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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 122 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Ottoman-Inspired Pleated Cobalt Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Armani Ottoman-Inspired Pleated Cobalt JacketThis blazer probably won't be for everyone, but I love it. Cobalt, one of my favorite colors, seemed to have a big surge in popularity (particularly for suits!) a year or two ago, then disappeared, but seems to be back — so if you feel like you missed your chance to purchase all.the.cobalt.things, this jacket should definitely be on your list. I love the Ottoman-inspired detail, the fitted silhouette, and the stretchy/knit aspect of this blazer. I'd wear it year-round with pretty much anything (pants, dresses, skirts). It was $4,395, but is now marked to $2,637 at Neiman Marcus. Armani Ottoman-Inspired Pleated Cobalt Jacket Here's a geometric knit jacket that's more affordable AND available in petite and plus sizes; here are two more affordable misses-sized cobalt blazers. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. YouSaucyMinx

    Not loving this–the seam detail sort of cheapens it. It looks like the blazers Dress Barn usually offers on sale.

    Love the color though!

  2. NYNY

    Does anyone have a good resource for estimating staffing requirements for a new project? I have a list of expected deliverables, but am not sure the best way to determine how many people I will need to complete the work.

    In my last position, we never got to hire anyone, so the blank slate is a little intimidating…

    • Ellen

      Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love pricey Monday’s, and beleive me, this blazer is pricey! Mabye to much for my taste’s, tho it is pretty, Kat! I think by the time I can afford this I will be 50 and my tuchus will be to big to make it wear properly on me! FOOEY!

      As for the OP, there are a number project management program’s out there that Myrna’s firm uses to project staffeing requirements in HER industry. I do NOT know what industry you are in so it may very well be that her program will NOT work for you. If you do know other peeople in YOUR industry — who presumeabley have similar projects — you may want to ask them to tell you how many peeople it takes to do that job, and what the Qualificeation’s are of those peeople. That way, you will have an idea of what you need, and will not hire schmoe’s to do the job who are NOT competent. You alway’s want to staff with the best peeople you can, or you risk the big boss kicking you to the curb for bringing in schmoe’s who do not work.

      That is what happened to me in DC. I was the one they brought in for my summer law internship in the goverment where their full time peeople were all schmoe’s, lookeing out the window and rankeing women. They figured they needed a young and smart person who could actueally do the work and NOT join in with the sillyness of lookeing out the window at women’s boobie’s and tuchu’ses in order to get a rankeing from 1-10. When I told them I was there to work, they let me do THEIR job’s for them and they proceded to continue to stare out the window (on Consitution Avenue no less) at all the pretty women. These schmoe’s were nothing to look at themselve’s, and they were VERY harsh in their ranking’s of women. FOOEY on schmoe’s who think they are George Clooney or Brad Pit when they are schmoe’s we do NOT even want to looke at!

      Myrna’s brother is texteing me alot, and I do NOT even know where to look! He realy want’s to date me and dad want’s me to give him a shot, but I do NOT look at him as a potential MATE. He is a big eater and he like’s to stare at me, but I do NOT think I would be abel to marry and have sex with him, even tho he make’s alot of money. He has a comic book colection, and that is NOT something I think alot of. That is for 12 year old’s and he should have out grown that by now. DOUBEL FOOEY on Grown men that read comic book’s and go to Comic-con dressed like Spidermann! What grownups do that? NOT FOR ME! FOOEY!

    • CPA Lady

      Yup. And if you’re not sure if “Ottoman-inspired” is a reference to the furniture or the empire, that’s never a good sign.

    • Bonnie

      The placement of the button seems a bit dated. I also have a hard time wearing knit blazers in a professional setting.

    • anomom

      I like the cheaper option though, and have been looking for a knit jacket for casual days. So I bought it for $49. Thanks Kat!

  4. anon

    I’m hosting a ski weekend for approx 13 adults. I’ve done this a couple times a year for a few years, but I’m feeling completely uninspired cooking wise. Anyone want to chime in on relatively easy, inexpensive, and healthy dinner options for a group that size? Hits in the past have included pasta & salad, chilli, taco night (too messy & too many plates), baked salmon (for a smaller group). No food allergies or vegetarians. Thanks in advance!!!

    • ANP

      Do you read the blog “Dinner: A Love Story?” Their pork ragu recipe is super-easy and delicious and I think you can find it both on the blog and in the cookbook of the same name. Yummy over noodles or eaten as a sandwich in a bun or on a roll of good bread. Do it with a big salad and you’re golden.

      If you’re in make-ahead mode, what about lasagna (also with a big salad), a baked pasta dish or enchiladas? All of these freeze/keep well and should result in one plate per diner. You could also do, for example, a meat lasagna and a veggie version to keep things interesting.

    • Roman Holiday

      Can I just offer some kudos for taking on such a big group?

      Crockpot recipes might be easy to throw together in the morning before you hit the slopes – everyone likes coming out of the snow to a hearty stew. That and some fresh bread would make a good after-ski meal.

    • LilyStudent

      Meatballs and pasta. My meatball recipe is simply a tablespoon of pesto per pound of meat, mixed together. Form into balls, brown in the pan, and then finish cooking by simmering in sauce. I usually combine one carton of packet sauce with as many cans as I need of chopped tomatoes.

