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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 136 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Bear Studs

Coffee Break· Under $150

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Bing Bang Bear Studs I like these cheeky little bear stud earrings from Bing Bang. The design notes on Bauble Bar state that the bear stands for protection, power, freedom, and courage — but there's something about the arrows that reminds me of stock market symbols. I like them in rose gold, but they're also available in silver. They're $42 at BaubleBar (click here if you need an invite). Bing Bang Bear Studs (L-3)

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Comments

  1. b23

    Kat, just FYI, I still can’t get the updated posts on G o o g l e Chrome. The last post is those red sunglasses from last week. I have to come over to IE to read the blog, which is kinda a pain (although I’m still doing it – all the love).

    • Ellen

      Me to! But I am goieng to give the pair of ear ring’s to MYRNA, b/c it is a stockmarket type of thing, my dad says, with the BULL’s and the BEAR’s, and she is BIG into the market! YAY! I think she will realy apreciate it if I also get her a pair of bull’s to match…dad says one day she can wear one pair and another day she can wear the other!

      Dad was so thrilled about my weight that he said the FITBIT was the best investment he ever made in me, even more so then LAW SCHOOL. I said why, b/c if I did NOT have law school I would not be where I am professionaelly, but he said that it was law school that got me sitteing to much and because of my tuchus, I could NOT get a decent guy to MARRY me. I said alot of guy’s wanted to date me and if any were any good, I would have and I probabeley would have MARRIED one, big tuchus and all. He said that none of the guy’s I was with (includeing ALAN) were any good any way, but that NOW that I have a smaller tuchus, I would NOW be able to compete with the best of women my age to lasssou the RIGHT guy — in his view, a guy with a good job, alot of money and some personalty. I told him I would NOT settel for a looser just b/c he wanted me to get MARRIED, and he agreed, b/c DAD does NOT want to have to start doeing my tax return’s again.

      Dad asked me about getting a BABY gift for Rosa b/c she is big as a house and due very soon. I told her he should ask her or Ed, b/c they know what they want. I am goieng to go over to their house and watch the kid’s when she goes to the hospital, b/c the manageing partner says I can work for home then (as long as I do NOT have any court apearance’s! ) YAY! But if I do, I will have to comute all the way in from Chapaqua. FOOEY b/c that is NOT very close to NYC, especialy to the COURT HOUSE! DOUBEL FOOEY!!!!

  3. Equity's Darling

    Love these – I wish bauble bar had shipping to Canada. I really need to look into a US post box that will forward items to me, I know others who have done it, it just always seems so sketchy.

    • TO Lawyer

      If you find one, can you let me know? I would love that! (Although not sure my wallet is going to be too happy…)

      • Rural Juror

        I have used reship (.com) and I didn’t get ripped off or my identity stolen or anything. It’s $5 to sign up and $5 for each package you send, plus shipping, which you can select from. When they get your package they give you options like UPS, FedEx, etc with various speeds and proces and you pick.

  5. Blonde Lawyer

    Interesting tid bit I learned from eye doctor today. If you were glasses/contacts for distance and feel like you suffer eye strain at the computer, wear your old weaker glasses while at the computer. It is counter-intuitive but he swears it works. I haven’t tried it yet but wanted to share.

    • Squinty Anon

      Good advice.

      For folks who are very myopic – the amount of distance correction you need to say, drive safely is way more correction than you need for a computer screen 2 feet away from your face.

      Seems obvious, but isn’t really unless it’s pointed out. Crappy optometrists don’t do this– they tell you to wear your (distance) correction all the time, which causes more eye-strain, which makes you more myopic until you end up on the blindness death-spiral (or until you get a better optometrist.) But ideally, you just get a specific reading/computer pair that corrects accurately for that distance.

    • SunnyD

      My eye doc prescribed glasses that only correct the astigmatism, but do not have any other correction. I wear them at my computer and when reading at the office (I would wear them to read at home, but I only have one pair and don’t remember to take them home). They took a little while to get used to, but I’ve found them to be much better than wearing my regular glasses while working on the computer.

      • NOLA

        Yeah my dr prescribed something with less correction for distance so I can see my computer. I can’t find the middle distance on my progressives.

    • Pip

      Yup. Here in workers paradise (Sweden) the employer even pays for special computer glasses if you need them. I ought to get a pair, really, but I combat the fatigue by gazing out the window ever so often instead. A coworker of mine has computer glasses though and sings their praise.

    • Latina

      I was prescribed reading glasses to be used while I am at the computer or reading. They did decrease my migraines during the week and they make it more comfortable to be at the computer. I work 10+ hours a day, mostly at a computer or reading spreadsheets (FML). The screen is brighter and I don’t have as much tension in my neck/shoulders. I wear distance contacts at about -5.75. I did have to go through a long process to get them just right. Also, the distance between your eyes and the computer screen and the angle of your screen is very important with the fitting of the lens.

