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Coffee Break: Delia Asymmetric Patent Pump

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I was perusing Bergdorf Goodman's “just in” items the other day and suddenly found myself obsessed with these pumps (pictured on someone modeling leather leggings).

On closer inspection, I fell even deeper in love — the textured patent leather! The adjustable ankle strap! And, of course, that asymmetric vamp strap. Lurve. I'm less in love with the 4″ heel, but hey.

They're $360. Alice + Olivia Delia Asymmetric Patent Pump

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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181 Comments

  1. Is anybody else getting less and less amused with Modern Family this season? It seems all the couples do is bicker! I’m tired of the wedding fights between Cam and Mitch – it seems like they happen every single time. And these aren’t all funny fights like they used to be. (Plus, it is just a fact of life that it is going to be less funny now that the boys are in their awkward phase. But it bugged me last night that there were three b**b jokes in one episode – the show used to be smart-funny not obvious-funny!)

    1. Yes! I hate it when peeople joke about boobie’s, especialy when they also stare at mine when they make the joke’s. I think these shows try to sensationalise sexueal thing’s b/c they think we as our audience like’s that, but we DONT. Myrna absoluetely refuses to watch TV show’s that glorify sexism against women. She says that there are NOW some show’s that make men look dumb, but I have NOT seen them. Think of 2 Broke Girls! All they do is talk about men and sex and that is BORIENG after a while, right? And then there is that show TROPHY WIFE! Give me a break! Are we realy that dumb? No way Hoze!

      But enough about TV. The manageing partner want’s to cater a celebration to Honor his new child and Margie and he asked ME to arrange it. He told me to call the restrunt where we had our holiday party, but I told him I do NOT want to deal with GONZALO, b/c he too grabbed at my tuchus and rubbed against my boobie’s! There are so many skuzzy men out there! FOOEY! And he also slept with a woman on Lex with a fat tuchus and then walked right down the street with his hands on her tuchus the next morning! DOUBEL FOOEY!

    2. I was never in the “this is the greatest sitcom ever” camp, but I thought the Las Vegas episode was fantastic (week before). But I am a big sucker for any kind of French farce and all those doors opening and closing really amused me to no end.

      1. True – that was the one episode this season I’ve really liked. I forgot about that one. It was really last night and the steak restaurant one that bugged me. Of course, I can’t stand it when people are late, so that one naturally was not my favorite!

      2. I always love a sitcom episode with lots of opening and closing doors. I liked that one.

      3. Yes, haven’t seen the most recent one but I thought the Las Vegas one was hilarious!

      1. I arrived home part way through as my DH was watching it and thought the scene with Phil and Gloria ( he was touching her hair?) faintly creepy

  2. Reposting from the middle of the morning thread–

    Based on Avery and txatty’s replies, I set up an account — if you’re interested, e-mail: dallas[thissite]meetup [at] thegooglemail [dot] com. Txatty, I saved your e-mail so it’s on the list!
    ——-
    Has there been a Dallas meetup in a while? If there’s interest, I can set up an e-mail address to coordinate. Or, if someone has a list going from previous meetups, and either wants to organize or pass it along, let me know where to e-mail you. I’ve met a few of you and would love to catch up and meet any new ‘re++es here.

    This weekend will be crazy with the FF and is obviously much too short of notice, but would a brunch next Saturday work for people? [Edit: We’ve got one suggestion for Sunday as a better date.] Maybe Company Cafe on the Katy Trail? Feel free to suggest other dates/times/places.
    ——-

    1. I moved to Austin last year, or I would totally have joined.

      Any Austin pals out there who want to do a meet up?

          2. Yay! Like the Dallas group, I set up austin corporette meetup [at] thegooglemail [dot] com.

            E-mail that address, and we’ll set something up.

  4. Gorgeous shoes! They look different in the picture when they’re not on a person’s feet but in this picture – stunning! Great pick. How many more days until Easter?

    1. I would LOVE something exactly like these but with a reasonable heel.. because I am a heel wimp :( A 1.5″ – 2″ wedge would be perfect. Asymmetrical shoes are my jam.

    4. I found a cheaper look alike with a slighly lower heel: http://us.asos.com/countryid/2/ALDO-Black-Mid-Heel-Pointed-Toe-Shoes-With-Assymetric-Cut/12j758/?iid=3961684&cid=4172&Rf947=4108&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=999&sort=-1&clr=Black&mporgp=L0FMRE8vQUxETy1CbGFjay1NaWQtSGVlbC1Qb2ludGVkLVRvZS1TaG9lcy1XaXRoLUFzc3ltZXRyaWMtQ3V0L1Byb2Qv&utm_source=Affiliate&utm_medium=LinkShare&utm_content=USNetwork.3961684&utm_campaign=J84DHJLQkR4&cvosrc=Affiliate.LinkShare.J84DHJLQkR4&link=15&promo=326459&source=linkshare&MID=35719&affid=2135&WT.tsrc=Affiliate&siteID=J84DHJLQkR4-LkkoXOJHUNYQdAf8yhrfjQ

      1. Ha! Warning–do not click on the “runway” view with the sound on. Loudly. With your door open.

        1. Nice looking alternatives – but since when, Aldo, is 3.5″ a kitten heel?

          2. Asos, then. But now I’m giggling at their spelling of “assymetric.”

  5. Ok, two of the ESPN radio hosts were talking about what it would be like if they quit their jobs and took up “professional gardening.” I almost choked!

  6. Repeating from a few days ago –

    Does anyone know about getting a job in consulting in Denver, or getting a job in consulting with a STEM PhD?