    • Anonymous

      some ideas:
      Baked potato bar
      Sloppy joes (crockpot)
      Italian beef sandwiches (crockpot)
      Walking tacos (might eliminate some of the dishes)

      • CKB

        We like doing taco nachos. Tortilla chips topped with taco meat & cheese. Pop in oven until cheese melts. Have lots of taco inspired toppings. Yum. But not super healthy.

    • Baconpancakes

      We had a similar group recently, and a surprise easy hit was pizza. You can premake the dough or just buy it, top it, and bake multiple pizzas. We liked the panchetta, arugula, and grape tomato one with balsamic glaze and shaved parm the best.

      The other hit was shakshuka, made with a lamb sausage. http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2010/03/dinner-tonight-moroccan-ragout-with-poached-eggs-in-purgatory-recipe.html Smitten Kitchen also has a vegetarian recipe.

      Anything in a crockpot should also be considered. A chicken stew made low and slow all day concentrates flavor and lets you do the work the night before you want to eat, so you can just come in from the cold and have a hot dinner waiting for you.

    • cavity maker

      I’m a huge fan of cassaroles for this (with an easy greens salad). You can prep ahead of time and just throw in oven for an hour to have it come together… here are some suggestions…..

      — shephards pie
      — tamale pie (google recipes, but a ground beef/turkey onion and spices filling with a cornbread topping– similar flavors to tacos without the zillion plates)
      — baked ziti or baked mac and cheese (there is a good butternut squash mac and cheese recipe out there)
      — risotto (not as much of a baking one, but also a one pot, easily scalable dish– smitten kitchen’s tomato, spinach and sausage is a go to for me)
      — pot pie (this is a labor of love for me, but it would not be too hard)
      — king ranch chicken

      It may help you out for a day or two, if you think that it’d be too repetitive to have for as many days.

      hope that helps!

    • Shayla

      Spinach lasagna: You can prep the spinach lasagna the night before–just leave the final layer of cheese off, cook it half way. The day you want to eat it, put the final layer of cheese on and finish cooking it in the oven.

      But you should also make bacon wrapped dates. Because bacon.

    • BankrAtty

      What about a pork shoulder in the slow cooker? Serve with corn tortillas and cole slaw. Or keeping with the slow cooker theme, I made “ropa vieja” yesterday using a large flank steak and served it over mashed cauliflower (of course, you could also make a pot of rice).

    • momentarily anonymous

      We did breakfast for dinner on a ski trip and everyone loved it. We made a huge batch of scrambled eggs, baked bacon in the oven, pancakes with a variety of fillings (banana, strawberry, chocolate chip, plain) and had some fruit salad. And bagels.

    • Burgher

      Perogies in a crock pot are super easy. Melt a stick of butter, cut up an onion, and throw in a couple of boxes of frozen perogies and you’re done. I usually also throw kielbasa and sauerkraut into a large dish and bake in the oven, to make a complete Pittsburgh meal that takes almost zero prep or actual cooking work.

    • Artemis

      Other good options are chicken and dumplings, basic chicken soup with Bisquick dumplings (recipe on back of box) and Matzo ball soup–you can buy matzo ball soup mix in almost any grocery store, and I just add chicken, broth, thyme, mirepoix, and sometimes egg noodles before putting the matzo balls in. Delicious and hearty!

  6. Alice

    Speaking of cobalt, what color combinations would you suggest? I bought a cobalt pencil skirt a couple of years ago, and wearing it with just black already looks…dated. I’m lacking inspiration.

    • AMB

      I mixed cobalt, black and camel the other week and it worked! I searched pinterest for outfit ideas and it popped up as a good mix. Orange works if you’re feeling brave as well.

    • Anonymous

      I think the right cobalt and the right navy looks very chic. Add some gold accessories. Also cream and cobalt is nice.

      • Julia

        I love cobalt and navy. Looks much more current than cobalt and black. I’d do silver jewelry, but whatever you like.

    • anon-oh-no

      I think you can wear cobalt with just about anything. If you do it with black, add another neutral (love the camel suggestion!). But purple, green, navy, red, pink all look good.

    • Baconpancakes

      In summer, I wear it with yellow or coral, but in winter, I wear with it white, cream, black, or as mentioned above, camel. I have worn it with emerald as well, but it’s trickier.

    • TCFKAG

      Cobalt also looks very nice with a slate gray. And if you’re feeling adventurous, I’ve mixed it with navy blue as well.

    • Senior Attorney

      Angie over at You Look Fab suggests adding white to your cobalt and black — or to black and any bright, for that matter. It really does help avoid that “I escaped from the 90s” look.

      Also I love cobalt with leopard.

    • Alice

      Thanks, all! Will have to pair with my burgundy pumps…hadn’t thought of that. And will have to go home and mix with navy, grey, camel pieces….

  7. A day in Philadelphia?

    My mom is visiting me on the east coast next weekend, and we’ll be spending a day in Philadelphia. Neither of us has been. Any suggestions?

    One complicating factor is that she is having knee problems at the moment. Some walking is fine, but a ton of walking and standing could be a problem. I suppose some museum time could be fine, especially if she lets me wheel her around in a wheel chair!

    Art is good, history is good, and eating suggestions very welcome!

