of my boxes — fully opaque, a bit of trim to differentiate it from a “weekend” T-shirt, and a hem long enough to be tucked in, if necessary.
It’s also machine washable, although I tend to avoid putting fabrics like this one in the dryer to avoid pilling or snagging.
The top is $46.50 full price at Macy’s and comes in sizes 0X–4X in eight colors. With code BTS, you can get 20% off. It's also available in sizes XS–2XL in 12 colors, and that version is on sale for $21.59 with the same promo code.
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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Hermione
I’m watching the Olympics opening ceremony and welling up. It makes me so darned emotional!
Debbie Downer
I’m glad for the athletes, but I hate the machinery of the Olympics. The IOC and their friends get all the $. The athletes get a shot at fame but at what cost? Don’t get me started on Larry Nasser. There’s a good HBO documentary about Olympics winners and their life after. Spoiler alert–it ain’t good. I guess that’s all global sports–the machinery makes the $, a lucky few athletes get a windfall, and the rest are trying to follow their passion while making a good living.
No Face
I know two people who were training for earlier Olympic games (but didn’t make it). It was never about money or fame for them. Their sport was a passion for them in a way that basically nothing is for me. I put them in the same category as artists.
They were both Americans with middle class backgrounds though. Obviously their options were very different than other people on that track.
anon
Weirdly, I know multiple people in various random sports who have competed in the Olympics, and they remain positive on their experiences. That being said, they were in sports that allow a more normal life (i.e. don’t have as high a risk of injury and don’t require giving up your childhood to intense athletics) – canoe/kayak, rowing, and cycling.
Anon
Yup. Went to high school with a few Olympians (including a high school teammate who is rowing in Tokyo), as well as quite a few who just missed it (a rower who made finals at trials but fell short and members of the field hockey and men’s soccer teams – they’re national team members but the teams didn’t qualify) and they’ve all had positive experiences
Cora
Do you know what the documentary was called?
I agree. I’m glad the athletes are following their passion, and I was a huge Olympics nerd growing up, but all the scandals and bribery and mistreatment of athletes (especially as children) adds up
Debbie again
I think The Price of Gold if I recall correctly
Tierra
Agree. F the IOC and their cronies. There’s a good book by a former Olympian on the political history of the Olympics. Power Games by Jules Boykoff.
Anonymous
Same!!
Anonymous
This is interesting, no one in my social circle supports the Olympics, between the human abuses, stadiums that are detrimental to the locals, and now COVID it’s just not popular.
Anonymous
Well I love them! They are a triumph of humanity. USA Iran basketball! Glory for weird sports? International cooperation!!
bbb
Wow, y’all don’t sound that fun.
Anonymous
Yeah, she shouldn’t point out human rights abuses because that’s just a downer, amirite?
Anon
Wow you sound fun
Anonymous
Someone in my social group used to work at the IOC, those aren’t exactly the types of stories you can unheard and forget about.
Ribena
I also know people both with IOC and individual games experience and I think they’d all admit it’s been a mixed bag. But overall the magic of people achieving the best they can is what keeps me hooked
Anonymous
Between COVID, Hubbard, and the sexist regulations about costumes and accommodations, I’m not feeling the spirit this year. That being said, I love to see the accomplished, talented athletes.
Anon
Same. I usually love it but can’t get into it this year.
Anon
Yes this. I was so excited to watch the opening games with my kids when they got old enough. Now they’re old enough, but. I can’t get into it. I look at all the athletes and see the talent, but then I see how it’s exploited and corrupted and abused.
I want to believe in the international cooperation and visibility for smaller sports and triumphs of human achievement. I just can’t separate it from the horrible actions of all the “adults” involved.
Anon
Ditto, and I grew up watching it with my parents and loved all the pomp. Not into it anymore, sadly.
Bonnie Kate
Same. I want to be into it, but there was just so much ick this year.
Anon
Didn’t watch opening ceremonies but I loveee the Olympics. I pretty much block off my calendar to watch for 2 weeks
Walnut
I love the visibility the Olympics provides for sports that otherwise don’t get much air time. I believe climbing is new to the slate this year and who didn’t get excited about biathalon during the last winter games?
Anon
Yeah as a former rower and field hockey player I love finally being able to watch my sports on TV!
Anon
My daughter is a field hockey player and lives for this moment!
Anon
Can storing shower products, such as shampoo and body wash bottles, directly on a tub cause damage to the tub finish? I just started renting an apartment with a nicer tub/shower than my previous place. Do I need to buy one of those metal shower caddies that hangs on the shower head? At my old apartment, I just placed my shower products in the corner ledges of the bathtub, which didn’t seem to matter since the tub finish was already peeling in a lot of places.
MagicUnicorn
Rust from a steel shower caddy can stain the tub and surround, so if you go that route I suggest an aluminum caddy.
In general, though, if you clean the tub somewhat regularly and don’t use abrasive tools or harsh chemicals, the surfaces are pretty resilient.
Anon
No.
Anon
Friday grumble: Why are we still paying 5 or 6% to realtors? It’s so much money for so little work.
Anonymous
YMMV but I thought my realtor earned his commission. He showed me like 50 houses and wrote up at least 10 offers. That’s sooooo much driving, scheduling, paperwork etc. Bidding wars are no joke.
No Face
My realtor was also very informed about the local market. Saved me time, because he knew the houses that looked good on paper but didn’t suit our needs specifically. He also knew people who were interested in selling, but hadn’t yet listed.
Anonymous
Feel free to do a For Sale By Owner if you think it’s work not worth paying for
Anon
This probably varies by market. Getting $10,000 for selling a $200,000 house makes a lot more sense than getting $50,000 for selling a $1M house.
anon
This, not to mention the weird incentives it creates. I really didn’t love that as a Buyer my agent’s incentives on price are 100% adverse to mine
Anon
No, I agree! Sure, there are times they earn their commission (like perhaps the hot markets many posters here are experiencing), but on simple deals where you look at a couple houses, make an offer and you’re done, they get paid handsomely for doing very little.
bbb
100%
Our house sold in twelve hours and we bought our house within a day of it being on the market. It was the only house we visited because we knew we wanted to be in this tiny pocket neighborhood, and I am pretty sure we found it ourselves.
I wish there were some way to make it more equal to the work they did.
Anon
+2, it’s so ridiculous. I think the DOJ is investigating this, actually.
Anon
We bought in 2018 and neither our seller’s agent or our buyer’s agent did anything for us that I thought was worth their commission. Our buyer’s agent didn’t even show us our house – she was “busy that day” and had her assistant do it. She wrote up the offer and then handed off the work to another assistant; we didn’t see her again until the closing. Our seller’s agent didn’t understand our neighborhood and we battled over the initial listing price – she wanted way higher than I knew would work – and then when we ended up with a compromised lower listing price, all she would do to try to get the house to sell was pressure us to lower the price. She did a couple of open houses that her assistant staffed (we sent neighbors in to check). I finally wrote a letter about the neighborhood and the house and left it on the kitchen counter, and the next person who saw the house made an offer and bought it. Our selling agent was livid because “you’re not supposed to do that,” but it sold the house, at pretty close to what I had originally said it would sell for. It wasn’t worth the hassle or the money we paid. We’re seriously considering bypassing Realtors by any means necessary when we need to sell/buy in the future.
Cat
Yeah we successfully bought our house in spite of ours – he didn’t have any houses to suggest beyond what we’d found on Zillow, ended up costing us some money because he misread an email, and sent the wrong address for closing to everyone. Yikes.
test run
Same – ours was helpful in coordinating communication with the builder that we ultimately went with, but otherwise didn’t really do much. He didn’t reach out with listings that might fit the bill (any place we looked at was one I sent him) and whenever we tried to ask him questions (i.e. “what are comps for this house? is $xxx a reasonable offer?”) he would never answer. I understand that he didn’t want to be on the hook for telling us to do something in case we ended up unhappy with the decision but at the end of the day I was like “… what are you getting paid to do… exactly?”
Anon
Agree. It made sense before the internet, but not now. They need to go the way of travel agents.
Anon
100% disagree, y’all need a better one if you don’t think they earn it. I’m in a hot market and having someone who can navigate that, get you options before they hit the market, negotiate well, spot problems to save you money over time, all well worth what they’re paid.
Cat
The problem here is that the barriers to entry to becoming a realtor are so low that the industry is awash in sh-tty ones. I asked friends for recs before we were in the market and NONE of them had been happy with theirs.
Anon
There are good ones but the thing is you don’t pay them based on quality of service. Good ones are potentially underpaid but bad ones are significantly overpaid
Anon
Exactly this. I am envious of those folks who had great Realtors but ours did nothing that I’m seeing other people talk about – knowing the market, advising on neighborhoods and appropriate houses, negotiating on our behalf, etc. Our buyer’s agent forwarded us an email every day with MLS listings that were the exact same listings we were getting from Realtor.com every day after we signed up for email updates. I actually found the house we bought online, asked to see it, she tried to steer us toward more-expensive listings, I insisted on seeing it, and once her assistant showed it for us we made an offer the next day. Regarding our selling agent – we communicated more with the buyer’s Realtor than she did, and we did all of our own advocacy and negotiation because our Realtor’s perspective was “to get the deal closed, we just need to give the buyer what she wants.” She was absolutely not on our side or there for us in any way. I have heard tons of stories like this; more stories than I’ve heard about “man, my Realtor was great.”
Anonymous
Totally agree with this. Our broker was worth every penny when we were buyers. The common complaint in my hot market is that the broker doesn’t send you listings, you have to find the listings yourself. I don’t care about that at all – I can use Zillow. I do care about all the other stuff – connections, getting me into open houses, negotiating 7+ offers because our market is crazy, a good sense of the neighborhood and what apts/features hold value, getting us to closing. Plus post-closing she’s referred us to a bunch of contractors, etc.
Anon
Agree — a good one does things like “oh, this is a lovely cork floor in really good condition, let’s look under the wool area rugs, yup this rug has been in place for a long time and there is significant difference in color between the exposed cork and the covered cork, you’ll either need to replace the floor or put rugs in the exact same place.” I never would have thought to do that.
Anon
On the flip side I feel like they’re often underpaid.
Anonymous
Right? I mean now, the seller’s agent just has to fog a mirror, but buyer’s agents have to be savvy. It was the reverse in 2009. Pricing is what I’d value them for (or not mis-pricing). I’d pay for that for a seller’s agent. And advice on any bargaining (when do you walk away?).
I feel bad for buyer’s agents these days — so many lost Saturdays with likely nothing to show for it.
I feel like it’s like contingency fee litigation — some things you should price hourly or fixed-fee for it.
Anon
Yeah, I easily looked at 100 houses and put in like 10 offers. My agent got me in the same day most houses I was interested in were listed. It’s not like most realtors are making a lot of money. It works out if someone is buying a million dollar home but not so much when it’s a quarter of that.
CI
Yeah, it’s easy to forget that agents only get paid upon settlement – so many house tours and contracts that never go anywhere. Also, after taxes and broker’s share, mileage and office rentals, health insurance etc., take home isn’t all that much, especially when you consider the expectation of 24/7 availability.