    1. So, I worked in Denver for about a year. First, great city. Second, it can be a little hostile to non-locals, only because the local universities are very good and alumni are pretty loyal to their own. I got a lot of (rap for not being from DU/Boulder, etc…but you can’t really change your background. Third, because it’s such a great city, salaries get very compressed–you can live well there on less, but you will often take a pay cut if you are moving there from elsewhere, partly due to CoL, but mostly due to oversupply of candidates willing to work for not-so-much in exchange for living in Denver. Fourth, I got a lot of (rap for being a single 27 year old there–people at my work (and out) kept asking me why I wasn’t married. At the time, none of my friends (elsewhere) was married yet, so I found this query offputting and odd.

      To your question, it is possible to get consulting jobs as a STEM PhD–I assume you’re talking about strategy consulting? McKinsey is the most bookish, and they often have quant-y or science-y cases, so they need people like you. I would check out a Vault guide which would have advice on this, or stalk LinkedIn for the Big Three and PhD and then set up information interviews. That said, I don’t believe the big three have big offices in Denver at all (although they do work there, of course). I have a good friend who totally waltzed from a Harvard PhD into McK, but she is a Rhodes scholar, so…doors open to her that are not open to normal folks…still, I know that McK used to have a recruitment page for non-MBA graduate students.

      If you’re not talking strategy consulting, well…there’s consulting for almost everything, but most consultants are affiliated in some way with organizations they consult for, connected to a reputable consulting firm or experts in their field (not just PhD experts, but…non-Ivory-Tower experts). For instance, if you want to be a geology consultant or a petrochemical engineering consultant, I am sure there’s something for ya….but I’m not the girl to ask ;)

      1. I lived in Colorado as an unmarried 27 year old and was never asked “why I wasn’t married.” I don’t think your perspective is reflective of the state. Just feel a little protective of my homeland…

    2. I’m in Denver, and don’t know much about consulting jobs, but am fairly conversant with many of the tech companies in the area (my husband works at one, and they’re hiring:)). I’d be happy to talk to you either over email in the phone if you’d like some answers about the area or whatnot.

      I haven’t noticed a lot of the downsides that MJ noticed, but I’m from a small Midwestern city, and it sounds like MJ is from a big coastal city, so it could be more of a cultural difference than anything. There are a lot more (hot) single men in Denver than single women, so if you’re single, be prepared to be in high demand whether you want to be or not.

    3. I know nothing about Denver, but as to your second question:

      +1 to everything in your second paragraph above.
      I know of people with science PhDs who have jobs in McKinsey consulting. The Vault guide to consulting is one of the best resources on this. Glassdoor and other websites have interview process information and prep advice for case interviews, which is how the big strategy consulting firms tend to recruit. As a PhD going into consulting, you have to (1) swallow your pride because you’re moving from a very academic environment of being top dog, to a business environment where your background counts for very little, (2) accept that your work will have nothing to do with your thesis topic and years of study, and (3) start at the bottom and learn a lot about business, or basically educate yourself with a little bit of MBA-level economics, strategy etc.
      Regarding Denver, it’s going to be hard to get a consulting job there with three strikes : you’re not a Denver-school graduate, Denver is not a huge hub for consulting companies, and you’re from a nontraditional background (PhD). I’d suggest instead applying to consulting firms, and after getting an offer try to negotiate your “home” office.
      I’ll need more information to be more helpful, and can respond if you post an email address.

    4. I have a STEM Ph.D. friend who ended up in consulting after deciding to get an MBA. He discovered it wasn’t very easy to leave science (even though he had pretty good success with his PhD project) and had liked his business classes. His plan, which worked out really well, was to apply to several schools in the area, ask for scholarships, and go where he got the most money. He ended up with a full ride at a good school and actually made money while getting the MBA. Its only 2 years and then he came out with a great consulting position that utilized his STEM background. He started about 2 levels above where he would have been able to start without the MBA and has moved up very quickly from there. If you are really certain about the consulting (and I’d recommend talking to lots of insiders to make sure), then an MBA is something to consider–it would open a lot more doors. Also, I’ll mention that my friend is one of those people that is successful in pretty much everything he does, so I’m not sure how hard it would be to get a full-ride scholarship for an MBA for most people, although I do think there are more funds available to STEM PhDs than to normal MBA candidates. Also, ask around and network because it can help you make your decision. My friend probably hears from 1-2 PhD STEM alumni a month wanting to know if consulting or an MBA would make sense for them. This is posting late, so hopefully you see it.

  7. Let’s talk chocolate.

    I love dark chocolate. A lot. Especially gritty and smooth, if that makes any sense. Is there something like Dove’s dark chocolate out there that’s not as sweet and not sour? Not that taste-testing all of the chocolate in all of the stores is a bad idea but some dark chocolates tastes awful. Any suggestions?

    Also, the Lindt four-flavor pack with dark chocolate + salt, +orange peel and +chili is SO GOOD.

    2. Green & Black’s Organic Dark Chocolate (available at Whole Foods and some local grocery stores as well).

      I like the straight Dark Chocolate, the Dark w/ Ginger, and the Dark w/Hazelnuts and Currants.

      And here’s a coupon for $1 off a bar at WF:
      http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/coupons

    3. Trader joe’s dark chocolate is pretty amazing. I also like their mexican chocolate if you don’t mind the gritty aspect. Otherwise for a true treat I order Jacques Torres online.

      1. Oh, Trader Joe’s chocolate covered almonds have been the death of my otherwise well-measured eating many a time. And therefore are not allowed in my house, except for special occasions!