    • Anonymous

      Love the Philadelphia art museum (where you can rent a wheelchair). The cafeteria there is decent (have not tried the facier restaurant) but would suggest La Calaca Feliz a short walk away for modern mexican.

    • Basics

      Liberty Bell.
      Constitution Hall (about a 15 minute guided tour).
      Smithsonian/National Museum of Jewish American History.
      The Constitution museum was disappointing.
      Barnes Foundation – fabulous. Reserve tickets in advance.
      Philadelphia Museum of Art – also fabulous.

    • Pink

      Brunch/Breakfast: sabrinas, parc,

      then Barnes museum. extra credit: watch the documentary before you go.

      for dinner: there are many good BYOs depending on what type of food you want to eat. My absolute favorite is Matyson, but Audrey Claire, Mellogranos, Mercato are popular, and I think there is a slew of new ones that have popped up as well.

    • LilyB86

      to do: Liberty Bell, Constitution Center, Independence Hall, Betsy Ross House, Elfreth’s Alley (all good if you like history, all in close proximity) , Art Museum, Barnes Foundation (amazing), Rodin Museum (all three of these museums are in close proximity to one another, and you can also see the parkway as you go from museum to museum), South Street for shopping (if you like quirky things), City Hall/Love Park (if you’re walking around the city), Rittenhouse Square and Washington Square Park (for good people watching), Reading Terminal for shopping/eating (leave room for snacks as you wander around the terminal). If you’re looking for something more offbeat, try the Mutter museum (it’s a museum of medical history and has tons of fascinating/gory/weird stuff).

      to eat: for brunch/lunch I’d recommend Parc (awesome French brasserie, right on Rittenhouse Square); El Vez (great Mexican food with funky décor, right in the heart of the 13th street corridor/the gayborhood); Zahav (amazing middle eastern food, if you can get a reservation- in Old city); Buddakan (fantastic Asian fusion, also in Old City). If you’re looking for something cheaper/more casual, look on yelp for the best places in China Town, or (see below) grab a cheese steak in South Philly.

      Finally, if you really want the full Philly experience you should get a cheesesteak, a soft pretzel (from a street vendor only), and check out Federal Donuts (there are several locations, one near Rittenhouse Square). Also wander into a Wawa to appreciate the best convenience store ever.

    • Cat

      I’d pick two neighborhoods/main activities. For art, the Rodin can be seen relatively quickly – it’s small and manageable. The Barnes is also amazing as the ladies above have noted, but you might not be able to find a reservation on this short notice – worth trying.

      Food.
      -For lunch, head to either Parc or Rouge on Rittenhouse Square for a nice meal and atmosphere, or if you’re saving money for a nicer dinner, Sabrina’s (there’s a location not too far from the museums) brunch/lunch is awesome.
      -If you’ll be in town for dinner, try out one of the BYOB restaurants – in addition to those mentioned above, I’d add Kanella for delicious Greek inspired food.) On the BYOB note, if you’ll be driving into Philly, bring a bottle of wine with you so you don’t have to find a state liquor store. If you won’t be driving and will be going to a BYOB, make sure to stop in and get a bottle when you’ll be near one – grocery stores etc. don’t sell wine.
      – Lastly, if you like seafood, I love the Sansom Street Oyster House (not BYO and not just oysters).

      History. If you don’t mind playing Extreme Tourist, and since it’s not supposed to be quite as cold this weekend, there are horse drawn carriage rides around Old City that can show you the highlights while your mom rests her leg. As a local I can’t exactly *recommend* them but it does seem perfect for your needs. That said, the historic sites are mainly within a few blocks from each other and there are lots of benches around if Mom can walk short distances but then needs a break.

      Depending on your style – the Anthro at 18th and Walnut is enormous and in a beautiful old building, if you like their clothes. 18th Street near Walnut has a ton of restaurant options, too, so it could be a good lunch/shop break in between more educational activities :)

    • Anon

      The Art museum is fantastic, as are the Barnes, which was already mentioned. If you want non-art museums, try the Franklin Institute or the Mutter musuem. The historical sites are also nice – Liberty Bell, Constitution Hall, Independence Hall (not big but it requires walking upstairs), Betsy Ross House (requires walking/standing). There are so many wonderful restaurants, it’s hard to recommend just one – everyone has provided excellent suggestions, if there is a particular type of restaurant you are looking for it might help narrow it down. I would probably avoid Reading Terminal at peak times if you don’t enjoy large crowds.

    • A day in Philadelphia?

      Thanks so much, everyone, this is fantastic. We’ll be driving from out of state, so will definitely bring our own bottle of wine. Right now, I’m thinking historical sites in the morning, then museum(s) in the afternoon (so we can take advantage of a wheelchair if needed). Federal doughnuts if we are there early, and either find go get a Philly cheesesteak or Parc or similar for lunch. Then dinner…I’ll let my mom choose a spot, though we’ll probably tend away from Mexican (she lives in California).

      Filing other recommendations away for a return trip!

      • Flower

        If the weather isn’t great, I would also recommend a mural tour. There are self-guided ones, or you can hop on a tour bus. It’s one of the more unique things about the city.

        Also, if the line to the Liberty Bell is really long, there is a viewing window to see the bell (the side without the crack) on the outside.