Anon
I like my realtor who sold my old house and helped me buy the current one. But my house has appreciated ridiculously, and the size of the commission he would earn if I were to sell it right now is really ridiculous, especially since in the current market it would sell before they even put out a for sale sign.
I know how much work it is to sell a house as I have done it before, and I also know from experience that the vast majority of that work was done by me.
Anon
I’ve bought two homes and haven’t used a realtor and neither has the selling party in either transaction. I’m not paying that much money for somebody to wrangle paperwork for me.
Anon
I practice divorce law and I swear, every SAHM that has to get a job after getting divorced becomes a Realtor. I don’t know how much training and/or supervision they get. I’d be sure to hire one that has a few years under their belt.
Anon
Or when she needs to/wants to reenter the workforce.
Loved our realtors
You can negotiate it down. Loved our realtors but we interviewed a lot and knew folks in the area. If you’re paying 5-6% in this market you’re getting ripped off.
Mortgage Refinancing
I’m a first time homeowner who bought this spring at 3.125%. Somehow, interest rates have now dropped and the adverse market fee that was being added to refinancing is going away in August, so I’m wondering if I need to look into refinancing. When is it worthwhile? How high are the fees? Obviously I want to pay less over the life of my loan, but as a single homeowner who might want to get out of big law at some point, am also focused on what I pay monthly and would love to get it lower. Just not really sure to start with this one. Thanks!
Anonymous
It depends a lot on your personal circumstances, but I refinanced when my interest rate would drop by at least 1%, and that I would save money in the long run. I would recommend playing around with some online calculators – NerdWallet, Zillow, etc all have them.
Anon
Following. I bought in 2012 and have 3.85% as my rate.
Anon
Oh you should refi for sure! My rule is also a 1% drop, the math usually works out. Call a broker and talk it over.
BeenThatGuy
You should re-fi. I bought in 2011 at a 4.25% rate for a 30 year loan. I refinanced last year at 2.5% and now a have 15 year loan. I’m basically paying the same monthly payment because I was adding an extra $500 principal each month.
Anonymous
I’m Anon at 9:37 – I bought in 2015 at 3.875% for a 30-year loan. I refinanced this spring to a 2.65% for a 15 year loan. I *am* paying a bit more in my mortgage now, but I save a decent chunk of money over time and I get to own my house sooner. I consider that a plus, but ymmv. The paperwork side was fairly painless since I refinanced with the same company and a lot of it was done online. I did have to sign the final papers in person in front of a notary, but it took less than an hour.
House Math
For me it came down to doing the math (lots of mortgage calculators online can help you calculate total cost and payoff date). I bought in mid 2019 and our mortgage broker reached out about refinancing in early March 2020 (which we did) and then again this past spring. They provided a couple of options which included some where they covered all closing costs, others where there was an estimate of what our closing costs would be. We refinanced the first time because the math worked to have us paying less over time AND paying off the mortgage earlier (we are still paying the same amount even though the monthly payment is now lower). Two watch-outs are if you need an appraisal (if less than a year from your sale then we didn’t), and I find the amount of paperwork/tracking down documents on a deadline to be fairly draining so for me it was only worth it for a larger reduction. This past spring we decided not to refinance because we could slightly up what we pay each month, be well within our comfort zone financially, and have more flexibility over time.
Anon
Start by calling your lender. My lender changed the rate on our existing mortgage for no fee. It wasn’t quite as good of a rate as a total refi but it was easy and free, and I figured if I invest the closing cost $$$ I may come out ahead.
anon
PSA: Some institutions offer a mortgage modification for people who would otherwise refinance—it’s way quicker, cheaper, easier. You don’t get a new 30 year mortgage, you just pay a lower rate for your current one.
Anon
Not to threadjack, but does anyone know a good broker to refi investment properties? My rate is 3.85 (bought in 2016) but all the low rates I see are for owner occupied properties.
Anon
Find a good, reputable mortgage broker in your area. They will source several quotes for you with and without fees and you can decide from there.
anne-on
Shopping help/thoughts on a splurge winter coat? I’d like a dressier wool coat as I’m likely going back into the office this winter and my older Calvin Klein one isn’t super warm/on it’s last legs. I’ve got the full down puffer for truly snowy/gross days but I’d like something for when I need to commute into the downtown Boston for meetings with senior folks (and, uh, MA is COLD even before it gets full on snowy). I was super impressed by the thickness/quality of Mackage’s wool coats when I tried them on in-person pre-pandemic. But Norwegian Wool got a lot of good press last year (unsure if that was unwarranted as I’m not in NYC to try on in person). Which would you pick? Other ideas?
This is my top choice
https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/mackage-elodie-wool-blend-military-coat?ID=4017469&CategoryID=1005974
Contender:
https://norwegian-wool.com/collections/womens-collection/products/green-wool-cashmere-coat
Anonymous
The contender is amazing! I can’t have nice things like that, but it is so lovely.
Anon
The Macy’s one is much cooler from aesthetic perspective but does have a very European military vibe that could go costumey so depends on your overall look.
AIMS
Those are both gorgeous but the Mackage is gorgeous-er. ;)
I would trust a Canadian company to keep me warm. But I don’t think you will go wrong with either.
Cb
Ooh they are both beautiful! I love the brighter green but if this is a longer term piece for you you’d get bored being the woman in the green jacket?
Aunt Jamesina
Mackage, all the way. I feel like they aren’t even in the same league so it isn’t a fair competition (although the other one is a great coat!). From another woman with a long, dark green winter coat. I’m three winters into wearing mine and love it. It’s different enough from the sea of black coats, but classic enough that it still goes with things and I’m not sick of the color.
Cat
That Mackage coat is gorgeous, and I like that the more olive-y green is really a neutral, vs. the more Green Green of the other.
Anon
+1 to the neutral-ness
Anon
I understand wanting a nice wool coat, and you should get it if you want it, but the senior people don’t care if it’s wool or a puffer as long as it’s presentable, clean, etc.
anne-on
This is fair, but my wool coats also tend to be my ‘dressy’ winter coats and I want to have an option that’s NOT my big puffer (also because I have a love/hate relationship with my puffer – so warm! but so ugly! and I am SO sick of it by March every year).
Anon
This is why I have a dressy wool coat that I wear to work. It’s suitable for all occasions and a quality wool coat lasts at least five years.
Anon
I’m a different San Franciscan. Pre pandemic I was commuting to NYC part time for work. I paid a lot of attention to what costs people were wearing at different times of year because I definitely needed to up my coat game. I had a beautiful wool coat that I bought in anticipation of this years long work assignment, but over the course of a year I noticed almost no one wore that type of coat, and everyone wore puffers, especially Canada Goose. I switched to a super heavy duty puffer that sees maybe one day of wear per year here in SF but was great for even the coldest weather in NYC.
And I know Boston is colder than NYC so I’m assuming OP knows that the puffer really makes more sense, but just wants the fashion moment of a less practical but beautiful wool coat.
If you want to keep snarking on SF and down vests, you might want to take a look at NYC’s midtown uniform (oxford shirt, fleece vest, khaki pants) which I personally saw with my own eyeballs many, many times when I last visited NYC in June.
Anon
Long comment in m0d and I also nested it the wrong place – my snarking at SF comment was directed at another poster.
Anon
I’m the Anon at 11:06 AM, and spent most of my life in Boston. This is city-specific, but anne-on asked about my city, so…..
Anon
+1 to this. I’m a senior person and I’d die before going all serious in my outerwear. I live in SF where it’s not as cold as Boston by any means, but it’s chilly year round and I can’t imagine having just one coat. Get a couple of fun puffers – I’ve sent my wool coats the way of the dodo bird, they’re never as warm and not as stylish anymore. I like JCrew’s options – usually fun colors and trims.
Anonymous
What is ok for SF, the land of the eternal puffer vest, thankfully isn’t ok for the rest of the country.
Anon
See @midtownuniform
People in glass houses ……
Anon
Anon @ 12:29 – I am DYING at this insta account. Thanks for sharing.
test run
Another vote for the Mackage – I think that color will be one you’ll love longer and it’s just insanely gorgeous.
pugsnbourbon
+1 that coat is great. If I was in the elevator with you I would tell you I loved it and ask you where you got it.
Deedee
Love the Mackage! Also, the neck seems like it would be easier to fit a scarf underneath. I always prefer to wear a scarf to keep my make up/oils off the collars of my nice coats.
Anon
I love both of them. Particularly if you’re veering toward the Mackage, which is totally classic in color and cut, check out Poshmark and other resale sites. I picked up a new to me loden coat in perfect shape for around $100 a few months back. These sorts of coats are buy-it-for-life if kept moth-free.
Anon
Neither looks worth the price, IMHO. I like the style of the Norwegian wool better, but JCrew and a thousand others at Nordstrom make something similar. The Mackage looks really 90s in a bad way – I gave that coat away about 15 years ago. Also very draggy on the ground when you go to sit anywhere.
Anon
I agree. You can get one step up from Calvin Klein for $400.
Anon
I would consider most wool coats to not be very warm but Mackage is great quality and should be plenty warm. It’s also beautiful.
Anonymous
The Mackage one is dressier, so sounds more like what you want.
waffles
I actually bought that Mackage coat last year and I returned it. It’s a beautiful coat but it’s on the long side, the sleeves are long and the collar is oversized. It really overwhelmed my 5’7″ frame. If you like the oversized style or if you’re taller, the Mackage is a great option. But just a thought that it might not work if you’re more petite.
I also have my eye on this Soia and Kyo. I was hoping for a sale, but no luck yet: https://www.soiakyo.com/ca/en/damara-classic-wool-coat-with-detachable-bib-and-collar/DAMARA.html?dwvar_DAMARA_color=COL636&cgid=women-light-wool-coats#start=7&cgid=women-light-wool-coats
I also really love your Norwegian Wool suggestion. Does anyone have any comments on how warm these coats are? I’m in Canada, so it’s important for me :)
Anon
I bought my first MM LaFleur dress and wore it for a Zoom interview on Wednesday. Love. Professional and well fitting and comfortable.
Anonymous
I do feel polished with my MM LaFleur items.
allieoops
Do their items generally follow the size charts? I’ve been eyeing some of their items and was going to try out some sale items but was concerned about the fit. Sometimes the reviews will say “true to size” “too small” and “too large” and I never pulled the trigger on them.
Anonymous
At MMLF my size varies by style. For this reason, I would not buy anything final sale unless I had already tried on that style.
Anonymous
+ 1. And, they cut everything for a narrow shoulder and zero chest.
Anonymous
The zero chest part is why I love MMLF. The narrow shoulder part is why I am between sizes.
Anon
OP here. I used the chat feature to ask if I should size up or down (between sizes). Her recommendation was correct. (Item was final sale; I was banking on selling on Poshmark if it didn’t fit.)
PistachioLemon
You should do one of their online styling sessions! The stylists are helpful and you get 20% off (you have to ask, but they will always give it to you if you ask).
allieoops
Thank you all for the tips! It seems I was correct to be leery of the sizing issues on final sale!
