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Weekend Open Thread: Boden

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woman sits cross legged, and wears a silk and lace camisole with wide straps

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

This silk lace cami from Boden caught my eye recently, and I think it would be chic under cardigans and more for spring.

I can't quite put my finger on what it is about this camisole — the wide straps? the slightly modest neckline? — but I also feel like I would break my “don't wear lace camis to work” rule and, well, wear this under a blazer, sweater jacket, lady jacket, or more.

(Psst: we just did a major roundup of the best lady jackets in 2026!)

The camisole comes in black and ivory, and is available in sizes 0-22. It was originally $130, but comes down to $104 with the 20% off everything sale Boden is having this weekend!

Sales of note for 5/1:

  • Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 40% off your purchase PLUS $50 off $200! Readers love this popover blouse, and their suiting is also in the sale.
  • Boden – 15% off new styles with code
  • Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide (ends 5/1) — we have and love these sateen sheets
  • Evereve – All tops on sale
  • Express – $39+ Summer Styles
  • Hatch – $15 off one of our favorite alarm clocks with code LETMOMSLEEP15
  • J.Crew – Up to 30% off wear-now styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything, and extra 60% off clearance
  • Lands' End – 40% off sitewide – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
  • Loft – 60% off florals and 50% off your purchase
  • M.M.LaFleur – End of season sale. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
  • Nordstrom – 1500+ new women's markdowns
  • Sephora – Hair deals daily – today 5/1 up to 50% off dae, Verb, PATTERN by Tracee Ellis Ross, and BaBylissPro products
  • Talbots – 40% off one item and 30% off your entire purchase
  • TOCCIN – Use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!
  • Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!

216 Comments

  1. An aunt is very generously giving us a (totally unexpected) monetary gift towards a down payment and I’d like to get her something to express my gratitude. She and her husband are going to Europe later this spring (London and Paris), they boat in the summer (New England), and they love wine. Any creative ideas for what to send? They’re kind of set on “stuff” and don’t have a lot of living space (small historic home) so I think they might prefer something edible. We will of course send a written thank-you card as well. Specific brands appreciated.

    1. I understand the impulse but I wouldn’t spend a lot of money on this, if at all. I think a note sounds lovely. But if I was giving someone money for a down payment I would be pretty annoyed if they sent me any kind of expensive gift, no matter how well intentioned. I think this is an occasion where if you can make something you think she would like, do that. Otherwise stick with a heartfelt card.

      1. +1 And consider mentioning in the card that you’d like to have them over once you are settled in your new home.

    2. What about a homemade certificate for a trip to come visit once you move in? And then follow up after your move to make sure the trip gets planned. Then plan a fun weekend for their visit and cover the costs of tickets, dinners, etc. while they’re in town.

      Often people who have enough money to buy what they want to would rather have experiences and, if they like you, then experiences with you. If they’re giving you money, I’m assuming they like you. And they’d enjoy spending a weekend together more than receiving an item.

    3. Since it’s for a down payment, can you send them something showing you enjoying the home in some way? Even just a hard copy of a picture of you standing in the doorway smiling and waving?

    5. I’d send a small gift box from Bridgewater Chocolate. Very expensive but delicious and beautiful and fancy.

      2. +1 – something like this is perfectly appropriate, you’re not going to finance a house on a box of chocolate and it’s a lovely way to acknowledge the gift with more than just a note.

    6. Totally office dependent. I think this board also has a bias against public defense and legal aid work. In my metro area both of the big PD offices are full of lifetime PDs and the starting salary is much closer to 80k with the possibility for making 100k+ after five years or so. That’s not big law money, but it’s decent in our MCOL city.

  2. 0L here, interested in public defense work, and getting very mixed signals from my network about it.

    Lawyer Friend 1: “Public defenders are in short supply all over America. Every single jurisdiction is desperate desperate desperate to hire PDs. Like, walk-in-the-door-and-get-hired-on-the-spot desperate.”
    Lawyer Friend 2: “There are no jobs in public defense. Public interest law makes academia look like paradise. My friend wanted to be a public defender but even though she went to Big Name New York Law School she had to slum it in rural Pennsyltucky to get hired as a PD.”

    Which friend is right? Are they just talking past each other (ex., PD work is readily available and pays the bills, but is neither lucrative nor prestigious)?

    2. They are talking past each other. Friend 1 is talking about average PD offices. Friend 2 is talking about the high-profile fancy schmancy PD offices, but even these do not pay well and burn through new lawyers like kindling.

      If you become a public defender, even in one of the fancy offices, here is the reality. You will receive little training and supervision. Within days or weeks you will be standing up in misdemeanor court on behalf of clients with little understanding of what you are doing. If you are lucky, a supervisor will observe you from time to time in the beginning and offer advice. You will have far too many clients and far too little time to work on their cases. Your clients who are not in custody may not show up for meetings. You will have to fight for access to investigators and social workers, if your office even has them or allows their use in misdemeanor cases. Just when you have the misdemeanor thing figured out you will be pushed up to the felony division and will face a whole new trial by fire. Your clients will often frustrate you. Some days you will feel like you are making a difference in the world, and on many more days you will feel like you are drowning. You will often feel as if you are committing malpractice, but no one will care. You may not have time for hobbies or exercise. You will have a much easier time of it if you have a spouse with regular work hours and a high salary. If your office is in a HCOL area, you will have a very long commute unless your spouse earns enough for you to live near the office. If you work in one of the big fancy offices, the chief PD is likely to be a “big personality.”

      This is based on work I have done with hundreds of PDs from dozens of offices over the course of my career.

      1. Cosign this, unfortunately. The system is built to dispose of the cases as quickly as possible and you will be pressured to plead them out and move on to the next case ASAP, regardless of the facts of the case. If it doesn’t break your heart, it will harden it.

    3. If you are still in the process of applying to law school, look for schools that have trial-level criminal law clinics and/or that place students in PD externships.

    4. I think they are both right. My city: this is a job that is hard to get. A couple of counties west: different, but if you have ties to my city vs their county, they likely think you’ll leave the first chance you get and that’s probably pretty accurate, so no interview and no job. Especially if you won’t have a cover letter that says you have X experience in the field (or something related, like taking # of pro bono cases so you are used to the courts and dealing with clients directly). It’s a hard life. Not a lot of schedule predictablity, bad office supplies (if any), and you can’t pick your clients. And not a lot of $.

