ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Anisa Alpaca-Blend Cardigan

A woman wearing a red cardigan and black leather shorts

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This alpaca-blend cardigan from DÔEN looks so cozy that I’m afraid I’d be trying to layer it over everything in my closet — sheath dresses, T-shirts and jeans, pajamas.

For the office, I’d probably skip the leather shorts pictured here and pair it with a midi skirt or a well-tailored dark dress.

The cardigan is $250 at Saks Fifth Avenue and Net-a-Porter and comes in sizes XS-XXL. It also comes in black.

A couple of options on the more affordable side are from Gap (on sale for $41.97; regular, tall, petite sizes) and Loft (on sale for $23.99; XXS-XXL).

Sales of note for 12.5

274 Comments

  1. For those of you who had hit-or-miss “ugh excluded from promo” JCrew items in cart purgatory, the jacket I’ve had in my cart for 3 weeks is finally included in today’s 40% off promo – worth a look :)

    1. thank you! it’s a seasonal tradition for me to want a sweater from j crew that ultimately sells out because i wouldn’t buy it without the promo! Tangentially related, wearing a pair of j crew pants this year that i bought last winter and really unimpressed with quality. I know they’re a “mall brand” but certainly not cheap, would expect two seasons without significant piling,

    3. I got excited and went to check my cart… apparently this isn’t the case for Canada (we never get the good promotions, sigh).

      1. J Crew/J Crew Factory NEVER gives discounts on the Canadian site and it drives me crazy! The best we get is free shipping after spending like $250. Sigh.

    4. Someone posted this week that JCrew’s sale didn’t reach any of her items and same with those in my cart. I missed out on a sequin shirt for the holidays last year and bought it yesterday, without the sale. It’s the Collections classic fit sequin shirt. I bought it in navy, but it’s also available in a pretty blush and a gold. I think it’ll be very versatile.

      1. personally I’d keep the tags on that puppy since return policy is 30 days. Odds are holiday stuff will go on sale around TG week.

  2. I miss pretty clothes. the only things i can find that seem tolerably wearable have a definite basic almost “post dystopian” vibe– everlane, uniqlo, quince. sigh.

      1. YES. I look so much better in a little bit of color, especially when I’m rocking the winter pallor.

    2. What pieces are you looking for? I love color/prints in more ‘classic’ fits (not super oversized or cropped, not too twee) and while it takes a bit more digging I’ve had good luck finding blouses, dresses, skirts, etc. this season.

    3. Marimekko, Sue Sartor, Buru, even Banana have pretty clothes.

      Uniqlo is good for Heat Teach.

    4. Agreed. I’ve worked very hard to get to a size I’m really happy with, only to have to dress like I’m in extra from Divergent.

    5. Farm Rio is really joyful and happy, even winter items which elsewhere seem to cater to sad poet waifs or some theoretical woman who is not the 95% of women who need clothes.

    6. I’ll put in my plug for Talbots. I know they’re not the more fashion-foward set’s cup of tea, but they’ve had some fun patterns lately. I loved a lot of the summer stuff this year.
      A step up in loudness is Marimekko or Zuri, both of which are also wonderful.

      2. +1 to Talbots. They have mouthwatering colors in nice basics like sweaters and so on.

      3. Yes! Talbots has some nice bright colors. I look at some of the washed-out pastels and think to myself that somehow, the children of GenX found something more depressing to wear than all black all the time.

    7. What are you shopping for and what’s your budget? You could try Sezane, & Other Stories, Hill House, Anthropologie, Reformation.

      I feel you though…brown is really in right now and it’s not my fave.

    8. Personally my goal style is “spaceship technician” so I’m not mad about current color availability :)

      That said, the JCrew blouse linked in the above thread is very pretty!

    9. Ha! I like Quince clothes but I also like pretty colors. You hit the nail on the head about why I don’t order more things from them. I just ordered some sweaters in pretty colors from JCrew Factory so we’ll see.

    10. I admire neutrals on others but have never felt super great in head to toe beige or gray… I used to love wearing a lot of black but I’m over it.

      So now I wear blue – all shades from powder blue to deep navy – and some blue/green hybrid colors, and I feel happy. It’s not way out there color, it’s just a color that makes me happy. And you can almost always find blue items everywhere.

      1. I am in blue today and feel like a hybrid b/w office worker (style) and bridesmaid (head-to-toe color), like the movie where Gwyneth Paltrow wears the track suit, but this time it’s office attire. The pants are a subtle plaid, but too subtle, IMO.

    11. A bit pricier, but I covet nearly everything from Me + Em. Classic style, gorgeous colors.

  3. I don’t travel much, but now will be spending time in hotel rooms more often.

    Do you have a favorite pair of “travel” slippers/flip flops. Always trying to pack small/save space. But hotel rooms don’t tend to be as…. clean as I would prefer.

    Thanks

    2. Higher end hotels will give you slippers. Otherwise, if you don’t need arch support, socks will work. That’s what I do.

      1. This. All it takes is one experience to become a lifetime convert. Bonus: If the flats you thought would be comfy end up blistering your heel beyond recognition, you can also wear them for that massively long walk through the airport on your way home.

        1. What is going on? Since COVID I haven’t travelled a ton but never felt a need to use shower shoes (the time I got plantar warts was at the beach and it never spread from one for to the other back home in my home shower). I wear thick wool hiking socks for going through security sans shoes.

    4. I usually toss in a pair or two of socks to be my hotel “slippers.” They don’t take much space and I throw them in the wash when I get home.

    5. The folding shoes posted yesterday that were derided are my favorite kind of hotel shoe. Perfect for running to the lobby to get coffee and they double as a slipper if you’re staying somewhere that doesn’t provide them.

    7. I always travel with slippers now — they are one of my creature comforts when I’m on the road. I have a very basic pair of scuff slippers from Target – they pack to nearly flat, and were cheap so I don’t care if they get a little beat up. Slippers and a sleep mask live in my suitcase, ready for the next adventure.

    8. For travel, I really like the slippers from Top Drawer. They are fabric (plaids, checks, and solids), lined with sherpa-like fabric, and have ribbing in the heel area for a closer fit around ankles. They roll or fold up easily and weigh very little. On the website, I see that many are $75 but some are on sale for $39.

    10. plain flip flops for me – i can’t believe i never thought about them for the airport!

    13. I use cheap flip flops from Old Navy or travel socks/slippers from Daiso. Hotel rooms at most price points are not that clean.

      Pro tip: also consider buying a travel sheet if you are spending more time in hotels.

    14. I have pairs of IKEA slippers from like ten years ago that I rotate for travel. Had bought like ten pairs to have one hand and offer to guests when they visit our shoeless house. The slippers pack flat and are just a little cozier / cushier than the disposable ones from hotels and the like.

  4. I have been having a rough time medically, and now I wish I had one of those great threads people post on here where people give recommendations of warm/soft/cuddly/comfort things to give friends or family who are going through cancer or something similar.

    I am cold and sore a lot. Hands and feet freezing. And am on rough medications and am dry and uncomfortable all the time. Lots of drops/moisturizers and a soft blanket and a bean bag heating pad I put in the microwave.

    I could use some recommendations on some sort of big and soft shoulder wrap to heat up in the microwave, favorite hand cream, favorite ?fingerless gloves or very warm and soft socks. For some reason an electric blanket doesn’t feel comfortable for me… too much?

    Any thoughts appreciated.

    Thank you.

      1. Perfect. I do like their Praryananwhatever wrap with thumb holes, so I will get this too. Thank you.

        2. Athleta also has a “ cozy karma twist neck sweatshirt” that I love. Super warm and looks nice on teams/zoom.

          I have a small desktop Honeywell heater that pumps out the heat and fleece lined Birks clogs as my slippers. Love both.

          Hope you feel better

    2. Smart wool and Icebreaker brands both have great options for socks and clothing.

      I have similar issues. Laying really helps me. Like thin merino wool sock under a chunkier wool sock. Soft wool is much better than synthetics. For me, warm feet and neck are key. A long length thin merino turtleneck is key.

      You can also get electric heated socks on Amazon for in office days.

      1. Thanks for this.

        Unfortunately, nearly all wool and even most cashmeres make me itch. I am allergic to a lot. But some wool socks don’t make me itch… not sure why…

        1. I buy the base layer shirts from 32 degrees. They’re $8 each and I basically have enough to wear one every day all winter. Since items like this are all synthetic, it really doesn’t matter where you buy them.

          I also run cold due to my own medical stuff. I’m so sorry you’re feeling poorly!

    3. I don’t know about a throw, but I have a (?) buckwheat filled pillow that you heat up in the microwave. It stays warm a long time, and because it just eventually cools off, it is OK to fall asleep with it (unlike a heating pad). I think they make some with lavender or similar inside so that they smell nice when they warm up, too.

      I also like Bag Balm for dry lips and cuticles. A little goes a long way. (Note – for lips – it has no sunscreen.)

