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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: ‘Kelsee’ Print Jersey A-Line Dress

Washable Jersey Dress: BCBG Max Azria 'Kelsee' Print Jersey A-Line DressOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I love the painterly stripes, A-line shape, and strategic colorblocking on this fun dress for work and beyond. I'd pair it with simple accessories — black pumps, maybe a delicate round necklace, and simple earrings. The dress is $104 $131 currently but will go back up to $198 when the sale ends. BCBG Max Azria ‘Kelsee' Print Jersey A-Line Dress It's difficult to find a similar plus-size version, but this dress and this dress are kind of similar. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

339 Comments

  1. Got my Boden order – yay! I ordered two Ottoman dresses, the Aurelia (long sleeves) and the Elsa (short sleeves) and am loving both. Elsa is long (which I like) – I got the regular length and it hits me right below the bottom of my knee cap (5″6). Aurelia is maybe an inch shorter. Fabric is nice, super soft and stretchy. Elsa is nice in that it has a hidden not exposed zipper. I’m a J. Crew 8 and I ordered a UK 14/US 10 which I regret – I think I would have been happier in a UK 12 but this works. Surprisingly, I’m a pear and the top fits great but the skirt could be a little more fitted. I may get it tailored. Even with the stretch, I think the smaller size would still be work appropriate.

    Also a Canadian FYI – they sent the dresses in separate packages. One I paid duty on, the other not. Duty and taxes were $40 on a dress I paid CAD $140 for, so not bad.

    1. I’ve had great luck with Boden recently. I’ve never had much luck with their dresses as I’m long waisted but the St Lucia dress fit great and the Textured Emma Dress (which I love!) requires just a tiny bit of tailoring so my bra doesn’t show.

      The Crossover Ruched Top was so great that I now own it in 3 colors. I have to sew the wrap part closed, but other than that it’s perfect. I wish it came in white because I’m sure it wouldn’t be see through.

      1. Sydney- would any of these dresses work on a somewhat busty lady? I just bought the wrap dress and can’t get it to stay put without flashing.

        1. I’m a 40G. I always sew up the wrap part so it doesn’t move. The fabric is double layered so it was easy to hide the stitches.

    2. I ordered a skirt from Boden and will be sending it back. It has a seam in front and the pattern is visibly misaligned on the right and left side. Strangely enough, the back looks perfectly fine.
      This is not the first time I return for this reason. The other item was from Talbots. I am sad that decent retailers let these visible defects through their quality control.

  2. I recently started running on pavement and I’m getting a lot of blisters in my instep. I’ve tried 3 different pairs of running shoes and they all do the same, with varying degrees of severity. Two of these pairs I’ve worn with no issue at the gym or trail running. Is this normal? Do I just need to develop some tougher skin at that spot?

    1. Could absolutely be tied to the shoe and sock. But, that was my experience, yes – more reps, and it will go away. In the meantime, I find Dr. Schools blister pads a life saver.

    2. I’ve gotten great advice on some of these things at my local running shoe store, the sort of place that specializes in said shoes (like Fleet Feet).

      1. Yes, the fancy running socks work wonders. Go to a fleet feet or inside out sports or other running specialty stores.

      2. Yup I’d look at your sock game first. Go to a local running store and ask for some advice on wicking socks.

    4. Pavement is much harder on your feet all the way around, so it is not that surprising to develop blisters or other injuries from running on pavement more than your feet and joints are accustomed. WrighSock is a double layered (thin layers) sock that helps prevent blisters because the layers of the sock take the friction and not your skin. They are my favorite and are available on road runner sports.

    5. Try Feetures brand socks, preferably the smoother, thinner, relatively light-weight ones.

    6. Sounds like a sock problem, not shoe. Your socks may not be absorbing enough moisture & keeping your feet dry.

    9. I didn’t even think about socks! Thanks all, I’m going to order some of the brands recommended here.

      1. I’m a distance runner and am also quite prone to blisters. I would recommend switching socks, but also consider putting a thin layer of petroleum jelly on your feet before putting on your socks. It eliminated my blister problem!

    11. I’d consider different socks and perhaps have someone at a running store watch you run to check whether you’re pronating and may need insoles

  3. I’ll be in the UK next week and would love restaurant recommendations for the London and Edinburgh! If you could, it would also be really helpful if you could let me know whether booking is essential or not (I get that it’s always recommended, but I like to get away from scheduling my vacation as much as possible).

    1. What kind of food for Edinburgh? There are quite fancy restaurants (check out the book Where Chefs Eat) and some good midrange places. David Bann is really nice for veggie food.

      1. We’re not vegan/vegetarian, and aren’t fussy eaters so any kind of food is fine. We probably don’t want to eat at a fancy restaurant every night.

    3. Karen’s Unicorn in Edinburgh – my whole family loved it. Excellent food and service.

    5. In Edinburgh you can find the best cakes I’ve ever had at Lovecrumbs. They’ve been closed for refurbishment recently and I’m not sure if they’ve reopened yet but assume they will do before the festival gets going.

      Hendersons vegetarian food is excellent.

      Cafe Grande in Bruntsfield does an excellent full Scottish breakfast.

      1. If anyone would like to explain why the above went to moderation I’d be very grateful.

      2. Lovecrumbs is open! Eteaket is lovely for an afternoon tea and Signet Library (booking required) is supposed to have the best high tea in Edinburgh.

        Also, visit the Botanics! Says the girl who is typing this from the Botanics board room.

        1. Great! I’ve been following the progress on Instagram but not very attentively as I’m the other end of the country at the moment. Looks like I might be moving back to Edinburgh in the autumn though.

          OP – I also have some London recs. The Wolseley is between Fortnums and the Ritz and does incredible breakfasts. Great for celebrity spotting. (Good at other times of day too I guess but I’ve only been for breakfast).
          Herman ze German next to Charing Cross station seems popular too – it’s what you’d expect from the name!

    6. London is really a city that loves reservations. Places book up months in advance. So yes make as many reservations as you can. Getting to restaurants for early dinners might work if you don’t have reservations.

      If you eat meat I would recommend a Sunday Roast: I love The Pig and Butcher

      Explore some food markets: Maltby on Saturday and Sunday is nice (make sure you map it out before you go because things are really tucked away) Get a donut even if you don’t like doughnuts from St. John’s bakery. SOO good. Borough Market can be chaos if you go on a Friday or Saturday. I suggest Thursday – my favorite thing to suggest there is the toastie (grilled cheese basically) from Kappacasein.

      Dishoom doesn’t take reservations for dinner but the line always looks scarier than it is. If you are okay with an early dinner and get there right at 5:45 or are okay with late and get there at 8:45, I have never had to wait more than a few minutes during the week. Its Indian and isn’t typical Indian food but its a favorite in the area. They have lots of locations. They also do a breakfast which is not a typical breakfast.

      Ottolenghi and NOPI might be hard to get into without reservations. Ottolenghi does do breakfast but its nothing super special but its easy to get in for without reservations . Ottolenghi is also a great choice to get take away from and enjoy a picnic in the park.

      If you like meat and all parts of meat then St. John’s Bread and Wine does basically tapas with classic English dishes.

      If you like cardamom at all find a Fabrique bakery and get their cardamom roll (like a cinnamon roll but with cardamom)

      Beigel Bake Salt beef sandwich and Poppy’s fish in chips in Shoreditch are two classic London foods. I don’t think they are anything to write home about, but if you want foods that are true London experiences I would go with these.

      Chiltern Firehouse if you want to see celebrities.

      Sunday is a great place for brunch or a lunch especially if you feel like veggies have been lacking in your diet. They do seasonally food really really well.

      Palomar is delicious, and you can always sit at the counter if you don’t have reservations (but expect a wait). Their bread is to die for. (confession I like this more than NOPI/Ottolenghi and it is the same type of food)

      If you are looking for more expensive meals – Lyles or Ledbury are wonderful but might be hard to get into at this point.

      Sushi Tetsu is where I had the best sushi of my life so far. (haven’t been to Japan yet but better than anything I have had in the Bay Area)

      If you want to do an afternoon tea – Sketch is fun, if you can’t get reservations Candella Tea Room in Notting Hill always can squeeze you in. Its very cute, but not a traditional tea.

      Let me know if you need more recs!

      1. I love the Sunday roast idea, but the Pig and Butcher has no availability at all on Sunday. Any other recs?

    7. Lima Floral – you can reserve on Opentable. The octopus is the best I’ve ever had. Also try the scallop ceviche.

    8. In Edinburgh – Edinburgh Larder has a great breakfast, the Gardener’s Cottage is a nice place in a special setting, and despite the crazy expense, Pinnies and Poppyseeds is without a doubt the best shortbread I have ever had.

    10. Light of India in the Kensington area of London. Street level in the Montana Hotel. Amazing.

    11. For Edinburgh: Pickles. It’s a wine bar that only serves meat and charcuterie platters, so be warned it’s not for a big meal or anything, but it’s relaxed and intimate and the cheese is great.

    12. In London we loved the Grazing Goat (locavore) and Zayna (Indian) on New Quebec Street near Marble Arch so much we went back to both the next time we were in London. The Grazing Goat also has eight rooms upstairs that we stayed in when we took my MIL to London for her 70th — super cute, affordable, and centrally located.

  4. Whoa. This dress is like bad 80’s wallpaper. Seriously. It could be a wallhanging on LA Law, or Moonlighting, or the background of Family Ties…the list goes on.

    1. Naw, I love it. Versatile color palette, unique and on-trend print, and interesting construction, but conservative neckline and length. My style bar for my job is “would I want to crawl into a hole and die if I met one of my Fashion students wearing this,” and they would dig it.

      2. I love it also! Though I don’t think I’d be able to wear it to work (my office is borderline business formal, but I get away with suit-proximate dresses).

      3. I genuinely can’t decide whether I absolutely love it or absolutely hate it, lol. But I think I love it. I absolutely agree re: colors/cut with edge. I also think the particular angles would be flattering.

      5. Love it, and had already ordered it at the N sale before this post.

        Will try to remember to report back when my (huge!) box comes.

      1. Ding ding! I think you nailed it. I admit that I love me some convention center carpet.

    4. It looks like someome tried to piece a dress out of odd scraps and some black fabric.

  5. Talk to me about Rome. I’ve always wanted to go to Cinque Terre and I think my husband and I are finally going to do it next year (probably time between late April and early June). He’s really big into history and wants to go to Rome as well. Is it a fun city for someone like me who has no particular interest in history or museums? Is it easy to combine with Cinque Terre? With about seven full days in Italy would you just stay in those two places or would you try to add a third destination (Florence is the place I have the most interest in since I’ve done Venice and the Amalfi Coast). Is Florence doable as a day trip from Rome if we decide to stay overnight only in Rome and Cinque Terre?

    1. Just do Rome and Cinque Terre if you only have 7 days or it will feel rushed. If you can swing 9/10 days then add Florence for sure.

      1. Definitely agree with all of this. Loved Rome and really liked Cinque Terre. Not a huge history buff but enjoyed both. I wouldn’t add Florence as a day trip — you won’t see enough to make it worth it. I wasn’t particularly crazy about Florence, either. Enjoyable but not a place I’d make a point to return to. If you are a big fan of Renaissance art, then I’d prioritize it over Rome.

      2. Definitely just do two cities in 7 days. You will feel rushed with three. I loved Rome – at all of the major sights there’s still plenty to enjoy visually even if you don’t particularly care about the history of the place.

      3. Cosign two cities. I have a lot of experience in Italy. Go in April or May; June (and July) are peak tourist months and you will be miserable in Rome. I love Rome more than anyplace in the world, but I hate Rome in June and July. You should be fine even if you’re not a huge history buff. I don’t think of Rome as being super-museum-y the way I do Florence, actually–a lot of what there is to see in Rome is either al fresco (the Colosseum, the Forum, the Palatine Hill–pro tip, use the Palatine Hill entrance, not the one for the Forum directly) or scattered through the Renaissance religious sites. There are also plenty of neighborhoods to wander around in, eating gelato or pausing to sip a glass of wine or browsing all of the fashion flagships near the Spanish Steps, while he spends seven hours in the Capitoline Museum or whatever.

        If you have a low museum threshold but want to be a good sport for your husband, I recommend the Galleria Borghese. It’s small and you have a timed entry anyway, so you can only be forced to linger for so long. The Borghese Gardens are also beautiful.

        Happy to share more Rome tips if you’d like!

        1. We’re thinking of Italy next year too – I would love Rome tips! If June and July are too hot or crowded, how is the fall? Are September or October good months for a visit?