    4. I don’t know the Dove bar you’re talking about. But i am a dark chocolate/belgian chocolate Freak. And my current favorite is the “Noir” bars from Valrhona. But the 71% with the red on the wrapper, not the 80+% with the purple. The 80 is just too sour, but the 71% is the perfect combo of smooth and bitter.

      I’m pretty sure you can find them in a lot of stores, but Trader Joe’s here does carry them.

      My old favorite used to be Cote d’Or but I don’t think they make them anymore because I couldnt even find them in Belgium last time i was there. Sadface.

    5. YES. I think Lindt also makes a dark chocolate sea salt and caramel one that is orgasmically good. If it fell in a sewer, I would go down there and get it back.

    6. Check out any ethnic groceries around you. I’ve had some Russian chocolate bars a lot like this. They really seem to know their dark chocolate. The Garden Fresh Market chain in my area features choclates from all around the world, and it’s been a true joy taking a “tour” as I try new ones with each visit. I’m a chocolate snob (have literally done several chocolate tours on vacations and consider splurging on expensive chocolate to be better than good wine). But some of the basic bars put out from that area (Germany, too) are absolutely divine. Of course, if I had my druthers, it would be from a small store with local, fresh production. For those of you who live in San Franciso and get to enjoy Recchiuti, I’m so jealous.

      1. I am a big fan of “aerated” dark chocolate — Russian often falls into that camp, but you could look for that language generally — it tends to be smooth but still has texture, which sounds like what you’re looking for. Also, dark chocolate comes in different percentages; health food stores & gourmet shops often have chocolate labeled as “70%,” “90%,” etc. My personal pref. is 70%, but see what works for you.

    9. NewTree chocolate in San Francisco is so good, real Belgian chocolate. They have interesting flavors like lavender, thyme, lime etc. in dark chocolate or milk chocolate.
      When I don’t have access to NewTree it’s Trader Joe’s small bars of dark chocolate with Truffles or almonds (available near the checkout counter) or the huge dark chocolate bars (very satisfying, high on cooca and not too sweet or sour).

    11. I’m on a quest for really smooth dark chocolate, so my suggestion may not work for you, but I bought a sweetriot 85% bar last week, and I’m fairly happy so far – it’s smooth, dark, and doesn’t have the extraneous (to me, anyway) floral/fig/smoke flavors that some bars have. I got it at my local boutique grocery store – so probably similar to Wegmans or Fresh Market. For comparative purposes: I used to love Lindt, but eventually I found the 70% too sweet, and they changed the recipe for the 85% which changed the flavor/texture, so I was eating the 90%, but either I’ve gotten a bad batch of it, or they’ve changed that somehow, too.

      1. i’m so happy to see this comment – i feel the same way about the lindt 85%, but thought i was imagining things. their 90% is still my favorite, but the last couple bars i’ve gotten have felt a little less smooth and more on the plasticy side.

        green & blacks 85% is my runner-up. chocolove 77% is good, just a little bit sweeter than i like.

    12. I promise that Chocolove is the best. I think I get the 72 percent but there are many iterations re level of darkness and with or without other tasty things, such as raspberries, ginger, etc. Available at Whole Foods and elsewhere. I’ve tried many of the others mentioned and have found them bitter or not as tasty.

  8. Its my first bare-legged day in the office of the year, since it’s finally warm out, and I feel sort of weird about it! I have to get used to the sight of my own legs again.

    1. I realized this morning that I can switch to my lighter coat now. I’m so excited!

      1. Do we live in the same place? It is also cold and snowy and windy today. I have had it up to *here* with winter. The first snow happened in early October. We’re on the verge of SEVEN months of winter, and it usually snows in the beginning of May, which I think qualifies as EIGHT. That is at least four months too many of winter.

        I mean, yes, they’re forecasting 20C+ for next Tuesday, but this isn’t the end, I knwo there will be more snow, next Tuesday is just a tease-day.

        All I can think of is the Little House on the Prairie book “The Long Winter”. Long winter indeed.

        1. In my house, we’ve invoked “The Long Winter” more times that I can count this year.

          4. “Almanzo was characterized as a quietly courageous, hardworking man who loved horses and farming. He was also an accomplished carpenter and woodworker.” *Swoon*

          6. Wow, he was darling. My (very very old, now deceased) great-aunt actually knew Rose Wilder. So, so jealous about that.

        2. I’ll believe +20 next Tuesday when I see it. I think the weather forecasters are just messing with us.

          1. I just checked the forecast again. It’s been revised to +13 (which actually seems plausible).

            Sigh, I guess I can pack up my running shorts, which I excitedly pulled out of my “summer clothes” box yesterday afternoon.

        3. I’m invoking Game of Thrones’ “five year winter.”
          But it seems to be finally over in DC.

      2. We are getting a snowstorm tonight and into early tomorrow morning. WHERE ARE YOU SPRING?

      3. Obviously none of you are skiers. I would kill for another snowstorm to refresh the powstaches.

    3. My first bare leg day was April 1. I refuse to put on tights from April until October. I think I blinded people. Sunlight+pale skin=snow blind effect.

      1. i used to have that rule. also no knee high boots after april 1. and no heat after april 1. then i moved to chicago. i’ve had to give up all of those rules.

    4. I know what you mean! I think I had bare legs one day last week and it turned out that it was really too cold. But I’ve had bare legs both yesterday and today (in the high 70s) and my legs are soooo pale! After tearing up my feet being on my feet in way too high heels for 2 days I am in very reasonable heels – so much so that people have stopped me to comment. Ha.

    5. I see women on the street in Seattle with bare legs and down jackets! It’s still cold enough that I want to have something on my legs and with the rain we’ve had I’ve still been wearing my boots. Maybe next week.