      1. Thank you for this. Yes… lips. I use vaseline now, but I do wonder whether I need something better and possibly sunscreen too. Thank you.

        1. Using Vaseline as a lip balm never worked for me; it’s not thick enough to last, and really seal moisture in.

          I use Burt’s Bees lip balm – the regular kind, in the yellow tube with the yellow cap. It doesn’t cause rebound dryness.

          1. I read somewhere (maybe here) to layer a moisturizer under vaseline or aquaphor, as the latter two are barriers but not actual moisturizers. I’ve found that advice to work well, but also really love the laneige.

        2. Indulge in La Neige lip balm! It works and it’s so lovely to use – great texture, very nice but light scent.

          I have received as a gift something called Cabin Socks – they are really thick, cushy socks and are not wool. I don’t know if that’s the brand name, but the tag says Cabin Socks in big letters. They are very cozy.

        3. For lips nothing is better for long term dry lips than Aveda Lip Saver, it’s easy to use and worth the price. Buy several tubes and stash them everywhere, it’s what keeps my dry chapped lips soft all year

        4. Lanolin. It’s super safe, cheap, and amazing. I discovered it for healing heal sore nipp1es when bre@stfeeding, and used the remainder of the tube on my lips. Think Elizabeth Arden 10-hour cream but for a fraction of the price and without the potential allergens. Hope you feel more comfy soon.

      1. Also fingerless gloves!! I got a pair from Barefoot Dreams last year, and they are SO cozy.

      2. It’s funny…. I like their sweater a lot…. but I hate their socks. Don’t know why. I wondered about the blanket. Maybe I will take the risk.. Pricey, I recall. I have a very soft poly one from Costco now that is nice.

      3. DH and I received a Barefoot Dreams throw for Christmas a couple of years ago. My 8-year-old and I constantly compete for it. He calls it the “jealous blanket” and jokingly acts super smug when he gets to it first.

      1. I keep one attached to the back of my office chair to lean against, it helps a lot in staying warm and keeping my back muscles relaxed

    6. Ororo wear has some options for rechargeable heated vests that are discrete enough to wear under a loose sweater at the office.

    7. This is also me, but I don’t really have good recs because I mostly just have the no-name brands from Amazon. Whatever cheap ones come up when you search for arthritis gloves have worked really well and are FSA reimbursable. So are electric heating pads, and you can get ones that fit around your neck. I think mine is from Sunbeam and I use it all the time. I have very sensitive skin, so I stick with Vanicream and Lubriderm, but it sounds like you’re looking for something more luxurious, which those aren’t. I’m also a four season Smartwool sock wearer.

      1. These are wonderful recs. No, you are right…. I have also have very sensitive skin and should have said that. Vanicream I haven’t tried. I use mostly cetaphil/cerave/aquaphor type things now for face and body, but don’t have a favorite for hands yet, and I apply that the most.

        Thanks for the recommendations for arthritis gloves… I never thought to search for that.

        Maybe I need to reconsider heating pads too.

        Thank you all for such wonderful suggestions.

    8. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I have a Pottery Barn fuzzy blanket that is so cozy, highly recommend. I also love my Ugg slippers and Kiehls hand salve.

      2. I live in my Uggs slippers or the Minnetonka loafers version year round. They are the only thing that keep my feet warm. As someone with super sensitive skin who cannot wear any wool, I can fully endorse these. Wear without socks for best warming, I know it seems counterintuitive but that’s how the sheepskin works best to keep your feet warm. I’ve been wearing Ugg boots for years solely because they are warm and I wear them at work, inside, in the winter when I have a cold office. I also keep a backup pair of slippers under my desk to warm up my feet

    9. I’m sorry, I’m also often cold and sore and it can be truly miserable. A few things that help are wool socks (smartwool) – I like the thin or mid weight ones so I can wear them with slippers. It depends on preference but I have and like glerups (looser so I wear them with thicker socks), ugg slippers ($$ but great), or the LLbean mocassin ones that come up higher above the ankle. The neutrogena hydro boost body cream is my favorite as it absorbs quickly, has no smell, and doesn’t leave a weird film. I also keep a ‘lap blanket’ in my office for frigid days, and wear vests pretty constantly. The Patagonia down vests are light but very warm. Restoration Hardware ultra fine faux fur throws are super warm and very very soft – maybe ask for one for the holidays?

      1. Thank you so much for these wonderful suggestions. The Restoration Hardware throw looks perfect.

        If only my family would ask me what I want for the holidays…… ;)

      1. Towel warmers are so nice, even in summer. They also help your towels dry faster and prevent any mildew.

    11. I really like Clinique’s Dramatically Different if I want a moisturizer that will help with how my skin feels instantly.

      For socks, look for the ones with faux fur lining. It is softer than sherpa. I’m usually one of the natural fibers snobs here, but when I am cold enough and dry enough, I don’t mind the unbreathability as much. Maybe it’s my occlusive layer or something!

    12. Get the little heat packs hunters keep in their pockets. They stay warm MUCH longer than anything you microwave but aren’t super harsh like an electric blanket’s heat.

    13. Get the little heat packs hunters keep in their pockets. They stay warm MUCH longer than anything you microwave but aren’t super harsh like an electric blanket’s heat.

    14. I have similar medical issues and here is what I rely on to get through the winter:
      -a shoulder/neck specific heating pad (mine has a massage mode that I love too)
      -cotton camp socks: wool makes me itch and these are thicker than normal socks but also soft and cozy
      -one of those microwaveable heated animals: it seems so silly but it’s nice to have a warm little friend to cuddle
      -I bought a “quilted” loungewear set from Marshall’s the other day that is going to be a workhorse for sick days—it’s cozy and snuggly but made of cotton/poly so not itchy and is very soft
      -those fluffy throws that are everywhere are great; I have one that was my hospital blanket a couple years ago and it is warm and cuddly but not heavy or itchy. I think it’s from Target.
      -cotton gloves, a hydrating serum, and an oil-based balm for hands: use the serum then the balm then put gloves on before you go to sleep

    15. I’m so sorry you are having a rough time. A few suggestions I’ll toss out:
      – disposable handwarmers. You can buy them in bulk on amazon, they heat up quickly, you can out them wherever you need them.
      – I know you said an electric blanket isn’t comfortable, but if you already have one, consider turning it up to high and putting it on your couch (or bed) 20 minutes before you go to sit down, so that it warms the space you’re getting into. Then swap it out for your regular cozy blanket, but your space will be pre-warmed.
      – I really like a hot water bottle on my belly when I’m cold. Something about the warmth in my core makes a difference.
      – Consider a cowl or fleece shawl to keep around your shoulders.

    16. Warmies dot com has a bunch of animals that you heat up in the microwave and they are all warm and good smelling for a novelty heating blanket. Big fan of the sloth because he makes me happier than a bean bag heating pad. Also a hug fan of using the ugg boots circa 2002 as slippers around the house. They have good grip and are nice and warm. And, since they are in the house you can get whatever color you want.

      1. +1 was coming here to suggest warmies. My premature twins LOVED their warmies (I didn’t heat them until they were over a year old), which I found funny because they would NOT snuggle with each other for warmth. They’ve been fighting from day one. Hope you get some comfort!

    17. I am sorry you are going through this. It’s a bit pricey, but the Ororo heated fleece vest might help with the cold. I recommend springing for an extra battery so you can have on charging while you are wearing one.

    18. Land’s End silk long underwear, top and bottom, worn under everything is my answer. I hope things get better for you.

    20. A teddy bear to cuddle. Not kidding. Someone else mentioned Warmies – they make bears that heat up. But even if you just get a regular bear, something to hold against your chest can help keep your core heat in. Plus it’s soothing to be able to gently squeeze something, like how a weighted blanket is soothing because it presses down on you.

      Also a humidifier. You already mentioned being dry – the humidifier can help especially with dry sinuses. Absent that, hanging out in the bathroom while you run a very hot shower and let it all steam up. Sometimes it’s the only thing that makes me feel better when I’m sick.

      I saw an ad the other day for Bombas slipper socks/booties that looked super cozy. They are sherpa lined and are grippy on the bottom. I didn’t click through, but they look like something that could be machine washable.

    21. I’m sorry you are feeling cruddy and hope you begin to feel better. What I could suggest:
      -Falke ‘walkies’ socks, they are so so warm and last a long time. Available on Zappos.
      -Rubber hot water bottle – they make extra long ones that are like a tube. Great to cuddle next to on the sofa.
      – ‘Allgäuer Latschenkiefer’ foot bath / mineral salts. This is a German company available on US Amazon – it’s a herbal mix that feels great and is warming.
      – humidifier might also be helpful?

    22. I have Raynaud’s and have similar issues with cold. Here’s what works for me:
      HeatHolders socks- they are fleece lined, come in various weights, not too pricey.
      An electric heated shoulder wrap – it doesn’t get as hot as an electric blanket but is enough to keep me warm while working at a desk
      A daily walk outside (surprisingly) really helps- I. Maybe it’s the improved circulation but I usually feel less cold for a few hours after having done a short walk outside
      Sending warm hugs and virtual cup of hot tea!