          1. The fall would be fine. I actually went to Rome for the first time in December, and it was straight-up magical. No hordes of tourist, medieval streets draped in hanging lights, a Christmas market in the Piazza Navona, and just this incredible sense of goodwill and happiness radiating from everyone going to hear the Pope’s Christmas address at the Vatican (and this was pre-Pope Francis). It doesn’t get all that cold, so while you’d need a jacket for the fall, it’s really not going to be bad unless you’re coming from someplace like Key West.

            My favorite thing to do while I was living in Rome was to take a day, and wander through the city. The old city center is great for this, as are Trastevere and Campo dei Fiori–there are lots of tiny cobblestoned streets that wind all over the place, before opening up into secret piazzas or private gardens. Eat everything, as long as it’s not directly adjacent to a huge tourist attraction (or do! one of the best meals I had the last time I was in Rome was at Vineria Il Chianti, right by the Trevi Fountain). Go someplace for antipasti (I recommend Hostaria Romana near Barberini). Drink everything. Order the pasta alla trasteverina at Osteria da Giovanni on the Lungotevere Gianicolense. Get a pizza in the neighborhood between Termini and La Sapienza. My favorite off-the-beaten-track church is the Basilica of San Giovanni in Laterano. The one thing that I really want to do in Rome, but haven’t yet, is walking in the Appian Way.

          2. No experience with Rome specifically, but September and October are probably my favorite months of the year in Europe. Fantastic weather (might get chilly in Scandinavia in October, but you should be fine in Italy) and no crowds.

    2. Rome is pretty much history only. It’s interesting to do once, I’d get a guide to show you around and plan on two days. I love history and museums but also equally love a city with s ton of charm and Rome was not that place for me. I’ve found there’s a huge Florence/ Rome divide and I’m on team Florence. You still get history and museums but also all the charm.

      1. This is interesting because I’ve heard people say that before but I really love both cities and would go back to either in a heartbeat. I think Florence is a bit more relaxing and maybe the food is better, whereas Rome is more like NYC and sort of very energetic and almost manic, but I live in NYC so maybe that’s why I didn’t find that un-charming.

        Agree that 3 places in 7 days would be rushed, although I do know people who did Rome and Florence with a day or overnight trip to Cinque Terre. The train distance between Florence and Rome is only about 1.5 hrs. And I don’t think you need to be a history buff to enjoy Rome – you can easily go shopping or eat gelato by one of the fabulous fountains while your husband explores the Pantheon. Although I’d still urge you to explore with him – it’s more fun than you might expect.

      2. I thought Rome was very very charming, and found Florence way too crowded. Rome also has more art and historical sites.

    3. Cinque Terre is absolutely gorgeous, but more of a hiking/food/relaxation spot than a big museum/cultural attraction city (which sounds like it it right up your alley!). Florence is amazing, but if you don’t care for museums, architecture, or rennaisance art and only have 7 days total I’d skip it. Rome is large enough, old enough, and cosmpolitan enough that you should definitely enjoy it een if you don’t love history/museums.
      Just be prepared, Rome is great, but definitely a major city (dirty, crowded, lots of traffic, etc.) and not really romantic or relaxing per se (kind of like visiting NYC as opposed to say San Diego).

    4. I’d reserve 3-4 days for Rome, of which you’ll need 1 day for Vatican alone.

      Then 2- 3 days for Florence and Pisa.

      I’d personally skip Cinque Terre in favor of Siena plus San Gimignano and some Tuscan sightseeing.

      1. You just described my last trip to Italy and it was wonderful. Would recommend spending a full day in Sienna if you can.

    5. Thanks everyone! Sounds like we should just do Rome and Cinque Terre. anne-on hit the nail on the head for what I like on vacation: hiking, food and relaxation, so Cinque Terre is a must for me, but it sounds like there’s enough in Rome that I will enjoy it too. Honestly, it’s hard for me to imagine disliking any part of Italy, because as long as I can have pasta, pizza and gelato multiple times a day I’m going to be a happy camper. Would love any additional recs people have for Rome or Cinque Terre!

      1. If you want food and relaxation, try staying in Trastevere or somewhere a little outside the center. Definitely get out to the Appian Way for a day hike. I think you can access around 10 miles or so of it.

        You’re going to love it.

      2. Where are you planning to stay in Cinque Terre? I have been looking at a trip there to do nothing but sit and eat and enjoy true Italy. But I have not found hotels or houses or rooms that look much better than a college dorm? We have done Florence, Rom and Naples so this is a trip to just do nothing but enjoy.

        1. I haven’t done much research yet, but agree that it looks like there aren’t luxury hotels in the region except Porto Roca in Monterosso. But some of the smaller B&Bs look charming and like they are definitely a big step up from a hostel/dorm room. Generally, TripAdvisor is my go-to place for hotel shopping, especially the photos uploaded by visitors which allow me to make my own judgments and not rely on the words of someone whose travel style or experiences might not match my own at all. I’ve never used Air B&B or VRBO but they tend to have great options in places that don’t have lots of large hotels.

    7. I just got back from Rome and Florence a month ago. I definitely would have rather gone in April or May, instead of high tourist season, but our weather was actually really pleasant (sunny, highs around 75-80). My opinions are the opposite of about 80% of people.

      I really disliked Florence — it was full of tourists and the people who try to take advantage of them. Crowded, mediocre food, and even the off-the-beaten-track recommendations I got were full of tourists. You can definitely do it in a day trip (use the high speed train) from Rome to see the Uffizi and wander some of the smaller streets.

      I loved Rome. I found it amazingly relaxing, not dirty or crowded, but then I’ve spent most of my adult life in NYC. We only had two days to wander Rome and would have liked at least four.

    8. Rome is my favorite city. Shop, eat, check out fountains, the Vatican art museum, eat, drink cappuccino, drink wine, eat. Skip anyplace with pictures of food on the menu or super close to a tourist destination. Angel tours was great – even if you aren’t into history, see the Colosseum. Holy crap, it’s amazing/horrifying to hear what went on there.

  6. This is not my usual cup of tea, but surprisingly I kind of love it. When does the Nordstrom sale start for non-cardholders?

    Also: what’s the thermos everyone loves so much? I need a last minute present for an outdoorsy uncle. Thanks!

        1. Wait, I am seeing a flask, a coffee mug and food thermos but I am looking for something like the classic Stanley thermos. Is Hydroflask the one?

          2. Thanks! I’m not sure that he would drink out of it directly (he’s an old fashioned outdoorsy type), so may need to look at some other ones. I was hoping for an old school Stanley thermos but the reviews for the new Made in Chine ones are pretty dismal.

      1. Some friends are taking their Yetis to Jamaica as too keep their drinks cool on the beach. I have many levels of jealousy.

  7. Is it possible to wear dresses with flats and look sophisticated and pulled together? My work wardrobe is mostly dresses and I’ve always paired them with low heels. But now I’m in an environment where I have to wear flats and comfortable ones at that (I’m on my feet for a good portion of the day and walking around a lot). Are there flats that won’t look hopelessly frumpy with dresses or is it time to transition to pants? If it matters, I’m pretty tall so I don’t need the height from heels. But something about the shape of heels looks more polished to me.

    1. So I feel this exact same way whenever I wear flats with dresses, too. No logical reason behind it, and I’m very tall, so I don’t *need* the height from heels. But then one day I realized that I couldn’t remember or ever tell you when my coworkers wore dresses with heels or dresses with flats. I think this is one of those things that seems much bigger to the person wearing them than everyone else.

      That being said, I love my comfy Sam Edelman flats. And all the female execs in my company (major financial institution) wear Tieks.

      1. Me to. I personaly love flat’s with dresses, but my dad get’s mad when he finds out, b/c I look even shorter then normal with flat’s and he says that NO MAN will date, let alone mate with a short girl who has a tuchus and looks dumpy. He says that I look entireley different with 4″ heel’s, but even ESPADRILLE’s, he does NOT want for me to wear. I showed him Melania Trump with Espadrille’s but he says she is MUCH taller then me and can wear anything at all and look good. I agree, but do NOT think I look bad in Espadrille’s with a summer dress. FOOEY on men that want us all to look like Melania. We cannot all be model’s. Beside’s, I have a law degree AND am duly admitted as an attorney AND COUNSELOR of law by the New York Bar, and am also in good standeing with the US District Court, which is a FEDERAL court! So FOOEY on all those that do not think that is good enough for spousal material! DOUBEL FOOEY!

    2. I think pointed-toe flats are ideal for this (particularly d’Orsay styles), if you find a brand that’s the right match for your foot shape. Perhaps try a half-size up to make room for a padded insole, rather than seeking a “comfort” shoe that looks as polished as non-“comfort” brands?

      1. this is what I do. Also, a pointed/almond toe wedge works. I have the black ferragamos that are super comfortable for a medium height wedge and a pair of cole Hahns for a low wedge (currently in the NAS in black and nude). I also wanted a navy wedge and was having a hard time finding what I wanted, so I made them on Shoes of Prey. They are awesome. Super comfy and you can pick the heel hight (can also make flats).

    3. I love almond toe or pointy toe flats–they somehow look more sleek with dresses.

      And I think looking for flats with structure, rather than the scrunchie ballet flats, makes you look more polished and professional too.

        1. Love love love these flats and structured pointy toe flats in general. But they are nearly impossible to find in a size 12.

      2. Yup. I wear pretty much exclusively flats with dresses. Round toes look infantile, but almond, pointy-toe, d’Orsay, or even open-toe look fine to me.

    4. I wear flats all the time and virtually always wear skirts or dresses. I think it looks fine. It might take some getting used to for you to see it that way though.

      I try to stick with flats with a more almond shaped toe and avoid cutesy details. Simple details like a small metal piece can make them look a little more dressy.

      1. It’s SO hard to find flats without cutesy details or logos–I just want another pair of plain flats like my Camper Haikus: leather sole, almond toe, no toe cleavage…and in a size 5.

    5. I wear the Payless Dayzy Driving Moc since I have a standing desk. I wear the taupe and the black and will probably get the wine and navy for fall. The pictured gold one looks sporty but the rest are a faux suede. I wouldn’t wear them to court but they are great for every day walking around. I even walk a mile mid-day in them on a break.

      They look intentionally practical to me. More traditional dress shoes that are flat tend to get a frumpier look.

      These also have great arch support.

      http://www.payless.com/womens-dayzy-driving-moc/76583.html?dwvar_76583_color=gold#start=3

    6. I wear flats exclusively, and I wear mostly dresses and skirts to work. I never feel frumpy. I make sure my flats are well-designed/structured/polished (no elastic sides/backs, for example) so that they feel like the same formality level as heels.

    7. Boden makes some nice, elegant flats. Gentle soles has some nice, comfy ones as well (maybe noa star?) but the middle of your foot is exposed. Pointy-toe flats or oxfords can also look cute with a dress.

    8. I wear Ninewest Speakup flats with dresses. With a toddler, I’ve given up on heels although in theory I could wear flats till I get to work. I also like that I don’t have to worry about stairs or walking to lunch. Maybe I’ll start using my heels again someday, but for now, flats for the win.

    9. Well, this is what I wear almost every day to my biz cas tending toward biz formal law firm, so I certainly hope it’s not “hopelessly frumpy” or unsophisticated and utterly not pulled together.

      I agree, heels look elegant and formal and polished. If I was willing to sacrifice my tendons and my toes I’d wear them all the time. As with most things, it’s not necessarily what type of item you’re wearing but the quality and shape of that item. Wear sophisticated, polished looking flats and you’ll be fine (not scuffed, patent/high quality leather, interesting detail, pointy toe for a more structured look). Wear your nasty 7 year old tory burch flats, or cheap ballet slipper style flats from Target and you won’t look polished. Make sure the rest of your outfit isn’t frumpy and you’ll be fine. Flats are not going to turn an otherwise polished, sophisticated outfit into you looking like a Bag Lady who has given up on life.

    10. I am on my feet a lot and wear flats with skirts and dresses. I stick to a pointy toe and clean lines.

    11. Agree that a sleek flat can work.

      But also, you may want to reevaluate your hemline.

      I realized that visually, my skirts can be slightly longer with a good heel, but with flats they look better when they are slightly shorter. Play with this in front of a mirror, and find your sweet spot. Since heels elongate the leg, if you switch to flats it helps to use other tricks to elongate the leg. So flats that match the skirt to create a spaced column of color, and in winter, tights that match the skirt. And a slightly shorter skirt hem.

      1. +1. Skirts of a length I’d wear with heels look frumpy and dowdy in flats to me. As I never wear heels I buy everything in flats length.