  6. a.

    TJ. I got into grad school (hooray!) and am almost positive I’ll be attending. I will have to take out my first-ever student loans (whomp) to do so. I would have to take out fewer student loans if I lived at home, but I don’t think either my mother or I can survive 12 months of me in residence at our house. (Living there over the summer resulted in repeated screaming fights over laundry and the dishwasher. I wish I was joking.) How does one balance being financially sensible and minimizing student loan debt, with intangibles like happiness or one’s relationship with a parent?

    • Brant

      Get lots of roommates, and don’t move home. Share a bedroom if you have to. Not sure what city you’ll be in, so the cost of living impact may vary.

      • Brant

        ETA: get a job on the weekends to help your fiscal situation. Without knowing your program, I can’t say if you’ll have time…but I worked full time, was “part time plus” in grad school (finished a 3 semester program in 4), and had a part time job on the side.

        If you find something like babysitting on Fri/Sat nights, you can make $15/hr, do your homework, and wake up without a hangover. If you do something like retail, you may find yourself much more tired.

        • a.

          I am definitely going to look into part-time work, but it’s an accelerated program (4 semesters of work in 3, like you did) with a mandatory internship component, so I’m really not sure how feasible extra work is going to be :\ I worked all through undergrad with no issues, so I know I’ll try, but, ugh. Babysitting is a good idea, though. I’ve always done food service and it is EXHAUSTING.

          • goldribbons

            After you file the FAFSA, your school might be able to offer you work-study. My friend’s grad school is doing that and her required unpaid internship is going to be paid by her work-study money. (did that make any sense?)

          • a.

            That is awesome. I already filed my handy ol’ FAFSA, but I will look into getting work-study money for my internship!

          • notowhat

            It’s not be worth taking a part time job to earn an extra $5k in grad school if your grades suffer. Better to get a job after graduation that pays $5k more every year…

          • Anonymous

            Regular night time babysitting is great! You play with the kids for an hour, put them to bed and then spend the next 3-4 hours reading and studying. Though I do not make $15/hour in Manhattan working for two corporate lawyers, so YMMV with the rate. (In fairness, I’m third string on their child care team: Live-in housekeeper, afternoon babysitter and then me as the Saturday Night Special.)

      • Anon in NYC

        Absolutely agree. For law school loans (and I imagine for most grad school loans), the school provides a total “cost of attendance,” which is the maximum one can borrow in federal student loans, and goes beyond strictly tuition to cover things like living expenses. Just keep in mind, though, that it will probably have to cover a year-long lease, so your actual rent must be pretty low to stretch it for 12 months.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          I’m looking at this right now but plan on working through the summer to cover the gap. In fact, the financial aid office indicates repeatedly that we will need to work in the summer for the calculated budget to make sense, since it’s a 9 month budget (but this is business school – maybe law school is different?)

          • Anon in NYC

            It makes the most sense to work during the summer, but depending on the field and the types of internships you can get (assuming that grad school is more than 1 year), you might not be able (or choose) to find paid work. The summer after my first year in law school I interned for a judge, which is unpaid. And I knew a lot of people working in public interest jobs who didn’t get paid as well.

          • Anne Shirley

            You also might get a job in a different city for the summer. Depending on which grad school subletting for the summer can be very difficult.

    • KLG

      Set a budget for yourself and decide on what you can/can’t splurge on. One of the biggest ways I kept my cost of living down during law school was that I only allowed myself one lunch out and one dinner out each week (lunch out equaled Panera or Chipotle, nothing fancy). I also tried to take advantage of $1 burger nights and things like that when I did eat out. Often I tagged along with other and just didn’t eat so I still got to socialize, but I ate cheaply at home before joining them.

    • locomotive

      Does the grad school offer grad school housing? That is usually way cheaper since it’s subsidized by the university. Also, I second the comment about just cutting back on things and getting lots of roommates/living in perhaps less luxurious circumstances because I moved in with my mom for 2 months, couldn’t take it, and then moved out into a house 5 people who I do not love all the time but it has completely saved my relationship with my mother. When I was living with my mom, she would not stop trying to treat me like I was 15 again and it drove me absolutely crazy (admittedly, my patience levels were not as high as they were in the past and I was a veryw illing participant in fights). But yes, get roommates, cut back on coffee/whatever you deem unnecessary and sleep in peace!

      • a.