    23. I love my heated mattress pad. It makes the bed warm without the harsh heat of an electric blanket.

    24. This is me! Right down to the sensitive skin with no wool, ever. You’ve had a lot of great suggestions, I’ll add a few more. For hand cream make sure you’re using one with shea butter. I still use bath and body works lotions in the classic scents which I like, they have plenty of shea butter and I find they really help moisturize. I use them all over when I get out of the shower and keep a full bottle next to me on the couch and at my desk for regular hand applications.
      My next favorite is a hand warmer that is also a battery, it’s charged using a USB and is about the size of a thick battery pack so it’s nice to hold in your hand. I’ll even keep in my lap or on my chest in between holding it in my hands. And it will charge any devices too
      I’m a huge believer in electric blankets, I get ones that are really soft and fluffy and I have one on my couch at all times. I keep it on low and it warms me up but also keeps my muscles warm. I have a full sized one on my bed, I turn it on an hour before I get in bed and also keep it on quite low. The gentle heat on top of me is so relaxing, it really helps me sleep and my feet are never cold at night when I’m using it. because cold feet are a big issue for me I have a foot only heating pouch, I can slide my feet inside and it keeps them nice and toasty. I love this thing. On nights that aren’t cold but still a little chilly I will put a heating pad between the two layers on blankets on my bed and turn it on low and have it where my feet go. Then I can warm only my cold feet.
      Barefoot dreams sweaters are the greatest, so soft and warm and they never upset my sensitive skin. I have several and have me eye on their ponchos and wraps.
      For fingerless gloves my favorites are ones I bought off etsy a few years ago, the key to their greatness is they are lined with fleece. They don’t have finger separators which I find more comfortable but they do have a thumb cover which I like because the ones that just have a thumb hole make my thumb get really cold. Etsy is where I would search for a good pair. When I have the electric blanket on my lap I also use that to keep my hands warm or have a mug of hot tea which also works very well

    25. A double length sheepskin, to sleep on or sit/lie on. It helps so much with pain and keeps you warm.
      I live with chronic pain and Raynaud’s so I sympathise.

    26. You are all so wonderful. Thank you so much. These are fantastic.
      I am ordering everything I can.
      One nice “side effect” of the steroids I am on is I no longer feel guilty for spending money…. I have to take care of myself.

      I am so sorry so many of you can empathize with my situation. I wish you all comfort, and better days.

      And I encourage every woman in their 30s to have a very good GYN and maybe PCP too, and every woman in their 30s to have a PCP and OB/GYN for sure. In your 40’s, please find a different GYN interested in aging/perimenopause, because only those doctors seem to be interested in really helping all of these complicated years. The OB/GYN in your 30’s is not the one you want in your 40’s or when you are done considering having children. I promise you.

      And do NOT let your doctors EVER dismiss you, and tell you every ache, pain, problem is “aging” or “perimenopause”…. If the don’t believe you and/or ignore you, bring a man (any man….) and have them sit next to you and nod while you are telling your story and emphasize …. “this is not normal for her…. something is wrong….”

      Yes, do all the eating well/exercise/yoga/physical therapy/mindfulness/
      sunlight exposure and happy lights/healthy relationships etc…. But ultimately, the correct, smart, caring doctor is essential. Don’t give up looking until you find one… that believes you.

    2. It’s so funny, I don’t really like sweaters in anything other than wool, cashmere, or cotton, maybe rayon for really light summer ones.

      Sweaters with acrylic or other synthetics feel soft at first, but if I get the slightest bit warm, they cause me to overheat and feel very itchy.

      I’m okay with synthetic blouses, but acrylic and polyester sweaters are my nemesis.

      1. I get hot and itchy in sweaters made from animal fibers and synthetics, so cotton and silk are my only options. Virtually no one makes a cotton sweater that doesn’t have 5% cashmere or wool to wreck it, and I haven’t seen a silk sweater in decades.

        3. Banana Republic used to have cotton and silk blend sweaters that were workhorses in my closet. Sadly they no longer make them.

          2. I loved those. I regret not buying multiple.

            I have two from LK Bennett which are amazing. They are excellent for travel.

  6. On last week’s frugal Friday post I asked for help getting my dad (on hospice care) and mom (with Alzheimer’s) out of a timeshare contract. Josie P recommended a law firm in Branson, MO, and that firm has been a godsend. I appreciate this forum so much. Thank you.

    1. So sorry you are going through this but glad you have found some assistance. I hope it goes smoothly!

  7. I did sports in high school where we had darkness and real winter and cotton exercise clothes (or nasty polyester that was like working out in Saran Wrap). I started running in the summer and did not have issues with hot humid weather because I loved the freedom of movement of summer 2023 athletic gear. But with dark and cold I’m struggling to find the right layers that I don’t have to wrestle on, can whip off easily or unzip, and actually move in. Also: I get really cold now so hat and gloves are a must. I have a good lighting system so I can see but the rest isn’t great. Also: I hate treadmills and like the variety of running outside and XC type courses or neighborhoods vs a track.

    1. To quote our local running coach: COTTON IS ROTTEN. Don’t do it. What are you wearing now that’s hard to move in? There are so many options for running clothes that are warmer and still stretchy, breathable, easy to move in.

      You need:
      Lined tights, like the Athleta Rainier or something similar. But honestly, I don’t bring these out until it’s at least in the 30s. Regular tights are fine before that.
      Comfortable long-sleeve tops in wicking fabric. Until it’s really really cold, I will put a vest on top if I need a bit more warmth and wind protection. I have had good luck with a North Face Thermoball because it’s very lightweight and dries quickly.
      Alternatively, wear a tank with a slightly thicker quarter zip or half zip top. Wicking fabric for both. Mine are ancient so no particular recommendation but most athletic brands will have something like it. That’s nice because you can unzip the top part when you start getting hot.
      I also have a very breathable New Balance hoodie that I like to wear on top of a tee or long sleeve shirt, depending on how cold it is. It’s some kind of “air” fabric. Again, it has to be really, truly cold for me to pull out the running hoodie, otherwise I overheat.

        1. I use the Tina Muir article religiously all winter! Highly recommend.

          OP – for me, wind makes a really big difference in determining how much I need to bundle up.

          I also find I can almost never stomach wearing a jacket that is fully wind-blocking or waterproof, like a hard shell – it has to be really, really cold, or I will get too hot.

          My winter MVP is a thin, wind-blocking vest with a mesh back, which keeps the core warm when zipped but is almost like wearing nothing when unzipped.

          I also prefer a wind-blocking fleece headband to keep my ears warm rather than a full hat unless it is below freezing; often, I will wear both at the start of the run and then take off the hat after a mile or so when I start getting warm.

          When it gets really cold, I wear warm tights plus athletic long underwear (more wicking than heattech) as my legs tend to get cold, or some looser fitting polartec powerstretch pants over tights. The looser layer traps more warmth I think.

          For my hands, I have some convertible mittens that I love – I think they are these: https://www.als.com/saucon-fortify-cnvrtbl-running-gloves. I pop the mitten part off when I start getting warm. They are also decent for biking because the mitten part blocks wind.

          1. Totally agree on the convertible mittens, a headband, and the wind making a huge difference in how I dress.

    2. Gloves – go to Costco and get their women’s running gloves. They are by far and away the best bang for the buck. Get a few pairs so if one goes missing, it’s no biggie.
      Hat – try some and see what you like best. Freebies and handmade ones work just as well for me as pricey “running specific” ones. A merino BUFF is awesome. The only time I ever wear a purpose made hat is under my bike helmet, where it has to be thin.
      REI’s Link Cycling Wind Vest is a really good all-around piece of clothing for when it cools off. Unfortunately it’s only available right now in hi-viz yellow, but it’s great for the price. Underneath, I like thin merino layers. Ibex is my favorite brand, but there are several options and whichever one you like best will be fine.
      Tights are likewise trial and error. Be aware that tights that keep you warm are not the same as athleisure tights. If you wear cute athleisure tights you will look cute but cold. Look for ones that are made for warmth – they come in all price ranges from Target on up. Just read labels/touch the fabric and be aware that long doesn’t always mean warm.

      1. Seconding those Costco Head running gloves, and adding the $17 Mondetta fleece joggers and half-zips. For extra cold days I wear tights underneath.

    3. For lights, I’ve never found headlamps comfortable, but I have a chest lamp (random brand from Amazon, cost ~$20) that I like – it clips around your ribs and has a single shoulder strap and doesn’t jostle around. The front light is bright enough to see by (our sidewalks are super uneven and street lighting inconsistent) and it has a red blinker on the back.

      1. OP here. This threat is terrific. FWIW, I have the NoxGear light strap thingie and the light that clips into it. I also can never get a headlamp to work as a headlamp and often carry it on my arm like how my grandmother carries her church purse. The NoxGear setup is also great for dog walking and just in general.