    6. It’s too cold here to go bare-legged but I am so sick of tights that I might just do it and suffer the consequences next week. Enough is enough

      1. I wore bare feet in dress shoes today (in Toronto) and spent the whole day shivering. I guess those +10 degrees C tricked me

  9. Parents/Job Loss/Retirement TJ –

    My mom, a professional with a long career in her field, lost her job (i.e., quit or be fired) about a month ago. We have had the emotional conversations – I am posting to ask about some practical considerations (so please pardon my matter-of-fact tone). She received severance enough to get by without an immediate emergency. For the last few years, she has repeatedly mentioned that she wished she could retire already. She is just now reaching “retirement age” (according to the federal government). I know for a fact that she mismanaged money all of her life and has only in the past handful of years really made efforts at saving for retirement beyond her expected pension. She has asked my advice about next steps – whether to just retire, try to find a new job, etc. I do think that she should continue to work and save, because she does not have resources in place to afford for long term medical care, given her poor health, but not sure how to tell her this.

    One complicating factor is that on various occasions, my mom has told her sisters (my aunts) that she believes that because she housed and provided for me when I was a child, it is my duty to house her in her golden years (i.e., I am her retirement plan). We are not of a culture in which this is common and my whole family thinks she’s nuts for believing this. My DH and I are not in a position to house her or provide for her financially. I am worried that she will think that moving in with us an option.

    Any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Maybe walk through her most recent social security statement so she can see what she’s looking at in terms of $ (plus pension) and how close she is to medicare? Sometimes the #s can scare someone straight when they still have rent or much of a mortgage to pay off still.

      Also, while I think that most people would take in a parent in dire straits, you might have to take in your husband’s parents also and you or your spouse may have job losses so that you have to move in with her (or your husband’s parents). Maybe reinforce how you’re a shaky bet at best?

    2. All I can say is I sympathize. We went through the same thing with my FIL years back. Same exact deal, he was a medical professional, gambled away his money, had poor mental and physical health and zero resources. Expected his children to pay his rent because he had raised them. My SIL and her husband, who were doing well financially, ended up buying a condo (in their name) for him, which they sold (probably at a loss) up0n his passing. That being said, if the only other option would have been for him to move in with us, we would have had to allow it despite the massive inconvenience it would have caused. I did not appreciate the emotional manipulation from a person who was suffering from depression but flat-out refused to be treated, but what were the options? It wouldn’t have been pretty if my SIL hadn’t stepped up to the plate.

      1. Of course we would take her in temporarily if things were dire, I just don’t want her not try to make a solid plan because she feels entitled to us supporting her.

    3. Following this thread with interest as we will almost certainly be going through a similar situation with SO’s parents (minus the expectations of care – but with the job loss, poor money skills generally despite high income/education level, possible health issues, and debt).

    4. I would try to get her to sit down with a good, fee-based financial planner (with or without you). Having a neutral third party explain her situation and options might help make the discussion easier. That said, at some point you will have to have the uncomfortable conversation when you say, in no uncertain terms, that she should not rely on you for her living expenses. She needs to know so she can plan accordingly. I’m sorry you are in this situation.

      1. Oh, and the financial planner can talk to you about possibilities for long-term care insurance. She might not qualify, but it’s worth looking into.

    5. Offer to help her put together an updated resume? Remind her that her poor health means she’d be better off working and covered under a group plan than Medicare? Talk about how the recession means people can’t retire as early as they used to? If she doesn’t own the home she lives in, maybe offer to help her find more affordable housing options?

      My mother in law ended up living with us for longer than anticipated (it was supposed to be 6 months, it ended up being14 months) and while it went much much better than expected, we were definitely tight on space and the place was littered with boxes the entire time because there just wasn’t enough room for all of her stuff and ours.

    6. I think I’ve mentioned this here before, but we are going through this with my MIL. I would recommend that you sit down with your DH, not with your MIL, and you jointly decide how much you are able to assist her either each month or year and then approach your mother with that amount as your level of assistance. We’ve found that the known entity is easier for us (it’s just a line item in our budget) and it gives her an idea of what additional amount she has (like a paycheck). For us, we considered taking care of her now that she’s retired in the same vein as our parents taking care of us in college – what we provide is like an allowance. She needs to use it to budget for her needs in addition to what other income she has. She’s not a tiny child, so completely paying her way is not our responsibility, if that makes sense.

      Als0, if she’s within striking distance of SS, it may be worth looking into whether she can apply early. Even if she doesn’t get her maximum benefit, it may be better just to keep her from racking up debt while she waits.

      1. My SIL decided that buying her father a place was better than an allowance. She reasoned that housing was by far his biggest expense (he was receiving social security by then so he had some money for other expenses), and he couldn’t mismanage a condo like he could mismanage an allowance. Sadly, he had already shown that he wasn’t able to be responsible with money.

    7. Was it Wildkitten who said the other day that the answer when emotions run high is to outsource to a stranger?* (This was about finding a babysitter for a funeral). In this case, I agree and would say “to an expert.” That person (with you and/or DH present or not) can explain MIL’s options to her. (FWIW I agree with you that she should keep working at least part time. Most importantly, it will allow her to delay tapping Social Security. Plus a host of other practical and psychological benefits.)

      Also, I personally think it would be helpful for you to be as clear with her as possible — directly, kindly, consistently — about what you (and DH) can/will do for her, given her comments to your aunts.

      * Off topic, I love this idea.

    9. Just an idea, some companies will offer medical benefits for part time employees (I know the Paypal in my city does, off the top of my head, and I believe I have heard some women’s retail companies do as well). If health insurance is a big concern that might be an option as it will provide her with benefits and some income, while also providing her with some of the freedom of retirement.