        Yup, that’s what happened to me over the summer. She treated me like a 15-year-old (“Where are you going?” “What friends are you seeing?” “I thought you got off work at 3:30, it sure took you a while to get home!”) and thus I acted like a 15-year-old (“YOU AREN’T THE BOSS OF ME”). I honestly tried my hardest to be an adult (“I feel as though you don’t treat me like an adult, when the dishwasher rack pops off its track and then you stomp into the kitchen yelling ‘WHAT DID YOU DO *NOW?*'”) but it was a lost cause. I moved out and poof, we went back to our formerly pleasant, amicable, and close relationship. So I would really like to keep that going…

    • NDR

      For a PT job that won’t kill you – check out Google’s jobs (Telecommuting options). They have a position where you rate ads – you can do it from anywhere, at any time. It’s a temp job and they let you go up to 30 (I think) hours a week, but you only have to work 10 to keep the assignment up. I emailed my resume and was hired via email, no interview or anything (so don’t be suspicious if you get a “you’re hired!” email). I kept myself afloat during grad school that way, and it was something I could do while watching TV. The pay was fairly decent, too.

  7. Ms. Van Squigglebottoms

    Thread jack: wedding etiquette

    I’m a public interest lawyer. My coworker, who recently was promoted from my equal to my superior, is getting married and has invited me to the wedding. It’s a destination wedding and I can’t attend. Since the couple has been together for more than a decade, they’re requesting cash for their scuba honeymoon, rather than set up a registry.

    Since my best friend owns a dive shop, and they’re doing a scuba honeymoon, I’ve decided to do a GC to the shop, which is literally around the corner from our office. How much should I give? My coworker knows how much I make (not much) and that my husband makes more (but not how much more).

    Thanks in advance for your good advice!

    • rosie

      I think that is a thoughtful gift, but I am wondering how practical it will be for them. Are they really into scuba, or will this be their first time? If their first time, will they need to get a lot of their own gear? I really have no idea.

      Since this is your boss, I would keep it pretty low. If the amount you are comfortable giving won’t cover much at your friend’s dive shop, I would just get a smaller gift. Maybe you could pick out something from the shop with your friend’s help, or get a picture frame/vase/small generic wedding gift.

    • Do-gooder

      I work in a similar situation and thought a $50 gift from a subordinate was really generous.

      $100 is overly generous in this situation unless your husband makes a very, very significant salary.

  8. Curious George

    Has anybody ever hired a personal assistant to help them run errands, help remind them of upcoming events on their calendars, and walking their dog. I’m thinking of using task rabbit for this kind of thing but I have never tried it and feel incompetent for even considering doing it. I’m not a CEO and don’t have kids. There’s no real reason I can’t handle these things on my own. Yet I sometimes feel like I need help taking care of these basic needs and feel guilty at the same time for not being able to cope on my own. I suppose I have the time just not the energy or organizational skills to juggle these responsibilities.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I don’t think there is any problem doing this if you can afford it and it will make your life easier/happier. Don’t feel incompetent or guilty about it! You just know yourself and realize that doing these types of things aren’t your strong suit so you might as well throw a little money at the issue unless you want to become better at doing these things for yourself. I drop my laundry off at the laundromat and pick it up later that day once its all clean and folded. It’s an extra few dollars every time but I hated sitting there doing laundry myself. Hated it! This was the perfect solution for me.

      I haven’t hired anyone for other personal assistant-type tasks, but when I was unemployed I was my former roommate’s personal assistant. She is a jewelry designer and needed to run the the jewelry district at least once a week to pick up or drop stuff off. It typically took 2.5 hours to do, which was just really difficult for her to do because she really needed to spend that time actually making her pieces. So I started making the trip for her and it worked out well for both of us at the time.

    • bgo

      I haven’t hired one yet, but I think about it ALL the time. I am also single, no kids, but I travel for business basically 2 weeks or more every month. It is getting things done like laundry and dry cleaning that drive me nuts. FWIW – I do have a house keeper who comes every other week and a pet sitter who takes care of my cats when I am away. The pet sitter is a requirement so the fur children don’t starve or dehydrate when I travel, and the housekeeper is somewhat essential to my mental sanity. I would love to find someone who would do both of these things for me – as well as drop off and pick up dry cleaning, laundry, basic household stuff etc. I also completely understand the “why can’t I do this on my own I feel absurd even contemplating this” feelings. But, I accepted when I gave in to the housekeeper that this is just part of my life…

    • phillygirlruns

      i haven’t used this type of assistant, but i did feel very similarly about taking the leap to hire a housecleaner. once i got over feeling guilty/incompetent/like a failure and just did it, i realized that it was easily one of the better decisions i’d ever made. i live by myself and have no pets – yes, i certainly could keep my house clean without outside assistance. but you know what? i never have to clean another bathroom ever again if i don’t want to, and every other week i get to walk in the door to a super-clean, fresh-smelling house at the end of the day. it’s worth every cent, and i’d give up cable before i’d give up my cleaning service. if that means i’ve failed at life, so be it. accept that this is something you can afford that will improve your quality of life – you’re allowed to do it regardless of what you “should” be able to handle unassisted.