        1. I can’t wear a headlamp either, but the band stretches so I can wear it on my waist. Most of the time I just skip it though.

        2. I agree. The NoxGear system is great. I enjoy the way it can be set to change colors!

    4. Athleta Rainier leggings just bought 2 more pairs. I have polartecs that I will layer over if it gets very cold. I like an athletic fabric long sleeve fitted top under a sweatshirt and a headband that covers the ears or an UnderArmour running hat. In South Central PA where the temp ranges from 20s to 50s in the winter.

  8. I am in a brutal stretch at work, plus fall is my family’s busiest season. Add in a touch of seasonal depression, and my mental health is really struggling right now. I’m an anxious mess, easily startled, more reactive than usual, etc. I’m trying to go to bed early and keep up with my exercise routine, but it’s really only putting a dent in things. And I usually have 1-2 nights each week where insomnia is a factor, so sleep isn’t even reliable! I truly do not have time to take a vacation day or schedule anything else until this busy period lets up. My schedule should get better in about a month (just in time for the holidays, ugh). Any tips on how to make it through until then? Part of it is just to make it through but I hate starting my days feeling behind and overwhelmed.

    1. I’m sorry! It sounds like you need to calm your nervous system. I just found this article and a weighted blanket or warm bath sound promising:

      https://www.healthline.com/health/mind-body/give-your-nervous-system-a-break

      My mom always told me to slow down when I’m feeling like this. Like, literally move your body slowly while you’re preparing for bed, getting ready in the morning etc.

      Could you also get yourself some treats? Maybe a super soft sweater for work or a fleece to wear on the weekends, a yeti-type cup in a fun color for hot tea, a floral notebook to help you track things…I know you can’t buy yourself out of being busy and overwhelmed but honestly, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do until things let up.

      1. Believe me, I’m not above some retail therapy right now! But yes, weighted blanket is a good idea, too.

    2. Valerian drops to get to sleep (or if like me, you wake at 3am ! when stressed),
      it is the prime ingredient in sleepy time tea and available in health food stores. If you are in the UK there are drops called Dormesean that I have used and are great! They are a combo of the valerian + other things. Both types do smell and taste taste like tree bark but…. the efficacy ameliorates the taste.

    3. Try some guided mindfulness meditations. I like Yoga Nidra for help in falling asleep, and if you google mindfulness meditation for anxiety you will find some good ones. These can be super short too – like a minute or two – so good for doing while you are heating up your lunch at work, or just in any free moment.

    4. I feel much of what you describe and am trying to figure it out as I go along. I have to be very careful not to take on extra drama–I skipped a city commissioner’s meeting I was interested in last night and am avoiding Twitter. I’m trying to be off-screen an hour before bed. When I wake up trying to solve the world’s problems at 4:00 a.m., I remind myself that I’m not going to be able to accomplish anything before bedtime. I warn my husband that I’m feeling anxious; even though I try to keep my mouth shut, I can still be bossy and critical, and he has been very understanding when I relate it back to the anxiety. I feel like my biggest stressor comes from fighting the fact that I cannot do everything, and I begin to feel better when I accept that I can only do one thing at a time and I must choose what that is at any given moment, and I will disappoint people, but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure or a bad person, I’m just human.

    5. I have been in this season before, especially with the insomnia. One thing that worked for me was before bed to set out some really boring and benign but needed house chores/life maintenance before going to bed: laundry that needed folding, notes that needed to be written, gifts that needed to be wrapped, meal planning that required flipping through a cookbook, etc. Nothing with a screen and nothing related to $$ or other potential stressors. I would then tell myself that if I truly couldn’t fall asleep fairly quickly, I would get up and do a chore and then try again with the sleep. It kept me from the tossing and turning in bed, and when my brain knew laundry was the alternative, it would go ahead and fall asleep. On the nights when I truly couldn’t fall asleep, at least 20 minutes later I would have a little chore done, and then I’d try again for sleep.

      1. OP here, and this is a really good idea for insomnia nights. Had never thought of that, so thank you!

      2. Someone explained this to me as an accomplishment fix – you can do one small thing that feels helpful and sometimes it helps tell your body it’s okay to rest now.

      3. I do this too usually with laundry. I find it works better if I keep the lights as dim as I can. I’m not a great sleeper and I find spending too much time awake in bed while trying to fall asleep to be the worst thing I can do. If I can’t sleep, I need to get out of bed – even when I really don’t want to.

    6. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I just came out of a similarly busy season at the end of September. Others have good advice for right now. I will add:
      – Schedule a vacation day for a couple of weeks after your busy period at work ends. I just took a random vacation day last Friday. I got a latte from my favorite coffee shop, went to a book sale, had a nice lunch with DH, went with DH to pick up our kid from school, and helped DH get ready for some good friends to come over. More importantly, I woke up on Sunday feeling glorious for having an “extra” weekend day, and I am much more refreshed at work this week.
      – Do less for the holidays. They can be SO much work, and really draining by the end. Drop unimportant things and take easier paths where you can. I am still busier at work than I have been for the past 6 years, and the holidays are just going to look different than they used to.

      1. This. I skipped the halloween decorations this year, sent our sitter with our kid to go get a costume/candy during the jewish holidays, and we already agreed that Xmas gifts will be 90% experiential and/or clothing/books. I’ve already started the family text chain about what the kids want and have 4 kids done and the other 3 (teens) get gift cards – heck, all kids can get gift cards this year if you want to!

    8. In purely clinical terms, I go with a harm reduction approach during these periods and give myself permission to embrace that something is better than nothing. E.g., eating drive thru is better than not eating lunch, dropping all my clothes off at the dry cleaner is better than not doing laundry, taking benadryl to knock myself out is better than not sleeping. Basically, not judging and forgiving myself for whatever I need to get through the brutal stretch at work.

  9. NYC denizens:

    I’m heading up to your city for work, taking Amtrak. I’m staying at a hotel that’s on Amsterdam Avenue way up by the Washington Bridge. I’ll arrive at Penn Station around 4 pm. Is it safe and a good idea to take the subway up there? It looks like there’s a line that goes straight there and has a stop about a block from my hotel.

    I haven’t been in NYC for about 4 years and have taken the subway, although mostly around midtown. I’ll be carrying a laptop bag and small carryon bag, and I can manage stairs. If it is safe, the subway seems preferable to sitting in traffic for maybe an hour to get all the way up there.

    2. I was in NYC a few weeks ago and to me the subway felt “normal” ie as safe as it did ~5 years ago, so if it was within your comfort zone then it probably is now

    3. I can’t think of anywhere I would worry about walking during the day or taking the subway in Manhattan. Yes, there is random violence that makes the news, but statistically, it is still really, really rare.

      1. One easy thing I’d do in New York is not stand near the edge of the subway platform. There have been too many incidents of people getting shoved on the tracks. Rare? Yes. But avoidable by standing farther away and staying alert (which are easy)? Yes. That’s easier than solving the problems of severe mental illness and male violence.

        1. This. I was taught as a kid to always stand a good amount back from the track and position myself sideways, not facing front (that may be more about it being easier to move through crowds sideways though which many city dwellers do).

    5. Thanks for the answers. It might sound silly to those of you who take the subway all the time, but the NYC subway system is a bit daunting, it’s so big!

      And that part of NYC is entirely unfamiliar to me, so I wanted to check. I also haven’t traveled much in the past 4 years, so general travel anxiety is sort of adding to this. I feel like the more information I have the better I will feel.

      Also if there are any good places to eat up there, please let me know!

        1. I get carsick in the backs of cars and NYC driving is especially prone to turning me green (or worse).

    6. Yes it should be fine but unless your meetings are in that neighborhood, I’d stay somewhere more convenient.

      1. Yep, that’s where the meeting is and where all the participants are staying. I agree, I’m not thrilled about having to schlep all the way up there, but it wasn’t my choice.

        I had thought about staying back from the tracks – which I do anyway, probably because as a child I was told if you stand too close to the tracks you’ll get sucked under the train. Which I’m sure was my mother’s way of making sure her three children did not get too close to the edge, rather than being real physics.

        1. It’s about a 30-minute subway ride from Penn Station, a bit faster if you take the 2 or 3 express to 96th Street and cross over the platform to catch a 1 train directly opposite. I wouldn’t bother with a cab or Uber.

    7. Personally I’d just take Uber. I’ve never had real time savings in a subway system I’m not familiar with and don’t know exactly where to go. The comfort and assistance with my luggage in a car where I can also just look out the window or at my phone is always preferable in my opinion.

      1. Yes, the subway is safe at this time of day. At rush hour, the subway is much faster on the route you mentioned vs. an Uber, so unless you have a huge bag, that is probably easiest (particularly because you can get to Washington Heights from Penn Station on 1 train).

        1. Google maps tells me it will be quite a journey up to the hotel from the train station at the time of day I arrive. The subway is not that much faster, maybe 10-15 minutes, but as I tend to get carsick, I was hoping that the subway would be a viable alternative.