    10. I’d advise her to watch Suze Orman every week for the next two months, then decide. That woman will scare the bejeezus out of your mother when she puts her own financial situation in context with the advice given on the show.

    11. Ah, this is a tough one. I’ll just chime in to say that, with a similar situation my mother actually did want to keep working because she knew she was financially unprepared to retire. The issue is that the job market right now can be very tough on a woman near retirement age unless she has special, in-demand skills. (The same can probably be said about the job market for many groups, but I particularly think it is hard for older women to break into a new job after a lay-off.) So in looking at her options, your mom may need to consider worst case scenario–she may not be able to find a job even if she wants one. I agree with the outsourcing ideas above, if you can find someone to talk to her. My mom went back to school to get trained in a new field. She did find a job after graduation and seems to enjoy it, but the fact that she added student debt to her already terrible financial picture (at this age) does not comfort me at all. You have a tough situation and I feel for you.

  11. Recipe threadjack. It seems like lots of r e t t e s like to cook, so I figured I ask for some Passover-friendly recipes as I’m trying to put together a menu for the seder we are hosting. It will be fish/vegetarian. So far I am thinking:
    – Some kind of fish (undecided)
    – Matzah kugel (maybe the kind with cut up apples)
    – Quinoa carrot kugel (I have made this before: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/05/health/quinoa-and-carrot-kugel-sweet-and-savory-kugels.html)
    – Matzah ball soup
    – One of the Smitten Kitchen desserts (leaning toward the chocolate cupcakes, but she has a list of Passover desserts)

    I am really interested in ideas for veggie sides that can be kept for a while without getting mushy, favorite kugel recipes, and vegetarian alternatives for when the gefilte fish is being served. But really any ideas or comments on the menu so far would be awesome.

      1. Yeah, I was thinking brussel sprouts, so thanks for that recipe (and a whole new food website to explore–love that she has “floater” and “sinker” matzah ball recipes).

      2. Thank you very much for this link! I have an irrational love of brussel sprouts.

    3. Roast all the vegetables!

      I’m a huge fan of roasted veggies as an easy, won’t get mushy side that is delicious even at room temperature. You can go with root vegetables or broccoli and cauliflower or whatever suits your group.

      For some reason, at the same time as the gefilte fish is being served, I’m seeing a delicious roasted/braised eggplant with red peppers and maybe some capers- I’m picturing ovals of this (like the oval gefilte fish that I’ve been served) on a plate with the red peppers and capers sort of scattered about.

        2. LOL! One of the recurring Passover traditions is to grumble about the limited menu. This usually starts on day 3 or day 4. :-)

    5. Have you checked out the Passover chapter in Joan Nathan’s “Jewish Cooking in America?” I think of that as the Jewish “Joy of Cooking” — so sue me for not reserving that moniker for the Settlement Cookbook.

      The Passover chapter has a lot of recipes that I’ve enjoyed through the years. I will say that the desserts stand out: flourless brownies, which I make as a cake, and Grand Marnier orange compote especially. But I have made the Spanish Fish (?Morrrocan fish? I don’t have the book in front of me — the one with tomato paste and spices, I add black olives and quartered lemons) many times and it always comes out great. There is an eggplant and matzoh dish in there that I made once that might be what you’re looking for, too.

      1. Thanks! I will check out that cookbook (already have the Settlement Cookbook :)). I have a couple of Jewish cookbooks (including Kosher by Design Passover) and I need to start tabbing pages.

    6. For vegetarian main course alternatives, I think you could do stuffed peppers with quinoa (along these lines but sub out the couscous which technically wouldn’t be kosher): http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/30/health/nutrition/30recipehealth.html?ref=stuffedvegetables

      For veggie sides that keep well, I like to basically blanche veggies so they’re ready to go and then give them a quick sauté in the pan right before serving. This works really well with green beans, asparagus, carrots (I do these in honey). Another idea: some kind of stuffed artichokes – which should hold its shape really well.

    7. For veggie sides, I love roasted veggies, especially brussels sprouts – I make them at least weekly. For dessert, if you are near a Sprinkles Cupcakes they have AMAZING flourless cupcakes at Passover (although the icing is not KFP but you can request them without the icing). You might be able to find a copycat recipe online & make them at home.

    8. A super-salad (bought and prepared on the day thereof) is my vegetarian Seder’s centerpiece, but in smaller portions it could also serve as a side dish: multiple types of lettuce; sliced crimini mushrooms; scallions, or chives from the garden if they’re up in time; asparagus and Vidalia onions, which are almost always in season by Passover if we’re lucky; sliced hard-boiled eggs (from the “the first half of this Seder has gone on and on, we’re nowhere near done, and everyone is HUNGRY” pass-around dish); parsley, an official part of the Seder plate—I could also go on on and on, but basically it’s made up of what salad ingredients are at least marginally in season (it is a spring holiday, after all) plus what you feel like splurging on (such as jarred artichoke hearts and varieties of pitted olives). Simple dressing: the kosher l’Pesach olive oil available in our neck of the goods is very good, and I put out red wine vinegar and balsamic vinegar for people to dress their bowls to taste.

      I also bake potatoes to serve with dairy toppings, but the issue with those, of course, is timing. The advantage of the super-salad is that its components can be kept cool—even in a basement if you have one—and gathered into a huge bowl in short order, or put out on a side table or passed around for people to assemble as they wish. Gut yontif!

      P.S. Okay, so how large a proportion of thissite’s readers are Jewish?