    • Friend of doug

      I don’t have a general assistant, but I do have a dog walker, and it is the best $5-6K that I spend all year. I wouldn’t be able to have my dog without a mid-day walker (and weekend caregiver when we are out of town) and my pup = family.

      So I guess what I’m saying is that it isn’t ridiculous to spend money on something that allows you to live a better, happier life, however you define that.

    • Anonymous

      I would love to do this. I don’t live in an area that has Task Rabbit, and I didn’t have a lot of luck on Craigslist. I did ask my cleaning person to fold my laundry for extra pay each visit, which has been great! Now I need someone to fill out forms, send mail and make appointments for me.

    • PollyD

      I hope it’s okay to put this link here: http://25hourconcierge.com/

      This is my friend’s personal concierge/assistant business, for folks in the DC area. I have no idea what her rates are or if they are reasonable, but I do know that she is a very trustworthy, reliable person and very plugged into the DC area. If you need something done, she’ll know how to get it done, or how to find someone who can get it done.

      Was just thinking about this myself as it seems lately there is not enough time for both errands and fun.

    • kerrycontrary

      This sounds like an awesome idea if you can afford it! Taskrabbit looks like a good option. I’m not sure of your living/life situation, but I find that since I’m unmarried and living alone, handling household chores/pet responsibilities/social life can be a lot to handle! I have a boyfriend, but I don’t have a husband to help me out with walking the dog on a busy evening or cleaning up when I had a crazy week at work. It’s hard to do all this stuff alone! So don’t feel guilty/incompetant for hiring someone to help you out.

    • Darby

      I love task rabbit and use it all the time for discrete tasks. Have had really nice professional people bid on my stuff.

    • SoCalAtty

      Task Rabbit looks great! I may use that in the future. While we’re on the topic of housekeepers…when is it time to move on and try to find someone else?

      My cleaners just seem to lack common sense. When they break things, they don’t tell me. They clean for a living, but are scrubbing the finish off of my appliances, like the toaster oven and the plastic parts on my oven. They put laundry away for me, but constantly mismatch socks and put them in weird places, even though I’ve taken lots of time with them to show them where everything goes and they’ve been doing it for me for almost 5 months. I don’t know, they just do things that really irritate me, and I feel like I have to do too much prep work for them before they get there. I guess I feel like I have to clean before they come in to clean, if that makes sense.

      They just seem to lack any logic. For instance, they put laundry away for me (for an extra charge) so I always put the clean laundry in a hamper on the bed before I leave in the morning. I also have a dirty clothes hamper. They look nothing alike. One morning I left the dirty clothes hamper near the front door because I didn’t have time to take it downstairs to the laundry room…and when I got home, they had put all of the dirty laundry away with the clean!

      There has to be someone out there that will just help me out and have a little common sense. Maybe I should try Task Rabbit.

      • rosie

        I hear you. We’ve used our cleaning service for over a year, and they typically improve on little things for at least a few times after we mention it to them, but seem to lack common sense like you describe. They unloaded dirty dishes into the cupboards because they thought the dishwasher had run, even though I had taped the dishwasher shut because it was broken (and had standing water in it). It’s inertia for us.

      • LH

        +1 I find books in the laundry hamper, expensive vases in the dishwasher (even though I have told them repeatedly to only put dishes that are in the sink into the dishwasher), and our bedsheets are put on our bed in a different direction every single time.

    • In-House Optimist

      Just to address the “feeling bad” part of your query – everytime I feel lazy/silly for hiring someone to do something I could obviously do myself but just don’t feel like doing, I tell myself that I’m helping small business owners in a struggling economy. :) It makes me feel at least a little better about my laziness!

    • LH

      I have thought about doing the same thing but have decided the “startup costs”, e.g. finding the person and making sure all the tax and insurance bases are covered, make it not worth it for me. I do farm out any and all tasks I can to businesses, for example, I have a cleaning service come biweekly and I have groceries and meals delivered to my home. Definitely don’t feel bad about it. If you make enough & feel your time is worth more than the money, you should absolutely do it.

  9. Lola

    It’s my birthday!!! I’m wondering what the lovely ladies of this site do on your birthdays to celebrate yourselves?

    • locomotive

      happy birthday!! I treat myself to a manipedi and/or massage (some sort of spa-y treatment that makes me feel pampered) and generally buy myself something nice that is also a luxury. This has ranged from a Burberry trend to a nice bottle of nail polish. and I avoid doing things that I know will stress me out on that day (calling my mother, laundry, etc.). Enjoy it!!