          I won’t have too much luggage, just a laptop bag and small carryon, so I should be able to manage.

          I really appreciate all of you weighing in. As I may have mentioned, I’m just starting to travel again and was never an entirely sanguine traveler, so I’m a little extra nervous after 4 years of not going anywhere.

          A friend told me that you can just pay for the subway using Apple Pay on your phone, which sounds super convenient!

      2. Strong disagree only because it’s a straight shot north for OP on the 1/2/3. If there was a train change or it was a really long ride, I’d agree.

    8. I don’t live in NYC but travel there a lot. My only issue with the subway is that there are often only stairs, which is a little hard for me with my bag. But other than that, it’s great, and often faster than a cab/uber when there’s traffic.

      I think they’ve changed how you pay since you were last there 4 years ago, so check that out.

      1. Good point about payment. You can scan a credit card itself or one on your phone. The official app is called OMNY but it’s not required for payment. Last time I checked, farecards, only available from self-service kiosks, were an extra $1, so not worth buying.

    9. Are you staying at the Radio hotel? The 1 train is safe and always busy, so you should be fine.

      The best restaurants in the neighborhood are west of Broadway, which is a few blocks walk. Tampopo Ramen is wonderful, and Le Chiele is a solid Irish pub. A little further away, Malecon on Broadway and 175th is the best Dominican roast chicken I have ever eaten.

    10. One note – check if your train arrives/departs from Moynihan Hall, which is technically part of Penn Station but is a separate, adjacent building. It doesn’t make a huge difference but if you’re wandering around Penn Station looking for the Amtrak and can’t find it, that’s why.

  10. Anyone been a stem cell donor? My (Asian) daughter has been preliminarily matched with someone based on a Be the Match event she did several years ago. She would almost certainly do the version where they take stem cells from your blood, rather than bone marrow from your pelvis. We are just looking for scoop other than the official line so that she can know what to expect if she donates. They have already told her she will have to travel twice, once for a physical and once for the donation. The website says she can feel not-great from taking the medication that builds up stem cells, but then she’d have to travel feeling not-great, but will it be so bad that she needs someone to go with her? Would appreciate any personal info about any of it.

    1. My family member was a potential stem cell recipient, unfortunately didn’t make it that far in her treatment, but she did have her own bone marrow (from pelvis) harvested in case she was a candidate for an autologous stem cell transfer. She felt fine from the shots & had only a little sore area around the shot site occasionally, but less than having a flu shot.

      Please thank your daughter from the bottom of my heart for being a stem cell donor. She’s a hero.

    2. Not me but my college roommate did this and it was exactly as advertised several years ago. She is active and plays tennis and always notes the anniversary to encourage others to do it. Our college had a big drive when a student’s brother failed to be the match due to not enough people of their ethnicity even being registered.

      I got notified once but there was never any follow-up. I guess they found someone who was a good match closer than I was.

      1. Good to hear that the experience was as advertised. Thanks! I had no idea she’d even signed up but had thought periodically of suggesting it, as she’s Asian (adopted), and that cuts the potential donor pool way down. They did tell her she may not donate if someone turns up as a closer match. We’re joking with her that the potential donee could be her long-lost biological sister, but ya’ now, stranger things have happened.

    3. I believe I took the same drug she will take to build up her stem cells to build up my stem cells after each round of chemo. I was in really rough shape from the chemo but the side effects of that particular drug were manageable – I mostly felt achy and had some bone pain but I was still very mobile.

      Also, a huge thank you to your daughter for being part of Be the Match. What an amazing thing to get to do.

      1. Thanks for that info! I found something online that looks like she would be able to take a +1 (probably me) with her for the actual donation, which alleviates my concerns somewhat about her traveling alone while feeling fluish. Our airport is a nightmare even when you’re feeling great.

        1. Wait this involves air travel? When you said she’d have to travel I thought you meant within driving distance. Can she at least have the physical done locally?

          1. So far, they’ve told her she has to go to the recipient’s medical team for both the physical and the procedure, so 2 trips. If she gets past the blood test next week (she should-no known issues), they will give her more details about where her recipient is. I would also think the physical could be delegated to someone local if she insists, but that is not what the screener told her.

    4. My sister donated! It was probably close to a decade ago now, so I’m fuzzy on the details. Physically, the experience was fine overall; emotionally she was so glad to be able to be a donor and help a recipient. I believe she donated stem cells from blood, but again, am not sure. Your daughter is doing a great thing by considering participating!

    5. I don’t have experience from the donor side of things, but my mom needed a stem cell transplant and none of us were a match. A young man in Poland donated to her and saved her life! She is coming up on 9 years since her transplant, and when diagnosed with cancer she only had months left to live. So thank you so much to your daughter for considering being a donor!

    6. I donated stem cells about 5 years ago. I had to get shots in my stomach every day for maybe 4-5 days before the procedure to stimulate the stem cell growth. Then I had to have a central line put in (this was because my veins are really hard to stick IVs in and the central line made the process easier — it may not be an issue for your daughter). Then I did the procedure itself, where you sit in a big chair with machines that run your blood through and filter out the stem cells. The procedure took maybe 6 hours, I think? I brought a book and my phone and a couple of snacks. It got really cold so I got a heated blanket. That night and the next day I was really tired, but after about 48 hours I was fine again. I did all this while staying at my parents’ house, I think the whole thing took 6 days or so. I felt fine to mildly tired from the shots — well enough that I could drive myself to and from the hospital, but not up for a lot of focused work.

      1. That is so helpful to hear. It sounds exactly like the process they’ve described to her. She is a grad student and has a very important semester starting in late January, so she is concerned about how this will affect her semester. I am confident that her program will be flexible about something of this magnitude (it is a professional medical program), but she is hopeful that it will not be an issue.

    7. My mother took the type of drugs you’re talking about before an autologous stem cell transplant. She got shots in the clinic twice a day for couple of weeks (as I recall -it’s been 20 years). I don’t have any memory of her feeling badly as a result of the shots. At the end of the shots, the harvesting took two days. She had a needle in each arm – one to extract the blood and the other to return the unneeded blood. If this is still the procedure, then I recommend she have podcasts or something similar ready to go for entertainment. My mother also had many bone marrow biopsies; if you’re daughter has to do the harvesting via the bone marrow, she absolutely needs to demand sedation. Apparently many places don’t do sedation even though the procedure is uncomfortable because insurance doesn’t want to pay for it. But if the patient insists, then the procedure can be done with light sedation. A huge thank you to your daughter for this donation. We were fortunate that my mom could do an autologous, but for those who cannot, people like your daughter are literal life savers.

  11. Thoughts?
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/10/24/youth-mental-health-independence/

    I was really interested by his thoughts on organized sports not counting as play (not that I ever participated in organized sports). But I noticed my parents tightening the rein over the years. Early part of my life, I roamed free in Brooklyn…later on, they’d get nervous if I went on a walk in the suburbs. I’m fairly independent and am blessed with stable mental health (for now) but I do wonder if this manifests in other ways.

    1. Idk but my 10 year old is going trick or treating with a group of friends sans adult this year in our well-lit, 2-street, side walked, double cul de sac neighborhood which is mostly families with kids and everyone knows everyone and one of the moms sewed an air tag into her kids’ costume. And the kid has her own phone. I thought maybe I was some kind of free range monster when I heard that. An air tag? It’s literally two streets, maybe 20-30 houses, not an airport!

      I just told my kid to bring a watch and flashlight and check in at a certain time.

      1. Omg my friend just told me she put air tags on her kids before a school field trip. A. School. Field. Trip.

    2. I haven’t read the article, but I agree that organized sports have very different benefits than child-directed play.

      1. I agree- I wasn’t into organized sports but those are not the kind of imaginative stuff my friends and I were up to as kids – storylines with dolls, making up plays, inventing our own games using whatever was in the garage, etc.

      2. Agreed. And it’s hard to for kids to get enough unstructured play because they’re so busy. My daughter is 5 and has many friends who have activities almost every day. At this age, I was playing with neighbor friends for a couple hours every day and we’re doing well if we can arrange one play date a week for my daughter. I feel like I’m failing her and it sucks, but I don’t know what to do.

        1. Is she in any sort of aftercare? My mid-elementary kid goes to aftercare — they do homework, have a snack, and then have free play until pickup. The “teachers” (mostly HS and college kids) sometimes help organize a bigger game or crafts (like friendship bracelet making) but mostly the kids just play with their friends, or play board games or do crafts of their choosing. They go to a park if it’s nice out and stay indoors if its raining or unseasonably cold. I count this as 2-3 hours a day of free play!

          1. She was… we dropped out. Unfortunately her school ends late and her aftercare has a really long homework period, so unless we picked her up really late (which was tough on our family schedule and her need for some independent play time at home), she got basically no play time there. We had hoped it would be like you described, but ended up pulling her out because she wasn’t getting any unstructured play time. In 4th grade she’ll go to a school with a much earlier end time and I hope to get her in some kind of unstructured after school program — although I’m sure even more kids will be in organized sports and what not by then, so who knows.