      1. All extra-virgin olive oil is kosher for Passover, even without a special symbol. It’s one of those super secrets :)

  12. Yesterday, a (woman) grocery store clerk congratulated me on my pregnancy and asked when I’m due. I told her, gently, that I already had my baby. She said, “oh, a week ago?” and I was matter-of-fact in telling her that no, actually, 2 months ago. I am very nearly back to my pre-preg weight and I don’t look pregnant. Any advice for responding to future comments like this? (slash, any commiseration about how people can be soooooo rude?!)

    1. HOW RUDE! – Stephanie Tanner

      I don’t think there’s a good way to respond. I assume after making such a mistake she would be so horrified that she will never again assume anyone is pregnant unless they tell her themselves that they are. That’s my rule.

      1. I feel like someone who would follow up with “oh, a week ago?” probably was not appropriately horrified by her own rudeness and will continue to ask things like this. Unfortunately.

    2. Ugh. I’m so sorry. A lot of people suck.

      I’ve never had that happen, but when I was pregnant people (strangers) would often ask when I was due. Even when I was 39+ weeks, I’d respond with “Huh? I’m not pregnant.” I’d then tell them that I was joking, but it was fun to first put them on their heels for asking a presumptuous question.

      So to answer your question, if you want to be direct, I think you say “I’m not pregnant.” Let them deal with the fall out from that.

      1. I agree. When they ask a rude question, it’s not up to you to make them feel better about it.

        When I was about 7 months pregnant with my last (and admittedly, I got huge with him) I had someone in a store argue with me over when my due date was. They were sure that there was no way I could go another 2 months. He thought I was lying about having twins, my due date, or both, I’m sure, considering how he argued with me. Gee whiz, thanks for calling the very pregnant lady fat!

        One of the rudest comments I’ve ever had, though, was when that baby (my 3rd boy) was about 4 or 5 months old. He had (well, still does have) gorgeous bright blue eyes with long, dark, thick eyelashes. Some lady in Costco said to me one day “What beautiful lashes! Too bad they’re wasted on a boy.” I wanted to hit her. I just stared at her, not believing what she had just said. How could anything like that be WASTED on a baby?

          1. Eyelashes aren’t wasted on anybody! Everyone looks great with luxurious eyelashes. What a silly thing to say.

            I think what they mean to say is “I wish I had lashes like those!”

          2. well because girls MUST be pretty, of course, or they’re useless. And lush lashes are pretty. Boys don’t have to be pretty, so there’s no point in ‘wasting’ nice lashes on them.

            I heard this all the time with my son, too, who still has lovely long thick lashes at 13., and believe me, the 13 year old GIRLS do NOT think they’re wasted! :)

    3. Read today’s thread about a nosy coworker commenting on poster’s pregnancy.
      Then, buy a bottle of wine every time you go to this store. Chances are, she won’t be able to process your supposed pregnancy and alcohol consumption; but if she does, and comments, respond with the suggestions from aforementioned thread.

      I understand that you are unhappy about the exchange, but sometimes grocery stores employ people with developmental differences that have difficulty being tactful or appropriate all the time.

      1. Re: your first paragraph: hilarious!
        Re: your second paragraph: I totally agree with that, and that’s why I chose to be pleasant and matter-of-fact. I really wasn’t bothered by the exchange, but in case it happens again in a different environment, I wanted to see if anyone had clever suggestions!

    4. I think I’ve told my similar story here before, and I can laugh at it now:
      Two weeks after my baby was born, I had to take him out of the house during the day due to some repairs that were being done.
      I was a tad wobbly and don’t think I had been driving out of the house, on my own with the baby, before this. On my way to driving to my friend’s place for the morning, I stopped at a Bagel cafe. Put down the newborn carseat with my newborn on the ground carefully next to me, and ordered my bagel. The guy behind the counter looks askance at my belly and says “You’re pregnant with another one?!” I was flabbergasted and could only manage a “No, it’s only the leftover belly from this one.” It had been two weeks, for goodness sake.
      Years later you’ll be able to laugh at it and have a good story to tell, I promise!

      1. I don’t think guys (and kids) understand the effects of pregnancy on the body at all. When I was 12, my cousin gave birth and my family went to visit her in the hospital. When I saw her, I was dumbfounded… I grabbed my mother, pulled her aside and whispered that my cousin still looked pregnant, how could that be?

        1. I’m embarrased to report that as an adult female who KNOWS that women come out of the hospital looking 5-6 months pregnant, when I visited my sister 5 days after she gave birth, I was SHOCKED at how big she still was. I think it was partly because she is thin and has never struggled with weight (unlike my other sister and me), but I felt like such a jerk for even thinking it. Don’t worry, I’m due in June and I’m sure karma will say hi :)

        2. Agreed. I didn’t realize it until I was an adult and I’m sure all the magazine covers featuring celebrities who had just given birth getting their bodies back (as if they had been wandering around without them?) didn’t help. I don’t think the op would be out of place in pointing that out, if she felt so inclined.

          1. I will also admit to not really realizing this until I was an adult. No one close to me had a baby when I was growing up, and I had just somehow completely missed the fact. I think anon is right-how often do you see pictures of women who recently gave birth in magazines? That picture of Kate Middleton as she was leaving the hospital is the only time I can think of one recently. (And I think my BF asked me “why does she still look pregnant?”)

          2. I am also an adult woman who didn’t realize this happened. Kate Middleton opened my eyes.

    5. I have no idea how to face this again–but I can commiserate: I was picking up a play yard from a family on craigslist, and the jerk yankee not-raised-right father/patriarch of the household asked when I was due. Like you, I did not look pregnant, and my son was at least 6 months old at the time (but not with me). I just kind of said, umm, my kid is 6 months. It was awkward and very disappointing.