    5. There is no ROI in this career path. PDs make extremely low salaries. Only do this if you want to be in debt the rest of your life or if you’re independently wealthy.

      1. It would certainly be easier if you had gone to a lower-tier law school on full scholarship and/or if you had confidence in loan forgiveness. I would not want to bet on PSLF because 1) your spouse’s income counts against you (filing taxes separately costs a lot too) 2) PSLF has been historically unreliable 3) I wouldn’t want to be locked in to a job I hated for 10 years.

        1. IDK how you would do a trial-type PD job when young kids. You can’t throw $ at child care when they are sick the way a BigLaw person does. I feel like office-based legal aid jobs are slightly more predictable, sometimes. But you have to last 10 years to get forgiveness and those are 10 hard years if you have young kids then. But it’s an area of vital need, the math is just bad.

          1. You do it by having a spouse with a more flexible, and ideally a more lucrative, job. And by having an ironclad immune system. I could never be a PD because whatever my kids bring home I get much worse, and I am just not going to go to court with a 102-degree fever.

      2. The ROI at some of the PD jobs is student loan forgiveness after ten years or so. Obviously check the fine print – it depends and I’m not sure on what

        1. PSLF requires you to make income-based payments for 10 years. The verification requirements are burdensome and administrative errors are common. It is easy to accidentally disqualify yourself. Back in the early days almost no one actually received loan forgiveness. The whole program is subject to political whims, and the current administration would like to disqualify employees of at least some PD organizations. It’s a gamble.

          I was not able to take advantage of the program because I am married, and even on my public service salary plus my husband’s not-much-higher salary the income-based payments equaled the standard 10-year schedule payments. I could have reduced the payment by filing my taxes separately, but then we would have paid more in taxes. My loans were moderate because I went in-state and had a scholarship. The benefit would probably be greater if you had financed an entire Harvard degree.

    6. I have been a public defender for 20 years and it very much depends on the system you work in and even the particular office and down to the particular division. I work in a state wide system that is understaffed and underfunded, but we make as much and sometimes more that our counterparts at the DA’s office. We can get more creative with our funding sources so sometimes we get grants that give us all a bonus that year. Most mid-level PDs in my state make over 100k a year. Senior lawyers and supervisors make more. We are a LCOL state so that money goes pretty far, especially for government work. We also have a great pension and good health insurance.

      Our department has done a lot of work to be both family friendly and to encourage work/life balance. There is always too much work and the stakes are high, but if you want to make this a career you have to figure out some balance.

      If you are a new lawyer, we will likely hire you right away into our misdemeanor practice or one of our chronically understaffed rural offices. We have a training director and a formal training and mentoring program for new lawyers. So we aren’t just throwing people into court with a stack of files the first day, but you will do a jury trial much sooner than your peers at big firms.

      Our specialized practice areas can be more picky about who they hire. Our appellate division has little turn over and always gets lots of applications when there is an opening and can hire from their choice of big name law schools.

      Public Defense has always been a training ground for new lawyers and the pay at that level is low. But for those who want to make a career out of it, you can. You won’t get rich doing it, but its not poverty. My husband is also a government employee. We own a house in a nice area, we drive paid-off cars and have bought our teenage children older but reliable cars, we take vacations including internationally every year, and we save for college and are on track for a nice retirement (especially given our pensions). We have to budget and make choices with how we spend our money, but we aren’t broke.

      1. There is no such thing as a public defender system that isn’t underfunded and understaffed.

        1. This is an incredibly privileged take. It is about twice the median income in my state. I said you won’t get rich being a PD, but over 100k a year is not poverty.

          1. You are probably young. This is not enough money for an adult life if you add on law school debt. You will never buy a home and will be paying for your job for your whole career unless you marry well or inherit money.

        3. In a low cost of living area, with a husband also working and a nice pension to look forward to (so less money you have to save), it is actually great.

          2. In this decade? DH & I both earn around 100k (he earns slightly more, I earn slightly less, our HHI is <200k). We don't have pensions but do have an employer with generous (10%) retirement contributions. We have a paid off single family home, do a lot of international travel, buy our two kids lots of nice experiences and activities and save for their college, and have about $1.5M in retirement savings in our early 40s. I take the point that a single person in a HCOL area can feel stretched on $100k, but in LCOL areas with a similarly earning spouse, it is plenty. More than plenty.

      3. 3:28: Lawyers in my state don’t pay an employee constribution for health insurance plus we have time off and a pension. My low paying state public defender gig allowed my husband to take a risk and start his own business while we raised our son. He worked at home so he could take care of our son when I had long trial days. I will say that the ratio of women to men changes drastically for the more serious crimes because many female lawyers don’t have husbands who will share in childcrare. I am now in private practice and, honestly, I enjoyed representing the indigent more.

    7. Every public defender I know is an alcoholic, either pre-recovery or post-recovery.

      1. I know literally hundreds of public defenders and just like other lawyers (and people in general!) some struggle with substance abuse. The majority of public defenders that I know are not alcoholics.

          1. They celebrate the transition from working in the office to working at home by cracking open a six pack.

            Miserable experience.

      2. I was in recovery before becoming a public defender. You sound miserable yourself.

    8. “Pays the bills” is not a thing for most public defender jobs. In my state, starting salary is around $60,000 per year for biglaw hours and no biglaw resources. If you want to own a home or raise children, you would need to marry a breadwinner. My friends who stayed in PD / public interest work long term are either married to men who make money (e.g doctor, finance guy), or are childfree renters who saved money working a private firm first.

      If you go to law school to do public interest work, do NOT take out huge loans to do it. Get the highest LSAT you can, see if you get scholarships, then decide whether to go.

    9. Echo what others have said– also, the friends that I have known that have gone into DA/PD work have struggled to make career transitions.

      Friend 1: Due to low turnover in her office, she realized that to change roles and get experience on different cases, she would need to take a DA role at a different office. So she has gone back and forth to different DA offices in her metro area– some of which are an hour plus drive.

      Friend 2: Works in a supervisory role for criminal appellate attorneys. She is currently maxed out in her current role but is having trouble finding a lateral position at the same compensation level since she would largely be transferring to a DA/PD office.

      1. In contrast, I did my 10 years in government for pslf, part of it as an appellate pd, and transitioned into a regional big law firm as a non-equity appellate partner.