    • Sydney Bristow

      Happy birthday!! I normally just go to dinner at my favorite restaurant with as many of my close friends/family as can be there. If I’m not working that day, I also like to try and do exactly what I feel like doing that day, which can be anything from going to a movie, reading a magazine and watching TV, going for a walk in the park, etc. My 30th birthday is this year though, so I may wind up with bigger plans this time.

    • lucy stone

      Happy birthday! I usually have dinner with my husband and then a lowkey night. My closest aunt has a birthday right after mine so my mom and I go visit her on the Cape for her birthday, so it’s sort of a trip for me too!

    • Walnut

      Last year I spent several hours of my birthday sitting in my garden box planting herbs. It was totally delightful.

    • a.

      Happy birthday! I usually have dinner with whatever part of my family is geographically-convenient, and drinks with friends. I keep it low-key.

    • Midwest

      Happy Birthday!

      I’m a summer baby who loves, loves, loves the water, so I always take the day off to bum around at the lake.

  10. Pippa Modalu question

    Updated from morning thread: I asked about shipping time from UK to US. And then it arrived! I placed the order on Thursday. Lightening fast shipping!!

  11. SV in House

    Cute earrings, but as a Bay Area resident can only think that this would show allegiance to Cal!

  12. Jumbo Loans

    Does anyone have experience getting a home loan in the jumbo range ($417k+ for my area) while only putting 10% down? The rest of our numbers are solid (good jobs, low debt, great credit), but we just don’t have a lot of cash. Online calculators won’t handle this situation apparently.

    • MLH

      My husband and I did this, admittedly in late 2008, and paid PMI for a short time as a result. We just tried to make additional contributions to principal each month and made sure to get rid of the PMI as soon as we could once we were in the right loan-to-value range.

    • b23

      If you’re a JD, MD, maybe PhD/CPA, then Compass has a great program to allow no money down. I think it may also waive PMI, but I’m not positive. It’s definitely worth looking into.

    • Cornellian

      I think you’re looking at PMI, which if I remember correctly is 4K lump sum up front, and then for you perhaps 1.25% on the balance until you’ve paid down 22% of your house (either through payments, or through your house becoming more valuable and you getting it appraised). Definitely doable. Just more expensive.

      • Jumbo Loans

        Yeah, one of the lenders is looking at structuring some sort of piggyback loan to make it work and avoid PMI. And maybe there is a lender than will write a 90/10 with PMI.

        b23- I didn’t know lawyer loans still existed. I’ll have to look into that.

      • Duchess

        Just FYI. I have to pay PMI, and it is 1.25% of the (original) loan value. I did not have to pay $4k upfront though. I will continue paying it for 5 years or until I have 20% equity, whichever comes last. I have been making additional principal payments to ensure I’m done after 5 years.

  13. AJD

    Why is the arrow pointing towards the bear’s behind? I feel like its showing what happens when a bear eats food.

  14. lucy stone

    My mom is turning 60 in a few weeks and I would like to get her a nice gift. Any suggestions? I’m an only child and we’re pretty close. She and my dad recently starting spending winters in Florida. Ideally I would like the cost to be under $250.

    • LilaFowler

      My parents are the same age and also winter in FL. I have taken to giving my parents local tours, experiences and passes to things. They particularly enjoy some of the backstage tours at Walt Disney World. I also fly down and take the tour with them and then take them out to a nice meal. Just a thought!

      • lucy stone

        I am flying down for her birthday, so that’s not a bad idea! Thanks!

    • momentsofabsurdity

      How about paying for a new set of family photos to be taken? Or alternatively, a photo book or some canvas prints of family photos?

      Pictures of our family are always a surefire gift for my mom, anyway. Alternatively, what about a spa day?

      • lucy stone

        We just had photos taken at my wedding, but maybe I’ll get them a print from that to hang up there. Spa day is also a good idea, thanks!

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        Agree with this – one of the presents I got my parents that went down the best was one of those make-it-yourself online photobooks that then got printed. It cost like $20 but they love it!

        Also like the idea of local tours in the new area, although maybe something more mum-specific like a spa-day for the two of you to spend together (rather than a tour in FL where it would also kinda be a present for your dad – not that there is anything wrong with that either).

    • J

      For my dad’s 60th birthday my sister and I made a list of our 60 favorite things/memories of our dad. It was a huge hit.

      • LH

        Aw, that’s so cute! I wish I had thought of that for my mom’s recent 60th.

      • Anon in DC

        I’ve done this for a few close friends as a list / photo book through an online photo book place. One was 60 things I love about [my friend], and another one was favortie memories/ favorite things learned with that person. Having the photos together with the list makes it really fun to read (and put together). Very warmly received each time.