    12. Cole Haan makes a pointy almond toe patent flat that makes me feel ok to wear with dresses. I had to get over the feeling that my feet looked yuuuuge in those, (also had to size up), but I’m really happy with them, even with PT. They’re not orthopedics, and I won’t commute in them, but they’re certainly fine for an active workday. Will be repurchasing when mine look too ratty.

    13. for ideas of actual flats that are business appropriate:

      M. Gemi “Stellato”
      vince camuto made pointy toe flats
      ferragamo – varina and vara
      geox
      tods (various, not necessarily the driving moc–also, I love my mocs but can’t bring myself to wear them in the office other than weekends or commuting if i’m desparate)

    14. I struggle with this and it’s only been made worse by reading the comments here consistently about heels vs flats and pointy/almond toes vs basically anything else. I can’t wear pointy toes or anything with a narrow toe box, period, so now you’ve all literally convinced me I will never look polished or appropriate, at least to other women.

      1. I exclusively wear almond toed flats and closed shoes like brogues and I think I always look polished. It’s in your mindset. (That said I almost never do bare legs, always hose or tights)

      2. I always wear wide shoes (bunions) and have had luck with finding almond toes that work. Pointy toes are harder but I think almond toes look polished.

      3. I’m in the higher ed world, too, and can’t wear pointy toed flats because I have a wide foot. Plus, I have to have shoes with a strap to keep my foot in place.

        And now I think I might have to give up on heels forever. I posted last week about how my “sprained ankle” wasn’t healing so I went back to my doctor, who sent me for a second set of xrays. Apparently, I didn’t sprain my ankle back in May, I broke it!

        So right now I have one pair of flat Trotters sandals I can wear that sort of fits over the new super-rigid brace I have to wear. And I’ve spent the morning trying to figure out what kind of shoes and sneakers I can/should wear in 6 weeks after I get the brace off.

      4. I don’t think it’s that black and white, i.e., that flats that are rounded are not polished. For work, I feel like something else has to be going on to add to the “polish” factor. Either a point, or some kind of classy embellishment that indicates it’s a grown-up shoe. Basically, if it is merely a ballet flat, yeah, that’s going to skew young or casual. Which is find for some workplaces.

      5. I can’t wear pointy toes either with my huge feet. Instead just try for a tailored look, flats that don’t look like slippers, and a slightly shorter skirt hem.

        And remember…. Academia is WAY different in style expectations! In fact, my incredibly chic professor friend, who works in a male dominated science discipline, was scorned by the few other women in the department for dressing well.

        You can’t win!

        So be comfortable. But try to wear clothes that fit, tailor when necessary, replace when too old, and keep your hair cut and up to date. That’s plenty!

    15. I’m wearing a dress with flats today. I’m petite (5’0″) and I find flats look better when my dress hits above the knee. I have these flats from Dr. Scholls. Don’t remember the exact name, but they have a slightly pointy almond toe.

    16. I always feel like I have cankles with flats and it makes me feel frumpy. I have very muscular legs, and heels lift the muscle in the lower leg in a way that looks a lot better to me.

  8. I really like this dress but it’s $131 not $104.

    Reporting back on my NAS shipment:
    – the scuba items from Halogen are terrible. Material is more heathered than it appears and the hems are unfinished.
    – the Caslon moto sweater is AMAZING. So incredibly soft.
    – the Halogen emroidered blouse in the print is a keeper. Cute pattern that can be tamed.
    – I’m torn about the Halogen belted shirt. The neckline is a little higher than I wear normally but it could look great with pants. Too hot on to try that right now though.

    1. Also the Halogen zip trim jacket is just odd. The zipper trim detracts from the line of the jacket.

    2. Most of my order is coming today and tomorrow– very excited! Glad to hear you like the Caslon jacket as I got that too. I ordered the barefoot dreams cardigan Kat posted and LOVE it. So soft!

    3. I got my order yesterday. Love the wine-colored block-heeled Mary Janes. Actually did not love the “Star Trek” dress on me, although I expected to. I’m keeping everything except that and one top that was too small.

      1. Oooh, I ordered those mary janes, too! I think most of my order should be here this evening.

    4. I have my personal stylist appointment with the early access and I got:
      – Classique ponte sheath dresses (black and red) – LOVE them
      – DL1961 jeans – my first big kid jeans.
      – Natori Feathers bra
      – Halogen pleat front v-neck
      – Hanky Panky retro high waist thong
      – Hanky panky midrise thong (trying these out for the first time – got one of each and will prob stock up on a few more)
      – make and model boyfriend shorts – returning (way too small – I didn’t try on there)

  9. Pursuant to yesterday’s thread about online dating and men with high standards…how do I avoid doing a version of this myself?

    I do find myself passing over men who are significantly overweight and/or bald, even though I know these characteristics don’t really translate into whether or not someone will be a good partner. But when I’ve disregarded my “not attracted to your picture” feelings and gone on a date or two, nothing has changed. Would love some input on how to change my paradigm.

    1. Are you sure you should change your paradigm? I think it can be a problem if you write someone off immediately, but you want someone to whom you’re attracted, and you future partner wants someone who’s attracted to him. There’s a lot in between “looks don’t matter” and the “no fat chicks” attitude.

      If you’re reaching out to people who otherwise seem to be a good fit and nothing is changing, I think you’re doing what you should be.

    2. I don’t think having preferences is the problem. I think if you are only interested men who look like models, that’s a problem, but I don’t think you’re doing that at all.

    3. Are you only passing over people you actively find unattractive or also people who you just find “meh” and aren’t either attractive or unattractive to you? If the former, I think that’s fine. If the latter, I find that after getting to know someone I tend to find them more attractive.

      I met my husband online and he wasn’t someone I considered attractive but I didn’t find him totally unattractive. I felt the same way after meeting him the first time too. But after getting to know him and our personalities totally meshing he definitely became attractive to me.

      1. This. If you’re ‘meh’ about someone’s appearance but your interests/hobbies are otherwise a good fit, it’s worthwhile to meet them in person.

      2. +1 So much more goes into attraction than what you can see in a still frame. If you see a guy’s picture and your reaction is, oh hell no, then OK that’s a hard pass. But if you see someone and you’re just not that excited about him physically, don’t let that hold you back from meeting him.

      3. I met my boyfriend of two years on Tinder, the shallowest online dating platform imaginable. I wasn’t sure I was into his appearance based on his pictures, but we had some hobbies and interests in common and enjoyed a few days of in-app banter, so I figured why not. I met him in person and my immediate reaction was YAS PLEASE. I hate myself for saying this (cause clearly I love my bae) but his posing-for-pictures smile still makes his face look kind of weird to me. If he’s just being a normal human I find him extremely attractive.

        OP, YMMV. If your initial reaction is “No chance,” there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you can be “Well, maybe,” no harm in trying.

    4. I agree with all the above.

      And I wanted to share a story I was too late to post yesterday. I got a match.com e-mail recently asking me out for a motorcycle ride (I’m tempted to put “no motorcycles, please” on my own profile) from a guy who clearly had not read my profile, we had less than nothing in common. But when I read his profile I noted he had listed his income and then listed specifically that he was seeking a woman in the income bracket just below his. I truly don’t care about that stuff, I make double what my ex-H makes and it was a non-issue. But a guy who straight-up needs to make more than the woman? Hard pass.

      1. So what was the salary number? The only guys I know who feel this way also set that salary number pretty low — not realizing there are a LOT of women above that number that they are just writing off bc they are insecure.

        1. I can’t remember exactly – his might have been $50k to $75k and he was looking for a woman who made $25k to $50k. But yes, insecurity. And chauvinism.

          1. Wow, what the heck? Cannot imagine being with a man who so blatantly wants you to be less than.

    5. Maybe this is a quirk of mine, but I much prefer people who would quietly pass over “unattractive to them” profiles to those who flat-out list requirements. There’s something off-putting about a person who says “Live up to my high standards!”

      Also, as an above commenter said, there is a wide gulf between demanding hot and just not wanting the far right side of the bell curve.

      Many of my friends want a guy with a stable job. That’s a far cry from women who want a sugar daddy.

    7. I read an interesting article a few weeks back about how most people couple with someone of a comparable level of physical attractiveness. The exceptions (aside from “trophies” for wealthy people) tend to be when the people knew each other for a long time before dating, so that other qualities beyond appearance had a chance to factor into the attractiveness equation. With online dating, people usually can’t really get the non-physical attractiveness off the ground before the meh-moving-on reaction kicks in.

      All that to say, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be physically attracted to your partner – I think everyone has an intuitive sense of what they have to offer, and want a partner who brings at least that much to the table, too. Keep giving the guys a chance to let personality sway you if the looks aren’t quite there, but if it doesn’t there’s nothing wrong with passing after a date or two.

      1. I met my bf online. He only had two (turns out slightly outdated) pictures on his profile, and I thought he was attractive. Due to various random circumstances we did not meet for almost two months. During our exchanges he did send me current photos and did mention that he was working on his weight so it was not a total surprise when we met in person, but by then I was pretty crazy about him and really hoping our in-person connection would be just as good and I didn’t really care.
        I always thought I was somewhat shallow and may have written him off initially if I didn’t get to know him a little, but am so glad I didn’t. I am totally attracted to him.

  10. PSA Ladies – if you’ve been stalking something at the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale and thought you missed it, it’s worth checking back. I had been stalking a particular bag and was wishy-washy about pulling the trigger; then it went away. Today, it was back. Happy Thursday to me! :)

    1. Second this! Things come back, especially after the early access people start sending returns back. I ordered the wrong size of boots last year, and then they were sold out, but I checked daily and was able to get them. And now I know to size up in BP boots!

    2. Yeah, a lot of things sell out in early access, then reappear when it opens to the public.

  11. What are some long/low-waisted dress brands? I’ve got an enormous bosom and dresses usually end up with the waist right under them, which makes me look pregnant, which I am decidedly not. I’m hoping that dress brands that normally hit people low (but not a drop waist) will solve my problem.

    1. Awww. I hope you don’t take this as an insult or comment on your age (b/c that isn’t how it is intended), but the only person in my life who ever used the word “bosom” was my grandmother. She passed away a few years ago, and your comment today made me smile and think of her. So thanks for that! :)

      (To my grandmother’s lament, I am small of bosom, so I can’t help with your question other than to say “not Boden” – all their stuff is high waisted, I find).

      1. Haha, Two Cents is right below – I was mainly trying to stay out of moderation, but I love bosom anyway! I’m 35, but I certainly hope I’m still saying it when I’m older.

    2. Try tall sizes from Banana Republic. BR/Gap/Old Navy adjust proportions for the whole garment in their tall sizes, so the waist should be lower, though you may need to hem. Also, I have never tried them but Pepperberry may have dresses that work well for you.

    3. I think she may have used that word so that she wouldn’t go into moderation.

      Great question. I’m in the same boat. I’ve had good luck (sometimes) with Eliza J dresses. Maggy London and Tahari ASL can also work well.

      I agree that you should stay away from Boden for dresses. It’s such a bummer because I love their colors, but all of their dresses tend to be quite short waisted.

      1. Same! I haven’t been able to put this into words, but it’s exactly what you’re describing — if my large ‘bosom’ (love it, gonna use it all the time) makes the waist hit at the top of my stomach, my one-year pp pooch def. looks pregnant. So I wear sheath dresses from the three brands Two Cents mentions above! Also London Times (which seems to be some sort of cheaper version of Maggy London?).

    4. Tall sizes for sure, then get the length taken up if needed.

      Also, make sure you are wearing the right size br* – I notice when I am droopy it is bc I need new sizing OR new elastic in my br*.

  12. I’ve been wondering about this lately- if I’m in a relatively conservative industry and I’m very ambitious in the conventional sense regarding career goals, how much does being well dressed matter? Assuming that the individual is not sloppy and isn’t unkempt or anything. Is just being clean and not sloppy enough, or does it really matter if you’re very well dressed?

    1. If you are in a conservative industry, especially if it is male dominated…. I don’t think clean and not sloppy is enough. Dress for the job you want. If men are in suits, you should be in the equivalent. No crazy expensive trinkets that detract from your professional look, in my opinion.

    2. For my conservative industry (banking), I’d rank well-dressed far behind problem-solving, idea-generating, sensible judgement, street smarts, great network, persistence, ability to stay cool under pressure, mastery of relevant professional skills, great with clients, great with peers, went to great schools, went to school with clients, speaks the same language as clients, plays that weird sport which clients seem to be into etc etc.

      All this assuming a person is meeting the minimum bar of clean and conforming with industry dressing norms, of course. Actually the only time I’ve had to give my staff directions on dressing has been to tell someone to put on their tie.