    10. It really depends on the location. Massachusetts PD work can be very difficult; other states have a hard time finding anyone.

      Just from what I have noticed: when an area has progressive and expensive law schools, PD work is often very difficult to get. It’s a way for lawyers to get PSLF, and of course, PD vs prosecutor tends to have (generally) a liberal/conservative divide.

    11. I think you have some good feedback already, but adding my two cents for two specific thoughts not yet mentioned. How employable you are depends on your willingness to relocate. So consider where you want to live and how willing you would be to move to do PD work. This is also a good way to think about the market for PDs generally – is where you want to live after law school a place with one tiny PD office or multiple agencies? Even if it’s the latter, this is one of those specialties where there are only so many places to do it in any one geographical area so if you’re really committed to pursuing it, and you can’t get a job in your chosen jurisdiction, would you be willing to move?

      Second thought is more of a comment but have a back up plan for what you would do with a law degree. I can’t tell you how many people I started law school with thought they wanted to fight the good fight at Legal Aid and ended up doing very different things because the reality of it wasn’t something they could handle or wanted to deal with. Before you take out student loans, go sit in night court and watch what goes on and make sure you are really into this, which may be you are, but wasn’t the experience for some of my classmates.

      1. Along these same lines, are there even institutional public defender offices (or nonprofit law firms that function as institutional defenders) in the area where you want to live? In some places there are no PD offices, just panels of attorneys (usually solo practitioners) that take court-appointed work on a contract or case-by-case basis. The pay and working conditions are generally better in a PD office than for panel attorneys, and it’s not a good idea for a new attorney to go into solo practice.

      2. I (OP) should probably specify why I am asking about PD work in the first place! It’s not my overpowering passion in life, just (I assume) a realistic outcome for a middle-of-the-pack law school grad. I am going to law school because the realistic, middle-of-the-pack outcome is an obvious upgrade over my current job in terms of both life enjoyment and income.

        Or so I assume — your second thought about the backup plan worries me a little. I was under the impression PD work WAS the floor!

        2. Not in NYC! Cant speak to other markets but here the backup plan would most likely be some version of insurance defense/PI or maybe not-too-fancy real estate work as those jobs are plentiful whereas PD jobs are more selective because there are people who really want to do them and specifically in a place like NYC. So at least here you need to be pretty competitive by way of a good resume and a demonstrated commitment to this kind of work. Nothing to say you can’t be happy doing insurance defense btw but I don’t know too many people passionate about insurance defense when they go to law school and compensation can really run the gamut so you can end up both underpaid and not loving your work without the trade off that people accept for work in the public sector when they take on small salaries for doing something they view to be in the public good. I think you need to think about where you plan to live after graduation and take a realistic look at the legal market there. We are way past the point where you can consider a law degree a helpful investment in your future that will always come in handy given current tuition rates. Happy to answer any more questions if you have them.

        4. Dear Lurker,

          You have no business considering representing a vulnerable population if that isn’t your passion. If you want to phone it in, go work for the prosecutor. It is an easy job for unimaginative people who don’t care about others, like you.

          1. This seems up there with the all PDs are alcoholics comment above. What a trollish comment to make.

          2. This is nastily worded, but it’s true that you have to have the passion along with a very sturdy personality to survive as a public defender. It is just about the hardest and most thankless legal job you could have. I don’t think most lawyers could even handle going into the jail.

          3. I intended to be nasty to this vile OP. Maybe you would feel the same way if you sat in court and watched how people – victims and defendants alike – are chewed up by an uncaring system. Or you can pretend justice is served in our courts.

        7. This is disgusting and you should never represent someone experiencing poverty with this attitude. Grow the f**k up and learn about the world, spoiled brat.

          1. To add to this: PDs do some of the hardest work in our profession. They are not paid for it, nor do they have the tools or resources to do it. They are working with a population who have been historically marginalized, oppressed, abused, and ignored by the system. The PDs are disrespected by their clients, the public, and in some places also the courts and their colleagues (not everywhere). They are over-worked, and they give more than any lawyer should have to for their clients. They figure out how to win cases or at least somewhat balance the scales towards justice with everything stacked against them and their clients. They aren’t the f-ing floor, they’re some of the best godd**n lawyers we have in the profession and you should be f**king ashamed of yourself.

        8. The State of Maryland has Public Defender positions on their hiring site – at a range of locations. I would assume you can read up on other state job sites. I believe that the office of the public defender is essentially a state agency.

    12. I was at the public defenders office for 8 years and it was the best job I ever had. I continued in indigent defense doing capital postconviction and, now I do court appointed work along with my private cases. There are indigent defendants in rural Pennsyltucky so why wouldn’t you want to work there? If you only want to go the the Bronx, Miami, or DC, do you really want to do indigent defense?

  3. A few weeks ago, my coworker called me angrily about something, and was clearly seeking a bad-faith argument. Background: I’d fixed an issue that wasn’t my job, he told me he didn’t like the way I’d fixed it, and I forwarded him the information about how to try to do it himself if he wanted to try. He called me angrily and was trying to goad a fight. Finally, I asked him “Is there a reason you wouldn’t feel capable of doing XYZ yourself?” to try to reroute the conversation back to the original topic. He responded “capable?! WOW. Capable?!” He then proceeded to say I was aggressive, condescending, bad at working collaboratively, and ‘icing him out.’

    He’s a surly guy, whereas I’m considered probably overly sweet/nice by most people. He doesn’t think there is anything wrong with this interaction, other than that I insulted him with my question. I said he berated me, and he said “that’s your definition of berated? you’ve never seen someone berated. Aggressive is the least of the descriptors I could have used.”

    Am I overly sensitive / crazy? I feel like calling someone adjectives like that is outside the bounds, but he seems to think nothing about the interaction was wrong except my question.

    1. My questions is: were you working outside your lane and ended up causing more issues as a result? Because I recognize this behavior, and while I would never go after you like this guy did, it has absolutely colored how I feel about this colleague because it’s happened on multiple occasions.

      1. Apologies, I should have clarified. This isn’t either of our jobs – it’s lower level work that got escalated to me. I did it as well as anyone could, but he didn’t like the result (factors outside everyone’s control, including our reports).

        I asked him to try to do it if he didn’t like the way I (and our reports) had, but he got extremely offended at the suggestion.

        1. “I asked him to try to do it …”
          There’s something about the wording of this that strikes me quite negatively. If he heard it the way I’m hearing it, I can understand why he reacted.