      Sorry dear.

        1. Yankees say rude things to your face and southerners say rude things behind your back?

        2. i should have specified–he was an out-of-towner. A very obvious transplant in our southern town. Yankee really has little to do with it, except that it seems that some of these nuance-social etique t t e things are a little more tacitly understood by people I run across who are southern?

          It certainly caught me off guard, and the only thing I thought at the time was “someone didn’t teach him that you don’t ask that kind of thing of any woman.” Clearly, he should have known, selling me a used play yard.

          1. ” it seems that some of these nuance-social etique t t e things are a little more tacitly understood by people I run across who are southern?”

            As a “Yankee” (and I don’t know anybody who self-identifies this way, it seems to only ever used by southerners), I have to say that his comment is WAY out of line and would never be acceptable here. Rude people come from everywhere. Please don’t stereotype.

          2. In the UK we might use ‘Yankee’ to mean any rude person from the US: “ugh, those Yankee tourists are making so much noise that I can’t enjoy my meal” versus “aww, look at the American tourists’ cute baby”

      2. I find it interesting that in a comment decrying rudeness and assumptions made based on appearances that you would simultaneously make assumptions and negative comments based on where a person is from. Surely you realize that Southerners are also the victims of stereotypes, and not just about their nice manners, and you were to move to a different part of the country you would not like it if your new neighbors assumed that you were “an out of towner,” not as cosmopolitan, educated, and tolerant because, well, you’re not from here?

        Signed, a woman who’s been asked her due date a year after giving birth and rolled her eyes and got over it, knows that no Southerner has ever referred to someone as a “yankee” in a positive way, and is married to a man from Georgia

    6. That happened to me 3 months after my first was born (I blame the empire waist top I was wearing. And chocolate.) People are idiots.

    7. I could write a book on this! Although I’ve had two kids, I’ve always been someone who carries extra weight in her gut. So in addition to having people ask me asinine, inappropriate things during each of my two pregnancies, I’ve been assumed to be pregnant many times when I was, in actual fact, just extra chubby that day. WORST. My own personal policy on this is that unless the baby is crowning, I do not ask the woman in front of me about her pregnancy unless she brings it up.

    8. Super rude! A stranger asked me my due date when I was 16 and very thin. I was completely horrified, told him I wasn’t pregnant, and turned and walked away before he could say anything else. I don’t know that there is a good way to respond. If you feel like pointing out how rude they are, I suppose you could respond “it’s impolite to ask a woman that without her previously telling you she was pregnant” or something like that. But I can’t imagine this problem ever goes away.

    10. My favorite: my BIL came to visit a few days after my daughter was born. He poked me in my paunch and asked when it was going away. My jaw dropped. He thought it was because I had a c-section and it hurt physically to be poked. He was wrong. So very wrong…

      1. That is horrifying. I literally gasped out loud at my desk! I hope you set him straight!!

      2. I had a client who’s husband said to her 2 weeks post birth, pointing at her tummy (she was otherwise about a size 4, mind you) “the baby is out now, so what is THAT?”

        Ugh.

    12. That is brutal. Actually though, after my last final in 1L, I went to get my nails done and the lady there asked me when I was due. I was most definitely not pregnant – just carrying around extra exam weight. I said I’m not pregnant just fat. It shut her up but I was really offended (and promptly threw away the shirt I was wearing).

    13. If it’s a grocery store clerk tell her it’s not a baby at all — it’s because the double stuffed oreos are on sale every.single.time you go to the grocery.

  13. I am flying out in a couple weeks to a work+vacation 10-day trip to the UK and need shoe advice.
    Work – First 4 days of the trip, I will be wearing the business end of business casual in an office setting (pencil skirts, blazers or maybe cardigans, nice silk shells). I’d like to wear formal shoes like pumps. There may be a bit of walking between buildings and cafeteria.
    Vacation – Will be walking all over London, taking the Tube, wearing maybe jeans or tights+dresses+jackets, will have my little kid in tow.

    Me: I currently wear comfy flats on my commute and change into <2 inch pumps at my desk, so I'm used to the segregation of walking shoes and work shoes. Not great at walking distances in pumps at all, even my relatively comfy low ones.

    Question: what is the minimum number of shoes one should take in this situation?
    I'm thinking slippers for the hotel, good walking shoes for the fun part of the trip (2 to alternate?), and pumps for the work part (but have to wear same pumps 3 days in a row, is that ok?)
    Are people wearing boots all over London now? Can boots do double duty as work+fun shoes?
    Not used to business travel, so please help!

    1. I would take one pair of business shoes, one pair of casual shoes, and one pair of sneakers. Skip the slippers – wear socks in your hotel room, they take up less space.

    2. When I travel for work I take comfy heels, comfy ballet flats, and sneakers/athletic shoes. If you have room you can throw in the boots, but usually if I travel with them I’d plan to wear them when I fly. They can add a bit of weight to your luggage.

    3. It’s been really warm here the last couple of weeks, so fewer boots around at the moment, but you won’t be at all out of place in them. That said, boots aren’t that typical office wear (high ones, I mean), but I wouldn’t worry about that at all and just wear them if you are comfortable walking in them!

      Agree with anon at 4.16 that if you take the boots, wear them on the plane.

      What I will say is that in places the pavement can be icky/uneven so comfortable shoes are key if you are walking around, particularly smaller side streets. And there are always roadworks everywhere which also affects the roads.