Cb
An early request for good vibes! While you are all sleeping on Monday AM, I have a job interview for a permanent academic job. Job talk at 10, interview at 2. So I should know by this time next week, eeks! If I don’t get this, I’m going to start looking for a normal person job.
Ribena
Sending good vibes your way!
nuqotw
Good luck!
Anon
Good luck! I’m an academic spouse so I understand how brutal the job market is.
Cb
It is just brutal. And it doesn’t work in seasons like the US does, so you never know when a job will pop up. I feel pretty zen about this one, I’d be great at this job bu who knows who else is applying (beyond my work best pal/co-author who is interviewing directly after me – awkward…)
anne-on
Good luck! I’ll put in a plug for looking through the Ask a Manager archives on interviewing tips, I’ve found answering the questions out loud, jotting down notes/thoughts was super helpful the last time I interviewed.
Anonymous
AAM is not going to be terribly relevant to the academic job market. IME the best prep is anticipating the questions you will be asked about your job talk paper.
Anon
So European jobs actually let you know that quickly? Here it’s common to go months after an interview before you know either way, though part of that is waiting for everyone to interview, which goes a little faster when done virtually, and then lab start up negotiations with multiple candidates (I’m in STEM). Good luck!!!
Cb
Yeah, sometimes the same day depending on how on top of their phones/email your references are. They do the job talks in the am, interviews in the afternoon, normally 4 to 5 candidates. I’m at 10:00, my pal is directly after. I think it varies heavily by country and department though, a friend is in step 2 of a 4 step process in Southern Europe, with a decision expected by mid September. I think the academic space is so much smaller, I have a decently high profile for my career stage so I’m a known quantity and know one of the people on the interview panel pretty well.
Vicky Austin
Good luck!!
Anon
Good luck! I just lucked into a pretty awesome (non academic) job myself so I feel like luck is in the air.
Aunt Jamesina
Good luck!
Anonymous
Good luck!!!!
Anon
I will definitely be awake when it’s 1000 in the EU, so I’ll be thinking of you! (Also, I need a shorter commute and a later workday…)
Another anon
Fellow academic, all the vibes! You’ve got this!!
ArenKay
Good luck, ACB!
FL+Girl
Good luck to you!
Leatty
So I took today off to recover from a hellacious month at work, and my husband decided to do the same thing. Sounds great, right? After 15 months of spending 24/7 with him, that’s a big NO. He’s making so much noise and all I want is to relax in my own house with no one else around. I’ve decamped to our bedroom so I have a little bit of space, but I’m irrationally annoyed by his presence. I love him dearly, but man I just want some space from him and the kids.
Anon
Oh I feel for you. I’d be irrationally furious
Anon
I would be furious and feel like that is totally rational. OMG I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. My husband went WFH and has never returned from the office. Add to that he is an extreme introvert. I’ve been back in the office since last summer. I am either at work or at home and so I haven’t been truly alone in over a year and I’m about to snap. OP, I feel for you. And leaving your house isn’t the same either – he should go out to let you be on your own in your own home for a while.
Anon
*never returned TO the office.
Anonymous
Leave (if you can)! Go for a hike, go do yoga in the woods, grab a mask and get a coffee to go from a local place – do an impromptu half day out of the house, no rushing, no email, no spouse/kids! Good luck!
anon
Ugh. Does he golf? Can you send him out to do something he enjoys??
Anon
So annoying! Can you split the day so you each have quiet time at home and solo time out?
Anonymous
Can you just go check into a hotel for the day?
Anon
I was just thinking this. Tell him you want to swim or something if you don’t want to tell him you are getting away from him.
No Face
I would say, “I was really looking forward to being in the house alone for while. Can you go somewhere today so I have the space to myself?” Nothing wrong with finding a hotel room either.
anon
How is this fair to husband? Maybe he wanted to spend the day at home too.
Anonymous
He literally could have picked any other day to take off and he picked the same one as OP, this is on him.
Anon
Do we know he decided after he knew she was taking off? Did she tell him she preferred he chose a different day? I would tell my husband and he would accommodate in this case.
anon
She literally could have picked any other day to take off and she picked the same one as her husband, this is on her.
anon
don’t y’all ever get tired of searching for flimsy excuses to blame the woman? sounds like her husband copied her idea without giving her enough notice to change her plans.
Anonymous
It’s not blaming the woman – it’s emphasizing that communication is necessary for a smooth life with the one you love. It’s not reasonable to act like your spouse should know you don’t want to hang out with them. That is something unusual that needs to be discussed.
Anon
So OP has to carry the team? You don’t think DH owed her communication about his plans? It’s totally fine that DH hasn’t noticed over the course of X years of marriage how OP prefers to recharge? Cool internalized misogyny you got there.
Anonymous
I don’t have internalized misogyny, but I do have a very strong marriage – because of communication. I don’t blame OP’s husband for not realizing her secret desires if she has never communicated them. There’s only so much you can perceive from sullen glares and humph noises, especially if you have a reasonable expectation that your spouse would love to spend a day off with you. Wouldn’t most happy couples have that expectation most of the time?
No Face
In my marriage, we just say how we actually feel and address the issues head on. We don’t silently stew/resent each other. Feeling angry at him without telling him my needs seems more unfair to him.
My husband does not get recharged by being at home alone the way I do. If I told him I wanted to be alone, he would have no problem leaving the house for a few hours to give me my space.
Anon
And if she wanted a private day home, telling him “hey, I would like it if you switched your PTO day” would have been a good way to handle it
Anonymous
This is what we do as well. Expecting him to read my mind, especially when it’s something like “hey, I don’t want to spend a day off with you!”, never works. It’s totally fair to want that day to yourself, but you need to communicate it.
Anon
He can pick a different day! I replied that this happened to my husband and I a few times and I just had to be blunt and say, I need time alone sometimes and I think you need that too; from now on let’s talk about taking a day off together without assuming that if one person is taking off, the other person’s presence is going to be welcome. Married people also deserve boundaries.
Anon
Commiserate. Me going into the office at least one day a week has been very good for my marriage.
Anonymous
It’s so interesting how different people’s experiences have been, but not going into the office has been the best thing for our life and marriage. However, we were both facing very long stressful commutes and are used to spending tons of time together, so it was like taking away the bad and adding the good for us. I’m not sure it would be so nice if kids were in the picture.
Anon for this
Same, girl. Same.
Anon
Can you pivot and turn the day into a date outside the house? Go get a day pass at a hotel and sit by the pool? Have a boozy lunch together? I get being annoyed, but I’d love some just fun time with my spouse.
Betsy
I have a summer staycation coming up and coworkers keep asking if my husband will be taking that week off too. No! And I am so glad! I need some time to be alone in my house. Not everyone needs that though, so a lot of people (maybe your husband?) don’t recognize that. Could you try again another time soon without your husband joining, and would that help you enjoy some time together today?
Anonymous
Oh, that’s terrible! My husband would totally do this too. Surprise! I am going to spend the day with you so you don’t have to be alone on your day off! Isn’t that wonderful? No, it really isn’t.
Anonymous
This is exactly where communication comes in. Put yourself in his shoes for a sec – he thinks he’s doing something nice for both of you, but is instead met with sullen resentment and bitterness if you don’t say “hey, I actually really need some me-time! Do you mind switching your day? I just want to veg alone and enjoy my trashy TV.” It doesn’t have to be hurtful (“I don’t want to spend time with you”), but it does need to be made clear because most spouses aren’t going to assume that their spouses want a day away from them.
Anonymous
You can’t ask someone to change their day off if it’s a ‘surprise’ because at that point they’re already off. This is why I’m not a fan of surprises or gifts in general because they’re always about the giver and not the recipient.
Bonnie Kate
Ugh. Just no. There must be something in the air this week because on Wednesday morning I found myself wishing I could take Thursday off to just not talk to anyone. Literally, just want to be at home with zero people around. Unfortunately we are having work done on our property this week, so it wasn’t even a possibility, and tomorrow is all booked up with a family reunion. I’m looking forward to Sunday.
Anon
Remember in college, when you knew you would have the room to yourself and then roomie would cut class? GRRRRRRRR. Same vibe.
Anon
I’m sorry. This happened to us a couple of times; the only fix for it was a frank conversation. Can you get out and do something by yourself and leave him at home?
Anonymous
Hospitals in my area are now requiring employees to be vaccinated. Yay! OTOH, why on earth are these people not already vaccinated??? They were at the head of the line and exposure to hospital workers was a thing; some died! I totally do not get this (but welcome it absolutely — the last thing I need when I go on for obviously unmasked sinus surgery is to have a bunch of virusy people around me). Yes, I’ve had my shots. Yes, I’m still expecting to have a low-grade case of the Delta variant sooner or later (which will be disuptive AF after a disruptive 15+ months, so just giving everyone the side-eye today). Yes, my unvaccinated kid will probably get a worse case than me b/c no one in our city wears masks (but only about half have had shots, less among teens and younger eligible kids).
Anon
There was a county in my state where only 20% of healthcare workers got vaccinated. To be fair I sort of understand not wanting to be a guinea pig if you’re young and healthy. I’m not sure I would have jumped at the chance to get the shot in December, although I definitely would have urged my elderly parents to get it then. But there’s no excuse for them still not being vaccinated now that it’s been safely given to hundreds of millions.
Anonymous
I get not wanting to be a test case, but there were test cases way before even the priority 1 groups. And at the time, no side effect was as bad as COVID could have been (and why exposure yourself to that in a hospital as a patient, even if you got sent there first for a car accident, etc.), so I’d have done it.
I’m generally risk adverse (no motorcycles, no illegal drugs, no short-selling with margined money), but see the cost-benefit analysis of a shot, even a new shot, as nothing-to-benefit and generally never as a cost in the risk-reward calculus.
Anon
Risk averse, not adverse
Anon
I’m not the person to whom you are responding but I appreciate the correction. I’m fairly certain I wrote “risk adverse” in an email yesterday.
Anonymous
I agree with this. I’m 100% pro vaccines and even pro mandatory vaccination.
However, reading here (daily) about people worried about the possible long term effects of mild or asymptotic covid leads me to believe that there’s another side of this coin: we don’t actually know all the long term (decades later) consequences of covid or these particular vaccines. If you’re willing to believe that both very mild or asymptomatic covid (which the vaccine doesn’t totally eliminate) or the vaccine MIGHT cause long term health problems, the vaccine is less attractive. (We’re increasingly told about mild breakthrough infections). Also, in my highly vaccinated state the cases are rising faster than in less highly vaxxed areas and it looks more likely every day that we will reinstate lock down measures, even for the vaccinated. From the perspective of the skeptical, there’s less incentive to vaccinate as an individual if you’re masked or stuck home anyway. For the conspiracy theorists, the fact that the government touted vaccination as a means to stop distancing and masking then reinstated those things for vaccinated people feeds into a narrative that the government can’t be trusted.