          That doesn’t excuse his lack of self control and basic decency in how he talked to you.

          1. Yeah, maybe you’re just mad and that’s coming across in your writing, but if you talk like you write here, I can see why he thinks you’re condescending and it set him off. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but I do think you were a bit at fault here too.

          2. Yup, what OP reported saying sounded REALLY condescending to me too. I would have said “this issue got escalated to me and I did ___ and ___ . In the future, we could try ___” or similar.

    2. You overstepped. Perhaps you needed to overstep or felt you needed to. But you took it upon yourself to do something that wasn’t your role. So he feels stepped on and insulted. That’s the issue he’s addressing; you’re addressing the issue that needed fixing and how you fixed it.

      So you’re talking past each other. He’s believes he’s been made to feel small or incompetent, and you’re not hearing that. You believe the issue to be how the problem should have been fixed, and he’s not hearing that.

      If you need this coworker, then you need to have two conversations that are honest about both pieces. I think it’s okay for you to say that you understand how he might feel like you overstepped as well as say that it’s not okay for him to talk to you the way he did. Then it’s probably worthwhile for you two to articulate what each one’s roles are.

      1. Apologies, I should have clarified. This was an issue that got escalated to me. So it wasn’t my job or his, but I took it on to try to fix an issue after my direct reports asked me to. It affects his team, so he could resolve it too if he wanted to. However, he didn’t want to try, just blame me for it not being exactly how he wanted it.

        1. Ah, okay. That changes my response.

          Then I wouldn’t engage with his bs. You can simply tell the truth, “My direct reports asked me to fix this issue, so I did. You’re welcome to take on the task next time.” Then end the conversation. If something like this comes up next time, you could tell your direct reports to take the problem to him first, in the spirit of “collaboration.”

          1. I agree and I cannot stand when people want to criticize the way you did something they could not be bothered to do themselves, which is what this sounds like to me. This happens at my office all the time with tasks that (often male) senior people believe are beneath them and actively refuse to take on, but they feel entitled to criticize the result after the fact.

            I would absolutely say (and have said in similar situations at work before) “I did it the way I thought was best, but if you don’t agree you are welcome to do it next time”. In the circumstances I also don’t think your question about why he was not “capable” of doing it himself was rude, it was warranted after his initial response.

    3. I know people who argue like this–it’s obnoxious and exhausting–there can be no resolution because the goalposts of the conversation keep moving. The other commenters can better talk about whether you overstepped or not, who knows. Sounds like you should just keep doing you and let him handle his own business. When no one steps up to own a task, they have no right to complain about the person who does it.

    4. Your question was condescending. Him calling it condescending is just calling a spade a spade.

    1. Eh, I find them very easy to avoid (whereas when we were at skinny pants moment, those were just impossible to avoid). Wide- and straight-leg pants are current, too.

      1. Agreed! Love the current era of multiple pant/jean styles. So many variations now that are more accommodating of my hips and thighs than just skinnies!

  5. Watching Trump flame out at the synchophants Amy Coney Barrett and John Roberts for not being syncophanty enough is bringing me such joy today. that is all.

    1. I love that in the dissent they worried we would “descend into chaos” — lol look around guys

    2. Somebody on Threads said “I, too, have been disappointed when something I bought didn’t perform the way I expected.”

      I love this for him.

      3. Yes, the only people who think he is are sycophants for left wing talking points.

  6. Inspired by the unlimited PTO question on the morning thread, a question for lawyers: How much vacation do you technically get, how much do you take, what is your level and billable hours requirement (and non-billable requirement, if you have one), and does the firm in any way “count” your PTO toward your requirements? This question is inspired by the fact I thought I took a lot of vacation and realized recently I’m actually nowhere close to what I “get,” but it would be basically impossible for me to take what I still get and still make hours without going insane. I’ll start: non-equity partner (midlaw); I get 5 weeks + 10 firm holidays (so 7 weeks total, though I usually end up working at least one of the firm holidays); I take about 3 weeks (2 week-long vacations and then scattered days around the holidays); 1800 billable/2300 total; and no, of course it doesn’t count. I did the math and I’d need to bill 40 hours every week to take all that and still hit hours, which doesn’t sound bad in the theory, but I need to work about 10 to bill 8 and quiet frankly I no longer have it in me to work 50 hour weeks every week. I’m tired. I *might* be able to manage that if I have 3+ trials in a year, but I haven’t had that in a while.

    1. Partner in a transactional practice towards the bottom of the AmLaw 100.
      80% schedule, meaning my billable target is 1600

      Get: “unlimited”
      Take: practically none, but I take advantage of the lower billables – today I didn’t start work until 10 and will finish at 3 to take kids to violin and hockey; I work from a cottage on the lake for two weeks every summer; we usually take a long weekend trip at least every quarter (I work in the car, after bedtime, etc. so it’s not like it’s “vacation” but I’m not at my desk), etc.

      I am hoping that once my kids are grown and my practice is more established, I can take a real vacation, but right now it feels like more work than it’s worth to actually take vacation and I use all the flexibility on kid stuff and extended family obligations.

    2. No longer in biglaw but when I was an associate, we got 2 weeks vacation and were expected to cover all our matters while out (whether continuing to work if junior/mid, or supervising others if senior). I always took a 1-week vacation where I traveled somewhere (but still did 2-3 hrs of work each day), and then a few long weekends. Billable requirement was 1900, PTO did not count.

      1. Similar for my time in Big Law, although we officially got 3 weeks of vacation per year. I was there for almost 5 years and I took a 2 week honeymoon at the end of my first year where I did almost no work and people were very careful not to disturb me, a 1 week trip right after a trial in my second year where I did no work at the actual destination because there was nothing that needed to get done (although I was finalizing the post-trial briefing while waiting to board the plane), and a two week vacation where I did a little bit of work every day right before leaving – and I only got away with that last vacation because I knew I was on the way out and gave no Fs. Otherwise, I traveled for long weekends and friend/family visits but mostly didn’t use vacation time and pretty much always worked for a substantial part of the day. I went with my husband to his close friend’s wedding and had to skip the reception to write a brief. I went to Maui with my family and sat in the condo working 6+ hour days while everyone else was out hiking and snorkeling. This was by far the hardest part of being in Big Law for me.