  8. Boots question

    If anyone is bored- I am looking for tall, skinny simple black leather boots. I want them to be fitted similar to the SW 50/50s or Reserves, but not an over the knee style. I do have long calves so they would need to be tall, however. I am willing to spend a bit more to get what I want. Winter lined would be best too. It’s surprising how challenging this has been.

  9. Baconpancakes

    Networking question – A recent informational interview with an organization I’d love to work for led to a job interview, which turned out to be for a job I’m just not right for. I wasn’t offered the position, but I really feel like it was just a skill set problem, and I’d like to keep in touch with my contact who asked me to apply for the position and ended up interviewing me. What’s the best way to gracefully keep this person in my network, potentially even for future jobs that are more suited to my skills?

    • nutella

      A quick email saying “Dear X, I’d love to take you to lunch/coffee to thank you for recommending me for the position, even though it didn’t pan out. Would love to keep in touch! – Baconpancakes” or perhaps if there is a conference/event/CLE (if you are a lawyer) in a field you have in common, suggest attending together or a quick note saying “Will you be there? I’ll look for you!” and there you can suggest meeting for lunch.

  10. ace

    Please forgive the vagueness of this post, but trying to preserve my anonymity.

    I’m a senior biglaw associate, and recently had a practice shift so that I now have a lot more, ongoing, client/other outside counsel contact. I’ve primarily done litigation up to this point, and while I work closely with clients, but the new work is more transactional, so there are daily/frequent conference calls, multiple check ins with various factions, etc. Because of the work, the timing is also different — the expectation is a certain amount of availability for very early morning calls (as early as 6:30 a.m.) or late (calls that start at 8 p.m. or later.

    Can anyone relate, and offer advice on how to adjust? I’m finding that type of work makes me feel like there are many more demands on my time — even though it’s often smaller projects. E.g., document A has to be revised before this evening’s conference call with party B, who will then have edits before we flip the document to party C (rather than “this brief has to be written and sent to client.”) It’s stressing me out much more — even though total hours worked haven’t changed. Any advice very much appreciated!

    • SoCalAtty

      Yep, that’s my life as in-house counsel! I find I don’t mind if I make sure I don’t make a habit of tying myself to my desk. If I have a 6:30am conference call, I may not roll in to the office until 9 or so, and I’ll probably leave by 4. Same goes if I have an 8pm – I’ll take those at home. It may just be that this is a change in your normal style, and that is what is stressing you out, because I find the transnational “stuff” to be much less stressful.

    • Mo

      My recommendation would be to take advantage of the lulls when they come both within a given day and from week to week. Before I had kids, I typically took advantage of the relatively quiet hour between 5-6pm to work out, which put me in a much better frame of mind when I got a request for a call or a document turn at 6:01. If a deal closes and the stuff on your desk can wait until the next day, leave the office at 3pm. If you’re a planner, it’s really frustrating to have your schedule be dictated by forces outside your control, but it goes with the territory.

      Also, take heart that the matters themselves are of much shorter duration than litigation matters, so the annoying parts of dealing with a particular client/opposing counsel will soon change (as will the good parts, unfortunately).

    • CorporateInCarhartt

      This is an interesting post to me, because I’m a mid-level medium-law corporate associate and you’ve definitely described my practice pretty well. I just expect to have weird hours and to be available when needed to participate in conference calls, turn documents, etc. (factor in international clients and your hours can get even weirder). But that’s all I’ve known, so unfortunately I don’t have a great suggestion on how to adjust. Like I think others have posted, take advantage of the lulls, because it typically isn’t like that all the time.

      I think part of what helps me is the close relationships I get to develop with partners and clients from working together so closely toward a common goal, and also the amount I get to learn about the client’s industry from working with their business folks in addition to their in-house folks (if they have them). Those factors balance out the degree to which work can spill over into my personal life (I’ll neither confirm nor deny whether I’ve answered a work email from the managing partner while in the middle of a river in Colorado fly fishing). Moral of the story – good luck! And I hope that you are enjoying your new area of practice. That will make the adjustment easier, although it may be a ‘new normal’ kind of situation for a while.

    • k-padi

      No advice, just commiseration. I burned out of a similar position 18 months in. In the meantime, try to tale care of yourself by taking breaks in the middle of the day if you have early morning or late night calls. A three hour lunch to workout or run errands is not a big deal if you aren’t missing meetings.

      You can say no to last minute meeting requests. At one time, I had already rescheduled a dentist appointment three times. When it looked like I would have to reschedule again, I explained the situation and we were able to push back the meeting.

      Think about asking if you can take one weeknight off. I needed to do this for personal reasons and volunteered someone to tale my place. The in-house team was actually relieved because the nightly calls were also getting to them.

      Delegate, delegate, delegate. Train up junior attorneys to do the larger projects that require undisturbed time. It won’t be perfect or how you would have done it, but it will be adequate and professional. Do not micromanage when delegating.

      Have “pinch hitters” who you trust to take on important short fuse projects.

      If you are coordinating a team of attorneys in the firm, do favors for them, take responsibility when things go wrong, share your knowledge, keep your expectations consistent, and have their backs.

      Good luck!

    • Bonnie

      Phone calls can be distracting. It may help for you to set specific times in your day when you pick up and return phone calls. At other times, let them go to voicemail and triage as necessary.