Anonymous
Like the flu vaccine isn’t 100% effective, but I get it every year. Even a mild case of the flu can knock you down for a couple of weeks. Pneumonia is no joke and that’s in a youngish otherwise health person.
Side effects of vaccines, of all I’ve gotten (incl. smallpox) have been nill over a lifetime of 50 years. Medicine side effects — they are immediate IMO. Or obvious soon enough (opioids). Now that lifetime of Nutrasweet . . . who knows? A lifetime of smoking (not me, but others), harm (and if not, you are lucky).
All in all, it’s a not a hard call.
Anon
The difference is that vaccines don’t lead to potential issues down the road, viruses do. Never in human history has a vaccine side effect appeared years or decades after the vaccine. But it’s very common for viruses to cause complications in survivors that don’t appear until many years after. Measles and SSPE and chicken pox and shingles are the two I can think of off the top of my head, but I’m sure there are others. SSPE is especially scary to me because it’s always fatal and follows a “mild” acute measles infection, and it’s not as rare as previously thought (now estimated at 1 in 600 infants who survive measles). If there’s something like that for Covid it’d be pretty damn scary. And we just don’t know yet and won’t know for years. No human is more than 2 years out from their Covid infection. That’s why I don’t understand the resistance to “experimental” vaccines. We’re living in this wild science experiment with the virus itself. It’s like we can avoid the experiment altogether.
Betsy
I’m so glad you’ve pointed this out, because the fact that no vaccines have caused long term side effects that didn’t appear soon after vaccination was something I didn’t learn until recently. It’s important information to know, and something that I would imagine many people who haven’t yet been vaccinated are also unaware of.
On a different but related note, I would recommend everyone read Ed Yong’s article on The Atlantic – America is Getting Unvaccinated People All Wrong. I am the first person to treat unvaccinated people like monsters who refuse to let us out of pandemic hell, and it was a really good reminder that thinking that way doesn’t help anything and there are a lot of much more helpful approaches to take. Trying very, very hard to reframe my thinking so that if the opportunity arises I might be able to have a productive conversation with someone to encourage vaccination.
anonshmanon
This is correct. To be clear: there has been such a thing as vaccine injuries with long-term effects in vaccines developed in the past. But: in every vaccine ever developed, the ‘injury’ (for lack of a better term) has shown up within 3 months, it has never shown up with a long delay after vaccination. So it is very reasonable to assume that we would know by now.
Anon
You’re a better person than me Betsy, I’m sorry at this point anyone refusing to get vaxxed is a selfish monster.
Anonymous
Sadly, many of the support staff health care (hourly) workers that I know who are unvaccinated still do not believe the information provided to them about the virus and vaccines. A good number of people that go to work in hospitals are not medical professionals and do not understand, believe, or trust the information that they are receiving.
Anon
Possibly a fair number of them have already gotten COVID and feel that their own immunity is sufficient. Not trying to start a fight here about whether it’s right or wrong so much as explain their rationale.
Anon
I think people underestimate how disruptive it is to be sick right now, even if it isn’t COVID. The world has started to go back to so much in-person stuff and when you are sick and have to quarantine it becomes this big deal to everyone to reschedule even if they understand you don’t have a choice. It’s particularly frustrating when it’s something you could easily have worked through in the past (mild head cold) but because of your symptoms, you are required to get a COVID test to go back to work….
Add in if you have kids that you have to keep home from school or a spouse that has to stay home from work while you wait for your test result. I know the CDC is much more lenient on household exposures now but many workplaces, schools and daycares rightfully have more cautious policies, even for the vaccinated.
Anonymous
Cosigned. For the many rounds of testing we went through as a household of 4, it would have taken far less time to have had a mild case (which you are not guaranteed; and which we could have been spreaders of, and even if not, we could have inconvenienced many people who’d then hate us for not quarantining or testing soon enough). Ugh. Do not want another year of this stop-start-reschedule-my-life madness.
AIMS
I think hospital workers are just like people anywhere and run the full gamut of experiences and opinions. Some have had it, are young, have concerns (valid or otherwise) and are making a calculated decision. Others are just not that well informed and the fact that they work in a hospital really doesn’t confer any additional medical knowledge on them.
I also think that people can change their mind. I have a family friend who is a doctor in another country. He declined to take a vaccine when it first became available because the vaccine available to him had questionable efficacy and the numbers where he was were going down and he already made it thru the worst unscathed. He took it now because the numbers started to go up. I think we do a disservice when we assume that everyone who doesn’t do like we do is being an irrational idiot. Some are, some aren’t.
Anon
“Calculated decision” Eyeroll.
Vicky Austin
As a hospital worker, thank you for this first paragraph. I’m literally writing this as I spy on my coworkers from the nursing home who are on their 3rd smoke break of the day. Working in healthcare doesn’t confer the Mantle of Good Health Decisions upon us.
Anonymous
I am always surprised when nurses smoke. I don’t think they make perfect decisions in every way, but I would think that regularly treating COPD patients gasping for breath despite being on 4L of oxygen would be pretty compelling.
Anon
You think most nurses are doing that?
pugsnbourbon
The main hospital downtown marks their smoking area with a human-sized cutout of a cartoon puffin, right off the main street. I … assume they’re trying to humiliate the smokers into quitting?
Anonymous
A puffin…like the sea bird? Amazing, and good on the hospital!
Curious
Add to this that the folks I know in health care (who are all vaccinated, but have unvaccinated friends) talk about how they know how to use PPE to not get sick. Which I suppose is a fair point. It’s not like COVID is the only thing they’re exposed to every day.
Anonymous
True, but COVID seems to be almost measles-like in how it spreads, and the new variant may be much spread-ier than that. Yes, it may be good, but it’s not foolproof especially with lots more potential exposure.
Our church just resumed inside services, which is great, b/c it is 99 degrees here and humid. Which I will not be attending due to a kid in our family too young to get the shot. Outside she stays. Or at home.
Anonymous
Yeah, Walensky at the CDC said Delta-COVID is one of the most infectious pathogens they’ve ever seen. It’s scary.
Anonymous
My sister is a nurse in a nursing home in TN (~30 minutes outside Nashville) that was devastated by COVID last summer. 50% of the staff had it, one became a COVID long hauler and is on disability, my sister (otherwise healthy) was sick for 6 weeks and had lingering symptoms until she was fully vaccinated, many patients got sick and 10 of their patients died of COVID. They were a FEMA crisis hotspot (or whatever the term is).
Current vax rate among staff? 40%. Most of the support staff is vaccinated- their maintenance and cafeteria staff are all fully vaccinated according to their HR posters. Meaning it’s CLINICAL staff that is not vax’d.
My sister vax’d the second she was allowed. I’ve been picking her brain on why the numbers aren’t higher. Here’s what she tells me:
– Many people have already had COVID so think they are in the clear and/or
– There is a microchip in the vaccine (these are nurses!!!!) or equally fringe fears
– It is a Left Wing Conspiracy
– They can’t mandate a vax because the staff would quit. As a heavily Medicaid-funded facility [poor pay, not great working conditions] they already have a staffing problem and are loathe to do anything to make it worse.
Anonymous
I’m not in health care and have a very light social media presence. To help normalize the shot generally (not among my BFFs, but more like among parents of kids my kids are friend with who are my FB and insta friends and random loose acquaintances), I posted pics of me getting my shot and my 12YO kid getting his shot.
I also post when I give blood (but that has not resulted in a surge of friends doing it).
Seventh Sister
Honestly, I just think some people won’t make the right decision unless they are forced to make the right decision. Don’t want to get vaccinated and work at a hospital? Fine. Work someplace else. Want to work with unvaccinated kids without being vaccinated? Nope, get vaccinated or go away. I wish more employers would take the risk of getting sued (because as even my 10yo knows, anyone can sue anybody for anything) and mandate vaccines.
We live in a society where people don’t get “freedom” to not get a driver’s license and still drive or the “freedom” to punch someone in the nose because physical assault is a tenet of their religion.
Anonymous
Or freedom to pick which side of the road to drive on.
Anon
Many employers are concerned that they will be unable to staff adequately if they enforce a vaccine mandate for all except those with a religious or counter indicated. I base this on many, many hours of conversations with employer clients.
Seventh Sister
Staffing concerns make sense to me, the vague “someone could sue us!”-type excusesI hear from our school district makes me very irritated. Then again, they don’t seem to be hurting in the headcount department – they can’t seem to go a month without appointing another mid-level district administrator.
Which Bag?
I’m planning on going to a concert next month (outdoors!), and am trying to remember what purse I normally would bring- wristlet or cross body? I have a small one of each type, fits just phone, credit card, mask. There will be dancing, very crowded, and I don’t want to have to worry about it. Which do you think is better? My Friday boredom is making me shop in advance :)
Pompom
Crossbody, always. Handsfree is clutch (no pun intended) when you hit those portapotties.
Cat
crossbody for sure. Wristlets just flap around and get in the way.
Anon
Crossbody
Anon
Crossbody and check for venue requirements. Some venues require clear bags.
Deedee
I’m in a battle w/ Iberia airlines and welcome advice from more seasoned travelers…
I regrettably accepted a voucher in April last year when it became obvious that my May 2020 trip to Spain was not going to happen. The original voucher expiration was extended several times over the course of 2020. Now that I’m vaccinated and ready to rebook for May 2022, I realized that my voucher is set to expire at the end of March 2022. For a variety of reasons (spouse grad school, etc.), I really can’t travel before then. I tried calling Iberia customer service, thinking I might be able to sweet talk a customer service person into a 60 day extension, which was a “no.” Bizarrely, she suggested that I call someone back closer to the expiration date to see if they could extend it then? (BTW, this is a silly choice on their part, since the fare I’m rebooking would be several hundred dollars more than the voucher would cover!)
Do I have any other recourse to get my money back? I know now that I should not have accepted a voucher instead of a refund, so I’ve learned my lesson! It’s only about $700 tied up, but that’s not nothing to me.
Cb
There should be EU regulations on this – you might be able to get a refund rather than a voucher. Airlines opted for vouchers in the early days but later had to begin offering refunds as well. I’d call back and get someone else.
Deedee
Cb, sorry for the silly question, but would EU regulations apply even though I’m a US citizen/traveling from US?
anon
Unfortunately, in situations where the passenger cancelled the ticket and took a voucher, the EU regs don’t have much to say. There are recommendations around allowing you to get a cash refund for your voucher, but they’re not binding on carriers.
Anon
Hmm, my daughter is still waiting for a cash refund for an April 2020 trip and wishes she had taken the voucher. The airline admits they owe her money but they’re not refunding cash right now (note this isn’t in the US). She could have used the voucher already.
I would follow the suggestion about calling closer to the time – it’s counterintuitive but that’s how the system might work.
Curious
Did you get someone in Spain? Cultures of customer service and when you can follow our bend the rules vary. If customer service is Spanish you may do better going through an agent or someone else with perceived authority.
Curious
*or bend
Deedee
Interesting–the agent I spoke to was Spanish. Maybe I’ll try a call back to specifically push for a refund per Cb’s comment above.
anon
Did they cancel your flight or did you cancel your ticket? That’s the most important determinant of what your rights are here (I work in this industry).