      3. Especially now kid sports get weirdly competitive very early with travel teams and try outs and 3+ nights a week if commitment

    3. Ha, my mom sent me this article because she knows I’m big into free range parenting (or just…parenting, as it was known in the 1980s). The world is objectively much safer today than when we were kids and children are almost never harmed by strangers, but so many parents won’t let their kids out of their sight before they’re 18. It’s truly nutty.

      1. As someone with a teenager who is pretty independent, it’s wild to me that some of my mom friends will barely let their teens out of their sight. I really wonder what is gong to happen when these kids hit college. Our big city is really quite safe, and my kids really seem to get a lot of happiness from going to the local boba tea place with friends or going to the thrift store.

        1. I also have a pretty independent teenager and while I do sometimes inwardly worry when he’s out late, I’m not going to stop him from going out with his friends, or working a late shift on the weekend at his job if he wants to. My senior year in high school was one of the best years of my life – hanging out with my friends, going to movies and concerts, sitting in coffee shops for hours, having new experiences. As you say – my son loves hanging out with his friends and gets a ton of happiness from it, just like I did at the same age. I cannot hold him back from that because of my inner agita that something might happen to him – something could happen to him at school, too, these days (which is really sad, I admit).

          Like you, I wonder how some parents are going to handle it once their kids turn 18 and go to college and don’t have to report in every 5 minutes, and don’t have to listen to “you’re not allowed to…” – or even tell their parents where they’re going and when they’ll be back. Some folks are in for a rough ride, I think.

    4. The article is paywalled, but if you haven’t yet, check out Jonathan Haight’s Coddling of the American Mind. It delves deep into the topic of safetyism and downstream mental health.

    5. We were fortunate to live on a street for 4 other boys of similar age when my son was growing up and they all played outside. I made a point not to overschedule my son and do not regret resisting the team sports trend. The research on overscheduling and overdirecting our kids has been around for 25 years. I am now on a college facebook page and these parents are still doing all the things for their kids.

  12. I just recently ended a long term relationship with a man who was also my travel partner. In the wake of my breakup I’m looking to re-invent my life. Outside of travel to work, I’ve only taken one solo trip and that was to a wellness spa. I would love to hear your experiences with solo travel, especially to Europe. I’m often inspired by the stories people share here and I could really use some inspiration now.

    1. I did a 5 night solo trip to Paris in October 2021. DH is not much of a arts/architecture/shopping guy, so it was great to go on my own and only please myself. I did a couple of tours (Versailles, Louvre) and a wine tour one evening so I would have a chance to interact with people. I went to small museums, sat in the sun in the Luxembourg Gardens, and had fun shopping. I brushed up my 8th grade French so I could at least be polite. At one point someone asked me a question about my timed museum ticket and I understood and answered in French! I came back from the trip feeling incredibly capable and refreshed, and an absolute convert to solo travel. I’ve been to Peru and Japan on my own since, and each trip has had the same effect. I still travel with my husband too, but since I’m the planner at home and at work those trips feel more like work and less refreshing.

    2. I have traveled a ton to Europe solo! My best trips were to Scotland (Edinburgh, St. Andrews, and Loch Ness) and Italy (Venice, Bologna). I went to Scotland over Thanksgiving and Italy over Christmas – Venice at Christmas was incredible, because it was completely empty of tourists. I stayed in several fabulous hotels and treated myself to Christmas dinner in a super fancy Michelin starred restaurant.

      Things I love about solo travel: it’s all about me – I can do exactly what I want to do, when I want to do it, without having to come to agreement with someone else. Things that are hard: sometimes if you experience a travel interruption or difficulty, it can feel pretty lonely to be dealing with that solo. I otherwise never felt lonely traveling alone – my strategy was to bring a a few books I was really excited about reading, and always have one of those in my bag so that if I was really feeling the lack of another person (like at dinner), I had a book I was really looking forward to and could dive into that.

      I like fancy hotels, and a great thing about them is that they have concierges who can be remarkably helpful. That’s their entire job, so don’t feel shy about asking them for advice, pointers, help with reservations, etc. The concierge at my hotel in Venice got me into a wonderful, non-famous, local restaurant for New Year’s Eve – the owner put me in an empty seat at a table full of Venetians, which was so fun.

      Other places I traveled to solo and loved: Portugal (Lisbon, Sintra, Porto), Buenos Aires, Hong Kong, Iceland, London, Cartegena (Colombia).

    3. I did solo to South east Asia last year and doing Paris this year. I adore traveling alone! It’s such freedom to do exactly what you want and only that. I write lots of postcards and bring a book to dinner and it’s a joy. There are def times when a buddy comes in handy but if you go for it the adventures are so good.

    4. It’s been 20 years, but I traveled solo to Europe when I was young. It was glorious. I was young and carefree and packed light, but I went to Paris (briefly, but it was too hot), Annecy, Chemonix, Bruges, London, Bath, and Edinburgh all in the same 2-week trip. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that itinerary, but it is amazing to be able to take any side trip you want.

      I love being able to choose exactly what I want to see and eat and when I want to be active and when I want to rest. There’s a sense of adventure and an allowance for spontaneity. When traveling with someone else, I want to make sure they’re comfortable and enjoying things, and I don’t enjoy spending time talking about what we’re going to do. Alone, I love being able to let go and follow my own whims and niche interests.

    5. My first solo trip was to Paris, but it wasn’t scary because I had been there the year before with family so I knew the lay of the land and could get around pretty well on my own. I wake up whenever I want and grab a pain au chocolate on the way to an exhibit. I linger as long as I want without fearing I’d bore my companions. Sometimes I dine by myself and meet other solo travelers by sitting at the bar, sometimes I dine with my cousin if she has a free evening. Since then I’ve taken several domestic trips as well as gone on a solo cruise. It’s great to do things at my own pace and budget without polling any travel partners. I can choose to have alone time, or meet new people at dinner. It’s also a great way to travel last minute when others’ schedule may not line up with yours. Gone are the days when I’d sit around waiting on others to take a trip. Of course I enjoy having company when I travel with friends and family, but
      it’s a freeing approach to book a trip on my own now.

    6. Try a wellness hotel in Germany, Austria, or northern Italy. Excellent food and activities (hiking, yoga) are included at a surprisingly affordable price. Hotel Bareiss in Baiersbronn and Alpenresort Schwarz in Austria are two examples. Most staff will speak English.

    7. I love European cities for solo travel – no one bats an eye at someone walking around a city by themselves or eating a meal at a busy restaurant, and the best thing about traveling by yourself is not having to think about anyone else’s preferences. Take as much time as you want at a museum! Hop on a train for a day trip if you feel like it that morning! The world is your oyster.

      I find early December to be a fantastic time for solo travel, as its a little before the holiday rush but cities are dressed up in their festive best and there are always holiday activities/Christmas markets. One of my favorite solo trips was to the Netherlands/Belgium/a day trip to Aachen, Germany for their Christmas market. It wasn’t prohibitively cold to be walking around all day, I loved seeing all the different markets (and being able to grab food/drinks when I didn’t feel like sitting down to a meal by myself), and Amsterdam in particular was probably my favorite city for solo travel because just wandering around the canals felt magical. Trains are so easy in that part of the world that I didn’t feel overwhelmed by logistics even though I moved around a lot.

      There’s always going to be moments where you think to yourself “I wish I could share this with someone else” but especially when I’m single (as I am now) I really like to lean into the pros of being able to go exactly where I want and see exactly what interests me. The other thing I’d say if you know you’d prefer company is plan your trip but mention it to the people in your life that you love – you may think your friends and family are too busy but you never know who is dying for an adventure or has the free time and desire to travel and might want to come with you. I plan trips for myself but haven’t ended up going entirely alone in a few years, as even at the last minute someone will express a desire to join. And even if they don’t, you’ve planned a trip to your liking and will have a great time regardless!

    8. I think I may be in the minority, but I feel very lonely traveling solo in cities. Something about being alone amidst all the hustle and bustle of a big city feels kind of depressing to me. I love to travel solo though – I’ve done beach trips, sailing trips, hiking trip and wildlife watching trips solo with great success, and there is plenty of that stuff in Europe although people mainly think of Europe for the cities. All that to say, I think it may take some trial and error to find what works for you, so don’t give up if your first trip isn’t a smash success, and don’t give up on visiting Europe if you find you don’t love being alone in big cities.

    9. I posted before that Paris was my dream destination and when I finally got to go there I didn’t take my husband. I wanted to see and do what I wanted to see and do, and I knew he’d be bored and antsy with my list of things (he agrees, by the way.) There is plenty to do in European capitals without company. I didn’t want anyone slowing me down!

    10. My first solo trip was a road trip in Iceland. I’ve also been to Norway, Amsterdam, Rome, and Portugal on my own. I highly recommend it!