      1. speaking of sports that clients seem to be into, should I learn how to play golf? I don’t have a particular interest, but I like trying new things so I’m not disinterested either.

  13. Trying to decide between two locations to stay in Palm Beach for an upcoming long weekend — both are Airbnb/VRBO rentals. Either the Palm Beach Hotel Condominium (a few blocks north of the Breakers, so not as central, but has small balconies and likely better low-key breakfast and lunch options due to Publix across the street) or the Brazilian Court (chic and charming hotel that’s near the heart of the shopping/dining, but with no private outdoor space).

    Have any of you ladies stayed in either location and add to my pro/con list? Beach access is important as we’d mostly like to lounge during the day, so if it’s easier from one location vs. the other, that may decide it for us.

    Or advice on choosing restaurants for dinner (on previous visits to the area, we’ve been to Cafe Boulud, Ta-boo, Echo, and the Breakers seafood bar).

    TIA!

    1. I don’t know Palm Beach, but personally I would always take the place with a balcony or other outside space. One of my favorite things about being on vacation, esp. someplace warm and beautiful, is early morning coffee in my robe outside.

  14. Sorry for an early threadjack, but I am a rising 2L who had a couple early screener interviews with big firms this week and last. They were unlike any other interview I ever had– no questions about my resume, maybe a couple general questions about practice groups I am interested in. Mostly, though, the interviews were chatting (about, say, restaurants and hobbies), joking around, and the interviewer selling the firm. Is this normal? Should I be trying to pivot conversation to sell my candidacy more, or is joking around and listening to firm sales pitches the normal tone for screeners? Thanks, biglaw corporettes!!

    1. Yes. For the most part (there are exceptions) biglaw interviews (at least NYC which is the market I know) for law students are NOT substantive. They decide they need to hire 50 people, they decide they’ll go to 5-10 schools and seek people within x grade rank/GPA/whatever. After that people are completely interchangeable. They assume by virtue of being at Penn and being on law review or whatever, you are capable of doing doc review or diligence and then they’re just screening to make sure you aren’t totally socially awkward. Enjoy it — if you go to the right schools, have the right grades — it is the EASIEST time you will EVER have getting a legal job and likely the only time in your career that multiple firms will be courting you.

    2. Normal — if you were accepted for a screen, your grades and law school were enough. The screen is designed to evaluate whether you’d be fit to put in front of clients / have a good-to-work-with personality before you get to the callback stage, where I’d expect a mix of both “traditional” interviewing and chatting. The reason is there’s plenty of “good on paper” law students who, IRL, emerge as the “obnoxious gunner,” or “academic lost soul who should really be a prof,” etc. No need to waste 6-7 peoples’ time with that person if you can weed them out in 20 mins.

    3. Yes, that’s fine! Follow their lead. If they interviewed you, you meet their basic academic standards. Now they’re trying to decide if you’re someone they like as a person- can you read people and social situations, can you make conversation or are you terribly awkward or rude, can they put you in front of clients or will you embarrass them, do they want to spend 5 days in a warehouse with you or 6 hours in an airport. Address the practice area oriented questions, but pivot the conversation.

      The best interviews I’ve had talked about restaurants, hobbies, sports teams, where I grew up, why you like the practice areas you like, most recently my interviewer and I bonded over the lost colony on Roanoke island. Just run with it and pretend you’re talking to a potential new friend (in a respectful way, of course).

    4. If you have a really distinct selling point, definitely try to work it into the conversation.

      But for most big firms, there aren’t enough meaningful differences between 2L qualifications for biglaw summer associate gigs, so they’re really just trying to figure out if they like you and whether you’ll fit in at their office.

      1. I do a LOT of interviewing, and hate the standard shallow biglaw interview style. I think that you will benefit if you’re able to work some selling into the conversation, because when the committee is looking at a stack of reviews, you’ll stand out more.

        If the conversation is just overly fluffly, one way to do that is by the questions you ask – when they ask if you have questions, skip the standard (and infinitely boring to interviewers), “Can you tell me about the firm’s culture?” and go with something that gives you the opportunity to highlight a strength as part of your question. For example, if you want to highlight that you’re really ambitious and focused on partnership, you can say, “I’m really interested in a long-term law firm career, and that’s been my goal since I started law school. Can you talk to me about what the path to partnership looks like for associates? (or in the alternative, “Can you talk to me about what characteristics you think are most important to associate success in the long term?”).”

        You don’t want to take control of the conversation, but I would advise thinking about what key aspects of yourself you want the interviewer to come away with, and try to bring those out if you can.

        1. I’m a senior associate, and would recommend against hiring someone if they said they were committed to be a partner. There is no way to know what being a partner is right before working at a law firm, and it seems so out of touch of a question

    5. For better or worse, I’ve also found that a lot of the OCI interviews are more c0cktail party conversation that substantive discussion of qualifications or what to expect in the job — true since I was on the other side in 2003. Much of OCI screening is going to be about whether you’re someone that is semi-presentable, easy to talk to, and worthy of a second look — and depending on your school’s procedures and your resume, the callback decision may have been effectively made before the interview.

      I would follow the cue of the interviewers — if there’s an opportunity to discuss your qualifications in a way that doesn’t shift the conversation away from where the interviewer is leading, go for it, but [not saying you’re doing this] insisting on rehashing your resume/making an elevator pitch for yourself when the interviewer is more interested in talking about your school’s football team, the restaurants that they are revisiting while in town, etc., could be a turn off.

    6. Yep, normal. Once you’ve passed the basic GPA/school qualifications, you just need to be a normal functioning person that they won’t hate spending 12 hours a day with and will do decent work. They figure school covers off the decent work part but they need to cover off the “won’t want to throw a stapler at them if I’m stuck with them at 3 am”.

    7. Thank you all! I am glad to see it’s fine to just chat about brunch and whatever else.

      One more question: my resume looks like I am a public interest flight risk (and, to be honest, I am). I’ve had an interviewer say, “you could work here for 4 or 5 years and then you’d have the ability to choose if you want to do firm work for your career or do public interest work.” I didn’t respond with anything committal either way and said something along the lines of, “Yeah, it’s great how law firms provide a lot of flexibility and opportunities” or whatever. Should I be acting more like I want a long-term private sector career, or do the firms not really care (since not everyone can be a partner or counsel, anyway)?

      Thanks for your help again! I appreciate the hive looking out for the law students :)

      1. They don’t care. 90% of first year associates at any Big Law will not be there in 6 years for various reasons (went to another Big Law, went in-house, went to gov, went to private interest, no longer practicing law). No one is worried about this.

      2. I do a lot of interviewing for my firm. You can’t be planning your exit strategy at your interview. Do we all know that most candidates won’t last 6 years? Yes. Should you, the candidate, say that out loud? No. If they say something about your public interest experience, say something like, “I really appreciate that this is a firm where I would be able to commit a significant part of my practice to pro bono work.”

        1. Agreed. Everyone knows you likely won’t be there in five years but you will get dinged if you act like you’re interested in the firm because of the exit options. Orange’s language is perfect.

        2. Eek, I probably wouldn’t even say that…I don’t want you committing a significant part of your practice to pro bono work if I hire you. I support it, but your focus needs to be your billable work. I’d go with something more like a general statement that you appreciate the firm’s support of pro bono efforts and leave it at that.

          Beyond that, FWIW, my firm is an exception but every first-year we hire is someone that we think ultimately has the potential to get to partnership, and we actually replace one-to-one as people leave (so our planning doesn’t rely on having, say, 90% of the first-year class leave before partnership consideration). So if you were interviewing with us, we wouldn’t hire you if you talked about how great it was that you’d have lots of options of other places to go when you decided you weren’t interested in private practice. Have a good explanation for why you want to work in biglaw, and sell that.

        3. Going to disagree a bit with the suggested language here- the firm isn’t going to hire you to do a significant amount of pro-bono work and could be very turned off by someone who says that. If you must mention it, I’d tone it way down to something more like “is nice the firm does some pro bono”. And cosign all the chit-chat is the right approach comments.

        4. I would definitely ding a candidate that says she’s looking forward to doing pro bono work. I need you doing doc review and due diligence, not some (well deserving) nonprofit or indigent client.

          OCI candidates are all academically qualified, assuming they aren’t skating by on privilege. I’m looking for a workhorse. Someone who is smart and engaging and has a personality I can tolerate (or dare I hope enjoy) at 2am, and a demonstrated work ethic for difficult/boring/challenging work in tough situations. What I’m looking for in OCI interviews is personality fit. Someone scrappy, not someone who asks me when they get to have a client facing role (the answer is years from now, after most of your class has quit) or “substantive” work (you need to do the doc review and due diligence like we all did. suck it up).

          1. One of my favorite types of candidates are those who went to quality universities and also were in intercollegiate sports. Doesn’t have to be Division 1 at all, but anyone who can balance a real academic workload and also the effort of training for a competitive sport? That’s a great workhorse with demonstrated time management skills. Someone with a serious leadership position in panhellenic might also have those skills, as would anyone who worked through college.

          2. I understand that being an associate is a lot of doc review work and that being at a private law firm is not about trying to do indigent services. (I actually don’t intend to bring up pro bono or long-term career plans at all in interviews more beyond being asked about them). If I am asked why I want to work at a firm, I have a genuine (and I think thoughtful, not naive, etc) answers.

            How would y’all respond to: “We had an associate recently leave to work at X agency– you’d have that type of option available to you if you wanted it after a few years here. His name is Y; you should look him up!”? (I honestly feel like any response beyond “that’s really cool, thanks for sharing” is a landmine, but I am probably overthinking this)

          4. This makes me so happy I never did firm work. I started doing direct work with deserving, indigent clients on day two and substantive work on day one. I was a valued member of my unit’s team, not just a workhorse. God, firm life must suck.

      3. Agreed with all of the advice above and that they know you won’t stick around. Chances are the person interviewing you is also planning on not sticking around. I did these interviews at my law school when I was in biglaw. The above rettes are correct: you’ve passed the initial test of your credentials. What they are looking for is someone who will do the work and be decent to be around during that process. We called it the “Atlanta Airport Test:” i.e. if I get stuck at the end of an on-site doc review in the Atlanta airport with the person, will that person be fun to have in the airport? Also known as what will this person be like at 2 a.m. when the copier jams the day before a deal is supposed to close. Good luck!

      4. This was my experience too — that they were screening more for “fit” than anything else. Be charming and normal-ish and you’re gold.

    8. Your career services office should have prepared you for this — this is what most interviews of 2Ls are like.

  15. Has anyone had to go to PT for their jaw? I went to the dentist and they were concerned that my jaw pops/clicks when it opens (something I never noticed before, but it definitely does even though it isn’t painful) and they told me to go a specialist PT to have it examined and learn exercises for how to resolve it. They made it clear that it wasn’t an immediate problem, but could lead to worse problems with it if I didn’t get it resolved. Has anyone had/heard of this? I thought it was so bizarre at the time that I just took the card.

    1. Hm, interesting. My jaw pops/clicks as well and my dentist just recommended a night guard (since he believes it’s linked to nighttime teeth grinding).

    2. Yes, it’s a TMJ disorder. I ignored that popping and clicking for about a year when I was in my early 20s until one day I woke up and couldn’t open my mouth. The dentist sent me to a specialist and it took about 8 weeks to get my jaw back open. After that I had PT for a while and a custom night guard for ~5 years (I think I was supposed to wear it forever). You probably need a night guard. Don’t get a generic mouth guard, it makes the problem worse. My total spend was something like $10k out of pocket because insurance wouldn’t cover non-surgical options. Don’t be me. Get it taken care of now.

      1. Wow, thanks for sharing what happened with you! That sounds horrible. I’ll follow up and work on it.

    3. Very common. Mine just resolved with time. Night guards do the trick.

      Very surprised they recommended PT. I’m usually a big fan of PT, but this surprises me. Can’t hurt.

      1. I was too. I’m not sure that the specialist herself is the one that does the PT, but they referred me to her for a more in-depth examination and they said that exercises can help.

    4. Yes, I have this. Assuming yours isn’t from an old injury, it’s probably TMJ. I have a custom nightguard (also ~$1K), which doesn’t solve the tightness/popping, but is probably helping me not ruin my teeth at night. I also go to a massage therapist who specializes in TMJ on a regular basis – just started this, but I think it is actually helping.

      1. Does the therapist massage your face or is it more of a de-stressing massage? I don’t think I grind my teeth but I do notice clenching.

        1. He does both, including going inside my mouth (feels really weird, but so relaxing afterwards). The destressing part is more upper back since it’s related to my jawline. I should note that this is not a “fun” massage though – it’s painful, but worth it afterwards.