  15. Aria

    Does anyone have advice on a good closet organization system? I’m moving cross-country and just did a massive closet clean-out of my two giant walk-in closets (yeah, I have a lot of stuff, it’s slightly embarrassing). I thought I was already well-organized (everything on hangers, sorted by type of clothing, occasion and color), but it turns out that I found a bunch of clothes I had forgotten I owned. Since I’ve given away a ton of stuff, I also want to use the move as a chance to get really well-organized while unpacking before life takes over and my closet goes back to being the confusing jumble it was before. Any suggestions?

    • Anon

      It sounds like your closet is fairly well organized with respect to how items are grouped & placed.

      Do you have a bit of time to invest in creating a spreadsheet to track your wardrobe? I have a lot of clothes, too, and have organized them in my closet similarly to how you’ve described. I found that a spreadsheet with all of my articles of clothing listed by type (dress, skirt, sweater, cardigan, pants, top, jacket) and then sub-type (c-tail dress, work dress, pencil skirt, casual skirt…. etc) really helps me in the following areas:

      1- remembering what I have in each category of clothing without having to dig through my closet and make a mess
      2- quickly referencing the last time I wore an item (the main component of the spreadsheet is a daily outfit log, with a formula at the top that will tell me the last time I wore an item in question)
      3- being able to easily find what I’m looking for: after organizing by item type and sub-type, I list the articles by color. My clothes are organized in my closet to mirror this arrangement, so it’s easy to know exactly where something is.

    • Anon in NYC

      The Elfa system at the Container Store. You have to take certain measurements of your closet, but they have people in-store who will help design a system with you. For an additional fee they’ll deliver and install everything. Expensive, given that I’m in a tiny NYC rental, but it has been a huge help. I’ve actually also used it to create a kitchen space for my overflow of kitchen gadgets, utensils, etc.

      • Anon in NYC

        Oh, sorry, just realized you might not have been asking for shelving solutions. Well, my recommendation still stands.

        • Aria

          Thanks guys — I think my question was unclear because I’m unclear on what I need! I probably need a mix of shelving ideas for designing my new closet as well as a system to use so I don’t just have jammed shelves and rods. And I’ll definitely check out the suggestions you all have made thus far! Thanks!

    • Senior Attorney

      I don’t know if you’re talking about actually customizing the physical closet itself, but if you are I highly recommend http://www.easyclosets.com. They have an unbelieveably good online design tool and the people on the phone are super helpful, too. You design your system, they deliver it, and it’s a very quick job for a handy person (not me!) to install.

      One thing I loved about it is I could save my design and work on it over time. I must have worked on it for close to a year and the finished product is just perfect and it makes me happy every time I open my closet!

  16. Anon for this

    Going to therapy for the first time tomorrow and feeling kind of nervous and guilty about forcing someone to listen to me whine. Any suggestions for questions to ask to make sure the therapist and I will be a good fit or ways to make sure I get what I want out of the therapy experience? Or ways to get over feeling uncomfortable talking about such private stuff with a total stranger?

    • Also anon

      Remember that listening to you is the therapist’s job. You pay them to do so. I always have to resist the urge to ask “but how are things with you?” the way you would do with a friend when you’ve been talking about yourself for too long. Your session is about YOU. Also, if you don’t click with this therapist, try another. You have to find the right fit.

    • Anonymous

      How did you choose a therapist? I have been thinking about it, but have no idea how to go about finding one.

      • goldribbons

        You should be able to call your health insurance company and they can recommend / suggest therapists who take your insurance (and whatever other specifications you might have; for me it was female with evening hours).

      • Anon for this

        I posted for recs on here and people suggested cognitive behavioral therapy. I downloaded a list from my insurance company and looked up the therapists online. I picked one based on proximity to office, use of CBT, listing of expertise in the issues I am dealing with on the Psychology Today website, score on one of the doctor rating websites, gender and having evening hours. I guess tomorrow will be about assessing fit.

      • East Coast Anon

        I called my company’s EAP number and got a recommendation. The program also paid form the first six visits.

    • KLG

      Also, if you feel like you are just there to whine, then you are probably a therapist’s dream. They often work with people who have serious trouble just functioning at a basic level or who have a lot of difficulty with interpersonal relationships. If you’re going to school, holding down a job, etc. then they view you as someone they can make real progress with. Also, yes, they are a total stranger, but they’ve heard it all. Really.

      Just launch in with “I feel weird forcing someone to listen to me whine, but I’m here because of x, y, and z.” If you do or don’t like the therapist’s response, you’ll be on your way to determining whether that person is a good fit.

    • Anon

      When you first get there say: “I’m feeling kind of nervous and guilty about forcing someone to listen to me whine. I’m also feeling uncomfortable talking about such private stuff with a total stranger. Do you have any suggestions about how I can make sure I get what I want out of the therapy experience?” And go from there.