Deedee
Sadly, I cancelled. My flight was mid-May 2020 and I cancelled in April. I had no idea it would be worth waiting for the airline to cancel it!
Anon
I was in the same situation and I ended up just taking a trip rather than letting my flight credits go unused.
Anonymous
An Spaniard here travelling frequently with Iberia,
Yes, if you were waited for the airline cancellation you could have change your mind regarding the voucher based in EU regulations, but being you who opted out now the airline does not have any other obligation but to honour the voucher before the deadline.
” Can I subsequently request a refund for my ticket or exchange the amount on the voucher for cash?
No. The voucher constitutes a full and final refund of your booking. During the request process, we’ll ask you for confirmation twice to ensure that you wish to proceed with the voucher refund. Once you have completed the request on our website or through our call centre, the voucher will be issued and your booking will be cancelled. Please also note that you will not be able to exchange the amount on the voucher for cash.” https://www.iberia.com/es/en/voucher/
But if 15 days previously to the deadline you can prove a force majoure situation calling to customer service you could get a new deadline.
“*The above change and voucher refund options do not affect any other refund alternatives that apply to situations where you are unable to travel due to force majeure. In these cases, all requests must be submitted through our usual customer service channels.” https://www.iberia.com/es/en/covid-19/flight-flexibility/
That is why the customer person that took your call suggest to contact again nearer the deadline. No sweetalk or bending the rules, just bussines as usual.
Let me know if I can do anything for you.
Alanna of Trebond
I would sell it on eBay for something less than $700.
Anon
Isn’t it book by the expiration date, not travel by the expiration date? I have a United voucher expiring in April 2022 but they told me it could be used for summer 2022 travel as long as it’s booked by April 30. (My husband is a professor so summer is the only time we can really travel and we weren’t ready to go this summer due to unvaxxed kids.)
Anonymous
Yes, you are correct. There are two different deadlines, one when you have to redeem the voucher and the date of the flights. I asume that the poster Deedee means she has a deadline to flight in March, but thank you for pointing it.
Anon
Where would you get a bathroom countertop fabricated? I used a granite fabricator for my kitchen, but granite seems like overkill for my bathroom and I would be fine with a synthetic material. Home Depot or other suggestions?
anne-on
In my experience you’ll be better off with a local tile store, or by asking the stone yards directly. The yards by us won’t even let you browse without giving the name of your fabricator because they don’t sell directly to the public, they sell to the fabricator who resells to you (yes, this is insane to me too). But our local tile place had suggestions of a fabricator they use all the time, and also recommended stone yards for our particular needs. Not sure if it’s a ‘them’ thing or common, but our tile store also sold/cut to size “saddle” pieces (the rectangular pieces of marble/stone you put in your doorway/shower entryway. We didn’t buy a slab for our bathroom reno (the countertop came with the vanity) and I had a real issue trying to get these relatively small pieces of stone otherwise.
Anon
Thanks for the suggestion! The stone yards used by the granite fabricator are actually right around the corner from me (almost literally) so I might just walk in and ask.
Anonymous
We did this, the stone fabricator used scraps from another job.
Anon
Same as my kitchen, used overflow material. My contractor handled – Home Depot is a nightmare.
Anon
Thanks, good to know – I won’t go the HD route
anon
OTOH, we renovated our master bath and elected to go with a granite vanity top from Home Depot – fit our plan and design perfectly and saved us a lot of $$….our contractor installed it
Anon
Was it stock or fabricated? Mine is an odd shape and there’s definitely nothing stock that would work.
I used HD for other work and honestly I haven’t had any problems, but this is a weirdly small job.
Bonnie Kate
Ditto to above; remnant is a good way to go. Also my granite fabricator had a lot of different countertop options, so perhaps yours offers more than just granite?
Anonymous
I recently bought three vanity tops from The Onyx Collection. It’s synthetic, made to order and they look beautiful. I personally hate over and under-mounted sinks, they get icky and don’t age well. The Onyx vanity tops are one piece, and have a nicer look. Tons of colors and designs to choose from. You can find local dealers on their website, and I ordered samples from Onyx myself. The company was great to work with, and I’m very happy with what we got.
Anon
Thanks!
Sunshine
Crowdsourcing. My husband has two major medical problems that we cannot seem to find a doctor to help with. Does anyone have ideas of how we find better specialists or which other specialists we should see? We both have doctor fatigue, but he is so uncomfortable that we refuse to quit trying to get answers. Yes, we are desperate.
High level: he is 45 year’s old, used to be slender but now has a belly (despite not eating very much), sedentary job. We live in the midwest, but would be willing to travel anywhere in the world (literally) to find help. Two problems:
1. Hernia mesh. He had hernia mesh installed about 4 years ago. Since then, he has had increasing pain and discomfort in his hip/groin/psoas area. Stretching and massages help, but those only provide temporary relief. He is uncomfortable sitting and standing, but sometimes lying down helps. As soon as you tell a doctor about this issue, they want to drop you like a hot potato, which makes me wonder if we really need to attempt to join one of the class action lawsuits (do lawyers who do that work have doctors who work with them who will give you honest answers?). We don’t care about a lawsuit; we want a doctor who will consider this problem and help us fix it so he can get his life back.
2. Stomach acid reflux-type issue. Almost anything he eats makes him get bloated and acid starts coming back up. He has gotten to the point of only eating once a day to reduce the frequency of the problem (and yet still gains weight). Antacids reduce the issue a little bit, but not much, and how many of those can you eat in a day. The number of foods that cause problemms is growing, which is also frustrating. Years ago he saw a gastroenterologist who did an endoscopy, which showed nothing. I still think this is the right specialist to see, but I don’t know how to find a better one.
We are desperate. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, I would welcome them. Thanks in advance.
Anonymous
I have been dealing with GERD as well. You should definitely push to see an gastroenterologist ASAP – I had an endoscopy, colonoscopy (which revealed polyps – I’m in my 30s), and an abdominal ultrasound. Once major abnormalities were ruled out, I had to go back to what your husband is doing, so a lot of trial and error. But you need to see the doctor first and emphasize how long it’s been going on, how antacids are having minimal impact, and how it’s affecting his ability to eat normal meals. Focus on impact and you sometimes get more results.
Anonymous
GI sounds like the right place to start. Have you seen more than the one GI? Do you want to post your general area in order to get regional-specific recommendations?
Who did the hernia mesh? Is this something you can follow up with?
Anon
I can speak to the GI issue. First let me say that I think GI issues are some of the hardest to get diagnosed because so many symptoms overlap. Even if your doctor is doing everything right, you might need a higher level specialist, because they’re tricky. In my case, I went to a tertiary specialist (a specialist of specialists) in motility disorders. My symptoms sound similar to your husband’s (but don’t they all) and turns out one of the problems was mechanical – not related to how much acid – so I could have reflux from drinking water. Not fun. Perhaps check out a motility clinic. They can do a lot of tests and hopefully get to the bottom of it. Good luck!
Anonymous
If you are in the midwest, can you try the Mayo clinic or an academic medical center where there may be someone who makes a career of hard problems?
Anonymous
I bet the doctors who refuse to see him for the hernia mesh issue are concerned about being called to testify in a lawsuit against the mesh manufacturer or the original surgeon.
BB
Have you looked into concierge medicine, especially ones affiliated with large hospitals like Mass General, Mayo Clinic etc.? That’s where I would go, and it sounds like cost is not an issue for you. And note that many of these services are not covered by insurance.
Programs vary, but basically it provides you with a top notch primary care physician who will personally navigate through multiple specialists with you.
Curious
I think my husband went to an orthopedist for his hernia mesh? Do you need a referral to see that kind of specialist where you are?
Anon
Ortho makes no sense for an issue with hernia mesh. Ortho = bones. General surgeon makes way more sense.
Curious
Ugh sorry. Cannot remember the specialist.
No Problem
Ugh, I don’t think I have any words of wisdom to help you, but you and your DH have my sympathy.
It sounds like he needs a revision surgery for the hernia mesh. I’m not sure how you have framed what you are seeking with the doctors who want to drop you (or which specialty of doctor you’re seeing that are saying that), but it sounds like that’s what he needs especially if he’s not interested in a lawsuit. Surgical revisions are definitely common in some specialties (think plastic surgery), and a quick Google search turns up some clinics at some major US hospitals.
I agree with the above poster that GI issues can be extremely hard to diagnose and treat, having heard many such stories over the years. It does sound like he needs a specialist of some sort here.
Do you think he would qualify for one of those “investigate everything” kind of workups they do at places like the Mayo Clinic? I don’t know what the criteria are for doing it, or if you need a referral, but the idea is that you go and they run a million tests and do all the imaging and have all the specialists consult to see if they can figure out what is going on and devise a treatment plan.
Sunshine
Thank you all for suggestions so far! I appreciate just feeling the support because we feel like we keep running into walls.
Like one Anon, he also gets acid just from drinking water. He has even tried low ph (I think) water, but that didn’t help.
I have never heard of a motility clinic. I’m going to look that up.
We tried to get an appointment at Mayo Clinic, which isn’t far from us, but they wouldn’t see him because they said they don’t have success with these types of issues.
Thank you friends of the internet!
anon
Since you said you’re desperate and haven’t had luck with doctors, maybe also try a registered dietitian for the GI issues? I’ve recently started seeing one and we did a ton of unusual testing that no doctor has ever done for me and determined that I have a lot of inflammation issues, which we’re addressing through food changes and supplements. When initially working with me, she also asked me a lot of questions about acid reflux, so I think it’s something that they’re trained to spot and look into.
Sunshine
Great idea. We haven’t done the dietician route. Even if it provided some level of relief while we continue to pursue whatever the underlying problem is, that would be fantastic. Thank you!
Anon
I’m the water reflux Anon. This is going to sound cray, I know, but it really helps. Try diaphragmatic breathing for 10-20 minutes about 3x a day. There are a lot of videos online about it.
Sunshine
Thanks water reflux, Anon.
Anonymous
Not what you asked, but it sounds like there is a problem with either the mesh or the surgery and that you should also talk to a personal injury attorney. You have really tight deadlines to file a claim, and it sounds like your husband may need additional surgery to remove scar tissue.
Anonymous
Oh, and one more thought. The personal injury lawyers handling mesh claims will have doctors who are ok with reviewing the work of another doctor to see what went wrong.
Sunshine
Thank you! We really just want to find the doctors who will help (we don’t care about money because health is worth more than money to us). But pursuing it through a legal angle could be the way to go.
Anon
Don’t turn down free money. Also, the physician who reviews this will almost certainly have suggestions for actually fixing it.
Anonymous
For the mesh, I would go back to the doctor who installed it. If that’s not an option, another ortho.
For the stomach issues, I would see a more advanced GI specialist. I would look for someone with (a) experience in IBD (Crohn’s, etc.) and (b) motility as noted below. Mayo has motility specialists that you could try.