      1. I’m with Woods-comma-Elle, the most important ones are the comfy ones for walking around. The streets of London can be rather hard on the feet if you are doing a lot of walking. Some of the more historic/touristy areas can be quite uneven and so a shoe with good support and a padded insole is a good idea.

        The weather in the south of England has picked up temperature wise (though they seem to be getting hit with bad air pollution just now) so you might find winter boots rather warm.

        You see everything and anything walk past you in London so in your down time wear what you want and enjoy yourself. Personally I prefer walking shoes or trainers but thats because its really hard for me to get decent narrow fitting shoes that don’t kill my feet. And at least they give more support than the trend to go out in wellies…

        1. Decent narrow fitting shoes – I’ve recently rediscovered Clarks and they’re fab fitting. I have very narrow heels and they’re fine

          1. Clarks only sell standard fitting where I live. There isn’t a highstreet shop I know that does narrow fitting. :(

    4. Pumps for the office, sneakers for days off, and closed toe wedges that work for both.

    5. Disagree with “sneakers” for your casual shoes unless they are fashionable & don’t look like typical American running shoes — avoid white athletic shoes with a thick sole. They scream tourist; European city-dwellers over age 18 rarely wear them. I’ve been visiting family & friends in the UK & Europe for the past 15 years, & things like that make Americans stick out & get rudely treated.

      Go for a dark-colored walking shoe, pref. leather, or one of those stylish trainers in darker colors. Even a pair of Chuck Taylors are better. I usually wear low boots that work well with skirts or pants for walking around town.

      1. Running shoes in America no longer look like the big white monstrosities of the 90’s.

  14. I need advice. I’m a professional who relies on referrals from other professionals in my community for business. In the last year, there was a major upheaval in my department because the guy who had been in the community for 10 years doing the same thing closed down. For a short time I was very very busy, but before he left I was only moderately busy/underproductive. Another person who does what I do was brought in, despite my concern that I would go back to being underproductive. She is a great person and has more experience then me. Maybe predictably, I am slowing down again, and am becoming increasingly concerned that the other professionals are preferentially referring to her instead of me. I am have a lot of anxiety about this and am feeling super insecure, questioning whether I will be viable for the long term. Any tips, both for my handling the situation and my mental health?

    1. I’ll respond in case you’re still reading. I’ve been in this situation. I’ve used it as an opportunity to reach out to each of the other professionals in your community – try to strengthen those relationships so they know you are there and will continue to refer work to you. The other person may have more experience, but often times people will want to refer to the person they know well, will want the work, will be more responsive, etc. So, don’t sell yourself short. Also, if you look at your long-term prospects at your firm and you don’t like what you see, why not try and make a career move at this point. Either switching to another employer or changing your focus in some way? When you are doing something about it, it will lessen your anxiety and hopefully give you some hope. Also, find joy in things outside of your work/career or find strength in your faith community if you have one. This time period and the anxiety will pass – it will hopefully be a tiny blip in the long successful uphill slope of your work life. Good luck!

  15. Cruddy TJ: This week is really cruddy. Been sick with who knows what, nauseated all day, etc etc and I come to find out that we’re in limbo due to husband’s ridiculous collections that has been sitting around for years although everything else is PERFECT and I qualify on my own. I can’t even take him off of the application even though I was told previously I could.

    I. hate. everything. right. now.

    1. Sorry and hugs. Eat whatever appeals to you, if anything, to keep your energy up. On the application issue, I’ve heard that smaller banks and credit unions can offer more flexibility with quirky credit issues (although no firsthand experience). Are you able to look elsewhere?

      1. We probably will have to look elsewhere … this is the cheapest in the area that we were looking and is a good $250-350/month difference. Sigh! Hoping other apartments don’t care about this if everything else is good.

      1. Unfortunately not. It’s a small complex rental … which is just boggling my mind, as I expected smaller rentals to be more flexible.

        1. That’s just nuts. Has he called the creditor and tried to pay in exchange for removing the item from his report?

          Failing that, has he tried disputing the charge with the credit reporting agencies? If it’s super old they may not be able to verify it and it will have to be removed.

  16. I am in the market for a new face wash regimen. After pregnancy my pores seem larger, I am oily in the T-zone, and dry around the eyes–pretty much everything you don’t want. Any recommendations?

    Thanks!

    2. Biore balancing cleanser for combination skin is great for me, followed by moisturizer. Never been pregnant though.

  17. Thanks so much for the recommendation of The Small Delivery Co. in L.A. for my dilemma about getting the heavy desk out of my inaccessible loft. They came today, moved the desk, took it to Goodwill, moved a few other heavy things inside the apartment, and charged me the best $100 I’ve spent in a while.

    Gotta love The Hive Mind when it comes to solving those pesky first-world problems!

  18. Perimenopause TJ: I am currently on period day eleven. Or possibly, depending how you want to look at it, period day two after nine days of barely-more-than-spotting. At least it’s finally acting like it wants to get somewhere; however, i feel like my uterus is turning inside out and I wanna go home. Wah.

    1. I hear you. I am 47 and went 3 months wo a period. Then one, now it seems like something might happen. Actually a period just once every 3 months would be fine with me – that’s how I am choosing to look at it right now.

      1. Somebody needs to invent a perimenopausal uterus that sends email messages. “Hi there. I’m gearing up to bleed starting tomorrow. It shouldn’t last more than three days, then all will be quiet for another three months. Oh, and you won’t need to buy any more supplies after this time next year.”

        While I’m fantasizing, how about making hot flashes illegal? Or else converting them to at-will phenomena. They could be useful on cold winter mornings.

  19. I was wondering why this wasn’t a weekend open thread and then I remembered it’s only Thursday. #HeadDesk

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