    • ace

      Thanks, all — I appreciate the internet sympathy and suggestions!

      @CorporateInCarharrt – I do feel like I’ve jumped from a litigation to corporate practice in a very short time — weird, as I’ve always been a litigation and somewhat mystified by what corporate associates do all day!

      The worst part for me right now is I also have my litigation work to keep me busy. I’m really struggling with balancing essentially a litigation and corporate practice — which means trying to write briefs, prepare for depositions, etc. (which for me requires being able to hunker down & concentrate on a single case for a few hours) while at the same time being in the middle of intense transactional work. Unfortunately, I can’t tell my litigation internal/external clients “sorry, no can do, as I have to flip documents to the other side on an unrelated deal” and I feel like I can’t tell my corporate clients, “sorry, can’t deal with revisions to that contract because I’m prepping for a deposition.”

      Thank you for the advice all, as I realize I’ve veered into ranting/whining/poor me-ing. Hopefully something will work out.

      • CorporateInCarhartt

        @ace I can only imagine doing both – that’s a huge/varied workload, so don’t feel bad about ranting, etc. We all need to do it sometimes! Will you eventually phase out of litigation or return to it full-time? I hope you’re not going to be in this strange borderland for long. Good luck!

  11. Binge Eating

    DH confessed to me this weekend that he struggles with binge eating. I discovered some food squirreled away in a linen closet–he admitted that he had hidden it there because he was ashamed he bought it and “knew” he would eat all of it unless it was out of sight. He explained that the pattern especially scares him because his parents both use food as a coping mechanism. They are also extremely overweight and dealing with some attendant health issues. I’ve never observed DH binge, but he assures me that certain foods trigger it, and clearly felt a lot of shame about it. Counseling is out of the question for him; he won’t consider it because he feels like he is coping well enough on his own. But I’m worried about him and unsure what to do. I guess I’m looking for wisdom from others with a history of binge eating, or supporting a partner who struggles with it.

    • roses

      I think the question is whether he’s actually controlling it well or not. Does he regularly binge? Does he need to go to extreme lengths to avoid it that interfere with his life? If so, I’d gently raise these concerns as evidence that he doesn’t have it under control. But if he’s managing by avoiding trigger foods I’d let it go and just ask him how you can be supportive.

    • lawsuited

      I don’t know, if he won’t consider professional help then he hasn’t left you with a lot of good options. Certainly you shouldn’t try and take on the role of therapist, because disordered eating is very complicated and what well-meaning but untrained people say is very, very often the wrong thing to say. Although it won’t help the actual problem, it could help the relationship between you and your husband if you try to help reduce the shame he feels regarding whatever food he buys, and encourage him to keep food in the pantry rather than hidden elsewhere in the home. Whatever the problem, the shame around it never helps and may well be what is preventing him from seeking professional help. You could ask him if there’s any way he’d like you to help him, but as I said above, disordered eating is complicated and without therapy it’s doubtful he understands it well enough to tell you what would help him.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I don’t have specific experience but my husband will often realize he can’t eat something in the house in a healthy way so he will throw it out to avoid the temptation. I likewise have foods that just upset my stomach and I avoid them way better when I say “hey, this isn’t working out, you are going in the trash” rather than leaving it around for me to think the next time I eat it will produce a different result.

      I grew up in a family where throwing out food was a sin and wasting money was a sin so it took some training to get comfortable with this. Obviously, not buying foods that we will overeat or get sick from is best but second best is being able to recognize the mistake and throw it out without a lecture about waste or money lost.

      Maybe you can create a supportive environment where throwing out food is okay. A friend who is a physical trainer once told me to think about “waist or waste?” when you are trying to finish your plate rather than throw out food. Which would you rather have? This is not something I would say to someone with disordered eating of course but it is a good way to get over the mental hurdle about throwing out food you don’t want to eat.

    • AttiredAttorney

      Try reading the material available through Overeater’s Anonymous.

    • NYNY

      I think it’s huge that he shared this with you, and the most important thing for you to do is provide loving, non-judgmental support. You can’t make another person go to therapy, and you can’t fix another person’s problems.

      My DH has OCD, which ebbs and flows with his stress level. If I notice that he’s showing more signs than usual, I’ll mention it in a kind way, like “I noticed that you’re [doing X] a lot lately, what’s up?” He used to feel ashamed of his condition, but over time, he has come to feel accepted by me. And it helps him to talk about what has triggered the latest round.

      I have a history of eating disorders (not binge eating, however), and I can tell you that for me, at least, if I were going through a bad patch and my DH started even mentioning what I was eating or not eating, it would make things much worse and make me much more secretive. So my advice would be not to take the lead on any of this. Let your husband work it out in his own way, on his own schedule. Just be there for him.

    • 2 Cents

      I am a binge eater too. I have hidden foods around the house so I won’t eat them because they’re triggers. After years of believing I was coping perfectly well by myself, I finally saw a nutritional therapist about it (I already see a therapist for other issues — and she happens to be centered on eating disorders as well). My NT helps me plan meals, plan times when I can indulge in some of my favorite foods and I’ve lost a significant amount of weight. Even better, I find that my (constant) thoughts about food are slowing down and at times, even stop. They’ll be with me for life, but I no longer feel like they’re controlling my life. Through my therapist, I also found a psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorders and was the first doctor in my life to tell me that it’s not my fault I can’t stop thinking about sugar — it’s my brain. Together, we finally figured out pills that work to curb my anxiety, depression, and hey, they also help curb appetite as a bonus. For the first time in my life, I actually don’t dread going to a party, fear holidays, can throw food out(!), and have actually run for fun as exercise.