    3. As a shareholder, I get whatever I want now or “unlimited” i guess, but we don’t call it that, and take probably around three-four weeks total/year if you’re counting how many days I am actually out of the office, but the reality is that I always end up working on vacation, so in terms of number of hours of “vacation” used in our system, it’s probably half that. My billable req is 1,650, and I usually hit that with no issue. Vacation does not count towards billable (is that a thing?). I’m regional mid-size.

      1. OP here: I don’t think it’s a thing but I’m curious if it is anywhere, because I’m of the opinion having PTO is meaningless unless the billable req is low enough that you can reasonably hit your hours and take all your vacation time, or if firms actually cared about work-life balance, they could at least count it toward nonbillable requirements (if they have one). My firm doesn’t count it at all, making it rather pointless to have it, IMO, at least for me (not in a state that requires paying out unused vacation)

    4. When I was in private practice, many years ago, I felt lucky if I could take two of my three allotted vacation weeks in a year. Mostly it just piled up. In California, you have a right to be paid for unused vacation time when you leave your employment, and I’m still mad that I didn’t get paid for my six or eight or ten weeks of accrued vacation when I went from associate (employee) to partner. It just went “poof!” and I never got paid for it and I never took it. 30+ years later… grrr…

    5. Nonequity partner in biglaw. Technically unlimited PTO, technically 1925 hours/yr expectation (lol). Almost no one makes those hours, and in fact, with a few exceptions, it’s a bad look to make those hours if you have associates working under you.

      I take one 2-week vacation a year, one 1ish-week break over the holidays to visit family, and various long weekends for weddings or tacking on time to a conference. I take more PTO than anyone I know. I also have a higher realization rate than anyone I know (over 90%, kind of unheard of because I do a fair bit of negotiated rate work) and I have a decent book (~$750k). My billable hours are in the 1600/yr range, but I spend a ton of time on business development (400 hrs), firm leadership stuff (200 hrs), and I push work down to my associates and don’t overbill for turning drafts or spending time with them. I’m not considered a superstar but that’s not my goal for now; I’m building a practice that can sustain me for the next few decades, and that means building my book and training a team who can do the work. I still get a bonus most years so I’d say I’m above average in my firm.

      1. I’m an equity partner in biglaw but much of the same general concepts are true for me. I usually take a 2-week vacation in the summer, 1 week over the winter holidays (when no one in my world is working anyway — I’m a litigator so it’s basically foolish not to take vacation time while things are quiet), and we generally go somewhere for spring break where I will work some amount of that time but I try to be “off” as much as possible. This is probably on the high end for partners at my firm generally, but within the realm of other partners who have practices similar to mine.

        Because I’m a partner, I don’t have any allotted vacation time but my billable expectations are not hard-and-fast the same way they are for associates. My hours usually break down in a similar range to the anonymous above — maybe a little bit higher on both the billable and BD fronts.

    6. Private practice, regional Midwest firm.
      – How much vacation do you technically get = 0
      – How much do you take = 9-10 long weekends/year where I check email only for emergencies; 3-4 business days in a row 1-2 times a year (like attached to a conference) where I check email but only field emergencies; maybe 4-5 days in a row, including a weekend, when I don’t check email or work at all.
      – what is your level and billable hours requirement = equity partner, no requirement for hours but requirement for $$. Most years I bill 1600-1700 hours/year to clients, 2100 ish total hours including non-billable like events, drumming up business, etc.
      – does the firm in any way “count” your PTO toward your requirements? = no

    7. Mid-career in-house counsel here. I have 5 weeks’ vacation and I use all of it. Typically 3 7-10 day trips (5-7 business days each) and a bunch of 4-5 day weekends.

      When I was a BigLaw associate, technically 4 weeks, but as it didn’t count toward any sort of billable requirement, I only took 1 week of actual vacation, maybe a few other days here and there, but having to dig out from a below-average billing negated any mental benefits taking more time off created.

  7. We had to put my doggy down this morning. She was my first dog. She was 11 and very sick; it was time. I am very sad, but somehow still supporting grieving children at the same time. This is hard. That’s it. That’s the post.

    1. I am so sorry. This happened to us unexpectedly a few months ago. It’s terrible. Everyone deals in their own way, so I won’t give advice but just sending love.

    3. I am so so sorry. We just got our first dog last year and I’m already dreading that day.

    4. I am so sorry. I’ve been through this twice in the last two years. Its okay to show how you are feeling to your kids and grieve right along side them.

    5. Oh I am so sorry – that is so, so hard. It’s okay to let your kids see you sad! Please take care.

    9. I’m so sorry. A recommendation: Dog Heaven, by Cynthia Rylant, for laughter through cathartic tears. I have shared this book with friends of all ages who have lost a dog, and it is universally well received.

      1. I’m Jewish and a friend gave us this book and I loved it. It’s perfect for when this happens.

    10. I’m so sorry. Our dogs are such special beings; we are lucky to know them even for a brief time.

    11. I’m so sorry. Sometimes knowing it was the right decision doesn’t make it easier.

    12. You are the one who knew your dog the best, and knew what was best for your dog. So sorry, and deepest condolences.

  8. I’ve volunteered a lot with scouts during the pandemic since camping was our only activity for a long time. Lately, I keep getting e-mails to my work e-mail from parents of teen scouts wanting me to just sign off on work their kid has done so he can get his eagle scout. I obviously didn’t grow up with this , but my understanding is that at that level, the kid should be reaching out (maybe CC a parent for youth protection purposes). These aren’t kids in my kids’ troop, just in my city. Sometimes, I am just drowning in work and when I decline or say I can do it maybe in a few weeks, the parent will push back that “it’s just 15 minutes of your time.” And, no, it’s never just 15 minutes (maybe some people just sign off on unfamiliar things, but not me for specific things I’m attesting to being done), in part because task switching itself is really disruptive when you are busy.

    I can’t imagine people doing that to dads via a dad’s work e-mail.

    1. The problem here seems to be a system that requires sign-off from an adult who had nothing to do with the project. Why isn’t the troop leader who supervised the project the one to sign off?

      1. I’ve tried to gracefully decline and provide an option, but I’m just surprised by the pushing back. And these are not kids in our Troop or ones I’ve been working with on merit badges or anything. It was a surprise ask out of the blue, but almost like an expectation that I’d just do what the parent wanted on demand.

        1. I say this as someone whose kids have been involved in scouting, but: Scout parents can have some very weird and unreasonable expectations. I would not do this. They can talk to their council or troop leaders.