    5. I seem to be in the minority but I’d buy larger pants. You’ll be in maternity pants for long enough that you will get sick of them. Larger pants are great especially if you are trying to hide your pregnancy for a bit longer and can also be used after maternity leave before you get back down to your normal size. Congrats!

    6. I had this in college, and my dentist told me to stop chewing gum. I haven’t had an issue since I stopped. If you’re a gum chewer, maybe start there?

  16. I’m a grad student and I met someone at a networking event. We didn’t talk for long but it seemed like we struck up a good rapport, and I emailed her to say thank you afterward. Is it appropriate or too forward for me to connect with her on LinkedIn?

  17. I am eight weeks pregnant and all of my pants are already too tight. Recommendations for what I should do? Do I buy just a bigger size pants? Or buy stretchy pants (secretly really excited for this)? Current solution is wearing baggy shirts and undoing my pants, which I don’t love doing at work. Also, this is normal, right?

    1. Bellabands. They sell cheap versions at Target. Undo your pants button and wear those over it. They will buy you a couple weeks.

      But seriously – stretchy waist pants FTW.

      1. Or loop a hair elastic through the button hole on your pants and loop the other end around the button. Stretch pants are fantastic but you may get sick of them by the end!

    2. Especially if this is your first, it’s likely bloat, which will subside before you start actually showing. Try a Bella band for your pants. Or buy maternity pants now, you’ll have to eventually anyway and you might as well get use out of them (they’re so comfy!).

      Congratulations!

    3. Buy maternity pants (and skirts)! They are so comfy and wonderful. Personally I found that the ones that completely cover your belly stayed up much better in the early stages than the half-band ones. But some people find it too sweaty.

    4. Bellabands. I was able to make it well into the second trimester with these and am still using them now at 9 months with some of my pants.

    5. I am in the SAME boat (also 8 weeks). I seriously can’t wear any buttoned pants or pencil skirts right now. I have some loosey summer pants that i’m wearing right now. Think I’ll bite the bullet and buy some maternity pants. :)

      1. Right?! Didn’t really see this coming. Add in the fact that I went from regular exercise to once or twice a week because OMG SO TIRED and it feels like my body is changing much faster than it is supposed to. Not like I have any idea of what is “supposed” to happen though.

        1. I didn’t show at all until 16 weeks, and depending on the outfit I’m still not showing a lot at 24 (the bosom has extended far past any belly), but I was so, so tired early on. And 8 weeks is probably when I started realizing that normal physical exertion– say, a hill that was blocks long — became abnormally difficult. Just try to roll with it. Everyone is different.

    6. I totally got away with a rubber band trick (loop one end of the rubber band around the button, thread the other end through the button hole, then re-attach around the button) for my first trimester. This will buy you a few inches in the waist. Bellaband is also good, but I didn’t use it as much as I thought I would (I found it a little hot/thick). It did last me through almost the entire pregnancy.

      Honestly, though, I think one of the most exciting things about finding out you’re pregnant is shopping for maternity clothes :) Treat yourself to a few basics for the first trimester – they are very comfy and stretchy. You’ll probably need a few different basics for the second tri (I found that shirts especially did not last from first trimester thru second), and by the third, you’ll be cursing having to buy more maternity clothes and will try everything humanly possible to avoid buying any more maternity stuff! I preferred the “full panel” maternity clothes throughout my entire pregnancy, with the exception of Old Navy’s pixie pants, which come with a stretchy side panel and worked just fine for me. The half/side panels usually would slouch down and require constant pulling.

      Congratulations!!

      1. I’m at week 24 doing the rubber band trick today… I kinda regret the maternity pants I bought, because they have a seam under the panel that makes them uncomfortable and I don’t really need them yet. I wish I’d waited longer to buy pants.

    7. (Re-posting from above- not sure why it showed up there.) I seem to be in the minority but I’d buy larger pants. You’ll be in maternity pants for long enough that you will get sick of them. Larger pants are great especially if you are trying to hide your pregnancy for a bit longer and can also be used after maternity leave before you get back down to your normal size. Congrats!

      1. I would purchase a pair of ponte pants that currently fit rather than maternity pants. I had the worst time finding nice quality maternity pants and although I only wore maternity clothes for 5 months, I was so sick of it. Ponte pants are comfy, stretch some, and will be a good option after the baby.

    8. I was a fan of elastic waist skirts, but my office is on the more casual side of business casual…

  18. My husband and I are planning to TTC soon. Neither of us knows anything about babies. We don’t have any younger siblings or cousins that were around when we were growing up, we’ve never babysat, neither of us have ever held a newborn, etc. I’m planning to read All The Books to prepare myself because that’s who I am, but reading is a challenge for my husband (he’s brilliant but has borderline dyslexia) and he’s agreed to read one book (I promise he’s really excited about having a baby and I know he’ll be a very hands-on dad, it’s just reading really isn’t his thing). Moms, what book would you recommend he read? I’ve heard a lot of praise for Expecting Better around here but does that cover taking care of babies at all or is it just pregnancy? I think since the pregnancy will just involve my body I’d rather read the pregnancy books and have him read something that’s more focused on newborn care/new parenting. (Btw, I just looked up Expecting Better on Amazon and the cover says “Why sushi and cheese aren’t so bad – but gardening could be” and it took me a solid minute to realize it meant literal not This S!te gardening! I was seriously thinking to myself “But wait, I thought that was a good way to induce labor…” Ha.)

      1. There’s also a DVD for Happiest Baby on the Block which should work just as well as the book. Why make life harder if he can get the same info in another format?

    2. Honestly I don’t think my husband read any of the pregnancy or baby books. Maybe he skimmed the Mayo clinic one (my pregnancy book rec, the AAP book would be my baby book rec). But we took a 2 day class at the together and he was totally into it. (And he is a great dad to our 8 month old daughter). Maybe a class instead of a book would work for your husband as well?

      Expecting Better was great and I loved it, FWIW, but definitely not a baby book and probably only interesting to the person that is actually pregnant.

    3. For a dad, I’d recommend “Be Prepared” – it’s cute and a little tongue in cheek, written like a scout handbook, but pretty much covers the basics.

    4. Yes, Expecting Better is a pregnancy book, not a baby book. I wish she would write a baby book though.
      Honestly, I don’t know how much you/he really need to read. There are classes you could take and the hospital will usually teach you how to change diapers, wash baby, etc., if you want that sort of help. Maybe that would be better for him? Also – he could “read” on audible or there are lots of week specific apps.

      The only book I really bothered with was Baby 411 which is organized into helpful sections. I made Mr. AIMS (similarly inexperienced with babies as your H) read 2 chapters in it – one about what happens in the hospital and one about the first 2 weeks at home. It seemed to be sufficient. The rest of the book you can just use for reference, which is nice for when the internet is too overwhelming.

      1. +1 for classes. Check with your local hospitals to see what all they offer. Most have classes on baby care, cpr, breastfeeding, etc. My hospital also had short videos available on the in-house tvs that covered various baby care issues. I watched a couple of those during 4 am feedings.

      2. Agree with AIMS– it might make you feel better to read, but it’s really more of a trial by fire when baby gets here. Like you, OP, I wanted to read everything, and husband didn’t want to read anything. But he watched the HBOTB video and went to newborn care class, and he’s great with the actual baby, as it sounds like your DH will be. On the other side of it, I actually wish I hadn’t read as many baby books as I did (if only so I could have that time back).

      3. Brain Rules for Baby (it’s not what it sounds). I haven’t read Expecting Better but I think Brain Rules would be the childcare equivalent. It was outstanding…and also the only book my husband read.

        1. hope this isn’t too late.
          +1000 for Brain Rules. It was recommended here and DH and I read it when I was expecting. Great practical advice.

    5. Have you thought about your parenting styles at all? Maybe it would be worth sitting down with a therapist to discuss parenting styles and expectations for when your kids get older. Great things to talk about and consider before you have an infant and are exhausted. Maybe a therapist could come up with some scenarios and you could each think about how you would respond and see if you are on the same page.

      1. As the parent of two kids under 4, I have to respectfully disagree with this. I’m a proponent of therapy, but it just seems kinda pointless to discuss kids who don’t exist yet when so much of parenting is responding to your kid’s actual needs as they present themselves. I think you two should take advantage of your pre-kid time to continue to bond with each other, and, by all means, have conversations between yourselves about how you imagine life with kids, but there’s no need to formalize it.

      2. I’m with Orange — there’s SO MUCH that’s unique to each child that it’s really hard to know how you will respond before they’re there with you. Plus, infants don’t need discipline or anything, they just need to be loved & cuddled.

        I suppose you could discuss your thoughts on sleep training/ cry it out/ co-sleeping, etc. but even that comes into play after 4-6 mos., not in the early days, and again is highly dependent on the child.

    6. My husband and I were in the same boat – little to no baby experience. He read almost nothing when we were expecting. Definitely not anything about pregnancy – I read more than enough for both of us! The only book he read (and by read, I mean he hit the high points that I had marked for him) was Happiest Baby on the Block. He was glad that he did, as it provided both a logical explanation for a newborn’s behavior/quirks as well as practical, effective soothing methods.

      We found that going to an in-person class was much more effective for him, so we did a half day baby care class at our local hospital. The class provided the perfect mix of hands-on instruction and bulleted reading materials to take home with us.

    7. A newborn eats 10-12 times per day and soils a diaper an equivalent # of times so by the time the baby is a week old you’ve probably as a couple fed and diapered him 100 times. They are scary and floppy at first, but you learn almost immediately what to do and how to do it because you do it so often. I didn’t realize that. My husband and I were like y’all– no experience with babies whatsoever. We hardly read any books, and it was totally fine.

    8. I found that although my husband wanted to read books, practically speaking, he just didn’t. My mom sent him a cute “Rookie Dad” book that I thought he was reading in the bathroom, until I realized it was staying on the back of the tank on page 38 for multiple weeks.

      Your OB will recommend different classes…breastfeeding, child care, childbirthing, etc. Usually a “support person” is always welcome to attend those. I found the classes to be helpful for both of us. And there will be “tasks” along the way that hubs can help with — taking the car seat for installation, assembling the crib, etc that you can assign to him.

      You can buy Happiest Baby on the Block via amazon and stream it on your computer / tv. This was a help for both of us. Ask him to read to your belly (you know, so the baby “knows” his voice), and try not to worry about this too much. We thought we were totally prepared with our first, and it still rocked our world. But you will both survive and be fine. :)

      A few weeks ago hubby confessed to me that he thought he’d be able to just take baby in the car seat with him when he went golfing the week after the baby was born. Once baby was born, he realized that there was no way in hell that would ever work. It was cute and eye-opening at the same time about just how clueless we both were.

      The biggest piece of advice I have is trusting, loving, and being patient with eachother. There will be things that your husband will do that will make you cringe and/or want to run over and interfere. Don’t. And don’t be afraid to ask your man for what you need — if you need to sleep, tell him. If you need some water while feeding the baby, ask!

      You’ll be great. Having kids is the most amazing and crazy adventure we’ve been on.

    9. My husband and I took a crunchy class that I called, to my friends, “OMG I am having a baby wtf do I do with it?!” and it was much more useful than my childbirth classes and books, honestly. It wasn’t so much that they taught us deeply useful things (feed the baby, change the baby, swaddle the baby, bathe the baby sometimes, snuggle the baby all the time) as that having someone experienced break it down made it feel much more manageable. Basically the advice boiled down to “try coconut oil on that” and “try to avoid really scented stuff” I think that’s pretty solid advice!

      I knew my husband would be lax about reading books, so going to a class (we made a bit of a date of it, with walking around beforehand and pastries after) was a good choice for us.

    10. Also didn’t know anything about babies and didn’t read any books on their care and feeding, and mine have survived so far.

      I recently picked up All Joy and No Fun – which is about parents, but not babies (ppl brought it up here last week) and I strongly, strongly suggest that you both read that or books like it (And Baby Makes Three by the Gottmans is another one that comes to mind) about how parenting changes your life/relationship/whatever.

      Honestly, taking care of the baby’s physical needs is the easiest and most intuitive part. It’s the “wtf do I do now that a baby has hijacked my life” question that is very beneficial to think about ahead of time.

      1. Original poster about that book- isn’t that book so thought provoking?

        I also loved the books:
        How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk

        The Secrets of Happy Families

        which also discuss the bigger picture ideas of raising kids, and were more upbeat

        1. It is! I recognized myself so much in the chapter about how mothers take on a disproportionate share of the parenting burden that it was almost depressing, but at the same time made me feel a little better to be so “normal.”