      Your husband might not be willing to take that first step and admit he needs some kind of outside help. I think reiterating that you can’t be his therapist but would support him in any way he needs otherwise would help. You could go to an OA meeting with him, help him find a compassionate therapist he feels comfortable with, exercise with him and be willing to listen (but not feel like you have to solve his problems). It takes a lot to admit you have a problem with food–and extremely lonely and humbling and ridiculous (I mean, the rest of humanity seems to eat just fine, so why can’t I?). At times, I feel like I’m an alcoholic — but I can’t “quit” the thing I’m addicted to.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      This may be too blunt, and apologies if it is, but seriously, if he’s hiding food in the linen closet, he does not have things under control.

      Therapy would be the best course of action, but overeaters anonymous could also help, if he’s not ready for therapy yet.

      • OP

        No apologies necessary. I’m concerned he doesn’t have things under control either. But, in his defense, I have never found hidden food before, he hid the food while we were doing a restrictive diet (whole30), and I haven’t witnessed him binge in the seven years we have been living together. He confessed that about 1.5 years ago, he went out on his lunch break and binged on his trigger food. His weight is stable and healthy. So while I am very concerned, I don’t want to push therapy because the facts are mostly on his side.

  12. Annon for this

    I work in a small group, I report to one Partner–I’m a newer associate. I’m a member of an invitation-only professional group that holds monthly CLEs on various topics pretty applicable to every-day practice. I invited Partner to come as my guest for an extremely on-topic presentation this week–he accepted.
    Should I pay his guest fee (our guest fees go to a scholarship fund)?

    • Cat

      Yes, and then submit for reimbursement from your firm – professional/business development expense.

      • mascot

        This. Does your firm already pay your membership in this organization? Does the firm pay for CLEs?
        I think this would be an allowable expense.

  13. annoyed, but accomplished

    so, there was an email that went out to a professional group that I belong to. It’s congratulated everyone who achieved a particular accomplishment last year. I achieved that accomplishment, and I was the only person who was left off the list. Suggestions on how to address this?

    Also, I am really really pissed off. I hope that someone else brings it up to the person who wrote the email. the person sends me a personal apology and corrects herself by sending a second email with an apology. But I don’t know if that will happen, and I don’t want to be passive about it– because it’s a big accomplishment.

    Does your advice change if the person who wrote the email, and the people on the list are of a particular race and I am of a different race?

    • YouSaucyMinx

      So…it seems to me you’re overreacting. It was a mistake. It happens. I don’t think it was a racist slight, I think it was just a mistake.

      And wanting someone else to reach out is a little silly.

      If it really bothers you–and for me, this seems like no big deal–I would send a note to the organizer or sender that says

      “Thanks so much for this email–so great to see our group accomplishing so much this tear!

      You may not have realized, but I also was announced as VP of awesome this year. I’d love to see that included in the next addition”.

      • anonymous

        Eh, this has happened to me a lot in my career, and I’m a minority female who works with all white men. My industry is just that way, it’s extremely hard to avoid. It’s hard for me to believe that I’m not easier to overlook or whatever because of that. I get OP’s feeling, and I don’t think it’s silly at all.

        It wouldn’t change my advice though. Just point it out like you would under any other circumstance.

        • annoyed, but accomplished

          thank you for responding to this comment and validating my feelings.

          • Liz

            I agree also, and completely understand why you feel this way. I think I would feel the same way if it happened to me. I also understanding wanting someone else to say something first, I sometimes feel this way in meetings where I work – even if people support me and agree with me it’s annoying to always have to be the one to suggest it. Regardless, correcting it yourself in a matter of fact way is probably the easiest solution, even though it’s rotten.

    • Senior Attorney

      Just send an email saying “Hey! You left me off the list of Amazing Accomplishment People! Please send a correction ASAP!” Do it now! Don’t hope, don’t wait — take action!

      If you don’t trust the person who sent the original email to send a correction, then send a reply to the whole list, saying “Congratulations to everybody who attained Amazing Professional Accomplishment last year, and just for the record so did I! Woo-hoo and high fives all around!”

      • Pink

        +1

        No hoping, no waiting.

        Definitely followup with a hey, “Perhaps it was inadvertant, but I also achieved X, please recirculate with a correction”

        • annoyed, but accomplished

          email sent. I was struggling not to really go off, or be too abrupt, so I used your language. Thank you for suggesting it.

    • Anonymous

      Address it directly with the email sender – curious why I was left off of this major achievement list, and suggest that she send an updated group email. Whether this is truly accidental or whether there is racism involved, take the bull ( or the bully) by the horns.

    • Anon

      Just email them and tell the list sender that she forgot to include you. You can waste time being pissed off, but it won’t do you any good.