      2. Huh? She hasn’t made a commitment to these people at all. They’re not even in her kids’ troop.

    3. Is the issue that the parents are reaching out instead of the kid? Then, yes, I support you being annoyed. I’ve also had parents reach out to me (NPO director) to sign off on their kid’s volunteer hours for things on the level of Eagle Scouts. If kids want the prestige of things like that they should do the work themselves.

      I wouldn’t want to put myself out for a lawnmower parent either.

    4. They’re not in your troop? So you don’t even know these people? Ignore and delete.

      I bet someone posted your information on whatever the current equivalent of Nextdoor is and now all these parents are looking to you to give their kid an easy route to eagle. Don’t even bother saying no, any response just means they succeeded in getting a live person on the other end – it will only encourage them. You don’t owe anything to these people.

      1. If you want to do something slightly more than just ignore, you could write up a blanket “How to work with me to __” and put in an outline of your timeline (including eg. Unfortunately I can’t work with every scout but I can get back to you with an answer within a week”, lay out what the kids will need to send you, etc and copy-paste it for every request

      2. Yup, reroute them to their troop, and block if they keep hounding you. That’s some chutzpah!

    6. As a Girl Scout leader, that seems so odd! My own Scouts ask me to sign off on volunteer hours but I’d never get a request from one I didn’t know. I’d decline and cc: the local headquarters, but then again I’m a burnt-out b*tch who wouldn’t mind being relieved of my position.

  9. What’s the etiquette here – my teen is going to a wake tonight for his friend’s grandparent. I don’t know the mom well but I’ve known her since preK, and last fall I went to a party she hosted for a candidate for the school board. If I drop my kid off, I should pop in and say my respects, right? But quickly? Not if she’s busy? If it matters it was an unexpected death.

    1. I always think it’s nice to pay respects. So what you’ve mapped here sounds right to me. Pop in, find the person or people you know (the mom) and give your condolences. If she’s busy when you drop your kid off, then maybe you can do it when you pick your teen up. And if she’s busy both times, just sign the guest book and then send a sympathy card (or bring one with you and leave it on the table).

      1. he’s 14 and this will be his first wake — the mom texted me and their other close friend’s mom yesterday to let us know that her dad had passed, and her son was taking it hard and wanted his 2 closest friends to know. i asked her if it would be helpful to her son for my son to be there at the wake or anything for her, and she said, it depends on your comfort level. the boys discussed with their friend and decided to go to the 4 hour wake for one hour.

    3. I would go in with your teen, in your shoes. My feeling is that the more people who go to a wake the better. Don’t worry about bothering the family. If anything, the presence of more people will make them feel more supported. If someone asks you why you’re there, you’re there to support your teen and the family. Plus, from a practical perspective, what are you going to do for the time that your teen will be at the wake? They usually aren’t long enough to leave, come back and have a good amount of time to use (unless you live 5 minutes away or something).

    4. Stop in. Your lives have been intertwined for at least a decade, you are not an intrusion. Depending on your area on food giving etiquette, my go-to is a gift card big enough for pizza for their family with a note saying “for a night you aren’t up for cooking,” rather than dropping off food.

    5. I think stop in either way, but is it her parent or her in-law? I wouldn’t expect to see much of her if it’s her parent.

    6. I wouldn’t drop off my kid at something like this unless the kid has specifically told you they don’t want you there. Even for an older teen, even for someone who’s bee to funerals before, being in that environment is a lot.

    8. Definitely go. Maybe it’s a Catholic thing or maybe it’s a small community thing but in my family if you had any sort of personal connection you go to the funeral. When relatives died in my hometown we’d often have a full day of visitation so everyone could come. I’ve only ever had warm thoughts of anyone who came to a service to pay respects to someone who passed and the family. Unless you show up in a floor length black gown and veil dramatically weeping I don’t see how attending a wake would ever be imposing.

    2. I have these pants. The longer ones look better to me. You can’t see it in the picture, but there’s a wide hem that would look really weird at ankle length, imho. But, I will fully own that pant lengths make no sense to me right now, and at 5’9″, there is a fine line between cropped and cute, and looking like I can’t find pants that fit me correctly.

    3. Are brightly colored pants like this back? If so, I am so glad – I am millennial enough that bright colored skinny jeans + a breton is still one of my favorite looks, and if I can do with with pants like this now, so much the better.

    4. Depends on the shoes. For the open shoes where you see the top of the foot, the shorter length is better. For the closed toe shoes, the longer lenght is better, but IMO a little short.

      1. This. They are all wrong. Either long enough that that are 1/2” above the ground in shoes, or short enough that they are obviously capri length. These just look like they shrunk in the dryer.

    8. OP here – im 52 so I agree they all look too short, but none looks like they’re long enough either. I think they’re supposed to be slightly cropped, I just can’t figure out where the correct crop is.

      Like for the green and “ocean” ones I would say the hem would look best much closer to the wide sole of the sneaker, not 4” above it.

      1. I don’t think there is a “correct crop,” the way there used to be, and that’s what’s throwing us who are used to norms where there were clear right/wrong lengths.

        This newer shorter length IS on trend. It usually hovers somewhere above the shoe — how close to it depends on personal taste and the wearer’s leg length. in the norms we grew up with, this pants length was clearly “wrong,” and our eyes still tell us so.

        I’ve personally given up on whether a hem is right/wrong anymore. I go by what proportions look best to my eye. For me that depends on the width of the pant leg and what kind of shoe I’m wearing (especially high-vamp closed-toe shoes versus sandals).

  11. There is a long backstory here, but a semi-close friend, her DH, and their 5 kids are being forced to leave their family home. It is a very messy situation involving a property her parents own, so there’s trauma involved. My friend and her husband are good people but have an issue with owning way too much stuff. I won’t go as far as calling it hoarding, but it’s close. Yes, there are some mental health issues at play.

    Because she is estranged from her mom and brother (who have both forced this relocation), she is asking friends for help with moving. They’re putting every penny into finding a new house, so there is no money to hire movers. I feel like an awful friend, but I absolutely do not want to do this. I know her, and this is a task that will have no end due to the sheer amount of stuff. What she believes can get done in a day would take weeks. Also, they live on an acreage, so it’s not just the house we’re talking about, it’s the out buildings and more. She’s said that she does not have the energy to go through all of her family’s stuff to narrow it down pre-move. They want boxes, vehicles, totes, and people’s helping hands.