          FWIW, I would say my husband is a very hands-on dad, a supportive partner, and definitely tries to do his share of childcare and household chores… but just like the book notes, I’m the one who ends up nagging the kids to get dressed, pick up their toys, etc etc, where he’s more likely to just let them roam around keeping half an eye out to make sure they’re safe while he does other things.

          I enjoyed How to Talk… but haven’t read Secrets of Happy Families. I’ll have to find that one next!

    11. Thanks everyone! I will check out these books. The classes are a great idea and I think those will be much more his speed. I’m not expecting him to read one book and suddenly become an expert swaddler or anything like that. I know you have to learn most things by doing. I guess I just feel like despite our mutual total lack of baby experience I have some ‘institutional knowledge’ about babies that I’ve picked up here and elsewhere. For example, I knew that newborns feed 10-12 times a day and I’m pretty sure he has no idea about that. So I’m just hoping for him to read something that will give him a better sense of what to expect so he won’t go into the classes and parenthood totally clueless. Thanks again for the recommendations.

      1. +1 on classes. Although not baby inexperienced, my husband and I both did a childbirth class (which also covered some baby things like swaddling and newborn care) and a BF class. Highly recommend the BF class and bringing your husband. There will be other men there and if you think that you want to try at all, it is important to have your partner on the same page. If he hears the same info as you, he’ll be more likely to support the process.

        Also, I read All The Books too. It’s just who I am. Some I skimmed more than read, but I like to have all the information/as much information as possible about things so I can pick and choose from various theories or mindsets.

  19. PSA – Eddie Bauer is having an extra 40% off clearance and they have a ton of warm jackets and rain jackets and down vests. You can shop by size. Code for extra 40% off is MEADOW.

  20. Has anyone here had rhinoplasty? Any tips, warnings, thoughts? If you did have a nose job, were you happy with it? Did you regret it? Was the recovery horrible? How long before you could go back to work again without looking swollen, bruised, etc.? I have hated my nose for a long time. A woman I knew in college had a very large nose that didn’t really fit her face, and it may have had a bump on it as well (can’t remember) and she came back one fall with a new nose that looked great and she was very happy with it.

    1. I have, and it was the best decision of my life. I had a very large nose (thanks dad) with a very bulbous tip. I got lots of cruel comments about it as a teenager and I found myself completely obsessed about it and spending way too much of my mental energy thinking about it/feeling sad about it. I hated being in pictures, I was very insecure, and I hardly smiled (because when I smiled my nose seemed to look bigger). After I got it done, my confidence flew through the roof and I honestly feel like such a different person.

      I went to 5 different surgeons for a consultation and ultimately chose the one that I felt the most comfortable with. Go with a doctor who specializes in rhinoplasty. Recovery was quite easy for me. I think I wore the bandage for a week, at which point I looked presentable with some makeup. I was completely presentable 2 weeks out. I wasn’t working at the time so I had more chance to recover. I think my doctor told me that it would take a few months for the swelling to completely go down and settle down, and I recall him being right.

      I would also manage your expectations. I think my nose looks really good and fits my face, but it’s still not a “small” nose. And that is fine, because I have a wide face and a small nose would have looked really odd.

      If you decide to get it done, I would consider changing your hairstyle upon your return to work. People will notice you look different but if you tell them it’s your hair, people will focus on that and not on your nose. (Unless you want to tell people, but I was very private about it — I think 5 people total know that I got mine done).

      If nothing else, go for the consultation. My only regret was that I didn’t do it sooner.

    2. I had my nose done for my 30th birthday, 6 years ago. There was nothing horrible about my nose, but it was just too big for my face. It’s now smaller and fits my face well. No one looks at me and thinks I had a nose job because I didn’t get a Michael Jackson nose. I just got something that fits better. My mom, who tried to convince me for years that my nose was fine, cannot believe how much better I look now.

      I had it done on a Thursday or Friday. I took off the entire following week (which was Thanksgiving week so it was a good time to be out of the office), and went back the next Monday. So I was out about 10 days. Because they didn’t need to reshape the inside of my nose, I had only very mild discomfort that was handled by Adil. I didn’t take any of the pain killers. The biggest I convenience for me was that I had to keep my heart rate low for several weeks so it meant missing a lot of workouts.

      I’m so glad I did it. And I would highly recommend it if you hate your nose. But research your doc well to make sure you get a good one. And at least go get the before and after pics done to see what they think you’d look like post surgery. If you like the new proposed look better, surgery may be a good option for you.

      1. I didn’t but my cousin did and from the very first moment we saw her afterwards, we immediately forgot what the old one looked like. Over 10 years and I still forget. It just fit her and her face so well it was like she always looked that way. She similarly hated the way she looked before and found the right doctor who specialized in it that could tell what would ‘match’ her.

    3. I haven’t had a nose job, but I’ve had a facelift and a tummy tuck (super happy with both, would totally do it again). And I am here to tell you that cosmetic surgeons lie about recovery time. Whatever your surgeon tells you, double it. For my facelift the doctor told me I’d be ready to go back to work in two weeks, and although I made it and was reasonably presentable to go back to work, the bad bruising didn’t go away until the very last second and it was really stressful. I could really have used at least an extra week just for the peace of mind. So make sure to give yourself plenty of recovery time. It’s way better to have it and not need it than the other way around.

    4. I’ve had one, too. I’m very happy with the outcome. I had wanted it since age 13, so it was never an “if” but a “when” for me. I had always been really self-conscious about my big bump and really narrow nostrils, especially if someone was looking at me from the side. My fixation about it changed the way I interacted with people. I’d sit at the far end of a table, avoid cameras, and position myself directly in front of someone I was speaking with – never to the side. I searched around for recommendations from friends and family for a surgeon who delivered the most natural look. I appreciated that my surgeon was never pushy and gave a clear explanation of how it would look after. Surgery was major, I’m sure, but the recovery was only uncomfortable days 2 and 3 after. The rest of that week, I read, researched, and worked from the couch. I barely had bruising, just some yellowing under my eyes. The swelling lasted about 3 months after. Now, about 10 months after, it’s very complimentary of my face. It looks strong and natural. I’m much more confident overall. My nose rests more comfortably on my face without tugging on my skin and I can breathe so well! I left the clinic after surgery and inhaled what felt like the biggest breath ever! The difference was incredible. My best advice: get recommendations from other people who’ve had surgeries but you can’t quite tell they’ve had them. If you have any reservation about it, hold off. It’s a physical and emotional change.

    5. I did in 2009. I definitely don’t regret it! I recommend consulting with numerous doctors before selecting one. Even if you think the first one you meet with is great, still meet with others to get an idea of the landscape. The doctor I chose didn’t upsell me on other procedures (several others did) and was focused on keeping my nose still looking like my nose, only better, if that makes sense. His work was very natural looking and I couldn’t be happier.

      Recovery was not bad. I scheduled it over Christmas to give myself extra recovery time. I had surgery on December 17th, went to a party on NYE with no problems and was back in the office on Jan 4th when we re-opened, but could have gone back sooner. I tend to naturally swell, so I was very swollen. Definitely take Arnica (natural supplement) to help with that. I slept reclined to help everything drain. I don’t remember much pain, but I took my meds on schedule, which I read was key and certainly worked for me.

      Other minor tidbits…some doctors will pack your nose and some won’t, but be ready to not be able to breathe through your nose for awhile. Even when it’s not packed, it’s going to be swollen. I got the feeling back on one side of my nose pretty quickly, but the other side took about a year. It’s funny how nerves works like that. It didn’t both me at all, I only noticed it if I touched my nose. If you wear contacts, make sure you have glasses in your current Rx handy. You won’t be putting in contacts for a few days after surgery due to facial swelling and bruising. I tried to put them in too soon and broke a blood vessel in my eye. You also won’t able to shower until your cast comes off. I took baths and my mom washed my hair for me.

      When I returned to work, most people didn’t seem to notice. Some people asked me if I got highlights or had lost weight. They could tell something was different, but couldn’t put their finger on what. So don’t worry about giving explanations.

      TL; DR: Don’t regret it at all! Worth it and recovery was not a big deal!

      1. Also, please ensure that your doctor won’t do *any* turbinate reduction! If you google “empty nose syndrome” you can find out more information, definitely not something I would risk.

        1. Thanks for mentioning. I’ve read about it before and it sounds nightmarish. *shudder*

          1. This depends. I had this done because I have chronic sinusitis, among other problems. It was worthwhile and improved my symptoms. Ask your doctor.

    6. I had my nose done when I was 21 (almost 17 years ago) and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. I had a bump on the bridge of my nose and the tip also hung down in a way that really bothered me. The recovery took about 3 weeks total (but obviously faster than if I had gotten it done when I was older) and wasn’t too bad at all. The first day or two I was on pain meds and didn’t remember much. The only thing that was annoying was that it was hard to sleep. I echo the previous poster who mentioned that her nose still isn’t small per se – same is true for me. It just fits the proportions of my face much better than it used to. Good luck!!

    7. Thanks so much for the info and advice. How much did it cost, and did insurance cover anything? I guess that’s my main worry.

      1. I did this over ten years ago. Best decision I’ve ever made.

        As for recovery time, it took about one week for the bruising/swelling to go down.

        Insurance didn’t pay for the rhinoplasty, but did pay for a turbinate reduction.

        As to what doctor you choose, I chose someone who had done multiple people I knew (and whose results I loved).

        Best of luck to you!

      3. Mine was $6K in 2009. Mine was purely cosmetic so no insurance coverage. Pretty sure my doctor’s practice was a solely cosmetic practice so if you were going to involve insurance, you’d have to handle it on your own, and I’d bet that’s fairly common. I couldn’t pay for it all at once and didn’t want to accrue interest on my credit card, so I opened up a new card that had zero interest for the first year with a cash back bonus on charges. I charged it, paid it off in a few months and with the cash back bonus I like to tell people that I made money off of my nose job :)

  21. Have you ever seriously considered making a career change? I don’t mean day dreaming of how nice it would be to sell a screenplay or have a coffee shop. I mean along the lines of — you’re a lawyer who realizes they want to be a real estate developer or own their own trucking business; or a doctor who suddenly realizes they want to be a teacher — i.e. you have enough education and wouldn’t have t go back to school but someone would have to give you a shot and you’d have to take a pay cut/deal with instability either temporarily or permanently after having always had a high paying career.

    Would love stories re you or your friends that have done it or considered it but decided not to. Secondly — if you were to do this, did you have any number in mind whether net worth; savings; or 401k, where you said — after I hit x, THEN I will make a move but not before.

    I’m 35 and just not happy with what I’m doing (law). I love certain areas of law that I worked on early in my career but just don’t have those opportunities again given how tight the market is; 30 more yrs of doing what I’m doing now makes me want to cry though it pays well — I wonder if there’s a time where I should say, after I have x in the bank and y in my 401k, I will move on.

    1. Yep. I left the law to be a science writer (I’m employed by a specific company, not a freelance journalist). Like you, I enjoyed a particular area of the law (in my case, patent law) but no longer had the opportunity to be in that field and really did not enjoy practicing in areas of the law that had nothing to do with science. I was lucky in that I got my job while I was employed as a lawyer and I didn’t need to go back to school or anything. I’m not sure I would have taken on student loan debt for a new career.

      In terms of finances, I paid off my law school loans while working as a lawyer (I was in Big Law for almost five years) and we bought a house with a pretty sizeable down payment, but I don’t have a big nest egg of retirement savings compared to many of my peers who have been working in well-paying jobs since age 22. It was easier to make the salary jump because we live in a pretty LCOL area, have a modest mortgage payment and my husband has a stable job with a salary that is very good for our area. My new career pays about half of what I was making as a lawyer in small law (and less than 1/4 what I was making when I left Big Law). But I was so miserable as a lawyer, particularly after leaving Big Law, that I was on the verge of quitting every day and would definitely have quit the second I had a baby and it was socially acceptable to stay at home. My current job I can see returning to from maternity leave and doing until I’m a normal retirement age, which will be much better for my finances in the long term. So even in evaluating the financial picture, I think you have to look at more than just the salary. Think about burn-out as well and how long you think you can stay in the career, and whether the career can be combined with a family if you want that.

    2. Yes.

      I’m a doctor early in my career, and won’t continue. I am considering things vastly different. I have simplified my life dramatically. My apartment is simple and small, and I am preparing psychologically to move wherever I need to minimize commuting expense. I minimized all standing expenses, including cheap cell phone/internet plans, no cable, good but competitively priced insurance plans, no gym memberships, rarely eat out and cooking a lot and preparing all lunches to bring from home. More volunteering/outdoor/people focused activities as hobbies, as I have realized what is important to me.