    • Pancakes

      Based on the follow up questions they ask you and how you interact in general, I think you will walk away with an overall feeling of how it went. Do you feel like you could open up to them? Do you feel like they judged you? Do they sound like they can help you?

      They’ll generally provide you with a “steps going forward” verbal summary at the end of your first session.

      I’ve been to a few therapists in my life, and I definitely knew after the first meeting or two whether or not I liked them or not.

      Don’t let yourself get stuck with someone you hate, whether or not you feel like they are helping you. I totally regret my last therapist. I dreaded going every week.

    • Greenie

      I really hope that more attention is given to the horrific environmental and human rights consequences of fast fashion.

      • Nan

        So true. I am really surprised by how many women I know who insist on ethically sourced food but could not care less about shopping at Zara etc. All in the name of having enough clothes to never / rarely repeat outfits or to buy 5 of everything because it’s just such a great deal.

      • Alanna of Trebond

        I do think that this is not entirely true in terms of the environmental consequences. If you take good care of your clothes, even ones from fast fashion retailers can last a long time–e.g. I have a pair of jeans from Forever 21 from 2006 that I still wear regularly. And it is not the case that clothes from “good” retailers are of really high quality anyway.

        • Bonnie

          I agree with Alanna. Also, cheaper clothing does not necessarily have greater environmental consequences. Zara and J. Crew clothes are made in the same countries. Just because I paid $30 for those trendy red jeggings at Zara instead of $100 at J.Crew, does not increase the environmental impact. I think it’s also incorrect to say that people who spend less per item necessarily buy more items.

    • Bonnie

      I like stores like H&M for trendy items. They let me experiment with trends without investing a lot of money.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m really having trouble explaining it, but I don’t really agree with the premise of the article. At least not on its face.

      The time issue and 24/7 workload is an issue for everyone. I guess I’m not sure how this is the part that is holding women back. When I think it through, I understand that women may be less able to take on the ridiculous time commitments that employers want because they are the ones who tend to spend significantly more time raising the children and doing things around the house. But that is not a time issue to me, but an issue of how we divide responsibilities outside of work along more traditional gender roles. Theoretically, the man could be the one with these responsibilities and the woman could be available to take on a more demanding work schedule. I might be a little cynical about this though, because I don’t know if I think this would make the woman much more likely to be promoted into a senior management role. I think there are just so many other factors at play.

      I think reasonable work schedules is a goal that would benefit everyone. Parents would have more time to spend with their children, people could have more time pursue hobbies, exercise, take the time to make healthier meals, actually sleep normal amounts, etc. I guess I just don’t think that it would lead to more women being in charge at work, although it certainly wouldn’t hurt.

      • jcb

        I agree with you that it’s not necessarily a “woman” issue – but if that’s the reason that many women who drop out of the workforce are giving, then maybe that will be the impetus to some companies implementing more flexible schedules. I dream of a world where wanting this kind of flexibility isn’t viewed as a problematic lack of ambition. I have no problem working 24/7 when warranted, I just don’t want to have to do it all the time (I’m not married and I don’t have kids – I just want to do things like leave the office while the sun is still out, and be able to run errands, and travel more, and see friends without having a 50% cancellation rate). I’d be more than willing to be paid proportionately less.

      • LH

        I completely agree with you that the basic premise of the article would benefit everyone but I think it would probably disproportionately help women because the fact is that women still shoulder the majority of the child-raising responsibilities. I agree it would be nice if that would change, but I don’t see it likely to change significantly in the near future. Anecdotally, while most guys in my generation (late 20s) will be significantly more involved in child-raising and household responsibilities than their fathers were, none of the guys I know would ever considering being a stay at home parent. This includes my husband, who does his share of chores, wants children very much and whom I know will be a very involved parent when the time comes. In contrast, staying home at least part-time is on the radar of many professional women I know, including myself (not saying they will definitely do it, just that it is something they would consider). I think there are just more men than women who are willing to accept that they have to work 60+ hours a week to succeed and that their family and everything else in their life has to be squeezed into the remaining hours. Not to say men don’t leave because they want a life outside work and to be able to see their families. I think they do leave for this reason but not as much as women do. I believe there are studies backing this up.

        On another note, while I like the author’s idea of judging employees by quality not quantity that the author proposes (e.g. someone working 60% of the time would be expected to do 6 deals a month versus someone working full-time being expected to do 10 deals), I think there are some issues implementing this in practice. My mom is in academia, and my understanding from her is that academics are largely judged by how much they publish. There are obviously other factors, like whether the paper is in a prestigious journal and what your colleagues actually think of your paper, but a large part of it is just the number of papers. There is parental leave for parents of both sexes, but my mom has observed anecdotally that the women tend to use maternity leave to be with children while the men often use it as paid time off away from teaching to focus on research and publishing more papers, i.e. what really matters in academia. So I guess I fear that the same thing would happen here – that if everyone was encouraged to work a more sane schedule, women would use the time for children and families while more guys would end up using the extra free time to do work-related things that would further their careers, even if those careers are not necessarily judged by a quantity metric.