    • Ella

      If you want to be straight about it, just email the person who wrote the email saying, you forgot me on this list by accident and asking them to send a correction. If it’s a honest mistake, the email writer will be mortified and fix it asap. If you want to be a bit a round-about, are you close to someone else on the email mailing list who would do this for you?

    • locomotive

      I empathize with your feelings, I would probably feel similarly, but in terms of objective actions you should definitely email the sender and let them know they left you off – be really neutral in tone! You don’t know if this is a honest mistake or some sort of snub, but it won’t do you any favors to be passive aggressive or plain ol’ aggressive. Just say something like hey, congrats to the new accomplished people, but I noticed that I wasn’t listed and I also accomplished this great thing! Advocate for yourself otherwise it will make you feel worse as you simmer with the resentment.

    • Anonymama

      You don’t want to be passive, but you want someone else to bring it up? Just email the person back right away, say FYI I did this too but wasn’t on the list you sent! Even if there was some sort of underlying racial thing you will probably be best off just assuming it was a totally unintentional mistake, and acting pleasant but firm about it.

    • annoyed, but accomplished

      I wrote the email quickly and curtly. It wasn’t as tough/mean as I wanted it to be, and I asked her to send a correction. She responded pretty quickly. She did not apologize, and she send out a corrected email as well.

      I am going to see her in a few weeks, we will see if she tries to take the time to apologize. I went running last night and tried really hard to just let it go.

  14. Certified v. Non Cert. Cars

    Need some advice. We’re looking at two cars, virtually identical (mileage, model, age, service records/carfax, condition, prior ownership records, features, etc.).

    Infiniti 1 is being sold by Infiniti dealership. It’s certified and $2,000 more than Infiniti 2, which is being sold at a reputable regional Audi/Porsche dealership next door.

    Is the certification worth $2,000 to buy my Infiniti from an Infiniti dealership? Or, should I save $2,000/lose the “Certified” designation to buy Infiniti at, what I’m told and know to be, a trustworthy, solid Audi/Porsche dealership (versus Joe’s Used Car Lot) next door?

    • Anonymous

      I’m on my second certified pre-owned car. The warranties I’ve gotten with CPO cars have been substantially better than I could have otherwise gotten – everything covered for 4 years, in addition to whatever is left of the underlying warranty that the car originally came with. Financially I could handle the cost of random work or repairs that come with a non-CPO car but not having to even think about it is worth $500/yr. to me.

    • anon a mouse

      Can you see if the dealership will match the price? Negotiate for it: “I’m ready to buy from you if you can match the price on a similar car next door. Do we have a deal?”

      Depending on the answer, you can also see if the Audi dealership would throw in something to compensate for the non-certified designation, like an aftermarket warranty or free scheduled maintenance for the first 2 years. (Warranties are almost never worth spending money on, but if they will add it to get the deal done, then it might help offset some of the difference in the two dealership options.)

    • Diana Barry

      The CPO will give you more of a warranty, so I agree with anon a mouse that you could try to get more of something from the non-CPO dealership. Or see if the CPO dealership will come down at all.

    • RR

      I’d vote for the CPO because of the warranty but try to negotiate the price.

  15. Monday

    Good idea. I think this approach takes something potentially very personal and touchy, and makes it seem like you’re advocating for others as well as giving the sender the benefit of the doubt.

    Edit: this was a response to a suggestion that I think is now gone–that you email the sender and say you suspect various people were left off the list of award recipients, and mentioning that you are one of them.

  16. Engagement ring - payment

    For those who were involved in the purchase of their engagement ring, or know how it went down, I’d like to hear about the method of purchase and why.

    We have the cash in the bank for the full price. Original plan was to put on credit card and then pay off next month (using said cash) – figured the extra purchase protection plus the miles made this our best option. But jeweler mentioned their 15 month interest free financing – did anyone do something similar? We already have the $ set aside so barring a bank screwup there is no reason to think we’d have a late payment and get hit with the retroactive interest fee, but what other possible negatives am i missing (or upsides)?

    We will be looking to buy a home but not for at least 2 years, if that makes a difference re: credit score impact.

    • Diana Barry

      So we did the interest-free financing with something similar (appliances for our house) and all I did was put it on the calendar to pay off maybe 3 weeks before it was due. No downsides as far as I could see – we did have to open the ‘store card,’ so perhaps a tiny hit to credit right then, but nothing else.

    • AIMS

      The biggest downside with this sort of financing is that usually you take a slight hit from opening the account and then – this is the more important part – the credit line is basically shown as fully utilized while you’re paying it off. Since your credit score is partly based on your credit utilization (i.e., how much of your available credit you are using), this isn’t usually a good thing (though it does make sense for some in special circumstances). If it was me and I was looking to buy a house in the next two years, I would just put it on a CC for the miles and pay it off. That gets you miles/rewards and it’s good to put a large purchase on and pay it off. I don’t see why you would put it on a zero interest finance plan if you already have the money set aside. The only other thing I’d consider is if paying cash gets you a better deal.

      ETA: Oh, and also – a lot of times these types of financing deals end up with an open account that’s easy to forget and then have someone misuse, and sometimes will result in the account being “closed” for non-use by the bank, which is another small ding on your credit report.

    • anon a mouse

      Put it on the credit card and pay off in the next month. The points are nice, but in the event that there’s a problem, you definitely will want them for the purchase protection (as you mention).