    This is a childhood friend that I see 4-5 times a year, and I do care about her and recognize that she’s had a much more difficult adulthood than I have. I also know that she is not capable of coming up with a plan to execute any of this besides “throw it all in a box.” A GoFundMe situation would be appropriate, but she has refused that for various reasons.

    I have helped her with big life things in the past (planning her wedding, helping her move several times in early adulthood) and ended up feeling very used during those interactions. Now that I’m older and wiser, I do not want to help with this. My DH has gently asked me to please not get involved because he knows what a task it’ll be. He has already had the burden of needing to pack up and get rid of multiple storage units of stuff that his dad left behind and simply has no more left in him to deal with other people’s stuff that they refuse to get rid of.

    What do I say to this request? What could I do instead? I think accepting money would make her uncomfortable, but maybe I could provide food or something during the move? I feel a lot of guilt for not being generous with my time and effort, but I know how this is going to go if I get involved.

    1. This sounds like a nightmare and I think the most you should do is offer to buy a bunch of boxes/totes/moving supplies and have them delivered to her house. You have already been generous with your time and effort in the past (the moves + wedding).

      2. +1 this is what I would do. Blame your bad back or whatever you need to if you feel more comfortable doing that but there’s no way I would get involved beyond this.

        1. ETA – I say that because you reported feeling used in the past. If you had reported feeling appreciated and glad that you could help out, that would be different.

      3. This is the way. It’s extremely helpful, expensive to pay for on your own, and keeps you out of the fray.

        1. +1, and if she comes back to try to guilt trip you for not “helping out in person when I really need you,” then you have your confirmation you’re just being used.

      4. I agree. If you feel that you must provide some hands on labor, spend an hour assembling (but not packing) the boxes for her. Then leave.

    2. I read this and I think absolutely no one will want to help with this. What happens if her family can’t get it done? Is the relationship with her mother past salvaging? Can you “sprain your ankle” but volunteer to send over a dozen pizzas?

      1. The relationship with her mom is past salvaging, and also, the mom is in her 70s and would have no business helping with a move. But geez, we’re in our 40s. The only people I’m willing to help move at this point are my kids, when they are ready to flee the nest, and my parents, when they need to downsize.

    3. Yeah stay far away from this. Their requests will be never ending. I like the above idea of dropping off boxes or send pizza if that’s too much.

      Fwiw I have a friend like this. My friend invited a lot of her bad “luck” on herself through her own bad decisions so I have somewhat less sympathy than I might otherwise have. DH has a truck and she is always complaining loudly about how none of her friends with trucks will help her pick up this or get rid of that. She lives an hour away from us one way. We have a small baby. DH can’t take 2+ hours out of a weekend day, or sacrifice seeing the baby before bed on a weeknight, to help her, ie, take her Christmas tree to the dump in February because she missed pickup and doesn’t want to pay extra to her trash company. Sorry no, you are not cost shifting this issue to us. If that makes us bad friends then I guess we’re bad friends but I refuse to feel guilty about it.

      1. Agreed – things like that are the responsibility of the individual. It’s not the same as stepping up to help someone who just had a death in the family. People who whine no one helps them about stuff other people just take care of at their own homes are users.

    4. Just say no. People who are estranged from their family are usually not great people anyway, she’s probably just using you again. I’d fade.

      1. A bold statement considering so many commenters here are no contact with their own families.

      4. Imagine characterizing a whole lot of people you don’t know as “not great people anyway” solely on the basis that they have cut off or reduced contact from family members while in the next breath advising someone to “fade.” You literally just advised her to assume the worst about her friend and then abandon her without explanation. You’re a hypocrite.

    6. Don’t do it OP! Don’t volunteer, and if she asks you say you can’t do it. Period. If you want to be generous, get her a certificate with U-Haul or for a pod.

    7. Offering another take…I was in a somewhat similar situation and had to move at very short notice with no help. I also had way too much stuff, And was totally overwhelmed with life events such that I simply wasn’t functioning properly.

      Fortunately, some school moms from my child’s school came over with a coffee and we devised a plan. I packed up what I needed for the new home in terms of clothes etc, then the school mom booked the sally Ann truck to take anything they wanted (I was there to say yes/no, and gave me 2 phone numbers for clearance companies to remove whatever was left.

      I now have a very minimalist home, am so much more comfortable in my space, and feel like some good came out of the move (sally ann donation…which felt less wasteful and was also a tax write off and partly offset the cost of the clearance company).

      She even dropped off donuts at school on the last day and told them it’s from me for my child. He was thrilled.

      I’m no longer in touch with that school mom but I’ll never forget her. We barely knew each other, but there a place in heaven for her!

      I’m not saying to do that, but maybe it’ll spark an idea like to get her to call whatever clearance company because they need to be booked in advance.

  12. I said I would report back on the pleated skirt from Thursday’s post. It arrived today and it’s nice and I’m keeping it, but I’m 5’2″ and it’s ankle length on me. It’s kind of a chiffon fabric so it will probably be more of a going-out skirt (which is mostly what I wear skirts for anyway, so no big deal). So shorties beware. https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/nordstrom-pleated-midi-skirt/7747846?

    1. I was concerned about the length. Do you think it would be prohibitively expensive to hem?

      1. I thought about it and I fear it would probably cost as much to hem as it did to buy. But what do I know? I think a better idea would be find a similar skirt in a shorter length.

      2. I have this skirt and it’s probably not worth trying to hem it. But I’m 5’4 and it’s on the longer length of midi on me, which I think is fine for work with a blazer. But mine is a pattern so inherently more of a daytime look than the black chiffon featured.

  13. I like silk camis under my fully buttoned up cardigans. They help with any gaps.

  14. I am looking to up my shoe game. Can you recommend cool, edgy shoes for workwear? Mostly flats and lifestyle sneakers but can tolerate some heels. I wear pretty simple, boring outfit and want to spice them up with interesting shoes.

  15. How’s the quality of Branch office chairs? Any specific models you like or dislike?

    1. I didn’t love my branch chair.. I spent about $400 and then upgraded to a steel case.

    2. I liked mine and used it for several years, but I can’t remember what model it was. I only upgraded chairs because of my large cat (yes, I’m the poster who was looking for a chair to fit us both).