      The earlier in life you can make these transitions, the better. I do not have to fund a return to school, fortunately, to choose another career. That might give me pause, but would not be a deal breaker.

      And I am very willing to start at the bottom of the totem pole and work my way up.

      I don’t think there is a magic amount to save. I would get myself out of debt, simplify your life to figure out what your true manageable living expenses can be, and go from there. Save save. You are young. The fact that you even have a 401k that will grow for the next 35 years means you are already doing better than most. Remember how skewed this board is….

      Good luck!

      1. Can I ask why you want to leave medicine? Just curious. I mean you’ve put a lot of time and money into pre med plus med school plus residency. I know the lawyers that commented mentioned that opportunities aren’t there, which I can’t imagine is true for doctors.

        1. You beat me too it! I guess this is what happens when I leave the page open forever and ever and ever and then type my response without refreshing. Hah! Glad I’m not the only one curious.

      2. Hey Doc, I’m not the OP but I’m really interested in what you’ve posted here. I have heard so much about lawyers wanting to change career paths, but less from doctors (maybe because I read this board which is skewed and I know more lawyers in real life). If you don’t find this too personal, could you tell me what makes you feel you won’t continue in medicine?

    3. Yup, in the process of doing that now, moving from arts/academia to law. My situation is somewhat different from what you’re describing in that I’m moving from lower to higher compensation, but the decision to go back to school, take on debt, be out of the workforce for 3 years is nontrivial financially.

      For me it’s less about having a specific magic number in the bank and more about what that magic number means to you personally–what’s that dollar amount where you will be able to sleep well at night and feel like you’re taken care of as you make this transition? This is in conjunction with doing savvy financial planning, of course. I’m not suggesting to go with your gut rather than doing the math, but rather, to do both. Also totally agree with the advice to cut back on your lifestyle expenses now. For me this has been minimizing my housing expenses as much as possible, since that’s the biggest and least flexible budget item.

    4. I’m a lawyer who basically thinks of these things mathematically, and right now I’m telling myself — no crazy moves until the 401k is at 300k. Don’t know if I’m behind, but for me that won’t happen until about age 40 (give or take based on returns). At 300k at age 40, with a 5% return, you’d end up with $1 million at age 65. If I were to leave now, I’m sure it’d still be perfectly fine but I’d need an almost 6% return over ~29-30 yrs to end up at $1 million. Given how volatile the market can be, I don’t want to be in a situation where I’m saying — I’ll be ok in retirement as long as the market returns 10% between now and then — I don’t want to “rely” on the market so much if it makes sense bc you just never know.

    5. I am in your shoes. 35, lawyer, hate working. I had a health crisis last year so that is really pushing me to change my life.

      I work at an eat-what-you-bill firm so I am able to cut my hours to 120 per month instead of the 150 goal and still keep my job.

      I am volunteering in my new field. I went through two career books to decide that this is what I want: What Can You Do With a Law Degree? and Pathfinder by Nicolas Lore.

    6. Yes.

      I’m mid-career in cybersecurity, and a few years ago I decided I wanted to switch to dentistry/medicine. I took night classes for a few years to try to get the prereqs done, but I finally realized I just couldn’t fully commit enough to make it happen. Family and financial obligations made the opportunity cost of quitting my current job or giving up literally all of my nights and weekends to power through the classes more quickly and also get the necessary clinical experience way too high. Plus I’d take on school debt, forego 4 years of earnings, and my earning power immediately upon graduation wouldn’t be significantly higher than it is now. All in hopes that I’d like the new field enough to justify the years of stress I’d just put myself and my family through. Big risk, uncertain reward, so I pulled the plug.

      A career change takes serious commitment. If I’d jumped in with both feet before my kids were born, I might have gotten past the point of no return and been able to follow through. I agree that you need to take a hard look at your financial situation. Figure out what number will meet your minimum monthly living expenses, what an entry-level position in your new field pays, and whether you can make that shift immediately. If you need additional education to make the transition, think about whether it’s easier to take those classes with your current job, or while in a low-level (assuming you can get one) job in the new field where you’ll be building relevant experience. Or what level of savings you need to be able to take time off and focus solely on education for as long as you need to. If you have a partner, you absolutely need to discuss the lifestyle changes all of this will entail, and make sure he or she will be supportive, because it’s going to be a bumpy ride for both of you.

      For me, the solution was a a new job, refocusing on some hobbies, and accepting that my work does not define me; it’s OK to have a job in a field I’m not terribly interested in or passionate about, but that provides the lifestyle I enjoy. And remembering that I am so, so, so lucky in the grand scheme of things. It was hard to give up, but I’ve made peace with my choice.

    7. I did this. If you are considering it, I highly recommend the book “What Should I Do With My Life?” by Po Bronson. It is a compendium of people who made career changes and their stories of how and why they did it.

    8. I practiced law for six years (very successfully) and then made an abrupt switch to higher education (teaching; someone “took a shot” on me). I honestly don’t think there is a “right” time or number that is going to give you peace of mind or magically make everything perfect. Instead, you make the change because you can’t imagine the future doing what you are doing. And if you can’t imagine your future doing it, why are you wasting more of your life on a path you know isn’t yours? If you have an emergency fund and a reasonable transition plan in mind, begin pursuing your other options. And if that makes you feel nervous, don’t worry; networking and physical transitions take a while so it is unlikely your situation will change overnight, so you’ll have some time to mentally transition as well.

    9. I got a Master’s degree in communication disorders and worked as a speech therapist for three years. I was happy but bored with my job. I was in my late 20’s and had lost my dad; losing him unexpectedly was the catalyst for changing my career, dumping a loser SO, and moving to a different state so I could go to physician assistant school.

      These changes happened slowly. I dumped the guy and started picking up more shifts at work to earn/save $$ for school. It took 3 semesters of night classes at the community college to fulfill the prerequisites for PA school. It took me 2 years to save up enough money for my projected living expenses. I ended up getting a full-ride scholarship for tuition, but I still ended up about 20k in debt (I underestimated the amount of money I would need between after graduation, getting licensed, moving to a different state, and getting on my feet with my first PA job).

      I don’t regret my decision, however, it’s not like I spend every day in some kind of medical wonderland where I just love every moment of what I do and feel like I’m healing humanity and making a true difference. Most days I feel like a paper pusher and want to hit my head against the wall dealing with people who choose to abuse their bodies and wonder why they’re not healthy. I wonder if I would have equal, relative happiness had I just made the other changes rather than making several major life changes simultaneously. Maybe? Maybe not?

      There is a big salary difference between speech pathology and being a physician assistant. This is the greatest factor that – for me – justifies why I did what I did. I was making 65k as a speech pathologist, my first job out of PA school I cleared just under 100k. This significant difference has allowed me to live a much more fun, fulfilling lifestyle. It’s easier to travel, buy things, take care of unexpected problems, etc. Perhaps this confidence and security in myself also helped me attract a better partner. It’s also nice to understand the “medical” things that are happening to family/friends/myself.

      I chose PA school over med school because of my age. I knew I wanted a family and I didn’t want to be in school until I was nearly 40. I was 31 when I finished, and even then I felt a lot of pressure to find a guy, get married, start a family, etc because I felt I was “losing time”. I am not sure if you are married or single, but if marriage/family is important to you this is something worth weighing into your decision. I’m almost 35 now and we had to go through fertility treatments to get pregnant, and that was tough. But then again, I wouldn’t have met my husband without making the choices I did, so …? maybe it doesn’t matter. I guess what I’m trying to say is try to think about all the things you want to accomplish in life and how manipulating one to increase your happiness may have effects on the other(s).

      In all, it was the right move. It wasn’t easy, and as I mentioned earlier, I may have been able to get similar results via a different path.

      1. Sorry for another post – one thing I forgot to mention was the unexpected changes in the dynamics of some of my relationships with work friends and family as a result of my decision to switch careers.

        My “speech work friends” felt kind of threatened / insecure about my decision to leave the field. It was unexpectedly awkward. My family felt I was making too many changes too soon and that I was being impulsive / crazy (despite my 2 year ramp up / careful planning period).

        So if/when you decide to make the jump, be prepared to do so with your own strength – hopefully your experience will feel much more supported.

  22. I posted a month or two ago asking for advice on getting over an old flame. I am happily married to a wonderful husband, and I do not in any way want this old flame back. Old flame is married now, too. We dated for three years, had a fairly normal breakup, but after some time apart, he begged to get back together, and I gave him another chance. After a few months back together, he completely disappeared. Didn’t respond to calls, texts, couldn’t be found for over a week. He then dumped me in a three sentence email.

    Clearly, he’s terrible. I got a lot of good advice from the hive on moving past it and not wasting any more thoughts on it. Old flame and I work in the same niche field, but now we live in different cities, so we never interact at all. Haven’t spoken since the Christmas dump email, actually. I assume we come in contact with some of the same people in our field, but it has never come up.

    BUT. Yesterday I got an email from someone in our field that I’ve worked with recently. Nice guy, who of course has no idea about me/old flame. The email said “I am supposed to tell you hello from Old Flame. I worked with him on (matter) recently. He asked me to tell you hi.”

    WHAT!!! Why? Why would he do this? This is the same psychopath who wanted to get married, then ghosted, and couldn’t even bother to break up with me in person (or even on the phone) but sent a cowardly EMAIL to do so. He’s married, I’m married, no one cares, why on EARTH would he do this?? I have “tell so-and-so hello for me” conversations all the time, but I may or may not remember to mention it the next time I see the person. I wouldn’t send an email for that exclusive purpose– unless someone really emphasized that they wanted me to do so? I’m just so confused.

    I will send an innocuous “thanks for passing that along; hope you’re doing well!” to the poor guy who didn’t know the toxicity of the message he was passing along. Do I otherwise just ignore it? I can’t imagine why old flame would think this is appropriate, and part of me wants to tell him so (though I know that’s not a good idea).

      1. Because he is self-absorbed and has no self-awareness? Who knows. Not your job to figure out why he thought it was appropriate. Don’t waste any time or energy on this. Ignore.

        1. Yes, completely ignore. I am so sorry you were broken up with that way. I honestly cannot even imagine.

          A month ago, I was broken up with in what I considered to be a humiliating fashion. I was offered my dream job on a Friday afternoon and my boyfriend told me he was just thrilled and couldn’t wait to celebrate with me. On Monday evening, he reiterated that he just couldn’t wait to celebrate and that he was coming over after dinner.

          Well, he showed up with a bag of my stuff, told me that he felt we were just more like friends that sleep together sometimes (ugh, okay…that’s what most long-term relationships are in my assessment), and then went to the bathroom to collect his toiletries and left. I haven’t heard a peep from him since.

          These terrible breakups are akin to bridge burning in my opinion. Just ignore that dude! I will certainly be ignoring mine.

    2. OMG calm down. He realized you were a mural accquaintance and made a normal social move. Don’t respond to it in any way, to him or to the person who mentioned him. It doesn’t mean anything at all and it’s only a big deal if you make it one.

      1. Disagree that this is a normal social move. An ex saying hello through a mutual acquanitance is normal. An ex who begged you back, disappeared, refused to speak, then emailed his breakup… he should know that bridge is burned all the way down.

    3. I would respond “Good to hear from you, hope you’re doing well! Next time you’re in [my city] let’s get coffee!” and not even acknowledge the hello.

      Don’t think twice about it. He may have a revisionist memory of how things went. You may have come up in conversation between the two and he said “Oh I know [Old Flame]. Next time you talk to her tell her I say hello” without even thinking about it. Do not read into this. Don’t try to extract meaning from it. It has no significance at all.

      1. I agree with this – acknowledge your acquaintance, but don’t acknowledge the greeting from the ex. And don’t otherwise read anything into your ex saying hi through this mutual acquaintance.

      3. Yes. I guarantee the mutual acquaintance will think nothing of either the passed-along greeting or your ignoring it.

        Again, my Rule For Life No. 7 is “presume good intentions,” so just tell yourself Psycho Ex must have magically transformed into somebody who does normal things like passing along greetings to mutual acquaintances and put it out of your mind permanently.

    4. Is it entirely possible that mutual aquantance was slightly pushy on Old Flame? Sometimes people do that.
      “Oh my gosh, you know OP? You guys used to work together? I will make sure to say hi to her from you!”
      In that situation, should Old Flame have said “No, don’t say hi to her from me”?

  23. Any tips on letting go of a negative feeling towards a partner. My SO and I had a fight, we made up, the underlying issues are something we’re working on together, possibly therapy down the road but not there yet.