    • Anonymous

      Congrats on the engagement! We purchased my engagement ring by putting it all on a credit card (for the points) and then immediately paying off the credit card with cash. I hate owing money, so the jeweler’s interest-fee financing didn’t really appeal to me. My fear is always that it’s too easy to spend the money on something else (e.g., major car repairs) and then justify delaying paying the card off.

      Other things to consider:

      Is it just straight interest-fee financing, or does it require opening up another credit card? Having another line of credit could help your credit score, but for simplicity’s sake, maybe you don’t want another card.

      Relatedly, carrying around a high balance (I think it’s above 2/3 your credit limit) can negatively impact your credit. But your credit score will go up immediately after getting the balance below the threshold, so it might not be an issue if you aren’t buying a house for a couple of years.

      Is the money making a decent amount of interest in the bank? If you’ll make some cash on it in the next 15 months, then it might be worth going the financing option, but interest rates are so low, I’m guessing you won’t make enough for this to really be a factor. Especially if you will “make” more in points/miles by putting it on your current credit card.

      • Engagement ring - payment

        Thanks. We are similarly debt-averse (are currently paying off SLs but no other debt). I think we’ll stick to the CC. Appreciate all the advice!

    • Anonattorney

      We just paid with cash (I think rewards credit card then immediately paid off, but I can’t remember). But, my ring was about $3K, so it wasn’t an amount that significantly impacted our other savings/debt reduction efforts. It was right when we were combining finances, so although we had talked about price ahead of time, my (now) husband just took all the cash from his savings account and paid for it.

      Your credit score may be affected depending on how much debt you already have. If your total debt (once you finance the ring) gets too close to your credit limit or income, your credit score may be affected. I think. I’m not 100 percent sure on that.

    • DCR

      I’ve done this in the past for a funiture purchase, as I could divert the money to my high interest student loans and just paid for the funiture out of a future paycheck two years down the road. But I had already recently purchased my home and knew I didn’t have any big purchases coming up where my credit score would matter.

      Overall, the hit to your credit score is likely to be small (especially if you pay it off before you start home shopping). but what is your plan for the money in the next 15 months? If it’s just going to sit in a bank account with a low interst rate, I wouldn’t risk the potential credit hit. I would recommend calaculating what you would get in interest over that time frame, and my guess is that you will not consider it worth the risk.

    • Anonny

      We had the cash, but still opted for the interest free financing with the jeweler. We, then paid off a week before the interest free period was up. Interest accrues during this time, so if you pay it off after 6 months and 1 day, you have to pay back all the interest that built up during the initial six months… so only take this option if you’re on top of things and will absolutely pay back before the last possible day of the promotion period.

      We did have to open a new card, but it wasn’t a big deal for us… might be for other people.

    • SoCalAtty

      We did that, but it was direct with the jewelry and not a true credit account, so nothing on the credit. Ours was 20% down and then interest free for six months, automatically taken from a debit or credit card. I think it worked out well.

    • Senior Attorney

      I just did this with my washer and dryer, and ended up kicking myself because the interest on the money left in the bank is so low I would have been better off putting it on my cash-back card, getting the buyer protection and 2% cash back, and paying it off immediately, rather than messing around with the whole interest-free-for-18-months thing. I say just stick to the original plan.

    • Anon

      Not for an engagement ring but for another big expense, we opened up a new credit card that offered a huge bonus if we spent a certain amount in the first two months. We paid it off in the next month but got a free international trip out of it.

    • Anon

      We didn’t spend much – just got a pretty gemstone ring for me from Blue Nile and a plain band for him from the same place. Total cost about 2k all in. Home goals and other planning trumped fancy diamonds and we didn’t want that stress.

  17. Peasy

    Has anyone gone to trial in federal court in Delaware? I’ve heard rumors of a “black and white” dress code (or at least that men should only wear white shirts under suits). I was just wondering how this translates into practice for women lawyers and whether they typically also stick to white or very light oxfords or shells under suits?

    • TNTT

      Never been to Delaware, but for federal trial I stay pretty close to black/white regardless of location.

    • Anonymous

      The black/white thing is more for Chancery than federal court. You’re fine in any dark-colored suit (pants are OK) and neutral-colored shirt/shell (neutral patterns are OK too). Do not wear open toed shoes.

      • Peasy

        Thanks, this is really helpful (including the pants comment). I have a trial coming up in Chancery Court later on too. Are dark gray suits okay in Chancery?

        • Anonymous

          Yes, you’re fine with dark gray. I would not wear pants in Chancery. Black pumps only; no peep toe, slingbacks, etc. Hose are also expected, even in the summer.

  18. anonymous

    I received a job offer for a different position within my organization), submitted a counteroffer (via email as is customary), and didn’t hear back at all. Then I received several welcome emails from people at the new office and I’m apparently on their distribution list, as I would be if I were working there. I find this odd, since while I said “I’m definitely interested” when I spoke to this individual on the phone, I did send along a counteroffer, AND in any case haven’t signed anything yet. I’ve already emailed to check in, and when I’m back in the office tomorrow I’ll call. Is this weird/ should I be concerned, and any further advice on how to handle the situation?

    • Parfait

      Yeah, that’s weird. I don’t have any specific advice but I’ll be interested to hear what others here think.

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