    3. We recently replaced all the chairs in our office with chairs from Branch, and I was one of the “testers” before we decided on models, so I can weigh in here.

      By far, I found the most comfortable model to be the “Verve”. It is really supportive and has lots of adjustment points, and comes in lots of nice colours. I was torn between the Verve and the “Softside”, partially for its aesthetic and partially because I like to sit cross-legged and the seat is wider. The downside to the Softside is the seat is not as deep as the Verve – I felt like the seat should come out further towards my knees, if that makes sense. It also only has 2 back recline settings – straight up and TOO far back. I ended up getting the Verve for these reasons but some people went the other direction. We also tested and bought a bunch of the “Daily” chair and they are also quite comfortable, at a significantly lower price point than the Verve.

      In terms of quality, I think they are pretty good? Some people at our office actually had Branch chairs before the upgrade and opted to keep the ones they had, which implies that they were in good shape/hadn’t worn down.

  16. PSA re the person who keeps sending me ecards: My attention span is shot. I don’t have the patience to watch a cute video with a squirrel finding a valentine card. Shoot me a text or whatever instead. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

    1. I have blocked the email address of whatever company is used to send those awful cards. I’m not nice enough to blame my attention span, I just don’t appreciate the time suck of a generic video card (someone wants to make me a video? Of course I’ll watch!). Nor that the company keeps emailing until I click the link.

    2. I’m sorry, no. Don’t lean into that – if you don’t have the time or attention span to watch a what, 30-second ecard, then break up with your phone now and fix your brain. If you don’t like this person, whatever, but aren’t you retired with a grown kid? You have the time to accept this bid for connection or to appreciate that someone thought of you.

        1. I always just write back thanks before I watch the video and usually I don’t watch the video and no one’s ever said anything to me about it and they keep sending me the video e-cards so no worries

        1. My boomer aunt sends me one every year from a gorgeous artist collection. It’s worth my time.

        2. The only ones I have ever gotten were birthday cards from HR at an old job. It was always kind of insulting. If you are too cheap and lazy to write a real email or send a paper card, don’t bother.

  17. Work travel with a carry-on: I feel like I am totally missing the gene for packing. And, I happen to like clothes and choices (not a good capsule packer). I hate packing (stress/decisions/overthinking) and even though I have watched plenty of travel hack videos, and resolve to “do better”, I always end up just folding and laying things on top of each other. It works fine but feels very inefficient. I have a trip coming up for work and I want to take two blazers, 3 pairs trousers and several blouses. Then add in PJs, toiletries, shoes etc. and I end up with another full bag. So, for people who have this packing thing down, please tell me *what actually works*. Should I give packing cubes another try? (I didn’t get how to make those work either). How do you pack your blazers? Is there a magic thingy for packing blazers? Do I need to get a PhD in folding? Please, help a total packing loser out. Also, if it’s fine to fail at this, I’d appreciate encouragement! PS I envy men who wear one pair khakis and a button down and call it a day…..

    1. You only need two pairs of pants for a week long trip, pare that back. Swap a blazer for a sweater or outerwear. Add a blouse to scratch the variety itch. You’re basically trying to take too much stuff.

    2. Roll up the pants and blouses (also undies and sleepwear) and put it all in packing cubes. Wear one blazer (or sweater) on the plane and fold the other and put it on the top layer in your suitcase. Wear your biggest, heaviest shoes on the plane, too.

    3. I do “bundle wrapping” when I need to fit it all in a carry on. For me, clothing you describe all fits fine but I have giant feet and have to be ruthless with my shoes.

    4. How long is your trip? For a typical 4-5 day one, I’d do two pairs of trousers, wear my most comfortable shoes on the plane (Rothy’s) and bring one.

      Also, look into a bigger ‘personal item’ – if you’re just using a Longchamp or laptop tote, you have room to upgrade so you can fit toiletries and jewelry in there.

    5. The Baggu Cloud bag is great for a carry-on and use packing cubes with a suitcase or it. Overpack underwear and under pack pants (I know you can wash underwear in the sink, but I don’t like to run out of clean underwear and it takes up little space.)

    6. Blazers are your problem, they take up a ton of space! Wear one on the plane and switch to packing other work appropriate clothes if you can. Dresses talk up less space.

      Similarly for shoes – wear one on plane and pack one pair for work. That’s it.

      I personally gag a bit at people who wear pants (not jeans) more than once without washing but that’s because I’m a sweaty Betty and that’s gross. YMMV.

      Three bottoms and three tops, one pair of work shoes (flats?) and travel size toiletries (though I put those in my shoulder bag) and a t shirt for sleeping plus bras and underwear can absolutely fit in a small roller that you don’t have to check. With room to spare.

      1. You wash wool pants every time you wear them??? That is so odd to me. And if you wear underwear, there’s nothing to wash unless something bad happened.

        1. You don’t sweat?

          I don’t wash wool dress pants every wearing, but I do at least steam them. Otherwise they are stinky and nasty.

          2. I wash cotton or synthetic trousers with every wear, will about once a year. I steam or iron them to get the wrinkles out, but have never experienced my wool garments getting stinky from body odor. Wool is actually known for being less prone to that than other fibers. I also don’t usually do sweat-inducing activities in my office attire.

            Do you operate under the assumption that steam removes the salts left behind by your sweat?

        2. I don’t wear wool pants. It’s 2026 and I live in dc and I’m in my 40s and I dress like the modern woman i am. Wool pants to me are dated and hot.

      2. Yeah, I am with you; I don’t wear pants more than once before cleaning. Particularly when traveling as I am more likely to be in multiple different forms of public transit, at least one hotel, at least one office and of course a few restaurants. Eww!

  18. Hudson county, NJ, nanny rates. What are people paying per hour cash in hand for someone coming in 3 days a week to do childcare and housework associated with the children?

    In addition for per hour rate, what are people spending in terms of bonuses etc.

    There are 3 children spread over high, middle and elementary school ages. I am looking for someone more mature who can handle the high school kid but can also throw a meal together once in a while (I normally have things in the freezer).

  19. Just following up from my post 3 weeks ago – baby arrived safely. It’s a girl – biggest surprise of my life! We decided to give her my husband’s last name (with my last name as a second middle name), matching her brother’s. I really appreciate the thoughtful comments on my post – it sparked a long discussion with my husband and we decided it was right for us to keep the middle/last names consistent between the siblings. Thank you again!

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