        • Sydney Bristow

          This is part of why I’m having trouble articulating myself, because I definitely agree with you. I also think that your mom’s experience is an interesting one and the comment about parental leave and how different people use it is part of what I was thinking. It seems that in addition to being more available, men sometimes (oftentimes?) have career opportunities that women don’t have and that men and women are seen differently based on the choices they make. I’m thinking of situations where a woman wants to leave early one day to pick up a sick child or go see a child’s play and that seems to fall under the category of “that is what a woman has to do” but if it is a man in that situation then its seen as “what a great father stepping in like that.” Or even outside of the context of kids, but a man and a woman can both be aggressive and say the same things and the man is seen as a strong businessman but the woman is seen as a bitch.

          Obviously it is up to everyone to make the decisions that are best for themselves and their families. My choices have included the decision not to have children, to be with someone who shares that view, to work crazy long hours, etc and I think I’m lucky because I can make these choices and they only affect me and my significant other. I find it interesting to think about how all these things tie together though.

  19. Anonymous

    There’s a lawyer that I work with, who I’ve seen wearing black lululemon pants to work on more than one occassion. With heels and a blazer. She’s definitely not pregnant (I sort of believe that pregnant ladies get a pass to wear whatever they want once they look pregnant – really, you’re growing a person, so you get a fashion pass, if you want one).

    So I’m a little confused as to her thought process – the symbol is clearly visible on the leg of the pants, and they look pretty silly with a blazer.The office is on the business side of business casual. Bizarro.

    On a more positive note, one of the other lawyers is wearing an absolutely fabulous chunky sweater, with the most amazing looking wool. I’ve been eyeing it everytime she wanders past my office, and given her a compliment. Great sweater.

  20. Kanye East

    Dear law firm associates,

    In case no one has told you this before, I strongly suggest you refrain from putting your feet on a partner’s desk while you are in said partner’s office.

    Brought to you by the associate I just saw in a neighboring office.

    xo,
    Kanye East

    • Anon

      I’m actually disappointed that said associate did this in another partner’s office, and not yours. Because THAT would have made for some good story time.

    • SC

      Ha. A fellow associate once offered me $100 to go put my feet up on the desk of our most intimidating, no-nonsense partner and start chatting with her about something personal. Did not happen.

    • Em

      I’ve never put my feet on TOP of a partner’s desk, but I have put them on the side and leaned back in the chair. But this is why I work in a quirky, small, public interest-side firm instead of BigLaw (and am paid commensurately).

  21. Hurray for kitties!

    Did you see that the EU has now banned all cosmetics containing ingredients tested on animals? (They already banned any final products tested on animals.) I think it’s overdue but great news, and I really hope that without waiting for a similar ban in the USA the drugstore cosmetic companies will find it economically advantageous to FINALLY stop using animal testing. It would be so nice to be able to buy cosmetics in the drugstore without being limited to Almay and some Revlon.

    • AIMS

      Hurray! Maybe this will at least translate to easy buying of british cosmetics at Target?

      I do think this sort of thing tends to be a tipping point. Whole Foods just announced that they will start requiring genetically all modified foods sold in its stores to be labeled within the next 5 years and I think part of the reason is that its UK stores already require it and they were able to see how feasible it was.

  22. Avoid cultural appropriation

    Please don’t buy jewelry that aims to profit from appropriation of Native American cultural imagery and artistry. A quick google search shows there are many similar pairs of earrings for sale by Hopi and Zuni Pueblo artists. These earrings a blatant knock-off of Native American art by a company with no affiliation with any Native American nation.

    • MJ

      Ummm…PC police much? I’m pretty sure that animals as symbols in art are not “owned” by First Nation peoples, even if First Nation peoples ALSO use animal symbols in their art or designed. I’m sorry, but this is too much.

      • Question Everything

        And here all I saw was the Great Seal of California bear. My bad.

  23. Meg Powers

    I walked into the office this morning only to be immediately called into a meeting and be offered a promotion (yay!) but then be overwhelmed because the increase in responsibility starts tomorrow. At least I had the day to mostly be my introverted self and process the information. And it was gorgeous today so I sat outside for 20 minutes of my lunch and just enjoyed it.

    • Walnut

      This was me in November and I am happy to say I made it to the other side. Best of luck, congrats at being awesome, and give yourself credit for all of the work you’ve done that has lead to this promotion.

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