      1. Iceland would be a great place to go solo. Lots of nature stuff to do obviously, lots of lowkey bars/pubs in Reykjavik and lots of young travelers looking to meet people and hang out (if you’re into that).

    11. In addition to the flexibility & spontaneity, some of the things I like about solo travel are:
      – Can be easier to meet people — either intentionally esp if you stay at hostel-types, or just the casual stuff, like sharing a row of train seats
      – there are definitely unique risks to traveling alone as a woman, but in my experience I have also felt like people look out for me in a unique way when I’m alone
      – in some countries, being a woman alone makes it much easier to strike up a conversation with other women
      – easier to not speak english, when I’m traveling somewhere and want to challenge myself to practice the language it’s much easier when I’m alone, when I’m with someone who also speaks English it’s just so much too easy to revert to that (I also love being able to get on a city bus or something and just blend in – where talking in English to a travel partner would be a dead giveaway)
      – I think I’m more observant traveling alone : I spend more time watching that I would otherwise be chatting with my travel buddy

    12. Not sure if this is your speed, but I’m athletic and a backpacker, so even into my 30s I like staying in hostels on occasion when I’m travelling solo. So many other solo travelers and often you get a variety of ages and people who are happy to invite you along to whatever they’re doing.
      I’ll book a single or “matrimonial” room if I want my own space and then just strike up conversations around the dinner table.

    13. I went to Beijing solo. It was years and years ago, but it was quite safe and super duper fun. I got to see all of the things I’d always wanted to see (the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, Temple of Heaven), ate lots of great food, and generally had a ball.

    14. I love solo travel – it’s my most self-indulgent and memorable trips.

      Travelling with other people is great! But travelling solo is glorious.

      It’s very easy to travel solo in Europe. Very safe, very easy.

      I plan one thing to do every day. A museum, a show, a cocktail bar, a book shop, a park, a restaurant. Everything else is spontaneous, and I never do the full touristy thing, I always leave space for just walking and absorbing.

  13. My mom lives in a 2nd floor condo unit of a 3 story condo building. The refrigerator in the unit right above her broke and leaked tons of water into my mom’s unit while she was in the hospital getting treated for a stroke. It was so bad that the water kept going down and leaked into the 1st floor unit. The total cost for repairs is going to exceed $30k. The upstairs neighbor and insurance company aren’t covering anything because the insurance company is saying that the neighbor did not act negligently. So, we could try and get reimbursed fully from my mom’s insurance, but I think her insurance will go up and be crazy high going forward. It just so happens that my mom’s insurance and the insurance for the unit above is through the same company, so I’m suspecting that that’s why my mom’s insurance is not seeking reimbursement from the neighbor’s insurance policy. Does this sound right to you? I feel like this is just so wrong on many levels – my mom literally did nothing wrong and the 3rd floor neighbor’s insurance should be covering all of her damages, including the deductible, and also covering the damages to the 1st floor unit as well.

    1. I am a lawyer but IANAL for this type of work. 1) I’d read her policy very carefully — condo policies are different b/c they cover the inside and here there is an outside problem that may have become a common area problem also. 2) I’d ask your condo board for a cover of the condo policy, which covers common areas.

      IDK how this all works, but you probably need 1 and 2 and then talking to a lawyer is often free, but the good lawyer in your town is something you’d really have to diligence. I don’t know if you need to sue, but I’d want someone just to confirm things (often on an hourly basis) before signing to agree to any settlement.

      Also, you may want to see what is going on with the first floor person, since they could have different insurance or not play along.

      1. Often you don’t need to get all the way to suing — often a lot can change with a demand letter. So be very clear on how the fees work.

    4. you’re thinking about this from an antagonistic/lawsuit perspective, but that’s not how insurance works. Insurance covers “occurrences” with conditions and exclusions pursuant to the policy language, which is a contract. It’s not the moral ‘wrong’ that you’re feeling, it’s just how the coverage system functions, nor is it a bad-thing to use her own coverage.

      If you want to go full Atticus Finch to right the wrong you feel, you could go through the full claim and when she has to ‘pay’ her deductible, which she likely will unless the co waives it, then you *could* take the neighbor to smalls claims court to sue for that deductible. This is the forum where you could convince a court officer that it’s ‘wrong’ that your mom had to use her coverage for the neighbor’s boo-boo.

      1. This trivializing something where the amount has a comma in it and may be the Kim’s biggest asset. At minimum, read the policies. See how the coverage and deductibles go.

        1. That’s well and good, and I get what you’re saying re: trivializing. But the first step should be to repair the damage with appropriate coverage, work hand-in-hand with mom’s insurer, and get the house habitable. Not roll up spoiling for a fight because she feels the situation is unfair. That doesn’t get the house fixed.

          Yes, it stinks out loud that it happened. But you have to work the process not put up roadblocks of conflict.

    5. Not the same thing, but I flooded my entire house and caused 40k of damages. It was due to a 2nd floor sink overflow, which was covered as a “faulty appliance.” I assume the upstairs neighbor had a faulty appliance too.

      I would talk to your moms insurance company and see what they say. Also the condo bylaws and insurance.

    6. So, insurance covers lots of things where the homeowner did nothing wrong! That’s kind of the point :)
      Your mom’s insurance should be covering it. Also, this kind of claim typically isn’t like car insurance where one accident/claim will skyrocket your policy. I had a water damage claim on my townhome (~$12k I think) and my rate went up maybe a few dollars annually. Definitely check out the condo building’s policy too, but very often those really only apply to like external structural damage type stuff.

  14. How should I carry my DSLR camera during the day while traveling in Europe? I’m going to a major European city this winter and would like to bring my DSLR camera with me as something fun to do while I’m traveling solo. (It’s a basic DSLR, photography is just a hobby for me). What’s the best way to carry it? I’d like to find a regular purse that it could fit safely in that doesn’t look like a camera bag. Any suggestions?

    1. I use a Longchamp cross body when I bring my camera, with the camera in a leather case – b/c purses are messy. If you aren’t bringing super expensive lenses, coozies will work in a pinch for storing them in your bag, just put the lens in a sandwich bag before (again, lens caps fall off). Finding a regular purse that fits a camera is surprisingly challenging, trust me, it’s usually my pre-vacation unicorn. I’d also think about buying a wide angle lens before your trip – it’s what I use most often travelling.

    2. I carried my mirrorless and had no issues. Mostly wore it around my neck like the tourist I am and left it at the hotel when going to dinner or activities. Lo & Sons makes a great looking camera bag, but I haven’t personally used it.

    3. I used a PeakDesign’s every day sling bag, though they still look somewhat like camera bags. Check B&H’s website for fashion camera bags as they usually have a number of options that look like purses. TENBA also makes bag inserts that you could stick in a large purse.

    4. Lo & Sons has a camera bag that doesn’t look like a camera bag. I found myself using it way less than I thought I would, though. It’s more awkward to fumble with getting the camera in and out of the bag than to just carry the camera like a crossbody purse.

    5. Tog Ldn does a camera bag that looks like a cute and stylish backpack. I don’t have one myself but have been thinking about it for ages. Their Mini Tog bag could be the sort of thing you’re looking for.

  15. out of curiosity has anyone read Fourth Wing? want to have a theories thread before the new book comes out?
    (there will probably be lots of spoilers, if you haven’t read you should skip this thread! it’s a great book though.)
    –
    –
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    – I’m interested in the fact that V says repeatedly she’s only known she was going to the riders’ quadarant for 6 months — but mira says it took a year to collect all of her dragon’s scales for the vest. I wonder if Mira and her mother knew longer – or if Mira thought SQ was dangerous enough that she would need the vest there also.

    1. I just assumed that vests like that were an item that was generally made so the scales wouldn’t necessarily have been collected of making it *for her.*. But I don’t have the book in front of me so maybe I’m misremembering.

      1. OP here – I don’t think so because the dragons seem surprised that she’s wearing it (two sniff her during Presentation) and it’s a big secret she only told to Riannan and Xaden I think.

    2. My hunch is that it’s a plot hole and that she didn’t know ahead of time. She could have been collecting them to make her own armor and decided that Violet needed it more.

    3. I’ve been kind of obsessed and re-reading in anticipation of the new one, then read a bunch of fan fiction, and it amazes how much people writing fanfic picked up on that I totally missed the first time around.
      (Like re-read the scene when they’re in the meeting at Montserrat–Imogen isn’t mentioned in either the group out on patrol or in the room, even though she should be as she’s in the squad. The theory people have run with for the fanfics, which on re-read is totally likely, is she wiped everyone’s memory and is off doing an illicit weapons drop, which is also why Xaden’s pack is described as so much smaller when they leave in a hurry than when he arrived, because he brought the weapons with him)

      1. yes! i’ve seen that theory too. i also like the theory that andarna is royalty and that’s why she didn’t give her lineage the way Tairn did. and apparently liam slips up and says something that indicates he knows B.

        was Xaden royalty before the secession also or just liam?

        any good fanfic to recommend?