I say this gently as the spouse of a doctor and someone with multiple complex diseases (cancer, autoimmune disorders), but there are sometimes limits to what a doctor can do for you. I have felt as desperate as your husband when trying to sort out my issues. But not everything has an obvious cause or medical treatment option. GI is definitely one of these areas – they may run all the tests and find nothing, which isn’t helpful to you. Sometimes if you can’t find a cause you need to focus on symptom management.
Something I found helpful was seeing an integrative medicine physician. It looks like Mayo Clinic has a group – I saw someone at a major academic hospital in my area. Their role is to listen to your concerns and help you manage your symptoms, regardless of whether you have an underlying diagnosis. They were instrumental in getting me the tools I needed to manage side effects from my treatments. My oncologist’s response was typically “Yes, that is a side effect of your chemotherapy” My integrative medicine doctor’s response was “that’s a side effect of your chemotherapy AND here’s what we can do about it (see this nutritionist, go to physical therapy, etc.).
Anon
Not saying this to scare you. One of my mom’s friends was having symptoms much like the gastro symptoms your husband is experiencing and put off seeing a doctor; when she finally did went through a lot of diagnostics that didn’t show much of anything. She ended up having gallbladder cancer, which is not common, has very vague symptoms, and like pancreatic cancer, is largely silent until it is late-stage. Hers finally got picked up on an abdominal CT after she vomited blood and went to the ER. My mom’s friend lived about six weeks after diagnosis. I would consider going to urgent care or even the ER the next time he’s having severe symptoms. If your husband has not had more testing/diagnostics in years, it’s past time to get that done and if the most efficient way to get it done is via an urgent care or ER visit, do that.
Sunshine
Thank you for posting. We will look into this too.
Anon
You might already have tried this, but I’ve found the best specialists by asking my most trusted doctors even if they aren’t my GP. I found my gastroenterologist by asking my dermatologist because she’s awesome. Ask who your doctor would see for an issue. And good luck with the GERD; I have it, and despite all the invasive testing, there isn’t an obvious cause (besides the onset of menopause which is understudied IMHO) but some modifications to meds and a consult with a dietician helped avoid some food triggers. She suggested a low FODMAP diet which has actually helped a lot, and not all of those foods are on the GERD trigger list. Also, along with the diaphragmatic breathing suggestion, I find not sitting down at all directly after eating and moving around for about 45 minutes after (a walk is the easiest, but also could be walking around the house tidying, vacuuming, cleaning up the kitchen, etc.) really helps.
Anonymous
Honestly, it may be the mesh, but it may be that you are conflating the mesh with a bigger issue. I think I would push for another endoscopy. That sounds to me like the symptoms for stomach cancer (which is rare).
Anon
Reflux can be from low stomach acid; sometimes antacids are counterproductive and what’s needed is more acid to trigger the relevant apertures to close. Some gastroenterologists are a lot better than others.
This is kind of random, but I was once suspected of having EDS, and I noticed that EDS patients really know who the good specialists are. I think it’s because EDS causes so many systemic problems that doctors really struggle with EDS patients unless the doctor is caring, motivated, and knowledgeable. I don’t really think I have EDS (maybe just some hypermobility syndrome at most), but I still check their recommendations because it seems to weed out some of the flowchart medicine types who only want to see normal patients with normal issues.
Anony
Hey fellow bendy person =) I haven’t been diagnosed with EDS but have been with Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder! Also agree with your acid rec – low acid can cause reflux.
OP – I’d recommend an Osteopath rather than an MD for general care and trying to find specialists. Also look into Gastroparesis, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and Mast Cell Activation Disorder (MCAD) – many support groups on FB where you could crowd source local doctors. Both can cause severe gastrointestinal symptoms. I have MCAS flare-ups quite often (mostly bloating and stomach distension) but allergy pills and Quercetin supplements help dramatically. I’ve also been known to have ‘allergic’ reactions to foreign materials – like a filling. My body wanted it gone; it still bugs me to this day, 8 years later. His body may be unhappy with the surgical mesh and ‘rebelling’ against it.
If plain water is causing issues, have him try salt water (plain water with gray celtic sea salt or Himalayan salt), coconut water, or Smartwater / water with electrolytes. I can’t do plain water; it actually dehydrates me. My body hates it. Instead of antacids, have him try baking soda and water – there is a recipe on the side of the box. It works better than anything that I’ve ever tried.
I have been where he is and I am so sorry for what he’s going through! I hope you are able to find some answers soon.
Anon
So sorry to hear about this! I can only speak to the GERD part. I found pills that reduced my stomach acid helpful, but only the kind where you take for a month be everyday before breakfast. Aside from that, I also found that changing the way in which I chewed made a radical difference. This might sound weird, but I now try to count to 30 every time I take a bite of food, to make sure I chew the food enough times before swallowing. I learned about this practice from a best selling Japanese book written by a famous gastroenterologist. Apparently, this practice help balance out stomach acid and increase probiotics generation.
I would be most worried about the long term effects of GERD, which can lead to esophagus cancer, as someone with a family history of this type of symptoms. So you are right to seek out treatment/diagnosis. Just want to note that I find a lot of eastern medicine tends to emphasize the need to change eating habits, which were more helpful to me in finding root cause of GERD.
Anon
What’s your routine for applying prescription retinol? My dermatologist gave me instructions to apply after moisturizer but I always thought it went on before?
Anon
I wash, moisturize in layers (k-care products), wait 30 minutes, apply tretinoin. Moisturizing first is called buffering. You generally need to do it until your skin is retinized, which can take 6+ months depending on the individual. Some people stop moisturizing completely once their skin has adjusted, but I never stopped because it works for me and cuts down on flaking.
Read up on the tretinoin subr3ddit, there’s a ton of resources. A lot of it is just experimentation to see what your skin likes. Also note that your skin behavior will change throughout the retinization process, so if you have a product your skin hates, save it anyway, because your skin may change its mind in ten minutes.
Anon
So I did tretinoin after moisturizer when my skin was still adjusting, which was a few months. Now I’m 6 months into my prescription and I put it in directly after washing my face, and put moisturizer on top.
Anon
I generally wash, lightly dry, apply a thin serum and eye cream, wait a second until face feels dry, then apply my curology which includes tretinoin. Sometimes I stop there, sometimes I apply a moisturizer on top a few minutes after the tretinoin (I almost never wait the full 15 minutes.)
I do this at night. Some nights I skip the tretinoin and either use a gentle exfoliant like Sunday Riley Good Genes, or sleep in a vitamin C mask. But mostly I’m tretinoin every night.
Daytime, it’s so so so important to slather on the SPF while you’re using tretinoin, so even though your question was specifically about the routine for tretinoin application, the daytime SPF is just as important as the night time application.
anon
Any recs for a good daily SPF? I was excited to start retinol but my prior go-to moisturizer with SPF starting pilling very unattractively and other options I’ve tried leave a terrible gray cast (caramel skin tone here).
Anon
Oh I could write a novel on SPF. How much time do you babe?
1) for a physical only sunscreen, Biossance is the best I’ve found. Very minimal white cast, lovely moisturizing properties.
2) for a chemical sunscreen for the face, I like Supergoop’s Daily Moisturizer spf 40. I use this liberally as my daily moisturizer and sunscreen for the face.
3) I also like Missha Aqua Gel and tend to use this when I don’t want to wear a moisturizer for whatever reason. It’s a thinner texture than either of the two above.
I reapply with a sunscreen spray, particularly on my chest, but I haven’t found one I really like.
For hands, I just bought Super Goop’s hand specific product because I like that it functions as a hand lotion and I don’t need to wash my palms after using it like I do with most sunscreens.
Good luck! The best sunscreen is one you will wear. I like the three I mentioned with or without makeup over them, which was important to me.
anon
appreciate these recs, thank you! I’ll look into them
anon
I think it depends why you use retinol, as well as the formulation. I use it for acne and use a cream formulation – I don’t use moisturizer unless it is the depths of winter and my skin tells me it needs it – usually about 6 weeks a year. When I do, I put it on after the retinol. I previously used a gel formulation of retinol that my skin reacted way differently to – in that case, I applied moisturizer every day after the retinol.
Anonymous
There is a new study out of Israel and the news is mixed. The Pfizer vaccine is 88% effective against hospitalization, 91% effective against severe illness, and just 39% at preventing infection in the first place. More data and research is needed to help confirm the findings, but this is going to impact our family decision-making since we are concerned about asymptomatic infections being passed on to unprotected family members. I’m at least VERY glad to see the 91% protection against severe illness.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-07-23/pfizer-shot-just-39-effective-in-halting-delta-israel-says
anon
Honestly, it feels like there are contradictory studies on delta out every week. I don’t even know what to think at this point.
The Lone Ranger
I’d like to know how many the unspecified number of participants in the study actually is. Especially in light of the numbers that Pfizer is following, and the UK study released last week.
Anon
I have a comment in m0d but the discrepancy with the UK and Canada studies can pretty easily be explained by the fact that immunity is waning after ~6 months and the UK and Canada delayed second doses so they don’t have nearly as many people who are 6 months out from the second dose. Israel and the US have a lot of people who were fully vaxxed in January or February. The US should pay attention to the Israel numbers because our vaccination campaign mirrored theirs, just about a month or two behind.
Anon
You shouldn’t be concerned about an asymptomatic infection being passed on (there’s virtually no transmission from people who remain asymptomatic), but if you get mildly ill you may pass it on. The 39% number from Israel actually refers to symptomatic illness, not infection. The UK and Canada have gotten much higher efficacy numbers but they delayed second doses and have virtually no one who was fully vaxxed in January. The US is going to follow the path of Israel because we gave our elderly second doses in January and February, so this should be concerning to everyone here. I hope the FDA authorizes boosters soon.
Anonymous
Where are you seeing data on virtually no transmission from asymptomatic people? Can you post a link?
Anon
When I say asymptomatic I mean people who NEVER develop symptoms, not people who will develop symptoms in a day but haven’t yet. The fact that (pre-Delta) the vaccines were 90-95% effective against symptomatic illness and 90-95% effective against transmission certainly suggests that most transmission is done by people who are symptomatic or pre-symptomatic and that those who remain asymptomatic thanks to vaccines don’t spread it very well. I think the CDC had more detailed studies that were the foundation of their “vaccinated people don’t need to mask anymore.” But of course now that efficacy against symptomatic illness has dropped to ~40% it’s a very different story because there’s a lot of pre-symptomatic vaccinated people walking around who are probably spreading it.
Anon
I believe Israel’s numbers. I’ve heard so many stories (personally and from the media) about a large group of vaccinated people where they all got sick. If the vaccine were even 80% effective the odds of 10 vaccinated people at one party getting sick would be vanishingly small, and yet it keeps happening over and over again. 91% against severe illness is good but not so good if you or your loved one falls in that 9%.
Anon
Ted a lasso fans, is it really that good? My husband says I won’t like it because it’s about sports and has few female characters. Usually I’d take his word for it as those are indeed two things that turn me off but it’s gotten so much good press that I’m intrigued.
anon
I mean, it is about sports, so that is true. But the most significant character in the show other than Ted Lasso is a women. (There isn’t a large main cast, so yes, there are only two female main cast characters but they get a lot of time.)