    But I just can’t let go of this funk. I feel reserved, pulled into myself, which is very different from our normally extremely affectionate relationship. We’ve gardened since then, which usually brings back the fuzzy feelings, but didn’t. The fight was Monday night, and I worked late yesterday, so we haven’t really spent any time together since then. Should I just wait this out, and take this as me time, or are there mental tricks to get back the warm fuzzies?

    1. So it hasn’t even been 48 hours?!? Girl please. And you worked late? You haven’t had any time to get over it. Just live your normal life for a few days.

      1. Yeah, it’s just been a sleep-on-it-wake-up-feeling-normal thing for the past two years, even with bigger fights, so this is a change. It’s more notable because he’s being our normal level of affectionate (cuddle in the morning, nuzzling on the way to the bathroom, hugging from behind when I’m making coffee, kissing when we leave for work), and I’ve been pulling away/rigid.

        1. Ick. It’s fine to say “hey I’m still not over our fight can you cool it a bit.

    2. Emotions are like strings on an instrument. When you pluck them, they will reverberate for sometime after the incident has passed. But they will subside. Just wait it out.

    3. I agree that you should give yourself time. The only mental trick I can suggest is to force yourself to stop dwelling on hard feelings. If you find your mind wandering into that “He’s a jerk” space, do whatever usually helps you re-center yourself – take a short walk, listen to music, browse thiss!te, etc.

    4. I will usually just say, “I still feel weird about our fight.” Hugs help for me, so I will have a long hug and explain my feelings around the fight – not actually start the argument again. I.e. “That really bothered me but I am sorry I (brought it up when you got home). I know (you had a long day at work and that stressed you out), but I am glad we communicated and I appreciate the work you devote to our relationship and love you.” Typically he will echo the same feelings and that is what helps me feel better and back to lovey-dovey normal and get rid of the argument aftertaste.

    5. I exercise. Nothing gets out those feelings like pounding the pavement while listening first to angry music and then more positive music towards the end of a run.

  24. Can I wear a 75% black dress to a 4PM wedding where the dress code is “c**ktail dress”? The dress code seems to say Yes, but then I’m so used to the “bright colors at weddings” tradition.

    1. Maybe not for an outdoor, garden type wedding (not that it would be so inappropriate, just hot), but otherwise go for it.

    2. This seems totally fine! Maybe wear colorful shoes and carry a fun clutch, but I’ve worn LBD to a wedding before.

    3. I’m not old fashioned about much, but I just can’t bring myself to wear black to weddings. A less than 50% black dress with a vibrant pattern would be the limit for me.

      I see people wearing it all the time though, especially when the dress code is “cocktail” So I assume you’re fine.

      1. I too am not old fashioned about much other than black at weddings and non-black at funerals, but I’d say 75% black is ok.

    5. I think it is fine and I live in the south. I like the idea of colorful shoes and colorful clutch.

  25. I’m having a really difficult time at work. I’m a little bit depressed (working on getting into therapy…hopefully have a first session next week), and I’m just completely not motivated to do any of the things I need to do at work. None of it is particularly hard, I just can’t make myself do it. I cried on my way home from work yesterday. I just feel like I need a substantial break from work and the associated stress, like 1-2 months off. Of course I don’t have that amount of PTO saved (I don’t even earn that much in a year), and even if I went on FMLA for a few weeks, I’d only get paid at 60% of my salary under my short term disability insurance. I really wish my company offered a sabbatical.

    Has anybody else felt this way? How do you get through it? In the long term, I need a new job. But that isn’t going to happen in the next week, so I need to cope in the meantime and also not lose my job due to my inability to do anything. Obviously this will be a prime topic for therapy when I get that started.

      1. I know. And I’m open to that. When I did the initial depression screen with my doctor, I didn’t hit several of the criteria, so she suggested I start with therapy and see how that goes before talking about medication. I have a follow up with her in September to see where I am after a few weeks of therapy.

        1. Call her back, tell her you’re crying on the way to and from work, and just want to quit, and can’t function, and ask for anti-depressants.

          1. +1

            Sometimes anti-depressants are the bridge you need.

            Go to the first therapy visit, and discuss with them if meds could help now.

            Remind the doctor that therapy takes months to have an effect for most. Sometimes you need a bridge…..

          2. Seriously. Therapy is great. But anti-depressants help your brain get out of its own way and let that therapy reach its full potential. Anti-depressants also help you take care of the life stuff you need to take care of so you aren’t dragged down by that. Imagine having the extra energy to devote to making yourself happy or working on your therapy that used to be devoting to forcing yourself to reply to emails, read documents you don’t want to read, grearing yourself up to talk to your jerk boss, to cleaning, to sorting the mail….

            I’ve dealt with the ups and downs of a mild-severe depression (sometimes not there at all) for the past 8 years (I also was on anti depressants for a while after a hospitalization for depression in high school). I finally agreed to try Wellbutrin a few months ago and it has dramatically changed my ability to get through my life. That + therapy = amazing. I wish I didn’t wait to try Wellbutrin.

            Also, different meds work differently. Zoloft was great for making me not care and fall asleep. Not ideal. Wellbutrin gives me a kick in the pants, makes me feel motivated and engaged (great when you’re in biglaw), and a lot more like my old self. Anxiety isn’t necessarily better, but that wasn’t my primary issue to begin with.

    2. Can you take off any time? When I get super stressed, even one day to sleep in and spend time in the sun helps me recharge.

    3. Can you take a short vacation? A week or even a long weekend? That might give you enough of a break to feel a little better about it. And when you get back, time for job hunting.

      1. I already did that. If anything, it de-motivated me even further. Because now all I want to do is take an even longer break.

        1. If misery loves company, I just want to let you know I feel the same way about vacations. They make me realize how much I would rather not work. I don’t come back refreshed. I come back wishing I could be back outside. I have little motivation at work too. I’m not depressed though. Just bored and wishing I was independently wealthy. I’m trying to live my life so that I will soon have some FU money and hopefully live frugally and retire early.

          2. Got my FU money and now have “one more year” syndrome. I am quitting in January no matter what happens. I have to.

    4. No advice, but right there with you. And unfortunately I know from experience that therapy and anti-depressants don’t work for me, so just trying to drag myself through it.

    5. This may or may not be helpful, but when I am that down, I try to imagine what’d be like to have to pay my bills without a job. Because if you’re not getting your work done, that’s a real possibility–you could be fired. That helps snap me back to productivity.

      In the meantime, please try to schedule some fun things for after work (even if motivating to anything like that just sounds awful). A drinks date with a friend, a cheap manicure, a fun gym class, a “walk date” with a friend…whatever might get you through the day so that you have something to look forward to. Also, don’t hesitate to tell a close friend that you are down and need support. You don’t need to go through this alone.

      Hugs. Please keep us posted. The Hive is here for you.

    6. Yes, antidepressants might be the answer for you. Something that surprised me, when I saw the first doc to get an rx, was she asked me, “Spell the word ‘world’ backward.” And I did, haltingly, and then I said, “what was that about?” and she explained that a symptom of depression can be impaired concentration. Since i’ve gone on antidepressants, I’ve had a better time just doing what I need to do to get through the day.

      I second the advice for small treats. I think a big treat, like time off, can be counterproductive (at least for me) but something small, like “tomorrow I get to have smoothies and walk in the park with Jane!” can really help the days pass until things actually improve.

      Rooting for you.

    7. I have dealt with this for a while, and therapy, medication, and quality social interaction and hobbies help.

  26. I need more guest seating in my living/family room. Due to space and budget constraints I’m focusing on semi-temp options that are nicer than folding chairs but more portable than regular living room furniture. I’d use dining room chairs but ours are pub chairs. Any recommendations that have worked well for you?

    1. Seating for a conversation? or for eating around a table? here are some suggestions for conversation seats: Poofs are a easy way to hide some extra seats in a room. You can sit on them if you feel bad that a guest doesn’t have a “real” chair. Storage benches – where the top is padded for sitting, but you can put things in works for a seat that you can pull over when you need one. If you want to re think your coffee table sometimes they make padded coffee tables that would work for seats. Another idea to help with space is to use moroccan tables that fold down and have the brass plate as the top, you can set them up as side tables or coffee tables when you need something, but they don’t take much space if you want to fold them down and create more room for seating.

    5. Crate and Barrell has folding chairs that are nice looking and comfy for about $50. That was my approach.

  28. Regular poster/reader, anon for this. Can we discuss technology at work? I’m curious about what tech you use at work for content management, productivity, communication, etc. beyond file shares and outlook. Could you tell me:

    -What industry are you in? If you’re an attorney, are you in biglaw, midlaw, in-house, government? If you’re a consultant, are you at a Big 4 or a smaller firm? What’s your industry?
    -What tools does your organization provide? Do they mandate the use of any specific tech (i.e. a case management platform or SharePoint)? Do they forbid the use of any specific tech (Dropbox, Gchat)?
    -Do you use any alternative tools to manage your work, like Evernote?
    -Does your organization offer any communication tools like Slack or Yammer?
    -Do you have a company issued phone? Did you bring your own device?

    Thanks!

  29. So i just heard back from a startup i interviewed with (silicon valley area) and have an offer. I want to take it, but want to negotiate it up a little.
    Notes:
    1. offer is ~37% over current base. current job has a base+discretionary bonus structure where bonus based on markets, performance and firm performance (Financial services)
    2.Firm performance is declining, markets arent great
    3.The new job will require a move to Silicon Valley area from a relatively lower cost neighborhood in SF bay area
    4.New daycare
    5. Current job was first “real” job and was under-market. I stayed on because job hunting during pregnancy and early pp was a pain (new mom here :))
    6. Interview feedback was extremely positive

    Thoughts/advice please.

    1. I think they are unlikely to care about your move. People commute to SV from all over the place. I’d raise eyebrows if someone used that as a negotiating point. I mean, people commute to SV from Santa Rosa, or Danville, or Tracy. I’d just come back with a specific counteroffer.

  30. ~Hugs~
    a chocolate stash usually helps.. Or ice cream if that is your thing. :)
    another thing that helps me when i hate my job is trying to find a project that i want to work on that *could* be useful to my employer. basically finding stuff that i want to learn and finding was to legitimately do it at work
    (my version of google’s famed 20% rule). This provides the double advantage of leveling up on skills (one step closer to a better job) and doing something enjoyable.
    Good luck!

  31. I am SO. TIRED.

    There is no discernible reason. My diet hasn’t changed (except for the exclusion of alcohol as of May 30th), I’m running twice a week, my sleep habits haven’t changed (I get between 7.5-10 hours – I need about 9 to be at best). Drinking enough water. NOT pregnant or anemic.

    I am generally a little on the tired side in life but this is even worse and has been going on for last 2 months.

    I’ve emailed my doctor about B12 shots – has anyone gotten them? Anything else that might help?

    1. Is your mattress still firm enough? Do your pillows need to be replaced? It may sound ridiculous but both of those things can really affect the degree to which your body is able to relax while asleep and get restful sleep.

      Interested to hear more about B12 shots.

    2. Might also be hypothyroid – I would go in to the doc and make sure to get that tested as well as vitamin D, etc.

      1. I was going to suggest vitamin D too. It sounds crazy, but I up my supplementing in the summer because it’s too hot to be out in the sun.

  32. Anyone else really disappointed with mmlafleur?

    I loved the website, but the quality wasnt there, sending my whole bento back. I just can’t see paying those prices for flimsy, unlined dresses.

    Is there a Sarah 6.0- style dress out there anywhere with decent fabric/lining?

    1. Ok, it’s interesting that you post this today.

      Almost exactly a month ago, on June 21st, Kat featured a dress from them. I accidentally checked the “notify me of follow-up comments by email” box on the conversation thread and am getting a bunch of responses posted by THEM on that thread. Anyways, they were responding to comments about price and quality (ie. from unhappy shoppers) so yes, others are also disappointed! You can check that thread for info.

      1. I actually just reread that thread. It seems that the reviews are really mixed on MMLafleur. Some have had outright issues (with dyes), others have found that some pieces are GREAT and others are just ok and not worth the price. Hit and miss is what I’m getting.

      2. Thanks for the tip! Mmlafleur has been very helpful via email.

        Just wondering whether I was nuts for not buying thin, unlined dresses for work or others were also raising their eyebrows.

      3. But, the shirt and pants I got were beautifully made, the fit was just really weird.

  33. Yes, disappointed with quality. I bought 5 pieces there this year and some of them are literally falling apart (4 months later, followed all care instructions). I can’t figure out if they have unsuccessfully strayed from what they are good at (basic dresses) or if the whole thing is crappy clothes wrapped in great marketing.

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