  17. Holiday pants help!

    Does anyone have a great pair of holiday pants? What do you look for?

    I’m envisioning silky wide leg pants but I don’t want them to look like pajama pants so maybe I’m going about this wrong.

    I’m 5’11” and cusp size and vaguely apple shaped, in case you have specific recs!

      1. OP here. I wonder if that was the post that started my search! They’re sold out of everything above 14 in black, but maybe that would work….. If I carried my weight in my hips rather than my waist?

        1. I have these pants (I’m not the one who originally recommended them), and I love them. They may be a tiny bit large in the hips, but feel true to size in the waist.

          I took them to a tailor last week to have them shortened a bit, and got compliments from both tailors and another customer.

    2. Talbots has a whole ‘party pants’ section which has lots of nice looking options and they’re running a sale. My mom is a 5’9 apple between a 12 and 14 and she almost always takes a size 12 there, and they also have a ‘true fit’ sizing calculator.

      2. I bought the Talbots velvet jeans in both black and red for the upcoming holidays. Can’t wait to bust them out!

      1. ooh…. I’m looking for black in my head, but that bottle green is really something!

      2. This. Velvet wide leg pants are the way. Silky always gives pj vibes in a pant.

    4. I thought holiday pants were going to be pants to wear to, like, Thanksgiving dinner, and I was about to suggest some comfy elastic-waist pants I just got at Target :)

    5. Look at Boden and Old Navy. Boden has great holiday pants. Marks and Spencer too (they ship to the US).

  18. Does anyone have experience with Tom James Company? I was contacted by a sales person. From what I’m seeing online, they are for people with money but not time who really aren’t into clothes (yup, sounds like me- I just need to look presentable and polished but I don’t have the mental bandwidth to handle shopping/sizing/tailoring these days).

    2. No — I got a shirt and wool pants from them pre-kid. Very high-quality wool pants and cotton button-up shirt. Wrinkled like crazy. Also: at least $750. Also: not well-measured pants length for the shoes I was wearing at the time. So did not rebuy in my post-kid size. Banana wrinkles less at 1/5 the price (and often close to free once I got the BR card). And I loathe button-ups in part because of this shirt.

    3. I got a suit from them and I won’t be getting another. I’d been on the hunt for custom suiting options for a while. I liked that they come to you so I don’t have to make multiple trips to the tailor, and their options online looked more feminine than other suit makers near me that cater to men.

      I wasn’t happy with the process or the end result. The salesperson repeatedly canceled appointments, often at the last minute. They told me it would take around 8-10 weeks to get the suit, it was 5 months. The jacket wasn’t as fitted as I was hoping, it’s a very masculine (or frumpy? I’m not sure) cut. The salesman insisted that’s how suits are supposed to fit and all my other suits must be too small. No, I have a large bust, I do not want the suit to hang straight down from the widest part of my bust, I want it to cut in through the body especially in front. There’s so much fabric through my middle I can wrap it around me like a robe. I gave up trying to get them to fix it because the whole process took so long and was so frustrating. It’s a good suit for when I’m feeling bloated I guess.

    4. Yep, that’s exactly how they market themselves in real life, too. After being hounded by one of their salespeople for months in the early days of law firm life, I bought a simple wool sheath dress from them. I like the way it fits me when I am standing up, but it has zero stretch in the fabric which makes it difficult to wear all day/whenever I’m bloated. I don’t feel very satisfied with the cut of the dress – small arm holes, restricts movement, and TBH a little short. Shouldn’t one consider the functionality of a dress? I’m not a paper doll. Also, a seam in the back slit came undone within a few years. Almost $500 back in 2015. I still feel irritated when I remember how much that saleslady pestered me (and then at the end of the meeting pressured me for my friends’ contact info! ugh) but I hadn’t yet internalized that “no” was a complete answer.

  19. We often talk here about how when you are going through a tough time, to throw money at the problem. My question is how you get out of those habits now that the hard time is over.
    I had a couple of rough months — craziness at work, family health issues, kid needing extra attention, all at once. So I sent the laundry out, got takeout, got prepared food, bought lunch and coffee out. Now it’s been a couple of weeks of calm and I’m looking at my bank account and freaking out. I cannot afford this regularly, but it’s like I’ve forgotten how to do all the planning and organization that goes into not spending all this money. Yesterday morning I woke up and we had no clean laundry and nothing in the fridge to bring for lunch because I…. forgot to do these things over the weekend.
    I will take any get-back-to-routines tricks you have!

    1. You don’t drop all the things at once. You figure out what you need and keep that. Drop the easiest to lose stuff first. Figure out where you can bridge with other options like grocery delivery is less expensive than take out and lunches out but relieves the time pressure of shopping yourself. Like getting a frozen lasagna and bagged salad in your weekly grocery delivery is not much more work than take out but will be cheaper.

      With 3 kids and a big messy dog, we have house cleaners every second week. A chore chart for kids and adults (simple stuff like Tuesday – wash towels; otherwise we lose track of what has been done and what needs to be done), also grocery delivery and a designated take out night. Each kid is assigned to sous chef a parent one night a week which has the dual benefit of helping kids learn to cook and an assigned kid to help out so dinner prep goes faster.

    2. I’m right there with you and my only solution is to write everything down. As soon as we run out of something, it goes on the grocery list. Everyone’s schedule is on a paper calendar in the kitchen. I set reminders in my phone. This probably doesn’t apply to you, but I recently went from working 50 hours a week to 20, and my pay went with it. So I did a little audit and while I am spending slightly more on child care and house cleaning, the vast majority of my spending increase was clothes I thought I needed for the office. So I put a moratorium on buying new clothing this month. That savings will likely get eaten up by Christmas gifts, but I’m hoping November/December will be smoother.

    3. You’ve done the biggest “trick” – felt the consequences, became aware of the issue, and found a genuine motivation to change (you can’t afford it). Now all you have to do is set some reminders on your phone and prepare yourself to be unhappy and grumbly about having to do these things again.

    4. Ha! I posted above that I just came out of a busy/ difficult period at work a few weeks ago, and I also experienced this to a degree. Depending on how long it’s been, you may need to give yourself a little time to recover your energy. If it’s been that long, I’d pick a weekend and treat that day as a new start. Frame it as taking care of yourself by giving yourself clean laundry and nutritious food and whatever else you need for the week.

      1. +1 I had a rough few years (3 kids, 100 hr work weeks, managing ptsd). I changed jobs, took a 50% pay cut and moved near family. It has been a year, and I am still trying to adjust old habits from my “throw money at it” days. I think it’s important to spend some time to adjust mentally and remind yourself the emergency is over. Then you can get out of panic mode and start building necessary routines back in place. Give yourself grace.

    5. Written or electronic lists and reminders.
      I often leave myself notes by the coffee maker when I do my morning prep. Things like dropping off or picking up drycleaning, or a list for stopping at the grocery store after work.
      Remember to not be too hard on yourself too, it will take some time to relearn the muscle memory of doing the things!

    6. Would it be helpful to focus on shifting one thing at a time instead of all at once? Perhaps pick the one that’s the most expensive and commit to reengaging with that task for a time period (two weeks or so, or whatever kind of timeframe you want). It’s definitely going to feel a bit Herculean to pick them all back at once if you weren’t doing them for months.

  20. Has anyone purchased from State of Cotton? Their sweaters are beautiful and I’m wondering about quality

  21. Coat question: Is this dressy enough to wear to an office that’s on the dressy side of business casual? This would replace a wool overcoat that has bit the dust. I realized several years ago that I actually despise wool coats and strongly prefer any other kind of fabric, but it’s hard to find something that isn’t too sporty. I’m looking at the dark gray, navy, and plaid options.

    https://www.macys.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-womens-quilted-coat-regular-petite-created-for-macys?cjdata=MXxOfDB8WXww&ID=16132157&swatchColor=Classic%20Camel%20Tan%2FBeige&cjevent=7723baba729511ee8375001a0a82b839&clickid=7723baba729511ee8375001a0a82b839&m_sc=aff&m_sb=aff&m_pl=LTK&m_si=4441350

    4. Definitely. In big cities plenty of people wear long black puffers with business formal, and this is a step up from a puffer.

    5. Pretty much everyone wears a dark colored puffer in icy weather- I used to think my coat needed to be as dressy as my outfit when I started working 10+ years ago in a dressy-bus-cas Biglaw office, but that ship has long since sailed.

    6. I do believe one of my colleagues (in-house, finance) was wearing this exact coat earlier this week. I thought it looked great! And much less likely to catch all the fuzz that my wool coat gathers by just existing in a house with pets and kids.

      1. That’s great to hear! And omg, yes on the random fuzz that appears on wool coats.

    8. Unless you’re going to court (or the equivalent for non-lawyers), I don’t think anyone really cares about your coat. I wore a giant purple puffer coat most winters during my pre-pandemic Big Law days, and I was at a pretty stodgy firm.

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