Anon
Agreed, the second most important character after Ted Lasso is a woman who has plotlines that have nothing to do with men, so I don’t understand that criticism.
Anon
I thought it was sweet and fun but I definitely didn’t get the hype that it’s the BEST SHOW EVER!!!! I’m not getting Apple TV just to watch the second season (my free trial expired).
Anon
I did not expect to like it for those reasons, but I loved it. It’s great. Definitely watch it.
PolyD
Same. I was really bored and reluctantly put it on (thinking Ugh, sports) but by the second episode I was hooked. Can’t wait for the new season!
Anonymous
Actually I’d be surprised if a man liked it because it’s not really about sports at all. It’s about the characters, and two of the most interesting ones are powerful women.
Anon
…and men only like sports, not character driven stories?
Anonymous
Men don’t like character-driven stories about women. Only about men. The female characters here are more interesting and nuanced than the male characters.
anon
I’m sorry you only know sh*tty men.
Anon
Please tell that to my husband, the Real Housewives superfan.
Anonymous
Wow, you know terrible men.
Anon
Omg, best show ever! I call sports sportsball, and loved it. All the characters are sympathetic and it’s just a refreshing happy show. It’s what you need right now.
AIMS
It’s a fish out of water story. I think that is much more descriptive than it’s about soccer and has few female characters. I actually never thought about it but the female characters are really well drawn, better than many more stereotypically ‘female shows’. I honestly don’t know why your husband thinks you wouldn’t like it. And no it’s not the best show ever (what is though??) but I think it was such a hit because it’s funny and just incredibly sincere and hopeful at a time where the world just feels dark in so many ways. I say watch it!
Anon
Sex and the city was the best show ever ;)
anonymous
It’s good. My husband and I really enjoyed it. You can always give it a try and stop watching if you’re not interested. I don’t think the focus is on sports.
Anonymous
Yes, it’s that good or actually, it’s better. Although the setting is sports, the show is really about teamwork, leadership, and accountability. I highly recommend it.
Mrs. Jones
Normally I avoid shows that many men love, but it’s a really good show.
anon
It’s universally beloved amongst all of my friend groups – men, women, non-binary, everyone.
Anonymous
I believe your husband is WRONG. This series is only tangentially about sports and there are amazing women characters. Dare I say your husband is trying to keep this GEM of a show to himself? I held off watching it for a long time and I now ADORE it. Also loved Schitt’s Creek – similar vibe I think.
Anon
I loved it and I’m not a sports person. It’s not really about sports. Sports is the backdrop. It’s about people and the things they/we struggle with.
Doodles
It’s one of the few shows my husband and I have agreed on. We loved it and binged the whole season in two weeks. The only other shows I can think of that we watched together were Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Bridgerton, and Better Call Saul. Plus cooking/baking shows. Can’t wait for season 2!
Anonymous
Brain isn’t working. I am a contractor on a project. We just crushed a deliverable and the project lead wants to give me a “bonus” and told me to send an invoice for the amount. I could put “[Project title-Bonus]” on the invoice, but it seems so weird to be invoicing for a bonus. Is there another way to word it? “End of project incentive”?
It’s really just for my records but I’m somehow spending too much brainpower on this.
Anon
“Performance Bonus.” He needs this for his records. Give him the records he needs to get you paid and have it on file why you were paid extra.
Anonymous
OP here. It’s a “she.” Not that it matters, but sometimes it matters ;)
Go for it
I like the first one! It is bada$$
Anon
Call it a success bonus
Anonymous
If this is your last invoice, I would just label it final invoice. I don’t think it matters what you put on it for your purposes, but if your client signed a fixed price contact, and this payment is in addition to that, using the term bonus or incentive may raise an issue.
Anon
I would call it a performance incentive rather than a bonus. I deal with this type of thing all the time, and somehow there are people who seem to feel that bonuses are unearned windfalls but that performance incentives reward good work. Ridiculous, but I play the game.
Title Query
I’m a lawyer who applied for a senior level in-house job, which they offered me but with a slight title change due to internal title rules. The previous title included the word “Counsel”, whereas the new title indicates it’s a director position without including the word “Counsel”. This is the type of position that could be performed by either a lawyer or non-lawyer, though the stated career track for me within this company is clearly to stay in legal roles with increasing levels of responsibility and my role would include providing legal advice. Would any of you lawyers worry if your title didn’t clearly indicate that you were in a practicing legal role? Am I overthinking this since the title is still senior and pays commensurate with a practicing lawyer position?
Cat
Wouldn’t bother me but I may be extra attentive to labeling emails as privileged when appropriate.
Anon
I would want some indication that it is a legal position, if I intended to stay in law.
anon
I am conscious that if counsel is in my title, I am holding myself out as counsel for the company which can have ethical implications depending on who you work with internally/externally and the giving of legal opinion (or not). If I am not acting as official counsel for my company, I would not push for counsel in the title. None of our compliance team has counsel in their titles, but they are all lawyers, and it’s wildly clear to anyone who has a clue that they are in a legal role (e.g. Director of Legal Compliance). If this is more of a JD preferred role, I would not push for counsel but instead go the “legal” word or some other legal word indicator in my title.
Ribena
Yep, I interact with a lot of people whose title is “Senior Manager, XYZ Legal” or similar. They’re all lawyers.
Anon
I would want the counsel title, because you get mor recruiters reaching out to you, in case you ever want to look for other ops down the road.
Anon
My dad had surgery about 5 weeks ago and the surgery itself was fine but he has post-operative urinary retention (i.e., he can’t pee). The internet suggests this normally resolves within a few weeks but his is not and the urologist doesn’t really seem to have any plans other than long-term catheter use. He’s very uncomfortable and it’s impacting his quality of life because he doesn’t want to go out in public with a catheter bag around his leg. Does anyone have experience with this? Any hope that it will still spontaneously resolve even though he’s over a month out from surgery? Or suggestions for specific treatments we should be asking about? He’s an older overweight man who has a benign enlarged prostate, so lots of risk factors, but he was pretty healthy and active before this and it’s hard seeing him like this.
catheter
How long has it been since the surgery? How old is your Dad?
Is the urologist he is seeing a doctor that he has known for years, or someone new? Was the surgery for something urologic or unrelated? Is the urologist just wanting you to give it more time, and still suggesting the problem will likely resolve, or has he ?given up already and says he will have a catheter for life?
If urologist has given up (would be surprising …), time to see another urologist and get a second opinion. If he just wants your dad to wait a bit longer, hoping that it will resolve, schedule a follow-up appointment soon and be aggressive about wanting to pursue all options ASAP. Like, does he need a surgery for his enlarged prostate? But obviously avoiding surgery is the best option if time may work this out.
Also, Urologists are surgeons and like to do surgery but do not like to deal with follow-up visits/quality of life issues. However, most of them work closely with their nurses/nurse practitioners. If one of these is working with the urologist, call and talk with them. They are MUCH more helpful for practical day to day advice.
My father has had a catheter for many many years, since being hit by a car and is now paralyzed etc… but he would be the first to say that dealing with the bladder and bowel effects of his injury is much worse than losing the ability to walk. Unfortunately, doctors are not as helpful with these problems and technology is not very advanced. Your Dad can certainly use a leg bag under looser pants and honestly people do not know at all. But I totally get how he doesn’t want to deal with it, and my Dad is pretty much tied to only short trips from the home to deal with this issue. You also need to hydrate very well, and use very clean technique with draining or it is so easy to get a urinary tract infection, which are more serious when you have a catheter and are older.
catheter
Also, there are some medications that might be helpful to try, and an alternative to wearing a catheter all the times is learning how to do intermittent self catherization. Something worth talking to the nurse about. He can learn it, but needs to be very clean.
Anon
Thanks, sorry to hear about your dad. He’s 71 and the surgery was 5, almost 6 weeks ago now. The surgery had nothing to do with that region (it was on his thyroid) but they didn’t realize there was a problem until almost 3 days after surgery and apparently by that point his bladder was incredibly distended and damaged from being so full of pee. The people in the ER said he was lucky it didn’t burst, yikes. The urologist hasn’t suggested he will have to have a catheter for life, but they keep taking the catheter out every week or so to see if he can pee and he still can’t. I read online this problem normally resolves within 4 weeks so I wasn’t sure what the odds are of the situation spontaneously improving at this point. I had a catheter (in the hospital only) when I gave birth and it led to the most awful UTI so I’m well aware of that side effect but fortunately my dad hasn’t any issues in that department yet.
Catheter
That’s all good news. I would keep reassuring him that this should improve with time, and 4 weeks is just an average. You can ask the docs if any meds could help push the process along. I am optimistic.
Catheter
And tell him not to worry about his bladder being damaged from the back-up of urine. A bladder is basically a bag made out of muscle, and can stretch a lot and bounce back. He will probably be just fine.
Anonymous
His surgeon should be able to refer him to a specialist. If he’s not, I’d question if he should wait longer or perhaps go to a different place. My husband has recently had prostate cancer surgery, and there are a host of issues (including a catheter) in the short term. We have a plan of when to seek additional treatment if needed. My sympathies, as his short term catheter use was pretty confidence-killing.
Anonymous
My father had a similar post-surgical issue. It took a while to resolve. I’d give it some more time, then push for other options.
Anonymous
This happened to my Dad at 80. He went in for a hip replacement and could not pee on his own again. He self catheterizes himself twice a day for the last 5 years. Evidently his prostate was not letting him pee fully and his bladder got stretched out, lost muscle tone. Had the prostate drilled with a laser but the ability to pee never returned.
Anon
How do you clean under your fingernails, and how often? I clean mine at least twice a day using the cleaner tool on nail clippers, but I feel like I’m constantly getting gunk underneath my nails throughout the day. The skin underneath my nails actually is really sore from how often I clean them, but if I don’t they look dirty. I feel like I can’t get them as clean as I want to. Possibly relevant: I keep my nails pretty short and haven’t had a manicure since pre-pandemic.
Anonymous
A nail brush will be gentler.
Anon
Short nails, somewhat regular gel manicures and literally never. I’ve never noticed anything stuck underneath. If I’ve been outside and getting dirty (actual gardening, hiking a trail with a lot of dust/dirt or a scramble, etc) I’ll wash my hands really well and that cleans up anything behind the nails – and this is a rare occurrence (monthly?). My hobbies are kinda messy – just about anything outdoors or active, home improvement, painting, etc. but even with these hobbies normal hand washing is sufficient. I literally never have to use that tool on the clippers.
Anonymous
Agree with this. I think I’ve used that tool on my clippers like, once? I hike, backpack, ride horses, and do a lot of things that are really dirty.
anon
+1 but instead of gel manis, I do regular polish weekly at home but cleaning is not a necessary part of my manicure process. Anecdata: I have never heard any of my friends say anything about cleaning their nails and we talk about nail polish and other things that would lend themselves to a mention of this.
The only time I have EVER noticed anyones nails looking dirty is when they have just finished doing something dirty or they work in a job that is a manual labor type job that involves grease, dirt, etc.
Anonymous
Please see a mental health practitioner this isn’t necessary or normal and you sound deeply unwell.
Anon
OP here, thank you for your concern. I am in therapy and on meds for anxiety. I think this is more of a dirty nails issue than an anxiety issue. I actually didn’t know about nail brushes until now, and will be ordering one!
Anonymous
It isn’t. If that’s your conclusion reading here you are wrong. No one is scrubbing under her nails multiple times a day. You are damaging your skin which can lead to infection. This is a mental health problem.
Anonymous
OP, this poster is a bit harsh, but I think she’s right. The solution here isn’t more tools so you can spend more time on your nails. What will work for you to spend LESS time on them? I say this as someone who is very active and outdoorsy – and I never, ever use that tool or a nail brush to clean my nails. They look 100% fine and I wash my hands often throughout the day.
Anon
Knock off the armchair diagnosing.
Anon
I would just use soap and water, you can scrape your nails gently against their own-side palms to suds it around. Don’t use the scraper – and if it really bothers you I would just get a dark nail polish. Don’t expect perfection here.
No Problem
I just…don’t get that much gunk under my nails. But I mostly sit at my desk all day. Is there some behavior that leads to this? Lots of scratching itches, yard work without gloves on, etc.? It sounds to me like you’re just doing something that leads to more dirt under your nails than an average desk denizen.
Any gunk I do get under there comes out easily when I wash my hands with soap and water. I kind of massage the tips of my fingers to make sure the soap gets under there, and pull the skin away from the nails when rinsing to make sure it all comes out. Sometimes I need to run one fingernail under another to get something out, but it’s really rare that I need to use the nail clippers tool.
Anon
I work with machinery and get grease under my nails frequently. A nail brush and some Lava soap takes care of it easily.
Mrs. Jones
Except for hand washing, I literally never clean under my short nails, because they don’t get dirty, unless I’ve been doing some heavy-duty cleaning/yard work.
Anon
Uhh never? I keep my nails short and I shower daily and I don’t feel like my nails need to be separately cleaned.
No Face
Regular handwashing with soap is sufficient for me. When my kids get dirty fingernails, a bath does the trick.
Your skin should not be sore from cleaning.
Anon
I have a pack of cheap nail brushes from Amazon that I use after I garden, which works pretty well. You might need to give it a break for a week – if you clean under there too much you’re creating more room for dirt to accumulate.
Anonymous
Depends on what I’m doing. Certain activities (real gardening, working on a car) and certain clothing (pockets in my dark wash jeans) leave dark stuff under my nails and I clean that out. Otherwise, if there isn’t anything dark under my nails, I don’t clean them out.
anon
same
Anon
I do it at least once a day because I tend to get things under my nails. I think some of us just have nails that collect things. I have made myself sore doing it before so now I’m more careful. I generally try not to use a tool and instead just use one of my other nails, which is more effective and gentler anyway. My nails aren’t long, there’s generally just a few mm of white nail showing on each.
anonshmanon
twice a day is a lot! I wanted to add that exposure to certain substances (cleaning chemicals, but also fruit juices if you spend half a day baking etc) can stain your cuticles and it looks dirty for a few days. If it doesn’t come off with soap and a nail brush, I know that I have to wait a few days for it to look clean again.
Anon
Oh man turmeric is the worst at this. I seem to forget it every time and there I am, rubbing a turmeric heavy spice mix into a batch of chicken thighs… and then I live with yellow nails for weeks.
Curious
So the metal scrapers actually make the problem worse (no idea why). If I use them my nails not only don’t stay clean, they get dirty again almost immediately (which would be why you feel the need to use them multiple times a day). Nail brushes are much more effective and should clear dirt such that you won’t need to clean under the nails again until you do dirty work with soil etc. the next time.
Anon1
I’ve been job searching, and in my field it is not unusual to ask clients to do a skills based test. Its usually after the first interview at least, and maybe a couple hours.
A company I applied to but haven’t spoken to yet just sent me the assignment and an email with the sentence “Because we respect your time, we ask that you complete this assessment before the interview starts. We do not expect it to take more than 5 hours.”
5 hours is reasonable!?!?! Before I’ve even spoken with them?!?
Anonymous
I would withdrawal my candidacy unless it was a dream employer (and even then I work at my dream employer and the test they gave me was only an hour!) I find a lot of companies in use these ‘tests’ to get free work products.
Anon
This is insane! I’d pass. That level of unreasonableness in the interview stage is likely just a small taste of what they’d be like to work with.
Anon
Refuse the interview. You are not a salaried employee on company time, being asked to work late for a few nights; you are a person who is applying for a job on her own time. If this is how they treat your time now, you are going to be up a creek if actually hired.
Anonymous
Helllllllllllll no. And I would tell them why. “I’m not able to complete a skills assessment before we’ve had an initial interview to assess whether the position is a good possible fit for both of us. Best of luck in your job search process.”
Anon
Hahahahaha that’s a “no” for me dawg. I need to speak to a human to figure out if I am even interested in pursuing this before I spend even thirty minutes on doing an assignment or an assessment. Unless this seems like your absolute dream job, I wouldn’t even respond. Just move on and say a little prayer for them, that someday they will get a clue.
Anonymous
Both husband and I are in fields where this is not uncommon (sometimes more so for entry-level positions). I don’t think a 5-hour skills assignment is necessarily unusual or unreasonable – what *is* unreasonable is the stage at which you are being asked to do it. I see it most often after the recruiter phone screen, or after the recruiter phone screen + initial manager interview. At that point, both you and the company are investing roughly similar amounts of time in each other.
Anon
My old company used to do that. They hired very few people but the ones they hired had spent hours on initial assessments like that, and days on projects/presentations that were part of the interview. And then once they got the job, the company was a terrible place to work.
I will just say, anyone who read GlassDoor reviews could have saved themselves a lot of time and effort and just passed on the opportunity. I’m putting this out there just in case you happen to to be applying to that company.
Anon
Any recommendations for a great florist in Chicago? Looking to send my sister flowers before she takes the Bar next week. She lives in Streeterville. Thanks!
Anon
Flowers for Dreams
Anonymous
Ode a la rose
Anon
I’m so down about my job search. Everyone around me is jumping to new positions left and right, all I hear is that it’s an employee’s market, but I’m getting ghosted after an initial conversation or else hearing nothing at all. My skills are a bit outdated and I’m frantically doing trainings, but I’m having major FOMO about it taking too long and missing out on this huge national migration to better/remote work.
I’m not even sure what I’m asking. I just feel like I’m being left behind and I’m too tired to catch up.
Anon
Provide more details and we may be able to help.
Anon
I am so sorry. I am in the same boat as you. Sent out *so* many resumes. I think my resume looks great both from a design perspective and substantively, and I’m getting nothing. And then I keep hearing it’s an employee’s market. It makes me feel horrible about myself and like this must be me. I have no advice other than to hang in there. But if it makes you feel better, you’re not alone!
test run
Ugh, I feel the same way. I’ve even had my “least likely to just be nice to you” friend review my resume because it’s so easy for the language in them to get tortured/become useless. I feel like in the past I got so many interviews with my worse resume and clunkier cover letter so I have no idea what I’m doing wrong now. I’m wondering if it’s because I’m applying for more senior jobs (going from director to exec director/AVP) and that’s just harder? But again, I have no clue.
Anon
Yes, I’ve had an actual professional + three friends look at my resume; purchased a professionally designed template, etc. I’m so puzzled. I’m trying to make a shift in careers, so I’m just telling myself it’s that these jobs are more of a reach – basically same as what you’re saying: it’s just harder Fingers crossed for you!
Curious
Are you networking? Most jobs don’t come through resume submission.
Anon
Those of you who supplement with Vitamin D, do you also add vitamin K?
My blood tests for vitamin D are consistently low (over the course of years) so I’ve been taking Vitamin D pills and the needle hasn’t moved much. Now I saw something on a video about vitamin K being necessary to absorb Vitamin D and I wonder if I’ve been doing it wrong. If you do, please recommend the brand you use!
BeenThatGuy
I have seriously low vitamin D. I take a prescription of 50,000 IU’s twice a month (down from weekly). My prescribing doctor have never mentioned taking vitamin K also. I think your question would best be answered by a doctor.
Anon
How do you take it twice a month? Is it an injection?
My doctor told me to take OTC vitamin D supplements. When my levels didn’t improve she told me to double them.
So yes, I’m talking to my doctor about it.
BeenThatGuy
It’s a pill
Anon
I also have an RX of 50,000 every week (pill, not an injection) and do not take vitamin K. My dr. has never mentioned the K.
Anon
My doctor recommends daily D3 dosed with K2 to avoid calcium deposits (and magnesium, since low magnesium can correlate with low D, but I also tested as magnesium deficient).
I’ve never seen a persuasive argument that prescription D2 is any better than over-the-counter D3.
Anonymous
If you are trying to self treat, I would suggest seeing a doctor instead. Mine gave me an RX for pills that were really strong and goosed up my levels, and then put me on a maintenance dose.
Anon
Please see comment above. I am seeing a doctor about it. She told me to double my dose but she didn’t mention vitamin K.
Seafinch
Yes, I take 5000 units a day and a K2 supplement. I am not fussy about the brand I just buy it from a reputable natural/nutrition store I trust.
Anon
Thanks. So I will look for K2. One thing they mentioned in the video I saw was spending 5-8 minutes with over 10% of the skin exposed in the sun around noon every day. I’m such a sunscreen wearer that sounds terrifying but I might be willing to expose my legs…..
Vitamin D
No, and this is not commonly recommended. This is not the explanation for why your vitamin D level is still too low. Some people just require a higher oral dose of Vitamin D to reach the optimal blood levels.
Your doctor is just being a bit lazy. If your level was not within the desired range after starting the supplement, then your doctor should tell you to increase the dose. Then your blood level is rechecked. If it is still not sufficient, then you increase the dose again. Some folks just require higher doses.
What is your blood level?
Talk to your doctor if you start the Vitamin K supplement. This is not routinely needed and if you had other medical problems (ex blot clots/bleeding etc.. ) then Vitamin K may interact with your other issues.
Anon
This is a good point: don’t mix up vitamin K with vitamin K2. The point of taking vitamin K2 with vitamin D is to avoid calcium deposits. K2 doesn’t have anything to do with blood clots or bleeding, but vitamin K does.
Vitamin D
No, and this is not commonly recommended. This is not the explanation for why your vitamin D level is still too low. Some people just require a higher oral dose of Vitamin D to reach the optimal blood levels.
Your doctor is just being a bit lazy. If your level was not within the desired range after starting the supplement, then your doctor should tell you to increase the dose. Then your blood level is rechecked. If it is still not sufficient, then you increase the dose again. Some folks just require higher doses.
What is your blood level?
Talk to your doctor if you start the Vitamin K supplement. This is not routinely needed and if you had other medical problems (ex blot clots/bleeding etc.. ) then Vitamin K may interact with your other issues.